These videos need to be in a school curriculum immediately. The information provided through the acknowledgement of these various adverse childhood experiences are gifts. A visual outside of the experience to reflect on. Thank you so much. PK
Never gonna happen, parents would have a fit and there’s already a problem in USA schools with administrators not protecting the teachers from the crazy parents.
I know they will never be shown in schools, because what patent wants to be exposed like this. It's a liability on the school. However, these videos should absolutely be shown as part of college psychology classes and later on as a part of how to care for your baby routine during a pregnancy. Hopefully, a mom-to-be can get the help she needs to be a great mom.
A suggestion of a practical application is creating a Social Emotional Learning (SEL) curriculum adapted to alternative school settings such as justice involved and inclusion classrooms; settings in which there is a higher emphasis on supporting the skill acquisition for emotional management through exchanging maladaptive behaviors for self-directed supportive coping mechanisms. @@vell5052 @ninjagaminganimelover @Nicole-jj3hi
I’m so glad you touched on this. I feel like no one talks bad about the “cool mom” and everyone acts like that’s totally fine to have no limits or rules with your children. Boundaries and rules help children feel safe. We can’t be our child’s best friend.
I disagree. My mother was my best friend. Rules and boundaries are important, like you said and this is a very extreme case of a cool mom that will not benefit the child at all. But my mother never gave me curfews as I entered my teen years. She was open with me, allowed me to get a piercing, dye my hair, have a boyfriend. In return, I felt safe telling her *everything.* I confided in her. I never came home late. I still have my piercing 11 years later. I never partied. Never rebelled. Because there was no need. She trusted me and I never misused that trust. She also knew she could be more liberal with me because I was always rather mature and I didn't do stupid things. There is no set rules or parenting style, because there is no standard child. What works well for one might be detrimental to another.
With young kids it takes a village...but if you dont have a village both parents can feel like they are doing EVERYTHING. And both be right. It is so difficult to give everything you have and its not enough. Needs go unmet. Props to single parents with no village. Prayers
Thats it. I had that village; 2 parents, neighbours, family, friends. Now my kids aren't ok but I get blamed 'I haven't hit them so there's no discipline'. Single parenthood without support is though.
I see you learned absolutely nothing from the educational video. You had your kid. Not the village. That’s an African proverb, by the way. Not rooted in Anglo-Saxon, Caucus or European philosophy at all. Raise your kids and take responsibility.
When I was growing up, I knew so many kids with parents like this. I wasn’t jealous of them, even as a kid, because when I was little they were annoying to be around, and when I was older (middle school and high school) they were doing dangerous things and I was worried for them.
My mom is a mix of this and emotionally absent. She always says that she’s cool because she’s not as strict as her parents were, but she also never gives me any love or affection. I think the last time I got a sincere hug from her was when I was around four or five years old. I’m seventeen now.
🫂 I hope you don't internalize that or let it make you resentful. Growing up is realizing we're all wounded and weird and trying our best to get through. She may not be ready to hear hard truths from you now, but she may still soften.
As you are approaching adulthood, know it's your mom who has the problem and not you. Though we typically carry our parents issues through life, it's sometimes a choice. You know you are loveable when your friends stand by you. Give yourself credit for getting this far and then know you are worth more than your mom is willing to show. Your mom still carries the baggage she developed from her own parents. It's up to you to break the cycle. Don't settle just because, and maybe someday own a dog. Through bonding with a pet you'll realize you are special, you're needed and you are worthy of love.
Wow... your channel is amazing. you just described my childhood to a tee. That was my mom. In many ways, she was so emotionally stunted and like a child. I became parentified as she sought excessive love and approval from me. I now struggle with avoidant attachment because I had to learn to structure things and set limits where there were none, and deal with real life problems almost completely on my own. Now, I reckon with the urge to never ask for help, keep difficult emotions to myself (I used to hide all my anger and sadness to help her self-regulate), and never depend on others for anything. I'm hyper-efficient, independent, and also struggle to be patient with other people who are struggling "too much" (i.e., needing a lot of help, asking the same questions over and over, complaining a lot) because it reminds me so much of my childhood. I don't mind being helpful, but I burn out way faster than someone without my background.
Did you feel mad at your mom sometimes as a kid? I had a friend who had the "cool mom" and all of us thought she was so lucky. But she was always so angry at her mom and said her mom was stupid and annoying. I was so confused when she got so mad
@ElanaVital83 Your friend must of been overwhelmed by her mom. Because she had to parent her, and saw and heard alot of negative things. It must be stressful to be a child and not be guided by your parents in life. I saw it too with a few people growing up.
This is my worst fear…becoming this type of parent bc my parents were so strict & smothering. They had no trust in me when I was a teenager and they really should have. Eventually I got fed up and secretly rebelled. Would “spend the night at trusted friend’s houses” who unbeknownst to my parents had no curfews. Put myself in so many dangerous situations bc of it. Sadly I just wanted a little freedom to go to a HS party and not have to be home at 10 especially by senior year when I was getting ready to go away to college. And whoa!! Once I got 12 hours away from my folks with 100% freedom it was GAME ON! Made even worse choices and almost completely failed out of college my first semester. How do we find the balance between being a “parent” and setting healthy boundaries for our kids while also letting them maintain a little dignity and independence as they get older? It’s like I don’t know how to be in between & my brain wants to be 💯 one way or the other
Oh my - I wanted to comment the same... I want to be the most loving, sweet and approval giving mom for my kids, bc I got what you described. And now, thanks God I saw this video...
Oof that was me too. Put myself in such danger for years… and loved that feeling of “freedom”. I don’t think I can raise kids healthily after reflecting on how I was reacted
@@SinNeighbor God, me too... I made the riskiest decisions - throughout this year and now I don't even leave my house because I don't want to risk any negativity...
I feel for parents like this. They were probably so abused growing up, and so excited to give their kids the life they always wanted, and then end up with spoiled kids who don't respect them 😔 I bet it's hard for them to discipline too, because it makes them feel like they are their parents. Honestly, I still think it's better to spoil a kid than make them feel like they're nothing.
I've noticed moms like this growing up. I knew kids from school whose moms literally let them do anything! I thought they were lucky but when we all got older, those were the kids who got into fights, got caught shoplifting, and seemed to hate their Mom (whi h always confused me because I thought their Moms were cooler than mine). I remember one day when I was 13 at a friend's house and I witnessed her shout "GET THE F^#$ OUT OF MY ROOM!!" at her mom. Then she slammed the door in her mother's face. She turned to me and laughed and said her mom was so stupid because she knows she's not allowed in the room. I was like 😢😰 Years later I heard she was sent to some halfway home for troubled teens. She spent some time in jail in her 20s. Then she disappeared.
@@OurEnemyScalion sadly, these types of kids grow up looking for love in all the wrong places, turn to drugs/alcohol to self soothe/self medicate, and engage in promiscuous activities trying to find the love they never had growing up. Most adults that grew up with a cool parent(s) end up living fast and dying young.
I knew a party mom. Her kid had a drinking problem and so did his friends, but she thought if the kids were going to drink they may as well be safe and drink at her house instead of a vacant lot sonewhere. One weekend night, one of his friends was driving them from his house, but they had all been drinking and mom gave out the alcohol. Of course there was an accident, the driver embedded her teeth into the steering wheel and he died. Mom was arrested and was fired from her school. She was a high school councilor. The entire friend group disperced, some moved out of the area and others just moved on. Mom was mad that she was being fired, and thought there was no reason for it, but if she is making these types of poor decisions at her home how was she guiding children? She has since found a new job and a new life, but I'm sure she never got over the loss of her son.
What do you mean when you say the driver embedded her teeth in the steering wheel and he died? Are you saying that the one is the cause of the other or just stating two things that happened...?
Gilmore Girls in a nutshell 😉 I noticed it earlier but here you guys provide additional information about the mechanisms that worked there and I have to say PROPS to the creators for such psychology knowledge put in there. They portreted it perfectly: strict controlling mother -> cool mother -> young woman that thinks everything is meant go easily for her. What will come out of the last one? 🤔
I actually only just discovered Gilmore Girls (please don't shame me) and I'm in the middle of season five... I was just wondering if you would be so kind as to give me some examples of Rory (before season five) manifesting this everything-is-meant-to-go-easily-for-me thing? Just struggling to see it but it's likely I'm just misunderstanding the character or something 😬🙏
@@Blablablahx3 When she was young it wasn't manifesting much yet, but she was handled everything on a silver plate (prestige school and everything) and that's what make her grow into person with such attitude. In very first season on the other hand you can clearly see how "i am cool mum, but first of all i am friends with daughter" is becoming problematic as there are missing some parents boundaries and Rory feels much entitled and involved in mother's grow up stuff - like a life partner, because she was put in that role! Watching series as a young girl I was looking up to that mother-daughter relationship, envy it, and aspiring for something like that it in feature. Rewatching it as grown-up educated parent I see that such a relationship is indeed toxic... and can only do a harm to a child. And well... you will see for yourself how true it is in "year of life" ;) Again props to Amy Sherman-Paladino and her husband for such deep and well created characters with realistic psychological background. Have fun watching, great series! ❤️
My mother was a little like this just with the difference that you would never know what is allowed and what isn't. She wouldn't react to me not coming home, not saying were I stay and so on but than become very angry because of some small thing like I didn't finish my food or other unimportant thing. The short about a narcissistic parent described her perfectly, because she is really immature and I think being a mother was a task too difficult. She wouldn't know how to act. She had a bad childhood and was abused, so she never abused us physically but she neglected us, she neglected us emotionally when we didn't behave and at the same time wanted us to like her and acted like this mother of this short. It was confusing but now I understand. My mother has favorite children. I know this because she lets some get away with waaaay too much. My older brother is a criminal because of this. He is her favorite but looking back he was neglected too, in a way that isn't good for the development of acknowledging what is right or wrong. I was missing school a lot too, because she just let me stay home whenever I didn't want to go. And my other sisters who are not her favorites had the strict parent who wanted them to do it all. My oldest sister was treated like a competitor. And my other brother is treated like a baby even though he is one of the oldest, like as if he couldn't do anything himself.
You forgot to mention the behavioral issues resulting from never being told no or limited. I hear they can range all the way from unpredictable behavior to violent outbursts.
I think the issues it caused me was severe anxiety and depression because there was no security like I was responsible for myself and setting my own limits which I was never taught how to do (and even many times put down for trying to do) so now I think I'm completely exhausted from trying to be my own parent and failing so miserably at it since I was a kid and having no one but the harsh reality of life to teach me...
Did it though? That show is fun, but it is pretty honest in the later seasons that Lorelai didn't do as great a job as she thought raising Rory, who wasn't as mature as she seemed and kept making mistakes based on not thinking through the consequences, because there never were any for her growing up. And it makes sense, because we see that Lorelai's parents were super strict, and she rebelled. I think the show is actually compelling because it presents the cool mom as the one you want, but then admits that there are aspects to it that aren't healthy. I'm saying it as someone who likes the show, and also had a cool mom. It meant, for me, that I had to re-parent myself in adulthood. And I repeated my mom's patterns, including having a child too young, just like Lorelai. It's all a cycle that we have to break if we can.
@@Phoenix-zy1cx true. Im in my 60’s. Watched the show when it came out. I bought the dvd series a few years ago, and my point of view has changed a million times! When i was young I totally got lorelei, hated the mom. Later on my heart felt deeply for the mom. But they were all charmingly deeply messed up! And we find Rory kind of lost and pregnant in the end.
Been here, done that. In my defence, my childhood circumstances were extreme; poverty, no access to enrichment activities, no love, no affection, no encouragement, no nada!
Thank you so so much for these!! Love watching these. Keep up the great work Nicole, my psychology teacher at college reccomended you and I've loved being able to watch the content.
My daughter, who is an older mom & gave up her two older kids bcuz of her former bad life choices, has thankfully straightened her life out. She now has two young sons & thinks she's their bffs, along with her husband. In their household there's no boundries or accountability, only excuses why there is disobedience & disrespect. Their permissive diet of the demanded pizza for supper almost every night bcuz "that's all he'll eat & it's better than nothing" has even affected the kid's health! I'm only the step granny & have tried gently to talk to them about their parenting, particularly their diet, especially when the kids rarely get thru an entire month without sickness, but have been politely listened to with heads nodding & "yes, we need to do betters", but i see & hear no changes. I try to remind myself, not my circus nor my monkeys, but....
It's interesting because now as an adult, I consider my Mom to be my best friend, but she was was never the "cool mom". I never felt controlled but there was a lot of guidance and boundaries when I was a child and young adult. Perhaps the difference is that relationship changed over time because I am also an adult who is able to support her in return, and while she still plays a parental role at times, it's not her place to tell me what to do unless it involves her directly.
Meh. It's so-so. Im definitely more lenient with my daughter. She's 7. She is disciplined and has structure, good grades, is kind, etc. But when she's older I DO want her to be able to do more than I did. I was raised in a cult that kept me isolated because i wasnt allowed to have friends outside of the religion/cult. I couldnt do sports, go to school parties, read a book with magic in it, or have any opinion that differed from what my parents believed without being told i was evil. Even when i did nothing wrong i was helicoptered. My mom went through my room while i was at school, found some Valentines that my school friends gave me and made me throw them away. I learned to conceal my true self and how to hide things because i felt i couldnt come to my parents. I want my kid to have more freedom than me, but with boundaries as well. I want her to come to me if she has opinions without fear of me judging her. So i kind of get the feeling of what this parent wants, but you still need to be a parent.
Nah, but my parents were always kinda cool and permissive like this (Although we (me and my sisters) did always have some rules and definitely quite a few responsibilities growing up), and my dad's house is STILL the party house. 🤣🤣😭 We're all in our twenties by now.
This is why I can’t stand watching Gilmore Girls, or people who think Rory is to blame for her horrible excuse for a mother (Lorelai). In reality, Rory didn’t really have a mother, she was parentified from birth, had no one to teach her how to recover from failure, or even get any consequences for her actions. Lorelai isn’t an “icon,” she’s not a good mother, and she’s definitely not a parenting role model.
Though I still like the show I do agree with you and cringe so hard whenever they do these "funny" role reversal jokes where Lorelai acts like the child and Rory acts like the adult/parent...
Do a video where parent is scraming,is feafull but is also a good person,ignores the kid sometimes,is childish and because he is feraful hes a little bit paranoid so he has a kid which he acuses of doing thing she didnt ,and the kid grows up wantinf lf to be perfect and alwasy thinking about other people needs and also fears shame because the self love is based on other approval..so being common is equal to death.thnaks hahah
This is one of my first videos of yours I’m disagreeing with. This concept goes in many different directions as obviously parents will move opposite of their abusive childhoods, however not all will fail to set boundaries or make it about themselves. We want our sons and daughters not to experience the abuse and trauma we had, and I’m curious how this makes it all about us or wanting validation from our own children. Mind you your content is brilliant and I am by no means criticizing, I’m just disagreeing with its presentation and want to understand this concept more for anyone to answer.
The single mother across the street allowed her 16-year-old daughter to have her boyfriend over night. She said she would rather him stay the night in her house rather than in the two in back seat of a car. Anyway, the daughter got pregnant, had the baby, the boy took off, and the girl dropped out of school. Drugs, high body count, and a mess last time I saw her. So unfortunate.
what's your point? maybe this person doesn't see her life as a failure like you do. Maybe the world would be a better place if people focused on bettering themselves instead of worrying and gossiping about the neighbors.
@@SurprisedPikacheesecake we don’t know the exact story however we can’t deny that this so common among the cool moms. I know of a cool mom that let her kids do whatever they wanted and they got whatever they wanted when they wanted it. The daughter got pregnant at 14, the cool mom made her abort. She started skipping school, got into heavy drinking then drugs. She dropped out of high school and has been a drug addict since. If you didn’t know, most drug addicts have sex to get more drugs. So, if this person’s situation is similar to the one I know. Yes it is sad and unfortunate because these cool moms could have avoided some of these issues had they not been a cool mom. Maybe it’s ok to pay attention to these people wether they are neighbors, family, friends etc because maybe we can learn a thing or two. And yes I do think it’s ok to criticize, sometimes we need it.
@@SurprisedPikacheesecake being a teen parent with no maturity or financial stability to provide for your child is literally a terrible situation. So yes, it is a failure and her mother enable irresponsible behavior, whether you like it or not. Btw my notifications are off so I won't read any replies, bye.
A woman actually said this to me in the gym 'I'm a cool mom" and I'm thinking no, you're an idiot mom and the kids obviously think so too because they can get away with things with you.
Be careful saying that around here. People will take it upon themselves to "explain" how wrong you are for not wanting to bring children into the world. Crazy, huh?
These videos need to be in a school curriculum immediately.
The information provided through the acknowledgement of these various adverse childhood experiences are gifts.
A visual outside of the experience to reflect on.
Thank you so much.
PK
❤
Never gonna happen, parents would have a fit and there’s already a problem in USA schools with administrators not protecting the teachers from the crazy parents.
I know they will never be shown in schools, because what patent wants to be exposed like this. It's a liability on the school.
However, these videos should absolutely be shown as part of college psychology classes and later on as a part of how to care for your baby routine during a pregnancy. Hopefully, a mom-to-be can get the help she needs to be a great mom.
Home school curriculum
A suggestion of a practical application is creating a Social Emotional Learning (SEL) curriculum adapted to alternative school settings such as justice involved and inclusion classrooms; settings in which there is a higher emphasis on supporting the skill acquisition for emotional management through exchanging maladaptive behaviors for self-directed supportive coping mechanisms. @@vell5052
@ninjagaminganimelover
@Nicole-jj3hi
I’m so glad you touched on this. I feel like no one talks bad about the “cool mom” and everyone acts like that’s totally fine to have no limits or rules with your children. Boundaries and rules help children feel safe. We can’t be our child’s best friend.
I disagree. My mother was my best friend. Rules and boundaries are important, like you said and this is a very extreme case of a cool mom that will not benefit the child at all. But my mother never gave me curfews as I entered my teen years. She was open with me, allowed me to get a piercing, dye my hair, have a boyfriend. In return, I felt safe telling her *everything.* I confided in her. I never came home late. I still have my piercing 11 years later. I never partied. Never rebelled. Because there was no need. She trusted me and I never misused that trust. She also knew she could be more liberal with me because I was always rather mature and I didn't do stupid things. There is no set rules or parenting style, because there is no standard child. What works well for one might be detrimental to another.
With young kids it takes a village...but if you dont have a village both parents can feel like they are doing EVERYTHING. And both be right. It is so difficult to give everything you have and its not enough. Needs go unmet. Props to single parents with no village. Prayers
No seriously
I agree
Here 🥹
Thats it. I had that village; 2 parents, neighbours, family, friends. Now my kids aren't ok but I get blamed 'I haven't hit them so there's no discipline'. Single parenthood without support is though.
I see you learned absolutely nothing from the educational video. You had your kid. Not the village. That’s an African proverb, by the way. Not rooted in Anglo-Saxon, Caucus or European philosophy at all. Raise your kids and take responsibility.
When I was growing up, I knew so many kids with parents like this. I wasn’t jealous of them, even as a kid, because when I was little they were annoying to be around, and when I was older (middle school and high school) they were doing dangerous things and I was worried for them.
My mom is a mix of this and emotionally absent. She always says that she’s cool because she’s not as strict as her parents were, but she also never gives me any love or affection. I think the last time I got a sincere hug from her was when I was around four or five years old. I’m seventeen now.
I’m so sorry, sending virtual love and care!! I hope you’re able to access therapy or someone who can show how much they care for you ❤
😢
*sends a hug immediately*
🫂 I hope you don't internalize that or let it make you resentful. Growing up is realizing we're all wounded and weird and trying our best to get through. She may not be ready to hear hard truths from you now, but she may still soften.
As you are approaching adulthood, know it's your mom who has the problem and not you. Though we typically carry our parents issues through life, it's sometimes a choice.
You know you are loveable when your friends stand by you. Give yourself credit for getting this far and then know you are worth more than your mom is willing to show.
Your mom still carries the baggage she developed from her own parents. It's up to you to break the cycle.
Don't settle just because, and maybe someday own a dog. Through bonding with a pet you'll realize you are special, you're needed and you are worthy of love.
Wow... your channel is amazing. you just described my childhood to a tee. That was my mom. In many ways, she was so emotionally stunted and like a child. I became parentified as she sought excessive love and approval from me. I now struggle with avoidant attachment because I had to learn to structure things and set limits where there were none, and deal with real life problems almost completely on my own. Now, I reckon with the urge to never ask for help, keep difficult emotions to myself (I used to hide all my anger and sadness to help her self-regulate), and never depend on others for anything. I'm hyper-efficient, independent, and also struggle to be patient with other people who are struggling "too much" (i.e., needing a lot of help, asking the same questions over and over, complaining a lot) because it reminds me so much of my childhood. I don't mind being helpful, but I burn out way faster than someone without my background.
Did you feel mad at your mom sometimes as a kid? I had a friend who had the "cool mom" and all of us thought she was so lucky. But she was always so angry at her mom and said her mom was stupid and annoying. I was so confused when she got so mad
@ElanaVital83 Your friend must of been overwhelmed by her mom. Because she had to parent her, and saw and heard alot of negative things. It must be stressful to be a child and not be guided by your parents in life. I saw it too with a few people growing up.
This is my worst fear…becoming this type of parent bc my parents were so strict & smothering. They had no trust in me when I was a teenager and they really should have. Eventually I got fed up and secretly rebelled. Would “spend the night at trusted friend’s houses” who unbeknownst to my parents had no curfews. Put myself in so many dangerous situations bc of it. Sadly I just wanted a little freedom to go to a HS party and not have to be home at 10 especially by senior year when I was getting ready to go away to college. And whoa!! Once I got 12 hours away from my folks with 100% freedom it was GAME ON! Made even worse choices and almost completely failed out of college my first semester.
How do we find the balance between being a “parent” and setting healthy boundaries for our kids while also letting them maintain a little dignity and independence as they get older? It’s like I don’t know how to be in between & my brain wants to be 💯 one way or the other
Oh my - I wanted to comment the same...
I want to be the most loving, sweet and approval giving mom for my kids, bc I got what you described.
And now, thanks God I saw this video...
Oof that was me too. Put myself in such danger for years… and loved that feeling of “freedom”. I don’t think I can raise kids healthily after reflecting on how I was reacted
@@SinNeighbor God, me too... I made the riskiest decisions - throughout this year and now I don't even leave my house because I don't want to risk any negativity...
FOLLOWING
@@Zuzzamma...just be the most "real" mum. no need for excess sweetness
"I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom." - Regina George's mom🍹
I feel for parents like this. They were probably so abused growing up, and so excited to give their kids the life they always wanted, and then end up with spoiled kids who don't respect them 😔 I bet it's hard for them to discipline too, because it makes them feel like they are their parents. Honestly, I still think it's better to spoil a kid than make them feel like they're nothing.
I've noticed moms like this growing up. I knew kids from school whose moms literally let them do anything! I thought they were lucky but when we all got older, those were the kids who got into fights, got caught shoplifting, and seemed to hate their Mom (whi h always confused me because I thought their Moms were cooler than mine).
I remember one day when I was 13 at a friend's house and I witnessed her shout "GET THE F^#$ OUT OF MY ROOM!!" at her mom. Then she slammed the door in her mother's face.
She turned to me and laughed and said her mom was so stupid because she knows she's not allowed in the room.
I was like 😢😰
Years later I heard she was sent to some halfway home for troubled teens. She spent some time in jail in her 20s. Then she disappeared.
😟😳
That’s really sad. I hope she’s out there somewhere turning things around
@@OurEnemyScalion sadly, these types of kids grow up looking for love in all the wrong places, turn to drugs/alcohol to self soothe/self medicate, and engage in promiscuous activities trying to find the love they never had growing up. Most adults that grew up with a cool parent(s) end up living fast and dying young.
@@NinjanimegamerOr having teenage pregnancy. You forgot that one
I knew a party mom. Her kid had a drinking problem and so did his friends, but she thought if the kids were going to drink they may as well be safe and drink at her house instead of a vacant lot sonewhere.
One weekend night, one of his friends was driving them from his house, but they had all been drinking and mom gave out the alcohol. Of course there was an accident, the driver embedded her teeth into the steering wheel and he died.
Mom was arrested and was fired from her school. She was a high school councilor.
The entire friend group disperced, some moved out of the area and others just moved on.
Mom was mad that she was being fired, and thought there was no reason for it, but if she is making these types of poor decisions at her home how was she guiding children?
She has since found a new job and a new life, but I'm sure she never got over the loss of her son.
What do you mean when you say the driver embedded her teeth in the steering wheel and he died? Are you saying that the one is the cause of the other or just stating two things that happened...?
Gilmore Girls in a nutshell 😉 I noticed it earlier but here you guys provide additional information about the mechanisms that worked there and I have to say PROPS to the creators for such psychology knowledge put in there. They portreted it perfectly: strict controlling mother -> cool mother -> young woman that thinks everything is meant go easily for her. What will come out of the last one? 🤔
I actually only just discovered Gilmore Girls (please don't shame me) and I'm in the middle of season five... I was just wondering if you would be so kind as to give me some examples of Rory (before season five) manifesting this everything-is-meant-to-go-easily-for-me thing? Just struggling to see it but it's likely I'm just misunderstanding the character or something 😬🙏
@@Blablablahx3 When she was young it wasn't manifesting much yet, but she was handled everything on a silver plate (prestige school and everything) and that's what make her grow into person with such attitude. In very first season on the other hand you can clearly see how "i am cool mum, but first of all i am friends with daughter" is becoming problematic as there are missing some parents boundaries and Rory feels much entitled and involved in mother's grow up stuff - like a life partner, because she was put in that role!
Watching series as a young girl I was looking up to that mother-daughter relationship, envy it, and aspiring for something like that it in feature. Rewatching it as grown-up educated parent I see that such a relationship is indeed toxic... and can only do a harm to a child.
And well... you will see for yourself how true it is in "year of life" ;)
Again props to Amy Sherman-Paladino and her husband for such deep and well created characters with realistic psychological background.
Have fun watching, great series! ❤️
@@dancikn Thank you so much for your reply! Really appreciate you sharing your opinions and such. Best wishes. 😊
Can not thank you enought for this "shorts". That have a clear way to describe the undescribable.❤
Nicole and Jenna,,,, I never cease to be amazed how spot on you are. Your truly gifted... Thank you 🕊️🤍
My mother was a little like this just with the difference that you would never know what is allowed and what isn't. She wouldn't react to me not coming home, not saying were I stay and so on but than become very angry because of some small thing like I didn't finish my food or other unimportant thing.
The short about a narcissistic parent described her perfectly, because she is really immature and I think being a mother was a task too difficult. She wouldn't know how to act. She had a bad childhood and was abused, so she never abused us physically but she neglected us, she neglected us emotionally when we didn't behave and at the same time wanted us to like her and acted like this mother of this short. It was confusing but now I understand.
My mother has favorite children. I know this because she lets some get away with waaaay too much. My older brother is a criminal because of this. He is her favorite but looking back he was neglected too, in a way that isn't good for the development of acknowledging what is right or wrong.
I was missing school a lot too, because she just let me stay home whenever I didn't want to go.
And my other sisters who are not her favorites had the strict parent who wanted them to do it all. My oldest sister was treated like a competitor. And my other brother is treated like a baby even though he is one of the oldest, like as if he couldn't do anything himself.
You forgot to mention the behavioral issues resulting from never being told no or limited. I hear they can range all the way from unpredictable behavior to violent outbursts.
I think the issues it caused me was severe anxiety and depression because there was no security like I was responsible for myself and setting my own limits which I was never taught how to do (and even many times put down for trying to do) so now I think I'm completely exhausted from trying to be my own parent and failing so miserably at it since I was a kid and having no one but the harsh reality of life to teach me...
As someone with an abusive mom, this is how I think I might be as a mom. Good thing I'm not interested in being one.
Genius. Love your writing.
Your face at the end 😂😂😂
she gives that face at the end of every video bruh-da....
I appreciate your insights but I can’t resist commenting: it worked out all good for The Gilmore Girls 🤪 loved that tv series!
Did it though? That show is fun, but it is pretty honest in the later seasons that Lorelai didn't do as great a job as she thought raising Rory, who wasn't as mature as she seemed and kept making mistakes based on not thinking through the consequences, because there never were any for her growing up. And it makes sense, because we see that Lorelai's parents were super strict, and she rebelled.
I think the show is actually compelling because it presents the cool mom as the one you want, but then admits that there are aspects to it that aren't healthy.
I'm saying it as someone who likes the show, and also had a cool mom. It meant, for me, that I had to re-parent myself in adulthood. And I repeated my mom's patterns, including having a child too young, just like Lorelai. It's all a cycle that we have to break if we can.
@@Phoenix-zy1cx true. Im in my 60’s. Watched the show when it came out. I bought the dvd series a few years ago, and my point of view has changed a million times! When i was young I totally got lorelei, hated the mom. Later on my heart felt deeply for the mom. But they were all charmingly deeply messed up! And we find Rory kind of lost and pregnant in the end.
I immediately thought of Lorelai and Rory from the Gilmore Girls
Right!!!😮😮😮
I really love these!
This should be liked,shared and made viral. This is so true and needs addressing
You just described my relationship with my mom, damn...
Sending this to my mum straight away!!
Been here, done that. In my defence, my childhood circumstances were extreme; poverty, no access to enrichment activities, no love, no affection, no encouragement, no nada!
This explains Regina George sooo much
These are truly the best! Amazing and relatable content. Perfect to understand and digest. Thank you! ✨
Thank you so so much for these!! Love watching these. Keep up the great work Nicole, my psychology teacher at college reccomended you and I've loved being able to watch the content.
My daughter, who is an older mom & gave up her two older kids bcuz of her former bad life choices, has thankfully straightened her life out. She now has two young sons & thinks she's their bffs, along with her husband. In their household there's no boundries or accountability, only excuses why there is disobedience & disrespect. Their permissive diet of the demanded pizza for supper almost every night bcuz "that's all he'll eat & it's better than nothing" has even affected the kid's health! I'm only the step granny & have tried gently to talk to them about their parenting, particularly their diet, especially when the kids rarely get thru an entire month without sickness, but have been politely listened to with heads nodding & "yes, we need to do betters", but i see & hear no changes. I try to remind myself, not my circus nor my monkeys, but....
Mothers and their imperfections are imagined. ❤
Brilliant. Thank You!
Did you mean: Lorelai and Rory Gilmore?
It's interesting because now as an adult, I consider my Mom to be my best friend, but she was was never the "cool mom". I never felt controlled but there was a lot of guidance and boundaries when I was a child and young adult. Perhaps the difference is that relationship changed over time because I am also an adult who is able to support her in return, and while she still plays a parental role at times, it's not her place to tell me what to do unless it involves her directly.
Meh. It's so-so. Im definitely more lenient with my daughter. She's 7. She is disciplined and has structure, good grades, is kind, etc. But when she's older I DO want her to be able to do more than I did. I was raised in a cult that kept me isolated because i wasnt allowed to have friends outside of the religion/cult. I couldnt do sports, go to school parties, read a book with magic in it, or have any opinion that differed from what my parents believed without being told i was evil. Even when i did nothing wrong i was helicoptered. My mom went through my room while i was at school, found some Valentines that my school friends gave me and made me throw them away.
I learned to conceal my true self and how to hide things because i felt i couldnt come to my parents. I want my kid to have more freedom than me, but with boundaries as well. I want her to come to me if she has opinions without fear of me judging her.
So i kind of get the feeling of what this parent wants, but you still need to be a parent.
I love your writings and you look like Bo-Katan Kryze in The Mandalorian. Costume idea for October.
lol nailed it
Mum's face at the end 😂
Ooo this hit home
reminds me of a mother/daughter duo i seen on TikTok
😂 Funny but also so true!
I did this with my own daughter an now she has issues with food and years later I don't know how to fix it
Oh gosh relatable 🙈
the plot of gilmore girls
Hi Nicole, Your videos! are so good I would love to talk with you about some videos I'm going to be doing in the next few months.
Nah, but my parents were always kinda cool and permissive like this (Although we (me and my sisters) did always have some rules and definitely quite a few responsibilities growing up), and my dad's house is STILL the party house. 🤣🤣😭 We're all in our twenties by now.
This is why I can’t stand watching Gilmore Girls, or people who think Rory is to blame for her horrible excuse for a mother (Lorelai). In reality, Rory didn’t really have a mother, she was parentified from birth, had no one to teach her how to recover from failure, or even get any consequences for her actions. Lorelai isn’t an “icon,” she’s not a good mother, and she’s definitely not a parenting role model.
Though I still like the show I do agree with you and cringe so hard whenever they do these "funny" role reversal jokes where Lorelai acts like the child and Rory acts like the adult/parent...
Well this was different than most of the parenting videos that she had. It was actually like the opposite of them.
❤
My life exactly! Only girl child of the 80s screwed me up 😢
Do a video where parent is scraming,is feafull but is also a good person,ignores the kid sometimes,is childish and because he is feraful hes a little bit paranoid so he has a kid which he acuses of doing thing she didnt ,and the kid grows up wantinf lf to be perfect and alwasy thinking about other people needs and also fears shame because the self love is based on other approval..so being common is equal to death.thnaks hahah
Lorelai & Rory Gilmore…
My parents let me have parties at the house all the time. My father would drink, smoke weed and even got me and my girlfriend cocaine one time.
This is one of my first videos of yours I’m disagreeing with. This concept goes in many different directions as obviously parents will move opposite of their abusive childhoods, however not all will fail to set boundaries or make it about themselves. We want our sons and daughters not to experience the abuse and trauma we had, and I’m curious how this makes it all about us or wanting validation from our own children.
Mind you your content is brilliant and I am by no means criticizing, I’m just disagreeing with its presentation and want to understand this concept more for anyone to answer.
How would a parent combat this?
Well at least out of all of the kinds of messed person this one got a cool party
Great info as always, except when you have your own kids you will quickly realize like the rest of us....😂
The single mother across the street allowed her 16-year-old daughter to have her boyfriend over night. She said she would rather him stay the night in her house rather than in the two in back seat of a car. Anyway, the daughter got pregnant, had the baby, the boy took off, and the girl dropped out of school. Drugs, high body count, and a mess last time I saw her. So unfortunate.
what's your point? maybe this person doesn't see her life as a failure like you do. Maybe the world would be a better place if people focused on bettering themselves instead of worrying and gossiping about the neighbors.
@@SurprisedPikacheesecake we don’t know the exact story however we can’t deny that this so common among the cool moms. I know of a cool mom that let her kids do whatever they wanted and they got whatever they wanted when they wanted it. The daughter got pregnant at 14, the cool mom made her abort. She started skipping school, got into heavy drinking then drugs. She dropped out of high school and has been a drug addict since. If you didn’t know, most drug addicts have sex to get more drugs. So, if this person’s situation is similar to the one I know. Yes it is sad and unfortunate because these cool moms could have avoided some of these issues had they not been a cool mom. Maybe it’s ok to pay attention to these people wether they are neighbors, family, friends etc because maybe we can learn a thing or two. And yes I do think it’s ok to criticize, sometimes we need it.
@@SurprisedPikacheesecake being a teen parent with no maturity or financial stability to provide for your child is literally a terrible situation. So yes, it is a failure and her mother enable irresponsible behavior, whether you like it or not.
Btw my notifications are off so I won't read any replies, bye.
@@SurprisedPikacheesecakeget over it
It’s a FAIL
the cool mom on our block is the neighborhood bicycle,
A woman actually said this to me in the gym 'I'm a cool mom" and I'm thinking no, you're an idiot mom and the kids obviously think so too because they can get away with things with you.
As someone with an abusive mom, this is how I think I might be as a mom. Good thing I'm not interested in being one.
Be careful saying that around here. People will take it upon themselves to "explain" how wrong you are for not wanting to bring children into the world.
Crazy, huh?
@@CutestMeows I get those a lot. Trolling them is amusing to me. Thanks for the warning