The Unwelcome Party Guest - an Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) Metaphor
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- čas přidán 6. 09. 2024
- An Acceptance & Commitment Therapy metaphor
In this video, we explore the "Unwelcome Party Guest" metaphor from ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), a powerful tool for understanding and managing difficult emotions. Imagine that your mind is a party, and unwelcome guests like anxiety, fear, or sadness keep showing up uninvited. These emotions can be overwhelming, intrusive, and make it hard to enjoy the party.
By using the "Unwelcome Party Guest" metaphor, you can learn to observe and accept these emotions without judgment, and to relate to them in a new and compassionate way. This approach can help you reduce their power and influence over your life, and allow you to focus on the things that truly matter.
Through this video, you'll learn:
-The key components of the "Unwelcome Party Guest" metaphor
-How to identify and observe your own unwelcome guests
-Strategies for accepting and relating to difficult emotions in a new way
-How to use the metaphor to improve your mental health and well-being
If you're struggling with anxiety, stress, or negative emotions, this video is a must-watch. By applying the "Unwelcome Party Guest" metaphor, you can start to build a more fulfilling and meaningful life, even in the face of adversity.
Download the full 47MB version here:
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ABOUT CONTEXTUAL CONSULTING
Contextual Consulting was founded in 2012 by Dr Joe Oliver, a clinical psychologist, and associate professor at University College London. The business was born out of Joe’s deep passion for acceptance and commitment therapy, both in his professional practice and personal life, Joe recognised the immense potential of ACT in facilitating positive transformations and personal growth. A primary goal for him was to disseminate the principles of ACT to a wide audience, enabling more individuals to benefit from its empowering approach.
In recent years, there has been a remarkable surge in global interest and engagement with ACT across various fields and disciplines. This exponential growth reflects the increasing desire for individuals worldwide to deepen their understanding and application of ACT principles in their personal and professional lives.
We’ve grown into a team of presenters, therapists and support staff over the last decade but our goal continues to be the connection of the ACT community through training, supervision and therapy referrals.
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What you resist persists
C.G.Jung
Did Carl Jung really say that?
Great advice for those with OCD and intrusive thoughts. People underestimate how debilitating this type of thing can be. Joke if you want but Mental illness is no laughing matter.
I'm seeing a psychologist to help with my anxiety and she sent me this video and I honestly really loved it 💖
I'm working on making peace with my fears and anxiety and I think this metaphor helps a lot, thank you 💜
I don't know where your anxiety stems from & If I did it'd be all the same,,As a PTSD Sufferer,, which in turn made me anxious BUT I have Worried about a 1000 situations that's never happened,,! even though I'd pictures of this & that Scenario happening WHEN I Bump into such &such because of an incident I had with His- or her Loved one or feelings of a similar nature BUT thing's never happened As I'd pictured they would._//I Understand this cartoon Metaphor & Similae,s,,You,ll" be as Brave as a lionesses",//I'm 47yrs old & Just done my Leaving certificate,in English learned of Mathaphors & Similas,,__To Compare some thing with Out using "as" or "like",,I recall realising I speak in metaphors since childhood 🤔😆😆🇨🇮🙈 seriously passed from grandad & mother,,I Could never understand "A nods as good as a wink to a blind man"😏🤔 Then some where in life I realised the blind man is a 3rd person 🙈🙃,,A way to say hello to someone in a room full of people who for whatever reason don't want others,(the blind man/men 🙈🙊) to know that you both know eachother. "A Bird in the hands worth 2 in the bush,",😆,," A Bird never flew on 1 wing" he say ordering his 2nd whiskey.Why I'm writing to a Complete Stranger in detail is probably better than speaking to myself,,! that's not a metaphor 🙃😵🙊🙈🙋 Anyways I Truly hope you get over your Anxiety,,I'm no phycologist but as I understand Fear is a Base felling which can dictate,,Who,,Why,,What,,When,,&Where,,,all come into play in an average daily life,,Of a person who has a Nervous disposition,, which causes Anxiety,,Dread of ,, like maybe "Who,ll" be @ such an event,ie, Wedding or Funeral or some other Family get-together &"why" did such &such act in such a way;:"What" Could it have been because of?& in Reality the person might genuinely not realised Thier actions would be interpreted by you(/me or anyone,,as I'm talking in general terms)& maybe another persons approach to us is also fear based,,If it's family or some one who was once close doesn't quite know Which is the best way to approach a Subject,or you about a certain subject & if anything like me,, some thing small will grow in my head&snowball into a potential murder,,my head can get overwhelmed with the thoughts of what'to do best in a situation & next I know my heads like a" bag of cats",,/-i Really believe (I'll leave you on this:,,)Deep breath's are really good for Anxiety and also acupuncture.
Best Regards Amy,
Justin.
We used to call this 'radical acceptance' and people would get so upset about that concept...but this is the same thing.
good luck Amy, I hope you are doing much better.
I too was sent here by my Therapist in helping my Depersonalisation & Derealisation Disorder.
- Many thanks for the video, Joe
Also, good luck to everyone who is going through tough times. Be kind to yourself :)
My psychiatrist just showed me this, and it’s very relatable to me
My counsellor just showed me this
MS warrior here. My doc recommended this video today. Both her and you i am grateful! Thank you so much!
Message is pay attention on important things in your life. If you pay too much attention on unwanted thoughts, you will miss many valuable things. Let the thoughts come and go, you just shift your focus, no need to control or suppress your negative/ intrusive thoughts.
Nice video. We have to guard our focus, learn to live in the moments, and simply ENJOY life!
Dear God the comments! It's a metaphor. Look up that word please. You don't need tons of friends or to have a party. Take for instance, if you suffer from chronic pain. You start to focus on the pain. You stop other activities because you're frightened the pain will kick in. You stay home and focus on the pain. Thepain feels worse. Life feels miserable. You feel sorry for yourself. You start to refuse invitations. You start to get depressed. In other words, just like standing at the door waiting for the neighbour, you're missing out on the.life. You're missing out on......."the party". Get it?
That Brian 'as in Brain voice' does my head in, coming in and out of my thoughts trying to turn my happy thoughts I have against me. Don't have a party in your head, live in the now.
Am currently in therapy 😌
Dear Joe Oliver :), I would like to say, thank you, to you, for taking the time and energy to both upload and share this video with the youtube community. Thank you.
working of the mind has been beautifully captured and expressed....
This video is helpful and I may use it at a training for Social Workers. Thank you.
This is both amusing and clearly demonstrative of the A.C.T. Thanks.
Just show Bryan some of these ACT videos. It will help him to deal with himself.
people think that the story is about the guest and what should we do about the guest... hell no! it has a meaning. you are responsible for your own happiness and your feelings.
The guest isn't actually a person. It is a metaphor for your mind. The guest is a representation of all the unhelpful thoughts and feelings that pop up like worry, doubt, negative self talk, anxiety, stress etc. Arguing with your thoughts is just going to increase stress and worry and take your attention off where you should be focusing: The important people and activities we value in our life.
@@wesleyp3024 yes you’re right you can 100% “kick the ass” of intrusive thoughts in your head 🤦🏽♀️
I think locking the door invalidates the metaphor: the premise is that you can't keep Brian out. You can't lock the door on anxiety or wandering negative thoughts, because those just happen. That's what minds do. If you're poking fun at the metaphor, then ok. You win, it's not perfect. But within the paradigm of ACT, there is no locking the door, if I understand correctly.
I think locking the door is what is called "experiential avoidance" - attempting to ignore, suppress or escape from negative thoughts, emotions, etc. That's what makes the metaphor so great - no matter how many times you close the door on Brian, he keeps coming back, ringing the doorbell, bothering you, taking the center stage in your mind. And then with the ACT principles, you let Brian in and you stop concerning yourself with his presence, you just let him be and get on with the party, maybe even seeing that he's also got some merit to him :)
@@xxPurpleSummer Plus locking the door won't help because like anxiety, Brian will just kick the door down!
@@TheyWantMeGone69 Exactly or he'll climb over the fence, or worse still tunnel under the garden, but he'll be in lol
@@xxPurpleSummer I don't think in ACT you can really lock the door. I think the closest you can get to locking the door is to stand by the door - guarding/suppressing/denying thoughts. Standing by the door would be analogous to "experiential avoidance" I think.
As you can see from the analogy, if you spent your time trying to suppress/avoid bad thoughts (standing by the door), you won't be able to enjoy the party - I presume the party is used to refer to the things you value.
So, if I avoid going on dates because I am very overweight then I will avoid the bad thoughts (e.g. you're ugly) but I will also be prevented from going to the party (the date).
Sorry about the long-winded reply. Its main purpose is to help me get it straight in my head!
No when your trying hard not to think about something that's all you think about. You cant enjoy life because call your energy goes to holding the door.
Love this animation.💯👏🏿
The metaphor is spot on, but rather than "locking the door" it should be "attempting to lock the door" (i.e. trying to escape unwanted thoughts and feelings, but never truly being able to do so).
Like locking a door with the lock on the outside instead. Temporary to say the least.
You can't keep a man down without staying down with him
Well, *technically*, you could (probably) keep someone and / or something down and / or out by means of something else. You could (probably) keep someone and / or something down by placing an object on them, and you could (probably) keep someone and / or something out by placing an object before them. Or you could (probably) just tie them up and / or lock the door. (Or knock them out somehow.) That could (probably) work. (That is not necessarily to say that that should be done, and that is also not necessarily to say that that is either legal and / or illegal. If you and / or someone that you know are considering utilizing and / or executing one of the aforementioned ideations and / or actions, please research the legality and / or illegality of said actions.) (This comment is / was basically just for entertainment purposed only, and the person who wrote said comment should not be held responsible for anyone else's possible rashness and / or stupidity to follow through on such ideations.) >.< #ThisIsNotAnEndorsement. #IAmAPersonOfFaith.
Hi, Joe! I loved your animation and decided to put subtitles for Portuguese speakers:
O convidado indesejado
Yes, a good metaphor. I remember it being originally called the "Joe the Bum" metaphor. Pretty obvious why we don't use that name anymore lol... Also seems similar to the Passengers on the Bus metaphor. Nice animation!
Brilliant video, Joe, I love it! Can I offer one suggestion, though? It's great that you've made captions available.... but unfortunately the auto-generated ones aren't very good quality. Voice-to-text software still has a long way to go. I recently put my very first video up on my CZcams channel, and was pleasantly surprised to find how easy it is to add captions (If you already have a written script, you can just copy and paste, but even if you have to transcribe the audio by hand, it's still really easy!). I work a lot with the Deaf community, and would love to be able to recommend this video to them... but unfortunately with the captions the way they are at the moment it would cause too much confusion. I don't know whether you've watched it with captions, yourself? The software confuses things like "can't" and "can", "he" and "we" etc... which really skew the message. You can just search for a CZcams video about "how to add captions to a CZcams video" like I did :-) Super easy :-) Only takes a few minutes :-)
Interestingly this reminds me the office US episode “email surveillance “ when Jim didn’t want Michael at the party at first
liked this one!! I'm trying to get my head around ACT and this was helpful and made me smile
Wow, the comments. Just, wow. Some people don't actually realize this was a metaphor...
It's in the title :P
I have autism and ACT was a Godsend for me!
The less I resist the more he keeps growing....
Yep lock the door and he comes through the wndow, lock the window and he jumps the fence...
For some, Brian is known to start screaming, "I'm going to choke you out" and "Everyone you love is going to die". In this case, I recommend you tell Brian, to do it. He's totally full of shit and everybody knows it. Pay Brian no attention as he's not as powerful as he seems.
Well done Joe, very useful metaphor and illustration!!
My word you are full of hidden talents
This helped me A LOT, thank you
Finally a GoAnimate video that isn't Caillou getting grounded.
I relate to Brian
Very useful and well presented - thanks Joe
Great video. Thanks!
I think the bigger problem is that he and all his friends do not have arms.
I find myself liking Brian a whole lot more that the other characters in this metaphor. At least he's not just a twenty something still seemingly trying to find a fashionable, trendy yet oh so unique way of dressing to compensate for their social awkwarness and deep seated feelings of inadequacy. Brian is living dangerously; unfettered by the arbitrary rules and social conventions of the 21st century. I respect that.
Describes bulimia fantastically
Can't imagine wanting the anxiety to come back(inviting Brian to the party)
It's definitely a counterintuitive thing to do with anxiety. It doesn't necessarily mean liking anxiety, but perhaps though a willingness to make room for it so other important parts of life can flourish again.
I got stuck there as well.....
I'm worried I'm Brian. I'm the one nobody wants to show up 😓
This is really funny , Joe😂😂😂😂
isn't locking the door the same as self medicating by drugs and alcohol? Great short term solution but not a good long term…
the unwelcome party guest is caillou at 50 years old.
he's gonna get grounded again.
thanks for the sharing
nice, Joe, thanks!
like it , and very useful
He might attempt Kool aid man route. Can’t see a lock helping in that situation everything is chaos
Is there some kind of video like this related to boundaries?
What's the significance of no arms and legs?
I would get my MMA fighter friend to take care of Brian. He won't come back ever.
Hey so I am attempting CBT ACT and what happens is I’m SEVERLY anxious but participate in life anyway. The problem is my digestive track is crazy, butterflies in stomach always, headache, trouble sleeping. It’s like the anxiety won’t go away but I am accepting it and reframing stuff, but it’s painful.
Suggestions?
lock the door.
+Hayden Reid he will break through and shit hits the fan
My therapist showed me this 😪
God the comments LMFAO
Nice technique.
Good video
I know right!!???
Should always know the company your in.
It.s good
What if your whole personality is Brian?? Great Vid by the way
Do you know if this video is in spanish or with subtitles, I’m in México and would like to work with this with my patients who don’t speak english. Thanks!
You can use the CZcams subtitles/closed captions tool to add Spanish subtitles
The neighbor is a family member, we just wait for him to pass out lol, cultural adaptation to one's environment.
hey do you mind if I link this video in a blog im doing?
Yes, please do
In a case like this I would introduce Brian to my guest. I think it is rude to have a social event and not tell everyone who is in the room or at least introduce the main people in your life. If I was hosting. The objective is to commune become more aware of each other company.
This video is in no way a guide on how to have a social event. It's about the events that happen inside the mind of people with OCD and other anxiety related disorders. Brian is a thought.
I'm in here paying bills and some one else shopping it up.
Seems like a lot of therapy is based on the assumption that your thoughts are not connected to reality. I mean, if I just stop thinking about my problems, that's not gonna make them go away in the real world.
The key is being skilful with thoughts, which means responding to them effectively. Even with thoughts that are true and real we can choose our response. We can choose to let them run the show and boss us around. Or we can choose to respond in ways create a bit of distance from the thought so that we can stay true to our purpose.
@@JoeOliverContextualConsulting For example with a thought like "I can't build a meaningful career because of my criminal record" I'm not sure how distancing myself from the thought is gonna really solve anything.
@@danielroy8232 Well, it's not going to solve the fact that you have a criminal record. That is a fact. But if you let the thought take over and run the show, and for example, don't apply for jobs, don't re-train, engage in lots of avoidance behaviours, then a meaningful career is taken off the table. But it is possible to have the thought "I can't build a meaningful career because of my criminal record" and respond to it skilfully - observe it, don't ruminate on it, hold it lightly - and at the same time take actions that move you towards a meaningful career.
The guest is you.
Is the green eyed character a caricature of Joe Oliver?
Never ever max out a credit card. Buy a little then pay it. Buy a little then pay it.
I would be an embarrassed wife. Then I'm taking credit classes. What did I learn? Change habits.spending.
The next time you have a party, lock your door to keep Brian out. Duh!
Are you joking or did you really not understand that this video is not a guide on organising parties? It's a metaphor for how to deal with obsessive thoughts. Brian is an obsessive thought - in a way he is is even a part of you, so even trying to "lock the door" or "changing the key" in your mind won't work because he will always have the key and will let himself in.
That totally seems like the reasonable thing to do...and we try so hard to do just that!! At least I do, sometimes. :) And yet, as others have said, for the Brian that is my own thoughts (especially social anxiety) he just comes in the window, or tunnels under the fence, or parachutes in. And the more I try to stop him from entering the less I can enjoy the party that is my life.
Haha this is the story of my 'friend' Tony
That was a big ass grill.
Why doesn't the door have a lock?
Lock the door, call the cops. He can't enter your property without your permission.
I don’t get this. The intrusive thought is there, surely the point is that it shouldn’t be there at all. This seems like over acceptance of the issue, and allowed it gain a foothold will allow it to grow and escalate. It comes across as overly optimistic.
why dont they have arms or legs tho
It seems like locking the door would solve the problem
You could just lock the door.
I didn't really get this....
The unwelcome guest is actually your unwanted thoughts and feelings.
@@danbadd that can stop you from having fun
what if he smashed the door?
I'm Brian
...or you could place boundaries with Brian? open communication with Brian? Brian, bro, you need a shower my dude.
It's a metaphor. Brian is not a person. This video is not meant to teach people how to deal with unwanted guests at parties. It's for people with OCD and other conditions. who have unwanted thoughts in their heads.
You could’ve just locked the door bro
Animation budget didn't allow for limbs :P
Year Phaern
I think I missed the point of the video, cuz so I from this was the guy is an idiot for not having locks on his doors, and obviously he doesn't know the number to the police. That's breaking and entering right there what Brian did. And have more control over the people you invite to your house!
raziel1687 you’re right. You missed the metaphorical point.
so embrace annoying people's annoyingness, and they won't be so annoying
7 cups, anyone?
yes!
That's embarrassing. When you go to the store and can't use your card. Declined
Maybe you should give him one of the rocks you are cooking on the grill.
I'm mean max out the card.
You lost me at "You decided to throw a party with all your friends". What if I don't have any (at least within driving distance -- even then the party would be dull).
what does the quirky sense of humor stand for?
1Kilili I interpreted that as maybe you start to embrace some of your negative feelings. Maybe you can even laugh a bit about them, or can see them as being useful every once in a while.
Sometimes I think I can do that already, other times I don't :) I think you're right. It points to something along the lines of "It's not what you experience, but how you choose to relate to it"
I think that things you care about brings also lots of unpleasent Feelings etc. and in a way they tell you what is importent to you, whats your deepest desire.
why dont u lock the door
Yeah, no, that might've worked at some point, but now people are just complete assholes for the sake of being assholes. Not just a personality thing, but a decision to be an asshole. The solution, is a lock on the door, window, spiked fence, and most importantly, a shotgun. Preferably with Doomsday rounds, XD
lock the door to keep brian out?
wat is dis?
well in texas its a stand yr ground state so we don't have this problem. ha
Ha ha ha, yeah shoot 'em with six gun! Pew pew! Now, that's a party.
Omg
"Rude, grumpy, annoying, moans a lot, and acts a little weird." Sounds EXACTLY like Donald Trump and the problem Prince Harry and Meghan Markle want to avoid by not inviting him to their wedding.
You can't keep a man down without staying down with him