I just did the smiling thing to my nine-year-old when he was tempted to become very angry and he just stopped and said you’re being really weird right now lol
Haha my 8 year old son told me this last night when it was time to go to bed he was giving me a hard time all I said you have no choice but to close your eyes you have school in the morning with a smile on my face 😂 and he said “mom why are you being weird”
I did that smile technique and now my kids think I’m a psycho! 😅 then I go to the bathroom and freaking pull my hair out!!! Parenting is the most important job but it’s hard to know how to raise healthy kids!! Thank you so much for educating us❤
Smile, focus on enforcing outcomes that I can 100% control, detach myself from the consequences of their choices, but be with them, love them whatsoever.
My 14yr old son was suspended from school. I was called to pick him up. I made the choice to remain calm. He got in the car and all I said was, "put your seatbelt on." Then went back to singing along with radio. I could see him just twitching and fidgeting. Almost home he let out an exasperated breath and half yelled, "would you just yell at me already... Geez!" I calmly asked him why on earth I would need to yell at him. Did he not read the consequences for his actions for the rest of the school year? It was clear on the paper we both had too sign saying we read it. No dances, no pep rallies, nothing with his fellow classmates without supervision, all because he lost his temper and said things he didn't mean to someone he really didn't know. I'm pretty sure once you think on it, you'll understand. Was your choice worth the consequences? So yes, I will talk to you about it at a later time. Right now I have to go back to my obligations. I said you're a good boy, and you have to think before you say stuff. Think about what you're thinking. Thinking not feeling to guide you. You can't be rational and emotional at the same time. I too am still learning and I love you!
This is very helpful! I KNOW #1 (smiling) is effective and I KNOW yelling is a trap too! I sadly knew it before becoming a parent and yet here I am struggling with yelling 🤔 it takes much inner and outer work, practice, acceptance, commitment and lots of grace to get here, still have a lot to get down. And I had to mention: the consequences bit is so powerful to *teach* your children, especially those who have had executive function deficit. My executive function deficit (ADHD/add) shows up major in a way that I struggle to remember, in the moment, that there are consequences for every choice. So this is so great! And delivered in such a compassionate and patient way. Thank you both!!
I just printed out your pdf on consequences that don't take cooperation. My son will be 10 in a few months. Since the beginning of this pandemic kids haven't really had anything much fun to do. My son also has a really hard time spending every other weekend at his dad's house and adjusting to coming back. I've been overly compensating and trying to make him happy because I've felt so bad for his situation. Well it's now gotten to the point where I have started yelling over the past week. I am not a yeller and that's definitely not who I want to be. I'm so grateful that the Lord brought this video to me through your other video on consequences that don't take cooperation. I took notes and plan on having it on my nightstand. When I feel like yelling I'm going to go lock myself in my bedroom and look it over and take some deep breaths. I'm going to remember that all of these outside things are not my fault but I need to prepare my son to be a responsible young man. Thank you so much for your videos. You're literally saving my family and my sanity. 🙏
I am a 52 year-old grandma, raising grandchildren ages 5 and 6 (we adopted them), and I find myself doing what my mom did--yelling. This is really great help for us. Thank you so much for this channel!
Love the way you show your wife in your video intro,it makes me feel your words can be trusted. You both are doing a great Job. I just recently started watching your videos and I have been blessed and I'm learning so much,just that it's not easy unlearning negative parenting skills but it's possible to unlearn them.
I got this video on time!!!! I was struggling with this and realized I needed knowledge and came to the right place! Thank you. Sharing with my whole family your videos all the time. This is how change the world!!!
Wow! I didn’t know how much I needed you two and your advice. I had my first child in my 40s. My friends have children that are grown. It’s hard to find advice that I feel comfortable using. Either it’s coming from a different generation, or a completely different parenting style. Since I wasn’t sure I’d be a parent at all, I find everyone in my family spoiling my son. Spoiled rotten didn’t become a saying for no reason. I’m allowing him to become entitled and I want to do better by him. I value these videos and I will share with the parents at my sons elementary school. Everyone needs someone who is knowledgeable and empathetic. I’ve got some excellent new skills to put to use. Thanks so much
Greetings from Poland!👋 Thank You so much for your work!!! Mommy of 2 boys 🙂 (now I must translate your film to my husband, because he wants to know, why I'm watching it and smiling. It's so worth-watching and You're very nice to look at😉)
The better the choice, the better the consequence is great! And something we can set our kids up with as they go into their teen years. And for me! Thank you.
Agree with you.as for the schoolwork,I always get pissed off by reminding my son to get down ro work.I should detach myself from the responsibility for the outcomes.
I love this! Dr.Paul you & Vicki have amazing coaching/teaching skills! Thank you both so much for sharing. Consequences, every choice has consequences, the better the choice, the better the consequences! I LOVE IT! another amazing illumination for me, Just wow!
Please do more videos on consequences. This is a HUGE lack in the area of parenting for so many. Glad you touched on how to practice saying no. Coming up with the right consequences that are fitting is not natural of you struggle with the balance of what, how long, etc. Thanks for the examples yet there are so many situations that many are at a loss of what to do or being creative enough in their applying of these strategies.
Issie Jane, this is where I get the most requests and find it difficult to speak to all the different situations out there. Brainstorm with others who know your child. Ask other parents what they do. Through community we can help one another.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV trust me I've done this. For in the multitude of counselors there's safety. I'm trying to learn as much as I can. I also want to learn the life coach stuff but I want to do it mainly for self improvement and for my children. What do you think?
Wonderful couple!. Thank you for your mission in assisting parents in these crazy times where video games and reality personalities are admired, not parents. Parents should be children's role model and we should lead like champs. Thanks for trying to keep parents as great leaders to their children. Blessings 👍😊
The smile partakes me think that my son would think that o was being a jerk or to make him more mad. I know if my parents smiled at me would think the same lol. However I'm doing what I can to help my son with his anger. I'm on the road alot, I only get to see him during the summer. These techniques work when he's with me but when he's back home it's like I didn't even try
Thanks to both of you! What you shared is very helpful for me as a parent to help my kids learn, grow and live in a very happy family atmosphere. After each argument/fight, I feel very bad that why I behaved so rude and failed to be a good Dad. Your methods are so simple yet very profound to use and understand. Every time I see your video, it brings me back to the right track of parenting. Thanks again!
I stumbled into your teachings. My son used to be brilliant and smart in his studies, but recently he doesn't remember things again concerning his books and prefers you scold him than doing his homework. am sorry I did allow his behaviors to affect me. help me, he is just 5
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I’ve lived in 7 different countries over the past 14 years, and I hear you; but for younger kids, I think offering basic choices are pretty universal. Example: this food or that food, this outfit or that one. I just struggle with the “You can hire someone to clean your room” example. Kinda confusing. I’d personally think: Wait, what? I can opt to *hire* someone to do this unpleasant chore?! Um, yes please! And what kid has $200 to spend?! And where are they getting it from? Obviously from you? I’m not sure young kids can even conceptualize this sum of money. But even as an adult, hell yes, I’d pay someone to clean my room if they offered! 😂
Yeah I am so grateful I am for the advice , but while watching I am trying to think of how that sounds or what choices to give them for the being ok either way, what is a consequences are positive and not a threat or punishment
Thanks Paul and Vikki. Powerful video. Every choice has a consequence..... I like that even Allah mentioned in Quran So whosoever does good equal to the weight of a speck of dust shall see it. And whosoever does evil equal to the weight of speck of dust shall see it. Thanks 😊
Thank you very much I took a lot of notes I will share with my daughter I worry so much for my grandchildren a 6 years old and 9 years old boys both with attention deficit disorder and the medication are not working Today my daughter had a meeting with the boy scouts and she was doing the presentation and our 9 years old took over the meeting he had listen to all her phone calls with the other members and he remember everything they talk about it and he was thinking he was helping his mother she was so embarrassed not able to control him! She is devastated! I’m grandma trying to help…. 😭
Maybe have somewhere for the child to go during a presentation or someone there to take him out if he acts up. She needs to make it clear to him that he is not helping and when she needs help, she will ask for it.
I just recently found your channel and what a blessing! It’s been fun learning with you I really enjoy your videos. I laughed out loud with #5 on this video it got me thinking! 😁
Hello! First off, thank you very much for this - not only is this very great info, but the way you guys presented it in a humorous way really sheds some light on how parenting can be just a little easier on YOU if you just respond calmly and collectively and let everything else flow into place. The only thing thing as a mother right now in this stage of my life I am struggling with is punishment - maybe better put : consistency (following through with my word)?... After applying these tips you guys offered, if they still choose to rebel, what would you suggest is the best way to punish? Learning that yelling just makes things more chaotic, it also makes sense that smacking their tushy or being physical doesn't make the situation easier on anyone. I do recognize these things parenting 3 boys, but sometimes they just get the best of me and in the moment, spankings seem like the only choice. Thank you again for your advice and please let me know if you guys have any quick tips on these kind of issues. Have a great day!
Taryn Michelle Fritz, we are not fans of spanking. Ahead of time, come up with some other options that you can use so in the moment you won't have to do a lot of thinking.
@12:35 This. When my priorities and hers don’t match, & I leave it up to her, it just doesn’t get done. Organization, consistent hygiene, cleaning her room/bathroom…she doesn’t care about these things or the consequences of not doing them, but they have to get done.
Wow! Thank you both for providing this free content. I’m listening to this video for the second time. I’ve discovered that I may be yelling at my child to subconsciously/intentionally trigger his fight or flight mode. I want him to get a little fire under him and stand up for himself and not let life run him over. I’m sure yelling is not the most effective way to improve his self-advocacy skills. Any suggestions for a better approach? Respectfully, s
I just finished watching a video where you talk about family Court. Iowa going through a horrific situation right now I do not have any money for Council or advice whatsoever. I have court on Thursday with my narcissistic EX. I desperately need help and guidance on how to represent myself. I have absolutely nothing to offer but gratitude oh, but I was wondering if I might be able to message you and pick your brain a bit on representing myself on Thursday during virtual custody court. It would mean so much to me be a huge help. Thank you for even considering it if you've read this far. Best wishes, Charlie
Smiling has more power than yelling every choice has a concecuence good or bad, the better your choices the better yr consequence All you have to do is listen and think say this to the child For the parent is to think not fight dont invite them to fight ea yelling at them is inviting them to fight Spend yr time on thinking about consequences
Lacey Voris, hard to say since I have never met you or your kids. Natural consequences are best. It could be no toys until done or missing out on dessert or going to bed early. Just depends.
9:00 that guy needs to sell that locking box to plug in electronic devices! I have been searching online for options like that and I cannot find what I want.
😂🤣🤣🤣😅 i like this tipps. Thank you, Dr. Please let us know if you have seminar online or question & answer session online, live in IG, or zoom meeting. I would like to join. 😍
About letting the kids figure out the consequences, sometimes I feel a but guilty like I'm purposely saying to myself "fine, you can find out the hard way if you won't listen" which feels like I'm intentionally letting him come to harm and it's passive aggressive thinking?? I think it depends on how we are using the knowledge and the situation. Like there are obvious ones where we won't let our kids be exposed to physical dangers etc. Like if a toddler won't listen and wants to try climbing something they shouldn't be climbing, we aren't going to say "fine, find out the hard way when you fall down"...
Would you please talk about crying. What can parents do to help kids with crying? My grand daughter is always crying and she is 3 years old. I want to help her but I don’t know how. Thank you for all your information
I’m thinking of a specific issue- looking after their teeth. They are 7 & 5. I want them to brush, especially before bed. The consequences of not doing so will be pain and decay later, but they don’t understand this now. Their dad’s (co-parent) attitude is to just smile and say “meh, either way’s ok with me”. (He has rotten teeth himself). Please advise.
Since you can't control what someone else does, have them brush when they are with you, set it up as a routine, then take them to the dentist often and have the dentist talk to them about care and have them show pictures of what teeth look like that aren't cared for. Hygienists are great at this.
It is like telling them they are smart and figuring things out, they can see what is happening. The important thing is to stay positive, calm, and smile. Remember when parents are smiling, kids are thinking.
I love you guys.all the way from Kenya. Your topics always on point in my parenting challenges. And I love sharing them to my friends who are parents coz its not easy.Thanks heaps!!
My daughter is five years old and extremely strong willed, nothing works. I’m she doesn’t want to brush her teeth and I don’t like to mention the dentist and scare her. What consequence should I give her 🤷🏻♀️ I will try the smile thing…but I’m kinda already doing that …she kicks and hits us when she’s bored. Is this ADHD?
Hello Dr Paul!!my ten year old has tantrums (exactly like a two year old) when I say no to something she really wants.she screams,yells and cries loudly.I then lose all my parent skills 😔 The only solution I found do far is to tell her that I don't want to act/talk in a way that I don't like so I will leave the room until she can talk nicely with me.I wonder if this is the right thing.She has a lack of communication,she just talks and screams and won't let me say anything at all or explain myself .
Yes, tell her when she can talk to you as you are talking to her, calm voice, calm face, calm body, then you will be ready to listen. Don't engage when she is out of control. It only reinforces the behavior you don't want to see.
I fight way more with my wife then with my kids. I follow these practices with my kids, but I only communicate with my wife through yelling. It often starts when I trying to get her to stop yelling at the kids or making empty statements to the kids. With my wife she has a strong ability to affect my life, but I only have control over the money. It would seem cruel to limit that, but at the same time with have a closet (where my clothes are supposed to be) full of stuff she was supposed to sell on Amazon and Ebay.
I have a daughter out of control just turned 14. Something happened during early 2020. She got in to stilling credit cards,cash,sneaking out ,ordering illegal substance and sneaking out and doing drugs.
And our 14 daughter has been in therapy since 6th grade, trying to connect with her but it seems to not work. She gone as far as attaching me and my wife many times and went to YDC for it. Did no good for her. Was still doing more illegal stuff and as far as stealing my wife car with two friends and they wind up wrecking totalled it. Then went to YDC a second time and was put on probation with ankle monitor still does no good.
Trying to get my four year old (almost five) to think things through. I swear she’s a master at attention seeking. I tell her daily I’m proud and I love her. But she will ask questions she already knows the answer to. It’s odd. And it confuses me. I’ve started to tell her you know that already. It almost becomes routine that she asks the same questions lol.
Hello Mr.and Mrs. Jenkins. Our 7 yr old is extremely good at music but is not interested to improve upon it. We enrolled him for guitar lessons. He is good at it too. But it requires a lot of practice and he absolutely doesnt want to do it. He is whining the entire day for that 1/2 hr of practice. He gets irritated if I give him the TV consequence and screams even more. He takes forever to practice a tiny little bit. I dont understand whether I should just let go or be more patient and make him practice
Sai Sree, this is your decision. You could continue, take a break, or try something else. Have a meeting and discuss the alternatives and see what works for you all.
He's 7, as a mum of 11, id back off for a bit and let him be a kid. The more you try and force the issue, the more frustrated and resentful he will become. Music is pleasureable. But from what youve described, hes not ready emotionally nor is he mature enough. Give it a couple of years and let him know you still want him to learn, but youll give him space for a while. You may find when hes 9, that he will be more ready. Make learning music fun, and not a dreaded chore.
Do to braking 5 probation rules may now go-to foster car and us losing custody of her. Family members tried to help her but all she did was took advantage of them regarding illegal substance purchase and more. Did good for over a week but just stole our card again. Don't want to put her in YDC again can't stop that continued with her behavior, how can we help her?
So, we are supposed to be disingenuous? The not yelling is good advice. But I try hard to be honest. Especially with my kids (teen girls 17, 18). Especially when I expect them to be honest with me. If I am not happy with them, smiling would be fake at best. Help me understand what you mean.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you for explaining. I didn’t mean for my comment to be argumentative-I just really didn’t understand. And yes, my keeping myself under control better is definitely an area where I have much work to do. Thank you both for sharing your wisdom and encouragement on here.
J E, it could be a powerful teacher at this age. They need to do summer school. Think about failing in something later and what the consequences would be.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I think it depends on their age as well? Would it be wise for a primary school student to be allowed to fail all their homework by not doing it? My son is only 3 so I haven't gone through parenting a school aged child yet but I recall my own childhood years and there were limits to what I could do like when I could play or have screen time. It sort of goes back to the fighting situation where you're setting limits and consequences if they don't do their homework bur what if they are absolutely kicking up about not having their screen time etc? We shouldn't give in as it sends the wrong message but we should also have boundaries on acceptable behaviour in the home too. E.g. it wouldn't be OK for the child to act out by breaking things, yelling, cursing etc. When I was growing up, my parents would punish really bad behaviour by spanking etc. I'm against that style of parenting. Even though I was the worst child always causing trouble, I hated the times I copped the belt. I can openly talk about one time I had wasted all of my mother's expensive make-up and perfumes by smearing it all over my younger sister and it got absolutely everywhere! I got locked into the bathtub and hit with the belt until I had no tears left to cry. I went numb from the pain. Mum regrets doing that to this day. I would never inflict that on others and would reach out for help if i had a child who was out of control. In fact, it triggers a strong reaction of sadness in me if I see a parent wanting to hit their young child. Like it's abuse and not effective parenting. Sorry just had to put that out there. For toddler tantrums I know there are a number of good strategies that can be used. E.g. last night I tool the phone away as too much screen time is not ok for him. He went into full meltdown and started to scream. I questioned myself as a parent for letting him behave this way but I also know it's out of my control because toddlers will react this way due to their stage of development. I didn't give in to their tantrum and repeated the message it was bad for his eyes. And if it had continued, I could have used a strategy like time out for a couple of mins in his room. Then we could talk about it. I actually have a good book series called The Feelings Series by Tracey Moroney. I think that could be taken out to discuss feelings. I have a couple of reverse psychology consequences I will use: if you don't pick up your toys, I will put them in the bin (I pretend to if he is being stubborn) or I will say I'm going to eat it when he is refusing to eat his dinner. Maybe that's not right or creating insecurity? But I think it's better than yelling because a child won't cooperate of they're being yelled at.- it goes back to the flight or fight response. I read a lot about how behaviours can reinforce insecurities in children too.
That is difficult to do since our lives are so individualized and we reach people in different parts of the world. Brainstorm with someone you know who knows your child.
Jennifer Ybarra, not sure what I can do in a CZcams Comment, seek help through your doctor and see what other channels might be available to you in your community.
I just did the smiling thing to my nine-year-old when he was tempted to become very angry and he just stopped and said you’re being really weird right now lol
let Him be your friend, thanks for letting me know how it went. Made me smile.
Haha my 8 year old son told me this last night when it was time to go to bed he was giving me a hard time all I said you have no choice but to close your eyes you have school in the morning with a smile on my face 😂 and he said “mom why are you being weird”
😂😂
“Every choice has a consequence. The better the choice, the better the consequence.” THAT should be a print or download 😉 I am going to frame that!
Absolutely! I even love how its so applicable to adults as well.
Well said!
Oh wow! I love that! Me too! Thanks for the idea
I will be suffering my consequence tomorrow morning. Stayed up till midnight watching your videos lol
Kaitlyn Wiggins, haha, they are here 24/7. Get some sleep.
Lol same 😂
I did that smile technique and now my kids think I’m a psycho! 😅 then I go to the bathroom and freaking pull my hair out!!! Parenting is the most important job but it’s hard to know how to raise healthy kids!! Thank you so much for educating us❤
They are thinking and that is what we want. Thank you for sharing your experience and yes, parenting is sooooo important.
I really needed to hear this today.... and I've already watched it 3x. Guilty of yelling and nagging. Mom of a strong-willed 13yr old daughter!
RedVanillaMama, Come back and watch as much as you like, glad you are here.
Smile, focus on enforcing outcomes that I can 100% control, detach myself from the consequences of their choices, but be with them, love them whatsoever.
Love them no matter what and even if...
My 14yr old son was suspended from school. I was called to pick him up. I made the choice to remain calm. He got in the car and all I said was, "put your seatbelt on." Then went back to singing along with radio. I could see him just twitching and fidgeting. Almost home he let out an exasperated breath and half yelled, "would you just yell at me already... Geez!" I calmly asked him why on earth I would need to yell at him. Did he not read the consequences for his actions for the rest of the school year? It was clear on the paper we both had too sign saying we read it. No dances, no pep rallies, nothing with his fellow classmates without supervision, all because he lost his temper and said things he didn't mean to someone he really didn't know. I'm pretty sure once you think on it, you'll understand. Was your choice worth the consequences?
So yes, I will talk to you about it at a later time. Right now I have to go back to my obligations. I said you're a good boy, and you have to think before you say stuff. Think about what you're thinking. Thinking not feeling to guide you. You can't be rational and emotional at the same time. I too am still learning and I love you!
You handled this perfectly! He is really thinking now.
Bravo 👏 👏 👏
This is very helpful! I KNOW #1 (smiling) is effective and I KNOW yelling is a trap too! I sadly knew it before becoming a parent and yet here I am struggling with yelling 🤔 it takes much inner and outer work, practice, acceptance, commitment and lots of grace to get here, still have a lot to get down.
And I had to mention: the consequences bit is so powerful to *teach* your children, especially those who have had executive function deficit. My executive function deficit (ADHD/add) shows up major in a way that I struggle to remember, in the moment, that there are consequences for every choice. So this is so great! And delivered in such a compassionate and patient way. Thank you both!!
Jamie Whetmore, thank you for your kind words, honored to be on your team.
⁸please
I just printed out your pdf on consequences that don't take cooperation. My son will be 10 in a few months. Since the beginning of this pandemic kids haven't really had anything much fun to do. My son also has a really hard time spending every other weekend at his dad's house and adjusting to coming back. I've been overly compensating and trying to make him happy because I've felt so bad for his situation. Well it's now gotten to the point where I have started yelling over the past week. I am not a yeller and that's definitely not who I want to be. I'm so grateful that the Lord brought this video to me through your other video on consequences that don't take cooperation. I took notes and plan on having it on my nightstand. When I feel like yelling I'm going to go lock myself in my bedroom and look it over and take some deep breaths. I'm going to remember that all of these outside things are not my fault but I need to prepare my son to be a responsible young man. Thank you so much for your videos. You're literally saving my family and my sanity. 🙏
CG C, honored to be on your team.
I am a 52 year-old grandma, raising grandchildren ages 5 and 6 (we adopted them), and I find myself doing what my mom did--yelling. This is really great help for us. Thank you so much for this channel!
Thanks for sharing!! You are doing a service to your grandchildren and we are here to support you.
Wow!!! I learn alot from this video
Love the way you show your wife in your video intro,it makes me feel your words can be trusted. You both are doing a great Job. I just recently started watching your videos and I have been blessed and I'm learning so much,just that it's not easy unlearning negative parenting skills but it's possible to unlearn them.
Thank you so much! Welcome to the channel, matanyesu.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Great ideas. I'm going to give it ago
I got this video on time!!!! I was struggling with this and realized I needed knowledge and came to the right place! Thank you. Sharing with my whole family your videos all the time. This is how change the world!!!
Alex Dorohova, honored to be on your team.
Me too🤭
I love you, I stress so much about my kids. This is such a load off, I feel free now. Just have to practice now.
Jody Hopper, glad this arrived on time.
Wow! I didn’t know how much I needed you two and your advice. I had my first child in my 40s. My friends have children that are grown. It’s hard to find advice that I feel comfortable using. Either it’s coming from a different generation, or a completely different parenting style. Since I wasn’t sure I’d be a parent at all, I find everyone in my family spoiling my son. Spoiled rotten didn’t become a saying for no reason. I’m allowing him to become entitled and I want to do better by him. I value these videos and I will share with the parents at my sons elementary school. Everyone needs someone who is knowledgeable and empathetic. I’ve got some excellent new skills to put to use. Thanks so much
That is great, Lisa. It always feels good to add some tools and skills.
I'm with you, I thought it was a age thing also. Parenting a 6yo boy at 44 is 🤪 thank you for the relatable information. We got this 🥰💯
Greetings from Poland!👋 Thank You so much for your work!!!
Mommy of 2 boys 🙂
(now I must translate your film to my husband, because he wants to know, why I'm watching it and smiling. It's so worth-watching and You're very nice to look at😉)
Glad you are able to watch with your husband. I am sure you will have some good conversations.
Thanks for this...learning a lot as a parent of an 8 year old child. God bless your family. Kudos...
You are welcome, erwin ulanday.
Im smiling for a long while 😊now and I hope will be when someone comes .. Parenting is a lesson ❤
Yes, it is. It is the best personal development program I know of.
The better the choice, the better the consequence is great! And something we can set our kids up with as they go into their teen years. And for me! Thank you.
Honored to be on your team.
It's easy to hear but difficult to put into practice. Lord knows giving up isn't choice! 😏 I really enjoy these little pieces of logic. 🥰
Naomi Reaves, thank you. Simple is not easy. We can do hard things.
Specially beautiful
Thank you so much
Definitely following up all your Teachings updates Blessings !!!
You are so welcome, Carmen.
Agree with you.as for the schoolwork,I always get pissed off by reminding my son to get down ro work.I should detach myself from the responsibility for the outcomes.
Yes, that is the first step. Good luck.
I love this! Dr.Paul you & Vicki have amazing coaching/teaching skills! Thank you both so much for sharing. Consequences, every choice has consequences, the better the choice, the better the consequences! I LOVE IT! another amazing illumination for me, Just wow!
Our pleasure!
Love u Doctors 🧘🏽♀️🧘🏽♀️🙏🏽🙏🏽🌹🌹💞💞💞🤗 Thank you for this free wisdom we all need as parents! Especially the responsibility we feel and take😫
Honored to be on your team. Glad we are in this together.
Great work !
Thank you for teaching us how to be a better parents
Our pleasure!
❤❤❤God led me here 😊2024 Thank you
Glad you are in our positive minded community.
Please do more videos on consequences. This is a HUGE lack in the area of parenting for so many. Glad you touched on how to practice saying no. Coming up with the right consequences that are fitting is not natural of you struggle with the balance of what, how long, etc. Thanks for the examples yet there are so many situations that many are at a loss of what to do or being creative enough in their applying of these strategies.
Issie Jane, this is where I get the most requests and find it difficult to speak to all the different situations out there. Brainstorm with others who know your child. Ask other parents what they do. Through community we can help one another.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV trust me I've done this. For in the multitude of counselors there's safety. I'm trying to learn as much as I can. I also want to learn the life coach stuff but I want to do it mainly for self improvement and for my children. What do you think?
Wonderful couple!. Thank you for your mission in assisting parents in these crazy times where video games and reality personalities are admired, not parents. Parents should be children's role model and we should lead like champs. Thanks for trying to keep parents as great leaders to their children. Blessings 👍😊
Our pleasure!
The smile partakes me think that my son would think that o was being a jerk or to make him more mad. I know if my parents smiled at me would think the same lol. However I'm doing what I can to help my son with his anger. I'm on the road alot, I only get to see him during the summer. These techniques work when he's with me but when he's back home it's like I didn't even try
Know your audience. Do what works for your son.
Thanks to both of you! What you shared is very helpful for me as a parent to help my kids learn, grow and live in a very happy family atmosphere. After each argument/fight, I feel very bad that why I behaved so rude and failed to be a good Dad. Your methods are so simple yet very profound to use and understand. Every time I see your video, it brings me back to the right track of parenting. Thanks again!
shailesh chauhan, honored to be on your team.
I love how elaborately and smilingly you explained it all. Great job!
Thanks so much!
I stumbled into your teachings. My son used to be brilliant and smart in his studies, but recently he doesn't remember things again concerning his books and prefers you scold him than doing his homework. am sorry I did allow his behaviors to affect me. help me, he is just 5
5? I wonder how much you are expecting out of him. Homework? 5 year olds don't need homework. Sounds like too much pressure.
Great concepts! In future videos could you please provide more real-life scenarios that parents can relate to and implement these strategies? Thanks!
Hard to do with a worldwide audience, but will consider.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I’ve lived in 7 different countries over the past 14 years, and I hear you; but for younger kids, I think offering basic choices are pretty universal.
Example: this food or that food, this outfit or that one. I just struggle with the “You can hire someone to clean your room” example. Kinda confusing.
I’d personally think: Wait, what? I can opt to *hire* someone to do this unpleasant chore?!
Um, yes please! And what kid has $200 to spend?! And where are they getting it from? Obviously from you?
I’m not sure young kids can even conceptualize this sum of money. But even as an adult, hell yes, I’d pay someone to clean my room if they offered! 😂
Yeah I am so grateful I am for the advice , but while watching I am trying to think of how that sounds or what choices to give them for the being ok either way, what is a consequences are positive and not a threat or punishment
Enjoyed every minute. Thank you so much
You are welcome.
I’m a brazilian father that loves my daughters, so we speak portuguese but I using a lot this words: choose your destiny!!!(with announcing voice)
Love it!
Como se diz em portugués??? Poderia me explicar ?? Quero utilizar com a minha filha!!
love this ! very helpful!
i am always try to 'teach' myself better methods of parenting and advocating it at the same time
NadiahMay, love the positivity in this statement.
Thanks Paul and Vikki. Powerful video. Every choice has a consequence..... I like that even Allah mentioned in Quran So whosoever does good equal to the weight of a speck of dust shall see it.
And whosoever does evil equal to the weight of speck of dust shall see it.
Thanks 😊
Daria Mustafa, you are welcome, thanks for watching.
Thank you very much
I took a lot of notes
I will share with my daughter
I worry so much for my grandchildren a 6 years old and 9 years old boys both with attention deficit disorder and the medication are not working
Today my daughter had a meeting with the boy scouts and she was doing the presentation and our 9 years old took over the meeting he had listen to all her phone calls with the other members and he remember everything they talk about it and he was thinking he was helping his mother
she was so embarrassed not able to control him!
She is devastated!
I’m grandma trying to help….
😭
Maybe have somewhere for the child to go during a presentation or someone there to take him out if he acts up. She needs to make it clear to him that he is not helping and when she needs help, she will ask for it.
I just recently found your channel and what a blessing! It’s been fun learning with you I really enjoy your videos. I laughed out loud with #5 on this video it got me thinking! 😁
Fay, so glad you found us. We are honored to be on your team. Glad you are thinking.
" Listen and think"
Everyone needs to hear that lil phrase rite there.
Share away.
You guys do amazing work.
Thank you so much 😀
T
Thank you so much for these valuable videos ☺️
Nirma, you got it.
Sooooo good! Thank you guys! 💕
Honored to be on your team.
Hello! First off, thank you very much for this - not only is this very great info, but the way you guys presented it in a humorous way really sheds some light on how parenting can be just a little easier on YOU if you just respond calmly and collectively and let everything else flow into place. The only thing thing as a mother right now in this stage of my life I am struggling with is punishment - maybe better put : consistency (following through with my word)?... After applying these tips you guys offered, if they still choose to rebel, what would you suggest is the best way to punish? Learning that yelling just makes things more chaotic, it also makes sense that smacking their tushy or being physical doesn't make the situation easier on anyone. I do recognize these things parenting 3 boys, but sometimes they just get the best of me and in the moment, spankings seem like the only choice. Thank you again for your advice and please let me know if you guys have any quick tips on these kind of issues. Have a great day!
Taryn Michelle Fritz, we are not fans of spanking. Ahead of time, come up with some other options that you can use so in the moment you won't have to do a lot of thinking.
Thank you for this channel. I just found it tonight. Very helpful. YHWH bless you.
Appreciate that. Glad we can connect.
@12:35 This. When my priorities and hers don’t match, & I leave it up to her, it just doesn’t get done. Organization, consistent hygiene, cleaning her room/bathroom…she doesn’t care about these things or the consequences of not doing them, but they have to get done.
PeppersGhost, give her a reason to, consequences. She doesn't get wifi without cleaning her room.
You have a great smile Dr. Paul
Thank you.
Wow! Thank you both for providing this free content. I’m listening to this video for the second time. I’ve discovered that I may be yelling at my child to subconsciously/intentionally trigger his fight or flight mode. I want him to get a little fire under him and stand up for himself and not let life run him over. I’m sure yelling is not the most effective way to improve his self-advocacy skills. Any suggestions for a better approach? Respectfully, s
Sara Daniels, we have lots of ideas on the channel and you might consider a membership to go.liveonpurposetv.com.
I just finished watching a video where you talk about family Court. Iowa going through a horrific situation right now I do not have any money for Council or advice whatsoever. I have court on Thursday with my narcissistic EX. I desperately need help and guidance on how to represent myself. I have absolutely nothing to offer but gratitude oh, but I was wondering if I might be able to message you and pick your brain a bit on representing myself on Thursday during virtual custody court. It would mean so much to me be a huge help. Thank you for even considering it if you've read this far. Best wishes, Charlie
I hope things went well, I missed some messages and not sure how that happened.
thank you so much! these are such helpful pointers. You guys are awesome.
Honored to be on your team.
Great advice. I'll have to try these
Wonderful! Thanks.
Smiling has more power than yelling every choice has a concecuence
good or bad, the better your choices the better yr consequence
All you have to do is listen and think say this to the child
For the parent is to think not fight dont invite them to fight ea yelling at them is inviting them to fight
Spend yr time on thinking about consequences
Wendy Greyling, great recap.
I love your videos, thank you much. I pray that God answers your prayers.
Thank you, Adda, we are honored to be on your team.
Great suggestions, thank you!
Maria Padula, my pleasure.
do you have any suggestions for consequences for when they do not do their chores? I struggle finding something that would be fitting
Lacey Voris, hard to say since I have never met you or your kids. Natural consequences are best. It could be no toys until done or missing out on dessert or going to bed early. Just depends.
Excellent ❤️
Thanks 😊
9:00 that guy needs to sell that locking box to plug in electronic devices! I have been searching online for options like that and I cannot find what I want.
I should!
Very nice advice
Many many thanks, Germaine.
Thank you Thank you Thank you 👏👏👏
You are so welcome, Susan.
BRILLIANT!!!!!😍😍😍
Thanks, Libby Life.
😂🤣🤣🤣😅 i like this tipps. Thank you, Dr. Please let us know if you have seminar online or question & answer session online, live in IG, or zoom meeting. I would like to join. 😍
That happens at my membership site go.liveonpurposecentral.com. In addition to discussion groups, there are two Ask Dr. Paul sessions.
So so good. Love you guys
Thanks, we are honored to be on your team.
About letting the kids figure out the consequences, sometimes I feel a but guilty like I'm purposely saying to myself "fine, you can find out the hard way if you won't listen" which feels like I'm intentionally letting him come to harm and it's passive aggressive thinking?? I think it depends on how we are using the knowledge and the situation. Like there are obvious ones where we won't let our kids be exposed to physical dangers etc. Like if a toddler won't listen and wants to try climbing something they shouldn't be climbing, we aren't going to say "fine, find out the hard way when you fall down"...
Matt NA, children seem to learn the most when natural consequences follow. They can be great learning experiences. Thank you for watching.
Great...Thanks for sharing
Welcome 😊
Thank you for these videos
Dom J, you are very welcome.
Love this video!!!
LuC1800, thanks!
Would you please talk about crying. What can parents do to help kids with crying? My grand daughter is always crying and she is 3 years old. I want to help her but I don’t know how. Thank you for all your information
I will consider a video on that, thanks.
Very helpful, thanks!
Glad it was helpful!
I’m thinking of a specific issue- looking after their teeth. They are 7 & 5.
I want them to brush, especially before bed. The consequences of not doing so will be pain and decay later, but they don’t understand this now.
Their dad’s (co-parent) attitude is to just smile and say “meh, either way’s ok with me”.
(He has rotten teeth himself).
Please advise.
Since you can't control what someone else does, have them brush when they are with you, set it up as a routine, then take them to the dentist often and have the dentist talk to them about care and have them show pictures of what teeth look like that aren't cared for. Hygienists are great at this.
Can you explain what "you're on to me" (4:45), i'm not a native english speaker. Thx
It is like telling them they are smart and figuring things out, they can see what is happening. The important thing is to stay positive, calm, and smile. Remember when parents are smiling, kids are thinking.
I love you guys.all the way from Kenya. Your topics always on point in my parenting challenges. And I love sharing them to my friends who are parents coz its not easy.Thanks heaps!!
Thanks for sharing!! I really appreciate that.
You are awesome guys
Thank you, honored to be on your team.
I like your videos. Would you include some real life examples to understand the concepts better. Thank you 🙏
Katy Smith, I will try to do this in the future.
My daughter is five years old and extremely strong willed, nothing works. I’m she doesn’t want to brush her teeth and I don’t like to mention the dentist and scare her. What consequence should I give her 🤷🏻♀️ I will try the smile thing…but I’m kinda already doing that …she kicks and hits us when she’s bored. Is this ADHD?
Hello Dr Paul!!my ten year old has tantrums (exactly like a two year old) when I say no to something she really wants.she screams,yells and cries loudly.I then lose all my parent skills 😔 The only solution I found do far is to tell her that I don't want to act/talk in a way that I don't like so I will leave the room until she can talk nicely with me.I wonder if this is the right thing.She has a lack of communication,she just talks and screams and won't let me say anything at all or explain myself .
Yes, tell her when she can talk to you as you are talking to her, calm voice, calm face, calm body, then you will be ready to listen. Don't engage when she is out of control. It only reinforces the behavior you don't want to see.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV oh thank you so much for the answer ,it means the world to me !🙏
Please keep us updated on how it’s going with her.❤️
I fight way more with my wife then with my kids. I follow these practices with my kids, but I only communicate with my wife through yelling. It often starts when I trying to get her to stop yelling at the kids or making empty statements to the kids.
With my wife she has a strong ability to affect my life, but I only have control over the money. It would seem cruel to limit that, but at the same time with have a closet (where my clothes are supposed to be) full of stuff she was supposed to sell on Amazon and Ebay.
Edward Mitchell, perhaps some counseling might help you two learn to interact and communicate better.
I have a daughter out of control just turned 14. Something happened during early 2020. She got in to stilling credit cards,cash,sneaking out ,ordering illegal substance and sneaking out and doing drugs.
Gregory, the drugs at such a young age will affect her cognitive abilities. Seek professional help for her substance abuse.
1.5 speed ! Awesome
LuC1800, that works!
The dog has gum in it’s fur and I can’t get it out. I’m smiling and the kids are laughing. Should I smile bigger?
You could, I would probably just cut the gum out or use peanut butter.
And our 14 daughter has been in therapy since 6th grade, trying to connect with her but it seems to not work. She gone as far as attaching me and my wife many times and went to YDC for it. Did no good for her. Was still doing more illegal stuff and as far as stealing my wife car with two friends and they wind up wrecking totalled it. Then went to YDC a second time and was put on probation with ankle monitor still does no good.
Gregory, she seems like a tough kid who you are going to have to "keep loving no matter what and even if" for a while.
Trying to get my four year old (almost five) to think things through. I swear she’s a master at attention seeking. I tell her daily I’m proud and I love her. But she will ask questions she already knows the answer to. It’s odd. And it confuses me. I’ve started to tell her you know that already. It almost becomes routine that she asks the same questions lol.
DhCreates, I would tell her that I have already answered that and she can ask a new question anytime.
What about when you are really struggling to “give” consequences that don’t come naturally?
Tina Lasala, brainstorm with someone who knows the child about what would mean the most to the child. Get creative.
Hello Mr.and Mrs. Jenkins. Our 7 yr old is extremely good at music but is not interested to improve upon it.
We enrolled him for guitar lessons. He is good at it too. But it requires a lot of practice and he absolutely doesnt want to do it.
He is whining the entire day for that 1/2 hr of practice. He gets irritated if I give him the TV consequence and screams even more. He takes forever to practice a tiny little bit.
I dont understand whether I should just let go or be more patient and make him practice
Sai Sree, this is your decision. You could continue, take a break, or try something else. Have a meeting and discuss the alternatives and see what works for you all.
He's 7, as a mum of 11, id back off for a bit and let him be a kid. The more you try and force the issue, the more frustrated and resentful he will become. Music is pleasureable. But from what youve described, hes not ready emotionally nor is he mature enough. Give it a couple of years and let him know you still want him to learn, but youll give him space for a while.
You may find when hes 9, that he will be more ready. Make learning music fun, and not a dreaded chore.
@@Mmolesy thankyou
l don't understand why parenting classes are not mandantory for parents. After all families are the fabric and foundation of every society.
There should definitely be more help and support for people.
Do to braking 5 probation rules may now go-to foster car and us losing custody of her. Family members tried to help her but all she did was took advantage of them regarding illegal substance purchase and more. Did good for over a week but just stole our card again. Don't want to put her in YDC again can't stop that continued with her behavior, how can we help her?
Gregory, there might not be anything more you can do. Sometimes we have to let kids take the consequences.
Do these methods work previously for molested/abused children/teens!?????????!!!!🙏🙏
I can't make a blanket statement. I would get the child or teen in therapy.
Thank you she is in therapy but she is getting worst😭😭🙏🙏she’s my daughter and is 15.
❤️
Thank you for watching.
So, we are supposed to be disingenuous? The not yelling is good advice. But I try hard to be honest. Especially with my kids (teen girls 17, 18). Especially when I expect them to be honest with me. If I am not happy with them, smiling would be fake at best. Help me understand what you mean.
1Melody1963, that is just to get their attention. It is more important to have a calm face, calm body, calm voice.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you for explaining. I didn’t mean for my comment to be argumentative-I just really didn’t understand. And yes, my keeping myself under control better is definitely an area where I have much work to do. Thank you both for sharing your wisdom and encouragement on here.
Y
Can I use these on my 27 yo boyfriend? Because I'm pretty sure he's at stage 1
Berfin, yes, pull out the principle and apply it to fit the circmstance
So what if they aren’t doing their homework and failing classes? We as parents just let them fail in school?
J E, it could be a powerful teacher at this age. They need to do summer school. Think about failing in something later and what the consequences would be.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I think it depends on their age as well? Would it be wise for a primary school student to be allowed to fail all their homework by not doing it?
My son is only 3 so I haven't gone through parenting a school aged child yet but I recall my own childhood years and there were limits to what I could do like when I could play or have screen time. It sort of goes back to the fighting situation where you're setting limits and consequences if they don't do their homework bur what if they are absolutely kicking up about not having their screen time etc? We shouldn't give in as it sends the wrong message but we should also have boundaries on acceptable behaviour in the home too. E.g. it wouldn't be OK for the child to act out by breaking things, yelling, cursing etc.
When I was growing up, my parents would punish really bad behaviour by spanking etc. I'm against that style of parenting. Even though I was the worst child always causing trouble, I hated the times I copped the belt. I can openly talk about one time I had wasted all of my mother's expensive make-up and perfumes by smearing it all over my younger sister and it got absolutely everywhere! I got locked into the bathtub and hit with the belt until I had no tears left to cry. I went numb from the pain. Mum regrets doing that to this day. I would never inflict that on others and would reach out for help if i had a child who was out of control. In fact, it triggers a strong reaction of sadness in me if I see a parent wanting to hit their young child. Like it's abuse and not effective parenting.
Sorry just had to put that out there. For toddler tantrums I know there are a number of good strategies that can be used. E.g. last night I tool the phone away as too much screen time is not ok for him. He went into full meltdown and started to scream. I questioned myself as a parent for letting him behave this way but I also know it's out of my control because toddlers will react this way due to their stage of development. I didn't give in to their tantrum and repeated the message it was bad for his eyes. And if it had continued, I could have used a strategy like time out for a couple of mins in his room. Then we could talk about it. I actually have a good book series called The Feelings Series by Tracey Moroney. I think that could be taken out to discuss feelings.
I have a couple of reverse psychology consequences I will use: if you don't pick up your toys, I will put them in the bin (I pretend to if he is being stubborn) or I will say I'm going to eat it when he is refusing to eat his dinner. Maybe that's not right or creating insecurity? But I think it's better than yelling because a child won't cooperate of they're being yelled at.- it goes back to the flight or fight response. I read a lot about how behaviours can reinforce insecurities in children too.
So now smiling isn't about happiness but a warning of potential trouble?
Go123, nope, it is happiness that you are in control and know what to do.
❤️😁
Thank you.
I love how you assume I have friends 😂
Real life/situational examples of these things would be way more helpful.
That is difficult to do since our lives are so individualized and we reach people in different parts of the world. Brainstorm with someone you know who knows your child.
Hit that subscribe button or theirs gonna be Consequences
Haha, love it.
I need help with my 20yr old who's addicted to Aderall
.please help.
Jennifer Ybarra, not sure what I can do in a CZcams Comment, seek help through your doctor and see what other channels might be available to you in your community.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV live in a town of 3000. He was valedictorian and very known. This town is out and Im losing time.
How to deal a kid who eats slow sometimes i get annyoyed he’s 6
Shhh Xaxa, know that it won't last. This is a stage.
My son is 7 years old and he's in a very bad situation with his studies,could you please give me any contact number to contact you
Thank you
Yousef, you would have to contact our office to get an application to work with me. Email info@drpauljenkins.com