How to Stop Back Talk and Get Kids to Listen
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- čas přidán 7. 05. 2014
- cooperativekids.com
In this video clip, parenting expert and show host, Bill Corbett, explains the number one reason why kids don't cooperate, listen better and talk back. He offers parents and teachers an easy-to-implement technique for improving children's behavior.
Creating Cooperative Kids is a one-hour public access television show that provide education and guidance to caregivers of children from 18 months to 18 years of age. Each episode features parenting experts and step-by-step instructions for parents on raising high self-esteem and cooperative kids. See the entire episode at www.TheParentingShow.tv.
The show's host, Bill Corbett, is the author of the award-winning parenting book series, LOVE, LIMITS, & LESSONS: A PARENT'S GUIDE TO RAISING COOPERATIVE KIDS (in English and in Spanish). He sits on the board of the Network Against Domestic Abuse, the Resource Advisory Committee for Attachment Parenting International, and the management team of the Springfield Parent Academy. Bill's practical experience comes as a father of three grown children, a grandfather of two, and a stepdad to three. He resides with his wife Elizabeth and teenage step daughter Olivia. You can get FREE parenting advice from him at www.CooperativeKids.com. - Jak na to + styl
Kid:Defends themself in an argument.
Parents: *iS ThIS dISrEspEct*
You're absolutely right. If we want our kids to know it's right to defend them self when the parents aren't around, they have to let them do it when they are. Kids sound off with an argument because they feel they aren't being heard. Thanks for chiming in.
it's a parents greatest and fun task teaching the offspring how to defend themselves from bullshitters freaks and weirdos
I can vouch as a single father that ny 5 and 7 year old both have changed their behaviours *together" by me simply letting go of my problems and listening to theirs and SHOWING by ACTIONS that i have heard and have began to make adjustments. Telling them i love them SHOWING them that i appreciate the initiative they take without my direction. Lots of high fives and hugs.. i have seen a MAJOR MAJOR ADJUSTMENT in 1 WEEK!
That's incredible testimony Dennis! Thank you so much for sharing and good for you for being the father you are! Good luck to you and keep up the good work.
I'm a parent of a 5 year old in a 50/50 split living arrangement with my wife whom I'm living separately from. It seemed at the beginning of each of my weeks I was having trouble with my daughter - she seemed down, was yelling back and very emotional. I wasn't adapting properly...focusing on getting dinner ready, cleaning the kitchen, getting her a bath, and just doing the mechanical routine without really giving her appropriate attention. When I flipped that around and focused more on really connecting with her there was a real 180. She turned happy and loving and goofy again. I felt like a real dumb-ass...it was so obvious. Really appreciate seeing this video today, giving me a professional and thorough explanation of what I experienced. Thank you for your video - I'll be looking out for more from you for sure!
Hi Michael, I'm sorry that I missed this comment from you. Just want to say FANTASTIC! It's now a year later and I hope you're keeping it up. Listen to my podcast at bit.ly/cckpodcast
That sounds just fantastic. Could you elaborate more?
way better than watching Jerry springer. why couldnt we have shows like this on tv? thanks for this.
Thank you for your kind words!
When a hardheaded child talks back give them a backhand across the face
@@user-cs6qm8zi6t That doesn't seem like the best thing that I can do to my child when they are being hardheaded. Do you have any better ideas ?
I've noticed a lot adults stop being nice and complimenting their kids once they pass the early ages like from 0-8 years old. Why is that?
Khent Tan because they dont want to put up with there crap ive unfortuanetly noticed that when i was 6
pepper _ same here. It’s more like most of them are narcs who thought sustaining them financially was enough and become abusive once they realize the child is developing a mind of their own because they can’t control
them anymore. You want to dress up your way? You’ll be criticized. You wanted to grow your hair? Too bad, I’m going to have you cut it against your will and make you look like a fool.
I knew of a powerful his name is Dr Paul man that can help you in anyway in that you have problem contact him
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Yeah, this messed me up.
I think these are good ideas to let children know you care and love to them and therefore less tension in the house. All the tension won't be gone, naturally, but less.
The tyrannical meaning of “backtalk” is expressing speech that parents or other authority figures don’t agree with, even if the social inferiors are telling the truth. That would imply that authority figures are always right. The word referring to this practice is indoctrination.
Consistency is key
You bet! Thanks for your comment.
Wow this is quite a revelation. It’s scary that I’m treating my kids the same way my dad treated us. We didn’t really connect when I was younger because he was too busy with work and my two Older brothers.
You're amazing Ben! I too discovered early on that I was repeating the cycle, treating my kids the way my father did. Which is what led me to becoming a parent educator and getting my degree in clinical psychology, specializing in youth behavior. I quickly knew that I had to become the father I had never seen. Thanks for watching and let me know how I can help you grow as a Dad.
Thank you, this was a helpful video. I make an effort to connect with my kids each day, but not in the morning. We used to have a problem where the kids would wake up at 5:30am and immediately come into our room to wake us up to talk to us. And we spent months yelling at them to go back to bed. But thinking back, you're right. They just wanted to connect with us first thing in the morning. I just wasn't ready or willing to connect so early.
Thank you so much @NerdSTuff4Kids! It's often times easier to know something, then it is to implement it. I appreciate your comment.
The plugging back in the morning sounds great. I think it is one of the best ideas i have ever heard about creation of bonding between a child and its primary caregiver. Thanks for this.
Thank you Uncle Bob for watching and for leaving a comment!!! I'm delighted that you found it useful!
When a parent is like a friend with there child it makes the child comfortable. Like my mom is just like my friend so I can tell her everything and I won’t regret it. There are a few moments where u need to be a strict typical mother but u should know when to be a friend and when to me a mother.
I'm a single mum and was really proud of myself as a sensitive caring parent, it came naturally and I had a very happy child. At least until she was 15 and turned in to some kind of TeenZilla. I felt lost and its really the worst feeling to believe that I was failing as a mother. But I realized that a teenager needs different parenting, Setting rules and staying strict is new for me but they really need it. I'm still working on it, every single day. Never give up on them, love and care, stay reasonable and don't ever lose your connection with them.
Sounds like you've done an excellent job Franky, especially knowing that you've had to change in your parenting style once your little girl enter adolescence. I commend you for noticing your need to adapt and keeping her safe. We can't be our child or teen's friend, we have to be a parent. The hardest thing to endure is when we lose our baby and find a teenager in his or her place. You'll get your rewards though, once she enters young adulthood. She will come to you one day and give you the most wonderful gift.... she'll say something like, "How did you put up with me over the past few years. I'm so sorry I was so bad to you." That gift will come your way and she'll hug you once again as an adult child. Hang on!
Thank you for your reply, I really started crying when I read it. I hope you are right an that this is just a phase. Thank you for your video's
You're so welcome Franky. All the best to you.
Totally agree! Yes yes yes connection !! My strong willed son is much much more cooperative when we are connected emotionally such as we play together.
Thank you @babybaby, children crave to be noticed by their primary caregiver(s) and crave the connection. The more connected the child is to the caregiving adult, the more likely they are to cooperate and trust them. Thank you for watching and for commenting! Check out my books at BillCorbettsBooks.com
Wow! These informations are very helpful and I'm going to apply these in my life...thank you for sharing.
This is such great advice! It makes ALLLLLLLLLL the sense. Thank you!!!!
Thank you for this!
This isa very important discussion.
"Just shut up and do what I say because I said so" is pretty much the worst way to solicit cooperation at any age.
Thank you, we agree!
Bill Corbett. I'm 11 I don't talk back but I'm getting prepared for when my sisters become teens or pre-teens
Thank you Hazee gamer, glad you're getting prepared.
socksumi perhaps the delivery is a little too raw, but telling the child to just listen because you, the parent, "said so" is essential for an established sense of authority, as well as preparing them for a society that will not constantly give them answers to every question they ask regarding rules and regulations. Even newer child psychology websites and books are saying that when a child is below the age of 10, you should not placate their desire to know specific reasons as to why you want them to do certain things, because they're too young to understand and it just results in the constantly asking that question. It should begin with, because I said so, for the first 10 years and then when they're old enough to actually understand an explanation, should be when a child could be given more of an explanation if the parent is feeling inclined to do so
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This is amazing , I never thought of it this way
Thank you for watching Jena.
Thank you for sharing this. It makes sense.
You are so welcome
Very helpful. I just finished a year of hell homeschooling my rising middle schooler. She really wants to go back to public school, I'm kind of relieved. Adolescence is really exhausting but this video was very helpful♡
Thanks for watching the video Crystal, I'm glad you found it helpful. Enjoy the break from the homeschooling.
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Absolutely phenomenal. I will do it
@Exhale, thank you for watching the video and for taking the time to leave a comment!
Well i watch the video some of it was pretty good. Kids do need attention, Thats one thing i did give my kids was plenty of attention. They love it. Most parents buys the kids toys or Dogs or cats to take the place of the attention that mom and Dad should be giving them. When my daughter was in elementary school the kids when coming to lunch they would always notice how i treated my daughter when i went there to sit with her while she eat. Before some of the other kids would go back to class they would come hug me with a big smile and id always treat them like i did my daughter they loved it. Some of the older kids that wasnt doing so good in school that didnt have but a few friends because the way they acted I took time for them give them hugs and always telling them have a good day or saying something to encourage them. They to would see me other times at school and here they came to talk to me and get a hug. They would listen to me more then they would anyone at school. Today they see me out and them 17 and 18 years old they come give me hugs and tell me they love me. I mean i could tell them kids dont do this or that and they would respect me. Because I give them attention just like i did with my daughter that went to school with them. My sisters kids show me just as much respect and some times more then they do their parents. Why? because i always encouraged them i always made time for them when they wanted it. And i make them obey me when they where around me. Didnt matter if it was my kids around me they where going to be treated right and they were going to treat me right. . But one thing they knew when i spoke to them they knew i meant what i said didnt matter if they like it they always respected me. If i heard one of my sisters kids talking back to their mom id tell them dont you ever raise your voice to your mom like that again. Boy they got quiet and started showing some respect. Why? Because they knew i meant business. I never ever told my kids something and then not do it. I didnt have to speak 2 or 3 times to get them to obey me. I always taught them to love the unlovable and love those who done them wrong. Thats why people was amazed when i took my kids anywhere with me or any kids with me how they respected me and others who were around us. When someone would give them something to drink or eat or a toy they always said thank you and hug the people who gave it to them. Why? Because i taught them to be that way. I did it my self so they seen Daddy saying thank you and they do it. Let them know you are the Parent not them. Let your words be good. Dont say one thing and do another. I can take a mean kid and get that kid away from their parents that cant do anything with them and if i spent time with them they will listen to me and they dont have a problem doing what i ask them to do. If i were to tell them go clean the paper out of the yard or just anything that needs to be done that they can do they dont have a problem with it. Now im talking about little kids and older ones. But i spend time with them and when they do something for me i hug them and tell them what a good Job thank you very much. A big smile would come on their face and boy they would hang right to me. But soon as they go back with their parents they went right back to the way they where. How many moms and dads take time with their kids and brag on them when they do something nice. . How many Parents play just like the kids do to let them know you are there for to help them have fun and you are enjoying it your self. . I found it easy to raise kids. No one has ever told me that one of my kids has ever mistreated them. I would not have ever allow one of my kids to mistreat another Kid. They all have been well spoken of from a lot of Kids and Parents and teachers. The best thing i can say to parents let the kids know you are the parent. Stand on your word dont say one thing and do another. Or you lost them. Dont feel sorry for them when you are correcting them thats a big mistake. Because they can put on a big act. Im not trying to put down what Bill is saying about being quiet for ten mins. That just wouldnt work for me. When i told them dont act up around the dinner table trust me they sit there and eat until they were thru then got up to go play. I taught the kids to swim, Ride bicycles, batter power trucks and motorcycles when they where small and as they got older around 12 or 13 i taught them how to drive a van. Today they can drive as good as i can. Attention, like Bill said. It does wonders. Kids have to know you love them and that they matter. And they do matter.
Thank you for this
@EdumarkConsult, thank you for watching the video and for leaving your comment.
Our children need us to “pay attention” and “listen” = Connecting. Try just sitting with kids for 10 minutes, don’t talk, just listen, node, express emotion, express , sit at breakfast. Listen, after school...you don’t talk, just be there, listen.
Excellent advice @DinaEddy!!! Thank you for your comment!
My husband is VERY good with connecting with our son! He is always encouraging and playing and talking to our son. He is much better than I am. **WE ARE BOTH EXTREMELY ENCOURAGING AS HE IS OUR 1&ONLY CHILD// AND THAT IS OUR PERSONALITIES** I do great with my son, but my husband deserves a "DAD" award for connecting. Unfortunately, he has been very lenient in his parenting and what he put up with when our son was younger, that now when at age 9, my son does these things i.e. speaking out, speaking rude, disrespectful to my husband because he got away with it when he was younger. *He doesn't get away with it from me. At nine I will still give him a time out and demand respect and no rude foul talk. MY husband is better at connecting and has a great relationship and friendship with our son. But he never was a "parent" So together we balance each other out.
PEACE
You made my day no name! We need to champion more awesome dads! Thank you for your comment and sounds like you got a good one! Give him some encouragement from me.
My hubby is the best dad too. And i love him for that even more. I grew up without a dad, and very volatile mom. (The ever changing men in my moms life dont count) So i am glad that my daughter has someone stable (in every possible way) in her life.
Sounds like you're blessed @GuntaF!
Punishing someone for speaking out about things like religion or politics is indoctrination or thought-policing.
@@BillCorbett Thank you for your comment from so long ago. 😀 I had never seen it before. **Strange that I am just now being notified of your comment.** It just came into my notice file for me to click on this morning after so many years. I wonder what that's about?
Thanks for this. ..
You're welcome EbonyLove Anderson
I think I am a pretty good parent, if Im being honest, but I have hit a patch where my 3 year old has turned defiant, argumentative and I was feeling a disconnect and wondering why he was becoming very angry towards his one year old brother. This video will change the course, THANK YOU!!!!!
Thank you for watching the video and for taking the time to comment. Please call on me if I can help you further. You will find my books and other resources for further help at billcorbettsbooks.com.
That was great. Why there is no more videos recently?
Hi G A, thanks for watching and thanks for asking why there are no recent videos. I hope to be back in the studio someday soon. In the mean time, please see my books available at BillCorbettsBooks.com.
I really appreciate your content. I've been having quite a bit of trouble with our 5 year old nephew bullying(you might say) our 20 month old girl. He's shown allot of agression towards her both through words and even physically. We love him but He's a tough, strong boy who has a bunch of energy and we are worried about the effects he can have on our toddlers self of steam and identity. We believe he's jealous since he's not the solo youngster in our group. He doesn't seem to respect his mom all that much (which we have confronted about the issue). Any tips on how to deal with this situation?? It's always hard when family's involved.
Phenomenal.
Thank you
Thank you so much
Thank you for watching Rema. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.
There’s fine line between being bratty, disrespectful, and argumentative and being inquisitive and asserting oneself and whistleblowing.
Thanks for taking the time to comment David.
EXCELLENT!!!
Thank you for watching no name. See my other resources if you need more help at BillCorbettsBooks.com.
I'm currently in a bad place as my kids don't listen to me. Tantrums on everything and my husband thinks I nag. Ok I hav e to ask them a hundred times to do homework or eat. I'm just having a melt down
SlimExpectations Z Have you heard of the show Supernanny? It has great tips on problems you may have. I watch it all of the time, and it works wonders!
SlimExpectations Z. I'm 11 I don't talk back to my parents but just so you know logic doesn't work with 2-6 year Olds you have to think about their feelings. well if you have kids that age though
SlimExpectations Z i have a 10yr old son and same situation as u until i start to realize that this got to change. Instead of being a boss telling him to do this do that, i ask him once if he doesnt respond at once i then ask him " i ask u something and it seems that ur ignoring me" then i have his attention he then starts to explain and i also got to explain why its necessary to do their responsibilities. The secret that i've found out is not to continuesly tell them what to do unaware, what i mean we have to observe their responds and deal with it in a conversation right away. And believe me it works for me doesnt mean it will work for everybody, i don't even have to yell bcos he felt that i listen to his side therefore it also motivates him to listen on my side. There's no right or wrong in parenting we all are learning everyday, however for me parenting is not only telling them to do what we want them to do bcos it will only create resentment from them, its a huge process of patience from our side but i believe it's more effective. One thing for sure i realize is we are not their boss, inable to get their trust and attention we need to be a good listener....
You are so right Hamzee! Logic only works so long. We are emotional creatures and good parenting takes emotions into consideration, along with logic. That's why the program LOVE AND LOGIC doesn't work completely. Thanks for commenting.
Passione888 I 100% agree .. just have to listen believe me ... I have been down that road. I realized that they just want my attention, it is hard but it is doable. 😃
listen. we have the right to back talk. my room is always tidy but my parents always find something wrong with it. then i mention their room is also not as tidy and they grounded me for 3 weeks and forced me to clean their room every day. have some respect, im only 11.
Mafia Man I Love your parents 💯🙏🏾🙏🏾🔥🔥 surgery obey your parents🤣🧢
One of the most rewarding things is to watch your kid mature and learn. My next hurdle is the influence of classmates bc my son will be in kindergarten in a few weeks. I can attest to the facial expressions bc I've used that on him since he was a small toddler. Kids are smart and can recognize more than I thought.
Your right mrbigg151, as your child will be influenced by peers. The best thing parents can to do combat negative influence from peers is to be the stronger influence by building an awesome relationship with their child.
Thank you!
Thank you for watching.
I have a 10/10 ACE score. Why would I treat my narcissistic mother with a victim complex like a proper parent? I don't know what adult love feels like. I know fear, I know the outcome of fear, I know how to *_cause_* fear... But when you're told "If you don't know I love you by now, you'll never know." Happy Mother's Day. 😭
My mom said I was an easy kid. So I guess I was that kid that when you where with a group of friends, having a play date, that always listens and is not super crazy all the time. And I have a really good pain endurance.
@GalaxyGrace, thanks for commenting.
Youre welcome!
As i read the comments i realized my child is the toughest and my biggest challenge. At 9 yrs old he started punching and kicking me and believe me he is so strong. I did everything to show him how much i love and care him. I studied a lot of books just to raise him to perfection but I admit i made abig mistake. He is influenced by his undisciplined classmates in their public school and learned from our undisciplined neighbors. When we first stay in a new place he asked me. Mom, why are they always fighting? Earin the morning. Then he sh as red what's happening in the school and i started staying with him at lunch time to make sure he is safe but he prefer to go with his classmates after a few days. He started talking back and hurting me physically. He's only 9 and he learned to blackmail me too.
He needs a good punishment
talking back is not talking back, it's taking part in communication. you can't have communication that is one sided, that's telling someone something not conversing with them. tell me apparently 'golden parents', have you ever had a conversation with out responding or "talking back"? it's how we learn, we want to know why, and when you don't tell us we try to engage in a conversation (quiet or not) and then we get shut down from conversing with "stop talking back!"
so thank you too then people who believe in communication but don't encourage active debates, even if it's yelling, it's better than being unheard, feeling ignored and going to bed distressed or angry.
sincerely a fifteen year old who's tired of the hypocrisy.
Hi Brooklyn, if the comment section here tells us anything, it's that you are faaaaar from alone in your experience! I'm 27 now - and I remember age 15 like it was yesterday. I don't look back at it fondly. I remember the same situations as you...trying to get some reasoning and logic out of parents/teachers/etc., and getting told to "stop having an attitude". Among many other things.
The good news is that the tide is slowly turning. I see more adults trusting and respecting young people now than even just 10 years ago. I am one of them. You will be (and already are) one too. I admire your comment here. I am rooting for you!
I think there's a difference between being disrespectful and bratty and argumentative vs being inquisitive and just trying to figure out how things work.
I too, was not allowed to even question anything, it was a do as I say and shut up environment and I hated that.
Parents take many times, any form of challenge as challenge/bucking the system/questioning authority. It's insecurity.
Brooklyn Marshall and based on how parents tell you to do things makes you feel unloved especially when you “talk back” by asking questions that you really are trying to learn rather than disrespect. Thus the parents create a hostile environment and kid is less likely to want to talk or open up as much because their afraid they will get introuble or yelled at
And its this bullshit that makes DISRESPECTFUL new age shits that will only sit playing ps4 their whole life rather than run the country. Piss off
@@banjodanko3083 ok boomer.
Thanks
I used to have a grandma who couldn’t take criticism and used this as an excuse for her to scream at me.
I'm sorry that you experienced that.
Bill I am going to try this. I have a 7 year old ages homeschooled so we are always together. She always is bickering with her sisters and sometimes hurts them while playing when I try and discipline her for it she always back talks. If she doesn’t like what’s for dinner lots of back talking. We do gentle parenting and have practiced the book 123 magic parenting but nothing seems to put a stop or deny in the backtalk we’ve done lots of praise and attention time ins vs time out. I welcome any tips you have. I’m a stay at home mom to 4 kids ages 1,3,5,7.
Tell what how we can stop fighting am morning to breakup the war ? ...Great thanks for suggestions
If it's the kids doing the fighting, oftentimes it's because they crave a human connection with you, the parent. Try spending 10 minutes with the kids at the breakfast table, and do it just listening to them and not talking. It can make all the difference if they feel heard and understood.
@@BillCorbett Thanks Very much
This is useful , I will try your methods and have my only child to be more co-operative and communicated with me
+Abby Chaw Good luck Abby. Let your child express his or her opinion and don't get angry.
‘Talk back’ for most of us is synonymous with ‘ Don’t defend yourself from me insulting or verbally abusing you, how dare you try to establish boundaries!’ to be quite frank. So many so-called grownups demand respect instead of earning it, that I honestly stopped believing in that ‘must respect elders’ thing. I will be the first to offer anyone my help if needed but I won’t tolerate abuse from them, many think they’re superior to the younger generations and keep
infantilizing us when most of us are already in our 20-30s and screwed up because of their selfish behaviors.
Hence the word “thought police.” Parents must not thought police their kids. They must not demand respect with threats of violence. I don’t condone abuse or violence from authority figures. Violence from authority figures is very upsetting.
Thank you for a great video with such simple but so necessary advice in sometimes so difficult situations. I 100% agree that our relationships with kids are based on the connection, bond that establishes each day. As a parent, I am still working on it and it's never easy, but I am trying to find a better solution each and every day! And this video encourages to do so. Keep up a great work!
Thank you so much Irene, for stopping by to view the view and taking time out to leave a comment. Your comment helps me to know that my work is important. If you're looking for more help, check out my work at billcorbettsbooks.com.
Does Bill have kids never watched the video because most videos try to tell people how to deal with their kids and they dont even have kids. I have see that stuff before that dont work. People tell me i have the best Kids. I say well they know whos boss and they know daddy loves them more than anything. They know if i tell them something i keep my word. If you cant do that you lost them. I always corrected my kids in a right way. I always made it clear why they where getting a paddleing. And they know i loved them when i was through. Many people told me i had the best kids that they were so respectful toward people. They were the same way at home. I spent a lot of time with them. I never made up excuses to not to.
I do have kids DD; 3 bio kids, 3 step kids and 4 grand children. Hope you'll watch the video.
@@BillCorbett Thats great that will make it easier for me to want to watch it . ill have to see what you have to say Hope its good. Some people out there sure need some lessons on how to take care of their kids. Ive seen a lot of Parents id like to give them some lessons. They are worse than the kids. Thank you
@@biker38297 Thanks for considering watching.
I'm not sure if I believe that this "lack of connectedness" is such a panacea. I know a family where the family is very connected but the kids have intense sibling rivalry and disobedience issues. When I visit them I can see for certain that there is a lack of boundaries and no consistency in enforcing the rules.
Robin, the connection is the not the end all, it's the foundation. Your basement or slab is not your house, it's what everything else sits on. You have to have the foundation for everything else to work well. Disobedience is a child acting out their needs and a good portion of sibling rivalry is normal.
Are you describing my family? My sibling rivalry is extremely strong. Not just the sibling vs sibling thing. We despise eachother deeply. At first when I was little, she was jealous. That led to her ignoring me and keeping interaction to a minimum for a good four years. I was four. My parents were usually busy and didn't have much time, so I was a lonely child. I had one or two friends at school because I was shy. When she opened up to me, the damage had already been done and I was imprinted with the idea that she didn't like me, was mean, and was unfair towards me. I was sour right back at her after a while. At first I thought I had to prove myself to her. So I became strong. I would climb trees with low branches (ones that were a few feet off the ground), run all the time, arm wrestle, work out hard during gym class, train my reflexes to their best (I'm a master at dodge ball now), and learn fighting techniques. I made myself brave and determined. I never cried. I had even made an oath not to. After I got older, this personality stuck with me, and I forgot why I was doing it all. I had dropped proving myself to her, and I didn't care what she thought anymore. I got a brave and open personality that didn't care what others thought of me(much against my mom's wishes, she hates being judged and wants the same for me, often saying that if I wear something that people will judge Ex: "your hair is greasy! People will think you're a bum living on the streets!" I once broke I oath and cried at some of these, although she said she was joking) and I ended up using my determination to fight my way to the top of my Karate class, accidentally making a smaller peer fly into a wall once when he was holding my target and I was recently insulted by the kid next to me. I made many enemies and friends (at least two frenemies in elementary school). One of my friends has become my best friend and we still talk. But me and my sister are opposites. I often tell my friend that she's the sister I never had, even though we both know I have one. My sister has disobedience issues. I obey unless I feel that something is unjust towards me or a peer. My temper is so short that it's inhuman, but I can control it. My sister disobeys constantly. My parents marriage is falling apart too, making things worse. Oh well. I guess I can just hide it all behind my smile/mask.
CAT CHILD = COME LIVE BY ME, WITH US CAT AND DOG LOVERS AND WE'LL HAVE FUN ALL DAY! SORRY YOUR BIG SIS DOESN'T GET IT, AND IS PARTLY THE REASON FOR YOUR PARENTS' DIVORCE. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT! NOT SO FUN... BEING QUITE PETITE CAUSED PEOPLE TO TEAZE ME, PICK ON ME, CALL ME SHORTY, SHORT STOP, PIP SQUEEK, MIDGET, TAKE MY STUFF, ETC. BUT GOD IS GOOD AND I'M HEALTHIER THAN MOST, WHILE THEY'RE NOW SUFFERING... SWEET REVENGE WITHOUT LIFTING A FINGER!
connecting is important, trust me. but yes, there is a need for boundaries for everyone.
I will try this I hope this really work for me.i need it.
Good luck Juicy.
My Mom and I often have some kind of friction going . But when I sit at the dinner table with her we can usually manage to get a pleasant conversation going :)
Good for you Dspeir and thank you for sharing that with us!
It's what happens when you don't discipline your children but would rather befriend them. You reap what you sow . These parents nowadays '' help me i don't know what to do with my kid he/she is being disrespectful'' is a load of bs. You do know what to do but you are too weak to do it . Your kids butt wont fall off with a spanking don't worry . Spanking isn't abusing your kids , abusing your kids is not preparing them for the world out there . That's why you have so many teenagers today getting so easily offended , hurt and in need of a safe space . The world is not going to treat you like your mommy and daddy did.
They talk back, are rude, swear, yell and whatever else because they've seen someone else do it... Hmmmm... Who did they see do all this......
Most likely parents, relatives, friends, peers, actors on television, youtube videos, video games, etc.
My mother always yelled at me. My earliest memories are of her yelling at me. She also hit me a lot.
When I became a teenager I started yelling back when she yelled, hitting her when she hit me - guess what, she was oh so surprised where I suddenly got that 'attitude' from, when all along since I was very little her words said 'behave', but her actions said 'only yelling and beating someone will get your point across'. I was a good student, I learned what she taught me and so I yelled at her all the time.
Luckily I havn't had any contact with both my parents in 4 years. They are out of my life and I couldn't be any happier :)
When I was 20, I went to another country as an au-pair. I looked after 3 kids. One day they started to use the F word. I asked them if they knew the meaning of that word. They said no. I explained to them that they shouldnt use words whose meaning they dont know coz that could get them into a lot of trouble. So they stopped using it..... for a week.... Untill one day it slipped out in front of the parents. The first thing the parents did was give me an evil stare. Lol. I said, dont look at me, ask them where they heard this word. The kids said they heard daddy use that word while arguing with mommy. Kids pick up every thing. And just coz you think they are little and wont remember, doesnt mean they wont remember. My kid when she was 2 and a half, remembered what she did the year before when she was 1 and a half.
Lilofee Vomsee my mom was the same. But i went the opposite direction. I just shut myself of and drowned in my own little world. When i was a teen, i bought a lock for the door to my bedroom, and i would just lock myself in for most of the time that i was at home. One of my earliest memories is of my mom and my grandma having a physical fight in the kitchen with a dust pan and a broom..... over salt. My grandma added too much salt for my mothers liking to the food she cooked for everyone. Pretty early on i made a decision that i will not get into a physical fight with my mom coz i didnt want my possible children to have such memories as i do. I went no contact with my mom 4 years before she died. My daughter was born 3 months after her death. Going no contact was the best thing i did too. Wish i had done it earlier. I guess i was still hopeing that things could get better... I was naive.
Thank you @LilofeeVomsee for sharing with us. I too had a similar childhood except I was also beaten in addition to being yelled. I don't have relationships with either of my parents. People like and I are survivors. As a survivor, I have dedicated my life to helping parents find healthier alternatives to yelling and hitting. You're a survivor too and I'm glad that you're here.
My Parents Back Talk To Me
Forest Man Don’t take backtalk in that bitch.
beat em
Forest Man 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I talk to my children & listen to them, but what they do with this time is try to convince me of how their actions were okay. I try to make them understand that what they did was wrong, but they refuse to understand. I wonder when it comes to children refusing to accept their mistakes and try to learn from them, what should the parent do? roll over & let the child continue making the same mistake?
Hi Love, I would love to hear from you with an example of the type of mistake your talking about. Different mistakes, as you call them, require different approaches.
Explaining Why is a biggie with kids and actually everyone.
do you think that this technique will also work for a preschool teacher? I have a hard time with some of my kids to get them to work in the early morning. they come to me and want to tell stories all the time.
Absolutely Liudmila! When an adult takes a moment to listen without speaking to a child, while at the child's eye level, it creates an amazing space for a child to be heard and understood, and more likely to be cooperative following that moment. Those who disagree haven't tried it or use it at the wrong time. It's a skill that has to be practiced and refined. Try it and let me know how it works. Visit my website in the video comment above and send me an email to let me know how it worked. Thanks for watching and thanks for taking time out to respond.
if you don't know how to lead children to sit and do their work or whatever you're trying to do at the time maybe you shouldn't be a preschool teacher.
haha. I got in a physical fight with my mother. She wanted to treat me like a piece of shit on the sidewalk.
😂😂😂
I have an 8 year old and 1 year old , since the baby I've constantly had to get on my oldests butt I've tried dedicating time to her only because I know it's hard because the baby requires a lot of attention, but she just gets worse at daycare or school she's rude to other kids ive tried explaining to her that not everyone has to be her friend and that she doesn't have to be rude because they don't want to be her friend, it seems like it goes in one ear and out the other , ive tried giving her attention but she tries to get something out of me or to do things that ive told her she can't before for a reason or if she's grounded if I'm polite to her or try to have a simple talk she asks for the things im grounding her with. Example her tablet or TV . And a simple no never cuts it i always have to explain in detail why its no and after a 15 min she will ask again
Hi Cristal, thanks for your question. Often times the power struggles are due to a feeling of being "dethroned" because of the baby. I don't know your situation, but imagine being married. Then one day, your husband brings home a younger and cuter wife than you and demands that you share your space, your jewelry, and your home with her. I doubt that you're going to welcome her with open arms and cooperate. This feeling is similar to what your daughter could be feeling and doesn't really understand it. Just for starters, I suggest you find creative ways for her to help you with the baby. For example, make her in charge of packing the diaper bag (assuming you use one) or have her help you give the baby its baths. What often helps is to help the older child feel like a "real" big sister, like being in charge of singing to the baby or reading it stories. Do your best to get creative. Also, avoid lecturing her because as you know, it doesn't work. Also, avoid scolding, punishing and threatening her. It will only make it worse. Try some of these and let me know how they work.
This is how i feel with my parents.....................
Great advice Bill! I'm going to try it.
Let me know how it works for you Mario. Call on me if you need help with any adjustments and check out my Facebook page called RAISING AN INDEPENDENT CHILD.
shut up you know nothing about how we feel.
Easy-just what MINE did-backhand!!
And how did that backhand work for you @chary361?
I am a stepdad of an 11 yr old girl. Married her mom dated her before she had her. Altogether been with her for 15 years. Im 34. The kid lives with us for last 6 years. Her dad is 40 and lives with his parents an ex junkie suspended liscence a real turd in my eyes. I as an adult viewed it as my dutu to teach this girl responsibilities and respect. And what all comes with that. She gets a's in school she can be sharp if she devots herself to a task. As a 10 year old she was able to do laundry dishes keep her room and belongings clean and orderly. Didnt talk back or have a shitty attitude. The last 7 months we have lived on same property as my wifes parents and her 22 yr old brother whom still lives with mommy and daddy. Now the grama and uncle stated that they beleive the 11 yr old girl has a learning problem they said she is disabled in their own words. This is because if grama tells her to for instance grab her coat she will forget more so the kid doesnt care or repect what she was told. The grama lets her stay up till 3 am eat junk food watch r rated tv movie. Has zero chores she now developed a very sassy attitude eye rolling even raised her little 11 yr old voice to me since grama has polluted her mind. Instead of understanding the girl does not do what she told and be respectful to elders is because of the complete lack of discipline and order or being an actual parent and not a best freind the grama thinks the kid has a real mental disability. I am completely blown away at her and the uncles total unconscious ignorant stupid rediculous accusation of the girls lack of repect and care. I am undermined by them as i am not her real dad. Infact every single adault and sadly even her mom treat her as a buddy and not as a child being raised by a PARENT. Ifni tell the kid go pick up your puppies crap she goes to grama and she is smart enough to know by doing so grama will tell her dont do it i will and she never does. So not only is the child taught to disobey me but she's shown its ok to be lazy like grama and not take care of responsibilities. These people make me sick they are lazy filthy and completely unconscious ignorant and flat out stupid. I had made great progress with the kid she took my way of parenting and ran with it. Now whats she gona choose the cookies tv and crap or chores responsibilities and respect? Obviously she is on gramas train. And none of them understand that this little girls 11 yr old attitude and excuses eye rolling and disrespect will be a teenager soon were all these negative characters shes devolped from total lack of real guidence and parenting will turn into a nightmare of a daughter granddaughter because they dont understand the philosophy of the human brain and a childs brain and its development. I would see when she came back home from a weekend w her dad or grandparents how its like she came back dumb and disrespectful from being spoiled rotten and treated like an adult. The grama actually mark my words said to me 5 years ago, "that the little girl needs to be treated like one of the adults"... THIS IS INSANE THESE PEOPLE HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE ITS LIKE THE MOVIE IDIOCRICY. its ruining my marriage. Why do i want to have a family that i cant relate to or a step girl i cannot bear to be around because she litteraly is and has been spoiled and now shes ROTTEN. All i can think to do is just ignore the fact shes in my life cus she has a dad she sees. Or say fuck it and leave and be happy i made it out before my mind was destroyed from their dumbness radiating on to me. I feel stupider after listening to them speak thats how bloody ignorant and lazy these people are.
Wow Banjo, you're in a tough spot. Sounds like you have good intentions but no support. And you're right... when she gets older, her behavior is going to get worse. The other family members will reap what they have been sowing. The first thing I would do is to "get on the same page with your wife" by getting her to agree with you on house rules and behavior standards. You can do this by getting her to read a book with you (mine would be a good place to start billcorbettsbooks.com), seeking out a parenting class, or getting family counseing. If you can't make this work, then you have to question how your sanity is going to remain intact if you do nothing and live in that family going forward. The most important thing is that both parents MUST stand together to get kids to cooperate. Let me know how I can help you further. Feel free to email me at bill@cooperativekids.com.
my 5 year talks back so much and I don't know what to do! he is driving me crazy..
Ignore it. If you react to it you give him more power. Pretend you don't hear him and be sure NOT to give him commands or orders.... that just brings it out. Use choices as much as you can and no more than 2 choices at a time. After giving him the choice, you might have to say, "You choose or Mommy will choose for you."
Bill Corbett I think is more difficult to deal with my family member who don't understand this and want me to punish him or spank him.They will even tell me in front of him. It's frustrating.
Your very right Elizabeth, it's always difficult to conduct non traditional parenting methods when you have family members watching who don't buy into what you're doing. It was very difficult for me to tell my parents and in-laws to leave the parenting to me and avoid judging me. Parenting my kids was number one. Pleasing family members was last. It's not easy.
Bill Corbett the ignoring thing totally doesn't work. My mom did that with my brother for a couple years and his behavior got even more abhorrent. He felt as though he had hit the jackpot for being able to be disrespectful.
Children need a spank every once in a while. I'm not talking about beating or constantly, but when it reaches a certain point, it really puts things into perspective for them. We all grew up with spankings and have mostly grown up didn't to respectful adults. We can't Overlook the correlation between this ignoring technique and our current generation of entitled, narcissistic, disrespectful children
Antnj81 .........🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 Thank you. You said before I could. Now I'm waiting for the update on how this worked for her...... It probably didn't.
i think that kids give back what you put out. so if they feel that you are annoyed or upset about sonething they did then they will try to push your buttons and get a kick out of it when they see you going crazy. You are suppose to keep calm so they can try to calm down.
You aren't kidding Rick... you are so right. If you want a more peaceful child, be a more peaceful parent. If you want a child that remains calm and speaks softly, be a calm parent the speaks softly. We are living breathing models for our children and sometimes we forget that. Thanks for watching and for leaving a comment!
Thank you from a Nanny
Thank you for watching Kel
Bill Corbett it worked today
Kel, you're such a tease! Tell me more... what worked? What did you do?
well I sat with the children at breakfast time and had my breakfast and just listened to them talking and the child who I had problems with told me a story I looked at her while she was telling me about a story and you know what she started listening to me so I guess it works both ways
I have been working in early childhood for 23 years. I gave it up and become a nanny .Sometimes we as professionals need help new ideas and strategies.
I can give advice from a child’s part, as I am one. Most children talk back because you (parents) interrupt us (kids) when we try to express, and explain or life. When you guys for one stop doing what you are doing and listen to us. Then we will not CRAVE attention from you, in the form of talking back. Or you are one of those parents who never learned to say yes because you are afraid. Though somethings need to have the answer no, some need to be answered with yes, and forget the word you guys call “maybe” because that just baffles us (kids) and now you know some reasons why we (kids) talk back.
Thank you for your comment Victoria. I agree with that parents need to stop interrupting, listen more and say yes to some things. As a Dad myself, I found that when I heard my kids out and let them express their objections or say their piece, there were times that I said, "You know, I don't see why you can't do that. Let's set up some agreements to make me feel comfortable that you'll be safe and I'll say yes."
Victoria Kovel honey as a mom and a step parent, I realized what you are saying the first part of not listening to your child and I have actually told my husband this was going to happen before it did with my step daughter and my husband not showing me much respect in return his son, my step son almost 14 yrs old totally ignores me, yells at me and just doesn't listen. It use to make me so frustrated and very upset that I knew exactly where it came from... my darling husband. I have explained to my husband so many times n a different way of telling him or even suggesting to him to control his anger but he's kicking himself in the butt now!!! See hun adults don't listen to each other or respect each other either so I really do it's a learned behavior but it's up to the parents or the one who chose to keep you, feed u, raise u, and protect you as a child until they die even to always be there for ur child or kids no matter what to live then no matter what and always let them know how precocious they are to you and your door is always open so is your ears. But there are limitation/boundaries that need to be established and it changes as they get older. I am 38 and just now I am reconnecting w my mom due to all the abuse I went through as a child n how it effects my life as an adult
I know this is a stupid question but what is back talking? For my parents it was anything said by me after they told me what to do.
That's exactly what back talk is; anything that is negative or in opposition to the instructions from the adult.
i am an older sister asking for help my 17 year old sister is just horrible to our parents and step parent she wasnt this bad until after i moved out to live with my fiance but now i have to move back in to help deal with her the reason behind it is our mom has COPD she had the opportunity to have the surgery to clear that up but her lunges are no longer stable enough to have it done i visit from time to time to check up on her but my sister acts like she runs the whole house . what should i do?
It's nice to meet you Jessica, but I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. When teens get to be so horrible, it's time to use consequences to teach. My first question for you is to determine if there is anything that your parents (or you) are providing for your sister that they can withhold, such as money, special foods, entertainment, cable TV or cell phone service? If so, they can be withheld until her behavior changes. Email me at bill@cooperativekids.com and let's take this conversation offline. Good luck to you.
This is a related video that I found very interesting as well. Most of the time, kids don’t feel connected, and they want to be heard. It could be at home with the parents because they’re too busy, or at school. But I’m going to talk about a school situation. Most teachers look at their job as purely an occupation. And most forget that, they might be dealing with kids from different home situation. When kids don’t feel connected at home because their parents are too busy, they want to be heard at school; and that’s why they talk back at the teacher. But if teachers create that connection of affection and love with kids at school, it will go a long way to remedy the situation because the students feel loved.
my issue is when my boy friend's son is acting out, like making the dog mad or screaming/yelling on purpose, i have told him i would turn the xbox off if he doesn't stop, so he will turn it off and keeps doing what he was doing but worse. I feel like he is trying to take the power away or thinks "ill take the consequence so i can do what i want". i do do positive reinforcement when i ask him to do things, like hey if you do X you can get Y, but he will just say he doesn't like it and not do what I asked. I do not have kids, and he is 7. What should I do?
Thank you for watching the video and for commenting. Your boyfriend is the boy's biological parent and he should be the disciplinarian, not you. I know this might sound rude, but it's not. Boyfriends and girlfriends of the bio parent should not discipline until they've spent the time and effort into building a relationship with the child(ren). Once a relationship takes root, only then can they discipline. If you have any other questions, just ask.
romanticshadow s Bill is right. I can confirm this from experience. When i was a child, none of my mothers men were alowed to discipline me. Try building relationship. To me, growing up, moms men were temporary fill ins of void for my mother but nothing to me. I would only listen to men who actually tried building relationships. One of the men even got the big honour... I told him about the sexual abuse i experienced from a tenant who was renting a room in our apartment. He had my trust, coz he worked hard at building that relationship. Taking time to listen, helping with my homework, asking how was school. Taking me shopping and asking what i liked. Small things like that. Showing interest. Other thing i can say, sometimes the new relationships make a child feel insecure... Atleast thats what i felt as a child... I didn't feel important to my mom anymore now that she has this new man in her life. Felt like i was pushed in the background. That could be another reason for a child to act out... He wants to be heard and seen, and if he cant get his categivers to notice him for the good stuff, thats when they take out the big guns and start misbehaving. I dont know why, but i grew up feeling that adults see only the bad stuff... Even in the good intentions. I tried to make my mom happy by washing the dishes. I thought i was doing a good job helping.... But instead i got yelled at for the water spilled on the floor around the sink.
@GuntaF, thank you for your comment and thank you for sharing!
Thanks again for your comment @GuntaF. It saddens me to read what you experienced, but so glad to know that you made it "to the other side" safely. Thank you for reinforcing the message I gave to @romanticshadow s. I wish you the best!
Your not his mom you have an uphill battle,ask your man too tell his son too lessen too you.
I am having a terribly difficult time with my 18 year old stepson. He has everything he needs and then some and cant even rinse his dishes. expects everything from me and wont fo anything for me or his mother. I pay his bills and he still can't do anything. Is it wrong to turn off his cellphone and make him pay rent if he wont contribute to the family? Can I kick him out?
Sit down and talk to him. Why does he have these expectations? Did his mom do everything for him. Just say that you feel overwhelmed and you would like some advise on what you should do. Ask him if he has suggestions on how you can get help from others. Then ask him what ways he feels he could help out around the house.
My dear grandchildren earn their toys and playtime and screen time with ticket. X number required for X activity or toy. Tickets taken away for sass or disobedience. Works like a charm. Helps kids learn to police themselves.
Lark Bird, I'm delighted to hear that you found something that works for you with managing screen time, good for you. Screen time should be kept to no more that 30 - 60 mins. per day for young children. I am concerned however, that you are controlling healthy playtime. It is my opinion that playtime should be given automatically to children, as is oxygen and healthy food. Healthy, non screentime play is critical to a child's development and should not be controlled or withheld. Toys on the other hand, must be controlled because many children have too many. Too many toys can lead to anxiety and chaos.
My children could only keep the number of large, easy to pick up toys, that could fit in a moderate size toybox in the playroom (not their bedroom). All others that did not fit were donated or thrown away. When they received new toys for birthdays or Christmas, they had to pick some toys to donate to a local charity. Any toys with many and/or small pieces were kept high on a shelf and my child had to ask permission to play with one of those. They did not get to have another one of these "many pieces" toys (Legos, hot wheels, army men, little pet sets, etc.) until the one they were playing with was picked up and put away.
No, playtime isn't limited. Not at all. Play is what fills the time without screen time. Only certain toys that need adult supervision (paints, multi-piece toys, building etc...) are on the "ticket-needed" list. This actually gives one on one time with a parent so it works out very well.
Excellent!!!
God bless u. My parent inlaws are ruining my step daughter. Its diagusting to watch. My wife was raised by these people so shes brainwashed now history is going to repeat. I wish they had your brains
@@BillCorbett If you limit your kids’ use of technology for life, you’ll also limiting what they can learn from it. Many things in technology are difficult or take a long time to learn.
So I just tried the 10 minute thing with my 6 and 8 year old. They seemed to see it as a consequence free break. They weren't interested in talking to me. One started misbehaving and trying to provoke me into speaking. The other one just went off to play, after having a minutes fun getting away with bad language. The misbehaving one started making a mess. I slowly changed my expression from happy to annoyed but they thought it was funny. I wasn't sure if I should cancel the 10 minutes when she started pinching and scratching but a firm push-away seemed to help. Luckily the 10 minutes were up just before I was about to get a cup of liquid poured over me. Now I have to clean up the place again.
The video did not state that 10 minutes of silence will solve backtalk or misbehavior, nor did it state the you should do this when backtalk or misbehavior are flaring up. The idea was to simply spend more time with your kids not speaking, and letting them do the talking. The intent of the tip was to just sit with them at the breakfast table and be there 100% for them, once each day if you can. What you're stating is similar to exercising when you suddenly develop high blood pressure. Instead, one should exercise regularly to AVOID getting high blood pressure. Likewise, a parent should connect in silence with their children occasionally to AVOID backtalk or misbehavior.
WHAT A PUSHOVER YOU ARE! THEY WILL BE TYING YOU TO A CHAIR AND THROWING FIRECRACKERS AT YOU WHEN TEENAGERS!
USE THE SWITCH EACH AND EVERY TIME THEY BREAK 6 BASIC HOUSE RULES.
3 SWATS EACH TIME, PLUS A SMALL CHORE AFTER, LIKE 10 MINUTES TO DO.
THE SWITCH IS BIBLICAL, SO USE IT. MUST BE THIN AND FLEXIBLE TO MAKE IT STING, AND LEAVE NO MARK. ONLY ON BOTTOM OR LEGS. IT WORKS!
I NEVER YELLED AT MY KDS, BUT I GAVE THEM A CLEAR WARNING TO STOP MISBEHAVING, OR ELSE.
My 3 yrs old boy already start talks back , he kept say no for everything & also he's picky eater. Dont know what to do. any advice
Rule one is to NOT react emotionally to the back talk. Doing so only teaches the child that he has some power over you. Instead of focusing on the back talk, put all of you attention on what you're trying to get him to do that is generating the back talk. Tell me what happens right before he gives you back talk and I can help you with that. If you'd like, email me at bill@cooperativekids.com and let's chat by email. Thanks for watching the video.
Maybe your 3 year old is testing the power of "no"??? I have 3 year old too. She said no to eeeeeverything. So i changed up the questions and i realized that she is just saying no for the sake of saying no and doesn't realy mean it. Also, she too soon realized that i can change up the question in such a way, that her "no" is a disadvantage to her, so now she is more careful, now listens and thinks a bit before saying no instead of yelling outright no like a broken record.
I would Hide the veggies with food the same color or mash stuff together,Like potato and carrots. Brocolli and peas. Make home made biscuits with whatever mixed in, but use the aluminum free baking powder. Sometimes I do this with soups for my Husband .Oh and watch out for food allergies !! My daughter had some and I did not know and the Husbands ma ,did not tell us because we did not live close to the in laws ( I think) My daughter had Celiacs so sometimes she would be fine and sometimes ill.
WhAt do we do about bad talk? When we here one our kids name calling picking on the other sibling? I have 8 year old and 6 year old
My son has ADHD and his meds usually have worn off by the time he is done with school and he is often very irritable and even angry. I can’t stand bad talk and often intervene. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do and if it’s the meds that are causing part of this behavior. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
I think that I may try to do at 1st 5min silence.
I have a 10 year old daughter who honestly thinks she knows everything... especially when I have to break up her argument with my 4 year old..my 4 year old tries his best to get a Reaction out of her.. and she gives in every time but she doesn’t just react.. she explodes on a 4 year old. I try my best to be fair.. I never punish before hearing both sides and usually I just break up their fight... because they fight brutally with each other... the smallest thing can set my daughter off.. I usually tell her that he’s only 4.. he’s trying to get a reaction and he gets it.. by her reacting she’s only feeding into it.. and if she would stop trying to get back at him and be the older and bigger person and learn to set the example then he would no longer try to push her buttons.. am I wrong? My daughter however tries to give me a lesson on parenting by saying that I need to punish my 4 year old instead of always telling her she shouldn’t react.. but I can’t get her to understand why I deal with it this way. It’s not that I ignore his bad behavior but I deal with it differently than the way I deal with her because I feel since she’s older that she shouldn’t be actually fighting a 4 year old because nobody actually wins in a fight... and that he will stop trying to get her to react if he knows that she won’t. My daughter will be very disrespectful and say very horrible things to me and I feel like she thinks it’s her against everyone else. But she gets more attention than anyone else does... but when I tell her I’m going to do something besides what she had in mind.. the way I feel is best.. than she will follow me trying to convince me how stupid my way is and how much she knows better... I’m tired of the disrespect.. I’m tired of her anger and her need for dominance. I feel lost as a parent. My calm parenting doesn’t work so I usually end up losing my cool with them. But like the advice that I try to give her.. I end up reacting to her.. instead of responding..
Hi Mel. It's time to redirect her behavior by giving her appropriate responsibilities in the family and, more importantly, with her younger brother. It's obvious to me that she's craving the feeling of significance, so give it to her appropriately. The root cause of most annoying behaviors is an internal need for something. Come up with assignments or responsibilities that you can give to her as the "big sister." What kinds of things can you think of that she can be in charge of, such as reading stories to him, using flashcards to learn colors or letters, leading him in activities that teach. Avoid punishment because while it may create instant compliance, it actually creates more problems than you started with, plus it destroys the human spirit and the things they need for resilience. Giver her assignments in the home with the family, such as taking a turn at leading a weekly family meeting with an activity of her choosing. She may also need more one-on-one time with you, away from little brother. She could be experiencing what's known as "BEING DETHRONED." At one time, she was the one and only, then you brought someone else into her world that she didn't ask for. Now she has to share her things and her parents with this little guy. To her, it may not seem fair and her response to it may be what you're observing in her behavior. Try some of these ideas and feel free to email me at billl@cooperativekids.com. You can also find my resources at BillCorbettsBooks.com. Good luck and let me know how I can help further.
I have a question, what if the children are seriously addicted to the internet and refuses to spend time with the parents and they are foced to stop it. And violence is used to stop bad behavior and talking back. What should the parents do?
@Jakia, thank you for watching the video and for your question. If the children have previously been allowed to have digital media without limitations, and the parents now want to change that, they should implement the limitations slowly and in small increments. Stopping an addiction suddenly, without warning, can cause the kids to not only experience withdrawal symptoms, but their anger and resentment could definitely trigger violent and/or verbal attacks. I suggest talking about it frequently in advance of the change, and then on the planned day/date, make the moments of limitation or removal be very short at first. Also be sure that you, the parents, are setting an example of also putting your digital devices away during that time. Another good idea is to include the kids in coming up with what the family WILL do during this no digital time, such as playing games, going for walks, playing in the back yard, or any other non digital activities. Then over time, increase the digital-free time in increments of 5 - 15 minutes. Be sure and make a big deal out of it each time the kids make it through the non digital time and be patient with them if they resist or act out. See more tips that might help at CooperativeKids.com.
that's why kids should have screen time limits. you're the parent and you're paying for the internet, so you can set rules and limitations. internet is a privilege that has to be earned with responsible behavior, let your kid know that.
make it clear that you can just stop providing internet until they are ready to be more responsible. its fair enough.
So true! I never listened to people I didn't like or understand when I was little. Basically, I only took my dad seriously because he was the only one who had any time for me!
Can you help me? T
For 12 years, dad and step m and a corrupt court guardian kept my children from me. Contact restarted, I am determined not to tarnish F And his wife, and focus on my children.
It is So hard. My daughter is hostile and hateful towards me, blaming me .. Wanting and rejecting me.
The onslaught is relentless and unfair. She won't move off those topics and won't listen, and then clams up and retreats. It hurts.
Start by spending your time with her, just listening. When she feels heard and understood, the rejection will happen less and less.
Bill Corbett ..thanks for your reply. Contact is by fone. She won't talk..just a barrage of topics which open up a Pandora's box of CP concerns of the F and step M. When I try to redirect she forcefully moves it back. Its a barrage of questions..and they don't appear to be her Q's... As though adults in her life are manipulating her to satisfy their curiosity about me.
I will recommend this to all my colleagues. Parenting is a hard job. We go to school to learn everything, except for becoming better parents. We need these types of advice. Mahalo.
Nick Nancy. Keep in mind, you are 12. Probably 13 by now. Try to understand that the scope of your intelligence and awareness is limited to your life experience. When you have a family of your own, you will most likely; have student loans, a car payment, insurance premiums and credit card debt, be responsible for a mortgage and maintaining your home, having a full time job that you may or may not like, not to mention all of the other burdens of life that you have yet to experience or truly understand. When you have a family of your own.........You will understand.
jboviall No i dont think so, a kid can learn from their parents, i see my parents do everything i understand at the age of sixteen, and i help pay with bills, i work, dont doubt a kid, because of their age, some kids are pretty wise, if they seen things kids shouldnt see in their age
jboviall those are your problems, not theirs. If your kids aren't respectful it's because you're not respectful. You're the leader. Kids respond well to love, respect, age appropriate rules, and being heard. If you're kids act out I guarantee you are the problem and are the one who needs to change. NOT THEM. they will respond to your leadership.
Stacey Strukel, wow, everytime I see kids say its the adults need to listen to them not the other way around, It brings me back to the feminist movement, or as a black person the end slavery movement, both viable yes, but what has the majority of now free and/or liberated people done with that now freedom.. Total chaos.. It's the same thing that will happen if the state decides "let the public have more say than said government, because hey the people are always right", what do you think will happen... Chaos!, without order there will always be chaos
Tyler Adams and kids need and want order. They need boundaries.
You do realize you can reply to his comment not make a different comment
I thought this was Bill Corbett from MST3K and Rifftrax
Sorry to disappoint you Rabbi!
The only problem with my parents and "talking back" is that us kids can't even just say our point or we get slammed on for "talking back". I hate my parents, their parenting is horrible, they have no actual rule set, everything is out of control, I'm sick of it.
Hey WhiteMoon, I'm sorry that you have difficult parents. There is probably not a lot that you can do to change them, but like me, you can learn from having difficult parents by knowing what is the best way to raise children and to use what you know when you become one one day. All the best to you.
Get a book about parenting and find a way to teach them . I do this with my husband I try to find ways..also I ask him why he does things so I can understand his thinking.Of course he is stubborn but if you explain why You would or should do something a different way Or WHY someone says or does something is good to know. If they say do this. and you see no good reason ask why. If the parent gets angry say I just want to understand. We used to not want our children to use the big spoons a neighbor asked us why. I said because I guess that means we are being lazy and we should wash the small ones.
Thanks for watching the video and leaving your comment. Best!
WHITE MOON: SO SORRY ABOUT POOR PARENTING ISSUES. LET YOUR PARENTS SCREAM THEMSELVES OUT. THEN RAISE YOUR HAND. ASK PERMISSION TO SPEAK. TALK REAL LOW AND SLOW, AND BE REALISTIC.
THEY CANNOT CALL THIS BACK TALK.
@@jeannedinovo5543 you gave that child good advise.
top tip: learn the difference between backtalking and kids expressing their opinions before you try this
Good point Raine. Thanks for watching.
I am 11 and I hate when my mom does not listen to me and I am going to shut down soon.
Don't give up Veronica... there are things you can do.
Ask why in a nice way and see what happens !
Veronica, I understand. My mom is a narcissist and never listened to me. Some people are incapable of listening. They just want to talk about themselves.
You do know that the majority are basically kids on you tube right?
Yes, I'm sure there are many, many kids on CZcams. What's your point? Children can learn from these videos as well. After all, they will most likely all be parents one day, right?
Bill Corbett, I’m younger than most and can easily say that I have learned from your talk. I think it’s safe to say that I’m somewhat mature. Since my parents are aware of this, we do argue occasionally but this is simply human nature. However, our household is peaceful because my parents understand me to be mature enough to make my own decisions, yet aware that parents are the authority and are advising you for a reason.
That's great Emily! Thanks for watching my videos.
(Note that I’m only 12) parents think they can yell at kids then when someone comes around they show what I personally call “parent Fakeness” and they think “oh she’s fine” and the kid can’t trust them then they trust other people (adults teachers friends etc.) and they get mad! That’s what I think
Carly McKinney that makes no sense. 1st of all. Your parents dont "think" they can yell at their kids. THEY CAN! and why would a parent want to yell at their child in front of people? Do you know how embarrassing that is??!!!! I dont believe you know what your saying.
Hi Carly, thanks for your comment. I'm a little confused about your remark, although I think you're saying that kids don't trust their parents when they yell at them frequently and then act differently when other adults are around.
Carly McKinney I don't know what your situation is and why you'r parents yell at you. But i can understand what you mean about the fakery. I felt the same. My mom would criticise everything i did, nothing was good enough no matter how hard i tried, she never said a good word to me. I only got to hear from other people the good stuff my mom has been telling to them about me. Once i learned that my mom might have had narcissistic personality disorder, only then it started to make sense. It wasnt really about how talanted and good i was at something, but about her, what a great mother she is that raised such a talanted child. She was boasting about herself to others. If she was really that proud of me, she would have said it to me. Also, my mother was always sucking up to my friends, all my friends thought i had the best mom in the world, but behind closed doors and with noone around it was a nightmare.
Gunta F Hey Gunta, what you wrote is exactly 100％ what my mother did.I'm also pretty sure that my mother (if you want to call her that) is a narcissist.Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone.
Lilofee Vomsee t
I'll tell you why kids disconnect from parents in some cases. When one of the kids feels rightly or wrongly that the other kid is a favorite, the one who feels less loved or "liked" will be acting out.
What about when your son is constantly misbehaving in classroom but behaves everywhere else? Everyday my 6 year old son misbehaves in his classroom
Could you ask him why first? I mean if the reason is completely unjustified (because he's 6)you just go ahead enforcing the rules? but what if it's something else that's leading to this behaviour, you may want to catch that before it festers too long.
Curated Daisies I always ask my son why and give him a chance to explain himself... it’s the teacher that constantly had a complaint about his behavior and that was the only place his behavior was always being deemed as misbehavior... nowhere else...
I wish there were some alternatives to spending time together, not just a staring contest
The secret is not to sit and stare at your child. Instead, ask open ended questions and just listen. Then reply with phrases that draw your child to tell you more. For example, you could say, "Wow... then what happened?" or "And how did that make you feel?" or " Why do you think she did/said that?" or "What will you do now?" or " What will you do the next time that happens?" or "What did you like best about _________________?" I could go on.
no sound
my daughter has always been funny and a pleasure to listen to. i'd listen until she said what d'you think mum
Holy shite! Put those lips back on your face. Before i stick my blarney stones on them thir thengs. Oooh missy😘
@@banjodanko3083 what the fuck
@@banjodanko3083 dude what
The counter-accusation to talking back is thought-policing.
Truth-telling is not backtalk.
Talk back get smacked
I worryy my 2 adopted sons (ages 9 and 10) would go bananas and put on a huge show, jumping all over the place, acting out of control if I told them I wouldn't be talking. They compete for attention constantly. We can't have a normal dinner conversation because both are seeking special attention over another. It wouldn't h7rt to try it though. They're often climbing the walls as I'm telling them to sit down and converse with me, so that's not working
If what you're currently doing isn't working, why not give it a try? You have nothing to lose. Try this technique in very short increments to start and see how it goes. Thanks for watching the video and good luck.
I'll give you an advice, since i raise 2 boys. First, stop being a mommy. At 9 and 10, those boys need a father figure. That means YOU will have to CHANGE THINGS in that house. Warn them that bad behavior will not be tolerated ANYMORE. It will be very difficult for you to do this the first time, but you will have to for your own sanity. Boys will not listen and distract you, fighting with each other as if you were not even there, i know where you are now because i was there too.
First - Make it a rule that YOU ARE NOT GOING TO REPEAT YOURSELF ANYMORE!
Second - ONE WARNING ONLY BEFORE CONSEQUENCE!
Third - CONSEQUENCE IS GOING TO BE UNPLEASANT!
if you can afford it, make sure those boys room is set with a lock with a key that you have and control at all time.
Once you have done this, warn them tha you are going to isolate one of them if they don't behave themself.
Remember, if they fight when it is time to eat; ONE WARNING ONLY. After that; BANG! CONSEQUENCE! Take one by the ear and it is ROOM TIME FOR YOU BOY!
i know... it will break your heart doing so, but if you do this, i can tell you it is going to take only a second time for them to start LISTENING when you speak!
Hope this will help you out.
And for the psy out there, i'm telling you, you know next to nothing about rising kids. Before i apply this 1 warning - consequence behavior, those kids where making me crazy, could not go to a restaurant, could not go to the store, could not go to see friends, could not go anywhere anymore... 2 days after i decided I was going to be a GUIDE, not a friend anymore, nor a mommy anymore, the peace and order came back into this house and now we can enjoy a restaurant, go to the movies, wait in line at the shopping center and all is fine. I got felicitation from parent around who ask what the hell did i do to change things...
Stick to your rule, one warning - consequence.
Maybe they don't find talking that fun, there must be lots of other things you guys can do. Activities that are engaging for both you and your kids. Or at least ones that are tolerable for you while your child gets the quality time he wants.
Could be as simple as joining an activity your boys already do on their own. Instead of thinking of it as a way to keep them out of your hair, think of it as something they like and something you could bond with them over
Praising/punishing are always ways to teach better behavior, and kids of course need consistent structure, but it is still important to connect with your family, it wouldn't hurt trying