Does Having Kids Make You Happier?
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- čas přidán 15. 03. 2021
- Raising a child from birth to age 17 is estimated to cost over $233,000 in the United States.That's a pretty expensive endeavor that some folks are choosing to skip. Amy Blackstone, Ph.D is child-free by choice and has been researching the topic for over 12 years. The research indicates that those without children are typically happier than those with children. Jennifer Glass, Ph.D lays out what societal structures are at play that are making it harder for American parents to be happy.
Parents often refer to their children as their "pride and joy." But research tells a different story: Having kids doesn't necessarily make people happier.
Most parents feel that their children are incredibly important sources of life satisfaction, says Jennifer Glass, professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin and a demographer who studies the relationship between parenthood and well-being.
"But that's not the same thing as happiness, and it's not the same thing as financial well-being, good physical health or good emotional health," all of which having kids can bring down, Glass tells CNBC Make It.
So, why does having kids not provide the happiness that we think it will?
Having kids provides a temporary 'happiness bump'
Research shows that there is a "happiness bump" that parents experience right after a baby is born. But that tends to dissipate over the course of a year, Glass says.
After that point in time, the levels of happiness of parents and non-parents gradually diverge, with non-parents generally growing happier over time.
It's not that parents are lukewarm about bringing a baby into their lives, but child-rearing is tough.
"You find that [parents'] happiness plummets pretty quickly once they discover all of the work that's involved in a brand new baby," Amy Blackstone, professor of sociology at the University of Maine, and author of "Childfree by Choice," tells CNBC Make It.
When reflecting on their lives, parents tend to focus on the positive, loving moments that they have with their kids, Glass says. "And thank goodness for that, because those same marvelous little creatures can put us into the abyss of despondency if anything goes wrong," she says.
Happiness is a nuanced concept that's made up of life satisfaction, which is how happy you are with the way your life is going, and well-being, which is how you feel on a moment-to-moment basis.
While having kids does boost your life satisfaction, it also comes with a tremendous amount of responsibility and daily stress. This results in a rollercoaster of very high highs and lows over the course of their experience of parenthood.
A study from Princeton University and Stony Brook University found that parents and nonparents have similar levels of life satisfaction, but parents experienced both more daily joy and more daily stress than nonparents.
"Life without children is simply much more stable," Glass says.
Parents cope with 'constant low-level stressors'
From figuring out remote learning to getting up in the middle of the night to tend to a sick kid, there are "a lot of constant low-level stressors in parents' lives," Glass says. Depression and anxiety tend to be higher among actively parenting adults.
Stress doesn't automatically disappear once kids grow up and become self-reliant. A 2019 study found that older parents are happier than nonparents only if their kids have moved out.
"The question really is, are you willing to pay the price of all that worry and concern in order to get the goodies that come with those very strong emotional connections?" Glass says.
During the pandemic, the "price" of having kids is compounded by the fact that millions of women with children have been pushed out of the workforce due to increased demands at home.
A recent survey from the American Psychological Association found that 75% of parents with kids under age 18 said they could've used more emotional support during the pandemic, and 48% of parents said their stress increased since the pandemic.
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Why You Don’t Need Kids To Be Happy
Have you chosen to be childfree? Share your experience in the comments
I don't think I want children, but if I change my mind I will adopt.
Childfree, why? Because I can barely afford life for myself.
I did but my husband seems to be getting more impatient and wants children. Hopefully he gets impatient enough & we'll be divorced cuz I'm not changing my mind.
I enjoy being child free.
@@shawnpatel8282 it did buddy.
I don't believe ALL mothers or fathers love their children.
The two dads said it best. Having children also means loving them unconditionally. There's so many parents who plan their kids' future for them and then they're ready to disown them for not sticking to the script that they had no say in from the beginning. I got a better idea for those who shame folks for not having kids, where's your undying love and support for orphans or children in protective custody?!
@@Charusel they do and they don't. yes they love unconditionally but at the same time, everyone has expectations because they didn't give up their life, time, energy and money for free. people have kids for selfish reasons. they are met with lots of disappointments later.
I mean, obviously. Just look at all the “mothers and fathers” abusing and neglecting their children. Those people most definitely do not love those kids.
@@itscool770 I've been there. Totally agree.
Agreed
Never judge anyone who doesn’t want kids . raising a child is the hardest job in the world.
You're still judging them with that comment, implying that the people who don't have kids is because they think it's super hard.
Raising a child is incredibly hard, much harder than anything I've done, but there are many more things you can do in your life that are much more challenging and can have a much more meaningful impact.
@@caliorbustarika3310 we live in a world where no matter what you do or say someone will always try to find something wrong.what did I said wrong I was just trying to be positive.
@@caliorbustarika3310 they’re not judging. I personally don’t want kids and I don’t feel judge. Raising kids is hard but that’s not the reason I don’t want kids it’s definitely other reason.
@@caliorbustarika3310 I can verify that i dont want kids because I do think it's super hard.
@@habibaroyees it was the way you linked the sentences, and possibly your thoughts.
You're saying don't judge those who don't want to have kids and then automatically add the sentence, raising kids is one of the hardest jobs.
It could be interpreted as those who choose not to have children can't deal with the responsibility/hard work, and therefore those that do can. It's almost like a passive snipe. And again this can be read as judgemental comment, which in itself makes the whole statement contradictory.
Being child free is the best life decision for my life. I love my freedom , my sanity, and etc. Live your life according to your own standards
Agreed
A lot of people on social media paint a perfect life;
1) Successful entrepreneurs
2) Multi millionaires
3) Zero mistakes in life or rebounded back by coming back 100000x
4) More happy than ever
5) Creating a legacy that might surpass the Rockefellers
Etc
Billions of people will have kids
Good luck if you want to become the next billionaire or whatever
Having kids in this "society" has become a "luxury like college and home ownership". If your life and resources will allow it than more luck to you and your family.
I do agree
My husband and I could not afford to lose an income to have kids. How do we pay for a house and pay the same amount again on a kid? Our house is 230k, how are we going to pay another 230k on top of this while losing an income?
Very true, Loren. Cute puppy btw!
So true.
When I worked minimum wage, we had a few people who were were worried about having to pay for Day Care.
Visits to the doctor as well.
Doesnt make it right just because you can. The world is falling under the weight of a human scourge.
We can think about our happiness if we have a child, but let’s not forget to consider the child’s happiness in coming into existence. No child asks to be born.
Exactly, I sure didn't. I could've been left in the sac.
Lmao what? You need a lot more thinking to do.
Exactly!!! People say they want or don't want kids but few people think about what the future child wants.
I asked to be born
@@TheRescueDog I wouldn't want to bring up a kid today only to give them a hard time finding a job when they become old enough. Our job market is getting increasingly harder to be successful in. Us millennials make 15 to 20% less just because of inflation. What are our kids going to be making? 30 to 40% less? Why would I want to put a person in that financial situation?
I love my children and they are my priority in life. Did they make me happier? No.
Lies
Same here.
Really OBA, really? So when they were a few months old and would light up and smile when they saw you, you felt nothing? Really? 😐
@@georgealex19 I think they mean overall. Of course, there are moments. But with hindsight, they can answer the question more fully.
Interesting!
Look, some people are happy having kids and some are not. That's life. Everyone is different.
Exactly. Some people want kids, and some don't. If you don't want kids, good for you. If you do, also good for you. Live your own life.
It’s great til you are old and need help but you don’t have children to take care of you so you put more burden on the every less young people
@@organizedchaos4559 Not all kids care for their parents. Some lose contact and some don't even live close enough to do so. Also not all kids come out rich and are able to support their parents.
You also don't give life to a child because you expect something of them in return. Very toxic way of thinking.
@@misshoneynevercame4832 what? Shut up.
@@organizedchaos4559 exactly have u seen old miserable women / men in the nursing home no children. 🤣. Women are here to reproduce.
Not everyone wants to be a parent and not everyone should be a parent..
100% agree, simple and clear sentence. Period
To me, a child doesnt make you happy, doesnt make you become more mature, you make it to yourself. Many friends of mine cant even take care of themself and yet they're having 2 more kids 🤷♂️ now they're all living off their parents for children support
Exactly right 🙌🏼
I am 33 and I have known from a very young age that I did not want children . I am happy and comfortable with my decision . I enjoy my lifestyle . As a woman I get a ton of negative feedback when I say I do not want any children . Live your life how you want to no matter what others say
Ton of negative feedback i can relate. 30 yr. old male here.
Ppl really make it seem like something is wrong with you if you dont want kids (as a woman). If you have enough money to have multiple nannies like celebrities then Motherhood would be a breeze lol ...but most ppl just dont have that luxury
Yeah
Same. I am 43, and have now reached the point of no return. People *really* freak out then. lmao
@@doctordarcy8385 I'm 43 too, I wouldn't say I'm childfree but as someone who's not mainstream and not traditional. Im shocked I literally feel no void having no children, which is shocking to me. I guess that's means I"m truly happy and being a parent is overrated and not as significant as one would like to think.
I’m childfree at 35 and roaming the US in an RV ❤️
Truly the american dream...
Go Cara.
some people live the american dream and it shows
You didn't answer the question.
Invite me 🤣
I can barley afford to live on my own. why would I even consider a family or kids?
What do you for work ? I could never understand this statement . Coming from parents who migrated to America from Mexico ,and our life is abundant . Blessings
You most not try an life my friend.
Because society tells u to
@@Mrojventura try livingn in ny with house prices averaging 5-800k but only making 65k a year lol
@@lilyannanewton2712 Be glad you had responsible and hard working parents, most of us dont.
Don't have kids because you think you'll be happy. Have kids because you're mentally and financially prepared to raise a human being & hopefully you're surrounded by a support system. Keep things very practical when it comes to kids
54% of the population makes less than 50k per yr.
I feel that my life just improve for the better since I had kids. I love being a mother and rising another person is very fulfilling. At the same time I don’t judge anybody for not want to a mom.
I really do believe that. I think very few regret having kids. But for me, I couldn’t with a clear conscience have kids when I have to take care of a older mom and nieces and nephews (not full time care but I want to be able to do stuff for them financially, where their parents can’t.). If I were a millionaire, I’d have 10 (not really, but you get what I’m saying 😁).
@@a.sydney5036 Agreed 100% it’s rare to find others who are respectful of that fact.
@@a.sydney5036 you mean very few admit that they regret having kids. plenty of people regret them, but it is unacceptable to say so. you make the best of your situation.
I'm the same way. But I'm not a parent just yet.
thats called cognitive dissonance
I'm a 46 yr. old women who never had kids because I never wanted them. I have no regrets. I have an easy life of freedom and I am loving it!
Go girl! High five👍👍❤️
It isn't an easy life, you still have to work full-time until you're old enough to be able to retire without a break. At least people with kids get a bit of a break from work. P.s I'm child free.
How do people without kids not get a break from work? If anything they have more time to do what they want and go where they please.
@@SatsusssI disagree. Can you please elaborate?
I'm having a child in May. But I will never judge someone for not having kids. It's. Not. For. Everyone. As apparent by our foster care system, children being raised by other family members, and people who have kids but raise kids horribly. It's not an easy decision, finances or not, and not everyone is happy with kids.
Congratulations 🎉
A kid costs a lot of money from 0 to 18 years, could have bought a car or house instead
I completely agree, we have lots of kids and my response is often thisnis the life we have chosen dont feel the pressure you need to have kids.
we judge people with kids too just so you know
its great that ur child will have such an open minded mum :) good luck!
When parents complain to me about their kids, which happens in basically every conversation with a parent, I remind them that's one of the many reasons why I choose to be child free. 😂
Yes, I just had a conversation like that with a parent who was complaining in a comment section, and then she cursed me out. lol
I grew up in Africa and was raised with my extended family around me so it felt like a community and my mom was not overwhelmed because she had the support of her siblings she had the support of her extended family and my dad had the same support so I think the big issue in America why parents feel so overwhelmed is because they’re raising these children by themselves and to me that’s very sad. When I do decide to have children I will make sure that I am surrounded by my loving extended family and I can lean on them for advice and for balance.
Agreed! Same with my family. My parents raised me with extended family's help (grandparents, uncles, aunts). My siblings had me to look after them to ease the burden on my mother. It makes a huge difference. She wasn't overwhelmed and makes everyone happier. Plus I also get to have fond memories of spending time with my grandparents and extended relatives
I read a African proverb once that said
"It takes a village to raise a child " here in the u.s they got family values all wrong ,
You're right, actually.
💯
huh
My extended family are extremely toxic. We have no choice but cut them off for our mental health
I'm a 46 yr. old women who never had kids because I never wanted them. I have no regrets. I have an easy life of freedom and am loving it.
Lazy and selfish of you!
I love the idea of kids more than actually taking them home. Taking care of other people is a non-stop job.
They grow up
@@derek4412 Yes, people act like they will be deprived of everything forever like they will have a newborn for 70 years? Too funny. If people dont want kids that fine and good for the child that wont come to this world but the ones that dont want because of silly arguments is beyond me. Like... nothing worthwhile comes without lots of work, effort and sacrifice. Why would it be different with children? Sacrifice is highly linked with fulfilment and happiness.
@@Rafa-nn3zw of course he did not mean "non stop" as eternal lool
Plus, raising a child is not the only way to "sacrifice".
@@Rafa-nn3zw It's a non-stop job for 18 years, that's not insiginificant
@@Rafa-nn3zw it's a never ending emotional job for mothers though or it could be a longer financial burden even when they get older if your adult kid is struggling... and if you have a special needs kid forget
People usually regret not going after their dreams more than not having kids...I’d rather focus on my own future than stopping my life to raise a kid and prepare for their future/goals. Not enough people achieve their own goals so they forget about them and make parenting into their biggest achievement. Sorry but my dreams are bigger than that. Don’t be afraid to go child free and make a difference in this world!
Yup. A lot of people just have kids waaaaay too early. Why have children before you’ve had a chance to figure out your own life, your own dreams, and build your own financial stability? And then, of course, the frustrations of not being able to do that get taken out on the kids
Eh I meet a lot of women and men in the 60s/70s through my work and without a doubt the people who never had kids always say not having kids was their biggest life regret. One lady told me “it’s like I missed out on the world greatest bond”, when she told me about the connection all her friends have with their adult children. Kinda sad. I won’t be making that mistake thankfully.
@@RayaAndy As a kid of terrible parents, I know first hand that "bond" doesn't come easy and has to constantly be worked at like any other relationship. Some people regret not having kids, some people regret having kids, and some others have no regrets about not having any
Just depends on you and what you want
@@RayaAndy I heard opposite when I used to work in nursing home every Sunday in high school
@@harashe1000 Yes some people just don’t have the kindness or love in their hearts to be parents and that’s okay. But spreading this misinformation that not having kids will guarantee you a rich/happy life is completely wrong. Many people who were on the fence about kids regret it until their dying day. Don’t make a lifelong choice from a temporary thought .
i cant even raise myself, how do you expect me to raise a kid?
Same. No kids for me.
Same. I would like to have a bb, but I cant even take care of myself 😪
Amen
It is nobody’s job to make anybody else happy (I prefer inner peace, since happiness is way too idealized, imho). We need to work on ourselves, first and foremost. Counting on someone else (child, spouse, friend, etc.) to make us happy is guaranteed recipe for a lifetime of utter frustration. Peace everyone ☮️
It’s not just about “I will have a child to make me happy”. There are studies that in the long term responsibility and sacrifice contribute to happiness and how meaningful your life is and indirectly children bring that into your life
Well said
@@Rafa-nn3zw Bs lol studies say unmarried childless women are happier
I recently thought of this myself and I totally agree! ☮
I may not have any personal experience, but from what I have observed is how people make their lives revolve living a happy life, which usually means defaulting to: get a job, get married, have kids, and settle down in some quiet house somewhere. I think there is some sort of "happy ending" mentality in society where they think all you need is one person and/or kids to give you a perfect life.
There is a saying: "People are like grass, and their accomplishments like flowers. The grass withers and the flowers fall...". None of us are perfect, nor do we last forever; so to revolve your life around something like that is ultimately folly. I want to live a life of meaning and purpose doing good unto others. I believe inner peace can lead to that, and I don't want to bring new life into this life just to make myself feel some fleeting moment of peace and happiness and only causes me to make poor and selfish choices. If I do have kids one day, their path will be their own and I will lead by example of how live life with love and peace within oneself.
@@Rafa-nn3zw Did you watch the entire video? The data says something quite different.
At 31, being a dog mom is much more fulfilling to me LOL
Do you not want kids? Or you just haven’t gotten around to it?
@@a.sydney5036 I do not want kids. I do plan on being a foster mom though
Good for you. Tbh I already was hesitant about pregnancy/childbirth but having new mothers around me who are MISERABLE with kids just confirmed it for me.
@@TheBlackDorothyZbornak Ditto.Congratulations for your responsible choice.And if you ever want spend some time with a kid go to an orphanage and spend some hours a week.Economical and morally satisfactory.
You won't feel that way when you're 41
There it is, she said "my kids are more important to me than my partner"....56% divorce rate is because the partner's lose touch with one another b/c kids consume energy.
Facts
People have a choice not to stay together anymore. Before divorce was full of shame ,not to mention times when woman was almost "owned" by a man . So kids or no kids ,people would separate regardless.
@@alinan4320 I'm only referring to couples with kids, those men lose in family courts 95% of the time, that's a fact, even if they're perfect partners.
Right! My thoughts exactly
typical man. kids are SUPPOSED to be more important to you than your partner.
Actually there is no wrong or right here. The whole summary of being a parent is to get ready towards every new stage your child enters. The older your kids the bigger the challenges. And it's very important to make a proper plan for your children in the future to avoid them suffering or regretting having you as a parent
Thank you so much Nadia you're right and your advice is genuine. I'm 44 years and a single mother. Like you said making a proper plan for your children not to suffer or regretting having you as a parent what are the plans and what do you mean by that because I won't like to see them suffering are regretting not having a father
Best quote of the year from Mrs Nadia
You're supposed to be a CZcamsr 😅👍
@@zebiaezra4100 I understand you Jennifer. Look what I mean by making plans for your children is making out an lnvestment portfolio for them against the future to avoid them suffering. And not depending on one stream of income
I learnt this from my colleague at work. She made out an lnvestment portfolio for her children and today her children are into big business and are living good life at the same taking good care of there parents
I'm very interested in this conversation. I hope I don't bother?
Why is it parents with young kids are always used an example of parents. That’s when it’s easy. The older the child the bigger the challenges. You are only as happy as your unhappiest child.
I have heard this before. When your kids are unhappy its very hard to be happy. My mom literally told the best year of her life were when we were little kids but that overall there is more sadness!!
So true, also when you show parents with young kids of course the kids can't talk themselves and at that age they don't even have proper opinions. At that age their life is just to do and eat what their parents wants. They always ask questions to the parents never to the kids who can think for themselves. They should ask teenagers or young adults if they're happy with their parents. Some parents will be shocked by their answers. The all points is to make the children happy but they never ask them what do they think.
As a parent, I cannot say it makes me “happier” per say. It has its highs and lows or pros and cons like analyzing any other situation. But I will say it’s extremely gratifying. Raising a human is a unique and indescribable journey. Literal sweat and tears, but the happy tears is what gets you through the day. I do not want more kids, but I also will not trade my son for the world. ❤️
raise a child for what? just to suffer and die?
@@scottsummersreloaded4618 and for them to watch you suffer and die.
@@Satsusss exactly it makes no real sense
@@scottsummersreloaded4618to pass on your legacy dummy to continue the blood line
Admire how your not lazy and selfish. I’m sure you love your children. Having kids is important to pass on traditions from one generation to the next and keep the US population afloat
My favorite reason for having kids is when a couple is almost breaking up and think a baby will fix their problems 🙃🙃
DONT DO THAT
That’s how I came to be...spoiler it didn’t work *surprised pikachu face*
I am a 35-year-old childfree woman and I can leave my house to travel for 2-3 weeks at a time without a thought of a child (or a pet). When I am ready to be more grounded, I'll get a pet. Also, my home is quiet and I don't have to dedicate my days to providing structure for a child.
Marry me! You're my type of woman! Let's travel the world together! I'm just kidding.. But I'm glad more women like you do exist. Most women I know want kids.
Enjoy your freedom
Traveled abroad when I was in highschool. I absolutely hate crowded airports/airplanes. After arriving at my destination I got homesick after a week. Never again lol
@@olg06 its not for everyone...
Having kids just magnifies what's already there. If you are already happy, it can add to that happiness. If you are already miserable with yourself or life, why would adding a baby to the equation improve it or change anything for the better.
I know ppl who were happy and then had kids and are miserable. Its different for everyone
Lmao
It's all about perspective. For some children are very important, others don't want children at all. There is no wrong or right here.
It is WRONG to have a child in the present state when we are 8 billion people on Earth.
@@076663837 no it’s not shut up
@@diamondjohnson3219 I bet there is no future you could give your child other than a life of a slave so shut up!!!
@@076663837 awww look it’s a child who thinks being a racist troll is cute
@@diamondjohnson3219 pfff
Props to the woman who was honest about saying that motherhood wasn’t fulfilling.
I'm 31 no kids. Im really happy right now. I wonder if ill ever regret it but then I see people that have kids and their kids turn out bad
@Sonia B Same here I'm 31 and unmarried..most people mistake me for a 25yrs old...I really need to fall in love 😍asap
I am 33. This year I turn 34. I am married but I seriously love being alone with my husband. I live a comfortable life. I love kids but I like the idea to return them back. 😁
Especially during this pandemic, I see how unhappy and super stressed parents are, meanwhile my home is peaceful.
@@jenmar9428 smart woman
@@jenmar9428 Even if the parent instinct awakens , become a foster parent or go to an orphanage and spend some time a week.
But what if you get old like 50+ and all others who had kids have family and your falily is dead
Honestly, I think many parents have kids because they are seeking some form of purpose. And its intoxicating. Everyone congratulates you on your pregnancy, every single day you see the progress (baby bump), and people are so invested in the baby. It almost feels like an accomplishment, when in reality, having a child is not really an accomplishment. Like going to the gym everyday requires a lot of work and showing up, but a baby bump will grow regardless of what you do (without complications of course). Not to mention that parents get so invested in their kids because now that their time and energy is gone in favor of the kid, they want them to live out their dream WHICH IS NOT OK. A child is its own person and deserves to grow up without any expectations about what their life needs to be and this can lead to a lot of trauma for the child. Overall, i think our culture over-glamorizes having kids and so adults who have yet to do internal work to understand themselves, their behaviors, finances, hobbies, passions, etc have kids and struggle to do so afterwards. The goal of any parent is to help prepare a child to live on their own when their parents are gone, but if you haven't done your own self-actualization, what knowledge and support will you really be handing off to your kid ?
Love this! 💛
So true.... This is an Ugly Truth
Those parents I call lazy and selfish. Absolutely selfish. Kids are meant to pass down traditions and genes from one generation to the next. I do believe parents should be stable before having kids but not having kids because of “restricted freedom” is truly absurd and egocentric
I'd rather have more people who are ready to be parents and develop functioning citizens and less people just having kids to scratch off their to-do list and raising f-ed up kids 🤷🏽♀️
I have 3 and encourage people to go childfree 😊
I can second the saving for retirement thing. A few weeks ago my mom mentioned that she didn't start saving for retirement until she was almost 40. I was shocked and said that was so reckless. My mom then reminded me that she had 3 kids. Me being one of them. I'm childless by choice and I started saving for retirement at 21.
I think my dad was ok raising me and my siblings as he didn't have to deal so much with us growing up. My mom is a different story, I don't think she likes any of us.
Personally I don't like children, they are loud, poop too much and don't let me sleep.
I have a hypothesis that may be wrong.. : Parents have to pretend they're happy because they know they have made a bad choice. Similar to buying a very expensive appliance, and people telling you that it does the same as any other appliance, but you force yourself to like it anyway because you already spent a lot and you make yourself believe that it is better than a regular appliance.
There are actual studies that show that sacrifice is part of the true happiness equation.
Yes not everyone should have children but true happiness is not necessarily just having an easy life and having things your way, it involves resnposability and sacrifice according to actual science
@@derek4412 I can't speak for all. I am childless and I am not bored and/or lonely nor create any of the things you mention. In fact I am actually more busy most of my day that dumb videos like these come up in my feed so I listen to them while at work.
@@derek4412 agreed. I understand in certain situations having people asking you when you are gonna have kids must be annoying (if its always the same relatives/friends etc). I dont think people should go around asking that if they are not intimate with someone, but at the same time because so many people have children at a certain age people get curious. Also people do change their minds and its silly for anyone to think that they know 100% that what they think today is set in stone for the rest of their lives. I hear/see more things about childfree people protesting than people asking them about children lol
ps. i dont have kids, maybe one day, maybe not :)
Lol this was a good
Ppl aren't happy in general. With or without.
Children are great, but you should be ready financially and emotionally
I strongly believe that being able to afford the necessary help in raising kids is key to your personal well-being
Yeah, I just had a child 5 months ago, and I do feel I was much happier without my baby.
Why do you feel that?
I’m childfree and I’m so sorry to hear this. You gave BIRTH to a baby only five months ago and things will change as the kid becomes more independent. I hope it gets better for you and that you’re not having to do things alone. I pray you’ll feel peace. ❤️❤️❤️ be easy on yourself
@@mmconceicao , because parenthood is very stressful. I have friends that are parents. They love their kids to death but find parenthood stressful.
❤❤
It can get easier as their independence increases. More people need to talk about how the initial process is pretty crazy. You grow a human inside your body, then one day it leaves your body and you have a new relationship with a human that depends on you. It's a large physical and mental toll with a lot behavior/lifestyle change. Give yourself time to heal and adjust, maybe make new/different expectations. You can do it, it is challenging, and it can be very fulfilling.
Having kids makes a lot of peoples lives worse.
I’ve seen so many people have kids and hate their life.
I feel people without kids are much more healthier. Wealthier and overall happier
True!
I agree
You definitely have to be emotionally, financially, and physically prepared to raise children. I have been with my husband for 29 years. We have 2 sons ages 19 and 23. I was fortunate enough to stay home and raise them. We also own our home. It's been stressful, but, I have so many happy memories to look back upon. I always knew I wanted at least 2 children so both of my sons were planned which makes a big difference in terms of how happy your life will be.
@Oritra Kar not true I know someone who works there and many peoples kids put them there never come to visit. Certainly all of these people did not abuse their kids
@@elenaarman-tang7811 some people are never ready yet there is a time limit so they do it.
This is a great video. I couldn't understand why people didn't want kids until I had one. There is definitely a lot of sacrifice involved, which isn't spoken about openly.
If you are not fulfilled alone then no external person will fulfill you. Parenting is difficult, often lonely and often thankless. I have one child and there is no moment where I don't feel as if I failed her and should rather not have had kids. After 1 I was too exhausted, stressed and even scared to have more. Your kids get older and leave don't have any if you want them as companions. I love my child, but I feel like it was good that I had no more kids because kids always seem to lose out
Im 38. I have decided for many reasons to never have kids..Now i have fallen in love with a man who’s got a 5y daughter. I try my best to “like” kids stuff. Its horrible. Its hard. Its repulsive. Happiness leaves the house. Anxiety kicks in. Things that i care for gets lost, or broken and then put away in boxes. I cant do nothing when shes there. If i complain, it makes things unhappy..If i say nothing it makes it worst. im on full mode anxiety for 3days. I dont know how to like this...Im trying to like it, but it feels impossible. Now when im alone at home, i cry ... I look around and cry. Trying to find love in my heart, for all this unhapiness.
Who cares if you want kids ,have them .If you don't want kids don't have them .Life is not that complicated. Blessings
if it were that easy people wouldnt go broke keeping up with the jones.....everyone wants to impress
I just don’t like to wear condom 😩 I still walk by faith tho
Being childfree will not lead to human extinction; giving more birth will, given the food crisis, lack of resources, global warming, pandemic due to over population.
You can love your kids by not having them. When you bring life into this world they will also feel the pains & darkside of this world. Plus you will never know how they will turn out. Mental illnesses on the risr, drug use goverments intruding in people's lives. The world of yesterday is not the world of today.
I'll be 30 next year and I've been married for 8 years. People ask my wife and I all the time, when are you having kids? We don't want kids never have, but I have nothing against anyone who wants to have kids. I'm not a fan of explaining why I don't want kids.
My husband and I are 33 and have been together for 15 years, we don't plan on having kids and the questions get old
@@derek4412 check and mate ya got me
@@derek4412 there is a pinned comment asking this question dip.....wow you are incompetent
Happiness is a choice. Having kids or having no kids should not determine your happiness.
Oooo I love this 👏🏾👏🏾
Best comment!!!
Yeah, CNBC doesn’t know what they’re talking about here...
Exactly
This is unrealistic. You can choose to be optimistic abt any situation...but happiness is not completely a choice
You don’t need kids to be happy. Period. It’s disturbing that the society doesn’t understand this or is unwilling to accept this. 😞🤔😕🤦♀️
It’s because society lied about how difficult it is to be a parent. Parents realize it after the kids arrive then it’s like instant misery lol
If you want and can properly take care of children and love them , go for it. If you don’t want kids that is ok too. Society tries to put everybody in the same basket, we are not all the same.
My mom is not thrilled that I'm watching this video. She wants to be a grandma. I'm hoping my brother can give her that.
My mom would not be happy either
@@mygermannightmare6116 oh i forgot how fair life was.
@@yaserchow my sister got kids . So I'm free from this 😁
Ask her to pay you $1 million and you’ll do it
Every year I spend about 4 weeks a month in retirement villa... I can't tell u the amount of older people that tell me & my husband if I had to do it again.. I would never have had kids.. Way more people have told me this that would ever admit.. So we have decided to live life to the fullest child free.. Its hard for parents in the US..
the amount of money and time....and they end up fuked up....especially white people do not respect elders ...not all but alot of them are all about themselves
That is crazy but I I've heard that before from other people who have jobs in retirement homes, caregiver's, etc.. you see all these images of "perfect families" on social media and I'm at fault for letting it get to me at times. I dont have any kids and its something I struggle with. The world is a mess but do I want to miss out on being a mother? I dont know.
@aa0821 it’s such a personal decision, that’s what I think makes it hard. You have to think about what you want, Not your friends, your parents, your family.
Really my older family members said the opposite maybe it’s due to my culture and no pressure of society about oh “be free independent “
There is a saying back where I come from, it says ( A man who goes through life without marrying or having kids Lives like a king,,and dies like a stray dog ) I would much rather live 90% of my life as a king. I am 52 and never married or had kids. so far I've had a very good and stress free life.
I don't need children to be happy....I need $$$$
I have decided not to have children to the point where I’ve had to break up with some guys over this . . I have zero maternal instinct , and I don’t really enjoy day to day activities involved with taking care of kids . I feel that I would be completely miserable for the first 20 years of raising kids . And Thad just wouldn’t be Fair to the child . It just sucks to not have a family down the line and no one to take care of you as you get older .
Always keep the option open though, nobody knows how their situation or frame of mind will be 10 years from now, depending on your age, there are some women in the comments thinking of going for sterilisation procedures in order to be child free, why not just get an IUD ?
I think to have kids with only the purpose of having someone to take care of you when you’re old is incredibly selfish. Maybe you could opt for a tandem family instead once you retire. Basically you rent out half of your house to a young couple/family with a really good price, and in return, they take care of your needs from time to time (or just be there to keep you company).
I really have no intention to have kids. Too much physical, emotional, and mental responsibility that I don't want to take on. I'd rather travel and enjoy my life.
I am married but we do not have kids. We travel. Due to Covid we are home and peaceful. Meanwhile other people are burnt out due to being in lock down and have their kids at home 24/7. 😁
I’m childfree but sometimes I wonder if kids are worth the trouble. My nephews and nieces are so cool but I don’t spend all my time with them so I don’t know. Also the costs are just so prohibitive. Yeah I’m still childfree.
Me, too. 🤷🏾♀️. Wannabe travel buddies.
Agreed. But I just dont think its worth it. I know a lot of new mothers and honestly just talking to them about their experiences put me off. Will enjoy being auntie for now
Withoud kids, my husband and I are able to save close to 50k towards retirement each year and we’re not even 30! So yeah, no children for us lol
Eh my husband and I have kids and we are saving close to that each year too. Being childfree is not a guarantee that you’ll earn/save more money, just like having kids doesn’t mean you’ll be broke!
@@RayaAndy on average
@@RayaAndy I’m pretty sure you would be able to save a lot more and retire a lot earlier without kids too
@@Dis_is_fine Sorry but sounds like you’re projecting trying to make it sounds like you’re succeeding because you’re not having kids. Having kids ain’t for everyone but being childless doesn’t guarantee success. You just have to work hard and you can have it all - kids, house, savings, investments and family vacations :)
@@RayaAndy I don’t think being successful is correlated to having kids, but I do think it affects how much you’re able to save because kids aren’t cheap. Now I know that it might not be an important factor for many, but since my husband and I have a goal of retiring early, it’s important for us. Same reason why we don’t get horses: they might be cute, but pricey
Want, should, and can are so different.
Have kids only when you're mentally and financially prepared.
mentally prepared...only 30% of people will be parents then.
Great advice that no one will take.......
@@misshoneynevercame4832 You're right :')
@@accidentsafe even less than that
I went years without seeing my parents when I was a kid. And when I did see them they would abuse me.
Sometimes I wish I was adopted into one of them celebrity families just so I could’ve had a better childhood which greatly affects adulthood.
Anyways point is some people can always adopt if they think world is too populated
That is wishful thinking
Glad to make sure hubby and I made the right choice. It's awesome to sleep in on the weekends, take extra vacations, and indulge every other whim we get just because we can. We're financially stable, and our stress levels are waaaaayyyy down because we have friends and family who we get to spend quality time with. We also share the love with our two doggies, who could qualify as "babies", except they're never annoying. The best thing is we get to truly develop our careers, and have hobbies that are very self-fulfilling. And yeah, I am gloating. Cheers! 😌😏😄😈🍾🍷🏖
What happens when one of u gets sick or passes away who are you left with then? What about when you get older and can no longer take care of yourself, who's going to look take care of you? I can honestly say that I can do ALL of those sane things you mentioned while having kids, with the benefit of seeing my (specific blood) family lineage continue on in this world, can you say the same?
@@dur22paywhat happens if your child dies
Most people in nursing homes were/are parents who get few visits and barely any greeting cards. Creating a whole human just to take care of you when you're sick and old sounds dystopian and they will most likely not even be there for you if you're the type of birther/donor who thinks that way.
People who don't want kids definitely shouldn't have kids. I don't want to be born to parents that didn't want kids in the first place. And society shouldn't look down on people without kids.
I really don't think it does its 2021 seeing how messed up society Is more of us rather watch Netflix then bring children into this world
Tbh I don't want kids. They're too expensive
So she does research to prove that her lifestyle is the right one? Sounds a little biased to me. There's nothing wrong with not having kids but there's nothing wrong with having kids. It's just how you envision your life. This is like comparing apples to oranges.
There can be things wrong with either one actually...
She is not the first to conduct this research. Previous studies have also shown that child-free adults tend to be happier on average than parents. It's not a critique of parenthood; it's simply data.
I am a 65 yr old father of two. I thought about foregoing parenthood and life in luxury when I was in my 20s.
However, the older I get, the more I feel parenthood has made me whole as a person.
My friends who opted out of parenthood are doing much better financially, but there is something in them that they have not fully developed.
The kind of parental instincts to nurture, to provide, to protect, to endure, to negotiate, to understand, to let go, in the name of unconditional love.
We often using 'happiness' as a gauge on whether we should have kids, when in fact, the moment we become parents, our own happiness is the last thing on our minds.
I'm not saying everyone should be / ready / capable of being a parent, but there is something about sacrificing my life for another human being that made me complete. And that is just for me.
Having children should not be seen as a sacrifice. It should be a joy to be parents. Unfortunately, in reality that's not how it always is.
I’m sure your child free friends are happy, and I’m sure you’re happy as well. We each know what we need. Your friends don’t need children hence why they didn’t have any.
> My friends who opted out of parenthood are doing much better financially, but there is something in them that they have not fully developed.
Ah, there it is, the condescension. Somehow people who aren't parents are not as "developed" or mature as you are.
@@garzdiva lol yeah i rolled my eyes when I read that but whatever.
@@garzdiva Not condescension. Reading about being in a foreign country and being in one brings different life experience. Same as parenting.
I think it depends on the person. My mom is an outgoing extrovert so I feel like it makes sense that she had four kids. It was never a stressful situation for her and she was a single parent at that. Times were tough but she never felt challenges, she loved it. Me I am different. I am an introvert so I feel like whether or not I have kids it does not make me "happier". I definitely think its the type of person you are. If you value and love alone time it may not be for you unless you have the money for a babysitter.
@American Ajumma I am sorry, I definitely didn't even take that into consideration!
Your poor mother made it look easier than it is. Im sure shes like most mothers from previous generations. Theyre tougher than millenials and gen Z
@@ye23. Yep my mom is a baby boomer so I am very sure times where different back then. I am sure it is hard now with cost of living, working hours etc
35. Worth $2.6 million. No kids. Sweet life - eat out 4 times a week and vacation every 3 weeks
@@derek4412 have great husband and many brothers/sisters
@@derek4412 A reply to every comment. The saltiness amuses me.
The hardest part about being a parent has been staying present
Idk why a conversation about being Child free is centered around males. It’s women who do the bulk of the work around giving birth and raising them and doing a second shift with them after work. Women are starting to realize it’s not worth it as much anymore
Where the heck are you raising one child for less than $250k? In the middle of nowhere? Average child costs from birth to 18 is close to $1 million, not include college. Almost 60% of them stay home until 25. You can’t tell me that doesn’t cost over $1 million a year
😂😂😂
Different people are fulfilled by different things. It's possible to have a "maternal instinct" while believing that not having children is what is best for you :)
There are a lot of bad people in this world. So who is having the bad kids? Most people will think their kids are angels.
After having to babysit my sibling's kids for a few days, i can conclude that, i definitely don't want any. Raising kids is a VERY VERY BIG commitment.
In ideal situations, your children leave and your spouse does not. Please don't neglect your marriage to convince your kids that they are the most important people in the world. They will be disillusioned and you will be divorced.
On the other hand, sucks that there are people who want kids but can't because of financial and other reasons
I would say that is truly the most heartbreaking part. Some of us dont have the means or money to support a family so it will never be option.
there are so many couples that want to start a family but can't because their student loan debt..
Raising a kid in the states seems like a horrible thing. Bad maternal healthcare, no maternity leave, low wages... I feel bad for anyone raising kids in that atmosphere.
Dont be, America is as good as any other country, if not better, to have children. And lots of parents can tell you that, not a video on CZcams that is implying that a socialist nation is better for having kids. No thanks.
My point is slightly off-topic. A workmate of mine said kids (& wife) make a man STABLE. I argued that a man can be stable WITHOUT having kids (& wife). Granted, having family can push a man towards stability. However, a man can work towards stability by himself.
grandparents aren't banging down the door to watch the kids
Exactly.
My son made me 100 percent happier .... I didn’t have anyone before. He re lit the hustle in me and I’m 100 times better
a kid costs like $200,000 from 0 to 18 years, buy a car or house instead
@@MoneyMan28 money shouldn’t scare you away from kids if you believe in yourself and push yourself anything is possible. Millions of people have kids and are living MORE than comfortably. But I can see how someone w not a lot of hustle could feel intimidated
@@MoneyMan28 pretty sure you can have all three if you put your mind to it
@mackenzie campbell you are not worth the money you are paid
@@mackenziecampbell7165 I have plenty of hustle. I'm a doctor, and became a multi-millionaire in my 30s. Children were never appealing, and I greatly enjoy my financial freedom.
Imagine having elementary school kids during this ockdown and now having to homeschool, im sure parental regret is at an all time high
when i had my daughter, as a father i went through depression and anxiety. Money was a issue, no sleep, got sick all the time cause she was getting it from daycare and bringing it home. 3 yrs later its ok now but was very tough for me personally and im greatful to even have a child some people cant have kids at all.
My husband went through depression as well didn’t know men got it wish more people talked about it
That’s why my wife and I saved up money and had a nice house before kids. Our parents were just retired and helped out. Also I worked opposite shifts of my wife for 3 years so no one had to watch out kids.
@@mikethemechanic7395 nice!
I couldn’t agree more
You have to be happy with YOU first and everything else should just be an ADDITION to your happiness.
I 100% agree!!!
I think if you want children and your having them because YOU want them then they do make you happy. I personally love being a mom more than anything it gives my life purpose. I just wish I hadn’t waited so late to have 1 because I would have loved to have more.
That's probably why you're enjoying the experience is because you waited. It's always younger mom's I hear complaining. That's most likely because they hadn't lived enough life yet.
Okay but one of the best parts about having children for me is being able to give them a great childhood with as many opportunities as possible. Like I love giving things to the people I love, more than buying things for myself.
Beautiful said.
It's fortunate that you're able to do that
You can still do that without having children?
I've never wanted kids. If I did I would adopt. I choose to spend my $ and energy on animal rescue.
Having kids and being a good parent actually requires emotional bonding and relationship bonding with the child, with the goal of that being a healthy relationship a healthy Bond including the parent not necessarily being overly authoritarian. Some people did not have healthy bonds with their own parents who may have been toxic, or physically present but emotionally and personally unavailable. thus for some people the idea of having kids is a great mystery in which there is true reticence because they are not certain they can actually bond with the child, due to absence of bonding in their life/ absence of relation and absence of relationship development. This means that the type of investment involved to be a parent does not necessarily reap a reward that they find to be tangible, or are a reward that they can identify with, or can even imagine that they could even create.
true but also, some have had positive bonds with family, but end up with the opposite with their own kids. just because you had a good experience doesn't mean it will be the same.
@@user-ht9oc7gw1f certainly agree with you. statement was to elucidate why the idea of having a child or bonding with a child as parent/ guardian may still be significant obstacle, cost or mystery to person in terms of being able to enact & maintain that bond- enough for a person to not have children
I love my children - they're beautiful and there are some amazing moments that are precious and priceless. I've learned so much from the struggle of being a parent - but it is hard and I am not happier. I have wonderful moments and then I feel like I am going insane - but I would still give my life for my kids. It's a strange dichotomy, but an amazing one.
Raising children is hard, don’t get me wrong. It has days when you are frustrated or annoyed, and sometimes they make you want to pull your hair out. But l believe it is 100% worth it, especially in the long run. The most rewarding aspects of life tend to be really hard sometimes.
I disagree. it is not 100% worth it for everyone even in the long run. plenty of people regret it and concluded that it wasn't worth it in the end, it's just taboo to admit. even if you do no one cares.
@@user-ht9oc7gw1f very honest.
@@user-ht9oc7gw1f Ok, but not everyone regrets it either. Blake's words might be true for a lot of parents and yours for some others. Live and let live -- there's not a need to make everyone think that parenthood is a poor decision for everyone.
People who have kids don't know how hard it is to have a kid until they do. People who are childfree already know how hard it is to have kids and have chosen not to reproduce. It's very obvious why the childfree are happier: no buyer's remorse.
Actually I volunteered for a retirement home once and observed that people who have many children are more optimistic about their future and looking forward to visits during long breaks (we are talking about once or twice a year visits and their children are too busy with their own lives) In a way, their outlook on life is different
@@RayaAndy Many older people without children who don't have kids did not choose that life. Nowdays more people who don't have kids make that choice with open eyes. That makes a big difference, so people should stop bringing that up especially as we know that parents out of guilt or shame rarely talk about their regret of having kids. But just looking at stats with abuse (physically or emotionally) on kids, kids in the foster care, kids living with their parentz but being ignored and adults who barely talk to their parents it is pretty obvious than many people also regret having them.
@@heredianna2496 obviously don’t have kids if you don’t want them. But a lot of people who would be open to kids choose to prioritise career or money in their 30s with false thinking that everyone who has kids ‘regrets’ it, or that not having kids will guarantee them success or money. This is unfortunately something they live to regret when they realise their career won’t last forever :/
When your kids are more important than your Partner, and you start not fufilling your partners needs, there is a big issue.
Having kids isn’t a reset button on life, or a ‘fixer-upper’ either. It can either be the best thing ever, or the worst thing you’ve ever done. If you ever doubt for a second about having kids, don’t have them.
I haven’t really watched the video but to answer the question, NOOO kids DONT make you happier. Notice they say my kids are important etc but they don’t necessarily make you happier. Honestly, kids can be very stressful.
I see more unhappy, constantly complaining parents than child free people who regret their choice
I think it depends on the person, for some people their family is everything to them
Yea and not having children doesn't mean you and your partner/spouse aren't a family.
My family is everything to me and my boyfriend of 11 years and I are child free.
@@HylianVamp Family starts with a wife and a husband, not a boyfriend and a girlfriend.
@@ladye2818 lol you’re very ignorant, naive, and old fashioned. I have a great family without marriage.
@@HylianVamp Is that so? I’m open to seeing where it is proven that a nuclear family, does not begin with a wife and a husband. No, you have a great common-law boyfriend, who you choose to call family.
Having kids is one of those instances where the want is more important than the need.
pause. no one ever "needs" to have a child. it has always been a want/desire
Dose having kids make them happy?
When people ask me if I want kids, I say "not in this economy"
Economy has nothing to do it with it. Need to take ownership of your own success.
I realized about 8 years ago that I will never be able to afford having a child so I gave up the idea. It was hard at first because people pressure you as to when you should but me and my boyfriend talked and realized we will never have enough money to take care of a kid so we can either have a kid and be barely making it each month financially or we can agree to not have kids and live our lives comfortably.
i think it would be interesting to compare the perspectives people in Canada and France and Germany have with people in USA on cost of having children.
@@xxxxMonkeyGirlxxxx if you decide to have a kid one day, remember the kid will be grateful for your altruism; just like how we are grateful to our parents who had sacrificed their comfort by giving us a chance for life . That's a measure of happiness...not just how much money you can spent on them. Go luck!
@@manp1039 As someone who grew up in France I can easily say that having kids is not a thing for young people. Unfortunately, unemployment rate is between 20-25% for young people. It is so difficult to even get a first job that when you finally have one and make good money you are in your thirties. Even with free healthcare and free education people are not having kids because they don't earn enough (the average pay of a French employee is at 1,880€) which means that they can't buy houses quickly enough (even though interest rates at 0% are offered by banks) to have kids. The birth-rate is currently at 1.92 and it keeps falling. So, you can add France to the list of countries where people are not having kids due to the economy.
I can’t afford to have kids so I have chosen not to have them. I was upset about this realization at first but I’m at peace with it now.
Yeah, same. I’d want only the best for my kids, which often means being super financially stable, so if I can’t provide that I’m not going to be a parent.
Very noble. I grew up in poverty. My parents were broke and unemployed before they had me. Life is very challangeing for someone like me. Poverty comes with a certain trauma. Tbh I wish my parents were less selfish and did not have kids. As a teen I did not even have a bed, food, books, clothes, etc. because my parents could not afford it. Had to quit my hobbies because no money. So all my life I grew up watching tv and being bored. To this day I don't know who I am and what my talents are.
I like children as well but let me tell you I prefer to die before having any kid of mine growing up in poverty. So I will not be having children.
Genuine question...So are you choosing to not advance your life and financial situation, or are there circumstances that prevent you? Like if you have chosen to not have kids for whatever reason ok. However I’m always curious when it sounds like not being able to afford something is a lifestyle you cannot overcome, unless other factors actually make that possibility more difficult.
@@ejohnson5316 I think everyone wants to advance their lifestyle and situation but it's not always possible due to health issues or whatever. I think nowadays problem is people see poor people as loser instead of asking how they can help or wondering what factors play a part. I know a young 26yo woman who's mother scammed her for over 95k. She's not having kids because she's paying off her debts. Does her working a 9 to 5 and taking her responsibility by paying off her debt means that she is not advancing financially? Imo no, she is advancing to become debt free so hopefully she can buy a house one day.
@@misshoneynevercame4832 my apologies if my question came off sounding insensitive to those who actually can’t due to medical, or other reasons. However my experience have been watching people who are able bodied decide to not attempt to learn ways to possibly advance themselves financially. I asked because it seemed she might have wanted children before. And financial hardships got in the way.