The toxic female gaze | Emma Jones | TEDxGhent
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- čas přidán 27. 06. 2017
- Distorted perspectives on females have been created in the subconscious of our society, creating a confidence crisis that endangers the current and future female generations. Urgent action is needed to stand up against how women are portrayed. Emma provides an insider perspective on the media’s obsession with the personal lives of female celebrities perpetuating an inherent belief that the value of a woman is physical.
From being a BBC News reporter to producer in politics, economics and social affairs. In recent years she has worked a lot within the fields of arts, culture, media and tech. The type of work ranges from interviewing to live presenting for news or film festivals such as Sundance and Cannes. Co-founder of Noble Media and Electra Media - a media channel that speaks for women in the film industry.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
![[Vowel]물고기는 물에서 살아야 해🐟🤣Fish have to live in the water #funny](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/3G9MH063Cx4/mqdefault.jpg)
I'm a girl and can say that my fellow girls have hurt me more than boys ever did
girls always hurt girls more than boys. They hurt DEEPER. boys hurt on the surface.
Yeah but that's because we make ourselves more vulnerable to female friends the guys. With guys were naturally going to have boundaries in place, the friend field is different. I had a lot of heartbreaks dating but when a best friend breaks your heart... that is a difference kind of hurting. Took way longer to heal. But I still prefer the company of (strong and secure) women better than any man, the women just take a while to find. They're out there, far and few but worth their weight in gold.
@@prittyugly86 I prefer the company of good people, be they male or female. I don't draw dichotomies between the sexes. Barring the aggregate natural differences in temperament, we are all similar enough. And If I can't get used to another's temperament, that's just me being slow in expanding my reach to others
@@user-yp6yr9te7l praise your comment bud
Same here
I've met so many women who seem to feel that everything is a competition, even intimacy.
Yes and that is 1000% true, nobody to blame, all in the DNA game!
They're good for nothing those ones, stay away from them.
I'm intimately competitive!
This is what women get for trying to act like men
@Luca Hemley which leads to the Darkside of THE Force.
Psychology tells us that a good appearance can make a good impression on others but it is just a temporary feel. With the deepening of communication, the personality weighs more.
depends on what you're after really, and what kind of person you're talking to. If you want a friendship or general respect, then yes (that's true more often than not). However looks do make a bigger impact when it comes to romance. When it comes to attraction, personality does matter a lot, but you need to find at least *something* about them physically attractive (although this is often very subjective)
Yeah there’s this really hot guy at my school and that gave me a good impression of him, but soon after I realized he’s selfish and acts like a baby. So now I just see him differently
Interestingly it seems most (or at least many) people conflate looks with moral quality, and more broadly all good or bad qualities. Its weird seeing 80 year olds get called attractive because people agree with them and youth getting called hideous by those that disagree. It does actually seem to be valid in certain cases like with old people whos moods have influenced their facial features from years of scowling or smiling though
Yep, i always did very well with girls until i opened my mouth.
@@jeice13 Yep, it's called "the halo effect." An average looking dude like me and everyone else below or above suffers from at too. Till we get sick of getting pissed on anyways
As a 50 year old woman I can just remember a time when there was a lot of positive reinforced support within girls and women in the "sisterhood". A time when the unspoken rule was to be there for one another and if necessary lift up someone if they happen to fall. Now it seems that almost the exact opposite is the case. Interesting.
😭
You're a 20 year young woman with an additional 30 years of experience 😉
I am 56 and I don't actually remember this sisterhood. I haven't experienced it. I do think this 'sisterhood' is a myth. In my experience, there is a lot of jealousy, narcissism and that we have to conform to white middle class career 2.4 and cockapoo model. I have CPTSD from the abuse by women (well some) and for my own MH I have to stay clear from them, but I will stand up against abuse which they don't like very much and I get the gaslighting. Sometimes I think we are 'at war' with other women, it really is crazy out there.
@@beaulieuc8910
You wrote that you thought sisterhood was a myth > So you know, I am 62, and in my youth, I never saw them be mean to others (of any age). I had lots of friends in high school (the 1970s) and in college, and "sisterhood" was a standard thing. We were supportive friends, no one was mean: people were able to confide in each other, cry with each other, share their experiences and feel accepted and loved in the midst of it. They didn't demean each other, they didn't show unkindness, they didn't bully, and I had numerous dorm roommates that were strangers when we moved in together. The state university dorms I lived in were places of peace. I had a group of friends that were never unkind to anyone. I observed the friends of my parents and their peers in the community, and they didn't behave meanly with each other at all. I had many sisterly supports through my life, but as the 1990s developed, I noticed a large shift in people's behavior, such that they would actually try to run over people, not just verbally, hatefully, but physically too, even with their cars. I'm telling you, it didn't used to be like that.
@@tusia7403
May I ask what country that is? That's the way the US used to be, circa 1982 and before, then gradually getting worse through the 90s and after.
I know this comment will get lost but I really wish Ted wouldn't mic up their speakers so close to their mouth.
I find it hard to focus on the words because of the mouth sounds.
Judith Furmston.
That's what she said!
Agree - the lipsmacking and other mouth sounds give me the chills.
Mr Toad misophoniacs rise up
i was gona say the same thing! The sounds of saliva really take away from the speakers message :(
Me too.
In China there is joke - three girls need 4 chat groups
@Pichkalu Pappita very sorry but i don't think my English is good enough to explain it clearly
Pichkalu Pappita I assume it's something like this...girls A B and C are all in one group chat, but each girl also needs to be in a chat excluding one of the other girls so they can talk about her behind her back. Therefore; A and B can "whisper" to each other (to talk about C), A and C can whisper (about B), and lastly B and C can whisper (about A)
@Pichkalu Pappita It's math
@@VeryBlueberrry good saying
😁👍🏿
Off topic but I love her voice. She should narrate an audiobook
It's calming
Are you in the Klan?
No thanks , wet mouth sounds are horrific
Exactly i was thinking that too
@Kayla i agree i think she should start with 50 shades of grey
I was a naive little girl. The first time I found out how closely media scrutinised something as inconsequential as celeb looks and makeup, I was disgusted. So maybe it's not ingrained. Maybe it's learned.
yes it is!
It’s ingrained.
Even babies do this.
Everyone is judged!
Men on looks and capability to provide as well as social status. Women are judged on fertility /age, looks, being a mother (or not) and even if they can still maintain a career.
The only ‘winners’ are people who manage peoples perceptions or people who simply don’t care.
Exactly. It's much easier to teach one person how to cope with social pressure than it is to change human society as a whole.
Men are valued more in terms of looks by being tall and athletic.
@@ganymeade5151 men can’t change their height and it’s much harder to gain muscle than it is to stay at a skinny-medium size.
guys might be attracted to women first for their looks, but they stay for their personality
True but you need looks to attract some one first. Without looks they’ll never approach you and they’ll never find out you have a good personality.
That's true for women too
@@Vrjm81 Obviously you have never met any asexuals, demisexuals, demiromantics, or aromantics.
@@milfbangerbhabhilover9771 But then there's also money, career, earning potential in the mix. That stuff doesn't matter for most guys.
@@465marko what this is old i don't remember what this video said
Thank you for this talk. Very insightful. Manipulative industries that want us to constantly compare and devalue ourselves have a truly toxic effect on most people. I refuse to view any celebrity blogs, links or videos. And I avoid magazines and most television. There is airbrushing, plastic surgery and other industry tricks that annoy me. Real women, in real life deserve much better than being encouraged to obsess about their looks and clothes.
I can feel a terf here.
Insightful? That a woman's 's biggest critics is other women? This is obvious.
@@sadbaguette677 ??
Not just that. Now there are photomanipulation and social media as well, to make this kind of thing more common place than just the world of celebrity.
Supply and demand, this is how the world has worked for centuries
"Every beautiful woman dies twice." ---Lauren Bacall
And one day they'll realize that the first death is completely avoidable by knowing yourself and not being vain.
@@JeremyHolmes it's not about needing to not be vain. It's about not determining your self worth based on how you look.
@@janettejack7721 Yeah, placing a value on looks is vanity.
@@JeremyHolmes no it's not vanity or ego. For many years woman were taught the their only value as a woman was their beauty.
@@janettejack7721 taught?
Van Morrison: "The girls walk by dressed up for each other."
AMEN!
Another myth
If you stopped looking at other people’s lives you will start listening to your body and love yourself.
Great advice! Comparing yourself is detrimental
Women dress for women and undress for men.They also dress their men..pretty much.
A woman told me that once.
Sonic.
That is very funny. Good one.
@@victorarregnelle8976
Thay have to give birth so as a human race we can continue.
they like being toxic
@@CS-sv8fg I don't
Why would i dress for another woman? 🤨
I like the way we ask questions that we already KNOW the answers TO.....
And act bewildered before AND after...
About everything apparently
Something that has always bothered me is the idea of makeup and how women are the ones expected to wear it. Not to say men can't and don't wear makeup, but beauty products are directed towards women. When did someone decide that we weren't beautiful enough naturally? And why is it only women? Makeup has become a such a norm, and it teaches us that our eyelashes aren't long enough and our skin isn't clear enough and that our looks matter enough that we must improve upon them. I was 15 when I first started wearing makeup. I had nearly just started puberty and I had already learned the message that I needed to be prettier. I don't shame others for wearing makeup (I still do to this day) but it is the fundamental idea of makeup that makes my stomach churn.
because its a biological arms race between other women. Some girls started doing things to enhance their looks which put them ahead in mate selection. Therefor forcing other women to get on board or be left behind. Its the same reason as to why do men always have to do the approaching with women. I could sit back and complain its not fair, but while I'm doing so i would get out competed by guys who get out and do it. Girls are competing to maximise her approachability and guys are competing to maximise their approaching.
thats why beauty products are directed towards women, men cant just make ourselves beautiful and hope women come to us.
I've been denigrated by women and men for voicing my belief that women shouldn't wear make-up. The standard line is that make-up is empowering (which is sick, in my opinion, and completely counter-intuitive) so I was viewed as attacking a woman's self-worth. It's this weird, twisted logic that ties make-up to strength & self-confidence.
well it's less that someone decided we weren't beautiful enough naturally and more that people decided that men didn't need makeup most of the time. People have worn makeup at least since our brains evolved to modern capacity, possibly even longer. Small children, even aged 2-3 will cover themselves with nearly any spreadable substance on hand. They aren't being messy, they are experimenting with makeup. Even at a very young age we think about the image that we are presenting to the world: and that is what makeup is really about. It isn't really about beauty at all, but rather about identity. That is why it is such a fixture of human life, across all cultures and from an early age. Of course, people can and do live without it. If we choose not to, or aren't allowed to, use makeup: we turn to other things. Only in a society where one never meets strangers does the need for makeup disappear. Most people don't live in a society like that, and wouldn't want to though. The question is more: how do we use makeup in a healthy and beneficial way?
Feminists are trying to make "unwanted advances" (aka asking a girl out) an offense, so pretty soon no one will ask anyone out anymore. On the plus side, we won't have to bother with makeup anymore either!
That's not what "unwanted advances" means. unwanted advances have to do with touching, catcalling and getting in someone's personal space. It's perfectly fine to ask a girl out anytime you want. I don't know who would consider that an "advance" or offense. Most people like being asked out, even if they feel a need to decline.
She's literally talking about the male gaze, why didn't she name it like that
Ikr?? I cant even tell if the people in these comments are being misogynist or not
How? We don’t discriminate or isolate women for not being unattractive. Lots of the unattractive girls we turn down, we do it in a respectful way and even become friends with them. Girls on the other hand will dehumanize the guy by calling him a creep and ridiculing him behind his back
Women judge other women.. It's really sad.
...and, then say, we don't judge, then, turn around and call another something lowly. B..tches.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned from Great Courses Instructor, Dr. Rufus Fears, is that I didn't need to be "beautiful," it's much more attractive and powerful to be "beautiful to be with," which means cultivating knowledge, passion and wisdom.
The best ted talk ever. I love this woman. I am going to follow her on her social media page. I agree, this intense worship of body is not helping young girls and women. Instead of confidence, it is doing the opposite.
The minute she said “it’s nothing harmful it’s just a click.” I had to question why I was watching this video.
What a genuinely amazing heart felt talk with non of the silly shallow mannerisms that lots of women on Ted talks use. Most act the same like they have been coached by the same person. This displays they are not confident in themselves or the knowledge they are trying to portray.
I'm so glad someone is finally addressing how women objectify men...
wait...nevermind
Jojo Snow when I clicked on that’s what I thought it was gonna be because objectifying men is seen as acceptable
Yeah, I was waiting to hear how women's view of men is toxic and needs to change.
me too, i thought that as well, like, yeah...
Aw man that's what I just clicked this video expecting to hear about and i'm only 2 minutes in 🤨
Why do you guys just go around CZcams looking for pick-me-ups to make yourselves feel better?
I was never called pretty as a little girl and thought I would meet “Prince Charming”. I had to develop strength and some personality
I love a good personality
Lets dance pretty girl 👧
My mother would tell me I looked pretty when I was dressed up,, but she never told me yes if I asked if I was pretty. I knew the difference, and it hurt.
You are very pretty. Your smile can light up a room. Keep being you beautiful lady🙂
CatsGTOW I couldn’t imagine being treated like a “princess”, whatever that means
Now you're pretty though
I wonder how many people will dislike and leave when they see "toxic" and "female" in the title without taking a second to think about the video at all.
James Ano over 100 it would seem!
James Ano all of them
James Ano. I watched it. It's shit.
Maybe try.. not to wonder about negative possibility when the positive projection and focus might be more productive creating energetic atmosphere determined with possibility of the good.. cheers
Amy What are you saying????
Thanks, Emma. I appreciate you for taking a stand for human dignity. One of the most interesting meta-conversations about your talk is the ecological relationship between writer and subject, speaker and listener, interviewer and interviewee. I've been aware all my life that the most interesting parts of me and others are not viewed because there is no role in our dumbed-down version of culture through which to express them. If 99% of people ask me "keeping busy?" it defines the whole cultural dialog based on a competition to manically create things to do. If everyone asks women about age it's the same thing. Here are a few metrics I think are medicinal to pay attention to:
1) What are 40 things that if anyone did them would make you feel completely and totally loved?
2) Who would you love to be as a human being if no one was watching or ever knew? Why?
3) What are your greatest strengths and what role, if it existed, would allow you to bring the most value to the most people, based on your strengths?
From experience the person who answers these questions thoughtfully is a pretty amazing person to spend time with of any age, body type or gender.
Dane Rose These are very difficult questions you ask. As a Septuagenarian, these questions may not apply to me. 1) I could answer that in 25 words or less. 2) I would love to be a less selfish human, but never another person, unless more empathy makes me a different person. 3) People seem to look at my strengths through their weakness, and I look at others strengths through my weaknesses.
Watch at 1.25x. Changes the entire tone.
1.75
@@gg_rider 2x
I always watch at 1.5 or faster it’s the only way I can get through most of them.
I tried it you are right, it became some what a feminazi's draughed "whining"
It’s because she’s a bit shy
If you happen to see a little girl sharing, compliment her for being kind. If you see a little girl practicing to win, compliment her drive. If you see her in a pretty dress please tell her she is beautiful.
If I do the last one, I will most certainly go to jail
Self-esteem is generated from within.
No one else can give or reduce another's self-esteem.
That would be called other-esteem.
Stop asking others to make women strong.
Women that become strong make themselves
strong completely on their own.
The best way I've heard it put is that self ESTEEM is how you FEEL about yourself, which changes from day to day with every interaction we have. Whereas self RESPECT is how we treat ourselves, it is an ACTION, and can be measured and inventoried. We need to stop catering to people's (especially girl's and women's) self esteem and teach them to practice self respect.
@@tylersingleton9284 No, self-esteem is more than just how one feels but how one sees oneself. Are you honorable, reliable, wise or at least striving to become more virtuous. Self-respect is NOT how we treat ourselves but how we behave in general and is a close partner with self-esteem. Self-respect is the way we act, our behavior that leads to and reinforces our self-esteem. In turn, as our self-esteem improves we are more confident in acting with self-respect. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that high self-esteem is about virtuous attitudes as you or I may see them. Neither is self-respect necessarily about virtuous behavior as you or I may see it. Some of us can see that not so positive self-esteem and self-respect in some of our most powerful and influential leaders. Make no mistake, they are self-esteem and self respect no matter how much we or others may like to think of them as purely positive attributes. They are not.
@Jack Paul They can teach others how to generate their own self-esteem. Parents and teachers do not give or take away self-esteem. They can help others assess their own abilities and efforts and teach them how those assessments should make them feel about themselves. How they feel about themselves is, then, completely up to the individuals themselves.
There's a big difference between "self-esteem" and self-respect. The former caters to ego/false pride, while the latter is about ethics. The former builds narcissistic traits over time, while the latter builds good character for life.
@@cacatr4495 Those appear to be extremely narrow views of self-esteem and self-respect. Do you have any supporting reasoning for those particular distinctions? I don't see why self-esteem should have anything to do with false pride at all, or to build narcissistic traits over time. I don't see why self-respect must be related to ethics, or build good character for life.
Dear Ms. Jones. Thank you for presenting facts and numbers that drive home how huge a problem female expectations are. To all of us. I wish the lighting where you gave your talk this night had let you see the faces of men in your audience like the two shown around the 8:50 minute mark of this presentation. If you had been able to see their heartache about the statistic you'd just shared, that 1 in 4 British girls and young women self-harm, you couldn't have said only moments later that men should take heed because anorexia is on the rise in young male populations. We're all in this together. And every loving being feels pain at reports of another's suffering. Thank you for sharing your ideas of ways we can all ease the load of suffering that comes of harboring and being subjected to unrealistic standards of approval by one's kind, Ms. Jones. I especially appreciate your recommendation of Conscious Clicking. It's such a simple, doable by anyone, way of pulling for Team Humankind. And such an effective way to approve of oneself a lot more than before a conscious click. You've done a good service, drawing folks attention to the importance of acting in accordance with the higher of competing values and impulses. More power to you!
browsing the web with photos turned off helps a lot. And not clicking on anything that says Kardashian.
I don't think this issue can be laid at the feet of the media.
Beauty and youth were desirable traits in women long before television or even print not to mention Instagram. Much like strength and status were desirable traits in men. This is why many women's self-worth is tied to their beauty and appearance and many men's self-worth is tied to their status.
TheWolverine:
Spitting truth...as usual.
Yeah, it's not like it would be useful for people to have developed preferences to view youth in women as beautiful, because youth correlates with fertility. This is just the blank slate argument in disquise all over again.
I think you don't see the subtleties here. Yes you are right, women and men always have cared about these traits and that probably is not going away. But where is the bar for beautiful nowadays and why is it that way? The more a girl feels bad about her appearance the more interested in buying make up for example she will be. If you are a make up seller and another guy is a clothes seller, you lack empathy, have plenty of greed and you want to make more bucks from people, what do you both do with your marketing campaigns? What about men thinking they need to be the most alpha with the ferrari, James Bond appearence and italian suit to just have a shot with any girl? Can you get to where I am taking you?
@@Daniel-ow3cv Sure.
Only comment that made sense so far
I agree completely! Women need to find their confidence in who they are as a person and through their actions! Sure everyone wants to look their best but my life goal is to follow my dreams and be a good person! I am confident in who I am as a person! It’s a shame though I’ve actually had people confuse my confidence with conceit! Whether male or female if someone works hard and treats others with respect they should be proud and confident, anyone that has a problem with that is jealous and insecure! I find women to be more critical and judgmental and while I do have some female friends I prefer to have male friends because my conversations with my male friends revolve around work and hobbies where as too many women want to turn everything into a competition or sit around and tear theirselves apart because they don’t look like a super model! Unfortunately a lot of women are brain washed by society!
Amazing TED Talk, so empowering and inspiring!
It is something i've always talked about, how most of the prejudice regarding female appearance is coming from media meant for a female audience, which is comprised mostly of other women, since an early age they are looked down on because of their shoes, or hair or something shallow like that, establishing a silent competition between women to try to one up the other which leads to such a low self esteem culture with the goal of boosting consumism, the same happens to men to a certain extent but on a different context. The true problem in society is this low self esteem mentality that we're all subject to from the moment we start interacting socially with the outside world.
this is NOT a men verse women issue to all of you saying "but men have problems too blah blah blah". she's not making this about men. Yes, men's issues are important, and so is this issue in the talk. It's not an either/or situation.
A very smart women! The media puts out what gets clicks, so watch what you are voting for.
" It's not an either/or situation."
actually it kind of is an either/or situation. at least to an extent. to put it simply human attention is a very limited resource and the way its compartmentalized in most people mean that there is a limited amount of it given to certain topics. so constantly talking about female problems is monopolizing the discussion about gender related problems even if technically it doesn't directly stop you from hearing about male issues.
I know this is an old comment but I agree. Though the only thing I would criticize with her speech is that she doesn't know this is a growing issue among young men and boys as well. Being a Psychology student myself and having spoken to experienced therapists, they'll tell you that more commonly now not just women and girls, but men and boys suffer from body image and self-esteem issues as well.
I've seen my sisters daughters, 13 and 11, already work themselves up with it, and heard teenage boys who hate themselves because how they look. I've done my best to teach my sisters children about it and they have great parents too, but there's a ton of social pressure for them to follow. Not just outside but what kind of Self image they are being sold, and the " fix " for it.
Right. It's not a zero sum game
+Aunty Agony
Good deal? Women are given right to vote and property without service to the state
Women are given sole authority over reproduction
Women are catered to in most facets of society whereas men are left to their devices
and you want us to offer MORE?
If that isn't a grandiose sense of entitlement, I don't know what is
And yes, take care of those fatherless, feminized boys, who are obsessed with their looks too.
Part of me applauds her for talking about this, another part of me just kinda goes “this is wishful thinking”. And I think that comes from just learning and deconstructing so much of life and kinda recognizing the core of life is inherently about both survival and reproduction. So in a way, I don’t see our interests in people being too far off that tract per se. perhaps some change and culture might help people, but overall, the core of life is still the core of life and by the time we figure out the game, we die, and another person is born and they got to start all over again. Also, parents I’ve noticed likley don’t go as deep into much of how life works because they just don’t have time. That was a reality that kinda hit me kinda hard I admit.
There's a reason I don't read celebrity gossip. I just think people are butting in to famous people's private lives way too much, sometimes distastefully. I can't tell you how many times I've felt disgusted when I see a tabloid revealing some "scandal" about someone who has died.
Much needed discussion on Tedtalk!👍 Well said!👏 Insightful Perspectives!👏😇🙋
I struggle with this so much. I am in pain.
I can't believe how intellectually bankrupt this whole situation is. How can you so seriously dance yourself around and ignore the obvious conclusion?
What’s the obvious conclusion?
@@AG-ed3ev Probably not so obvious since OP hasn't replied in 4 years
It's the patriarchy and women internalise male values without even realising it. When I first studied feminism (at University), I only took it because it was better than another option. As a twenty-one year old I actually thought it was just women moaning about nothing because we could vote and work and drive. But wow, the Beauty Myth opened my eyes. Women are taught to derive self-worth from the projected male gaze i.e. what women imagine men want. In every facet of my life, sexism has played out in glorious technicolour. We need to send little girls (edit, and boys) new messages about self-worth, empowerment and what really matters.
Psychology courses should be universally mandatory. So many people don't understand that, unless society breaks down your door and forces you to make certain choices, YOU are the one who controls how you respond to things. Internalization and salience are incredibly important concepts, and they are individually unique. Media has an impact on us, but it's not a 1-to-1 thing. It doesn't override the fact that you control how you are affected by it. The idea that you have no control is a dangerous falsehood. There is no "toxic masculinity" or "toxic femininity". It's just harmful behaviors that manifest in unique ways with different people. These ideas are dangerous because they ignore individuality and personal responsibility. Take it from someone with degrees in Anthropology, if you focus on groups and not individuals, your resulting theories will be wrong and will cause far more harm than good.
Yeah men get judged on both. Looks and money. At least an attractive poor woman can get plenty of attention
This talk's gonna change my life.
"It's women that read..."
Thanks for giving me the entirely new perspective, so refleshing talk!
Your animation is absolutely gorgeous!
Couldn’t agree more. Very well put
I can remember as a non conforming teen I felt most relaxed with boys my own age and none made remarks about my appearance identity or preference. In the current era I wonder if that happens. I was awfully careful with girls because they were so much less likely to let you be! Now I enjoy the company of women my age as they are much more likely to be understanding of gender fluidity. As teens though some were toxic.
İn my middle school years I was bullied by my classmates and like %95 of them was guys. What I see in all of these comments is that people still generalize all of the men and woman by just one example/accident that they go through. İf a woman treated u bad 2 years ago, doeant mean that all women are bad. İf a man lied to us once, doesnt mean that all men are liars. All of the comments that I read are right in their own ways. We just have to stop attacking people and trying to look for a mistake they made and judge them, we just have to try to understand them and help her/him. Because once we realise that helping the "other" will help "us", and help the little kid inside of us, eventually, we could actually may help and heal all the society some day💙🙏🏻
Haven't met understanding women my age. Most femmes I meet at any and every age are the totalitarian gender police
Society is obsessed with a woman's beauty, youth, and fertility much in the same way society is obsessed with a man's status, earnings, physical attributes etc. That's life, it's unfair, double standards exists for both genders. You can't have your cake and eat it too. That is just the way biology and the world works and we all have to live with that.
Men aren't judged for their fertility. However, they are judged for their looks.
It's as if women are just as competitive as men when it comes to attracting mates.
Especially when ovulating apparently. They require a mate that will give their future children a good start in life, so the weedy nerdy guy next door working a low wage job isn't going to cut it.
@@martynblackburn1977 Nerdy guys don't do a low wage job lol
love those ted talks that sound like the microphone is located inside their cheek
This is really interesting. I appreciate your perspective that shows empathy, self-criticism, and the initiative to search for solutions and cooperate in order to change certain aspects of society, looking for balance, respect and quality content.
She is actually ignoring the real problem women face in society by going after a red herring designed to distract people from the real issues faced by people that need to be addressed. There is no empathy in this speech, just narcissism and ideological drivel that does nothing but shame the common person for what entertainment they enjoy, its nothing more then a power tactic to try to control what you read, watch and believe. There is no evidence that there is a relationship between self harm and celebrity gossip. She asserts that there is a connection between celebrity culture and anorexia and she provides zero empirical evidence to support that. This is just a cliche critique of our society that feminist have been making for over 50 years, they were wrong then, they are wrong now.
What is the real problem?
The real problem is that she's a woman telling the truth and some people can't handle that lol
Treeforged what would you do if you were a woman? Try seeing it through a woman’s point of view then maybe you’d understand. Anorexia is a big problem and the media definitely plays a huge role in that. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure it out. Maybe you haven’t really thought about these things because you don’t have those pressures to be small/delicate. Seriously, every girl I know has some sort of eating problem. You never hear guys talk about how much they ate, how many calories are in this and that, they just enjoy their food. It’s a constant internal struggle for women the minute we take a bite of anything. Don’t take this as a fight or anything I’m just giving you my point of view. And narcissism? It’s strange that you would use that word. How is it narcissism when someone is speaking on behalf of their struggles? Narcissism is when someone uses, manipulate, brainwash, gaslight, blackmail, love bomb someone,have a grandiose sense of self, I don’t really see it here. I grew up with a narcissistic parent so this seems out of context. She’s not displaying narcissism. She has vast empathy for everyone, she included men in the speech too. I’m not sure how you think this is narcissism..Try to see it as if you were a woman, how would you feel then?
When you were coming up with your talk, you started with a main premise you wanted to get across. You had a few vague, undefined points which you strengthened by weaving them into coherent sentences, then paragraphs which then evolved into a series of drafts, each time carefully reworded so that as much of your intelligence is conveyed to the audience as possible in the final speech. This is much like what happens on a photoshoot. You come up with a concept. You choose a model that best fits the profile for the shoot. Then you have the hair and makeup people go to town. Then you have the photographer shoot her from her best angles. Then you have the retouching afterwords. And then the final perfected image is shared in the media for public consumption.
What I'm trying to say that the principle of perfectionism is everywhere from writing to music composition to international policy. If you're arguing that the beauty industry is corrupt because it distorts, exaggerates and sells the beautiful and untouchable, look around you and you'll see that if you this apply this neurotic line of reasoning anywhere else it seems daft. Should we stop playing football matches in pubs because it will sadden the old pensioners to know they'll never be as good as Gareth Bale? Should we not promote best selling books at Barnes & Nobles in case it puts someone off writing because they'll never be as good? Fashion images are part of the continuum of the art tradition and are just as worthy of respect as other crafts.
If your immediate reaction to seeing a beautiful person is self loathing then maybe the problem lies with you. Whats wrong with thinking 'wow, what a beautiful person, let me admire them'?
You know.... I never thought of it this way. You're making mad sense. But it falls short
You used footballers. I think the difference is, not every boy/girl is judged by how good they played. Heck, it doesn't even factor into the equation on if society values of accepted me. These standards although admirable, aren't put upon every boy or girl in any way.
I believe what she is saying is that, society is judging every women by the standards of the best. Which is unattainable for most. Heck even those at the top find it hard to maintain. That's what's giving women a hard time as they cannot meet these standards.
Art is voluntary.... It is never imposed
Zeeno the Inventor That's a fair point, she never once said in the video that we should stop editing models.
She said that not all women are your enemy and competitor.
Also the answer is never personal fault, it’s always more complicated than that. It’s very reductionist to take an individualist perspective on responsibility
@@Zeeno It falls short bc she's comparing apples to oranges in terms of profit models.
The images you see in fashion magazines are ADVERTISEMENTS. The very PURPOSE of those images is to persuade you to purchase something by promising to deliver what the image potrays. Viewing the image is cost-free or nearly so for the viewer, so unless the image motivates the viewer to buy the product they go out of business.
The same cannot be said of novels and spectator sports whose purpose is simply to ENTERTAIN. Authors, publishers and booksellers, just like athletes, sports unions and pubs, all turn a profit by entertaning you in exchange for the book you buy, the game you attend, or the pub you visit. The culture that surrounds those industries is different. They don't traffic in lies and prey on their customers low self-esteem for the simple fact that they don't RELY on triggering people's insecurities just to survive in the marketplace.
3:36 What's happening on the bottom left of the screen is exactly what she's saying
We are concerned with women's looks because we are enthralled by beauty, to the extent that it becomes a kind of power.
This is really an issue about power and respect, and how we in modern society deem it appropriate to offer so little respect to those with little power.
An over reaction to social media is not simply a problem with the media but also a problem with society. I am not a socialist by far but I think we ought to give more respect to personal qualities besides appearance and financial productivity. Those two qualities alone do not make a well rounded person, and a society that focuses on these elements above all else will be an awfully empty one.
I would blame authoritative 'news' media that seeks to admonish the other and the poor before I would place blame on the ramblings of random strangers.
The most articulate presentation on this rarely discussed subject I have heard.
Very good lecture, attentive audience.
Offered a well reasoned talk that made sense from a "decent human" perspective. I can only imagine the type of guy that downvotes this
Qwerty It's amazing that reminding most people of what decent human empathy looks like results in so much hatred
Yeah. Women are complex creatures all right.
Guilty about being defiant and projecting animosity onto the ones they have a guilt complex in relation to.
Ghosting away from that, then using the projected animosity to justify the defiant, self righteous, self absorbed, auto reinforcing narcissism.
Agreed
oh only guys vote it down and what if its based on false preconceptions assumed victim hood and so many false assumptions, i guess that makes me a terrible person your righteousness Qwerty what do you imagine then people like me are like, give us some more assumptions please
+qwerty
That didn't sound biased at all.
the reason why this video has this amount of dislikes it's because it's very controversial and this lady isn't afraid of speaking up about it
true
@@beaulieuc8910 and because men use biological arguments to justify why they obsess over women's youth
Based on the title I thought this would be about how women use expectant eye contact to pull in men but get extremely hostile if the man does not approach them. Happens to me in the workplace all the time.
In my country we'd say "this woman discovered orange" ie nothing new...
G. Confa
I know what rhymes with orange. That was a discovery.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184
flange
/flanj/
noun
a projecting flat rim, collar, or rib on an object, serving to strengthen or attach or (on a wheel) to maintain position on a rail.
Id like to keep this short & sweet so "You did this to You!" full stop no one else to blame its done. this ends when women decides it ends. Side note please stop shaming women who want a traditional family & life. Because without them the future is very very bleak.
What’
Very convincing talk about the unseen circumstances of media coverage content generation. Before I click on a paparazzi work outlet, I shall remind myself the circumstances i which Princess Diana died.
I don't think asking ANYONE if they want kids as harrasing. Having kids and offspring is part of the natural order of living....
Why do we care about a woman's age and not a man's...or their looks? Perhaps because men have NEVER been valued for their looks to begin with. So, when you lose something you've never had...you don't miss it.
Men's value is in sacrificing their lives to earn money to support their families and society. Their value is in what they can earn and how much tax they can pay. Usually, their earning potential increases with age. So, their value increases with age...until they're finally discarded, used up, no longer useful to anyone.
I was a pudgy teen riddled with acne. I hated my body too. I had low self esteem too. I was picked on too. No girls would go on a date with me. So? It was temporary.
I'm not sure that human nature will let this problem go away. Women worship their appearance the same way men worship power. If you stop caring about those things you are likely to accrue disadvantage with the opposite sex's attraction for you. Selecting a good mate is one of the strongest primal instincts in us.
If you (anyone) does not feel attractive/worthwhile, it is the internal that needs work, and the external takes care of it self, after the fact.
I love Jen...Shes cool and I wish I could meet someone like her in my life.
How are media consumers supposed to tell which thumbnails are taken by paparazzi and which aren't? It's a bit confusing to be told "be careful what you click on", then also be told "try to get the whole story", which usually entails clicking on the article to get the full context.
I think when a website is a gossip site, it's pretty obvious if it's gonna be a truth or lie...
YOU GO EMMA!!!!!
I was expecting to hear a well articulated talk about how women view men through an idealized romantic film gaze, basically expecting men to die for women's love and honor.
But of course, it was again just another talk about 'women as victims'. I guess we can never expect western society to see men as actual human being.
Its the way they look in a condescending way as if they are superior to you in every manner
Isn’t this technically still the male gaze??
Wow. You really want to make us the cause for literally every problem you invent in your own lives, huh?
@@mechamahou8467 ikr. Talk about gas lighting
@@mechamahou8467 "Its Patriarchy Backfiring"
Do an internet search for "Image is everything!" or why "personal branding is critical." Every time I go to a personal development seminar I am bombarded with this worldview. Crass materialism meets psychology! It's the "commodification of the self." It feels narcissistic. I long for my youth when I was taught "character is everything because it is constant; beauty, physical prowess, even sometimes our mental capabilities, fade with time."
Well you’ve been living a lie. People say personality is the most important thing, but studies have shown (especially in the eyes of women) that looks are incredibly important
@@justadummy8076 Important yes...but not the only factor. I've charmed my way into few hearts!!!
Note: we are not enemies, but people who have different opinions.
so true, thank you
I've been thinking that... In the last decade it seems to me that social media also idealizes/idolizes male beauty... At least in young pop idols... I wonder if that is affecting young men's expectations/psychology too...
definitely
It has.
Men whi exercise have started to use more steroids to get a cut look.
Well not really, you see a man's worth is not defined by his beauty and looks but rather by his success and social status. Good looking guys have an edge in the 20s of course but the soon to be successful guys don't pay attention to women in 20s so it's really not big of a deal. It only effects women because the most necessary attribute for a women is beauty.
I know of young males,dudes travelling secretevily to Turkey etc to get a hairline fixed... never in a million years would think to hear about it
It does, though no one would ever admit it. It is worth mentioning that it may affect women more because that's the first thing people tend to notice about a woman.
Most men also don't feel happy with their body. The big difference is that the things men feel inadequate about are things they literally cannot change.
I think it's common for both men and women to feel that way about the parts of their bodies they can't change.
Very strong message for women. If this was the message of FEMINISM, I support it.
So how exactly are things tougher for women than men in the film industry?
I mostly agree with the speaker's premise, (diagnosis and prognosis), but evolution also played a role. The cultural influence did not appear out of thin air.
Part of why I normally can't stand the "women are insecure because of society" arguments is that it ignores the thousands of years of social and biological change that lead to women being the way they are. It's the reason why men often deal with conflict through violence and loud verbal attacks, while women normally attack each other through social exclusion and ruining the other person's reputation.
All I could think about watching this video was "this woman really just gave a Ted talk about this subject without even looking into the scientific literature"
Time and age are the great equalizer. Beauty fades period. Dont put so much stock in it.
Beauty for both women and men is practically gone by age 70. We must value ourselves for our positive traits. The media uses beauty and the promise of youth and beauty to get the masses to spend lots of money.
I know so many men who are giving themselves serious back problems to look "right" we are all hurting ourselves for nothing imo
A symptom of excess wealth. We have not transitioned well from unforgiving sustenance living to modern abundance as we have become enveloped by ego and base instincts that have taken the place of realism, survival, religion and structure. We can't go backwards, but we need a new path forward. A reignited spirituality without doctrines, and a vision of what a good life and society could be perhaps is what we need. A new age renaissance if you will.
Her voice is so soothing lol
Why "lol"?
i thought it would be about when a men does something wrong and the female gives him the toxic gaze.
I think this "issue" about what media we gravitate towards is very similar to the obesity epidemic, in that you can create good products that will benefit people (like healthy food), and you can make treats that people should only have a little of (candy, pizza and celebrity gossip trash articles), but ultimately the free market is consumer lead. People without restraint will binge on the treats and not eat the good stuff, and intellectually we do the same with the media content we consume. The subject raised here is a self-inflicted consumer issue that can only be addressed on the individual level - or you can have some creeping form totalitarian of media censorship "for the good of those who cannot control themselves". Is McDonalds' the issue, or did they just find an opening in a market where consumers will literally eat themselves to death?
I don't mean to take away from the impact of this wonderfully insightful talk but does anyone else hear Finn the humans mom from adventure time?
My daughter: “Something, something, because I'm a princess, and y - - -. ”
Me: "I mean, you can pretend that, but I'll kindly remind you that we live in a constitutional republic, and don't take kindly to no monarchies in this here nation."
Daughter: _stares_
"Mom! Jennifer's looking at me!"
same for sportsmen...not only women are replaced when they are two old for a film football players are replaced when they are too old to play...
Jennifer Aniston gave that speech at Rutgers a few years back with the free Panera Bread after.
Has it ever occurred to anyone that marketing, specifically advertising, may be the cause of women feeling bad about themselves?
This woman should do ASMR
Such a sedating voice.
*Dayum*
unusual to hear these truths aired - gently and constructively.
the counter argument is that treating family questions as worthless is a judgement of the domestic sphere. The female fascination with intimacy with celebs has been cultivated. If it's celeb x talks with a magazine about her cancer battle, whether she wants children or painful breakup, maybe that is actually useful information. The more sadistic element of zoom shots showing clothing stains is less able to be defended.
Age bodies and relationships why are we so interested in them when it comes to women? Because women young women are put on a pedestal & instead of a number of humble things characters qualities being edified regarding people of various ages & creeds that urge capitalistically driven or not is utilizing young women to fill that pedestal mostly.
Also is the media a reflection if society or a misrepresentation, or at least manipulation? Some of the change society may need to evolve in a positive fashion may involve defining terms & expectations when it comes to media focus & representation
Forgot to mention that many of these female actors built their careers on their looks. Not difficult to deduce why people care so much.
On the flip side, male actors who built their careers on their physical looks either maintain their bodies into old age or develop personalities outside where they started.
I've got feedback on something technical: You should put a gate on the speakers microphone. It just sounds so awful to hear her smack and slurp in between words and sentences. I know it's natural, but a gate effect could at least reduce the volume of all that.
Great speech 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼