why it took me so long to come out, early signs I was QUEER + how to know if you're LGBTQ
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- čas přidán 8. 07. 2024
- get snacks
0:00 hello
1:09 2020 was a rocky year
1:53 why it took me so long: upbringing, school, homophobia, representation
9:01 the way I was raised + other factors
11:34 types of attraction
13:39 emotional space
16:46 comphet
19:59 how to know when there's no one else
21:57 early signs, reasons why I'm gay
27:29 final thoughts on coming out
CompHet baby!
docs.google.com/document/d/e/...
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VIDEO CREDITS
Thank you so so much to super Kevin for writing the spanish subtitles! We loooove you Keviin!
All my music is from Epidemic Sound
Camera
all videos filmed until December 2019 were filmed with a Canon EOS m with a 22mm lens (REALLY recommend if you're starting out, although it doesn't have a manual focus mode, it's cheap and the quality is great)
Now I'm using a Canon EOS M6 mark II with a 22mm lens
I use DaVinci Resolve for editing!
Things you don't know about this video: yes that was the fergalicious song in the intro. Also: I recorded the audio on my phone and I think it's better than the camera audio? : - O
"What's up with the lesbians" is the perfect title for a zine or comic about this topic Fran. 💖 And big YES to queer content, because this is also you.
😍yaaaas!!! 👏👏👏 That's actually a great Idea 🥰
@@voyance4elle YAAAAS hehe. 🌈✨
Hehe yes we need a comic about everything in this video.
I love this so much.
Yaaas! 🥳👏
“I confused wanting to be desired by men with being attracted to men.” YES! 100% This is so helpful ❤️ thanks Fran
A huge BRAVO goes to Ed for being so supportive to you. I'm sure it was very difficult for him, but he seems so happy for you and that's amazing!
I thought the same😍
I totally understand and get the whole wanting men to look at me/fall in love with me thing. It's so weird that we've been conditioned to always make sure we look desirable and if men don't look at us then we're not worth anything.
Yes! I even noticed myself when in relationships with them, my mind is more focused on what they're seeing on the outside, and the way I act towards them so they can find me attractive or want me..even though I don't even like when they want me I just like to be admired or desired
@@_sumina Right? Sigh. Our poor messed up minds.
@savanna guzeler Preeaaccchhhhh 👑
I can SO relate to this... Always thought I was the only one. It feels (to clarify: feels, these are not my thoughts) like it's expected of me to always try to look attractive to men, but it gets so draining cause I get super self conscious about my appearance all the time.
@@Aaasia3 You're totally not alone. It really is exhausting to make sure we always look "good" especially when we don't feel like it. It takes a lot of emotional and mental effort and we do it ALL the time so it's a constant thing.
As a person who realized herself being a queer in adulthood, I can say that discovering your truest sexuality is tremendous work... You basically reanalyzing your whole life lol ---Be brave Fran!
Omg Fran. I am on minute 14:40 and I have to stop and writing this. I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago and in June I came out as bi - even to my boyfriend of 2.5 years. And on Friday (today is Sunday in Italy), I told my therapist "I think all the mid-long relationships I had with men weren't really 'love', but attraction to their lifestyle, their possibility, their carrier". Yes: as a shy, bullied, introverted human being, I looked at the white male model as a thing I couldn't have but that I could live vicariously through them. Maybe Chile and Italy differ on a lot of other things, but their idea of both women and "right" relationships are really, eerily similar. Hugs from Italy, from a fellow Fran(cesca) ;)
"I looked at the white male model as a thing I couldn't have but that I could live vicariously through them." This is so interesting! I feel like I agree. My parents weren't terribly supportive growing up so I think I got into these back-to-back long-term relationships with men because it was nice to think I would have someone who could support me, care for me, and take the lead. Even though I didn't realize it at the time, I wasn't thinking "I'm so in love!", I was thinking "I'm so comfortable!" Being with a woman would mean I have to stand taller on my own because we'd both have the short end of the stick in society. Of course that's because of misogyny and its worth it to follow your heart.
As someone who is right now going through a period of questioning my sexuality, it is SO comforting hearing you talk about this!!
As a straight man, i love seeing you discover and accept your sexuality. I have never had to experience it myself and i am happy you managed to eventually escape the religious judgement and come out as you truly are!
love you Fran! "sexuality is fluid" is a keeper 🤍🌿✨🦋🌾🌈
Sexuality being fluid is more of a reality for bisexuals than it is for the average gay or straight person- and that's absolutely ok
You’re amazing for being so candid about this, Fran! You have been my art crush (and a literal crush) for several years now, and this just makes me love you more. Honestly, I can relate to your story. I’m pretty sure that I am bisexual. I haven’t actually come out or anything but I have questioned my attraction to both men and women for years. It can be very hard to see the signs when you’re okay with both heterosexuality and homosexuality. Anyway, I applaud you for being so forthcoming with your journey.
I think you can be both at various times throughout life.
Hell, I think you can be both at the same time and it's perfectly normal.
What isn't normal is our analytic mind trying to label and dissect sexuality.
Forget about all of it and focus more on understanding your own energy. Our sexuality is the majority of what we are. This physical vessel is comprised of 85% h2O, right? The energy body must be close to that with our sexuality being comprised of most of the components of our being, many of which reside in our subconscious.
Sexual energy is pure creative life force, it founts from the source of creation, of imagination and ingenuity. You could say it's the core of humanity. Once you realize this, you can start to understand why certain groups would be interested in manipulating people's sexual identities.
Get people confused about their sexual identity and you can watch their lives implode. Yet, understanding our sexual nature (at least on a very basic, personal level) is necessary for us to feel secure as individuals.
So go with your gut (subconscious). Analyzing sexuality with the scientific method yields very inaccurate results. Go with the flow, focus more on your reasons why you're you and who you is and what you need to do for you to feel at ease, safe and ready to flourish.
The rest will come.
I always appreciate how you make your experiences educational/ bonding with your community outside of art or business stuff.
Thank you for such a candid video, I am so glad that you were finally able to learn more about yourself
Omg! Ily! I didn’t expect to see your channel here💕 love your stuff🥰
fran, thank you for sharing such a vulnerable part of yourself - i cant express how much this means to me personally, and how much i know itll mean to so many other queer folk, especially those struggling with their identity. thank you for being candid, for being honest, and for sharing yourself. sending so much love your way fran - and pride as well !!
"i was solving the wrong puzzle" daaaaang. love u fran! thank you for candidly sharing, always, and for being out and brave! 💖
Thank you so much for this Fran, it was super relatable and helps me on my own journey. Best of luck on your new journey. 💕
I've had a few realisations about sexuality and gender throughout my life and it's always scary and liberating and frustrating and such a relief to sort through it all. What I've found is the good always seems to outweigh the bad because feeling like yourself is a comfort that outlasts anyone else's disapproval. Keep being yourself and loving it!
I've been watching you for years and you feel so comfortable and confident here. I mean you always had a quiet confidence to you, but here you're just radiant and I feel so proud and happy for you 😭❤️
Sending hugs and love and high fives, Fran! I’m so happy for you that you can be your true self no matter how long it took to figure out- most of us spend our whole lives just stumbling around trying figure out who we are at our core. And you’re getting there and that’s a beautiful thing🌈✨
This video is so heartwarming, i can't. Fran, you are wonderful!
Fran, thanks for your bravery and honesty. I think you have created an amazing resource for people who are not only questioning their sexuality, but people who are going through any type of self discovery. Proving how important it is to slow down, and find the emotional space to discover and explore your own believes, influences, tendencies and actions. Its very inspirational to hear. I wish you the best of luck on your journey and hope you find comfort, confidence and happiness! Looking forward to more videos!
As someone who is somewhere in the asexual spectrum, i can relate to being mindblown to the idea that there are different types of attractions too. It really helps me to map how i feel toward the people around me and what kind of attitude i need to work on.
I resonate so, so much with this. I was a very late bloomer, I wasn't really that interested in boyfriends and my parents actually questioned me several times about whether I was gay. I grew up to think I was bisexual, never realising that what I had mistaken for desire for men was actually wanting to be desired, and that while I was romantically attracted to men, I wasn't sexually attracted to them. First time I was with a woman things clicked into place, but it was really, really hard for me to accept as it alsi meant leaving the man I was building a life with, and what if I was wrong. I was in my mid-thirties, and I just could not comprehend how I hadn't known. I felt so stupid and scared. Compulsive heterosexuality is so pervasive. So yeah. I'm so relived, somehow, when I hear other people also went through this, though I wish we'd been allowed/able to figure this out much sooner..
You are amazing Fran. You have been through so much and still turned into such a brave, outspoken, smart, beautiful woman who is now speaking to over a quarter of a million people. Way to go. ❤️
you look so radiant and more confident than ever and i love it! you already seem so much more comfortable in your own skin to me and i’m sure it’s because you’re learning so much about accepting who you are regardless of any labels from society that tell us we need to tick one box forever otherwise our whole life experiences gets invalidated. it’s been beautiful to watch you grow so much in such a short time. i’m looking forward to seeing more of you being YOU queen! 💗
You seem so much lighter and happier, great to see you feeling more content 😊
Fran amo la naturalidad y la gracia con las que explicas cosas que son tan traumáticas y que siguen siendo bastante tabú aún hoy en día. Te admiro mucho
You are completely relaxed! You can see it a mile off with your body movements, expressions etc, you are naturally flowing. Amazing!
Me a straight: Omg, but women are prettier than men tho.
Fran’s Friend: Lol no. Men are hotter.
Me a “straight”: 👁👄👁
Bruh xD, literally me. Although i dont have my sexuallity defined i've always think this and i always thought this was the rule xD.
@@mdust8409 i am an ace but i notice pretty people all the time and well... 9 out of 10 times it's a girl
@@jelkafabianova2801 HAHAHAH i know what you mean xD . I think I'm ace or demi but one thing I'm sure about is when I like someone in an aesthetic way it happens more with women .
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. I’m happy you’re learning more about yourself. Also, you calling us “my loves” makes the video feel so intimate and just lovely.
Thank you for making this and sharing your story! I had a similar experience (grew up in a very religious community where it wasn't accepted to be gay) and not even realizing I was gay until I moved away in my mid twenties. Congrats on learning more about yourself and I hope it only gets better from here! :)
Thank you!!! Thank you for talking about this!! I think so many of us have these realizations later in life and we feel alone….so the importance of your vulnerability is so grand. Sending so my gratitude 🥰
You seem so much happier in this video!!! Like a huge weight has been lifted, I am so happy for you.
omg fran!! ilysm i’m so happy you’re able to live as your true self now!! 💗💗
I'm so happy for you! It's so heartwarming seeing how open and honest you are about your experiences; I think it's extremely important for the community, since there are many different ways of being queer and each person has their own journey figuring it out. Thank you for this video
So so brutally honest and wonderful. This was super eye opening for me. I can’t thank you enough for the trust. We love you!
Your story just breaks my heart 💔😭 But I'm so glad you're here now, thanks for sharing your story so openly ❤️
A lot of people are scared to have these discussions. Thank you for making this video.
Being able to live more truthfully to ourselves is the biggest gift, so happy for you Fran❤️
Oh my god Fran. I'm so happy for you. It's so great to see you feel so much more comfortable and free even in the way you talk and emote. Just wonderful.
thank you for being so open and vulnerable, sending lots of love your way! so happy you have been/are so gentle with yourself along this journey to your self. my baby gay self would have been so lucky to have stumbled upon a vid like this years ago. You communicate in a manner that is so comforting, honest, and loving 🌸❤️
I'm definitely straight, but I think girls are hands down prettier than men. 🤭 Also, this isn't * now * a queer artsy channel. It's been. We just didn't know lol
I'm happy you're able to live more truthfully to yourself, Fran. ❤️
I agree lol. I'm very confident in my sexuality as a straight person, and women are aesthetically pleasing I just don't feel the need to kiss or sleep with them or even date them.
Same. I’m straight and find women are so pretty to look at. I did question it at one point but I don’t see them in sexual way.
I think you're a bit in denial. If you think objectively that women are more attractive than men, that's definitely not straight.
rickslick19 there’s nothing wrong with admiring a woman’s beauty. You can still be secure about your sexuality and still think they are pretty. If you think it’s gay to think that maybe you’re the insecure one.
@@angelavanart7138 Oh, the old reverse psychology trick I see. I just want you to try and apply logic to your statement. You're saying you're a straight woman. But you find yourself looking at pretty women, probably more than men. I mean honestly it was enough that it made you question yourself. Clearly this wasn't just "admiring beauty." Anyone can look at Chris Hemsworth and notice he's attractive. But if I found myself constantly "admiring the beauty" of other men I'd be questioning myself too. Maybe you should question this admiration a bit more?
Truthfully Fran...you look freer!! Thank you for your Honesty and know that we all support you on your journey!!! xo
Thank you for being so brave and honest to put this all out there. I'm so happy for you! xo
I found this so interesting, Fran! Especially the story about how emotional repression can make you drift away from who you really are. Thanks for sharing! I have such a better understanding of how this works.
The ending is really comforting, labels are scary🥺
Yay big hugs Fran! It's not easy coming out x
I'm so happy for you that you're finding your truth and are putting yourself and discovering who you are at number 1 💕💕
your honest conversation was so refreshing and warm! this video is now one of my fav videos on this topic
I’m so proud and happy for you Fran for getting to this point in your personal growth and journey!!! Best love and wishes!!
Fran, you are amazingggggg. You open up so much in this video and I feel honored to be able to share in your story and your journey! Thankyou for trusting your community
What a warm, gentle, and welcoming person you are! I am amazed by your point of emotional availability to yourself. A mustwatch video for anyone to learn emotional intelligence, for lack of a better word🥰
¡Hermoso video! Gracias por animarte a hablar de manera tan honesta sobre las presiones que te impidieron aceptar tu propia sexualidad durante tanto tiempo. Me parece super valioso que compartas tu experiencia para ayudar a otros que se encuentren todavía en la duda. Lamento mucho las cosas tan duras por las que tuviste que pasar en tu infancia y adolescencia, y espero que este nuevo comienzo te traiga un montón de felicidad
Thank you so so much for telling us about this! You can't even imagine how helpful it was for me to hear all that💖
thank you for letting us into your world like this, im glad you're happy with yourself and i hope you can feel assured and REassured about your identity, your life and knowing you're an awesome human being no matter how you identify
fran i'm so happy for you and proud that you've come to know yourself better, that's not an easy thing to do!! you make some great and helpful points in this. sending lots of love to you!
the "intrusive thoughts" part speaks to me more than I would like. Very happy for you that you found the courage to figure it all out ❤️
COMPHET MASTERDOC!!!!
Congratulations, Fran, and thank you for your openness. ❤️
Thank you for open so open and honest about your story! I somehow found myself relating to every single point in your list and its been quite a relief to hear that i am not the only one for some of them!
i'm so incredibly happy for you fran
💛🧡❤️💜💙💚 We are here for you and this new exciting chapter of your life 💗 I wish you the best adventure of being yourself and exploring what that means 🙏
Fran, I've been following you since way back when you still did HiFest, and I always use your empty calendar for yearly planning. Thank you so much for sharing all of this < 3 We love you and we're excited to support you on this new journey + adventure of discovering yourself!
Your truth is important for all women to hear, lesbian or straight - It's like a woman cannot be whole unless a man deems it so...."I am not your EVE!" thank you for sharing
So admire your honesty and how incredibly eloquent you are about your feelings! And English isn’t even your first language! You are amazing. So happy that you’re happy.
Lovely to hear your story of discovery, Fran. Sending lots of love 💙
Yo me di cuenta de que era muy altamente probable que mi persona fuese bisexual a los 26 años. Básicamente este año. Hacia principios. Estoy en una relación con un hombre y, dado que también me gustan los hombres, esto es fantástico para mi; pero quiero que sepas que darse cuenta "tarde" es perfectamente normal. No es algo que todo el mundo se plantee en la adolescencia o que "les llegue de forma natural". Estoy muy orgullosa de lo que estás haciendo, Fran. Todo mi ánimo y amor.
Totalmente a mi me paso lo mismo. Yo tengo 34 y recién en el 2018 me di cuenta de que me también me gustan las mujeres y los hombres y que soy bisexual. Y en verdad como dice Fran, todos los ingredientes de no tener representación y que tu familia no acepta hace que te des cuenta más tarde. Ahora que tenemos tanta representación especialmente en cosas importantes como Loki o Brooklyn 99. Y so también anima mucho a salir ☺️
You are such an inspiration Fran!! Speaking your truth so honestly, so confidently! And making people that go through similar situations to feel less alone. The new chapter in your life sounds very exciting! I wish you all the best🥰
thank you so much for being so forthcoming about your journey!
You go Fran, I'm so happy/proud you found out that about yourself!
Fran, I'm so in awe of you. I love how happy you look and sound. I know this is a stressful time but so glad you can be free in your mind and body. I love your art and your video and I'm just really happy for you.
I’m sure you will help someone else who is struggling to figure out their sexual preferences. I’m happy for you having figured out this major thing in your life.💗💗🌸🌸
Fran!!! I literally had such a similar experience last month 👁👁 I got a huge crush on a lady at work then came across the comphet doc on twitter, read it through, and started crying so. Hard. And it was also the "I confuse wanting to be desired by men with being attracted to them" that got me lol but thank you so much for making this video. It was so comforting to see an artist I really look up to going through the same things I am.
This is going to get buried in the comments but I've been going through very similar struggles where I'm so confused and plagued by the same thoughts as you. I LOVE how honest you are even with things that may be a bit embarrassing or tmi which makes me feel so comfortable. I just wanted to say thank you for putting this out there, its a huge relief to know I'm not the only one and that its okay to have these thoughts! its a process. if anyone sees this, its okay, you dont have to figure it all out now and please remember that you're not alone in this.
I’m 20 and your journey through coming out I feel like takes awhile and I put me being queer so much in the back burner. I remember first coming out as demi sexual to friends in middle school and I got negative feedback because the people surrounding me just believed it wasn’t real and my sexuality was not real. I would just now identify as bisexual so it would be easy for everyone else but I don’t 100% believe in me being bisexual. It’s been 10 years and I’m still figuring myself out, so please don’t rush and realize your journey is your own and please don’t compare your journey through others. Thank your for being raw and open about this important of yourself it means the world, I love and support you and I hope everyone who is questioning that they find comfort that they are not alone. 💛
Going through the same thing since December 2019. Our stories are insanely similar. So glad you found the courage to live as your true self, Fran. One day I’ll find my footing. Thank you for making this video. 🌈🖤
Love you Fran! You’re so genuine, kind, and reasonable. The world could use more Frans✨ ❤️
Ahhh Fran! What a lovely video. There is so much sweetness and beauty in your way of sharing your experience with us. Besides being queer myself, the part that I could relate to the most was the length it took me to accept it because of the lack of emotional space to process things. I had to become responsible for myself at a very young age while still supporting my family and the feeling of being in survival mode for 10 years. It really hit home and I don’t think it was until 2019 that I had the time to really sit with it and come to terms with it. Sending you so much love!!
So proud of you Fran 🥲💕🌈
Fran! Tu eres maravillosa! Aquí estamos contigo! ☺️
Thank you for sharing your journey so fearlessly.
It is inspiring to anyone who wants to find the courage to live a life true to themselves and to make room to explore who they are. It's wonderful to hear that you have access to a great therapist!
I'm so happy for you, and the fact that you are learning more about yourself! 💖 You are such a bright and loving human, I love how caring you are and how much you want to help others by talking about your experiences. Thank you Fran 💖
YAY! Happy & here for you 🌈
Omg the feeling in the pit of my stomach when you were talking about the fear of getting called a lesbian in school! I came out so early and I still remember the intensity of this feeling. 💚
Qué generosidad la tuya de compartir todo esto, muchas gracias!!
🌈💜 honestly I've never related to anyone so much in my life. Love you & I'm happy to be watching your journey through this!!!
I admire you even more than I did before :D That was so brave. And you spoke about it so naturally. Love your drawings, your illustration style, your personality and your channel! Thank you for sharing your life :)
This is so great and I'm glad that you can talk about it to all of your viewers! I think you could/should make a documentary about your experience, I'm sure that others would find it helpful in their life's journey.
this was soo relatable fran, i feel proud of you for being able to share this with us
❤️❤️❤️ FANTASTIC VIDEO FRAN. BEAUTIFULLY edited, well spoken, transparent and full of HEART.
this has been the most validating video I have seen as I am processing coming out to my husband as gay recently. thank you for sharing you story ❤️
i recently came to terms with my sexuality and came out to my parents, and the way you described your thoughts, feelings, and journey was as if you were reciting my own. so thank you for sharing this video
It was really nice to see you learn more about yourself with therapy...I started my therapy in 2020 and I can say easily that is changing my life. I am sure this video will help so many people. Hugs from Brazil ❤️
So happy for you Fran 💖 ✨
I'm so proud of you !
Gracias Fran por tanto! Creo que muchos empezamos a seguirte por tu arte, pero con el tiempo, tu gran persona ha sido fundamental para aprender de tus experiencias ❤️
Yo guarde un video que subió hablando de inseguridades, me ayudo mucho, lo veo siempre que me siento inseguro.
La forma en que expresa sus ideas crea una conexión increíble con todos los que la seguimos.
Te queremos mucho Fran
This is so overwhelming. I love you💗
Hey girl, new fan, this video has validated a lot of feelings I’ve been working through for years as well 💕 thank you for sharing
Me siento tan feliz por el " gracias a mis patreons" 😬 ahora soy tu patreon 🙆
Thank you for being honest and so brave to tell us this personal story of yours. I hope, and i really do, you can find someone who respect and love you unconditionally. And this is just the beginning of a wonderful journey of self-love as well. It won't be all butterflies and rainbows, but it's worth it for sure.
You are sooo amazing. My favorite person on the internet
Interesting and insightful. Especially since I cannot relate but it’s nice to see you open up about it! I hope that now you can express yourself in your own authentic way! 💛 will keep coming back to the arty stuff too!