How To Know If An Autistic Guy Likes You
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- čas přidán 14. 01. 2024
- Autistic man Thomas Henley reacts to Jodi Carlton MEd speak about the signs an Autistic person might love you, and discusses whether the suggestions are accurate to him
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One of my love languages is gifts. It’s not that I care about the object, I just think it’s amazing to have physical proof that someone was thinking of me.
Same. I also enjoy gifting. And feeding people.
Gifts only if genuine... Ex: my Son found a pen cap in the dirt -with flowers and playboy bunnies - when he was 8, and brought it to me so enthusiastically - 'look Mom!! I found this for you!' nearly 20 years later I still have it.
@@hollygarner1949 Is your son autistic?
Love for me is "I am willing to put myself in slightly uncomfortable situations or do things to grow as a person and to make you happy. Had I not loved you, you wouldn't be worth the effort and I wouldn't even conceive of doing those things for you. You're the special exception."
And that's the story of how I ended up being in a situationship with an emotionally abusive narcissist for 7.5 months!
Next up: learning how to navigate the world so that I can find someone who's *actually* worth doing that for. But first, some healing.
Amen friend @@RedHeadForester
Giving gifts , if its just a small item, reminding you they like you.
The crazy emotion in your heart but when your brain agrees with it too
My opinion on how you'll know if an autist likes* you (& why we're like cats):
• They accept you into their personal space. They may quietly let you touch them, or find excuses to touch you.
• They stare/gaze at you a lot. Knowing we hate eye contact, this is a big deal when we don't mind looking into your eyes, maybe even slow-blinking in peace.
• They're quicker to miss you, when they don't miss/crave interactions with other people often.
• They might give you things or treat you in ways that give them comfort from their POV.
• They're not scared of being vulnerable or unmasking with you. It feels natural.
And whenever in doubt, ask. They'll be honest.
*"Like" meaning a deep appreciation & admiration of you. Now, whether that's romantically _and_ sexually too, again, just ask.
I’m on the spectrum and so is my partner. Thankfully, we met and connected via our shared special interests. Turns out we share quite a few things in common in that regard and I’m pretty sure that is the glue that is holding us together…..I know I’m not likely to ever find another person who is so like myself again.
I guess love to me, probably means that I just adore someone no matter what state they might be in. They could be wearing the baggiest pajamas and hair a mess, but I could still look at them and go,”Aww, so cute❤”.That’s how it is for me anyways. I recently did get an autistic boyfriend, and when I look at him sometimes, I can’t help but smile sheepishly and think how cute it is when he’s harping on about his interest, even if I don’t understand it fully.
That's beautiful. I tend to think of it the same
I don't know how to accurately describe love in words, but I don't have any trouble knowing if I love someone, it just sometimes takes me a while to figure out HOW I love them. When I'm starting to develop an intense, positive connection with someone, I have trouble figuring out if it's platonic, friendship-type love or romantic. This caused me a lot of trouble when I was younger, but I've learned to play it cool until I figure it out.
Demi-sexuality.
@@Rabenov-wq8qy2qg5t I've just been learning about that. I never knew there was a word for it. I just thought I was particularly dense, lol.
@@user-fr2tg7pz8r That's how I got noticed. A friend remarked that I only like women if they are particularly educated or have a special hobby. "You seem to be demisexual, take an autism test!"
Crazy, right? Now I am 58 and looking back at my life.
@@Rabenov-wq8qy2qg5t I have always had a particular weakness for guys who are into physics, particularly theoretical or quantum physics. My favorite dates with my husband are ones where we debate different origin or multiverse theories. He's a big proponent of string theory, and I like to pick different opposing theories to espouse, just to get a good debate going.
@@user-fr2tg7pz8r I am into math and physics too, and a great fan of the CERN LHC experiment. We are not alone!
Dripping water makes my skin crawl and metal scraping together makes my teeth hurt, but Slipknot cranked up to 11 is ok, lol.
I wish my ex didn’t have Alexythima, it was the most painful thing, I loved him regardless of his disabilities. But when I needed him to just care about me , he felt nothing, I felt so alone.
I just want you to know you are not alone. My relationship had me feeling the same 🥺
You do make me laugh Thomas. When ever you are talking about romance you get a little embarrassed and smile a lot. It's nice❤
I actually think gift giving is part of my main love languages. It is not about "all types" of gifts. it is not at all about the expenses, but about a thoughtful gift. I like expressing love with thoughtful gifts, and I love to receive those too, but mostly if there is something that someone really wanted to give me. I appreciate that so much. Also things like.. just being treated to a koffee or treating someone to a home cooked meal. So.. it goes also hand in hand for acts of service.
I always underestimate how relevant physical contact is for me, because I have issues with that with random people. but with people who are close to me it always proved to be really relevant for me. e.g. a loving hug from my friend is so precious and important to me. and I would prefer that to a gift. but a loving gift is preferred to a "needy hug". With all these things.. I find there is different nuances for tokens of affection like that.
I learned arts and crafts from my mom and grandma, who's been gone 22 years now. Doing crafts makes me feel connected to them. When I want to show someone how much I appreciate them, I like to crochet an Afghan or scarf for them. If I make an Afghan for someone and hand-sew a pillow to match, it means that I absolutely adore them.
oh, yes! making something and then giving it to them as a gift, that is a big sign of appreciation/love @@user-fr2tg7pz8r
He always answers all my questions with "I don't know." The only certain answer he ever gave me was when I asked him if he wanted to end it between us, and he said, "No!" Love for me is just feeling happy when I am with him, and wanting to share with him -- feelings, intimacy, laughs, etc. He does favors for me all the time, and he likes to hug me a lot. I feel like he unmasks with me more than with other people, and that makes me really happy.
Run, your in great danger of pouring your life into someone tat can never feel anything.
I'm a big gift giver, but gifts doesn't mean expensive, what's most important is intent and thought. Remembering something from a conversation a month ago and buying it for like $10 has pretty much always been received better than expensive gifts even from people who do like to receive love that way. Don't get me wrong someone who does receive love through gifts is going to be less embarrassed typically by more expensive gifts than those who prefer other things, but they're generally not going to feel as loved from it than if you got them something that comes out of your shared history.
Love for me:
I still feel as excited more than a decade into the relationship as I did in the beginning. I get butterflies in my stomach and giddy every time I see him (like when he's coming home after being out or right after waking up in the morning). He's the only person I like to touch or to touch me. He's the only person I enjoy watching films with or listening to new music with. He's the only person I like to open up to about anything personal. I love him sooo much, and he feels the same. ❤❤❤
Life is still difficult, but he really takes the edge off of how hard it can be on me and all my "quirks".
We've been through some terrible things like war, death, other disasters and we only get closer after each challenge life hurls at us. We're both autistic. I think it helps how much we understand on a deep level what we need to survive. I hope I'm making sense, I'm no fantastic wordsmith.
That's so beautiful, it sounds straight out of a romance movie. I hope I can find a soulmate like yours, platonically or romantically.
i always hated getting gifts.. because i feel like no one ever really knew me enough to figure out something I would really like.. and I always feel so awkward cuz i'm so particular with my things. but i LOVe getting gifts and I'm really good and picking out exactly what people want. i think if someone could pick something out that I actually love, I would enjoy receiving gifts. maybe one day.
You're right about handshakes. Some overdo it and crush. That's wrong. Some have limp fish shakes, also not good. A proper handshake has just the right firmness. Solid grip but not painful. Like a hug. You don't choke the breath out of someone or barely touch them. It's the pressure you'd use to give a person a hand across rough terrain or up a steep slope.
💯
I dont like hugs at all. I dont like touching other people in general for the most part unless i like them or if the touching is on my terms. But i dont even enjoy hugging my mom but i do when saying bye because she likes it
Same here too
my ex said he loved me, but after a couple of years he told me he didn't know what it would mean if one said that. so.. he didn't know. that hurt me a lot, because I did believe he meant what he said.. but then it turned out he didn't know what he meant.. or maybe he only said it without meaning it. I asked why he said it, and he answered that it seemed the appropriate thing to say.
I was suspecting him to be on the spectrum (too), but he might not be.
Dear Thomas. Me neither. Gifts don't mean that much to me, although of course I enjoy them. Quality time is by far the best thing someone can do for me. As a woman, this has been such a painful experience and I'm still not married. Women in particular are so prone to becoming enmeshed in toxic relationships because with me, I become confused by people's motives and lack of facial expressions. I myself am very expressive and I need that from others also. Poetry and flowers, love songs, that's different, that's original. That's what I love. It is so difficult, because others can mistake directness for control. Aaaagh!
to me, love is caring about a person being part of my life and wanting to share my life and thoughts with them. yes this overlaps with friendships and all kinds of people I care for and is not restricted to a romantic partner. (and it has nothing to do with sexuality for me)
Thank you for this I been waiting to hear about this topic. Do you think ASD people tend to use the words ‘care’ or ‘appreciate’ more in replacement for love.
I tend to say that I care or appreciate someone but never love. My mom gets mad at me for not saying “I love you” but she lets it go
When people try to shake my adult daughter's hand, she smiles and holds up her fist for a fist bump! It works great, she's playful like that. Maybe try it out? It's especially acceptable since Covid.
I fall in love very easily. All it takes is the smallest bit of interest in me. That has caused many problems in my marriage, for all of the obvious reasons.
uh oh….
If you really want to know the answer, be brave and let that guy know u are feeling and u wanted to know if feeling were mutual? Ask him, “on a scale from 1 to 5, with 1)Not at all true 2) Not likely, but happy in the friend zone
3) somewhat likely, friends with benefits feels safe for now, but feelings deepen over time, 4) very likely I’m falling for you…5) absolutely ENAMORED, think about u and smile every day.
This scale is very familiar to those who are on the spectrum and you will get the truth. It’s like truth serum. Just keep the quiz short and sweet.
If he’s already self-disclosed to you that says there is trust and vulnerability. And if this person hasn’t self-disclosed don’t assume they want u bringing it up. Self-acceptance doesn’t come as easily as it may for you and it may trigger getting defensive, hurt and offensive. each person is more than just the diagnosis he’s a whole person.
Good luck.
Wow I knew Autism was a beautiful thing when she opened up to me about being on the spectrum (and I started making the connections between what I knew about her, and this new variable... autism)... and I can see it again... people with autism tend to be more in tune with their heart... with the soul... with being good... I'm so excited to learn more and more about autism... so that I can learn to love her the way she needs to be loved... THANK YOU!!!!!
The puzzle piece logo ☠️
30:34 As a non-autistic, IMO to specify what we want, on what dates, how often, etc, is difficult NOT because it's a personal or emotional thing, BUT because it's tedious and we expect everyone to understand it via common sense.
It's like me having to tell you how to breathe, how often, on what day & which joints to move, and for most people, this thing is natural and NOT supposed to be told.
PS: I have ADHD and am currently working to build a relationship with a potential lover who is likely autistic.
Love to me is feeling safe and content around someone. When I'm in love, there's moments when my heart feels warmer and feels like it's growing.
But it's still confusing, I don't feel safe and content with some friends or my family. But logically I know that they love me, and I must love them too. Maybe it's because I'm high masking, those people are the people I wouldn't dare show my true self.
I don’t love most people in my family 🤷♀️ I don’t get why ppl always do
Am I a loser because I'm on the spectrum? Am I _just_ a guy with disabilities? Are we _just_ scientific subjects to study and research, since our brains aren't built or functioned properly?
My love language is parallel play. If I feel comfortable enough to crack open a book and dive into it in the presence of someone else, then I probably love them. A lot of cuddles and professions of love etc., feel suffocating to me.
"How To Know If An Autistic Guy Likes You"
That's a very big "if".
I’m on the spectrum and I don’t trust anyone I can’t read people I have to have my routine every day I have to have almost everything defined so I understand
Unconditional love nice but also need to take care of your own needs. I think love is thinking about that person mostly all the time, when you think of them it makes you smile. You always look forward to seeing them and when you do you get that warm feeling and just want to be near them. I guess could be a bit overwhelming for them😊. I always think unconditional love is more to do with animals particlary dogs ok, you feed them but, they want to be around you all the time they want to please you, they like cuddles etc. Cats on the other mostly see you as a food source😅however, I did have only that did like cuddles😊
I agree with the honest part to a flaw even. I have said things in the past that people knew but wouldn't say outloud. People ether laugh or jaws drop.
I've come to enjoy that reaction when it happens with people I know and trust. I don't do it on purpose, but I can't help but find the looks I get extremely funny. If it happens in other situations, though, it's pretty mortifying.
A little weird being referred to as a unicorn in the autism dating world, but that describes me. I have migraines and autism, but I've been able to mostly deal with the migraines. I've also learned a lot of social skills from 30+ years of therapists
My love language is Receiving Gifts! I still have letters and tokens and random things (like water bottles😂) from exes 10+ yrs ago! (I’m 36 now). It about the memories and happy feelings associated with them! ❤
That's the neat part: YOU DON'T!
Any tips on starting a podcast?
Just do it. Keep at it, and you'll improve and grow over time
Hi Thomas,
I have a big crush on my colleague whom I think is autistic. I do feel like he at some times goes out of his way to be in my vicinity to start a conversation with me but he never just starts a conversation with me but expects me to interact with him first but will hover around. Also we have had a bit of drama like I think he thinks I am promiscuous or something because I used to go to work drinks quite often to make friends as I'm new to the country and there were always rumours about me going out. He brought up the other day that he doesn't like black cats because they're bad luck and you can't trust them. I felt like he was inferring I'm a black cat? He also got mad at my friend for asking why he treats me differently to other people. He said I've already told her we should just be friends and that he is not my type and i'm not his type. But then when he talks to me, he's always nervous and he even said if I feel the need to leave early from our work event then I need to? And in a jokey manner like it sounds like he's saying you should stay longer? I feel like he has mixed feelings but he gets annoyed that everyone talks about us and I know I should take his word for it that he doesn't like me but then why did he mention he wants someone that just wants to watch films with him? I love doing that! And why mention it to me! It's like he likes me but he's annoyed by the other things he thinks I've done without actually asking me.
I got intense when I was younger but felt insecure even now when it comes to women and dealt with women who loved my asshole friends whine about it
"love" for me is illegal or not acceptable in most places 😔😭🏳️🌈 so I can't say what "love" is. honestly I don't know if gay people know what "love" is because I am gay and I do want "love" but so many other gay men don't want "love" and just want meaningless s*x. (at least in my area I live in) ... but also I have been ghosted and abandoned by so many guys when I say "I am autistic". being autistic is a big "NO" for gay people apparently. (at least in the location I live in)
(i don't have money to move away from the area)
Thomas y did u not do this as live stream topic? I'm still home bound in -20C here in canaduh n I need the intel/knowledge eh!?!!1:44Pm1/15/2024
iPhones can automatically put a limit on the noise level of your headphones if you’re worried
I also been shamed for not being a macho alpha male asshole
Been nagged and picked apart in relationships and friendships too
I asked an autistic person about their special interest and they said chilling so I guess didn't want to share with me. My approach was what really interests you. Maybe wrong words?
It probably wasn’t personal.
Maybe they just like hanging out in a low stress environment. Chilling. Same thing.
So that's their special interest?
Maybe it's a joke, like they're an expert at chilling? Lol either that or they're not acquainted with the term.
Yeah, they're probably worried about being judged. If you open up about something odd you may enjoy doing, that would probably inspire them to reciprocate.
I’m very curious what his goal was lol what was the intention of his video. What was he hoping to achieve lol Bec it seems akin to what the people he’s hating on, were (according to him) trying to achieve lol. Also … I’m sorry but when he got to how it’s impossible for ptsd to be triggered by loud sudden exploding machine like noises … 😂I just was like ok I’m sorry what 😂 even MORE SO than I already was lol
My boyfriend is autistic and he will snuggle even if it makes him uncomfortable.
It does at first, then I can't get enough!
I am 69 and autistic...no disorder. I simply have a different way of thinking...and excuse me...but that guy is creepy. A sloppy autistic kiss? Omg.....
whoever can say that he or she has autism, actually doesn't have autism.
Why doctors give such diagnosis to people who can communicate, make their meals, wash and dress by themselves?
That's the dumbest thing I've heard this year. You're basically saying all autists must be mute. Your verbal capacity isn't the only part of your skill set, someone can have deficits in areas you don't see at first.
seems you don't know what you're talking about. but that's kinda in line with your chosen acronym either.
I'm conservative but that's pretty shitty man
@@tnix80 so conservatives are anti-democracy? hey, at least you’re honest about it
The same reason you can get a disabled parking permit even if there is no wheelchair and/or missing limbs; there is something there that is a handicap. You don't always know how much work it took to get to that state of independence. They can do it, but it's hard.
Are you a troll?