How To Tell if an Autistic Person Likes You - Dating An Autistic Series
Vložit
- čas přidán 3. 09. 2020
- Are you interested in an autistic person, and want to know if they feel the same? It's NOT as hard as you may think, you just need to know a few things!
In this video, we talk about the common slip-ups or mistakes you can make when trying to know if an aspie is into you, what the signs of attraction may be, and the flat out BEST way to tell.
There are many things that get in the way of autistic people finding love... the common traits often give people the wrong impression of us, the social anxiety is almost unbearable for most, and our lower natural social ability leaves us with little experience in the dating arena!
In this series of videos, I'm going to be explaining some of the difficulties with dating someone with ASD, common traits of autism you need to know, how to understand your autistic partner & finally what you/they can do to improve your relationship in the future
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Documentary Website - www.aspergersinsociety.com/
♫ THOUGHTY AUTI PODCAST Get it on Spotify free here -
open.spotify.com/show/6vjXgCB...
FOLLOW ME On Social Media ♥ -
☼ Facebook - Aspergers Growth
☼ Twitter - @aspergersgrowth
☼ Instagram - @aspergersgrowth
Support via Patreon! - / aspergersgrowth
My ex-boyfriend was diagnosed about a year after we broke up. A lot of things make a more sense now. I’ve started researching, as I am still very much in love with him, and I want try again. We have a date next week. Thank you for this video!
If you still love him then try your best! Gl
Best wishes. I hope that your date went well. 🙂
how did it go??
how yall doing?
Any updates?
I trust people with autism so much more than neurotypicals ok and I am not autistic but I got a girl who is and I absolutely adore her and take care of her because I know what I’ve got a lot of people she dated have abused her but I’m gonna show her what love is I’m gonna be there for her through everything
How are things going?
Us autistic gals unfortunately do tend to get abused in our relationships, especially our younger ones. Protect her at all costs. ❤
We have a lot of defects but a great virtue: we will be the most loyal people you will find in life.
As an autistic person, the way I went about things was I just made myself physically close to my crush. Like I'd ask to sit with them on the bus, or ask if we could sit together during lunch/class. I just was like, "well we'll have interactions if I'm close". And it worked! Started dating in highschool and have been married for 5+ years now
That’s great! Wish I had had that kind of good fortune.
As an autistic woman, I’d say if we want to see you again, that’s a sign. Spending our time with you, even moving our routine around is a good sign. I’m also not the one to make the first move because of my fear of rejection.
Also, I don’t know how to flirt so I try to be funny. 🤓. Unfortunately, that turns a lot of neurotypical dudes off. Guess they don’t like funny women. I also noticed they hate it when you show interest (which makes no sense). I guess they want women who hate them and pretend to have no personality. So I tend to assume most people won’t like me unless they tell me otherwise even when they pretend like they are interested in me. Neurotypicals often do the opposite of what they mean. They could smile but actually don’t like you. It’s very confusing and exhausting honestly.
Hi there JB,
Real sorry to hear about your experiences. Sounds, as you said, confusing and exhausting indeed.
I'd like to leave a little perspective here in case it's helpful to you.
While your own experiences may have led you to draw those conclusions, I can assure you that not everyone feels the ways you write about. I'll use myself as an example, being a straight man, though admittedly not neurotypical.
Humor in a partner? That sounds pretty great, and has always been something I've enjoyed. The lack of flirting, sure, that's something that I would miss. But the right kind of partner would talk to you about that and maybe even coach you through some "here's the kind of flirting that would make me feel good, let's practice" type of collaboration.
I also actively look for partners who show an interest. I would never date someone who shows no interest in me. That seems like an utter waste of time.
I think that if you assume people don't like you, that just becomes your world. You will become negative through and through, and it will show. It could even cost you partners in the future, and I certainly wouldn't want that for you. I myself look for partners with a positive outlook, for example. So if you go into situations feeling defeated from the get-go, then nobody gets to see your more fun and bright side!
So, while I can't attempt to offer any solutions, I can at least share that much perspective. Hopefully it helps you in some way.
And finally, you may get some value out of books like Asperger's In Love. One interesting thing I found there, and elsewhere, is that (straight) women with autistic traits tend to thrive when paired with male partners with autistic traits, rather than NT men.
Wishing you health and wealth!
-a random AuDHD internet dude
I'd take you on a date ;)
I can relate to a lot of that and I am just ADD. I am funny, honest, playful and myself but I feel like I’m in my own dreamworld and guys do not always appreciate funny women.
I think it's less they hate it and more their mind shuts down. "They could be showing interest, or they are just being friendly. If I presume wrong the consequences could be catastrophic. Do nothing until there's further evidence." Which normally involves spelling it out for them.
This is exactly what I experience and what I struggle with. Unless someone says the words “I like you” I will have absolutely no idea whether they like me or not. I will not understand subtleties and the “games” or being coy people engage in while dating completely confuse me and make me feel so overwhelmed. Alternately, I am probably too honest and too enthusiastic when I do like someone, so that’s another aspect I find challenging. I’m not happy anyone is struggling, but it does feel good to know I am not unique in my experience with dating.
My husband is on the spectrum and when he was courting me he took his time. In fact at one point I wasn't even sure anymore that he wanted to be more than friends. But patience won out and we've been together over twenty years 💕
How is it with having a spectrum husband? Is it alot of work? Can he be romantic or can he give u surprises etc? I am at the moment wasnt sure if my guy wanted more than friends. The phase is really really slow. 😣 im confused. 😅😅
@@RiccaRicca he does occasionally surprise me, I'm usually the initiator with affection but he reciprocates. Everyone is unique though.
I'm in the same spot. I'm not sure how much slower you could go. I'm on the spectrum as well and thank goodness I'm patient.
The guy I am dating told me that his favourite animal is a turtle... I should have known that progression is rather slow 😂. We have been dating for 4 month now. He is super scared to get hurt which is why he is putting labeling us off. I am trying so hard to be patient.
I’ve been doing this too, and I’ve been wondering if I’m taking too long. Thank you.
As an Autistic person, at first if I like you, I'll almost seem totally not interested. I won't look you in the eye, I'll look at the ground or anywhere else. I'll distract myself and stand a little far away because I can feel your energy and being too close is too much. I get really nervous, and have a massive nervous system response.
After a while I tend to be more physically engaged, but it takes for me to feel safe and comfortable to do that, so it can take a bit of time. Sometimes I don't know how to 'flirt' directly, or how to start a conversation with you, but not cause I don't like you (the opposite). Sometimes If I really like someone, it's so much to process that I actually need to take a big step back, and sit with my own feelings in order to process the intensity of how I feel. Then I'm able to take a step forward.
When I start getting more serious with someone, you might expect me to want to be close to you all the time, or expect me to want to be with you 247, but this type of pressure puts me off. I have never been able to do codependency, it forces me to mask which leads to resentment and total burnout. I have no room to fall in love if you don't let me. The more I like someone, the more serious I am, the more time and space I need to process. Cause it becomes real, and I take it seriously when making a decision. Also being Autistic I can't tell straight away or ever if someone actually likes me, so for me to even start my process of integrating you into my life, I have to be quite sure that it's mutual, and that can take...a while. 😂
Any fellow Autists out there had someone say 'i really like you' to your face and you've been like 'same!' but you still don't know if they mean like, love, interested, wanna date, sexual? Like unless someone spells it out for me, I will sit there, not having a clue if you're properly interested or not.
If you love an Autistic person, biggest thing you can do is give space, time, patience. You'll get the absolute best of us if you can give us those things. We know it's hard to understand, but we really do care about you, more than we are able to always show or communicate. ❤
This was such a helpful comment thank you 😊 I’m dating an autistic guy
Pretty positive the guy I've been seeing off and on now for 8 months is also things are finally making so much sense! I just can't believe I never noticed it before my daughter is 12 and HFA.
@@rgardner2021 You're daughter is like myself then ☺️
One thing I do want to say is that if a relationship is extremely on and off and you find that dating the person is taking a role on you, your mental health or your life, that you shouldn't feel guilty for not staying or for leaving it or ending it. Be direct, being direct is being kind in Autistic language! And tell the person 'i need stability and if that's not something we can do together then we shouldn't go forward'. Because as much as yes Autism does make relationships really hard for us, no one should be feeling like they have to endure it because we have Autism. If you ever get to a stage where you feel you don't want it, go and be honest ❤️
If that's not the case and you are able to be happy, fulfilled, and peaceful without having the stability or communication, then like I said the alone time is above everything else in this world, and when he is overstimulated, he is gonna seem mad, aggressive even, and you have to just accept that and step back and then regroup and talk to him afterwards. Ask if there's a way you can help or if he would just rather be alone during those times, but he is an adult who can be held responsible so he direct and honest about your feelings and let him know that you can handle his. If he's not diagnosed then he's probably very confused because he doesn't have access to understanding himself, so maybe talk about that. For his benefit and yours, things are so much easier for everyone when you have a guideline and a plan! And this is my biggest piece of advice for you, be harsh and ridged about your needs and your alone time. Always carve time out for yourself where you get to just chill and relax, whether it isn't ideal for your partner or not. Because dating someone who is ND when you are not, can be confusing, scary, odd, and overwhelming, esp in intimate relationships and for it to work, you both have to be getting your needs met. Both of you equally!! Look after yourself and when he needs alone time, start telling your brain that 'yay this is me time!! Let's do some fun things alone or with my daughter! ' rather than worrying about him not being there or not talking, it means that you get to feel like you have just as much freedom, and if he's autistic, trust me, he will be so happy that you aren't worried about him and are happy chilling alone ❤️
I'm only throwing this at you because even though I'm Autistic, I have just as hard of a time dating other Autistic people or ND people as I do NT people. I am difficult to understand in relationships and find others difficult to understand, and I've learned that I as an Autistic person need to take others feelings into consideration far more than I had previously. I didn't understand how my need for alone time, or my bluntness, or my forgetfulness and lack of understanding of others emotions had been hurting people accidentally, but now I am aware and If people are to be in relationships then both parties need to be conscious of eachothers feelings, Autistic or not, it shouldn't be one sided where the Autistic persons needs constantly overshadow yours, or vice versa, if you are direct with us and tell us how you feel and why, then we can learn and be so much better as partners. I now am learning how to communicate my needs before I get to the point of meltdown, shutdown or burnout. Which means the people around me aren't hurt or upset when I withdraw, they know for sure what's up and that I will be back, and I believe your partner should be doing the same for you.
Since my first comment I've just learned a lot about how things I do without realising genuinely do hurt people around me and although I don't mean to hurt anyone, I still do. Cause I may not understand why that hurts someone until they explain. If I ever date again, I need someone who's willing to be blunt to the point of almost being hurtful, and to be honest, and to explain their feelings openly to me so that I actually know how to help or be a decent partner. This would be the case whether my partner were ND or NT. I think it's just a human relationship thing ❤️❤️
Sorry for rambling and I wish you the best!
makes me happy too see another writing way too much I get so much thoughts on if I’m over sharing or not
@@PlxsteredH34rt I stopped caring because yknow what? If people don't like my essays they don't have to read them! ❤️
I write out and ramble, cause tbh I'm talking to the people like me who over share and who will read it, like you! Lol
Dating was always one of the more frustrating aspects of being on the spectrum because my thinking tends to be very black and white and i would much rather be up front about how i feel and what my intentions are. Unfortunately that can come across as too forward or overbearing. Then you run the risk of not being noticed at all because you didnt try hard enough 😆 now i dont mask at all anymore so its basically what you see is what you get and I've actually found that makes things a good bit easier 👍 😆
I'm a recently diagnosed woman who thought I was normal for several decades. I'm now in a relationship with a man like myself.He insists on taking things slow. Ive never felt this way before. Safe. We "speak" the same language. It's overwhelming these feelings. He is a wonderful, kind, caring, strong, man. The sadness comes from comparing his behavior to what I learned about normal relationships. Ive done so much work to figure it all out. I'm very expressive and emotional thru text. Verbally and body language will not happen for me. Thank you for these videos, I watch several autistic you-tubers regularly as I'm learning about myself also.
I met my wife a few years before we started dating. She thought i was creepy cause i just stared at her from across the room most of the time. We have now been married for 20 years. I was just diagnosed last year. It put our entire relationship into a new light for both of us.
Im an autistic woman and everyone thinks I'm flirting with them. But when I like someone I just make sure to do things for them and ask them to do things for me (my love language is acts of service) and hopefully thats not manipulative. But it worked and now i am engaged!
Thanks for mentioning the details in this video, I've been talking to someone recently that has autism and he seems really chill, compliments me, and will offer me Starbucks and has been talking to me more now with confidence especiallywith texting as well. I did find him mysterious at first and really shy but I did notice he does open up more with me and surprisingly smiles and laughs around me more. Overall he seems like a nice guy 👍
Just research so you know what to expect; otherwise, ASD partners can bring a world of very hurt feelings…if you understand them, then you can appreciate them as they are. It took me two years to get there/here and a pretty intense roller coaster, but my partner is truly a great human being.
@@ziggypip2938 Thank you for responding, it can indeed be a challenge I will strongly admit and agree. We became a official couple and we do talk and express our opinions of each other. You are a kind person for being really patient with someone with this condition
@@SASHAMIRANDAA yes, sometimes I feel my life would be so much simpler if I didn’t love him, but two years in, and he is still my absolutely favorite person to talk to! It’s more like a scrambler ride now 😂❤️ best of luck
@@ziggypip2938 Awww thanks for the heads up! May you enjoy more love and happiness with your partner. I'm still learning 😆
@@ziggypip2938 my family jokes (half serious though) that one day I'll be married and have kids and just show up with them to my parents house without anyone knowing until that point. I don't mean to be secretive but I suppose I don't feel the need and it does occur to me to update others around things like that aside from safety concerns. I dont know if its just independece or whag. I truly have a hard time explaining it but maybe there was a similar thing going on there?
My boyfriend has Asperger's Syndrome and has told me of the fact that it's hard to flat out lie and therefore I could trust him when he told me that he was falling in love with me. I am so in love with him and have the challenge of him not wanting me to post on his social media about our relationship, not even "Good morning babe" or "I love, have a good day". Not introducing me to his family and friends, though letting me know that they know about us, has also been an interesting thing to deal with. I've never been in love with anyone on the spectrum before and though it's so different, I love him so much that I am willing to wait until he feels like he is comfortable introducing me. I do notice that he asks my opinion a lot and can't always get his thoughts out without needing help to find the right word sometimes. We share a lot of the same interests and are even both October babies and Libras. We have so much in common that it seems like it's no coincidence that we met. Thanks for this video, it was quite helpful. I've been mistreated, used, and lied to in the past and have a hard time learning to trust because of it, so I was at first afraid I was seeing red flags when I couldn't post in a loving way on his wall or be introduced to his family and friends.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, it’s always lovely to hear about other people in neurotypical/Autistic relationships!
I think there are a lot of challenges to dating someone on the spectrum, but then again the same could be said for dating neurotypicals... it’s just different challenges 😅
Maybe you need to have a conversation about that stuff.. I know it’s not my natural instinct to text my partner throughout the working day. I think there’s a lot you can both learn from each other, emotional components to life was something I used to overlook with myself and others, being with NT’s gave me a new perspective I suppose
Glad to see my videos are helping, please keep me updated and don’t be afraid to message me if you need any advice 😁 (Instagram’s the best place)
@@ThomasHenley Thank you, I'll do that.
Omg…I DO know and love my boyfriend’s family…but his friends don’t even know I exist…it’s stupid. I met his best friend once, but that’s it. It’s super annoying!! I feel you. I have a friend whose ASD husband took her to his friend’s house in another state where he asked her to marry him, and the friend’s didn’t know she was coming or that he had a gf. 🙆🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
@@ThomasHenley I have talked with him about the social media thing, he told me to do it, but then said his mother wanted everything I said deleted. Basically I love you, have a good day or Have a good day babe, I love you so much. That kind of thing. He said she told him if it was not deleted she would leave Facebook and not come back ever. When talking about hid friends, he said it was just weird because I'm not there (We are in a long distance relationship) and I would meet them when I move in. We have been planning that I would move there and live with him when I am able, we have been together for nearly a year now. He says he believes we were meant to be together and tells me that is my home and that is where I belong, he has also started calling his belongings ours and his nieces and nephews our nieces and nephews. He is afraid of marriage because just about everyone in his family has gotten divorced starting with his parents, but he will get matching rings for us to wear and we can live as if we are married. He even calls his mother my mother in law sometimes. These are all good, but intimate video calls have stopped and he only does video calls now to show me things he's bought and it's only for a few minutes. Even phone calls are only a few minutes now. However, he does tell me he loves me, after one talk, told me he loves me more than this entire world. But, when one of his friends was rude toward me, told me he's not going to say anything about it to them, asked me not to also, and said he's not taking sides one way or the other. I'm so confused. Sorry this was so long.
@@ziggypip2938 Thank you for that, I appreciate your input.
I dated an autistic guy for nearly six months, bonded with him in a way I had with no one else, and was heartbroken when he ended it. As it turns out, I'm likely autistic myself, as some of these signals apply to me. Yes, body language seems unclear to me at times.
Question, in terms of looks was he Attractive, mildly attractive, or not so attractive ?
@@naeemabdulayad3861 I thought he was handsome, but why should that have an effect on things?
I noticed that he was more communicative and open towards me, than to other people and with time it got more and more. And in the end I noticed it by "small and kind acts of service", he wouldn´t do for other people. It was helpful to meet in an working environment, so I could slowly get to know him. I asked him out for a date and many more times made the first move, because I knew he wasn´t comfortable with it. I didn´t know about ASD before we startet dating. Now I do know, but it doens´t matter for me. He is just "different", and somehow we all are different as humans.
My body language is probably very closed off around someone I like because being around that person is likely more overstimulating than it is to be around other people, at least at the beginning.
nice profile picture 🤨
@@dashingeduardosuarez ok…
I've found this whole kind of interaction so confusing and frightening that I've never managed to have a relationship. It's been a lonely life.
😭I know for sure he's interested in me but he's so private about it and when i try to ask him he's always so vague about it too... ( the video was great, even though all the signs wasn't applied to me & him ) he doesn't complement me unless i ask him because he doesn't feel the need to judge whether or not I'm good looking, he doesn't even take complements too 🤨he said he doesn't feel any better when someone complements him.
Again i know for sure because, he asks his parents to drive him to my house, he tries (miserably but still)😂 to have a conversation, and i don't know i just know it 🤷🏽♂️
All sounds familiar about the lack of compliments
A compliment from me is like a nobel prize🥇
But I often think a compliment about someone to myself 🤔
This is so helpful. Thank you so much! I will trust his words completely from now on, rather than doubt them when some other sign doesn't seem to match.
Thank you so much for doing these videos. I have just begun dating a man who is autistic. I realize that I've probably been misunderstanding him about some things (lack of cues). He is very open in discussing his autism with me though. Your video gives me further talking points with him so I really thank you. He's a very nice man. ❤️
I've started seeing someone with high functioning Aspergers and this has been such and delightful and informative video. I'm excited to talk to her and understand how she thinks and what makes her her on a completely new level to me.
I found this video real, and also compassionate. Yep, with a lot of patience, one can get along. My beloved is not Asperger's, he is fascinatingly a HFA of the PDA-type. Which makes any initiative on my side counter-productive, triggering his oppositional drive, nothing personal. And funnily enough I am a HFA of the PDA-type, too, or so I suspect. So any initiative on his side certainly triggers my oppositional drive ha ha ha. So after a few attempts on both sides, we both gave up, and now we both wait. Going for the fourth year. Waiting for what? Godot? Lost it, we no longer remember. We just let time flow and keep the communication channels open. We act as old friends. It's still very nice.
Thank you for this upload. Wonderful information ❤️❤️❤️
Your videos saved my marriage bro. Appreciate ya!
Thank you. I am dating someone autistic. He is so amazing but I definitely appreciate your help understanding him better. I admire and respect you for facing your challenges. I love your videos
Great advise! Thank you so much
Terrific video, thank you :)
Former (autistic) coworker I just went on an amazing first date with did every single one of these “likes you” actions…
But I self sabotaged by over sharing, which by the end of the date, clearly made him uncomfortable. 😭😭😭
What exactly did you overshare? I have a date with an autistic woman coming up and don't want to make her uncomfortable.
If they're not comfortable enough with the real you then that's on them!
How do you know that he is autistic? Did he told you?
wait YOU the non autistic overshared? small talk is just so moronic and stupid and gets humany NOWHERE! "nice weather eh" yea i KNOW i SEE that how about inform someone how the rothschilds print money or something else of imporatnce that most do NOT know?
I feel like oversharing information would indicate interest and would be very attractive
Okay, so I watched the whole video and all the signs you mentioned are also present when I am interested in being friends with someone. Thus, I appreciate the point at the end! If you are wondering whether they like you and they haven't just directly told you, please ask!
You are helping me so much... I appreciate you Thomas. Thank you!!!!!!! (p.s. she said she LOVES ME!!!! and the overthinker in me stuggles with accepting love... but I love this girl like I've never loved anyone in my entire life... and I know she is my soulmate)
I loved this video. Please make more such content. Very helpful
thanks a bunch! Defo... I have a few more videos coming out then I'm gonna do some more dating ones :D
Thanks for making this video. I have a very hard time with my boyfriend and trying to figure him out. This has helped me a lot.
Thanks for the information.
Yes, you got my name right enough 🙂 thank you for the mention mate! 😊
Thanks for the shout out Tom!
(I use a different name on here than on Patreon)
No problem Julian! I should have really started doing them a lot earlier... I just get so focussed on putting them out in time I often forget!
Can’t say how much I appreciate your support, it really means the world! 👐🏻💙👐🏻
Very helpful Video! I am autistic myself and recently got to know someone that told me he is autistic too. 😅 I actually knew already that he is “like me” and at least very introvert the moment I walked into the room. It was instant sympathy and a very familiar feeling. But since I am autistic myself it may get a bit more complicated (or maybe not? I don’t know).
We are both in longterm relationships - so the interest is in friendship. We see each other at least twice a week in a sport class. I feel from various signs that he likes me. I definitely like him a lot and don’t hide that. Many times he asked me after class “are you taking the same direction as me?” and we take the same way home very often. Sometimes we are very chatty, at other we both suddenly don’t know what to say and there are long phases of awkward silence and none of us really knows how to break it. 🙈
There was also a phase, where he kind of avoided walking with me after the class - a few times - and I got a bit discouraged at first but since I know how it is to be Autistic I was just letting go and then he came back even more active then before.
So yeah I don’t know. It takes time to build the contact. We know each other for almost a year and don’t spend time outside the context of the sport class, so sometimes I am unsure if there is real interest. So I am happy to learn more about Autism and communication etc.
Sick song at the end I really love it!
It’s partially our fault, yeah, but it’s because we live in a world where people take advantage of good listeners and do not introspect because we normalize superficial, transactional relationships. it’s the reason people are often relieved at the vulnerability of talking to an autistic person. Too many people “don’t know how to ask questions”, aka demonstrate mutual interest
0:35 Attraction 101
1:46 Common Slip-Ups
6:14 Signs of Attraction
10:01 Final Thoughts
Hello Thomas, I am the one with ASD here wondering if I’m giving off signs of interest to others. Thanks for uploading, it was helpful. The answer is yes, I am giving off signs of interest. I’m wondering if the people i show interest in (romantic) feel the same way about me. Anyway, you are awesome for helping others understand us better.
have you figured it out? most woman effing lie and say they like talking to me then talk behind my back i "annoy" them so effing much i ASK THEM am i annoying bothering you and ALWAYS answer is "no" but then hear that i AM!!!!!
Thank you very much!! 🌼✨
Hello again! XD
U explain yourself well.. charming manner guy u r... 😊
I was Diagnosed with Austin when I was six I glad I’m not the only one like this it hard for me to find someone and yes I know that feeling when it something I know I talk alway 😅 but since My accident in 2018 in a wheelchair I started to get better and wiser so thank for tips
About a year and two months ago I was at a singles meetup and had a brief conversation with a lady that I wished i had been more forthcoming that I was interested. (I’m autistic).
Conversation was pleasant. She was definitely not on the spectrum, but seemed even keeled, etc. I took for granted I’d see her again at another event. But it’s difficult to line these things up. (Life gets in the way. Can’t always get to other events, etc.)
This is probably tough for NT’s also…
The amount of missed opportunities in my life that I think back on makes me want to kick myself. There were definitely women who were interested in me, but I just couldn't piece it together until much later when I had lost contact with them. I'll do my damnedest not to let that happen again.
@@pikachuchujelly7628 its the delayed processing problem.
It's easy: if it feels like I'm interested, that's just how treat everybody. If I'm acting like an absolute maniac, there you go!
😂 makes sense 😂
It was immediate attraction for me about 3 years ago now. All I can say is that I have to have infinite amounts of patience with him. He does tease me and we have a good laugh when we see each other (which isn’t often). He does give brief eye contact now and has given me a nickname at work 😂 he’s told me a lot about himself …mainly private medical issues and that he had autism. I still have hope but although I’ve asked him out once and given him my phone number, I’ll not ask again. I’m more open and honest with him about my feelings than I have ever been with any fellow NT man. But I’m not sure if he has taken them onboard. 🤷🏻♀️
Would like it if you could have this same topic from an ASD women's point of view
Hmm... I’ll definitely get to work on that! I’ll see if one of the other CZcamsrs fancy collaborating, I’m sure a lot of points mentioned are valid for all genders, my explanation maybe just needed a bit more tweaking on my part 😅
Super helpful tips! ❤❤❤ thanks for reaffirming some stuff like the eye contact part ❤
As a autistic person, I have another friend who I think is also autistic but is not disgnosed
And I’m gonna use this to see if it checks out cause I want too see if I’m doing the same things
I definitely agree with the conversations and trying to get that as much as possible. I hate not talking to people about my hyper fixations. Same as eye contact or looking. I look at my I appreciate more.
Also with art if I see the proportions are wrong I may compliment your art but also mention the proportions, it’s my way of trying to be kind then “I dint rlly care” yk
As an autistic person, I have my own issues with romance. There is this guy at work I really like but I know next to nothing about him. This is very awkward because I don't even know if he's interested in a relationship with another guy. But the main issue is that when I sort of try to show affection in manner of being nice I realize that I'm just being nice to all my coworkers and I'm not doing any different here, so I'm just kind of stuck because I have no clue how this works and I don't want to make going to work uncomfortable for the both of us
This is so painfully real, it's an intense dilemma
I have to look out for confirmation bias, but this seems to clear up a lot of mixed signals I got from a girl who is apparently autistic (she mentioned it). The lack of body language indicators totally threw me off. I do still have a few bits to figure out, but overall it helped.
Tip for autistic people: Learn body language indicators and apply them if you want to signal. If you're doing things consciously anyway you might as well use it.
I spent half of my life wondering why men were afraid of me only to realise that I'd been standing with a flat face, closed body language, giving cold Autism vibes, answering with one word answers. 😂
I have since learned how to apply body language to indicate interest. It works! Hahaha
Currently dating a female who is autistic and man it's so hard because my love language is physical affection so you can imagine what that'd be like haha.
But lately I've been giving her alot more space and being less physically affectionate but if I do it too much then she'll ask me "what's wrong?" 😂
Any tips? Help a bro out lol
@@flyboiimusic2493 Why are you giving her more space and being less affectionate? She said it differently, but that seems to be what she is asking you.
Sorry, but I have to object to this comment. We don't have to learn anything to make people feel more comfortable!
@@hedwigwendell-crumb91 It is a tip, so I'm not forcing anyone.
But also, there is nothing wrong with learning to communicate better. That is a normal part of life, neurodivergent or not. Why wouldn't you want to make it easier to communicate with others, even if it takes a bit of conscious effort?
Being unwilling to adapt and compromise makes life unnecessarily hard.
Im so hurt.. I really don’t know if he likes me or not. Some days goes by and he doesn’t reach out
😭😭 im the same boat. Learning more about her
thank you so much for this video thomas,it's really helping me A LOT because i've been put off by some things this guy i'm really interested in has been doing for some time now after behaving totally different. everything you said fits perfectly to my situation with him,but for example,after frequently asking me out and spending time talking with me or just even making an effort to make small talk with me,he stopped doing that and i'm afraid it has to do with something I've done . I'm so confused 'cause I don't know the reason behind it..can anyone tell me if I should maybe try to ask him out myself or maybe just directly ask if he likes me? I wanted to tell him I like him for a long time now but I'm scared it would make things worse..so what should I do?:\
Thank you Thomas. I know a gentleman who is very very shy and have some autistic traits and he kind of show interest in me when we are in the same place. The moment I'm not, he never call or text or keep contact. Is confusing because he share something to eat with me and touch my back at some point and even told me to call him when I go visit his state (which is not too far from me and I visit often). Hard to know for sure if is interest or just friendliness. When I was driving him to a place he sit quiet the whole ride. To me that was a flag because I work with people with disabilities for years and that was something very common in people on the spectrum. What you think? Your input is greatly appreciated.
I’m autistic myself and I have a crush on someone, but I think they don’t understand or remember that I am autistic and I’m starting to think that they think I’m weird, but I’m actually just really shy. Any ideas?
Remind them!
11:30 I used to be blunt and honest.
But now I work so hard on theory of mind.
I worry about telling people the truth I don't want to hurt people feelings so a Nero typicial sense.
Honest I did used to believe honest the best policy but life experience I don't anymore.
Yeah neurotpyicals don't really want to hear the truth
@@koalafromtomorrow5656 Some people.
This might be too much information, but I am genuinely confused by my friend. And I'm trying to educate myself to better understand my friend who has autism. We hangout and watch movies, but last year he expressed that he wanted a more sexual relationship with me... which I thought was strange because he explained that he doesn't miss people, and generally is not good at initiating things i.e. communication, or asking to spend time with me...which is true because I tend message him first, or approach him to hangout (I wouldn't hear from him for weeks unless I messaged him). However, he was able to initiate the conversation of wanting a sexual relationship which shocked me! Because I understand that autistic people are often coy when it come to things of a sexual nature.
Noooo I have the same experience that's why I am here....this guy I like and I suspect he has autism is legit straight and upfront that he wants to have sex with me but also avoids deep conversations where I try to figure him out sometimes.What bothers me is that he literally knows nothing about me but still got angry when I did not text him after he sent me a video of himself! This is confusing!
Depends on the person. Some of us can be very direct about certain things, especially if we feel our message is not getting across when we have been trying or have not been taught that certain things should be spoken about more delicately. Each person is different.
I come across as asexual aromantic until I'm with a person who makes me feel safe, excited and turned on enough. Then I become an entirely different, open, sexual, passionate person.
Autistic people have amazing sex lives, sex drives too! We just often go about satisfying our needs in a different way.
Eg some Autistic people prefer non monogamy, some prefer open relationships, some prefer entirely monogamous relationships in which to have sex, some are demi.
Some of us are super sexual but just don't know always how to instigate without coming across as strange. If this guy has been building a friendship with you, and now is expressing open sexual attraction, I'd say he's got to a place where he feels safe enough to express that. With you. I'd take it as a high compliment, and if you like him, take it for what it is and see where it goes. 😊
😊 this is true my bf has a mild autism and at first i thought hes disinterested at first, i even dont know if he really likes me at first and i thought were not gonna work and im worried when he told me he has autism but when we meet i find him the guy i really love since we are Ldr before and just met a couple months ago 😊 its hard to adjust but i can say hes a wonderful person who accepts me for who iam and so i also accepts for who he is 😊
this your video goes a long way towards a more loving a more peaceful world
@Aspergers Growth - thank you for posting this video. I've never been formally tested for autism, but suspect that I might be on the spectrum. I am an introvert, though, and your advice is helpful for introverts, as well as for people on the spectrum.
I am autistic as well and the guy I like is Aspergers. He said that he isn't interested in me yet he has problems with emotions anyways, but the way he has been acting suggests otherwise. Any ideas? We are very similar in personality as well.
Hey, thanks for commenting. I think in this case, although his behaviour is telling you otherwise, I’d try your best to stop pursuing him for the time being as he has told you directly he isn’t interested. This way if he does like you, you looking elsewhere might be the push he needs to express his feelings, or if not you can move on and find someone who has mutual feelings towards you 😊. I hope this helps, I know the world of dating is a hard one
I'm an autistic woman and the the only types of men I seem to attract are predatory types who pretend to be nice and healthy in the beginning and then become abusive.
Since I don't tend to pick up on red flags, now I just refuse to date and assume that even having an interest in me is a red flag 😆
As an autistic I can personally vouch for having a very odd way of showing affection.
I do most of the above signs much more with my platonic friends than with my crush, for example, and in fact I'm more likely to ignore the person I like! XD
I might wait hours or even a whole day to text them back because I'm trying to think of just the right response, and I might look at my crush *less* than other people in the room/group because I'm shy around them. So don't give up - just because someone doesn't show the conventional signs of liking you doesn't mean you don't have a shot with them. Sometimes it's a matter of being the confident person and approaching *them* (and perhaps even making their day) :)
This helped me so much thank you!!!!
@@tyraa4101 aha I'm glad I helped :D
(but please bear in mind not everyone may do this; I am just speaking from personal experience :))
Unfortunately, its the same for me
Sure sounds like what my crush is doing (both on spectrum but his is more severe)
It is even more fun when you are both autistic and trying to work it out lmaocry
Thank you for this video OMG.
I am french, he is american and he thinks that he is autistic.
And, after a lot of researches, I am sure that he is autistic.
I live in the USA since 11 months but I have to go in 2 months (Canada or France).
We are dating since 8 months and It’s always Amazing when we are together.
But he works on a ship 8 months per year. It was complicated sometimes to communicate with the distance so we « broke up »2/3 times but finally it was impossible for him and also for me to stop talking each other…
He is on vacation now for 4 months so we are trying to spend Time together.
He introduced me to his mom. However, we are not officialy together because he is afraid about having a LDR.
He tells me everytime that he loves how I treat him and he thinks that he Will never find someone like me but in the same Time, he has some troubles to organize his life so he does not know if he will be able to continue with the distance.
I really like him (I wish he will never see my message lol). He is particular, that’s why I like him and I am ready to have this relationship with the distance and join him after in USA to have a stable life together. But in the same Time, I want him to be happy, he deserves it 💕
When an autistic and non-autistic person date, it's very much like two people from different countries and cultures dating.
What if you’re extremely scared to ask if the person likes you?
Honestly a girl asked me out last week her name is Linda and I don’t know what she has I suspect it’s autism but she is in regular classes but takes the special education bus. But every interaction I have with her is incredibly awkward since she seems to have a hard time knowing what to say like most times she just says hi or will stare at me from across a room
🌟 thanks 🌟
There is a bit of ambiguity there. I do a lot of this to make my work colleagues like me a bit better and I only fancy about half of them.
Haha yeah I think depends on the person, I actively try to be a bit more ambiguous myself... but if someone was to ask me I would be honest 😁
I got the feeling Im not for Relationships 😅
Thanks for making this video, I find it very helpful. I think my romantic interest might be mildly autistic. I will be watching more. Thanks again
They can also be very autistic and masking unintentionally during the dating process. Like me 😂
2x speed.
Gods help me.
I just talked to my step sister a few days ago. She's the only person I've met/seen who I've been able to look in the eyes of not only without my eyes moving on their own away and feeling horrible, but makes me feel comfortable and safe.
And she hugged me for the first time last week TWICE and the first time was not bad or good but I was worried it would be bad so I did what I always do and got out of the hug asap. She seemed upset and said "a real hug!" and so I... oh my god. I did. Hugged so... I don't know the word but hugged like it and it was a drug. It IS a drug. The hug drug. I need more.
Anyway yeah I always thought hugs were things people did to punish me and they were giving not painful hugs to each other.
So I talked to her a few days ago.
I told her sorry. I told her she's the only person I can look at and hug and I think she's probably one of the few truly unique people on the planet.
What I didn't tell her is how much I enjoy talking to her and just being near her.
I asked for her thoughts which I don't think I have ever done. Ever. In my entire life.
I asked if she had anything else unrelated she wanted to talk about.
I asked if she needed help getting her bags out which I never do voluntarily and people need to remind me to help with stuff like that.
And I left the room immediately after telling her her hair looks great since she just dyed it.
I don't care about peoples hair.
Wtf is wrong with me :(
I think we all know where this is going - 🤵🏼
Can you offer advice for me, I have started dating a guy who is on the spectrum and it can be quite a lonely place for me, we have been together for 5 months and he does not share his feelings with me which makes me feel insecure. Can I get him to talk about his feelings or do I just wait for him to tell me? I guess I worry that he will never tell me his feelings and I the relationship will fizzle out.
I was married and undiagnosed with autism. 2 years after divorce I got diagnosed.
Hi,
There is this guy at church that I have liked for a really long time( about 4 years now) and I have been trying to figure out if it would be the right move to just “confess” my feelings to him. I know he is on the spectrum and he is pretty high functioning. I have been watching videos and researching about, pretty much the topics of this video. The problem is that I am very introverted and get extremely anxious when trying to talk to him (or anyone that I really like for that matter) and he is kind of introverted in large gathering but when he is around people he knows he is pretty extroverted and sweet and funny. But I also have ADHD, which I have heard doesn’t do well with autistic people. I wanted to try to be friends first but my anxiety and introverted nature really don’t help and I think he has taken that as I don’t want to have any type of relationship with him. I’m also trying to figure out if he likes my cousin more than a friend. I have been seriously been debating and stressing about if I should tell him how I feel about him. I wasn’t going to put any pressure on him to tell me how he feels. I just want to put my feelings out there. And if he just wants to be friends, that’s fine. Sure it’ll hurt but that’s better than living in this agony.
Anyway, long story short, I could really use some guidance. I would greatly appreciate it! And thank you for those who read through my anxious heart in text.
Oh wow I’m in almost the exact same situation except for the liking someone else thing (which I’m sorry about that) I’ve also had a crush on a guy from my church who’s high functioning autistic for about 4 years now, we’ve kind of just been really good friends for awhile until he moved churches and I have no way to contact him since neither of us had our own phone until a little after he moved churches (we both shared one with our siblings) and he didn’t get a chance to let me know he was changing churches before they left. Everyone else in youth group was always teasing us because most of them knew we liked each other (I don’t really know how to really hide feelings very well and he didn’t try to lol) but yeah I haven’t seen him in about a year and a half. And in my opinion before he left we were both too young for a relationship like that to really go anywhere (I was almost 13 and he was 14 then) but yeah so that was my little story that will have little affect on anyone else’s life I just needed to share. I just realized this is the first time sharing the full story with someone. Well anyways bye have a blessed day.
Number 2 me exact the same.
Music at 0:35?
Can someone do a video about Some ASD not saying, “I love you”?
Hmmm... I guess I could talk about intimacy, I know many autistic people struggle with that statement as love is a very complex emotion and hard to define!
Sorry for bombarding the comments with questions. But how do I overall become closer with an autistic guy? We seem to click and have become causal friends. I really hope to get closer with him but I don’t want to overwhelm him so if anyone has tips that would be great
I have been interested in a guy with Aspergers for a couple of years. He’s 13 years younger than me and has dated a couple of my friends but nothing serious. Recently he’s been telling me that no-one understands him like I do, and that I’m ‘lovely’. Last night he sent me a film of a beautiful sunset he saw at the beach, which I hope means that he was thinking of me as he was there. Do you think he fancies me, or am I just a deluded older lady?
Not deluded my bf is 10yrs younger than me and he is autistic. Age is just a number to a lot of autistic people.
Update what happened? Did you date him?
Update!!!
I’m in love with autistic man , he shows all the signs of being attracted to me , so I took the plunge and asked him out . He initially said yes , then 10 seconds later no 🤷🏼♀️
My 'Autistic boyfriend' has been with me for 20 years. I'd say that's pretty good evidence. I asked him if he liked me and laughed in my face. Of course he does.
I caught an Autistic friend of mine staring at me when I wasn’t looking . I posted about it one day on Instagram Story basically reposting a meme about it and said I peep when people are looking at me I just don’t say anything . Ever since he saw that posts he won’t make eye contact with me anymore for too long and him staring when I’m not directly looking has gone down 👀
My psychiatrist suggested im on the ASD spectrum, instead of BPD which i suspected is what i have, but she said both the ASD and BPD spectrum have alot of overlap, and that in my case its more likely to be ASD (probably since im a male and BPD is diagnosed mostly in females, 75% of the cases i believe).
After doing my own research about autism i did notice i have a quite a few ASD traits but what i don't understand, I don't have any trouble with detecting, expressing , receiving and giving love whatsoever. In fact, i want to be in a romantic relationship very badly, there is almost nothing more important to me than having a romantic relationship with someone i fall for. At the same time, once i have it (and it's not very often), it becomes an obsession almost, i'd rather spend all my time with that person even though i know thats not realistic, and once i percieve signals of abandonment it gets really stressfull (insecuraties etc).
Because of this i'm starting to wonder if i'm even on the spectrum? Is my psychiatrist biased, and wrong about me being on the ASD spectrum, and within the 25% of male BPD cases?
You’re more than likely on the spectrum. Bpd unfortunately gets thrown around because professionals HATE diagnosing autism.
How about empathy? Look up the 4 types of empathy and check if you feel resistant with one type. For example: the guy I am dating feels limited to no emotional empathy. So he basically doesn't "feel or suffers" with another person. He cognitively knows what the other person must be feeling but he is not feeling it. And because he is not feeling it he doesn't feel the pull to be hugging the other person to comfort. And because he is struggling with motor-empathy due to that he is often hard to read. Autistic people are often struggling with at least one form of empathy.
Bpd is what they diagnose us with when they don’t understand the spectrum of autism. I imagine many woman diagnosed (not all) with bpd are actually autistic. I too thought I had bpd, but I didn’t know about autism other than the stereotypical idea of it.
@@lianevoelker9845yea I would say I’m very empathetic, so much so that sometimes I see something bad happen to someone else and I have the life sucked out of me for weeks, but then on the flip side I found myself irritated with someone who was struggling to cope with the loss of a loved one, myself thinking people die when they get old it is what it is get it together for your kids sake. Somehow I have like a system engrained in me that sorts things into priorities and I myself barley understand the algorithm for it.
I think you have BPD, not autism. it’s underdiagnosed in males but it’s just as prevalent as in women though the symptomology does differ
Me, an autistic person reviewing the signs to check if the guy I like, who's also autistic, likes me
I think you just might be better than my sped teacher!
Hi, im 20 female and I have BPD, my best friend is a 24 autistic male.
We've been friends for over a years, not so long tho but we connected really fast and I'm like his only real friend.
We always got along VERY well, we understand each other a lot more than others.
But like a month ago or something like that, I began to feel a kind of sexual tension when we are together, we hang out mostly just us two, but even with more ppl I can still feel that.
Maybe it's all in my head idk lmao, I can't tell ya how or why I feel this is reciprocal, I just feel it and I also know him a lot so I can tell when he is a bit odd, but is not in a bad way.
I'm just worried that I might hurt him or myself if I try something.
I just love our friendship the way it is, but I feel like is not gonna take long till him or me make some advances and I'm worried.
What should I do????
Any update?
I would talk to a therapist about the situation and go through a DBT course if you can.
Yes “Aspies are hard to, SUS out”
I never gone get a girl friend because i have Asperger+ no Instagram, Facebook or TikTok. I rarely use Snapchat.
Def not me being on the speck looking this up too see if someone else on the speck likes me AS
I have autism and I have my first date on May 18th 2024 with an autistic girl. This video will help me, thank you
How did it go?
Dudeeeee tell us if it went well or not.
It had to get rescheduled because she was sick around that time but she's better now and I went to her highschool graduation party and met her mom, dad and grandma and it went really well and she's now my girlfriend and wants to hang out more
@@garbagemailtrucksandbuseso8685 thats great. 😊😊😊
@@etcwhatever thank you
I do t really get the compliments but I get asked out a lot by this person . It’s been so confusing. I’m kid do you even like me in that way??
I met this guy who told me he was autistic he seamed amazing at first we started romantically getting close I told him I couldn’t have children from the get go he was amazing about it saying we could adopt he was always telling me he loved me even though it was only a few weeks we kinda dated for 2 months. Christmas Day 2022 his brother and his gf announced they were expecting my bf dumped me Boxing Day saying he want kids of his own I was heart broken I felt useless a a female not being able to give him that. Anyway we sorted things out after a long chat and things were amazing again how ever a week ago he dumped me again because it was going to slow he wanted to move in by the end of the year he just wanted to rush everything he gave up on us I had plans for Valentine’s Day. My bf showed non of these he was the opposite of what you were saying he was a narcissist I’m doing NC now for the time being I’m autistic and I’m not anything like this he’s a liar aswell 😔😔😢
Hello there. So If I understood right you're autistic and he said he was autistic too? Like he's diagnosed or self diagnosed? He may was a liar and a narc, cause I have met people that are narcs actually being misdiagnosed with autism or narcs that are projecting their narcissism to their victims and they adopt victims' identities. But usually autistic people tend to care about other peoples' feellings, in a way that they will definitely tell you their truth, but always in a way that you will feel their care for you or never the need to hurt you. I don't believe that an autistic person , without high narcissism or NPD, would ever use you as any kind of supply.
I think you've been manipulated by a narcissist who lied about being autistic.
Update?
How can you hide you like someone when you're not supposed to
Interact with them at the same rate as you do others (for example in class don't partner with them more OR less than other people). Don't look at them for more than 1s at a time when you're not talking to them. Don't talk to other people about them unless the other person brings them up, and if they do, don't add any new information about the person.
I want a girlfriend but i cant speak to my crush without a well of anxiety sitting in my chest,not allowing me to ask to sit or be near them and plus she's seen me lose my temper at my shit school and fear she has absolutely no interest in me due to the anger i displayed.(sorry for the paragraph)
In 12:41 that hurt me for hearing the truth bc I myself is a autistic person and I hope i can find someone with my autistic personality 😅
What about in a relationship. Do autistic people lose interest quicker or just not express themselves
Varies. I’m autistic but I’ve also got ADHD which makes me want constant change so I get bored in relationships. However speaking in terms of autism I find that male autistics are very loyal but they find it difficult with birthdays or special occasions. For example: it’s your birthday the autistic male may not get u a present or card not because she forgot not because they don’t care about you, but because they may not show their affection in that way. Instead, you might get something hand made by them.
They stop masking more and more. It's less loosing interest, I guess it's more becoming comfortable.
I think my classmate likes me
He admitted to that but he is acting creepy. :(
or i ofton will interupt becuase im trying to speak something and i WILL FORGET if i wait for everyone else to finish blabbing their part.
watching this video to see if my autistic self does any of these things....off topic: if you act and they need someone to play a young John Lennon in a movie you'd be great!