Recognizing Autistic Adults (How to Spot Social Compatibility)
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- čas přidán 27. 06. 2024
- Have you noticed that you communicate better with other autistic people? This is known as double empathy and relates to our social compatibility when conversing with other autistic people. Know how to spot other autistic adults and recognize autistic traits is helpful in creating sustainable relationships. In this video I talk about ways I have detected other people might be autistic or, more broadly, neurodivergent. What characteristics do you notice in other autistic adults?
#actuallyautistic
#autism
#autistic
00:00 Introduction
00:47 Why Recognizing Autistic Traits is Important
01:26 Is Conversation Balanced?
02:39 Challenges Following Social Rules
03:26 Speech Patterns and Body Language
03:57 Relatable Stories and Analogies in Autistic Communication
05:01 Bluntness
05:54 Special Interests
07:08 Verbal Misunderstandings and Challenges Understanding Feelings
07:46 How They Act in Social Settings
08:15 Eye Contact in Autistic Adults
08:58 Hand Gestures (Flappy Hands are Happy Hands)
09:46 Sensory Challenges
10:47 Routines and Predictability
12:22 Topics and Depth of Conversation
13:53 What Traits Have You Noticed in Others?
Absolutely! I notice immediately when I no longer have to mask or “code switch” to “allistic.” It’s like “Oh, I can deploy the other 95% of me? It’s signal and not noise?”
This is a wonderful way to explain it. We're not masking!
Yes!!
59yo self-diagnosed 2 mths and realising why most (99%) of the friendships in my life have been so instantaneous, and they've almost always been with people that others were considered 'odd' or 'strange'. It all makes sense!
(I couldn't connect with the 'normal' people anyway, and they rarely ever liked or wanted to associate with me. It was definitely a 2-way street!)
I also sometimes notice I feel a sudden sense of calm for some reason
Wait, are you the guy that sang Chocolate Rain? You're awesome 😄
'I can deploy the other 95% of me' - ha ha! I love this.
After discovering that I was autistic in my 40s, it is usually quite easy for me to recognize "members of my tribe". As I often say, we're on a different Operating System!
We use Linux when neurotypicals use Windows.
I agree now that I know the traits in myself, I can recognize it easily in others.
Yes! We are Macs and neurotypicals are pcs who do not want to share lol.
Meeting other "weirdos" isn't always comfortable for me - it kinda jolts my mask. Maybe I wasn't ready to take the mask off in that moment out in public. But, I will remember that person and possibly seek further interaction!
I understand. It's a reminder that you're a bit of an "imposter" in a NT world. It's hard to know where you belong.
One of my friends from college was a “weirdo” and I gravitated toward him like a magnet. I’m autistic, but also introverted. My friend was loud, weird, and extroverted. I have never been comfortable showing my “weird” side as I always get looks. But this friend didn’t care. He was fully himself. Unfortunately, as time went on, I lost contact with him. He got married to my ex, moved to Eureka, CA. Last I heard, which was several years ago, his mother had to pick him up and take him to her home in San Diego. He had a mental breakdown, was walking the streets and hearing voices. Not only was he neurodivergent, but he apparently had schizophrenia.
@@taoist32 I understand the discomfort, but regular allistic people exaggerate the fact of what's different about our class. Disabled and regular people we share more experiences than most people are likely to realize.
I understand this. I do both.. depends on the situation
It's strange to me how I can click with some people almost instantly, and others I can't seem to relate to regardless of how much effort I put in. It really is a matter of operating systems, which can be worked around but not completely overridden.
It seems that communication efforts between autistic and allistic individuals are often one-sided, with autistic people frequently bearing the burden of adjusting to allistic norms.
I tend to meet people in family units, so I watch the kids. If I see signs of neurodivergence (kids mask less), I watch the parents for signs. If I see signs in the parents, I watch the kids for confirmation. All in the interest of making an actual friend who doesn't get thrown off by all of my quirks.
This is interesting. I'm not social whatsoever, so I'm not meeting new people. However, I could see how this approach could be helpful. Thanks for sharing!
I haven't been diagnosed but when I talk to someone who also overshares with me and we probably tell each other too much I click with them. We get each other and it's like we've known each other for a while 😊
It’s called connection which makes us living human beings.
"Over explaining" is one trait in Autism!!!
I met someone I "clicked" with ... we've been married coming up on 12 years now, with two kids. :)
And when our older son was diagnosed with autism, we started looking at ourselves, and let's just way we realized he inherited it from both of us.
Yup, I'm in a long-term relationship with an autistic person too. The chemistry was definitely different from the start. As you said, we "clicked."
Unfortunately, the main reason I spent far too long looking for answers was my daughter. (Far too long because I wandered through half of psychology until I came across ADHD and (Asperger's) autism). Intuitively, I saw at the age of 4-9 that she was quite different and very quickly overwhelmed. Unfortunately, contact broke off after my separation, which made the search more difficult and prolonged. But it is still very satisfying to find the answers in the end, which can and are so life-defining and decisive. I would advise every parent to always look for answers, whatever the cost. Unfortunately, if you don't yet have the answer yourself, you are more than a little let down by professionals (probably partly due to a lack of understanding and knowledge). However, videos like the one on this channel are perfect for this purpose. Thanks Karen.
Must be nice. I was never good enough for my wife, now we're divorced. I'm back living with my mom until one of us dies, with no transportation, no friends, no purpose, almost no money, and no hope of anything ever getting even slightly better. If being autistic was somehow worth something, if it made life better in some way, that would be great. But for me it's 100% suffering, failure, and loneliness.
@@JB52520
I would strongly recommend following steps:
1. Daily workout/nature walks for Dopamine
2. Search for a purpose, but give yourself time. Look in all directions without pressure, and I bet you will find it.
(I found mine in music plus some other activities I will not disclose here.)
@@JB52520 I feel (ha) you, man. When so much hinges on fitting into a certain mold and being socially acceptable within five seconds, neurodivergence feels like a curse. The thought of a cure is anathema to so many, but there were many times I did not want the difficulty of being different. I wish I could offer you more than this sympathy.
Totally relate to the experience of offering an analogy to show you get it. Didn't realise that's a ND trait.
Yes, it's a big one. Neurotypical people generally don't do that. An exception would be maybe if they're trying to demonstrate dominance, as if they know more or have done more impressive things in life. It's all about intent. An ND person is not sharing stories for those reasons. An ND person, and more specifically an autistic person, is sharing stories because they are trying to show the other person that they heard them and demonstrate how they relate to their experiences. They're trying to build connection and move the conversation. I suspect it's because coming up with questions in the moment can be too hard and unpredictable. It's much easier to draw on lived experience. Now, not all autistic people do this, but a lot do.
IKR? Apparently one is to not sympathize by sharing a similar experience, but ask questions. Or at least that is as much as I understand it right now.
Or they’re a teacher.
I've always done that, and I could never understand why people are upset by it. I'm showing I get it! Isn't that what I'm supposed to do to show understanding and empathy?
@@MartinMCade in my experience it can be interpreted as trying to make it about me. JFC, I'm just trying to build some rapport here. NT are exhausting. I would never think that someone sharing a similar experience is them trying to make it about them.
The part about sharing one's similar experiences only to have them be received as hijacking the conversation, making it about "me" is heartbreaking to me because I have seemingly always offered up my own experiences in kind, to attempt to form a bond with the person in the conversation, not to dominate or divert it. It is meant to say, yes, I understand you, and I empathize, because I've been there. It's meant to be soothing but now I see that it probably isn't, to some people. Perplexing, though. I'm going to ask a friend with whom I have phone conversations how she takes it when I talk about my analogous experiences when she is talking about hers. Will be interesting to see what she says.
Most people who have empathy themselves and don’t just want focus on them will understand it’s a way to connect to them.
I can totally relate to being told that I make it about me when I am sharing a similar story to show empathy. It's so annoying because I think so many times I can tell a story only to end up feeling like it fell on deaf ears when the listener either moves on with a new topic or says something inane like...oh...that's interesting. When you're actually doing the opposite of self centredness it can be disheartening. I feel like I listen well and am proactive about ensuring the person feels heard but maybe only another autistic person can read it like that. In terms of an analogy lol...most conversations feel like I am holding my hand out to high five and the receiver turns away or at the very most half heartedly gives my hand a tap.
@@Pumpkin-vg1ur Good analogy with the high five. I understand the disheartening feeling you describe, and I'm sad that you experience that. When I share my own experiences it's also because there could be some helpful tidbit about what I experienced that my convo partner could use to THEIR advantage, which is why I want to share it, not to make it about me. So to be received with a tepid hand tap or deaf ears is not very smart on their part. When I listen to people, I'm attempting to do two things: be empathetic and "there" for them as well as to glean information that I can find useful for myself. To me, this is win/win type conversation, when one party gives and takes, then the other gives and takes like this. We both benefit by feeling heard, supported, and by learning new useful things. But I think a lot of people, maybe divergent as well as not, just like to hear themselves talk, is all. They don't want the back-and-forth, and don't want to learn anything, just want to vent or hear their own voice or something. They are transmitters, not receivers. I try to be a two-way radio.
Have found recently that "autistic society" is really no different than all of the rest of society. Same attachment issues, same codependences, same neuroses, same traumas. While other autistic people are far *easier* to talk to, it's also easier to get caught up with autistic narcissists, and others who've learned exploitative behaviors.
Case in point. I went to a local restaurant (the only one in our town) and while we were there my kid ran into another kid from her class. So that kid's mom got to talking to me. I realized immediately that she at the very least had adhd because we were both topic-hopping with ease. So I mentioned it to her and she completely agreed.
But further conversation elicited red flags that made me realize I probably didn't want my daughter and I spending too much time with them.
The adhd part made her very *easy* to talk to... but it didn't mean she was a good person.
That's what I've really been struggling with lately. Yes, I can find people who're easier to talk to; but I still have to find someone who has values that match mine. Somewhere along the line I made the mistake of thinking that "other autistic people" would be more... something. More aware maybe. Less blinded by far-leaning political views. Less prone to lie or manipulate people. Less needful to always be the one in control.
I realize that I myself am anxious/avoidant... I can't claim to have a healthy attachment style myself. I see it becoming healthier at times. But I don't think I've *ever* met an Aspie/autistic person who had a full-blown healthy attachment style. By and large they seem to be mostly avoidant, with a smattering of anxious/avoidant thrown in.
Now, I'm not entirely sure why I'd thought that they would really be any different than anyone else. It's like deep down I wanted some private utopia to be a part of where I truly didn't have to ever mask, and where people were legitimately up-front. I guess I see now both why people try to build utopias and also why they don't and can never truly exist as such.
Yeah being a member of a minority group does not automatically make you a nice (or, on the flip-side: evil) person.
Makes sense when you think about it. The grouping of minorities is just socially-constructed short-hand.
You should be proud of this comment. It's open, insightful, and helpful.
@@daverave999 Thank you for saying so. I actually felt it was something that some people might not want to hear or that may not be a very "popular" idea. It's just how I feel.
I realize people on the autism spectrum have *different* traumas than NT's... but they also have most of the same ones as well. I worded that part poorly.
When I found out I was an Aspie and that I "had people" it meant more than anything else in the world to find "my people". But I'd really put them all on a pedestal of sorts, and I've been learning that just being able to talk to people more easily is mostly just that. You still have to weed out to find what kind of people you're looking for, they're just easier to talk to while you're doing that.
The "awe" of having "people" wore off I guess.
@@syberphish It very well could be something people don't want to hear, but that doesn't make it wrong.
It's difficult for us to see the grey areas, but to see us all as 'good' simply because we're built differently is as simplistic as MSM portrayal of autism as negative. The irony being that we exist on a spectrum too.
We're autistic, but we're still people. Everyone, autistic or otherwise, has a history that's shaped their drives and behaviours. We're not a different species, we're just a specific subset of human!
I think the situation arises because we've always felt 'othered' and are pleased to find those like us.
Yes. I find that communities form bc ppl are looking for validation...yet in any community people are...ppl with every nuance that entails. Thank you so much for saying all this so well.
4:54 I have learned to minimize how much I try to relate with other people by refraining from sharing my own personal story that is similar to theirs. Sometimes, they are just venting, or full-on trauma dumping, and I carefully select words of theirs to mirror back so that they feel heard. I don't feel closer to them at all, but it minimizes negative reactions, and they often appreciate it vocally. If I shared a personal story of mine, they might see it as me making everything about myself and not listening to them. I have learned to also identify that type of people and minimize the number of interactions with them.
This will always be one of the most confusing parts of society to me…I feel even more heard when people share a relatable story of theirs, especially if they share theirs while acknowledging mine! Yet, I, too, have started learning a balance…trying to!
I'm learning this too, and as another has stated, it is confusing. People don't want to connect, they want to be heard. Ok. Then they say autistic people are antisocial and have social issues - but many of us do and want to connect on a personal level. But people in the world I encounter don't want that they want to vent and be heard. They want someone to say "that sucks" and be the end. How am I the antisocial one whenever I want to have interpersonal connections that are real, not superficial? It's very confusing, social rules, they make no sense and I get exhausted and frustrated trying.
@@its.Lora. Yes these are really great observations. Most people seem pretty self centered OR their values lie in other things (materialistic).
Also, people have problems they don’t exactly want to get into or realize about themselves
You're amazingly observant. I don't have autism, and not having my story mirrored back, but instead kind of..."hijacked" into their story feels like the spotlight is being taken off my issue and put onto theirs. I won't share ever again with that person.
@@sapphirelane1714 Yes, exactly. 💯 I want to be able to share stories with others and have them share theirs with me where we can acknowledge each other's experience individually and then analyze them, draw parallels, observe differences, and draw inferences as we recontextualize the information in a way that we can process together so that we know how to better navigate similar life circumstances. That's not something I experience with most people so far.
I don't flap my hands when I get excited but I start to rock and sway. There have been times when I've met others I suspect are autistic, and they also sway back and forth. It's so much fun to sync and sway while talking to another autistic person! I was never aware of this before, but now I notice it all the. time and it's one of the biggest cues for me that someone else is autistic.
Whee! I do almost all of these all the time. I have a couple of friends - both of whom are autistic or AuDHD - tell me they are sure I am AuDHD as well, based on my behaviors and our conversations. I've never been assessed by a professional, though. I'm 43.
I definitely notice the difference when talking with them versus talking to neurotypical people. It's easier with them. We get each other and can have hours-long conversations with none of us feeling awkward or unheard or like we're being "too much." It's lovely. When I talk with neurotypicals, I can see them mentally checking out or even falling asleep, and it's not pleasant. It always feels harder because I don't like too much small talk, and feel like I'm saying too much but can't stop until I've gotten to the point I'm trying to make. Then I just feel awkward and usually shut down after.
3:37 Your speech doesn't seem awkward to me at all.
4:25 Telling a relatable experience back to someone has always felt like a natural way to connect. Apparently it is considered rude among NTs! I've been doing that forever and had no idea until recently!
10:47 Does wearing the same brand and model shoe for almost 20 years count?? :)
Yes, apparently telling a relatable story is rude, but expecting to be the center of attention while you're peppered with questions is not 🤷 I dunno, I give up 😂
Also, if you go back to where I was talking about my speech, I think the bigger tell is that there seems to be a disconnect between my facial expressions and what I'm saying. I didn't notice until I watched it back.
To me, sharing similar experiences was a logical way to connect and, well, share. It took me a long time - well into my 30s after I finally graduated from university and started to experience higher concentrations of so-called "normal" people - to realise that this wasn't considered appropriate by others in many situations.
As for 10:47: I have worn essentially the same outfit (same brand/size jeans, black top/t-shirt, same brand/size shoes) almost every day for the last decade and a half. New clothes are stressful, and decisions involving new outfits doubly so. If forced to deviate e.g. for work events, weddings or whatever I can usually force myself to do so, but the two thoughts that really stress me are (a) how horrible will these clothes feel to wear (silky, flimsy or "floaty" materials in general make me deeply uncomfortable, whereas denim and good heavy cotton seem straightforward and predictable) and (b) will this outfit make me stand out from the crowd (something I like to avoid as much as possible).
People say that about me too. My face is deadpan and people often think I'm hilarious, especially when I'm being very earnest. They think it's dry sense of humour 😂 its not but at least it's not isolating me@ProudlyAutistic
@@CB19087my nephew does this and he does NOT appreciate my laughter. I hope he learns to rolls with it.
Lol. I have been wearing the same brand and model of shoe for 30 years. Lately I haven't been able to get them. My current pair is falling apart. I'm going to have order online and pay extra cost!
I'm very excited all the time when I'm around people I'm comfortable with, but I have trouble knowing when to stop talking or let them speak they have to interrupt. I'm either spaghetti mouth or mute. I can also talk really fast when I'm happy and infodumping. it's never really consistent
Hello, I just wanted to thank you for making these videos! I was recently diagnosed as autistic at age 40! It's a been a very informative but also disorienting experience. Yours as well as some other YT creators videos have been monumental in helping me navigate a lot of confusion in a very difficult period of my life. Thank you!
I'm glad these videos are helpful. It gets easier, but give yourself grace. Good luck on your journey!
I also look for stimming behaviours, self soothing behaviours and sensory sensitivities. Often these are visible aswell. I work as a substitute teacher, and instantly treat kids according to possible diagnosis, rather than having it confirmed by someone first. It either isn’t nescesary but is still kind, or it gets instant results.
I’m autistic and possibly have adhd but I suspect my coworker at grocery store job is also autistic. He stims during non busy times like runs his hand on the register belt, he also doesn’t always have a filter when he talks to me, a neurotypical might think what he says Is rude but I know he’s not trying to be rude. He also cuts small talk and begins conversations with me already starting on a topic. His voice is monotone, very characteristic of many autistics. I might tell him I’m autistic one day, one of my neurotypical coworkers knows cause I knew him in high school and felt fine telling him. He treats me well, even with knowing I’m autistic. But he’s the only coworker who actually knows, no one else who’s still on the job has ever heard me say the words autism or adhd out loud. Very anxious to tell people other than the coworker I suspect to be autistic
1. How do the two of you interact in conversation? What is the flow of information? Autistic-allistic conversations are lopsided, and they don't click.
2. Challenges exist when following social rules, like interrupting or pivoting topics.
3. How do they speak? Is it stilted or overly formal? Weird pauses? Overly animated?
4. How does he or she react when you tell something about yourself? Autistic people might tell you a story about similar situation as an analogy, rather than a simple "Wow, that's great!"
5. If he doesn't soften the words and isn't always sensitive in the moment. (smaller indicator)
6. This person has an all-consuming special interest, but not necessarily a lifelong one.
7. Person takes things literally and not understand figurative language. This can extend to trouble describing feelings, a condition called alexithymia.
8. Anxious or lacking confidence in social settings; struggle to make friends.
9. Eye contact works differently. Eyes can flit or not look at you in speech.
10. Hand gestures specifically when excited; are they bouncy or controlled?
11. Relationship to sensory input. Some are sensitive to sounds or flavors, while others are hyposensitive.
12. Valuing routines and predictability.
13. What are the topics of conversation, and how quickly do we reach that level? Autistic people might talk sooner about deeper issues. Can be good to cut through formalities but also too much too soon.
Another wonderful video, thankyou. My teen son is autistic and I've recently found a clinical psychologist specialising in autism/neuro-divergency because he need some help with anxiety and processing a traumatic event. In the first session, which was just her and I, for background, she asked me "and do we have a neurodivergent mum?" a very nice, smiley question. Around 6 weeks ago my son had repeated his thoughts that I could be autistic so I'd done a bit of a deep dive with research and was in the process of finding someone to do an assessment. My reply was "I'm not sure actually. What made you ask?" She told me that from my first email she knew I was at least neurodivergent which was hugely validating - to hear that the possibilities were being seen quickly and clearly by a professional. It's a relief and a lot to take in and I'll have to wait for the assessment to know the details but in terms of this video, I've just now been going through current and past interactions in a new light and wondering which autistic/neurodivergent exchanges I've had over the years. I believe that a newer friend is neurodivergent (her son is autistic) so I will find a way to bring up my own developments and see if she volunteers her own. I love your videos and find them so incredibly helpful - both for my son and myself. Thankyou for being you and for the amazing work you do with these subject areas.
What a blessing to have found such a validating and supportive Dr 😊
Thank you for your kind words, I'm glad the videos are helpful. It's interesting that the doctor recognized neurodiversity in your email. I actually recognized that my partner was "like me" (neither of us knew we were autistic at the time) when I read his dating profile. You can tell a lot by the way we write. Good luck on your journey 💛 It sounds like you have a good plan in place.
@@ProudlyAutistic Can you please expand on "the way we write?" I ask because I've had challenges with writing too much and having it land poorly. Thanks.
@iamdebmiller I'm referring specifically to my partner when compared to others on a dating site. His stood out. Where most men might say they like "hanging out at the beach", my partner discussed how he enjoyed feeling the sand in his hands and watching/listing to the waves. There was something about it that seemed sincere. He seemed thoughtful and was presenting his genuine self, not what he thought others wanted to hear.
Aside from that, in my own writing, I know I write more formal than most. I am either overly concise and blunt or overexplain things and repeat myself. I spend way too much time editing myself to "mask" my writing. However, if you read a "first draft", you'd probably sense my neurodiversity easily.
@@ProudlyAutistic Thanks for explaining this. I'd be intrigued by your partner's writing style, too, so I can see why it got you! As for your style, I can relate - I write and write and write. And then I edit and edit and edit!
I spent about and hour typing a comment, but I deleted it. This realization is so overwhelming, emotional, stress & anxiety inducing.
I just copied and deleted it, going to save it for my psych testing next month.
Thanks for the great video.
Good luck at your appointment!
@@ProudlyAutistic "concise" 😅😂🤣
Ya it takes me a long time with anything I type up as I have to go back and edit it so much to sound "normal" and sometimes have to just save it and go back to work on it again later after a good break. I will listen to motivation videos to help my mind.
@@kabo0m I finally did get it typed out. But it turned into the longest youtube comment I've ever seen, it was 6 full pages of my phone screen, something like 170 lines of script, which is ridiculous. I sceenshotted it for my psych doctor and deleted it.
I basically feel like all of my AuDHD, but the autism side, has worsened now that I understand it. I've hyperfixated for 5-6 months on ASD, and over a year for ADHD. I now understand it all and have an entire vocabulary to express it.
When I do something, as I'm doing it, or think something, or my mind glitches, and I cringe, and especially the frequent memories that come up from my past and childhood, it all makes sense.
Now, instead of having a bunch of reasons for things: depression, anxiety, being unique or strange, also growing up being forced to live as the other gender (I assumed it was so much stress on me from such a young age, for so many years, that I described it as "mentally scarring" me), and I have a real explanation for my life now.
And this isn't to say I don't feel and am all of these things, but now I know the 2 overarching reasons ADHD and especially ASD.
Now I am psychoanalyzing my whole day, every action that is clearly autistic, past, and present....and I take mental notes. It all makes sense now.
But instead of the past when I suffered in ignorance, and declared an indirect cause, I'm overly stressed, and provoke the worst of my autism.
The masks I've crafted, protective walls I built, intentional mental deletion....everything is crumbling, and it's all worse. I've thought about trying to unmask, thinking that I'm fake, hoping I'd be more authentic...and I'm going to somewhat, but some of it has become my natural or comfortable state and should probably remain. Plus, even when I'm masking, I still feel like the realist person in the room in a lot of ways. I hope to one day accept and relax, structure my life and day to help myself, not feel forced into uncomfortable situations and to go out of my comfort zone for others and push myself past my energy limitations. Yesterday I actually had to cut a good friend off. He couldn't understand why I wouldn't have the mental energy to have a multi-day birthday party after 3 days of visiting family for the upcoming holiday. He then tried to gaslight me, saying that I seemed like we have tension, that I was tense, and what I say is backhanded. I honestly did want to go to Miami and see my friends and the city and party....but I knew coming off of 3 days of 3 groups of family and a doc appointment and driving all over the state, that I'd be drained. I tried to explain that I've been very stressed and that I'm neurodivergent and autistic and I have to pace myself....and he was like "you don't feel comfortable around us, were you friends." I told him that my brain is working double time to appear that normal. Meanwhile, I'm vigorously stimming and leaving for periods of time to dance in the mirror or with my shadow and the bathroom to recharge....but after a bunch of weed and alcohol, I'd become chill, careless and numb and be able to hang out easier. He's tried to gaslight and manipulate me and I've seen him do it to others before, so I ended our friendship formally, to preserve myself. I now have....2 other friends. But one is always best friends him, so probably won't see her again either. So, I have one in person friend now. I think I'm okay with that...but I really want to befriend the collection of goth kids from the club, but I'm so awkward. I have many friends online though. Anyway, I digress.
I'll take this over the ignorance of the past, because I'm on the road to diagnosis, meds, therapy, etc.
I tried to be more concise here.
Basically, learning more about all of this has stressed me and made my brain work and analyze much more, and all of the ASD stuff have been amplified most days for the past few months.
I type and delete frequently.
Wow, I relate to pretty much every item on this list. I have really been reflecting lately how awesome it is to have those connections with other people. Throughout my life when I would click with someone in the way you are describing it felt so special. Only now as a recently diagnosed person am I realizing that those individuals in my past whom I connected with were likely ND as well.
I'm pretty newly self-diagnosed (but also have some unofficial expert confirmation on this) AuDHDer. I've come to realize that throughout my life I've probably been surrounded with autists and ADHDers: my extended family (as these run in the family), my school friends (just happened to have some kids on the same class who I think almost certainly are autistic) and now colleagues (I work in the IT industry). So only in retrospect I have realized why I have connected with certain people much better than with others. But also for the most of my life, I've not had problems connecting with neurotypicals, either, but there is a certain type of neurotypicals that I fail to connect with: the toxically masculine guys. I just feel so out of place with them.
And so you should feel when meeting predators. Something feels off. Yes it does feel off, for a reason!
They are out to fulfill their needs, without looking for connection.
ND's cannot relate well when we don't sense connection.
Therefore animals and little children are so easy to connect with.
Anyone toxic SHOULD feel off.
It’s because animals and children have nothing to prove. Neurotypicals tend to suffer status anxiety and feel the need to maintain frame or flex 25 hours a day.
@@wintermatherne2524status anxiety!!! Wow that’s the best name for that. Never felt it in my life 😂😂😂
@@wintermatherne2524 “Status anxiety” is a great name for that strange phenomenon.
Interacting with non-autistic people often feels like shaking hands with a dead fish
😂
👍🤣
Why is this so true? 😂
Why so? Bc they've gone cold or bc you have?
1. fish don't have hands, and b) nobody shakes anymore.
I think this is something a lot of therapist miss when trying to diagnose you, the experience of how we interact with other autistic people. NTs just don’t know and can’t fathom how we deal with each other in our accidental secret autistic societies. It’s just frustrating that we need their « approval » to get recognized and help for those that need it.
Agree. When I got diagnosed, I asked why it took so long. She said it was suspected it was due to doing so many things autistic people were thought to be incapable of. Sigh....
@@ProudlyAutistic Women still commonly get misdiagnosed where as males do tend to be more diagnosed. Also depends on where in the world. Some countries are better than others.
Wow! I’ve never been diagnosed with autism (only a slew of other psychotic disorders), but an autistic coworker and I used to get along easily compared to the rest of our crew. When I told them I felt like I could be autistic, they quickly looked at me and said, “you’re definitely autistic; it was the first thing I noticed!” I hadn’t been diagnosed with anything at that time, but I do wonder if I’ve been misdiagnosed.
I have been, in the past! I was also given tons of antipsychotics, which did not help, except to knock me out. I encourage you to find a doctor who is receptive to autism testing! I had, finally, found a counselor who I trusted (I’d worked with her before, and she actually helped). I asked her for a referral to a new psychiatrist, because I felt I was being overmedicated. I didn’t even know the bipolar 1 disorder diagnosis was either wrong or not complete (still not sure if I have autism and bipolar disorder, or just autism), at the time, but we figured it out, together. There are psychiatrists who listen out there, though they are hard to find!
This matches my experience as an AuDHD person! It's been so refreshing to find out that it's almost always the case that they are also ND. Problem is, I know, but maybe they don't. I often want to call it out, not in a bad way but in a way that conveys "I see you" and I'm so glad to be able to connect.
Yeah, that's a predicament. One of my closest friends is clearly autistic and I don't know how to have that conversation. Like it's really obvious and they know I'm autistic, but they don't see the connection.
I have thought of some clever ways to address this issue with more receptive NDers. I'll be talking about that in an upcoming video.
In the last couple of years, I've come to realize I'm autistic. I'd always claimed to have the "mad scientist" gene I got from my mom. Both of us always had some special projects we were deep into. This was a very helpful video for me. I recently had a client who I always chat comfortably with. And she wished me a happy autism awareness day and shared that she was and I said yeah me too, which surprised her not at all.
Another clue for me is meeting someone who's trans and uses Linux. I am not kidding.
Would have totally agreed about communication within ND circles until recently. I now believe personality still plays just as much as a part in ND communication as it does in NT communication.
Would you elaborate?
@@FlamingCockatiel well to start with it was a bit naive of me to not think personality's would be such a big factor, ND's are human after all and personality plays a big part in all styles of communication. I think largely though I am just disappointed that backstabbing seems just as rife in the ND community as it is in the NT's. Many still fail to recognize a narcissist when they are among us, and those that do so are quickly squeezed out with tactics they would never dream of employing against another. Cowardly behavior is another I did not see coming from certain people I thought very highly of until today. Goes to show never take a person at face value not even an ND, even if they say they are all about the NT community. Acceptance and tolerance are words that thrown around the ND community a lot, but those that shout it form the hill tops usually have very little themselves.
This is soooo true!! I've been wondering about this and glad to know others feel the same way
"relatable stories in autistic communication" - heh you literally described how I communicate :) I am not formally diagnosed as an autistic person, yet, but this video was highly relatable to me. We will know early next year anyway when I start formal assessment.
I am just sharing this because I need to let it out for my own sake. When my neurodiversity was a news leaked out at work, couple of people used to utilize it in a negative way. There is this one guy who tried to relate to me in a nice way, he tried to tell me indirectly that he has also got adhd. He was giving away lot of clues. Finally after couple months, I decided to open up to this person by sharing something personal such as my struggle to meet expectations, this person totally dismissed me. It was invalidating, I am not sure how to respond to these things , so I withdraw. Sorry for venting here..
Trust no one. Learned it myself the hard way.
I’m right there with you. I’ve tried so many times to open up, only to close people off again. I’m a solitary introvert and I’ll stay that way. Tyvm.
I find it odd that NTs tend to talk in platitudes and generalities, its very hard to not assume they don't know how to connect.
Maybe my false assumption is that they want to connect at all, and perhaps I don't consider that they're checking for threats first - either to their person or their reputation. The latter confuses me, but then I tend to make my own judgements and don't ask everyone else for my opinion.
I stream video game and randomly I built a small community of a dozen people and after a while I found out everyone was autistic, even me.
That's interesting! We do tend to gravitate to each other. It's just easier for us to communicate with other autistic people.
@@ProudlyAutistic yes, for me it's around one video game and there is a lot of autistic/adhd people playing it and also watching it, on twitch. A lot of people on twitch don't connect with others in real life and these online community are a nice place to interact with people and streamers around our special interest which is the game we love. Also it's mostly a chat with one person on camera playing/streaming. So the communication is different and for me it's way easier to talk to people who write message in chat, it's like always monologue and only me who speak. Sure we rotate and when I don't stream, I watch other streamer and I become the person in the chat. Ahh you know what I mean, you did live stream already lol
@@ProudlyAutistic Also, streaming on twitch is a way for people to make themselves socially available while playing their favorite video game. While at home in a confortable environnement. And the communication is easy, because the viewers communicate in a chatbox and the streamer is the only one on microphone / camera.
This is excellent! Thank you so much!
I really enjoyed this Karen. You have a really great way of explaining things to help me understand. Thank you. :)
I have ADHD with some sensory issues and some autism-like symptoms... I don't have a ton of social issues because I've been masking for so long, but there is a kind of friction I feel with neurotypical people that I don't feel at all with either a) very understanding, patient, and informed neurotypicals, or b) other neurodivergent people. I can usually immediately tell if it's another neurotypical person, though there have been many people that I have met who I didn't know were neurotypical until much later. For example, my best friend and I met in college and we kept leaving our friend group to take breaks at the same time. So we started taking them together. And after 2 years of being friends with him, he finally shared with me that he's on the spectrum. That was 10 years ago and we're still very close friends and understand each other extremely well.
Yes, I feel this friction... and more notably... lack of friction. It's amazing to realize that most NTs only encounter this friction (that we experience constantly) when they interact with NDs. No wonder they are cautious around us, it isn't their norm to be surrounded by people unlike them.
Big fan here. Thanks!
Another excellent video. You explain things so well, and your compassion and empathy shine through. You're creating work that is surely a great comfort to many autistic people, and an education for neurotypical people. Thank you!
I'll deviate a little from the topic of the video but I really needed to ask this:
Is any of you really good at terminating relationships?
I'll give you a quick example:
I was talking to this guy I was really into. Then I sent him a spicy pic. He asked me when did I took it. I told him it was the day prior. He goes at me saying how "if I took it yesterday it means I must have sent it to someone else".
At that moment, I go to my chats screen, take a screenshot with all my conversations and send him with the caption "If you don't believe me here's the proof, I don't lie. If you're so insecure to the point where a picture sets you off then you're not the right person for me"
And just like that, the "guy I was really into" becomes just another one. I didn't feel sad I wouldn't be able to talk to him anymore, it just happened and that's that.
I don't know if that's a strength or a weakness honestly. Just wanted to share it with y'all.
I'm getting assesed on the 10th so I really don't know if this is an autistic trait or just me being really cold lmao
You know, I actually met my partner (of many years) online. I interacted with a lot of guys, but there just wasn't that connection. More specifically, there was something about the way that I communicated that seemed to turn them off. Then I saw my partner's profile. There was something about the way he wrote that told me he would not reject me for simple misunderstandings or being too wordy. His profile was different in that he gave more context in his responses, he seemed more thoughtful. My instinct was right. Two years into dating, we both found out we were autistic. I realize now that I was detecting his autism in the way that he communicated on his dating profile, even though I didn't know what I was seeing at the time. I just knew he was like me.
Just my opinion, but I don't think you were bring "cold". It sounds to me like you figured out pretty quickly that he's insecure and paranoid, and decided he wasn't someone you'd be interested in. That's just seeing the warning signs and taking care of yourself! But I think as autistics, we tend to be more blunt and honest than allistics. I'm definitely that way! Maybe a ND person would have not said anything and just ghosted him, but I don't think that's a good way to go.
I like the more honest approach, myself!
I am definitely not "good" at ending things. I probably would have said something similar (but I don't know how to take screen shots)or 😂😂😂 then nothing more. I would consider his words as more "cold" than yours. And I agree that bluntness is an autistic trait.
I recognize the suddenly being at a snapping point, knowing that a relationship has moved beyond repair. Don’t know if that’s an autistic trait though - how do allistic people know it, or would you think it’s a more gradual and perhaps conscious decision?
Analogy and metaphor is where I like to live. I notice it when it isn't the expected response, disrupting a convos flow. When it "works" I think it does a lot of heavy lifitng for a good feeling.
I'm 37 and a lot of this resonates with me, history of picky eating, difficulty around eye contact. Definitely overshare in conversations and then beat myself up over it and ruminate over what I could/should have said later. Always provide an example of a similar situation that I've experienced which is similar to the situation the other person is sharing about.
For those who have received a diagnosis late in life, other than the self affirmation is there anything that you actually gain from it? If you've managed to 'function' in that you can hold down a job etc.
I have been newly diagnosed (as well as my son), and I feel like I can spot autism now like none other now that I have been educated. I strongly feel the pattern recognition comes into play here too!
Lots of respect to you. You are an inspiration.
I don’t know if I’m autistic. But I have been told by a well informed family member that I probably have ADD, and a friend tells me that they think I’m autistic. I recognized my ways of communicating in this video. Some find my animation and intensity when talking off-putting and that has resulted in me feeling shamed, self-conscious and trying really hard to modify my behavior. That makes interpersonal relationships really exhausting and has resulted in me withdrawing socially. I’m too old to bother with testing and I don’t see any value in knowing for certain. But I have a few next generation family members who are definitely autistic. Some so profoundly so that they will never be independent.
Wow this is amazing! I am 50 and never knew what was normal. Only what I do and your example of how an Autistic person relates to someone talking about something that happened is 100% and what you said is how neurotypical people reply or react I thought was more of a cold professional not friendly stance. I did not know that is what was normal. This is the first time I heard this! Thank you! That is enlightening!
Glad you found it helpful! Yeah, it's not so much about changing your communication style but being aware of how others might interpret it. For example, I can't stop telling stories. However, I make an effort to balance it with questions the best I can (based on the other person rather than drawing from my own experience).
Good list, i match with most of these..
I LOL'd when you mentioned the ten pairs of pants! I do the same.... My Dr called it my uniform😅 but to me, when you know, you know!!! I have to tell people that my clothes aren't dirty, they are just a clean rendition of the outfit I wore yesterday (and the day before)...
Thanks for this video ...I think it will help a ton for others and NTPs to see this!
5:37 Yeah, I have learned to catch myself and not state those as my automatic responses. Some people will even ask me what I think and not hold back, and when I go full honest, they tell me feel cut by my words, lol. It's not appreciated by people with very sensitive egos.
Ughhhhh. Topics and depth of conversation. 15 minutes in if I can’t talk about science and weird sht then I’m not gonna talk to you 😂 I don’t know how people chit chat and not ask each other the hard questions 😅
Right ❤
Wow…really amazing community, in the comments! I see a lot of us can really relate to your videos. Subscribed! ❤
Yup, you all are awesome 😊 thank you for your support 💛
"Happy hands". I will try to remember that, thats a nice way to describe it 😊
Yup, flappy hands are happy hands ☺️
Thanks for the content! I have so many thoughts on this I may do a response video as a late diagnosed Aphantastic, Twice Exceptional Neurodivergent. I find so many truths and so many way I can relate. I find that as an aphantastic, my inability to picture things means it's hard to see what is right in front of you for it's broad nature. I think Monotropism also lends to that. Probably why despite having raised my autistic son for 19 years at that point, I failed to see all the same traits in myself. The more I searched the more I found. Stories from my childhood recollections suddenly made sense. It's been about a year and a half or so now, and while I think I am past the grieving part, the road ahead looks long and arduous, and I welcome the day when I can start becoming me. The search continues.
I remember leaving a bloody track with my hand all over the roof without noticing, and than everyone was standing there and wondering: but who left that track? Who is bleeding? And than they figured out it was me. Since the hand is very rich in nerve endings the sensory disturbances there can be extreme. If your hands feel "unwell" all the time when touching things, a bleeding cut might not make much of a difference in the overall sensory nightmare anymore. Be aware that if you have oversensitive hands cleaning up might become difficult to. For some particularly nasty tasks, like sorting my clothing I have to wear latex gloves (they are smooth inside and its alaways the same type of surface you are touching this way).
Funny thing is what you describe as "conversation balance" reminded me about going on some dates where it was extremely one sided. Felt like playing soccer with the other person not interacting with the ball. I assumed they were super introverted or they really didn't like me 😄.
Great observations
I tell similar stories all the time. Sometimes I wish there wasn't that kind of difference because neurotypical people tend to take offense to it and think that I'm trying to make the discussion about me when I'm trying to understand and relate as well as show that I understand the situation and feelings that come with it.
Yes, it's frustrating. It's an automatic response for me and so hard to control.
@@ProudlyAutistic That's how it is for me too.
Personally i have learned to mask and spent time studying how to act around people and a lot of this i have trained myself not to do, or i have a script for situations and it takes a lot of mental energy. Neurodivergent people feel comfortable around me anyway because i don't mind and i understand them.
I feel like you’d get along with all people regardless if they’re autistic or adhd because you’re kind and pretty. I’m neurotypical and I enjoy enjoyed your video! :)
Thank you for your kind words. However, yeah, watching me speak in a video is a little bit different than in person. I'm awkward. I do my best to navigate around it, but it's definitely observable.
Far out
Ok... that first one caught me off guard! One sided conversations drives me nuts!
It's not that I like them. However, I constantly find myself in them because I find (many) neurotypicals don't equally contribute. I also tend to storytell and speak through analogies. I hate it, it's an impulse.
@@ProudlyAutistic That was my point. Having a conversation with a neurotypical is like puling hens teeth. Because they seem to be so centered on their own experience that everything is superficial unless you just let them talk all about themselves or their opinions.
But the video, IMO, makes neurotypicals rude and insensitive. The same thing they accuse Autistic people of. I once commented that Autistic people are no more rude than Neurotypicals. Differently rude maybe. But not more Rude.
Thank you a very interesting video, I have noticed when I talk to people I’ll look off to the side, behind them when I’m uncomfortable or want to break the intensity of interacting and they look round to see what I’m looking at and it’s usually nothing and they seem confused by that.
Great video!😁
I just had a light bulb moment when you were talking about alexithymia. I’ve always heard it applied to the self (not being able to distinguish your own emotions) but you mentioned that it can also apply to others’ emotions. In the past, if someone asked me how good I am at reading emotions, I’d be like “Kinda? Sometimes??” I feel like I’m a pretty empathetic person and I often take on other people’s emotions once they share them with me, but I don’t always identify them right away. I’m realizing that I can only pick up on tangible cues (frown, change in tone of voice, getting snappy all of a sudden). So I can tell someone is upset, but I don’t always understand why until they explain it to me. I’m also sensitive to those cues that indicate negative emotions and I might start comforting someone even if I don’t really get why they’re upset.
Omg, I totally do the telling a story about something similar thing - I never say “oh that’s so interesting” or “tell me more” - I would just assume they know what they are talking about is interesting (otherwise why are they saying it) and that they will tell me more if they want to LOL. I am also out of touch with my more complex feelings - like if I feel good or bad I can usually tell, but not necessarily more subtle changes in my feelings.
Yes it’s true. Birds of the feather flock together.
Of a feather
Repetitive snacks, meals is a pretty good indicator IMO.
Agree.
indeed, well said!
Im not diagnosed with autism but i do find that i feel comfort with nuerotypical people and we can have long conversations.
I have a lot of trauma and am not sure what type of nuerodivergency i hold.. lol.. but i know something is there, heh..😅
I find with neurotypical people they only answer questions about themselves and rarely ask any back unless they have a romantic interest and more often than not just stare at their phones when it is a smaller group lol
Another very apt video, 100 percent agreement.
Another trait that could probably fill a whole video, in my opinion, is a very strong sense of justice (which is probably related to black and white thinking). Are there other people who can confirm this?
Linked to this - holding a grudge for a long time after you've been 'crossed' .
And of course justice is the ultimate goal
My autistic friends thought I was autistic when I only thought I had ADHD and viewed myself as just ND in general. Not from me identifying as ND but from me providing certain details about myself to them. I'm not saying that I am but I have taken multiple assessments at this point that indicate that there's a strong chance my friends are right.
I wrote a list on every special interest I could think of which was maybe over 50 with most being during my adulthood I guess with trying to "find myself" but I do recall one of my earliest special interests being really into witches as a kid. I literally would be a witch every year for Halloween and my friends and I would pretend to be witches during recess, then it switched to fashion when I was like 11 or 12 and I wanted to learn how to sew and got a sewing machine for my birthday. Then it switched to art and drawing in high school. I would always draw my name with a beautiful illustration in the background and even classmates would ask me to draw them one of their name too. I would say that I noticed that these special interests usually become like an identity or personality. The only special interests that have stuck long term is psychology and true crime which in a sense has a psychology element to it but every other special interest I typically lose interest within a couple of years, sometimes within a couple of months.
As someone who rarely goes to the doctor anymore, because they don’t understand me, I love videos like this. However, this doesn’t seem to prove autism, just empathy. Hence the term “ double empathy.”
This why it’s so nice when an empath meets another empath. I think autistic people probably do have empathy, but they aren’t as good at showing it. Either way, just make sure that you say you are not a doctor, so you don’t get sued.
I believe this to be true! ❤
I’ve been trying to normalize audhd and autism so I have no problem asking someone if they are on the spectrum or have adhd because like sees like. This way I am acknowledging that I’m audhd and I’m proud of it and I see similar traits in them. Traits that are awesome and should be celebrated. I’m also biracial and it’s something I always found funny about being the type of biracial I am. Whenever I see someone like myself we notice each other and nod or not depending on the context. And that shared moment is really cool. I’ve struck up many a conversation over similar experiences that others might not get.
I feel the same way about my autistic and adhd family club 😂😂
Something that's usually forgotten is that neurotypicals don't value interactions as much as neurodivergent people. They are used to having some healthier level of feedback and being heard since always.
Neurodivergent people are usually more lonely, so they have more energy put into a random conversation. That difference in disposition/energy tends to make the other backup a little, because they are more chilled and less anxious about it. Maybe even lonely neurotypicals.
I guess the exception would be neurotypicals with social anxiety 🤔
I think there's some truth to this and I'm pretty sure I mentioned this indirectly in another video. I think it's a mix of loneliness and anxiety about saying the "right" thing that can cause us to be overly excited during communication and unfortunately cause others to be weary of us.
Thanks❣️
Wow, I have the same issue with NT people not responding…it’s always confusing and lonely, which is why I prefer solitude.
We found out over last few years, that our household is AuDHD, we knew for long time my partner is autistic, I was considering it for many year but very much doubting it, last year I realized I am very much ADHD, which pushed the Autism out of sight for me for a while, through this my partner realized that he definitely has ADHD and its the bigger issue to manage than the Autism. So it explains why we clicked 15 years ago and after some life happening we are going strong for almost 9 years. I always "feel" when I forgot to switch to Alistic mode and "let myself out" among people. So yeah. :)
Interesting how some of the ‘indicators’ mentioned, correlate with those for NPD. That can cause confusion, and consternation. 💙
Interesting. I think I follow a lot of what you are mentioning here and recognize most of that as well. But my (undiagnosed) strategy is not to be the most one talking. I'll wait out whoever. I love uncomfortable silences.
Yeah, I tend to be quiet and observe a lot because I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing. However. When I start talking ...oof ...I might be all over the place or might monologue. I do my best to catch myself, laugh it off, and just say "Oops! Sorry! I was rambling again!"
@@ProudlyAutistic yeah, that is a good point. Once I get going. Who knows what will come out of my mouth. I try to keep a thread running in my head of "stop talking".
I don't do the hand thing but I do rock back and forth
Yes, both my and my partner rock. I think it's less specific to autism, but plenty of autistic people do it.
I always have the overwhelming urge to respond to people with something I’ve been through that similar to show I ‘get it’, now I try really hard to not do it…. But I have just done it with this comment 😂
Yeah... I do it all the time too. It's like, I'll tell myself to stop, but then there I am, in a conversation and suddenly I'm sharing a story.... sigh.
I've worked as a software developer for several decades. Autistic folk are over represented in that field and yes, you're right on the money. I've found a lot of people that I just get along with right from when I first meet them. Part of that is shared interests, but there's more to it.
The analogy thing.. 😅. I don’t think I’m autistic (I have OCD, though), but I do that ALL THE TIME. I tried to not do it because I read that it’s rude. It also happened that someone told me angrily that “it’s not the same situation” - of course not, I was just trying to relate. 😭
Since my diagnosis in June 2023 at 42yo, if feel reborn in understanding myself and embracing my gift that was frowned on for the past 37yrs of my life.
I've now become an ASD-detector😂🤣😂. I don't do hands flapping but other forms of stimming. Social environments are always a challenge as I prefer solitary.
I felt the same way when I was diagnosed. It was difficult that no one cared and, even worse, advised me to be quiet about it as if it was a bad thing. Good luck on your journey 💛
@ProudlyAutistic I'm an advocate for those with Hidden Disabilities so no one can ever tell me to be quiet. I'm now free to be myself and if anyone questions and makes a mockery, I re-educate them with information.
I'm actually the opposite of the common "something was off about me but I didn't know what, and now I finally have an answer"-story.
I had no idea I was weird until I got my diagnoses when I was a kid. From that point forward, in my mind I was the weird kid. Now almost 20 years later, I still see myself as nothing more than the unrelatable weird kid with no end to that viewpoint in sight.
Yeah, I often wonder if there are really benefits of early vs late diagnosis. For me, I didn't know something was "wrong", it just seemed like everything was harder. So I thought I was like everyone else, but incompetent in some ways that I couldn't overcome. That was alienating and depressing. I think the timing of both early and late presents unique challenges. Thank you for commenting 💛
Thank you for making this video. It's funny: I met someone two days ago in whom i pretty much recognize myself, during a hike, sadly I could not initiate a conversation. I sometimes humorously think that i have some kind of biological RADAR, for recognizing people who are neurodivergent, within seconds I just know that I probably met someone of my kind. Its just a really weird feeling of joy after feeling so lonely in a world loaded with people.
Neurotypical people with OCD or (C)PTSD can sometimes exhibit behaviors and stims that are strikingly similar to those of neurodivergent individuals, such as those with autism. The repetitive behaviors, routines, and anxiety-driven actions in OCD, as well as the coping mechanisms seen in (C)PTSD, can mirror the rituals and sensory-related behaviors found in autism. Speaking for myself (as someone with ASD), for a long time I convinced myself that all my stims and forced behaviors were purely a manifestation of OCD and my CPTSD.
I get it when someone tell me a sad story i tell them a sad story but its rude so i try not to but im just trying to relate to them not trying to be rude, i relate to most all of what she is saying.
Oeh, this telling a story how you experienced something similar is so me.
I hate the sound of dishes/plates being stacked and put away. Or when someone is making noises with their knives and forks on plates really drains me. 🙉
Cool video
I do the thing of the stories so much. And i sometimes feel bad because a friend once told me that another girl did something similar to him and that he felt she was trying to make the conversation be all about her. And that's really not my intention, it's more to as you said in the video, empathise and try to say like, I get you, something similar happened to me, you're not weird or stupid or whatever.
It's difficult. For me, I can't NOT do it. But I try to be mindful. Keep my stories short and redirect with a question at the end to keep the conversation going.
Hahaha I feel called out 😂❤
😂
I’m 59 this summer, I can no longer try to be normal, I’m just going to be me, I don’t hurt anyone
a big sign I've found is when they open their mouth and say, "hey you know what ? I'm autistic" that's a very good sign.
It certainly would. Most of the people I've met who I'm certain are autistic are oblivious though. I think it's true for many due to masking.
a lot of us late diagnosed aren't capable yet of openly sharing that with most people.
Well yes, there's that... 😂 However, many autistic adults, particularly those who were diagnosed later in life, find it challenging to be so forthcoming.
❤
@@ProudlyAutistic Nope, not me. I was diagnosed at 54 and one thing I learned about having ME/CFS is that people generally need to be educated about autism and I'm going to challenge their biases and ignorance by being open and ready.
I'm not sure if I'm some kind of autistic or just really traumatized, but I'm super focused on something for the past 3 years. Alchemy and metallurgy. Not because I love it, but because I need to have a undeniable form of currency that doesn't involve interacting with people, accumulating more trauma, so that I can go where I feel safe, and away from the conflicts, and then I can do my real interests. What I'm doing really seems to be bothering people, even though I've isolated to the best of my ability and circumstances.
if you haven't, check out Embracing Autism. They have some great resources, including a blog and quizzes. It might be helpful for you.
Thank you. This helps me understand my bf who i think is likely on the spectrum.
I dont know that he knows.
Some videos on romantic relationships would be great.
I have one livestream with my partner (also autistic). I plan to sit down with him and do a few more, it's just finding the time....
@@ProudlyAutistic Thank you. I'll check it out. Your channel is a wonderful resource.
I agree that these are MAJOR points of compatibility, but these are personality differences that are prevalent all the way across neurodiversity. In other words, the examples of ND traits are personality traits that would also make a NT person more comfortable, too, whereas the examples of “NT traits” would be very hard for anyone to connect with.
we tend to find each other.