Where do PLAYERS COME FROM?: when nice guys turn into bad boys
Vložit
- čas přidán 11. 06. 2024
- The myth of the natural is just that: a myth. Success with women is not something some men are born with -- it is something that some men choose to cultivate. However, the process of developing this suite of skills is painful and expensive. What would sufficiently motivate a man to do so? The truth is that most players are nice guys who were hurt one too many times and decided to do something about it. I explain this process using one of my favorite films, "2046" by Wong Kar-Wai.
Social Media
Facebook: profile.php?id=1...
LinkedIn: / orion-taraban-070b45168
Instagram: / psyc.hacks
Twitter: / oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
GRE Bites: / @grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
/ @psychacks
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consulta...
Sponsor an episode:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-...
Sound mixing/editing by @valntinomusic.
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#dating #psychology #men
The myth of the natural is just that: a myth. Success with women is not something some men are born with -- it is something that some men choose to cultivate. However, the process of developing this suite of skills is painful and expensive. What would sufficiently motivate a man to do so? The truth is that most players are nice guys who were hurt one too many times and decided to do something about it. I explain this process using one of my favorite films, "2046" by Wong Kar-Wai.
Social Media
Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
czcams.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Sponsor an episode:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode
Sound mixing/editing by @valntinomusic.
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#dating #psychology #men
it's somatic narcissism
the hurt people hurt people thing is BS scientifically
You got this wrong, so wrong. The true player is the natural one. That x factor is manifested from teenage years, it is the capacity to create a strong desire involuntarily everywhere you go, in either old or young women. It is a mixture of charisma and physical/behavioral traits.
It is preserved even in OLD AGE, and I mean really old (he can easily get young women in his 60s).
I have never met a "self-made player" who was actually not wrecked in the end by women. They can't neither produce desire naturally, nor they can maintain it through time and certainly not preserve it in old age.
The vast majority of self-made players manufacture a façade that is never going to last, it lacks the artistic ,effortless touch of a natural (with hundreds of thousands of seductive moments through his life).
Picasso was a good example of that. Old, bald and short and he could do as he wanted, his aura was that strong. We all know when we see it.
Perhaps because I'm Mediterranean and here it is like that. That x factor is independent from money and age (and directly proportional to the subject's intellect).
There is a universal lust for a certain type of genes that knows no age
@@cristianproust yeah...this guy tends to state a lot of stuff as "fact" without producing any evidence....
"The myth of the natural is just that: a myth"
Excuse me, I had a friend like this. He was very good with girls. A few times he just started a conversation with one and sometimes a pair of girls on a bus without even telling me he was gonna do it(we were teenagers below 18). In a few minutes I had a feeling that they were ready to go on a date with him or even jump into the bed. These cases did end up with exchanging numbers. He wasn't tall, wasn't muscular, wasn't a pretty face.
He had multiple girlfriends at a time, and even when he had a main girlfriend, he'd still have multiple girls in rotation just to fuск.
There's 0% chance that he was a part of the pickup community: it was year 2004-2006 and we're in Ukraine, barely anyone had Internet access back then here, and he never spoke English, anyway. And he was ~16 back then, too. When he'd come from a summer camp, he'd tell us stories how he fuскеd the administrator girls, often a few per summer in the summer camp. And yeah he was telling the truth: like I said, I've seen him pick up girls in minutes with my own eyes multiple times.
What he was is very cunning, confident and have had a very well-hung tongue. No, he didn't invest time, energy and money to develop "the skillset". It was a street kid that was just good at it: someone might have taught him some stuff to be better with people in general, but that's about it. And yeah, I guess, he did get good at it as years went by, but it wasn't intentional: it wasn't like people that go to colleges or gyms, or the pickup artists that go the gatherings to practice to be better at the pickup art.
You're wrong on the first part. Yes, players are often made from guys who got hurt, but, also yes, there are "naturals."
The natural is the guy who was probably very handsome at an early age and popular who had a dad that was cool, sociable and not a cvck that he could imitate.
Same here. Once you understand female nature, you lose the Disney idea of happily ever after. Sometimes stumble and then reminded again that women love opportunistically and that we are the true romantics.
Once women understand male nature we also lose the Disney ideology. Understanding human nature strips most from their utopian thoughts.
I’m starting to see that in us men everyday. I’ve known about female nature for quite some time. All you have to do is look at Eve in the garden of Eden and that will show you the nature of a woman and what she will go after.
@@LM-nn7sgyeah but most men will understand women only a few women will understand men, most don’t understand men because they could care less
@Goku_Kiyosaki right which is why women will constantly get played by the same guy for years more often than not
It’s neither male or female nature, it’s human nature, we are all opportunistic, either initially or eventually. You can play or get played
Many women would rather share a Player than be exclusive with a nice guy.
Yep. Most would.
MOST.
ALL.
@@AviatorsVEVO yes all
@@cedricthetech4178You are truly narrow minded if you dare to say all, when we are talking about humans
I was 23. I was in college, had my girl, had my plans, had the ring. She cheated and got knocked up. Destroyed me. From that day forward I treated every woman I came into contact with like absolute garbage. I never had so much vag in my life. It was an eye opener.
That's what women are doing also. Somebody should take the lead and stop being bitter.
@@reenaree1953 it takes a lot of value to be a player, it requires no effort to be a whore. There’s a difference.
Why do you see sex as degrading to women?
You men chase after it but then call women bad names if you get it. That's like child behaviour.
@@reenaree1953 there is another video on this channel, where he explains what you are confused about. In short, it is hard for a man to get many sexual partners, and it is very easy for a woman to get many sexual partners. This may answer your question on why it is inherently degrading for a woman to be promiscuous, and vice versa.
So if it is easy to breathe then air must be degraded and air must be worthless then. Too easy. Cheap.
But i agree, women should choose very carefully. If women choose very carefully then 99% of men wouldn't have a chance. But then again, is it something you want?
You want love and someone to see you for who you are. Men, you are precious, you are same as women. God loves you. We are here for a reason and we are all together. Friends.
A friend of mine (seriously - not me!) was "hurt once too much" and started treating all women he approached and dated alike doormats. The ladies just kept lining up in a queue! Seriously, the more he played them, the more he attracted the ladies. His exes stopped me while shopping, asking how they could contact him. I lied that I had lost contact with my friend. I could barely remember them (never mind their names), and my friend was already at +5. I was completing my education at the time and had to focus on exams and papers and - frankly, could not bother with this kind of ladies. If you are a nice young man - consider your options.
its disgusting.
Men become players just to get sex. These women are also into just for sex and they have an absent father, aka many issues.
Yeah, treat women like shit and you'll have plenty of dating options. Engage in self-destructive behavior and women will feel drawn to you. Try to support your partner and do nice things for her and try to help improve her life and you have no shot.
I was the kind of guy who women claim to like: kind, thoughtful, intelligent, highly educated, emotionally open, loyal, stable. Well, one woman I loved left me for a drug user. Another woman I loved left me for a drug dealer, which predictably didn't go well. Then she started a relationship with a man who pressured her into sex without a condom and who broke off contact with her once she became pregnant. Yeah, great choice in men, ladies.
Same way you men choose women who cheat, abuse, say bad things, nag etc. You men also love these kinds of women.
@@reenaree1953 Lol, trust me, no men is attracted to high bodycount women. Tell him you have double digit and watch his face twist in disgust. He may still hold his nose and pump and dump you, but he can't be seen wifing up the town bicycle. The same high bodycount in men would make most western women think of it as validation that he's desirable. Asian women would pull away at the red flag, but that's a learned cultural value. What happenes far more often is women lie about their past, and men believe them when they shouldn't. Difference - women lie downward regarding their bodycount, men lie upward. Guess why.
I’m not a player, I’m just a scientist conducting field studies.
Fr
Where are the Research Papers Professor?
Damn! Spot on!
I have a friend that’s a player and I was lucky enough to see first hand what that looks like up close. He admitted to me that he lied to women quite regularly to get what he wanted and wasn’t above sleeping with women that were married. When I asked him why he would do these things his response was: “because fuck these bitches”. Then he proceeded to tell me stories of women that had screwed him over. It was really interesting. I didn’t agree with all of his methods but I did takeaway a couple of things: 1. Take care of your body and fashion and max that out the best that you can 2. Standout in an ostentatious way 3. Hit on an obscene amount of women 4. Be straightforward
Your friend makes a good point😂
@@djjukeboxhero6491 I guess. He really demystified what it means to have a high body count. Alot of drama and time wasted.
@@Provocateur991 yeah the juice ain't worth the squeeze most the time but sometimes nature calls.
I may be going thru this transformation right now. I've been so lonely being the nice guy it gas made me bitter not having ANY luck with them and when l felt l had a connection with some l was overlooked as not being seductive or activating their emotions with game.
@@juankeyblademaster don’t ignore what you’re beginning understand right now. You’re getting there.
“Nobody loves anyone, we only just pretend”
Those are David Bowie lyrics. Bowie didn’t write down lyrics, he stream of conscious sung them in the studio. Always. No words poured over and calculated, just direct from the cerebellum.
My point: that one line is pure truth. As @PsyHacks said in this video we just barrow one another.
I think, and I am not certain, women get a chemical reward from rejecting a man. If not chemical then certainly emotionally in terms of self esteem.
Have you ever seen a rejected woman? She just disintegrates. A man is rejected 10 times before breakfast and we walk to the next one positively expecting different results.
I believe we are on this journey together
It can only take one bad experience to trigger a nice guy to a bad boy.
Only a weak man would do that.
@@oemj7147 one can only be so strong doe
Not....men remarry get worked again. Some guys never wake up.
@@johngalt6838 that would be a sadomasochistic, they love the punishment, but more power to them.
@@oemj7147 it's not a bad thng to recognize a weakness and turn it into a positive, that is to never let your guards down, becoming stoic.
Recently divorced man here. I have never had the abundance of women as i do now. I can completely relate to the character in the movies u described.
Being the nice guy in my early 20s got me heart ache, pain, and a divorce.
Same here. I got girls from 22-27 yrs old im hanging out with, im 34 with 3 kids. I do take care of myself, its a must
Same here. I was too innocent and trusted all bs fantasy. Right after first day of the marriage my wife became toxic and now probably is cheating, I am starting to see the signs. I am kind of in process of divorce. I had no women marriage too. Tell me what sort of mindset do you have towards woman now that is lending you the abundance. Mine currently is: No woman is loyal and supportive and never will be so never expect it and neither give that to her, If no woman wants to marry then so be it.
The divorced guys complaining...they got comfortable and let themselves go. They could also be undesirable from debt and kids
And some women have exactly the same mentality: no man is loyal and caring.
You see, we mirror each other. You blame women, women blame you. Endless cycle.
@@reenaree1953 not true. Women are dating playboys who aren't loyal in first place. Good men are being ignored by them. Hence for women 80% of their will cheat them and these women will cheat on good men. So no, we are not mirroring anything here. Women simply have bad taste.
Women reward bad behaviour. Not to mention their attraction to the dark triad.
Men reward onlyfans by giving money.
Not neccesarily. If you have whit, confidence, and game, she will love to flirt like a game and sleep with you. It is that subset of behaviors she loves in the bad boy. Many women after 27 no longer are interested in bad boys and look for that subset for providers by 30+
@@reenaree1953 These are not men but simps. The mirror reflection of sluts in women. Both give away their relational currency for nothing devaluing themselves.
@@timgibney5590 that isn’t a good thing for the guys who’re now “good enough” after women have had their “fun”
@@timgibney5590 Way too many women love dangerous and violent men.
After losing their valuable years to "bad boys", they may settle for the nice guy. Those poor losers have to pay full price for a washed up elder.
She wants Superman but passes on Clark Kent everyday.
And sleeps with the Green Goblin.
I'd rather say passes on Clark for Lex
Bro this was lowkey kinda lame but in a funny way 💀
I feel sorry for "nice guys" who went on the path of becoming a jerk. I was once one of you and I never felt like I could be myself around women because at one point being myself wasn't cutting it. The main issue was my confidence and instead of learning to accept my flaws and truly becoming confident I decided to take the easier route and fake it. I spent countless hours online researching how to be a jerk, youtube videos on being alpha and blogs on how to manipulate women into getting your way, push and pull method, gaslighting etc... and eventually I created this fake personality and to my surprise it fucking worked like really fucking well. The girl who rejected me multiple times (the one who pushed me over the edge) was practically on her knees begging for my attention WHILE SHE HAD A BF and other women who didn't pay me much mind suddenly wanted to talk to me, be around me, and do uhh other stuff. There was a point where I couldn't have any female friends because they were all trying to fuck me WHILE THEY HAD BFS. This sounds great in theory until you take off the mask and realize it was all a front. These women don't want me, they want the man I pretend to be. This realization was absolutely soul crushing and I spent a LOT of time like literal years trying to be myself again and trying to shake the feelings of inadequacy. It is possible but it is a very hard path and if I could tell my younger self to just learn to love and respect myself rather than be someone I'm not I would do that in a heartbeat. So to any young guys here never change for a woman, learn to have respect for yourself i.e. don't let any man or woman use you as a doormat and learn to truly be confident e.g. spark up convos with strangers or women you believe to be out of your league and go into it like you are on their level and trust me you will be a lot happier in the long run than pretending to be someone you are not.
I respect this. Thank you for sharing your experience
Bro I can't thank you enough for sharing this. This is exactly the path I recently embarked and I think I need to see things differently. Always being a "nice" guy and always sucked with women. I decided to try and become a jerk with PUA and tricks like that. Not anymore. Thanks for opening my eyes
Your story reminds me of Norah Vincent
The thing is...Be a kind man (note i didn't say nice), but one who respects himself.
@@yukisnoww That's a great distinction. My mentor told me to be a good guy instead of nice guy 👌
This has happened to me, and I struggle to understand it. I used to be an innocent young man, wanting nothing but a traditional family, and I had a hard time with women. Now that I am less innocent I have more available than I can keep track of. I agree with the presenter and do fear that often players have hurt/pain behind their actions.
Our mothers and grandmothers generation of women really cared about family, men and children. But men at that time only cared about sex.
So thanks to those men, women went resentful towards men because "men only want one thing". Thank men.
And how/where do you meet women, and how do you get to get laid with them? This is want we guys really want to know. We can figure out ourselves how to deal with them afterwards.
(I can see only one reply out of three.)
It's easy to understand, women need protection, and an emotionally available man is not strong enough to protect them. They don't feel safe with him.
@@doru4248 Tell me then how not giving a shit for her is a sign of protecting her...
@@nosotrosloslobosestamosreg4115 Not giving a shit and not being emotionally available are two different things.
As a former nice guy and loyal romantic, and having a woman leave me for seemingly no reason after a 10 year relationship... yup... not willing to waste another 10 years of my life.
Stay strong ,God bless you
10 yrs and no ring?....maybe. just maybe....nah that couldn't be it
@@susanhaines7358 No kids no ring. She knew the score. If she wanted a ring, she had to be willing to have kids. Otherwise why get married?
@@KotCR very good point. Did all you could
Ten year relationship that’s probably why she left.
Former nice guy here.
Can confirm,
"It just works"
Without even watching this video, I can tell you that when you open up your heart to people, not just women, and then they break it, over and over again, eventually the heart will be irreparable or unamenable. It's like trying to repair a broken teacup. You could put it back together, and it may be functional as before, but it will never be the same old teacup.
Its the same with even your parents
Women _CREATED_ the players by demanding that men have 'game' to date (or even talk) to them. I hope they languish in a F-boy hell of their own creation.
Accountability. Men want sex and then become players to easily sleep with women. Take accountability.
This is so true. I've had a female friend bring that up in a recent discussion.
They'll "have their fun", and watch the society turn to sh%t with no remorse.
@@edheldude women don't build societies or civilization, men do.
Let women reap what they sow and there will be NO "Knight in Shining Armour (Sir SaveAHoe)" that comes along and saves her from her solipsistic, entitled, poor choices. This is what equality looks like.
True. Nice guys often finish last. So don't be a nice guy. I finally realized the person who cares the least has the most power in a relationship. I stopped caring more than they do. Life changing.
@@usernameasdfghjkl it means when you're nice and show interest to most women they will not be interested in you. They either walk all over you or friend zone you. So have a purpose beyond them. Treat and talk to women like they don't mean as much to you as the things you pay attention to in life and watch the magic happen. Unfortunately most women want men who pursue things like jobs etc, not them. Or just find a good woman who understands people are more important than things. They are extremely rare but they do exist.
100% agree. I became a player after a heartbreak too. It just happened a little later than most players (29).
I may be going thru this transformation right now. I've been so lonely being the nice guy it has made me bitter not having ANY luck with them and when l felt l had a connection with some l was overlooked as not being seductive or activating their emotions with game.
@@juankeyblademastersame here bro
I became one in my 40’s…. In my 50’s now. The combination of the nice guy-player ‘revelation’ and maturity is potent …. My age was no barrier to accessing women of any age… so you have that to look forward to .
*Women want to be pursued by the man they prefer, but never seem to realize other attractive women also stray into that man's path.*
For once take accountability and stop blaming women. If she doesn't like you, take it as a man. Women are not obligated to like you.
@@reenaree1953 what’s the correlation?
@@reenaree1953 How is describing female behaviour patterns equal to blame? Projecting much?
Same way describing male behavior patterns are seen as blame.
@@reenaree1953 For example?
I’ve come across a few women that I was more than willing to be monogamous with. They showed interest, I pursued, than the games started. She started acting better than me and I resorted to the dating game. I cut her off, started talking to other women and now she’s constant looking over her shoulder at me at the gym and getting in my vicinity.
"They showed interest, I pursued, than the games started." This is the story of her....until..............she is no longer getting pursued. Then she "just want a nice guy" as a retirement plan.
This describes me: was in a long term relationship that I thought was for life and was left for another man. I suppose it depends on how one defines player: as a decent looking man in his mid 50's I've learned that there's no need to lie and cheat, be confident, honest and know that if a woman doesn't find you attractive, there are dozens who will. I've had a woman say to me "most guys lie to try to get into my pants, you're telling me the truth and you're still going to get in".
Women prefer it if you lie to them, because then they can 100% blame you. If you are honest then the onus is on them to take responsibility for their own decision to be with you. I've been upfront and said "I will not date exclusively". Some walk away, most don't.
Women STILL will not accept responsibility and there is NO ONE, especially not government to hold them accountable! So not sure why its so meaningful to you that they know the truth! Just lie to them! its what they want, its speaking their own language to them, it makes them happy! I will be honest with men, because i respect men. i feel NO onus to be honest with women, because they are rarely honest with me, and when they are in comes with a catch/caveat.
If you were not a decent looking man, they would not be interested
@@maurotolari9215 maybe not, but would any man be interested in a woman that’s not decent looking either? Unfortunately, the problem is the answer is yes. And it’s why I believe men’s lack of standards in a woman is the real problem
When a homeless woman can be accepted by men if she just “looks decent”, you know there’s a fundamental problem. That said, attractive privilege exists far more in females, because once again, males allow them to get away with it in hopes of getting into their pants
Good point...they want it to be your fault that they are a 304....you listen to the black Phillip show?
@@djjukeboxhero6491 Never heard of it
As a young man who just became a player, the doc is spot on!. We’re just heartbroken and we loved someone with purest intentions just to get dumped. And to be honest even we don’t like what we’re doing deep down
hi, i know a guy exactly like this, from your point of view, is there any way to help or explain to him what is happening and why it is bad? he said he felt lonely and stuff, but he just sees it as “thats life” and proceeds. i have the purest intention for him, and i understand where it came from.
@@ela1058 well Ela, a man becomes a player basically for two reasons…1. Loved someone and got dumped, so he fills the void with more feminine energy. 2. Got dumped many times and basically gives up and true love. I belong to 1…. In either cases, he realises one major thing, that is he really don’t have to put that much efforts as he thought to pull a girl, it doesn’t matter what kind of girl she is tho cause we don’t really care tbh. But that realisation is lowkey dangerous cause now we’re pulling the number of girls we never expected in our life before. My dms are bursting literally hundreds. So in those numbers you’re just one woman, the answer is basically you have to be better than everyone. You have you bring hope to his love life, always be there for him and make him see you (CAREFULLY), of course 90% of time it’ll keep on failing but don’t ever give up. You can’t fix him, you have to give him enough hope so he can fix himself while you’re there for him… does this works? It might not, it’s a tough long battle with risk of ROI. It also depends on the gravity of his player life. If he’s a new player like me, then he can change in short time. But if he’s experienced, then unfortunately the chances are much lower. If you ask, i would suggest not to take that way and waste your time, but if that’s what you truly want, then go for it!. Nothing is beautiful than love after all…
"Even we don't like what were doing deep down." Nothing but facts.
I would never consider myself a player because I never purposely played with women's emotions to get sex or anything else. (This isn't because I'm a good person or something but because it's way too easy to manipulate women, and easy on _that_ level doesn't really interest me.) Women I've been around consider(ed) me a player _because I treat no less than 90% of women as friends rather than as possible romantic interests._ They've asked if I'm married or have a girlfriend as they don't know what to make of not being viewed by a man in some type of sexual or romantic way. But I didn't become this way because my heart was broken by a woman (on the converse, at fifteen I was stupid and cheated on the only girl I ever loved).... My heart was kind of broken but not in the normal sense. I became this way after I went from pretty boy in high school and college to [totally different] a year into college when I had a Redpill moment and suddenly developed a real sense of purpose... _and the women suddenly came out the woodwork._ Very suddenly. Even the way I walked had totally changed. Before this, most women liked at me like meh, especially in Baltimore where they love thugs.
After I guess you can call it the Redpill moment, I mean, I had to run from women now because they wouldn't leave me tf alone. But the 'heartbreak' really came at the job I got after that Redpill moment and I dropped out of college. 90% of the employees were women and 90% of those women were married. And still they would flirt and try to work-husband and bag me and then call me "conceited" for not wanting to sleep with married women. _That_ was the moment for me, a type of heartbreak, sure. I thought about those married women's poor unexpecting husbands and still somehow managed to be civil with them. But from them on, I repented for wanting to think the best of women. If I'd been naturally inclined to negativity or pessimism, I would've thrown in the towel on women long who (the Redpill moment happened 20 years ago).
Still, the best way forward for men is to *learn, acknowledge, and accept female nature* (always remembering that men have our issues too) so you aren't hostile towards women and can still have good, civil, and fun relationships with women, only now *without 'the element of surprise'* that too many men in marriages and longterm relationships eventually have to suffer through.
Hell, I didn't know this would be this long or good. I'm going to make it my main comment now. 😂
That hits home
@@ela1058that guy sounds like me. Let me explain.
We also need physical intimacy. We also need physical touch. We as men are also human. He realised he cant fullfill his emotional needs along his physical needs so hes relying on friendship for emotional needs ( doesnt really do the job) and sex for his physical needs.
Im excacly the same place. If someone asked me why i changed im gonna be honest about my intentions wich i also am to the women i sleep with.
Im just trying to feel alive honestly. Cant get it through monogamy and deep connection? Atleast i can fix part of the problem while i look for another solution or untill im resdy to try dating again.
Its really that simple. We know nobody cares and those who care well its not like they can do anything about it and we also loose patience sometimes because countless rejections sometimes from women who take months to assess you as a potential partner leaves toj frustrated and you cant really blame anyone so you just stop caring about making women happy and instead focus on your own needs for once without relying on your assessed value as a partner to get it.
We are humans. We need to be touched. Literally. Its a basic human need.
You wont make him realise anything because hes essentially correct. He can do all that and still be of value to women much later in life when he is able to be seen as a potential partner by women even younger than himself because he knows hes judged differently as a man and can participate without consequence.
Thats what i mean with stop caring. We dont wanna deprave ourselves just to fix an issue that women chase so we instead become the issue that women chase.
And no. Its not that we arent able to deter some whore ass woman who's toxic in many ways from a good woman.
Its that "good women" can be very great people. Like super great kind and compassionate people but still cant escape their nature.
Trust me. Before i changed the way i thought about things i almost purely judged women based on their ability to be future mothers of my children. Looking for good characteristics for such a role with an intent to be 100% dedicated to my part as well just to know these absolutely wonderfull women will still want jerks and assholes who will never commit to them because they have the option not to and still get what they want.
We get tired of it. Continuing like that eventually emasculated us and make us feel truly worthless as lack of touch and female attention and intimacy catch up to us and our neurochemistry punishes us
It requires a lot of value to be a player (and most men will never have the opportunity to become one), whereas it requires no effort to be a whore (and most women WILL have the opportunity to become one). There’s a difference.
This is absolutely key! The deck is stacked against men in this regard!
Why is the act of sex so sinnful and degrades a woman?
Women used to honor sex, men and children. But you, men, showed us that sex means absolutely nothing. It's just like eating and you can do it with whomever. Nowdays women mirror men.
You see yourselves in women.
@@reenaree1953 that’s womens loss then why mirror being men ? We aren’t attracted to other men. Also did you watch the video ? These guys are like this because women make them like that so they avoid LTRs because women always are tempted it’s biblical.
I think you’re not understanding the biological differences between men and women and would help a lot if you looked into it further and try to remove personal emotions it will explain a majority of misunderstanding.
So women are like that because men make us like that. The same words.
@@reenaree1953 NO , because women are gatekeepers and have selection most men go for what they can get unless your doing wjjat all women do and look at top teir men and say thats all men.
The last relationship was by far the best relationship I’ve ever had.
So much of went right was… by accident.
First, she was more attracted to me than the reverse. I never pursued and didn’t rush to commit. Any time she brought up exclusivity I brushed it off with a joke or something.
At that time I didn’t know how to date non-exclusively.
There was no supplicating behavior. I took the lead on how conversations went. Disagreements never became disrespectful. She was a loyal, patient, compassionate, open minded woman with a great sense of humor.
I was her best option.
The problem is that I wasn’t as physically attracted to her as I had been to other women. I also didn’t know about the “adorer vs. adored” concept and had been missing the emotional experience of being the adorer as I was with my first girlfriend.
We were a team. I felt both at peace with her and at home.
Eventually I broke up with her. It was definitely hard on her.
The draw for other women was strong and I didn’t know how to reconcile that.
Another reason was that the relationship had felt like a crutch in terms of my own self reliance and maturity. I have no doubt she’ll find someone again. There are no bad feelings towards her.
I hope she’s happy.
Dang man. I am going through the exact same thing right now. I’m literally trying to do the right thing and “be into her”. I’ve improved myself immensely during the time I’ve been with her but I’m over 40 now. How old are you?
Send her my way. You didn't deserve her.
I concur. The best GF I ever had was an asset to my life. However, our futures were not aligned. She wanted to settle down & breed. I, at the time, did not. So I broke off with her. It was tough, but the right thing to do. I had firm boundaries, and the spine to enforce them. I treated her with kindness, not weakness. A few times she turned on the waterworks - to no avail. One thing I learned is that people (women in this case) respect strength. And I was rewarded for it. She had my back. And she ALWAYS shared her body with me. She never refused me, not even once. Good times. This woman was so dedicated to being with me that she rode a greyhound bus for 2 days to show up at my door. I had to leave for work, so she spent the entire day cleaning up my apt. Good times. I would rank her a 7 on the attractive scale, but a 12 on the personality & attitude scale.
@@Ace.0.0.0. would you take her back now all things equal?
@@Aright231 If all things were equal, then I think there would be a good chance I would take her back. However, this was decades ago. Almost a decade later I married the woman who was my second best GF. This was in the mid 90s. We are still together.
The advantage of being a player is your ability to accept the superficiality of things and move on from a relationship. That's one advantage, to not take the outcome of a relationship too personally. But to give into that entire way of life is cowardly to me. No fulfillment will come from flings and keeping everyone at a distance. It's good to learn that world isn't fair or that women and men aren't fair but God help us if we really think the answer to that is to join in the world in its unfairness. I've f*cked up a lot in my life but I pray I continue to find the strength to not give in, call it quits and stop growing
Great outlook you have.
I have had the reality check way too late ..I am 39 and never had gf.. I am not gonna be a player but i can atleast try to be as authentic as i can be
Trying to look for a songle comment saying every single woman isnt going to cheat, especially if you fear it you would probably make it happen
Well said.
This analysis is spot on. Players use an approach that works with women. It's not what women say they want in a man. It's what they select in a man.
I’ve always agreed with the idea that “two wrongs don’t make a right.” But in the world of dating, two wrongs do in fact make a right. You cannot succeed with women by being a good man.
You have to be the ahole they want you to be because that is how they see themselves and what they feel they deserve.
If you’re willing to adapt and lose your soul along the way just for a bit of female attention, then proceed with caution. Otherwise, stay single and get a dog.
In other words, they were traumatized and they dealt with that trauma in the wrong and toxic way, because they went on to traumatize others with their new and skewed world view. Therefore, he keeps himself from finding a healthy woman that shares his values.
The solution is to not let a person's bad treatment of you completely dictate your moral compass and your life choices.
Becoming a player isnt a solution, its a result. In the end, he still wanted a partner and not a one night stand. Ive been through the stages and one night stands arent as fun when you remember how good it felt to have a partner.
It's funny.
Naturally it is quite easy to deploy "who hurt you" as the explanation for "players." But it isn't accurate to suggest that the dominant factor is "hurt."
The dominant factor is "failure." And this is precisely what we would expect from a rational individual: After experiencing failure, change behaviors until you find success.
"Players" are a perfectly reasonable response to the environment they experienced.
No psychological trauma needed. Just good old trial and error.
the thing is that to be a "player" you just have to stop caring.. the "who cares who gets hurt as long as is not me" attitude that reflects some underlying problem not resolved
@@gilbertozambrano6182you write that and seem to think it's a problem. It's not. You have to look out for yourself first.
Put on your own oxygen mask in the jet liner before you try to assist anyone else.
What about them just being tall and handsome. If someone is good looking enough their negative qualities will be seen as positive qualities. For example if an average looking guy is shy then he is shy, but if a handsome guy is shy it is interpreted as cute. If an average guy is smart it is interpreted at nerdy, but a handsome guy that is smart is seen as smart. An average guy who has little or no friends is seen as a looser, but a handsome guy with no friends is seen as a lone wolf.
Very roughly speaking, you have women who are looking for hot guys / good genes, and you have women who are looking for stable and financially well-off guys / good fathers. (And some women first try to get knocked up by Chad, and then try to convince Bob the accountant to raise Chad's child with her.)
You're right that hot guys can get laid by women effortlessly who are looking for hot guys / good genes. There was a dating app experiment once where someone made a fake account of a guy with 10/10 looks. The guy could literally say anything and he'd get the numbers of some girls, including outrageous stuff like writing "anal?" as the opening message, or saying that he just got out of prison for doing inappropriate things with minors. Didn't matter, some women were eager to give him their numbers anyway. Not saying all women, but more than enough for him to have sex with a different woman every single night.
@@HelloWorld-cq1sq I heard about this. I will say it for you: ALL women are like this. The only difference is the price! Some women cost more than others, but they are ALL like this! Because women NEVER, EVER tell the truth, you can trust their self-reporting!
The Halo effect is very real
@@HelloWorld-cq1sq
Could you pass me the article about that experiment?
Well it's a bit like a man with odd habits.
If he's rich, he's eccentric.
If he's poor, he's just a weird loser.
So, Elon Musk is a bit eccentric, but the dishevelled old guy in the city who shouts at people is a crazy bum.
Henry Cavill being a keen gamer is not the same as the chubby, pimply, neckbeardy 30yo gamer living in his mom's basement.
A dot of Yin in your vast expanse of Yang is fine - it can be an interesting quirk.
But too much... is too much.
I became a player when I realized good behavior was punished, to move up the ladder, and when I lost all respect for women.
Until you come across a woman who likes good behavior and you treat her like crap. I don't feel sorry for men who are players.
@@saynotohookups😂In reality most men don't have options. It's means they are with women they don't want. And it tell that majority of women have options but choose bad boys on purpose and most men don't have option and get what they can. In that regard if most men are experiencing bad women it means majority of today women are bad not because men are choosing bad. If pool of good women would be as much as pool of good men then the chance of men getting bad women would be lower. Funny thing is that today most bad traits in women are labelled as being strong independent women.
First off, you’re killing it in the CZcams game and I bet it’s not long until your channel blows up. Secondly, another point to add is that when women encounter players that are good with women, they make the assumption that these men were somehow always good with women because they were given inherent value. The concept of having to create your own value as a man is so totally foreign to them that they can’t conceive that the high value men they pine for were once technically low value as well. It isn’t until they’re Post-Wall that they realize the fallacy of this thinking but by then it’s too late. Anyways keep killing it, your channel is gold
Well said. My take on this topic:
My theory on why they think that's the case is because they, women, are passive by nature and they project that passivity onto others. Let me explain: First most if not all of them are the type that "goes with the flow", follow trends and the collective or the "will of the group". In other word they're sort of deterministic, they "think"/feel/believe that there's a set "way of things" that can't and shouldn't be change or it is for someone else (the men, father, husband) to do the determination, the changing. This is because their bodies are naturally more weaker/softer in order to carry a child while pregnant and when they externally carry the child while it's growing. By extension this leads them to be more naturally adverse to danger both physically and emotionally.
I think that aversion is translated to their mind/ego (since both originate in the brains r-complex) leading them to have an aversion to potentially being wrong or unsuccessful. That leads them to have an aversion of being active and taking risky initiatives, an active set of actions that may or may not lead to failure even if it may lead to success and the betterment of one's self and lifestyle.
Second there's the fact that their own self value and the source of the value they believe others put on them, is based in their youth and naturally developed beauty. That it was something that they got not throug determination or action, they got it by simply "being" which leads them to project said idea onto other, that others personality, value and physical attractiveness is set by nature.
That's why they don't like and even refuse the idea that a person can change and/or improve for the better because it would prove to them that a person can change through choice and determination and that anyone can either improve or degrade depending on the choices they make and that those who thought the opposite, like them, were just being lazy and passive.
The ironic thing is that most men achive the best version of themselves, the ones which most women are attracted to, through decision making, action and learning through trial and error; it is very rare for a men to be natural born with confidence, steadfastness, "high level looks" and charisma, let alone determination, those are things that most men develop through the years. Meanwhile the things that most women are initially valued by, the things that attract the attention of men, their youthful beauty and personality, is temporary, it will not last long if left by itself. They have to actively work in not only maintaining their looks as long as possible but also in developing and maintaining personality traits and actions that are desired by men in a women. Their looks only get the sxl attention from men but is their likeability and pleasant and supportive feminine personality and actions that men look in a potential long term life partner.
The natural is not a myth.
@@agm5424very well put
Speaking from experience (I have slept with a lot of women), I think the term "player" as people who were once nice guys is true, but only for a certain category of the term "player". There are people you may categorize as players, that came from break ups, and want to experience abundance again, there are players that come in as sociopathic in nature, and they want the power and status that comes with the skill. Some of my personal friends are guys that actually have girlfriends and love them, but simply dislike being exclusive so they cheat on them, and would fall in their own category as well. I think my own reasons have evolved over time, at the beginning it was absolutely about power and gaining access to women(perhaps you could say my romantic notions were tempered by reality), and to a certain degree it still is. Over time, after being in several relationship, I would say, I want a really attractive and caring partner, and dont care much about sleeping with more women, and only do so once in a while, to offset feelings of loneliness.
Exactly. Nuances. Theres also the small minority that were born with freakishly good looks and work on their body to end up looking divinely sculpted. Also a small minority that are naturally chads that most women fawn over but they simultaenously dont mess around smashing any and every hole and they are genuinely looking for a family.
somatic narcissism
see dr vaknin's work
@@seabreeze4559 Can you provide more context?
I think a good analogy would be people who come onto wealth, whether from poverty or from wealth. A formerly impoverished person MAY be generous OR stingy. "It took me this long to crawl out and up. You think I'm going to just give you money ( love )?"
Also, a person who used to be generous, but was stolen from can now justify being a pennypincher. ( ass pincher ) And of course, there are spoiled richkids who never knew struggle
But your brain is trained to cheat, so don't look for relationship, you don't have skills to maintain one
This is exactly what I experienced. After a lot of heartbreaks and a paternity fraud case I started treating mating & dating like a side job. It requires me to have certain skills to get the attention of women, to have develop a level of detachment, and how to please them to keep them coming back. You compartmentize your feelings and enjoy the women while they're present. If you catch feeling you have to let them go, if they want more than what you're offering you have to let them go. Such is life.
Correction: Such is the life YOU made. It does not have to be that way.
@@lorrilewis2178 paternity fraud? Pretty sure he wasn't the one committing the fraud. What else are you going to blame the victim of a crime on? Rape? Murder? He had it coming?
@@georgedang449 It should be obvious what I meant. He has chosen to live in a limited way because of ONE woman. That's a CHOICE he made. He could have chosen otherwise, but he decided to extrapolate his ex's behavior to all women.
@@lorrilewis2178 It wasn't ONE woman it was 5 women that made me reevaluate how I was interacting with women. The ex with the paternity fraud was the most egregious one.
Kinda sick what you do to you and others.
Naturals are rare and they tend to have situations which predispose them to being so. If they have this combo of traits & circumstances:
-natural charisma & good looks giving them a halo effect & head start
-natural athleticism &/ or artistic talent
-attractive sisters who act as demystifying examples of female beauty in whom he can see the female ingenue lizard brain
I have a friend who is a natural, when I asked him how he got good with women, he told me that in high school he by chance ended up in a class with mostly girls and got assigned to a table with some of the sluttiest ones. They all fought over him and slept with him and gave him pointers. He's tall (6'2") but his looks aren't exceptional, pretty average. He's fairly slim but he did high school wrestling and grew up in a rough/scrappy neighborhood, a natural fighter. He's half-black, and idk what his endowment is like.
I’m not a player like described by many. Not a party guy, not a guy that likes to speak all the time, not a drinker… I’m introverted, I work and save my money.
But I can say this, after a huge disappointment that I have experienced.. I became careless about the feelings and commitment that other woman may want from me.
If my “heart/mood for love” was a company, it went bankrupt and is out of business.
💥
You aint the only one!
Yeah. I don’t really care what they want anymore either tbh. I used to be the biggest romantic and that was probably my problem. Now I don’t care what they are looking for. They get what I give them when I care to offer it. If they want more they get blocked. There are way too many options out there to worry about what they want.
total indifference, as most benevolent take on it (which isn't available at all times). no f.o.m.o. ever, no m.e.a.t. being wasted. I always know: briffault's law, hypergamy, monkeybranching, pervasive malign gyn.fasc metastases in 'mind' - in 98.5% likelyhood. just noisy voids.
That’s weak😅
This describes me very well. I was raised on Ross and Rachel and thought if I just desperately pined enough for girls they’d love me. The first 3 serious girlfriends all cheated on me. Two I asked to marry me, one even after I found out she was cheating on me. Pathetic huh? I didn’t have any problems getting girlfriends. I’m good looking, played D1 football, I think I have a good personality and am funny, but i just never really figured out women.
After the last girlfriend, something changed. I finished law school, got a good job offer, and i decided to start over and reinvent myself. Kids call it “looksmaxing” these days haha, and I also mastered the online dating apps back when they were in their infancy. Long story short, I definitely became a “player” and have slept with hundreds of women. I’ve come almost full circle now and kind of want a real relationship and possibly a family. Not sure if it makes sense though. But at least knowing what I know now, and having the experience of being with lots of women of all types, I feel a lot more confident about not getting destroyed in a relationship. I know what power is, I know my own worth, and I don’t have those cringey lovey-dovey delusions anymore.
👏
just dont marry or cohabitate in specific states and use surrogate for family that way child is yours 100% legally, caretakers come and go children are forever, too bad wives cant be relied on other than stealing your children.
develop attraction on utube has some good info about women.
The rational male book by Rollo Tomassi
You wanted to be in those relationships and hookups just because of sex. Admit it.
Back in the day women used to care about men and children. But men only care about sex. So now take your own medicine.
What I learned the hard way the love your meant to have only comes after you get right with god.
One of the best examples for me is Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother. Yes it is supposed to be comedic but the emotional beats and the underlying truth rings true. He went from being a virgin in love who got his heart broken to being the biggest player in all of New York and i love it.
Legen-wait for it- ndary!
In summary..
A man becomes a player because hes tired of being an NPC
This is me. Betrayed and heartbroken twice. That was all it took to realize that women are opportunists who see men as objects to be used until they can be replaced with something new.
Now that's all i see women as too. I can use and discard them without a second thought. It's easy tk not care about tjem once you realize they aren't reallu capable of love or caring about you.
The funny thing is, when one does try to make me feel like she cares about me, I just see it as love bombing and a major red flag. I don't think it can ever possibly be genuine now. The quickest way to get ghosted is to be nice to me.
Never give up. Filter out and look at yourself spiritually on what happened? Did you lose your job? Did you complain all the time you were not as together as your boss etc? These things turn a girl off. Did you listen to her? Or did she sleep with +10 men before you? Has she cheated on any ex? For the last 2 if a woman ever admits she did this or sleep with her friends husband/boyfriend she is OUT. I end it immediately as you will be next.
Women want to feel safe and secure and loved. She only cares what she feels about you. If your project or mention an exgf she will feel that emotion about you too and since she is emotional will not want to date you again etc. Learn this and up your game with confidence and fun and she will run to you. If you still live at home it is not her fault but yours. You need to address this and make yourself a high value man first.
@@timgibney5590 more manosphere nonsense! The juice aint worth the squeeze! Why bother improving oneself, when every woman is a slut . . . for the right price! Women do NOT want to feel loved! Thats utter BS! They dont even know what love is! They want the tingles, but call it love! I love my parents, my kids and my pets, but NONE of them give me the tingles, ever! 14 yrs of marriage taught me this about a woman's LOVE, but she had all her simps try to reinforce the blue pill conditioning!
@@timgibney5590 Dude, no one understands red pill like I do. I hear ya. It's just not worth it for me. I'm perfectly happy being alone.
I'm 54 years old and a multi millionaire. I retired when I turned 40. I can do what I want, when I want, and how I want.
There's no way I would ever trust a woman to not betray me again.
I have WAY too much to lose. And I'm too old to recover from someone taking half of everything.
I screwed up before by not seeing the red flags. I met my ex wife in 1998 and we were together for 25 years. There was no one back then to teach guys how the world actually works.
I don't think it's possible to love women once you understand how they are.
I don't blame them or hate them at all. It's just how things are. I don't hate a scorpion who stings or a snake who strikes. It's just their nature. But I don't want one in my bed either. :)
well, cynicism comes naturally. and virtually inevitably, as for the issue of actual xx.s | xx.ity. and knowing xx.s (evo.psych) nature, garnished maybe with anecdotal evidence having been experienced 1st hand, won't go unseen again. whether this now attracts whomever is irrelevant.
It makes me sad that women have done that too you. As a woman, widow, and mother of a son(although I know it doesn’t mean much) I apologize for women.
I think this is just one of those things in human evolutionary psychology where people try to do something or be apart of something and it doesn't end well for them, so they decide to do or join the opposite of that thing and embrace it because it embraced them, thus flipping, progressing, or aging their very character into something else for any variety of reasons. Whether it be for spite, vengeance, lifestyle, etcetera.
Women love evil, so men become it
Men start out wanting love from women. They end up wanting revenge. 😐
I'd say distance rather than revenge, being scrupulously honest.
@@sammyb1651 Yeah, distance sums it up pretty well. Like a sensible person seeking a proper distance from a croc.
Never thought about players as idealists who got their souls crushed, however, l believe I went through a similar transformation.
In my early twenties, I was romantic to a cringy degree. I was always on the lookout for 'the one' girl who'd stay with me and I was described as clingy and desperate.
After my first significant heartbreak due to my ex cheating with the 'guy is not supposed to worry about,' I noticed a change in my behaviour.
I acted like a textbook dismissive avoidant if you are familiar with attachment theory. I noticed a general apathy toward things as I accepted life as a transitory mess, in a Buddhist-like way. I became guarded, not heavily investing my time in people unless it benefitted me significantly. If a conflict happened between me and another person, I would cut them out of my life with no hesitation to 'be rid of the problem' as efficiently as possible. I also began lifting weights since I was skinny and even started dressing like a typical fuckboy despite having the opposite personality.
Surprisingly, this combination made me likeable to most people, and women more receptive to me despite not 'trying'. This right here is the blackpill apotheosis to becoming a player. It's when you realize just how superficial human beings and society are. I was the same awkward introverted guy, but with muscles and a backwards hat. Becoming physically strong made women suddenly show interest and give me the time of day. Similarly, changing my clothes was enough for strangers to treat me kindly just because I fit an archetype in their minds. That's really all there is to it.
This is very similar to my villain origins story with the exception that I truly stopped giving a 💩. I haven't dated or been intimate with a woman in over 15 years. My avoidant dismissive personality went from a level 10 to 100.
OMG. Thank you so much for this response. I was in similar situation and figured the same things. But, at the end of the day I didn't like the person I was becoming. Realizing that made think that I was right all along. F...k society that clinges towards superficial human contact. That is boring as hell.
Answer: availability. Women make themselves available, and they have something to prove to themselves and they play the mate-poaching game among themselves. A guy need not be very handsome nor rich. All you need be is a) secure within yourself, and b) known to be in the company of women. Which shows itself even to women you don’t know. There’s something that changes within yourself that projects out into the world, and the women are just drawn to it.
BluePilled as its conclusions ultimately are, I recommend the film _What Love Is._ This reminded me of a scene where the player of the guy group concludes that his callousness towards female concerns emerged from his having trusted that one girl who broke his heart. It's a great movie.
Men become players bc they just want to sleep with women easily. So they sceme and scam women to get under the skirt. And leave hate in women.
I've met players. They all said they had a bad girl or a good girl mess with them. So being a player is revenge
This is a circle, women revenging men for scamming them because men lie just to get sex. And men revenging women. Somebody take accountability.
One thing though: women are not obligated to like men. If no girl likes a man, he is solely responsible for that.
Yep
Well, women don't to morph into callousness after ONE man breaks their heart. It happens after many. And even then, they just write men off rather than looking for revenge. Anyone who becomes a cold hearted player after just ONE heartbreak is too weak to be on this planet.
At 39, I can't be bothered with women anymore. I have so many more interesting things to do than to spend time being someone's emotional punching bag.
I came full circle... I was a very attractive guy, well built with great looks overall, but I was 100% a nice guy and a hopeless romantic... Then I got married and had my soul crushed. Depression and mountains of regret followed, and then, in order to cope, I threw myself into my self. The separation occurred at 31 years old. From 31 to 34, I got a much better career and turned myself into an absolute fitness specimen. I was lean, shredded and still had a great face and hair.
The number of female broken hearts I left in my wake haunts me to this day. Getting a woman into bed was insanely easy for me. In those 3 years I had more women than most men would experience in a lifetime.
And then I met Chris. She wasn't the most attractive, nor the sexiest. she wasn't the most desirable. She had baggage, a disabled son of 12 years old..... But she was the one woman I wanted that wouldn't give it up to me. No matter how many dates we went in, no matter how much time I spent, she made clear I was not going to F her without marriage.... And it drove me so crazy, I married her.
I became a 100% nice guy again... And ended up profoundly regretting it. She did not treat me well. She is not a cheat. But sex was rare and her disrespect was plentiful, which makes me miserable at times.
So, i went back to being a player, at least with her. I made it clear the marriage was on the line and how I 100% didn't need her, not even a little bit, and I meant it. The result? Things are way better, thank God
Her priority is her son, not you, and that's how it should be. Your attachment to unavailability is not healthy, especially to a woman who bore another man's child and is dedicated to that child, and by extension, that man. Marriage is about value exchange, not emotions or feelings.
Divorce rate is 90% for women with bodycount of 6+, 6% for virgins at time of marriage. You also have to make sure you're not so broken that you carry your own 90% with you. Everyone on their deathbed wants to be surrounded by their children and loved one, nobody wants to be alone. It just haven't hit you yet.
Me and my wife were both virgins when we married. We're atheists. I'm 6', fit, made low 6 figures straight out of college, and had IQ of 145. She's pretty, didn't wear makeup but looked better without it than most women do with it. We chose to not ruin our own lives. Why the statistics are what they are matters less than the fact that they are what they are. For many people, it's already too late, whatever damage to their psyche was already done.
@@georgedang449 What would you say to single mothers with body counts of 6+ who are out there dating and trying to convince men to give them a committed relationship?
@@lifeskillsongs2510 What can you say? From her perspective, 10% is higher than 0%. She'll run through an average of 9 nice guys, turn them into players, and get the final simp to provide for her and her other man (men?)'s children. The cycle of life continues, spiraling down the toilet. I'm just audience.
@@georgedang449 why should her son be her priority?
@@rougebaba3887 "Should" is a value judgement. It simply is. I misspoke.
Motherly love is unconditional, as is love from a dog to his man. Love between man and woman is a fleeting hormonal reaction designed to facilitate procreation. Marriage is a contract of value exchange that has nothing to do with love.
I agree, a player is born through pain and necessity. I was a hopeless romantic when I was younger, now I could careless about romance. Lol.
Yep. I went down this path early on in life. The book "The Jerk that Women love" changed my life. I worked out hard, bettered myself in many ways, but also played the numbers and all the mind games that make women F you to try and "keep" you. Good times. Married and fell out of that mind set, then my wife wanted a divorce and possibly cheating on me. I moved out, and started playing the games again. My wife now wants me back and "loves me and misses me" LOL. Gonna take a lot of favors from her to keep me interested again........
I may be going thru this transformation right now. I've been so lonely being the nice guy it gas made me bitter not having ANY luck with them and when l felt l had a connection with some l was overlooked as not being seductive or activating their emotions with game.
@@juankeyblademaster - yeah just realize it's a numbers game, and don't be tied to the outcome. Once you don't care, and approach a lot of girls, and learn from each rejection, to tweak your style or approach, you are on your way. Sucks to go through all the rejection but that's just what it is.
No mystery here folks. It's not that they don't like nice guys. It's that THEY think the nice guy has unrealistic expectations of them, and they can't be themselves with this person. I'm not agreeing with their impression of nice guys, but you need to understand how they might view it.
With a bad boy then can be themselves, so to speak. They don't have to be "ladylike" in the prude sense: Maybe they want to get face-f***ed, rammed hard, ect, but in their twisted minds they think the nice guy might judge them, and they don't want that feeling of being judged. With a bad boy, there is no such inhibitions..
You can be nice to them. You can love them. You don't have to be mean or cruel. Just treat them as real people and not figments of your own imagination. Make them FEEL you have no illusions about who they might be as a person.
Underrated comment and an idea that should be expanded upon!
I knew a few nice guys who turned into "bad boys" when I was young. When I asked why the change, the usual answer was, "I never had any luck with girls until I started acting like a bad boy. Now I have to beat them off with a stick." Things haven't changed much since then. My grandson says he has never seen a "bad boy" who didn't have a pretty girl on his arm.
Men start off like Jack from titanic and end up like Future
😂😂
This reminds me of why I left Mexico. I started as a nomad, I wandered into Mexico, I got a pretty good housing arrangement and I made good friends. Then I got into a relationship, she broke up with me on my birthday, and a month later I was on a plane to Vietnam. I gave away that success because I felt like if the relationship was temporary, so was everything else.
"She's not yours, it's just your turn with her"
Absolutely!
Was this Rollo or Mystery? I've got this quote engrained but can't remember for the life of me who it is now.
"Like a bullet from a gun it burns...when you realize she was never your girl, it was just your turn." - Skepta
Wrong. I’m not hers, it’s just her turn
@@OsirisNinthinking like this continues to place women in a position of coveted objectification. It’s pedestalizing women while at the same time forsaking them.
Top 10 channels of the past 5 years! Thanks Doc
This channel is a literal gem. Orion does not only give great advice and has helped with understanding my decisions in the past and position as a man in society, but he is also a cinema connoisseur.
For a long time I was obsessed with romanticism. I was raised to find value in this - to treat a woman “right”. I was taught that this sort of behaviour would be rewarded. After numerous and very painful rejections, I eventually got sick and tired of it all. I describe my change as sort of waking up one day and having a newly found confidence. I’m not sure what tangible thing changed but I felt completely different. From then on I proceeded to sleep with countless women. It was a validation that I yearned for. This all came at a price as I had to surrender old parts of me. I had to wear a mask to fit a role. I never truly liked what I was doing but it did reap rewards. When I look back at that period of my life, I realize that the saddest part about it was that it was only when I changed, when I deviated from my natural and comfortable form that I saw any real success. It was a painful reinforcement that who I think/thought I was is not attractive. A part of me still wants to believe that romanticism exists. A part of me holds onto it. My pain, however, won’t allow me to accommodate any of these beliefs anymore
I really like how you break down sexual dynamics in a logical, scientific way. I'll be sure to check out those films you recommended!
Your description of the transformation of a nice guy and the underlying mindset described me to an absolute T. Going the pick up route, I learned how to sleep with women, but I was/am basically incapable of offering true love and compassion due to my past.
I've passed on girls wanting relationships with me, when pre-transformation, I would have gladly have accepted their advances. I live a strange life now, whereby I continually want to date, but I never feel like I can have an emotional connection nor do I feel like they will want to stick around. It's almost like that part of my soul died when I made the transformation.
It would be great to see a video on the transformation from a player back to proper emotionally functioning person.
Some men believe it's beneficial for all men to have a "player" phase. Would you agree?
@@caucasianafrican1435 I would agree with that. Until I went through that phase, it was basically impossible for me to be honest with myself about what I wanted in a woman nor to be 100% open and honest with a women. After the transformation, I can communicate much more openly and clearly, which leads to more clear boundaries with the women I interact with. Maybe I'm the outlier, but I know old school PUA would advocate communication as a pivotal skill, because if you are going to juggle 3 women, it's easiest to let them know that's the arrangement up front, rather than lie to them. I've never pulled off having multiple women at once, but the sentiment is the same that communication is key.
Looking back, being a "nice guy" mostly consisted of me lying to myself to suppress my desires and accept relationships (friendships) that weren't what I wanted. Maybe it's called being a player, or maybe its called maturing.
I think if I hadn't gone through this period, I think I would have ended up in a relationship with women I "settled" for, resulting in being bitter and resentful. Or worse, I would never have dated and I would have spiraled into even worse bitter, resentful, and hateful feelings. I'd like to find 1 women who I can spend the rest of my life with, but I think I couldn't appreciate that 1 person if I hadn't been with a lot of others.
@@caucasianafrican1435i agree. Not saying every guy must have a body count of 300+ but having some experience with women before entering your first serious relationship would be advisable. The reason being, you'll already have a proper idea of the kind of woman you want for a long term relationship, and you'll be less tolerant of bs because you know can get any woman if that relationship ends. You'll be more likely to behave like a classic nice guy, appeasing your gf because you don't want to lose her if you don't learn first hand how to deal with women
Bro try fasting to reset your mind and body.
No one what will happen but give it a try.
@@nigelbhebhe2805 No parent with working brains would let their daughter marry a man with 300+ bodycount. Would you?
as like many of you guys, i was like that too, a fataly heartbroken guy who figured out the game-mechanics afterwards. like some guys already pointed it out - it became so easy to get new girls that it was almost boring (which i somehow compensated with increasingly perverse "practices" on girls). however i found a girlfriend, which i am actually quite satisfied with. comitting to my girlfriend is a huge sacrifice, because i basically can't have all the other women anymore, but she knows and appriciates that. So to all the guys who are miserable of all the boring-meaningless flings, I have something to say: comitting to a girlfriend and the decision to fall in love (and risking getting your heart broken again) is a HUGE act of bravery and courage - i think it's the next step on the road of masculinity, because it's really a lot more fulfilling than the "girl-rotation-routine"....but i have to admit, i still do miss it sometimes :D
Please teach me my gf dumped me on my bday and I feel miserable I realised some of the mistakes I made as well but I feel like I’m naive In many ways
@@aaronalbuquerque9510 i could teach that, but i live in Germany. are you actually sure you want to learn that? because you won't be the same person anymore afterwards. And the "Magic" of Girls will be gone. It won't be as exciting anymore, as it is now. In the beginning it's a bit painfull and You won't be able to see women anymore like you do now.
there are some pretty ugly truths you have to face.
@@flutsch3265leave him be he looks innocent 😂😂
@@flutsch3265 i am ready to learn everything you have to teach. Is the offer still there.
This is one of the best - as well as my favourite - videos on this channel, thank you!
Another great, thoughtful video. Thanks for the high quality material you put out there Orion.
Dude i love how much you use great Chinese films like crouching tiger hidden dragon and 2046 for analogies. Days of being wild and in the mood for love also are great examples. Wong kar wai is a genius!
This episode is brilliant. The origins of a bad boy are filled with pieces of a broken heart. So poetic and clever way of protecting our male heart ❤
Bad boys only exist because women treat men like shit until they become bad boys. Then they want to earn the bad boys love so it means something to them. Ironically though, at that point, you realize all women are whores and there is no reason to care about them anymore.
Disgusting. Boo hoo. Defending abusing and using women because you won't take responsibility for your own feelings and choices for your own relationship history. Clever...? Pathetic more like. Women are more and more spotting men who are really still little boys, more and more quickly. Yuck.
That’s how this player (me) was born!
You’ve just made one of the best conformation and insightful summaries that I needed a second opinion on. I’ll check out those movies for sure. But great video, absolutely Great! 🙏
Thank you Sir. Great Video.
Absolutely, this resonates with me. Especially the movies mentioned. I believe that at this point, love and commitments aren't in the horizon due too many betrayals, heartbreaks, disappointments, and many more. I'm now, just another player and bad boy in the making. Thanks for these superb analysis, synopsis and great yet eye opening presentations
A good deeper reading into this is "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Despite the title, it's not a "how to" book. It's him going along the ride of the underground player & self-help dating guru culture. The most interesting part is when his idol who proved he could pick up women (mostly in clubs), fell in love with one....and then she broke up with him. He had to check the broken hearted guy into a clinic. Which brings an interesting point to all of these self-help guru things, they tend to fall short (although they touch on it, usually briefly) what to do once you actually fall in love with a girl and she feels the same.
I truly believe any man who has the ability to become a fuckboy will become a fuckboy.
I was that nice guy you're talking about for all throughout high school, probably a 5/10 in looks + height. Always got passed up by girls and disrespected all the time. Never remembered by girls. It felt like shit. After I graduated university, I got jacked, earned money, and took care of my style. Now everywhere I go, at least once a day, someone tells me I'm good looking. I'd say I'm anywhere between a 7 or 8 now.
I basically get to toy with girls and have sex on the first date whenever I want. It's so hard to respect women after what they put men through. And you bet your ass I'm gonna abuse this power 😂😂
If I was an 7 or 8 at the start of my life, I would probably always be happy and not be a fuckboy. But having become a 7 or 8 later in life, I want to be rewarded for my hard work. I know this sounds fucked up, but I know many men would agree with me.
I'll have fun until I'm 35, fuck with all the girls that fucked with me when I was younger. And then at 35, I'll get married to a beautiful young girl who isn't a hoe and has good education. Because I can 😜
😂🎉
Congratulations on having no character and thank you for contributing to the problem.
Mad man.
Good luck finding the young girl who isnt a hoe. Young generation hooked on social media
Get your revenge!
*Great video as always, @psychacks. I definitely understand the logic of how the experience of rejection/betrayal/etc. can motivate a "nice guy" to become a "bad boy". Something that came to mind as I watched the video is: If the experience of something negative (rejection, etc.) can motivate behavior, how about the NON-experience of something positive (reliable access to sex)? Plenty of bad boys might be former nice guys who used to be bitter from being rejected and were motivated to transform themselves so they'd be the ones doing the rejecting; plenty of bad boys might also be former nice guys who used to be sexually unfulfilled and were motivated to remedy that lack of sexual fulfillment.*
I like your minimalist thumbnails in the videos. They are very nice and add an interesting atmosphere to the channel.
Thank u Orian I'll have to check out that film👍🙂
Glad that you spoke about Wong Kai wei’s movies .. they are my all time favourites ❤❤❤❤
Yup. Caught between the impulse to kill the part of me that treats women like people, and the knowledge that my life is going to keep being lonely if I never really connect.
You can only treat women as people when they behave like people. LOL
I think I had a small epiphany while going to reply to your comment so bare with me as this is just coming into my mind, from someone in the same boat as you.
Here's something to ponder. We know women do shit tests, and that by being "better than them" (acting like we are a superior by just being disrespectful) is kinda the reason they do it, so that they can give you themselves. This is biologically ingrained behaviour it seems.
Would you not also say, that, as a man, being the Jerk and seeing which women just roll over and take it is not, in itself a similar shit test? The ones that just salivate ate the idea of being degraded do not pass the male shit test. The ones that do a few things, namely:
1) stand up for themselves
2) take accountability for themselves and their actions
3) show they are capable of putting the foot down and SELF-RESPECTING themselves (not so much as emotionally lashing out, but almost being stoic like a man) in the face of blatant disrespect from a guy obviously "Playing" them, that Actually pass the male shit test, and become a Woman We as Men can respect? And in doing so, we can trust them to take care of themselves and our children?
In this regard, should men also play the Player Game as a form of Shit test to ensure we find Women that are of respectable quality? Women play theirs, and play men, and men play theirs, and play women, but in the end, when two players realise they can't play the other, or that the other can't be played, then we know we find a compatible mate.
Am I making sense?
@@codeisme you're making sense, and it does resonate. I went on a first date with a chick not long ago that I thought would have sex with me that night. When she turned me down, she got more attractive.
I don't like playing games though.
Respecting women is feminist brain washing, you should never respect people who don't respect you, and women hate men
Get some bros. Get a dog.
There is a small minority of men that women will happily "break their rules for" while for all other men they will "make rules". Successful players often get positive reinforcement because they are the men that women will make themselves available to and even actively chase because of the player's combination of physical looks, charm, charisma and overall perceived value. Being that women often behave like herd animals, if a few women are interested in a guy then all of a sudden there is competition between these women to "get the guy".
Anyway, don't begrudge the Player. Being a player takes skill, time and effort. That's why women can never really be "Players"; a woman can attract and get male attention/affection/sex by just being physically attractive enough and making herself available.
great video I liked the movie analysis the most.
I saw In The Mood For Love and 2046 many years ago. I will have to rewatch them. Thank you.
Yep that’s me …..someone who believed in love who now avoids the entrapment of it…. It’s not all bad, having 4 girlfriends helps.
Wow wow wow, this is super good. I had been a nice guy and at one stage I hated myself for the circumstances I faced due to being nice. I think now I am in the course of turning into a player. As you said I watched both movies and both are masterpieces. You picked very good examples.
the fact that you brought up wong kar wai is why i watch and subscribe
Your are so sophisticated. You crack me up. But your videos are amazingly helpful and insightful.
I was weird in high school. No eye contact, no talking to girls, not even an ounce self-esteem. I thought I was ugly as fuck.
I just started college when I read "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Then read some more books. And some more. Practiced myself to make eye contact and smile at random people. Greet people I barely even know. Talk to everyone who was next to me in class. It was unnatural. It felt unnatural... Until it wasn't.
Oh my fucking god. I found out I wasn't ugly. I just thought I was. I was just extremely weird and socially inept. The amount of bitches I ran through in my uni days. The many hoes who would blow me only to see them kiss their boyfriend 15 mins later. Woke me up to the realities of women.
I was a degenerate. I knew it and accepted that I was but I never cheated on someone I was with. I made sure I wasn't with her anymore. But when I saw what these women did to people that loves them still gives me goosebumps to this day. That was around a decade ago. For 5 fucking years. I watched them do shit that I knew would devastate me if it was done to me. And they did it without even flinching.
Honestly. My naivety is gone. And after seeing those shit. I really don't know if I could truly love a woman.
A decade ago I would have said to the guys that was hurt by what I did. *Don't hate the player, hate the game*. But now, I just wish they're in a happier place, it's a lesson we will all learn one way or another. I was to blame yes but half of that was the woman's and god damn it DO NOT choose a woman like that.
Good job on Whatever podcast. No idea how you had the patience to listen as much as you did and remain attentive. I was hoping you were more prominent in the dialogue but there were so many guests.
Great video , thanks pal , you da man
Excellent movies and ideas!! ❤
Im gonna be honest man. This dating bs and socializing with women is mentally-taxing and pointless. It is sad and soul-crushing to see some men be dishonest and get everything they want even though they DO NOT deserve it and then see other men who are honest and kind get waylaid into next week and passed over for no good reason because everything in the dating market has changed and is geared towards the idea that women shouldnt have to accept less than what they think they deserve....
You have a female centric view. Maybe instead of women being convinced they deserve less, that women themselves don't want what you think they do.
Don't compromise your morals just for temporary favor from women.....
Women get an ego boost by taming the bad boy.
Outstanding bro
Sad but facts, amazing doc!
Im a black pilled guy. Without looks, good luck being any kind of successful player, regardless of how callous or fed up you are Im sure there are exceptions but i have yet to see any.
That said, ive seen the reverse many times: good looking men that get cucked or abused in some form.
The black pill is real: looks, money , status. However I would also argue personality and lifestyle are important too. Even if you do have looks, money, and status (e.g. Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, Tom Brady) she will eventually get bored and take the money, house and kids on divorce.
@marriage causes divorce I agree. Which is why what the doc is saying is true. Developing a callous attitude will protect you from those downsides.
There is a quote I've heard where Voltaire said, give me ten minutes to talk away my ugliness and I can bed the queen of France, but I've been unable to verify he really said this.
Get off the pills man! If you believe that it will be reality as women will agree with you since you stated this. Women dump beta rich men all the time and even male models. Women date how they feel. Alpha confident upper middle class dudes who are average can get women chasing over their soon to be dumped rich doctor bf. Coach Corey wayne and this guy can help you accomplish this. Women want to feel attracted and safe. She needs to see a guy with stuff going on, nothing perturbs him, he also listens to her, and he dates her long after the relationship is established. She knows she can tell him anything etc. FYI doctors are the number one divorced profession besides the uber driver because they do not spend time with their spouses.
Practice your game and confidence and work on making her feel good and she will stick around.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 The black pill is that your genes affect your success an order of magnitude more than those redpilled things.
@@edheldude I think the argument between Red Pill vs Black Pill is strikingly similar to the argument between Natural Athlete vs a Grinder (hard-worker). it often takes a LOT longer for the grinder to see success, and its often hit or miss for awhile. thats why People think being a Natural is always a winning play, because you have the immediate success for far less effort & time.
Will watch both of those films. I'm definitely very curious to learn how players think.
I have a cousin who is a player, and I do remember how he told me when we were young that a girl he loved broke his heart and that was why he acted the way he did.
I didn't agree with the path he took... until many years later I also had the woman I loved crush my heart.
I'm afraid of walking the (seemingly) pessimistic and cynical path of the player, but I can't really say I blame them.
Maybe stop putting your bitterness on other women. You are just like those women who hate men because some dikk sexually assaulted them and now for the rest of their lives they hate men.
I used to think like that. Now i see that men are just like women. We are allies, friends. And god loves men and women. We will figure our hurt out, where it comes from.
Just downloading this movies. Never heard of them before. Thanks.
I truly appreciate your movie references
I understand your point about becoming a player. I've been both, but I just feel that if you don't give love a chance you can miss out on something real.
When I was at uni I have an older friend who was very successful with the ladies. He explained to me what he call the bubble gum theory of women. He said: "You should threat women like bubble gum. You pick one gum from the package. Remove the cover with care. Put it in your mouth and chew it until there's not more flavor. Then you spit it to the ground and step over it. The more you step over it the more it sticks to your shoe". I rejected this approach and I'm uncapable to do it then or now. But he show me that it works one time after the other, no matter the girl. Sad.
They want to be treated that way.
@@FilipMacioszekthe high status guys treated them this way, so if you do too, then you feel like high status to them, making them chase
@GamingDemiurge
Dam, that bubble gum theory is hard core.
It doesn’t require “skill”… you just gotta be physically attractive and be right in your heart and mind.
Yes, I agree this is the path that many men walk. However, the optimal result is coming to recognize the inherent dangers in trusting another person, and doing so anyway with full awareness.