SECRETS to Overcome Social Anxiety
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- čas přidán 19. 12. 2022
- How He Overcame Crippling Social Anxiety #shorts
A 22 year old shares his biggest struggle, how he overcame it, and advice for those in the same situation.
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Realizing that you're not the main character in everyone else's mind
You are. I've been watching you Caitlyn. 👁️👁️
It’s called the spot light effect in psychology
And that all people are really too busy thinking about what other people think, like you.
You summed up everything in such a simple phrase like we won’t notice 😅😅😅
Will probably go so well till you’re put in front of everyone to speak on something without any notice…suddenly you’re the main character on everyone else’s mind ☹️
Just a different view
Social anxiety is just a negative form of self-focus. It's also a sign of self-rejection, somewhere down the line you were made feel like you're not enough, that there is something wrong with you. The solution is loving and accepting yourself. It's a journey
Beautiful words
These words are amazing and inspiring.... Thank you for sharing it with the world, but especially with people dealing with social anxiety.... It means and helps me a lot....
And then they get trapped by believing its some kind of condition they need medication for. Really sad stuff
@@lyrilmtv2428 it is really sad... And upsetting. I have social anxiety and I hate my life with it... Shutting yourself out from the world is.... I can't even describe it!!!!! I'm homeschooled, and don't interact with anyone other than my family. Although when our neighbours talk to my parents when I'm around, I get nervous, anxious and overwhelmed, and run away from the moment.... It's my goal to get rid of my social anxiety by the end of the year.... But how do I do that when I don't interact?????? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
@shreyakrishnamohan8680 same I was homeschooled too. I'm now in 10th grade, I've been in public school since 5th grade. But I was never able to adjust and gain social skills or interact with my peers. I think homeschooling, and being kept away from society for so long as a young kid did this to me. It's like i can't overcome it, and if I try interacting with people I start acting awkward, and I make them feel weird, later I hear they say nasty shit about me and how I'm weird or annoying, even my own family says these things about me. I even started distancing myself from my family bcs of that. For about a year i lost my laugh, like I just forgot how to laugh, I know it sounds weird, but not interacting with people makes you feel dead inside, I didn't even know what was funny anymore. I'm slowly regaining my laugh again, and sometimes it feels like such a blessing to be able to laugh 😭
Enough with social anxiety. Let's come out of this. We can do it. 👊
Yesss 🙏🏽💗💗
Yeeesss!!
Just came across this video. But let’s do it 🤙🏼🤙🏼 we have to face our fears!!
Let’s do it
What did u do since u competed this I want to get out of it but sometimes I feel I’m a broken record, it’s a negative cycle I can’t get out of I can’t sense hope and idk what’s the cause
I have a severe social anxiety disorder, it’s so hard to do anything and it’s so discouraging when I compare myself to others so often. I often think “why can I not just be myself? Why is that so hard?” It’s really hard to be this fake person. At home, I’m energetic, fun, silly, and VERY talkative. At school, I am quiet, very low energy, overthink everything I do, don’t talk to anyone unless they talk to me (except the few times I get the courage to talk) I feel like a loser, no one likes me. Social anxiety is hard, you feel like you are constantly being judged yet you also feel like no one cares about you. But these tips sound like they really would help if we can just change our mindsets to think this way!
Feels like you just described my life in your comment... It kinda feels nice that you're not the only one going through this.... However, I'm pretty determined to change myself, and I know it's possible! and you can heal from this as well... sending you ❤️ ♥️ ❤!😊
Me except with ADHD so I talk too much...I'd rather be the quiet mysterious person but noooooo...
i feel the same dude,but i never give up because i the man who never give up no matter is hard to me i still go GO
Wow. It’s almost like I wrote this comment myself. You are exactly like me.
Same with me
Social anxiety really sucks. I have a hard time talking with people, cause I over think about anything I say. I get too afraid of what others will think about me.
It really does, I understand. My anxiety used to be a lot worse. I overcame it by taking small steps like complimenting someone you don’t know, or saying good morning. They won’t remember you but they will remember that you were kind to them. Eventually you’ll gain more confidence as you take those small steps. I’m still really awkward when I talk to people because I’ve always been this way. I’ve learned to accept that because most people worry about themself not you. I went to my first job interview the other day, I was visibly shaking but I eventually relaxed a bit and got through it!! I’m so proud of myself for that. If you never make that first jump you’ll always be stuck in the same place. You can do it :)
It will become your strength when you turns it around
Mindset
frrr same thing with me we OVERTHINKING SO MUCH
Same here. I think about every little action I do and if i look weird to others. It’s sooooo exhausting. :((
Please please please please please please keep posting videos like this 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭 I'm having really bad time i failed my class twice and i failed myself and seeing old people tell not to worry helps me alot since I never had any connection with my grandparents ever💗
Hey, darling! I'm a mother and I'll tell you I'M PROUD OF YOU for taking that class again! You're amazing! Keep going! ❤️
I'll be your grannie if you want 😁🤗🥰
You know what? All the most successful people have had tons of failures. Success never comes from getting things right the first time or even the second time but from learning from the failures and trying again and again until you get it right. Life is a bunch of little failures and a handful of big successes.
So keep at it, or try something new, when things work out, you can enjoy the fruits of your labor, and when they don't work out, don't be hard on yourself because it happens to everybody.
U need to see andrew tate podcast buddy!
One thing: people changed. Others can do, so do you. Keep going my internet friend!
Agreed. You can’t please people into liking you anyways. Also, being liked by people should be side product of liking yourself, not a goal of life
Liking wasn't primary problem at all.
The problem are toxic people who are tyrannical and control and manipulate us. Then you are conditioned and hypnotized to please them, due to system of punishments such as their temper tantrums.
IT is great when victims of narcissistic abuse are wealthy and they can cut contact and leave parasites, however most of socially anxious are poor, without finance support and they are stuck in toxic ambient with toxic people and toxic shame internalized.
being liked by people is a goal that everyone should have, as not being liked by people would lead to loneliness and eventually suicide . think of the unabomber, he wouldn't have did the disgusting thing that he did if people gave his retarded ideas attention
I have severe social anxiety and pleasing people couldn’t be further from what I care about
@@L_87 i think your narcissism is what caused your social anxiety
@@tonyisnotdead my mother has it half my family on her side grandmother as well but thanks asshat
So proud of this guy for stepping out of his comfort zone. I’ve done some hard things but social anxiety is easily the most intense and discouraging thing I’ve ever had to overcome
I have social anxiety and I’m like “oh don’t care what other people think of you” than I’m like “omg they probably thought I was a weirdo they probably hate me” yay🥲
i got over my anxiety months ago, what rlly helped me is not overthinking so much because all those negative thoughts in your head turns out not to be true. i started talking to some random people on the street and we would have a conversation of course it was awkward and my heart was beating so fast but then after we finished talkin i would ask them what they actually thought of me and most of them would say your a cool and chill dude and after that i realize that social anxiety is just all just a big fantasy we make up in our heads. the truth is we're not mind readers so why are we trying to be one. we basically project what were thinking about our selfs into other peoples minds and think theyre thinking the same thing. i hope this helps and u get over your social anxiety 👍
This is helping so many people. Especially isolated individuals who feel alone in their feelings. God bless you. ❤
What a nice Holiday reply.....no,God blessed you Happy Holidays💌 Kind words change our world, thank you
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
Nobody is paying as much attention to you as you think they are.
Everybody is worrying about themselves and what they have going on.
If you were to trip and fall, you will remember it for the rest of your life but everyone who saw you would honestly forget about it in 5 mins tops, because their lives don’t revolve around you, it revolves around themselves.
If you find yourself thinking ‘everyone is looking at me’ or ‘everyone is talking about me’, ask yourself- Do I over obsess and over evaluate other people? If the answer is no, then 9/10 if not 10/10 it’s the same for everybody else in regards to you.
that quote blew me away thx for that, im putting it in my notes to remember
I screenshoted this my brother. Thank You
Thank u v much 💗
I used to think it was anxiety but it was my intuition alerting me that some people just weren't good for me.
Intuition isn't a thing. If one can't articulate the reasons a person isn't good for them, there are other explanations worth considering either in addition to or instead of the other person being the problem.
yes it most certainly is a thing. Its not about articulation its about a compilation of historical data giving you new insight to a seemingly new situation@@ChristoferKelly
Congratulations young man that is very good advice for every human out there I'm going to show this to my son just struggling with this since he was a kid I guess we all do but now there's just much more label it's just being and learning to be confident within yourself and that's right don't worry about what other people think if you just focus on the positive energy people and the positive Vibes and people that are positive they do become irrelevant exactly I love it thank you so much God bless
In real life, people who struggle with social anxiety are surrounded by toxic people and they cannot escape their toxicity. That is the problem. Their thinking is not problem at all. Toxic people are problem,
if you are not anti-social, there is nothing to fix, there is nothing to focus or think in better way that somehow evil people will suddenly disappear by you fixing your thinking process.
Lundy Bancroft:
"Abuse is NOT caused by bad relationship dynamics. You can't manage your partner's abusiveness by changing your behaviour. But he wants you to think you can."
So wonderful advice ☺☺
@@harleenkaur7451 Social anxiety is Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD).
This is not diagnosis - there is nothing to fix, this is not pathology.
It is result of being exposed in toxic ambient for long period of time.
@@ranc1977 Most of these things are from the past not present so right now you might have a good social circle but because of the way you grew up you still think that way cuz it made you grow up thinking like that being anxious about x so yea the cause is not often so much from the present
@@David_99778 Okay. What if person is poor? And/or he or she lives in Shame Culture Country - and cannot get visa to relocate in normal country?
Saying you don't care but your body is screaming: I am so nervous......
What’s your point ?
As long as you are not engaging in avoidant behavior, you can overcome social anxiety and still be nervous. It will be less and less over time.
Loved his advice. Was much needed too
"Any attempt to dictate what thoughts, feelings, and sensations are proper or improper creates a breeding ground for guilt and shame"
Peter Levine
Social anxiety absolutely sucks at times. But just remember it's temporary and It won't last for long , face your fears and move forward
I have social anxiety but it's improved a lot. I would say one major reason is I just got so fed up of not being able to be myself, and having to hide things from people so no one would think badly of me.
Yeah I seem to match up your response tbh I js like keeping everything to myself
I read something someone once said online: "it doesn't matter what people think, it matters what I think of myself." I need to repeat this in my head so I dont forget it.
Focus on yourself, I have social anxiety and I cure it by “I like myself and that’s all, I accept any opinion of me no matter good or bad
Thanks I’m gonna start doing the same
My late, lovely mum told me years ago not to care or worry what strangers thought about you. Live in the moment. Stay in the now. 😊
I think this has been holding me back in my life.
Knowing the root of said anxiety really helps. People downplay the real causes, probably because holding certain people accountable hurts some people's feelings, but a lot of people develop social anxiety due to child abuse (verbal or physical), bullying, strict parenting, or being isolated from peers at a young age.
People will blame cell phones for this, but I think that technology enhances and enables the problem, rather than causes it. People with social anxiety are more vulnerable to cell phone addiction and will rely on smart phones a lot more than mentally stable people.
The hardest thing when social anxiety comes with other disorders, OCD, Depression, ADHD and so on..
I struggled with OCD in the past and now I feel in this with ADHD symptoms and OCD after extreme life’s difficulties and sadness.
The best thing can anyone with this disorder does is getting a consultation from psychologist and trying to overcome the observable symptoms.
ur speaking about me
Yep, that's what some just don't get, your brain is literally telling you to be in flight mode all the time, and yes we can do things to improve but it's not as simple as people sometimes think it is, especially when you stand out visually like the way you look....
I need to work on overcoming my social anxiety
Yeah bro 😢
same
You can't change what others think, say or do... change your reaction to their negative behaviour... they'll fall away from your life.
This gentleman is so right! Surround yourself with positive people & energy, it's self perpetuating! I was 53 before I got the email! Don't be me.. !!
I really like this chapp... I'm in my early 40s and dealt with this topic for a while and he is on the right page.
Neurosis is the avoidance of legitimate suffering.
JUNG
It is a natural human trait of humans to care and want approval from one another. It is a one of the ways we survive knowing someone loves us. We look for it in every person we come in contact with. Judging weather the person is friendly or dangerous.
it’s no about what others think of you it’s about what you think of you because you’re the one in control
I get severe anxiety in crowds of people. I would think everyone is looking at me or judging me. Didn’t know who to look at or what to look at in those environments. Everyone with social anxiety out there….WE GOT THIS. 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽
I have really bad social anxiety when I am on public transports which makes me so anxious to the point where I hate taking public transport and when I do take public transport I freeze because I don't want to draw attention to myself...
I have really bad social anxiety and I would just be talking and I would randomly run into a bathroom and cry. Thank you for spreading awareness about this! It is a struggle every day for a lot of people.
Omg I like his detail answer. You’re also such a good interviewer.
Carl Rogers: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself, just as I am, then I can change.”
@@ranc1977 That's very insightful. Thanks for this.
In a microeconomics course I have started, the first thing it taught was that if we all did what we wanted then it would be a net positive for society.
So if you want to be a good dad, don't do dumb shit that affects your kid negatively. If the kid follows the same principle and have been taught things along the way then hopefully everything works out where they grow and learn.
If you want to go talk to that guy or girl then just talk to that guy or girl. If they don't want to talk to you and are following the same principle they will tell you I'm not going to talk to you. If you keep going down the path of learning from your past then you can then think "hmm maybe I should learn more about this type of person so i can actually talk with them, etc."
Life lessons are not free, but if you don't participate then you lost the only thing something important in which you were given.
P
" but if you don't participate then you lost the only thing something important in which you were given"
Traumatized people such as those struggling with social anxiety are conditioned, hypnotized and punished into immobility and passivity. It is not a choice.
Deficiency motivation is crappy and it never ever works in real life.
If you said is true “focus on people you love” , I will try to find anyone I can love. And sadly, I didn’t have anyone yet
I have a funny story. One thing that helped me overcome most of my fears about any obstacle was when I was studying for the bar exam in California years ago. People talk about the bar exam like it's this terrible, intimidating thing, all my classmates were super stressed out, and I was too. Then one day, I'm in a coffee shop, and there's this sort of sad looking old guy in a cheap suit working on a legal brief, and I thought, if that guy can pass the bar exam, then so can i. I realized we were all building it up in our heads. I lost all my worry and started studying with enthusiasm, and I ended up feeling really refreshed and confident taking it, it was like 3 days back-to-back, 6 hours per day, and I felt like I had done really well and in fact passed it the first time. Anytime I'm afraid of something, I think of that guy who was unremarkable and did it too. We're all human, none of us is better than anyone else, and we all have the chance to do what we put our minds to.
This is such an interesting and insightful point👍 I agree with you. I wish we cld know more about that man.
" I realized we were all building it up in our heads."
Great story. But what does this have with social anxiety?
Social anxiety by definition is exposure to toxic people who criticize and spread negative evaluations. They do this. They are toxic. It is not us who are thinking this, it is not our imagination - and nope, we cannot control other people with our thoughts and realizations and insights.
That is why social anxiety is called social + anxiety. It is social. There is this word "social" inside anxiety. it is not called self - anxiety. it is not delusion anxiety. The anxiety stems from the social element, not our head. Our fears panic and uncomfortable feelings are the result of being exposed to narcissistic abuse.
The idea that somehow we need to fix our thinking in order to crap fit into abuse leads to mental illness and more anxiety. Endless hamster wheel of trying to change out thinking so that somehow by magic our outer reality will become "less evil". It won't. Evil people are evil because they are mentally ill. There is nothing you can realize that you can make evil people stop being evil. it is their choice to be evil- and social anxiety is reaction to this evil, social evil.
This is not social anxiety and how did you know that the old man isn’t a remarkable person ?
Social anxiety can be removed from practicing it not gaining knowledge from reading books or news paper
I have social anxiety. And honestly I just avoid socializing.... I get very scared of whether people are looking at me and what their thinking about me....
It s fked but you gotta think of the cause and prove yourself somehow that it s not reality is just anxiety remeber of good moments of yourself from certain situation and undertsand that s who you actually are without the anxious perception you have. And that anxiety is just an emotion not reality so you gotta remind yourself that and undertsand ppl are not against you just the way you grew up made you think that. It s twisted to get out of it I won t lie
Focus on enjoying not worrying
@@David_99778that just doesn’t work. I already know it’s not a real thing. My brain doesn’t care. I’m tired of this cycle of trying to overcome something I have no control over. It doesn’t matter what I know or force myself to think. It’s always there.
He did the WORK of challenging his behavioral shortcomings.🎯 Same as it ever was.😇🙏🏽🌈🖖🏽
When you notice you have social anxiety, That's when you are supposed to start caring about your freedom.
I slowly realizing how much energy it took to be mean towards somebody else, so you can imagine why the bullies at your school where always tired and grumpy.
I think negatively, never had good relationship with anybody(got anger issues, I take things personally, believe that people would leave me, I like it when people praise me but also think that they are getting jealous or believe that I will not be good at it anymore. I get so scared thinking that I would go crazy, because I don't know how to be with people. NEED ADVICE.
But I don't have people who make me feel better about myself-
Sending you support. Maybe try to give yourself what you need? You deserve everything good.
@@caesmonde thank you ❤️
Surround yourself w ppl who believes in you
Same no wonder I have/had social anxiety lol
You do that then. Know what you are good at, know what the positive things about you. Kniw that we all fail and make mistakes, it’s normal. Even when you embarrass yourself. Plus, people really don’t have a shit about you. They busy focusing on their lives.
Even me too now that i am in my thirty, i realised that people will always something or the other no matter who you are. Now i just enjoy my life
That is great that you realized for yourself,, great job,,
but most people do not have choice nor money nor support to simply pick toxic people away from their jobs, families, ambient - and they are stuck with abuse.
Ignoring toxicity is really bad choicae.
@@ranc1977 If there are that many people exhibiting this trait you call _toxcity_ that's affecting you, but not so much others, then the problem might be you, and not them.
Also, using the word "abuse" and not even bothering to define what you mean by the ward is lazy, and tells people to assume they're victims, when they might not have been if you had a more reasonable, less inflammatory, less emotionally-manipulative use of language.
And stop reading pop-psychology crap or fourth-wave feminist horsecrap.
While I really like what he said, the problem is that I no longer have someone to begin with, the "people that make you feel good about yourself" simply do not exist, I can't even start the change
Start with God. 🙏🏾❤️ He’ll never fail you. 🫶🏾
Keep going bro I love seeing you overcome the anxiety
Great video. I would love to see more videos like this I'm the future as someone who suffers from general anxiety and social anxiety. Thank you for all you do
Creating a healthy relationship with yourself is the goal here. You fear that everyone will reject you, and if people reject you you think there's something wrong with you so you don't do anything too out of left field. That's why you tense up. If you love and appreciate yourself though, even if EVERYONE were to hate you, you'd still have you. It's like a healthy parent-child relationship
Not even what social anxiety is to be honest that’s called lack of confidence, social anxiety is a literal social phobia and the best way to overcome it is being around people more.
It's like people with social enxiety locked in a tower like Rapunzel. Just being around people is not enough
That’s the best cure for lack of confidence, as well. I’m not really sure what point you’re making?
@@deetz23 First of all why even reply to a 3 month old comment? Second, there’s a lot more too confidence than just exposure whereas social anxiety is based entirely off of lack of social interaction, self isolation, etc. They can go hand and hand but there are a LOT more solutions to confidence than anxiety like taking better care of yourself and knowing your worth for example. Anyways, social exposure definitely is not the best way to build confidence and I speak on that from experience.
thank you. focus on enjoying myself. i love to have fun, so this is perfect advice and motivation for me.
Mines got so bad to the point where I just don't even like ppl.I avoid everybody as much as possible.I hope everywhere I go it's not alot of ppl around.Its almost suffocating trying to avoid everything and everyone😔.I NEED HELPPPPPP!😖
I’ve come to realize that a lot of my biggest moments of anxiety happened right after an argument with my mom. I haven’t talked to her in quite a while now. My dad says I have to eventually, that I don’t need to live with her but I have to hear her out. But I get stressed just thinking about trying to think about talking to her. It’s to the point where if I try to think about actually talking to her I get really really anxious and can’t think.
The thing with me and my SA is the anxiety part. While, I can calm my thoughts my body is still trying to get the hell outta there.
That'll be the physiological arousal that is part of social anxiety and any fight-or-flight situation. Emotions aren't just mental, they're visceral. Thankfully, it sounds like you are able to assume control of your thoughts, which is the more difficult of the two contributors to your emotional anxiety.
Controlling your physiology as well is going to potentiate the impact in reducing your anxiety, but taking you out of the fight-or-flight response modulated by our adrenal glands. They flood your system with adrenaline, and this makes your heart beat faster, skin sweat, and lungs start to hyperventilate. Since the heart and the lungs are inextricable (both are under the influence of the vagus nerve), you actually only need to take control of your breathing and that will also regulate the heart.
_Vagal tone_ corresponds to increased activation of the vagus nerve, which in turn, acts to oppose the adrenaline-induced excitation. Vagal tone *increases* during exhalation, and *decreases* during inhalation.
So to maximise vagal tone and, hence, slow your heart: _inhale_ *fast* (via mouth or nose); _exhale_ *slow*
They say Social Anxiety can be lessened if you accept yourself of who you are. But we are Hooman, and the psychology of young people don't work like that. They have tendency to maintain their pride, self respect. Etc. So, Sometimes Accepting ourself as weird would mean losing our comfort status. This is when Tension And other problem Arises, And lot of Conflict in minds of esp. Young People.
Thank you, Bro. I would hug you if I was there with you.
Yes I agree it's in my childhood, now I focus on feeling confident, happy and all good energy
Remember God loves us and Jesus gives us peace. I still take meds for anxiety but my joy is from God. Praise you Father God
Just repeat to yourself: You wouldn't worry about what other people think of you, if you realized how little they do.
Everyone is so in their own heads, their own world.
It helps shift your frame of mind. Eventually, it gets drilled in that the people who actually DO think about you, are the ones who love you and won't judge you anyway.
I think some do tend to pick up on cues a lot more than others do, so they tend to think others feel that way about that, that is just my guess in some cases. Like we instinctively assume things about a person on how they dress, what they drive etc., and even if we know stereotypes aren't always right and even think they are stupid, first impressions do make a difference, and if you are poor like me or have a facial disfigurement, it makes a huge difference in the way you are treated. There's other stuff as well. It might not seem like a big deal, but it adds up, and you often end up paying for crappier service, are dismissed more often idk how many times I've tried to do stuff the legal way only to get screwed over and I didn't have anyone to help most of the time. I'm still stalked by my ex but no one else sees it so I can't get help or I'd incriminate myself by giving specific details to get rid of the guy, plus I don't trust people because of him so yeah
thank you so much.. I tried this and it helped so much.. this cured my social anxiety!!! im so happy now.. thank you for making this video Sprouht! :))
but what sintomas do you had? I'm suffering from severe social anxiety
This sounds easy enough. But, working is a whole different beast. You can’t avoid your coworkers and bosses and you have to develop relationships with them
Im 24 just got admission in masters and this was my first week of attending classes. It is so hard to be surrounded by people who always have something to say and can easily say it. I feel so intimidated by them. And one of the classes is very discussion and presentation focused which makes me want to cry in front of the class. I hate the fact that im 24 and still struggling with social anxiety
This guy is a bit agitated, as I can see. He's still overcoming social anxiety, but his thoughts are positive. He will succeed in thinking in a positive way as he does now.
Thank you for showing me light with your every single video!
“What we call the personality is often a jumble of genuine traits and adopted coping styles that do not reflect our true self at all but the loss of it.”
Quote by Gabor Maté
@@ranc1977 that's good one!
But it sounds really comfortable that we can still change ourself in something that we won't regret in future by knowing something from experienced person and adopting the "better one's"..! May be because we are busy in our stressed routine and because of it, we can't see ourself what we are and may be knowing that by others might ignite(give light to it so that we can see it) and we can find it in ourself!
@@boyaka2010 Lundy Bancroft:
"Abuse is NOT caused by bad relationship dynamics. You can't manage your partner's abusiveness by changing your behaviour. But he wants you to think you can."
@@boyaka2010 I gave you thumbs up the first time
hehe 🤠🥳
@@boyaka2010 😜🎄👍
What if you already don’t care what people think but it just never goes away? I have high social anxiety that can get severe in some situations such as an interview, but no matter what I do it never goes away even though I exit my comfort zone and go through this daily. Not sure what to do next
Cognitive behavioral therapy
God bless you and your channel man you help slot of people, including me👊❤️
i have bad social anxiety and i H A T E it so much it keeps me from doing things that are fun or normal. i skip so many fun dances or fun events bec of my social anxiety. i’m trying to overcome it but it’s REALLY hard for me to do that. i’m so focused on what others think about me or what they say about me or how they view me that i’m missing the fun and joys in life and i do know that which is why i’m trying to ignore it bec if i don’t then i will live the most boring life to ever live and i don’t want that for me. i want to have fun i want to party i want to meet ppl without feeling judged and ik ppl don’t give two craps abt what i’m doing but there’s ALWAYS this feeling that ppl do care and they think i’m weird. i’m just trying to say “screw social anxiety”.
That's actually a very good advice, i'll keep it in mind, thank you!
Thank you
This is actually so deep and to the point!
What a great advice!
See that anxiety is normal response on their part to what actually happened to them. And it can be relieved and recovered if they look at its sources.
YT What Causes Your Anxiety? | Dr. Gabor Mate
@@ranc1977
Yeah true..
I recently realized that I almost never surround myself by the ppl I like...
I just let anyone who wants to spend time with me to do so regardless of what they make me feel.. and so the ppl I want to spend time with aren't even considered..
I have been working on changing this recently though..
@@Pro0osh " I almost never surround myself by the ppl I like"
This is called Fawning. And it is part of Complex Trauma (which is not the same as PTSD).
Fawning is trauma response. Unfortunately we do not receive the correct information by official medical industry (CBT) nor from videos such as these or self help books.
We were traumatized into people pleasing due to exposure to narcissistic abuse over long period of time. Temper tantrums, relentless criticism, nagging, complaining - it sets up toxic shame inside us, where we hate ourselves, this rancour is deep seated and we do not notice it - we notice the panic and fears as reactions to criticism and nagging and complaining and negative evaluation from others. This is called Triggers and Flashbacks - and these keep us in Survival mode - constant hypervigilance, worry and trying to fix ourselves.
CBT and videos like this suppose to explain all of this in detail - instead they join into hysteria - and they give us message that we have faulty brain, that we must change fix ourselves. There is nothing to fix. The true and only problem are toxic people around us.
If we are not murderers, if we do not have anti-social tendencies, if we do not have hidden agenda to cause harm to others - there is nothing wrong with us.
Our fears and panic are trauma response - these are not our persona or personality.
Social anxiety stems from toxic society. And toxic society itself is giving wrong misleading information and hence instructions about social anxiety.
"We have this idea that what is normal is also healthy and natural. In this culture the norm is neither healthy nor it is natural. In fact, a norm is making us sick."
YT Gabor Matè
Tom Bilyeu
@@ranc1977 _" [T]hey give us message that we have faulty brain, that we must change fix ourselves. There is nothing to fix. The true and only problem are toxic people around us."_
Take no responsibility. Blame others. You are perfect. Everyone else is toxic. Got it.
_"[I]f we do not have anti-social tendencies, if we do not have hidden agenda to cause harm to others"_
You are both of these. You intentionally make claims against things that are strongly evidence-based, particularly in social anxiety and social anxiety disorder (CBT), and you read and believe as fact your pop-psychology and promote false notions of toxicity, whilst using words previously reserved for serious things, like _trauma_ and _abuse_ and want to make yourself and others into victims by claiming they all had trauma.
You are damaging society and hurting people. If you convince people they are traumatised and broken, they will behave traumatised and broken. Whatever _toxic_ is, *you* are giving birth to it.
The thing is when you have social anxiety we tend to think everyone’s paying attention to us or what we do wrong and everyone hates us FOR no reason, and you know to us that struggle with it, it seems really “normal” until it’s time to explain it to someone like a therapist and that’s when we realize how toxic it is but it’s hard to fix that mindset. But!, what I do is I tell myself “girl, you are not the main character like please😂”. Because like think about what do you think when you see someone fall off a chair? Yeah it’s funny sometimes at the moment, but like in almost two minutes you shouldn’t even care about and only those with an unmature mindset would care because at this point those are the people that are just coming after you and that’s who you shouldn’t care about because remember your above them :)
Fuck social anxiety, imma overcome it💪🏼
Being with a friend with no social anxiety at all really helped specially when i smoke the good stuff (🌲) i forget bout everyone else and only focus on the funny and good vibes with my friend
All these people seem to have a very mild social anxiety... Myself? Isolated totally for 10 years, afraid of even meeting the neighbor.
I think you should seek a therapist help. That kind of social anxiety needs therapy to overcome
Mine was extreme too because I got it from being so badly bullied. It became a social phobia.
Same here I've been in these four walls since I was 16 years old and now I'm 23 years old
Wow. That was deep.
Thank you my man 🙏🏼
Almost every mental disorder originates in childhood experience and originates as coping mechanism. When you are threatened with something, you would not be anxious, you would be afraid - as you should be.
YT Dr. Gabor Mate
I really agree with him. I also started to think like him few months ago and now I can say I don't think much about what other people say.
It ultimately comes down to self-esteem. To anyone suffering from low self-esteem, I highly recommend a great book by Nathaniel Brandon entitled the "Psychology of Self-Esteem." It's honestly a very good book for anyone.
Nope.
Self esteem is when you do a good job task and you feel good about it.
What you are looking for is self worth. That is intrinsic locus of control where you find happiness, worth, appraisal, appraisement, goals from within yourself, it is not depended on other people likes or dislikes.
Toxic shame internalized in socially anxious traumatized people is destroying self worth.
If you do not heal toxic shame, your "self esteem" will be based on other people, their comments - and this means more anxiety.
@@ranc1977 So many words to say the same thing. Instead of being so dismissive you should actually read the book. The word “esteem” is etymologically linked to the word “estimate”. When you appraise your own self worth, you are making an estimate of your worthiness. With a very low estimate of your worthiness, it will be very difficult to become the beneficiary of your accomplishments and find value in them and yourself. As you value yourself and your accomplishments, you stop requiring validation from others, and their “estimate” of you does not concern you.
@@ronmorey3475 I use many words because it is complex topic. I've read hundreds of books about it, I know what I am talking about.
I also know that toxic shame prevents anything related to self worth.
"When you appraise your own self worth"
People who have issues with self worth were exposed to abuse, which is conditioning and hypnosis - then you cannot appraise. There is no inner calculator, instead there is toxic shame which destroys self worth.
When you talk about any technique or mechanism of self worth it is like you want to build a house on a water without basis or columns to support it.
@@ranc1977 I doubt you've read hundreds of books on the subject. A low appraisal of yourself is STILL an appraisal nonetheless. Sure, it is most likely subconscious, but it is merely a low value that you are putting on yourself as a result of early conditioning. Barring any kind of cognitive damage, anyone can build up their self-esteem. It may require varying degrees of professional help, but that will only help the person discover the foundation of their self-worth that you seem to think doesn't exist at all in certain abused people. There IS something there to build upon regardless of whether or not the person is conscious of it. If you don't believe that, you have bought into a victim's mentality and you are inspiring no one.
@@ronmorey3475 You don't built anything. It is like onion layer. You skin it off to reach to self worth.
Building up comes naturally when we satisfy our basic Maslow needs: money, home, shelter, finances. Anything other than that is cheating and narcissism, superiority complex - which is still inferiority complex.
When we have money, support, friends, home, shelter, security - our self worth, self esteem confidence comes naturally and it builds itself up, like a flower.
A flower in a desert or on a rock will not bloom into anything, it will be stump.
When we are in toxic ambient - we won't get immunity by staying in Chernobyl. Radiation will not make us strong nor resilient - toxicity will destroy us.
The desire for self development stems from "narcissistic" desires, a tendency to self-aggrandizement and superiority over others.
Sigmund Freud
Carl Rogers: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself, just as I am, then I can change.”
The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego,
the second half is going inward and letting go of it.
Carl Jung
I've overcome social anxiety in the past year but then I joined the marching band as a color guard member and they're full of a lot of girls that act like snobby cheerleaders, in which they ignore me. My closest friend just moved away to another school as well and being with her helped me with my confidence. Now I can't ask to go to the bathroom or go to the library unless it's first period. I don't have any other friends in my classes as well so I'm kinda almost cornered here 😅
Yes
.i have social anxiety , it really freeze when get infront of many people,i guess i gets better if u live ur life , being true to one value amd never lies , the vibes of oneself is getting calmer and more confident inside, then the outside those people is merely reflect to u, and it mirror who u r, so when u having anxiety, u may need to examine ones value and be kind to one self ,n slowly expand to pratice selflessness, ,kind to others ,be righteous , be truthfuk be tolerant, the body will shred much anxiety as well, all anxiety is came from we unconciously lies against our values .
For me the worst thing is that SA is making me feel so nervous and unhappy that my face and eyes (or at least I percieve it that way) always look down and sad. I constantly think about it and I can't normally smile in any situation. It's like I have weights above my eyes and I feel them all the time, so I can't even smile without it seem weird and fake 😢
I can relate to this exactly. It’s so hard to not show what I’m thinking on my face. It’s so frustrating because things become even more awkward as people notice it on my face. 😭
@@kiharp Yep I just try to smile it off till I get out of my shell and overcome it like and it kind of works 😂
I really *really* wish it was this easy.
But im getting meds that are supposed to help with it today so wish me luck yall 👍
Thank you CZcams for giving me this at the moment.
An inspiration ❤
Lol really needed this !! Started a new job and I’m really struggling
Keep going! Never surrender, fokus on what u doing. No one will help u except urself! Stay strong.
Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about solutions, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering.
Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured.
The Highly Sensitive Person,
Elaine N. Aron
I think the same on the good days of my anxiety .. even on the bad some times but kind of struggling with it some times..
Listening to your voice it sounds like you haven't overcome anything
I needed to hear this.
He's dancing and talking... Anxiety still exist in him
Exactly
but he's trying his level best to out of social anxiety that's more important
You think he can control that? There’s a ton of people who are like this.
i have social anxiety and its affecting my academic life.. i cant ask profs or other students for help with schoolwork etc. i have a group project now and im so stressed out bc i dont know how to even speak to others man
I have no idea why but this made me cry
I used to struggle with something similar to social anxiety (im still not sure if it was or was not) as a kid and I had trouble talking to so many people which I know was very common for children at very young ages. But then going to this new school and seeing how my sister had so many friends and was having the time of her life, It just went away like magic which I know is very slim chance of happening. It felt like all the imaginary audience went away and I became very social. But sometimes I still get scared if people think I’m to annoying and sometimes like it’s hard to still communicate with them since it feels like I’m out of place. I’m still working on that by, sticking with people I know I can talk to more easily and have a better time with instead of other people I want to be with but feel out of place with them.
Yeah that was probably just shyness not social anxiety. I was diagnosed with severe social anxiety when I was little, trauma has only made it worse as I got older. 😔
so heartwarming and true
Alcohol addiction.In remission since July 1998 through the 12 steps of AA and the Grace of God 🙏📖📘
Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.
Carl Jung
Love this! ❤
This sounds so easy, but I have actually tried to not think about what others think about me, but the social anxiety always just comes naturally and it is making me sick. 🤮😕
me too but I'm a bit more good after exercising everyday
He is soo handsome!!!
Thanks for this advice
I have social anxiety like when I moved somewhere it was very eye steering as it was like we were the only ppl. Who were like different people steered at us and it was really eye catching to talk to someone
It feels impossible but with time if u put yourself out there it will be much easier just go speak to anyone
Thank you. :)
Learning to see our trait as a neutral thing-useful in some situations, not in others-but our culture definitely does not see it, or any trait, as neutral.
Be careful about accepting labels for yourself such as "inhibited", "introverted", "shy"
The Highly Sensitive Person,E. Aron
If some people give us anxiety, just think of them as irrelevant
I look calm most of the time, even though I'm not really. Ispeak in quiet monotone voice. The reason I started getting social anxiety is because I just one day didn't feel like leaving home and kept doing it. I'm usually really absorbed in my own thoughts and suck at socializing. Still, when there's a specific purpose, I can speak with others. (Although still awkward.) Anyone in similar situation with me?