I Have a Visual Disability, And I Want You To Look Me In the Eye | NYT Opinion
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- čas přidán 6. 07. 2024
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In the Opinion video above, James Robinson, a filmmaker from Maine, shows what it feels like to live with several disabling eye conditions that have defied an array of treatments and caused him countless humiliations. Using playful graphics and enlisting his family as subjects in a series of optical tests, he invites others to view the world through his eyes.
But his video is also an essay on seeing, in the deeper sense of the word - seeing and being seen, recognition and understanding, sensitivity and compassion, the stuff of meaningful human connection.
In a society that does a lousy job of accommodating the disabled, Mr. Robinson appeals for more acceptance of people who are commonly perceived as different or not normal.
“I don’t have a problem with the way that I see,” he says. “My only problem is with the way that I’m seen.”
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Hi I'm James, and I produced this film for Opinion Video. I wanted to show what it's like to live with 'whale eyes,' and how using a little imagination can make us more empathetic to people who see things differently.
If you have any questions about the video and how I made it, post it below and I'll do my best to answer!
It's a nice video. Can we have more? XD
I loved the video so much, you really made me *see* you (does this count as a pun? idk). Anyways, I don't even know if this is what you do for a living but maybe it's what you should do, great cinematography and storytelling. I would say congrats but that feels like neglecting to acknowledge the amount of work you put in to make sure it was as great as it was. Congrats anyway, I don't know how else to finish this comment
Thank you for sharing this! I find your storytelling, choice of illustrations and music amazing. Whales are awesome =)
Hugs from Norway
Thanks for the Video.
how long did it take you to write and produce the video? and where are you from!
"I don't have a problem with how I see, I have a problem with the way that I'm seen." That line really got me.
As an autistic person, that hit me at my core.
Well I have the same thing im albino but to me I see fine but I worry how people see me I'm scared I won't get to do much in my life like driving because people believe my "disability " is worse than it really is
@@stimday5408 Do not live by the way others look at you, but by your own limitations. And those are much less once you overcome them. Do what you are good at and show that you are not your disability.
Yes.
I felt that.
100%.
"Are my eyes fckd up?"
"I mean they're a little bit."
Based and truthful answer.
What's weird is that his own brother knows literally nothing about his brothers condition. I mean they are a family, how can this be so tabu.
@@coolandgood0062 you heard the parents say it themselves. "There is nothing wrong with him, he is just special." Their embarrassment of their situation has been met with denial and delusion, which was taught to the other child. Basically the emperor has no clothes on steroids. Ultimately it has culminated in the idea that the world owes the handicapped PREcognition on how to "properly" react upon meeting them. Like how is a stranger supposed to have the slightest clue on how this guy's eyes work and thereby know to switch from one eye to the other when speaking to him?
It’s none of your strabismus, dude
Yeah, but he should have said yes, they make you uglier, because they do. I'm so tired of people just acting like there's nothing wrong with people when there clearly is.
@@coolandgood0062 Lots of people assume they know more about their family members than they do just because they're around them all the time. It might not have been taboo. If you're a child and your brother is also a child and his eyes are wonky, neither of you are going to fully understand how that works and certainly won't know how to explain it very well. You'll just play together and learn how to read each other and something like a wonky eye is no longer noteworthy. You think you understand it, because it's always been there and you don't think about it.
“I don’t have a problem with the way that I see. My only problem is with the way that I’m seen.” That was powerful
@@andreah7696 Did you vote for Brexit?
I had an ex with a lazy eye. I couldn’t imagine her without it, I think it was part of what made her beautiful.
That’s absolutely the sweetest thing I have ever heard!! My husband says he doesn’t even notice my eyes, he always tells me they’re normal. I think he just tries to make me feel better about myself!! You’re comment is very sweet!!
@@alishamontgomery5314 My husband has a lazy eye and i often forget about it because i see it every day and have gotten used to it😂
ex?
@@alishamontgomery5314 Alisha I am sure that your husband doesn't do it just to make you feel good about yourself, why do I say this, well, because as the original poster, I myself fell in love with a person with a "little defect", and being in love is pretty powerful. I realized I was attached even to that "defect" because it is part of the person I fell in love with. So yeah, I think I get what your husband says and he means it.
@@alishamontgomery5314 Man we dont care that much. Yeah at forst maybe but people dont care. You guys are overthinking it. Everyone has "imperfactions".
"You have beautiful eyes! ... what color are they?" HE HAS REACHED PEAK DAD
yes
Honestly I was thinking the same.
No one ever really explained strabismus to me and I was born with and still have it. Thank you James.
I was literally looking into one of his eyes while he was talking and found myself switching to the other eye when he switched. It doesn’t seem that difficult to do, but I could imagine how it might be hard to adjust to.
Also: he’s so cute.
I literally have a hard time understanding what's so hard about it. Yes he is.
Just because you can switch between eyes easily without hesitation doesn't mean everyone can. The reality is that most people are used to making eye contact with either eye, and when that eye suddenly looks away and you have to switch to the other eye to maintain eye contact it's a brief awkward moment since we aren't used to doing it. Obviously it's best if we all learn to maintain eye contact with whatever eye they are looking at us through, but for most people that takes time to get used to doing. The more people with "normal" vision are exposed to people with this condition the better we will get at doing it, but i think on both ends we need to be understanding of the one with the eye condition and of the people who find it awkward at first to interact with them.
stop virtue signaling
@@Ginronmaster1994 Agreed. Understanding goes both ways. Good that James explained his feelings but the average dude shouldn't be pulled down because he didn't know how to react to a novel experience.
Switching might be easier when the person with whale eyes is in a video, than when you're face to face with them in RL.
I got yelled at in class for not paying attention to the teacher. I was so embarrassed I couldn't tell him that I was staring right at him. I'll never forget that.
lol that really sucks, probably had built a lot of character tho!
@@ryseuglh Lol I learned quickly how to laugh at myself and some of the situations I find my self in quite often. I'll never forget it but I won't let it hold me back either.
When I was in elementary school, my teachers would call me out for “daydreaming “. I was so humiliated
Man, I wish he knew. I remember a girl in our uni had a unique case of hiccups. She did it all the time unless she was asleep. One time a teacher yelled at her and kicked her out of the class! She was 23! And the teacher was the head of the uni. Classmates went up to him and explained that she has a problem that can not do anything about it. He responded: "I know! I know! But it bugged me so I kicked her out!"
Sometimes you think this kind of people will turn me into a vigilante!
@@adrianasabode1583 I the world that I got smacked in the head from my teacher using a big book because I was daydreaming, I only can imagine how difficult can be to have a condition that others do not understand... This is why kids hate school and I cannot blame them.
"You have beautiful eyes I guess. What are they brown?"
"I'm your CHILD!"
I feel him. I could ask my dad how old I was and he'd probably say 22 when in reality I'm 35
" You're BREATHING . . . aren't you ? ! ?
" My job is DONE here ! "
- DAD
(with love) B-)
Lol my dad once forgot my full name and I was like “Dad, you literally made it!” 😩😂
What's a dad?
@spirals 73 he gave you life thats enough.
Atleast he cares enough to guess
I got so emotional watching this, because I was also born with strabismus (only in my left eye)! I was born with cataracts, I have less than 5% of vision on my left eye, so the little I can see with it, it's exactly how you described! I feel so seen and understood! It's so comforting.
Are we twins? I too lost vision in my left eye and have strabismus only in that eye.
Known a family friend with a “lazy eye” and I’ve always just known to look at the one that looks at you. That’s how they know your listening, and they have your attention..
As someone with “dominant eye” (hey, I’m not lazy), this is true. I’ll be clear with new friends, and I’ll tap under my good eye. (I am legally blind in the other)
I never thought I would ever see a documentary on my biggest insecurity, and it being taken seriously and in a way I can truly relate. After 18 years of having this condition, I finally feel heard. Thank you ❤️
You're not alone ❤️❤️ I swear this vid, I 100% related to every single word, even "switching eyes" and "the whole thing moves when one switches eyes". I'm glad this was made. Explains AND shows it ALL so much better than I EVER could do.
Same it is the first time I have seen myself represented on film ever I think, exposing the whole switching thing is so so relatable,!
@@rubijanejansen2583 i have a different kind of exotropia, but everything he said really resonated with me at well! this video made me feel so happy and seen (no pun intended lmao). im considering even sending this video to one of my friends so they can finally get an idea of how things look different from different eyes.
Same
Whale Eyes . Unite!😂
The weird eye thing never bothered me, I just looked at one eye that seems more directed to me. This is really common where I live because the surgery is too expensive
America?
I do this as well, but my mother had a lazy eye when I was growing up so it’s normal to me for only one eye to be focused on me
@@NikoChetnekiyen yeah me too
@@TwitchyTopHat1 Malaysia. There aren't many specialists here who can do this kind of procedure outside of private clinics
My biology teacher had this, and I never noticed until we had a one on one conversation. And yeah, pretty quickly settled for the eye looking at me.
I definitely cried watching this because I completely relate to it. Strabismus is something that I have always had growing up with so I forget that others don't see me the way that I see them.
Because you can't directly see your eyes, sometimes I would forget I have strabismus and feel normal, but the comments "where are you looking" "are you looking at me" although are genuine still hurt because they plunge me back into reality. I've developed a shield to these comments but some still hurt. An employee at my dream company telling me I will never get hired because of my eyes, my ex-boyfriend telling me that I should get surgery, a friend I made online's first comments when I met up with them being 'I didn't know that you were disabled'. Last year I finally saved up enough money to get the surgery ($5000+) and it failed within 1 week of recovery. I had never cried so much in my life.
Built-up resentment and anger, and the knowledge that I will have this condition for the rest of my life. I'm working at my eyes so I hope one day it's not too noticeable
It takes me 20 years to look somewhat normal. I just keep reminding myself to look further and more right. From then on, my eyes look pretty much like everyone else. Just don’t give up doing eye exercise.
I am really sorry your surgery failed…
I feel your pain. I am 38 and in June I had my third surgery….
Thankfully, it was not that expensive here in Greece!
Please try to gain confidence! I always learn from people who are more challenged than me and wayyyy more confident! They are superstars! Be a superstar!
I hate to hear your surgery failed!! I had the surgery as a young toddler, it failed horribly. I went in crossed eyes come out with strabismus ,which I have had ever since I was 4 years old!! I’ve had wrinkles between my brows since I was a teenager from squinting all the time, resulting in a resting btch face. I am 39 now, I want the surgery but have a huge fear as I am a glaucoma suspect and have to get pressure in my eyes checked frequently!! Plus the eye specialist said there’s no guarantee that it will hold my nerves are in very poor condition!!
You are absolutely lovely.
everyone that was put on this earth is beautiful in their own way. people will always say things without understanding how it could hurt someone. always remember there is nothing wrong with you and to love yourself fully. I might never understand what you go through and so maybe I can't sympathize with the way you'll like me too but I can assure you that the right people will see past it.
I’ve never seen this better explained! Strabismus is a small part of my disability, but it’s a huge part of my presentation: my clumsiness, my appearance, my art. My life would be so different if I was born “normal”. I don’t wish to have been, but I wish more people understood. Thank you for taking the time to explain your experiences 💜
I'll be completely honest - I've always felt a little uncomfortable when encountering people with "whale eyes", because of that connection barrier, not knowing where to look, confused by the "not normal" appearance. But that's on me. I'll take your advice to heart. Thank you for making the effort to educate us in such a brilliant & entertaining way, respect for one another must never depend on how "normal" we are.
I second this!!❤️
I usually look at the nose bridge.
@@rey_nemaattori exactly. I learned to do that too years ago. Even with people with regular eyes.
I feel uncomfortable looking into anyone's eyes... And I feel guilty when I don't look into "lazy" eyes. Like I have to explain that it's not your eyes but my feelings about all eyes.
@@eggertrpet I'm blind in my Rt. eye starting at 5 years old when we came to the US. It appears normal and even tracks a bit, but I can't see any light.
I have no depth perception, My brain tries to adjust, but learning to drive was difficult. I took flying lessons, but the FAA refused to let me take the test. Partly because I'm a woman. The celebrity, Sammy Davis Jr. was half blind and they let him fly. Money talks. Also, in classical ballet, my spins turns and jumps were affected. It's a life-long thing. Thank you James and family for this.
As someone who was born half blind, dealt with esotropia as a baby, getting corrective surgery, and then having to deal with the aftermath of a lazy, barely functioning eye, I really appreciate this video and the representation it’s brought forth to those in this part of the disabled community. Thank you, thank you very much.
Sounds like we’ve had the same experience @mark!
❤
Agreed, as my experiences are similar, but for different reasons:
When I was a child I lost my hearing for a year and a half from an ear infection and left me with damaged hearing. When I was an undergraduate student, I was almost killed by a drunk driver who fractured my skull & broke my back. I had to have double vision surgically corrected, but I still see double. Briefly, as I type this, Mrs. Jett Kitty had four ears & three eyes when I looked up from this laptop computer. Fortunately, I can usually correct my vision by briefly looking at an object farther away...
In conversation with others, I often watch their mouths so that I can make out what they are saying. Some people who know that I always watch movies with the subtitles on will still have a problem with me asking them to wait until I put my headset on when they call me, or when I watch their mouth while they speak...
I have come to realize that very often there is another reason for the behavior of others, for example when I stand while waiting for a doctor's appointment because sitting on cheap chairs is difficult with a broken back. But it isn't that I stand, or how I drag my left foot while walking, but rather that I am a Halfbreed with the typical very broad-shouldered Native build. And that some people are looking for issues they can complain about, as they can't say "we don't like your kind around here" anymore...
I work a job where I often interact with customers....and not infrequently I'll meet someone with a lazy or wandering eye. And I often don't know what the right thing to do is. I never just look away...that feels rude. But I sometimes feel like my own gaze must signal to them that I'm "trying to look at them correctly" which just puts weird tension on them. So...it would be nice to have someone who lives with the condition let the rest of us know how to best handle face to face communication.
Haven't watched this video yet....but the second I saw this in my feed I knew I had to click.
@@avedic I think the effort you put into looking them in their eyes and face is what counts, I say just put a smile on and enjoy any potential messiness of the moment :) Your heart is in the right place and that will pull you through easily.
The second time I watch it and this time I cried at the end because I have the same strabismus and the way you express the crave of connection is just beautiful.
I still cry every time.
I once had ( still do. it's been 4 years) a crush on a classmate. he had the same problem as james. but it never struck me as something ugly or strange because it really isn't. he was and still is the most beautiful / attractive guy I've met. i really hope that anyone who has this doesn't think that they're ugly or weird. you're amazing and there's really nothing wrong with the way you look!
there was this girl in my class that has this or lazy eye im not to sure she said it was lazy eye but maybe she was cappin anyways she was ugly lmao
I have a lazy eye, not close to as bad as James but it still has made me feel horrible in life and made me a recluse, because I was bullied in school and mocked in life for it. I can see it in pictures, especially if my eyes are tired...it's a terrible thing. I feel apprehensive around people and it's caused me social interaction issues.
Alice, as someone with a strabismus, I'm telling you to get out there and shoot your shot. You don't have to marry him right away, but go eat lunch with him. Give him a hug when you say goodbye. Do the little things to make him feel heard and seen. And for the love of God, look him in the eye.
Unfortunately, men rarely have the courage to open up about our emotions. We trap our feelings up and rarely let them out. I can guarantee you with near perfect confidence that he thinks he's ugly and weird. Be the one to tell him he's not.
James: but people will look away
Me, trying not to stare thinking he might feel even more uncomfortable if he thinks I’m staring at him: 🧍🏼♀️
Same which would def come off as rude but I'm also not trying to be rude 😭
Seems like my intuition of simply looking at the eye that's currently looking towards me is also what he likes.
Not that that'll likely happen with strangers anyway, that's the most uncomfortable thing ever. A quick glance is all you'll get anyway.
@@emilychb6621 It's always a good idea to look people in the eye that's looking at you. Alternatively, look in the middle, between the eyes, if the person tends to switch them without realising i.e. me. I often don't know what eye I'm looking out of unless I make the conscious effort to look from a particular eye.
Tbh it depends, I’m partially blind in o e eye and have a micro cornea so I cant focus one eye and it’s physically smaller than the other and I don’t like it when people stare at me. In fact it gives me anxiety but some people like to be seen.
Precisely. And it's the same problem with people who are in wheelchairs, for example. We look away because we don't want to offend them by "staring"... And then they feel offended because we look away. 🙄
This content is GOLD. Good work, i think James explained it really well. RESPECT
Saheel, wallah ! we will need one for color blinds
I agree this was REALLY good.
I'm 58 years old and I've had this condition my whole life. Thank you for seeing me as I am.
Aww that’s so sad. I never thought about it that way. I was the type of person that wouldn’t do eye contact thinking I would offend them. But after this I’ll look for the one that’s looking at me. It’s a very beautiful video. Thanks for explaining.
As a legally blind person who is totally blind in one eye, I deeply appreciate the eloquence and vulnerability that you brought to this subject. The longing for connection is something I identify with.
Im totally blind in one eye too. this video really relates.
@@cashruf same i'm totally blind in one eye too. i have microphthalmia. maybe i'm too emotional lol but i bawled my eyes out throughout the video. wish i could show this video to my bullies.
I'm blind in one eye and wear a scleral shell. I have major social anxiety because of it.
@@minipeeny9475 I’m really sorry you’re being bullied. I remember those days when I was in school. I, too, was very moved by this video. I hope things get better for us all.
@@chachabooom5 I do too. but your personality has to shine harder than your disabilities.
As someone with strabismus, this video hits the stop…. in a soft and subtle way.
You expressed it incredibly well. Peace, love and blessings to you, James.
i don't have strabismus but i have microphthalmia... i'm very emotional rn lol
Best visual explanation I have seen to date
Yes this hits home in so many ways
I've found my people, hit the nail on the head.
I don't have this but my eyes are sensitive to light, and aren't really coordinated well like i have to think about focusing them forwards sometimes, maybe it's lazy eye. Oh and i have very poor eyes sight, like 14/20
Man, our eyes really got hit hard because of their complexity after adam and eve sinned.
James Robinson, I am so glad you made this video! I will use it in my classroom. I love the courage you have to share this truth. Thank you!
"Looking at the eye that is looking at you" that's helpful man. I always didn't know which eye to look at so I would stare at peoples forehead to try to make it look like I was looking at them the best I could.
Not me sitting here in my eyepatch, seeing myself for once in someone else
me too!!!! i was watching with my eye patch too!
Yoo me too
Me too!
is it cool if i wear an eye patch even though i dont have a condition
@@neburg6685 if you wanna look like Gacha character then yes
At 2 years old the doctors decided to "fix" my "lazy" eye. Right to surgery, not trying an eye patch or rehab. Well, they injured the eye in surgery so I'm almost blind in it. All just to look "normal" & be accepted.
Oh no! That's awful
Eye patches can work
I have DUANE'S SYNDROME it can be very 'ugly' cuz it's turned inward, my mom paid for younger brother to fix crossed eyes but too poor to pay for a girl, and boys are more important? Well surgery wouldn't have worked for Duane's, anyhow.
@@jenntruong6023 trying eye patches on my kid since many yrs bt stil no positive change ☹️
Same thing happened to me, but the eye that was damaged is completely closed. Therefore, I can only use one of my eyes
James, you have made the first description of my own experience with strabismus that I have ever seen, and you've done it in such a lovely and compassionate way. Hats off to you!
"You have beautiful eyes. What color are they, brown?"
*"I am your child"*
Wow. I am weeping right now. I have the “lazy” eye thing. I see people changing their eyeline when speaking to me: they don’t know which eye to look at. Some people blurt out “you have a bad eye!” While I appreciated their directness, it always hurt. I’ll cover my eye, I’ll try to squeeze them together. I think it’s one of my ugliest features. I never believe it when guys tell me I have pretty eyes. Thank you for this. I’ll process the info later. It’s the feeling of being seen (pun), that I’m working on now.
I have a colleague with this lazy eye too. I don't know where to look either when I speak to her but I know to stare at the one eye which focuses on me. I actually have questions for her like... how is your sight? Or how do you see things? But I don't want to offend her so I never ask. From this video now I know.
I always just look at the eye that is making contact with me because that's how it normally works with people without this condition. Would that work for you?
@@GFINHK Yes. Mostly, that’s what people will do. It’s that darting gaze that reminds me that I have dissonant eyes
@@embott1 Ah, ok. May I ask, how could I make a conversation more comfortable for you?
One tip my grandfather taught me, that isn’t only applicable to this situation, is that when you feel nervous with eye contact, simply look to the space between both eyes, and the person you’re talking to will still think you are maintaining eye contact, you will feel more comfortable and won’t shift your look to another place
I heard that looking at somome's forehead also works, especially when looking at a crowd
I'm autistic, and use this constantly. It's very easy for my eyes to start wandering around
I do this naturally without being taught. I also have a rule of alternating looking at the person and then looking away
this is so helpful once I got into more trouble at school bc a teacher thought I was being disrespectful but I was just anxious and hate eye contact
HA! that's what i do. don't know why, but i just do XD
I had surgery 4 times. I’m 45 now! I was horribly teased and my maiden name was “Cross”. This was so well done James, thank you!
I really appreciate your video. When i was younger it was normal for my classmates to mock and bully me because of my strabismus, not that i could change how i was born, always felt so alone because even when i told my family my father told me: "Don't do anything, just wait till they get bored". So i grew up with a lot of people always laughing at me and i never sayed anything, this really messed me up and gave me a lot of insecurity, no self-esteem at all and a really hard time connecting with anyone. Later in life I did some drugs and ended up in rehab, and reflecting about my life a little bit I started to come out of my shell and did some things that terrified my whole life, like getting a girls number, something that was pretty much unthinkable for me at the moment. After struggling some years with terrible moments in my personal life, today I'm 30 years old and i can honestly say that I worked in most of the things that made me feel insecure but still have a long way to go. Whenever I feel unmotivated or try to get some inspiration I remember that there are some people like Jeff Bezos, Nestor Kirschner (Former president of Argentina), that didn't really put too much energy overthinking about their "defects" and therefore accomplished so much in their life. Months ago I somehow managed to asked this girl I've been dating with, If she wanted to be my girlfriend and she said "Of course!". Now more than ever, I'm focused in improving my mental and physical health, trying to achieve today a little bit more than yesterday, not getting too focused in what has been, but in what I can do today to build the future that i want. Quoting Master Oogway in Kung Fu Panda: "You are too concerned with what was and what will be. There is a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present". If you made it till the end of this commment: Thank You! and If you are experiencing a similar situation I have only one thing to say: Don't Give Up!
Hola, como mencionaste a Nestor Kirchner asumo que sos de Argentina, además de por tu nombre. En este país la gente es bastante poco tolerante de las personas con defectos de este estilo y más, y siento que a la mayoría nunca realmente nos educan de como debemos tratar o interactuar con otros que son diferentes a nosotros.
Me pone muy feliz que hayas podido salir adelante más allá de las adversidades que tuviste que enfrentar y el tormento de tus compañeros y la droga, y espero que en el futuro nuestro país sea un lugar menos hostil para vos y otras personas en situaciones similares. Nos falta mucho mucho para avanzar.
Muy pocas personas en realidad son normales en todo derecho como dice el video, pero lamentablemente unos pocos son los que reciben el atosigo de las masas porque tienen una diferencia visible, no como el resto de las personas. Yo tengo escoliosis, pero como no es visible a simple vista, nadie nunca me dijo nada. Pero, y si lo fuera? Me tratarían de forma extraña e incomoda? Como me hubiera ido?
No te conozco, pero estoy muy feliz de que hayas podido salir adelante por tus propios medios, a pesar de los obstáculos. No la tuviste para nada fácil, y toma a alguien realmente fuerte resistir el maltrato que vos recibiste.
Gracias por contar tu historia, Efraim.
I really enjoyed reading your comment. Your story is inspiring! Best wishes to you and your lady. :)
As parents we need to do batter. I'm confused how this kids disability wasn't clear and openly discussed or known in a family. How is it that the brother didn't really know? By not talking about things it grows uncomfortable.
Yes! Doing batter together and making a nice batch of pancakes would be a great way for this family to have a moment together, and all be able to express themselves. I wish more people realized this! 100% agreed.
The dad seemed to not want to acknowledge that his son's eyes were off in any major way or that they were anything he would think about. "Nothing's wrong with your eyes... You have beautiful eyes, I guess. I mean I think so. What color are your eyes?" This strikes me as a kneejerk respponse from someone dodging or downplaying a difficult subject. His son has undergone two different corrective eye surgeries - surely the dad has thought about his son's eyes enough to produce a more thoughtful response than that.
@@LeonardEisen He's trying to show his son that he doesn't view him as flawed. Is that really not obvious enough? How about not judging people in a situation you know next to nothing about. He was obviously raised well and has enough self confidence to produce something like this. I'd say his parents have done a phenomenal job.
@@cire9984 ^ totally agree.
@@cire9984 he may be trying to do that, but he's not doing it in a healthy way. Pretending something isn't real is in fact dismissive, and its not at all what his son needs. His brother sat across the table and never gathered the strength to ask him about his eyes... It clearly bothered him to have people pretend there was nothing different about him when there clearly was. Was that really not obvious enough?
I have a processing disorder so it's difficult for me to look ANYONE in the eyes. I'm a pretty good listener, though.
it like closing one of your eyes alternatingly
Same. I hate looking people in the eye but I hear people say they don't trust people like that all the time. 😬
@@kristelane8390 Same for me. People just generally don't like me because of things like this. What frustrates me is people like James get consideration, NYT lets him do an entire video, for crying out loud. But when you have a mental disability, people just expect you to pretend to be normal, doctors etc want to teach you to fake it more convincingly, and everyone ostracises you if you can't.
@@Vousie hey, dont punch at the people alongside us. People with mental and physical disabilities have a ton of shared experiences, and neither are accepted by medical institutions or society as a whole. Also, there are plenty of interviews with autistic people.
@@BG_NC I'm not punching. It's great that he gets consideration. I'm just pointing out that most often, people with physical disabilities are helped & get consideration in general life. If someone's in a wheelchair, people generally help if they get stuck somewhere. If you have a mental disability/condition of any kind, especially if it's not quite as immediately noticable (i.e. you can kinda "pass" for normal), then the people closest to you will often think you are normal and tell you to "just smile and be happy" or "just go talk to those people, it's not that difficult" or "you're saying it with the wrong *tone*".
Also, where did I say Autism? I'm talking about mental disabilities as a whole. People with Anxiety are likely to get the "just stop worrying so much!" remark for example. It's not about the specific condition. It's about the way people invalidate mental conditions because they can't see it - they think you're just exaggerating when you try to explain it. Where as if you have a physical condition, people can *see* it and actually have some sympathy.
One of my kids had this condition at age four. It was really disconcerting to look him in the eyes. But he's so cute it's hard to look away! We tried eye patches, but he didn't like wearing them. We took him to see a specialist, who prescribed glasses. He looked adorable in them, but when he started kindergarten he would often forget them at home or at school. And they didn't solve the problem. He then had surgery, and that did the trick. Now his eyes both point at whatever he's looking at. He doesn't have to wear the glasses. He's still adorable, though.
Does he still have the problem? Did it come back?
@@thepupfam9787 He had it corrected with surgery. It seems to have worked.
A pitty the eye patches were no succes, it would have spared him the surgery.
We had a little girl at school with a patch, everybode took turns to tell her how great she looked and we (kids) made her piratequeen.
She never had trouble with the patch afterwards (the trouble started when she could stop wearing them, she loved them so much by then, but then discouvered jumping ropes...)
Timing is everything.
Keep your adorable young man :) I am happy for all of you.
Both of our sons have strabismus and this video has meant the world to us! Thank you! 💙
I have a lazy eye, and I always get embarrassed since people always think I’m not looking at them while talking or I’m looking sideways in photos. I know it’s silly but I get so self conscious
@@riceburner4747 not all surgery works out, I’ve had four and the first one was an over correction which is a big no, no in the ophthalmological world and created further complications
me too :(
It’s not silly. That’s how you feel and it’s valid and valued. I can relate but I’m learning to truly understand that other people’s issues and problems are just that.. THEIR issues and THEIR problems. Stay strong, Halle
In my whole 20 years of life I have never met anyone who has the same eye problems as me. It is so interesting to have someone else explain perfectly how you see the world. Thank you for creating such an amazing video that helps others know what it is like to be this way.
Me too!
@@andreah7696 what's yours like
I really hope we're going to "see" more of you James. What an amazing way you told your story. Your story is a gift. Thank you.
This is so thoughtfully made. I agree with your father also. You have beautiful eyes. They’re a very warm brown. They’ve also allowed you to see the other angles of our world in a way totally unique to you. I hope you continue in film. I’m blown away by the depth & maturity of this piece.
"I don't have a problem with the way that I see, my only problem is with the way that I'm seen." That got me.
I have this condition. The exact same condition. As a kid, I had esotropia (eye inwards), had surgery, developed exotropia (eye outwards). I saved up for surgery and had it last month, as a 22-year-old. The funny thing is, nothing really changed for me. I see the world the same way. Subconsciously, I am still self-conscious and afraid of eye contact. So I suppose I did all that, literally had my eye muscles cut and sewn, just to make others comfortable. To have a chance of getting on the "USS Normal". And I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Barb, Ahoj, they actually popped the eyeball right back out ? ouch ! i am thinking of getting eye surgery cataract in CZ or PL because i know in those countries its cheaper. who is your specialist
@@PHlophe no, that's not how it works, they go in around the eyeball
Hi! Yup, Kathy is right. The eye stays in 😀 I did it in Prague and my doctor was MUDr. Flemrova, she’s a strabismus specialist and is incredible.
I’ve had esotropia all my life. I had a surgery when I was twelve (luckily with free healthcare I paid like 100€) but like you, it only made it appear more normal outside. Still only use one eye, and I have mild esotropia.
I had my operation when I was 14. It was the last step of my therapy. I (or rather my parents..) started with plastering and glasses when i was 1 year old. I continued this until I was 12, as it got better and better and then stabilised at a relatively small angle. Since I did the operation you almost can't see any cross-eyedness, but I still don't see with both eyes at once. Switching between eyes got easier though.
oh, I've always looked into the eye that looks straight ahead/at me when I've met someone with similar conditions, since I figured that makes the most sense, good to know that was right! I thought maybe it was obvious or uncomfortable that I was staring into just one eye.
I had surgery for strabismus 60 years ago. The doctor got it right. I am so grateful.
I was a teacher for the visually impaired for 47 years, I wish to God I had had this video to show my students, their families and their TEACHERS- would have made everyone’s life so much better!!! You can bet I have shared this with my fellow TVI friends, at least they will have it to show those they work with. THANK YOU JAMES!
This was so well directed and produced. The writing is perfect too. Respeck+
Lefties don’t accept you they make you seem like you are accepted and abuse you 🤙🏻
@@kenkelvin4023 what?
@@kenkelvin4023, ?
@@kenkelvin4023 Point to the area on the doll where the leftist touched you
So the video being all strobelike and jumpy is normal, and it’s not my slow home Wi-Fi?
Thank you so much for this! My daughter had a high fever when she was 3, and I believe the effect on her brain caused her to have strabismus (that turned one eye in). We tried patching, exercises, all kinds of things. Now she wears glasses that pulls that eye into a forward position, but she basically makes no effort to see out of that eye. As soon as she takes the corrective lenses off, the eye goes right back inward. She's not at all bothered by it though, and has never been embarrassed in front of her friends. The way you explain this makes so much sense to me, and really helps me understand what's going on with her vision. She compensates really well.
This helped me understand a little more about my son. A question I’ve always wanted to ask him but he doesn’t talk so it isn’t possible to ask at the moment. So glad this popped up! Thank you!
beautiful storytelling with an important lesson for all of us!! thank you! 🙏
If you needed that then you’re gonna need a lot more to learn your lesson.
I also have strabismus, and this video really related to me. Although my experience is different than yours, everything you are speaking about clicked. I even have my own baseball story, to this day I never want to bat because I do not want to relive the embarrassment I experience amongst my friends when I was little. It really is so hard to explain and communicate what you go through every day, especially when your loved ones (who want to help you so badly) ask "how are your eyes doing?". We've tried everything, nothings changed. From their perspective I would say they no they are not okay, but I've lived basically my entire life this way and have found ways to adjust. So a simple "ok" is the only answer I can think of. Thank you so much for the wonderful video, maybe this way they can understand a bit more.
Often people seem just not to understand... badminton was horrible every year in P.E. Or a teacher telling me just to try harder, because I couldn't see a optical illusion.
Too bad they can’t figure out just to ask you how YOU are doing... the eyes or any other thing is encapsulated within that, while also being about your experience as a whole person.
@@unbenannt7771 wtf? And u had this condition or something else known/readily visible.. with the teacher still being like that??
@@lolawants2008 Luckily it is only visible if you look really closely in my case after years of therapy and one operation. So the teacher isn't really to blame in the first place.. But when I informed her, that I wasn't able, because I have strabismus she seemed to not understand (Biology teacher btw..) Only after my mother met her a few weeks later and assured her I was telling the truth, she excused herself.
This is why this video is so great, it explains this condition, so people can better understand.
You man. The condition isnt that big of a deal. Why are you defining your life like thats all it is. In reality nobody cares about your eye and whether you want it corrected is on you and your own insecurities. It's really not that hard to explain either.
You're definition of the gap of connection resonates deeply for me. Beautiful work
Wow, what an incredible video! James, that was so insightful and touching. You were so vulnerable and honest. I loved it and learned a lot. I have several friends with similar conditions. Like anything it’s an adjustment but one you get to know someone, you don’t even see the difference and you just see the person. I love the idea of other people putting themselves in your shoes. We take things for granted. Thanks James.
I'd say you found your calling, James. You're a storyteller. I loved this.
Give this man a raise, and make sure he is hired to make more op eds for the NYT, I love this!!!!!
Honestly such an amazing video. I've always struggled to know which eye to look into when talking to someone that has eyes that don't line up. Amazing video and very revealing to a lot of people how hard this can be!
This is some really great, truly personal and impactful journalism! Thank you.
I am "legally" blind in my right eye, it has caused strabismus. It's a long, long story caused by a failed surgery. I so appreciate this.
Is it amblyopia? I have amblyopia.
@@allisongrant3094 same here, this is my first time meeting someone with the same condition
Me too
All teachers need to see this video. Thank you for helping me understand and see through your world. I will be sharing this with many educators.
Good idea!
Thanks for making this. I always thought of how people saw things, thinking they saw two things at once, and realized that when I am exhausted, I see the way these people see. It's a pretty frustrating experience, to the point where my OCD wants me to poke my eyes out. Props to you for living like that in so much difficulty.
Thank you so much for this video! I have a different visual disability but I can totally relate. I don’t think people who have “normal” eyesight realise just how annoying and tiresome life can sometimes be, and those with visual disabilities don’t always give themselves enough credit for just how amazingly adaptable and resourceful we have to be just to get through the day!
I’ll admit, I laughed more than I expected at the popcorn thing. Just a Totally Ordinary 50-lb Bag of Popcorn for Personal Consumption.
I see that as she buys in bulk. 🤫😬
The thing that really confuses me is that it's still sealed
@@TheGreatAtario Maybe there's an unsealed one that's nearly finished and that is the backup/replacement.
This is the first time I've heard someone explain the switching between eyes that I do in a way that made me feel understood.
I have never been more thankful for a video in my 26 years on this earth I have never been able to visually show my family how my vision changes when I shift eyes. Thank you so much for this
I'd like to thank you for having the courage to share. I now have a better understanding of this affliction and you have done so much for others by sharing.
Incredible documentary, James, thank you! Should we ever meet, I'll look you straight in the eye that's looking my way.
Rich. don't flirt though
Yeah Rich keep it PG.
Pause
Rich, don't be like Kevin Spacey.
close you're eyes... it'll all be over soon
I was thinking that young guys comments were harsh, then realised hes his younger bro 😄 so it's kinda ok..
@New Moon You CAN be honest without being super harsh. Is really not that hard.
Little brothers will be your best friend. While they are punching you in the nose. They will be the first to defend you but also rat you out when you broke mom's lamp.
This is such a well put together, informative video. I really appreciate the way the message is presented.
The whole video is so beautifully made. Thank you james.
This is such an amazing way of demonstrating and explaining things to others.
I really liked the small practical tip of looking at the eye that's looking at you. A small thing I've never though of because I haven't spent enough time around a person with eyes like these.
That's what I do, but my insecurity would be if I don't know if someone is looking at me or not at all - that's a trickier. On the other hand, I have friends who don't look me in the eye much at all when talking, and that works fine. There are lots of other signs to show someone is paying attention to your conversation. We're a little obsessed with this one social cue.
i have told people this time and time again. ive lived with strabismus for my whole life and it still hurts ever time someone makes fun of me or is visibly uncomfortable looking into my eyes. (well, eye i suppose). they say things like "i couldnt tell you were talking to me, because you were looking in two different directions." and "how can i tell where youre looking?". its such an easy concept, that i dont understand why others dont catch on. if i am talking to you, i am probably looking at you. and if one of my eyes is making eye contact with yours, thats probably the one you should look at too. i am glad he gave out this tip, because it is such an easy thing to grasp when put simply enough
I'm really glad you made this. Speaking your truth can be hard but you made it through the other end, and the video you've shared with us is beautiful and heartfelt. May generations learn from you. Namaste
This was GREAT! Thanks for making it
I grew up with strabismus. Mate I’d hug you for this video if I could. I still struggle from time to time especially when talking to strangers. I can perceive they are not at ease looking at me, sometimes even embarrassed and as a consequence I look down or try to look away. I know it’s stupid and there’s nothing really wrong with me but I feel almost guilty for putting them in that situation. Of course romantic relationships and dating are much much harder than the average person especially at the start because of all the visual cues I miss or can’t relate to.
I'm just glad they put in the "look here" part. Never knew which eye to look into.
Omg look at his photo mate. Only one eye is looking at you and the other one isn’t. It’s pretty simple. 🤷♀️
@@MM-wb5zb for me, my first though about "switching eyes" was that it'd seem rude to them to see me changing which eye i'm looking at. to have confirmation that you should just switch focus is actually really helpful, even though it may seem obvious.
I always look in between the eyes at the bridge of their nose. Naturally, I avoid looking into people's eyes, but I do it because some people see it as a form of respect. My mom taught me that it was the best place to look when I was young.
Thank you for sharing this video. It has helped me understand what it's like to have this condition and how I should respond or react.
Thank you for making this. I truly appreciate this video.
This is one of the only “disabilities” that is still socially acceptable to openly make fun of. Think about it…. When someone is asked to make an ugly face or silly face; one of the first things they do is cross their eyes or make one go in a different direction.
Wait, there's people who can make one eye move out of sync with the other on command? I am now genuinely curious to see this.
@@MikeTrieu no, I can’t. My right eye goes out. No control.
@@MikeTrieu I can, you can probably do it too. You just have to focus and use your non dominant eye. I follow my finger with my ND eye.
@@MikeTrieu yes there are people that can do it on command
@@MikeTrieu I have "lazy eye" and I can do this actually! I can do it with either eye (just not at the same time) either intentionally or unintentionally. It just kind of...slowly slides over to the corner of my eye that faces outwards. And whatever I'm looking at, I see as a "double image". Sometimes happens without me realizing, especially when I'm staring at something like my small phone screen and not particularly focused on a single spot.
I feel seen. My wonky right eye and I loved this video.
Me too! I have never felt more represented! My lazy eyes have been seen! :)
No one is perfect in this world am gonna get surgery 3rd is the charm
Every now and again my right pupil drifts to the right, but it goes back a few seconds later.
This was terrific. Thank you so much for sharing. This was really helpful for those of us that don't understand, well didn't. Now I know what to do. Thank you.
Amazing video!! Perfect edition! Thank you
Just got eye surgery to fix my lazy eye yesterday. I always found it hard to explain how I saw because it was normal for me so it's great to hear other perspectives
Tay, its annoying having to explain what people can just look and not mind. when did you get the eye surgery .
@@PHlophe I just had the surgery yesterday. Before that I had one when I was a year old but obviously I don't remember that too well lol
@@andreah7696 Surgery went well thank you for asking! I had a right eye exotropia so it was turned outward. And like you I was also the only one in my family (at least to my knowledge) that was born with until my cousin was born less than a year ago.
If you don't know which eye to look into, focus on the "third eye", the root of the nose between both eyes. That's what we learned in optometry school
Added bonus, you can see their chakra!
@@Billkwando But you might miss their soul!
For practical reason, that might be useful, specially if you're not really interested in having a meaningful conversation or are looking to avoid awkwardness. But it's hard to catch someone's intentionality without looking straight into the eye that is perceiving you and trying to communicate with you.
When people look at my blind eye, my working eye (my brain, really) seeks to connect with one of the eyes in front of me... it feels unease, even if it is just a millimeter of a difference in the position of their pupil.
and thank you for making this video.. it's good for people to hear your story..
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this heart felt message. I feel your pain and live alone due to this phobia in society. It never gets easier. All the best
I clicked on this thinking it was about lazy eyes. I have a lazy eye and I still feel represented thank you! I’m glad I could learn about somebody else’s condition
“Lazy eye” isn’t an official diagnosis, it’s just a layman’s term for amblyopia, but I have heard it frequently used for strabismus too. If you don’t know your exact diagnosis, you may have strabismus. I think I have both amblyopia and strabismus, though I could be misremembering since I was a really young child last time it was discussed in depth, so I have always just thought of lazy eye as a catch all for them.
Both my sons have alternating exotropia. Have been told that surgery might just cause other problems. We’re doing the patching now. We’ll see how things go.
Good luck:) I also wore eye patches and it helped a lot!
Hi
When I was younger
My right eye
Instead of what they call lazy..
Would sometimes move on its own.
To me overactive..
I was very lucky to have had great parents and excellent surgeon, who operated on that eye.
Did correct it.
When being in 4th or 5th grade..
And having to wear a patch over my strong eye to improve the vision of my weaker one..
Personally the pirate comments and not enough self esteem or support.
Cost myself better vision
I have suffered vision wise.
20 / 60
Lost my glasses after the surgery at some point,and never wore any since the age of 12.
Have made it through
My eyes are very important
In my line of work.
Be supportive of the patch ..
And look into corrective surgery if this is a option.
I hope this helps anyone with this issue.
It is quite 'difficult' to treat, as surgical intervention is usually more for cosmesis. The fact your sons have alternating exotropia means each eye has fairly good acuity, and the brain developed suppression of one eye when the other is seeing, hence there's field of single vision.
Depending on their age/neural plasticity, if they go through surgery late in their 20's or over, there's a high chance of diplopia/double vision... :(
At 4, I walked around wearing a patch in one eye. It didn't make a difference. I thought they stopped using them to fix strabismus.. after 4 eye operations, they gave up trying.
mind if I ask which type of strabismus... Was one of your eye turned in or out or diagonally? Oh, and do you already wear glasses?
I'm so glad he did this video! Thank you much for doing this because it helps me understand people with these kinds of eyes better! All eyes are good! Never feel ashamed of what you got, because it's good!
Thank you for educating me. Thank you for your patience with the world.
:'( I have a relative with whale eyes, and I never knew where to look and it made me feel uncomfortable because I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable. James really opened my eyes and changed my perspective. It's important for you to know what it's like for them instead of trying to make them feel what it's like for you.
Also this video is so well made!!
I have lazy eyes, they alternate. I appreciate you making an effort to look into the eye that is looking at you! :)
I have exotropia also. Just focus on the eye looking at you. If it looks away and looks back at you, he honestly was looking at something else for a moment like we all tend to do in a conversation :)
Thank you for making the effort to understand! We really appreciate it!
I have a lazy eye, and so do some of my students. I used to be self conscious about it, but it's honestly silly. Nobody is 100% symmetrical
I had a teacher who had a lazy eye. One of the only teachers who cared for me.
No one is perfect is this world everyone has its flows
I feel exactly the same way! I was in an incident where my cheek bone was broken and left the right side of my face disfigured leaving my eyes uneven. It's hard for me to talk to someone and look at them directly. I feel embarrassed. And women treat you alot different now then before the incident. I know exactly how he feels. Feeling separate from everyone else.
Thank you for making this. When I meet someone with a vision impairment, I do always try to make eye contact with them even tough it can be slightly awkward feeling at first. It just seems like the nice thing to do and they always seem to want to make eye contact back. It was really cool to learn about what actually might be happening.
Aesthetically speaking, your eyes are fine. Are they different to most people’s eyes? Yes. But, we are all different in different ways. I think you have a pretty face. You have great cheekbones, awesome eyebrows, a great nose, and amazing hair. I have an ear that is 50% larger than my other ear, my nose has a depression on the left side which makes it look as if I had had a tumor removed or something, I have a small flap of flesh covering 10% of my left eye, etc. It has taken me years to accept things as they are, but I’m at a good place now (I think). One of my side gigs is modeling and it’s frustrating when photographers edit my pictures to make things look even or “normal” because while I wish I looked like that all the time, I can’t. I’ve consulted with plastic surgeons and the process to get things “fixed” is expensive and requires lots of what I consider invasive procedures like cutting cartilage, inserting implants, undergoing general anesthesia (unnecessarily), and more. I’m also a recovering alcoholic, so hello, genes! Cheers to being different, man. In the video you said that you have adapted, and that’s all we can do in a world that wasn’t designed for us.
Notorious BIG aka Biggie Smalls had strabismus and he’s one of my heroes and one of the greatest rappers of all time. I never looked at him in a negative light nor any other person that may have different eyes. We’re all mammals 🐋
He doesn't have a lazy eye, he has Strabismus
I listened to his widow talk about his eyes once. She said that he actually felt pretty positively about looking unconventional. The eyes were part of the package. I'm working on feeling that way about myself one day, and it helps to have one of the Greats in my corner on this thing.
P.S. Awesome user name! Saw GZA perform the whole album front to back like 10 years ago and it was SO MUCH FUN.
@@psi9899 excuse my ignorance, apologies. You’re so right, bout to go edit that
I’ve always wondered about this! What a great video - I hope he does more stuff!
Thank you! 💛 This piece moved me to tears of gratitude... my mother is blind in one eye and has had similar struggles. You have created a celebration of our differences with grace and education! Absolutely beautiful! 💛☀️