Amy Chua: Tale of a Tiger Mother. Recorded on 1/12/12
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- čas přidán 24. 01. 2012
- Parenting in public is a gutsy move, and no one knows that better than Chua.
The Yale Law School professor's 2011 memoir, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, took an honest and often provocative look at the rewards -- and the costs -- of raising her children the strict "Chinese" way.
Join us as best-selling author Chua talks about the parenting cultural divide, her struggles and aspirations as a parent, and what it really means to be a tiger mother.
Amy Chua: Tale of a Tiger Mother
Author, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother; John M. Duff Professor of Law, Yale Law School
Anna W.M. Mok, Partner, Deloitte & Touche LLP; Vice Chair, Commonwealth Club Board of Governors - Moderator
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The Commonwealth Club of California is the nation's oldest and largest public affairs forum 📣, bringing together its 20,000 members for more than 400 annual events on topics ranging across politics, culture, society and the economy.
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“We as parents are raising the next generation “. So true, I do think most children need more discipline and rules combined with love.
I'm 40 and I do need a mother like Amy Chua. I wonder how can I transforme my self into someone like her, so I can teach it to my kids
At 33:40 this is pretty much how my mother raised me and my brother, she knew us very well and could tell when we were trying our best or not. She took the time to look over our homework with us and sometimes watched us study/do homework. She talked with our teachers and on test days would encourage us and expect the best. I owe my mother a great deal for my solid study habits and time management skills. Don't just work hard but smart as well was something she would always say. :3
I am one of those people who had heard quite negative things, but Amy Chua is such a fun and funny woman. I am so impressed. She reminds me of my own mother, especially wrt instilling us good work ethic and resilience and I for one am thankful for this.
I thinks she's just awesome, funny and smart.
ahahahahahaha
My mom is a tiger mom. I love her and I know she does everything because she loves and cares for me. But, sometimes i cry myself to bed stressing over an 85% on a Physics test I didn't know we had. There is this huge cultural gap between her and I (she was raised in China, I in Canada) so there are many things she doesn't understand. Also, there is a generation gap (she is 54 and I am 15). That physics test I took was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and i got the second highest score in my class (I guess it was hard for everyone else too), so I thought that had given me an out. When I got home and told my mom my score and that it was second highest in the class (science and maths are NOT my forte), she said "Are you proud?". I don't think I've ever seen her so angry in my life. She thought I was lazy and had given up on life because I was proud of an 85%. There have been so many moments in my life between my mom and I that I wish people could see, because being a "Tiger Mom" isn't just being strict, but it mentally shapes the children's mind. I don't know a better way to explain this except that people need to give their children a little freedom in order for them to be truly happy. I'm studying for my AP World History test while my friends are at a birthday I was invited to. Studying has literally become embedded into me and I strongly disagree with many people in the comments saying how they respect someone who treats her children as adults.
agreed
Thank you for the interesting comment, it‘s three years old, did your relationship with your mom evolve since then?
I read Amy’s book from a standpoint of a German piano teacher. My piano student‘s level always suffer from too lax „Western Parenting“. It always „have to make fun“ instead of requiring hard work and the smallest requirement of regular practice can be interpreted as „pressure“ which is a word that has been used inflationary in my opinion.
So, in the piano field Asian families always outperform Germans unless the German family are musicians themselves who know it requires hard work to be good at the piano.
As you described, when these harsh parenting methods are applied in a Western society it can leave big scars because the respective child is the only one who has to suffer like this in his environment while others can attend birthday parties. So we have to find a strict way of parenting and education that is still humane and empowers children to be the best versions of themselves in the future.
Your mom truly loves and cares about you. If you think she doesn’t care about your happiness then you definitely don’t know what it’s like to have parents that don’t care.
I am absolutely happy with my tiger Mom. Without her, I won't be studying in Japan now.
I don't get how folks are going gaga over this book. She was strict towards her children and they're successful. Some kids need the incentive other children have that incentive. They just need someone to cultivate it. Different strokes for different folks.
they're teenagers not 25 yr olds. we'l see. my mom worked with me on my education but she was never authoritarian. she had me and my sister make our own choices on things we liked to do and disliked. even in learning instruments. And when we made the choice and it came time to work hard to get better at it. My mom always reminded us that we made that choice and that we need to stick to it if we want to see ourselves improve at it. This is quite the opposite of Amy Chua. She has no respect for music that isn't classical european. I think her kids will have a hard time when it comes down to making decisions of their own. Because part of life is being able to excel at what you do. The other part is being able to accept responsibility of the choices you made. Kids need room to make crappy choices and to learn from their mistakes likewise they need to learn to excel in life too. They definitely need both. Amy Chua is not letting her kids make any mistakes. what happens in adult life when they do make a mistake?? It's going to be exceedingly difficult for these kids to cope with that and learn to do damage control. I also think about how limited they are in their experiences too. Can her children navigate an airport and travel across country by air, bus, or train? This was something me and my sister learned how to do when we were at the ages between 5-8. We picked up on when a situation was dangerous and how to remove ourselves from that area. My mom taught us how to be aware of our surroundings and that everyone's actions has a purpose. At the end of the day I feel my mom equipped us to be ready for the real world. Life is tough and I feel bad for Chua's children. They're too sheltered.
lordblazer that's what happened to lulu, when she was a kid she failed to get in this music school for the gifted but after all the harsh practice she failed and because the Asian parenting doesn't teach you how to cope with failure she became more distant from her mother and rebelled
Greg Chung I would never go overboard with my kids. Again, while I don't personally approve of some, or most, of what Mrs. Chua did, she did what she thought was best. Unfortunately, her way of parenting opens the door to rebellion and isolation from one's kids.
+cabalofdemons Yeah I think the ultimate cruelty in Western parenting is when a kid is lazy or doesn't enjoy school as much as some other kids, parents will say, "you need to learn to be driven and ambitious" instead of actually disciplining their kids. "Well, I guess you're just not a self-disciplined person" instead of "you're grounded."
yeah, she wasn`t a perfect mother, but i guess, that she still was a mother, who wanted the best for her children like any other parent would......
She is a good mom. I'm glad I read her book.
eathenbad and you Guys are only trying to be pretty with surgery Nice man.
so many other factors are preventing Chinese from being leaders in America, such as ethnic differences and power relations issues.
my mom made me do violin even though I thought I hated it, just like amy chua. However, now I love it and am grateful for all the time she had given to me for my violin career. I just won an international violin competition, and it made all the yelling, screaming, and hours practicing worth it. also, lulu does love violin, she just doesn't do well under the pressure. some people do, and others don't. What amy did could have worked for some other children, but not lulu.
Dear Amy, this is my first time listening to you n I'm on your side.Tough love, that's what it's called.Going thru 'tough love' for children N parents is Definitely Not easy But necessary for good final outcome/results.I'm 65 this yr n my grown children r happy with gd-paying jobs n I'm enjoying things tt I've missed when busy taking care of them.Tough times never last but tough people do.Never agreed with what I hear lots of Americans say- " You can do anything that you want to do". Not just "anything"!!!!!
she looks wonderful for her age !
petra henchell Asian women are very vain. They will always remind you how you look every 7 minutes. I'm Asian and I hate that aspect of our culture. It's all very shallow.
petra henchell I don't think so
Asian women look 20 until they're 60 and then they look 130 overnight.
Childhood is supposed to be a treasured time. Be happy, and enjoy those moments to the maximum extent possible.
Just placed an order the triple package book....Love her, and totally can relate to her story... She is awesome!
MrKimchiNinja wow really?
Hard work can fix everything. ( abor omnia vincit form Virgil). Woud love to see you as a president.
That lady is a tower of strength. Will she be a tiger mother in law? a tiger in law grandma? I am waiting for her next 2 family memoirs
I've read the book three times and I find it comical every time! Eye opening and thought provoking!
I wish my parents would've done what she's doing to her children, I feel like I belong more in that kind of household than having liberal parents..I wish my parents would've made me take any instrument lessons and/or dance or anything..cos now I feel like I could have done more at such a young age if my parents did that and feel proud of myself for achieving things rather than having more free time..I still love my parents nonetheless :)
im sure you can do it on your own back.
If I had a parent like this I would have put a bullet through my head before high school.
I enjoy the complexity of this book and its meaning in our culture.
update since i saw this video two years ago. ive known a taiwanese guy raised in the us product of this tiger mom approach for about two years. i'd say he is a good kid as a whole. quite smart ( masters in an engineering branch) , good job. however, very very very bad social skills. rarely says good morning, good bye, or any expected normal greeting. he rarely starts a conversation nor has much or rather any input once a conversation starts in a group of people where he is. only answers or says something if asked directly. it could be just shyness. also, no gf so far and hes already 29 or 28. he has great physical/character expectations for his future gf/wife, which is probably the only unrealistic aspect about his way of thinking, but hey, he has a good salary so that can help. i think there is also a low or even lack sense of empathy about him. there have been a few too many situations with other people in which the most they got from him was a visibly automatic "im sorry" when much more was needed. but this is only a case, id have to know more people raised this way to dare saying anything negative about this kind of upbringing.
It is possible that he is on the autism spectrum, which is often the case with very bright people who lack social skills, and it has nothing to do with how he was raised.
@@laurasalva7256 wtf
God! When she started speaking I just could not help but listen! I'm SO buying her book!
I so look forward to the day when the Club meets live again.
jalouse and critics comes with succes! she made it on her own term, should praise and admire for this Tiger mum.
I read the book, and loved it. It is everything she wanted to be, very funny, entertaining and informative. She showed her point of view with wit and humor. I highly recommend this book.
Extremely strict parenting may help you make robots, but as people the children may not go very far. There is more to life than just grades and a perfect resume. Myself being an Asian, am sad that say that a lot of us don't see or understand this.
I am a college teacher and have had a few Vietnamese students whose parents stressed them out in this way.
she's only sharing her successes in parenting...i'm not sure why people are so critical about her methods...obviously her kids are a living example of successful parenting...if you think you can do better then prove it...why don't you share?
+iviewutoob How DARE YOU blame the CHILDREN?????
iviewutoob- And how does she qualify as a success? Because she has sold controversial books?
Because her children are living examples of successful parenting...duh
@eathenbad it's really degrading to use that word...its easy to hide behind your keyboard to tell CZcams you're a racist hater or discriminates purely on looks, but I'm one to believe whatever race, religion you are, you get what you sow. And, one day you shall reap the hatred you sow tenfolds back to you.
iviewutoob LOL...don't take em seriously, HE"S prolly just a Troll.
As someone raised very similarly except perhaps being the rebellious older rather than younger daughter I feel like the mixed race parenting is THE BEST. Even though I fought and eventually ended up dropping one of my activities, mandarin, until I took it back up to fulfill my highschool requirement, I also hated piano for a while and the musical skills I learned from that lead to amazing life experience as a choral singer. Plus I was pushed ahead in subjects like math which is making my senior year of highschool and going into college far more relaxed than my peers. I also can definitely verify that angry asian mom is WAY less scary than my dad if he gets mad.
I respect her a lot. One of the best speakers i've ever seen.
I'm black too. However, I love my people. I'm inspired by the incredible challenges that we faced/overcame and I WORKED and studied my ass off to excel in school and was accepted to an Ivy for grad school. We need more people striving and not complaining/tearing ourselves down. Seriously. Spoken with love.
EVERYONE DOES THAT!!! watch every actor and actress doing interviews and see what they say. she's actually super genuine
This is the best way to parent your kids and as adults they thank her for making them successful high quality individuals. This is why Chinese women are the best mothers of all.
Many people don't agree with her, but don't hurt to try some of her points/styles. We don't know if her daughters hate her or not, but they're so successful in life in such young age.
Her observations on the problems in China is completely true. As a student who has studied in both the U.S. and China, the Chinese kids do need more free time. My friends there have no time to play video games or hang out with others. While high school students in the U.S. go to movies on the weekends, those in China take five or six academic help classes outside of school such as English, Math and Physics.
I totally admire her and as a kid raised by strict parents, now I know what's behind it
Amy is amazing, she's impressing me so deeply !!!
I like the part about recognizing the strengths rather than fragility in our children.
People should really skip to 20:00
The message is there.
She is definitely good in communication with people, astonishing, confident, etc.
I am so glad I'd tough love from both my parent, thank you mom, dad.
I read all of Litte House on the Prairie. There are instances in the first volume where the kids are harsher spoken to in situations of danger and once beaten. In all the other books, the work ethic is instilled without a trace of violence, physical or verbal and in the last book it is explicitly stated that you cannot teach someone by using violence.
Thank you!
She is a lovely public speaker!
Love this
Beautifully said 💕
Wow, that made me emotional the part where she explained the Moscow scene.
I really want to follow her like i want my child to succeed in life there is time for play when you have financial security
1800s: Let's raise kids with a good, noble character
2000s: Let's raise kids with good personality
Excellent talk! Very inspiring.
great story of perseverance
Double Standard by Americans
Read "What Would Steve Jobs Do?" by Peter Sander. I thought it was interesting that Steve Jobs used the Tiger method similar how Asian parents pushed their kids to study. I find it very interesting that many Americans criticize our Asian parents when they should have criticized how Steve Jobs managed the Apple company. Be thankful to your parents when they do push you. The reason why people criticize your parents is that they do not want you to succeed.
Joseph Lee Comparing a family household to a company? Really? Well then you wouldn't mind if someone would sell some "shares" of his family (a daughter into slavery) for profit.
Alex K. I think people in the US should take a log out of their eyes before they take the speck from someone's else eye. I think Asian parents did an awesome job raising their kids. After all, did Steve Jobs copy Asian families' techniques?
Alex K. He was not comparing a family to a company. He was comparing the way parents push his/her children to achieve greater success to how Steve Jobs pushed his engineers to achieve better designs for Apple products. You obviously didn't get the analogy. And your remarks on selling daughter into slavery were kind of racist.
+Kartoshka i Kapusta Steve Jobs asked an interviewee from IBM whether he is a virgin during the interview. Don't you think Mr. Jobs is a little strange?
+Kartoshka i Kapusta I think Asian parents did a great job since most of the employees at Apple and Intel are Asians.
wow this was such a great interview. She has this charisma that I think lots of people won’t get merely from reading the book. and asian women dont age… she’s hot too.
Amazing interviewer and great questions.
This is academic evangelism at its highest. Look at all these commenters cry and show guilt that they are not like Amy or her daughters. Come one people its your life and you lived it the way you wanted to. Why stop now and compare yours to hers. Ive seen comments on people saying they dropped out of college and regret it. This is like watching some religious commercial on tv and start crying and feeling guilty of not going to church. So you all now are believers in the college system, that college give you jobs. That the system of post secondary education is the giver and taker of life. Yes believe in it, but you will regret believing in it later on.
Chua is selling a stereotype. She is making money with shameless self promotion that has nothing to do with reality. What's the difference between her and Televangelists? She is a racist and it makes people feel good by creating emotional potent oversimplification of 'Chinese' parents.
Strange that I am watching this video on the anniversary that the presentation was given. (12th January)
Thank you for clarifying that for me.
The answer is: they work hard & study hard first, then play later! Make sacrifices first, then reap the rewards later! No instant gratification here folks! It boils down to take advantage while you are young and fresh to learn and do as much as you can, while you can, then when wait for the benefits to come in!
What an intelligent woman.
Funny. I had a similar upbringing where it was my dad versus the 'tiger mom'. I grew up, went to a 'prestigious' university and have a pretty high-paying job. It really wasn't a very fun childhood. I still miss some of my toys that my dad threw at me into the wall for coming home with a B. The conclusion I've come to so far in my life though is that there are so many other perspectives of success that are just as equally satisfying - this 'stereotypical' success isn't the only nor most important
i'm loving her way ......i wish if my parents did that to me
I want so much to know more about her since I am also a Chinese mom
Don't say that! Be proud of your race! I'm from Philippines and I'm proud of that :D
Nice presentation. I wonder about the fusion of western and eastern parenting.
i totally love her shes great! im raised by typical western parents who tell me to do my best all thw time. :(
OMG This woman is so beautiful!
she's cray cray.
Well, what I'm trying to say is this parenting style is part of the Chinese culture since the start of civilization. Chinese parents are supposed to be stern & strict to the children, as elders are wiser seen as wiser. However, it might not be that significant in today's society though as children has more freedom. As a Chinese, my parents never interfere in our studies or career choice, in fact they were quite supportive no matter what we do. Please don't generalise Chinese parents. :)
Even though the "Tiger Mother" approach is an honest to God scary and confidence shattering experience, I have to admit it was the best approach my parents ever used on me. Yea, I admit, I don't like being called stupid, useless and lazy by my mom when I have a have walls full of awards. It really isn't the best experience to get slapped with anything my mom could get her hands on for getting an 80%. I still have to agree, it was this approach that had it possible for me to get where I am. Sure, it was cruel, but I wouldn't change it one bit.
Who said kind mothers have a soft heart. Harsh parents churn out harsh children. If everybody raises their kids like Amy did, that may be the end of human caring for all we know.
1. Who doesn't want to be #1? Achieving our best and pushing our limits is the basic principle to develop and improvise our lives. I don't see the wrongness in wanting to be the best.
2. How are Asians "stealing" your jobs? Life IS a competition. If we have the ability to compete, and to successfully win these job positions, it usually proves that we have better qualities than others. And the way we achieve this is to work hard. Everybody can do the same through this process.
Any successful young adult raised in this environment, regardless of culture, can tell you the benefits. Anyone else will tell you differently, especially if they had not experienced this culture. "Parenting is about distilling work ethic...respect and responsibility."
Well I kinda agree with her. Too much freedom isn't always a good thing. When children have no idea what their choices will bring about in the future, it's parents' responsibility to impart that to them, though it's easily distorted.
52:59 Does the husband actually believe he would be incapable of learning as an adult? Why not try to start an instrument or start learning to read notes now and see how far he can get? What does this attitude tell his children? Once you are 15 or 20 or 25 (university), learning is over, no use in trying either?
its so good. and so funny
Great video! She's actually really funny :)
Her talk really hurts many listeners' feeling: especially for those who didn't have such education from their beloved parents; obviously, the indulged love without a proper balance of freedom and discipline has been destroying the traditional American family value. We are desperately in dire to re-install such value. Bravo Amy!
The tiger moms have the right idea - i.e. only parents can accelerate kids - but they are clueless on execution. You can push school and perfectionism in music to the n-th degree BUT that's not how you set up kids for a lifetime of outrageous success. That's only possible *outside of the system*, with a high emphasis on creativity, self-motivation, and entrepreneurship. Again, I love her passion, she's just wrong - as are too many "school-minded" tiger parents.
+HomeschoolDad I'm sure she did educate her kids outside the system. It sounds like she did much of the education herself, even if her kids were not home schooled. And she is a Yale professor who married a (probably wealthy) Jewish Yale professor. So they could send their kids to a really nice school, not a typical public school. That is kinda outside the system.
do not let asian or other put you down, just do your best good lord will be proud of you. doing it in the present of GOD you will not go wrong.
Chua's critiques observing other parents inferior parenting techniques are unreliable. Also Chua, unintentionally provides us with anecdotal evidence that her tiger mom approach has a 50/50 chance of setting a child up for conflict, while perhaps diminishing their capacity to form deep, long lasting human relationships.
Wow this video changed my point of view
What I took from the book was the same lesson strict Muslim parents discover in America - you can look into the abyss but the abyss also looks into you. I knew friends in highschool who rebelled against their parents who felt they had given them 'everything' and that their demands were 'perfectly reasonable' the problem is that 'the social construct and contract of America' means that 'everything' does not have the same dimensions for first gen children as it does for second gen. Sometimes there's nothing to add to the soup to make it better- except throw it out and start over
💛 her!
Some of her books make her sound like a Chinese Ann Coulter.
She panders to the lowest common denominator and makes money off it. Sad person.
+nightowl8936 Both of them revel in being controversial. And both of them are controversial because they say things that most people believe but don't say it because people are pussies who value feelings over truth.
im asian and ive had some strict parents but this is really intense shit I know how everyone gives her so much shit and i agree that some of her methods are completely wrong, but her book is a memoir and if u guys know wat a memoir is, its like a personal recollection of memories. She has clearly done some wrongs in the past, i mean who hasnt? No parent is perfect and although she did some horrid things i believe she has reflected on it, im not saying she is right but she is not completely wrong
Does anyone have a link to Wolf Dad or his books or website?
I'm just sitting here wondering if any of the people hating on her actually understood her book. It's not about oppressing your children and forcing them to succeed. Its about trying to instill the values of chinese tradition, and how that worked in some ways, and failed catastrophically in others.
The Western methods of raising children with high freedom gives the kids more opportunity to interact and absorb knowledge from the external environment. If the external environment is good then your kid is good, if the external environment is fuck up then your kid is fucked. So if the external environment is shit, better take matters into your own hand as much as you can.
Mrs蔡 is awesome
They're extraordinary indeed, and prove it's possible to succeed without fancy degrees. But keep in mind, they were not academically unsuccessful. They were very successful, too successful, in fact, for school. Also, how many people who dropped out later regret their decision? How many successful entrepreneurs would later credit their education for their success? You have a couple of powerful examples, but there are equally powerful counterexamples. To look at only one side is confirmation bias.
why would you think that? I come from Aus and I've been exposed to multiculturalism and tolerance my whole life so much so that I was shocked when I found out about racism and any divides within society. I would've thought people would view Australia as a tolerant cultural hub of the world
agreed, my current problem is balance and I'm not used to school
if Amy Chua is the Tiger Mother, my Grandfather is the Dragon Father... pffttt... she is nothing compared to him
where can i buy some
some black ppl need her as a mom
Supressing childrens childhood with work will make them to some point in their life rage and feel empty. I know. It's okay to be stricht, but my relationship to my parents is not the best. I'm a robot, I'm a slave. I can't express myself to them... it's horrible. Give them some freedom. I ended up lying and hiding from my parents in order to be a rebellious teenager that came from all the supression.
Btw... getting grades does not mean you are smart or that you are a genius. Being smart is about how you are using the information you have memorized in real life. Some people gets straight A's ans has the highest IQ, but can't drive a car... school does not test what you can do, but how much you can memorize. We are so depended on getting good grades to move on and not actually learning..
TheVictorious98 I think teaching children a good work ethic and a successful mind good thing, however at the same time you should take let them pursue their own interest and support that as well. Getting good grades doesn't mean you're smart but it will open a door of opportunities in the future so that you can pursue the career and future you want. You can be 22, not knowing what to do with you're life, but you'll still have the grades to go in any direction you choose when you're ready. You're 17? You still have a long way to go. My advice to you, learn some languages, join a bunch of groups, extra curricular, things that you are interested in, and that would help you in what you become, even if you don't know what that is, if you have 0, 5, 10, anything you're remotely interested in, pursue it, cause it'll build a foundation for your future. If you're interested in music(depending where you live) there are many free programs for students, many free programs for a lot of things, also, a lot of teachers, want to help. If you're confused, think of them as a life guide, as them questions(there are a lot of deadbeat teachers but if you see one that is passionate and caring talk to them) I wish I had these resources growing up. If my parents enrolled me in learning different languages when I was younger, I would've hated it, but now it's something I would appreciate completely, and I know so much people(in many fields) now that also feel that way.
However in most Asian cultures the problem is domestic violence and the way abusive discipline is enforced which leads to children becoming submissive and/or resentful. The hard work ethic is a good thing to enforce, however it seems that most parents enforce it in the wrong way which can lead to more harm. My sister, she loves my parents. When I think of them, I can only see resentment. All her life the only thing she needed to do to pursue her dreams was go to school(she wanted to be a doctor since the age of 4). She didn't even need to get into a fantastic school, which means all she literally needed to do, was get C+ and up with no curricular. However I wasn't fortunate enough to have dreams that didn't require extracurricular that she did, or was fortunate enough to know what I wanted to do, however I had a ton of interests that were not supported.
HappyBird I don’t hear you say that about overprotective mothers who ruin their children’s social life or any development.
to be honest it really depends. i think there is not one static method for parenting and hers is just another method, so is your mom's. it's true that Amy's method may be horrible for some kids, but for others - it's compatible. Her successful daughters are an example of this. i think it is better to stay open-minded
Of course she is great in communication; she is a professor and undergoes training as a lawyer.
Freedom can be destructive without disciplinary. The key of successful parenting is to find the point between that suit the child most. Allowing them to have their freedom but not without supervision, until they are mature enough to walk on their own. It also depend on the external environment, if it's healthy then giving the kids more freedom is a good thing, if it's shit then better keep things on your hand.
i am chinese.i am support amy.
because my mom did it before
That being said, I'm not encouraging kids to slack off. I'm saying, give it your all, but if you have flaws, that is okay. Not everybody is perfect. Just give it your all everyday, and have confidence in yourself. On another note, I'd like to say. Saying nasty things to your kid doesn't make them tough, in my opinion, it may make them insensitive. Not EVERYBODY in the world is nasty, and if you do come across a nasty person, you can worry about dealing with them then.