When you're not working you don't feel like a man | Modern Masculinity
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- čas přidán 24. 11. 2020
- Iman Amrani is back with Modern Masculinity, looking at the issues affecting men which relate to mental health in the shadow of Covid-19. In this episode, she returns to Leeds to speak to Neil Smedley, a barber who she met two years ago at a Jordan Peterson show, to find out how his business is coping with lockdown, what pressures his employees are facing and how they feel looking to the future.
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Thx 🦾🤘🤓
More of this and less of Owen
Ok k ok
I think that toughness he means is resilience. Resilience to the hardest things that life throws at you and learning how to deal with them, and not making mountains out of molehills
You put it best. We need resilience inculcated in culture. Life is inherently hard
It’s an instinct to survive
Ask do thing
@Brad Smith Exactly. Postmodernism seeks to make us all less resilient and less self reliant.
Faith is better than resilience
When I had cancer and told I was gonna die I was resilient and it was easy. Certain breakups had me looking for faith because resilience turned into will to end it
Crazy how it works
Thank you for continuing this series, couldn’t come at a better time
Thank you for watching
Totally agree
Neil is incredible to watch. He's passionate, eloquent, he wears his heart on his sleeve, and he makes some really important points. I don't agree with him on everything but I really admire how he articulates himself. I hope he's doing ok through this second lockdown and his business bounces back. Please speak to him again when this is all over.
Also Iman, as usual, asks sensible, judgement-free questions and lets people speak. This is an incredible series handled with care and respect to the nuance of the issues.
What points don’t you agree with? Just curious to know your point of view and what is different? How it ended up that way?
@@douglascampbell4993 I was gonna ask him the same question! Because, there is not one thing I disagreed with him about!
Right off the bat, the cycle of broken people creating broken people hits home. My son is 8. I very much feel what homeboy was sayin in the intro.
Glad this is back
Sheesh. This hit me hard. As a father dealing with questions from his young son about being a man.
And haha you watch Guardian for answers
If only more men would at the very least play a role in their children's upbringing... Crying shame... Awesome report... Hope the guts, at koby survive this horrible mess 🙏🏿🙏🏿
You don't deserve to be a father.
Al shut up fool
@@EMKWANREVIEWS Imagine not being able to teach your son how to be a man and being emotional about it.
I feel for all the people who have slipped through the furlough cracks. I am blessed it didn’t happen to my family, but god knows how many people in the UK who have fallen on really hard times. Stay safe, sure but stay alive too.
It happened to me, now I got nothing left.
@@sayalime4620 Hope your ok mate
@@sayalime4620 i pray that you are ok
Iman you are a fantastic journalist. I hope you keep making videos alongside writing.
😎🙏
Microphone or chest hair?
King koby looks after the family, he stands by us and we stand by him 👊🏾
Great to see lads/men opening up and not holding back and bottling up their emotions.
Too many are lost with nowhere to turn, no friends or family so they turn to darkness, alcohol, drugs and suicide.
Thank you for these videos.
When my ex and I decided to have children, I ended up being a stay-at-home father, due to her higher wage earnings. I was working swing and grave, and she was displeased with the minimal time shared, so I quit. Spending time raising my children was far more rewarding and fulfilling.
Happy it's working out for you. Enjoy these times, they grow up fast
So you became a house husband or what did you do?
@The Hyperbole Not really.
@The Hyperbole Everyone scream in panic..
@The Hyperbole I think I see what you're doing
The contrast between pre covid life and post covid life is sharp :(
Great video. I can relate to the feeling of being lost at 30. Slowly trying to turn it around.
There is a reason I at this point don't see myself having kids. I just don't know what their lives would be like, I can't guarantee them a quality life no matter what person I am. I can't guarantee them not experiencing the various types of abuses, or them getting addicted to drugs, mental health issues etc. I don't want to play this game of Russian roulette on behalf of someone that doesn't even exist. I wish people that were born all the best of luck, and if you enjoy your life great, but I don't want to bring someone into a life of ifs and maybes.
You can’t let this stuff stop you from having children. Life is hard. There are no guarantees. But there is so much joy and meaning in having children.
I’m so glad I never made the mistake of bringing kids into this world. With everything going on right now. If you could see what these globalists, elites have in store for us. Research Agenda 21, geoengineering, transhumanism, nanotechnology. Completely diabolical.
@BARBAR BINKLE well then so be it. I’m the last one. What about those who can’t have children? Is their existence meaningless?
Time to raise warriors.
@BARBAR BINKLE Not if you have siblings who have children.
it would be good if you could get two different views of masculinity in a room together to talk about the differences in their view.
That's a great idea actually.
Watch the debate Joe Rogan and Adam from buzzfeed had about this topic, I personally agree with Rogan but it's interesting to see how modern social movements perceive optimal masculinity to be like.
@@canyizas1567
To be fair. Adam did spew some non sense in subjects he clearly didnt knoe enough information to make an informed opinion. His opinions were sincere so i he was being himself and honest. Like u i just didn't agree to his views.
@@canyizas1567 yeah, but I cant takes someone who advocates chemically castrating children seriously
This was one of the realest things I ever watched. A lot of us men we are suffering in silence and don't really have someone to turn too. We are constantly living in emotional conflict of being a man.
Thank you for creating space for these much more nuanced conversations. Yes there are typically masculine behaviours that are toxic and unhelpful, but there are others that are helpful. Like Neil was saying we want to tell our young boys that it's okay to cry, but we also want to teach them emotional resilience and not let them be consumed by their emotions
There's toxic masculinity and there's positive masculinity, there's tyrannical leaders and there's positive leaders.
Exact same with women, there's mean girls and loving girls, both are facets of femininity just one is negative and the other one is positive.
We should strive to promote healthy attitudes among both genders
@Tyler Trobaugh don't speak on something that you've never even looked up on google. Just search examples of toxic masculinity and stop beeing oblivious. It's hurting men as much as women, it's something you should care about.
Don't complain that activists don't care about male suicide rates when you disregard the cause of it wich is high expectations for men to be alpha and tough (aka toxic masculinity).
All yall missed the point in the video smh
Fantastic journalism. Thanks for shining light on what seems to be a large population of men in the UK struggling with these issues.
Wow a series on masculinity that is nuanced and actually bothers to talk to men rather than shame them with feminist buzzwords like toxic masculinity.
"Toxic masculinity" doesn't mean that all masculinity is toxic. It's basically an umbrella term for the issues that arise when people make it their goal to always be the most "masculine". An example of toxic masculinity would be men feeling like they have to bottle their emotions up because it wouldn't be "masculine" to show vulnerability.
@@FortoFight just stop bro
@@migueljuarez6788 Just explaining the concept. Sorry that you don't like it.
@@FortoFight It isn't going to help anyone bro. Some women also don't like to show their emotions. Do they have toxic feminity?
Last Neil video was 2 years ago ? God, time goes by so fast!
No way, Really?
I never thought about it before, but the only time I've seen my uncles cry was when their brother died. They've had plenty of things to cry about since, but they don't.
I want to make sure the men in my life know they're allowed to be upset around me. It's not pretty but at least I would know they were ok.
Thank you so much for the series! I’m watching them from Russia, and still the videos are much relatable to my experience too.
This is a breath of fresh air. Neil is profound. Thank you, from this lost 30-year-old. Every day is a new opportunity.
This is incredible. Neil you’re a legend. Iman you’re a sensational journalist 💯👏🏻
The moment Neil feels the tears coming is so touching, I feel so much empathy for him at this point after binge watching the series! I had a very unexpected burst of emotion. Thanks Iman, this series is amazing!
I can’t say I can relate to much this much. The pandemic had pushed me down to part time hours. The amount of free time I gained to follow my passions was worth the loss of money. It really balanced out my life. Now that my job is going back to full time hours I find I’m now getting depressed. I’ve seen what it’s like working three days a week instead of five and I mourn the loss of my time. And suddenly the idea of working my life away until I die frightens me.
That's interesting but I doubt you're alone in that feeling
Can't you find a part-time position or ask to work part-time at your current job?
@@g0tfrohwned That’s what I actually plan on doing. My current company won’t allow for part time but I’m thinking when things calm down with the pandemic I might look for part time work instead.
now imagine how it would be if you had NO JOB ...
I'd have to agree with the premise of the title. Even as a younger man I felt better when I had a paying job.
Really interesting interviews with Neil and the others. Iman did a great job as well.
Great interviews conducted by the journalist.
Glad to see this series back on the tube! 💪🏾
Keep pushing forward. Always known your a good person and don’t stop.
Great video, happy to see Neil's return!
Thanks, we are too!
I don't really understand myself in terms of whether I am masculine or not. I tend to understand myself using moral language, such as whether someone is good, meaning and likely to lead to a good life. Whether I am masculine seems irrelevant to the more important questions about how I should live my life.
That said, I don't see myself as a particularly masculine man. I recall during high school people used to call me 'gay' in a way that was supposed to be degrading due to my lack of masculine qualities. Although that upset me during that time, it isn't something that bothers me in adulthood.
I really think my way of understanding the world using moral language has brought more peace and happiness to my life. As a result, I feel more ready to consider reading philosophy, literature, religion or different cultures to find guidance in my life. These sources of guidance seem better than relying on the inherited concept of masculinity we receive from society, family and peers.
Anyway, good video. It made me think about my experience with masculinity.
Im gonna guess you were raised (fortunately) in a rather sheltered environment, in a safe neighborhood where you were never exposed to the realities of surviving a hostile environment and competing for very limited resources. Would you agree? Im not insulting you for it at all, just pointing out that while you may have thought about "your experience" with masculinity, you need to understand how limited *your experience* likely is.
@@shmackbunz1917 Is there really any need to point that out? I was talking from my experience and not prescribing for the world.
Yet, you emphasis that this is just my 'very limited' experience. So, you're not respecting my experience or ideas. You're saying my experiences come from a limited life where I haven't seen the 'real truth'.
That is unless you'd say the same to everyone else commenting on this video, but I don't think you would, so that is why I am responding negatively to your comment.
Also, I grew up in a working-class family with working-class culture, but we were able to live in a safer place than others who lived in Blackpool. There were struggles I faced, but I don't know if they are common or uncommon since people don't talk about it so much.
So, perhaps, not what you expected? I wasn't drawn to philosophy because I'm from a middle class family, but because that was really the thing that seemed to provide my life with hope and meaning. My family is pretty cultureless. People live to work and expect others to do the same. This connects with alcoholism, not saying i love you to each other, unable to deal with emotional problems between each other and so on.
That said, through philosophy and culture, I've been able to transcend these limitations and build a connection with my family in adulthood and resolve the problems with myself due to my upbringing.
So, before you assume where i'm from and whether my experience is 'very limited' maybe ask.
Love this series. I've got a suggestion, perhaps looking into male suicide as it is so prevalent and what actually causes it and maybe exploring differing perspectives on "toxic masculinity" and what everyone's definition of that is.
@Dicky Tricky
You get it.
@Dicky Tricky Toxic masculinity describes behaviors that stem from a twisted view of what it means to be a "man" (anger, aggressive tendencies, lack of emotion, etc). Traditional "masculine" traits are not under fire for being toxic. Toxic masculinity does far more damage to men than any tumblr pseudo-feminist ever could or will do.
To be fair, successful male suicide is more prevalent but if you drop that down to suicide attempts, both genders are very similar with only a difference of around 3%, I believe, depending on the area of the world. The real question is why are men more successful in their suicide attempts?
We have an answer to that: The means they use to attempt suicide. Men will more often use highly violent methods that tend to be more successful where women tend to use "softer" means like pills.
It's all rather fascinating.
@@PsilentMusicUK exactly, toxic masculinity hurts both men and women. All that women want is just sensitive loving men. Positive leaders that look after weaker individuals and lift each other up.
Positive masculinity exists too.
Just like toxic femininity exists = mean girls
@@PsilentMusicUK aka boys with mommy issues
I watched this series with great interest. Particularly this one is grating. While I come from a working class background, I am intimately familiar with the Neil's notion that you have to make it happen yourself, if you want anything done. That said, it takes a village to raise a child. This may seem like a platitude, but it's significant. It's heartbreaking to see that people think that they've only themselves to fend for, when particularly in these times we're all dependent on the kindness of strangers, closeness to family and friends, and on governments doing what they are elected to do: Protect and enable their citizens. You can't go at it alone in this life. Masculinity also means realising you need help, support and interaction. Just like Neil is there for his son, folks need to be there for Neil. He wouldn't want his son to have to go at it alone either.
Someone needs to maintain the playing field properly if you want to be able to play. And even then, your teammates need to pass you the ball if you want to drive it forward.
I really recommend watching the extended cut in the description- I push him exactly that point
You have hit the nail on the head and identified the main flaw with Jordan Peterson's lectures. We're social animals! Even more so than lobsters!! I guess we live in a society lol.
...e elected to do: Protect and enable their citizens
That is best joke I have heard today. No, governments doesn't exist to protect you not to serve you, they are only tool of control and way how to get more power and more money.
Thanks for focusing on this topic, Iman. Neil is a very affecting screen presence and an important voice for this series.
This series has understandably returned to the barber scene as a bastion of capitalist entrepreneurship and 'man culture'. Given the pandemic has illustrated the global dependence on the state, perhaps other workplaces where men work against stereotype, such as care homes, could be an interesting change of pace.
I agree with other comments that there is a thread of stoic masculinity running through this video, which is not for everyone. I would appreciate hearing from other interpretations of masculinity related to the topic of mental health. One possibility could be new fathers who became parents during the pandemic who may have experienced alienation during the pregnancy and birth due to COVID restrictions on access for fathers. This may have been traumatic for a range of fathers, as well as their partners.
Also, we haven't heard as much about gay masculinity or female masculinity. Both are important influences on our continuing construction of what masculinity means in a modern context.
Thank you for continuing to shine a light on this topic in such a thoughtful and sensitive way. It is an excellent series!
I love so much this series. Sometimes it feel as man there's no winning when it comes to feeling satisfied with yourself
Thank you for this great video and an amazing series!!
Great Video, love this series .
Wooo! I was literally wondering yesterday if she was gunna do more of these. Iman Amrani is awesome.
Iman never stop please! We will always remember you as the best journalist of this age, thank you so much for trying and succeeding!
A positively surprising programme, actual conversations with men. I do not normally expect these from The Guardian. Excellent non-condescending interviewer.
I love this series, and I feel it's even more important for me now that I gave birth to my son. Can't wait for the next episode!
Thank you for this... what a wonderful interview... all fathers should listen to what Neil has to say.... so much love, so much self reflection and you can just see the spiritual healing thats taking place within this man. So much love and light to him and his family. Very inspiring.
Will definitely be sharing this with my husband.
I need these kind of friends, those that are grinding looking to be better men tomorrow.
Great interview !
This is awesome. Thank you for making this.
Love this series!
This was an awesome video! Can't wait for the next part!
Always Love watching this. Love from Kenya
I love this series, cant believe its been so long since the original came out, i often look back at the old videos still.
Internalising emotions instead of expressing them in a healthy fashion is taught and instilled right from the beginning, by society, by the media, by role models and primarily in the home. "Boys don't cry" "Don't be a girl" "Have some balls" "Man up" and so on. Just look at any toyshop and the gender split. Guns and tanks and soldiers and action figures with weapons vs maternal things with dolls, a girls line of Lego even, home bakery and kitchen sets vs mini black and decker workbenches for boys. I saw a bunch of those on sale in a supermarket this week - get your son a mini workshop or workbench! Being good with your hands and being able to make or repair something is amazing, but even the marketing for these is all focused around boys.
Thousands of times these messages hit young boys and then impressionable young men and they become what they see around them. Closed off. Bottling up their emotions. Unable to cope. Don't see a way out. It's one of the reasons why suicide among young men is the biggest killer. Just like Neil said, the horrible cycle continues.
Talking to young men about how they cope would be interesting to hear. How do they get rid of stress and anxiety in a healthy fashion? Who do they talk to? Is it other men and their friends? Is it their partner, and if not, why not?
A girl's version of Lego? I'm baffled. Who thought that was necessary? I don't recall which Lego piece would only work with my kind of genitals.
@@AdrianColley I believe it's called Lego Friends. Just look at the sets available compared to 'normal' Lego.
Any job is better than no job. No job is too small, but peoples thinking is too narrow. If you had to live in a country where there is literally no financial support to the unemployed, then you realise this. When you have to eat, you'll do anything.
this
Needed to see this.
This series is incredible.
Thank you for doing this show, it is very intelligent and it has the therapeutic effect
Thanks Iman and Neil, this helped me
Thank you Iman and Neil.
This is amazing thank you
Thank you iman for bringing up this subject
Wow. this hit hard, being young father constantly trying to be a ideal or perfect father and failing often.
Glad to hear some of the next gen share the same values of hard work I have. “No Princess coming to save us” Too right we have to be masters of our own destiny. My father bred toughness into me too and best gift he ever gave me.
This was great!!!
This was great.
This is good. We need to have this type of coversations more! 👏
I love this series.
What an insightful interview!!!
I am so happy this is back!
Thanks for revisiting this. These videos are unique in making me look deeply inward, and consider aspects of life that are uncomfortable, but incredibly important, and underpin more than you realise
Brilliant. Thank you
Yes please keep the videos coming
Another solid video
I love this series
This is a very important conversation, especially with our current reality. A beautiful and human piece. Looking forward to the next one, whenever it comes ☺️
This was phenomenal! Thank you so much.
Great article
This is fantastic program awesome
I loved the way he care about his son
we need more people like Neil in this world. Much love to everyone in the video and Iman and team, fantastic journalism
Great series. Thank you to all involved. I hope this reaches the people whose decisions affect many. And if it doesn't, I hope us as individuals can take the messages from these videos and use them to stay strong or at least manage our situation in these tough times. Animo y Fuerza.
When I injured my back and lost my job, my wife and I switched roles and I stayed at home while she went out to work. While I got on with what needed to be done and never complained I really hated it. I couldn't have been happier when I finally healed and was able to go to work.
She makes such a great doc. Yeah it's whats been teached as a man i need to be a provider thats the role.
Excellent
Great work
that was gold when you told Neil to take accountability for crying, excellent video and topic, great work 👏
So so good! Essential
Brilliant...outstanding thank you 👍
Very good follow up with the new context of COVID. I wish the best for these guys.
That's an interview. Thank you
As a guy, its true. But i feel its not just any work, but meaningful work.
I love ❤️ Neil. I love this series.
First conversation they had really says alot!
Yes Iman, love it. X
At the grocery store where I usually shop they have recently installed automated checkout scanners.. What a shame.
Some of the employees are young.. probably their first job, there are older people who perhaps live alone, there is a girl with a physical disability, a fellow who I believe is autistic, perhaps single mothers, a native girl, new immigrants.. A job is not only a means for providing for ourselves and our families.. it gives a sense of purpose to our lives, it gives us a path to relationships, and it helps us to become a part of society.
P.S. ..when you buy from Amazon.. that smile on the box doesn't belong to a friend.. it belongs to a guy who's making Billions of dollars.
@@m.e.345 He's also employing tens of thousands of people (could be 100k+)
Your job is not you..........................
Agreed. We define ourselves by what we do and what we can afford to buy/consume!
see what happens when you have NO JOB for an extended period of time ....
I can feel what he has been through. Thankyou The Guardian.
Imani's laugh is infectious!!!
Incisive and illuminating conversations.
Ahsante.
Imani I love these videos. As a guy these are 100% accurate
I hope that Neil doesn't feel bad about crying on camera. If that shows something, it's definitely not weakness. It shows how much effort and love he's putting into making a good individual and member of society (his son).
Thank you Neil for sharing your point of view on life with us, with no filters of what "moder" society expects you to say. That's life, it never gives you what you want to hear but what you HAVE to hear.
Massive respect.
And thank you Imani for the amazing job you're doing. It's refreshing to hear real conversations.
This episode was amazing! Responsability is taking never giving! We are living Crazy Times and I just move from Portugal to UK to study English for three years and after back to Portugal and build my project there. Really love what Neil say at on point on this vídeo. We raise broke kids who Turn INTO broke adults and We never broke this cycle. Really love this. I had to repeat this and I alreary saved to re-whatch. More people need to see this and most important We need to have honest conversation about "how We spend our time." Here at home I have my cousins who spend alot of time playing on cumputer and he make sad because the more I talk they think I AM Boring. Really help full this One!
And the lesson I can take from here is this: " Believe in yourself and create value for others" can be anything I AM good at and sell it! Dont wait for politic saved you 💯
Thank you for doing these series. There's a lot of women standing up for women, but not yet a lot of men standing up for men...
They're just chameleoning. Don't be fooled.