Is Immaturity Hurting Your Relationships?
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- čas přidán 8. 09. 2024
- Today, we hear from:
- An expectant mother who lashes out at her husband’s immaturity
- Dr. John on why playing with your kids is one of the best things you can do for them
- A man considering ending his relationship over his girlfriend’s lack of self-discipline
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She’s going ballistic because she has to ask at all. Look up weaponized incompetence!!
RE: Facts are your friends segment. Love it. My husband works remote. I work part time hybrid. We homeschool. We're with our 7 children 24/7. I love it. LOVE IT! Mt kids are incredible people. We get out to church, community, and friend activities several times a week- as a family. I take my kids to work with me regularly (at a local gym). My husband and I get out on dates 1-2x weekly(oldest being 16 helps 😊). We take our kids out on individual mom/dad dates regularly. We do all of life with our incredible children and I could not be happier. It breaks my heart when so many others hear about this and are appalled. So many people state it must be torture to spend so much time with our kids. Not a bit. It's an honor. Consider this your "card or letter," Dr. John. You get one from me. You're 100% right on this one.
I love this! I couldn’t have kids and it’s heartbreaking to me to see so many parents regard their kids as the worst inconvenience to ever happen to them.
First caller has no time for your DMX reference. Lol
Right?! that went right over her head 🤦♀️
John’s old school hip hop references warm my heart. 😊
I got it…….but she had no clue. Hahahaha
@@tanyamaycock8935 Samesies 😊❤
Are you guys all aware that the fake ministers know the answer to end covid is for them to all return the money they were never supposed to take. That means what we have inside the fake churches are evil witches serving satan. They know every time they take more money they kill more people with covid and they don't care. Malachi 2 proves Malachi 3:8 is telling the thieving ministers to return the money they were never supposed to take and God will end covid. There will soon be a universal income for everyone but anyone still attending the fake churches won't be here for it unless they repent.
The Great Tribulation started September 1st. Anyone still attending the fake churches will experience more and more torment until they either repent for supporting evil murderers and never go back or they will wait too long and die with the wicked. I am Elijah from The book of Malachi and I am the forerunner to the return of Jesus.
Not sure if anyone from the show actually reads these comments. It's really concerning that a pregnant woman at risk of physical abuse is told to work on her marriage through counseling.
Shes the one constantly yelling for the past year and has been controlling and abusive. Sure he had his PTSD issues and alcohol issues but she said he hasnt drank or axted out in a year and a half. She is being the abusive spouse as of right now so I dont know what youre talking about.
She's not going to leave unless they exhaust that option.
@@crzyruskie86 Exactly. What is with all the people that think a woman being abusive is justifiable?
@@crzyruskie86I wonder if she doing this to get him to drink. She use to abuse . An doesn’t like peace
God I never want to get married. These relationships sound awful.
Advice for parents: If you're busy, use the play and walk away method. It could even be 2 minutes of play and it would feel like a lifetime for the kids. Play and walk away.
Seriously. You don't need to play forever with your children. My siblings and spent most of our playing literally doing EXACTLY what the kids in the articles were "running around in a steam punk style world of our own creation," certainly inspired by star wars (half the time wielding lightsaber, often wearing mismatched costumes and smudged with marker, so lost in our self-made universe that we forgot our parents even existed.
But sometimes I wanted my mom to sit with me for fifteen minutes and help brush the hair of my knockoff American Girl Doll or my brother wanted to bounce on a parent's lap and go "whee" down their long adult legs like a slide. Sometimes the watercolor paints would come out for a little while. It wasn't like my parents played with us for long. Mom had teacher's grading to do and a baby to nurse and take care of and food to prepare and cook and Dad had way too long hours at work and a house to somewhat clean up.
But just like you implied, kids don't necessarily pay attention to or even perceive time in exactly the same way as adults do. Taking a few minutes every day to get down to your kids level and play with them, following their lead (around the other more structured activities like reading bed time stories, going outside, having snacks, etc) does a lot to make them feel seen and loved and valued and and allows them to practice leadership and communication and to explore new ideas and just to bond.
Sure the writer of the article's kids probably have tons of fun running around like we did in my family. Yes kids don't necessarily want their parents involved when they're engaged in that kind of play; as I said, at those times I'd might as well have forgotten my parents' existence. That does not mean that kids don't want or don't benefit from their parents taking a few minutes to play with them. It certainly does not mean they needed to actually SIT DOWN AND WRITE A WHOLE ARTICLE about how parents should not play with children. It's so utterly ridiculous I almost can't believe it and yet... Here we are. 🤦
I spent a lot of my time alone as a kid and now I have very little use for people, including my parents. Hopefully those parents aren't expecting to have a close relationship with their kids when they're older.
That DMX reference did not land on caller 1 😂
I love my kiddos to pieces, they bring me so much joy. I have a really hard time not doing things with them. I can’t imagine bringing life into this world just to act like they aren’t there. 😔 breaks my heart.
Him telling the first caller that her 14 year old self needs to be told she can go play now made me tear up. That hit me hard.
Oh the number of parents that would have me spend time with their kids! I sometimes felt like the Pied Piper of children 🤣 We would have so much fun!! Miss those days. I got to have a second childhood by sharing life with these children. Feel very privileged that these now grown children refer their friends to me for advice and still reach out on occasion for get togethers. Would love to remarry now that they are all grown and living independent lives.
You can have your husband do his share without yelling . Just do your own share and leave the rest to him. Don’t remind him , don’t do it yourself and don’t yell. He will learn when he sees there is no way his work his going to get done by someone else no matter what. He can delay , he can pretend he can’t see it but at the end of the day it’s he who will have to do it.
I am trying that now and it is tedious. I am glad that this is over a cat and not a child. Our cat needs to be washed every 2 weeks or her fur will get dingy. I asked him to wash the cat about 6 weeks ago and he still hasn't washed her. I hate watching her suffer, but at what point should I let him not handle his responsibilities due to him not caring/planned incompetence?
@@shelbysycamore637 it's time for the "or what." Don't yell, and don't do the job for him; but look him in the eyes and tell him the effect not being washed is having on the cat; and then tell him, "Please wash the cat within in the next (x) hours, and if you don't, I will..." and state something that will be some kind of incentive for him to do what you're asking.
@@mmkvoe6342 I suppose the "or what" should be "have to consider giving the cat back to the rescue because we are not providing the proper care she deserves."
Thank you, I will try this.
Perfect! And anytime the best, most natural, most mature, and neither overstated nor too understated consequences that we have to recognize or allow or engineer also make us feel some emotion that's hard, it's totally fine to calmly state that--"If we have to give the cat back, then I will feel ...". And sometimes if a person loves us and is interested in being loving and helpful to us, he or she might even make their decisions or change their behavior based on knowing how you feel. But whether that happens or not, stating it raises awareness, and keeps you from having as much kept inside that would lead to resentment, and shows the example of having honest, open conversation about everything and also of the fact that you're someone who acts on the truth that our feelings and the actions we take are separate things.
John, you missed everything that was behind her call…and I heard it before she told you. You mentioned it was the “little girl”. NO, it was the ALCOHOLIC! I’m disappointed in this winding road of your advice. Wherever she goes you swing as if you’ve known. Ugh…this poor woman is prob more confused now.
Wow last caller complaint about her spending but she BOUGHT a house. He moved in with HER
Kyle wants to complain about his gf but not do anything about it. Just leave the relationship already.
That facts are fun story is so sad. Why would those people have kids? It sounds like selfish and narcissistic people. Poor kids.
Peer pressure and/or a lack of introspection
These people vote.
That article you reference aint wrong tho. You don’t have to be “playing” with them in order to be present. I was that kid preferring playing on my own and sometimes the little bros. Unless it was outside games, I did not want my parents involved at all. The other stuff you mention is how you be present. Take them on errands, and take them to fun events. To be honest, that is probably the reason why me and my bros were okay playing with ourselves at home. My dad was a SAHD and took us EVERYWHERE. So when we got home, me and brothers wanted time with ourselves.
That one sentence was correct (playing is not the only way to be present), but that's about it.
Up in here up in here. Lol I love it!
Lead by example. It might take a year or 2 before your mate will follow your fitness goals.
Are there anymore episodes anyone can recommend about dealing with the "you didn't feel safety in childhood and now you're grown and dealing with the consequences?" Because man this hit like a ton of bricks. I didn't expect to tear up when he said let the little girl have permission to go play but wow. Waterworks. Just curious because I know nothing about therapy.... what kind of therapist do you look for for this? Because I never feel safe as an adult and I know that's coming from childhood gunk (no mass trauma thankfully.... just a thousand papercuts from a chaotic home). I feel like everything is always sitting on the brink of disaster. It's exhausting.
And now I've watched the next fifteen minutes and hit my next ton of bricks. I don't have kids because "kids annoy me"...I have a nephew though who adores me and I just cannot muster the energy to play with him because I end up getting frustrated and annoyed. I don't want to be like this. Now he's hooked into video games and beginning to prefer them.... and I am relieved because his preferring video games takes my guilt away. And, as a child of the 80s/90s I used video games as an escape too.
There is a teaching segment called do you have bricks in your backpack? that was really helpful for me. Also if you search up trauma and bricks John Delony there are a lot of calls that are dealing with trauma and issues now in the present.
Hey :) I don't have any particular experience with traumatic or neglected childhoods, so can't offer any advice there.
But re: connecting through play with your nephew - I'm thinking you have an opportunity here! If you're both into games, eg video games, maybe you can be his gaming buddy sometimes.
Kids just love it when you can genuinely and enthusiastically engage with them, and if you can bond over an activity that they love, it's so special for them.
Gaming will probs only be a few hours max, so you can take little breaks throughout or a big one at the end. It'll give you some space from the adult-child interaction if that's overwhelming for you. Also encouraging him to take mini-breaks from the screen the same time you take yours will only help with his development.
You can teach him your tips and tricks! You can be focused on the gaming task rather than having to rely on the imagination and patience that comes with childrens natural make-believe play, if that wasn't your strong suit.
Just make sure how to teach him to game responsibly and safely, and have respect for all players! Good luck.
There's too many episodes to list
27:30 before you broke that down that sounded like my traumatic childhood. 🤯
I am sorry ☹️ And the idea that parents are reading an article called, "Don't play with your kids," and following it is so awful.
As Colbert's mother told him "I don't know isn't good enough" to the question of marriage.
John is an emotional wizard.
Sometimes getting hit is better then being alone… explain that one 😅
Weaponised incompetence right there
Spent a lot of time sitting in my own mind.
26:13
And they wonder why we have iPad kids who yell at their teachers and end up diagnosed with a defiance disorder at age 5. 😩😭💀💩🔥
Great response to that article
Dr. John. How the heck did you describe me and my issues?? That is wiiiilllldddd. 🥴 You are very good!
What great pieces of advice to both callers!
Meh, being raised in the 70s/80s, our parents sure as hell didn't play with us. Neither did anyone else's. Didn't bother us.
It’s kinda did though. Look how messed up the world is now
U don’t see how much is affected u and how crappy parents most of yous are…! The generational trauma just kept piling up from one generation to another…sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse…just kept being perpetuated! It is only know that people are becoming more aware of their patterns, and how to work on themselves to become better adults and parents! Or not become parents at all…cause there are lot of f…ed up people in the world due to poor parenting!
another great episode
Great Hank record. I'm about 90% sure I have that exact same record.
Traditional roles in families work. Emeshed relationships need correction.
Meanwhile I'm spending around one hour everyday playing with my cat and waking up at 5 a.m. to calm him down. At least you can teach kid alphabet, I have option of feather toy that looks like bird, bug or fish 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why for every stupid or self serving or lazy thing men do it ends up being a womans fault.
Long live the loving ❤❤❤❤
queen 👑💗
he keeps asking me to subscribe I don't have a subscribe button ?
I could not disagree more on the first caller. She’s resentful because her husband is not being a partner. It’s called weaponised incompetence! It’s a mother - child dynamic which causes this resentment. Her husband needs to step up and do chores without her needing to take on all of the emotional load. She shouldn’t have to point out that something needs cleaning! John is gaslighting her here making it her fault. It’s not. It’s the oldest issues that ever existed rooted in patriarchy …”I don’t see the dirt” sure man sure …
You have never listened to this show because Delony always says you can’t control your partner. You can only control your thoughts and actions which means she can’t do anything about her husband irresponsibility. She can however control how she reacts to him because her yelling probably shuts him down which reinforces his lack of discipline. She can’t control him so John is not gaslighting her it’s just pointing out her behavior is not helping anything. We know this because nothing has changed so as Dr. John says “DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT”
@@flashthecorgi2053 bingo
@@flashthecorgi2053 he’s gaslighting her by blaming her childhood and telling her it has nothing to do with her husband. It has everything to do with the husband. She can leave or stop cleaning after him.
@@ysabellpp No, he’s talking about her control issues. She needs to address that and obviously she wants to because she called Dr. John. It’s not gaslighting it’s what counseling does it holds a mirror up to how her behavior is not changing his actions. Also you didn’t read my comment because she can’t do anything about her husbands actions except what you said leave or she can work on herself for the prosper of the relationship together. The only reason I can comment about this is I’ve been taking Delony’s advice in relationships on not trying to control but better me for the good of the relationships and it has been working great for me.
@@flashthecorgi2053 I don’t think you understood my comment
I have been with my partner for many years. This last caller is a loser. l have always exercised 6 days a week and my partner never does, why would l try to force him lol😂😂😂
Does anyone think he’s full of it
I would love a update
Question about first call:John, you say “dad yelled, and mom didn’t show up.” What do you mean by that, John? What does it mean for mom not to show up? Should mom leave? Is that showing up? Some moms don’t have a choice. Because the alternative is single parenthood and extremely limited resources. Please realize that many great moms are not aware of every thing that’s happening in their kids lives, including sexual abuse. Doesn’t mean they didn’t show up. Just means they don’t have eyes EVERYWHERE. sometimes it means when mom matures 12 years and 6 kids deep, it’s a little late to leave and struggle to survive all on her own. Deciding to stay with yelling dad and mitigate damage the best she can IS SHOWING UP. ❤
I’m not sure what you’re rambling about exactly. But her mom didn’t show up for her. She was getting sexually abused and her mom didn’t stop it. Her mom also didn’t combat the dads yelling behavior. She straight up didn’t defend her daughter.
What I’m sorry maybe need to clarify these mom knows about the sexual abuse but she just stays because she’s thinking about I don’t have enough resources. I’m sorry what
Yes, it DOES mean she didn't show up.
John that response to that article needs to be it's own video. It's too important to be hidden in the middle of this video.
What
Danger ⚡🎉⚡⚡
The first caller is abusing her husband. She should look into herself to learn why she treats him like she does and make changes. She will alienate her husband and the marriage will end with a lot of resentment
Email address avail if more info inquiries. .. ....
Working out with a woman is silly unless your trying to seal the deal. All she's gonna do is steal your gainz.
Juggling 🤹♂️🤹♀️🤹