A spouse’s perspective on ADHD
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- čas přidán 20. 06. 2018
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Well, I am a nurse, and I am a wife, and a mother of four kids, and my husband has ADHD. ADHD impacts my life significantly, with my husband. When we are trying to manage finances, plan trips, raise kids, it has a huge impact. It's not simple.
Ben was diagnosed with ADHD about four years ago. That was after I had been prompting him for six months to get some help, and it came to a pivotal point where I was ready to just kind of give up on the relationship. After the birth of our last child, I felt so overwhelmed with trying to manage two little boys 18 months apart, plus our other two kids, and feeling like I also have to manage him, and keep him on track. I felt like his mother instead of his wife.
There were lots of signs for ADHD. Many times, I would tell Ben that I really believed he had ADHD and would encourage him to get some help. Several times, we would go to counseling, just because I was so frustrated, and we would go through counseling, and focus on our relationship, but really, I think the underlying tone was that there was something undiagnosed. There was nobody saying to him, "Hey, do you think maybe you have ADHD, or there's something else, and maybe you should go get some testing?”
With the diagnosis of ADHD, Ben was seeing a psychiatrist for the medications, and that's really all they did, was manage medications. There was no counseling at first. There was no other tool provided to him. In moving to the local area, he had to change providers, which was great now, in retrospect, because with his provider, he was able to connect with a counselor there, and he was asking for more tools and resources. Through that process, one of the counselors that he was seeing knew someone who had gone through Progressive Therapy Associates, and said, "Hey, I think this might be of benefit to you."
Through this process, I've learned that there are a lot of individuals who are missing out on therapies that could be helpful, that it doesn't just have to be medications. It doesn't have to be that you're ignoring it. There's all kinds of different things that you can do, and when you aren't getting those tools and resources, you're missing out on a full life. The other thing about it is that ADHD impacts the whole family, and if I'm ignoring the symptoms I see in my husband, I could be ignoring the symptoms I see in my children.
Ben is more than ADHD. He's a great man. He's a great dad. He's a great husband. He's a great chaplain. But people didn't see that, because he was all over the place. My husband would say that if I hadn't encouraged him to seek out resources and help, that he would have never done it.
We see individuals with ADHD, traumatic brain injury, and concussion as well as stroke.
When people think about speech language pathology, they typically think about speech disorders or language challenges, which speech therapists can do, but here, we've just chosen to focus more on the cognitive aspect and when I say that, I mean things to do with focus and memory, speed of processing, planning, problem solving, organization, all those daily skills that help you to really function and organize your life.
If you're someone who's struggling with attention or memory or planning for instance, for a variety of reasons, you can self-refer. You can pick up the phone and call us at 701-356-7766. You can find us on our website and submit your information and come for a free consultation or your primary care doctor can also refer you for treatment at Progressive Therapy Associates.
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Same. Hanging on by a thread. My husband is very successful in his business so he doesn’t feel he needs help. Tired of feeling like his mother, would love to be a wife.
I have ADHD. My girlfriend tells me she feels like my mother more than my partner. It saddens me a lott,,, I am trying to get help and burden her less. I hope every person with ADHD seeks help asap🤞
I feel you, except my husband doesn't work most of the time, so i have to take care of this too, plus all the house chores, farm chores, finances... I'm so burnt out... And he doesn't want to seek help or get medication... I don't know what to do...
I have ADHD and been married for 8 years and honestly I expected people to be out of touch but y'all are really sad and selfish
@@MrLeethium How are you doing now? Have things improved?
@@marywalker4441 Hey, thanks for asking. He might've found a job, he aknowledges the inbalance of our relationship, he's telling me he's going to make more efforts but he told me this a million times already...
I'll see what happens in the future, but i surely cannot hold like this for 10 more years.
I was married for 16 years to a man with untreated ADHD. I could never ‘launch’ the marriage. I didn’t know ADHD was the issue. I thought maybe he was a narcissistic or maybe it was my fault (he often told me it was/ that I was controlling). The fact is, it was chaos: he avoided deep conversations, was controlling around money, explosive emotionally and terrible with time. I finally had enough when, after years of him refusing to sit down and chat in the evenings to increase our connection, he’d go house sitting for weeks at a time - leaving me to manage our three children. He never had an explanation but blamed me for everything he was feeling. Eventually, a few years after we had separated he explained he’d felt overwhelmed. This seems to be the picture of ADHD: chaos and overwhelm - and an exhausted/ baffled support team.
i’ve seen some comments say that living with ADHD is worse than being the partner of someone with ADHD bc we can leave the situation while they can’t, but it’s hard to deal with a partner that at first lovebombs you and draws you in then as soon as you’re hooked they start to seem neglectful, careless, irrational, angry, and generally horrible partners when it comes to finances and chores. it feels like you’ve been tricked or manipulated into fully taking care of an adult and you can’t leave bc you sympathize and you love them but it destroys you too.
@@zoeyfalconer85 It is also way more complicated than this. ADHD people often attract partners with BPD for example and this combination is an absolute horror.
same .. all I can say is I am so sorry and I completely understand the hell of it.
@@zoeyfalconer85you said how I feel perfectly
@@zoeyfalconer85 sounds like you married a narcissist not just with adhd. I have adhd and I don’t manipulate people or love bomb them.
What I LOVE about this thread is that it’s mostly ADHD people talking about THEMSELVES. Tells you all you need to know.
This lady has so much pain in her eyes, I feel you lady. My husband has it too, and it has destroyed parts of my life
As a married male with ADHD, this hurts. Have I destroyed my family because of something I didn't choose to be born with?
You would have to ask your family
ADHD is real struggle.
how about you reserch him instead of trying to change him into an neurotypical
@@loopin8834 do you have it or does you partner have it
You know what sucks with ADHD is constantly being plagued by guilt and feeling burnt out, only to be told you're selfish and lazy. I wouldn't be surprised if a large percentage of people who commit suicide have it.
This comment tho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel this
Especially when your struggling with adhd, ptsd and major depressive episodes that lasts months to years, currently been in one for two years now :( I also have panic disorder so I have panic attacks a couple times a day. And my husband never takes the time to stop and try to talk to me about what has been troubling me, I’ve only opened up a little bit twice and he pretty much threw it back in my face when we got into an argument, his problems and grief and everything is above everyone else’s! That’s how he acts! He’ll say things like (you think your tired you don’t even know tired, try working in the sun all day doing labouring) and that could be right after I was outside with our children and dogs all day, and running errands with all of them😂
I’m glad someone was able to refocus attention back onto the real victim, the person with ADHD. I was afraid spouses might get ten seconds of attention. Phew.
Stay strong sis I know it's hard but just takes things one day at a time and keep working on yourself
Totally relatable. Married for 25 years and always knew something was horribly wrong but didn't know what. My husband was 'accidentally' diagnosed with ADHD after marriage counselling and, ironically, only after my 13 year old son was diagnosed. This was 2 years ago. I lived with a man with undiagnosed ADHD for 23 years and I feel utterly burnt-out. The husband in this video wanted to work on his issues. My husband refuses to.
I understand. I asked my fiancé to please please look into medication as he struggled since he was a kid, but went undiagnosed. Several years ago we had broken up and he did go to some counseling, but counseling was just counseling I think he didn’t some help with medication too, because he started self medicating missing appointments, and ending up with a dui from trying to self manage his symptoms, he got behind on his therapy bills and wasn’t showing up and that was that. So he’s never tried meds. I begged him to try medication and his response was that he can’t remember to schedule a doctors appointment. I don’t understand, if he’s as impaired as he says he is how does he manage to go to work and never forget to go? I’m to the point that I’m just so frustrated and angry as our lives fall apart around us no matter how hard we both try. After being together off and on since 2013 my I’m totally embarrassed as to what my life looks like today.
Divorce!
My partner is like that , she simply refuses to even discuss things 🤦♂️
Same. It's too much. 20yrs in and I'm done. I want out.
@@memyselfi2005there is no medication for adhd except for stimulants and some of the side effects of it are really dangerous he might develop Psychosis thats why for me i don't wanna try it. Not to mention he has a completely different brain than yours nothing can make him a neurotypical
Pretty sure my husband of 15y has ADHD. I've begged him to get help over the years, and I'm almost at my wit's end. I love him, I know he loves me, but everything is chaos all the time and I've spent the last 3yrs literally crying in frustration. It's impossible to establish any sort of routine. His memory is awful so reminders and lists don't get looked at. Schedules and alarms are put off and then time passes and things are forgotten. Things are constantly getting lost or thrown out because nothing ever gets put away where it "lives", and no thought is given to examining contents. He quit therapy after about a year, he goes to the doctor with the purpose of asking about these things and never asks for medication or therapy or help. He forgets to pay bills or communicate about money and then has emotional meltdowns when finances get tight and starts demanding we "cut back" on things that are essential.
This is abuse and "love" is what is keeping people in bondage to those who refuse to better themselves with the help of medication and ongoing therapy and accountability. Everyone is having the same issues, but with a different person it seems. Listen, if you can't change them (or they won't change), change what you can for yourself and for a better situation FOR YOU. Quitting your health is not an obligation... can be very telling. Stand tall, or speak with a divorce attorney. Good luck!
I gotta say as a married man with adhd and a incredible wife one thing that I hate is feeling content or like things are going well and then there’s a problem or argument and through the discussion you realize it was an ADHD thing but also it’s something you didn’t even see and that’s kind of the dangerous part is the problems your partner dealing with because of your adhd that you don’t realize. It sucks cause it feels to you like you are doing your best but there are these adhd invisible problems
Are you on medication and consistent ongoing therapy?
Ive always felt different from everyone. Early on in life my teachers would say on my report cards that "he struugles to pay attention, and doesn't follow instructions." I struggled in all classes except Art, Music, Drama, Physical Education. Im now 33... I struggle to do basic things that everyone else can do with ease. I zone out constantly, forget what I'm doing and saying. Get hyper fixated on certain things. I struggle making friends and just keeping conversation. I struggle holding jobs and bounce around a lot. I've tried everything to get or be just normal but nothing works. Not depression meds, not anxiety meds... I exercise daily and i look good but it don't help. I want to be able to do those simple things. I have a wife and she's amazing and loves me as i am but I'm not okay with how I am... she deserves more.
I have an appointment tomorrow with my doctor and i just hope this can lead me to a better quality of life. For me and my wife.
I'm pretty sure I'm speaking for others here too, but as the partner of someone with adhd...We love this!... and I'm personally so happy to see someone self aware & caring towards his effects on his partner as well. Thank you for your statement and being willing to work on it. That alone changes so much
Get medication if needed…stay consistent…try your best and acknowledge your progress. 1 day at a time. Everyone has their thing, this is yours, now master it :)
Jsyk, not everyone does those things with ease, and it isn't always related to ADHD for them. Literally almost every person struggles with one or more of those aspects, often severely, for a multitude of reasons. I'm glad you're reaching out for help.
You’re an artist and full of creativity. The same way you worry about math, many worry about not being creative, artistic 😊
🙏🏽🙏🏽
It's so hard to find out you have ADHD as an older adult. Medication can only do so much. It doesn't trump the need for therapy. I'm lucky I have a therapist who realized I'd been misdiagnosed as bipolar, and has helped me start finding ways to cope with long term undiagnosed ADHD.
Therapy doesn't work without medication I know I have actively done Therapy for many many years and i am unmedicated and my life is so hard trying to navigate around add. My therapist diagnosed me as such but she couldn't prescribe me so I went to my dr repeatedly and he choose to ignore my diagnoses and I struggle daily you would think years of dealing with this it would be easy to figure out as you get older but it actually becomes harder
It's also hard if you're diagnosed before adulthood because it was bad enough that you couldn't mask it even as a child without real responsibilities besides homework, and you couldn't do the homework because by the time you fought yourself enough to do it, you're too tired because it's 3 am.
@@chickontheright2771therapy can and does work without medication for some people and not for others. It sounds like that might have been the case for you.
But many people are able to manage their ADHD very well without medication because ADHD impacts people in many different ways and at different levels of severity.
Well I feel incredibly lucky. Just got diagnosed myself, but my wife has struggled for a long time with depression and such from before our marriage. Both of our children are on the spectrum/ADHD, and we have both joked with each other since the beginning that we both had ADHD. Well, turns out I do, and while my wife has not seen anyone for it we are both pretty sure she does. Luckily we committed to each other very early that we weren't going anywhere and so we've toughed it out. She has her issues, and I have mine. It balances out. The biggest thing is that we TALK about it, and we call each other out when we are getting out of our lanes. Communication is everything.
Feels like my life is falling apart because of my husband's undiagnosed ADHD...
How do you know if he's not diagnosed?
I think my brother has it but is undiagnosed and we live together. It's disruptive.
Same for me, girl... We're on this together...
Ma'am blink twice if you are unsafe. She sounds like a broken wreck. Which I am cuz of my ADHD spouse so I relate.
Even with counseling and medicine you will always have to be their parent.
This is very relatable in my relationship too, 3 plus years and still together but it's so much work and sometimes I need that support too
I count myself lucky. Im 26, have adhd and im married to my 32 year old wife. Finances arent a problem. Its mostly housekeeping. I keep the house clean but forget small things here and there and it bugs my wife. I keep trying to do better.
Just imagine how hard it is having ADHD when your loved ones are as frustrated with you as you are 😢
My wife is undiagnosed ADD. I am ADD. It is a rollercoaster of a marriage. Without the true love we have for each other, this relationship would never make it. Now, compound everything with her ADHD son... What a life.
i sympathise with this lady my husband has it and am in hell literally hell
Livie Shalom Leave this mentally damned guy
Im with a man that i knew had ADHD but, we lived a healthier life..10 years of a great life. Then he lost his job 15 months ago and I've been struggling to stay since. I love him but, hes gone. I haven't seen the man i love! Its It's sad 😥❤
I have put 6yrs in this marriage..meds dont help!ut has destroyed me completely..now I need help
There like narcissist...this is crazy..the impacts are devastating
Wow, your all pretty awful. You realize it's not a choice to have ADHD?
Nothing works if they live in denial
You an are are exactly the same. You and I share the same story. I am a nurse as well. My situation was over 20 years. Everyday it feels like I’m a failure.
I found this video to be helpful around understanding my Voicely's friend. Thank you! I am more aware of their feelings now.
This woman deserves heaven. God bless her
why does your husband have adhd too
This lady deserves peace and happiness. That’s no way to live.
It saddens me that people in developing countries like India are suffering from ADHD and they don't seek help mostly because of a lack of awareness and financial burden. I hope mental health care becomes affordable to people from low socioeconomic status 🤞❤
No because people still believe it’s a discipline/behavior problem by choice or the lack of effort not realizing it’s neurological and you have been fighting all your life to deal with it but can’t explain what it is or believe there’s a safe space to talk about it without ridicule. 😢 We the minority that have this issue have to be better for everyone else to be comfortable around us as if we don’t try. We erased ourselves and our humanity for others and their comfort.
I just broke up with my ex cause she had it but didn't tell me about it. I seen the signs. Her son has autism & she said once in the beginning he may got it from her because she thinks she has adhd. I didn't take it seriously at first but oh boy was I in for a ride. At first things were good, but as time went by she would be less focused on our relationship & worried about everyone else who didn't care about her before I came in the picture. I was helping with her bills while paying my bills due to her situation with a court case & was required for her not to work. I didn't mind helping, it was just to the point I didn't know what was going on. She wouldn't communicate with me & she would make promises but wouldn't keep them. I began to feel I was not cared for nor needed which led to arguments & name calling. I told her we should do couples therapy & she never agreed to it. She was in complete denial that she had a serious issue & it really affected us. I had to let it go & it was hard.
Yeah I think this is my husband it’s pure evil. Like narcissistic people
^^^yes! My life!! I hate it. **]
@@jennifer292011 how about you leave him if you cant stand his adhd
@@jennifer292011 This probably why you gonna be hella lonely. your most likely the problem!! :)
@@sexygabby30 funny enough if you look up narcissism symptoms and ADHD symptoms they are eerily similar.
I gave up as well, 5yrs relationship had to be cutt short. She was great but with all the knowledge I sought out, nothing was ever enough. To anyone struggling, communicate your boundaries and stick to them. Thats what helped me realize enough was enough.
I feel you. I’m sorry
Bein in such relationship can really get you crazy (unless your partner is understanding it and working on it).
I understand this pain. It helps a little knowing the ADHD is the cause instead of laziness or selfishness. But the loneliness remains. How does the non-ADHD spouse cope?
If you stay with them, you have to somewhat disconnect from them emotionally, because if you don’t they will unintentionally kill your soul
My partner was just Diagnosed last week being admitted for one month from tomorrow
How will I cope all I see from cribs is that ADHD is an Elephant in relationships
Gone through Hell
We have a one year and 9 months old baby
Is there a Group like Whatsapp of partners with ADHD so we can walk the journey together?
Why does this seem so similar to generational curses ( something spiritually caused)?? The affects of it affect one's ability to function productively... wisely...orderly. it's such an interesting thing, that I'll be seeking God to further understand because Lawd hammmercy...
Its exactly what i have been thinking numerous times. It sometimes seems more like demonic oppression to me. Indeed generational curses cause its all opposite of the life God wants us to lead. Its chaos destruction hurt guilt and boundage for both parties, its taking life for granted and devaluing whats truly precious. While God wants us to be still and in peace. To have clarity and wisdom. Dont act on impulses. View things long term. Its like all the opposite. I just dont know what to think of it anymore. I come out of a 5 year on and off thing with someone who has ADHD and i feel worn out by it..
Is there an equivalent service in the UK does anyone know? Sounds brilliant.
Tons of stories about waiting 2 plus years on a waiting list for help. I'm sure some had better outcomes, but good luck.
@@zacharycadman8226yep, I finally have my NHS assessment next week after waiting 2 and a half years.
My ADHD wife has destroyed my life!she has been violent and completely disrespectful and uncontrolled even on adderall..I have been buried by all this
I feel you.
My ADHD + ASD husband destroyed my life and inner peace as well.
Hugs.
I mean the first step for a person with adhd is BEING aware of these destroying behaviours . If not then you are in trouble .
The non adhd partner has to read and understand adhd and thats os not the person fault . And use empathy in order to not get hurt by things like this .
But your partner has to realise that she got work to do . And work with adhd take years because its already hard for us .
@@goldenunicorn2690 Ive seen yor comments about you bashing people with adhd on youtube
maybe she has something else
@@noneofyourbuizness I agree. I tell people that if they are interested in dating someone who has ADHD and IS aware of how their symptoms affect their relationships but choose NOT to do something about it, then I always say run.
Better to find someone with ADHD who has already accepted the impact of their symptoms and has already been receiving treatment and continuously working regularly to alleviate symptoms. That second kind is totally spouse material because they have accepted and practiced responsibility. And that is the kind of person that you want to build a life with. Because if they have accepted their reality and does something about it, then how much more would they react to new life situations and other kinds of priorities/stressors? That is the kind of person that would be able to care for the non-adhd partner in a relationship and know how to make it work. Not to say that the non-adhd partner doesnt have to do anything in return. Like all disabilities, ADHD also requires interactive accommodations or relationship accommodations.
Watching this, because I suspect that maybe my husband has it and is undiagnosed.
I suffer from ADHD and so does my grandpa. My grandpa’s ADHD caused him to have trouble with the law and he became an alcoholic.
My son has extreme ADHD and right now currently he is sitting in jail man it sucks. I feel so bad for my son that he has it.
@@crystalgutierrez3447 yeah ADHD is worse than people think. I hope ur son is alright
Couples therapy did not help us. And as she says the psychiatrist only dispenses medications.
I believe I have ADHD. I sympathize with you.
You still call him a good person. How would you feel if he cheated multiple times?
She'd probably call him her ex
This reminds me of autism speaks. It makes people with ADHD out to be the enemy, not people who can be helped greatly with a bit of support and slight chnges in the way things are done, the issue here is expecting us to act like neurotypicals.
Great my foot, I would rather die alone than date someone like my awful ex with ADHD ever again. Its a devastating illness.
that’s really sad compassion, patience and acceptance of the differences I live with daily has gone much farther than someone belittling me for the things I struggle to do but that’s just me
@@michelle7286yes just all about you.
@@michelle7286 THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU, NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU PEOPLE
@@JJ-hu4cm it’s not about me I’m speaking for a whole group of people that unfortunately face a lot of judgement and discrimination just because we have something that we never asked for to begin with. Believe me if I could make my ADHD go away forever I would in a heartbeat but that’s not the reality. But it’s pretty telling how you feel we’re less than you by referring to us as “you people” it’s treating us as subhuman. It also diminishes those of us who are actively seeking treatment and are thriving 😕. When I mess up I own it and take accountability and I’m so lucky to have people who are so patient in my life who have supported me through everything and I’m forever grateful to them and I always make sure to reciprocate that love back.
Stop telling me to make a list and everything will be solved!
Living with a person that had adhd can drain the energy from your soul
That's true
Yep, soul crushes. It’s like their not happy until they steal the light of your eyes
@JS-ss6ig I understand how it feels like that. But in the case of a person being a loving /caring individual I sincerely don't feel it's something they do with malice. However it can be emotionally draining to deal with
This is an AD without CZcams reviewing these vids YT is going down the 'tube!' if U will.
He didnt mean to do it. He knows it affects you. Ge didnt mean to make you feel so small. Especially when being late all the time.
Can't you have ADHD and also be lazy? My ex fiance would get pissed if I said he's lazy, but he is!?! If I just smoked pot and played video games all day my life would be shit too...medicated and not manageable. The ego and the arrogance is ridiculous! Why didn't I realize how little empathy he had at the beginning? Was he just masking? I can't get any of this ....I feel tricked
Get him some help.
@@ProdigalReturn I try but he won't listen when I'm nice or neutral and I'm not his mom and I won't be mean...I just broke up with him and he seems to be getting his shit together, like working under a deadline. I am fearful to resume our relationship.
@@leahcaso5435 all you can do... is tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him you're not trying to be mean or hurt his feelings but you're burnt out and you need help too. Say if he's not willing to make an effort or seek help that you're gonna have to leave. I have adhd and I struggle with some of the same things he does. I struggle to hold a job for any length of time, hate talking to people. But where I differ from your man is I make sure if I'm not currently working that I do anything I can to make my wife's life and days easier.... like I do all the house chores, cook, clean, laundry, shovel during winter, mow the lawn. I make sure she's entertained and satisfied emotionally and in the bedroom as well. And I still don't feel that's enough and want to be better and I am actually getting medical help. I hope you can talk some sense in to him or find someone who's worth sharing your life with.
Good for you not just taking it.
And sorry I realize I never really answered your initial question. Yes you can have adhd and be lazy. It's just figuring out when it's the adhd or when they're just being a lazy turd.
@@ProdigalReturn I love him very much but it's of little consequence. I don't want to live like this.
@@leahcaso5435 and you shouldn't have to. This life goes by extremely fast. So make sure you're not wasting your time suffering when you could be happy. I hope it all works out for you.
Reading this thread only adds more evidence to the pile that people with ADHD are not actually capable of love because the narcissism always wins.
The world needs to be warned!!
That's the truth
@@jsma5503 i was fiagnosed at 16 im 18 now so all of them are not bad im manage it
@@samuelbamiteko9519 i mean non adhd people tend to forget that we are all different in our own ways . .
But since i kept reading message from non adhd partner i can tell that my self esteem got hurt really badly
@@jsma5503 stop telling people they need to be warned that their partner has adhd that horrible you were with your husban d for 18 years and you talk shit about him fuck you he is on meds and therapy and he tries to manage it
@@jsma5503 stop getting mad that his brain dosent work like yours
smoke a joint!
This makes some of us just unable to think.
I can't smoke anymore bc my partner with ADHD makes me so god damn anxious, overwhelmed, and unheard that it is not even slightly enjoyable to be high. Unless I am alone and he is at work, unable to reach me. So I have had to resort to leaving my own job early in secret (!!) Just to have one or two hours to breathe, enjoy my personal time, and exist without being bombarded.
it makes it worse, unfortunately. it seems like there's no way to win here. 😔
I begged for 15 years 2 kids and so many times of feeling like I was just a maid and mom. He worked his job perfectly. Talk to friends and family but at home... nothing. He refused help told me I was crazy. I'm trying to get past the resentment and pain. I love him but I don't know if it's enough. I have mental health issues and it's really hard for my self worth and I'm really struggling with this situation. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm 45 and have nothing to start over with the kids...I just wish he would have been willing to get help earlier. Or I had walked away before the resentment set in.
That is not the only reason. Many people that have ADHD will take care of things. So, your husband was putting all the shit on you because you allowed it. He allowed himself to be checked out and not helpful
She isn't responsible for making him act like a damn adult. We all have issues, trauma, mental health problems or disorders. ADHD is not the epitome of helpless suffering, and she is not responsible for his decisions
We are all responsible for what we allow are we not? @@xxbeccabrutalityxx7873