The Dumbest Dating Mistake Everyone Makes... (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)
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- čas přidán 8. 09. 2017
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I post new dating advice for women every Sunday.
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Last week I showed you how to respond to a flakey guy using my killer “Bliss Point” texts - which combines being salty and sweet to make a guy totally addicted to you.
Except…
Some of the more angry responses said things like:
“Matt, why would I even think about being sweet to a guy who flakes on a date?? He should be chasing me already, and if not, I have a right to be angry when I text back…”
To tell you the truth, I’m really glad these comments came up (and I kind of expected it).
In this week’s video, I’m about to show you why this response relates to a huge mistake 99% of people make in dating.
Make sure you don’t fall into this common trap...
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Dude, that's a brilliant life skill to have: Be ruthless with your actions, not with your tone. Thank you:)
Vex T Umm maybe you've judged a bit too soon. Another way of looking at that writing is that it's absolutely crisp and to the point. That being said, you're entitled to your opinion. :) Have a good day ahead!
Perfect summary. Thanks Monali!!!
Monali Sisodia your Indian & Indian's don't date they directly get arranged with some unknown guy... so get out from here.. (a fellow Indian)
Yeah, but you're being passive aggressive.
And Sherlock is stereotyping your entire race to what is only common practice in your race's native country. That's not cool.
To be honest, I'm not caught up in finding a man, etc. I love how your lessons are so universally applicable to navigating life in general.
Melissa H 100%
SERIOUSLY!!!! As Matthew was saying all of this I wasn't even thinking or processing it only in regards to men or dating, I was thinking about it in all aspects of life in general! So enlightening!
I agree!
Agree!
Melissa H exactly
This man is an artist with his words when dealing with sensitive women. He basically told them to not be masculine and aggressive in the most passive way I've heard. His referring to women as people when he said "one the dumbest mistakes people make in dating..." In order to not make them feel like he was calling them dumb was amusing and smart.
I noticed that too, unfortunately both sexes have the tendency to forget that the opposite side are just people.
The kind of aggression he is talking about is at least as common among females. So it is kind of sexist of you that you have thrown the word masculine in there.
@@Chiungalla79 Can't women sometimes be masculine and men sometimes be feminine. We both have both traits. How is that sexist?
@@TheWhisperTexan
I agree with your first two sentences. But it changes nothing, and calling this masculine is still sexist. Why? Because it is as common with women as it is with men. But calling it masculine suggests that it is rarer among women. It suggests that it is a male trait that at times is expressed by females. And it isn`t.
He's the wahmen whisper
“Be ruthless in my actions, be ruthless in my actions, be ruthless in my actions”
Tomorrow news headline: crazy ex bf kills girl for cheating
He smiled and said "Oh, you're cheating on me!? Hmm, a little surprising but no big deal. Wanna go for lunch tomorrow?" then slits her throat on the way home.
lol
?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Nice.
"Be ruthless in your actions, be kind in your tone"----- Life lesson.
Thank you Matthew 🙏🏼
Slap your partner and mutilate him... but with smile and sweet words
This is like the old adage, speak softly, but carry a big stick..
such a empowering yet simple concept its like we have managed to blind ourselves from it.
I was married 24 years, and my husband passed away 4.5 years ago. When we were first seeing each other, I was sweet, vulnerable, and he knew what I did and did not tolerate. He reciprocated. 😊 Amazingly, I was only 19. He was as kind to me, as I was to him. And in the rough times, it was that sweetness that we remembered, and held us together.
Never underestimate how kindness can exalt and liberate.
☮️ Peace 😊
Jen Mulyck This is so sweet
it is
j juniper very sweet and I hope you find love again.
The only gift in life that can never be taken back and always remembered is the time spent with the loved ones. May god bless you and your husband”s soul.
♡♡♡♡
very true. I've never been mad at a person i planned on never seeing again. my wife on the other hands makes me want to jump into on coming traffic.
It's funny to watch this as a guy...
Yeah 😂😂😂
It’s funny to watch this as someone who isn’t neither in love not interested in a relationship 😂 soo much drama
It’s funny that in this video he is making course corrections for girls who misinterpret what he’s saying and in the comments girls misinterpret the video.
But I guess this does not only work for women
S R
I doubt it works at all
It's the expectations! As soon as we fall in love we begin to imagine being already married with them! That's why we get that disappointed which tempts us to overreact!
I agree too emotionally attached
hopes and drems are enemy....
@@arorajivlogs1641 wrong: high expectations are enemies...dreams and hopes drive us forward. EXPECTING all dreams and hopes to come true is silly, but still a good force to keep us thinking positive and creatively.
I don't know if you realize this or not, but you just gave every single man who's had dating issues some serious inspiration :)
Yeaaaa… that’s crazy.
This actually makes a lot of sense, thank you!
冰雪皇后 are u à hater with too much free time on his hand? Cause u'r on alll of his videos, u spend time watching first then hate after :D
You think?
Obviously because it's the truth and they can't handle the truth!
Waldzwölfen
Because he's talking nonsense
He just tells them what they want to hear
A lot of women are very susceptible to this kind of bs AND from A MAN too
You meet a man, you like that man, he likes you, you have a wonderful life together
OR you keep going for the 'bad boys' because you think they're give you great sex - you don't, they're too full of themselves and you end up a 40yo spinster and all the younger prettier girls are arriving to take you place
Nice guys also give you great sex too
But they've already been snapped up by the smart women while the others are still being mistreated by the so-called 'bad boys' aka dickheads and losers
Waldzwölfen
Unbelievable isn't it eh
"You who i barely know had that much of an effect on me." Applicable in other areas of life as well.
It's so strange though. Because this advise is not only true, but it just holds so much power. When you are nice and sweet but keep your standard and all that, people just come crawling back to you. It's got this magmatic power over people. It works on me when guys do it to me, and it works when I do it to guys and other friends. It's just very very powerful. Haha. I've never seen it fail. Matthew is absolutely right on this one.
I'm a newly trained therapist & I 100% agree w/this. I am constantly teaching my clients how to become emotionally intelligent & empowering them to find stability/control in their identity... not in someone's actions or lack thereof.
Sounds smart
emotionally intelligent (nailed)
“Education is no substitute for intelligence.”
― Frank Herbert
“It is so shocking to find out how many people do not believe that they can learn, and how many more believe learning to be difficult.”
― Frank Herbert, Dune
k-love
"Constantly teaching" I can see why you're new to the profession if you're always telling them to do something
What is "emotionally intelligent"?
+Agent J Back it up.
🙌♥️
The saddest part is that this is exactly what a caring dad would tell his young girl about life and people.
Those women obviously never had any of this.
That’s a ridiculous assumption to make
@@boomds5602 But probably true.
I feel like a lot of fathers don’t talk to his daughter about her dating life, no matter how caring they are. There’s a lot of fathers who just don’t acknowledge that their daughter will date at all because in a way it’s accepting that they are growing up.
@@cardboardclub A caring father knows he isn't immortal, he knows he has to give his daughter everything he can so she can deal with men, with love, with death.
In many cases the insight is more missing than the care I guess.
This doesn’t just apply for dating. Great life skill to learn. Thanks man keep up the good work
He is literally talking about boundaries. Like read the book “Boundaries” and “Who’s pulling your strings.”
This is soooo true
You've got to be confident with yourself and love yourself and then you won't put up with crap from other people. Fall in love with life and your dreams and goals and then you'll attract other people
You can't chase love it has to chase you
❤️
This is so true. As a guy, if a girl is angry or bitter or bratty, I just get annoyed. If she is super sweet and warm and friendly (even if I know I'm being a jerk) and then suddenly starts ignoring me or not wanting to see me as a consequence of my actions, I start to panic and try to redeem myself. Moral of the story ladies, ALWAYS be sweet and caring even if inside you're boiling, but don't be afraid to follow through with your actions when your standards aren't met
I feel like we're hardwired to pay attention to actions and just get annoyed by "appearances". I don't know what it is. When a girl is sweet to me I'm just over the moon for her. Catty, bratty is the biggest turn off, moreso than appearance. I was instantly uninterested in one of the hottest women I've met when she responded to someone with a snarky (not in jest) tone.
The bliss point is a byproduct of authenticity. You don't want to aim for it, just be authentic and naturally the communication will reach that bliss point.
I am a middle aged autistic person who is coming to grips with his prognosis, and I am legitimately using your videos to learn how to interreact with people in general and women specifically. It is a huge help in discovering what my mistakes have been in previous interactions. Thank you for clear and concise direction.
This is so true. Keep standards. No one can push anyone down. ☺
Setting the boundary is the tone. Sticking with it is the action. Setting the boundary + sticking with it = self respect. #loveyoself
Screw him, I'm not gonna send one of these sweet-salty messages, I'm not gonna be nice, I'm not gonna be kind! #BOYBYE
Did great in spider-verse
Hot damn, i looked down and saw this at the exact moment it happened!
N Caged
How's that working out for you?
(Male Here) When a woman starts texting me nasty things, I ALWAYS make sure she has the last word and stop responding. This gives me the high-ground while it gives her a false and temporary sense of justification. Eventually, we know how this scenario unfolds...
Totally needed to hear this tonight, especially after being 2/2 stood up this weekend. I'm taking myself on a date!
Matthew...such useful information!
GO GIRL YES
That's a bummer.. I hope you're happy wherever you're at now c:
He stood you up twice? Damn that's rough I'm sorry to hear that happened to you 😔
Try life as a man.
By two diffrent men..?
I'm a dude and this applies to me. I didn't like Matthew's content at first, but it has grown on me fast!
True. It's all about psychology. I find it useful too.
He looks like Jesus speaking to the little children lol
Everyone knows Jesus wasn't white.
@@murcielagosv9244 nor was he any other color, because he doesn't exist.
Neo NZ yasss 😂
Neo NZ because women are children
🤣🤣🤣🤣👍
Hi Matthew!! Thank you for this one! 🙏🏻 I literally watch this video every day because I am determined to burn this idea in my brain and re-wire my neural network for how I handle my own emotions and other people's behavior! 💪🏻
I also been using that advice in the other areas of my life and let me tell you, for the first time in my life I feel like I AM "in control" (your words!). I am still working on getting all my shit together, but for the past two weeks I actually made progress because NO ONE EVER explained it as well as you did! So, my deepest gratitude for this video. 💋
It hurts when your dating someone you really like and they choose to leave. Especially when you did your best to work things out and be kind and compassionate. I do always feel a little better about myself when I respond in this way. It lets them know that you are full of kindness and love instead of bitterness and hate. Great advice!
To everyone asking how you do this - it's boundaries! It's taken me a long time to really get this, and took a while to really hit home, but it's SO worth learning. Anne Katherine's two books - boundaries and where to draw the line are SO helpful, and Iyanala Vanzant's shows and CZcams channel (the r spot) are SO good for reminders and reorienting to this way of thinking.
Matthew this is spot on. So good too! I love hearing this in a new way - it really hits home for me. I'm dealing with a narcissist ex that I still have to be in contact with, and this is a really great additional lens to view it through. Where is he focusing on tone, and where can I focus on action? Yes! So helpful to have as a life skill :) thank you. This helps in more ways than perhaps even you know. Us women are often not taught how to do this - as perhaps your comment section is showing. In some/many cases actively discouraged from having these in the appropriate priority. All the help we can get in re-prioritizing the important one - action - is so, so welcome!!
Grace Lewis okay
So brilliant and so true! That's what I've always loved about Matthew. He always gives great advise that is so versatile and so powerful it has no bounds!
I have a friend who constantly is passive aggressive but not in the way you would think. She goes on a date with a guy, sleeps with them that first date, then wonders why that's all the guy wants from that point on. She says she does not let on that she is upset to the guy. Yet she constantly complains of being disappointed and angry to me. I have told her straight out that she should try not sleeping with them and see how it goes. But she never does. She complains about things and asks for my advice. But never changes her actions. Am I wrong for backing away from her? I don't mind if somebody comes to me with an issue they are trying to get help for and change. But I do mind when I listen, give my advice when asked, then the person continues to repeat they same behavior and complain nothing is changing. Thanks for you videos.
(male here) Yesterday i viewed a profile on bumble who came out with a list of demands (and it came off really rude). I read the list and thought to myself, yes, i meet all these requirements, but i dont particularly like your attitude. I know people have requirements (as they dont want to be burnt), but its the way you present them.
Update: So i ended up adding her just out of interest. Her first comment was "Hey Poo". Ummm ok... maybe a typo. Then after that she was just really rude. very closed, aggressive comments. Just said "ok, thanks" and unmatched. Just odd. A real person too.
magpie_girl It has nothing to do with being lazy.
Men with standards, expectations, demands are called as self-centered, narcissist... etc. Afterall, they should be glad even for getting a girl, a divine gift to him. Yeah... that mentality exist amongst women mostly.
Other than that, just like how women are bored of judged based on looks only, men also are bored of being judged based on utility, based on how they can match women's demands.
In reality, women are actually more lazy.
Just to clarify, it was just a list of demands, said absolutely nothing about her personality/hobbies/interests. Sure, everyone has a list of traits they're looking for, but this is a mutual relationship. If i wrote "you must cook me dinner every night, have sex with me, keep house clean, keep mouth shut" on my profile, everyone would think "wtf", yet she thinks it's ok to write that. Probably wondering why she can't find "Mr Right"
I think guys are basically looking for a woman who is attractive, fun, nice, and has a brain, in that order mostly. I've noticed in my experience with women that I am happy to spend time with women who meet those requirements, I really enjoy it; they don't need to have a giant laundry list of things I expect from them. In fact, I don't expect much of them, just that they are willing to get along and have fun. Now, I have much more stringent requirements for a wife, but that is way down the track. I find that women have much tighter criteria for what they 'want' in a man, like a wish list, and are more willing to rule out men based on some little feature. Maybe this is why men don't make demands on their profiles - they would rather meet someone they can enjoy time with than someone who meets their ideal preferences but is a bitch.
Mustafa U. That's a highly stereotypical comment. Not all men and women have a long wishlist which potential candidates have to fit in or abide by. I would never be with a man who doesn't respect me and for whom I am not a priority not because I am a queen but because he'll be my priority as well. Men are not viewed as utilities yes, women like to be loved and pampered but as long as it's mutual there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone has demands irrespective of gender and they don't have to make sense to all of us to be respected unless someone is outright rude and demeaning.
This is my take as someone of the opposite gender. Let me clarify that I will be using words like some, most, a lot of times, etc. But I will never say "all" because I know that isn't the case. Nothing is absolute, let's keep that in mind.
Let's continue. I think most women have experienced a lot of asshole men who just want to have sex and are willing to be dishonorable, dishonest and right down rude and demeaning in order to get it, that it ends up burning them, scarring them and turning them into the aggressor. I can say I was pissed off at one point in my life and just sick of it. I have been insulted on dating apps by strangers out of the blue. If I was at work and not answered for the day, I'd open up the app to insults too. Someone who seemed normal on the app would turn into a douche in person, on the phone texting during the date, not paying attention, conversation without substance, trying to touch me thought evidently I wasn't into someone who isn't even paying attention to me. Sure, I would not talk to them again, I would accept any more dates, but the bottom line is, you can have so many of those experiences before you just want to eliminate the possibility of meeting one of those men in person. That's when you turn bitter and turn to writing lists of do's and don't. I am not saying it is right, what I am saying is, these women are wounded.
Unfortunately, you have two choices: Pull out of the game, or come to terms that you will have to interview many bad singers, before there is someone you can give stage time because they can belt. But it takes patience, a deep self understanding to not allow yourself to become bitter and learning from the signs to adjust who you give a chance at a date. I ended up knowing how to spot the "I just wanna fuck" guys from the "I do wanna fuck, but I also want to get to know you" guys and my dating went a lot better. But Matthew is right, actions, no words are important.
This does not only apply only in dating but in relationships in general. Thank you!
Being ruthless in your actions and kind in your tone is not just confined to relationships or dating... it goes beyond it.. and yeah we get angry on things we care about.. A great advice. Thanks mathew i admire you alot and the points you bring up
Exactly, tone is so important. I don't like to give extreme emotions one way or the other. You're giving away your power. I'm so nice when I text a guy, it takes him a hot second to realise I've said "next". Boundaries can be said nicely. I live in a small town so saying 'next' nicely is paramount for me. He may be fixing my car, plumbing my bathroom etc in the future. 🤣 There's an art in showing someone the door, without them realising that they're now already outside..
One video per week is not enough Matthew.
franklingirl23 I agree but he has other things going on. You know what I miss, those love line calls... he needs to do something like that again! Learned so much from those!
quality!
Your my bliss point😍
Nothing is enough for women unfortunately example A the original comment
franklingirl23 why?
I absolutely love this! I agree that's so much more powerful. I'd love if you could make a video on how you think we can implement being "ruthless" in action. Also, i wonder if this translates into indifference? So maybe you've been with the guy or girl for a while now but still are ruthless in actions. To me that I feel like that might come across as not caring.. not sure if that makes sense. I'd love to get other people's opinions
Msruru100 it's true, examples are needed. People's definition of ruthless and sweet vary, person to person and culture to culture.
I think it's not so much not caring as having the courage of you convictions. Understanding your worth and what is acceptable for you and sticking to those standards but in a respectful way.
Msruru100 think of the relationship later on when things have become comfortable and you start to relax on your personal standards and giving in on things that are important to you... It will just get worse until you're resentful and feel that he doesn't care about your feelings... On the other hand once your standards are known...there is no need to test them and you can relax and enjoy the relationship as there is trust that you are protecting the others boundaries
Msruru100 ok
Ruthless = consequent, that's all. You are kind and approach people by giving them a chance to be themselves without fear of your judgements but are not afraid to let them know if something displeased you (either with words or gesturs, again with kindness yet with transparent actions - hopefully or not, the other will be intelligent enough to understand or else you will need to take a more direct route, not more abrasive, just direct). But being charmed, we sometimes over look some details. This is why later couple have it more rough, relationship changes, more aware of personal differences and personal details and less charmed and 'controlled' by your own instincts and more by your 'logic' and sometimes unreasonable reason. Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic (Frank Herbert - Dune book series). In indifference, your will is not there. If your will is there but you think it's kind of indifference, you might be misjudging indifference for a lack of self-knowledge toward who you are and what affects you. What do you despise? By this are you truly known. (Frank Herbert). If it is truly indifference then you know you are done here, time to move on. 'Ruthless' in your actions, lead yourself, not others. Enjoy your time while you still have some =]
You are simply brilliant. You not only gave amazing dating advice here, but this can also apply to parenting as well. The minute we lose control of our tone, the focus is on us rather than on their actions. What you are saying here is setting a clear and firm boundary while communicating in a loving tone. Because the truth is, this is a kind of tough love that when the other person sees the boundary or consequence of his unacceptable behavior, he has a higher probability of changing to avoid that consequence in future relationships. If we get out of control with our emotions, they feed on the attention and drama. We have to actually remove the attention and that shows them they lose the close access by treating us in a way we won’t allow. This is a great way to show our sons how to treat women too. Moms who have good boundaries for how we will he treated by saying, “The most loving thing I can do for both of us right now is to not allow you to treat me this way.” And then lower your investment immediately so they feel it. Whether that means leaving the room, not being so accessible, or not continuing to do for them extra things and effort you did before until you see a true change of heart and behavior. But the loving tone is still there. We can even tell them “I care about you too much and I respect myself too much to allow you to be this version of yourself with me. It’s not ok, it’s not good for you and your future and it’s not good for me.” Thank you for doing what you do, Matt, your advice is sound, spot on, empowering and wise. Best dating coach out there. I’m a fan for life.
wow, this is such a unique and fresh advice, helped me look at the things in a different way. And the way u emphasise 'they are angry at themselves', cant agree on this anymore!
Matthew you are brilliant!! I can apply this to all aspects in my life. Thank you!
As always Matthew, you touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. This message, like so many, is so simple yet so incredibly profound. I've said it a thousand times and I'll say it again, thank you Matthew for sharing your gifts with the world. :)
Yes..dont allow people to push your buttons..and show emotional responce..stay I controll... I'm Italian and it's been a challenge...be in control !!!..great info
That's awesome advice! Over many years I've noticed how much being gentle, actually caring and being altruist is so powerful, but not to get what you want, but to actually find meaning and peace in life
Greetings from Nigeria 🇳🇬 I'm just seeing you here for the first time...I will like to know you more I hope you wouldn't mind
THIS IS PURE GOLD.
It's 2017, still no flying cars but at least we've got this video :)
I'd love to see practical examples of how you act ruthlessly in your actions. I often struggle to find the right balance and I end up showing too much interest.
Loving your improvement over the years, keep it up.
Omgggg Matty I needed this... This is where I go wrong.. Not just in my love life.. But with other relationships as well... I cannot keep my cool!! I will definitely start changing my tone!! And show with my actions! Another one of your am amazing tips... I love u so much.. 😘
Love your message in the closing line of this video Matthew. I spent far too many years in an unhappy marriage where I made this same mistake over and over again.
Hii greetings to you from Nigeria 🇳🇬 I'm just seeing you here for the first time tho... I will like to know you more I hope you wouldn't mind
Amazing Mark... I'll remember this for my lifetime... Sweet on your tone, show ruthness on your actions.. Just sweet on your tone... Thanks alot
oh my god, THIS is it! this is the exact issue i have with myself...
if there is anymore in-depth stuff you could do about this, that would be lovely! if not, still thank you for this! i ll keep chanting "Be sweet in your tone and ruthless in your actions" now lol
thank you, matthew
I LOVE this guy!! Thank you, Matthew, for such great positive messages in your videos that leave me smiling ear to ear, feeling empowered, and wanting to be the best version of myself. We are all a work in progress.
You go queen! Lol jk sarcasm
I keep coming back to this video periodically because is such an important life lesson.
Thank you!
So much truth in what he saying, especially about screwing over your own standards. The main line of actions vs words but also the fact that with your actions it shows you have more of a self worth and higher self esteem.
Love this one especially. It’s calling for us to be Empowered. Love the vision you are building Matt of strong, attractive dating women!
It's true! I never thought about it that way before but it's so true! Thank you Matthew! You're so good at telling us what we need to hear, while being so cute at the same time so that we don't want to kill you ;) I'm so upset you were in LA and I missed it!
I love the fact that you always have a new advice regarding the dating life even after all these years as a dating coach! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
This is on point! Thank you so much Matthew for putting this out there for us to hear and learn from!
dayyymnn! makes alot of sense! Lesson Learned today for life!
Man i don't think this should only apply to dating, in my opinion this should be applied to all aspects of life in communication (just like how i find most of your advice do and not only suitable for women, but men too,) especially for a short-tempered person like me who easily gets really angry and pissed if someone does me wrong or when i'm arguing, thanks for the advice i hope i remember it when i'm put in said situations and not let emotions have the best of me.
Not just a relationship coach but a communications strategist!! I think this is so applicable to our daily communication too
Powerful. Every relationship, not just a romantic one, nailed, right there.
Great message!!! (So true!!!) I'm guilty of the angry passive aggressive text. Thanks for calling us out on our behaviors.
Ouch. Why women in your country like that.women and men in our country may be poor but they are like that. They are already matured in the age of 18 20 24. That why 95percent of our married people have lifetime partner. But great message but that speaker. There nit much standard in country. We date them to know them. And there loyalty integrity no matter how hurt we are. Thats what famiky oriented made there son. And for me the cause of that in your country are the divorced rate and emotional damage that your culture. Put on the kids of divorce. My opinion only 50 percent divorce on your country right. Because they run from responsibilities.
Greetings from Nigeria 🇳🇬 I'm just seeing you here for the first time tho...I will like to know you more I hope you wouldn't mind
Worst mistake : Dating at all. Lmao
War is better.
wow
And remmember people that is what Sun Tzu said. Not to be ignored.
Yep. Especially because it’s been proven by social science studies that the large number of women out there, once they manage to start earning more than their man, are almost always likely to leave him for someone else. So why would a man sign up for a relationship only to have to work to stifle his woman’s economic potential to keep her around when it’s better to keep her as a strong, single, independent woman who can go out and have her career? Meanwhile the man doesn’t lose out on anything because he never participated in the rigged game in the first place and can keep more of his resources for himself.
Remember, men in relationships: hypergamy is real and it’s only a matter of time before it strikes you down.
Correct. You are under no obligation, and should not even attempt, to give women what they want, especially if it involves a sacrifice on your part. Do not give women anything.
Thats great. Actions speak louder than words.
Some people don't get it though so just consistently do it until they do.
Exercising your standards is a fabulous way to weed out the wrong guys before you've invested too much of yourself. It takes courage. People respond well to boundaries when presented in a kind and caring way. 🙏 Matthew for making this video
*Comprising and screwing your standards* - I bet many of us could relate to this. Well done again Matthew. This is another powerful message from you. :)
Hii greetings to you from Nigeria 🇳🇬 I'm just seeing you here for the first time tho...I will like to know you more I hope you wouldn't mind
“Be Ruthless in your actions, be kind in your tone.” - Matthew Hussey, (A wise man)
dear Matthew, you put the truth too nicely that in isolation we are always about accepting bad treatments. just by listening to your words I feel confident! much love :*
Looking like a movie star, eloquent, charming accent, smart, and has an all-female audience that are single giggling like schoolgirls. Dude, you are absolutely crushing it....!!!
women, everything you have been told by the corpwrate media is reliable and trust worthy. you are all perfect and 'worth it'. you dont need to grow, self reflect, and improve as a human being, its men that need to change.
just keep whining, and 1 day everything will just fall into your lap. probably around age 37
Anders Breivik Sarcasm
Judging by your profile picture this is a joke. Honestly it’s what people believe which makes me sad
Funny, if you would warch matthews Videos, you would know that is not what he is advocating. He advocates always working on yourself in Order to attract a mate that is also high value. Be high value, than you will get high value mates.
@@alissaa2809 Except what you call "high value" for yourself is miles away from bringing anything interesting into a relationship, to not say toxic
Anita Bonghit haha the wall defeats them all by age 37.
for the situation i'm in right now being ghosted by a guy i really do like, this has been more useful advice in one video than all the advice from my friends combined! ruthless actions & kind tone is all the clarity i needed - thanks matt! x
I was ghosted as well and we just so happened to see one another in passing by accident , I decided to be ruthless in my actions by not responding to the text messages and kinder in my tone all at once , good for me.
it is funny how i watch the guy not truly following only because his energy does enough for me to feel so much better about life in general.he really goes the extra mile in his study on human emotions,as through a maturity journey.Thank you,Matthew Hussey and big Congrats!!!
Matt, I thank you so much for always clearing the fog on what we should aim to work on, which is why I'd absolutely love it if you posted more videos about accountability systems. What do you do to stay on top of both your professional and your personal to-do lists? Do you have an agenda? Is it a paper one or a digital one? How do you keep yourself accountable to your goals? Would you mind expanding on your external system of organization and on your internal path to constant execution? I know that many of us would find it beneficial on our trek to build a life replete with value and grounded in confidence.
🙂 thank you for every Sunday video
I think this is gold 💰 I'd like to just take a step further and say that (and I actually think this was said in the texting video) holding a standard also goes hand in hand with letting go of the outcome. Maybe this guy will walk away if yu draw a line. We seem to have a consensus that this means they weren't the right person, and I agree with that; but I just want to also note that we have to recognize that letting someone else walk away can be emotionally painful. Isn't that why we don't hold up our own standards?
I truly believe we should hold up standards and be as ruthless in our actions as situations require (for example not just in dating, I'm a Mom of a small child and this is more my focus in interactions rather than dating right now - but the same thing applies. As it would apply in business or in having integrity in your profession). Upholding standards is KEY to moving through this life. And I love that Matthew teaches such applicable ways to do that. I love these videos.
But to the other people put there that may be reading this and have struggled like I have with being ruthless for fear of the emotional pain it may cause: letting go of the outcome and telling myself that I am responsible for the emotions I feel and that I can deal with them no matter what, transformed my life. It's one small step but it's a step somewhere :)
Matt, your videos are like chicken soup!
I instantly feel happier and more focused on my current life goals, in general, not only relationship-wise. It's such a great channel and you are a wonderful person 💛
The advice is so simple but yet so powerful!! Thank you!!
I completely 100% agree with you Matt. I once dated a guy that annoyed me so much because I was always the one that had to go up to him if I wanted to talk or dance with him. I hated that I had to do all the work. It annoyed me so much but mostly because I knew I was still going to put in that effort because I liked him.
Because he's above your standards that's why.
Sounds a bit childish, but I guess men and women are different
now you know how it feels to be a man boo boo.
Repeat after me ladies, be ruthless in your actions and not your tone!! 🤣🤣 He's right, I think everywoman needs to be just as sweet and smooth as velvet, but inside the velvet lies the iron hand!
@R V oof someone got his heart broken
I'm so glad to hear you say this! I figured this out on my own and he keeps coming back though. Feel very indifferent about it most of the time when I see him. I also figured out that THEY will always come back even 10 years later. I still stand my ground on needed respect, honesty, and trust. He and I never even dated, because I could see he didn't respect me, or other women, and I didn't feel I could trust him and told him so as well. My question is Why does he still want to be around me and he has a new girlfriend too? I see him staring at me even when he is with her. He and other men I know will not leave me alone. I don't understand why? I love live has been DRAMA CENTRAL!!!! I have pretty much given up and at 46 and single still. On top of all of this I have not dated anyone in I think 8 years now. You should hear the thing's people say to me that I don't even really know. I don't look my age ( I still get carded sometimes) so I see younger men walking up to me and I can tell they are in their 20's and I RUN out the door!!! I think I am really a hopeless case. My Dad said to me before he passed away a year ago that I need to find a man who is COMPLETELY OPEN! Haha I said, you just figured that out? That is why I was living in San Francisco. I am trapped in the Mid West. I have people I don't know, come up to me and say you don't fit here, when I am just out shopping for food. Or they just come up and start touching me. Which FREAKS ME OUT! At this point in my life I feel like I am just waiting for the disappointment most of the time.
Brother you’re a really intelligent dude. I really enjoy your lessons not just in dating but a lot of this goes without saying in life in general. You’re inspiring me man!
Matthew is so brilliant. Ladies please listen to this!!!!!!!!!
this is sooooooo true. Ok, important question Matthew! If we've made the tone mistake with someone already, can we back-track to being sweet & warm with him, and make a full recovery? i.e take our power back? Or is the damage already done?
Mandy Reynolds let me answer you can totally turn on back but you need to be consistently sweet for him to forget it
Aleksis Naim oohhh boy lol consistentlysweet consistentlysweet- gonna have to have that on loop in my head whenever I interact with him now, no matter what he does!(or doesn't!) ahaha CHALLENGE. ACCEPTED.
Consistently sweet and salty (bliss point), but never butthurt.
Why recover when you can just cut that person out of your life completely?
jackfavvv People we really like cone along once every few years.
Winning with kindness. This I powerful. You don’t go low, you stay respectful but hold on to your values.
We men will appreciate you for it + you don’t seem toxic (which is totally the case when you explode over text and make the guy feel like he fucked up so hard he is forced to come clean now)
Be ruthless in your actions, be kind in your tone. Damn, such a simple phrase that resumes so much about life. That's a leader moto, commanding respect for yourself in the eyes of others because of your consequent nature.It's about being transparent, you can be kind but you're not likely to fuck around, plain and simple. Everyone should be a leader and they should only (genuinely and honestly) lead themselves. You have the best communication skill videos out there Matthew !
Hello Matthew! yes, I'm commenting I'm not shy anymore thanks to your videos! anyway, this video made laugh a bit! I did Liked it! and I agree with you! but it's funny to me cause' I did acted de correct way last week I believe with this guy I was dating but he kinda acted like the woman angry you were describing here! he was telling me he was dating another girl and he wanted not to date me anymore and I was like "that's ok!" and he got really mad at me! it was like the more calm I was responding, the more angry he got! I even had to block him cause he got abusive, trying to continue arguing and began insulting for 3 days ! I really liked him and I never seen that side of him! but I'm so glad I'm out! that was crazy..I'm not taking that from no one! Thanks for your job! you're really amazing! Hello from the Caribbean! Hope to see you soon!
Laura Rosario sounds like you scratched his ego. I'm glad you're ok :)
Good for you and I'm glad you're ok as well. I agree it sounded like he just wanted a reaction but not the one he got.
Lmao sounds like he was trying to make you jealous. He probably felt insecure, like you're too pretty for him. That is so immature!
Laura Rosario he wanted you to fight for him instead of letting him go to that girl, lol. good reaction from your side😉
guys, I get he wanted her to "react" or "fight" for him, but that is immature and not the right way to get a confirmation on the relationship or for her to boost his ego if he was feeling insecure. The CORRECT way to get those things is to talk to her maturely! Ask her where their relationship stands, tell her he's feeling insecure. And in return she'll let him know what the deal is, and compliment him to make him feel better ! That's how real mature adults do it!
The dumbest mistake that I had done in my life was rejecting the person that loved me the most but value the guy who couldn't afford to care for me. If only I could bring back those times I would have corrected that mistake so I can be happy again.
so after rejecting a guy who truly loved you and then the second guy wasn't wealthy enough to support you , you ended up alone?
i'd say you are the perfect example of the worst type of woman to try having a relationship with .
please do all decent men a favor and just bang the psychotic players.
Why can't you support him financially while he is a stay at home hubby?
value should not mean money and afford is entitlement and that is one thing men do not like
This is one of your best videos yet, a simple message told in such an effective way!!
This is the exact advice I was looking for now I know what I need to do thank you so Much ❤️🙏🏾
Matt do a video about meeting people and getting dates! This is where I struggle and can't go past to the first phase 😕
stars Watch RSDTyler. His advice is mostly for men, but who knows...some of there teachings might be applicable for women too.
I love your channel!!! I've never been so early
I love how I now have a tiny Mattthew in my head that helps me navigating. I watched this video about a year ago and have completely forgotten about it.
Today I rewatched some of your videos and I was like "Hey, I already do that! This has already helped me out".
Wow! I love your videos, I think you are amazing and a blessing and I know that I have learned so so much from you. Hands down I think this was your best video to date! So powerful. Thank you for your actions.
So how do we do that?
Practice makes perfect! Stop making excuses for people, stop giving one too many chances. You know it every time you do. It's those times when you feel a little bit sick in the stomach or a little disappointed in yourself for being too nice.
Simply be consequent, kind but consequent. And practice does not make perfect, practice only makes habits, good ones or bad ones. Attention to your habits makes for a 'bit more [perfect]' (when really, we are truly talking about perceived efficiency). We must keep a place to perceive what we cannot preconceive. Until you understand a more efficient way to your efficient way. Truth suffers from too much analysis. We are all learning. Lead yourself, not others. When all fails to settle down differences, you are done there, you move on. Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken. Enjoy your time while you still have some ! =]
Hi Matthew, can you make a video about moving too slowly with a guy and why some of us might do this?
I personally like being friends with someone before I decide if I like them, but this seems to turn off and annoy a lot of guys. I also suppose I don't find a lot of guys physically attractive enough to like them from the get-go.
Wow I have exactly the same. Video in
this topic would be very helpful :/
i agree with that. such a video would be interesting! 😀
Ladies nothing wrong with that, however, if that’s the case why not go dutch until you both decide the relationship is worth pursuing
The first thing you have to understand, is that due to men's wiring, they want sex 98% of the time, so when they go on a date, their expectations and/or hopes are that they will get sex by the end of night. Be forward with your feelings and intentions. A guy doesn't want to waste his time, energy, effort and money without something in return, and just hanging out with you platonically isn't going to satisfy him. The reason that would be is that men and women have very different brains. We stimulate ourselves mentally in differing ways than women might. If my options are: hang out with a girl that doesn't want to be sexual, or hang out with a guy friend whom I can have interesting discussions with about things that interest me and that is a common interest, or do a fun activity with that guy friend, I am always going to pick that guy friend. It isn't anyone's fault, but women and men simply don't generally find the same activities stimulating. Guys want to play a game or watch sports or go do an activity, whereas girls are content with eating and gossiping, generally. Of course everyone enjoys fun activities, but if I can enjoy a fun activity with my guy friends or a girl, I'm going to pick the guy.
Anyway, sorry for the lengthy response. I am trying to be objective and honest in my response, which will be the most helpful type of response in the long run, even if it isn't what people want to hear.
On the opposite end of the spectrum -- if you want to keep a guy coming around and you don't want him sleeping with other girls, bombard him with sex so regularly that he doesn't have time to be with other girls, and he will think you're amazing for always want to have sex. My favorite relationship I've had was with the girl that was most willing and most upfront about her sexuality and sex drive. She would actively ask me to have sex at the drop of a hat, and it was perfect.
Why be with a woman who doesn't even find him physically attractive. He'd have to work extremely hard to create attraction. Then she's liable to dump him after the first mistake he makes.
Dated a girl who in the beginning of our relationship.... maybe after a month or so... she tells me that she was at work and one of her ex's came in and basically tried to hit her up for a booty call. I asked what she said in response. She told me that she turned him down and said she had a boyfriend. Sensing she was maybe playing with me, testing me, or trying to make me jealous I told her in a calm voice, "Good. If you ever want to be with him or some other guy or find someone better let me know and we will break up."
She didnt expect me to be able to react so calmly and that scared her I think. She asked if I would be upset. I told her sure, but Id move on and find someone else. There is no sense us staying together if you are unhappy or think you can do better. She never tried anything like that again.
Know your worth, be confident, and dont say something unless you mean it.
It is very true, I do it all the time and it always works, they are bewitched. Noone deserves to be prioritized, unless they have deserved by their own actions. Thanks Matthew Hussey.
I love all of your videos Matt!
Actions do speak louder than words but how do you show it , that you're not tolerant of what they did ?
Depends what they did that you aren't okay with. Let them know what and why. If it's important then don't let them get away with continually doing it. If they always are late, they may start being on time when they show up and you aren't there.
Makes sense ,but for some things there won't be an action to show in return
If you don't mind me asking, what might be something you can't respond to?
You show you are not tolerant by not tolerating it. By making a decision to move on and stop seeing him.
zariah 25 how Bout letting them know and following with an action to reinforce it.
I adore this. I actually sent the last txt from your vid last week. He actually had forgotten he'd made plans with me 😔 which was a bit disappointing so my action is im done with him but I stayed sweet and said no worries i have other plans now. in which he responded with more texts seeing how I've been etc. it's so hard to meet nice guys 😭😢😧 losing hope
Thank you Matthew, that is very inspiring. It's the third time I'm starting my with this video and it still puts a big smile on my face :)