Women in America
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- čas přidán 2. 03. 2022
- An advance look at Gavin de Becker’s Master Class series based upon his book, The Gift of Fear. giftoffear.com
Since this is an advance look, some classes might change - and new classes are being added.
Episode 103
I told my daughters when they were teens, "Sometimes being ladylike can be very bad for a woman's health."
One thing I love about Gavin is he "gets it". He understands what it must be like to go through the world as a woman and what that means. So many men have no idea, the ones that do really stand out.
Men have no idea what women feel, and women have also no idea what men feel. It's about time we start communicating.
Telling people that men and women are exactly the same makes both less sensitive to certain issues.
Also, more protective men are frequently accused of sexism, so I get it if they keep to themselves.
That’s what I was thinking! He also never uses an victim blaming language
That’s because he’s talked to so many women on the other side of an escaped attack.
@@alessandrajackson3768i love how he just breaks down 4inch heels. Seriously, how are we helping ourselves by literally disabling ourselves when we are already in vulnerable positions. We should be wearing whatever makes us feel more capable not less
I got off the metro one night in Paris, and passed by a group of young guys. Shortly after I passed by one started following me. It was unclear whether he was just showing off for his friends, or joking, or honestly a threat. But after a few steps of his following, i whirled around and yelled at him in my loudest voice, “Fu€k off!!!”
Whether it was the word itself or the body language, it seemed to have successfully translated and the guy stopped and turned around and stopped following.
That's badass. Good job
Bravo! Exactly how to deal with it.
The quote "Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them" originated in author Margaret Atwood's 1982 essay Writing the Male Character.
She describes asking a male friend "Why do men feel threatened by women?" He replied "They're afraid women will laugh at them. Undercut their world view." Later, she asked the women in her poetry seminar 'Why do women feel threatened by men?' they answered "We're afraid of getting killed."
The clip where men can barely recall the last time they feared for their personal safety - and then women, of course, say yesterday, today, every day - always pulls me up short. This is still very much a man's world, to the point where women are prey and nobody finds that strange or wrong. Gavin's advice is good for men and women but, as he says and that clip shows, it's very largely about supporting women to be more savvy as prey. Because we are prey. Isn't it depressing?!
Men - if you do see a man crowding a little too close on a woman, acting creepy, or a woman looking like she's trying to back away from a pushy male - please intervene. Ask her if she's okay. It's the least you can do.
And then go to jail after a fight breaks out? Yea, no. The modern man is not going to risk their life for a stranger female. Not with the laws in the books today.
@Ponch_1776 You dork
I feel it’s a hopeless situation because they’re so much stronger so you can’t be alone in a deserted place.
I'm so curious about Gavin's family life. I read that he has TEN children, I think all adopted. He lives in Fiji. So glad that he hasn't retired completely. In his interview with Kevin Nealon, Kevin mentions that Gavin's wife is Asian. Gavin had a great response, saying her race wasn''t relevant.
One of the things I appreciate so much every time I hear Gavin talk is how affirming he is about women’s intuition. His work is all about empowering and strengthening women while also equipping them to have tools to protect themselves BY listening to their intuition instead of ignoring it.
And also not getting them to ruminate about the past with self-recriminations. He treats it as neutral “information” instead of guilt. He says that happened, and you did that… “but next time you won’t.”
As a man that’s read gift of fear several times and works in the security industry I’ve never considered that it may never feel good to a woman to have a man smile at her without any prior communication. Being aware of womens issues I know why they don’t smile back most of the time. For me, whether it’s someone I am wary of or not, I’ll smile quickly out of respect but then look away unless there’s a reason to continue the non verbal exchange. Perhaps this isn’t a good idea for someone more vulnerable. But now I’m wondering how many times I’ve made someone uncomfortable when smiling and acknowledging someone to me was a way to show respect. This gives me much to think about.
My attacker said "I liked you because you smiled", so, I don't smile to strangers since 🤷
Your instinct is saying "I'll smile so she knows I'm nice, that way I'll comfort her and she can relax, I don't want her to feel afraid."
A predator's instinct is saying "I'll smile so she thinks I'm nice, that way I'll comfort her and she can relax, I don't want her to feel afraid."
You aren't necessarily an ignorant person for your first impulse to be sending "I'm safe" signals. It's only because there are _other kinds of people_ who find it necessary to send those signals that women can be put off.
Changing your behavior isn't necessary, it's only necessary that your feelings aren't hurt when your behavior inadvertently frightens a woman. It brings us back to your original intention, smiling to broadcast there's nothing to be afraid of. You want to avoid being feared. If your smile comes from a place of genuinely not wanting women to feel intimidated in public places, that they have every right to be comfortable so you should show them they're allowed to be, that's a fine motivation. Just don't take it to heart on the odd occasions where it doesn't work and you only succeed to put her more on edge.
I promise you, and take this seriously, it's not personal. It's not about you. You specifically are not frightening or intimidating unless you're a battle-scarred hulk, y'know? It's your position that elicits the fear response, not you as a person. If you catch yourself being offended, hurt, or even heartbroken by a woman's fear when you know you did nothing to scare them, be kind to yourself and soothe your feeling about it instead of spiraling-or worse, continuing to engage in attempts to "prove" there's no reason to be afraid of you.
It's why I like your "quick smile then look away", because someone who gets defensive and pushy is much scarier than someone who recognizes a situation is out of their control and backs off.
@@baydiac This reply is perfect.
Yea. that's why I don't even look at a women now if I pass her by the street.
I have no problems with men smiling at me the majority of the time
Women get your own power, get in touch with your own intuition.
Amen about alcohol, the only time I’ve ignored my instincts is under the influence. I will never dull or diminish those feelings again.
I never thought about the automatic smile and how it’s a form of engaging with a man! Definitely something I need to look at for myself as I do it all the time.
Yes, I'm way to friendly, open and nice. Living where I live now, I really need to turn it off.
Why doesn’t this have more views?! I would have expected the JRE listeners to watch these. I did!
Same here
Likewise
i don't think it's promoted well enough - especially the fact that it's free.
Watched this maybe 10-12 days ago. Today at these park I got that feeling and instead of doing the smiling or waiting to leave, I did. I think it’s very possible I avoid both my son and I being abducted.
I was at the bus stop and this guy comes up and says..."Hey baby!!!"
"I'm not your baby!!!!!!!!!" He got corrected right quick and ABSOLUTELY NO SMILE WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!
I WAS TICKED AND LET HIM KNOW!!!!
He minded his manners after that. 😡😡😡
But you also gave him what he wanted. He got a great reaction out of you that he plays over and over again in his mind while he whacks off that night and for the next month
@@007nadineL . Don't even care.
it comes down to not outsourcing your security to other people or assuming you are always safe.
The alcohol question has a solution: women should only get drunk around other women.
We shouldn't have to but it's an easy way to stay safe from assault.
women rape women, too. seriously. so think twice about that
Don't ever get drunk when hanging out with people.
I would like to know Gavin's advice to black women who are victimized by black men for ignoring their advances and being assertive about being left alone. This is a different type of predator, i think and i really want this knowledge under my belt.
🎉 Love Gavin
An unpleasant guy in an unhappy marriage whispered in my ear at a low key party. Can I give you a Christmas kiss? I didn't even see him come to me. I was startled and said no, no, no. It was my 1st gathering after being widowed. He left the room then, returned to speak to a lady next to me. When I noticed him, he jumped back and said, oops, I'm scaring B. (He's not that powerful.)
A year later, in another group setting, he waited next to the hostess. Blocking my exit and said, can I give you a hug. I repled: no and walked between them.
NO IS A POWERFUL WORD.
BEST REPEATED IF NEEDED.
Better still:
no, never. 😂
It’s clear that CZcams is suppressing the “like” counter.
At 15:22 and onward you could tell that all the women really got what he was saying and some of the men were really confused about just how bad it is for women.
Your greatest assets will be early recognition.
Yes! Good Point!
14:26 that's it! I prefer to be rude.
I don't feel guilty at all about saying NO. It will always be no to this man and his family. Everything in my gut says run
15:22
Women need to carry.
I know the term is used very loosely over there, but a lady doesn't speak to strangers. She also isn't expected to smile at anyone.
Exactly.
Gotta lose my smile! Thanks!
What can you change? Your dog! Rottweiler, Mastiff or some sort. Train and treat them well, they always got your back.
not necessarily. no.
Large dogs if well trained can be a deterrent by virtue of being a dog without the aggression toward others, I have two highly trained large dogs, men leave me alone. They move on to an easier target. Especially when the dogs alert me to another person around me.
My boyfriend was pissed about something, he was yelling and gesturing, both dogs stopped what they were doing and advanced towards him, I put them in a down/stay. One dog has been familiar with him for ten years, bottom line is, if you're the handler and you don't allow engagement with every stranger who comes along, they are loyal to only you.
But don’t treat them like babies and then bring babies into their territory later. They may become jealous and aggressive against the baby. Heard Judge Judy say she has seen many cases where the dog turns on the owners child out of jealousy. Just hoping this comment may help someone. My small dog is jealous of our baby and aggresses against him.
This is a great set of videos, just one thing, do anyone really think that one in three women will be assaulted?
Only people who believe facts.
@@ShroomFactory facts? What facts? Think of all the women you know. Have 33% of them been assaulted?
Wait one second while I visit the other 6 continents and ask around.
I do and yeah 33% sounds about right. It was either when they were younger or a child
In my closest circle of women, the percentage is much higher. EVERY ONE of the 8 women in my family has been assaulted by a domestic partner (4), a casual relationship (2), a stranger (3), or a relative (8). (My father physically abused my mother and her 7 daughters). With only 1 exception, who was assaulted by a woman as well as father, we have ALL been physically assaulted and/or raped by a man in addition to my father.
That’s all in a family. It can be argued that our childhood trauma set us up for later abuse. I don’t know if that is true or not.
What I DO know is true is that when I widen that circle to coworkers and friends, who have NOT all experienced the same problems growing up, the 1 in 3 is closer to 1 in 2. Just under half of THEM have experienced some form of physical and/or sexual assault.
So, MY answer to your question is a resounding NO-I think that statistic should be 1 in 2.5 women have been victims of some sort of assault.
He cuts off Sarah Silverman a dozen times.
Get out of here Jeff
I think it might just be the editing that makes it look that way.