35 year old Failed life: Over emotional and Socially Anxious
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- čas přidán 28. 09. 2022
- Hit a point in life where I feel these years have all been fails, I don't feel like I should at this age, Life feels over
I have nothing I should have by now and as a male, the anxiety and the depression that comes with failing as a man, is over whelming. #behindinlife - Zábava
Dude the fact that you’re still fighting is proof that you haven’t failed.
Even if you think you did, failure is a part of life and everyone runs into it eventually. Yeah, bad things happened, but the question is “what will you do now?”. To 40 year olds you are still young. You have so much time left, and there’s no blueprint to life. Even Stan Lee didn’t start Marvel comics until he was 40 years old. I believe in you man.
Exactly we either run into it or it runs into us. My life was going well until I lost my job but I feel like this starting over is like a re birth for me.
Thanks for saying that
@@nicholasfry4253 cope
@@nicholasfry4253 Lmaoooooo dude success happens to people sometimes. Maybe if you weren’t such a downer it would be you every once in a while.
You completely missed the point that 35 isn’t old when there’s people still changing the world after 40 years old.
Go ahead and keep trying to bring others down to your level though 👍 you say that positive messages help nobody but I guarantee your whining helps even less. Grow up.
We're a social species. It's normal to feel like a failure when you don't live up to the standards of your particular society.
I feel like a failure is one who gives up trying. There is no time limit on one’s success. Keep going no matter how hard or disappointing it may feel , because you are still living. You owe it to yourself to keep trying.
Amen brother 🙏
I hope you are doing good. In the book of 1 Samuel in the Bible, Samuel writes of God giving King David “great success”. However, success in these verses is synonymous with “great wisdom”. (As per the Bible footnotes).
Indeed
@@vitalityfox That's bs bro! plenty of people have made it later in life. plenty of people are more successful than myself and you and guess what they did it later in life stop chatting nonsense brah!
@@vitalityfox Then by your doom outlook, half the adult population should just off themselves. Tell us you've bought in to the matrix without outright telling us. May you never lose everything after age 29 and have to start all over again.
“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”
― Alan Watts
what advice from a famous writer and famous man???
pfff
its like a brad pitt saying, to some lonely men without great physique and without girlfriend in their 30 or 40:
"Why are you so in panic ? Just be yourself bro ! just be alive ! life is easy, don't panic :) "
@@grifyn882it's really that simple though
Right. @@grifyn882
truly
@@grifyn882 You can get angry at it and frustrated if you want, but I would recommend trying to understand it instead. Maybe go and listen to more of what Watts had to say, as his words are perhaps more relevant today than ever, and I think, if you really gave them a chance, they could do a tremendous amount of good for you and your life.
I'm 35. By 32 I had an amazing career and a ridiculous life. I was so blessed. The Covid shutdown destroyed my job, I got some nasty GI problems out of nowhere and now I'm 35 with no job, no money and back home. Trust me, I get it. It's depressing as hell. However, what I've learned (primarily over the last year) is that I did all of that once, and I can do it again. 35 is still young, regardless of what TikTok fucks say lmao. I re-enrolled in college to go into a different field, and I'm working with specialists to manage my health conditions better. The point is, as long as you're trying you're never failing. Also, stop comparing yourself to other people. They're them and you're you. If they judge you, they need to go away. We're all just trying to survive before we die.
lmao what do TikTok fucks say btw?
Believe me mate. Marriage, kids and a big fat mortgage is massively overrated. Think differently. You are free!😊
@@Shnuki222 Having a family is a horrible life. Single by choice. I so lucky I’m not one that needs someone to make myself happy. Live for today as tomorrow does not exist. Life is suffering
@pl3bx
Spotted the Zoomer.
It depends on who you ask, but obviously 35 is young, you still have most of your adult life ahead of you.
Young enough to give everything another chance and try again.
@pl3bx they should make it illegal for anyone under the age of 30 to use social media, honestly.
Your not a failure, your a human being who is full of worth and dignity
legit your comment nearly made me cry.
Off course he is, but this framing does not help him.
@@youtubechannel.6407 Why is he a loser?
this is a meaningless platitude. He's trying to address his issues.
@@FK-we1dp hi
I'm also 35 and I'm equally as lost and aimless, with mental health struggles and a history of failed friendships. You aren't alone, stay strong brother and you do you. I know people who didn't find their calling until they were in their 40's, it's never too late, go at your own pace and try not to think of life like a grocery list that you have to tick off "life objectives" to be "successful". If you can find joy in anything at all, then you don't need 'success'.
Stop watching porn and eat steak
I agree and having gratitude for things is the start for loving life.
The only thing that matters at the end of the day is that you were a good person and made the world a better place. All of these societal markers of success ( high paying career, fancy car, house, etc.) mean didly squat on your death bed. I spent my 20s chasing these things and wondered why I felt so empty inside. I spent a lot of time in introspection during the COVID lockdown and realized that all I wanted out of life was to help others. I now work for a non-profit. Nothing feels better than living a life in alignment with your values
I am 40 and haven't found my calling, so no worries.
You don't need a calling to be happy or even content with your life, all you need is a general direction to move to.
I'm with you. This hits hard.
I'm 36, this video just popped up and I decided to watch it. You've done a lot more with your life than I have. I've worked for over 15 years in a supermarket in the middle of the night, I have no friends, no romantic relationships to speak of. I just try to find little things to enjoy/look forward to every day though. I don't think you've failed, you're still here, you're still young
I’m with you. Although I work day shift.. almost 30 and I have real difficulty with relationships. Never had a girlfriend or many friends
Hey, mate me too I am 35 still living at home. The same room. I got puberty and I'm sleeping now. I have a rather small penis with prevents me from even Going Out and approaching women. And I don't know what to do for a career. I've been an employee for 9 months.
You need to upgrade yourself, in every area of your life. Stop gaming, uninstall steam, go to the gym 4d/week. Learn about things you lack (Book 3% Man is good for relationships) Start focusing on your life man, its about beautiful gift and you’re wasting it.
If I were you, I would feel the same way you do. Like a failure. But the difference is I would do something about TODAY.
I would delete and get rid of all the things that have lead me here. All the self-instruction habits, food, entertaiment etc.
And honeslty, I would listen to people who have turned their life around, like Tate or David Goggings. Absorb the mindset of those people.
I guarantee if you do that you will be a different person in the Summer.
he is not young
Thanks for this @@tomqzZi
You have friends, you have familiy, you have had relationships and you have a job. BRO that's more than many people have, KEEP GOING! 👍
God damn right optimism is key,society makes us believe we are failures because we ain’t fucking 10s and driving Ferraris
True, most guys these days will die a virgin and this guy has had plenty of sex. A chad, really.
@@scottlondon8382amen
exactly he literally completed life, like tf else is he tryna accomplish? 😭😭
Hey man. I could never bring myself to get on camera and talk about such deep personal issues like you have done here. I would consider this a great accomplishment in itself. Let alone the thousands of people you may have helped in uploading this. Congratulations.
Totally agree with this. It was brave and showed a good and sincere way of communicating.
You’re spot on mate, I was thinking the exact same thing. Well done to this man! You may feel like a failure but posting this video was an accomplishment!
True that that’s where he should be working, counsellor ❤
Yep, just talking like this in front of everyone in the world about his own problems, it requires lots of bravery, I could never do that.
As a woman seeing all of you men form a brotherhood on this post together and fight for eachother in the simplest of form as just an utterance of encouragement to a mere stranger shows the power of humanity & should be enough to make all of us see that this world is worth fighting to stay in 🌎❤We can all get through this together 🩵 you’ve got this!
well said!
Are you having a hard time too ?
I'm 49. There's never a point in life where things are all Organised and OK and we get to say yes, we finally made it.
This video is 10 months old now and it's just popped up in my suggested vids. Listening to you talk, rings a lot of bells. I'm 10 years older and no farther forward than you are now. A life of failures, a few good friends that I see rarely. It honestly sounds like you have more direction than me, I've never had a clue what I wanted to do in life, other than something to do with art. The first half of my life was on rails, did well at school, married my childhood sweetheart, most beautiful girl in the area, bought a house, trying to start a family, then, boom. Everything fell apart at 27 years old. Wife lost 2 babies then left with another man and had a family straight away, several family members died and I just collapsed. I've tried to get back on my feet for 20 years now but I don't know how. I live at home with my dad, I have massive social anxiety, and honestly, I'm embarrassed to even talk about the state of my life. I'm alone because I can't imagine anyone would stick around while I'm in this state. Rarely leave the house. I'm trying to start some sort of career writing kids books, but it's hard in this mental state, my anxiety is so bad I can barely go to the shops let alone work. I'm scraping a sort of living doing online surveys. If I didn't have my dad I'd be on the streets.
Anyway, I just wanted to say you're not alone. I feel sometimes like I've failed at absolutely everything and there's no one else as useless as me. It feels as if that's the only way we're valued, our careers and our "success", but I've never lost the feeling that we're so much more than that.
Anyway, I'm glad I found your video. I hope you're doing well and things are brighter for you. They have to get brighter sometime!
Hope you're ok man
Keep going fren. Sending love to you. Try the keto/paleo diet for your anxiety. Google 'Brain Energy', it's a book explaining how the right foods can put mental illnesses into remission. I'm depressed too, live at home, 41 y/o. I know exactly how you feel! We never give up, no matter what!
You both have a lot of guts leaving yourselves in a vulnerable state, hats off to you both as it takes a lot of will power to share episodes of life that others dont see the perfect picture, trust me having words of wisdom from others will turn you into gentlemen and humanitarians that society can lean on when they need support networks, i thoroughly relate but at the end of the day strength, determination and effort will make you all prosper, we are who we are and its only us that can make the decision to jump these hurdles and break through walls, theres no right or wrong way of living as long as you care for others than that intail runs rings around those who only care about them selves, jump on board and do life as it can be bloody amazing, i know you can all do it, get out there and put smiles on dials and stay healthy in the process, live life and just not sit on the fence, good work lads keep it up, one foot in front of the other:)
Even if the whole world stops loving you, Jesus will never fail in loving you
Hang in there. Try some fasting and meditation, exercise, wim hoff breathing. Keep going, you are loved
I see you. You are not alone. I also feel like a failure at 33 years old. Feels like everybody just got the memo on how to live their lives, and I didn't.
Same. Hate what I do, and never felt like I found my calling. Never feeling like you belong is horrible. Always feeling like the odd one out who is behind on everything in life
Roses are red, violets are blue. You still ain't dead and it ain't just you
“Everyone just got the memo on how to live their lives, and I didn’t.” That’s your issue. The “memo”. There is no memo. Everyone else is just living their lives. You’re just sitting there in your own self pity waiting for someone to tell you how to live. You gotta just figure it out because you aren’t getting that memo anytime soon brother.
THERE IS NO MEMO!
I've struggled with all this too, doing much better now. Quit drinking, started excercise, back in school. My 20s were spent blacking out drinking, got kicked out of 3 schools, suspended from uni for 3 years, ruined relationships, fucked up jobs, hurt friends. But I'm still here, and I'm finally doing well. You can do this. Never too late to change. Also you have cool hair so that's something! Stay strong Adam!
this is exactly what is happening to me rn, started smoking weed and drinking in the isolation of the quarantine, exactly when uni started. I quit one uni after one year, im in my last year at my second college tho. i aced everything last year, but I really didn’t give a hell about deadlines because i was constantly drunk/high and i was only getting 10s and a few 9s, and ended up not submitting a homework in time and the professor wasnt very understanding. I would have gotten a decent amount of money for my university if i finished with very high grades, but I lost it for no real reason and now I have to get a job in order to stay afloat.
alcohol has extreme consequences, and you cant even see what is happening with your life because of it most of the time.
@@d6o9 yessir, best to nip it in the bud
Brother only Jesus can save you. When you stop worshiping fake gods like alcohol and sex, you will try to find other fake gods to please you. Its a soul issue, when you miss something, then you will need to please it in other way, it will not satisfy you, the pleasement ends, you are dead, but you need to be alive, thats why if you give your soul to the God Jesus Christ who made it, you will have the Holy Spirit in you which will help you with everything. Jesus Himself said in John 4:16 (Im the way the truth and the life, nobody comes to the Father except through me). Jesus is God, so God can not lie because lying is sin. Jesus knows what you are hiding, Jesus is the only power, Jesus is the only true God. Come to Him and He will heal you from anything. As Jesus said ”What if a man gains the whole world but loses his soul” Matthew 26:16. Everything is temporary and it will not satisfy, only the creator who created the heart the body the soul can satisfy it. The devil hates you, in the bible it saysthar devil want to kill, steal and destroy, he hates you so so so much because you are made in Gods image. So come to God and you will win against the devil and his evilness (1 John 4:4)
Jesus loves you and knocks your door. He preached relation no religion. If you care for something little, God cares more. He loves you and wants a relation with you. Im a messenger but I can not answer the door for you, so I pray for you to open the door.
@@Test-qd8ve I don't believe in god, I believe in myself. The Bible's alright as a metaphor for some things but organized religion is predatory. I don't need people using an ancient book to try and control me. It's alright as a community thing for charity or a safety blanket but making their help contingent on believing in false or harmful morality is wack.
If God can't sin why did he wipe out the entire earth for Noah? That's murder ain't it?
I guess you are bald then lol
Life isnt for the smart or the educated. Life is for the resilient. You got this, thank you for sharing.
I am 25 and I genuinely don’t think you’re a failure at all, you’re just not where you’d prefer to be. Which can be really hard. I relate. But you’re really not a failure. The only failures in life do awful things to other people and never change or learn. Keep going, I know it’s hard and it’s so hard to dig deep a lot of the time, I fight most days to. Life is about the small wins and we have to keep collecting those ♥️
Thankyou 💙
Maybe you've failed before, but you're not a failure. You being brave enough to upload this should be an accomplishment considering how many people you're going to help and possibly save through your vulnerability. Thank you for reminding us we're not alone, and I hope you know that you're not either.
You're not a failure, mate. There is always time to brush off the dust and make the most of what you have. You got this!
Winning and losing is not what life is about. Life is about living. Start living and stop judging yourself.
@@steveneardley7541 If you don't judge yourself, how can you improve?
I think that self-acceptance is a lot more important than "improvement."@@rabbychan
I think you should apply both to achieve the best outcome, worked out really great for myself, just my opinion 👍@@steveneardley7541
- Set goals -
Make your bed (sense of pride)
Journal (jot down your thoughts)
Exercise (boost confidence)
Wardrobe (look good, feel good)
Proactive (don't isolate)
Subconscious (before falling asleep tell yourself what you want to become) read/write & recite it (cognitive)
Environment (surround yourself w/positive ambitious ppl)
Takes a lot of courage to speak on your struggles. Much respect to be vulnerable and share your personal life. Not many men can do what you did. Good luck
Yes. Even starting small is better than not starting at all
just by hearing you talk and hearing how articulate and well spoken and intelligent you are I can tell you with absolute certainty that you are NOT a failure. We need people like you in this world man... desperately.
Adam, don’t devalue yourself with metrics that society claims to be important, you as a person I can tell is a great man and the fact you are able to be vulnerable shows you don’t have an ego about yourself. Being a humble loving man like yourself is what’s most important. Enjoy this life you only do it once
How can you say this, when your job, your financial wealth and realted things have a massive impact on your health.
That's just your mindset.@@ceooflonelinessinc.267
@@ceooflonelinessinc.267financial wealth is a burden. Being materialistic sets goals that are not promoting happiness. Being happy is being content with what you have. People should only be concentrating on what they need. Everything else is waste. You can't take anything with you when you die. When you spend your entire life chasing money you miss the journey. When you set goals of wealth and obtain those goals. You are still unhappy. So you set a new goal of more wealth. Meanwhile years go by and all you have is money and stuff. No memory of being happy.
Just turned 35, myself. We’re young, mate. You got this! Proud of you for uploading This video. Everyday is a fresh new start. The future is yours, mate. Can’t wait to see what you create in your life. I believe in you.
everyday is a day like yesterday lol
Double your age, if it's below 40 you're young if it's above you're old!
I am 41 and still am at home due to my mental illness as well. I get the failure feeling but I am not. It's just how life has turned out. I work but it is challenging to maintain when you struggle. So my parents help me. Its hard and i get it completely. You want a different life like others your own age and its frustrating, challenging and you cant change it. But you are stuck.
You are not alone and i know there are others in the same situation. Stay strong and know we are doing this together.
I'm 33 and also still with my parents. I can really relate to this. You are not alone.
Same I’m 37.
I'm on the same boat bruh, I feel like a burden to them even if I pay $400 for rent and keep the house cleaned, when they come home from working ina different town I can't come out of my room because I'm disgusted with myself where I am in life
@@animegeek3109 I am so sorry brother. I empathize with the embarassement and pain you've described. May we find our way out of this and into the lives we dream of. God bless you man.
29 and still university... depression destroyed me so badly
Me too but it's because I got chronically ill and I've tried working but have just gotten sicker.
I'm 53 and in the same situation... probably too old to turn things around...but we cannot choose who we are...we are all unique....in my head i feel as if i could do anything....but my social anxiety...nerves... depression always gets in the way...its the not living up to your potential that really gets you...hope things turn around for you...admire your honesty...hang in there
You aren't too old to turn things around, there are plenty of opportunities out there.
put yourself in the shoes of someone from a African nation where you work 16 hours a day for one meal.
There is plenty of stuff you can still do.
You're never too old. That's not wishful thinking. Even ppl who think they've succeeded, that can crumble so easily. Life is ongoing so you can never be too old for anything and you never know how things will turn out. It only stops once we are dead. 50s and 60s are so young esp nowadays.
Knowing that you aren't living up to your potential is the hardest thing to endure
@@wanashthegash Really, most places in Africa are not at all like that!
My great grandmother went to Philly, and got her nursing degree/license when she was 63. Came back, and got four houses and a lot of other stuff that I will have to ask my father about. Oh yeah, she raised 7 kids, one died, the rest were good. I'm 43, and I don't know where I'm going, but I try and see something unique about each day. The room you spend the most time in, put a TV in there with the mainstream news playing around the clock. You will subliminally pick up the differences of each day, and time will cease (not cease, but slow) to run together. William, take care.
I remember feeling like I was old at 35. Now I'm 47 and find that funny. It's really hard not judge ourselves by society's measures of success and failure, which is mainly about money and career, but you have other qualities. You have friends, which is a major success that is not something everyone has (social anxiety is a huge source of self-loathing for me). You can believe them that they don't see you as a failure. Hopefully you can look at yourself from their perspectives. We are often crueler to ourselves than we ever would be to others.
Same here just turned 47
Brother only Jesus can save you. When you stop worshiping fake gods like alcohol and sex, you will try to find other fake gods to please you. Its a soul issue, when you miss something, then you will need to please it in other way, it will not satisfy you, the pleasement ends, you are dead, but you need to be alive, thats why if you give your soul to the God Jesus Christ who made it, you will have the Holy Spirit in you which will help you with everything. Jesus Himself said in John 4:16 (Im the way the truth and the life, nobody comes to the Father except through me). Jesus is God, so God can not lie because lying is sin. Jesus knows what you are hiding, Jesus is the only power, Jesus is the only true God. Come to Him and He will heal you from anything. As Jesus said ”What if a man gains the whole world but loses his soul” Matthew 26:16. Everything is temporary and it will not satisfy, only the creator who created the heart the body the soul can satisfy it. The devil hates you, in the bible it saysthar devil want to kill, steal and destroy, he hates you so so so much because you are made in Gods image. So come to God and you will win against the devil and his evilness (1 John 4:4)
Jesus loves you and knocks your door. He preached relation no religion. If you care for something little, God cares more. He loves you and wants a relation with you. Im a messenger but I can not answer the door for you, so I pray for you to open the door.
@@Test-qd8ve how do u know he doesn’t believe already, u arrogant prick
I thought the same thing, but now I'm 51. You have to keep moving forward and while it's ok to feel the feelings you are feeling, but just keep looking for answers to figure yourself out. I struggled for most of life feeling this way, but I keep trying to figure out, and now I feel really good where I'm at in life. I wish I could have figure this all at when I was younger, but that wasn't my journey. I feel I've learned so much since I was 35 and looking back I wouldn't trade this crazy ride I've been on.
I needed to hear this. I've been judging myself so hard in my 30's.
Watching this is 2023. Dude, you're very far from a failure. You have great courage to put yourself out there on your channel. And 5k subs is quite an achievement. Plus you're intelligent, sensitive and articulate. I'd rather be around people like you than 90 percent of the idiots and assholes out there. Keep your chin up, man. You're doing fine.
I wouldn’t really want to be around a self pitying buzzkill like this guy. Imagine hanging out with someone who says “I know you only hang around with me because I make you feel better about your own life”. Jesus Christ, this guy seriously just needs to stop being such a pussy and man up. What’s the alternative, sit around feeling miserable your whole life?
Don't give up Buddy. You sound like a bright and honest guy. A rare thing these days. I'm 52 and still not a success but I have a family and have accepted who I am and now feel more relaxed and accepting of myself. That feeling is better than earning loads of money and trying to fit into the perceived notion of what is a success. Just remember life does change. You sound like you take chances so keep doing that and eventually you will get more confident and hopefully find your way. Best Wishes.
I believe his name is Adam.
"You never fail until you stop trying." -Albert Einstein
Keep your head up man.
Adam you do not sound like a failure, you just had a series of bad luck. You are clearly bright and you just need to keep grinding, something will come your way you’re still young, please, don’t give up!
35 years is quite a series.
@@nocturnaljoe9543 It's never too late to succeed.
@@nostrilcake Yeah, right. Just peak in your 90s bro.
@@nocturnaljoe9543people "fail" because this world is fucked up. most of these people who "failed" being wealthy at a young age didn't had a chance to begin with. this system we are in isn't the same for everyone. there are few fortunate that never had to do anything cuz they own a heritage from their parents, never had to go for something else by default. but the vast majority never had a chance to get rich in a early age cuz they came out of the misery, and that sh takes time and a hell of an effort to overcome.
This system is unfair.
Reading up on Stoicism really helped me - "comparison is the thief of joy", I remind myself of this all the time and my mental wellbeing has improved immeasurably since I started. Take care buddy
success is living to 100 with good health doesn’t matter how much money or friends you have it’s health that matters
This is perhaps the single most authentic episode that I’ve seen on CZcams. Tremendous honesty.
hes a scammer, hes actually a millionaire lol
You are not a failure, a failure would never have tried as many options as you have. Please be strong. Most people are frauds in their careers, just winging it, hoping that no one catches on to their inadequacies. Know that you are in my thoughts.
I appreciate that, thankyou 🙏
It doesn't seem true that most people are frauds in their careers. Can you please elaborate as to why you think so?
@Add-
this comment is exactly true. I'm 28, 3 kids, supportive partner and family, father just likes yours, taught the same morals of being the best i can be...yet im an alcoholic failure who gives up again and again and again, anything ive tried to do, including being a father and a partner.
I haven't tried anywhere near as hard as you. I even say to my own partner, exactly what you said to your friends. I'm only kept around so she and anyone else can see what their life could be if they were as a lazy failure as I was. I stay in my four wall room, which is even bigger than yours. It feels like a prison cell, but i just take it, the space, and everything and everyone around me for granted. It's filthy and dirty in here. I'm butt naked because I sweat so much from the constant alcohol. I hide and run away. You are not a failure.
You. Are. Not. A. Failure. I am
You are so much further ahead in this. I'm destroying my life and letting everyone around me is witnessing it, and worst of all, my own kids. My oldest, she's 11, and God I just hope she will have memories of me when I used to be decent. I'm a monster and this family doesn't deserve me, but im stuck, not because of my family, but because I want to leave them so they can have so much better, then I'm just abandoning them. If I stay, they're witnessing and having their own lives destroyed by someone as weak and pathetic as I am.
I wish I could take inspiration and something hopeful out of this video, but now I just hate myself even more.
For the sake of people like me, don't beat yourself up so much when you are so much more better and deserving
@@private8921 No one with this level of self-awareness is a hopeless case. You are physically addicted and have very low self-esteem, you just need some help man.. Please pursue it if only for your families sake, it's clear you love them so do it for them. Groups like Alcoholics Anonymous are built for people like yourself, who are past the point of 'just quitting.' You need to be built/build yourself up again. The community, vulnerability, and accountability there will give you a path to start healing.
@@private8921 Please go to an AA meeting and take a chance on yourself. It won't matter if your daughter remembers who you were before this if you can make new great memories with her now. You staying is needed, but its possible to take a break and go through rehab or anything of that sort.
Well, I'm nearly 34 years old, with no girlfriend, no friends, no job, and struggling with schizophrenia. Sometimes, I feel like the weakest person alive. Sometimes, I don’t want to be on Earth, if you catch my drift... But if I took a look at my life objectively, I would say hell no, I am not a failure. Whatever power put me here still wants me here, until then. I’ll live my life to the fullest.
Massive respect for that mindset
Very courageous, friend. Being emotionally aware as a man is a rare trait - you’ll be appreciated for that one day, I’m convinced. Like most commenters I don’t know you but (as a 44yr old) can reassure you there’s nothing unusual about you or your situation. There are people with their own homes and well paid careers who also feel this way, even worse. It’s easy to feel like a failure if you’re measuring success against the wrong metrics. You’re in a trough now (at least you were, as you posted 1yr ago) but there are many peaks waiting for you! Focus on your health and well-being, you deserve it. And I recommend deleting every social media app except CZcams! Best thing I ever did! Good luck 💙
You are not a failure. Its so awful that life could make you feel like that. You are a charismatic self aware human.
I'm 22. College dropout due to political instability. Got nothing to do. Jobless. Depressed. Addicted to Porn.
Let's NOT give up. We are with you Adam. 💖💪💖
You're 22 dude. You're still a kid. Turn it around now, stop the porn, work out or just exercise even, ride a bike or something, work on hobbies.. you'll be alright.
@@Malumbrus Thank you for your kind words. I'm trying.
@@usua1myanmarianyeah bro porn is hard to quit, but the best way is to reduce it over time to the point where its no longer really impacting your life in a negative way
@@bengogoi7019 Yeah man. It's hard to quit. I quitted games but stuck in porn. 😥😥😥
Porn is hard to quit because you get anxious and your mindset is like “what if I die in my sleep tonight? I might aswell just pleasure myself” but that’s the mindset you gotta fight off, I battle it on and off for weeks at a time, the longest I was able to go was 2 months without doing it but then I wasn’t getting any girls and I was getting too anxious and jittery and irritable so one night I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. You got this, do it with me, I haven’t done it in 2 weeks now I’m fighting it everyday but we need to just stop ourselves and carry on.
You're not a failure, dude. I'm 35 and living at home because I want to save money. I have had a few relationships fail. Shit happens. Keep going. You will keep learning and keep getting better. In 1-2 years see where you are. Study, work, study, workout, meet people. Keep at it.
36 years old, a brilliant student but still screwed my career and I'm also stuck. Adam, you showed me I'm not alone, and me and all of these people commenting are showing you the same thing.
For me, hitting rock bottom means I'd be living alone under a bridge with an addiction to the cheapest most poisonous drugs with a child or more. As long we're not there, we gotta keep going.
Motivation is more valuable than gold, and it comes and goes. I know the feel. Sending you a big hug, brother.
Hey, man. Just turned 35 myself. It wasn’t until the past year that I really figured out what I wanted to do.
I’ve leaned on my parents’ support a ton during my life (have dealt with anxiety/panic attacks since I was 11), and I’ve only recently acknowledged the blessing it’s been to have them there to help me when things get rough.
There’s some systemic shit that keeps us all struggling. Even your friends with families/good jobs don’t have it all figured out, because they’re part of it, too. My brother is 37 with a family and a career and he struggles just as much as I do, if not more. We’re all part of it.
Lean on the people around you. Your friends and family love you. Don’t forget that.
Wishing you the best.
I'm 36. I share the same sentiments. I respect you for having the guts to put up this video for us. Thank you. This is good therapy for all of us. If we see many are like us, then it is probably way more normal to be in this situation than we gave ourselves credit.
Let's regroup and regather ourselves. One small step at a time.
I'm 31. Never, ever had a girlfriend in my life. Tried many times but failed. And have very few friends. The odd time I meet up with them, I feel as though I'm the one making an effort and they never bother. Though I guess as they've got families, that might have something to do with it. I moved to Canada over a year ago, to get away from what you've experienced; living at home with my folks. I canot tell you how miserable it was and still is to this day, but at east I have a reasonable job, albeit it was torture trying to find one. Cost a lot,so it did. This video is so much like my own life. Pure misery with no clear end in sight. 🥺
Coming from a 16 year old guy, I really don't think you're failing. You seem like such a kind and genuine person, it's ridiculously brave of you to upload this, and I think in the end being caring and treating other people with respect is what really matter in life - much more than your job or partner or anything else. Also I don't see 35 as that old, you still have plenty of time to go and do what you want to do. Try things out, that's what I did and I got very lucky and found music and now I have a goal in life, something to aim for, which makes everything a lot easier. Whatever you decide to do, goodluck man you seem like a really great guy and I hope you figure this out
Thanks, thats kind of you, keep on your path if its got that pull on you, things can only get better with time and focus!
I wish I had a head like yours at 16!
You have not failed. You are just starting over. I've started over in my late fifties. I live in sort of renovated storage shed for two years. You do what you need to do to get back on your feet. So keep chipping away at it and accept who you are and to hell with everyone else. You have to find your own path. You don't have to have a 'career', just a job that pays the bills. If you are having mental health issues, find a therapist your get on with to help you. If you can share this with the world, you can make your way through to a life that works for you.
Started over? Please explain, thanks.
You could start your own business I did sold my own textiles I have osteoporosis so a lot of work isn't possible for me and as for dating you can get to know new people I have a boyfriend. I'm on the spectrum
I see what you’re trying to tell this guy but I partially disagree. What if you hate what you do for work and that’s actually what’s making you depressed? There’s always gotta be a way to change something.
Adam, you've actually done so well by making this video. I know how weird it must be having complete strangers giving you life advice online, and how hopelessly trite (and optimistic) a lot of this advice may seem - 'it's always darkest before the dawn', 'it could be worse', 'there's still time', all that... but please, as someone with personal experience with anxiety and depression, I beg you to speak with a professional about your feelings. You deserve peace, and you deserve happiness. You are not a failure for having endured.
I became an apprentice chef at age 30. A few years later I had terrible anxiety and depression because of the industry and one or two specific workplaces. It took a long time to work through it. Imposter syndrome followed me everywhere for the 9 or so years that I was a chef. I changed direction again at 39 and decided to take on doing support disability work. It's hard to feel like youre moving forward when you're starting all over again, but we all have the strength to do it, to start again and build our lives the way we want. Don't ever feel like your life is a failure. You've survived a lot of things to make it here. I hope you've not given up on yourself and the hope that something better can be right there in front of you when you need it. Failure is giving up. Success is moving forward no matter how slowly.
This video really spoke to me - you've put into words exactly what's been eating away at me for years. I'm 27 but I resonate so much with what you have to say - I feel behind in life and trapped.
It takes a lot of guts to sit in front of a camera and open up to the world. I don't know many people that would be brave enough to do that (me included). Seven thousand likes on this video currently - that's 7000 people who benefited from hearing what you have to say.
What really helps is remembering that comparison is the thief of joy - I spend too long comparing myself to others; but anxiety and depression will only ever let you see the highlight reels of other's lives. You don't see their struggles, mistakes and challenges - and trust me, everyone has so so many. I truly believe that the way through is working on self improvement - do something, no matter how small to improve yourself every single day - the only person you should ever compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday. And then one day, you'll be proud of who you've become.
I’m 35 and I struggle in the same areas. I’m not nearly as comfortable on camera as you are. Learning to see your strengths and not just you inadequacies is important
Your story resonates with me, the difference is you’ve let societal timestamps determine that you’re a failure. You’re not, you’re still young, you’ve got everything ahead of you. Don’t be afraid to follow your dreams. GO back to that degree you were doing and complete it, you will succeed you have to fight and you are.
I believe in you man! A lot of people support you! Don't give up man you will overcome your obstacles just be patient and diligent! Life will be more positive and ecstatic for you!
You obviously helped a ton of people by sharing your genuine feelings. The universe is literally telling you that you that you have purpose. I think that's beautiful and amazing :)
Shit Adam, you really got me in the feels. There's a lot you said that I can relate to, especially about being a fraud. I have a BBA and MBA degree, but have nothing to show for it. I live off my parents, work as an entry level employee doing accounting work that I hate, been single my entire life, and constantly hate myself almost everyday.
I really feel for you Adam. So I'm going to tell you what's kept me alive so far:
Try to be thankful for everything, because I guarantee you one thing, someone else has it WAY worse than both of us.
Excerise. Do something that is physically engaging. Walking is key.
Stop giving a fuck, because we're both 30 year old failures and we might as well try new things since we have no direction, yet.
Hope this helps.
You’re not alone bro! I’m 36 still living at home in Melbourne, Australia. Cost of living is skyrocketing, inflation is out of control. Just pray to God, I can finish my bachelor of accounting degree. Only 14 units to go.
Brother you are working towards something, just keep pushing and 🤞 for you. You got this!!
Thanks bro! It’s never too late to achieve your dreams in life. Being going to a CrossFit gym the last seven months, lost 7 to 8kgs.
I am 36 years old ..
Lost 17 years of my life ,suffered from mental illness ..
Now it's a restart ,I am doing nursing study ,
In my final year ..
I don't see any good opportunities in India after completing my degree.. somehow am I surviving now
Same here in America I pay 1500$ for a mediocre apartment and gas is 4$ a gallon for gas inflation is no joke capitalism is designed for those bored to the high class live the good life while us low class serve forever that's why wages have been stagnant since early 1900s
Living at home is a cheat code! You sit back and watch your bank account grow with zero responsibility lol
It takes great courage to put out a video and to share your feelings with the world. No doubt that this will resonate with many others out there in this condition of ours.
What got me out of a "meaningless loop" was hiking. That is, with a rucksack and a tent. I head deeper and deeper into the wilderness. Traversed more and more difficult terrain. I learned everything I needed to know from different books, like how to make a fire, and so on. Took me I couple of years to get a proper hold of it before I decided to go to the deepest forests and mountains in Scandinavia, sometimes staying in the wild for months, fishing, hiking, and reading books.
It did so much with my self-esteem and I got to know my limits and worth on a whole different level. My physique was shit, to begin with - but slowly it got better and suddenly I was a lot stronger and faster - not to mention clearheaded - than I've ever been before. This didn't happen overnight - at first, I started with just small hikes, like a day - then I got hooked. What I found is that the wilderness does not expect anything from you - it is just there as it has been for thousands of years. Unlike our society which keeps on shifting. It has brought me so much joy and when I return to life in the "civilization" the wilderness has given me a calm to carry on - knowing that "out there" I am accepted and successful, which also will in some sense translate to your daily life.
You should give it a try. Fuck the expensive gear - you get far with the essentials. I'm not saying that you should go into the deepest wilderness right away or even leave the country, but even the slightest bit of wilderness is a strong remedy. Trust me.
Hey man, you give a really authentic and personable impression through the screen. You're an instantly likeable human being. You're smart, wise and introspective as well as observant. You've got more meaningful years ahead of you than most. ❤ Stay strong, meaning will come, we hold out and we persevere and we all can blossom. Big love.
Adam you are a beautiful soul. You are worth more than you could even imagine. Don’t let the things that happened in the past define you. Don’t identify with failure. Your life is beautiful. Everyday is a new day to redeem yourself and take control of your life. You are capable of living a fulfilled and beautiful life, you have to see it within yourself! All love
Wow, thank you for your kind words.. honestly.. there is a long way to go, but I really appreciate the support
I was exactly the same as you, until I hit the gym and started running.
The mental armour you gain from lifting heavy weight and running at 4am with nothing but your own thoughts is on another level.
Stay strong brother and get hard.
This. To get his testosterone up so he's ready to compete again
Working out alone has caused me to almost completely transform my mental health. Hard, heaving lifting, eating right… it’s not easy at first to WANT to workout consistently, but then you hit a point where you’re disappointed if you don’t workout.
Why 4 am? ☺️
Wont transform your t levels unless you have obesity or something else underlying, especialy if you are hypogonadal
I started working out and turned into a person who is in shape with the same problems I had before I was working out.
I’m in the same boat , I turned 35 last October and I’ve been working in retail off and on for 20 years. Sucked at Math in High-school (had to take most of my maths over in the summer ) but I graduated , went to community college aimless but made ok grades until my grandmother died and my life fell apart. Stopped going to school, went back but dropped out again . Went back to the university but I flunked the semester because I couldn’t afford the books or college life , living in my car. Homeless until I found a aunt to live with and got a job at Walmart. Worked 3 horrible years there until I quit this March and as much as I hated it I went back. Relationships now and there but I live day by day. I opened a Khan Academy account to work on my math , found a book about a guy that tried to relearn his math in his 60’s. I found a 365 day challenge to work on my math and see how it goes. The point is I’ve failed 😞 and failed but I keep trying, never give up, plus you’re not alone. One Day at a time.
I dont think you have failed anymore than people think I myself failed. I know its a bit odd but when do you decide you fail? Imo, its when you stop, but look at what you have written, you had your knock backs, and sure they threw you off somewhat, but you went right back to it, you went back to colleges, work, trying to study, I dont think that's the sign of failing, thats the sign of someone having a hard time but staying in the fight.
You mentioned it yourself, day by day, that at times is the best we can do, for some its hour by hour, others can do weeks etc, but you have took steps to help yourself and haven't given up.
From this video to current years, all the comments and advice that has been put to me has helped me see 1 thing.. failure isn't taking the hits and trying again, we as people have a very warped understanding of success, we believe its a straight line, we try x, we complete x we succeed.. but thats not true.
That understanding makes us thing if we try x 1 time, and we don't do it, we fail... but think of everything you have learnt in life, you were never instantly good at everything, it took time, repetition learning, some mistakes and some wins, in order to learn the thing..
So why do we see the struggle in life so differently.
You aint a failure, worn out perhaps, but definitely not a failure 🙏🏼
this is incredibly brave to do, mate, you've pushed through over many difficulties over many years - that takes a lot of strength
Hi Adam. I'm 33 and 4 or 5 years ago I was in a bike accident. I couldn't work, run, jump, I walked funny and got weird looks from people when I went outside because of this. Imoved back in with my parents. I lost the romantic interest, she had finished her PhD, got a job and her own apartment, and from her point of view I had gone backwards and was going nowhere. I don't have any negative feelings towards her, women can't help what they find attractive in a partner any more than we can.
I'm recovering well now physically.
The reason I'm telling you this, is that having come through the wringer with this, I've found a degree of happiness and contentment.
I don't care that I don't have a girlfriend. I don't care that I live with my parents. I hated school, college, every job I ever worked, but I tried so hard because to be a man in society you are expected to do something, make something of yourself, or you're worthless. But at home, and unable to take part in that life, expectation lifted from my shoulders, I am no longer under pressure, stressed, I am no longer exhausted all the time.
I do wish that I didn't have any health/injury problems, but strangely, I'm more content now than I was before, even though I haven't achieved everything I'd wanted to have achieved by now.
Take it day by day. Live in the moment. Take pleasure from the simple things. Try to look at what you do have as much as what you don't.
In summary, I've learned having been freed from 'society', to an extent, that there is an expectation and a weight put on every man's shoulder, and in the current climate many men aren't able to live up to these expectations placed upon them. Sometime we just have to just say f it. The lyrics to the song, Always Look on the Brightside of Life, have helped me get through the toughest of times.
This might sound terrible but at least you have a valid excuse, you were in a bad accident. No fault of your own I don't consider you a loser at all.
@@gibememoniThank you, but I guess my point is, why should anyone consider Adam to be a loser?
He was doing well in university in a course that he liked and he got kicked out because of the shoulder thing. That mentally shattered him because it made it seem like he'd wasted two years of his life. He got a minimum wage job, but in the current economy and with the housing crisis they don't get you far in life, and the work can be soul destroying.
Lots of people live at home these days because of the cost of housing and the competition for the good jobs, but our culture/society hasn't kept up with the economic changes, it was a lot easier for our parents generation to be married home owners with pensionable jobs by 30 years old, not that I personally want that but it's still held up as the standard, as if it should be the norm, when it isn't as achievable as it used to be.
I have a friend, let's use him as an example. He works a minimum wage job, he's thirty and renting with friends. He works, comes home and plays video games and smokes weed every day. I don't think he's altogether happy with his life either. Is that 'success' compared to Adam's situation?
Life is like gambling sometimes. We take chances and sometimes win sometimes lose, and sometimes it can take time to recover your losses, and when you do... gamble again?
@@gibememoniYou do realize we are all here because we are losers. The video, is in your recommended for this very reason. You can lie and cope, that's the reality. I'm not trying to be harsh, as I'm here aswell, but clearly the video got to you somehow...
Imo, you're the only person allowing that term to hurt you.
I've been a loser at 25, no friends and job. I've been a loser when I was surrounded by literal dimes, had tons of great experiences and tons of friends, people and a really awesome best friend. I was still a loser, I literally have never given a fuck, and people tend to like that. It's all about perspective peeps. Being a loser is more about your mentality, and that is hinging on things like.
You are not alone my brother, we are not called the lost generation for no reason. I’m a college dropout, I had social anxiety for the longest time… I was afraid of women even when they showed interest. I did not have my first real job until I was 24, I lost my V to some escort at age 23…. I did not leave my mother’s house till I was 37 years old.
I wander thru life not knowing what I should be doing… I hate all jobs and I hate interacting with people still…
We are a generation of men given no purpose nor support.
I see it as those trapped between the tech stage and the apprenticeship age.. those before us got jobs with training, I know for me when it came to leaving school, that wasn't really an option any more, no gov funding so nobody was taking on.. the you had computers and the Internet coming in, not really established like it was today, but only the dead smart were able to capitalise on it.. as for us average folk, neither were an option, all that was left was put yourself into debt and go to uni, or, just get a job usually at a shop stacking shelving or other mind numbing work.. an entire generation with nothing to chase
@@Add-you would probably claim life sucks no matter the circumstances. Even if you got whatever fantasy job you claim you need then you would probably move on to whine about office politics, etc. You want to live in two worlds at the same time, that's the problem.
@@thegreygoon1699 Stop the projection bud, look at yourself in the mirror. You look terrible and probably feel terrible too, go clean yourself up instead of spreading your negativity.
I‘ve enjoyed listening to you tell your story. I too have depression and anxiety and I found I really enjoy going to therapy and just having someone listening and trying to understand. Also you telling your friends that they‘re just around you to feel better about their lives sounds like depression determining your thoughts. They might actually like you
It was brave putting out this video. Not many people are willing to show their vulnerable side in the way you have and to open up on this subject. I'm sure most people at times feel like failures - I have my moments ! (more than moments maybe). You've pinpointed things you feel have not worked out and why... that's a big step in the right direction. All the best !
I'm 19 years old and I shed a tear watching your video. I really do feel almost the same way as you. I feel lost without a clear path. Working my first job felt like hell. I have never had any relationships apart from friends who use me for their happiness. I hope that anyone who reads this finds joy in life! Alhamdulillah
Dude your 19 relax 🙂
Work save money . Then go back pack some country. Get a job there sling beers maybe have fun . Meet people. See other ways of life.
@@timothykirby4406 hes old
@@timothykirby4406 Nah if he relaxes he will blink and he'll be in the same situation or worse at 30. Why would you relax at any age when it comes to self improvement.
Hit the gym make some money travel make money get assets relax..
..wish someone told me that when I was 19
Its wild to think but 90% of us are in the same boat mate we all just need to keep on keeping on, we will all get there somehow. lotta love man
Mate im 36 and ive struggled with addiction and mental health and i feel like im only starting to get to know myself properly now your not a failure you have the rest of your life to look forward to try and focus on the positives and set yourself little goals in life that you want to achieve even tho it might feel like it your not alone mate. Thanks for sharing your story 🙏
Much love and support to you man! I feel your pain completely and it's great you put up this video. My personal mantra is being the best version of yourself through any means necessary. I'd encourage you to explore supplementation of all kinds and join online groups. Life is extremely hard and during most times it makes no sense - we lose ourselves in trivial details just to escape. There is no success or failure - it's just experience of something. Never get into a race.
As a 38 year old “failed lifer”, I say to you that you’ll get used to it. I had a period where I reflected on what others are doing, married with kids and big successful businesses etc but then it dawned on me that I don’t want kids or that fake life. Since then I’ve made a concerted effort to enhance my introverted life to its maximum potential and enjoy what I DO have. I live with my dad and that’s ok. You don’t have to live your life to reflect those around you. You do you mate. Nothing wrong with you. 🙂
"kids or that fake life"?
@@dismaleclipse5587I know what that person means. While there are likely those who thoroughly enjoy raising a family, there are many who may feel very stressed all the time and didn't really plan for it to happen when it did but went along with the program.
@@dismaleclipse5587 I’ve got nieces and nephews and that’s as close as I want to get when it comes to kids. Not everyone is a fan of them. I much prefer my solitude with my pets.
Similar situation here. I'm 34. I was in a relationship for 8 years but broke it off a few years ago. I decided that I don't need kids or a wife to be happy; at least that's how I feel for now. I truly enjoy being by myself. I moved back in with my parents which has actually been mutually beneficial since they're aging and I'm around to help out and take care of them.
I don't feel like a failure at all. Don't compare yourself to others because people have different measures of success and happiness.
@@jynxiirregularisI've got a couple nieces too and it's nice. I get to see them pretty much every week, but my brother gets to do the difficult raising them part. Just how I like it!
Going to the gym has helped me get through tough situations. Find a positive hobby, keep a healthy mindset, and believe you deserve anything you desire and it will come to you! Keep your head up. We’re all trying our best, that’s all we can really do.
This video that you made of yourself being a total fail, reflects my life. Almost all of it. But what i've learned through my path of life is, that I noticed that i must thank myself everyday that i'm still fighting and i'm really a tuff guy, for not giving up on life. Because nobody encouraged me trough my life. Ever. I didn't have dad as child growing up, 'cause he died when i was 3 years old. My mother was tuff and became cold person. I am a fighter, YOU ARE a fighter. We've had so many depressing and ruff situations, that in the end, we don't have to please anyone. I left those kind of "friends" that just wanna bring you down.
I pray for you my fellow soldier! and thank you very much for this video that you made. You are brave man. Take care!
... and by the way, i'm 42 years old, and still have no job, no diplomas, and a drug problem, that i'm treating now.
OK, it is financially easier here in Finland, that even when you don't have job, or money to pay the rent, government will support you. But the prices of food is most expensive compared to all other countries in Europe. 500€ a month is not enough.
Not even close. In Finland rich people are getting richer and poor are getting poorer. This is a FACT.
I'm going through a rut as well Adam, you're not alone. I failed medical school and just have had a massive career change and also live with my family. It hurts my damn ego, but life goes on and I deal with my pain and anxiety and talk to my family about it to keep me sane. Regardless of age, there's always purpose to get up every day and do something, even if it's simple as doing what you love, which for me is coding and gaming. I dislike where I work for a shitty tech company, but at least I don't have to pay rent and my family supports me. It could've been much worse and I'm just glad that we're here today and pushing forward. I can tell you're extremely intelligent and have great intuition Adam because you're a deep thinker and analytical. Find a reason to get through each day and tell yourself you're okay. Journaling my thoughts and meditation has been key to saving my mental health and for surviving each day. Routine and system has worked for me, try what works for you and if you fail, just try again. You're extremely brave for opening up and being vulnerable Adam, great video.
37 here and I struggle with much of the same. This is a generational problem, so many millennials don't have good careers, a family, a purpose or much reason to keep going. It's been nothing but economic downturns and scarce jobs for as long as I remember.
Aint that the truth. But doesn't make it any easier to swallow unfortunately.
I am a life coach, psychology major. I want to help people come up with solutions to feeling lost and take real action!!
@@Harshtruthaintit I don't believe the majority of our problems are psychological. Plummeting rates of home ownership, rising prices, meaningless jobs, an exploding population, digital addiction and loneliness; these things have a psychological effect on our generation, but I don't think they can be solved with counseling.
@@chegadesuade I never said the majority were psychological. Where’d you get that from, from my college major?? I don’t offer counseling, I offer coaching as I said I’m a life coach. I help develop actionable steps that make sense for the person to get out of their situation. But thx for sharing ..
@@Harshtruthaintit A "life coach"? Sir, if you're going to try to help people, you might start with a less aggressive approach. With all due respect, I don't think you have anything valuable to teach us until you get your own emotions under control.
Hey Adam, this doesn't make you a failure. Life is hard and some have it easier/harder than others. And the fact that you are aware of all of this doesn't make you a failure. Keep fight and don't give up. We're all fighting in this life together. Everyone has their own demons that they must tame.
Great courage to post this. Keep on cracking mate. Life’s about ups and downs; about persevering, struggling, succeeding, feeling sorrow and joy. As long as you keep moving forward you never know what awaits you! That’s what I think
For some of us (including myself) we have to look at the problem as being obsessed with ourselves (and particularly how we feel) and start thinking and acting about how we can be of service and contribute to the world, rather than what we can get out of it. That's personally when my life took off in a meaningful and positive direction!
excellent advice
I can vouch for this as well and was def a big factor in my recovery. That by dwelling on the past, and other things you can't change, and using that to play a victim card is not only unproductive and not rooted in reality, it's actually selfish. 35 is still pretty far away from anything I'd consider a likely point of no return. Try to flip the script gradually, by trying to be more aware of when you start falling down those negative thought spirals - thinking of all the things you could've done better, all the opportunities you missed, imagining what your life would be like if only... When you find yourself in those moments, remind yourself that all it does is shackle you to your past and perpetuates the very thing you're beating yourself up over. That you're actively *rejecting* real opportunities in real time by wasting your time fantasizing and punishing yourself for what could've been. There's no such thing as failure, only opportunities to learn something new and apply it. When you're 50 you'll look back on this moment and say, "If only I had taken more advantage when I was 35, I was still so young then, but I'm just stupid and couldn't see it." There's always a million coulda, shoulda, wouldas - they're irrelevant. The time to devote any sort of effort or energy has already passed. That chapter has closed. The only option besides moving forward - armed with new knowledge of what to avoid or how to do something better - is to subject yourself to a life of reading that same shitty chapter over and over, instead of trying to write a new chapter. Don't do the very thing you're beating yourself up over and waste more precious years. Plenty of people don't find true success until their 40s-50s. Your life isn't over or doomed to fail, altho if you sleepwalk thru life convincing yourself that, there's a good chance it will be. Start now!
@@LucidLiquidity i think he needs back surgery or something first.
@@emy9272 Idk I didn’t really come here to make fun of him bc I know what it’s like to find yourself stuck in your head. While you might think he sounds ridiculous or over-the-top, a self-captured mind can make you think all sorts of crazy, irrational shit; that’s the power of belief and manifestation.
I feel the same way at 29. Still live at home and still working a job that I don’t like. For me My anxiety held me back from a lot of things and it makes me feel like crap.
same 29 and i've been so mentally dysfunctional last 8 years that i wasn't able to enjoy my 20s as i should've. I'm just now feeling like i'm getting better but now i'm almost 30 and all those last 8 years just feel like a waste.
there a lot of people without anxiety who are dead or in jail so it goes both ways.
We dont know if your anxiety saved your life
@@sp123 that’s actually very deep..never thought of it that way.
I will advise you to keep pushing, never stop. As long as there's life, health, there's hope.
I suffered from social anxiety disorder till I was 25 but you know what? I kept pushing despite. I couldn't go to uni because of it but now I'm on my path to a BSc.
Never stop, one day, a miracle will happen and you'll find your true self.
Keep trying to improve yourself, and get a job. Getting a job is the first thing. From getting a job you can get financial freedom, from getting financial freedom you can move away from toxic people that hurt you. You can eat what you like - eat balanced meals that can improve your anxiety. You can find your true self by being alone, far away from the people you are accustomed to.
Getting a job is the first thing, it's what helped me on my journey.
@@PepTalkTillYouDrop thank you for your comment bro really appreciate it. It’s good to know I am not alone in this fight of anxiety. I will definitely keep striving to be in a better situation.
Comparison is the thief of joy! When you stop comparing yourself to others, when you stop caring about what others think of you, the crushing weight of expectation and conformity is lifted.
Oddly enough I found Poetry & Philosophy greatly helped me to pull myself out of a Tartarus pit (similar to your situation). Reading in general has made a massive contribution to improving my mental health, as well as listening to Alan Watts lectures on youtube.
you often need the approval of others to succeed in life
Bro just keep failing forward. An easy life is boring anyway. You’re battle hardened and you were put here for a very important reason, you don’t know what it is yet. But you are. I’m 41, I let go of everything and everyone, I was by myself for like 1 year just keeping busy, gym , work , routine ect. The peace I got from this changed my life. I still carry anxiety and have ups and downs but I always know everything is gonna be alright.
Bro you’re very lucky and you don’t realise yet.🤟👍🏻 keep fighting , you got this man !!
Hey man, I'd just like to say that I resonate with a lot of what has been said in this video. I'm 23 so a fair bit younger than you, but I too have social anxiety, can't seem to get a job and feel behind in life compared to my friends as well as also feeling like a fraud.
This life is tough, this world is brutal. I'm sure that there are quite a few like us who try to make things happen but just can't seem to find it. But fair play to you for hanging in there and trying, and I hope that there is something out there that can give you some inner satisfaction and contentment.
Mental health is a main part of what has us all down. You are a strong person for being able to share this with us. Win the fight!
Ive seen so many of these videos now, of just brothers putting themselves out there and speaking their truth, yall are inspiring me fr.
This is probably the most real thing I've ever watched. All I would say is keep going. Life can change upwards in as quick as a month. Thank you for making this video. It will help others. You didn't fail at that!
Thank you for making this video. You make a lot of people feel less alone.
Hi Adam,
You're very brave to come on a social media platform and share negative aspects of your life. I strongly admire you for doing this. Most people on social media would NEVER do this as they like to paint their lives as perfect.
I have had slightly similar experience. I was bullied a lot at school and did not do well as I should have done only got grades Bs and Cs and then Bs and Cs at A level. I didn't know what to do for a career so I skipped university and attempted to apply for jobs. I was rejected by so many employers , it was painful and lived in a 2 bed flat with my Mum. I have social anxiety so interviews for me were more challenging and it didn't help when some recruiters laughed at me or interrupted me when speaking. I was also extremely suicidal and attempted suicide,also got a criminal record which made finding a job even harder and like I lost hope. However, even though there are negative aspects of life and there are dreadful people who want to bring you down, there are ALWAYS positive aspects of life and there are good people who can help and want to help you.
I approached a charity who help people with criminal records find work. They saw I was mentally withdrawn and unwell and provided me therapy free of charge. I continued persevering in finding employment. I eventually got an apprenticeship with the Civil service in administration. I passed the apprenticeship with Distinction. I still work in the Civil Service and managed to buy a house with my Mum. I am now in my early 30's not much younger than you, researching in changing career to healthcare science. I have no science A levels so I will need to study a bit longer if I want to get into healthcare science.
The main point is always persevere, take a break if trying gets too much and try and stay positive, fake a smile to get through job interviews if you must (Employers like when candidates smile and portray themselves as positive).
1. Make a list of all the positive things in life. For example, you have a roof over your head. There are hundreds of people that are homeless. Once you have done this look over all these positive aspects of your life and be grateful. Do this everyday if it helps to put you in a positive frame of mind. By the way there is always positive aspects in life no natter how dire your situation is.
2. Have you thought of volunteering? I did many multiple volunteer jobs in order to develop skills. It will help you get out of your home and meet new people too.
3. You have friends. ( I don't lol). Ask your friends if there are any job opportunities and if they can put you in contact with employers.
4. Do you want to return to university? You can go university at any age. Have you contacted Student finance to see if they can give you funding for further studying at university? Explain to them you had an operation and you were kicked out of your previous university and it wasn't your fault.
5. Do some exercise such as running or weight lifting. Exercise is a good way to release endorphins and helps you feel positive.
6. Contact your local National Careers Service and see what advice they could give you.
7. Think of all the 'good' people in your life and stay close to them. Cut the 'toxic' people out of your life that includes any fake friends.
8. Take one step at a time (baby steps). Slowly and surely you can turn your life around you just need to invest your effort into this.
Someday, you will surprise yourself at how far you have come.
And try to abandon much of your past as possible. You can turn a new leaf, you cannot do this until you abandon the past. Learn from your past mistakes that's also important.
Stay strong and look after yourself. :)
I appreciate you taking the time to write this out, it was a very nice read (if nice is the word) to hear somebody who has felt up against it but has pushed through to be able to pass on their own experience.
You are right on a lot of points, and keeping moving and building momentum is what I want to be doing right now.
Starting is probably the hardest thing to do and easiest thing to talk yourself out of, so hopefully I can kick the start off and get the ball rolling
Im 33. I grew up rurally to a very conservative quiet family. Living there was torture. Not much to do. Not much inspiration. On top of that, I was an ugly duckling so in a place void of many opportunities, the few that were there were not able to be accessed because of my looks. So I isolated and then at 22 I felt attractive enough to move away but the years of isolating as a teenager and early adult messed me up so bad that I was unable to socialize. 10 years later and after being in an abusive relationship for 7 of those years... I am left with nothing. No longer do I have my youth and good looks to fall back on. Now I am a socially stunted 33 year old with nothing. Everyday I spend mostly alone... every day I feel immense sadness and loneliness...
Its horrible isn't it. But we are the captain of our ship, and a lot of change (let's be honest, all change) comes from within us. I have had some similar experience, especially in the relationship side of things, that can really put the stress and pressure on and leave you with scars for sure. But its too easy to just accept it.
I know my failings and at times there is a lot we feel totally powerless with, but its not that simple. Attractiveness doesn't just drop off with age, its more complex than that. But I do believe we owe it to ourselves to be a better 'me'
I am by no means happy with 99% of my situation, but ultimately there are 2 options.
Accept it, and just go into a darkness which can lead to the worst place ever (and I'd really like to avoid that.. its not pretty)
Or change.. and change takes time, it takes effort and it takes dedication, heck I dont even know what change is for 98% of the things I fight with.. but that 1% myself, my physical condition, I can change.
I'm not saying become a gym rat, but I would say do something, each day do a little, for me it started with pushups, only 10, but its about building a habit.
Nothing about our situation will change until we do. And nobody is going to change it for us, it has to come within..
When I am capable to (currently recovering from spinal surgery) I hope to start walking every day, doesnt have to be far, but my life has taught me 1 thing, for me own mental stability, I need to get outside, I need the air, I need the peace, a walk for me can really start to turn a corner.
You just have to find that little thing that works for you that you stick at, it becomes the spark that pushes you forward.
I believe in you to be something better than you see today. I believe that in you, because I believe it in myself.. giving up is too easy.
@@Add- thank you for the reply. I have started to bike... I have a dog I walk.... I have a job tomorrow for grocery in store prepared food section... I am trying. I feel hopeless sometimes. I see people who are in the city... especially young ones having fun in groups and I think damn... I never had that. I'm nervous to start work because I think wow these people are going to think, what a weirdo... in his 30s and he is here at a grocery store... and is weirdly unsociable.... ugh I dunno. I have a intake in a week with an employment agency. My ex got a good waiting job from them and I kinda want to do waiting because of tips. I just hate that I have all this wisdom my parents never passed onto me that I wish I couldve given myself....
Ahhhh I hope your recovery is fast and successful. Best of luck. I will love to hear your updates!
One thing I am (slowly) learning is to acknowledge the positive in a mind full of negative. Look at the things you have listed, if you can turn them into a routine and keep going with them, you will help yourself. Its impossible to be in the same situation (be that a mental situation, physical etc) if you keep moving and making change.
Another thing you and I both do is compare too much.. maybe not knowingly, but to see others and thing we are slacking isn't where we are at. We have our own race and the competition is only with ourselves. Some people just make things work in ways we can only stand back and think.. how the f... but we are all different, we take steps differently deal with things differently and ultimately we have to live with ourselves so there's no point in hating.. as long as we are moving and willing, we can improve our situation.. it just has to start, and who cares if its the smallest change, progression takes time.
You got this.
Your story sounds similar to mine x
I'm so sorry dude. I feel your pain. Please know that you're not alone. Keep fighting the good fight. Stay alive, sane, positive, and motivated. Things will work out because that's what's right.
You're not alone man. I have similar struggles and at times feel a total lack of hope or meaning, but I work on it every day and manage to stay afloat. You can always change, even if it feels hopeless. I know it's hard when your own mind is working against you. As long as you can still keep trying and moving forward, you're not a failure. Just try not to put so much pressure on yourself and take small consistent steps.
I appreciate that, thankyou 🙏🏼
I'm probs a bit late to the party. Really appreciate the video Adam, rare to hear lads open up about how they really feel, me included. I was always lead to believe that no one gave a sh*t about my problems and I needed to "man up".
Sorry but I can't see a "failure", I see a good looking guy, well spoken, coherent, going through life, you clearly take care about your health, any laydee would be lucky to have you.
I was in a similar hole, which I'm still digging out of, life throws lemons at you, I'm 39, my dad died 2yrs ago, my wife left, I was told clinically cannot have children, was over weight and ready to take my own life, and got a bit too close, so finally decided to tell someone, my doctor, and thankfully they immediately sprung into action. Was put on anti depressants and therapy. Man, can't tell you how invaluable the therapy has been, just wish I'd had it earlier in life perhaps as early as my teens. Realised I'd had a traumatic childhood, a desire to meet others expectations and constant self criticism. I learnt that these emotions I feel are normal, I need to learn to embrace no supress them, find ways to settle myself and focus on things I enjoy, a being around people.
Fast forward, I feel so much better about myself, I'm still on the anti depressants but I've lost 12kgs of weight, I'm in great shape, I dance the Salsa most nights, have made loads of new friends and my outlook has completely changed. I no longer spend my nights hunched over my lop top trying to make a killer app to become a millionaire, just trying to enjoy life and see where it takes me, the small things, people and opportunities.
Love the video Adam, wishing you well and all the fellas feeling the same way!
All the comment i have this hits as one of the more relatable ones for me, not everything but there's a lot there about the mindset you battled with, that feels so true for myself.
I'm so thankful that you dropped in to share, I get hope from comments like this from people who have gone through things and are willing to share, it makes the outlook feel more.. optimistic.
More power to you, I hope you can continue on your path, it sounds like you have really been able to get some momentum
🙏🏼
People at 35 have gotten out of a mess far worse than this!
If it has happened before that means its possible. Stay strong, make a comeback to your life story…you only get one dont let it slip away
You're awesome to have uploaded and you've succeeded in relating to me and helping me to know im not alone❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ thanks so much ❤❤❤❤
I watched your video this morning and it’s really stayed with me. I would encourage you to consider that at 35 and not having the restrictions that a partner, children, mortgage etc places on your options in life means you have endless possibilities to be whatever you want! I really empathise with your feelings of not knowing what you want and not knowing yourself well enough to decide - I certainly struggle with those feelings. I find myself stuck in a career I didn’t intend because of my responsibilities. Please take some time to make a choice for your life - decide a path and take the risk to go after it! Your power is your lack of responsibility to anyone but yourself. I wish you the very best Adam. You can make your life what you want it to be
Oh my goodness you are not a failure. Do you know what a rare ability it is to have the strength and intelligence to speak so articulately about such deeply personal concerns? You have the quality of introspection which 99% of people don't have. Self awareness, composure.. you're awesome mate. Just hang in there. Also, all you need in life is a couple of true friends... Don't for second believe that quantity over quality is the best mindset with friendship connections. Thank you for your vulnerability. It's time to celebrate your inner strengths and rewire the thinking. Wishing you all the best.
Don't give up brother! Physical exercise helped me tremendously with my mental health!!! It's crazy how physical activity can trigger a healthier mind! I hope you find something that gives you light in the dark! Pain can forge greatness!!! Never give up!
Hey man, just came across your video and watched the whole way through. You've got spirit and courage to share your personal struggles with the whole world. Stay strong brother because there are other guys out there who morally support you.
Brother we have so many similarities, thanks for being vulnerable like this, it helps me.
I’m a 30 year old virgin loser who lives with my parents. But I’ve been disabled for over a decade now, so I was forced into this predicament. I didn’t fail at life, “life failed me”
I used to hate myself and criticize myself for being a failure, but I’ve come to embrace it. I recently renovated my bedroom and decided I’m going to spend the rest of my life plying video games and watching TV by myself. No wife, friends or kids. Just me…
I’m happy 😊🥴
Kind of a waste man. Don't give up so easily.
You aren't a loser for being a virgin. I know the world can make men feel that way, but it isn't true. And you should try to find more purpose than media consumption. Will keep you in my prayers to find it, Don't know if it makes you feel any better to know some random woman you'll never meet prays for you during crotchet sessions but I wish the best for you, internet stranger
Its good that you can find joy in being alone but that doesn't mean you have to write off the possibility of friends or relationships. Plenty of opportunity to make friends playing video games for example.
You're so brave for sharing this. ❤ Don't lose hope, though! I'm 36 years old and not too long ago I felt like a failure. And even though I'm only just now starting to find love again after not having dated anyone since I was 19, I've been working so much harder. I have a good job and friends who care about me. Women are even starting to flirt with me now at my job 😊 To anyone who's reading this, don't give up! You are special and you are loved. Go out there, smile, and make lots of friends 🤎
Thank you for sharing your story. You're not a failure. If you were a failure, you wouldn't care. You're a fighter. ❤
Comparison is the thief of all joy Adam, focus on your own path and you’ll make it to your destination.
Carry on pushing through!