When You Don't Want a Divorce: My partner wants a divorce but I don't.
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- čas přidán 15. 06. 2024
- When you don’t want a divorce but your partner does, you are left feeling powerless and helpless. It seems like everything you do just drives them further away. There are things you can do when your partner wants a divorce and you don’t. In this video I share four powerful actions you can take when you don’t want a divorce.
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Your divorce can either be the nail in your coffin, or it can be the catalyst you use to finally confront and heal your emotional wounds so they don't kneecap your relationships.
You can become the best version of yourself and take control of your future. And now you can get access to the same step by step, proven system that has already helped hundreds of men do just that, inside the Better Beyond Divorce App.
GET ACCESS TO THE BETTER BEYOND DIVORCE APP NOW:
► resources.rachaelsloancoachin...
Additional Resources
Free Masterclass: HOW TO TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AFTER DIVORCE
► resources.rachaelsloancoachin...
Guide: Emotional Stages of Divorce for Men & How to Heal within Each Stage
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Dating After Divorce Checklist: Are you ready to date after your divorce?
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Helpful Books for Divorced Men (affiliate links)
► The Full Body Presence - Gives gentle, accessible exercises for somatic processing of emotional pain and trauma amzn.to/3umFPkj
► The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time amzn.to/3F326IS
► Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself - Concrete tools and exercises for rewiring the brain and reimagining your sense of self and purpose amzn.to/3BaDyg9
► Legendary - Inspiration and a powerful perspective for stepping into your potential amzn.to/3H6ofsF
► The Myth Of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture - Brilliant, in every way. This is an amazing resource for understanding yourself and your ex wife and finding the clarity or compassion you need to forgive. amzn.to/3UxdsuC
► Lost Connections: Why You're Depressed and How to Find Help - Intense and well researched. I would recommend this book when you are past the early stages of divorce and have a stable support system in place. amzn.to/3VNMOi7
I’m Rachael Sloan, Master NLP Practitioner, certified life coach, and the creator of Better Beyond Divorce. I've helped hundreds of men move past the shock, betrayal, grief and anger they experience both during and after a divorce, to a place of clarity, calm and confidence. I hope to help you do the same.
DISCLAIMER: I am a Master NLP Practitioner and personal growth mentor. The material in this video represents my understanding and experience and nothing more. This content is not meant to replace professional medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. Always consult your medical provider before making any changes to your treatment.
How do you get through a divorce you don't want?
When my clients tell me, “my partner wants a divorce but I don’t”, they are usually focused on how to save the marriage. When you’re focus is on how to save a marriage or how to stop a divorce, you end up doing things that push your partner further from you.
The best way to fight for your marriage is to fight for yourself. When you don’t want a divorce but your spouse does, use the space created by separation to do the deep work of self love on yourself. Start exploring who you are in the marriage, who you are now, who you want to become.
If you focus on stopping a divorce or saving a marriage you end up fixated on things you cannot control. This produces anxiety and despair, which are not resourceful states.
You are allowed to fight for your marriage
This doesn’t mean you can’t fight to save your marriage. Do it. Let your partner know you are doing it. Be clear on what you want. Let them know when you don’t want a divorce.
Let them know you are getting help if you are seeing a therapist or a coach.
But mostly, fight for your marriage by fighting for yourself. You cannot fully and unconditionally love another person until you learn to love yourself.
You must do that work, the self love work, first.
When you do, your partner might respond and come back to you.
Or they may not.
But self love work is never wasted.
You can create a joyful, loving fulfilled life for yourself by learning to accept yourself, take ownership of your emotions and intentionally create your future.
That work is always worth doing.
I feel broken. I’m losing my bestfriend and every instinct in me is telling me not to let it happen but I can’t control him. I love him so much, I thought I could love him enough to make him love me.
I am so there. It's been 6 weeks for me. I hope you're doing better than I did at the start
I feel exactly the same way. I simply cannot bear to loose the woman I love. I feel so helpless and sad.
Im there now. Im so sorry.
i feel like im in you exact shoes. Im 36, i was with my girl for 16 years and married for one. she up and left me out of nowhere. I feel like i lost my best friend and the last 16 years were apparently built on a lie, i truly believed she was my soulmate. she finished moving out this past weekend, i hope it gets easier, i wouldnt wish this feeling on anyone.
Thank you for this. I feel completely and utterly lost, useless, and insignificant right now. I’m trying to keep my mind busy, but it keeps going back to her! I want it to stop so bad!
Gotta be strong brotha. I'm going through it right now. We're still in the same house imma just give her space. I tried all that lovey dovey crap the last four days. If she really falls through it imma have to let her go. Sad 13 years and 5 kids ages 12,10,9,7 and 4.
I with u too she gave me too many chances
@@Detroitswagg28my crazy husband left to sister in law’s house and filed, lawyers were so expensive 😢😢, I don’t know what will happen 😢😢
In my case and I just recently realized this, my resentment towards soon to be my ex wife (about to divorce) came from me putting her in a pedestal. It destroyed my marriage. I finally realized that most if not all my bad behaviors(being needy, being upset, being immature, and everything else) came from having so much expectations from her. And none of that is her fault. Because I was the one that put her up that pedestal. I don’t wanna bring my upbringing but I think it’s a big part of it. It’s a dangerous thing to put someone up a pedestal. I wish I realized that way before so I could have changed it and possible change the outcome of my marriage. But I feel like it’s too late now. If anything I’ll walk away from this divorce learning something
Why not admit that to your wife and try again, fixing an existing marriage has more chance of working than a subsequent relationship with the same problems
Agree!
I know I cannot control him and I have let go of control. I aware that i cannot change his thinking or feelings. I have changed alot and I know I am not doomed!! I am healing he still wants the divorce i know I waa co dependent and fear of abandonment😢 I am not a bad person. I am shifting my mindset.❤
I want to save my marriage i don't want to be alone and I do love him unconditionally and I am loving him from a distance. Thank you for this video. I am worried about being alone but now I am healing and self love is bringing me ABUNDANCE. I want to become clear that I am ENOUGH and i am worthy.
WAHEGURUJI WAHEGURUJI WAHEGURUJI
Hey, how are you doing now after all this time? I am currently going through it myself now, and your words resonate with me and what I have been feeling these past 6 weeks
I've been there. You feel completely and totally helpless, especially as a man because when you no longer have control over your life it's absolute devastation to your mental health.
How did you get through it
After 12 years of marriage and thinking that we were awesome together, solid like a rock, the best of friends, and that we had an undying love for each other, I went away 4 months for work to finish a project that we started together to come back and find a complete strange person at home. Sombody that will not talk to me, will not touch me and that seems untouched by the pain this couses on me. Somebody that says than they love me but is not in love with me. And I feel completely destroyed, helpless, confused desperated, and very very sad. I cant see a life past this time. I feel like I am drowning, she is on a boat and wouldn't even throw a 🛟 to me. And that non of what we accomplished and built together throughout this decada is important enough to fight for. Thank you for this video. I will reflect on it and try above all my feelings and toughts to follow your advice.❤
This is textbook behavior for someone having an affair. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
What happened dude update
@Racheal, great video. Thank you for sharing this. So, what if you are scared of destroying this beautiful life ( house, relationships etc) and stability and certainty of having future with one person, and now if this goes away, you will have to do work to create that life all over again and because all this takes work , you may not want to do it again and which means you will chose to live single and look back and regret thinking what if I could just do this one thing right and all this wouldn't have happened.
My husband made me lose all my friends , sold my cars, and not that I have nothing he wants out. He wants to have a finer girl than I am. So nice
Oh sorry for you , some people are very bad . Hope you live rest of your live happily
Really good and informative consultatiion for me i was fealing helpless.
Thanks maam for this video
If your partner wants to leave, tell them not to let the door hit them........ That's self love 😊
Love your channel. I have 100 percent success rate for the ones trying to prevent Divorce but the ones that already are I have sent you 4 peeps so far!! Great video!! 🙏🏽🙏🏽
Thank you! It sounds like you're doing really important work. I'd love to learn more - I often get folks looking for help stopping the divorce. If you're interested in collaborating or referrals please drop me an email - rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I shot over an email. Talk soon 🙏🏽
Ty
Great advice
I didn't even wanted a divorce but fighting one side many years opened my eyes
Thank you
When I was patient and loving as Angry and bad my wife was it kept us together until she came around but at the end when I acted tough and “stood up” this is what ruined it all- so if you want to share your marriage and family and have Gods grace to forgive them love and be patient.
Great video and advice
Love one another, don't divorce - czcams.com/video/oiUeHD4-HxM/video.html
7:59 😑 I know!
Thank you. Starting to look into myself is not easy, but having an intentional way of going through the process makes sense. In trying to save my marriage I have been doing things the wrong way. Now I can start using technics that help me focus in the right direction.
If you're looking for more support around this, there are two coaches who I strongly recommend, one for men and one for women. The men's coach is Steve Horsmon, with Good Guys to Great Men. He is a wizard at saving a relationship. The women's coach is Laura Doyle. You can find 'em both with a quick google search. I wish you the best of luck. Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment.
Thank you for this information. I'm getting divorced and it fucking rots me to my core. But its inevitable, you've given solid advice for me to think through. Thanks,
Hi Rodney, I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I’m glad this video helped a little bit. If you want to go a bit deeper into these tools, you may find this video interesting- rcsloan87.clickfunnels.com/application-page1661304835892
It also has some information on coaching if that is something you’re interested in. Either way, if you put some of the ideas into practice it should help you get this.
You are truly amazing. I am glued to your every word, I find the wisdom you share to be quite comforting in many ways. I'm in a unique situation and will perhaps share it with you in a consult. The point is, I wanted to say, thank you.
You're welcome, Marc. I'm glad the videos have been so comforting. I would love to learn more about your situation and perhaps be of more direct assistance.
Due to a high demand for consults, I do ask that you apply for coaching before we schedule a call. You can find the details of my different programs and the link to the application here: www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/better-beyond-divorce
If you have any questions you're also always welcome to email me directly at rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com
2022-02-14 ... "Thank you" for this prayer.
I adore and love my Christian wife Katherine. Today is week 7 of her throwing me out on Dec-28. I am deeply depressed. I've been the very best Christian Husband that I can be, albeit with occasional mistakes, like all Men. I have been faithful to my beloved Katherine, with zero emotional-physical violence. I honestly wish that I had never met Katherine, but it was The Lord's will, and I genuinely love her. I'm at the lowest emotional point in my entire adult life. "Please" Lord Jesus Christ, restore Katherine's love to me, or else. And most importantly, increase my faltering faith in You at this terrible and hard time. In faith, I will now write "Thank You, my Lord Jesus Christ for the marriage resurrection prayer that I have asked You for months and months. Amen"
.
Hi Douglas,
I'm really sorry that you're going through the experience of an unwanted separation. Do you have some support to help you manage what you're feeling? A therapist, coach or pastor who can give you some tools to regulate your nervous system and work through the intensity of what you're feeling is an invaluable asset at times like this.
Thank you for sharing, and for sharing your prayer with us here.
Rachael ... thank you !!! Yes, Katherine and I have spoken with our pastor, individually, about 4 weeks ago ...he is again trying to get us to meet together ...
Question ... I still have clothes, shoes, computer items, and my handgun at Katherine's house, along with a house key?
Is she keeping all this because deep-down she wants a reconciliation ...
or else is she playing an evil mind game with me?
"thank you", again ...
@@douglascoggeshall2490 @Douglas Coggeshall I'm glad that you have the support of your Pastor.
As for your question... I have to suggest that there are always more than two possible answers to a question like that. There is always a reason for what someone does, and if you could see and feel what they are experiencing on the inside it would make sense, even if you don't agree with it.
I'm also going to put out there that I simply don't believe people are evil. I suppose you could argue that an action is evil... but even that I think is incredibly rare if it actually even exists. I think it's more likely that she has a lot of conflicting and confusing thoughts and emotions and it's quite possible that she doesn't know exactly what it is she wants.
Most people, in my experience, don't get divorced because they hate their spouse or because their spouse did something unforgiveable. They file for divorce because they feel alone in the marriage. They feel unseen, unheard and disconnected and they don't know how to fix that.
Thank you for this video. Reading the comments, it helps that I’m not the only one. My divorce has rocked me to the core. I want to be free of this pain.
Thank you for watching, I'm glad that this has helped just a little bit.
The pain can be overwhelming, and I'm trying to give more people concrete tools to deal with it and move on from it.
Please come join me on Wednesday (12.14.2022) - I'm hosting a live, free webinar training on this called "Take Back Control of Your Life After Divorce". We'll go into deeper detail on executing these things, and there will be a Q & A section at the end.
You can register here: rcsloan87.clickfunnels.com/webinar-registrationcxmo090
Time is the only thing I’ve found that really helps. I am sorry, it’s the worse pain ever. The advice here is good, focus on yourself and do things to make your best self no matter what happens.
Thank you 🙏🏻
hi Racheal, i love my husband to my very core, we are not yet divorced but he says either i accept his family's unreasonable demands or else he will leave me. His family is really controlling and he also cheated on me. i forgave the cheating part as i love him so much but what do i do now? i can't stop loving this man no matter what i try. we been married for 6 years. he is the first guy i ever liked, fell for, dated. married.
What happened, do you guys still together
If he cheated on you the marriage is just not worth it because you will always have it in the back of your mind and hone the majority of those that cheat on you once will cheat again
Did you ever get back together? Been few years
Such a great message. Thank you, Rachel.
i would say self help and self love are the most important thing because more than likely your mate had emotional destroyed you in some way and you need to
become you again and let the chips fall where they do because unless both parties accept responsibly then nothing works, my ex called in church elders on me and it took them 10 to figure out she was the problem and they left because the wife made if very clear that she had no intention of changing her ways.
Thanks so much for your information ❤
It's kinda hard when you get divorce.paoers that say the date is x when it was the day before and someone altered the date on the document!!!
lovely video!
Thank you!! Thanks for watching!
I didn’t want mine, listened to too many people and did everything wrong. I screwed it all up. And am now at a loss for everything. I cry myself to sleep every night. I hate this so much. Getting baptized soon and he can’t even be there to see. All of it breaks my heart.
Did you divorce him?
Thank you!
Im in so much pain… i know i own a part of this… but it hurts so much
Married dad for 18 years father of 4 children. We sadly recently lost our oldest & only son at just 18 who was hit by a dui driver. I have tried almost anything to salvage our marriage. But I've noticed she's become more abusive & outrageous with her actions & I'm just lost, shocked & devestated. I feel like I'm loosing my other 3 younger daughters. I know it's complicated but would love some advice possibly on this. The last thing I wanted was to be a typical statistic of seperate parents when loosing a child. But I'm constantly suffering alone in terrible pain & I have reached my breaking point.
Could she be depressed? Take care of yourself, it sounds beyond horrible what you are going through.
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, and I apologize for my slow response. Your comment got a bit lost on my end.
This is a complicated situation, with a lot of factors at play. This kind of grief is a powerful force that can and does impact people in a number of different ways.
First, what kind of support do you have for yourself? Taking care of YOU is the most important thing you are going to be able to do to support your wife and, even more so, your 3 daughters.
Secondly, while you can offer her love, understanding and support, you cannot make your wife accept those things. It is easy to lose yourself trying to save her or help her, and if you do that you aren't serving either one of you, much less your children.
If you haven't already, please seek direct support for yourself. Grief counseling, somatic trauma treatment, Emotionally Focused Therapy (this one is pretty powerful, you can find practitioners here: iceeft.com).
If you'd like to explore coaching as a possible source of support you can book a consultation with me either by email (rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com) or directly in my calendar calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy
Becoming a 'statistic' really doesn't matter. What matters is how you show up for yourself and your children. I can tell from your brief message how important your daughters are to you. Don't worry about the statistics, focus on them. What they need is a father who is whole and healthy enough to love and support them through this. Their mother may not be able to be whole and healthy for them right now, but if you take care of yourself and get the support you need for your own healing, you can be.
Thank you ❤
I really am grateful for this video. Thank you
I don’t have any where to go. 63 yo and not much money on disability for 20 plus years not even a thousand. Stressed have a lot of stuff car but not young or in good health.
My doctors are 1,000 miles away we sold our house moved to Atlanta to take care of her 94 yo mom and it all changed. Really sucks. Guess I was a burden.
Hope you are doing fine now david
Doing ok today would have been our 23 anniversary. Still in a little shock after 6 months. Going to take a whole. I just don't turn love on and off like a switch. If I would have did something like cheat, drugs etc I'd understand but straight up she knows. I could never go back even if she begged. I'm processing. Each day gets better.
I'm in a situation where I can feel her resentment for me. I think she just might hate me. She just won't pull the trigger and divorce she wants to push me to do it so she won't look bad. I have done deep work on myself from past trauma and to correct the way I process things. I have become a better man and that's good for me. She even said I have made great changes but she doesn't care at this point.
Thank you so much.
I am devastated emotionally drained thinking of suicide because my life of 25 years left me
Hi Chris, I’m glad you commented. I know a lot of men who have had similar suicidal thoughts because of this, but they’ve found their way through to a brighter place. I know that might be hard to imagine right now, but it’s possible for you to feel good and loved and happy again too. You can move through and past this and feel whole again.
Do you have someone you can talk to right now?
What do you do when they only keep saying they don’t want a divorce but yet still make absolutely no effort to try and communicate with you and actually try and do something about it?
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship
ViawhatsApp
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Hi Brendan,
Is this still going on or has there been any movement in either direction for you? It sounds like an incredibly frustrating situation for you. As far as what to do about it... it depends a bit on the specifics of your situation and also on your personal goals.
If you'd like to talk it through you're welcome to book a free consultation with me: calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy or reach out by email: rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com
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*Dr. John can bring your ex back for a second chance. He was the one who helped me restore my 5 year broken relationship by bringing my ex back. Also, Dr. John always keeps up with his words. I highly recommend that you seek his help from him from now on and the most interesting of all is that you do all kinds of spiritual work, you can read it.*
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Needed this video.
I'm glad it was helpful, and I'm sorry to hear that you're in this situation. My hopes and kind thoughts are with you.
I am the husband in this exact same scenario. I don't remember a time where I liked who I was. Well before I met my wife of 14 years. I had my first therapy appt a couple days ago and you are hitting on the exact point my therapist brought up. I really want to fight, but your question, why do you want to save this marriage, made me go straight to...because I love her. I think I'm fighting to keep from feeling like a failure. But I've been so unhappy for so long too. The more I think, the more we might be better apart. So that leaves my biggest worry, the kids. More therapy in my future for sure. Thank you for this.
You're welcome. I'm sorry that you're going through this, but I'm really glad that you have a good therapist to support you. I think a lot of things in our society encourage us to believe that if we love someone we have to be with them... but I honestly don't think those two have anything to do with each other. We can love someone, and not necessarily have the same values, goals, dreams, plans, etc. It might not be the right fit to share our lives with them... but that doesn't mean we can't love and appreciate them. Separating with love can initially be much harder than seaparating from hate, but in the long run it is so much healthier for everyone, especially for the kids.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach tbh i think this is very bad advice.. people confuse or iterate bad situations and tension as a breaking point instead of a opportunity for growth in relations. The amount of issues children get from divorce is being understated and evolves into a generation with attachment problems and high cognitive dissonance a society that is going to focus on themselves so people stun mental growth. When a person has a broken leg you dont leave them or a heart problem .. but mental issues are not addressed or viewed as such. Resulting in divorce and pain and a selfish society which makes it a vicious cycle that lasts for generations. We are the proof of our morality. Look at divorce rates now vs 1900s.
Amen
My wife divorced me and it has destroyed me 30 years gone I really miss her I made some bad choices and she just won’t forgive me I take my wedding vows seriously I didn’t cheat on her or anything bad enough for divorce to happen . we lost our son to suicide 10 years ago and I started using beer as a crutch and started binge drinking again not enough to warrant a divorce but here we are and my hearts broken 😞 I don’t want to,live like this anymore going on 3 years now and dying of a broken heart which I always thought was nonsense but realizing it is absolutely true!
Thank you. This has been very helpful information. I have a list of questions to answer for myself now. ❤
Glad it was helpful!
Spot on.
Thank you, and thanks for watching.
i’m afraid after 31 years of all the unknowns, new house , living in a craigslist room short term or longer , will i find some who loves me at 60 , but then i listen to you and think it’s a new adventure.. once there’s a point of no return of saving the marriage, it becomes the journey of growth at first survival then back to growth and vision
20 years later she says I love you but I want to find true love time to let them go
How are you doing? That's a lot of history between you to let go and move forward from.
*Dr. John can bring your ex back for a second chance. He was the one who helped me restore my 5 year broken relationship by bringing my ex back. Also, Dr. John always keeps up with his words. I highly recommend that you seek his help from him from now on and the most interesting of all is that you do all kinds of spiritual work, you can read it.*
Via WhatsApp I
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32 years of marriage for me...35 total... alot of memories..
This is so good I’m afraid of being alone I feel not loveable the reason I’m hurt is because I miss my home and family and doing things all together I hate being alone. I have a great job I work out I was responsible I don’t know why I keep blaming myself for not being good enough for her - meanwhile most women pray for a good man to stay mine went off deep end at 47
There can be a lot of elements impacting your self worth. Right now it's like part of you knows you're a good man and her actions are on her, and another part is like, "well, maybe not since she left!"
The two main drivers of those negative thoughts, in my experience, are:
1. Your sense of identity was tied to who you were in the marriage/family/home. Without those things you don't know who you are or what your purpose is.
2. Early childhood experiences of rejection, shame, loss or emotional neglect that leave a lingering sense that something inside of you just isn't quite enough.
The good news is that there are a lot of ways we can work with and shift these patterns, regardless of their origins. That's a big piece of the work I do with my clients in Better Beyond Divorce, my 6 month coaching program to help men get healthy and move on after divorce.
If you want to learn more about that program and see if it could help you move past this, email me to book a consultation call - rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com
I fought for us by helping myself in these ways and he saw he's faults much more that he wants to leave now.... soooooo....
I think at some point insisting on staying married in an unwanted marriage is psychopathic and totalitarian. I always thought growing up marriages should stay together, but the longer i mature and age the more i see how naive i was.
self love always the key 👍😍
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship
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Indian law is very strong than Canadian law. Over there is more hope to safe our marriage life but here is no hope. Just pray 🙏 🤲, i want to safe my marriage life.
Thanks again for your thoughts about us
You're welcome, Benny. Thanks for watching. I'm glad you're here.
If you ever decide you'd like more direct support, or just to join a community of guys who can really relate and are doing the work of healing alongside you, I'm here to help. You can find details of my community membership and my coaching program here: www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/better-beyond-divorce
“Love from afar”
That’s not how men work.
For women love is a feeling, for men is an action/way of life.
“I love my Aunt Wanda”; that’s not your wife you had kids with and provided for.
22 years and I’m in week number 5 in an apartment I can’t stand…I miss my wife, daughter, dog, and our beautiful home…trying so hard to avoid hopefully not the inevitable as she did say she’s keeping her options open…when do they ever put emphasis on our history rather than just the not so good past 2 years?
Hi Jim, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. There’s a coach who might be able to help you understand her decision making process a bit better- Steve Horsmon with Good Guys to Great Men. He has an amazing program about ‘defusing the divorce bomb’ that you might like. Just Google his info and you’ll find him.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach …thank you Rachel
I’m now on month 11, and not only is she determined to continue on with this divorce, but she’s been packing my clothes in bins and wants to do a walkthrough to see what I want…my daughter wants this just as much
@@jimdemichele5479were you able to fix your marriage?
This is one of the best videos I have watched on this subject - thank you!
You're so welcome, Oliver. I'm really glad you found it helpful!
Hi Rachael, I love my wife and I love my 2 1/2 year-old son and I love my family most of all! My wife wants a divorce and it is absolutely tearing me apart inside. I’m hurting beyond words and it is hard to have self dignity and self-worth at this point
Hi, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I know what a powerful and painful impact it can have on your sense of dignity and self-worth, in addition to the pain of grief and loss itself.
Depending on the specifics of your situation and your goals, I may be able to help support you in achieving them.
My approach focuses first on your inner journey to build a solid internal foundation from which to heal, if possible, your marriage. We first create a healthier relationship within yourself and then work on the skills to build a stronger and healthier relationship with your wife. For some clients that is just what they need at this stage. Others are looking for a more strategic based approach to stopping the divorce.
If my approach resonates with you, please email me to schedule a consultation call - rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com
If you are more focused on strategy, I'd recommend looking up these resources (there are a lot of scammy coaches out there in the "save your relationship" arena, but these three do really good work, in my opinion):
Geoffrey Setiawan (he's here on YT)
The Husband Help Haven
100K Fathers with Garry 100kfathers.com
Hey bud I got told today that my wife doesn't love me anymore and wants a divorce and it's horrible but I made a phone call to my best friend and he brought me back up and reminded me that there was still worth in me and it helped alot. I guess I'm just trying to say because someone fell out of love with you doesn't mean the world is over. It's a chance to get back to who you are and spend time with the people who actually love you
I’m in the same boat just that she wants to take our baby overseas
You are not the Lone Ranger........women do this all the time and they have zero regard for the effect it has
on the kids. For this reason it's best to not ever get married . There are women out there that make good partners
for life, but finding them is like landing on Omaha Beach on D Day...... your odds are not good. Let her go and get on with your life, and make sure
you get yourself neutered so no more women can mess up your kids lives. In my experience only the husband considers the effect on the kids.....the women could care less.
Literally Journaling every break at work because I'm such a mess rn
I’m sorry to hear that Celine. Do you have a good support system to help you?
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach yes I think so. I just started therapy last week too.
@@celine_anne That's wonderful news. This is a lot to handle. If you're looking for additional resources for managing the difficult emotions, you're welcome to email me. I have a 30 day emotional regulation protocol that you might find helpful, its something I use with a lot of my clients when they are first starting out in coaching and feeling overwhelmed by the emotions. At this time the program I offer is only for men (hopefully a women's program is coming in the future!) so I can't help you directly, but I think you would still find this resource useful. Just pop me a note at rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com if you'd like me to send it your way.
I am lost. My heat hurts so bad she is not happy a wants a divorce an wants me to leave she has lost all faith in me to change. We are separating. To see if that works
On the same boat
Really good video for men who are hurting
I think this is for childless marriages. My reason is for our 4 yo son. He deserves to have mommy and daddy together more than she deserves to be selfish and put herself before the family. That’s why the older generations lasted 50 years or more. They lived through challenging times as well but always put family above self. That’s what it takes. Period.
Thank you for your upload. What to do if my wife refuses all communication including contact with her family? I know that I am partly at fault for the situation we are in and I have confessed my sins. However, she does not see any fault in her neither does she take responsibility for adultery and abuse.
You can’t control her behavior nor is it your fault. In most cases when communication is shut off especially with once’s on family it’s usually due to the shame that there feeling. They have no interest in talking about this and answering questions about the divorce. Be patient and wait until she reaches out.
@@MrBlackraven2488 Thank you for your reply. I will do so. It is very difficult because I still love her and no matter what she has done, we promised each other till death tear us apart not sin. I don't want to give our marriage to the devil. The battle is severe because she refuses to repent. My only wish is that God softens her heart and intervenes in the divorce.
Can you create a donation button or something? you are the real mvp. thank you for what you do!
Thanks so much Jordan! That's so kind of you. Honestly, the most amazing thing you could do if you'd like to support me is to continue doing what you're doing- watching my videos, commenting and sharing them with people if you think they may help. Your views are helping me reach others who need to hear this, and my coaching business is thriving as a result as well. I hope that providing free content here on YT continues to be a win all the way around for a long time!
Hello this really works for me. I know of a great man| who helped me bring my ex back, he can aIso heIp you, he does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify
Wh'atsap him for heIp
I still am trying to learn what self love means or even feels like. I’ve been with my wife for 13 year since we were teenagers. We are now facing a divorce and I know it’s because I didn’t support her how she needed. But what is self love? How do you start to feel that?
I hear you, self love can be kind of a vague concept. It's really boils down to the way you talk to yourself in your own mind. Most people are pretty mean to themselves. We tend to take the things others do personally, making them mean something about our worth, our attractiveness and our ability to be loved by others. Or we torture ourselves with regrets from the past and fears from the future.
Self love is about first becoming aware of how you talk to yourself and then becoming more intentional.
I'd recommend starting by getting curious. What do you feel? What do you think? It sounds simple, but I bet there's a bunch of thoughts and feelings you aren't aware of or that you may even be uncomfortable or scared to really acknowledge. Try keeping a list for a week or so, writing down everything you feel during the day and observing patterns in the way you talk to yourself.
Man I feel you I'm in the same position. 19 years since high school. But we did agree to try to fix things before divorce 🤞.
@@tylerd8516is it possible to fix a marriage?
@@tylerd8516my wife wants to divorce me
I almost never comment on any CZcams video but this video is one of the best I've watched
Wow, Joel, thank you. That means a lot. Thank you for watching.
I'm sorry if you're going through this... I'm not sure what stage you're in, but there is another excellent coach who does a lot of work in this arena. His name is Steve Horsmon and he hosts a program called Good Guys to Great Men. You might find his work helpful if you're trying to reconcile with your wife.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach thank you for the recommendations, right now I'm focusing on been the best I can be
Me and my wife have been together for 12 yrs married 5yrs and she said she wants a divorce outta the blue and she cheated but now wants to work on us. But I gotta work on me.
Wow this video is great!! Feel like I just got free therapy. Kept it super real and it’s hard to hear but it’s all true. I just needed to hear it again I guess. 🙏🏽💕💕💕
Thank you for the feedback Tina! I'm glad it is helpful. And I really appreciate you sharing that it is "hard to hear". I know that this is really hard to hear for so many of us (even me sometimes, and I teach it full time!).
It is so hard to shift our brains away from stressing and grieving what we can't control (our spouses!) to focus on what we can control- our relationship with ourselves.
It's so important for all of us to hear that others struggle with this too and that we're not alone. 🧡🧡🧡
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship
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Thank you Rachel .
You're so welcome! I'm really glad that it was helpful..
Hello dear.... Do you still love your partner and you need help to stay together forever?
I recommend you to a very powerful man who helped me get my husband to love me again when my husband wanted a divorce...
( + 2 3 4 8 0 5 1 2 9 7 2 5 8 )
There is nothing like being blindsided by divorce. My heart truly goes out to victims of this.
😢
If a person is blindsided, they weren't paying attention to the unhappiness of their partner.
@@Twinkie989 Other people can't make you happy. Happiness is a choice of the individual. That said, it's incumbent on each of us to communicate to our partners when there are problems so that we give them a chance to change their behaviour.
@@babyloobibovski2947 Oh, I agree. People have to fix themselves. However, if a person doesn't pick up in the signs of unhappiness, that is how they get blindsided. Signs are there.
@@Twinkie989 Signs? Sorry, but "signs" are often open to interpretation. Also, If you want your partner to change, why not just tell them? Why just give them "signs"?
Thanks Rachel i was devastated when I discovered my wife affair 2019 and didn’t want to ruin my hally childs life and forgave her trying to save our family , but it didn’t work and as of March 2022 she moved out with our daughter - 2019 2020 was hopeful then 2021 the ap got married and she was super angry , I didn’t handle her anger well- this is important to hear- I was loving and didn’t engage all that time but in 2021 I had enough and resented her back which gradually fed into her daily abuse
I understand. Those cycles of anger, abuse, resentment leading to more anger are easy to get caught up in. An angry partner can be a really frightening and triggering experience to handle. With an affair on top of that and the impact that can have on your own sense of self worth... that's a lot to handle. How are you doing now?
Praying for you. God has a plan for you.
@@tonydanza3029 God bless you thank you Tony, and Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, I’m thankful for your prayers too, where two more more gather in Jesus name he is present thanks for your love
My wife keep holding all my mistakes against me and says I’m the reason she is unhappy . She says he doesn’t respect me or trust me anymore .. I love her but I dont know how to move forward 😢
You're not in an easy position. I would strongly recommend that you start with your own emotions and then take a step back to look at the patterns or cycles of interaction between you and your wife.
When your emotions are easily triggered and running high, it is possible that you may be reacting to her instead of responding, especially if she is accusing or blaming you. Defensiveness or other reactivity, though perfectly normal, makes any kind of real conversation or resolution difficult.
Gaining the skill of regulating your emotions will help you take a step back and then you can look for the patterns in how you and she interact. Sometimes (not always!) you can then change your role in those cycles and sometimes she'll shift with you and you can both start to reconnect and reach a deeper understanding.
Therapy or coaching can be a great help in both of these steps. If she's open to the idea of counseling, a couples therapist trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy can be a great resource. You can search for one here: iceeft.com/
I hope this is helpful!
Hello this really works for me. I know of a great man| who helped me bring my ex back, he can aIso heIp you, he does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify
Wh'atsap him for heIp
Rule one, don’t get married. Rule two, don’t get married. If rule one and two don’t work closely follow rule three, don’t get married.
When someone no longer wants, don't try to save it, just let them go, otherwise you do more harm
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship
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she left in november 22, but we were meeting and do things until 3 weeks ago
she got mad at me and asked for divorce again
since than we don't talk but she follows me on social media
the major reason for separation in november was argument where she "lost" all the feelings
as she says, last straw
we were married only 3 months only than
please help im lost
I would love to help more directly. I'd like to learn a little more about your situation so I make sure I understand what you need.
You can find the details of what working with me looks like here: www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/better-beyond-divorce
You can also email me at rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com
Another resource you may find helpful is the work of Steve Horsmon in Good Guys to Great Men. He helps men save their marriages - goodguys2greatmen.com/about-steve/
Wait, What? Not sure about this one..
Are you up for sharing more? What is it that you're not sure about or that doesn't jive for you?
Spell to make him love you again
Hello for any love spell help contact this number on whatsap
Been their done that she told me if i really loved her i should let her go so thats what i did
Just got a hotel room to gather my emotions. I thought I would be crying all night. But I came across this video and i see myself discovering a side of me I barely know and that's interesting even if he isnt interested
So proud of you!! That's awesome.
Thats awesome. I see this was a month ago. How are you doing now?
How are you doing hun?
As a greek citizen i decided to leave my ex for personal reasons because she started becoming very violent and cold. I was married overseas as my ex is an American citizen. It's been 3 years from now and my ex still keep tabs on me and even controls my life. It's not a love but I feel like it's an obsession. The only thing that makes me feel safe is that I live in Athens and she lives in Texas. Otherwise I would have reported her for her obnoxious and weird behavior.
@@yiannisyannakis7698
I strongly agree with you. Reading ur story this has to do with obsession which leads to madness and honestly it isn't even healthy. Take care tho
Thanks I fought the divorce as long as I could. All I received was pain and expense. Finally had to give up. If I could have fought it 35 years I would have.
Thank you for watching and for commenting. I'm curious... this is something I explore with many of my clients, but you speak to it strongly here as well and maybe you can help me understand it in a new way. What is it, do you think, that makes you want to fight to the death to stay with someone who doesn't share the same values, dreams or goals as you do?
I see these sentiments a lot, even in relationships where the man felt forced into it in the beginning, or where there has been no physical love or affection for over a decade, or where they have barely spoken to each other for years. I would really like to understand this more fully. What is it, specifically, that makes a man willing to almost (or actually) die for a relationship like that?
@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach
Thank you taking the time to respond to me. When my wife left me I was absolutely devastated. I believe I worked unceasingly to get married to my former wife, Rosanna for two years. I gave everything to have her.as my wife only for her to say that she hated me four years later. I wanted to stop the divorce. Bogging it down with legal delays. My lawyer at the time said I could do that forever. However the expense would be massive and he advised me that she would never come back and I was already an emotional mess. It would never get better. To this day it has never been better. I can already seeing that I will forever be in pain. Taking my misery to the grave.
@@JohnDcthank you for sharing a little more about your story. I know I don’t know you yet, but there is something you should know - you deserve to be loved, and to be loved just as you are, without having to fight for it or earn it or force it into being.
Sometimes we grow up and learn, one way or another, that we aren’t loved, and we assume it is because of a fault in ourselves. The reality is that when a child is unloved the fault is in the parent, not the child.
But I think you may have learned a false lesson like this, John, because you chose a wife you had to fight for from the start.
You can be loved. You’ll have to let her go, though, and choose a partner who is capable of giving and receiving love.
Thank you so much for the time you put into your counsel. Truly means a lot. The pain still persists, and I don't think it will ever end. But knowing someone was generally interested in my story is great comfort. God Bless you.
Is there any justifiable reason to not want to get a divorce then? Is there any golden buzzer reason that says “welp, that’s a good reason to want to stay with them”.. and does there really have to be a “good enough” reason for it to be a pure intentioned reason? And who would be the judge of that?
These are amazing questions. At the end of the day, the last one is probably the most important - who would be the judge of that? The answer is likely different for each and every person. This is one of the big challenges I see a lot of my clients facing. To them their are lots of good reasons to stay together, but to their ex wives those reasons aren't 'good enough'. Or, more often than not, those reasons are 'good enough' to stay, but the reasons to leave are stronger.
I think this can be one of the hardest things to accept, in a divorce but also in relationships in general: other people don't necessarily think in the same way we do. They don't necessarily share our beliefs, expectations or values.
How are you doing? It sounds like you may be going through a lot of this right now... do you have a good support system?
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach in my head, the fact that me an my wife had a very good friendship and chemistry is A “pure” reason to want to stay. Our problem is unhealed childhood trauma, which caused a lot of toxic conflict. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, ptsd, which caused increased conflict. I’m doing okay, we are separated, I just really don’t see our unaddressed wounds as a “fair” reason to get a divorce we are literally BEST friends and it would suck to see it all thrown away because of a lack of a little self work.
@@JoseEduardo1594- I agree, it would be awful to lose such an incredible friendship to past wounds. Trauma can wreak havoc on relationships, unfortunately. Have you been able to get some help in healing your own wounds? Sometimes if one person is able to start that work on their own it can interrupt the negative cycles between you and give the other partner the room and safety they need to start healing too.
Maybe you've already explored options, but if you're looking for any resources, this is a great place to find a local trauma therapist or one who does Somatic Experiencing work: www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
Emotionally Focused Therapy is also highly effective at healing relationships and wounding from childhood trauma, and there are options for both individual and couples work. This website is a good place to search for someone certified in that approach: iceeft.com/
One final resource that might help is Steve Horsmon's coaching. He runs a program called Good Guys to Great Men, and he also offers a self-paced course called "Diffuse the Divorce Bomb" that has a lot of helpful tools and perspectives: goodguys2greatmen.com/
I wish you and your wife the very best. Thank you again for watching and sharing some of your story.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach yes!! Thank you so much for that. I have definitely started the therapy journey I put a pause on it due to finances but it’s something I’m looking to get back into real soon! And am discovering my coping skills that work for me. Its been a journey but I’m grateful for all of it, I learned so much about myself over the past few years. Awesome, thanks for those references, I will definitely look into it!
Not believing in divorce is just like saying ' If I can't have you no one else will.'
I think you're right, some people definitely mean it like that.
For others I think it triggers a more childlike fear of abandonment (often linked to actual experiences of abandoment that people suffered when they were young and haven't yet fully healed from). In those cases its more like, "but you promised to love me!". From an adult those words feel controlling or selfish... but when you see the inner child that's usually accompanying it, it makes a lot of sense.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Oh wow...that's very true for some people.
I am the one who filed , but I want to cancel it !
Hi Steven, that's a rough position to be in - I'm sure there is a lot more to the story. How are you doing? Do you have some support and help to navigate this?
We have to let go
Sometimes we do, though it often isn't an easy step to take. I wish you the very best in your experience. Do you have some good support in your life?
My wife who I have been with for 20 years woke up one morning and suddenly was no longer in love with me. Then she packed her stuff and moved out 2 weeks ago. I still love her just as much today as I did when we first started dating. (if not more) We have 3 kids together. Now she is asking for a divorce and I don't want one. But she is acting like the last 20 years never happened. How do I get her to fall in love with me again so that she would want to come home?
@MelissaAnderson-qb2jf Yes, yes, yes and yes.
@@dilligaff1979 Plz don’t go to voodoo doctor recommend here….
@@dilligaff1979 book a ca11 w/me I’ll help
Let me guess - somewhere between 40 - 60? It's called Perimenopause / menopause - hormones fluctuate or just decrease so drastically that Women "feel" differently, think differently and act out of impulse to "self care" or "find themselves" - essentially because estrogen goes away, so their IDGAF response is on fire.
@@dilligaff1979did you get her back
Sigh 😕
As soon as they want a divorce, get out. My first wife started having an affair only 9 months into our marriage. I put up with it for 3 years. All that time she could have filed but instead did whatever she could to get me to file. Never could figure out exactly why except for the guy she was having the affair with never had his own place and would just stay with different women. It was a stupid mistake on my part. As soon as I found out about the affair I should have filed. Don’t try to keep the marriage going. It doesn’t work.
You got out, that is the main thing. I hope you have moved on and are taking care of yourself.
It can be saved!! Almost always with right help or coach.
I hate that you went through that but for anyone still married and who wants to save it, there’s almost always a way to have a great outcome within the relationship with the right help of even 1 wants it.
With that being said if your already divorced your for sure in the right place to heal and move forward!! She is good on this channel fulfilling a MUCH NEEDED NEED!!
Prayers and healing for all based on the desires in your heart!! 🙏🏽🙏🏽
Tidak Ada manusia..normal..yg berniat memberi Luka Anak nya!..
I was in the same difficulties before he helped me a few days ago, okay ... Contact Dr. Stephen, ...
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Wh@tspp Dr Agboise
My wife of 10 years wants a divorce. She has gone as far as accusing me of cheating. She is the love of my life and I have been loyal to her over the years. I'm losing ground fast and we have 2 small, beautiful boys that are very attached to us and will surely be devastated by a divorce. I don't know what to do.
Sometimes the one who is cheating accuses the other of cheating. Findout if she is cheating.
Should I wish my separated husband happy birthday or no
HELLO LOVELY I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO THE SAME POWERFUL RELATIONSHIP RESTORER WHO HELPED ME TO RECOVER BACK MY EX FIANCEE. HE CAN ALSO HELP YOU GET BACK WITH YOURS AND MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO BLOSSOM FOREVER...
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You certainly can. There is no objective rulebook for these things. I would take a deep breath, look inward and ask yourself what is driving your desire to do that. Are you hoping to change his mind? Are you genuinely interested in wishing him a nice day? Are you hoping to alleviate some emotional pain in yourself?
Regardless of the answer, you can still do it or not. There isn't a "right" motivation. I suggest that you ask yourself this because awareness is powerful - understanding what is happening in your own mind is important to creating joy and happiness for your own future.
Yes you should ,he might come back to you ..this is my advice takes It 👍👍
I needed this, my wife is asking for a divorce and is moving out. I have been begging and crying for her to stay but I feel its making us worse.
exactly same is happening with me right now, she is my high school sweetheart, 10 years of relationship, 3 years of marriage and now she wants to end things with no solid reason. She moved out a week back. Feeling lost and devastated.
@@nvduk3 wow same here hang in there and give her space that’s what I’m learning. I was begging at first too trying to understand why and I realized it was only causing more damage causing her wanting to leave even more.
@@SandraFernandes621 thank you. Yes that is very true. I did gave her space coz during all these years of our relationship we have gone through many ups and downs. We took breaks and even broke up for a couple of months, and from all that I learnt that crying and begging the other person to stay only makes things worst. But that was all during when we were dating. Now things going south after getting married hits harder specially when your partner isnt giving you a reason convincing enough to support her decision.
I hope you get through this as well, stay strong.
@@nvduk3 likewise you too , this deff takes a toll I feel like I can hardly focus on work or anything. But you also have to put you first and not allow this to break you and your mental health. Sometimes distance will bring people closer and if not then this is what’s meant to be and yes marriage is a whole other ball park so it’s even harder when they leave.
There are a couple of great coaches who might be able to help you right now - Geoffrey Setiawan is one, with Relationships Mastered and the other is the Husband Help Haven.
Father i will always love my wife of 43 years i pray that you would make me the godly husband that you want me to be i pray amen
Thank you so much for this information I really need help this is very painful 😔
I love your approached and encouragement wow! You make me feel stronger 👍 I can listen to your video over and over to make me feel better. Thank you for sharing it.
Ha ha ha there's no such thing as a magic. Those are Satanic and Demons who is trying to hocus focus you. To all who are dying to see anyone talking with the demons of getting back to their husband/wife PLEASE BEWARE OF SEEKING HELP.TO ANY DEMONIC WORKS ASKING TO WHAT'S UP SOMEONE JUST TO ASK FOR HELP ON YOUR MARRIAGE GOD IS THE MOST POWERFUL AMONG THE UNIVERSE HE CREATED US NO ONE EXCEPT HIM ONLY HIM KNOWS OUR FUTURE NOT SOMEONE IN WHAT'S UP. PRAY PRAY PRAY AND 🙏 HAVE TRUST IN GOD NOT TRUSTING THE WORK OF DEMONS. DON'T BR FOOLED PEOPLE TO THOSE WORKING ON SATAN'S WORK. THEY WILL GET YOUR MONEY AND IT WON'T WORK. DON'T WASTE MONEY GOING TO A SATAN TO WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGE THOSE ARE DEVIL.
@LINDA WOW YOU GOT FOOLED BY THE SATAN? There's no such thing as a magic my dear only God can tell our future 🙏
Damn you just described me to a T
I know of a man| who heIped me bring my ex back he can also heIp you just as he did mine, he does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify.
Wh'atsap him for heIp.
Hi Sean, thanks for watching. I'm sorry to hear that, though. How are you doing?
A marraige of 2 momths😢😢😢
You always let her go. Any woman that drops you after a significant amount of time needs to be left behind no matter how hard it may be.
Yeah my wife is totally unresponsive. she is from China. she suddenly feels I'm not rich enough. 🤣
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship
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Same here, no sense to force her. God bless you all
For men, it is best thing to happen, get devorce and get new virgin woman to fulfill you with love.
I didn't want a divorce and tried to save it, and she didn't want to, she told me it was to late, it's never to late if you love someone. Life goes on and im learning everyday to be better than I was before, but I truly miss her.
Hi Jamie, thanks for watching and commenting. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Do you have some support to help you process the grief as you move forward?
@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach ( yes my family has helped me as well as I've sought professional help with therapy and just myself I'm not dwelling on it and moving forward on my own one day at a time . I know it's a part of life and lessons were meant to be learned from this and im learning this was my first marriage and her 3rd I was definitely blindsided and was learning what and how to do it. I still have feelings even though were not together but we don't talk at all I stick with no contact but she tells people rumors about me all the time and im to blame for the marriage not working. I grew up, I matured, and I've taken responsibility for my actions and yet she's not matured at all.