From SCAPEGOAT to family CYCLE BREAKER | Adult children of narcissistic parents
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- čas přidán 22. 08. 2024
- In toxic families with a narcissistic parent, one child is seeming chosen at random to be a scapegoat and carry all of the shame and blame of the family. But what happens when this child finally breaks free from the toxic family system? We look at a Biblical model for this in the relationship between Yaakov and his father-in-law Lavan.
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It is very touching to see all of the heartfelt comments of people who received comfort from this video. Since this video sort of "blew up" I want to recommend some other videos that may help people who connect with these kinds of messages.
These videos are a 3-part series on dealing with stress (lots of people with CPTSD from narc parents will be able to relate)
PART 1 czcams.com/video/rc7iJkC1uIM/video.html
PART 2 czcams.com/video/wKxToegfW5M/video.html
PART 3 czcams.com/video/hPhY2MJXgnc/video.html
Thank you
I just found this video and am very grateful. Thank you!
Please can I have your email?
I am breaking whit my father. Hé is a narsist.
@@Daughterchasya you can contact me through my website which is one of the links on my youtube homepage
The scapegoat is usually chosen because they are the truth teller. The narcissist cannot stand the truth.
@cassiebennet4262- exactly !
Being the scapegoat, if I can survive that I can survive anything.
I'm the scapegoat in our family I'm not scared to expose the devil possessing my family and I have a brother who is the golden son.
@@lomalindaamaza3984 From my expereince it's better to save your energy and leave it alone.
@@lomalindaamaza3984same here...and they curse, ridicule, negate and abandon us when we need them the most
i’m a scapegoat. we become the scapegoat because we aren’t a reflection of the narc parent, they fail to live vicariously through us so our whole existence disgusts them. the abuse we endure is absolutely fucking horrific. i hope i get out of this household without committing suicide. i hope i don’t give up.
Endure. I did and I am happy.
I hope you don't give up either.
Don’t give up! I was at my lowest ever in January this year & having suicidal thoughts. I was sobbing on the phone to my narcissistic mother about how I was feeling & her response while raising her voice…”It’s all about you! It’s all about you!” That response was the be all end all. Something in me rose up & started to take my power back! After many times of no contact but always going back, I KNEW that this was the final time. Know your worth. You deserve better. Get away as soon as you can. No it’s not easy but God will provide for you & give you more strength each day. You got this! 💜
You will Not give up....
Your the Truth Teller.
And you will stand your ground and move forward in this Life.
You are deserving, you are valuable and you have a God given purpose.
Don't give up. Thank you for sharing, and thank everyone else for commenting. Be blessed
I broke the cycle and my family knows this. When I am around them now, they seem insecure and anxious like they've been found out. I feel bad for them but it doesn't make me feel personally responsible anymore.
‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
I learnt how to grey rock. Too nice and conditioned to be polite before that. Not anymore.
How did you do that, and how does contact still remain? Is that safe? Thanks
That's what boundaries do. We all had DNA from Adams fall. Christ renews the heart and mind. Romans 12:2
That's wonderful! me too! I talked about breaking the cycle and they would nervous and avoided me for quite a few years, I didn't realize this, at that time, that had to be a big part of it, so I was left to a lot of confusion, shock heartache, glory to God that's a good thing, now that I think about it it worked!!
'The abuser who puts a roof over your head'. That is the mental torment a scapegoat must learn to wrap their head around. It is not your fault but it is your blessing that you survived and now God's got your back, always 🙏 ❤
Amen
I hope so about God having my back.
Amen!
I BELIEVE!!!
Wow. Thank u
Once you realise your the scapegoat it's heart breaking, when you realise everyone turned a blind eye you lose faith in humanity...when you realise what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and refuse to be the victim your fight has begun😿
Indeed 👍
I sort of cancel out my trauma by protecting other people being abused, bullied, taken advantage of, etc. Love will always supercede darkness. 💛
Arma Virumque Cano.... I sing of a man and war... unless we fight we will succumb to them because there are simply more of them and they are much more cunning and have no bounds. But I don't fight against them, I fight against the crap they did to my mind, the doubt, the humiliations, the mockery, the gaslighting... once I overcome that then they will simply shade into irrelevance as they always feared they might....
@@yoyoma17 I ❤️ this so much! literally completely turned around, canceling out their motivations. thank you. 💛
Only people who can be sufficed with Self praise and delusion that it was worth anything would say that...
As a Christian and a retired mental health professional, you have more insight to narcissism and scapegoating than most Chriatian leaders and most mental health professionals. You are a very humble and insightful man and know more about narcissism than most. Being a scapegoat and studying this profusely later in life, I thank you as a spiritual leader for caring and taking on this complex subject. Todah Rabah.
Your comment means so much to me I cannot express. Thank you so much for watching and for taking the time to share your reaction.
@suekaiser 🫶🏽 I was very fortunate to live the life I did. I ran away as a young teenager, lived life, went through serious 💩 I wish on no human. I did not educate myself until after raising my son. I never went to high school and decided to do me after I finished my “mom” role 😅 I always loved giving a hand up and my life experience was valuable in the field I chose. Addiction to substance (alcohol is included) even though they reject other addictive substance. I learned much, but after the new DSM-V came out in 2013 our professor (who was in charge of Human Service program) said this is going to be problematic. I did not realize until they wanted to pay for out Master’s? BSAP (me now) I did not go farther because I would have to do pronouns.. ☹️😞🥺 I did not come this far to play pretend.. 🙄
Now, I hear other professionals tell on them.. scholars, that made them retrain or loose their license. 🙄 that is literally indoctrination at it’s low level of lies.. Rabbi has better understanding. Now, Dr. Murray Bowen is good and his family group therapy helped me heal as I learned family dynamics. But in university, they do not mention Bowden, Rogers, Erickson, Gesault, Victor.. (darn forgot his last name) MI in Spirit is my favorite when it comes to counseling therapy ✊🏾
Well said and likewise, thank you as well.
I agree
Thanks for your helpful information. It really helped me 👵🏻
Here I am 🙋🏻♀️ An escaped scapegoat after narcissistic abuse by my parents that lasted all my life, I was able to finally free myself last year, at 40 years old. 🙏
I broke the cycle and I'm still dealing with a lot of trauma, but I'm happy like never before in my Life 🙏 Thank you Divine Source🙏♥️🙏
Congratulations ❤🎉 broke free at 33. Don’t let them drag you back to their negative demonic energy. You don’t owe anyone anything.
must be something about turning 40, I have done the same thing and finally washed my hands of my father. I know how broken I am but I finally have peace and no longer allow him any part of my life. It's interesting how day to day I've eliminated his chaotic force from sabotaging any satisfaction I might achieve
@irishgirl that sounds truly horrible. Stay true to yourself and try not to harbour resentment. But that doesn't mean to allow that influence over your life. It's taken me as long to realize that when I open myself to be hurt, they never fail to knock me down. You don't owe anybody but yourself so stay true to your focus and be your best self
I’m 41 and i’m about to .
But i’m broke in million pieces , my heath is also been affected. I’m so exausted. I can’t wait to go away from my “mother”’s home
Wow, I’m here with you. I just broke free last Aug 5th 2023 at the age of 38. Found a loving supportive partner, just gave birth to our first child this Jan. n his whole family have showed me so much love I’ve never had before. All that I’ve lost and walked away from have been replaced by the divine, by God. Keep following your heart. Stay true to yourself. ❤️
4 minutes in and already I feel seen in a way I haven’t been in 57 years. I hardly have words to express my gratitude for this wise offering. ❤️
President Trump..😂
Me TOO AT 67!!!!
You are where you’re supposed to be.
As the scapegoat, I approve this message. Luckily, my mom sabotaged all my relationships so I'm fine walking away.
I’m sorry for you. I know how it is. Same here. 😏 My evil mother is a master in ruining relationships. She loves it when people don’t talk with each other anymore. She ruined 4 families (the family she grew up with, my dads family, her second husbands family and the relationships between my siblings and me). I don’t have any contact with anyone in my family or extended family anymore. I’m wondering how my evil mother can survive without the scapegoat anymore. I know she and the flying monkeys still gossip about me. But she can’t manipulate me anymore, she can’t threaten me anymore, she can’t abuse me anymore mentally or financially anymore, she can’t treat me like shit anymore. I’m wondering if she has a new scapegoat in the family?
I wasn't allowed to just walk away. My mother had it in for me from a child and my earliest memories of her was that she disliked me and it never improved from there.
My mom does this to me. Ruins every relationship she can. Which has been all of them. Including me and my oldest son. I’m the blame for everything. My poor sister with mental health issues- LOVES IT. When I’m under attack from the family. She almost cheers it on. It’s so weird. They are all weird!
My mother had a way of playing the victim and would delegate her will to others in the family who would in turn initiate the retaliation and any followup and report back to her. There were times when gifts given to me as a child and later in life would magically disappear even those she put under lock and key but she claimed to have no knowlege of what happened to them.
@@SN-bl6xm Looking back I realized that my mother would always isolate me when setting the stage for one of her games and divide and conquer was a main theme. No one talked to me when an accusation was made behind my back and NO ONE ever came to me to ask my side of the story because it was Mother's way or no way.
My 4 year old son Gideon passed away last year and he is my only child. When he passed my narcissistic dad was joking and laughing with the few relatives that showed up for his funeral. While my wife and I were weeping, someone came up and patted me on the back and I was surprised, I thought maybe my dad isn't as bad as I thought...it ended up being someone I didn't know too well, but it just showed how little my dad cared. The second he entered the funeral he asked "is the song my wife chose going to be played? I don't trust my son and want to make sure he is playing the song my wife chose". They are definitely shameless. My Dad always used to yell my name when he came home --- "hey Jordan, did you leave this container out and not throw it away?", so I got used to always hiding in my bedroom and locking the door to try and avoid his wrath, which was usually due to things that were not my fault. I was always so happy when he traveled for work.
I have no words.
Limit your contact and take care of yourself. hugs.
@@SoulWordsyes, I have no words either. But please, cut him off. Total no contact, move elsewhere if needed, just anything.
I’m sorry for your loss, I don’t know how to heal with something like that. I hope you and your wife are well.
This is heartbreaking to hear of this abuse by your birth father at your son's funeral...PLEASE save yourself, & seperate from this heartless monster ! Your child is in God's hands now...I pray you find some peace in that. God is my father, the Earth is my mother...I AM A CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE. ..I never feel unloved, or unwanted by my CREATOR, OR THE CREATION. I HOPE YOU CAN FIND SOLACE IN THIS. GOD BLESS YOU, YOUR WIFE, & TRUE FAMILY AT THIS TIME OF GRIEF...
I made a big mistake by allowing my children around certain family members. My abusers turned into their abusers. I wish I knew to never allow my children around them. Especially without my supervision. I hope someone reading this keeps their children, and family safe by not making the same decisions I had made. Keep distance between them and your family
My ex's family came and took my daughter😂 without any kind of ok from me , from a nationals competion for Odyssey of the Mind, and took her back to their home and the oldest sisters home , where they proceded to subtley indoctrinate her against me . And again later. Asking her what i was doing wrong , or foiables were. They showered her with gifts that their son , my ex , would try to make me too poor to give her. I still gave her fantastic gifts. These people worked as a group , that my daughter THOUGHT SHE COULD TRUST. To try to take ME down. Now they realise that AS A GROUP , THEY COULD NOT !🤣 What a complete, mentally challenged, bunch of losers.
It was too late for me with my eldest son when I realised the damage they were doing to him.. he doesn’t like me now he’s joined the dark side towards me but I pray one day he will see and understand that I didn’t know back then…
My children weren’t abused by my abusers. They joined them. I had to walk away from them all.
My abusers turned our child against us.
Yeah, my parents (who are lucky to see my kids at all after everything), are wanting reunification with my sister because I am hurting my niece. (It's been about 20 months of hard no contact) Okay.....if anyone was listening from day one............I am not keeping my niece and I am not allowing my children around my sister to continue the cycle ESPECIALLY since one (if not both) of my kids are on the spectrum........my parents have been alone with my babies exactly once (I have no babysitters unfortunately and it was an emergency) since I decided no contact and we are struggling with the other side with similar problems. Yeah.......not my first rodeo and I am so frustrated with all of them........ it's always MY fault................... boundaries definitely need to extend to the children....When it's not possible (like Mom or Dad of your child), you kinda gotta trust the narc parent will implode and turn at least one, if not both of them, against them eventually. Unless they are toxic/extremely enabling (which is toxic and in some ways just as frustrating) most people with any sort of self worth will eventually leave.
Growing up as the scapegoat I always yearned to be the golden child growing up. It wasn’t until I reached my 40s that I realized it was actually a gift to be the black sheep. I didn’t have the trauma bond to my mother like my sister did…. I didn’t feel responsible for her happiness or yearn for her approval because I never had it…. No matter what I did…. I didn’t have the attachment to my abusers like my sister did. So am the exact opposite of my mother and my relationship is completely different. It’s nice to have a family of my own that is run on humility, love, empathy, compassion, honesty, and unconditional love. So so so different
I read your comment as it were my own words. Well said amd thank you. I've just realized my mother is a narc after my 58 yrs. I've called her out on not protecting me from abusive sibs. Her natural child abused my adopted self. She can't figure out why her kids don't get along. I'm the only daughter, and I broke the cycle summer of '23 and she's gone silent after many months of trying to sweep her behavior under the rug
You just wrote my story. Hugs!
same here - my younger sister is trapped in a golden cage, all the money and no freedom. She was always looking for our mothers "love" now after 3 kids by IVF paid for my the narc she thinks she got "the love" I only feel pity for her - I moved on by myself in truth and reality - feels so much better
Scape goat here... I escaped and raised four beautiful health children into healthy adults who never had to experience what I did growing up. It was a long, lonely experience that was full if self doubt as I had nothing to weigh my newfound choices against for what was normal. All of it was worth it and made my heart so happy to see my adult children thrive and have way less struggle.
@jenniferflower9265 🫶🏽 you Relative! I too had to kick rocks. My story is different but I’m glad you got the courage to leave. Breaking the cycle is so important, but then I raised my son totally different. But he too had issues with me. 🥲he knew my father physically and mentally ruined my brother and sister (not the blended family we had to endure) I chose to tell the truth and never physically touch him. My son did put me through some 💩 (and still does) But this morning he made a phoney crack and I went there.. cuz he elevated himself above me (😖😞) why? I guess narcissistic traits run in the family, but as an empath, I see things way different. After my son (who is now 30) fed my sickness, he apologized and acknowledged everything he knew by me being honest and told me he appreciated me. I apologized to my son, ( years prior) for putting my will on him, without realizing it.. 🤔🙄 who really admits they were wrong in a bigger light of understanding? Anyhow.. God Bless and so happy you snapped in❣️
I'm 43 and didn't manage to break the shame yet. Still have no children cause I don't know what i could offer them. Don't think I'll heal someday
Same here. My adult child is kind and caring… quite the opposite of my family of origin’s terrorist-like culture of “give me what I want or I’ll hurt you”.
A cycle breaker is a true hero! 💜🙏🕯 I wasn't as brave or strong as my self doubt and pain made my decision to not risk having children seem like my only option.
" a long, lonely experience that was full if self doubt as I had nothing to weigh my newfound choices against for what was normal" this sums up learning how to live in general for me as well, thank you. It seems every decision is plagued by doubt and uncertainty, your walking forward blindly.
Appointed toxic 'family' Scapegoat here also. I went No Contact over a decade ago. I am the inconvenient Truth Teller. I saved my branxh of the toxic 'family' tree & spared my beloved Son from such toxicity. My only regret is I didn't leave sooner.
Leave and cut all connections yes. That’s. So important
My mom had me fooled, and I married a narcissist, who also had a narcissistic mother, so I allowed my kids to be around my narcissistic mother. My kids turned narcissistic as well. So I have no family anymore. I only had the best intentions. Thank goodness that the Lord draws near to the broken hearted.❤
Yes. That’s my only regret also, not leaving sooner.
I'm so happy you are having success in your choice I'm in the transformation phase and I sometimes feel so afraid that I will fail and have yo go back to my abuser...buy I trust in God and so far I've been covered and your message gives me hope I will be just fine ❤❤❤
I WAS the scapegoat. My spiritual awakening brought me to complete awareness and forgiveness of self. Thank you Rabbi, you are doing good work.
Me too, it was a tough lesson, but I certainly wouldn't change it. Being spiritual awakened is the best
When our family scapegoat died I was surprised at age 30 to become the new scapegoat! So yes I asked those different questions: what did I do wrong? I finally went no contact in my 40’s. They turned everyone against me for standing up. I did become more spiritual although now I no longer believe in a divine personage. We orphans with living parents must learn to lovingly reparent ourselves.
Grew up as a narcissist family scapegoat! I have been no contact for 2 years. I’m now 27 years old.
I hope you’ve been able to heal.
@@SoulWords for the most part I have done a lot of self work! Still cry sometimes but I’m blessed to be free and moved to the other side of the United States. Now I just gotta start over alone which is emotionally sad but I’m better off.
@@Joshdifferent I'm sending you my positive thoughts.
Yeshua healed me completely. Scapegoating is lifelong but I know I have a teacher & constant friend with me. He's a wonderful counselor. I'm so glad to know him.
@@nathaneylar4263yeshua is the ultimate scapegoat for only a narcissist. No decent human being has a scapegoat. They take responsibility for their own sins /actions and do the self work.
The chosen human family scapegoat is always the one with the most potential in life or the biggest threat to the narcissist. My ex-narc psycho "father" worked constantly and consistently against me from a very young age. Out of his three children he knew I was the one who would out do him in anything and everything and I am a female which is his world was doubly disturbing to be outdone by a female, any female.
Think about it, they are not going to choose the weakest family member, they are already where the narc wants them.
wow @smoothandchunky - I also always wondered why the abuser (narc father) always tried to stop me as a teen from getting a math tutor (I wanted to pay with my babysitting money) or tried to stop me from volunteering (so I could get work experience). I was so puzzled why a parent would actively sabotage their eldest daughter. Your explanation just NAILS IT! Thank you. I feel less alone and for sure less 'crazy' now. I am so glad I left home at 16.
Spot on I had the same experience I absolutely hate what my sad sadistic fake parent did to me but I overcame it and raised a well balanced and successful daughter.
For the first time, I feel seen and understood. I am 55 years old. A simple thank you does not convey the depth of my gratitude for this video. God truly is El ROI.
@@MyKrabi This is my story as well. I am the oldest child and oldest female. My father went to great lengths to block my efforts at success and to undermine the few accomplishments that God in His mercy enabled me to achieve.
Relatable by most means
However...I do understand
Years ago I produced a documentary at PBS that was broadcast nationwide and won an award. I was so excited and of course I thought my parents would finally have something to be proud of about me. Their response when I told them about it... "Don't let it go to your head.". Yup, that's it. No congratulations, no celebratory dinner, no bragging to friends. That's when I knew. I'm 65 now and of course I've grown up, cut off ties with them, and have done a lot of work on myself, as well as making sure my daughter is aware of our background so she can take steps to heal and take care of herself, which she does.
That was and is a great accomplishment. Kudos!
I'm pretty sure they bragged about you 😮 it would have reflected well on them. I did very well once in exams when I was 15 and my mother wouldn't allow me out with friends to celebrate, I got no praise either, I did see her standing at the garden wall bragging to a neighbour.
My Mom made fun of me for being too skinny. And made fun of me for being too fat.
@@TINYmonkProductions You probably are neither skinny or fat, but just right, and she is just a mean person.
@@saran.4001 I think I have been both and she was just messing with me more like an older sister than a mother bc we are so close in age and she has arrested development
Thank you. I am christian and the modern christian church is so focused on forgiveness almost to where it is an additional abuse to victims. They overlook accountability and repercussions. It is all about the victim forgiving the one who hurt them so badly that basic human dignity was threatened and the victim has to live with the after effects.
I am focused, as I believe God is as well on my healing and walking away. I am an orphan with living “parents” But God is my Father Amen.
Same with me
Thank you Rabbi, I am a Christian man who was disowned and disinherited as a result of me standing up to abusive narcissist family members who held alot of money over my head while I was poor. This really helped me. Shalom ❤
Exactly the same circumstances for me. This is a powerful message for us. 🙏
I've chosen disinheritance over slavery as well
I want nothing to do with the blood money
I found my faith in God when I realized that God loves me more than my awful parents did. I was a scapegoat in my parents home. All I wanted was them to love me. When I was a young adult my mother and father made promises they new they would never keep to get me to give up my life to take care of them. I trusted them, and they stole my whole life away with lies and greed. What I learned was...if someone is terrible to you when you're a child they will be even more awful to you when you are an adult. If you trust a narcissist you will get a knife in the back. It is particularly painful when the person who betrayed you and hurt you is a parent. And the Bible says we must honor our parents. How is this possible?
@donnakelley1202 I stand by you. I've gone through all of this. Just know that you are not alone in the fight against wickedness within the family structure. In the Bible it even states that ridicule against the believer shall come from the household of the believer, we are to honor our parents yes, the Bible also acknowledges that wickedness can come from anywhere and therefore we must have discernment in all things. There are many parables within the Jewish faith that speak of horrible things within the family structure and the community, many of my Jewish friends have actually helped me make sense of why I was rejected, disinheirited and thrown off a cliff as the proverbial scapegoat. This fight is very real and it has claimed the lives of many.
The scape goat has to set up boundaries to strive 🙌🏼
Coward narcs
Absolutely 💯
But after a lifetime of abuse, this is the biggest challenge.
Yes indeed and that's what I did. You will not disrespect me,you will not bully me,and you will not gaslight me. I read through any lies and any masks. I won't tolerate any of that.
I sure try to protect myself.
I was the scapegoat; my sister the golden child. I believe this happened mainly because I called out my father on his nonsense whereas my sister usually supported him.
I’m kinda in the same boat now. My sister is the golden child now.
Once a scapegoat realises they are being targeted, that they are the target of narcissistic parents or toxic siblings n relatives - start planning your exit before you waste decades trying to fix dysfunctional people whose weaknesses n character failings are not caused by you, i.e. you are not to blame for their toxicity nor are you responsible for any generational trauma they inherited from their ancestors. How can someone (the scapegoat) be responsible for something that happened decades earlier or half a century or even centuries BEFORE they were even BORN? It is illogical n doesn't make sense. Break the cycle by leaving the dysfunctional family unit, move elsewhere, create a new, happy n fulfilling life. May God bless n guide all family scaoegoats n black sheep to a happier n more fulfilling life from today.
As the family scapegoat…. It’s so true. God asks us to enter these families in order to over turn the trauma in the bloodlines. It’s not an easy life path but I am so grateful that God was with me in the darkest of times and is still with me, blessed me with a beautiful, protective, strong man who has helped me deliver our 4 beautiful babies into this world.
That's wonderful that you broke free and found a good man and have a beautiful family. God bless.
Huh!?!? Say what!?! Instead of tormenting souls, like the scapegoat, why doesn’t almighty God just fix it in the first place?
If what you say is true, this proves God is mean, vengeful and vindictive.
Beautiful ❤
Do you really believe God wanted this for us...? I sometimes think that... but when the pain is too much for me to bear... I question... people do break from the pain... turn to self-abuse, until... What was God's plan then?
I think you are right. I did not reproduce tho i wanted to and grateful I didnt as I wasnt recovered enough to raise mentally healthy babies.Both my brothers passed the illness down to their children. I can see it . I think God had a hand in this .
I left home at 17. I moved out of state when I was 19. I didn't know what narcissism was. I just wanted to get away from my parents. Years later I learned what narcissim was and figured out what I was trying to get away from. My parents tried their best to turn my siblings against me. My little sister is the golden child. My older sister is a psychotic narcissist that brags about her involvement in the occult. I cut off contact with my family. I feel so much more peaceful now.
It seems like narcissism is connected to demonic influence or possession they all follow the same MO and have black eyes when angry .
ME TOO.
My wife and I are both scapegoats and now stewards. Our struggles made us both empathetic people who want to help others...
Thank you for this blessed video🙏
Shalom 🕊️
I pray for escape daily w my daughter
@@Staying_aliveforwomen 🙏
I am a 61 year old who was raised with parents who didn’t love me. A husband who didn’t love me. I’m not Jewish, but I’ve read the Bible my whole life, so I’m very familiar with these stories. Never have I heard this narrative and yet you are 💯 correct! Thank you for revealing this beautiful truth. My God draws near to the broken-hearted! He loves me! Blessings for this very correct truth! ❤
At the end when you said God will become the loving mother AND father that we didn't have... I burst out crying. I really really enjoyed your storytelling! I loved you speaking the other language! Thank you!! Subscribed!
That means so much to me
It is true! I experienced it first hand! I went no contact with my father 8 years ago, but God is my father! Better father than what I could ever imagine!
This is so true. I was scared of being alone but He let me know right away that I’m not.
Your kin are your kin and thats that ! Kin means ' your kind ' so unless your like them and vice versa, Youve no relation to them. And they aint kin/ your kind. Better to be adopted by good than be utilized/used by bad.
Yes it also caused me to break down I am a very proud loving father of a 12 yr od son that now I only see my son every second weekend and not by choice of my own canads unjust justice system turn ablind eye to evidence that i sumit to court if we had truth on oath like required 😂 it would not be like this but I know how trauma right from childhood to having a child with a narcissist than I got thrown off the cliff by everyone didn't see it coming and they can not actually say for what reason but since then I learned about narcissistic behavior and wonder how I was so blind to reality to find myself now a loving father with my hands tied behind my back watching my sons hurt instead of him get what he deserves 50/50 courts say best interest of the child but than do the opposite I work I provide I protect I teach to grow up to be a man like boys do there is no abuse or addiction no criminal record I see no reason for it besides I'm a man and we have a very feminist justice system in Canada
Wow, as the oldest of 9 children, I am finally understanding the abusive family system that I grew up in. I am the cycle breaker & yes, Hashem is the father of orphans.
I am glad you found this video. May Hashem’s compassionate love be with you always.
@@SoulWords Thank you so much! I am overwhelmed with His love 😭
It's a cult
@@keekee04440what you mean? Who is cult? Didn't watch video yet, was lured by the title, could you please elaborate?
Maybe that's something to look at. I'm the oldest and the black sheep. I'm a Christian and went through alot of deliverance in order to break the chain. My dad is a narcissist and so is my husband
It is really nice to see a religious person and a rabbi speaking out about abusive behavior instead of just prattling on about how people should honor their parents whether they are at all honorable or not,... then stating that we are going against God and the "word of God" if we don't honor and obey totally horrid and dishonorable people.
This is an eye opener for me. I grew up in an abusive, dysfunctional family and I was the black sheep.
Now I am over the 60, and throughout my life I have been bullyied and abused by countless people. Somehow I believed that I deserved that kind of treatment.
Every day feels like a struggle.
Thank you for these insights.
I believe in Jesus, that's why I am still alive.
Yes, Jesus Christ is the only one who can protect us.
Scapegoat becomes cycle breaker. I am/was the scapegoat in my family and happy to be so. My toxic and unconscious siblings do not live close and glad they are out of my life. I am consciously trying to raise my son with empathy, love, support, and being connected, the complete opposite of how I was raised. My education into narcissism has been extensive and it amazes me these toxic individuals act the same way no matter what religion or race, male or female. I enjoyed listening to you and it was nice that you put humor in it. edit: at the end you mention it.. the awakening in me did happen, and hope it happens to a lot more in this world.
I aspire to be like you.
Thank you Rabbi. Your wise words healed some parts of my soul. It’s very sad to be scapegoated, exiled and manipulated by the unhealthy, wounded people you TRULLY love.
Thank you Rabbi and thank you for your well articulated thought, I concur with you.
Sending love ❤️ You and your wife matter, no one else. Lose yourself in your journey. It takes time. My baby twins died 25 years ago. My first two children. I have an adult daughter and son now ,❤. It gets easier. Love to your son bless him. Till you are all together again xx wishing you a happy future Xx
You hit the nail on the head and perfectly expressed how it feels 💜🕯🙏
@amygrace724loving this now I can’t break trauma bond to these evil narcissist family stuck with depression anxiety fear can’t get them out of head
I absolutely broke the cycle in my bloodline, even to this day,all my close family is wrapped up in chaos.
Yet my inner circle of family has broken the chaos.God is great
This video helped me realize that the narcissist goldens the golden child _in order to use the golden child_ against the scapegoat. The contrast in treatment is the point and the message.
Profound observation
The golden child often becomes a narcissist him or herself. Thus when the narcissistic parent dies, the narcovirus passes onto the next generation. Be prepared for your nieces and nephews and their children to still.view you as the scapegoat until you pass.
@@shobhnakapoor1399Oh my god this! 💯.. while my parents are still alive I am fighting tooth and nail for them to stop poisoning the mind of my second brother who they are trying to turn against me. If he turns, I’ll have nobody left when they die as they created a monster in the other sibling and he will take the reins of abuse when that happens. 😢
even i am muslim but i admire you give time to explain this subject . i wish others religious leader from other religion do the same . i enjoy your speech thanks.
None of us have to be limited
We are all children of one God.
I am with you. Grew up Catholic the Father never spoke about this subject, it doesn't surprise me as the nuns in the Catholic school were very abusive with me. Since it was normal in the church, it's no wonder religious parents believed it was normal.
This Rabbi is great for speaking about an uncomfortable subject, glad people can learn from him.
Great video and great wisdom. As the oldest child, I was selected as the scapegoat because I was the most competent child who could see through all the family BS and call it out. I was also the one who stood up for myself the most especially when I was being beaten up and abused by my narcissist mother. Because of that I was forced to leave the family home when I was 16. It has been a tough road but at least I am free to think my own thoughts and live my life my way.
GOD BLESS YOU FOR GETTING OUT !!❤🎉
I pray our Grandaugters are strong enough someday... 🙏🫶💝
Happy for you.
Sounds eerily familiar, narcissist really are willfully possessed by the demonic. Many Blessings of Healing and Peace to everyone here🙏💛
Thank you so much for this teaching, Rebbi. I am a scapegoat and have tears running down my face listening to this. God is literally the ONLY reason I am still alive, but I struggle so much in this life from the lingering effects of the trauma and CPTSD from the horrific abuse I endured growing up. I often feel that I am too broken to ever be okay and that I will spend my entire life trying to overcome what I wrnt through and will die having never really lived. This gave me hope and comfort. Words are not enough to express my gratitude for this teaching. May our great God heal us all! 🙏🙏🙏
You hit the nail on the head. This is my life. I am truly grateful for escaping them. They have sent spiritual negativity towards me. So, you are correct, they don’t stop. By the Grace of God I survived and thrived ❤. Thank you for sharing.
Are all ready to vote in ...2024..... Knowing Hopefully NOW... What Trump was and is😉..🙏💖✌️😌
After my mother passed & we had to sell her home i realised that my mother had poisoned my brother & sister against me.
I thought we bicker like sibs but really love each other.
I was wrong.
I let them go in peace.
It took a few months for the grief to dissipate.
I went through exactly the same. I thought after her death we could be friends. No way. It was worse. The venom really shocked, and shook me. I ended up with shingles . After that I walked away.
Omg! This statement is frightening! My mother just got lung cancer. I read a few of her text messages between my brother and her. Turning him against me NEVER EVEN ENTERED MY MIND! Until now. Wow! I can't tell you how this has hit me. I suddenly have a terrible stomach ache. I would have never seen it that way. Even after all these years. Thank you so much for your comment.
👏 👏
My maternal grandmother was the most helpful family I had growing up as the family scapegoat. She knew that her daughter, my mother, was narcissistic, stubborn and sadistic. "Nancy gets what Nancy wants." she'd say, with a sad sigh. "There is such a thing as too much truth", my grandmother told me solemnly, one day, realizing that the torture and abuse I was enduring at home wasn't something she could remedy. But she knew I struggled to be dishonest enough to flatter my narcissistic mother sufficiently. She knew I was being punished for my honesty and innocence. It struck me as too great a challenge to absorb my grandmother's advice and learn to be a convincing liar. Eventually I became a journalist. I have the tough skin for it. And I don't default to lies. My soul is quite intact. Thanks, Rabbi! Good stuff.
God bless you & your strength and kudos for such a young person to have unwavering strength like that
❤your grandmother
Same with my grandmother
It really is an interesting problem, whether or not to flatter the narc. IMO it's ultimately a losing game- no flattery is ever enough to truly keep you secure- but it's a strategy that works for many. If you use the strategy, either as a child or an adult, it has an effect on you.
I'm not knocking this strategy, to be clear. Lying to the narc worked for me in workplace settings. I got to a point where I consciously chose to lie to the narc, to do a bit of manipulating myself. However, I feel like the experience changed me. I still don't quite know what to make of it. I don't feel good about what I did. I feel like I was just repeating the negative behaviors I saw in my family which made me so miserable, the lying and manipulation.
My wife is more like you. She just constitutionally won't lie. I really admire this trait. It is so flippin' cool, lol. It's just so wonderful to have someone so honest and reliable in your life. But it's a trait that sets you up for collision with the narc.
My grandmother too and she left me a Bible .. and the siblings cry jealousy over that
Thank you for this message. I’m the scapegoat . 55 years old & I went no contact for the final time in February this year. Narcissistic mother. The rest of the family is in constant chaos which she thrives on. They all enable & support each others dysfunction. I’ve been fighting all of it for years & finally had enough. I tried helping them & showing them The Light but they didn’t want any part of it & my mother always said every family is dysfunctional. Well guess what? I have a beautiful relationship with my adult son. Nuff said. It’s been a long, rough road. But I was finally given the strength to say no more & walk away for good. Thank you to The Divine! 💜✨
We are the chosen ones, our lives were supposed to be hard. But we cannot fail, we have God's protection. Ask Jesus Christ, he's waiting for you to come to him for help.
@@MI6-W thank you 🙏😊
Rabbi, you are more insightful than many of my psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists who had no idea why I was depressed for years. Thank you for sharing your biblical facts and thoughts of abuse in childhood. You are helping many of us scapegoats.
Ephesians 6:12
King James Version
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual
I remember when I was about 12 years old, walking home from church with my mother (narcissist but I didn't know it then), Sermon had been about the Prodigal Son. I remember my mother saying that if she had been the father, she would NOT have welcomed the son back and he would have gotten nothing and he would be expelled from the family. How prophetic. When I was in my late 20's I moved away from home as I could not take the abuse of being the scapegoat any more. My mother considered me a prodigal son and disinherited me. (Unlike the actual prodigal son I never asked for any financial help when I left. I financed everything myself and even bought my own home and was prudent with spending) She also said if I fell flat on my face, to not even think about coming back.
Proud of you !!!!!
Some people don't deserve children. Congratulations on being brave enough to walk away and not allowing guilt to trap you in abuse with a parent.
Your better off. The father in the parable had love in his heart.
It sounds like she can't love anything or anyone.
Go forward with your head held high. God will not judge that one lightly. He doesn't like those who refuse to love their own children.
We are a gift not a burden.
@@Bigmouth660 Before I left her, I asked my mother if she even loved me. She said "I can't LIE! I can't say that I do!" So along with telling me she did not love me, she was being 'righteous' for not lying.....
Remind her nursing homes exist 😂
Some people are obsessed with ruining the light and potential of innocence and genuine trust. I know this too well.
Sincerely appreciate this perspective and wisdom. Thank you!
This provided a lot of clarity. When you’re a child you think that it’s the way a caring parent is. But it is a controlling one and abusive without physical harm. Me and my sister used to always clean and cook dinner everyday I’m talking about dusting and mopping before my mother came home and nothing was ever right. I hope this reaches more people like us because sometimes what you run from you run right into as far as relationships.
Thank you! I am an orphan at 57. Just evicted by the Covert Narc in Feb who I believe drove my father to suicide in 2008. My father was a Warrior, retired Green Beret and my hero. I believe my mother tried to do the same to me...for the last four years as I struggled with severe health issues. I escaped n now am free with no contact. She turned my family n my adult son and his family against me. Thank you for standing up for the Black Sheeps and victims of Narc abuse ❤
I realised that the narcissistic relationship dynamic - (whether at the micro level of the family with a narcissistic parent or macro level of society with a tyrannical government) - can only function if the role of scapegoat is filled. There has to be a conduit and receptor for blame to be directed when things that go wrong and vent to release negative emotions when they arise. As we know the narcissist is never going to ever accept any blame or responsibility. The other roles of co-dependent, flying monkeys and golden child are probably also necessary to uphold the dynamic. The scapegoat is most likely to be the one to question and awaken to the abusive dynamic because they are the ones getting the most abuse and facing the most rejection.
The scapegoats are the seers and the truthtellers.
Re: tyrannical government/economy/system: I don’t know if you’ve seen that mural of the “fat cats” and rulers of the world playing chess on the backs of a bunch of commoners (they are sitting down folded over, with their chests touching their legs, and their backs form the table). The message is: If we rise, this screwed-up game is over. Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery.
As a child I was told constantly by my father that I was stupid and selfish. Physically and emotionally abused by him .As an adult in my 50’s I started studying Narcissistic family dynamics.Then I started seeing this behavior in organizations and as you state in your comment Governments etc. I was a kid who believed I was totally unworthy of love and consideration .Left home at 17 and ended up in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship .Later was in a long term relationship up with a Covertly Narcissistic Person. The toll it took on my health is something I am still dealing with.
@@ros1520 Sorry to hear that. Yes narcissistic abuse dose take a toll on health. Puts people in constant nervous system activation because they are always on the lookout for the next attack in between intermittent positive reinforcement.
What do you think they do when the scapegoat goes no contact? Assign a new scapegoat or just continue to blame the original for all of their problems? Like when something bad happens, saying "Oh this never would have happened if so-and-so weren't so selfish. It's their fault because they abandoned the family."
Thank you Rabbi, it’s nice to see that this horrible form of abuse is finally being recognized. I was the family scapegoat and I can’t convey to you what a struggle life has been for me. Last year I stopped talking to my family, it’s been hard to say the least. Please don’t apologize for yourself you know more than most therapists know on the subject.
"The worship power and by you going away you take away their idol"
My jaw dropped hearing this.
I always felt utterly helpless and weak towards them, but this fact... it explains why they attacked me like they wanted to kill me...
Thanks for making these videos. I saw you had one about "stress", telling how the scapegoat must've had experienced much stress... Yes... I knew it all along but finally somebody sees it
I've been under a lidership of a pastor for 20 years, and the las 14 years I've seen manipulation and abuse of authority over me and others. I never did anything thinking that was unacceptable to contradict an authority, but the Lord began to show me that those actions were not according to His word. I'm making a desition to start fresh and I saw this video. I'm grateful for your teaching and for helping to be bold to do what I need to do to brake circles of abuse in the church.
A lot of these pastors are egomaniacs. Always look at their fruits. If their family is rotting or they’re driving a new Mercedes while the congregation is driving a beater, get the heck out.
I listen this video twice, and after 37th minutes I listened over and over again. I’m Orthodox Christian, the message here was the message that touched my soul. Thank you so much
I am not Jewish either - grew up in a Christian setting. That 37th minute was such a touching moment for me too. I got teary from there to the end. I can so relate to the “massive spiritual awakening” part too, as I experienced that when I had the courage to break away from a narcissistic controlling spouse about 12 years ago. Now I am going through that with my family and seeing how seeds got planted in me so early and so deeply. I always knew there was something “wrong” and I was the one to speak up - but the abuse that would come when I did would often silence me again because I just wanted peace. I am 60 years old now and seeing the broader picture more clearly. I am making choices that I know will hurt to go through, but I also know it is the only way I can be all that God intended me to be.
Thank you. Last night I prayed to God about my narcissistic mother. I told God that I know he is my Heavenly Father, but that I still have a longing for a mother. Your video made me cry because it perfectly answered my prayer when you said God can be BOTH your father and mother. I am the black sheep of my family, and it has made my walk with God so much stronger. Thank you for sharing that story about Jacob and his uncle, as well. I read that passage recently and it spoke to me. God bless you.
I’m so humbled and grateful to hear that this video was part of how your prayers were answered. I’m moved beyond words.
@@SoulWords 🙏♥️
This is so very true. I have never felt more love than from My Father in Heaven as I've ever felt from anyone in my family. He renewed and restored my soul, my heart and my spirit from the brokenness that it was due to family abuse, to Himself. No other love has ever, nor ever will compare.
A m e n!
Amen! ❤
thank you Rabbi
I have indeed been the scapegoat in my family but I am finally free. The golden child in my family became a narcissist. I can see how my father in heaven protected me from becoming a narcissist by allowing me to be made the scapegoat by both my parents who are definitely narcissists. A lifetime of general insanity and hell thinking I was honoring my father and mother by remaining in the dynamic. Now that I left I am blackballed and happily so. Now that I can truly see I can forgive and be truly free. All glory to the Father
I used to say that my Mother rewarded failure, not success. Then she was the sufferer with failed children. At the beginning of your talk you described my life completely. It made me sad. Even the golden child, who nearly had a breakdown when the mother died as she no longer had the verification of her superiority. Even her children were superior, no matter what they did. I am now coming into my own, and it is a blessing.🙏
Thank.you.so.much.i.am.the.eldest.of.12.siblings.i.got.blamed.for.every thing.that.got.broken.en
It feels like he is talking specifically about my family!This is so spot-on. I am the black sheep cycle breaker. I escaped. ‘Cycle-breaker’ is such a great way to think about my experience. I can take this as a positive from what has otherwise been a hellish and traumatising experience.
I didn’t have children because of the family abuse. Breaking the cycle
Jesus showed me who the family truly were and gave me courage to go no contact. They lack compassion and a moral code. We no longer interact, giving me a life of freedom I never knew.
I'm not Jewish but I am a scapegoat adult who grew up with a narcissistic mother and siblings after my lovely dad died in a car accident. This was an amazing video. Thank you.
This is one of the most insightful and healing videos I have ever watched. I am not Jewish but your wisdom and analysis transcends to all religions, because it is human and true. I always say, "I answer to a higher Father," and you confirmed that here. Thank you and blessings to you Rabbi
I’m so glad you found this video.
I was not born Jewish . Nor have I read the old testament. This was a very helpful and healing verse. Youre insight and compassion towards the person abused and scapegoated is comforting and healing. When abused there's so much damage done to the victim because of slander , lies , smear campaigns, hatred and trauma bonding. Iam now just coming out of denial and accepting the truth ..... There's no love theres only hatred . There never was love , compassion or respect. It's a really hard way to grow up. It's trusting God with the healing process and having faith and trusting that God loves us and favors us. We did not deserve this abuse from parents, siblings , cousins, spouse etc. It's challenging and heartbreaking to reparent ourselves and move through the grief and loss from the abuse. Having peace of mind and our mental health and feeling God's love and Grace for us Is #1 priority! Remain faithful . God has a plan and purpose for us. Push through the latter part of 2023. Amen
I've walked from my narcissistic mother and my two siblings that are her flying monkeys 🐒. Thank God my dad taught me how to ❤️. God bless him.
I was the scapegoated child and I got out, and I can personally attest to the "massive spiritual awakening" that can come afterward. I'm not quite the healthy, normal person I wish I could be for my kids, but I am setting a new example and I do feel spiritually guided. Leaving all you've ever known feels like jumping into the void, and when you fall like that and a higher power catches you, it changes everything. "Father of orphans," indeed.
Thank you so much for this video! It was very moving, and gave me a lot to think about.
Way to go Heidi, I'm an old single dad and in the same boat my whole life until I went no contact about 13 years ago. I had a bunch of videos here about my experience but YT started screwing them up as I had used their editor to make them right so I took most of them down. Some were really good and had thousands of views so it was a real shame. The awakening is so intense and at the time I'd say I was pretty atheist. Not anymore. I did break the cycle and my son (32 now) knows very well that he is loved and loves me but we've had a very rocky road to get here. I'm wishing you the best of blessings in your tough journey with your children. Take good care of yourself as much as possible while you do the hard work of breaking the cycle. I loved this video too, this man knows exactly what he's talking about which is such a help to us all out here.
I needed this Im adopted. Sometimes I feel Im blamed for a lot of things and when people talk to me they talk to me like Im an animal. That's why I observe the Torah.
My name is Rachel and I’m the scapegoat daughter of a narcissistic father. Thank you for this ❤
I fought back and never took what they where doing to me. In lots of ways I did'nt realise I was the scapegoat. I have achieved much in life and looking back I think I was constantly achieving to get validation. I fought back and now I am completely banished from siblings and the whole of my extended family. Thats how bad this can be. I am bloodied but unbowed
Same same!
Thank you for this video, it meant a lot to me! I am a 55 scapegoated child and don't have my own family. It is too late now. I believe it happened for this reason only. So I hope the youth should consider this perspective very carefully, we do transfer our burdens on the ones around us, workplaces, neighbourhoods, supermarkets, wherever. So it is important to heal ourselves before starting a relationship and especially when children arrive, the most vulnerable humans of all ages. Thank you gratefully for this video! ❤
I'm 56. Same story. I'm only seven years free. My trust is shattered. I don't even have any friends! Don't want them! I'm a Recluse now. As George Washington said, _"It is better to be alone than to be in bad company."_
I'm 57. I don't have family or friends. Never had children because I was afraid to hurt them the way I was hurt. What was done to me is criminal and why does God hate me . He's no different from my mother. I have tried so fuc$#@& hard. Nobody can live like this. Thanks mother. Thanks God. Y'all made my life a great one. Nobody has tried harder than me but I'm a complete failure at everything.
@scarlettjoy9561 No, you are not! You are a survivor in the first place. Then you are a hero! If it happened to you, it was meant for you! Do you think that any other could live what you've been through? Do you think your mother was supposed to treat you like that? She couldn't no better, she probably been in your place and couldn't heal her own trauma. You did it ! You are aware of this , meaning you've broken the pattern! So be proud of you! God entitled us to our own decisions, that's why didn't stop your mother, He couldn't. He knew you'll win! That's how much God loves you!
@@ginaiosef God doesn't love me. I'm 100% alone and maybe will be fired from my job this week. I have a genius IQ and I fail at everything.
@scarlettjoy9561 That's why, because you are a genius! Losing that job might be a good thing that is happening to you! I long for loneliness for 40 years ( I felt responsible for others, people pleaser, and put myself aside, on hold. Now I can't get enough of being alone! Inside of you, you will find the strength, the answers, inside of you is everything! Be kind and gentle with you as you would be with the person you love the most! You deserve it! Put someone else in your place and see if your perspective changes; if it does, it means you are not treating yourself fairly enough. Please take care of yourself and don't be afraid! Bless you! I think you're special to God!
For me, the biggest difference has been reconnecting to my spiritual self- it saved me as a child. I kept it secret. I thought it was lost and gone during a very sneakily abusive marriage and also more so an undermining therapist- in essence therapy abuse. . Years later, a wise therapist said to me- that maybe my spiritual self went into hiding for safety. I too have a mental health professional background and the spiritual self is the most ignored part of all persons. I can truly say that it’s a part of me, that I now understand if it’s gone, we are gone. Thank you. ❤
Yeshua has set me free. It is a process of unlearning the dysfunctional family values. Both of my parents were, are Narcissists. I have certain narcissistic traits, always needing to be right is one of them that I have to be aware of and fight against.
I wept my older brother gave me a little black lamb at 8 yrs when he left home he was a scape Goat for my dad I was a scape host got my mother he left he became a a u s seal in navy later on I ran away to live with him in California I married a narcissist but did not know about narcissist I was wrong everything you have said is true I was crushed my last words to my mother was how good is good enough mama because I was as good as gold you I carried this baggage over into my marriage I shoulder the blame I am the horrible one no matter what I did it was not good enough it was far more critical than I could say I would never would have committed suicide because Hashem saved me through Torah thru holy writings thru holy rabbis books this is how Hashem saved me showed the light that lead 20:09 me out of darkness for more than 50 years people need to hear this set the captives free thru knowledge name it call it out
Thank you rabbi Taub you are heaven sent ❤
The scapegoat part is so true. I know it as I was that person. I am female and the youngest of the children. I was to blame the house was a cahos, I was to blame because we had spiritual problems, i was ready to go out but somehow I was to blame that we were late. My brother was the golden child - the smart one, the hero...
I was shamed and blamed all the time!
May God have mercy on me and on my family. I chose not to have children, I said this will not be prepetuated! God has a Plan for each one of us. Right now, I am broken and only He can heal me.
I am Jewish orthodox. Narcissism is passed down through generations. Generational trauma. I always said when I have my own children I would bring up my children differently to my upbringing.
The last 10 minutes of this was for me...40 years ive been a slave...i was born into a toxic sitiation and then i attached myself to one when i met my husband and his family, i married into it. The last year has been me claiming my sovereignty, my right to exist. I've never had that....
It hurts to think about how much it cost me to even exist...and im jot being dramatic, sometimes we question our perspective on reality...but I lived it!! I lived this hell!
Sometimes it makes me question why would God give me such a good heart ❤️ but over time it has showed me to protect myself and still love from a distance . I'm still learning and growing and I'm much greatful for the lessons and people in my life but it come to a point where u gotta stop being the scapegoat
Don’t stop moving forward!
Thank you. Very encouraging words.
I asked myself the same question. I am slowly learning to answer myself in the same way like you. It’s still a process…
I felt that shame and guilt even as an infant.
I'm an disabled and autistic outcast for most of my life. Thank you sir
I thank God people are exposing this abuse of power and shedding light for us black sheep and escape goats . Thank you from the depts of my soul
Agreed. It needs to be exposed
Thank you. It's so refreshing to see you explain from Scripture how a narcissist behaves.
I am a Christian and was placed in the scapegoat role as a young child.
You speak TRUTH. I appreciate you and your wisdom.
EVERYTHING you say is true.
Like fresh water in the desert.
Thank you, Jane.
Thank you sir. I started blogging about being raised in a narcissistic environment. Guardians got away with it. I broke free and to this day, still trying to reenter my life. I'm still surrounded by self-consuming never wrong kind of people who feel they never get enough attention. Some people must stay in a person's life. However, I've pulled back a lot. In my opinion, smart move. Trust? I don't trust anyone. I look forward to meeting my match and hope I can completely trust.
The scape goat in a narcissistic paradigm is chosen due to their strength and also because they didn’t conform in some way initially
I am so glad I found this posting of yours… You are 100% correct right down to the report cards.
I had 2 narcissistic parents… And I was the scapegoat …
God protected me and taught me and helped me to heal all the way into my 50s when my last parent passed away .
He blessed me with a wonderful, husband and children…
I realized when I became a parent that I would not have been the parent I was if I had not had the parents I had .
God turned that curse into a blessing for myself and my family…
Thank you so much …
You may not have a degree in psychology, but you hit the nail on the head. I'm the family scapegoat/dumpster, and never knew anything but physical and emotional abuse from my malignant narcissistic mother. She turned my siblings, father, friends, relatives against me and I never heard the words I love you from anyone in my family. To save myself, I disconnected from my family, spent years in therapy, and at the age of 63, I'm very proud of the woman I've become. When I realized it wasn't my fault, my world and self esteem changed for the better. Thank you for your insight.
It's common enough you got this dead on...sad in itself. At 62, being raised on a quicksand foundation, I struggle to this day across the board.
How your adult children treat you is the grade you get as a parent.
I visit my aging mother maybe every couple of months for 2 hours...I used to go weekly, don't see any other family members at all and will frankly be relieved when she moves on. That's her grade from me. What a great legacy to leave behind 😢
I can't tell you how many times I read that story in the Bible and never saw the narcissism. Now that I am familiar with the ways of a covert narcisist, the story makes total and complete sense to me. Thank you for covering this story.
Actually I’m not Christian my narc victim and all the healers - dr ramani, dr Carter etc consistently draw on the stories of narcissm that defines the Bible - so it looks like not much has changed in 2000 years!
It's interesting how the Christian church never revealed narcissism. It's like one of those 🤫 things. I had to wait 45 yrs to find out there was such a wicked thing while living it every damn day and grew up in the church.
Time stamp?
Man this hit home hard ive always been the black sheep and now im the most spiritual in my family and trying to lead them to positivity and love. Everyhing ive been thru has made me the strong person i am today praise be to the most high.
Thank you for showing how the Scriptures are always more than capable of teaching us healthy ways to fight contemporary dysfunction and abuse that surrounds so many lives. Truly nothing new under the sun.
I believe this God used this video to answer my prayers because it is Exactly what I’m going through what I went through and what my children are, Thank you for sharing this it’s so right on
Thank you, Rabbi. You really nailed this topic and elucidated this particular mentally sick, destructive family system.
Thank you. I hope you have been able to heal.
@@SoulWordsHi. If a woman remarried after husband was adulterous, is she now also and adulterous?
@@SoulWordsit is allow to man to be marry with multiple woman at the same time?
Being adopted, I was the scapegoat of her family. Everything you said is true. I went through it all. And it's the consequences of being in one if these sick systems that is the biggest challenge we face as scapegoats. I've spent 2 years pondering on what I know I lived through and saw. This is an issue of adult behavioral emotional abuse. The way many of our 'supposed' adults are behaving in our soceity at an alarming rate. Look at the number of channels devoted to this insidious, sick paradigm in our generations. But the beauty of being adopted gave me an edge. As an observer not bound by blood. From my personal experience, it's the deceptive nature in their hearts that allows the evil to come in. This is a spiritual matter that is tangled up with the confusion of mental illness. You have to have an open mind to "get it". And not be afraid to look at this confusing, tricky human garbage conveyed by words. Verbal language, mostly. My goal is to come to a conclusion about how one puts aside their own needs for the sake of "The Family" which is the imaginary God of the group, in a sense. "The Pride." That can't stand it's own secrets which are the shame it can't stand of and in itself. The power of "The Family" is the standard with mysterious rules. And as he said, they always change. I chose not to support this joke because it was all an impossibility. In my case, I dug. Deep lately, in order, I believe, for me to move on and to be at peace. In the movie, "Seize the Day" with Robin Williams, there was a very quick line that I believe was the jist of this subject. It was this, Stiller says, "Nothing but nerves brought on by Failure of the Will". Failure of the Will. It's very slick how Cook slid that in. If you look up the definition it means that one failed to confront a problem and let it continue for a long time. Say, a damaging relationship was not ended due to weakness due to a strong absurd person's will. And I see that as a person's will that was destroyed by a person who was playing God. Who took away their personal power. Intentionally for their own greedy purposes. Greed Is at the root of it. I saw this through time and patience in that sorry family after my adopted mother passed. The trauma bond was no longer effective. Dead. And a Lie. Why I was put there with those people I believe was this. To be a sort of testamentary to their hearts. Their deeds. I found out many of their shameful secrets. Everything they said to me, about me, was a Lie. And only going through this, can one find humility and wisdom. 54 years of hiding, for her, had to take its toll on her mind and her health. And the thing is, it never had to happen. I could have helped her see her problems. But she was blind to them. But chose to be so. So. Anyone here with a "mental illness", here me out. That isn't yours to carry. It was dumped onto you by a blind, weak soul. And I believe you that our Real God did get me through their insane head games. If people you know don't make any sense, that's their issue to fix and bring to God. Not work out through you. Scapegoats get rewarded for being 'good' with crumbs. And that does add up over time. Where you have nothing. We are all equal. But not to the "spoiled". Much insight is gained when you consider that all of their nonsense was there only to Hide something. And that was the reason for it all. And her family hid something from me. Entitlement to spend a gift my deceased father left to his children. While I scrubbed toilets just to survive. I found out 6 months after she passed on. But her conscious did eat away at her, though. And that's just sad that I found out she never really was a family to me. Today, I say, I am a testament to that because of my suffering. And their fun and folly at my expense, i ask God to recognize. Its all out of my hands now. I give it all to him to Judge. The only judge that counts. Dont worry scapegoats.. Everything in the dark comes to the light. Everything that's hidden, was their sin. Not yours. You'll see one day. My Dad passed at 39. He was a good man with a Godly spirit who loved his children. And that was my real parent. Only had him 7 years. Keep your chin up and never give up or believe a hysterical human being. Now, I have no anxiety. But I always did around that thief and Liar. Such a big load to carry. Look down the road. There may be a chunk of money that that's only what they care about. I happen to care about people. But at least now I only put my love into those who can give it back. Love is a gift. Sacred. And it was sad for those who never ever felt it. 😊
Your testimony is almost identical to my life
I also loss my father
My mother and her side of the family hid secrets just like yours.
My mother admitted to me that she was apparently “advised” to place me into foster care.
Yet she kept me bc guess what I never knew she received social security death benefits on behalf of my father for me
I never found out about any of this until about two years ago. I’m going to be 44 in a few months 😳😪
Our Lord is my saving Grace and he came for me when I finally thought how am I among such mean people that are deemed to be family. Yet treat me like I OWE THEM and to SERVE THEM .
There is no unity only fighting and division
The vision that came to me was Cinderella. Yes indeed….I in fact was and is another Cinderella who a wicked greedy matriarch of a witchcraft family kept me only to serve them as they stole my father’s inheritance
I am nothing like them . And it’s clear that my true TREASURE will never be stored here upon this earth plane in wealth, material or to keep people as idols
My treasures are stored in Heaven where the most loving ones are and where my true fathers in heaven reside along w all my tears saved that do not go unaccounted for the ones who also betrayed me just as they also did to such a beautiful pure and loving person…Jesus 😢❤️
I am reminded to DUST MY FEET, place my head toward the most High and remember to rejoice in their contempt and persecution and to pray for my enemies hearts to be turned and to leave a family and town who do accept you or have an ear to hear.
I also have denounced and renounced and have come out of their unspoken agreements. I do not agree or covenant w them. I’m a new creature in Christ and my blood is no longer United in theirs. The blood 🩸 I’m now under authority is my true father, who I’m under in authority and in his kingdom not the sleeping kingdom of heathens and tyrants who put spells upon you, gas light and who curse you to hope you never come to realize who the one true God is and always has been then now and forever. I am forever thankful HE never LEFT ME and HE CAME FOR ME and showed be all truth who I was surrounded with and among and Jesus saved me, saved me by his blood and died for me and rose 🌹 three days w the keys to unlock the prison door 🚪 they kept me behind and put away . Jesus knew always where I was and led me through the shadows of death
Thank you for sharing and for reminding me that many more like you and I were among those that kept us captive like dolls locked away in dusty barns among the chickens
Jesus is the key, the truth, life and the way forever more ❤️
Ps. My father died at the age of 37
I had 9 years w him yet sooooo many memories
God showed me the reason I remember so many is bc he holds the account along w time measurement meaning
It’s like I got memories of that which should be for the measurement of 12 years instead of 9
It’s like he created my heart spirit to absorb my earthly fathers sunshine beams of love in an amplified remembrance
And now I know why ❤️🩸
Thank you again
@@wishfulbeauty I wish I had seen your testament earlier. I've been very diligent in Seeing about what I know I'd survived as well. Isn't it something that we survived our developmental years as a child. Not lived and enjoyed them. She had to take that too. My joy. However, my testament is true because I know what I felt and saw and lived through. Being adopted is being no less a child of God's than a blood child. He made all of us equal. And what we must now protect are our hearts and our souls. The most precious thing in our lives. I believe, too, that He saw my pain and suffering as I acted like a disgraced flunky because of the way I was treated by her and her family. And I also believe that God didn't let me see all of this at one time. It would have been too painful to handle, emotionally. What started out as a mission, turned out to be my testament too. About my mother's family's behavior as supposed Christians. I said anything was possible. And it is. With greedy people. I lived pretty much in poverty. And she made sure to keep me owing her with a poverty mindset. While my supposed cousins enjoyed my inheritance my father left to me and my special needs brother, I was the last to know. But at least I do know what was really going on, now. These matters get comlpicated, but I've always been determined to get to the bottom of confusing deceptive behavior. As I said before, I caught these people who were lying to me. I can't go into it too much but I figured them out myself. Because these people were so full of themselves, they were actually pretty sloppy. Careless in that they underestimated me. And my God given power. They could never touch. I could give example after example of the ways I saw this happen. But my point is this. I refuse to believe that a mental illness could cause all of this in a child's life from a supposed adult. It has something to do with their lack of consciousness on some level. That's where evil does slip in and hang around. And I got used to it. Settling. I've seen things that did come from her lack of her protection of her Will. And let others take it over. And that's a very sorry person who doesn't protect their children's lives due to their own weaknesses to able to just say "No", to a false power of a relationship that never really was "patched up". I just can't believe how I see everything with a different set of eyes now. Its been quite a few years and the trauma bond, now, was so obvious. I'll never get played like that again by being afraid of a person who'll get mad when they don't get their way. Because that was what happened. "What will they think", was the only thing that motivated her. And it was all in her head.. And that was what ran her life. And ours, on so many levels. This dillusional paranoia was the power in our home. But where was the real power at? Power in numbers and fear? Or the power in the faith that God would get us through it. It's all in what You believe. Isn't it? And I'll take that as a gift from her and her family now. Because I saw what her fear did to our relationship. I just didn't understand it as a child. That someone could be so blinded by fear of the unknown. I'd like to share this with anyone reading this testament of mine. Anyone who has a parent or partner who has passed on, protect yourself and your children because you are at your most vulnerable. I saw this happen to my mother when I was 7 years old. And this affected me my whole life. And I'm in my 60s. You will have people who will swoop in. I can't put it any other way. Like vultures. My uncle did that to my mother and he never left. She owed him for it for the rest of her life because she was weak and he Took control over her life and made all the rules, behind my back. Something that never, ever belonged to him. And her children's future. And she let him. My father, I pray, is making this right. Because of this. But he had no business being in our lives. At all. He took control and told her what to do. With her children. And made the biggest mess because of his Own self interests. She couldn't get rid of him. Ever. His rules became our rules. And we had no father there. And that's where all the confusion came from. I just did not have the mental maturity to see it. This can happen at any age. Protect everything you have and own when anyone passes away in your life. Well wishers only have their own interests in mind. Many times. I've seen this over and over again. Look to God to comfort you. Not people who rush in line to get there first. They never, ever last. Remember, there are some people who only see others as their investment. And there are people who look at others Only in that way. Their value in what they Have. Not who they are. One bit. This may sound childish, but I can't see people in that way. Void of feelings and dreams and their hopes for their future. But my uncle's family did. And it's a miracle I've lived this long, because of him, my mother was just his puppet. Oh yes, she was. They say to go back to your original trauma to heal it. I did and I couldn't believe the consequences that did result from a weak, vulnerable parent's inability to stand up for herself. I really don't respect that now. Although I was told that I "should". But I knew I was screwed. But I really see how badly I was now. You see the blind spot? The gaslighting? Because behind the curtain was somebody else running the show. The whole time. But I'll leave you with this. She caught him lying to her. 6 months before she passed. She was in her 80s. And she did see the light. But it was too late to patch things up with me. Old wounds need to be resolved. In order for other people to not be burdened by them. Like innocent children who never, ever deserved to be drug through it too. I told on my mother to my children and why she treated them so cruelly. She never ever addressed her own problems. And that was just sad. For her. That her and her brother parents were closet high functioning alcoholics who were my grandparents. Everyone has needs. Even the adopted ones. Go back and take a good hard look at your past. If you have any anxiety at all, ask why? You might just find your answer right under your nose. Somebody else just might have been in control over your parent too and you just didn't quite see it. And if anyone devalues you, at all, take a very close look at Why. Never stop asking "Why". It all to do with a false power. I never gave up on myself. It took me a while. But God never ever let me down. My uncle died this year. I know my Dad was waiting. You don't mess around with another man's children who I know he loved very much.
HalleluYAH!!!🙏Shalom.
Please create more videos on this exact topic!!!
I’m a 57 year old recovering from posttraumatic stress on top of physical abuse from poisonous parents with flying monkey children😡😡😡
I’ve had to cut the ties with everyone but it’s hard for me to get the abuse from playing in my head😡😡😡
Thank you. Yes. I always spoke truth of what I observed. Therefore I was punished & hated by my family for that truth. Thank you for the brilliant & spiritual perspective on this complicated topic. God bless you.
Thank you for this wonderful teaching. I am one of three siblings. I’m the only one that made it out of our family to break the dysfunctional life cycle. I’ve always questioned how and why me. I’ve always had a deep spiritual walk with God and have attributed my deliverance and strength to Him. He is a father to the fatherless. Praise be to God.
we do survive, we fight, we get smarter, we are the ones who have more knowledge and can help everything in the family...
they still don't listen and do the opposite and then blame me...
casually forget who told them not to, forget everything I helped through the years...
we live...
I had 'Laban' for a father and another one for a husband. God kept me in a secret place the whole time (more than 40 years in the marriage). I could write volumes. I thank God its over every day 🙏 🙏🙏 Thank you, Rabbi. Very eye opening and helpful.
the Torah is the greatest psychology manual ever written. the book knows more about human nature than any double phd in psychology or therapy or whatever that garbage is called these days.
very, very interesting, Rabbi!
Thank you, sir! I wasn't fully scapegoated by my parentified sister (a.k.a. my divorced dad's emotional spouse) until I became a threat to her desire to have the first wedding and grandchild. I had no idea this was such a coveted role and have paid dearly for merely living my life.
this sounds a lot like my dynamic. my mother has many narcissistic traits (but shes changed so its more covert since we’ve grown) my parentified sister has taken on many narcissistic traits from my mother and since moving back she has started abusing me. i have become the scapegoat and i ddint realize until this video what was happening. i have a strong sense of self and a relationship with spirit so i dont internalize it but i know i deserve better but have no where to go :(
I understand. I had the first grandchild and somehow it was an issue that I was becoming a parent before the others were. I didn't realise for a long time either
Thank You! EXACTLY what happened to me. It took me many years to realize how blessed I am because of the scapegoating and abuse. God took me up as His Own.. "When your Father and Mother forsake you, the LORD will take you up..". It's TRUE. Having a really close relationship with my Father in Heaven.. and now my mother, as revealed to me by the Spirit.. is THE most blessed thing that could have been given to me on this earth.
Stay strong.. weary soul.. Our Creator loves you and Sees all things. He IS a God of Justice. Hold fast to truth and integrity.. and your reward will be Great!!
Thankyou Rabbi. I am from an Indian Hindu family and my mom passed away when I was 13. I grew up with a self obsessed difficult father and his way was always the right way. The abuse became worse as I grew older and took up a job. I made my way out of it and yes I truly believe that God gave me the courage.
Same, but in my case my narc, psychopath father divorced my mother, and separated me from my mother and took custody of me from court. Now I am out.
I was the family scapegoat, and you are spot on. I was selected because I was born with Epilepsy and I have Gender Dysphoria. My mom's favorite phrase was always "If you don't look good, I don't look good". and having a child that has a Medical condition they don't know about was a constant embarrassment, in her eyes. She was religious and thought I was Demonically Possessed and was very abusive towards me.
My mom became enraged when I moved with my husband and son to another state. She and the rest of the family bombarded me with messages and calls screaming "How dare you take Trevor away from us!". He is my son, and I got him away from them so they didn't do to him what they did to me.
Sorry.
Your mother may have clung to religion but I can tell you as someone with a very similar story that there is so much freedom from narcissistic parents in knowing real love and acceptance in Jesus. Jesus is not your mother's religion. Jesus is anti religion and it breaks His heart that you were hurt. You did the right thing to protect your child. You are a strong protector. You are brave. You are amazing. You are so so loved. Keep going cycle breaker. I'm trying to be a cycle breaker alongside you. Sending you love tonight.❤
@@sarahmathison9486I have nothing against Jesus, I just don't believe in god. His teachings were very positive, his followers can be very toxic, though. I have some very good friends that are Anglican Priests. You can find them on here. They are Rev Ed Trevors and Rev Rachael Parker. Very kind people and I learn a lot from them.
I have been the scapegoat for my whole life, and always attributed it to neglect and the freedom to make wrong choices for myself, that caused the others to hold me in disdain, and thought I deserved it. My IQ is near genius level, and it made my Mom angry when I brought home work from school that was perfect. She always used to tell me that I thought I was perfect, when I did not. But that made me constantly attempt to prove that I was. Vicious cycle. My sons, whom I raised with love and fairness, are 1 genius, 1 near genius IQ. But more importantly than that, they have wisdom and common sense. They were not crushed as children. They were nurtured and cultivated with love. I was not.