How Do We Manage Loneliness?
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- čas přidán 27. 05. 2020
- Some people seem unable to function without daily social interaction, while others can go weeks without seeing a human being, and are perfectly fine. How do we manage loneliness?
Still, we cannot ignore that many studies show us that people with lots of social connections are, in general, happier. And looking at human behavior, on the whole, we could say that, from a default position, we always tend to look for a connection with fellow humans.
Thus, it seems that the desire for social interaction, in one form or another, is ingrained in human nature through all stages of life. However, there’s more to loneliness than an inborn need for connection (or the lack thereof). The intellectual side of loneliness is often overlooked: meaning that we hardly realize that loneliness stems, for a great part, from how we think.
This video explores different views on how to manage loneliness and proposes possible antidotes based on ancient philosophy. These philosophies are mainly geared towards acceptance and transcendence.
NOTE: The 'antidotes' in this video are probably more suitable for people who experience loneliness from time to time, but not in ways that severely affect their mental health. If you're really in a dark place, please contact a mental health professional.
How to be happy alone?
Further learning:
- Excellent video about Epictetus' 'forlornness' by Dr. Sadler (who was my source in this case): • Epictetus, Discourses ...
- Buddhist lecture by Ajahn Brahm about loneliness and solitude: • How to Be Happy in Sol...
Cuts, voice, footage, script by Einzelgänger. I also used Creative Commons and licensed material from Storyblocks (links available upon request).
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Music used:
Jesse Gallagher - The Inner Sound
Jesse Gallagher - Thin Places
Creative Commons (attributions):
Zeus statue: upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...
Jean-Paul Sartre: upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...
Buddha painting: upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...
Buddha photo Hemis: upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...
#loneliness #lonely #acceptance
The worst part to me is just wanting to share things with people. Experiences. Knowledge. Love. Art. Beauty. Ideas. I understand the concept of self mastery and appreciating solitude and all that jazz and I know that expectations and desire for things can make you miserable. I know all of this and see it constantly repeated in all these videos but it doesn't change anything. I get tired of participating in this world by myself always. No one to be there when my parent's died. No one to celebrate the good times when they come along. Just me. Always. I meet people and talk and their faces move and they say meaningless things and we make meaningless gestures that turn to nothing over time and always I'm here. Alone. Not sure if I'm depressed cause I'm lonely or lonely because I'm depressed. I think the depression came first but the loneliness was it's partner in crime. I do think there's a reason behind everything so obviously I've still got some progress to make but man. Sometimes it just gets to be too much. The worst part is this message will probably not be seen as I've been censored on here for quite some time. Oh well. Another note in the bottle tossed. peace.
This is almost exactly how I’ve been feeling. Good luck out there.
I would interact with you. I spend a lot of time alone by choice and some not by choice. When I go out I talk to people and I often come home with phone numbers but then I can’t follow through for some reason. I used to have close friends and was usually in a relationship but there’s been a lot of loss and now…
I can relate to this
You're not alone. The worst part of being alone is thinking you're alone. There are plenty of us out there. You don't see us cause we don't post selfies or what we had for lunch or how awesome our lives are
@@lr8786 because doing that constantly is stupid af and ridiculous. lol.
The antidote to loneliness is to feel seen, heard and understood.
If you just have one person in your life who makes you feel understood, you are a lucky man.
This is the best description of the nature of loneliness that I've seen so far. Thank you
Dead on
Yeah but how
Should be the other way around. Give VALUE/ATTENTION more to others than one's self.
Yeah even though there are genuine people out there
People are temporary they might leave because they have responsibilities and dreams too
Hence, it's better not rely to the presence of others be by yourself
You have your cells inside you
I would be pretty lonely if I didn't have myself.
The best person to find🤘🔥
Me too✔️😂 -💙✝️🇺🇸
Wherever I go I have to take me along.
We three, we're not alone:
Me, myself, and I are perfect company.
Me myself as well
Loneliness and isolation is a gift. Everything else is a test of your endurance.
He was fucking wasted when he said that. Pure cope
Loneliness is not a gift, solitude is
I stopped following Bukowski long ago.
Wayne Dyer has beautifully said, "Your only lonely if you dont like the person your alone with! " Make peace with yourself, love yourself and enjoy YOU. 🌷
He was my favorite, read all his books!
Robert from daytradingwiththelight
You’re
"You're only lonely, if you don't like the person you're alone with."
Think you hit the nail on the head in saying that loneliness comes from an expectation about how things should be, that and being around people who make you feel alone.
I prefer Yui over Yuki.
@@eaglenebula2172 :/
The fear of missing out.
I know lots of married folks who feel lonely!
Often we marry for the wrong reasons...
@@drjthornley
That is often why men and women marry! It’s usually a disaster...
I always feel so lonely but when people come into my life I push them away, becoming more lonely in the process. It’s an endless cycle
Try to identify your limiting beliefs and swap them out with affirmations. You deserve friends, believe in yourself 😊🌟💪🏼
Wow Bill l am the opposite. I CLING. Not good.
Is it maybe because youd rather have a close friend and those people werent like that?
People are the one who push me away.
@Bill Cosby. I'm the same. Basically I just don't want to surround myself with dumbfounded dipshits.
I live alone in a small cabin in the bush. I do have occasional social contact but spend large slabs of time in isolation. I manage it by keeping my sense of humour, laughing at myself sometimes, even talking with myself if I'm feeling low and need to express my feelings. It sounds crazy but it helps believe it or not. I try and keep a routine that includes exercise and meditation and I also try to eat well. These forms of self-care help me a great deal, especially daily meditation.
What do you do for a living?
@@errebusaether I'm a retired teacher turned writer
To everyone who reads this. I’ve been lonely for most of my life but when I started to control my mind, beliefs and thoughts and finally accepted myself. Friends entered my life. Try to love yourself because you deserve friends and love 🍀❤️🌟
Nice. Explain more please
Beautifully said 🌟
lee ❤️❤️❤️
Ok, how did you that? Tell us your secret. :P
Vatroslav Morbidović it was not one single tool, I need many videos for that. But changing how you talk to yourself helped extremely well. Wish you the best! 🌟💪🏼
Uploaded at the right time, as always
I agree.
It's always the right time.
"My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude" - Warson Shire. Others can only add to your contentment, not create it. Thanks for good vid at the right time
I like how he says “Thank you for watching.”
This came frighteningly on time for me
Good one. That’s exactly what happens - I will say at my age I should be married with a house full of kids but here I am on my own and it only increases that feeling of loneliness. I want to learn to enjoy my solitude and not fear it.
Being alone is a blessing in disguise🙏🏾
indeed
Wish I could always feel like that. Even the very introverted need a support system.
Not for me.
From my experiences with people, being alone isn’t bad at all, actually being with some people in my life made me want to be alone
Now that I'm comfortable with being by myself and truly enjoy being alone, I've noticed a new problem arise within me; I've grown to feel irritated with those around me 😧
Omg same and I hate it
I needed this. I have a huge problem with feeling alone constantly and I want all the help I can get
Yes, listen just to small part like one quote and turn it into meditation. Don't think about anything else, just let it sink. Another time listen to the next quote. You will be amazed how this change you 💖
@@jenetgreenfield3667 I will. Thank you :)
READ JUST SIT DOWN AND READ & accumulate knowledge
I need this so much right now
Greetings from Japan 🇯🇵
ありがとうございました
Greetings back
you are Hikikomori
Moving to London from the Netherlands gave me the intense experience of loneliness and social isolation. Yet when I look back to my life in Holland I also felt that over there. For me the quickest way to feel more connected and engaged to life is to do something creative. Get into a flow state that makes you feel present. Or maybe extreme sports. Also makes you feel very present.
💯❤️
Id like to visit Holland, wooden shoe?
@@mattp4079 haha yes that's a old Dutch tradition but you will be disappointed if you expect that everyone walks on those
Yes, I agree lol
I was single for over a decade. During that period I learned to be content and did things for myself and didn’t feel lonely. In 2021, I met a really wonderful person and the year that we were together we did so much. Not only was he my lover, but he was my best friend and confidant. We are not together right now and I miss him so much. For the first time in my life I feel so lonely and the loneliness is hard to deal with.
Same, it's so weird when in the past you were so used to being alone. Then someone comes into your life and leave and you finally had some sort of companionship. Then they leave and it's back to how it was before. Which the loneliness of what you were used to becomes a new sense of fear that maybe codependency breeds.
In general: Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin, and Endorphins make everyone happy, happiness is basically biochemistry! It depends however on individuals what makes your body to create and release those chemical substances! sports? music? time with family? travel? do whatever works for you! I liked this video, Mister Einzelg. sounds smart:3
And once again it's lonely week, with dread and emptiness on every corner. And once again I ask myself - is it really worth going on? To have nothing no girl The worst part is that I know the answer.
Quote notes:
10:05
10:47
My beliefs:
Happiness (not pleasure) : Strive to reach goals that involve self improvement (ex. Personal skills), even if those goals are not guaranteed to be achieved within the span of your lifetime because no one is destined to be as fortunate in life as another. Improving the lives of others will come as a byproduct of improving one's self.
Entropy: Universal law that if anything does not change in state, it will gradually become "worse" over time. Constantly striving to improve one's self will counter entropy, and help lead to a better life.
Moderation and Chaos: Not too much, not too little. Strive to achieve balance. Remember, a prolonged state of balance will deteriorate due to entropy (that's why perpetual world peace cannot be), so mix it up. Stray from balance every so often. However, even repeating a pattern of straying from balance can worsen over time (entropy). Change it up somehow. Order is like a still stone, while chaos is like a star, active but for a limited time. As long as we are alive, we should strive to be more like order, but never expect to be order as living beings are not dead.
In short, change and the progress of life is key to living a fulfilling, happy life. Even if life has it's struggles and can cause displeasure, at least you can die happy (fulfilled, not necessarily pleased).
Knowledge is key.
Thank you 💐
Dragston VR wow. I really like everything you said. Great concept to understand. Thank you for sharing 🙏
Beautiful initiative!
That was such a terrible and inhuman social experiment in the 40s. Just a horrible thing to do with babies of any species.
Yes, I agree.
The 1900’s were, for a large part, a ruff time to be a subject of science, but the first 30-40 were REALLY bad. Eugenics was a really big thing, I think that says it all.
Horrific, thank common sense that ethics committee’s now exist to prevent these kind of abominations happening again.
Was searching for this comment. Srsly I feel sad for those babies. I wonder how they are faring now.
Cha Cha. Probably not vey well. They would be close to or into their 80s now.
I love being alone. Spending time with my thoughts. Making myself happy. I go for hikes alone and enjoy connecting with nature while in isolation
Exactly like me
Einzelganger, You are truly the best philosophical teacher out there! Thank You so much for sharing your insights so generously.
As always a great value. Lately, your videos changed from purely informing, and sharing knowledge to more of a tutorial where you not only share your knowledge but also show how to use it. Love this change
Whoa! You learn so much more if you watch this when you're actually feeling lonely! Because you're able to practice it immediately! That was fantastic! Thanks for the video!
I feel loneliness even in the presence of people so I want to happy with myself
I am finally figuring this out... 10 months after a painful separation. Solitude, it turns out is really enjoyable. Thank you, nice work on this one!
An affirming video. Thank you. I have always enjoyed solitude but over the past year started to feel lonely. I realized it was because the story I was telling myself about my solitude had changed. Previously the story title was 'Independent Free Spirit' but it had changed to 'Rejected Single Man'. By developing my awareness, I recognised how this change of story had affected the way I felt about the same situation. I have now reverted back to the original story. Joe UK.
*Sometimes loneliness can be a good thing...depending on a situation and circumstances* 🙏
Thank you for providing these philosophical discourses. Always look forward to your insights!
This video was updated roughly when me and my ex separated from each other after 9 years. I am 25, I am used to be lonely, thankfully, but mostly so willingly. It is a challenging time despite having a great foundation and the ability to work solo for longer periods of time. Whenever she visited a friend, traveled with her sister, worked different shifts and so on, I'd sleep alone and do things by myself, just the way I did as a child growing up. It is different however, living in a world with little people to trust and rely on; anyone at all, as you lose someone who filled your void of emptiness and loneliness, for the most part. I take credit for that too, to fill the void, much how you explained it in the video, our internal resources, our thoughts, the acceptance of ourselves and our situation and so forth. I needed this video, great work as always Einzelgänger.
You doing better now bro?
These videos have helped me to deal with depression and my current life situation. I think you are a great teacher.
"all polka dots and moonbeams" That's poetry.
I watch your videos over and over trying to be a better person, less sad. Thank you.
I personally don't feel lonely, it's been years since I've been understanding and loving myself. Although I've met amazing people these past years, I felt like what I really want is connection.. You know that feeling of meeting someone and it just clicks, everything you say makes sense to them and vice versa? It now feels like an impossible dream. Lol
So yeah.. I just dont sit there and wait until they come into my life but yeah I really do miss that, I also miss having tea with someone, a pat on the shoulder or a hug (I'm not even a hugger) 🤣
Here’s a hug for you xxx i totally understand. Human touch is something that I had no idea I would miss so much
Hang in there!!
Stay Safe and STAY BLESSED
This was a much needed message during a time where I kept my head stuck in lack. Thank you
Glorious channel that helps us build emotional resilience. Can't stress enough how much this has helped me!
Your videos change the way I used to think before and which makes me sad. Thank you soo much man. 😊
You don't know how much I needed this video, thank you ❤
This is one of your most powerful videos. I'm currently considering how appropriate my long-held career goals are, and the flexibility of self this video seems to advocate hit just right for me.
Whenever I hear that loneliness shortens your life or is equal to smoking, I think of Richard Proenneke who lived alone in the Alaska wilderness for 30 years. Humans have evolved to adapt and overcome. If you're lonely, without a life partner or close friends, you'll be fine.
Introducing the antidotes section of the video was a brilliant idea chief!
To be alone for me is nessesary to stay balanced. Since very young age, I have been able to feel others emotions. I saw that as a curse then. Today I see this as a blessing.
Balancing between the positive and negative is not always easy, but with lots of practice is very doable.
Nature is my refuge. I escape from the confusion and get as far in the woods as possible. There everything makes perfect sense to me.
Much Love from the Mountain.🙏💜⛰️
This is awesome. Most of what you’ve said I’ve done and I feel great for a while but then once in a blue moon I feel lonely. The part that was awesome was the ‘not agreeing with reality’ I think that’s what happens to me. Cus I’ll think to myself that I’m a great person why is it that a bunch of other people have thriving relationships and friends when they haven’t done an ounce of the inner work I’ve done. That was my thing. But this really helped. I just have to remember when I feel that way again lol
Thank you. This video has helped me tremendously-truly appreciating your work.
Because of this channel, I become stronger and better each day. I learned so much from you. I took advantage o the crisis and made myself indulge into self-improvement. But then again, praises are just clocks of tongues, but I just wanna give my appreciation. For it is in line with symphatea. 😉
Thank you I always go back to your videos when I need your help.
Between social isolation and working from home I have been going mental.. Thank you for your learned guidance in these trying times
Thank you for this. I’ve been studying and making some personal observations about loneliness. This helped support some of my observations and helped bring additional clarity.
Stay in the moment....
Accept it... Good or bad... Balance your emotions and remain hopeful...
Thank you, Einzelgänger..Your videos are very much appreciated! ✨
I really identify with what Robin Williams said about being alone. It describes how I feel much of the time. Such good stuff in your videos..thank you 🙂
Man I’m grateful my recommendation page introduced me to your channel & wisdom. 🙏🏽
Seems like waiting patiently has been a theme in my life and I'm tired of waiting and time to move on but I'm doing it a healthy way thanks to these videos
I've seen many philosophical videos. The school of life, kurkergatz, pursuit of wonder..but your channel is my favorite. Thx
Thank you for that :)
With awareness loneliness fades away.. Lonliness, is a story we hold onto. I remember feeling lonely before I started grade school and the feeling stuck all the way into adulthood, but when i developed a habit of putting awareness on the feeling it felt less like an obstacle and more like a choice.
Your channel motivated me to start this channel. I am becoming more productive now. Never stop. Love.
Loneliness is a good feeling when created by ourselves but it's the worst when its gifted by others
Thank you very much 🙏Einzelgänger!
I suggest also Nhat Thich Hanh 's talks video. A gem people can' t miss!
I'm happy to see my favorite philosopher, Epictetus, getting so much focus here.
I actually feel more lonely in most groups than all alone by myself
Thanks Man! You are definitely helping my existence.
This video is so relevant for the current world state, even after 10 months! We are tired of long-term self-isolation and almost at the end of a pandemic tunnel but not quite there yet. I think it is a great time to introspect the impact of the unusual last year in both positive and not-so-easy ways.
This is truly the best video I’ve watched in a while
Really. Thank you so much for making these videos. Feels good to learn and grow after seeing these videos
You have a good understanding of Eastern philosophy. There are much that we can learn from ancient wisdom both East and West from a secular point of view. Please carry on making these videos which are grounded in reasons and logic. They will likely to help many to learn to help themselves or to learn to walk their own path someday. Thank you
this is exactly what i needed to hear and i feel like it found me at the right time
Thank you very much for the video! I keep insisting in being more like everybody else when I'm actually fine with myself, is this stupid notion that I need to adequate to their ways. I can just be myself and live my way, whenever it's supposed to happen it will.
Everyone is responsible for one’s own feelings...
If you feel “alone” don’t look outside but inside of yourself, otherwise you will feel lonely forever...
Feel full of yourself and the rest will come ...
I do really agree with the Buddhist perspective!
Thanks for this video 🙏🏻
With loneliness comes intense boredom and self deprecation. I am tired of it why would i feel the need to be alone that's all i have, i hate the word attachment, i hate that i need a hug right now, i detest neediness yet still have needs. What is the point in anything? I am frustrated,in pain and i am weak for having those emotions. I would love nothing more than to forget my stupid wants and needs that plague my every waking moment.
I feel that too, I feel terrible for feeling this way, it's hard to explain...
I want to feel free yet I don't know how I can achieve that, we are so connected on everything nowadays (family, friends, internet friends and such) it becomes part of ourselves and we forget to live for ourselves... and then we become lost...
Though I can recognize this and still feel depressed af because I don't know where these feelings come from, I don't know why I don't feel strong enough to wake up with energy and happiness more often...
I wish I could just forget my wants and needs too and become infinitely happy with what I have now... but we crave for more... and then we start to compare... but it's so hard not to compare when you have follower counts on every front page, when you see likes on posts of how many people are interacting with others and not you... and that is the trap we fall into and yet is hard to not think of it...
I need to work on that too... but it's just too painful and depressing... I wish there was an easier way to do this and end this suffering forever... but it wouldn't be fun if it wasn't hard I suppose.
@@GuuMonster
I can relate.
You are human and wanting human interaction is normal and natural ❤️
I feel you
you re just alowing yourself to be weak because of these needs and emotions. you can control your mind block needs and delete emotions if you try
I've noticed a lot of your videos contain images of Kuala Lumpur, I'm sure I saw my condo. Thank you for your videos 🙏
Been waiting for a video, thanks!
Honestly, I recently lost most friends I had.. now I am afraid to let someone in because that person will leave me, too..
As a psychologist I find your videos very interesting. Keep up the good work :)
I absolutely love your content, thank you xx
Thanks, Cilla!
The music he puts at the ends of his videos is always so cool.
“ You better start liking yourself - you are gonna spend your whole life with this person” - Adam Kuc, 2022
Best video that I've ever seen before. That was greatly educative
Whenever I am in a public space, I feel detached with what's going around me. I mean I can still have fun and I do, but I don't try to force it. I actually love that feeling, since everything is impermanent except your soul so I don't take things for granted.
I love your content so helpful and thought-provoking!
Loneliness is the leaking of self discovery and creation.
Without creation there is no adventure or new discoveries.
Loved the moment when the buddhas seemed to be traveling garden gnomes! Then I felt my loneliness was gone. Making and sipping tea after an illustration in an earlier video helped too and went well with the buddhas. Zen is not two and not one, not-alone. Thank you 🙏♥️
Be your own best friend and you’ll never be disappointed or feel lonely!
depression always precedes growth....and it is always 'lonely on the growing edge'....loneliness is not 'bad'...it passes...always
I’m glad I found this channel
your videos have been a very helpful friend of mind. Much appreciated
This is so good, thank you for a good thought!
I'm loving this channel!! Really cool and relaxing.
THANK You so much for sharing! I appreciate it!
Wow... This video blew my mind. I am quite of an extraverted person who does struggle with feeling of "loneliness". Although I have friends who care about me, and spend time with quite frequently, I still feel alone.
With this video I understood that the reason for that is because I have a bad view on loneliness, and that I haven't learnt how to appreciate it. I have always relied on others' entertainment that was provided by their presence in life, which made me appear clingy and ended up pushing them away thus worsening my feelings of loneliness.
It all came full circle. It all makes sense now. Lovely video!
Thanks for it, Einzelganger (I had a stroke spelling it).
i love you bro, for real, you are realy doing a great work, and imact so much people, and really really helps.
Interesting that a video was suggested at a pretty lonely time in my life. That was needed.
The fact that this video has reached me is already a gift
i’ve been alone since the day i could start remembering and i’ve taken that 16 years to get stronger mentally and physically and i’m probably in the best state i’ve ever been in and i’m trying to slowly work my way into figuring out how to not be alone it’s a difficult journey but i’m trying
Really great content. You really stepped up your game!
thank thank you.......this is gold my friend...... i finally find a reason to stay in peace with myself
gracias gracias........esto es oro puro.....he encontrado una teoria que me sirve para estar en paz conmigo....
I can or could function without a lot of social connections I’ve had decades of practice. Now, in isolation and ill, without the support of so called ‘ family’ I find my feelings of loneliness are acute to the point that if I didn’t have my dog I wouldn’t bother and without him,
I most certainly shan’t.
Jay thinking of you from one human being to another. Where ever you are l love you. What the heck.
Your dog is lucky to have you. Maybe he is called Buddy. If l had a dog l would call him buddy. Take care my friend wherever you are. Mary.
I think I understand you. I've been there too. But I came to realisation pretty quickly that it's up to me how I battle my illness. I understood that only I can make the change, so I put much effort in staying positive all the time and being happy for slight improvement in my health condition, keeping believing that I am improving, slowly but improving. Years have passed, I am better and I guess stronger inside than I was before. ✨ Keep fighting, it's your battle. "we are born alone and we die alone..." actually we are alone all life, we just like to believe that there is "us"... Most of the time that doesn't work anyway 😊 your dog is most likely the best friend to have 💖
Jenet Greenfield Thank you Janet, yes you understand very well, it’s a kind of been there, seen it, done it situation I suppose. Regrettably I have a condition that can only get worse but I hear what you are saying and thanks for taking the time to respond.
@@scarletpimpernelagain9124 our minds are powerful. Never underestimate. Believe in miracles, they happen. Listen to what your body needs (how you feel) rest a lot and let go all the bad thoughts. Sending you a miracle and love 💖