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Why Narcissists Get Married

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  • čas přidán 25. 02. 2023
  • In today's video Jill talks about the reasons Narcissists get married. If you have ever wondered about this question, then today's video is for you.
    Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.
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Komentáře • 240

  • @cheogt4623
    @cheogt4623 Před rokem +78

    This one: to look like a normal person, to project an image. Nothing else.

  • @DesertLife4me2
    @DesertLife4me2 Před rokem +167

    Truth. 100%! I lived ALL of this. Discarded after25 yrs & 3 teenagers...spent so much time trying to save the marriage...🤣 God answered my crys.. we are all safe and free. And now happy

    • @theartzscientist8012
      @theartzscientist8012 Před 10 měsíci +1

      Your kids didn’t turn into narcs? Mine did!

    • @davidphones7290
      @davidphones7290 Před 5 měsíci

      @@theartzscientist8012that’s not necessarily a bad thing. FYI

    • @lilanelson8772
      @lilanelson8772 Před 4 měsíci

      You’re giving me hope… I’m in it at the moment..😢

    • @lameckjohn3257
      @lameckjohn3257 Před 3 měsíci

      I am suffering the same now...its only 4 months of marriage

    • @TomJones-tx7pb
      @TomJones-tx7pb Před 3 měsíci

      My wife changed from a seemingly nice person that cared about the relationship into what is described here on the honeymoon. My first dose of abuse was very confusing, and I could not understand how smug she looked when I informed her I was upset by it, and then she repeated the behavior that had just upset me.

  • @nursesteve2004
    @nursesteve2004 Před rokem +72

    Narcissists get married to someoine they can dominate and get a constant supply from....love does not fctor into the equation at all.

  • @rmmn7
    @rmmn7 Před rokem +79

    Marriage with a narcissist is hell. Why narcissists want to marry ? Your explanation is perfect ! 💕

    • @adamcefalu9430
      @adamcefalu9430 Před rokem +4

      Amen but they’ll have hell for eternity

    • @spockb1186
      @spockb1186 Před rokem +2

      I have been there.

    • @rmmn7
      @rmmn7 Před rokem +5

      The sooner the narcissist wife/husband get away is better. While staying with this type of narcissist it is hell. Maintaining one's sanity and sound mind it is very very difficult. In such situation God helps those who loves God and pray consistently. He surely sends signs to leave the narcissist instantly . Sometimes God wants a person who have been entangled with evil persons to leave within second. Staying with a narcissist a moment is risky when the narcissist is bent upon destroying a person and planning in its mind every second . Only after leaving the narcissists the narcissists are going to get their just punishment from God. Staying with them makes them stronger in the energetic level by letting them draw energy from their victim /suppy. So God wants to leave in an instant . God will definitely not ignore the victim who left on God's will ! This faith is a must to leave the narcissists.

    • @traceybiles2061
      @traceybiles2061 Před 6 měsíci +3

      Money status

  • @marie-francemercier7800
    @marie-francemercier7800 Před rokem +52

    Narcs get married for the benefits of marriage. Social status, public image etc…

    • @cleeisme1
      @cleeisme1 Před 11 měsíci +1

      Totally! What a decade + plus 3 yr nightmare!

  • @KoolT
    @KoolT Před rokem +68

    You are a mere TRANSACTION to them

  • @martinezfrederic1
    @martinezfrederic1 Před rokem +40

    My ex husband just recently got remarried and didn’t bother waiting long after our divorce. He thinks it has affected me but it hasn’t, I’m actually relieved that I don’t have to deal or see him for now. The reason I say for now is because I know the marriage wont last long and he’ll be coming back like a dog with his tail between his legs. I refuse to back down and have him back into my life. My adult son and I want zero contact with him and his family. That’s the only way to live a mentally, emotionally and physically a healthy life.

  • @melissacole1821
    @melissacole1821 Před rokem +54

    I think my ex married me to prove to his exes and family members that he could grow up, at the age of 47 and commit like a normal adult. It was also meant to be a slap in the face to the exes he wouldn't commit to. Of course, I left him a year after marriage and he claims I was the narcissist and he is the victim. I was ready to leave after a month of marriage to that creature but it's never easy to get away from such manipulative and threatening freaks. I'm glad I'm free and I'm actually a genuine human being, but he'll always be trying to feed off other people's souls, since he doesn't have one of his own.

    • @cleeisme1
      @cleeisme1 Před 11 měsíci +3

      So thankful U did for ur own sake. Bc it’s a hopeless situation

  • @cindypabst9293
    @cindypabst9293 Před rokem +37

    I also lived through this. It was bad. When the door closed, he changed.

    • @cleeisme1
      @cleeisme1 Před 11 měsíci

      Cld you pls explain how he changed

  • @janetrobinson2699
    @janetrobinson2699 Před rokem +74

    I was just discarded and divorced by my narc husband of 30 yrs. and am trying to protect my 3 children now. To add to the crazy train, he just met someone on line and eloped with her to Vegas. OMG!!!

    • @pragmaticpoet
      @pragmaticpoet Před rokem +21

      More and more you come to appreciate that them going off with someone else is a protection not a loss 😎

    • @KoolT
      @KoolT Před rokem +11

      She's probably a con artist I'd cheer up. It can't get worse than STAYING WITH HIM.

    • @teresahudson977
      @teresahudson977 Před rokem +12

      Send his new wife a sympathy card and have a party to celebrate your freedom.

    • @cheryldee95
      @cheryldee95 Před rokem +7

      God help her. He’s her nightmare now. His actions should show how spontaneous he conducts his life, if he has already flown off to marry (latch on to) someone he met on-line…and married in Vegas, no less. 🙄 Hardly a stable adult…much less, a father figure.

    • @jaykay3839
      @jaykay3839 Před rokem +10

      Thank God you're rid of him. Hopefully he won't try to Hoover you if she's entertaining enough. He's her problem now, poor thing.

  • @aaronsteadman6348
    @aaronsteadman6348 Před měsícem +3

    I dated a female narcissist for seven years… what a wild ride, it affected my daughter and I in negative ways you could only imagine! She remarried just months after we broke up ….fast-forward 10 years later, she is now divorced for her third time and has recently reached out to me. These people are amazingly sick and sinister! They don’t change!!!

  • @TreasureDeal
    @TreasureDeal Před 3 měsíci +7

    They need a captive supply. Until that person finally can't take it anymore and escape.

  • @csh43166
    @csh43166 Před rokem +70

    I was my narcissistic ex's third, and last, wife. When I divorced him, he told his mom he didn't think he was meant to be married (sour grapes). Understatement of the century... He's now 73 and all alone, as was predictable. Part of his image - I was 10 1/2 years younger than him; his previous wife was 14 years younger than him.

    • @ND-or5so
      @ND-or5so Před rokem

      I'm 11 years younger. 2 different energies 3 different people. He's a pathological liar, can't grow and he is a Covert Narcissist. I can't believe they can put on that mask and wear it so long. Total disappointment. Too much of all the loser baggage and he is a genius. You know they have no common sense and are a child inside right? 🙄 unbelievable. Put it this way, no one is ready for this kind. I don't care 🤔 educated a person is, how intelligent they are, hiw street smart they are, how wealthy, how much confidence, hiw sincere, etc. etc etc. No one is ready for this
      Sh-t. It still blows my mind the audacity, no shame in his evil actions towards you, no reasoning skills, nothing good about this type. What a waste of my precious time. These ones need to be locked up. They can dish it out but can't take it. Ruthless beyond belief and I thought I could help him. Yeah until your exhausted and worn out and I'll. Until I dud my homework I had no idea these type existed. It's like being with a robot, a child you never would want and your the doormat. These type are dangerous and need to be locked up. Now he
      He can't get away with sh-t. I'm so up on hom that he is transparent. I can tell when he lying even from talking to him from another room. I don't have to look at him one bit. So stupid they are.

    • @mrquick6775
      @mrquick6775 Před rokem

      What does the age of his previous spouse have to do with this?

    • @Yathome00
      @Yathome00 Před rokem +11

      My ex narc married a girl 20 years younger. They seek younger partners because they are easily manipulated simple as that!

    • @saranya1111_
      @saranya1111_ Před rokem +3

      @@mrquick6775pattern of his choices.

    • @lou4752
      @lou4752 Před 8 měsíci +1

      My wife is a narcissist and I'm her second marriage and the 3rd man she has kids with and she tell me that her therapist told her she has an energy that attracts narcissistic bad men. Lol I was like what I cannot belive she said that and I know for dam well her therapist didn't tell her that. 😂

  • @hairlessharescrambler56
    @hairlessharescrambler56 Před rokem +54

    I was married to a narcissistic wife and things started changing immediately I was only able to take 6 months of it and I had to leave her

    • @stacypaschal70
      @stacypaschal70 Před rokem +4

      The marriage just passed the two-year mark... And I'm going to get out! Does your ex still contact you

    • @hairlessharescrambler56
      @hairlessharescrambler56 Před rokem

      @@stacypaschal70 she doesn't contact me but she does still contact my friends and family trying to make everything out to be my fault for our marriage failing,when asked I just say yes it was mostly my fault because I didn't leave sooner and I leave it at that,the longer you stay with a narcissist the worse things will get for you,good luck hopefully things will get better for you

    • @cleeisme1
      @cleeisme1 Před 11 měsíci

      It started 8 mo. in. I’ve been separated from mine for 2 yrs. Still bc I went thru 10 yr. Life threatening illness, tht started a yr after marriage, I could only observe. It was a nightmare. Finally came home from hospital with a PICC line! on a Fri. PM, he left me by myself on Sat. Am on hvy duty IV antibiotic Med tht had 2 be refrig. I wld not have made it if not for friends. 🙏 Took me 11 yrs to get out. Still have to keep contact bc can’t afford $ for dv. & bc his name is on my dad’s property!
      The next worse part of being married to a Narcissist is trying to divorce them. Bc they’re major control freaks, lack of Any empathy unless it makes them look good

    • @cleeisme1
      @cleeisme1 Před 11 měsíci

      @@stacypaschal70 get out asap, make a plan, they can destroy U.
      God bless U in doing so❤

    • @Inkbkank.2029
      @Inkbkank.2029 Před 7 měsíci

      U look like a narcassist tho

  • @Acrobattler
    @Acrobattler Před rokem +47

    You are correct in everything you said. Too bad there is no special class in school about protection from such disordered personalities.

    • @pyarkaaloo
      @pyarkaaloo Před rokem +5

      School is overrun by such disordered personalities....from students to faculty

    • @user-qd8tz8xz7y
      @user-qd8tz8xz7y Před 3 měsíci +1

      This was My marriage 100%. No one believed me in his family. It took an arrest and jail for them to see it. Even then his family sided with him.

  • @AvecPoesie
    @AvecPoesie Před rokem +18

    My narcissistic sister was just arrested for throwing bricks through her new ex-husband's home windows...they had JUST finalized the divorce and it apparently hadn't gone her way. The toxicity NEVER ends.

  • @kimshannon4159
    @kimshannon4159 Před 11 měsíci +13

    It's horrible, lived it! He showed signs early, but I explained it away. He bullied me into a quick marriage (obvious now) and I seriously wanted to divorce him on our wedding night. He turned into a vicious monster, then I would get breadcrumbs to keep me in but it only got worse. I couldn't get rid of him, he refused to leave my home and had me afraid to get the law but I escaped him at month 7 of our marriage, got a DVO and divorce....best thing I ever did. No contact is the only way to deal with these abusive bloodsuckers!

  • @Hannah-eq5ff
    @Hannah-eq5ff Před rokem +16

    I notice they sometimes get married quickly or jump into a relationship quickly or they are interested in someone but they never ask them out.

    • @pragmaticpoet
      @pragmaticpoet Před rokem +9

      You cannot fast track trust building 😇

    • @ND-or5so
      @ND-or5so Před rokem +1

      @@pragmaticpoet
      Isn't that the truth.

    • @ND-or5so
      @ND-or5so Před rokem

      @pragmaticpoet
      These type don't build on anything. They can't grow. I've never been with a lunatic like this.

    • @ND-or5so
      @ND-or5so Před rokem

      Because they have no confidence. They are losers.

  • @nillarohr9872
    @nillarohr9872 Před rokem +6

    Choosing lovely,beatiful ones the opposite to the self. And to tear them down as you say to build up their false persona by stolen identity supply. So tragic !

  • @tlovasz1778
    @tlovasz1778 Před rokem +8

    You summed up my life. Except that as soon as we were married he kept threatening to leave, divorce me if I didn't obey. I agreed that he should leave and even then he refused to leave. Married since 1987 and still surviving under the same roof. Why? Because he just refuses to leave me. Leave me in peace. He's 60 now and expects me to nurse him in his old age. He's never ever going to change or leave. Totalling agree that the only thing worse than marrying them, is trying to divorce them. I tried several times and just gave up. No more fight left in me 🙏

    • @cleeisme1
      @cleeisme1 Před 11 měsíci +3

      There is even videos on navigating how to divorce a narcissist.
      Hence have been separated for two years were still legally married.
      I had to leave him or else I would not be here.

  • @rebeccaheldt391
    @rebeccaheldt391 Před rokem +21

    My Ex narc tried to marry me as soon as we met bc I had a home & no bills. He has nothing. I read him thru triangulation

    • @davidyardley512
      @davidyardley512 Před rokem +23

      Noone falls in love quicker than a narcissist who needs somewhere to live.

    • @someoneyoudontknow7705
      @someoneyoudontknow7705 Před rokem +1

      Yup. Mine did the same except I fell for it (12yrs ago). I live in a different state on the other side of the country now and he doesn’t have my phone number or address. He will randomly email me though. I usually ignore but I responded last time when he asked how I was (just to be an as*hole). I said I was great, just bought a house and all this. His response to that? “So, have you remarried? Do you know what my friend says about Christian marriages?” --basically trying to say we aren’t divorced and trying to get back with me now that it sounds like I’m good financially again (he spent all my savings and all the debt went in my name cuz he had horrible credit. I tried paying it off for 8yrs and finally said screw it and filed for bankruptcy). I allowed it all to happen. Never again! With him or another. So much easier to spot now (had some issues of my own to work on, obviously).

  • @patricialavallee8286
    @patricialavallee8286 Před rokem +15

    People in their social world very often think what a great couple they are. Never seeing the suffering of the spouse. Yes, the rages are behind closed doors. Spouses stay very often because of very low self esteem. Or, being beaten down so bad, they're emotionally destroyed..
    And spouse is usually empathic, kind, normal person. The kind who narcissist looks for. Very often if male empathy is the primary caregiver, the one who truly loves and cares for the kids. Narcissistic women often have kids, because if hub makes great money, and has bonus ..major inheritances , the kids are anchor babies to the bucks. Guy, usually is the one who wants the children. And, the one who ends up on diaper duty, taking kids on weekends, while narcissistic is out doing her thing. Career and other interests.

  • @kellieb4898
    @kellieb4898 Před rokem +23

    Very true! I lived it for 20 years!!! Thank you for sharing!!

  • @illegitiminoncarborundum115
    @illegitiminoncarborundum115 Před 6 měsíci +4

    The last narc I was with (11 weeks), told me he had been married 3 times. Eventually, the truth came out. He'd been married 7 times. He's now on his 8th. Better her than me.

  • @LibraLove1717-us8qp
    @LibraLove1717-us8qp Před rokem +24

    This was exactly my experience for a little over three decades. He was an ordained "Evangelist" and even obtaining that title was apart of his game.
    A few months before we married I was visiting him in his home state while he was still just a "minister" but while there, there was a pre-planned ceremony to crown him as an Evangelist and it took place at his church!! I didn't realize this until many years into the marriage. There were so many red flags but I overlooked them to my detriment. Three kids was born during our marriage and their lives were ruined right along with mine.

    • @ND-or5so
      @ND-or5so Před rokem +1

      I hope you heal. It's hard but I can feel you have what it takes 👍

    • @LibraLove1717-us8qp
      @LibraLove1717-us8qp Před rokem +4

      @@ND-or5so Thank you. I finally divorced him in 2019. I've heal tremendously since then.🙏

  • @hollyjoy9523
    @hollyjoy9523 Před 11 měsíci +7

    I was raised in a narcissistic family. I met my ex and as soon as I met him, he bashed his ex wife and guess what my first thoughts were? “I can help him.” I sure wish I was aware of being self-love deficient and attracting narcissists. Thank you for your videos.

  • @user-nq3kn3iq8v
    @user-nq3kn3iq8v Před 7 měsíci +4

    So true. Been physically injured and it always occurred when home behind closed doors.

  • @kenbensmediatv9537
    @kenbensmediatv9537 Před rokem +7

    Until you watch such a video, life is hard dealing with a narcissist who doesn't even know they are one.

    • @RioJudy
      @RioJudy Před rokem

      None will ever acknowledge they are in fact, a narc. They like what they do and if someone exposes them or slaps the narc label on them, they will destroy the person for it. It can mean financial ruin, injury or even death to tell someone you think they’re a narcissist. Never do it.

  • @mixemyth
    @mixemyth Před rokem +14

    I'm just 4 months free of my narc ex. I keep coming back to videos like this about every week or so to help keep me from relapsing into contacting her. Absolute zero engagement by refusing to answer her calls, voicemails, texts, and emails has been the only thing I could do as any other option would just bring more chaos and rage into my life. I'm learning that the anger and selfishness is the larger part of her character, not the love-bombing.

    • @ND-or5so
      @ND-or5so Před rokem +4

      Sick pups they are.

    • @lovemusic1963ify
      @lovemusic1963ify Před rokem +1

      Don't give in. You can and will find someone better. You're not a doormat. You are a good person who deserves to be treated kindly. Remember that, ok.

    • @mixemyth
      @mixemyth Před rokem +1

      @@lovemusic1963ify Thanks Love but I'm done. At 57yrs old and having married and divorced 4x with 2 women, I've given up on happiness with another and learning to live with myself.

    • @cleeisme1
      @cleeisme1 Před 11 měsíci

      @@ND-or5soVery True, Still for mine thts an understatement. I’m just blessed to be alive 🙏

  • @davidyardley512
    @davidyardley512 Před rokem +21

    Brilliant stuff Jill. You articulated in less than 8 minutes what I was to the ex over 17 years together and 14 years of marriage. Just supply, just a trophy, nothing else. The slave comment was really interesting as I never had thought of myself in that way, but this was exactly the dehumanised way in which I was treated. Never in public, only behind closed doors.
    I was the rebound from her first marriage, she must have rubbed her hands in pure narcissistic glee when she came across me to replace the first husband she discarded. 3 children later, nearly 4 years since the discard, and you should see how difficult it is to even counter parent with her.

    • @jencameron8124
      @jencameron8124 Před rokem +4

      I completely understand where you're coming from and the challenging (apologies for the understatement) time you're going through. My husband has been going through this as well with his ex wife for over 7 years with a 50/50 split. There are no words to accurately describe how turbulent it has been for him, his young son and myself. Just do your best, stay on your course, be yourself and be there for your children. They'll always see you as their balance, sovereignty and solid foundation of love and respect. And no matter how manipulated they have/will ever become, they will ALWAYS find their way back to you.

    • @janetrobinson-dz9wp
      @janetrobinson-dz9wp Před rokem +1

      The co-parenting is insane!! Trying to get our youngest graduated. The kid is suffering from the destruction of his home and family and his grades are showing it. The mind games the narc is pulling on the kid are just cruel!

    • @davidyardley512
      @davidyardley512 Před rokem +2

      @@janetrobinson-dz9wp co-parenting is something you would do with a normal other parent, where the relationship ended on good terms, and you both still work together for the good of your children. This simply isn't possible with a narcissistic parent, who weaponizes your children, conducts smear campaigns leading to parental alienation as I have experienced. There is 4 years of time with my eldest daughter since I was discarded that I can't account for. Only now is she seeing that her Dad cares very deeply for her, and that she has been fed lies and a false narrative about me, leaving her conflicted and confused. She has left the mother's home now, so she is finding her feet and starting to challenge some of the things she was told. The mother's attention is now on our youngest daughter, the new golden child and it is with her I am finding parenting with the mother to be utterly impossible. It's called counter or parallel parenting, because there is simply no 'ço'-parenting with these broken people.

  • @kayliecicobuff4328
    @kayliecicobuff4328 Před 7 měsíci +4

    Every single word spoken is sadly 100 percent true…. I wish I could send this to my ex husband but we all know what good that would do…😔

  • @garyjohnston6248
    @garyjohnston6248 Před rokem +17

    Jill you are right on target with the understanding of a narcissist. Of all the people I have heard talk about the narcissist you have the complete understanding. I am a subscriber. Can you tell me if narcissist's are this way because of Childhood trauma? My ex was molested/raped by her family members as a child. I found this out only after we were married. She was a evil narcissist. She was having multiple affairs during our short marriage. I divorced her and found out later she told her children I was a drug addict and she divorced me. I never did drugs and don't even drink alcohol. Crazy horrible person I wish I never met.

    • @z32luvr
      @z32luvr Před rokem +3

      You should read The Human Magnet Syndrome book.

    • @cleeisme1
      @cleeisme1 Před 11 měsíci

      W/mine due to life threatening illness for 10 yrs. All I cld do was observe. I was able to understand tht 4 mine major life events definitely contributed. Still his own older Sis tld me she saw it when he was 5 yrs old. so 4 mine it seems it is 🧬 & major life events.

    • @cleeisme1
      @cleeisme1 Před 11 měsíci

      @@z32luvrThnk U. I’ll check it out 👍🏼

  • @cleeisme1
    @cleeisme1 Před 11 měsíci +3

    This is spot on! It took me a year to begin to see or should I say realize something was really off. Felt very ill the next 10+Yrs. God blessed me to make it through that illness, which was MRSA pneumonia. I had fevers of 103-104°. Had convulsive chills. A norm person wld have gotten me to the hospital. I lived through something that should’ve killed me inside of six wks! God blessed me to survive. 🙏 Ever so grateful I got an alive!

    • @Rahel8811
      @Rahel8811 Před 7 měsíci

      I had the same experience praise the Lord hallelujah ❤

  • @gracemarykunkel7580
    @gracemarykunkel7580 Před rokem +8

    VERY VERY good Totally accurate Thank you

  • @erikturner5073
    @erikturner5073 Před rokem +12

    You described my ex wife who I divorced perfectly!

  • @HollyBird29
    @HollyBird29 Před rokem +6

    Oh my God! I'm so glad that I only wasted four years of my life with my narc!

    • @hamontysisilia7322
      @hamontysisilia7322 Před 2 měsíci

      It's 7 years and still continuing, he wants to marry me now 🥲

  • @paulschneweis3492
    @paulschneweis3492 Před rokem +9

    Thank GOD and you for your alerting, educational, and informative video, Jill!

  • @lourdesgaffarena638
    @lourdesgaffarena638 Před 11 měsíci +1

    This has been the sorry of my life for many years.Living with a narcicistic husband has been hell.Tge abuse had gone too far and I had had enough and reported Things have not been easy but fighting for my rights has given me the courage and not let him control me anymore..He is getting exactly what he deserves and I pray the day will call me when I will get rid of him

  • @Efemedio1
    @Efemedio1 Před rokem +7

    OMG, my sweet Jill, this really hit close to home. My ex girlfriend of 9 years is described to a T by you! Thank God for my wonderful Mom and close friend I didn't marry this piece of sh@t! She married her close friend that she carried on with behind my back for a year during our last year of our relationship! Because of people like you, Jill, my eyes were opened!

  • @jandoe2342
    @jandoe2342 Před rokem +2

    this video lumps it all into the very sad package of truth....every word is truth

  • @davidhinkson8856
    @davidhinkson8856 Před rokem +7

    My ex-wife married me because she was in her mid-30s and wanted a child, but she was - in her view, no one else's - a prominent singer in her church, a church which kicked people out if they got pregnant, or got someone pregnant, out of wedlock. After that, she wanted a personal slave, ATM and someone to uphold her image as a 'woman of God' - it looked good to have a husband rather than being a single mother and up on the platform singing in church on a regular basis!

    • @cleeisme1
      @cleeisme1 Před 11 měsíci

      WOW

    • @MS-vw3zv
      @MS-vw3zv Před 10 měsíci

      So this was all Calculated. How did does anyone survive?

  • @timothyrday1390
    @timothyrday1390 Před rokem +2

    I am very grateful to have learned this information about NPD and gotten the courage to dump my narc ex-gf before getting pressured into an engagement/marriage. It dawned on me that if I were to do that, I would be her slave, servant, errand boy, atm, etc. for the rest of my life, and there would be no reciprocation whatsoever. No thanks!
    I am far from perfect, so I'm self-aware enough to know my flaws, but how people get to be fully mature adults with zero awareness of their flaws is beyond me. 😮

  • @m.f.richardson1602
    @m.f.richardson1602 Před rokem +6

    Thank you

  • @keithfreeman5840
    @keithfreeman5840 Před rokem +12

    Right on!!
    Nailed it!! Every word!!!
    Thank you‼️

  • @saintofvirtue
    @saintofvirtue Před rokem +3

    Thank you so much for this video. Explains a lot about my last relationship. I need to find more about narcissists.

  • @robig.5028
    @robig.5028 Před rokem +4

    Great video,this explains my family.😊

  • @user-qr2bt1km6d
    @user-qr2bt1km6d Před 2 měsíci

    Narc. mother-narc. husband- narc. children...no contact. Cruel story. Now safe and healing. Thanks for explaination❤

  • @jimzimmerman5288
    @jimzimmerman5288 Před rokem +5

    Thanks for the video.

  • @gloriaturner3687
    @gloriaturner3687 Před rokem +5

    He did it to please his parents. Had nothing to do with me. After 24 years of put downs and everything was my fault and two children later he found a victim almost his oldest daughters age and left for a better life. He did ne a favor.

  • @Marshadow69
    @Marshadow69 Před rokem +4

    Yep 3 kids 13 15 and 8

  • @abelsjourney7089
    @abelsjourney7089 Před 10 měsíci +1

    I have not watched this video yet. I was working and it finally came to me- so I stopped and found this video. I was married to a Narc, and I finally know the core reason WHY she married me. She got married the first chance she got, because being 'married' gave her LICENSE to mistreat me. And she knew that pastors and people in general would condone her preying on me, under the color of 'marital issues'. And THAT'S the primary reason why Narcs get married; so they can have 'legal', sanctioned access to mistreat a person on a daily basis.

  • @indianiecworld
    @indianiecworld Před 20 dny

    One of the big reason is also that they need someone to substitute for their parent. Mentally they are stuck at 2 years of age and they need constant care and attention

  • @wellnesspathforme6236
    @wellnesspathforme6236 Před rokem +12

    Main narc motivation:
    Men - sex and control.
    Women - money and control.

    • @bluedogfish2
      @bluedogfish2 Před rokem +2

      Control

    • @wellnesspathforme6236
      @wellnesspathforme6236 Před rokem +1

      @@bluedogfish2 I updated the original post to reflect your very accurate input.
      Narcs chase feelings - they run from bad feelings and demand others provide them with good feelings. Worrying about your feelings is a bad feeling to them, so they avoid it.

  • @Papparratzi
    @Papparratzi Před rokem +1

    I’m a newb realizing I was married to a narc. Love is blind, I can see now I defended her narcissism. Even the third week of marriage we we’re having a heated argument and she said, we’re married now, you have to do what I say.

  • @setaripantheon8801
    @setaripantheon8801 Před rokem +3

    Was in that situation.
    She got one enabler that is so out of his mind he is still protecting her and helping her avoid acountability, and now she is manipulating another guy I am trying to expose her to but he is not really catching on...
    The part that you know she is going to use him and you can't make them understand is really hard on me.. I don't want anyone to experience the sickening abuse a Covert-Narcist does to you!

  • @mariajmc6557
    @mariajmc6557 Před rokem +3

    This is a perfect narrative,👌👌👏👏

  • @annbow4064
    @annbow4064 Před 2 měsíci +1

    I worked out after a while my ex husband married me to use me and the kids as a cover for his sleezy seceret life,he also told everyone right in front of me he married me because i was beautiful, i hated when he said it as i wanted him to have married me because he loved me,he also told me i would never leave him,he got that wrong I divorced him.

  • @blackswann9555
    @blackswann9555 Před rokem +5

    I watched many old narc friends cheat and divorce 🤢🤮

  • @rajendrabareto8065
    @rajendrabareto8065 Před měsícem

    I asked the same question to my wife and she said it was a fashion show and those were the last words to me.

  • @johnnyfreedom4117
    @johnnyfreedom4117 Před 19 dny

    MY GOD. THANK YOU. Validation. Finally.....

  • @MindBodyStorm
    @MindBodyStorm Před rokem +7

    🤔💭I'm willing to bet this same dynamic applies with enmeshed son-husbands and daughter-wives. As a trophy child, ironically I can relate to some of these ( especially being used as an emotional punching bag) that should only apply to a REGULARLY MARRIED COUPLE!

    • @ND-or5so
      @ND-or5so Před rokem +1

      Tell me about it. I didn't know I would become this freak's doormat. No shame in their game. They are fckd in the head and they know it but they don't care. That's not humane. Beating their ass doesn't even give you enough pleasure for the damage they do to you. You would have to kick their ass every day for years to feel some justification. But I'm not indulging I'm that. This nit wit fake thing that God made. Do you hear me God? What's up? When will I be rid of this nightmare ? What did I do to deserve this fckd up assh-le? I wanted a man and you gave me a child in a grown man's body. This is hell on earth.

    • @MindBodyStorm
      @MindBodyStorm Před rokem +1

      @@ND-or5so Hell on earth is correct‼️ It's beyond words to describe the emotional trauma/cognitive dissonance/ infantilization/enmeshment/triangulation/smear campaigns/word salad/etc

  • @marialeon6765
    @marialeon6765 Před rokem +7

    Is there a chance a narcissist gets married out of envy? Like, their target got married so they rush to get married.

    • @theenlightenedtarget
      @theenlightenedtarget  Před rokem +7

      Yes, that happens

    • @NopeNotTodaySatan
      @NopeNotTodaySatan Před rokem

      Yesss!! I’ve seen that happen, it’s so sad.

    • @marialeon6765
      @marialeon6765 Před rokem

      @@NopeNotTodaySatan I suspect about someone and many things add up. She always claim she wanted to be a mother since she was 20 and by the time she was that age, I had my daughter. Thank God she couldn't copy that because she has fertility issues. Also, I have seen how she harms other people and no one seems to see the wrong or they don't realize at all.

  • @atiiee7
    @atiiee7 Před rokem +1

    Thank you, so much for this. This is 100% FACTS. You're my new favorite.
    I'm also a Wise 😘😘 I thought that was cool seeing your last name. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

  • @patricialavallee8286
    @patricialavallee8286 Před rokem +3

    Don't ever go into a business partnership with a narcissist. Everything will be peachy until a better (person/target) for them comes along. They latch on to others, watch and learn from them, to use others ideas , later to impress others, making them think all the fabulous business ideas were they're oen ingratiate themselves, sche

  • @lindadiaz9222
    @lindadiaz9222 Před 5 měsíci +1

    My ex tried to get my attention or reaction by liking and unliking a FB post of mine the night before he got married. I ignored it.

  • @michaelmedashefski9755
    @michaelmedashefski9755 Před 8 měsíci +1

    People like this shouldn’t get away with the stuff they do to us. Should be a law

  • @creativeconciousness5492
    @creativeconciousness5492 Před 8 měsíci +1

    I realize now that since I couldn't be controlled or fall for the manipulation, it made my narcissistic ex-wife desperate to have a child to gain some sort of leverage.

  • @user-lj1fn7dm3m
    @user-lj1fn7dm3m Před 8 měsíci +1

    I know people make videos aimed at women who are narcicist / covert . But I really wish more of these videos focused on the manipulation of shared futures . By that I mean I was pulled in by something g I wanted in life which was someone to love me and one day marriage because I've had past traumas wirh that . And the girl I was with focused on changing my mind everyday to marriage and children and continued with that every other day. I worked with the girl so whenever I said something aloudly that was say funny say smart etc etc around people she would constantly whim me out loud with put a baby in me or marry me . But at home it was completely different soon the relationship became sexless then she would complain about me not being on the same page about a child when I gave in so easily to not wearing protection it was like no matter what I did was wrong. And I used to be at work the energetic happy guy making everyone smile to her moving om right away and me feeling like an anvil is in my chest . Every single day I suffer . I'm a month and a half out . I still love her immensely. I dont look her up I don't send anything out to her even tho im dying to . But I left my job because I just couldn't see her every other few minutes because her attitude to me was so shunning out of knowhere. I have a story to tell . And even when I tell it . I never feel better. I destroyed my life over a woman who I later found out was covert narciccist and I have a 14 year old daughter that lives with me and know because of Christmas I'm worried I'll fail her too. This world can be unforgiving . But these women that do this. That build good men up and force them into positions because they have a good heart and want to believe it's genuine. These women need to be talked about. They can't be ignored . The men will be more violent more lash outtey but the women the women are so evil with what they do behind closed doors. More of these stories need to be talked about .

  • @jeremygardner8077
    @jeremygardner8077 Před rokem +3

    Wow i just had my life des ribed in a matter of minutes

  • @annchristine47
    @annchristine47 Před 3 měsíci +2

    Absolutely spot on.After 50 years,I am almost destroyed but I’m hanging in for the sake of my children who I brought up to respect their elders.I don’t want to tell them how awful their father is.I wish they would have classes in high school to educate the young ones on narcissism because it would appear half the world is made up of narcissists.

  • @MoPoppins
    @MoPoppins Před rokem

    Your office looked nice before, and I also love the changes you’ve made, Jill! 👌

  • @yokotsuno3940
    @yokotsuno3940 Před 2 měsíci

    This is so accurate! Thank you

  • @Cacalotlraven
    @Cacalotlraven Před rokem +2

    I'm still trying to understand the why? Why do they need to feel superior? Why do they have such fragile egos? Why do they feel a need to pull someone down? Why is reason beyond their grasp. My wife is a covert narc.

  • @janiceallen3398
    @janiceallen3398 Před 9 měsíci

    💯 truth . Thank you for the clarification.

  • @spaceted3977
    @spaceted3977 Před rokem +4

    I think all Narcissists get Married because they are unable to do anything at all except go to Work !!!! My Father couldn't make a Bowl of Cornflakes !!!! Both my Narcissist Parents were using each other as Punchbags !!!! And if I asked them to Stop Arguing, they would both Gang up on Me !!!! And that happened from when I was four years old throughout my childhood !!!! I hated my Parents. The one thing I learnt was not to be like them !!!! All my Parents Friends who were always being invited round to Sherry Parties etc. said after they both Died, that they could not stand my Parents !!!! They were hoping to get some money, because my Parents were always bragging about Money !!!! But they were Stone Broke because they spent all their money on Alchohol !!!!! I have done Well because I am not a Narcissist and I avoid them like the Plague !!!! The Funny thing is that my Mother was worried to death that I could not Survive in this World because I was not like them !!!!! But I've lived a happy life and now I'm 68 yrs old and I live with my 2 Dogs and life is Great !!!!

  • @macm2373
    @macm2373 Před 2 měsíci +1

    One of my friends is in therapy with his narcissistic girlfriend of 10 years. Lol She was married four times. Good luck with that relationship!🤣

  • @RedDragonProtection
    @RedDragonProtection Před 11 měsíci

    I was very successful at marrying one, but I have not been successful in divorcing her yet... MAN, it's tough.
    We just passed our 12 year anniversary, and not a word was said. For the 1st time, i didn't even mention it to her. But, her birthday better be a great celebration...

  • @MichNative01
    @MichNative01 Před rokem +3

    Janet!!! Omg...are you and the kids ok?? Only in our world!! Crazy!!

    • @janetrobinson-dz9wp
      @janetrobinson-dz9wp Před rokem +1

      Odd as it seems, I feel like he did me a favor! It's the kids who are suffering the most...destruction of their home, family, relationships, living situation, etc. Everything is different for them which in itself is a lot to deal with, but to have to deal with the head games the narc puts on them makes it so much worse. That's what is so sad for me!

  • @sweetvictory2414
    @sweetvictory2414 Před rokem +3

    Truth

  • @jamesp5301
    @jamesp5301 Před rokem +3

    It is odd how everyone is mean or an asshole to them. They want no responsibility and to blame everyone else

  • @rmmn7
    @rmmn7 Před rokem

    Total horror . Right said. You have mentioned one narcissist movie named mommy dearest. Then I saw that movie . I wonder why the movie producers dont make horror movies with the narcissist theme. The narcissistic horror movies would be the most horrific of horror movies. Do you know any horror movies centering around narcissists ?

  • @kimc5379
    @kimc5379 Před měsícem

    The narc told me his marriage is secured and that his wife can take care of herself and he is looking for someone to take care of him. Omg he told me his marriage is a partnership.

  • @phyllistouchstone7136
    @phyllistouchstone7136 Před rokem +5

    What about the children?

    • @RioJudy
      @RioJudy Před rokem +10

      She mentioned they use their kids as well. Parental alienation.

  • @sadiamufti8890
    @sadiamufti8890 Před měsícem

    If they had their way they would marry themselves and be intimate with themselves.I was ignored for the 18 hours of honeymoon I was most generously given.😢

  • @AnnaEnns-lf8zo
    @AnnaEnns-lf8zo Před 3 měsíci

    Thank you. I am not so very good in englich. But i can hear this is true.

  • @miker4430
    @miker4430 Před rokem

    Thank you as this is true

  • @mwolfe2459
    @mwolfe2459 Před 8 měsíci

    Just as hunters are required to wear a orange vest - I feel this should apply to the narcissist so the unsuspecting public can be warned. It would have saved me 40 years. 😢

  • @shannonmckenna7139
    @shannonmckenna7139 Před rokem +1

    I’m always blamed for everything. Even when it was him 😢 I told him recently that I want to split up. His response? I ruined his life
    Say what???? He’s broken me! He’s just afraid because I will tell everyone everything that he’s done wrong to me. I have lots of proof and will share it!!

  • @MrJfortheElohim
    @MrJfortheElohim Před rokem

    I support this message 100%. Does a parentified child end up being a narcissist?

    • @theenlightenedtarget
      @theenlightenedtarget  Před rokem +1

      Sure that happens sometimes

    • @MrJfortheElohim
      @MrJfortheElohim Před rokem

      @@theenlightenedtarget that my current situation with my spouse and extended family. I’ll check out your website.

  • @happinessblush
    @happinessblush Před rokem

    Perfect video

  • @patricialavallee8286
    @patricialavallee8286 Před rokem +1

    Someone told me of a narcissist co-worker. She outright bragged about how she could have the married manger,as well as other men working under him., Anytime she wanted. She had a low level job in the company, with only a high school diploma, and retail work, prior. It was a small start up company. The gal in personnel/HR did say she wanted to leave. Years later, she ran into Ms. I can have the married boss, she told her she eventually, got the others gals personnel job, and now ( still with only a HS diploma) moved on to working in HR, for a huge billion dollar Corporation. With a HS diploma! Few adult Ed business classes at local community college
    Making $100,000.00 a year. Yeah, I know what everyone is thinking..lol
    But, still. HR requires at minimum of 4 year degree in business. Mostly, degree in HR, masters degree. You have to qualify, college wise. Kept in climbing the ladder to success to this day. Fit every sign of a narcissist

  • @bellesterbeatty3571
    @bellesterbeatty3571 Před 5 měsíci

    Thank you.

  • @cindybriden372
    @cindybriden372 Před rokem +7

    This is also the reason why they want children.

  • @beaglerescue5281
    @beaglerescue5281 Před měsícem

    They abuse people who foolishly but genuinely love them.

  • @natm.7073
    @natm.7073 Před 2 měsíci +1

    Yep; the absolute worst experience of my life…

  • @janestafford4403
    @janestafford4403 Před 5 měsíci +2

    If the narcissist is talking they are lying

  • @mshiker
    @mshiker Před 3 měsíci +1

    indeed - when I met my ex he was 38 years..never married or engaged - suddently interested of single mom..? Just to look like the others (normal men at his age) he was ready to marry me. Not for love. Just to show off: look I have build a family as all successful men. Hello?? He never loved me as I found him to be a narc with sex addiction he had created during his long single life period.

  • @alexghous
    @alexghous Před rokem +1

    according to mom's husband it were because she got him drunk and took advantage of him.

  • @MRindependentTHINK
    @MRindependentTHINK Před 2 měsíci

    My narcissist dumped me in February 2024.. And published her newly engagement in March 2024
    1 year relationship

  • @karansinghrocky30
    @karansinghrocky30 Před 11 měsíci +1

    I think one point u mentioned is very incorrect .My ex raged in public and brutally assaulted me infront of atleast a 1000 people.
    So Narcissist rage happens in public .They use this tool to control the victim So that victim never disobeys them or they will be publicly humilated