I'm an old high school teacher from Indiana. I've been to many many many many senior dinners/graduations/blah blah blah.. This is by far the best speech I've ever heard. Bravo!
I have already watched this but decided that I wanted to watch it again it is so hilarious that I ended up laughing so hard i was crying. This is my favorite speech of all time.
My boyfriend sent this to me nearly 5 years after it was filmed. After I have watched Britanick's numerous hilarious filmed sketches and missed out on more than a few live shows in New York due to work. You know someone will be a successful funnyman when he gets on stage in a suit and people are already laughing.
I bet this guy wasn't expecting to marry Karen Gillan. Nick, I've been watching your work for fifteen years. Thanks for the laughs and the inspiration.
You just gotta be the RIGHT kind of individual. When I was a kid, I'd hit and bite kids who touched my toys. I'm now rich and own real estate. Who knew being an anti-social psychopath could get you so far in this country?
I've seen this video years ago and still come back to it for some motivation in the form Nick can bring best, satire. Props to him, he is a master of his craft.
Hey Nick! I RE-watched this recently! Each time I kill myself laughing because your morbid humor parallels my life! My next thought, concerning your speech, was something that did not occur to me immediately. I have a NEW assessment of, not just the TEXT of your speech, but of yourself giving this speech, as a high school Senior in 2002. Judging from your speech, it's safe to say that you were like I was (and still am): not having a girlfriend on your arm, as easily as waking up in the morning and finding stubble on your chin, like it is for the jocks and the "cool" guys. BUT you made your morbid humor and dripping, dark sarcasm, WORK for you, so EXTREMELY well, that YOUR PEERS were in absolute STITCHES, for each and every punchline! PLUS the damned crowd gave you a FREAKING standing ovation!! A guy *capitalizing* on NOT being "cool", became the *COOLEST GUY* in the entire building!! Very ironic!!!
Now, IVE SEARCHED FOR THE GODDAMN transcript, but didn't find it, so here it is(far from perfect cuz im a non native) : THE TRANSCRIPT(CAPTIONS): Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you today as a product of Paidaea School. I entered Paidaea in 7th grade. A skinny acne scarred boy with bad posture. Now, six years later I emerge, a skinny, slightly smarter boy with horrible posture who hides his acne with concealing cream.
Now, although I may not have physically changed at all, I did learn some important lessons along the way. The most important of these being: if you try to be creative and an individual, it will never end well, so you might as well conform and live happily in obscurity. I learned this lesson early at Morningside Elementary School, I was in kindergarten, it was around the middle of the year and our class was going to play a singing game, the teacher, Mr. Goldman, said: OK, everybody, go pick out an item in the classroom, that is your favorite color. There's a quick scramble about the class and soon we reassembled in the center of the room where Mr. Goldman told us to form groups with kids who picked the same color. Every single girl picked pink or yellow and every boy picked either blue or green. Blue was my favorite color, so I picked out the washcloth by the sink. After we had formed groups, Mr. Goldman looked around making sure everyone was in place and his eyes came to rest on me. At this point, I'm compelled to inform you that I have red green colorblindness, meaning that is very difficult for me to tell certain colors apart, namely blue and purple. Slowly, Mr. Goldman walked over, bent down and in front of the whole class, said: Nicholas. Are you sure you're where you belong? For a moment, I looked across the room, saw the groups of girls, and then looked around at all the guys surrounding. Yeah. I said, Well, Nicholas, actually, you have a purple washcloth. The kids around me took a step back. That's okay though, he said , smiling. You can have your very own group. You'll be an individual. The class giggled and my face turned bright red or my individual interpretation of what red is, but the worst was yet to come. We soon began singing the song in which at the appropriate time, each color group would shout the name of their color and hold their items in the air. One by one, each group called out blue!, green! pink !yellow. ! There was a pause. Mr Goldman nodded towards me and I slowly waved my washcloth in the air. Purple. and the song continued. It was the most alone I've ever felt in my life. That's pretty much where it began. From then on, any time I did anything outside the norm, I was mocked and humiliated. Before I begin this next story. I'd like to play something up. Dancing is stupid. It has no point and It only makes you look stupid. I came to realize this earlier in the year when I went out with my friend Max Goldstein on a double date with two Westminster groups. I'm really bad on dates, it feels like, like job interviews. And I always feel that in the allotted time I have to put everything I've got out on the table. On this particular date, we’d just seen a movie and we're hanging out at my house . So far, I was batting about it 200 . My story about something I said in history, class got the laugh. But the joke about women's cycles had knocked shit out of the saying farewell?. Soon I Exhausted every funny story in my repertoire and struggling for conversation happens. I looked for some assistance, but I saw that he, both he and his date were nowhere in sight, thanks . The isolation only worsened the situation. And I became desperate in the silence that was now moving from awkward to physically painful. I began racking my brain for ideas and took the first one that came. I asked the girl if she would like to see the popping lock routine. Called Darin's dance moves. She was a little taken aback, but agreed after moving a chair her way and pressing the button on my stereo, it was off. It began when I focused on the dancing and making sure that I was in time, that all my movements were strong and defined and soon my mind caught coma. I began to realize what I was doing. I was alone in my room with an attractive Westminster. And I was popping and locking. After that revelation the answer faded away. Yeah, that's it. And I said nervously looking over her, Wow, she said that was that was really something for me. . It was then that she noticed it was getting late. I know now that it is too late for me. I will never be part of the crowd. I'm skinny, I get pimples and dry skin at the same time. And I just do things that normal people don't do. I am the textbook example of why you should not be an individual. And if I've been smart and stuck to the script, complimented her eyes or her hair or talked about our shared interest. Maybe in a few years I would be marrying into a rich Protestant family and getting a large house in Bucephalus instead of a message delivered through max inc. max's really nice, but I just don't think he's my type. Of course, I'm not your type I’m no one’s type because I'm an individual. I'm a walking awkward tosser. I say inappropriate things at the worst moment and do the dance poppin lock routine when there's only one other person in the room. So I stand before you today pleading with you not to be like me. Be like next Max Goldstein. He is the model by which all people, unsure of how to live their lives, should live their lives . He’s a man’s man. The all time strikeout leader in baseball history. He walks about knowing he's cooler than other people, and talks as if he doesn't care about anything at all. Now, you may say: You mean to tell us we should completely withdraw our minds from the real world experience for nothing, move through life without actually living it? That's exactly what i said. Stop Living . Living is the first branch you hit on your fall down in a unique tree. Thousands of people die living every day. That's the leading cause of death and the good news about that, the next time someone tells you to seize the day and you then drop kick them squarely in the middle. Live your life by the following rules : before you do anything look around make sure that it's something that all the people around you'd do. Dont ever voice any opinion of your own and in the name of all that is holly. Do not ever dance! and I'm going to list a few people now, some of them follow this advice and others who didn't. These are the people who decided they would step out of and stand up for what they believe. Abraham Lincoln, Lenny Bruce, Joe Camel, the Lord Jesus and Jack from Titanic. from These people, one is not dead and no one, much likes him anyhow, even Disney thinks he's kind of a jerk. Now, those who follow who is going to take the road travel by cooler people who probably knew what they would do. John Brett, Hajja, Alex Smart, Willie Dean and Shane quailao that you don't know any of them? GOOD, that's just how they like it. My name is Nick Koch and I'm a product of Paidae do not be like me.
Awesome speech!!! The 'unique tree' is my favorite line. And think about this: your individuality led you to eventually act in a Joss Whedon film (among many other awesome things). I feel like it served you well. : )
To be fair, you can be an individual. But you can also belong with a group of people who love and support you and care for you. That being said, thank you for this speech.
This is absolutely hilarious. XD The people who seem to think this is saying that you literally should not be an individual are silly. Very well written and preformed, dear God, this is amazing.
Amen!! That speech was the story of my life; morbid humor is the ONLY humor to a situation!!!! And on their website, this guy and his partner come up with the most insane, hilarious stuff!!!!
Actually, it is. Sorwoggpm said blue from red. Red/Green colourblind people CAN tell blue from red, even though they see blue as purple and vice-versa.
That guys biography is the XEROX twin of MINE!!! And I have had even WORSE nightmarish experiences and clusterf**ks that he depicted in his speech!! The morbid hilarity is so well done and insanely creative, that the pure genius of the speech oozes from the video and GRABS you!!! Amazing!!! Do NOT be an individual!!! You'll end up like ME!!
Well. He does write for SNL now. That makes sense.
Dude seriously?
@ForestofTooMuchFood Yeah SDL sucks but SNL is awesome
It was at this point that Nick stopped being an individual and joined forces with Brian to become a deadly combo of comedy! :D
this guy is so comically talented
I'm an old high school teacher from Indiana. I've been to many many many many senior dinners/graduations/blah blah blah.. This is by far the best speech I've ever heard. Bravo!
Holy fuck. This was his high school graduation speech. How do you make something this amazing in goddamn high school?!!! You make me look so bad...
I have already watched this but decided that I wanted to watch it again it is so hilarious that I ended up laughing so hard i was crying. This is my favorite speech of all time.
lol, sorry. i turned it off for a bit and forgot to turn it back on. Alyssa Leh Geek but i am on right now.
My boyfriend sent this to me nearly 5 years after it was filmed. After I have watched Britanick's numerous hilarious filmed sketches and missed out on more than a few live shows in New York due to work.
You know someone will be a successful funnyman when he gets on stage in a suit and people are already laughing.
Wow....for someone in highschool, this is amazing. It's amazing in general, but you don't get graduation speeches like this very often.
I bet this guy wasn't expecting to marry Karen Gillan.
Nick, I've been watching your work for fifteen years. Thanks for the laughs and the inspiration.
Hands down one of the best speeches I have ever heard. wow.
He's making it a joke, but he's actually speaking the truth...
You just gotta be the RIGHT kind of individual. When I was a kid, I'd hit and bite kids who touched my toys. I'm now rich and own real estate. Who knew being an anti-social psychopath could get you so far in this country?
is this was made today it'd go viral
This is one of the funniest speeches I've ever seen! Brilliant content and outstanding delivery.
It takes talent to give a speech like this in high school.
Favorite line: "I am a walking awkward pause."
I've seen this video years ago and still come back to it for some motivation in the form Nick can bring best, satire. Props to him, he is a master of his craft.
gotta be honest though 10/10 would date
Hey Nick! I RE-watched this recently! Each time I kill myself laughing because your morbid humor parallels my life!
My next thought, concerning your speech, was something that did not occur to me immediately. I have a NEW assessment of, not just the TEXT of your speech, but of yourself giving this speech, as a high school Senior in 2002.
Judging from your speech, it's safe to say that you were like I was (and still am): not having a girlfriend on your arm, as easily as waking up in the morning and finding stubble on your chin, like it is for the jocks and the "cool" guys. BUT you made your morbid humor and dripping, dark sarcasm, WORK for you, so EXTREMELY well, that YOUR PEERS were in absolute STITCHES, for each and every punchline! PLUS the damned crowd gave you a FREAKING standing ovation!!
A guy *capitalizing* on NOT being "cool", became the *COOLEST GUY* in the entire building!!
Very ironic!!!
Still 1000x better than the "Wear Sunscreen" speech. Still 1000x less appreciated than the "Wear Sunscreen" speech.
Marvelous satire. Absolutely brilliant.
absolute incredulity, you've summed up my life in 10 and a half minutes.
God, if he was in my class I would've locked this guy down for marriage. Funny guys are top tier. Why was I so stupid in highschool?
Now, IVE SEARCHED FOR THE GODDAMN transcript, but didn't find it, so here it is(far from perfect cuz im a non native) :
THE TRANSCRIPT(CAPTIONS):
Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you today as a product of Paidaea School. I entered Paidaea in 7th grade. A skinny acne scarred boy with bad posture. Now, six years later I emerge, a skinny, slightly smarter boy with horrible posture who hides his acne with concealing cream.
Now, although I may not have physically changed at all, I did learn some important lessons along the way. The most important of these being: if you try to be creative and an individual, it will never end well, so you might as well conform and live happily in obscurity. I learned this lesson early at Morningside Elementary School, I was in kindergarten, it was around the middle of the year and our class was going to play a singing game, the teacher, Mr. Goldman, said:
OK, everybody, go pick out an item in the classroom, that is your favorite color.
There's a quick scramble about the class and soon we reassembled in the center of the room where Mr. Goldman told us to form groups with kids who picked the same color. Every single girl picked pink or yellow and every boy picked either blue or green. Blue was my favorite color, so I picked out the washcloth by the sink. After we had formed groups, Mr. Goldman looked around making sure everyone was in place and his eyes came to rest on me. At this point, I'm compelled to inform you that I have red green colorblindness, meaning that is very difficult for me to tell certain colors apart, namely blue and purple. Slowly, Mr. Goldman walked over, bent down and in front of the whole class, said:
Nicholas. Are you sure you're where you belong?
For a moment, I looked across the room, saw the groups of girls, and then looked around at all the guys surrounding.
Yeah. I said,
Well, Nicholas, actually, you have a purple washcloth.
The kids around me took a step back.
That's okay though, he said , smiling.
You can have your very own group. You'll be an individual. The class giggled and my face turned bright red or my individual interpretation of what red is, but the worst was yet to come. We soon began singing the song in which at the appropriate time, each color group would shout the name of their color and hold their items in the air. One by one, each group called out blue!, green! pink !yellow. !
There was a pause.
Mr Goldman nodded towards me and I slowly waved my washcloth in the air.
Purple.
and the song continued. It was the most alone I've ever felt in my life.
That's pretty much where it began. From then on, any time I did anything outside the norm, I was mocked and humiliated.
Before I begin this next story. I'd like to play something up. Dancing is stupid. It has no point and It only makes you look stupid. I came to realize this earlier in the year when I went out with my friend Max Goldstein on a double date with two Westminster groups. I'm really bad on dates, it feels like, like job interviews. And I always feel that in the allotted time I have to put everything I've got out on the table. On this particular date, we’d just seen a movie and we're hanging out at my house . So far, I was batting about it 200 . My story about something I said in history, class got the laugh. But the joke about women's cycles had knocked shit out of the saying farewell?. Soon I Exhausted every funny story in my repertoire and struggling for conversation happens. I looked for some assistance, but I saw that he, both he and his date were nowhere in sight, thanks . The isolation only worsened the situation. And I became desperate in the silence that was now moving from awkward to physically painful. I began racking my brain for ideas and took the first one that came. I asked the girl if she would like to see the popping lock routine. Called Darin's dance moves. She was a little taken aback, but agreed after moving a chair her way and pressing the button on my stereo, it was off. It began when I focused on the dancing and making sure that I was in time, that all my movements were strong and defined and soon my mind caught coma. I began to realize what I was doing. I was alone in my room with an attractive Westminster. And I was popping and locking. After that revelation the answer faded away.
Yeah, that's it. And I said nervously looking over her,
Wow, she said that was that was really something for me.
. It was then that she noticed it was getting late. I know now that it is too late for me. I will never be part of the crowd. I'm skinny, I get pimples and dry skin at the same time. And I just do things that normal people don't do. I am the textbook example of why you should not be an individual. And if I've been smart and stuck to the script, complimented her eyes or her hair or talked about our shared interest. Maybe in a few years I would be marrying into a rich Protestant family and getting a large house in Bucephalus instead of a message delivered through max inc. max's really nice, but I just don't think he's my type. Of course, I'm not your type I’m no one’s type because I'm an individual. I'm a walking awkward tosser. I say inappropriate things at the worst moment and do the dance poppin lock routine when there's only one other person in the room. So I stand before you today pleading with you not to be like me. Be like next Max Goldstein. He is the model by which all people, unsure of how to live their lives, should live their lives . He’s a man’s man. The all time strikeout leader in baseball history. He walks about knowing he's cooler than other people, and talks as if he doesn't care about anything at all.
Now, you may say: You mean to tell us we should completely withdraw our minds from the real world experience for nothing, move through life without actually living it?
That's exactly what i said. Stop Living . Living is the first branch you hit on your fall down in a unique tree. Thousands of people die living every day. That's the leading cause of death and the good news about that, the next time someone tells you to seize the day and you then drop kick them squarely in the middle.
Live your life by the following rules : before you do anything look around make sure that it's something that all the people around you'd do. Dont ever voice any opinion of your own and in the name of all that is holly. Do not ever dance! and I'm going to list a few people now, some of them follow this advice and others who didn't.
These are the people who decided they would step out of and stand up for what they believe. Abraham Lincoln, Lenny Bruce, Joe Camel, the Lord Jesus and Jack from Titanic. from These people, one is not dead and no one, much likes him anyhow, even Disney thinks he's kind of a jerk.
Now, those who follow who is going to take the road travel by cooler people who probably knew what they would do. John Brett, Hajja, Alex Smart, Willie Dean and Shane quailao that you don't know any of them? GOOD, that's just how they like it.
My name is Nick Koch and I'm a product of Paidae do not be like me.
hilarious. i wish people at my high school were more like that and would deliver such a speech... bravo, nick, bravo.
Awesome speech!!! The 'unique tree' is my favorite line. And think about this: your individuality led you to eventually act in a Joss Whedon film (among many other awesome things). I feel like it served you well. : )
Nick is officially the funniest person to me
Keep in mind that the school is tiny. about 100 per class. The reason everyone is laughing so much is that they have known Nick for years and years.
To be fair, you can be an individual. But you can also belong with a group of people who love and support you and care for you. That being said, thank you for this speech.
Single most epic thing I have seen in my entire life. You Rock!
I just watched this again for the gazillionth time. GENIUS!
Friggin brilliant. Great speech.
This is just like the sketches they make, well written, and well delivered!
This is absolutely hilarious. XD The people who seem to think this is saying that you literally should not be an individual are silly. Very well written and preformed, dear God, this is amazing.
Oh my gosh, he has great delivery! This is so funny!! What happened to BriTANicK?? I hope youtube puts their account back soon!!!!!
That is by far the best speech I've ever heard.
this was the greatest speech/delivery ever
LMAO- I went to Paideia. and I've watched this dozens of times and every time I crack up. so brilliant
wow that's awesome! everyone loved him!
I am doing this piece for my national/statewide speech league next year, it is GLORIOUS
This is delightful. This is so good, I wish I had written it. Bravo 👏
Greatest motivational speech EVER!!!
I swear you should take up comedy!!! You had me in stitches!!!
I just fell in love haha enjoyed this immensely!
Best speech ever. Kudos.
I watched this probably 10+ years ago… came back just to see if it was still here… also had to say, this speech holds up
oh he's fantastic
I love this man.
Love it too much; live it everyday!
I LOVE THIS A LOT.
if he wrote those words, give this guy a sitcom contract! he's going to be a star! LOL
so much love happening right now.
Great delivery, great speech. I laughed my ass off, THANK YOU!
Brilliance.
you. are. my. hero.
That was a truly inspiring video.
Awesome.
Amazing.
Amen!! That speech was the story of my life; morbid humor is the ONLY humor to a situation!!!! And on their website, this guy and his partner come up with the most insane, hilarious stuff!!!!
Holy hell -- this is fantastic.
Beautiful ❤️❤️❤️❤️
i loved this!
This is such quality.
great graduation speech
that was an awesome speech
I laughed harder than I have in a long time....this kid has a future in comedy
Okay, now I know damn good and well that I've clicked the thumbs-up on this video. Doing so again...
Actually, it is. Sorwoggpm said blue from red. Red/Green colourblind people CAN tell blue from red, even though they see blue as purple and vice-versa.
living is the LEADING cause of dying. that's incredible
That was amazing! You are hilarious
Wow! Awesome Speech. Very funny, very clever and very well performed. Congratulations!
You make me proud to be a Paideia kid. Even though I'm old. I laughed and laughed. Good job!
See you at a reunion some day, eh?
I was watching this, just randomly stumbled upon it and it took me a little too long to realize he's Nick Kocher from BriTANick.
SO funny! love this!
Superb and congratulations on your marriage to Karen Gillan.
I've posted here before but DAMN I've never asked as to HOW in the hell did he manage to keep a straight face through all of this???
that was awesome. i wish people at my school were as funny as you.
Graduation Good Speech Rulesss! Finals of School so long school!
one of the funniest things ive ever seen.
but also super interesting and kinda deep. that takes skill.
how can he say this without cracking up?!?!
New favorite person. I love britanick. com
I'm doing this speech for competitions, YES.
"I'm a walking awkward pause." Excellent!
wow if only you were at my school pep rallies urr awesome.
Very Nice.
I applauded for this lol. That's hilarious!
I get pimples and dried skin - at the same time!
You are a great comedian Nick!
That kid is going places.
This weekend I'm going to dance from 8pm on Sunday until 7am. I'm so glad I'm not taking the advice of this excellent movie.
"I am a walking awkward pause." lmao best line
Tell that to my brother. We're forever getting into arguments over colour because he swears black and blue that red is brown!
mad props you kept a strait face the whole way through
Loooveee this!!! xD
Great speech I really enjoyed it :)
WE think you're great!
That guys biography is the XEROX twin of MINE!!! And I have had even WORSE nightmarish experiences and clusterf**ks that he depicted in his speech!! The morbid hilarity is so well done and insanely creative, that the pure genius of the speech oozes from the video and GRABS you!!! Amazing!!! Do NOT be an individual!!! You'll end up like ME!!
... Wow, just... /wow/. 5 Stars and I'd give you more, man, if I could.
hahaha well written and good delivery.
lmao that is freaking hilarious. wish my graduating Paideia class had had a speech that good....
i flippd when i heard this was from paidea. Im from Whitefield. Holla atl!
this guys is hilarious!!!!