Why We Choose Infidelity A Lack of Self Acceptance
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- čas přidán 18. 08. 2024
- Samuel shares one of the pivotal reasons spouses cheat.
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- Amanda, Florida
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairreco.... He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.
Not every person who lacks self-acceptance acts out by lying and cheating, though. Even people who are constantly needing attention do not necessarily betray their significant other. Someone who lies and cheats will only feel worse about themselves. Some cheaters had plenty of love, attention, and admiration from spouse and family and still cheated
True
Yes!!
Lack of impulse control is the other contributing factor.
Thank you Samuel. I can not say it enough. My wife had an affair and she told me about 5 weeks ago. I came across your vlog a couple of days ago. We’ve been watching a ton. It’s helping so much. It’s helping us not feel so alone. I must say we’ve been doing very well for the circumstances but your vlog is giving us some much needed guidance. Thank you thank you thank you. And please tell Samantha she is my hero.
makes me tear up my friend. we work so hard to do that: not let you feel alone in your pain without hope. so glad you're here and you are using the videos. i'll definitely tell samantha. she will love that.
means a ton you'd take time to comment and encourage me.
I’m glad I stumbled upon you web site . My ex cheated and divorced me . I carried much guilt because he told me I no longer met his needs , so I accepted his guilt . Then one day it dawned on me that I never considered whether or not he was meeting MY needs . Perhaps the marriage was a factor in my depression . He’s married to OW and they seem happy and I’m glad he is happy. I still feel bad for contributing to his grief . By the way, Sam , your honesty and transparency about your own affairs and insight into your behavior on this public form is a brave move . Thank you for your pep talks .
You guys and the information you share have transformed my marriage FOREVER!! I thought for sure we were getting a divorce last year !! I can’t thank you guys enough for myself, my wife, and our 3 children! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU AFFAIR RECOVERY!
means a ton Jose. ...... it really does. thank you for your kind words and encouragement.
Acknowledge the pain of the betrayed every day!
Wow one of his best talks i cant believe still making these videos after 12 yrs since d day. Im grateful for the wisdom
so glad you're here trevor. it's a joy and an honor to help those in crisis.
Hi Sam ... stumbled across your videos while browsing other videos on infidelity, forgiveness, & healing. Just want to say thanks for you & your wife allowing God to use you both as a testimony. Showing that their is hope after infidelity & help is available but it takes work.
means a ton april. thanks so much for the kind words and encouragement.
Samuel thank you .. this is what my unfaithfuls counselor is telling him..he has history of drug addiction and quit last fall which is when he replaced the drug with an AP… hoping watching your videos, our couples counseling, and individual therapy will get to the root to break the destructive patterns. Gosh, this is just the most painful thing ever. 💔💔
That was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for an honest discussion about what is a core issue for means explains a lot of why I’ve acted that way I have
you're very welcome. so glad i could help.
this is hard to take.. its difficult to accept the love and forgiveness of Christ after again betraying Him, let alone the spouse. I am aware can seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ...... its almost like Im trying to prove Him wrong.... pray for me and continue this work. I need this truth to shatter my stoney heart.
@@josephkelley8575 don't give up on you or God my friend. immerse yourself in his word and helpful people who will stand with you and help you re-encounter God's love and care of you regardless of what you've done. it doesn't mean we don't hurt or grieve for what we've done to our spouse and God, but we can be forgiven and heal and find restoration.
This has really helped us...It's Been almost a year and we always go back to your blogs when things get difficult...it has helped us tremendously..thank you
i'm so glad kris. so glad you're here and the vlogs help, even a year out. stay strong but take it slow and steady. it's a journey, but it's more than possible to get through it.
It’s been 6 months since my husband told me he wanted a divorce out of the blue and left then came back 2 days later and confessed that he had an affair. I’ve been living on your videos since then. When we talk I will say “Samuel says such and such”…. I send him videos and he watches them sometimes 5 times because he feels a connection to you and the feeling of needing acceptance. We have come so far and can’t believe how transformed our marriage has become. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions for both of us.
As the betrayed spouse I have owned my part in the vulnerability of our marriage. My eyes have been opened and I see it so clearly. Like you said though, his affair is not my fault. But I do see where his need of acceptance and my lack of accepting made for a horrible train wreck. Not only has he been transformed but I have too. Thank you for your videos because they’re so vital to our healing! I discover something new with each one.
Omg I wish my ex could watch this. I so love him but he really betrayed me.
Julie Weber send it to him!
Julie Weber I know what you mean .
Sometimes they don't listen and act like it never happened
My wife hate herself?!?! HA! That would mean that she thinks something is actually WRONG with her-
Yep. I had one of those wives!
self acceptance is half of it and insecurity is all of it. Every one's has a cross to bare, but never a blanket to share...Linus
not living up to one's parent or feeling their faith was not good enough
external is having an "affair" with someone more attractive than wife/husband/partner
internally is lack of achievement from one's self or parent.
You a blessing to me/us. I hope we make it! Thank you.
Happy new year to you and Samantha! Thanks for all these blogs,you have helped me so much through last year's hell..here's to 2018 .
fantastic comment my friend. thanks so much for sharing that. happy new year to you too!
so encouraging to hear feedback like that.
It seems like I could sit and watch these videos for hours on end. Is there a big directory of all of the videos out there?
Samuel...always enjoy the videos! I'm thankful that you and Samantha are willing to use your personal testimony to help others..and that both your senses of humor stayed intact - this is usually such a weary and draining subject.
This video was right on time yesterday. My husband and I are 7 months out, in therapy, and uncovering allot he wasn't willing to divulge before.
His main hangup seems to be what you mentioned here...pride in himself that he now knows what to do to avoid this happening again. I believe he knew that before though.
Is there anything you can recommend as far as videos or books for a man struggling with self hatred/not accepting himself? Or for one that's prideful in his own strength/willpower?
Thanks!! Looking forward to your collective wisdom...this channel is an awesome resource!!
hi there. i have a few resources to consider, but do you all come from a faith filled background or ? what is your worldview as i don't want to recommend something that you're not comfortable with ya know? thank you so much for the great encouragement as well. means a ton.
Omg I just found your channel. And I think you're Awesome!!!
Thank you for these videos! They have helped me through the dark days. Can you talk more about one night stands? In my case multiple ones
Jeeze, my wife cheated, and she didn't loose anything.
Excellent , spot on !!
my wife seems to like all men! the riskier the better. except me
Kenneth G I hope you are in a better place now
What do we do when the man wants to terminate permanently the marriage because of the affair?
was he the unfaithful spouse? unfortunately, you can't chase them back into the marriage or you'll have to chase them the rest of the marriage. will he get any help before he decides to end the marriage? maybe you can get him to get expert help, and give it 6 months, and if things don't change, then you can end it? it's just an idea, but you have to be strategic right now.
Love it you are the greatest !
you're very kind. just trying to help my friend. God has been gracious to me, incredibly gracious, despite my great failures in life. happy to help in any way I can.
i really appreciate all of these videos. my partner has a lot of trouble with self-love. what happens if he doesnt get professional help and just deals with it alone? is there some success in that?
usually no. or, it's very short lived success and relapse can happen. it's vital to get expert help. maybe even starting with books or something that can help them start to address the concerns they/you have.
My husband cheated with the maid,he said alot of hurtful things to me then later started apologizing he also got a shock on him because the affair ended because the maid's boyfriend confronted him and she had multiple partners,we still live together but the danger he exposed me to the maid cld have killed me and the kids.......I really resent him
Thanks to your helpful guidance im able to see 2018. Keep it up.
means a ton friend. thank you for the comment.
Thank you so much for sharing so much of your personal experience. Is there any way to obtain a written transcript? Thank you!
hi tessy. you're very welcome. thank you for the kind words, but we don't have anything written out. very sorry.
My wife kissed a co worker twice , she told me that's all that happen. She said she dealt guilty and stopped before it went to far. Does this count of cheating ?
yes, it's the breaking of trust and it's a violation of the boundaries you both had as a marriage. would you agree with that?
Yes!!!!!
At what point or how do you guys work on the major issues with the betrayed spouse? (Issues that were going on pre-affair)
Obviously, a lot of work has to be done by the unfaithful spouse, but when there are real issues with the betrayed spouse that can contribute to the situation that led up to the affair, how or when do y’all deal with that?
it's more than possible. the betrayed has to feel safe enough though to do that. if there is still blaming, or scapegoating, etc, then the betrayed won't feel safe enough to let their guard down and talk about issues that may be there. once the betrayed feels safe enough, they will eventually be open to discussions like that. it's a process to answer your question and it takes the right progression of work to get to that place. it typically happens at our ems weekend and through the harboring hope course/curriculum. hope that helps you.
You have to put the same amount of effort you put into speaking around good luck 👍
Any advice on what kind of help to get?
hi Rachael....for the unfaithful or the betrayed ? can you share just a bit more about your situation and I'll see what I can help and suggest? also, here is our free bootcamp you can start asap: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp then, there is a link to our courses and programs here: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses
Overcoming Infidelity would you share help for the unfaithful? Maybe a bit more on how to identify those issues?
@@hcc7691 for the unfaithful, this course is exceptional: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing i would start there, then see about finding expert help from a therapist or coach who has been through infidelity before and understands the nuances to it.
Overcoming Infidelity i see there are three courses.
Do couples usually take the three of them?
Whats the difference between the one for the couple and the one for the unfaithful in regards to the content?
Thank you!
@@hcc7691 for those that can take them, many will take all three. it depends on finances and availability in your schedule as well. you'll be able to visit the links to hear more about the difference and focus of each class. i think you'd really enjoy all three if your spouse is willing to take the one for them. they are exceptional and the next best thing to our ems weekend
Can significant wounding mean being fed up with emotional abuse in the marriage? I didn’t have an affair but I did have a one night stand and I am devastated as well as my family
hi Deanna, i'm sorry but I would have to say that having a one night stand is still an affair. I'm sorry you're going through this and that it's all so painful and overwhelming. we certainly can help though. I would consider our ems weekend so you can deal with experts who have decades of experience treating it and can be safe for you and your partner: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend
It's still cheating and how would you feel if your significant other had a night of fun with someone?
Awesome
thank you.
I heard that he had porn addiction and search for escorts because he has been stressed and there wasn’t enough sex. Blame shaming and gaslighting
How do I contact you Samuel
you can send a brief email to samuel@hope-now.com
She cheated on me because she says she fell out of love with me. Now that we are about to dissolve all our assets, she wants to work things out. iDK
it's actually normal to see that Robert. I'm sorry for it as I know it's devastating. where the rubber usually meets the road is putting demands on her 'willingness' to work things out. will she do an ems weekend? will she do whatever it takes to get help?
Robert Poston if it’s meant to be , you can always get married again , A BRAND NEW MARRIAGE , WITH EACH OF YOU BRINGING YOUR ASSETS .