What a tough time you've had. I can't imagine caring for two family members in my lifetime, much less three. God bless you for doing all of that for years.
Honestly, I struggled with others saying they understand my situation, because their grandparent or parent had Dementia. I totally agree when she said that caring for your spouse with Dementia is a completely different experience! He has been my best friend, lover, protector, provider, encourager, prayer partner and soul mate… and all of these traits are gone now. I still love him more every day, that has been surprising to me. His “essence” is beautiful. I like to think that he is moving to heaven a little bit at a time. I have/do feel quite alone as his caregiver, even though my children are totally supportive. Feeling trapped at home is a struggle. Everyone in my family and small circle is busy and it’s difficult to ask for even a few hours to get out… need to work on that. Thank you for caring for us care blazers… your videos are helping immensely!
Thanks for sharing. My husband is 75 - was diagnosed at 69. This video helps me! My husband accepts the reality of this but fights it. He takes loads of vitamins, walks a mile or more daily (w dog) and eats pretty healthy. He has cut way back on sugar…. But has not completely eliminated sugar.. He simply cannot remember things. From point A to point B - he looses memory.. he cannot put dishes away in the same place from day to day. He cannot remember how to start lawn mower…. Neighbors names, it goes on and on…. Thanks for sharing that you were angry.. I am too some days… I try so hard not to focus on the bad. Thanks for reminding me - he is still human! Last but not least. Thanks for the resources…. I really appreciate all your honesty and sharing…
Other than this channel what is helping me is a book I am listening to on Audible: The 36 hour day . It has been helpful for me dealing with my husband’s dementia.
I, too, am now caring for my husband that has Dementia. You could almost be telling my story too. My husband’s mom also had Dementia and I helped care for her. My husband has Parkinson’s too as well as his mom…Life has changed drastically in the last few years…my husband no longer knows me but I know him and this hurts…He, too, was such an intelligent man and was amazing with his ability with numbers…Life goes on and when asked I call this our “New Normal” life.
Thank you so much for these interviews. They have been very helpful for me and also knowing that i am not alone one there are so many people out there going through the same thing
My husband had difficulty with place. Couldn’t remember how to get to well known places. When I asked why he was going on this road he said he didn’t know. This was the first inkling something was not right. We both climbed mountains so directions finding was not a problem. After diagnosis he does not accept he has a problem. It is hard, very hard. The videos are helping wonderful,y. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing I have been taking care of my hubby for over 20 years from strokes and in 2017 he had brain cancer, had it removed and went thru Chemo and Radiation. His Dr. is amazed that the cancer is dormant. Was finally diagnosed with vascular dementia and I am learning more each day. Thanks 😊
Hi Pamee, I have had to seek professional help for myself because without knowing it, my wife has been suffering with Vascular Dementia since she had a stroke in about Sep 2007. So now she's at about stage 5 and I find I am having to do most things wrt running our home. Thinking of you and God Bless
Elyse, Your strength is visible. Thank you for sharing your 3 stories of caregiving. I learned many good suggestions & I wish you the continued strength to continue. Marie
Thank you Elyse for the interview! I appreciated the fact that even though you’ve “been through it all before” every individual has a unique journey with this disease. That’s a huge challenge. We never know what to expect. At least he was cooperative in getting a diagnosis! That’s wonderful! There was so much resistance in that stage for each of my parents. Made it really emotionally stressful for me and them. At least Mom’s been able to sort of accepting her vascular dementia diagnosis (most days). She’s at stage 5-6. Dad is in complete denial. He has frontal lobe dementia and is much harder to deal with. I am very glad to see that you have a great support system with the kids, siblings and your friends! What a blessing! Keep up the great work. Keep practicing your CareCoirse lessons and your BREATHING! That’s a reminder we all need! I do the same thing.. table a few breaths and most of the time I have to leave the room too. Go for a walk. Change my environment so that I can get a fresh perspective! Thank you for sharing your journey!
For an idea on papers...my mom (94 & vascular dementia) started to seem to focus on a couple of obituaries of a couple of past people..would misplace or hide. So we decided to make multiple copies and keep them in a file to be able to give them to her if she could not find them. Because yes, she started to think we threw them away.
Doing volunteer work first- like that idea. The emotions/ beach ball analogy- helpful. (The emotions can be quite overwhelming.). Better kind than right - good advice. Thank you!
I’m hoping to try that approach with my mom when our senior center opens up..eventually! I think she will be much more receptive to being a “volunteer”! She’s always been an active volunteer and would transition to that roll much easier than being “dropped off” as a person who needs the services!
Thank you Dr Natali for another wonderful video! I look forward to checking out the resources Elyse mentioned. I hope you can see through your work how much your very practical guidance is an amazing empathetic support for all those who apply the tools. It does take work. And learning how to handle the emotional responses that come up has been a monumental turning point in my journey! Ps. It’s helped in other areas of my life too! Always practical!
Thanks for this interview. These are so helpful. I used to be very anxious and highly emotional but with knowledge comes wisdom and peaceful transitioning to a new normal.
Elyse, you seem so put together, so strong, and I am sure there are hard days because this disease is not easy but you have so much knowledge, all this experience, that we can see you really know what you are doing. Thank you for all the information you gave. I wish you a happy mind to deal with everything. Dr. Natali, such a good interview, such good question, you really changed my mind, the way I deal with the disease has brought good quality of life for my LOWD and myself and this interviews are just pure gold.
God bless you!! That's more than most people could cope with. You are an extra special person, and I wish you good things in the future. We took care of my mom with Alzheimers for many years, the last four she was in a nursing home. Now we are back on the journey with my 95 year old dad who has Lewy Body Dementia, which I'm finding SO MUCH more difficult. In comparison, my mom was a breeze. He has the delusions and delusions - wakes me up in the middle of the night because of things he is sure he's seen. My mom just gently faded away. Thankfully I have a wonderful counselor who is my link to sanity.
very powerful statement about unresolved issues that was exactly what I was wondering thank you for sharing there is so much here!! I feel like I searched and searched and finally found a source to help me it is so emotional !! and my spouse is my best friend my comfort ❤
My wife has Dementia. She keeps picking her skin open on legs, neck, and arms. Ordered hand mites. This should stop skin picking, but will need to stay with her for bathroom duty Ect.
Doctors don't want to deal with dementia. I had to force the issue with the GP to get a diagnosis. They handed me a piece of paper but never uttered the word. The neurologist did the test, gave us the results but again couldn't get him to say the word. That left me to break the news to my husband. But what do I know? I am not the doctor. Sigh
I think it's harder when it's the husband ... the physical strength needed to. Assistance for bathing , etc. Plus if they get aggressive... my mom has gotten physically. Hitting scratching pulling hair.
I’m also in east Texas. Was wondering what area of east Texas you are? I’m 60 and hubby will be 79 next week. He is in denial and is having anxiety and argues a alot. We also have a 19 yo autistic son. I feel lost in the process.
That’s a huge bummer for my LO also! Not being able to drive was a big blow. And all of her hobbies are a added source of frustration for her. I try to sit with her and ask her for help..as if I want to do the activity she once enjoyed. Then she joins in. It works some of the time. Sometimes she gets frustrated and upset and leaves the activity. At least we keep trying to stay engaged.
My faith gives me principles to live by.. knowing that I have a moral guideline which helps me know that I need to do my best for my family has always been a comfort to me. I don’t practice organized religion at this point however there is a benefit to have a spiritual element to life in whatever form it takes. I don’t blame any god for any of this. We are humans and the point for me through this trial is that we mich take care of each other.
"It's better to be kind than to be right." :') Thanks for your advice and sharing your story.
Yes be kind and I won’t argue it would frustrate me and I learned that it’s not about being right it’s letting them know it’s OK.
That’s a beautiful takeaway! We all need that reminder!
What a tough time you've had. I can't imagine caring for two family members in my lifetime, much less three. God bless you for doing all of that for years.
Honestly, I struggled with others saying they understand my situation, because their grandparent or parent had Dementia.
I totally agree when she said that caring for your spouse with Dementia is a completely different experience! He has been my best friend, lover, protector, provider, encourager, prayer partner and soul mate…
and all of these traits are gone now.
I still love him more every day, that has been surprising to me. His “essence” is beautiful. I like to think that he is moving to heaven a little bit at a time.
I have/do feel quite alone as his caregiver, even though my children are totally supportive. Feeling trapped at home is a struggle. Everyone in my family and small circle is busy and it’s difficult to ask for even a few hours to get out…
need to work on that.
Thank you for caring for us care blazers…
your videos are helping immensely!
I'm so glad you found what works best for your loved one! 💖
Thanks for sharing. My husband is 75 - was diagnosed at 69. This video helps me! My husband accepts the reality of this but fights it. He takes loads of vitamins, walks a mile or more daily (w dog) and eats pretty healthy. He has cut way back on sugar…. But has not completely eliminated sugar.. He simply cannot remember things. From point A to point B - he looses memory.. he cannot put dishes away in the same place from day to day. He cannot remember how to start lawn mower…. Neighbors names, it goes on and on…. Thanks for sharing that you were angry.. I am too some days… I try so hard not to focus on the bad. Thanks for reminding me - he is still human! Last but not least. Thanks for the resources…. I really appreciate all your honesty and sharing…
What a great person with such strength !! I don't know if I could have done it three times. I admire you.
Other than this channel what is helping me is a book I am listening to on Audible: The 36 hour day . It has been helpful for me dealing with my husband’s dementia.
I, too, am now caring for my husband that has Dementia. You could almost be telling my story too. My husband’s mom also had Dementia and I helped care for her. My husband has Parkinson’s too as well as his mom…Life has changed drastically in the last few years…my husband no longer knows me but I know him and this hurts…He, too, was such an intelligent man and was amazing with his ability with numbers…Life goes on and when asked I call this our “New Normal” life.
Thank you so much for these interviews. They have been very helpful for me and also knowing that i am not alone one there are so many people out there going through the same thing
My husband had difficulty with place. Couldn’t remember how to get to well known places. When I asked why he was going on this road he said he didn’t know. This was the first inkling something was not right. We both climbed mountains so directions finding was not a problem. After diagnosis he does not accept he has a problem. It is hard, very hard. The videos are helping wonderful,y. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing I have been taking care of my hubby for over 20 years from strokes and in 2017 he had brain cancer, had it removed and went thru Chemo and Radiation. His Dr. is amazed that the cancer is dormant. Was finally diagnosed with vascular dementia and I am learning more each day. Thanks 😊
Hi Pamee, I have had to seek professional help for myself because without knowing it, my wife has been suffering with Vascular Dementia since she had a stroke in about Sep 2007. So now she's at about stage 5 and I find I am having to do most things wrt running our home. Thinking of you and God Bless
You sure are one strong lady!! And ever faithful and committed. Take care.
Elyse,
Your strength is visible. Thank you for sharing your 3 stories of caregiving. I learned many good suggestions & I wish you the continued strength to continue. Marie
Thank you Elyse for the interview! I appreciated the fact that even though you’ve “been through it all before” every individual has a unique journey with this disease. That’s a huge challenge. We never know what to expect.
At least he was cooperative in getting a diagnosis! That’s wonderful! There was so much resistance in that stage for each of my parents. Made it really emotionally stressful for me and them.
At least Mom’s been able to sort of accepting her vascular dementia diagnosis (most days). She’s at stage 5-6. Dad is in complete denial. He has frontal lobe dementia and is much harder to deal with.
I am very glad to see that you have a great support system with the kids, siblings and your friends! What a blessing!
Keep up the great work.
Keep practicing your CareCoirse lessons and your BREATHING! That’s a reminder we all need! I do the same thing.. table a few breaths and most of the time I have to leave the room too. Go for a walk. Change my environment so that I can get a fresh perspective! Thank you for sharing your journey!
For an idea on papers...my mom (94 & vascular dementia) started to seem to focus on a couple of obituaries of a couple of past people..would misplace or hide. So we decided to make multiple copies and keep them in a file to be able to give them to her if she could not find them. Because yes, she started to think we threw them away.
Doing volunteer work first- like that idea. The emotions/ beach ball analogy- helpful. (The emotions can be quite overwhelming.). Better kind than right - good advice. Thank you!
I’m hoping to try that approach with my mom when our senior center opens up..eventually! I think she will be much more receptive to being a “volunteer”! She’s always been an active volunteer and would transition to that roll much easier than being “dropped off” as a person who needs the services!
Thank you Dr Natali for another wonderful video! I look forward to checking out the resources Elyse mentioned. I hope you can see through your work how much your very practical guidance is an amazing empathetic support for all those who apply the tools.
It does take work. And learning how to handle the emotional responses that come up has been a monumental turning point in my journey! Ps. It’s helped in other areas of my life too! Always practical!
Thanks for this interview. These are so helpful. I used to be very anxious and highly emotional but with knowledge comes wisdom and peaceful transitioning to a new normal.
Elyse, you seem so put together, so strong, and I am sure there are hard days because this disease is not easy but you have so much knowledge, all this experience, that we can see you really know what you are doing. Thank you for all the information you gave. I wish you a happy mind to deal with everything.
Dr. Natali, such a good interview, such good question, you really changed my mind, the way I deal with the disease has brought good quality of life for my LOWD and myself and this interviews are just pure gold.
Elyse, Thank you so much for sharing with all of us. I'll be thinking of you and sending you caring thoughts
God bless you!! That's more than most people could cope with. You are an extra special person, and I wish you good things in the future. We took care of my mom with Alzheimers for many years, the last four she was in a nursing home. Now we are back on the journey with my 95 year old dad who has Lewy Body Dementia, which I'm finding SO MUCH more difficult. In comparison, my mom was a breeze. He has the delusions and delusions - wakes me up in the middle of the night because of things he is sure he's seen. My mom just gently faded away. Thankfully I have a wonderful counselor who is my link to sanity.
very powerful statement about unresolved issues that was exactly what I was wondering thank you for sharing there is so much here!! I feel like I searched and searched and finally found a source to help me it is so emotional !! and my spouse is my best friend my comfort ❤
You're welcome! ❤❤
Thank you for sharing, it was very helpful to me 🙏🏽
Beautiful. good interview. mahalo nui.
Thanks for some sharing, it was helpful 💕
Thank you for courageously sharing your journey. Sooo very helpful and confirming for me. Thank you.
Looking forward to checking out the other references that you mentioned in the video AND watch again!!
My wife has Dementia. She keeps picking her skin open on legs, neck, and arms. Ordered hand mites. This should stop skin picking, but will need to stay with her for bathroom duty Ect.
How does he feel about driving? Does he still drive?
Doctors don't want to deal with dementia. I had to force the issue with the GP to get a diagnosis. They handed me a piece of paper but never uttered the word. The neurologist did the test, gave us the results but again couldn't get him to say the word. That left me to break the news to my husband. But what do I know? I am not the doctor. Sigh
I think it's harder when it's the husband ... the physical strength needed to. Assistance for bathing , etc. Plus if they get aggressive... my mom has gotten physically. Hitting scratching pulling hair.
Beautiful!!!
Dr Natalie: can you link the resources here that the lady mentioned. I couldn’t find the first recommendation that the lady mentioned.
thank you Elyse thank you how beautiful
I'm glad you like it
I’m also in east Texas. Was wondering what area of east Texas you are? I’m 60 and hubby will be 79 next week. He is in denial and is having anxiety and argues a alot. We also have a 19 yo autistic son. I feel lost in the process.
Emotions and finances. Yep.
My wife who is 72 has Vascular Dementia and can no longer pursue her hobbies or drive a car!
I’m so sorry to hear that, it makes it frustrating for both of you.
That’s a huge bummer for my LO also! Not being able to drive was a big blow. And all of her hobbies are a added source of frustration for her. I try to sit with her and ask her for help..as if I want to do the activity she once enjoyed. Then she joins in. It works some of the time. Sometimes she gets frustrated and upset and leaves the activity. At least we keep trying to stay engaged.
This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt there is no God!!! What is the point of thsi??
My faith gives me principles to live by.. knowing that I have a moral guideline which helps me know that I need to do my best for my family has always been a comfort to me. I don’t practice organized religion at this point however there is a benefit to have a spiritual element to life in whatever form it takes.
I don’t blame any god for any of this. We are humans and the point for me through this trial is that we mich take care of each other.