The corpses that changed my life | Caitlin Doughty | TEDxVienna
Vložit
- čas přidán 7. 11. 2016
- Caitlin's first experience in the death industry set off a nine year mission to change how the Western world deals with their dead. In her talk, Caitlin takes us around the world, to demonstrate how other cultures enjoy a more intimate, meaningful relationship with death.
More information on: www.tedxvienna.at
Caitlin Doughty is a licensed mortician and death acceptance advocate. She is founder of the nonprofit The Order of the Good Death, author of the bestselling book Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, and recently opened her first funeral home, Undertaking LA.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
Dear people who don't get her, joking is coping. Everyone has their own way about things, dont be upset because she isnt you. She is a very respectful, relatable woman.
especially when you're around death all the time. All morticians make jokes because if they didn't, the weight would just sit with them :(
When I worked in a local Govment NHS Pyschiatric hospital (8years - I worked there ) - 3 years Geriatric Ward - 5 years Long stay Ward - One of the Old School Nurses I worked with did her training way back in the day - Now I'm talking anout the mid 1980s when I worked with her ?
Although there was deaths on the long stay ward ? -There was alot more deaths on the Geriatric ward ! -This particular Nurse - I should say Sister would carry on her always a roll of blue ribbon ?
After a death - We would lay the body out - Which meant preparing the body for the undertaker for when they collected the body from the ward ! - Our Mourge was just a little empty room & contained two gurneys & each had an aluminium box on top to pop the Body in and could be padlocked ? - Obviously not set up for a big turnover of deaths on the 5 wards ?
Was mainly used at weekend s -
Just a snippit but where this building was on the other of the morgue wall was a bus stop ?
Back to this Sister - If she was working- When a Patient died on our ward - She would insist on laying out the body herself ? & if it was male bodyI would assist her ? - If it was a female who would assist her ! - Back then there was pack I collected from the Clinic room prior to the laying out that had a selection of plugs & a clamp - So after the body had been given a bed bath & cleaned up - The different sized plastic plugs were inserted in each of the bodys orifices ( no leakage ) - and then the roll of blue ribbon ? - Bet you've guessed -Being old school that plastic clamp would not be used - Because in herown words " that plastic clamp is barbaric" ? - So Sister would chop a length of the Blue Ribbon & tie the little guy off ? - So their was no leakage there either ? - The body would be redressed in a paper shroud -ready for collection - Sister would go back to her office & I would tidy up the room
I Must tell you this ! After the body had been laid out ! - Their was a few bedrooms we did not use - they were being used as store rooms - But this one room in the main 10 bed dorm we used as a waiting room for this sort of occasion - We would make the bed in this room - And place the body that we had laid out into the bed - Closing the curtains to keep it private - But there was something different about this room - Someting odd ? - It was always cold ? - Ice cold ? - No matter what the season was ?- Summer or Winter - Even whether the central hospital boiler was working overtime - The rest of that dorm was like a suana? - But that room was always ice cold ! - It was always avoided & kept locked when not in use - Maybe it was like that because of what it was being used for now ? -Who knows ?
I'm TERRIFIED of dying, but her chipper attitude towards death and her channel as a whole has really made me feel more and more comfortable with accepting it. I appreciate her so much.
@@stephenbirks6458 I am so intrigued by this story......for so many reasons! I'm an English major, please forgive me I don't mean any bad stuff by saying this! But I had a bit of a time, my brain on default, basically trying to edit a paper; but that doesn't mean anything, other than people glitch out and stop reading when their mind does this! I feel that your comment should be the #1 it's informative and eerie...very eerie... You all probably sensed it and that's why the room wasn't used! I always wondered if spirits roam funeral homes. I suppose it's just as natural a place to be as say the gas station you used to frequent ya know, not totally attached to the location, but you're there nonetheless...? I'm trying to volunteer for this same type of field, I just really need to hear first hand experiences like your own, and I really appreciate you sharing!
I love her. I am in nursing and I have to do aftercare before they come and get a corpse sometimes. The first time I met a corpse I had to shave his face. I have to “clean them up” cutting nails ect...Super relatable for me!!
I'm a simple deathling,
I see mama
I click
"Deathling"... It's one thing to confront grief, the reality of death and re-discover our traditions and rituals, but it's a whole completely different matter when you have a morbid fascination of death that stems from fear. Names like "deathlings" are euphemisms. Edginess will not prepare you or combat your fear.
@@pes6628 Deathling is just what her fanbase calls themselves...(or maybe she called them that ? )
Kinda like deadheads, the fans of grateful dead
@@pes6628 On the contrary it's not a matter of edginess it's what Caitlin calls her subscribers. On a deeper note...I am prepared for death, I am not afraid because I have my faith and it's inevitable, why worry and stress about something that will hit us whenever. Side note, I am Jamaican so death is celebrated in our culture with wakes and nine nights, yes we mourn but we accept it.
❤️
ME HAHA
When my Mom died, a grief counselor (a woman) came and guided the daughters (five of us) to bathe Mom's body, wash her hair and put her into a clean gown, and wrap her in a blanket before the funeral home people put her body in a velvet covering to take her. As we washed her hands the counselor reminded us of how many times those hands had caressed us, made food for us, cleaned for us. As we washed her feet we remembered all the steps she walked in her life, so many times to walk for us. We combed her hair and dried it and curled it the way she liked. She washed her face and remembered all the smiles and tears. We gathered her favorite make-up and her prettiest gown to send with her so she would look her best for the service. It was the last hour we spent with her and it is a precious, precious memory.
What a beautiful memory! Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm very sorry for your loss and I pray God has eased your pain. 💓
This made me cry, but beautiful tears if you get me. That's such a lovely memory and thank you for sharing it with us ❤️ May your mum rest well and may all of her daughters live a lovely life 😊
wished we had one, a grief counselor, when we lost our mother to cancer. surely would be of a great help, but happy for you that you get to spend the last precious moment with your mom, tho.
Great
This was absolutely beautiful. Bless you and your sisters. I'm so sorry for your loss.
When my daughter died and I asked to see her, the drs and nurses said “oh, you don’t want to do that” as if I was crazy or ghoulish. I still, 46 years later, am ashamed that I was not strong enough to insist.
That is so sad. Don't be hard on yourself, how could you go against those that you felt were in authority and "knew best". I'm sorry that society was arranged that way and I'm thankful we're all managing better now.
It's ok. It's going to be ok...
At that time no one can be expected to make all the right decisions.
Don't be ashamed, it was a sad and stressful time, but for your sake I wish that you could have. I'd love to see someone tell a mother that these days!
Please don't be ashamed. They should be ashamed for turning you away from what you wanted to do.
"Death is not an emergency." Such a profound sentence.
Art Vein soo true x
Read the discworld books I love death (The character is cool but I mean how its described... or rather how life is by the dead etc Its less relevant or urgent.)
That stuck out to me too.
Death is not. But certain circumstances and disease processed that can potentially lead to it are.
When my nanny died, her cousin and I were talking about how to tell people. She said "bad news always keeps" and its so true.
I feel the fact that Caitlin's funeral home in California is a non-profit is testament to her true dedication to supporting the loved ones of the deceased.
No kidding. Almost an oxymoron lol
that's often the sad part- funerals, burials and even cremations can be expensive. if someone dies unexpectedly there might not be insurance which makes it harder on loved ones. if the body goes unclaimed (no burial or cremation) it will get thrown into a mass grave
I recently came around her channel just because I've been studying the USSR saw she had a video of Lenin and I always wanted to know how they kept in like that. Now I see her in a TEDx vid had to check this out. Really enjoy her channel
@Jess A. You sparked my curiosity enough to do some cursory research. It appears her net worth is somewhere between 1 and 5 million, mostly from her CZcams channel (which of course, would be taxable income). I've been casually following her, and watching her videos for years, and like her or not, she does seem to be genuinely motivated by what she does, and less by money. In fact, by not selling out and participating in the "death industry", she's eschewing what would be a rather profitable career given her experience.
JUST KEEP IN MIND. a non-progit funeral home can charge. but the funds go to keeping the business float. rather than a profit to the workers
When my dad died I was 17, and he died close to christmas at home, so there was a whole load of snow and the roads were blocked so the hospital couldn't pick him up. I remember my mum spending the first night with him, and cleaning him up as the inevitable deterioration kicked in. And how much peace it gave her, and how much pain we all felt when he was taken away. I described this to a friend a couple of months later and he said it was really weird and something I shouldn't tell people and I've kept this guilt over it for years. And now I don't have to feel guilty...I don't have to feel weird. Thank you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm happy you don't feel guilty anymore you shouldn't. It's beautiful that you and your mom got to spend that time with your father. You can always look back and cherish that time together. Never feel ashamed about that.
That doesn't sound like a friend. I'm sorry you had to hurt and feel bad about it. Being with your dad after for a while was a gift.
I hope you aren’t friends with that person anymore. How dare they. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I think it is beautiful what your mother did! I would do the very same for my husband, or any of my family members. There is absolutely no shame in it!
My father died 3 months ago and we couldn't be with him. Because he died of covid, we couldn't spend as much time with his body as I would have wanted. We were allowed to have a 4-hour funeral from 8pm to 12 am. When all around was quiet, I decided that we needed a last family picture. We traveled so far for so many years and we had so many pictures of all four together. I just wanted a last picture of the four together. And we did. I guard those pictures with my life as they are the last ones with my dad.
I am not brave enough to tell a lot of acquaintances this, but I'm happy to share it with you people, people that could (and I hope) understand.
When my infant son died, I marveled at his whole body after he passed. Even at his funeral, I couldn't keep my hands off him. I loved him so much I just *had* to touch him. I'm so thankful that I had the opportunity to wash his body and dress him and take photos of him to hold forever. I probably would have thought it was strange, too, before it happened to me.
That must have been hard and sad for you.
so very sorry for your loss, Jessica !
I will try to remember that. Thank you for posting this very personal information. I hope it does some good somewhere for understanding.
We all mourn in our own ways and in the moment
Your body and instincts told you what you needed, and there is nothing wrong with that. You were a mother, who's every inch of her body knew, that your baby belonged in your arms. That can never be wrong.
I'm so sorry for your loss, no one should have to endure that.
"When I was a child my mother took care of me everyday. And when she dies, you better believe in gonna take care of her"
I did!
That made me cry. And made me wish someone had been around to help me care for my grandad, my father figure, when he died. I had left the room at hospice and he passed in those 10 min I was gone. I never saw him again. The doors were closed and that was that. I wish I'd been able to respect him and care for him in some even very small way.
@@ellielou52 Do not feel guilty that you were not there at the moment of death. The dying often wait until they are alone before dying. My father-in-law committed suicide using a gun, but did not die instantly. Several family members were in his hospital room waiting for the inevitable. After a few hours, my wife and I went down to the lobby to call other family members, and to step outside for some fresh air. We called an aunt and uncle to let them know that the end had not yet come, and before we could even tell them that he was still alive, they gave us the news that he had died in the minutes it took us to take an elevator down to the lobby. It didn't occur to me until years later that he had waited for his daughter to leave the room before dying. Somehow, some way, they know. Or maybe the explanation is that it is our presence that allows them to cling to life, and once they are alone they just can't hang on any more. I don't know. I just know that you should not feel guilty for not having been there.
@@CopiousJohn You're right. I think my dad's uncle knew he was dying because he stopped speaking to everyone, and didn't even tell his wife how he was feeling, probably to not worry her.
As women who took care of her son after he passed as an infant, I wanna say I appreciate this beautiful way of thought
What other deathlings are watching ?
Hello fellow future corpse!
Yeeeeeesss
What are deathlings? People who are interested in death?
@@jennhoff03people that sub to her channel..
Me!
My wife’s mother was killed in a car crash in Utah, on New Year’s Day in 2011. I joined my wife and her five sisters as they gathered at the mortuary the day before the funeral. They brought their mother’s makeup and curling irons and jewelry. They spent several hours preparing their mother for the funeral the next day. I watched them cry and mourn, and it morphed into laughter and relating happy memories and childhood stories. It was a truly healing event that brought them closer than ever. It was exactly what their mother would want for her daughters. It was not scary or weird in any way. It was a wonderful tribute, and their mother looked beautiful. Truly as if she were simply sleeping. It’s a shame this isn’t encouraged in the US.
I never knew this was a possibility.
How I wish I had known when my
husband died six months ago.
That was a blessing!
@@nancylesh6363 I am sorry you were not granted a way to put your loss in perspective.
@@nancylesh6363 my mother is a pretty well-known hair stylist here in Texas and a lot of her clients families have her give them their last haircut after they pass.
My sister and I did our mother's hair. Mom had asked me a long time ago if something should happen to her would I please make sure her hair fixed right. Mom was so picky about her hair. She was allergic to hair spray and most other hair products with the exception of shampoo. Trying to prepare her hair started out to be such a challenge. We tried so had to make her hair lay the right way and stay put. Finally, we joking told our mother that we were sorry but, hairspray was going to have to used. We agreed that this ONE time, Mom would be ok with our using hairspray. I know our mother was very proud of us for doing her hair and I know that Mom would have loved her hair.
I haven't taken care of a dead relative at this point in my life yet but I am a nurse. I have cared for numerous bodies in the hospital preparing them for their trip to the morgue so a funeral director could take them. I always considered it an honor to wash them (and no matter how much fluid leaked I kept cleaning or suctioning until they were spotless), an honor to remove a breathing tube, feeding tubes, IVs, catheters etc. I always talked to the body too, "we are going to roll you over" "almost done" "let's get this thing out of you, that's better" etc. I have my own beliefs and faith but I acknowledge I don't really know what happens when we die, but if a part of our consciousness is left I feel I owe it to that soul to respect their dignity at the end. Much love to Caitlin Doughty. I now know I am going to ask to care for my parents when they die if they are interested in that.
May the Gods Bless You. You are a gift to those people who have left physically but, I believe, have not yet completely left this plane of existence. To show them care, and love, and dignity , and respect is a blessing and a comfort to them, please, please, believe that, and keep doing this sacred work.
i have a terminal condition (CHF IV) & loved reading your comment, knowing that someone will add some dignity to our death. this comment brought tears to my eyes. what a wonderful person you are! hope i have someone like you when my time comes
Thanks for sharing that, it touched my heart.
I was a nursing student ten years ago. My last assignment at clinical was a post-mortem. (That experience didn't take me out of the program, my panic attacks did.) Pt was a very elderly female. Her family sat with her, in her room overlooking a lake, at sunset, and remained for about an hour after she passed. That was a learning opportunity for me, that family could be involved as much as they wanted to be, and I was impressed by how respectful the CNAs were in the after care process.
I lost my own father the next year. We had one last good day with him at the trauma ctr before he crashed. I was the only one who was calm through the process, and my family thought I was cold.
My brother died in an accident at the height of COVID. I got our mother in to see him as he slipped away (I had been a volunteer at one of the medical group's hospitals until the volunteer program was suspended), but there wasn't time enough for me to see him before, and the hospital was restricting visitors, so I didn't get to see him after, either. I was crying about it this morning, that I didn't get to see him even after to say goodbye. I had gone past his house a week before, and I didn't see him often, but didn't stop because of the quarantine. I thought there would always be another opportunity.
Everyone, please care for your loved ones during life. You don't know when the last time you see them will be. And consider how you want to care for your loved ones when the time comes.
@@meko819 ❤️
As someone closer to death than birth, this sounds like a much healthier way to approach death.
You'd be surprized. Might make it past 100. The older you get the longer you live.
Nothing to be afraid of.
@Chucky Lives well.. what's the point to worry.
I hear you, Mr Paul.
Death is inevitable.
...But I like to procrastinate😜
Take care.
Still alive?
"When I was younger, my mother took care of me every single day, and when she dies you'd better believe that I am the one to care for her." That was beautiful, it really touched my heart and brought me to tears Caitlin! Love the work you're doing.
Mariposa Redimida yea. i was tearing up. *sniff sniff*
It looked like she was having to put some work into not sniffling herself on stage, actually.
But. Is this person gonna see their mother naked to dress her? How far do the funeral men go. Like do they change the underwear too? I hope not. That's so unnecessary.
Normally you wash and change them, because it actually is necessary. When people die, all their muscles relax, including the anal sphincter. Whatever was in the bowel leaks out, the bladder empties itself. Naked bodies aren't bad, they're normal, natural and not in the least "sexual", although it is still intimate, and most morticians, nurses etc deal with dead people really respectfully. Often nurses talk to recently deceased people, especially when they wash them, tell them what they're about to do, because you're so used to be respectful to peoples and their bodies.
Actually the bodies have a incontinence pad on to get any leaks. Well in Australia they do. I dont know about other countries.
Some might think this is a bad comparison. But when I was little, my dog was put down and I really wanted to be there to say goodbye to him. But my mother, because SHE was afraid of death, didn't let me go. And I'll never stop imagining him on that cold metal table all alone. I should have been there. I won't ever again miss the chance to send a loved one, human or animal, on to the next life.
He is alright now. And you can tell hime you are sorry when you see him on the other side. He will be waiting.
He was not alone, but was cared for lovingly and tenderly, I'm sure. You were not with him, and pain from that is real and normal. But surely he was not alone, yes?
Yeah, when both my family's cats were put down, I really didn't get to say goodbye to them or decide what to do with the bodies (like we didn't get to bury them or their ashes in the garden or backyard or anything), I was told about it after the fact both times.
And my grandparents' funerals was kind of similar, except with embalming and a wake, because it was the Catholic side of my family. My parents never really tried to talk to us about being around our grandparents' bodies or much about processing their deaths, but they also didn't let us hide from the bodies or feel creeped out/grossed out by them . My Jewish grandparents' funerals were even less intimate than that; we just had a fairly brief graveside service and then went to go eat. At least with my Jewish grandmother, we did get to say goodbye to her in hospice the night she ended up passing away, and in retrospect, just being around her during that was a good thing (although we weren't there for her actual moment of death).
Honestly, I'm Jewish, but I still like the idea of a wake or open-casket service, and people getting to be around the body and say goodbye to it face-to-face if they want. And getting to avoid it if they don't want to. Also (this probably won't come up because, again, Jewish) I don't want to be embalmed. I don't want to contribute to someone possibly getting cancer someday, and I don't want my formaldehyde contaminating the groundwater. Also, my experience with embalming is that it never looks like the person is "just sleeping." It seems like it always makes the skin around the mouth look really stretched, and the lips look kind of pursed and tense.
I couldn't be with my precious fur babies when they gave him 'the shot.' I think my being distraught would have been worst for him.
i’m sure you gave that doggo the best life he / she could ask for!
Caitlin's channel is called Ask A Mortician and she is an excellent educator, storyteller and content creator. She has changed the way I view death in a very positive way.
@Free Radical - I found this clip at 4am this morning. I've always had a huge Phobia about dead people. I don't even go to family funerals. The guilt is debilitating and so is the Phobia. This beautiful woman has a way of getting through. May God bless her for trying to help people like me! 💖
@@susieq1565 I'm glad you've found a way to begin healing from your phobia. Take it slow. Too much information too soon can cause a set back in your progress. Best wishes to you. 💞
@@JJDiddley Thank you. I really appreciate the advice 💜
when my baby died, as soon as his body left the hospital morgue and went to the funeral home I went and held him for hours and kissed his little head, I told stories and cried. I went in every day till the day he was cremated. I dressed him, wrapped him in a baby blanket and placed him in his casket. I put 2 teddies in to keep him company, I also put a letter in there that I had wrote and a photo of me and his dad. I couldn't put my baby to bed so I put him in his final resting place. I also spent the morning holding him before his funeral. everyone said don't do it but I had to. I still remember the smell of the cold room he was in and the smell of his body starting to release his body oils, I still kissed his head anyway. im so gratful I could do that for my son. I had to not be selfish and do it because im his mum. it hurt so bad but im proud of myself. I am bawling my eyes out remembering though
Im bawling reading this!
I did the same thing for my Daughter Sasha who passed away. It was my only chance to do the normal things a mother would do for her child. I am bawling my eyes out writing this remembering it myself. Much love and peace to you and and your family ❤️
Hugs to you❤
You are very strong for getting past that, and from how much you cared, I can promise you that, on any day of the week, you have it in you to be a beautifully nurturing woman, wife and mother. 💛
What a lucky little boy to have had such an amazing and loving mom like you. ♡
Did you guys feel that sudden heavy emotion when she started talking about her mother?
Omg yes, I started to imagine me caring for my own dead mother.
As someone who has laid both parents to rest now....yes, i felt it.....in her, and in myself 😞
It made me tear up
It sounded like she was about to start crying and I felt it
Yes, very much so. I unfortunately had both my parents pass barely 3 months apart in 2009. When she said that I felt it deeply, got a lump in my throat and teared up, for her, others that I know who've recently gone through it and myself.
My mom died last Monday. I found this video healing. Thank you.
I bought my 21 year old daughter home after her best friend and sister helped me bath and dress her. She was home for three days and we celebrated her 21st party after the funeral service, held at home. We had fire works, a light display , live music and a birthday cake.
On her 22nd birthday we sent to her grave with a a cake and balloons. This might not seem normal but neither is loosing our loved one at such a young age.
She only spent about an hour at the funeral parlour. We even used my van to transport her to the cemetery and then everyone took turns at filling in the hole. It wasn't about saving money, it was about the process of seeing her off on her next journey.
Excellent! When my love passed, i bathed him, washed his hair, dressed him, closed his mouth and eyes, arranged his hands on his chest and when the funeral director came to collect him...he was stunned at my work. I am not in the business, i am just an ordinary housewife. I did it out of love and i walked away feeling so blessed to have given my lover the very best care from my hands and heart. It was me that pressed the button at the crematorium and send my lover to infinity and beyond. I do not regret a single moment. When my father passed, i took the shovel from the cemetary worker and shoveled dirt over my fathers casket until i physically was exhausted. No body...no body can respectfully place our loved ones into gods hands as well as a loving heart can. It brought peace to my soul to have voluntarily done what i did. Respect to morticians worldwide, and to those who hold us so gently at our last hour. ♡
Thank you for sharing this 💕
This is lovely.
A.S. You're a champion. What a fantastic wife you are.
It has been a long time since I had such a visceral reaction as I did to your words. "To those who hold us so gently at our last hour." It reminded me of my grandpa's passing and I want to thank you for reminding me of the care that took of him. For the last few years I've done my best avoid thinking about that night but in the past hour since I read this I have found a wonderful sense of peace. Thank you.
I cried so much reading this comment, so much.
My whole life i have lived with this impending sense of doom for me and my loved ones, but knowing that your way of coping those last moments was uplifted by being able to take care of your lover, gives me hope! I know i should see someone about this constant sense of impending doom I suffer from, but i guess writing about it is a start.
are we really going to ignore how insanely shiny and beautiful her hair is ?
NOPE! :)
She is gorgeous.
NH4 Ci omg I was thinking the same thing the whole time lolol
ikr? love it ;D
NH4 Ci I think she is beautiful. Her Hair is very attractive!
Because of this video I was able to spend time with my son after he died in the hospital from ESRD. I was able to spend that time with his grieving friend. We bathed his body, spoke of our love of him, and discussed his pain, and scars of his tortured young life. Bless you, Caitlin, you gave me a gift and will never forget that bitter sweet moment.
My grandmother used to sit with the dead at funeral homes. In Missouri, it was the law that corpses couldn't be left alone. So it was her job and she loved it. She'd visit with the family and talk to the corpse. She felt she had built a relationship with them. When she died, her best friend volunteered to be the one with her. I hope my children get that opportunity with me.
Why shave a corpse if they’re going to be cremated?
@@Greeley.d The open casket is not only for those who wants to be buried.
I have chronic depression and general anxiety disorder, and used to get panic attacks pretty much daily from thinking about death. I was so terrified of the thought of waking up one day to find that one of my parents had died in their sleep, or coming home in the afternoon to find one of my pets stiff and cold on the floor. It ruined my life, to the extent that I couldn't even enjoy being around people I loved because the thought of losing them made me so physically ill that would throw up.
Then I found Caitlin. The first video I saw made me feel queasy. Was it really okay to talk like this about death? This most terrifying awful soulwrenching horror, how could someone smile while talking about it? But I was hooked, and the more I watched, the more relieved I felt. I have cried watching a few of your videos, Caitlin, but it was cathartic tears, tears of closure, of relief. I haven't had a panic attack in weeks now.
Thank you Caitlin, with all my heart. Love, Jojo
+Jozie Charles : I think Caitlin does very good works. I admire her attitude and goals tremendously, and I think she helps a lot of people. My best friend just lost his dad. Well, that happens to all of us eventually (hopefully; the inverse is too horrible to contemplate, although it happens all the time). I was very worried for him, as this had literally been his nightmare scenario since childhood. He simply couldn't imagine an existence without his parents around, so your tale sounds very familiar to me.
I needn't have worried, when the time finally came for him (as it did for me a few years ago when my dad passed on). Last weekend we attended his father's funeral (his heritage is Mexican, and it was very... Catholic), and got to be with his mom and his siblings. But my friend was - to my surprise and relief - seriously at peace with it all. To some extent, it's just maturity - we're both entering our 50s. But more than that, there was acceptance that it's just the normal course of life. I personally never had a problem with death, but I can certainly understand why someone would.
However, I think the main lesson he learned is that he is fully capable of functioning on his own, and doesn't need his folks to prop him up. Grieve for the loss of a wonderful man and loving father, certainly. But be confident you can go on without him - because he taught you well on just how to do that. A lesson my friend, somewhere along the way, finally took to heart. I'm sure you can, too, Jozie. Keep plugging along, and keep love in your heart.
Mr. Suarez, you were an amazing man and a role model to us all, and this Thanksgiving I am thankful that I knew you as my "second dad". I'll always try to match the standards you set for us all, gladly and with joy in my heart.
Your comment resounded in me in a way I can't convey. It was like you were wording my own experiences for me. For that, I thank you, as well as Caitlin. All my very best wishes to you, from someone who truly understands. X
There was no Caitlin when my dear father, the alchemist of everything good in my life, died suddenly of what the docs call a "widowmaker" heart attack: sudden death. I wasn't informed of his passing by the Mother-Sister Cabal until he was already in the clutches of Death, Inc; and the only chance I was given to see Dad and say goodbye was at the "closing ceremony," in other words the funeral home's last step of creating "Dad in a box." At 17, I was already aware of the obscenities of "preparation" (the things you learn becoming an EMT). I didn't want my last picture of the man I had cherished for 17 years to be waxworks, so I demanded a closed casket. The only mourner who objected to that was my next-door neighbor. He was a taxidermist. Ick.
The panic attacks started immediately. In 1971, there was no such thing as a panic attack, just variations of "it's all in your head, get out of my ER." Xanax, the drug that came along with an enlightenment of panic as a real, and really nasty disorder, was yet to come, so I lived with the derision of my mother-sister cabal (q.v.)
I wish I had a Caitlin in those grey days of daily panic. It took me over 40 years to learn to embrace death as part of life.
Thank you Caitlin. And readers, someone you know is frightened to symptoms of death. Introduce them to the Good Death.
You will have done a great good.
I used to have a very bad fear of death too, quite severe like yours. After learning about death (continuing to learn too) my phobia is much less severe than it used to be. I very much appreciate people like Caitlin for teaching us about death.
Jozie Charles bless you 💕
It’s weird how watching her videos makes me fear death less.
I could never fear death any less than i do right now.....
I don’t know how her channel ended up in my recommended list. But overcoming my phobia of death is exactly why I’ve kept watching!
People fear what they don't understand, what's not commonplace. She brings an understandable outlook. She points out choices for excepting the reality of death.
@@lealvdead I have never accepted death. Its a phobia of mine. Not a fear but a phobia. No matter how much I try I cannot overcome this. I am now 41 years of age.
@@D.O.T.U.K I'm sorry it's that way for you. Truly. I guess you would be the relative exception to my first regard in this stream. I can't, and frankly never hope 🙏 to know this magnitude of any phobia. My heart goes out to you sir. May you have peace outside your phobia.
Being in the dry cleaning business from 1930 - 1995, my Grandfather & Father always cleaned, pressed and prepared a person's burial clothes at no charge to the family, and at any time during or outside of normal business hours. I always had a great admiration for that gesture.
The mummified grandfather got a new set of clothes every morning? His hygiene is better than mine...
Lmao 😂 Most underrated comment here 💯
loll thank you for this, I was sobbing a second ago
My brother is a "Deadhead." He changes his clothes every month, whether he needs it or not! ;)
A friend of mine is a retired nurse. She has seen so much parental pain from still born babies, and it's almost impossible to find pretty burial clothes for a baby so small. She takes donated wedding dresses and makes beautiful burial gowns and donates them. She ships them all over the U.S. and it means so much to the parents.
Two ladies in Denmark does the same thing. I donated my wedding dress for that purpose. Having miscarried several times, it felt like the only right thing to do.
That’s amazing
That's beautiful.
I've heard about people doing this, and I think its amazing!
Before those kind and caring women began to make clothes for this situation, we used baby doll clothes if the parents didn’t have an outfit available.
This woman’s CZcams channel is one of the most fascinating and informative I’ve ever watched. Love her
Joshua, I agree. I have learned a lot from her.
Ask amortician. It's awesome. Love it.
I love her too👍😁
She’s really makes education on this topic not scary.
I only found her last year (2019), & agree with you completely! I have learned soooo much both historically & contemporarily about death. I have always believed we're really screwed up around death in the West (overgeneralization, I know), & Caitlin is my superhero in bringing reality to the death game.
Death is as miraculous as birth in so many ways... I am very grateful for her vocal, hilarious, & infinitely knowledgeable videos. Should be required viewing.
This is super true. As a Native American, I’ve gone to tons of wakes. Instead of mourning the loss (which still happens, it’s ok), we celebrate the life of the person who died. Yes there’s an open casket sitting somewhere in the room, and you’re welcome to go and say hi or goodbye, but mostly it’s a bunch of family and friends gathered together, eating and celebrating the life that the person lived
I agree. I’ve gone to Native funerals in the past and they’ve always felt so warm and inviting, despite the fact that just a few feet away there’s a loved one in a casket. My first experience had to be with the death of my maternal grandmother. I was standing by the casket looking at her and my grandpa was right beside me. I was real young. Maybe just a few years old. That actually was my first time at a funeral and overall it was a great service.
I think that’s sorta why the dead doesn’t bother me so much because I was exposed to it in a positive way.
When my mom was at the end of her journey and battle with cancer, our hospice nurses and staff reminded our family that we could take all the time we needed with mom after she was gone. That it wasn't an emergency, and that we could call them whenever we were ready. After holding mom's hand as she took her last breaths, I stayed with her.
When her nurse got there after we called, she asked if there was anything that we wanted to do. She and I, together, bathed mom one last time, and changed her clothes. I never in a million years would have thought that I could have the strength to do that, but it was actually such a perfect moment. It gave me just a few more moments to care for her, as she had cared for me my whole life. Our family came by to tell her goodbye one last time and her nurse sat with us for as long as we needed her there.
I stood by as the staff came to take her body to the crematorium. They were so kind, and even took our request seriously to have mom's port (for her cancer treatments) removed before cremation. I am thankful for those last few hours that we got to allow us a sense of closure, and the hospice and funeral home staff for guiding us through her last weeks and days.
Love you, Momma! Fly high!
Hospice nursing is a special kind of care. Compare that with the hospital model, not that hospitals set out to dismiss these patients, it's just the emphasis is on diagnosis and cure. I wish everyone had the sort of end that your mother had. In some cases, I think there isn't the support structure or the willing family. I hated being the last person with an elderly person dying at the nursing home job I have had. Yes, we cared. Yes, we extended as much time and support as possible, but when you have other people living around you that need you, you have to walk away. Some of the elderly had been long time patients and the nurses aides would become very emotionally overwrought. Not just because of the close attachment, but the lonely sort of passing. We were always left with traces of guilt: did we give all that we could? Was there something I could do to make her passing more bearable?
The gift of hospice is that you leave behind a clear and guilt free memory. This allows you to focus on the life and not avoid memories of her death. That sort of bad memory can stalk you through life, believe me.
*My mother took care of me on my first days and so will I take care of her in her last days*
This got me
Sweetheart Okay I'm am totally with you.
I did, it's not easy but you won't regret a second, my Mama died in my arms five years ago at 91, felt her go, no regrets at all, seemed fitting, felt right and good...much care & peace💓
I was able to care for my mother in our home before she died. I was there when she died. It is something I will always be glad I did.
Sweetheart Okay I did ,we owe our mamas that much. I was there when mine passed, death can be as beautiful as birth
When my Mom died ! - We had a shadow man roaming around upstair together with freezing cold bedrooms ! - up to two weeks before she died - when laid up in her hospital bed -She awoke ! and started speaking to some one -Not my sister who was sat by her bedside ! - She was looking at the top of the wardroom door and talking to something ? - Mom would speak and stop as if to listen and in some cases repeat what was said by what was sat ? at the top of the door !
It more or less told Mom she was going to die on the following Tuesday - And for some reason she was OK with that ? - (All this was happening in the early hours of the morning by the way ?) Where Mom promptly rolled over and went back to sleep -Leaving my Sister sat there shaken with her hackles stood on end after witnessing i all this play through !
The most scary thing about this was my mother did die on the following Tuesday ! - Having not awoke again from that sleep ? - And also my staircase clock & my Sisters room clock both stopped at 02:10 that Tues - Since then we have not seen our shadowman Could it be possible he had something to do with what hapoened to my lovely old Mom ? SB - British Isles
As a nurse, I encounter death on a regular basis. It is an incredibly intimate act to bathe and lay out a person's body, and even with a complete stranger it is a deeply emotional and touching act. People think I'm crazy or creepy when I say that it is a privilege to care for the dead, but they deserve to be treated with as much respect and kindness in death as they received in life. Do not fear the dead. They cannot hurt you.
propertyofranger i helped the nurses wash my grandmother. i sang hymns.. I’ll never forget helping hold her body on its side for the nurse, it took a bit of time and when I let go my handprint was incredibly clear and almost imprinted. A piece of me felt like I saw how we effected one another, that we were connected, and I had impact on her life as she did mine. It’s not something I can easily describe...it was spiritual, intense...
propertyofranger I'm grateful you have shared your story because as a Certified Health Care Aide I have also had the privilege of sitting with a few people while they passed away and shrouding them before their bodies were taken away. It is a very intimate and touching experience.
I'm a nurse too, I feel the same way.
I have cared for many bodies in my time .
It started when I helped my mother care for my Oma's body at fifteen.
I cared for my mother's body ,and my husband's .
Intimate, profound emotions and thoughts and the chance to have that last (one sided) conversation.....a chance to thank them for everything.
Those times have been the most beautiful experiences I've ever had.
I wd feel honored knowing that a nurse such as yourself was handling my body when I go. I have much respect for you.
You're not crazy. You have respect.
I was the last person to say goodbye to my maternal grandmother. She was suffering from glioblastoma, a particularly brutal tumor of the brain that was always terminal. Hospice care had been at our home for about a week or so and informed us she didn’t have long. So that night, I went in, held her hand, and told her that if she was ready to go, I was ready for her to go. My Gran had a track record of facing life-threatening disease and battling through them miraculously by her fierce devotion to caring for me and any other children in the family. She was our matriarch. She held out to the last to make sure I was okay. She passed around 1 AM that night. I was heartbroken, my one worry was that she was so physically incapacitated she and I didn’t have a proper farewell. But no worries. She couldn’t say goodbye to me in real life, but she took the time to do so in a dream a week after. Call it grief, call it a spirit visitation, I don’t care. I just call it closure.
This woman has inspired me so much in becoming so death positive and now, at 21, I’m an intern at a hospital/police morgue!
Congrats! I wish I can do it one day too
Honestly, remembering Caitlin's advice helped me grieve my grandfather properly. I demanded to see his body, and the funeral home tried to deny me that chance. I pushed harder, and finally they let me see him before any embalming was done. I was able to sit, talk with him, hold his hand, and see what he looked like before they made him look like wax.
First off, I'm sorry for your loss. Loosing beloved family members is definitely a challenge, and I hope your grieving was and continues to be manageable. Second, I remember seeing my great grandma at her open casket funeral. She looked so waxen, so unlike her. It was as if there was this thin membrane separating me from the truth of what she really was. Dead. It really does create a shift when you can deal with death in a whole and honest manner.
Jessie E Thank you for your condolences. I've been to a lot of funerals, and out of all of them, the one I got the most closure with was my grandfather. I could see that he died peacefully, he didn't look waxy and fake. It was a beautiful and emotional moment that I'm glad I pushed for.
Yes. I agree- being able to sit awhile with my Dad, and my Grampa, and later one of my beloved friends, to just touch their hand and talk to them, was, although painful, a wonderful way to bid them well and farewell.
+C. L. rule Good point, Maybe they can just drain the blood? Maybe that would be ok.
I actually asked to do my grandmothers hair and make-up. I chatted and joked with her as I spent that time alone with her. I am so glad I did that. And she looked just like she looked everyday. Because I knew what she liked and how her hair was curled. More people should do this...you won't regret it.
She runs a youtube channel called 'Ask a Mortician' if anyones interested.
Good job fellow deathling!
Yep, she does. I love her videos.
Duh
Been watching her channel for about 6 months now, didn’t know she did a ted talk
I just love the way she says "corpse"
Death is the one thing that terrifies me more than anything else. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that one day I will just be gone and I will never have a conscious thought again. A mixture between being a student nurse and watching Caitlin’s videos have helped me somewhat overcome that fear. I am a forever deathling
Alisha Francis the best nursing advice I ever received was from my high school CNA instructor. She said, we can’t help others through death until we make peace with how we feel about death. That could mean we believe there is an afterlife, or nothing, whatever it is we believe we must have peace to help others start their journey towards peace. 10 years later, CNA to ADN to BSN to MSN I’ve witnessed countless deaths. One day you will, too. I hope you find your peace ❤️ and I’m glad Caitlin is helpful. Best wishes on your nursing journey!
I don't think anyone could help me deal with my own impending death (they've tried), and I watch her videos too, but it does help me with the "weirdness" of being around someone dead and in thinking natural green burial shouldn't be so weird in society. We're poisoning the ground and water to delay a (now useless) body from getting a few bugs on it for a short period on Earth when we won't even care, cause we'll be dead. My only request is the people who take care of my body after to please make sure I'm dead. Drain all my blood to make sure. More scarier than actual dying is a long drawn out death, especially due to preventable human error. Spending my final moments furious and terrified, clawing hopelessly for a way out, is not how I'd like to go.
I'm a devout Christian and believe in God's promises, yet the thought of death still scares me. I know it's just the unknown, the mystery of it all. I'm a retired nurse and have seen my share, plus family members pass over and I've never seen anyone struggle when they were dying. Also, I think when someone is so sick and tired of suffering, that death is welcome.
I have a lovely book called "The Holy Man" (by Susan Trott) that addresses many things, including death, fear, and fear of death. I see it as being practical rather than mystical.
Your fear is understandable, but is death the end? I am a Past Life Regression Hypnotist and I can say without a doubt that your existence does not end with the death of your body. Your consciousness survives. Our Souls are immortal and lives on after the body dies.
My Wasband, first husband, died last week. He died surrounded by our sons, my mother, sister, best friend. We had spent the day with him, holding his hands and talking to him, laughing and crying and telling stories. He died while we were living as usual around him. My friend and I washed his body, dressed him, spent time with him until the funeral home came for him. I asked for them not to cover his face with the stretcher cloth when they took him out and it wall felt so tender. Our last act of love. I hope more people who want to do this speak up and follow their hearts. (we then had him Aquamated, he was a sailor)
For those of you who don't know Caitlin has her own CZcams channel and its very informative (go and support her!! ). Yall should go check it out. It helped me plan for my own funeral. :)
#OrderOfTheGoodDeath
Niki Horner im glad she did adam knows everything. i been watching her since she explained cremation on her page.
Niki Horner I've subscribed to her channel. It helps me understand the death industry.
I found her channel yesterday, ask a mortician. For those that don't know. She is beyond amazing. I love her personality!
Niki Horner "Ask a Mortician" is her active CZcams channel. Love it! :)
Niki Horner bjbjbhbb
any other deathlings here??
what's a deathling?
Yes :)
yes, I even have a playlist dedicated to us
567Katii 🙋
567Katii her followers
When my mom died in hospice, I and 2 friends were there with her. Mom had been adamant that she just wanted to be cremated and told me where to spread her ashes. She did not want any sort of ceremony or anything. During the couple hours we waited for her body to be picked up, we sat around the bed and told stories - funny, happy, and sad. We laughed and cried and were sometimes silent. I think mom would have liked it. I know it was cathartic for the 3 of us there.
I believe your mum liked this good bye and she was there with you. as they say the soul stays around for some time..
This made me realise one thing.. I still can't get over with the fact that my grandfather is dead.. He died on 9th Sept 2007.. I was told he was sleeping, but they didn't tell me he was not coming back.. I didn't shed a tear at his funeral.. And here I am now, 13 years later crying like he had just died.. I miss him so much 💔
On the other hand.. A friend of mine fought cancer for years.. And this year caught covid and died.. She has two sons 14 and 10.. They didn't even see her before she was cremated.. They only told them that their mum is in a better place.. Those kids don't have a closure.. At least I saw a dead body, but their mum was turned to ash.. They will never see her again... My soul hurts for them...
these covid deaths are so traumatic. people can’t say goodbye in person when their loved one is alive, then can’t even say goodbye after they’re dead because funeral homes are so overwhelmed.
@@Lucy-fn9rj It's true. Zoom funerals are a poor replacement for having your family and friends surround you in a time of mourning.
Plant a beautiful tree or bush in her honor with a bench,write down wonderful memories of her in a yearly timeline, Etc..Be creative🙏
I had a similar experience when my grandma died. We were all called to the hospital because there was a complication during heart surgery and she wasn't going to wake up. So the doctors wanted everyone to say their goodbyes before she passed. I was 9 I think. So my mom wanted to take me to see her (her mom), and the doctors told her not to because it would be "too scary" because of all the tubes and such. So I never got to see her before she passed. After she passed the doctor came in the room to tell us, and I already knew what he was going to say, so I plugged my ears under a pillow to not hear it. Then they said once they got her cleaned up, and all the tubes and machines removed, I could go see her. So I did, but it wasn't the same... It wasn't her anymore, she looked very dead... so once I saw her I just wanted to leave.
I also never cried at her funeral. It was years (7-10) before I finally processed it enough to cry. I had processed it on a logical level before it even happened, but never on an emotional level.
And to top it all off I've had a fear of death/dead things/dying ever since! Seeing her newly dead body was way more traumatizing than seeing her with machines/tubes would have been. I turn 32 in less than 3 months and I'm still angry at the doctors for not letting me see her before she died.
And my heart, too. Closure is really REALLY important
As a 61 yr old female mortician, I totally concur with your brilliant words of wisdom. Thank you for elevating our profession.
omfg she got a ted talk?! Good for her one of my favorite youtubers!
Haha yeah, this was 3 years ago y’all
Me too..I love Caitlin and am definitely a "Deathling".😉
Her personality is absolutely incredible. She is such a caring person.
Yes this mortal being is very relevant ❤️
Carnage Rules! you don’t have one.
I lost child while 5 months pregnant, he was lethally ill and pregnancy was terminated. I decided to hold my son in my arms just after giving a birth to him. And then I went to morgue to see him again before burial, to look at his little body again and to remember him well. I am grateful that I found guts to do that. It is necessary to go through mourning process properly. Now I understand deep sense of our ancestors rituals around death, so much avoided today.
When my boyfriend passed away in may , I was told I was weird for kissing him .... to me it wasn’t and it felt like something I had to do .. more people should watch this video and understand death is only another part of life it shouldn’t be made to feel this scary for people because it literally happens to everyone eventually.
That's totally fine and I completely agree. My grandmother leaned in and kissed my grandad one last time. 3 months ago this Saturday.
Definitely not weird. I kissed my dad when I visited him last month. He was my dad still; not a corpse. What I hated was how cold he was, just so so cold
That's not weird in the least. I was initially afraid to touch my son when he died. It was very unexpected and a shock so I didn't have time to prepare. I'm glad one of the EMTs asked me if I wanted to hold him because I'm not sure when I would have asked. As the day wore on and turned to night, we sat there in the hospital with his body. We passed him around and kissed him. It was our only chance so we took it. He was so unbelievably soft. I don't remember any of my other kids being that incredibly soft. He looked a lot different at the viewing and we kissed him again. He didn't look or feel at all the same and I didn't like that but I'm glad we got another couple of hours with him.
I'm sorry for your loss and you're completely right. It happens to everyone. We really do need to make it more normal and acceptable so people don't have the regrets that they live with.
I held my grandmother's hand at her funeral until my mother made me let go. I just wanted to hold on to the memory of what her hands felt like so I completely understand.
With my boyfriend sleeping soundly beside me, I just wanted to take the time to express my sincerest condolences and hope that you have been kind to yourself while you grieved over the past year (according to how old this comment is >_> Not creepin' I swear!) and that you are doing well in 2019.
I don't know why, but scrolling down and reading this with him asleep beside me just made my heart ache. Damn right you should feel good about being able, even fortunate enough to be able to kiss him goodbye. If only we could all be that lucky, as it's never a guarantee for any of us.
So happy to see Caitlin on bigger platforms! She's amazing and truly changed my views on death
I couldn't agree more!
Mr. Meeseeks Same!
Mine too! She's wonderful.
I'm Mr. Meeseeks. I have the top comment, look at me!!! ;D
Mr. Meeseeks Same. Unlike most people in society today I have a lot of respect for Caitlin. She is intelligent, witty and thorough with each of her well researched, informative videos.
it really sucks how even our most private and intimate moments have become an avenue to generate revenue for a company.
Such is the way of late stage capitalism
@@zephramartin6632 Crazy how it's come full circle to approach the brutal early stage Capitalism of the Victorian era.
5:03: About people talking to their dead, this is something my cousin does every time she brings flowers to her father (my uncle) in the cemetery in Granada, Spain. When we went there with her, she said: "See who I've brought you this time, dad? It's your nephew and niece and even your brother. Are you happy?" It was really sweet of her!
I love this speech. I'm Korean, and in when a funeral occurs my culture, the whole community gathers and gets involved. They stay up at night with the deceased family playing traditional card games and share meals with them. It gives an opportunity to share memories of the deceased, and help the family to heal. The Korean funeral has a lot of resemblance with a festival in some perspectives. I will be gone someday too, and hope my loved ones will remember me in this manner.
May I respectfully advise an Advance Death Directive be prepared for your wishes, along with your Will. Also, carefully choose your executor and tell everyone. Don't get overruled on your last decision. Good life to you.
The Laotian culture is too.
That sounds so beautiful
I'm sure they will.
I hate how we do death in the Southern US. Distraught family members have to stand sometimes for hours at funerals greeting people coming to pay their respects. That may be a comfort for somebody, but not to me. I don’t want all that pomp and circumstance. I want my nearest and dearest only at a short graveside service. Get it over with, and don’t make my death more “eventful” than my life. Geezzz!
In my mid twenties, I took my cat to the vet for the last time. It was so hard, but there were no treatment options and she was very old (over 20 yrs). When it was all over, my mom left the room, leaving me with my little kitty on a blanket on the vet's table. As she was leaving, I said, "I want to pick her up, but... what do I do?" I was scared, like that commenter said, that I would be fussing around with my dead cat like a crazy person and someone would call the psychiatric police on me or something. My mom said, "hold her in the blanket." So I did. Having a blanket there was somehow a barrier protecting me from the dead, saving me from looking weird, and making it OK to grieve. I told kitty that I was sorry and that I loved her and that I hoped that she could forgive me for this choice and why I thought it was right. Somehow I still needed to do it. 5 minutes ago I had been holding her with no blanket and that was fine. Why would a few minutes make me look crazy? And then something else happened as this was going on. I picked her up several times a day for more than two decades. And even though she had died, it felt the same to hold her. I guess what it meant was, all those years that I picked her up she was just relaxed. She didn't have to work or tense up or be uncomfortable when I carried her. It was just the way her body would naturally lean. And it made me realize that the time she was with me she was happy, and that was the important thing. And I never would have realized that if I didn't spend the time with her.
I can sympathize. I had to put my almost 17 yr old cat down in February and I held him one last time before he was cremated. I felt weird about it because he was limp and it was awkward and the people looked at me like I was weird but I just needed to do it and get one last hug and say goodbye. It’s reassuring to know it’s not that odd and should be more normalized.
Thank you for sharing. that was such a sweetly told tale.
The blanket isn't to protect you from "death." After they pass, fluids can "ooze" out of them. The blanket is to protect you from that wetness. (I learned that when I picked up our puppy without using the blanket.)
That was beautiful and profound, and made perfect sense, all at the same time.
@@xCindyLouWhox I am so sorry for your loss. ❤️
"So you throw a party and the dead body is just chilling on the couch?" Yes the house goes full Weekend At Bernie's lol
As an alzheimers dementia nurse I've held the hands of many of my residents as they passed..the first 4 or 5 were difficult n tearful..then I embraced the fact that they were truly at peace..I get this Caitlyn and I appreciate your philosophy on the topic👍✌💜😊
My baby boy Dakota died in my arms on Fathers day morning. He had a heart defect you see and after we brought him home after months of hospital and surgeries, he was hooked up to a heart monitor. Anyone who has dealt with heart monitors know that they go off randomly and all you have to do is check things out and then reset the alarm.
This time I told my wife to go back to sleep, that I would check things out. This time it wasn't a false alarm. I rode in the ambulance with Dakota and was there at the emergency room. Later the doctor came to see us and told us that Cody had passed away.
The nurses has swaddled him up in a blanket with a little beanie on his head and invited us as parents to come see him one last time. My wife didn't want to but I went to see him. The nurse pulled up a rocking chair for me and I sat and rocked my baby boy for a long while.
To this day I'm so grateful for that chance to be with my son one last time. It really allowed me to start healing and move past the grief.
mcpheonixx I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband and I experienced something similar with our daughter in 2015. She had a heart defect also. Prayers for you and your family.
I teared up a bit
So sorry for your loss I know that feeling all too well my 11 month old son died from a heart defect also it will be 5 years on Nov.18th it was 3 am when my son went into cardiac arrest by the time we got there he was gone. The staff let all of the family that came up there with us say their last goodbyes me and my husband had the longest time with him they removed his breathing tube and swaddled him in a white hand knit blanket they allowed us to hold him and told us how brave we were and how brave our son was some even cried with us my sons passing has really opened up my eyes in a positive way about death now that I'm finally accepting how to deal with it may your son forever rest in peace and comfort to your family.
mcpheonixx bless you & your sweet boy. So incredibly sorry for you and your wife’s loss. I’m a mother to 3 boys myself and couldn’t imagine the heartache. Someday, you will hold him again.
Thank you for sharing such a deeply profound moment.
I absolutely adore Caitlyn’s CZcams channel. She has a great way of making you comfortable with what is a very uncomfortable subject for many. I’ve been on a binge watching spree of her content lately and I’ve learned so much! And honestly she’s taught me more about death and everything surrounding it in a week than I’ve learned in my 31 years on this earth. Be nice to her people!
A fellow deathling
When I first started watching her I laughed during one video and felt bad because I thought it wasn’t ok to laugh. Now a couple years later I get it and I don’t feel bad anymore. She’s such a good person.
My dad died three months after I had turned 10 years old, in January of 2006. He had been very sick at his home, with his girlfriend taking care of him. I didn’t like going to his house when he was sick. It hurt and upset me to see him wasting away to nothing like that. I remember my mom asking if I wanted to go see him before he was cremated and I said no. I was still in shock and couldn’t believe he was gone. I tried so hard not to cry at his memorial service, even with my older sister bawling her eyes out next to me. I think I thought I was being strong, but I realize now that it would have been perfectly okay for me to cry. I think I worried people more that I was holding back. Looking back, I wish I had gone to see him before he was cremated. I wish I had spent more time with him while he was sick. I miss him so much.
You were just a little. You did everything the way you were supposed. Please don't live in regret, that's just unnecessary torture. You can always talk to your dad and he can hear you. We are energy and energy cannot be destroyed. He's alive in you and in your sister. My brother would not let me see my dad after he died at the morgue. It took me forever to get over that but I eventually did. Grief has no time limit. I still grieve my father and have hard moments 11 years later.
He knows❤❤❤❤
This video was honestly life changing. I grew up with a MAJOR fear of death. Afraid of mom or dad dying, the dog dying, even myself dying. I wouldn’t sleep at night, afraid I’d die in my sleep. I would panic when my parents would go places by themselves, afraid they’d die and I wouldn’t know. The memory of seeing my dead grandpa in his casket at his funeral at age 7 was burned into my memory forever. This video makes me think of it in a different way. Why does death have to be so taboo? We all have to do it. So why not take it a little more lightly?
The way you describe your fear of death is how I feel every day. My parents being elderly now I am constantly afraid of getting that phone call. At night I wonder if I'll wake up the next day. It's just a crippling fear and I am just glad to know that there are others who've had the same issue.
@@desolatesakura85 I understand. For me as a child, the fear of death was wrapped up in the fear of the Rapture. Not only was I afraid that everyone would die, I was also afraid that Jesus would take everyone I knew an I'd be left alone. I'd wake up in an empty house and search every room in a panic, looking for the tell tale piles of clothing. It was awful. The Rapture never happened, but my fear of death was validated: I lost 7 loved ones in 11 years. I have 2 children now and am terrified for them, especially my daughter. And now I'm only five years younger than my dad was when he died, so I'm scared of leaving my kids without their mom. But my fear of death is different now; having survived so much, I accept death in a way that most people don't.
@@ContentMadame I'm sorry to hear about all the loss you've experienced...although death is a natural thing it doesn't make it less painful to the ones that stay behind. I definitely know the fear you feel of something happening to your 2 children because I have 2 little ones as well and that fear of something happening to them eats at me...and I also am scared to leave them too soon... I know you're a much stronger person having lost several people and still knowing how to go on. I can't say the same about myself because I haven't lost anyone as close yet... I just don't know how I'll be able to deal with it all.
@@desolatesakura85 You'll deal with it the only way one can: You'll get up in the morning, live your day for the survivors (yourself included), and pray for the strength to keep moving when you want to collapse and sob for eternity. And you will get up and you will make it, some days by the skin of your teeth, other days by leaps and bounds. You'll find the strength within yourself when you have no other choice but death.
@@ContentMadame Maybe I'm just really selfish but I can't imagine a life after my mom.... she's been the only constant in my life despite all our little arguments and quarrels. She's the only person that I feel truly loves me unconditionally and has put up with me. Without her I'll be alone and that scares me so much. I suppose I'll just see what happens when that awful day comes.
I really like how she doesn’t use euphemisms. She says it like it is.
Soft language does no one any favours insulating ourselves from reality, is part and contributes to the phobia and aversion to death.
@Baby Goose - I thoroughly agree with you. I hate silly euphemisms like "passed away".
Ilich wrote about this in the 1980s. We have medicalized every stage of life, and even before we are born and death itself are now things we believe only professionals can and should handle.
Childbirth is the same way.
My 31 year old daughter was hanging out with us, watching movies...we laughed lots, chatted and had a nice time. When it was time to go home as we both had to work the next day, I gave her a big hug, told her how much I loved her, and how proud I was of her, she said "I love you too, popsicles" (her nickname for me). and she left. I had no idea it would be the last time I saw her. I knew she wanted to be cremated, so I honored that wish, but one thing I couldn't do was see her dead. I have my memories of her big hug, her laughter, and our love. I didn't want my last memory of her to be as a corpse. I do not regret no seeing her corpse one bit, but of course so many regrets of not spending enough time, and not being a better dad will ALWAYS haunt me.
I love you and Miss you so very, very much, Stefanie Paige.
I love that she says, "Death is not an emergency."
I love how she makes it ok to talk about death. I greatly appreciate all her videos and all her expertise.
exactly she helped me get over my fear of dying
My grandmother was embalmed, and when I hugged her for the last time, she no longer felt like my grandma. She felt more like a wax doll. It was horribly traumatizing for me and I will never forget it. I deeply wish I had been given time to process her corpse without any embalming procedures having been done.
My grandma always said she wanted to be buried in her housecoat and slippers. When she died, they put her in this hideous dress. I remember looking at her body in the casket and thinking that it was all wrong. I was 16 when she died, and she raised me for most of my life. I wish I would've been able to be more involved in preparing her for the funeral, if only to make sure she was buried in what she had wanted. We settled for slipping a pack of coffee grounds, a pack of cigarettes, and a lighter into the casket because those were her favorite things. I miss her so much.
The first corpse I saw was still alive when I got there. He'd been mortally wounded in a car accident and lived about 30 minutes before the ambulance arrived.
I just held his hand as he lay there in tremendous pain and there was not a damn thing I could do to help him, accept try to comfort him with lies about being okay.
I've heard people talk about wanting to watch someone die... You really don't. There is no pleasure in it whatsoever.
Woah. That's heavy. I'm so sorry you had to experience that.
speechless...
@@channelletorres1076 To be honest, in a way I sort of was glad. It gave me the opportunity to comfort someone who needed comfort. I just wish I could have done more, and I wish the paramedics could have gotten there more quickly.
It also gave me another reason to wear a seat belt and drive safely. This guy had not been doing either, though he didn't diverse to die for that.
@@dianemariearriola9380 I was very badly shaken.
Eric Taylor Bless you and thank you, for keeping him company, reassuring him as best you could. I am sure he and his loved ones will be forever grateful .. I know I and mine, would.
When my husband died, the people at the cremation company told me that I could keep him at home as long as I wanted. He died a little after 12 noon and stayed here at home till about 8 pm. There were a couple of people who came to visit him and say their goodbyes, and neither I nor anyone else felt weird having him still in our bed while we sat in the dining room recalling our wonderful memories of him...I even laid down with him for awhile before he was taken away. I did get another chance to see him before he was cremated and I was glad I did so. Every holiday and special occasion since he passed I still put out a plate for him when I make dinner so he can share the meal with me. I love you and everything you do Caitlin, you have really changed people's outlooks on death, and I've learned so much. As Leo Buscaglia once said "none of us gets out of this life alive", so we better get used to the idea of death.
ZainaDancer I’m in tears, and I want to share my most sincere sympathies for the loss of your beloved husband ❤️
@@wolpertinger. Thank you so much for your loving thoughts. As is everyone's relationship with their spouse, mine was so special. But I really felt cheated when he died.... we met and dated in 1979, but it didn't work out back then. We lost touch and were reunited 30 years later in 2009. When we found each other again we never spent one day apart until the day he crossed over. I do miss him. 💜
ZainaDancer I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to lose your beloved husband. There never really is anything to say in situations such as this, apart from reassuring you that, perhaps, everything happens for a reason. You seem so strong and resilient and I applaud you for that. ❤️
@@wolpertinger. 💜
Think of it this way: 50 years, few to none of us will even be here. So you want to go to school or have a vacation, you better get to it.
If you're young, don't be under the impression you'll automatically live to be 100. Most people won't, particularly males, and people of color. If you're make it to middle age, the older you are, the longer you are likely to live. Younger people tend to have more car wrecks and things like accidents and drug ODs.
Just 20 or 30 years, your list of dead people will be pretty substantial
I lost my son 2 years ago and I wish I knew that I could have cared for his body and dress him.... I would have treasured those last moments with him.
Thinking back to my mothers passing and seeing her after she took her last breath was a really weird feeling. But in an instant it was that moment of "wow that really is just her shell. Not her soul. There's so much more to those we love than their physical being"
We need to stop telling everyone that’s different than us to “see a psychiatrist.” It’s gotten really sick.
You need to go see a head doctor. Is that better?
We also need to stop acting like "go see a shrink" is an insult. It should be no different from seeing a optometrist if your eyes need help, or a doctor if you have a broken leg.
True. When people say that it most likely comes from fear though.
Then again, maybe everybody should see a psychiatrist. Or at least a psychologist.
And also stop telling people and believing ourselves that something is wrong with us.
i lost my dad this last january. we found him in his bed 7 hours after he died. he was in rigor mortis and his body was cold. before the coroner came and took his body to the funeral home, i held his hand, hugged him, and kissed his cheek. the feeling of his skin not being warm was so odd but i was okay with it. i am more than beyond grateful he died peacefully and in a place he loved most (his bed😂). holding him was one way that brought me to the realization that he is gone. it brought me the peace i needed since i knew he was going to be cremated. my sister told me to watch caitlins videos and her videos helped me even more with coming to terms with his death. having final moments with the body of a loved one can help so much.
EDIT: wow thank you all for the likes!
Rigor mortis
I’m so sorry for your loss. My Dad also died in Jan, but in 2018. We were really lucky to have those moments and that time to be with our Dad too. I’m glad Caitlin’s videos have helped you. Thinking of you and your family at this time of the year ❤️
So sorry for your loss. Very glad he died peacefully as well. Caitlin is awesome. Working with the dead is absolutely not for me, but I appreciate those who do. They're needed.
Our loved ones never completely leave us.
I count myself lucky that I found Caitlins videos just a few months before my dad died in March. I was with him, holding his hand as his breathing grew very slow and then stopped altogether. I just kept talking to him afterwards, remembering old times. After 20 minutes or so, a nurse happened to pop in just to say hello (he was in hospice), and I mentioned that I believed he had passed. After he was officially pronounced, I remained, still holding his hand and a social worker came in, I told her about the life he had led, etc. We stood and said a prayer for him and it was such a sweet, memorable goodbye. Thank you Caitlin for making me feel so comfortable with a subject I truly knew nothing about.
When my husband passed away in 2013 I was grateful that we had talked about what each other would want when that day came. His death was unexpected, He had died suddenly of a heart attack. He's now in a body farm.
I like to say even in his death he's still working, in fact, he's multitasking. He's giving back to nature and teaching forensic science at the same time. His siblings didn't like the choice I made. He wanted to be donated to science. This so fit his personality.
So where they may cringe at the idea of Tom's body decaying in a body farm. I smile knowing he's still giving even in his death. I myself am signed up to go there after my death. The only thing that would prevent it is if I die of a disease like COVID. I tell everyone that I'm not going to die like everyone else. I'm going to get hit by a flying toilet and come back as a blade of grass.
I really like the idea of my leftovers being useful. I would want my corpse to be used in a body farm, for spare parts, in experiments, or as fertilizer. I'd like that for everyone; it's just that I don't get to decide for them.
His body WAS donated to science !.. You're right !..
You're going to get hit by a flying toilet ?.. You must live in tornado country !
@@FuzzyElf - There IS a movement to compost bodies. Ms Doughty made a video on that over at her channel, "Ask a Mortician".
@Penny Ragan - I want to have lunch with you!
My mum was guided by our grief counselor to wash and clothe her mother last year when grandma died. She said it was extremely impactful and changed everything for her, she is so grateful to have done it. I'm scared, because I have seen my father and aunt dead and struggle with the memory, but I really hope someday when my mum passes, I'll be brave enough to do the same for her.
My Dad died in his sleep, in my home. I washed and dressed my him some hours after he died, before I called the coroner or anyone else, and I don't regret it.
That's touching. I'm not sure if I could contain my emotion in order to function properly to do those tasks.
Who says you have to be emotionally contained? I feel like the point of being more involved in death care is for you to run through all those emotions before you put them in the ground.. Out of sight out of mind. Everybody grieves differently. I for one fully intend to handle my families death care if I'm alive to do so. And having dealt with death a lot (grew up on a farm) I know i will be bawling my eyes out when it happens, but it will give me a chance for closure instead of rushing through the grieving process by burying them or cremating them ASAP. For example my grandfather recently passed.. And I didn't really get a chance to feel through all of those emotions. Sure I was at the funeral and sure I will be there when we spread his ashes when the weather permits.. But I didn't get the chance to really grasp the finality of his death so I catch myself breaking into tears out of nowhere. I feel if i had been able to spend time with him after his death it would have helped me in the grieving process a lot.
@@mikehunt8170 that was well said, i concur with your perspective. It is unhealthy to keep your emotions bottled up.
I love this.
My dad died 13 years ago from lung cancer. He wanted to die in the hospital. I told my mom that I wanted to hold his hand as he passed, since he wasn't in the delivery room when I was born (1968). I am so glad I was able to do that for him and for me.
Thank you Caitlin, for your videos and supporting those of us who do not see death as morbid but just as a part of life.
Lisa Mulloy I
I woke up this morning thinking about my grandparents and then saw this in my recommendations. I miss them so much. My grandmother died after a long battle with Alzheimer's disease and my grandfather stayed at her side till the end. They slept in the same bed even when she was bed ridden. He died a few years later and I remember how peaceful he was, is white hair and his freckles skin. The adults were all sad and crying but he was so peaceful. This morning I was reflecting on how they both died surrounded by so much love. We were all there in their home. They both died surrounded by family. It was sad but so beautiful. I can only dream of passing so peacefully one day. This video brought up so many feelings, I'm literally crying like a baby right now.
I don't know why this video makes me feel so emotional. The message is almost beautiful and the sentiment absolutely is. I much prefer the idea of caring for the bodies of people you love instead of just carting them away. I remember being able to brush my dog and arrange her in her grave when she was bitten by a snake a few years ago and it was such a relief to have that closure. I think understanding and accepting the reality of death is so important.
As odd as it may be, Caitlin actually helped me a lot. I found her videos shortly after my mom died. I was struggling a lot as I was only 11. I was depressed, had anxiety, even began self harming. But her videos gave me this weird comfort that helped me confront my loss and grief. They also of course helped me confront my own mortality as well as everyone else’s. Now I’m 16 and an aspiring mortician. I believe wholeheartedly in all of Caitlin’s ideas and aspire to be like her someday. I want to go to mortuary school, work in a traditional home for some years, and when I’m ready, open my own home like Undertaking LA. Maybe I’ll even name it Undertaking Chicago, if I decide to stay in the area lol.
When I was in middle school I went to a grief support group that was offered there and I have been thinking of maybe wanting to go back there and tell some of the kids currently in it about this stuff. It’s never too early to think about this stuff, and it’s incredibly important to actually. I even did a speech about how natural burials and such are better than embalming for my speech class. I got an A+.
I want to help educate people and help lead this revolution of death positivity as Caitlin is. It’s sad how we in the West let this rich culture of death be taken over by fear. It’s time for us to reclaim it.
Bagel Grrrl Very well said. Our society needs all the help it can get, in appreciating life and facing death. Don’t believe the people who ridicule you and say you are weird. I promise you, one day; they will wish they had your experience and expertise...
Bagel Grrrl my dear child I too, lost my mother when I was 11. My mother died the day after Christmas. I am now 56 years old. I still at times miss her so much and other times I don’t. I wish that I would have been able to go to a counseling group as you did and encourage you to go back if you need to. I was surprised when I reached the age of 43, which was the same age as my mother when she died and went on to have another birthday. I am a nurse and find much pleasure in helping others, including the deceased and their families. Please know that you are not alone in your struggles. Life is a book with many plots and twists and turns. Sometimes you have to put the book down for just a bit until later in the day or even the next morning but just keep reading and keep living for the next chapter because you never know what life will bring you until you turn the page. Best wishes for a happy life my dear!
Bagel Grrrl You go girl!! She is indeed a REAL Mentor to look up to!
Bagel OW
Well written. Thank you for sharing. I agree wholeheartedly.
"I want to help educate people and help lead this revolution of death positivity as Caitlin is. It’s sad how we in the West let this rich culture of death be taken over by fear. It’s time for us to reclaim it."
I agree completely. We've "sanitised" death to the point where we can't relate to it at all. And that's terrible. Death is a normal part of the cycle of life. I guess that part of this is because our life expectancy is so much higher these days. In years gone by, it wasn't at all unusual for parents to bury at least one child and living to be over 50 was pretty impressive. But these days it's not so common and that's left us unprepared for how to deal with death and how to tell children about it, and help children through grief.
Funerals are for the living, not the dead. Take care of the body in whatever way you prefer.
That's good point!
I think the same way. Before I seen this video I didn’t understand why would you want to see a loved one dead and pay all that money. I still feel this way but I have more respect for people who needs this type of closure.
I always thought funerals were for the disposal of a dead body so very much about the dead.
@@torinjones3221 in the words of the American poet, writer and mortician Thomas Lynch: "The dead don't care."
So sure, while the burial part of a funeral (a very small part) is about disposal of a dead body, all the rest of it is about the living left behind remembering/celebrating/mourning/etc the deceased.
As a CNA I preformed post mortem care a total of 45 times in my life. I always treated them with kindness and respect
Wow. So powerful speach. One special person said the same to me when his mother died. The mother of this person called him, he was talking on the phone and then he heard that the phone droped, he knew at the moment that she passed away and that she called him as a last wish before she died. He took care of her and I did not get it, how he could make this. I was thinking no way that I could do that?!? So he said just like in this video, ''I loved my mom, she took care for me and this is something I was wanting to do and it felt right and fair. I stayed with her until I feel her spirit left her body, just holding her hand and watch how beautiful she is, then I cleaned her, dress her up and prepare her for the funeral. I was crying at that point because I could feel how brave this is, how powerful how clean this person is with himself and with whole universe to do that. And till now this is the only person I know that he was able to do something so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same. But I know that because of this he will never regret to do anything different or that he didn't do enought. Because he knows that he did everything right.
My dad was the town barber and once in a while, the local funeral home would call him to shave and cut the hair of a deceased person. It never troubled him and he always felt honoured.
Cool Dad !
My dads barber does all the deceased in their small town. He did his own father's hair. He also says it is a loving service he is humbled to perform.
My grandmother had only one hair stylist she would go to in our town; he was the only person in the world who could come anywhere near her head with a pair of scissors. When she died in 2011, he agreed to do her hair one last time for her funeral. I'd always liked him, but I had mad respect for him after he did that, as I know not all people in that profession would be comfortable doing a deceased person's hair.
My grandmother died in a front of me, hearing my last words. I closed her eyes. I was only 15. I saw her afterwards too. I helped her get washed together with 2 other women with soap and warm water, covering the private part and wraped her in white cloth, preparing her for the funeral. As a muslim, that is what we do.I wasnt afraid. Finaly i kissed her and left the washing room. Ill miss her forever ♡
Death is truth, as soon as u embrace it you will be more free in this life.
That's a touching and beautiful experience. Thank you for sharing that with us.
E drerreeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee was a good eee was the day was a good day was thzzdxxxxzzx. e last
Just a beautiful comment. Thank you.
That is so beautiful
I did the same to my late mum. Clean her..kiss her...say good bye...love her always
This woman’s channel is straight up fascinating, and it totally changed my relationship with death. She’s so soothing somehow
Frfr!
ive enbeen watching a lot of your videos and I really appreciate them. When my husband died in 2006 I wanted to bring him home before the funeral and was told an absolute NO by the funeral home and also my family did not stick up for me....If I had known this was my right I would have just told them to bloody well do it! I wanted to touch him more than I was allowed at the funeral home. I wanted to cut some of his hair and they would not let me.....they did it for me.....they said it was because of the disturbance to his skull from having an autopsy. I said I didnt care....but they didnt care. I had performed many animal studies including dissections and autopsies myself and I was not "afraid". No one seemed to want to give me a chance to handle anything or see what I could cope with....my mother started drugging my food and drink until I was literally the walking dead myself.....to make herself feel better. Now years later I have been diagnosed with a complicated grieving disorder.....I feel so angry at so many people for so many reasons.
I'm so sorry you were not allowed to feel. That that happened to you. I hope some amount of peace has reached you in the interim. Some kind of light and care. I'm not really a spiritual person, but I hope something has helped ❤
I do not fear the dead, I do not fear the corpse. But what I do fear, is the knowledge that the corpse was a human at some point, and now it is no more. I wonder what happened to the person spiritually. I wonder what will happen to me. This is where my thanatophobia comes from, not from the fear of dying, but from the unknowing of what happens after. I feel like becoming more familiar with the corpse will help me cope with the terror of true agnosticism.
my exact thoughts.
Go to Steve Huff's CZcams channel. He is amazing! He has a lot of videos about life after death that is validated with his spirit boxes.
Read the Bible and ask God to reveal himself to you if he exists. If he does, he's well able to communicate with you. 😏
Yeah if I knew 100 % what happened it wouldnt be scary. Part of me thinks nothing then the other part is like hmmm 🤔
Nobody can know for sure what happens after death, but do you remember what it was like before you were even a fertilized egg? I imagine that same nothingness is what death is like. There's nothing to fear because you have no way to perceive anything; your brain is dead, your consciousness is gone. Dying is hard. Most people are likely to be in some kind of pain, if only briefly. Even people comfortable with the idea of dying may experience instinctual panic. Being dead is easy.
While my grandma was alive I would cut dye and style her hair, when she got Alzheimer’s it was hard for her to do it for herself, so I would do it for her and it would always brighten her face when she saw the finished look! When she was dying I cut and brushed out her hair so she could look pretty for all the people coming to say goodbye to her. When she passed only immediate family were allowed to the viewing, then her funeral was immediately after, I asked a person at the funeral home if they had a hair brush, They gave me a brush, and I started brushing her hair, my grandmothers sister comes up to me and says, it’s a closed casket that isn’t necessary. I said I did her hair for her the last 5+ years, I’m doing this for me. So I can brush her hair one last time. People also rushed me when I was saying goodbye. It really irritated me. It was the hardest death I’ve had to go through. Everyone grieves differently and Mine was being involved in her death just like she said. It feels good that you took care of them all the way till they are put in the ground.
Yes I cut my grandmas nails before she died. It was really hard and sad
I'm sorry your experience burying your loved one was rushed. When my friend died, I didn't get to spend nearly the amount of time I wanted to, just sitting by her side like I used to, and I never got to say goodbye to any of my grandparents because they were so far away. I hope the next time you have to deal with this, it's a lot more pleasant and you can get the closure that everyone looks for when their loved one has died.
Alzheimers is such a terrible thing. My grandfather had it, theres nothing more depressing than someone you spent your whole life close to doesnt recognize you anymore..
@@datman3416 It's horrible to go through. My great grandfather passed from Alzheimer's a few years ago, and it hit the family pretty hard. I have many memories of playing restaurants with him in the living room, with the sparse toy food that we had. I miss him a lot.
@@decentlysmartforanidiot8284 Sorry for your loss, its a horrible disease. I lived with my grandparents my whole life and I was always the one who brought my gpop his beers, old irish man so you know he loved his brews. Later on when he was getting really bad in the nursing home my cousin used to sneak beers in there for him and my grandfather always thought it was me and called my cousin by my name. That brought me comfort knowing deep in his mind he didnt forget me.
Caitlin's channel has helped me be so more comfortable about death. I wish I was as comfortable back then to say goodbye to my grandfather in the hospital, but I just couldn't. I didn't think it was safe or allowed to touch the body.
I wish I'd had this video back in 2016 when my dad passed away. I would have given anything to hold his hand one last time.
@Amanda Neyman - On the other side of it, my father died when I was 5. I saw him dead from cancer on our couch because he couldn't breathe lying down. My mother hustled me to the neighbor's house where I strained to see out of her screen door as the police and mortician came for him at my house.
At the funeral home, there were tons of flowers. My mother got the idea that it would be sweet for me to make a bouquet from the floral arrangements, put the flowers in my father's hands, then kiss him goodbye. I did not know much about death, but I sure as hellfire know that this made-up object in the coffin was NOT my Daddy. When my mother tried to get me to follow her plan, I kicked and screamed bloody murder and raised the roof off the place. Mercifully, I was let off the hook. Had I been older and knew about death and what was going on, it might have been different.
Caitlin is such a great storyteller, I was glued the whole video. So interesting.
I'm thinking a part in a new dawn of the dead- she is bad to the bone...
She is a truly amazing human. Brilliant Talented and HONEST! Not a combo one comes across very often!
She has a great CZcams channel 👍🏽
You would love her book smoke gets in your eyes and other lessons from the crematory.
Love her Chanel so much
When you become accustomed to Caitlyn' s humour and delivery you know when to laugh and when she's serious
This audience was hesitant but I don't blame.
True
It took me awhile to be ok with laughing when I first started watching her videos. I felt bad at first but you’re 100% right. The way she speaks you know when and when not to laugh with her.
My 15 year old daughter wants to be a mortician. I'm like yes queen! You take care of those gone loved ones.
Absolutely!
I'm so thankful that I washed and dressed my mother's body before cremation. It was a very sacred time. It felt nearly as spiritual as the birth of my children.
I did this with my father as a way to honor him. I had him waked in our home for 4 days with around the clock viewing. Alot of people were shocked and even the funeral parlor director was telling me she didn't even know if it was legal. I said i'm paying for it so you will do as I say. I'm Native American and waking our dead in home is a traditional way of honoring our dead. I wouldn't have it any other way! R.i.p. daddy! 😢🙏❤
It is perfectly legal to do a wake in your home. That's how they used to do it 100 years ago. Most cultures including Native Americans did it this way. Families also assisted with dressing the deceased. My condolences for the loss of your father. Part of my family is also Native American and I'll probably do this when my stepmother goes if she wants.
May he rest in peace.
Were I come from we also do that
Yeah, it's legal. This is why they make dry ice. Steaks from Omaha and corpses.
No joke. Steak will easily last several days.
She actually does a video on this on her page. It is 100% legal for you to have the body until the actual burial at a time you choose.
As an ICU nurse, I see death often. It remains the greatest privilege for me to wash and prepare someone who has died before the undertakers collect him/her. I totally agree with this speaker and if anyone thinks that is "creepy", that's their loss.
It really is, I find it very comforting to almost send someone on their way. It's a real honor to be able to do that.
yea, death is a natural part of life. it should not be seen as bad.
You are very much appreciated!!
I never realised not having family members in the home wasnt a thing in America. Im a NZr. We keep our dead in the lounge for 3 days so people can come and say goodbye. At a tangi (maori funeral) the dead can stay up to a week at the marae (main meeting house). Everyone brings their bedding and family and friends all sleep around them, eat to together, sing together, cry together and tell stories together until the funeral. It's beautiful.
THIS is why the majority of people I call true friends are poly - Samoan or Tongan- such an amazing history and tradition is kept alive thru the elders and family is everything- so beautiful
She is such a well-spoken, positive, open person. I love listening to her
Having been a part of Native American "wakes" I grew up comfortable with the thought of a dead person in the room. We watch over them, share stories about them, and eat in their stead. I liked that a lot more then somberly seeing someone dressed up in a casket.
iEatEmos I didn't know that other tribes or families did home wakes. I'm Lakota/Cherokee/Irish/Senica and all of my family does home wakes. I think they are a great way to get closure to what was a beautiful life. The only exception that I have found was when my son was stillborn in 05. I didn't want anyone else to touch him, I should have asked for help instead of shutting myself away with him.
Cassandra - we all do the best we can when we lose someone we love and we all think about what we could have/would have done differently. What matters is that you got through the loss of your son and I hope you find peace. None of us would be able to think straight under such circumstances. Please be kind to yourself :)
Drunk Vegan Gal Thank you for your kind words, it has been 12 years since my son passed and I still miss him. His two older sisters and his younger sister wish they had been able to keep him here with them (yes I told my youngest about her brother). I think it was really hard on me because my daughters were fairly young and the younger of the two didn't understand and my oldest was trying to help, but she was only six. It's really hard not to beat yourself up! You know?
Cassandra - I understand. We all do because we all have similar regrets. It is part of being human. We know we can't change the past but we all wish we could. Yes. It is really hard not to beat yourself up. Try to follow your own advice; the advice you'd give a dear friend if they had the same regrets as you about their son. We need to be just as compassionate and kind to ourselves as own advice to a friend would be...
iEatEmos I'm Seminole and yes, that's what we do with our dead. It's beautiful.
My last job was as a live-in companion for a woman on hospice care. She was asleep or unconscious her last day, I knew the end was soon. So I held her hand and said my goodbyes, telling her what a blessing it was to get to know her and how much I'd grown to love her.
She was still breathing and still had a faint but discernable pulse when I went to bed. But I woke up suddenly at 4 AM, and went to check on her. I knew she was gone even before I reached her, but still checked her pulse and respiration to confirm.
At this point, I was to call the hospice nurse. But I felt that could wait--it would make no difference for her if he came then or later, I felt I had one last service to perform. I lovingly cleaned her up first, for her dignity's sake, I owed her that. As I did so, I thought how this has been the women's task from time immemorial, a way of both mourning and paying respect to their beloved dead. It was my privilege to tend her through her last days and to provide her that one last service. It was one of the most intimate experiences of my life...
She was not what one would call a "sweet" woman (though she could be sweet), she was an irascible spitfire! But I loved and respected her, and will always miss her.
Alot of old ladies are..they just stop caring what peiple think and become unhinged lol. There are some sweet ones but most of them are straight up with no chaser
That is soo truly awesome of you to do that. I didn't know there was such a thing.
What a beautiful story. It touche my heart how loving and attached you became.
this is one of the most beautiful comments i’ve ever read. thank you for being there for her. thank you for sharing with us.
Teresa McMurrin You are a very good person. She was blessed to have you watch over her.