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The addiction to helping others ( Why you want to fix people )
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 26. 10. 2020
- #mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
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I also find that we tend to try to fix others because it is easier than working on ourselves, if they change then it takes the focus off our own challenging issues. Thank you Stephanie.
Very true!
yes this is so true man it can be very damaging to yourself aswell
Thanks for this golden nugget
Agree
Wow this is true, I have been doing this exactly. Do you think they would learn from us (without us saying anything) just by observing how we improve our lives?
I learned this the hard way. As an empath, I tried to fix everyone. Felt it was my job and if I didn't fix them then its my fault. Tried to fix ppl I just met. Tried to fix friends. And they told me they don't want fixing. They never asked for help. They admonished me to stop. I'm in the process of teaching myself that not every broken person I meet is my responsibility. It's really hard for me to look at a wounded person and not extend a helping hand. But I remind myself daily that they aren't asking for help and they don't want my help. Not everyone wants to be saved.
The principle Stephanie teaches in this video was the beginning of REAL recovery in my life. When I started asking "what do I need?" and "what do I want?" and "is this person good for me?" the entire world opened up! Now I am in the process of finding and being my genuine self,... while still supporting like-minded people in doing the same. Best to you in your endeavor Sara!
@@hippie-io7225 thank you and I am glad you're doing so well. Stephanie has helped me in so many ways and I am so grateful for her. ⥠I hope I reach a point in my life where I see a wounded person and know its not my job to save them instead of trying to convince myself its not my job.
The number of times I cried ... over someone because they said they enjoyed being miserable and told me to butt out and never speak of this again.
Thats called REALITY..
Sara, I can relate to everything you said and the worst was when the ones that I tried to âfixâ told me I wasnât fixing them even though I was trying. It only made me try harder and that was so wrong.
I think the hardest part of being an empath is not being there to help others because thatâs not our job, no matter how much we care or want to be there for those that we love.
Keep your head up, youâre not alone. đđ» God bless!
I LEARNED THIS THE HARD WAY AS WELL. ALLOW PEOPLE TO GO THROUGH THINGS ON THEIR OWN UNLESS THEY AS FOR HELP AND IF THEY DO TO KNOW YOUR LIMITS.
Iâm an empath and I hate the pain I feel when someone is hurting. I try and remember that it their journey and theyâre learning from that pain but itâs physical for me and itâs hard.
It is not our job to fix a person. It is our job to work on ourselves and that will (at the right time) attract the right people.
As much as you may want to help (fix) someone not everybody wants to or itâs ready to change. Each person has to work on themselves and it may not be when you want them to. Be okay with stepping away from people that are on a different stage in life than yours.
From a self love content creator to another- great tips Stephanie. Loved it!! â€ïž
Great adviceđâ€
@@S1MPLECAVEMAN Thank you!!
Love this! If I were to write a letter to my âyounger selfâ I would so include this.
@@RockstarRochelle I would too. For sure!! đ
D.E.Y.A. This is so so important. This takes awareness.
Especially women. Think âhave toâ fix, mend, other people. Most of us are raised to be caretakers. That doesnât mean âchangersâ.
Iâm not sure when it becomes or, letâs say, switching from âempathâ to a mild type of âmanipulationâ.
The most clear example is with our children.
Most mothers, want to make their children âtheir wayâ. I have observed this throughout the years. While raising my own children I faced many people, family members, especially, mothers, who disagreed that I say, my children are what God created them to be. I am their temporary caretaker. I am the authority, their counselor, their every person they will encounter later in their lives. I am not their friend. I give them trust to tell me anything; to be able to come to me for any reason. Their friends are at a different level. They need a friend who is NOT the parent.
Anyway, I have learned, I am responsible for myself and how I improve, transform, to give my best to myself and others.
I am not, out to change anyone. I do share what I learn, read, and the best I have to offer.
Thank you so much for sharing đđ»đ·đŽ
I'm an empath and have always understood that about myself. HOWEVER, I was forced into the care taker role by the abusive adults in my life since the age 6. I am selective about who I allow into my life. It's best for me to have a few solid relationships instead of a lot of unsatisfying filler people around me. THANKS đ đč
Same - I have just a few very solid people around me. It becomes like a new family.
Thank you for helping me understand myself. Itâs taken 48 years but now I understand. .....
OMG im finally after 46 years im coming into acceptance and in terms of my behavior and oh boy do I want to change.
I took even longer, I just discovered it at 62 yoa
I understood this when I was 16. That was a year ago. To all generations: You can do this! đȘ
Having an addiction to help others comes from being an EMPATH.
Yes gotta keep yourself in check, being empathic but stepping back to allow another's sovereign rights to their own free will.
Thank you đŠđ
@Robert Murphy đ€ or a manipulator? itâs a fine line. Some do it because they avoid looking at themselves. Many people Iâve met that help others so much, when I visit them, their house is a mess. So makes me wonder how they want to change others but donât look at themselves.
Iâve learned to not have âexpectationsâ of others. Take responsibility for myself. Accepting others. And, above all for me, self-improvement is a constant must. All these are focused, consciousness , and energy consuming, of oneself, that donât allow to be so invested into changing someone else. Including our own children. And makes one feel a freedom of self, a peaceful, fuller daily life to tackle daily challenges.
Absolutely!
Or co dependent
I am 38 and this is so hard to stop trying to fix people
This is the main reason why Iâm an ER Nurse. Itâs a blessing & a curse.
@@katylwi Being a teacher is such a humble career. You would be a great nurse. Most people know if they have what it takes to be a nurse in the first few months of nursing.
@Rockstar Rochelle Please, I feel the weight of your âcurseâ.
Why do you feel responsible for someone else? Being in the med field for 30 years, I will tell you exactly what Iâve said to those who want to save every life: who do you think you are? What power do you have? When did God put you in charge of who lives and who dies? You see: every person is created unique. And NOT 1 of us has a super power. When we relate to one another, we are given the best opportunity to give our best of ourselves, to someone else. Every patient, every person in your life, that you are given , has been blessed by having you, to take care of them; the 8, 12 hours, whatever length of time. Simple. Thatâs all you are to do. By learning your field; making sure you give the right meds; you listen carefully to their history; your job is OUR blessing. Treating each person w respect, compassion, guidance. We are given the med. We cannot be made to drink it.
We are NOT, however, authorized, powered, to do more than encourage, teaching, influencing, enlightenment, guiding, giving a hand for support.
We are to set them free=let them choose, and they will do so, as they live and learn.
This in turn, will make you, a stronger healthier person. Because then, you will not feel the âcurseâ that comes from being dissatisfied, disappointed, and having expectations of others that will not be satisfied.
I just read a very powerful quote: âthe greatest gift you have, to give, is that of your own self-transformation.â
The entire message read as follows:
âIf you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is the gift of your own self-transformation.â
@@katylwi either one, teacher, nursing, and many other similar fields are a calling in a personâs life. These are not jobs to go to do your work, and leave when the clock â° strikes 5 oâclock, like a banker, as they say.
The level of sacrifice, or the price (not $$ financially) is not at the level of compensation for starters.
Then, the continuing education is a must as long as you are working.
Any of them that feel it is a burden, may be in it as a job, not a calling. And that, has to be the hardest job to go to every single day. Those are the people we encounter that treat us so rough when we need the most compassionate care-after a surgery, a traumatic injury; or when children are in school going through difficult times at home.
@@katylwi teaching is just as important. You are influencing the lives of dozens of kids every year. You could be that one teacher that changed a kids life forever from doing dumb shit. Don't feel any less. Both careers are equally important.
This is a video I really needed, Iâm always helping people, but treat myself poorly!
Jesus said "love your neighbor as you love yourself"..... You do that and more... Reverse it: "love yourself as you love your neighbor"
That's my story and now, It's Got To Change... Starting Now.
@@clarkkent3730 unfortunately, if we were taught and followed Jesus as He meant it, then, it would be done the right way.
Jesus meant for us to treat ourselves well. Forgive ourselves. Be kind to ourselves. When we love we want the best for someone. So âlovingâ yourself means wanting the best for yourself. So, since we come first, then, the neighbors, should be treated as well as we would want to be treated. Maybe, itâs a way of avoiding looking at ourselves by turning to others.
No need to flip it around. If anything, Itâs time to get it right. Best regards
Admir Barucija đ€ think about thisđ Without you being well, where would those people you help be? On a plane âïž they tell you to put your oxygen mask đ· on first, then to help others. Without you, all that you do, would not happen. You must come first. Treat yourself well. Be healthy. Sleep well. Before you make time for others, make time for yourself. Then, go to others. Now, watch out! Weâre not talking about being selfish. Thereâs a difference. Someone said once, count how many people are pouring into you, and how many are pulling from you. That will tell you. You must make an adjustment. Best regards
@@yolandacromwell2349 itâs a gradual change. It doesnât happen overnight. So donât get discouraged when you go into your âdefaultâ. Practice awareness of being aware that you are changing. Make yourself a visual reminder. Set alarms đš. Whatever it takes to keep you on track. Best regards
Iâve had dysfunctional friendships because I just want everyone to be okay. Itâs hard to say no, Iâve said yes to many things I didnât want to do. I put myself in their shoes and I flashback to when I was younger and no one cared. I just want no one to feel the loneliness I felt.
My narcissistic parents taught me to put their needs ahead of mine. I was very neglected as a child. Now I am learning to focus on taking care of myself. For the first time in my life, I am working on being emotionally healthy.
This didn't work out for me; I got my ex back with the help of someone else whom I know can help you too
What's app him
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I Went through the same thing Iâm working of my healing at 56
@@triplekids3 why don't you try to get help from the same person who I'm recommending to you?
You are incredible person in terms of understanding human psychology.
The day you start setting up boundaries, your life goes into the real transformation.
Regards,
It's self love. Those of us who care embrace and own the emotional inner child. Then from knowing our own feelings of powerlessness and helplessness we want to help others so they don't feel that. The narc's know this about ppl that good ppl own and make a commitment to see to the needs of everyone. And then the narc takes advantage of your grace.. and you, me, we need to make sure to do the self care, so that we're not poring from an empty cup into self neglect. So ya gotta learn to put your needs first or higher up on the priority list in order to stay strong, maintain your wholeness of being, or self love. Then from that strength you do what you can helping others to know you're a caring, compassionate, beautiful person.
What i also feel sometimes.
Excactly you are right
I really like what you said about asking yourself, âWould I accept this person as they are, for face value, if they never changed?â It really puts the power and responsibility back into our OWN hands, rather than wasting time with wishful thinking or living in a fantasy world. And this goes for friends, family, and romantic partners. Thanks for your insightful videos! Just found your channel today and each video I have watched so far has helped me go a layer deeper with my own self love đ
Yes it does đ
You don't have to be addicted to help someone who never respects YOU.
This video had me ugly crying I had no idea that is why I tried to fix people I thought I just wanted to help others.. but itâs so true every word
This Was Just What I NEEDED I am JUst Starting MY INNER CHILD HEALING FROM CO DEPENDENCY THANK YOUđŽó §ó ąó łó Łó Žó żđđđč
I also realized that a lot of the time, when WE feel we need to change people ( even when you feel they want to be fixed ) they're thinking in their head " I'm not the only person who needs to change. You do too !". Which is why I think it's best we all focus on our own personal journeys. Some people might even find this manipulative because some people are really quite happy with the way they are. AND as Stephanie mentioned, they might think you're trying to control them - by doing things YOUR way. They have free will and it's not up to us to dictate how they behave.
God is faithful
Hello do you need help why don't you try Dr oba he was the one that help me get my ex back,,
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Trueeeeee
I really needed this to remind me once more that it's not easy to always help others and be there therefore I have learn the hard way to step aside
Wish your channel was around when I was in high school. Excellent advice, really appreciate it.
You know me so well and itâs hurts my heart because this is accurate. My mother was emotionally unavailable, never helped me out and always forced me to help her friends. Iâm healing from childhood trauma. I definitely learned the hard way to let people go through life on their own. If they ask fo help I need to know my limits. My ex never felt like he was good enough. He was emotionally unavailable. I was the giver and he was the taker.
I have this addiction, i just love helping people, but at first i have this intense feeling of paranoid feeling that people gonna betray me....
Being empath or not, idk, i feel this intense mood swing, idk if this bipo or borderline, i just hate myself
One time I just got too tired by helping everybody else and not myself. I helped my children, listened to them, played with them, feed them, changed their nappies talk to my sons Occupational therapist, take my son to music therapy, and then I have 5 rabbits at home so I need to look after them, I have a dog I need to look after her too, and then my friend needed money so I gave her money and then my sister wanted to see me so we drove to her house and catched up with her so she can spend time with her nieces and nephew. It felt as if nobody is there for me but I'm always trying to help everybody else. Now I can see that its important to have a break from being responsible and making sure everyone is happy with you, and just not worry about everything.
Very true.. empath here.. thanks Steph
This is what I needed from my therapy sessions. I really needed to hear about what i needed to change and how i may have fallen short with dealing with others. Sometimes it's not everyone else. You are a wonderful and effective mirror so that we can really see ourselves and understand things about ourselves that we cant always explain. Thank you so much.
Nailed it! Thanks for this video, it's so wonderful these resources are available for free. Your videos have given me a lot of vocabulary and information, which has allowed me to fill in a lot of childhood blanks. Learning about my codependency has given me hope for a future where I can love myself and others with a broader lens. All the love!!
Ya so me 100%. I had to stop because it was draining me really fast. Now I am fixing myself.
Hello do you need help I know who can help you dr Ominimini can he was the one that help me fix my relationship
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Me too!
You have no idea how much your videos are helping me. I am finally gaining a sense of what sound mental health should look and feel like, in sharp contrast to what Iâd previously thought/assumed to be normal or even good attributes to have in my relationship dealings. Itâs been quite an eye-opening past couple of weeks for me in learning just how vastly Iâve missed the mark; But on a positive note, I am beginning to feel that Iâm ok, that Iâll be ok, and Iâm on my way. 𧥠If nobodyâs told you today, Thank you so much for all you do. đđœđ§ĄHappy holiday
thank you for this. You broke this down with such clarity. As someone who can relate, I will be referring to this to keep myself mindful.
This answers a lot of questions and problems I've been having in my life. Never thought certain situations would have affected me mentally the way it did.
Eye opening stuff. My ex was super unhealthy and i tried fixing her rather than leaving and accepting her for who she was. Resent kicked in and i got the boot. Valuable lesson
Thank you Stephanie. Your insight is so revealing. :)
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). Ppl Ollwaves Fixate on a Problem that isn't the Real Problem so that They Can Avoid the Real Problem which is Much Moor Threatening to Them
I should put a weekly reminder on this video. Logically, I know that I help more people by being secure in myself, than actively trying to fix them, but it is soooo hard to take a step back sometimes. Still working on improving it and those videos keep reminding me. Thanks a lot!
Itâs important to give somebody space to grow and not smother them. Partner = with you but not sitting on top of you. Take care of yourself first; donât do for others what they can do themselves. Not everybody wants to do personal development, or open doors to their past. Itâs hard work and takes time.
Hello do you need help why don't you try Dr oba he was the one that help me get my ex back,,
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I needed this. I really needed to hear this.
I catch myself always wanting to get back with my ex narc girlfriend because I wanna heal her, to fix her and make her happy even though I know it's not possible.
It's especially worse with the people around me(family and friends). Trying to fix them in attempts to make them live life to fullest....
But like you said, not everyone wants to be fixed or cared for. Accepting that has been difficult but at the same time stress freeing. Accepting people as they are is liberating but at the same makes me feel bad that I can't help them be super awesome.
There's no other amazing feeling for me than seeing people killing it and making it in life, being the best the can be.
But that's not really my responsibility to do that for others. They are responsible for themselves and I myself.
Really trying to be a better me for a change (even though it feels like I'm doing it to get to place that allows me to help everyone)
Well, baby steps....
Thanks Stephanie đ
Its hard to move on if your loved one is going down hill, harming themeselves in front of your eyes, but is in delusion and pushes you away... This is my reality now.
Yes, I have always been an empath. I 'feel too much' for others problems. I actually feel loved ones pain and feel the 'need-to-help-fix'. It is a curse I need to work on. Thank you for shining a light on this. Another great video I should watch every day, lol.
Thank you for your reflections!
Iâm so thankful I found your channel! Thank you for sharing all this information!
I always say your videos are amazing, you are exactly on point with all you share, itâs like a free therapy!! You are truly the real deal, the best, so appreciate and love you!! Thanks for being You!! Love & blessings! â€ïžđđŒđđ
Hello do you need help why don't you try Dr oba he was the one that help me get my ex back,,
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I came out of an abusive on/off relationship, physical contact completely ceased and they only reached out occasionally to remind me that they were there. I came across your videos when I was desperate to find hope - your videos have, truly, saved my life, so thank you so much Stephanie
Love your talks, so inspirational!
Omg this helped me so much. I always drop what I'm doing to help other people.
Excellent. Many thanks.
Stephanie, this is probably THE MOST IMPORTANT video for me that I have EVER seen. You explained a lot of things to me in this single video that now so many situations in my life now make absolute sense. I have been an empathy for as long as I can remember and now things in past and current relationships make sense. Thank you (said through my tears).
Hello do you need help why don't you try Dr oba he was the one that help me get my ex back,,
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Youâre so amazing. Wow. Thank you for this
Thank you so much ! I really needed to hear this ..
This one hits hard... you connected so many different things I never even thought about before. The instinct of trying to tip toe around somebody, codependency, not giving your power away... A lot of amazing tools I've already had to use today.
PS I feel like there's a lot more ghosting, stonewalling, and one word texting these days that even in a casual conversation can lead to some real neurotic guessing games for me. I don't know if it's related but would love to hear your thoughts on the "culture of texting" so to speak.
You are a real gift stephanie
Can you please put together a playlist for the narcs? There are so few resources for narcissists who are trying to be better, and even less for people who simply have narcissistic tendencies to counter those unhealthy behaviors within themselves! Thanks for all your help, you've literally saved countless lives, mine for one! â€
Learning from each and every video â€ïžđđŒ
You provided more info about why I usually try to help others than a former counselor of mine who used to ask me me why do I feel the need to try to save baby birds with broken wings. Never mentioned codependency or empath personality or give me skills to work on. I tried to rescue sandy my live in partner who died of b/c, Lauri a b/c survivor, and several other women who simply took advantage of my generosity both financially and my help. It never worked out for me. Now I just stay alone afraid of myself or of getting involved. Itâs not really what I want. Now iv met someone after many years and just stay away leaving the next move to her.
I also like the mentality of what you see from a person is what you get.
I feel like itâs not intentional... I attract broken people and I, an equally broken person, am attracted to them. Iâve never purposely chosen to be with someone who needs âfixingâ. I just want to help. I end up in really toxic situations and I keep trying to help the person as much as possible but they end up taking, taking, taking until I have nothing left to give and canât be in the friendship/relationship anymore.
So this is a HUGE goal of mine: being aware that this is a toxic person who will use everything I offer and then take more, and how to say NO.
Hello do you need help why don't you try Dr oba he was the one that help me get my ex back,,
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Thank you Stephanie. Finally learned my lesson.
I am(was) trying to help homeless people by buying them some food and just interacting with them.
It makes me happy that.. it is awkward and to explain my friends and co-workers why I am doing this..
thank you for the useful vid!
Thankyou Stephanie, I appreciate your knowledge & advice, & definitely need to listen to this one a few more times.
Hello do you need help why don't you try Dr oba he was the one that help me get my ex back,,
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I feel it in my heart that I was born to serve others, I devoted a portion of my life to psychology in order to assist these types of people. I have yet to learn how to take care of myself
Thank you for sharing â€
Helping others in general is needed in this world. It's the motive and the context of the helping I need to be honest with myself and clear about what my boundaries are which is hard to define and uphold if I'm a codependent and/or empath.
Hello do you need help why don't you try Dr oba he was the one that help me get my ex back,,
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Thank You!
Thank you.. I truly needed to hear this.đȘ
My sweet loving father used to say âsorry kid, your on your own.â Hi Steph,
the comment and this video helped me a lot, in understanding my problem, thank you !!
Youre awesome!
Eventually you have to come to reality in realize that it's up to each of us to help our own selves first.
Iâm new here and Iâm absolutely addicted to your content.
Thx Stephanie; great video that brings it home
I'm becoming mindful! Thanks for GREAT & Helpful info. I enjoyed this videođ
Hello do you need help why don't you try Dr oba he was the one that help me get my ex back,,
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Iâm an empath but i also got it double bad because when i was younger i had to protect my mom from her own family whenever we would have get togethers. And my dad has issues, i kinda raised them. Working on balance though....so here i am. Good thing is i have been catching myself and not dating people that need fixing....the pond is shallow now though.
You're video really hit deep with me thank you
Thank you so much
I try to fix everyone. Don't know....you are so right....
Super helpful thank you !
thank you so much đđ
I'm 25 , everyday i realized I need someone to teach me how to live properly,
Like teaching me what to do and what i should not do.
When i was 20 i thought I knew everything. I learned we never know everything in life.
I love when people try to have me, but hate forcing me.
and when you call out these people they start crying and try to tell you 'my problem is I love too much', I react with no sympathy whatsoever, then they stay away from me :)
Hello do you need help why don't you try Dr oba he was the one that help me get my ex back,,
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Another great video, keep up the good work. Love your channel!
Hello do you need help why don't you try Dr oba he was the one that help me get my ex back,,
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such a good advices i being searching for this for a long time i knew that just not me who have this issue thanks a lot â„ïžđ
Would love to see more videos like this
I can tell when others are jealous or envious. It gives off a vibe everyone can sense. I learned from my mistakes and the mistakes of others. The fish story about teaching how to fish or give them a fish a day forever. People are lazy and comfortable in their misery. Leave them alone..I tried.
You are a Godsend to many.... absolutely love your work!!
Hello are you planning to get your ex back in a Cheaper and better way why dont you try dr Ominimini he was the one that help me get my ex backđ„°đđ
Text me for directives
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Omg thank you for this
This helped remind me of much I'd forgottenđ
Love your videos !! â„ïž
This is an extremely hard concept for me to grasp, because I am an empath who feels the need to help everyone. Even a few months ago I would not be able to understand this video fully, and watching it now is hard for me to digest, but I'm at a place of healing where I understand that the amount of toxicity I've allowed in my life because of this NEEDS to change. It makes me happy to know I'm stepping closer and closer to being stronger in this sense; that I'm allowing myself to really take this message in and LISTEN. Thank you for sharing this, because this is helping me a lot! xo
Hello I wanna recommend you to someone powerful who helped me restore my broken relationship and restored my happiness back without stress and delay
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This video just helped me dodge a bullet. The timing couldn't be more perfect.
Hello do you need help why don't you try Dr oba he was the one that help me get my ex back,,
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Thank you for this video. I recently broke up with one side relationship. I felt bad for him wanted to make him happy because he had a rough childhood. After a while I felt burnt out and broke the relationship.
This was very insightful into why I attracted and was married to an abusive
Cheating psychopathic narcissist for 29 years.
I didnât give myself permission to be mindful of putting my feelings emotions
Health self respect and dignity first as He always reminded me of how insignificant or worthless I was
And gaslighting me and others into believing that what he was doing was mine or my childrenâs fault
It was a crazy making no win situation with him
As I always ended up being double abused and cheated on
And then blamed for and accused of exactly what he was doing to me
While he was blameshifting and smear campaigning my reputation
So I always allowed him to get away with his constant verbal and physical abuse , negligence of his family, and cheating
And was threatened and controlled into never speaking a word of it to anyone else as he continued on his destructive sadistic path
It needs to stop ur human REGAIN POWER! đȘ
This was great. Subbed
I've never pushed or pryed into anothers problems. but I've never not accepted anothers input. yes there have been times where I needed help but put others above myself. It was never an issue I always wanted to help. there have been moments of pure clarity where I've offered advice and had them ask to repeat myself because it was that profound. I believe offering important advice and judgement really does help. As being a pure form and not involved truly helps. theres so much more I want to say bit this medium of communication is lacking.
Thatâs me Iâm working on healing at 56 itâs never to late
Fantastic information, you have taken codependent, narcissism and empathy to another level, much more interesting and compelling full of compassion, and l might add wisdom. Thanks for sharing đ
Hello do you need help why don't you try Dr oba he was the one that help me get my ex back,,,
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Iâm just incredibly grateful to receive this information and recognize this is me!! And I will change itđ hurray
Thank youuuuuu
Holy cow đđđđđ my therapist told me about this and this video was so helpful
Thank you for this video! :)
I tend to feel guilty when focusing on myself. I know that stems from childhood, religious, narcisstic abuse from my past. Since I met my now-husband, I've had an even greater desire to heal myself but I had the wrong reasons for a long time. Yes, I love my relationship with him and at the same time, I'm way too dependent on his validation and ability to accomplish his goals. It's hard for me to ask for even a hug when I want one, as I feel needy.
Lately, I've been working more on my business for myself. For now, it's a way for me to break out of my shell and help myself. I can hope that others benefit from my artistic expression, but that's not my biggest "why." I write because it helps me connect with the parts of me that hid my traumas from me. I write because it's fun. I'm working on CZcams and podcasting to heal myself from the fear of being seen. While craving being seen at the same time. As a codependent empath with dissociative issues and C-PTSD, relaxation is important. I can't relax if I'm focused on others all the time.
This is going to be one of my hardest fights I'm highly sensitive & my empathy is very advanced that it doesn't feel healthy for me to be this empathic anymore I feel guilty whenever I feel the need to say no to helping others, I feel as though IAM responsible for their own problems and inner struggles and fights and the guilt eats me up alive, I'd remember when I was goig through my darkest and didnt find anyone there & I'd feel the need to save those around me, but they become emotionally dependent on me and Iam basically everyone's therapist. Ive came such a long way in my own personal development journey, but this is something I still struggle with on the daily...I'm finally creating boundaries and it's very difficult to unlearn these patterns and tell myself that people should be as responsible for themselves as Iam for myself. Its not my job nor my duty to take on your darkness, and most times they just feel as though I have to do it...I need to take this more seriously, because for someone that struggles with severe mental illness on top of that, I truly need to put myself first and protect my inner world being an empath already sucks I can't keep doing this to myself, it's auto torture...people leave feeling great whilr I'm still here dealing with their burdens. Iam no longer allowing this ajd Iam takimg my boundaries seriously and sticking to them.