To Help or Not to Help? (Helping Others) -Teal Swan-
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- čas přidán 19. 09. 2014
- To help or not to help, that is the question. Over the course of our lives, sometimes several times a day, we feel called upon to help someone else. In fact, some of us consider helping others to be the central role and purpose of our lives. But helping others is not always a good idea, especially when we are helping people for the wrong reasons. When we are confronted with the opportunity to help others, we need to make sure we are doing it for the right reasons before we seize the opportunity.
In this episode, Teal exposes the shadow aspects of helping and helpers and then offers some advice about how to decide whether or not to help someone.
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Teal Swan is a revolutionary for personal transformation and is one of The Most Spiritually Influential Living People in the world. As a renowned author, speaker and social media star, she travels the world teaching self-development and teaching people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical and spiritual pain.
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Beginning Song:
Kuan Yin's Mantra (c) 2002 Lisa Thiel
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"you cannot really ever help someone if you are hurting yourself in the process"
Is that the reason why most humans don't help animals or animal rights causes? Does that helping make them hurt? And that is why they don't do it? I want to know and find out. I am not judging. I help animals because I feel compassion. There isn't even a choice to make.
Perfect. So true for all of us. Thank you, Teal.
Last line is a crucial one!
@@nickilovesdogs8137 it simply because most human don't see the need to help them because they have other goals. If someone is preoccupied to survive and have food to eat, then saving animals will be the least of his concern
@@rosettesionne9139 Speaking from my personal perspective I would always help the animal in need of help first. But the vast majority of humans are not attuned to other living beings to that degree.
I can't believe she was able to explain my life/actions better than a therapist. Very powerful.
Au Cr 🙏🏼🙏🏼😍💐❤️
so true 😂😂
That happens when someone has wisdom, which is different from knowledge.
Universal Wisdom cannot be compared to human knowledge.
When parents fix their children problems they don't allow them to learn how to solve those problems themselves.
I absolute agree. We parents think sometimes that we can protect our children if solve their problems and that it is the real parently love. But we often limit them to learn their own problem-solving method....
Yes. As well as grandparents who like to take over and disempower the parents who are trying to be good parents to their own children. It has been very long struggle with mother for as long I can remember.
I have learned to set better boundaries to do what is best for myself to help my children. I have been trying to prevent this cycle to be carried with to my children.
Good luck to you . I hope you find your answers.
this pattern alone causes immense immense immense suffering
Absolutely agree, and dealing with the repercussions of this as an adult is very spiritually and emotionally difficult.
I think we can agree that it depends on the kind of problem and the age and personality of the child... I.e. some problems should not be a child ones to solve and some children's problems are due to their exposure to a parent. As Teal probably implies, a child could suffer from parent inflicted pain by developing coping mechanisms that do not serve it well in the future. Parents could indeed help their child by looking at their own behaviour and not inflicting these problems in the first place. Generally I think it is valid that many parents could try to refrain from unsolicited helping with certain everyday tasks and social situations in order to strengthen the childs independence. That's why I like the Montessori approach so much. It attempts to give tools to children to handle situations and express their feelings and wants.
I think some of these comments are made due to not yet fully understanding shadow work and our subconsciousness. Everyone is at different stages. And it'll resonate with those who are ready to fully dissect their deep issues and dive deep into shadow work. I fully respect this and appreciate it! Thank you
She has such a calming tone in her voice that brings the stress and anxiety levels down to actually be able to understand her meaning and answer questions that have plaqued my train of thought for a long time!
Agree 😊
"The best kind of help empowers people"
Hello Teal, Your video is suspiciously on time with my experience in the last few days. ( in a good way). Thank you. I would like to share with you a poem I wrote back in 1995 about helping...
a man who helps another, relieving him of strain, will cause humiliation, another form of pain. What started out as helpful, soon will be no more, show someone they're helpless and embarrass them for sure. So help someone in time of need then kindly walk away, before you cause them moral debt, they did not ask to pay. G.T.G. 1995
I strongly believe that it is our responsibility to help the animals because they can not speak for themselves.
Yes!
True!
This is so, so true. My adoptive parents were exactly the case of those manipulative helpers. I was growing up in a constant feelings of powerlessness, shame and guilt for beeing ungrateful. I ended up depressed and I struggled to do even the most basic things, such as opening my bank account or searching for a job. I know that they went through a difficult childhood and they tried to "help" to feel appreciated and loved, but they did more harm than good. I eventually moved from Europe to Australia and I feel much happier. I really love Teal for her wisdom, she is a great spiritual teacher!!!
Thank you for sharing it!
l like how you say it is not our responsibility to help others but it is our capability to help others
This explains my Savior Complex so well, even in an abusive environment, why I keep hanging on to that one idea of they are hurting and I am the one that could save them...WOW, how wrong am I!!!! Also if I feel like I cannot deliver what others want from me, I am no longer worthy or valuable. The deep sense of inadequacy is paralyzing and devastating to me. My value is not in who I am, it is in what I do. The childhood neglect and parentified child are all too true in my life.
I'm 61 and I've helped thousands of people in my life, felt pretty good about it for the most part, after this not so much...
The shadow side of helping. Yep! I recognize myself. I sometimes help just to divert myself from my own crap. I'm going to follow her advice and look at my own motives in future. Sometimes this woman's content just blows me away!
Creator,
your manifestation as Teal is a threefold example of your unbound beauty. Thank you.
There is no creator. Teal is a god level soul. Captain Paul Watson is a god level soul. Elon Musk and the monk Bomjon are Buddha level souls there are only two in existence at this point in time. The highest instance is the Infinite Cosmos and it, too has manifested many times throughout history. Jiddu Krishnamurti was one of it's manifestations.
Funny, only 2 days ago I found out the only thing I needed to do was just be present.. Dont say a word or interpret.. just be there and listen..
To help? Yes. Being there for them with unconditional love, instead of "offering our wisdom", often is much more helpful and sometimes transformative.
That's interesting... thanks... maybe I could try this... it's stressing me out trying to move away from partner so... :)
i think this is what our pets do for us in a big way! it is true unconditional love to just be and love in presence. indeed. good thought!
Michelle Jay humans sadly have big problems to be able to do this often. especially my mother. :P
This is so true and, at least in my world, a pretty rare realization. It is also a sign to me that a person is really tuning into me (or whomever) and not just listening or "helping" for obligatory purpose or with controlling intent, for instance because they want me to handle the situation the way they would or manipulate the solution that would actually be best for me. Just listening with no intent of giving advice unless it specifically asked for is very selfless and extremely helpful. Even though it feels effortless.
Teal Swan is undeniably the most beautiful influence on my present healing. Thank you. And peace to everyone out there using her as a resource. 🖤
Strong brutal honest and logical message...thank you
Yeah now I can understand why she receives so much hate!
Many thanks to you Teal! I am a chronic helper and have struggled many years with problems because of it. Seeing myself in many of the scenarios, I can now consciously work on this shadow side of myself more effectively. I enjoy helping others and it is something that I'll always do. Having covered most of your tips, choosing the right time and person will be my next step. Namaste
that last thought at the end of the video is what really hit home for me. i kept thinking about a certain person i feel gratitude for him just being present with me in my time of need because i don't think i really got very much emotional support growing up.
yes set boundaries and do help to empower others. sometimes helping is actually not helping. thanks
Omg i do this all the time, even when im fantasizing! I always imagine myself helping others, or imagine the person i have a crush on in a bad situation and me as a hero going to help them, and by that having them like me. I realized recently that thats not the way to go and waw im a junkie ._. big one. And i always get hurt because i give my everything to others and they dont give back. I really needed this video! Thank you Teal i love you
Rali think of something good happened to u out of nowhere, sometimes u deal with easy people in regular situations and ending up good...all this because your good deeds. All ur deeds will return to you either in this world or other world but non of ur deeds will go with no answer.
What would happen if you encountered someone who is altruistic? What feelings would come up if you dated an altruistic and infinitely loving woman who only gives love to you? Would pain come up and then you would leave her? I need to know this.
Hey, another junkie on a road to recovery here. I've shedded a layer of those shadow motives of helping, am still on that road. It's doable.
Wow i can identify strongly here.
Having listened to this I notice that my motives for helping people are generally cleaner than I might have thought. I believe that Teal's motives are a little clearer too - and that we may benefit from them. Thank you Teal for wanting to do this
Teal is an amazing teacher . Some things I feel like she projects on everyone that is really going on with her but overall I have really benefited from her ❤️
wow... this lecture has been very enlightening for me. i found that i have been guilty of multiple shadow aspects of helping others.
Teal you are a very thorough teacher. thanks again.
Wow!! I watched this twice... And will watch this again and again. You have helped to explain what i have been trying to sort out about myself for years! Your concrete practical instructions at the end will be a great tool of prevention of this self-betrayal/sabotage/destruction again.💗💗💗
This has been so relevant these past few months of my life. I hope many, many people will watch this to understand why helping can be a very, very bad thing.
Teal you do not waste one word in your impartation. Thank you for walking in your gift!!
I met a reiki master who I was seeing for a while and had a an avalanche of these issues arise. I did not recognize the separation in his intentions until I could identify healthy boundaries for myself. A lot of his own unresolved childhood memories became mine and confused me with my own. Then I could see the shadow love aspect and light love aspect as my mirror. It's been a ride. This video has brought together so much of the process. Abundantly Grateful. Thank You.
EVery sing;e time I watch you Teal you tell me EXACTLY what I need to hear exactly when I need to hear it. Thank you so friggin much!!
Man this one hit home hard. Thank you for being real. 💚🕊
REALLY useful discussion. I appreciate your ability to balance "touchy-feely" sensitivities with no-nonsense brutal-truth. Your discussion here (like the one where you teach how to say No) with the focus on self-reflection and the "junky" aspects is a real eye opener.
One of the most reason for me to help other even I know or don't know them is my desire for having a value for my life, is that a shadow
As a someone who struggles with wanting to help other people but does not accept any help from others, this was very informative and good video. Thanks. They are not the problem, the way I approach the world is. World is juat a reflection to me in the game of life we learn to live better that is already created perfect and for the best interest for us.
Thanks, Teal-You are so good at this work! You clearly put a lot of thought and effort into each video and they are vastly more helpful than therapists who are usually way more messed up than me. I've been watching and re-watching your videos since discovering them this week and will buy your book on Amazon.
This explains my Saviour Complex so well, even in an abusive environment, why I keep hanging on to that one idea of they are hurting and I am the one that could save them.
It's better not to help if you haven't been asked for it
disagree!! children or animals rarely ASK for help.. i think when someone is in need, your human instincts should kick in to help. if they do not, you let your ego stop you!
Michelle Jay yeah...sometimes people don't ask, so i don't know what to do then
just stay open and be aware...and if you sense something you can just say something kind to them or even ask... if they need any help, be of service. and dont let your ego hold you back. i feed stray dogs all the time... and i rescue them sometimes too. people are harder, yes, i agree... and some dont want help even if you can see they might need it. but you can always offer nonjudgemetnal love and support in a healthy way. they may reject it...but thats their problem! :)
not at all.. you dont know me. and im not that much of a helper! lol i feel the need to help way more often than i do actually help others! im very busy and dont have much time to help myself... i just think it should be basic human nature to help each other if you see someone struggling in some way. not for reward. not for anything..except its just the right thing to do. mostly i see children and animals needing more help when they cant always help themselves. most adults should be able to guide themselves through this thing called life. but we all need a helping hand from time to time in some way. an encouraging word..some support. and its a very selfish standpoint to feel so separate from others and not feel a need to help. i dont need to be the one to help, if an old lady across the street needs help and company, im more than happy to see a neighbor helping her. but if NOBODY is helping.. then i cant see not putting some effort out. for her sake alone. it comes from compassion and empathy.
i only said "its their problem if they dont want help" as in ... if they dont want help, thats their business. you did what you thought needed done.. and if someone rejects it, well you did you part already. thats their choice. that person or animal will usually never forgot that time someone tried to help, even if they scoffed at it. one small effort of love and kindness is all it takes to make the world a better place. inch by inch..step by step.
I believe kind people help spontaneously without agenda
That is absolutely true.
It would seem that helping can be more complicated than we think. Personally, If I see someone obviously in need of help, and that could be just in everyday situations, and I am in the position to help, I won't hesitate. But I don't feel the need to help anyone, it's quite a dispassionate thing for myself, but it's important to guard your own integrity at the same time. Very interesting video!
My beginning statement was meant ironically. I'm afraid the video illustrates differently, it is complicated, for many people out there who take on the helping role.
Well, she has to explain deeply the subject. That is why. It is psychoanalysis.Everything could be seen as complicated if you look everything in details. And she does not say it applies to everyone. It is her own theories she believes in.
I agree. Helping comes from the soul.
People need each other. Not as "needy" but as parte of their lives.
Helping is not always as psycholigically deep as she says.... its silly. Dogs help people and each other... animals help often ..and im sure they are not needing praise in doing so. its just instilled in us as pack animals often to help each other.. because as pack animals, we understand we belong to each other. its super ego coming in that shows that we are separate! so sometimes people help for ulterior motives but often times one just springs to action in moments of need!
Teal, I know you don't expect appreciation or gratitude from me but I wanna say thank you for sharing with us♡.
Teal thank you so much for the effort of making this video. It is extremely insightful and your wisdom is helpful for personal growth and navigating this challenging earth journey. Namaste
Thank you Ms. Teal. You have reminded me of what I didn't expect to learn.
One way of helping others in a free way is to visualise them as their higher selves - ie enabling that person to help themselves rather than helping them 'yourself' - there's a big difference between 'empowering' out of joy and 'helping' from a misguided perception
So true! My mom had some traits of this. In my late teens I read a healers' book and the author was repeating over and over again 'don't give advice unless it's asked for'. From his point of view it was the most annoying thing anyone can do. Even from purely social point of view.
Thank you. Really just thank you for putting things into words and structure that I have FELT on such a deep level but never been able to mentalize it in such clarity.
Thank you Teal. Another one of those light bulb moments when watching your videos.
I think this video explains my behaviour in the past. I have helped people for the wrong reasons. I have in the past felt un-need, unloved and unlovable and still do. I have also felt empty inside myself. I realise I am trying to get this from people by me helping and giving - not in a loving way. Of course when I am looking for this outside of myself, I neglect myself in the process. I thought I was co-dependant and may still be as what is mentioned in this video, I can see does cross into co-dependency. This video seemed to tick many of the boxes that I have felt and are reflected in my behaviour in the past. I can see how my acts of 'giving' or 'helping' may in fact been a manipulation to be noticed, wanted, loved, to gain value and to feel needed in this world and by people. Basically I am being inauthentic in these moments of help and giving.
I am aware that if I give or help it has to be a choice and not conditional on what I get back. In other words un-conditionally. Giving and helping does make me feel good. It is great to get the wonderful feeling that I have had a positive impact on a person or their life. If it is in the moment and I have no attachment to my action, I know I am giving for the right reason. It is where I want something from a person or I feel an attachment, my giving is conditional. It is where I am not being authentic and the helping/giving is conditional for my own needs or potentially manipulated to meet my needs. My action is self centred rather than an act of love.
I have watched many of your videos over the last couple of months. Watching the videos has helped me see how my actions may relate to issues in my past, especially when I was a child. Thank you for creating the videos and allowing people to help themselves by looking how their experiences in the past, may be effecting their actions in the present and affecting their life in the future.
This video resonates with me a lot. You understand me more than myself, Teal.
Sooooooooooooo good! Finally somebody who sees it! Love you Teal.
i want to help simply because i know that could help others but i don't actually like to define myself as a helper. i want to define myself as a human being who also need help by the right person from time to time. that is why i am actually watching this kind of videos. i know i deserve love for who i really am and not by the things i can offer
You are such a beautiful soul! Your words are what I needed most at this very moment. Thank you.
Hi Teal, Thank you so much for all your other video's as well, they have been a great help to widen my perspective on life.
This particular video is amazing and for some reason it has given me a huge sense of freedom. I always felt morally obligated to help people because I could and there felt I had to (and probably felt guilty if I didn't) but now I feel I have choice. Thank you so much!
This is SO SO MUCH the pattern in my family... eye-opening...
I can't believe how amazing you are Teal, you're the BEST psychologist out there. You're mind-blowing! My ego gets roasted in every one of your videos, lol.
You have just described my mother, word for word. My sister and I have already said all of these things about our mother countless times. This has just confirmed it. I need to be a psychologist lol.
Thanks Teal !!!!!! you have no idea how much i mean that ! if I ever to meet you in person one day , I will say thank you a give a big hug !!
You keep gifting us diamonds of wisdom!! Thank you sister 🙏🏽
wow!! My favourite post yet!!! AMAZING. Teal..you are just so on to it! THANK YOU xx
I just discovered your videos and can't get enough!
Thank you Teal I just really appreciate every video you share, it helps me grow beyond:) much love and light xoxo
Thanks again for sharing this insight Teal! This is relevant on such a larger scale than you may even realize. This rings true even for humanitarian aid and development work.
I am really enjoying your videos. What I enjoy the most are your clear examples and suggestions to move forward.
Very helpful especially because I am an HSP and in the healing industry. Thank you so much.
I love you Teal! Thank you for always saying it how it is, even if it's a harder pill for some to swallow. Xoxo
So very grateful for this great insight and spot on advice 🙏🙏🙏 this is such a life dilemma for me. You shed a lot of light in a very frustrating pattern of my behaviour. Be well.
Thank You Teal... I have learned so much by watching your channel. Especially this video...
Exactly what I needed to process. I'll have to watch this a few more times so I can fully comprehend the extents of what my current situation and thinking have been going through after I'd helped quite a few people in my family the last 6 months and why they all come to me. Keen insights once again Ms Swan. Thank you! Namaste~
Yes, all very recognizable, I used to always feel like I should be helping in order to have a good feeling about myself, carrying the misconception that I was not good if I would just all let it be.
Very relieved that I seemed to have lost this along the way and my mind is so much clearer and at peace now. :) Cheerz Teal
Great video and very clear, useful information! I have seen/experienced many of these things, however summarizing some main aspects of the need to help and the shadows behind it made it easier to understand! Thank you!
now I understand why I always feel uncomfortable with my MIL wanting to "Help" . Never asked for, always pressure on us, and then felt resentment or passive aggressiveness after if we accept the help . always felt like it was only for manipulation or to control choices we make. Even though she exactly always says " I just want both of you to be happy" 😂 Never felt sincere, when she get mad/frustrated at every choices we made or way of living we had . Just made me want to push her more and more away.
Thank you for helping me understand myself a little bit better.
I am envious of the clarity with which you explain all these issues! :-) Always a pleasure to listen though...
this sounds exactly like me, like every single shadow is me. this really helped connect! thank u for the video!
Great, as usual! Thank You for your work! Honesty rules!!!
Very good, very detailed information.
Helping others should come from a place of Abundance. Any gift given is given without any strings attached.
Once you give something away, it no longer belongs to you. It's a gift. The recipient can throw it away or accept it. You have no Emotional attachment to the gift or the rejection that may occur.
You did exactly what you wanted to. You gave, and that is the beauty of LOVE.
Hard to hear at first but the shadow side is so obvious now, thank you
What a useful video to be buried in the past!!! This needs to resurface some time very soon. I found this now in 2020 and really find it to be relevant to a lot of people
perfect I've pondering on this question for a fortnight and the universe has answered it for me (you) thank you
Wow! It is mind-blowing. Thank you Teal
Enjoyed this very much. Thank you for sharing your incredible gift.
Amazing, no one ever can see thing as thing are like the way you do.thank you for being kind and bold at the same time
I don't know how this applies to me, I have the emotional neglect etc. and I used to help people all the time, but now I dont, I dont help anyone anymore. I don't know why I don't help people but I do feel bad because I don't help. No one helps me either so maybe that's why, as I feel scared because I can give and give til there is nothing left to give, but im scared people will take everything from me, even my life.
Here,have some warm hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
it is like a values education which a lot of curriculum nowadays are lacking. keep it up
that's it if anyone EVER tells me that they are just trying to help out of the goodness of their own heart--i will just run. maybe spit then run!
I came across you, have seen many of the video's. Im very happy that I got to know you excist in this world. you often make me smile and remind me of ME. so hope this will make you smile, I have trouble saying youre name, so to me you are tail swan ha ha ..Bless you
Very nice video---only earth angels and lightworkers go out of the way to guide people and move on with their lives without even meeting the helped person again in their lives. Best wishes
Wow this is so powerful and helping me so much, thank you Teal 🤩
I believe in always helping. if the person or animal is in front of me, I will just do it and move on. If not I will remote heal the best I know how. This helps others and makes me feel good to do so. I guess my selfish reward would be that I get to use all that energy I stored and all those years of Spiritual Practice to do some good. This may in some way feed my ego but it really makes no difference. Something Living Got Help.
It's not your Ego. You help animals because you feel love. And that is wonderful.
Oh yes this sure used to be me before Awakening!! I`m still working through it of course. Lol. I know now & can actually FEEL the feeling good of others. And I Know what it is & where it comes from. That makes a the difference in the world!
I have faith that the universe is unfolding as it should ...to find the truth we most first be lost .we look out side, trying to help ..trying to unerstand ourselves .to truly understand we most look within To look within is to see . All is here. To know nothing and to experience all.We are everything and nothing, And I wish us all to know that what we are .
this channel tears me to shreds
This channel is awesome! Sending love your way❤️❤️
You are so right, Teal. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. 😃😃😃
Thanks for the video. Helping is my drug of choice I don't fully understand why I am the way I am, but it works most of the time. It has backfired horribly of late with my new passive aggressive neighbors (first video of yours I watched) I like this video because it really made me think. I'm wary of the woo I see in this part of CZcams, but this seems legit. Either way I hope to run into you on the ski lift sometime. You're a trip. Very thought provoking conversations here. This seems very well thought out.
I needed this beyond words
I asked for guidance on this EXACT subject from God/the spiritual teachers. This was my guidance. THANK YOU. Thank you.
Teal you are wonderful. The video is very interesting and mind opening. Thank you very much.
awesome message! will have to put in practice on a daily basis!
When teal pops on my time line i know im healing❤😂
A lot of people do this... Hopefully they'll view this video and it'll SINK IN!
I just want to cry… But I’m so tired and a lil numb after this long week… It’s all so true… The need to be needed… The people pleasing child who adopted a smile to mask her loneliness and pain… Always trying to disown and reject and hide my own feelings of being alone and helpless and focusing my attention on others’ instead so they wouldn’t see me, but so that it wouldn’t matter and at least I could pretend they loved me… The unfortunate circumstance of me choosing to stay with people who I viewed as needing help but who viewed themselves as being fine… They resisted my help, we’d go to AA meetings and he’d hide his drinks… We’d go to a party and they’d be violent with someone almost every time, but they still showed up at my door, refused to leave and I was there wiping the blood off of him or smoothing things over … Or someone else who’s depression was so deep and I didn’t know how to help so I thought cleaning his home and helping with laundry and little gestures were the way to go…. While he was disinterested and didn’t follow through on his commitments and incapable of being what I needed, but at least he let me stay night after night… Or the man who lied about being married and I viewed him eventually choosing me over her as a profession of love and his drinking as a natural by product of a broken heart and me, still there trying to impart words of wisdom that fell on deaf ears and foggy mind of his that didn’t remember the nights before… An array of mutual dysfunctions of unmet needs…. And my latest manifestation, a man who previously had it all, the job and the home and car and no addictions, seemingly happy, but currently grieving the loss of a father-figure, in a new country- alone, learning a new language, and offering unmet promises of future moments, only for it to crumble into nothing. A facade of what I thought it was va what it really was. Something for the moment and nothing more… something to stay light and not ask for much back… something I couldn’t stand on… and then for me to unknowingly patronize him by thinking I’m helping but just burdening him with my own issues. I’m sorry I’m such bad luck. I can’t help a soul because I don’t even know how to help myself. 😔
Thank You. This is very powerful.