you see autistic people dont really look anydifferent externally, its more their character and demeaner. but growing up i mean even til adulthood.. id had a few experiences with autistic people, where i had no idea they were autistic. and out of nowhere theyd make a joke, one time even a racial joke like our of thin air.. and he sat there laughing quietly. and I waas confused i look at this guy looking at his expressions and waiting for him to kinda realise what he said offended me and look at me and at least explain.. but insted he kinda lookd that had a huge grin. to me i thought what an arsehole, and ive grown up standing up for myself, and I said "are you serious?" trust me i was about to get physical, we was in a pub and one of my mates form the other side of the room could feel it. and he shouted me asked me whats up.. and i told him shouted back out loud, everyont got a bit moody whil the autistic kid acting not only like he had no remorse, but like he was proud it wound me up.. this is the body language they can give off.. they can seem rude, un caring and it looks intentional.. csz
"All the little things that everyone does unconsciously, autistic people do manually." This woman just took a huge weight off of my shoulders just like that. I'm in awe. That might be the best explanation I could use to describe my struggles that I've ever heard up to this point. It's spot on. I feel like I need to thank her.
@@AshirwadSarmah Social interactions are intrinsically dispositioned; autistic people, however, do not experience social interaction the same way other people do. It’s hard to talk to people and people will talk naturally, but everything like our body language and speech has to be controlled whereas everyone else unconsciously controls it.
"Even with people I care for and enjoy being around, I have to psyche myself up to be around them." That statement really resonates with me, and is difficult to explain to friends.
@@heatherrae901 It doesn't help there's a friendship recession (it's real, go look it up on Wikipedia. This "recession" has existed since 1990's) out there, and people are making less friends despite there's a loneliness epidemic on-going.
Boundaries have always been a huge problem for me because I personally lack boundaries. I have no problem telling someone I just met about my medical history, what my last bowel movement was like, or my mental health issues. On top of that, I'm very emotional and overly involved in my relationships with others. Once, I had an online friend that was on a vacation and I saw via her location tag on her recent Instagram post where she was and I looked up the weather there and it seemed very nice so I told her that and she got really upset and weirded out. To this day I still don't really understand why... all of the information was available to me but I guess I wasn't supposed to say anything about it? Who knows.
i know what you mean i was diagnosed at 10 with Asperger but everyone thinks that it changes my life but really i have never known different, the only difference is i often get bullied because of it.
@Joe Average it would help in toughen up a person at somepoint , toughen them up by make them learn that it doesnt matter what people say about them and make them stand for themselves
@@hmm-hy8cw Not really, because again, it's being blind socially. And when one is socially blind, you don't really know why they are bullying you. You rather already are able to speak up, so you rather feel that because they're bullying that they are trying to get you stop talking, and not to speak up more. And if you don't have your personality fully developed, then how are you going to speak up against them? You don't, because you don't know how and so you just stay quiet.
Your lucky, to be diagnosed so young. I had to live knowing I was different for 12 years before I knew the reason. My heart's with anyone who has the disorder and doesn't know it. This is such an unfair system, we get bullied, but none does anything against it, but if someone who was fat was bullied everyone would be on it. So we mask it, try to change OUR behaviour because others can't accept that we're different. My heart is really with all my asbergic brothers and sisters, all we've been through, are going to go through and all we need to do every day just to not be mentally tortured. People say to be proud of it, but if you gave me the choice to get rid of it and relive the first 12 years of mynlife non autistic, I'd chose it in a heartbeat.
I'm so glad a black woman came in for this video. The black community typically sees mental health differently, especially when combined with religious belief. My good friend had told me this and I see it everywhere now. People don't realize or process that there are autistic folks all around the world! Not just America. That's such a subconscious idea that's just sitting in a lot of people's mind and it's like hey! People in India have autism. In Afghanistan. In China. In Turkey. Everywhere! I don't know if I have autism. Im about to get an evaluation. My sister is autistic and I understand everything she talks about. And the bullying was relentless for us. For me I constantly got assaulted and attacked at school. I was quiet and walked funny and I was different. I didn't know what was wrong with me until people told me and I believed it and it ate me up. And I couldn't be like everyone else I didn't know how to. But I also didn't know why I was so dang different that I couldn't get along with everyone. It's painful. My heart hurt feeling that. And then things changed for me. I got some friends in college and people liked me. I couldn't believe it. Nothing changed. Those people just gave me a chance and I loved it. And most people who gives me a chance likes me. People will see the outside. They'll notice things that don't matter and they may be hung up on it. But you're all gems. Everybody. And when people give you a chance, they see that. I learned that a lot of times you have to fight for your chance, but when I almost gave up, people finally saw me. And I hope you all have someone who will or has given you the chance to express yourself and be you and sees what a gem you are.
@@mads6857 I have! Hate to disappoint anybody, but I am not autistic. I have social anxiety, depression, and ADHD (predominantly inattentive.) I did find out we all share a lot of similarities, and really a lot of the stuff I related to most that people talked about was neurodivergency, not specifically autism. Because ADHD and autism both are neurodivergent. But there are specific things that mostly for me lead to ADHD. I did score mildly high on AQ (a test for autism), but the story of my background never fit quite right for that diagnosis. But I wonder if a lot of what I understood is because I grew up with autistic siblings (we knew my sister but not my brother until recent. I do have another brother who we think has something but he has never been evaluated.) And they were older, they did have a lot of influence on my life growing up. I think it's easy to see why I felt the world was strange. I've learned so much about ADHD and so much of it describes my life to a T. I never thought I had it because I thought it was being hyper. But I would zone out all the time, especially during conversations. I would presenting in front of the class. My out of sight out of mind functioning makes me forget about important things or people I care about. I really understand who I am through this journey I went through with getting a diagnosis, more than I would have otherwise. I definitely recommend.
@@raedai8819 yayyyy that’s so cool! Just a question, were you dead set on being autistic before you found out you had ADHD? Like had you done lots of research for a long time and stuff because the first time I searched ‘am I autistic’ was when I was 11/12. I was going through a lot and I couldn’t quite pinpoint what was going on, literally every mental illness in the book I had searched up symptoms for, even if I knew I didn’t have them, but it hasn’t been a linear journey since, I’ve gone in and out of wondering if I am autistic, or “phases” of it ig, about a year ago was when I first believed I was. after that, my 16 y/o brother got an evaluation (that he probably should’ve passed when he was younger when he got his ADHD diagnosis) and I stopped thinking I was autistic because he’s very classically autistic right, and I basically have better social skills than him. My biggest fear is that I’m not going to get a diagnosis because of how much the diagnosis criteria has a root in mysoginy and negative connotations around autistic people and suffering, and because my social skills concerning cues and reading people are pretty good, but I still have always struggled with keeping friendships and I’m a floater, but that’s a huge part of autism so I’m scared that makes me not autistic, not that I necessarily want to be autistic but I’m scared of people thinking I was self-diagnosing or trying to be quirky or something. I feel like my symptoms aren’t “severe” enough as other autistic people. Sorry that’s long and a lot of that isn’t relevant but I feel like I have to explain that to explain what I’m asking 🙃
It really hurts. I grew up always feeling weird and being called a dork, or strange, and even stuck up. I found my group of weirdos but it took until high school. College was starting all over again. Luckily I joined some groups so I can find people with similar interests. Working in environments that make me feel passionate with likeminded individuals… that’s thriving , but outside of the education world, I feel alone.
yes you can, especially in poor countries. also some people, while in the spectrum, are highly functioning that their idiosyncrasy sometimes just pass as a "weird quirk".
@@SabrinaPerez I was diagnosed by a local psychologist but there's a lot of good info online to self diagnos. Also there are a lot of good online communities to provide support whether your diagnosis is self, or doctor diagnosis.
Yeah, on hindsight i was an extremely confused kid developing masking mechanisms over masking mechanisms to cope with the world. But since then I've come to accept that I might be on the spectrum and now I'm trying to figure out how to live with it rather than struggling against it.
The woman who rocks as she talks wasn’t diagnosed till she was 32?! That poor woman probably went through so much being undiagnosed for that many decades.
I don't know if I have autism or not but I tend to rock a lot, though I have a feeling that probably has nothing to do with it. It also seems to suck to go through so much but be told you're normal or have something else.
One of the main problems with high functioning autism is that the quirks/idiosyncrasies often come across as being shady or always up to something. And a lot of times its true. Just not shady in the way most people assume it to be. It often gets confused with narcissism or sociopathic. But with autism, the "shady" behavior is usually the result of defense mechanisms. Relationships, even casual, can be very difficult.
I just got my autism diagnosis this year, at 36 years old. I didn't start realizing that I was autistic until after my daughter got her diagnosis. I started researching autism in girls, and the more I learned, the more I started realizing that it sounded a lot like me as well. I talked to my doctor, went through the process, and got my diagnosis. I really wish I had known as a kid. It explains everything. I've never been "normal" like other girls. I always wondered why. My husband has become my safety blanket. I probably rely on him too much, but he is great about it. I just hope I can help my daughter adjust better than I was able to.
@@pricklycats I am sorry you feel this way. Autism is not some horrific disease. And your suffering could be eased with some therapy. There are many reasons people suffer on this planet, neurotypical or not.
I’m also 36 and just got diagnosed after my son was diagnosed with ASD when I realised I have most of the symptoms on the test. Just a question, do you have night time visuals as well? I’ve had this since a young child … at night in the dark I see brightly coloured patterns that swirl around beautifully. I was never afraid of this until I realised a few years ago that it’s not normal …. now I’m wondering if something more is wrong and it’s giving me very bad night time anxiety I hate it 😞
"All the little things that everyone does unconsciously autistic people do manually" Thank you! every little facial expression, tone of voice, movement, reaction, and word has to be consciously calculated. Sometimes I focus so much on properly responding that I literally can't focus on the person and miss the next thing they say.
@@godbearxd Not things like that. More like choosing when to make and break eye contact and choosing how to move my face, voice, and body to express the right emotion/reaction etc.
And here I thought this was a consequence of not interacting with anyone when I was younger, but I tend to mimic the characters I like most on the most recent video I watched. Due to this, I constantly rewatch Snatch.
I'm 21 and show a ton of signs of being on the spectrum, even at a young age. But I was misdiagnosed with BPD.. Doctors need to stop diagnosing us for our emotional traits and diagnose us for what's ACTUALLY going on.
Went to see a therapist recently and he diagnosed me with bpd even though I was trying to tell him I think I have asd but was having trouble getting what I wanted across
@@lorefrancis3319 yeah I've approached my psychiatrist and two different therapists about this but they're always more concerned about my mood. They have me take the depression assessment and they're like, "oh, we should focus on your depression first." WE'VE FOCUSED ON IT FOR 3 YEARS NOW. Time to try something different! Why were my brother and dad able to get diagnosed so easily?? It's not fair.
YUP! I’m diagnosed with bpd as a teenager and I think I was misdiagnosed. As I do relate to a lot of symptoms associated with bpd, but there are others traits that I have that make me think autism. For instance, sensitive to sounds and light. I plugged my ears as a child a lot and even now at 27 years old if the tv is a little to loud I can’t handle it. Or just a lot of people talking at once. My 2 year old daughter is plugging her ears a lot and doing other things related to autism. and her pedi thinks she is on the spectrum and referred her to a specialist. Wouldn’t surprise me if I’m also on the spectrum.
@@sweetsour4375 I got diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder. I actually do believe that this is a disorder I have but at the same time my therapists always focused on my anxiety/depression way more than any asd stuff that I wanted to discuss :(
I just realized I was masking my entire life after having a mental breakdown last year. 31 years. I was practically beaten into submission as a child of a veteran who is also on the spectrum and undiagnosed. Generational abuse is very hard to break. Sending everyone love and support!
@@ASmartNameForMe thank you! My children are growing up with a very different supportive childhood. I believe we are all HSPs (highly sensitive persons) There is a trauma book that recently helped me and my parents a lot, It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn. Highly recommend it for anyone suffering with intruding thoughts or painful memories. 💕
Do you, I mean anyone in comments who is neurotypical, do you find that description helpful? I may use it next time I'm asked the "what does that (me being autistic) mean, exactly?" question.
When I talk about my own autism, I always say autistic people are like cats - we stick to what makes us feel comfortable, if we get overwhelmed by our senses we sometimes panic or lash out, we need time on our own to recharge, we often come across very socially awkward, and we're never sure how to react in new, foreign situations.
This just reminds me of that apparently, when I was a toddler, I got my wires crossed and mimicked the socialisation of our cat instead of my family... placing the food bowl somewhere where the cat could find it and I couldn't became an interesting challenge for the adults, oops 😅
I actually grew up around "different people" and they are not so different. Great uncle was Paraplegic, Uncle was missing an arm with a "hook" he opened using his shoulder muscles that he chased me around with growing up. Family friend that had a kid with down syndrome... and to me they were all just "normal people" . People say Down Syndrome is is a severe handicap..... and the one with a severe handicap was one of the HAPPIEST people I have EVER met and had absolutely no "hate" toward ANYONE.... EVER. It is THEM with the handicap yet "normal" people do unspeakable things to each other.... even march off to war and kill...... yet the happiest person I ever met was the one with the "handicap"! I don't get it....
You can sorta tell even by the way they are sitting they are putting a lot of energy and effort to sit properly and express themselves controllably. Lots of respect to these ladies for living day by day to be as functional as they can while embracing the condition they are diagnosed with
I was diagnosed on the higher functioning end when I was 2 years old and the woman who diagnosed me told my parents to be prepared to put me in a home once they are not able to take care of me anymore, that I would not be able to find love, or feel love or any other emotion, etc. I'm right now in college getting my Bachelors in Science in Clinical Psychology, Engaged (getting married in 2020), and just living my life the way it should be. My way. Edit: Honestly didn't expect so many likes, I was just putting my two cents on my experience and how far I've come. Thank you all for the love you have given me
Don't you love it when your life can prove a medical professional wrong? "I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your son's a genius." -Scorpion, premiere episode
Absolutely! Not just for people on the spectrum, but especially for neurotypicals. People on the autistic spectrum comprise a small chunk of the population, yet divorce rates in western countries are high. Quite ironic but unsurprising.
@@misscogito9865 well people who are mentally challenged don’t even get married or have life long fulfilling relationships. So they need to be taught way more than just social skills
When I was young, there was no such thing. I was not diagnosed until I was nearly 70. I am now 77, and life has become a little easier knowing why I have had such difficulties in my life. I hope the knowledge that we have these days are of a help to people today. I have recently found a daughter of one of my friends who has it, we talk about things that other people are not interested in or know nothing about. It's fun!
Im 50 & similar to when i was young. Autism was barely spoken about. Only just discovered recently that i am autistic. So glad things have changed and younger people are getting diagnosed so they can educate themselves about how to navigate through life.
I used to teach kids and young people drums. My favourite student was a young man with autism, as he was incredibly focused and determined to get things right. He was a perfectionist, in the best way possible. He would get so focused and into the practise routines that sometimes I would have to stand in front of him and wave my hands around to get him to stop playing. He throughly enjoyed it and I loved teaching him. He was a very ‘serious’ (for lack of a better word) young man and it broke my heart to hear him tell stories of having troubles making friends etc. Drumming seemed to be an extremely positive outlet for him. I was honoured to be his friend.
If you know how and why you suffer you can affect change so as not to encounter it. If you don't you can't and so continue to suffer. Some of these women spoke of their own progress towards reducing outside BS for example
Wait... wouldn’t that be the best part? To be aware and understand why there is a separation gap? I feel better being self aware of what makes me so different because it allows me to identify what I can do that can make me be similar which allows me to connect with others. Not knowing was the whole disconnect. But connecting to myself has allowed me to connect with others. I think the self awareness is a blessing in disguise
It is a misconception that autistic people lack empathy or cannot read emotions, etc. I am on the spectrum, and I have a lot of empathy, write poetry, and read people very well. It is in the other areas that I have issues
@Mark Donald It is part o the diagnostic criteria yes, but that does not make it entirely correct. Women on the spectrum are frequently misdiagnosed because they don't fall into this neat category of people who can't read emotions, etc.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but... are you sure you read people so extremely well? After all, ultimately we’re not the ones who get to make that call about ourselves. What have your friends and loved ones told you about the times they recall your thoughtfulness?
My parents still don’t believe I am autistic. They just straight up told the *doctor* who noticed I was different when I was a kid that they were crazy and that the doctor was trying to push me into “a place I didn’t belong.” Now, my most recent therapist didn’t believe that I could possibly be autistic. At the point I had tried to tell her, I had been masking for so long and so consistently that she just had no clue. But she wasn’t around for me constantly feeling alienated, even in my family. She wasn’t there to see how I got so emotionally overwhelmed sometimes over things that were so strange for anyone else to see why I would care that I would lock myself in my room and just cry and scream for an hour. She wasn’t living inside my head where I consciously had to open my crossed arms and force myself to make eye contact because I had researched that those actions meant you were listening even if it makes it harder for me to actually pay attention that way. And at that time I couldn’t verbalize that. I just sat there while she told me I wasn’t autistic and that I was just anxious and over-diagnosing myself. *sigh* it be that way.
She is not the only therapist! Too many therapists are only thinking of extreme and severe cases, where people may not be able to learn these survival techniques of masking which we needed to learn. If you want the diagnosis, educate yourself and pursue it. You might find encouragement through Autistic support groups.
Watching this felt so validating. I was diagnosed when I was 15 but I still struggle with feeling that I'm "not autistic enough" to identify this way. It's nice to hear someone put into words just how *hard* it can be to get through a day of social interactions when you're constantly overanalyzing and second-guessing every move you make and everything you do. I really appreciate the video and am grateful to all these women for sharing their stories.
I was bullied so much as a child. First I thought it was just a coincidence, but even as I changed the school I was always the one being left out, being picked on. I remember asking myself over and over and over again: “Why? Why me? What am I doing wrong?” I was trying so hard, I was trying to always be kind and nice to people, but it made them bully me even more. I still don’t know why. But now I know, that I have Aspergers and that I might not really have understood the social hierarchies and communication in my class. But let’s be honest here: Aspergers is not the reason you are bullied. It might explain your strange behaviour in some situations. But it is still the other kids that bully you. And it’s not your fault.
I remember having a sensory overload and said the loud noises are hurting me, so the teachers at my school got the loudest teacher to come yell at me and laughed at me while I hid under a chair
That makes me sad .Most people can’t realize how painful or real a sound sensitivity is .I was 40when I was diagnosed. Autistic .I spent years when young in mental hospital .May people believe you now .
It's so healing to hear other women talk about this. I started my teacher training and I'm trying to own my differences now so no one can use them against me and I can stick up for others who are different. I was stimming using my hair and I noticed a boy staring at me and I got super self conscious but then I noticed he was doing it too! I need to own my stimming and be proud because you don't know who is watching, I feel bad that I stopped and became so awkward because I don't want him to feel it's the wrong thing to do. You never know the impact you have on others and autistic people need to stick together. Thank you so much guys :)
Finally a video which actually gets the views of people who are actually autistic rather than just getting neurotypicals to speak for autistic people. I especially love how this video mentions that functioning labels are bad and also that you can't be more or less autistic. I just wish they put a tiny bit more emphasis on how autistic people shouldn't change to fit society but rather society should change to fit autistic people, and that we shouldn't have to mask and fit in with the social norms.
I find it useful to have a summary to review the main points. Summary: 1. Autism covers a wide spectrum 2. We have emotions 3. Social interaction can be challenging 4. Diagnoses can happen at any age 5. The nuance of dating can be challenging...but we do have sex lives 6. We have lots of different interests 7. Bullying sucks 8. It's getting better EDIT: very surprised and glad that so many people find it useful c:
People find it useful because there are so many stereotypes out there that seem to make people otherwise.. :) Yes, it is useful to know it's *not* just me.. it makes people like me think that "maybe Asperger's is not it".. Because: - I am *extremely* creative. - I have a rich inner mental landscape. - I like writing. - I care about people and am willing to do extra stuff I don't need to because I do understand what it might feel like to be in their shoes.. - I feel things intensely. - I have a sense of humor, and some people even find my jokes funny (!!) . XD I just am really bad at: - Communicating in a socially acceptable way what I feel. - Picking up social cues from others. - Sending out the right social cues myself. - Not think of actual shoes when I hear or say "in someone else's shoes" (and mentally seeing, feeling, smelling etc. said pair of shoes.. don't ask, but "visualize" does not do my mental VR justice..) - Mentally verbalizing things (in actual words) without explicitly trying to do so. (While I make a mental VR pretty much automatically, and can mentally hear music etc. I don't automatically make words to go with any of it. Ironically, it makes me a very poetic person because it takes me a bit to find the right words for what I feel.. - Regulating sensory input.. - Not physically hurting when this sensory input gets too much.. - having moments when I *can't* tell you "what's wrong" even if I really, really want to... - or really anything else until it passes.. (but I *do* tend to know what I am *not* feeling so that can actually be helpful if you put a sheet with emojis in front of me..) And all of these are *especially* true when I'm tired or under stress.. It always passes, even though it might feel at that moment like it never, ever will... In short, when my kids call me a Vulcan, they are probably right... if only I had more control over my emotions.. (and had green blood..) So.. why does your checklist matter? It tells me I'm not alone.. and that what I *have* is only a small facet of who I *am*. It doesn't get to rule my life, or define my future or that of my loved ones. Understanding it lets me put it back into it's proper perspective. So thank you.. ;) P.S. for those of you with Asperger's.. how close is what I described to what you are dealing with?
@@a_diamond Wow, I did not expect such an amazing response, I love it. my friend brought to this video because she have Asperger's and that's why I wanted to know more and made the list. My intention to make the list is because it is easier for me to grasp the main ideas shown in the video and thought that others would also benefit from it too. However, I did not expect so many people also found it useful. I am glad to let people with Asperger's know that people *do* care and even more glad if this list clarifies any stereotypes on people with Asperger's. My friend is one of the most gentle, smart, and mature person I know in my life, despite not having good experience in the past. It would definitely be great to see the world be a nicer place for you guys. I greatly appreciate your input on what people with Asperger's is good and bad at (it actually made me smile while reading them, in a good way of course :p ), since this is not covered in the video. I believe if more people know more about what Asperger's really is, they would stop having negative impression on it. Able to pinpoint the specific characteristics of the syndrome helps a lot on defining what part is you and what is because of the disability, allowing people to--like you said-- "put it in its proper perspective". Happy to help :)
I don't think it can be "taught". I mean, if you see a bunch of kids playing and interacting normally, how many of them do you think had parents that "taught" them to do what appears to be happening naturally? I just think some folks are wired differently.
@@opmike343 Oh yes, it can be taught. :) I learned eye contact (three different ways, depending on the cultural context! :) ) aged 10-16 and now, aged 23, I still steer it manually and every single person I've told is surprised and hadn't noticed - so a lot can be taught. Most kids just learn a different way - so depending on the kid the teaching has to vary. :)
the more videos i watch on autism and the more i read, the more confused i get. i can definitely relate to a lot of traits and me having autism would explain so many things but i'm not sure if my struggles are "severe" enough. especially because i don't have a lot of trouble in social situations and that seems to be the main thing, but i see myself in a lot of other autism traits/behaviors. i wanna talk to a therapist but i'm scared i'll be dismissed immediately but my whole life i've felt like there was something different or wrong about how my brain works
The problem is all these diagnosis can seem like many people’s norms lives. Social norms constant fly change and many sub groups have different cultures so it’s easy to feel left out and confused . One person is more liters another is indirect and insecure so learning new people is always a thing. These videos almost make it seem there is a such thing as a “Normal “ person . Iv never met one of those . Most people have insecurities growing up and then when they get older they isolate and their friendships dwindle to single digits. They spend most of their time indoors, especially nowadays. So it’s very easy to miscategorize people . Sometimes people just need more life experience and tada they aren’t having these traits anymore .
I accepted my son was autistic really early on in his life, it's taken me ALOT longer to see it in me. Videos like this gives me strength and hope. Thank you.
@@VenusVoice The metaphorical muscles behind executive function are in the way your brain is wired. The reason the skills are like mussels metaphor works is because skills like muscles improve with practice but it takes time and training is not necessarily simple. However exsecutive function is not one skill it is multipul of them it is more like a muscle group than a mussel. So it might seem impossible to train if you are getting no results. But you might just be training the wrong skills and the ones you will need will depend on your situation. czcams.com/video/qAC-5hTK-4c/video.html If you have ADHD or a form of autism that makes executive function more difficult than any training will difficult in a similar way it takes dyslexic people way more time and practice to do a even half decent job at reading or writing. So it makes a lot of sense to make things easier where possible. czcams.com/video/H4YIHrEu-TU/video.html czcams.com/video/kfihB-719Fs/video.html
i dont know if its a musle i yust know i have to do it consciously and i have to really watch people to notice their more subtle body language eye movement im also way more blunt and direct when i dont feel like doing all that i like when their suprised when i very easily talk about useally very private or sensitive matters as easy as others would talk about the weather i very much like when they get excited becouse i talk so openly and they feel like they can have actual real conversations for a change its fun to see that
i once watched a video about women with autism and the best way they explained it was that young girls often learn to imitate behavior when they are young, and that its harder to diagnose it because they can "act" the way its expected of them in certain situations even though they may not understand why
That's how I am. I haven't been diagnosed yet because I'm too nervous to go to the doctor, but I know for a 100% fact I have it and have known for years. But growing up when I was younger and not knowing I had it kinda helped me to look at others and "act" like them.
I think this is an unfortunate symptom of sexist gender norms and socializing girls to be more... socially aware? than boys. We get so many signals from very early on, both overt and subtle, about 'proper' behavior, playing and being nice etc. On the other hand, boys are allowed less emotional self expression and are expected to misbehave, almost. ('Boys will be boys,' men don't cry' etc etc). I have a very young son (less than 1 yr old) and the gender normative comments from family and friends are already astonishing. Finishes his whole meal? Boys are hungry! Watches a car going by? He's a boy, he's clearly interested in machinery/technology! etc.
@@moxiousch I've been medically diagnosed with autism, and it doesn't really have anything to do with gender for me, i just copy the behaviors that seem the most common between people; naturally I have male tendencies because of certain people I may sit around while also acting female around others. I think I might be reading your comment incorrectly, but I just wanted to say that I copy behaviors based on whoever is engaged with me.
@@moxiousch Good hypothesis, Judith (Butler), but you need to reconcile biological essentialism with new theories in the social sciences (like the one's you're promoting). If not, you're being just as ignorant as someone who only considers biological essentialism to explain continuous behaviors across sex. It becomes undeniable in relevance when these behaviors carry into and across the animal kingdom, so I implore you to not just throw away years of scientific study to promote what might hypothetically be better (after all your proposal is based on philosophical prose) for your child. "boys are allowed less emotional self expression" you say that like it's a good thing--in reality this is why suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 40 (20-25%) Like seriously, what the fuck Judy? Repressing emotions is a gender expectation, not a gender privilege. Both genders have pros and cons to their social constructs. Get some nuance or I'll call cps on behalf of that baby.
For me socialising is so uncomfortable and distressing that I just avoid it all together. These women are amazing these is absolutely now way I would be able to be Infront of a camera without a panic attack
I literally described it this way to a friend yesterday, "Autism isn't a linear spectrum of high or low, its a whole different traits that are on their own spectrum" 💯💙
vladimir ikic, I hope you have a better way of putting it, because it sounds as though you are saying people with autism are psychopaths. That is not a general truth.
one thing that helped me through it all is making friends that were diagnosed or suspected of having autism. everything feels like a breeze because they understand your struggles and they’re upfront and loyal and it made everything so much easier. i finally had people i could talk to.
The hardest thing for me was dealing with manipulation. I never understood other people's alternative motives so it caused me to get lied to a lot and I never understood why. I'm just getting to the point where I can notice voice changes when someone is lying but it takes a lot of focus to notice.
Seriously I've had ppl call me hannibal because of how i dissect things but I'm starting to realize it's more of a defense mechanism to protect myself from the real malevolent creatures. Makes more sense now that they did this video. They even talk like me...i meet very few women like that...when i do meet them they don't want to be my friend they want to date me so it's not the same.
@Heather A seriously i had to ask my partner to stop doing that because it was triggering my fight or flight response...i don't flight lol...plus i said you aren't sounding smart. I'm not doing it to impress you this is just my common speech pattern or vernacular (idk if that's the proper term) I also don't like my partner making me questioning my thoughts etc. It's not a battle of wits but ppl who have been through trauma think of it that way. I just like ppl already pre-programmed like me similarly lmao...my ex was bipolar and borderline and did what you described which made me major in abnormal (clinical) psychology to better understand ppl and how to relate to them and help. But if they want to get close to me they have to be persistent or hit me over the head with it cuz I'm clueless lol
@Heather A same, the only time I lie is when someone asks me if something is wrong when I'm overwhelmed, but I can't hide it with my expressions so they always know I'm lying anyways
Hi everyone! This is Amy, from the video. I just wanted to clear up a few things that people seem to keep mentioning in the comments. First let me say that I am proud and honored to know all of these women in the video, through various ways and means. They are all fierce advocates and people who have worked so hard and been through so much to become those advocates. What you see here in each of us is the result of a lifetime of work, of struggling and fighting and clearing enormous hurdles that came from our parents, our peers, autism professionals, and society at large. Keep in mind that not one of us here started out the way you see us now, and where someone you know (a child, a sibling, a friend) is in their life right now is not necessarily an indication of where they will end up in the future. All of us also still face many different kinds of challenges (big and small) on a daily basis, and it's because we've been around for a while that we've learned ways of coping with those challenges...but no matter how effortless it seems, it has and still does take a lot of work. Second, several people seem befuddled by my statement about taking offense to someone saying I "didn't look autistic" or "wouldn't have known you were autistic." The context of this can be explained by two particular perceptions that people (especially people who are in the position to give or deny services and supports to autistic individuals) tend to have of autism. 1) You're too disabled/too "low-functioning" to be given help; or 2) You're not disabled enough/too "high-functioning" to need help. So if someone doesn't come across as being the "right" type of autistic, it can be very hard for them to get those supports and services, simply because to the person doling out said services, "You don't look autistic, therefore you don't really need these services." For me personally, it is not that I want to "look" autistic or that I want a label to feel "special." It's that no matter how "high functioning" I might come across, autism is still part of who I am and still affects me in all sorts of ways, every day. I was diagnosed at age 11, and I am as much on the spectrum now as I was back then, even if my challenges are different from what they were when I was a child. Finally, to the one commenter who referred to me as "the bitch in purple": Nice to meet you, too! Also, if anyone is interested in learning more about me or the work that I do as an autism consultant/professional speaker/writer, feel free to visit my website at www.amygravino.com and you can follow me on Insta (@amy.gravino) and Twitter (@amygravino). Thank you!
Thank you for being in the video. Your line about not being bad enough for help, but not well enough for no help hit me hard. Found out I'm dyslexic at 37 and probably high fashioning autistic as well but there's very little help out there for people in the middle so to speak. It's a lonely life.
Thank you for sharing your experience, Amy! My daughter is 15 and was diagnosed 2 years ago (although her father and I knew long before that). She is phenomenal, and I know she works really hard to be true to herself while also working to live within the conventions of society. I come alongside as much as I can to help her find that balance-the last thing I want is for her to give up her unique self and extraordinary view of the world so that she can "fit in." It's so helpful to me, as her main support person, to hear adult women talk about their experience. I'm looking forward to sharing this video with her.
What exactly is this support you refer to? It sounds like you are just talking about needing therapy and being different? I guess I just don't understand the point of identifying as autistic if you have low support needs autism. It's almost like you want to have a name for your specific issues. I'm very depressed but I don't go up to people and be like "Hi I'm Skeets and I have depression." If people don't notice your autism, why even discuss it outside of close friends and a therapist? Granted, my depression has come up, but by that point people have already suspected it. If someone asks you "Why do you do X, Y, and Z?" it makes sense to be like, well I'm on the autism spectrum and sometimes I struggle with these things, etc. End of discussion...
My autistic friends just told me they believe I’m on the spectrum. After watching this video, it explains a lot about how I’ve hated myself about not fitting in, being too trusting, and or understanding nuances. I feel like I can accept myself now
Amen. I just asked my daughter to protect her brother when I die. I'm so scared for him. I love you for loving your brother. God will bless you and give u all the strength u need. #brotherLOVE
Natalie Harris thats nice of you, but also a bit unjust to put a burden in your daughter in case something happens to you. Just make sure to tell her that she should take care as a sister not as a mom. i speak because of my experience. My mom died and my brother was “ my responsibility “ which i failed to carry for taking care of my own life. Wrong or right ? I don’t know.
2:39 "all the little things that everyone does unconsciously, autistic people do manually" Damn i felt that. Im not diagnosed but everything makes so much sense now.
There is so many nuances, movement cant be to fast or to slow, gesture clusters must be complete and congruent, tonality of voice changes few times a second... People who dont have to think about this have no clue what they are doing unconsciously. You notice alot more when theyre lying to your face while the rest of their body locks up. That doesnt really help with being more social...
redbull45323 yeah no autism is a spectrum so while some autistic people won’t understand there’s others who very much understand. I’m autistic and it presented as anxiety that therapy just couldn’t help for years
My girlfriend is autistic. I can't lie, the relationship has been a challenge, but i love her very much and I'm willing to be patient and keep learning on how to be with her
I admire these women not only for being aware of and embracing ASD. But more so for sharing their internal feelings and thoughts on what it's like to live with the symptoms and the difficulty not given by the disability but by society that misinterprets them and their responses. The more we learn about the spectrum that is Autism, the more we will understand human behaviour as a whole. Thank you to all the women that participated in this.
Thats the word precisely. You dont overcome your authism traits (at least most), i really feel like its more like you mask them, but theyre still there, on the inside. You just act differently out of reason, because you know people act in a certain way, not because you feel like it. You just learn to blend
I feel much better since I stopped masking. It's not healthy to supress who you are just to make neurotypicals comfortable. Neutotypicals are bizarre. czcams.com/video/nW4Jw0x-3X4/video.html
"neurotypicals" don't want you to mask, they want you to be normal. The last thing they want to do is deal with a person who wants to be seen as "special" when they appear to function as a normal person. You just come off as an egocentric narcissist looking for pity using a disorder to make people feel sorry for you, regardless if you have autism or not. Ether go the full nine yards and don't tell people your autistic or stop masking. Ether way you will be seen as pathetic, so you minus well not waste the effort.
when i was about 13, my family had moved state. and the school I had attended, had said that i was too high functioning and didnt know where to place me. And I ended up in a classroom filled w troublemakers. and the teacher, bless her, she tried her best with us all. I'm soo glad that we are finally understand what autism truely is.
Hi everyone. This is Morénike from the video. Thanks to all of you for your support and feedback on the video. I’ve debated whether or not to post and still don’t know if doing so is appropriate, but I’m already doing it, so I suppose I should finish what I’ve started. There have been a number of comments about the audio in my portions of the video. I recognize that auditory sensitivity is very real, and though it isn’t a perfect solution, muting parts of videos temporarily that contain sounds that are troublesome and utilizing captioning is a helpful option that I recommend; it is a technique that I use a lot myself when I encounter sensory overload caused by certain noises. If permitted, I do want to provide some context to explain some of the noises you might have heard. First, my portions of the video were filmed in a different studio than the others and with a different sound technician, so that might be part of why certain sounds are more noticeable in my parts. Additionally, because sometimes I require tactile sensory input for self-regulation purposes, I had a stimming device in each of the palms of my hands as well as weighted bracelets on, and perhaps they made noises. I also tend to rock sometimes, and might have repeatedly bumped the mic (which was fastened on my clothing) against the chair when I did so. However, it is highly likely that many of the noises that you may have heard came from my mouth as a result of an “internal” stim that I have had since I was a child. I have bony growths inside my mouth called tori (singular: torus) and as long as I can remember I have subconsciously ran my tongue back and forth along the tori as a subtle tactile stim. While flapping, rocking, toe walking, humming, etc. are fairly visible stims, this one is more “invisible” and can be done regularly yet discreetly without most people noticing (unless, of course, you are attached to a microphone that magnifies sound, like I was on the video!). Being able to stim helps me to calm down and to concentrate. I don’t always need to stim in a noticeable way; sometimes I can self-soothe merely by repeating words, phrases, songs, poems, etc. silently in my head, or by mentally re-enacting portions of books I’ve read, or by hyperfocusing on something around me and getting lost in whatever that thing is. But I do have the need to stim at nearly all times - be it a noticeable or a hidden type of stimming. When I suppress the urge to stim for the self-deprecating purposes of “fitting in” with the neurotypical population, I will suffer for it later on psychologically and physically...i.e. overwhelming bouts of depression and anxiety; shutdown or meltdown; disassociation; self-harm (pulling out hair, picking my skin until it bleeds, painful jaw clenching, etc). On the morning the video was filmed, I caught an early morning flight from one state to the next, took an Uber to the studio, changed clothes in the restroom, sat down to interview, went to pick up my kids, and then headed back out of town for a meeting that I had later that day. I’d had very little sleep and did not know ahead of time what questions would be asked for the interview. As such, I hope that you can pardon the noises given the circumstances and hope that you will instead focus more on the content of the video. Thank you for your support of all people on the autism spectrum and for taking the time to watch our video. You are appreciated. (And this is slighty off topic, but I agree with all of the individuals who made mention of Kirsten's appearance...she's definitely beautiful [both inside and out]. All of the ladies are great people. ) Respectfully, Morénike Website: MorenikeGO.com Email: MGO@MorenikeGO.com Social media: @MorenikeGO
You don't need to explain dear, I heard you perfectly! And when it was loudly the captions (I always have this on since I am too sensitive to sounds) were fine!
Thank you for this explanation! Although the noise did bother me at times, I for the most part assumed it was a stim or just a mic issue and didn't take issue with it. Hearing you talk about your life and the fact that you have a partner and kids gives me hope for the future, as an autistic 18 year old who is currently struggling a lot and has no friends. Thank you.
You were absolutely fine as you were! Thanks for being part of this very informing video and taking the time to explain what was going on. Although it isn't necessary for you to explain yourself, I appreciate the insight on what you were experiencing during the making of this video. There's no better education than learning direct from the source. Hope you are well.
I didn't even notice the sounds, Morenike. What I see and hear is a brave woman coping with and adapting to a challenge. As for you posting a comment, it was 100% a good thing. It sheds more light on your experience in a way that the short video clips can't. Thank you (and all of the others) for participating in this video.
Thank you for the detailed explanations. It really is eye opening both the video and your text above. Thank you for taking the time and the courage to open up so sincerely in order for at least a fraction of the people to better understand other people.
I have been because something sex caused happend to me when ever somebody talks to me my pee pee area feels annoying and uncomfortable its feels like it interacting with the sound ever since than I hated s e x even though it feels so good I just hate it
Rosa Frederiksen it has made me feel better after being diagnosed at the age of 42, I could do my own research as to why I felt so lonely as a child ,and just feeling so different to everyone else,I think this is why boys especially with ASD get obsessed with superheroes such as superman,they can see the awkwardness of Clark Kent bumbling around trying to fit in,but then can relate to superman, as maybe that in our heads is the part we feel we are trying to hide,I remember vividly going to the cinema in 1980, when I was 6 years old and watching two superman films back to back,and even at that young age I think I could relate to the films more than most,and thought to myself that being different is not so bad.
I admit I cried a little at the end when I heard of what Amy went through, but also how things got so much better for her and that she’s following her dreams. Just the pick me up I need as a autistic who’s new to the adult world and struggles with doubts about myself sometimes. Thank you CZcams feed for blessing me with this.
As a child, I never understood why the girls wouldn’t let me hang with them. I would always get picked on or shunned. But my impulsive ADHD side would always push me to stand up for myself. I never not get picked on, and I learned early on to defend myself. Now that I have my son, who is on the spectrum, I can only hope that times have changed.
I've always felt this way... like everyone was born with a manual on life and I just couldn't read mine, like it was written in a different language...
Right, and then my mother would tell me to just use common sense. It isn't common sense for me if I am not told exactly what I should do in certain situations.
*Social skills are like a muscle for us. YES! I work very hard to act social, use hand gestures, raise my voice to a pleasant level, make eye contact, carry a conversation.*
Sociability is an aptitude that not everyone possesses. It is a fact that autistic people are deficient in this aptitude. Im not sure what you stand to gain or devalue by redefining terms but it wont work.
I had some of the same issues as you guys, I was bullied and made fun of constantly because I was hyper, impulsive, and a bit touchy. I never meant to make anyone feel uncomfortable, so now I’m very closed off and kind of antisocial. The kids at school thought I was weird and it caused me a lot of mental distress. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, Severe Anxiety, and PTSD. My psychiatrist helped me though a lot of it and I’m happy that my anxiety has reduced and my ptsd isn’t that much of a problem anymore. I would love to thank my best friend, Emma, for being by my side since kindergarten and never giving up on me even after I moved schools. Always remember no matter what happens someone will always help you through it and everything WILL be okay!
no, empathy is actually a huge part of what aspies lack. the have a very hard time understanding other peoples feelings. stop trying to make youeself look good on youtube by writing some shit you just made up and is even wrong.
@@TheDragorin em...no i have hyper-empathy, we just have a hard time showing it through communication idiot, you dont look like you have empathy yourself so
@@TheDragorin This idea that we lack empathy is in fact wrong. We tend to be overly empathetic and very fairness oriented. What we don't do is respond in ways that you expect. I may miss cues and that may cause people to think that I don't care, but I do care. When we understand, we, most of us, care and often deeply. And even then, you may not read us and understand the depth that we care. You're repeating a basic misconception that even expects in the field held for far too long.
I started crying, couldn’t relate more. Friends and relationships is something I have always struggled with, I hope I’ll find people who can accept who I am truly.
Yes, you`ll do. It`s just a statistic: there are so much absolutely different people outside, that you just cannot not to find someone who will accept you fully. ;)
I'm a man in my late 30s with autism, and this is well said, I get a lot of what these women are saying, it a rough existence and everyday is a challenge
I’m 22 years old and starting to think I may be autistic. For my whole life I thought it was just social anxiety, but I’m beginning to think it may be more than that. I was watching videotapes of me as a little child the other day, and if I was ever around people I wasn’t comfortable with, I looked absolutely terrified in those videos. I was frozen, hardly even moved, and didn’t say a word. It baffles me how not one single family member thought to get me any kind of help. In fact, they would get upset with me and say I was embarrassing them. I remember being in elementary school, and not responding to other kids when they would talk to me. I would just look at them. For a while I unconsciously did that thing the lady in the video does where she’s rocking back and fourth. But one time, someone asked me why I was doing that, and I got embarrassed and never did it again. I don’t know why I’m commenting all of this on a random youtube video. It just seems to be getting so much worse for me lately, because I’ve isolated myself to a horrible degree. Every day I’m becoming more and more hyperaware of myself in social situations that it’s becoming scary to me. I can’t even have a decent conversation with people I love anymore, let alone strangers. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know how to get diagnosed or if that would even help me.
i think i have this issue too. ever since considering autism or something similar I've isolated myself and like you say, becoming even more hyper-aware of myself which lets the doubt creep in; before i just floated around, confident in my abilities and seeking to impress - still do i suppose but not to the same determination i had as a child. now I'm just like 'wow I'm struggling with this particular (social) thing and I'm going to shut down and doubt myself and accept defeat because I'm aware of it'. its quite frustrating. i feel like I'm letting myself down.
I just turned 23, and for the past months I've been in that exact situation so I'd say we're in the same boat. I'd love to get diagnosed because that would help explain my family that I'm just not paranoid, but I don't even know where or who to ask for help in my country
Almost as if... you can control your behavior and have taken personal responsibility for your actions, and realize you are responsible for your actions and how they impact other's, so you change your behavior accordingly... I think this used to be called "being mature"...
@jack bran you are incorrect. In fact autism began to be studied MORE when docs noticed it more in BOYS. What they didn't care about figuring out was that women's autism does not look the same. They simply didn't bother studying it. And if you think autistic women aren't HORRIBLY bullied and mocked, well, you're an idiot. This isn't a male vs, female thing no matter how hard you try to spin it.
@@g4tnewnewg4t48 Being mature enough to know your not perfect but still willing to not give up and quit is how autism is defined now. For everyone else up is down, left is right, good is bad, and being so screwed up you can't function is your free pass to do anything you want without consequence and anyone who want you to grow up and act like a mature self respecting adult become something greater than a whiny dysfunctional screw up is a monster that needs to be removed from society.
My mom was told I was autistic but she never told me. I always wondered why I was so out of step and after listening to all these people on the spectrum, I realize I am also on the spectrum. I visited my aunt and after decades, she slipped and told me. It brings some relief to finally understand what is going on with me. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
After one year of my official diagnosis I just want to register here that this video was the starter of me seeking a diagnosis. I couldn’t thank you more. It changed my life, therapy has done a lot and now I can battle my shortcomings properly.
My beautiful girl was diagnosed at age 8-9. She smart, hilarious, artistic, and perfect to me. She’s not disabled, she’s different and perfect the way she is.
it is do sweet how you talk about her, I hope you two become best friends. Really, is heart-warming to see how other kids with asd will have the parenting and support for their needs. We need more parents like you.
Ofc she is, just like my son! He is beautiful and smart, charming if he wants to be. People have a negative connotation by the word autism, while the majority of autism people are high sensitive and smart. I have Asperger(i know it's not called that anymore, but for me that is a typical kind of autist that fits the correct picture)
SO TRUE! Whenever I meet someone new and get along with them I go running to my mum after school like a kindergartner like “mum mum I made a new friend today!”
Told my partner I have aspergers, and he was watching numerous videos to understand me. And he asked the simple question, have you watched any? And I thought, no I have it. Why would I need to watch it. But watching this video, has made me much more aware of my struggles but also its allowed me to kinda accept it more? Not sure what to say, but this video has helped me alot.
Finally words that make me breath a bit better. Someone who was just diagnosed this year at 52. Explains so so much about how I walk(ed) in this world.
Would you be able to give an explanation of how you express it? What is autistic body language? Maybe allistics are clueless about how autistics communicate innately and have to learn how to read autistic people.
I'm autistic and the way I reveal that I'm struggling emotionally, is I literally just go mute for a temporary period, as your brain just goes into shutdown mode when it gets too overwhelmed, as my brain literally cannot cope with what is happening, in regards to when it's something extremely frustrating, upsetting or just intense in general I hope that explains things :)❤💙💜💚 xo
qubitz your welcome =) Better yet may I suggest looking up Selective Mutism too, as selective mutism is separate to Shutdowns, a shutdown is a thing all on it's own💕💕 Some autistic's experience shutdowns which is a different definition to selective mutism. Shutdowns is when not only their brain closes down, but their body does as well for a temporary period, they literally cannot move the person feels stuck as the body just shuts down too♡ However Selective Mutism is completely separate, and I only experience that. Selective mutism is where only your brain shuts down, your thoughts/ feelings get stuck, but you can still move your body around and walk into a another room, but with a Shutdown you can't and that's completely different to just going mute, have never experienced a Shutdown in my life :)💓 Only selective mutism where you can't talk. Crucial thing to remember is no two autistic people are alike, we're all different with individual characteristics, so my reason for going mute may not be someone else's reason♡♡ For example others might just go mute when it's an social gathering, as they get that nervous/ anxious, but for me my reason is always driven by my emotions :)❤💚💙 xo
People with autism has a very difficult hard time to socialize and connect with others and make friendships. It’s extremely difficult because we just don’t know what to say when someone tries to engage a conversation with us. Introverts can still make friends. They may not talk much but they can.
Yes! Im autistic, I was born with it. I'm still trying to accept me as myself I was bullied as a child and I did get sexually assaulted as a child. I've finally found my tribe 😭😭❤❤
"teaching the social aspects of sexuality would help everyone" 100 percent. it would help everyone. high school was a long time ago for me. i think it is changing now, with all these gender topics. but they definitely never talked about the social aspect in my day.
"To finally have friends is such a big, big deal." YEEEEEEEESS YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS MY GOD THERE IS NOTHING MORE COMPLICATED AND HARD THAN FINDING AND ESPECIALLY *KEEPING* FRIENDS
You don't have to be autistic to excite yourself about a friend. I have made lots of friends and I have lost the same amount. Actually, I enjoy more the periods when I don't have friends. It's easier to meet new people that way.
Though I am a male, I see more of my own experiences in these people's talks than in any other video about autism. I was diagnosed 10 months ago by a psychologist as having High Functioning Autism at age 61. (You read right, sixty-one). I have great discomfort trying to navigate the scripted social cues (the "netflix and chill" stuff), and my own presentation can be somewhat Spock-like, yet I feel emotions strongly. And I have lots of memories of being taunted and excluded. I only in the last 10 years have developed healthy friendships, and I still have mountains to climb in the social realm. Thanks for this vid; it's a boost.
I’m glad to hear that you’ve been diagnosed and have gotten a healthy circle of friends 😊 I was diagnosed about two years ago at the age of 17 and have finally started to create my connection of friends as well. Stay safe out there and remember that you are never alone 😁
Hi, Brian. I somewhat understand and was on that path in a sometimes puzzling world, also. I didn't know until my middle child was diagnosed at school in first grade. In the parent=teacher conference, they explained the behaviors that lay behind their rotating her into a different class schedule, designed to help her . Eventually I decided to see what I could do to bridge the gap I had between social input and the accurate interpretation of same. I went to the local library, started getting classic movies, and director's descriptions of same, and studied them. Also I got Body Language for Dummies, reviewed that, and continued to study my vast array of co-workers. They rotated in and out of our industry pretty fast, and were varying ages and backgrounds. We worked for a travelling inventory company, and I got my baseline for the range of 'normal' social behavior on many hours long van rides over the course of about 11 years. it was helpful, and practice made it easier. I started to make lists and the occasional note, when I was deep in a learning binge, so I could commit to full attention and awareness of my immediate surroundings. instead of refusing to derail my train of thought . I was much less 'awkward' appearing after I got that habit down, and I didn't have to give up the things important to me to do it.. It was amazing what a dimension steeling myself to observe facial cues and a possible eye lock added to my understanding of nuance, and shifts off the literal meaning of the words said. I stick to the headlines and the punchlines mostly still. and can gauge the dpuble-dutch jumprope fest that is social interaction well enough to jump in and out more or less appropriately at 52. Still, I look to Leonard Nimoy's Spock as my avatar to explain my gestalt to others. Best of success on your path. May it be clearly marked and comfortably wide.
I'm so happy that our society is starting to open up about disabilities and mental health issues and lessening the stigma. We still have a long way to go but thanks to strong people like these women sharing their stories with the world we're getting better and more understanding
i'm an 22 year old autistic woman who was fortunate enough to be diagnosed at 6 years old, i feel so sorry for all of the aspies who get diagnosed later in life, as they didn't grow up, adapt to the world and get additional help as an child to help shape their autism into "normal" life.
I believe the girl in the maroon was named Kirsten? She hit the nail on the head when she said so much of dating and flirting is indirect and subtle- and because we are so literal in our thinking and miss so much nuance, we’re left out of the “understanding” and FEEL very left out in tons and tons of social relationships, exchanges and environments. It’s so HARD!
Yeah. But it gets easier over time. For me, the easiest way to get past that barrier is to flat out say I have zero social skills and that I just never get hints. Most girls laugh it off thinking I'm joking. Then I'd say something like "I'm serious! If a girl holds my hand during a romantic scene, I just assume she's in love. If I tell her I like her and she just say , I assume we're just friends". More often than not, I'll find out the girl I like holds my hand during a romantic scene, and that way I'll know for sure she's not just watching a movie with me.
yeah :/ that totally got me too. I always miss the cues. So people are interested for a short time and then something about me pushes them away and I can never find out why.
@@korosuke1788 Dude this has worked for me somewhat too! But it is still hard here and there because I am too slow to catch hints at advances and shit ahhaha
This may sound weird but I kinda wish dating and flirting was literal and straightforward, in fact it might be refreshing to meet someone like that but yeah it has got to be hard trying to live in a world that isn't literal and straightforward when your mind works like that.
I definitely understand what one of the women were saying about how things people not on the spectrum would consider subconscious and simple can feel like a huge task or something you need to think about constantly for people with autism. For example, when I’m in public I am constantly thinking about how people are perceiving me. My mannerisms, how I talk, how I stand and just generally how I move are some major insecurities of mine.
I’m so glad someone did this. I was diagnosed at 7 and high functioning. I’m constantly being told that I’m using my autism as an excuse when having an episode I can’t turn off in moment. It’s so refreshing to hear that their are others.
I feel like I had decent social skills until middle/highschool where the bullying started, now I cant even make small talk at work without having a panic attack.
You’re very lucky. I have gotten bullied around 3rd grade and it messed up my social skills drastically. I would be anxious over everything and things will be getting in my head and around that time i’ve gotten diagnosed with mild autism. Before that bullying phase, I was extroverted, outgoing, kind, etc. social anxiety is often misused and alot of people seem to be not diagnosing people with social anxiety and replace it with autism.
@@melu0o bullying is hard! You can improve yourself by putting yourself in situation that scare you like walking up to strangers an talk to them, or having conversations with people in any kind of social setting. Traveling alone also helps... you can start with asking for directions ect. I pushed myself by starting to working as a server on the side and it was difficult! But now it's ok 🙂 don't give up 😉
Elisabeth Reichstamm I am doing that at the moment but at the same time, I don’t know how to be starting conversations with people so I would just ask them if they have gum, or maybe if I’m confident enough, compliment them on what they’re doing. Sometimes I don’t even overthink and I still get anxious.
Ya’ll are making me sob. I can relate in so many ways. It makes me feel the feelings I have been pushing aside, and I’m 36 and am finally trying to learn how to unmask.
I become so frustrated sometimes with the inane, ridiculous, overly complex world of social norms. I try to be polite and patient, but I’m so drained by people. Sometimes I just break and it’s not pretty. If anyone else feels this way who is on the spectrum, let me know if this sounds familiar.
It would appear that bullies can spot autistic kids way quicker than doctors & specialists can. Certainly was the case with my daughter :(
it's like a 6th sense for them it seems
I mean we're talking ~8 hours every single day, versus occasional couple-hour sessions...
Frrrrr
@@slayerdude18 FXCKING SLAYER
you see autistic people dont really look anydifferent externally, its more their character and demeaner. but growing up i mean even til adulthood.. id had a few experiences with autistic people, where i had no idea they were autistic. and out of nowhere theyd make a joke, one time even a racial joke like our of thin air.. and he sat there laughing quietly. and I waas confused i look at this guy looking at his expressions and waiting for him to kinda realise what he said offended me and look at me and at least explain.. but insted he kinda lookd that had a huge grin. to me i thought what an arsehole, and ive grown up standing up for myself, and I said "are you serious?" trust me i was about to get physical, we was in a pub and one of my mates form the other side of the room could feel it. and he shouted me asked me whats up.. and i told him shouted back out loud, everyont got a bit moody whil the autistic kid acting not only like he had no remorse, but like he was proud it wound me up.. this is the body language they can give off.. they can seem rude, un caring and it looks intentional.. csz
"All the little things that everyone does unconsciously, autistic people do manually."
This woman just took a huge weight off of my shoulders just like that. I'm in awe. That might be the best explanation I could use to describe my struggles that I've ever heard up to this point. It's spot on. I feel like I need to thank her.
I know. It explains why social interactions are so exhausting for me, I have to put on a mask to perform at my job.
@@colleens.279 I know right! and I'm so tired of it. smh
Can you please explain to me a little? What exactly is autism?? How do an autistic person feel??
@@AshirwadSarmah Social interactions are intrinsically dispositioned; autistic people, however, do not experience social interaction the same way other people do. It’s hard to talk to people and people will talk naturally, but everything like our body language and speech has to be controlled whereas everyone else unconsciously controls it.
@@aaAa-bp1yd what if it's not controlled?
"Even with people I care for and enjoy being around, I have to psyche myself up to be around them." That statement really resonates with me, and is difficult to explain to friends.
yeah same
Same. I might hang out with a friend once a year. And it’s for that reason my friendships struggle. This goes for family as well.
Indeed, I feel the same way.
@@heatherrae901 It doesn't help there's a friendship recession (it's real, go look it up on Wikipedia. This "recession" has existed since 1990's) out there, and people are making less friends despite there's a loneliness epidemic on-going.
We are highly emotional and tend to be more direct ,this makes some people think we are cold and over step our boundries
Boundaries have always been a huge problem for me because I personally lack boundaries. I have no problem telling someone I just met about my medical history, what my last bowel movement was like, or my mental health issues. On top of that, I'm very emotional and overly involved in my relationships with others. Once, I had an online friend that was on a vacation and I saw via her location tag on her recent Instagram post where she was and I looked up the weather there and it seemed very nice so I told her that and she got really upset and weirded out. To this day I still don't really understand why... all of the information was available to me but I guess I wasn't supposed to say anything about it? Who knows.
I relate to everything here except I've been told that I have too many boundaries.
@@casuallyceltic She just made a big deal out of nothing, or maybe she had a stalker in her past and it was reminiscent for her, like fear :)
@@casuallyceltic idk why she was mad too, I'd be receptive
Being cold and highly emotional, these somehow do not relate in my head. I tend to think others are cold actually, insincere
“It’s like being bullied for being blind, but being socially blind”
That explains my entire life after being diagnosed at 2 years old
i know what you mean i was diagnosed at 10 with Asperger but everyone thinks that it changes my life but really i have never known different, the only difference is i often get bullied because of it.
@Joe Average it would help in toughen up a person at somepoint , toughen them up by make them learn that it doesnt matter what people say about them and make them stand for themselves
I was diagnosed at 2 also
@@hmm-hy8cw Not really, because again, it's being blind socially. And when one is socially blind, you don't really know why they are bullying you. You rather already are able to speak up, so you rather feel that because they're bullying that they are trying to get you stop talking, and not to speak up more. And if you don't have your personality fully developed, then how are you going to speak up against them? You don't, because you don't know how and so you just stay quiet.
Your lucky, to be diagnosed so young. I had to live knowing I was different for 12 years before I knew the reason. My heart's with anyone who has the disorder and doesn't know it. This is such an unfair system, we get bullied, but none does anything against it, but if someone who was fat was bullied everyone would be on it. So we mask it, try to change OUR behaviour because others can't accept that we're different. My heart is really with all my asbergic brothers and sisters, all we've been through, are going to go through and all we need to do every day just to not be mentally tortured. People say to be proud of it, but if you gave me the choice to get rid of it and relive the first 12 years of mynlife non autistic, I'd chose it in a heartbeat.
“Social skill is like a muscle”
Damn, a lot of this is hitting home.
loooll its too relatable
Because you flex them on people with autism?
Just roid Instant BOOM
@Aneesa H. Gurl, I can help you exercise that muscle, nomesayin.
Aneesa H. U artistic
I'm so glad a black woman came in for this video. The black community typically sees mental health differently, especially when combined with religious belief. My good friend had told me this and I see it everywhere now. People don't realize or process that there are autistic folks all around the world! Not just America. That's such a subconscious idea that's just sitting in a lot of people's mind and it's like hey! People in India have autism. In Afghanistan. In China. In Turkey. Everywhere!
I don't know if I have autism. Im about to get an evaluation. My sister is autistic and I understand everything she talks about. And the bullying was relentless for us. For me I constantly got assaulted and attacked at school. I was quiet and walked funny and I was different. I didn't know what was wrong with me until people told me and I believed it and it ate me up. And I couldn't be like everyone else I didn't know how to. But I also didn't know why I was so dang different that I couldn't get along with everyone. It's painful. My heart hurt feeling that.
And then things changed for me. I got some friends in college and people liked me. I couldn't believe it. Nothing changed. Those people just gave me a chance and I loved it. And most people who gives me a chance likes me.
People will see the outside. They'll notice things that don't matter and they may be hung up on it. But you're all gems. Everybody. And when people give you a chance, they see that. I learned that a lot of times you have to fight for your chance, but when I almost gave up, people finally saw me. And I hope you all have someone who will or has given you the chance to express yourself and be you and sees what a gem you are.
You nailed it…
Thank you for writing out this comment *hugs*.
Heyyy have you got a diagnosis yet??
@@mads6857 I have! Hate to disappoint anybody, but I am not autistic. I have social anxiety, depression, and ADHD (predominantly inattentive.) I did find out we all share a lot of similarities, and really a lot of the stuff I related to most that people talked about was neurodivergency, not specifically autism. Because ADHD and autism both are neurodivergent. But there are specific things that mostly for me lead to ADHD. I did score mildly high on AQ (a test for autism), but the story of my background never fit quite right for that diagnosis. But I wonder if a lot of what I understood is because I grew up with autistic siblings (we knew my sister but not my brother until recent. I do have another brother who we think has something but he has never been evaluated.) And they were older, they did have a lot of influence on my life growing up. I think it's easy to see why I felt the world was strange.
I've learned so much about ADHD and so much of it describes my life to a T. I never thought I had it because I thought it was being hyper. But I would zone out all the time, especially during conversations. I would presenting in front of the class. My out of sight out of mind functioning makes me forget about important things or people I care about. I really understand who I am through this journey I went through with getting a diagnosis, more than I would have otherwise. I definitely recommend.
@@raedai8819 yayyyy that’s so cool! Just a question, were you dead set on being autistic before you found out you had ADHD? Like had you done lots of research for a long time and stuff because the first time I searched ‘am I autistic’ was when I was 11/12. I was going through a lot and I couldn’t quite pinpoint what was going on, literally every mental illness in the book I had searched up symptoms for, even if I knew I didn’t have them, but it hasn’t been a linear journey since, I’ve gone in and out of wondering if I am autistic, or “phases” of it ig, about a year ago was when I first believed I was. after that, my 16 y/o brother got an evaluation (that he probably should’ve passed when he was younger when he got his ADHD diagnosis) and I stopped thinking I was autistic because he’s very classically autistic right, and I basically have better social skills than him. My biggest fear is that I’m not going to get a diagnosis because of how much the diagnosis criteria has a root in mysoginy and negative connotations around autistic people and suffering, and because my social skills concerning cues and reading people are pretty good, but I still have always struggled with keeping friendships and I’m a floater, but that’s a huge part of autism so I’m scared that makes me not autistic, not that I necessarily want to be autistic but I’m scared of people thinking I was self-diagnosing or trying to be quirky or something. I feel like my symptoms aren’t “severe” enough as other autistic people. Sorry that’s long and a lot of that isn’t relevant but I feel like I have to explain that to explain what I’m asking 🙃
watching this had me in tears having no friends can hurt hearing "she's slow" can make you hate social interactions even more
I'm right there with you Queen 💜😪🙏
Or “you’re so quiet”
@@TWISFOCBAN100 I can we be friends
It really hurts. I grew up always feeling weird and being called a dork, or strange, and even stuck up. I found my group of weirdos but it took until high school. College was starting all over again. Luckily I joined some groups so I can find people with similar interests. Working in environments that make me feel passionate with likeminded individuals… that’s thriving , but outside of the education world, I feel alone.
absolutely, having no friends can really hurt
After watching this I feel like it is entirely possible to go a lifetime without realizing one has Autism
It is, and it was up until the mid-late 1960's.
@@bernardgrant3349 How did you know? I think I might have too
yes you can, especially in poor countries. also some people, while in the spectrum, are highly functioning that their idiosyncrasy sometimes just pass as a "weird quirk".
@@SabrinaPerez I was diagnosed by a local psychologist but there's a lot of good info online to self diagnos. Also there are a lot of good online communities to provide support whether your diagnosis is self, or doctor diagnosis.
Yeah, on hindsight i was an extremely confused kid developing masking mechanisms over masking mechanisms to cope with the world. But since then I've come to accept that I might be on the spectrum and now I'm trying to figure out how to live with it rather than struggling against it.
The woman who rocks as she talks wasn’t diagnosed till she was 32?! That poor woman probably went through so much being undiagnosed for that many decades.
I would of diagnosed her over a cup of coffee.
Try age 53....and you’re right - it’s been pretty rough going!
I don't know if I have autism or not but I tend to rock a lot, though I have a feeling that probably has nothing to do with it. It also seems to suck to go through so much but be told you're normal or have something else.
@@user-ej5nk5yc3l My aunt used to scream at me to not do it but it was hard to stop.
I wasn't diagnosed till last Summer. And I am 33.
One of the main problems with high functioning autism is that the quirks/idiosyncrasies often come across as being shady or always up to something. And a lot of times its true. Just not shady in the way most people assume it to be. It often gets confused with narcissism or sociopathic. But with autism, the "shady" behavior is usually the result of defense mechanisms. Relationships, even casual, can be very difficult.
this is so true.
Soooo true!!
100%... Need to post this where more can see it..
I just got my autism diagnosis this year, at 36 years old. I didn't start realizing that I was autistic until after my daughter got her diagnosis. I started researching autism in girls, and the more I learned, the more I started realizing that it sounded a lot like me as well. I talked to my doctor, went through the process, and got my diagnosis. I really wish I had known as a kid. It explains everything. I've never been "normal" like other girls. I always wondered why. My husband has become my safety blanket. I probably rely on him too much, but he is great about it. I just hope I can help my daughter adjust better than I was able to.
my diagnosis was last year in january, at 28
You basically just paraphrased my own story!
I'm never having kids because it's not fair to pass on my autism gene and make someone else have to suffer like I did.
@@pricklycats I am sorry you feel this way. Autism is not some horrific disease. And your suffering could be eased with some therapy. There are many reasons people suffer on this planet, neurotypical or not.
I’m also 36 and just got diagnosed after my son was diagnosed with ASD when I realised I have most of the symptoms on the test. Just a question, do you have night time visuals as well? I’ve had this since a young child … at night in the dark I see brightly coloured patterns that swirl around beautifully. I was never afraid of this until I realised a few years ago that it’s not normal …. now I’m wondering if something more is wrong and it’s giving me very bad night time anxiety I hate it 😞
"All the little things that everyone does unconsciously autistic people do manually" Thank you! every little facial expression, tone of voice, movement, reaction, and word has to be consciously calculated. Sometimes I focus so much on properly responding that I literally can't focus on the person and miss the next thing they say.
Same, same, same reunions even with my own family can be a real struggle.
This might be a stupid question but do you mean literally everything like even blinking and breathing?
@@godbearxd Not things like that. More like choosing when to make and break eye contact and choosing how to move my face, voice, and body to express the right emotion/reaction etc.
@@godbearxd well sometimes if I'd focus too much on my breathing I might get really anxious and even have a panic attack
And here I thought this was a consequence of not interacting with anyone when I was younger, but I tend to mimic the characters I like most on the most recent video I watched. Due to this, I constantly rewatch Snatch.
"Having to psych myself up to even be around family" me in a nutshell.
Same here. It can be exhausting
Same. I'm not autistic as far as I know, but I get headaches listening to people talk about all the dumb stuff people talk about.
Ya know guys, dont think about psyching yourself up. Just throw yourselves out there and see what happens. It works for me!
@@captainamerica647 That's like getting out of bed after 6 hours of sleep and going straight to sky-diving or rally-cross driving. I recommend coffee.
even though i just want to glittering with my mom but she often said i`m just being childish ... =(
I'm 21 and show a ton of signs of being on the spectrum, even at a young age. But I was misdiagnosed with BPD.. Doctors need to stop diagnosing us for our emotional traits and diagnose us for what's ACTUALLY going on.
Went to see a therapist recently and he diagnosed me with bpd even though I was trying to tell him I think I have asd but was having trouble getting what I wanted across
@@lorefrancis3319 yeah I've approached my psychiatrist and two different therapists about this but they're always more concerned about my mood. They have me take the depression assessment and they're like, "oh, we should focus on your depression first."
WE'VE FOCUSED ON IT FOR 3 YEARS NOW. Time to try something different!
Why were my brother and dad able to get diagnosed so easily?? It's not fair.
YUP! I’m diagnosed with bpd as a teenager and I think I was misdiagnosed. As I do relate to a lot of symptoms associated with bpd, but there are others traits that I have that make me think autism. For instance, sensitive to sounds and light. I plugged my ears as a child a lot and even now at 27 years old if the tv is a little to loud I can’t handle it. Or just a lot of people talking at once. My 2 year old daughter is plugging her ears a lot and doing other things related to autism. and her pedi thinks she is on the spectrum and referred her to a specialist. Wouldn’t surprise me if I’m also on the spectrum.
Lol bro you are just bpd which is not a fun or cool diagnosis and you don't like it cause now you can't use it to define your personality
@@sweetsour4375 I got diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder. I actually do believe that this is a disorder I have but at the same time my therapists always focused on my anxiety/depression way more than any asd stuff that I wanted to discuss :(
I just realized I was masking my entire life after having a mental breakdown last year. 31 years. I was practically beaten into submission as a child of a veteran who is also on the spectrum and undiagnosed. Generational abuse is very hard to break. Sending everyone love and support!
Well I'm holding out for you to break that vicious cycle, you're better than that and have been through more than you should ever have been
@@ASmartNameForMe thank you! My children are growing up with a very different supportive childhood. I believe we are all HSPs (highly sensitive persons) There is a trauma book that recently helped me and my parents a lot,
It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn.
Highly recommend it for anyone suffering with intruding thoughts or painful memories. 💕
Wow our stories are similar. I wish you well.
Undiagnosed and in denial are the hardest to deal with. My family… and they project their confusion and self hatred onto you.
That is terrible. I am so sorry to hear that. Sending much love your way Brit!!!
"Except in this case, you're blind socially." *wow* that description made an impression on me.
Same here
As a diagnosed autist, I can 100% confirm this is what it is like.
This blindness has cost me so many job interviews...
I'm not autistic but h a gottem
Do you, I mean anyone in comments who is neurotypical, do you find that description helpful? I may use it next time I'm asked the "what does that (me being autistic) mean, exactly?" question.
When I talk about my own autism, I always say autistic people are like cats - we stick to what makes us feel comfortable, if we get overwhelmed by our senses we sometimes panic or lash out, we need time on our own to recharge, we often come across very socially awkward, and we're never sure how to react in new, foreign situations.
This just reminds me of that apparently, when I was a toddler, I got my wires crossed and mimicked the socialisation of our cat instead of my family... placing the food bowl somewhere where the cat could find it and I couldn't became an interesting challenge for the adults, oops 😅
This is why my fursona (An animal character you identify with) is a cat. You explained it very well
Omg that’s such a good analogy
@@27ratsinatrenchcoat90 I am also a furry :3
@@27ratsinatrenchcoat90 haha I love that word: fursona. My fursona is a cat too. We think alike!
"To finally have friends it's such a big big deal"
well yea.. Waiting for that day to happen
Thing is it may not happen until we meet others on the spectrum. my son is on the spectrum /high functioning . He's 24 ..
I actually grew up around "different people" and they are not so different. Great uncle was Paraplegic, Uncle was missing an arm with a "hook" he opened using his shoulder muscles that he chased me around with growing up. Family friend that had a kid with down syndrome... and to me they were all just "normal people" . People say Down Syndrome is is a severe handicap..... and the one with a severe handicap was one of the HAPPIEST people I have EVER met and had absolutely no "hate" toward ANYONE.... EVER. It is THEM with the handicap yet "normal" people do unspeakable things to each other.... even march off to war and kill...... yet the happiest person I ever met was the one with the "handicap"!
I don't get it....
same. my whole thing is so bad, i dont even get along with 'other misfits'
true
You can sorta tell even by the way they are sitting they are putting a lot of energy and effort to sit properly and express themselves controllably. Lots of respect to these ladies for living day by day to be as functional as they can while embracing the condition they are diagnosed with
I would say they aren't used to sitting in a director's chair, I wouldn't look comfortable sitting on one either lol
I was diagnosed on the higher functioning end when I was 2 years old and the woman who diagnosed me told my parents to be prepared to put me in a home once they are not able to take care of me anymore, that I would not be able to find love, or feel love or any other emotion, etc. I'm right now in college getting my Bachelors in Science in Clinical Psychology, Engaged (getting married in 2020), and just living my life the way it should be. My way.
Edit: Honestly didn't expect so many likes, I was just putting my two cents on my experience and how far I've come. Thank you all for the love you have given me
Wow what a bad psychologist that gave you that diagnosis. Glad she was wrong
That's amazing and I couldn't be happier for you
Don't you love it when your life can prove a medical professional wrong?
"I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your son's a genius." -Scorpion, premiere episode
Thank you for sharing your story
Same here girl high functioning and gifted here! We are different not less! Gotta love Temple Grandin. :)
“They need to teach social skills in relationships” absolutely. Hit the nail on the head girl.
Absolutely! Not just for people on the spectrum, but especially for neurotypicals. People on the autistic spectrum comprise a small chunk of the population, yet divorce rates in western countries are high. Quite ironic but unsurprising.
@@misscogito9865 well people who are mentally challenged don’t even get married or have life long fulfilling relationships. So they need to be taught way more than just social skills
@@starrynightsky7754 how do you know?
@@starrynightsky7754 Actually, mentally challenged people do have relationships more than people think.
Yeah that's job No 756 for teachers to do in their 6 hr day...after all those they might get a minute to actually
teach.
When I was young, there was no such thing. I was not diagnosed until I was nearly 70. I am now 77, and life has become a little easier knowing why I have had such difficulties in my life. I hope the knowledge that we have these days are of a help to people today.
I have recently found a daughter of one of my friends who has it, we talk about things that other people are not interested in or know nothing about. It's fun!
Im 50 & similar to when i was young. Autism was barely spoken about. Only just discovered recently that i am autistic. So glad things have changed and younger people are getting diagnosed so they can educate themselves about how to navigate through life.
I’ve just been diagnosed at 76. What a breakthrough. So much to learn and to reframe
I used to teach kids and young people drums. My favourite student was a young man with autism, as he was incredibly focused and determined to get things right. He was a perfectionist, in the best way possible. He would get so focused and into the practise routines that sometimes I would have to stand in front of him and wave my hands around to get him to stop playing. He throughly enjoyed it and I loved teaching him. He was a very ‘serious’ (for lack of a better word) young man and it broke my heart to hear him tell stories of having troubles making friends etc. Drumming seemed to be an extremely positive outlet for him. I was honoured to be his friend.
you are a good person. have a good day, sir
The worse part is being completely self aware of what makes you so different.
ugh ikr
Yeah, it sucks that I know there’s something off about me but I just don’t know how to fix it.
I knoww..sometimes i think i'm weird
If you know how and why you suffer you can affect change so as not to encounter it. If you don't you can't and so continue to suffer.
Some of these women spoke of their own progress towards reducing outside BS for example
Wait... wouldn’t that be the best part? To be aware and understand why there is a separation gap? I feel better being self aware of what makes me so different because it allows me to identify what I can do that can make me be similar which allows me to connect with others. Not knowing was the whole disconnect. But connecting to myself has allowed me to connect with others. I think the self awareness is a blessing in disguise
It is a misconception that autistic people lack empathy or cannot read emotions, etc. I am on the spectrum, and I have a lot of empathy, write poetry, and read people very well. It is in the other areas that I have issues
Yes!
@Mark Donald It is part o the diagnostic criteria yes, but that does not make it entirely correct. Women on the spectrum are frequently misdiagnosed because they don't fall into this neat category of people who can't read emotions, etc.
Yeah because I believe that autism and high sensitivity are linked
Not to put too fine a point on it, but... are you sure you read people so extremely well? After all, ultimately we’re not the ones who get to make that call about ourselves.
What have your friends and loved ones told you about the times they recall your thoughtfulness?
Exactly, they are over-emotional, over-sensitive, over-thinking...
My parents still don’t believe I am autistic. They just straight up told the *doctor* who noticed I was different when I was a kid that they were crazy and that the doctor was trying to push me into “a place I didn’t belong.”
Now, my most recent therapist didn’t believe that I could possibly be autistic. At the point I had tried to tell her, I had been masking for so long and so consistently that she just had no clue. But she wasn’t around for me constantly feeling alienated, even in my family. She wasn’t there to see how I got so emotionally overwhelmed sometimes over things that were so strange for anyone else to see why I would care that I would lock myself in my room and just cry and scream for an hour. She wasn’t living inside my head where I consciously had to open my crossed arms and force myself to make eye contact because I had researched that those actions meant you were listening even if it makes it harder for me to actually pay attention that way.
And at that time I couldn’t verbalize that. I just sat there while she told me I wasn’t autistic and that I was just anxious and over-diagnosing myself. *sigh* it be that way.
She is not the only therapist! Too many therapists are only thinking of extreme and severe cases, where people may not be able to learn these survival techniques of masking which we needed to learn. If you want the diagnosis, educate yourself and pursue it. You might find encouragement through Autistic support groups.
Watching this felt so validating. I was diagnosed when I was 15 but I still struggle with feeling that I'm "not autistic enough" to identify this way. It's nice to hear someone put into words just how *hard* it can be to get through a day of social interactions when you're constantly overanalyzing and second-guessing every move you make and everything you do. I really appreciate the video and am grateful to all these women for sharing their stories.
I was bullied so much as a child. First I thought it was just a coincidence, but even as I changed the school I was always the one being left out, being picked on. I remember asking myself over and over and over again: “Why? Why me? What am I doing wrong?” I was trying so hard, I was trying to always be kind and nice to people, but it made them bully me even more. I still don’t know why. But now I know, that I have Aspergers and that I might not really have understood the social hierarchies and communication in my class. But let’s be honest here: Aspergers is not the reason you are bullied. It might explain your strange behaviour in some situations. But it is still the other kids that bully you. And it’s not your fault.
💯 🙏🏻
Thank you, me too. We have wonderful traits they don't appreciate, thats all.
of course it's not your fault. we lack empathy as a society.
I felt so much pain reading this because I can resonate deeply
Thank you. I was bullied too, for 5 years straight. This made me feel better
I remember having a sensory overload and said the loud noises are hurting me, so the teachers at my school got the loudest teacher to come yell at me and laughed at me while I hid under a chair
Puppylove 123 I hate how teachers treat us 😖.
That must have been awfull
That makes me sad .Most people can’t realize how painful or real a sound sensitivity is .I was 40when I was diagnosed. Autistic .I spent years when young in mental hospital .May people believe you now .
Barbara Moran very sorry that happened to you
What’s wrong with these people
Thats messed up, sorry you went through that. Had a few doosies myself...
It's so healing to hear other women talk about this. I started my teacher training and I'm trying to own my differences now so no one can use them against me and I can stick up for others who are different. I was stimming using my hair and I noticed a boy staring at me and I got super self conscious but then I noticed he was doing it too! I need to own my stimming and be proud because you don't know who is watching, I feel bad that I stopped and became so awkward because I don't want him to feel it's the wrong thing to do. You never know the impact you have on others and autistic people need to stick together. Thank you so much guys :)
Finally a video which actually gets the views of people who are actually autistic rather than just getting neurotypicals to speak for autistic people. I especially love how this video mentions that functioning labels are bad and also that you can't be more or less autistic. I just wish they put a tiny bit more emphasis on how autistic people shouldn't change to fit society but rather society should change to fit autistic people, and that we shouldn't have to mask and fit in with the social norms.
I find it useful to have a summary to review the main points.
Summary:
1. Autism covers a wide spectrum
2. We have emotions
3. Social interaction can be challenging
4. Diagnoses can happen at any age
5. The nuance of dating can be challenging...but we do have sex lives
6. We have lots of different interests
7. Bullying sucks
8. It's getting better
EDIT:
very surprised and glad that so many people find it useful c:
THIS!!!
Thank you!
People find it useful because there are so many stereotypes out there that seem to make people otherwise.. :)
Yes, it is useful to know it's *not* just me.. it makes people like me think that "maybe Asperger's is not it"..
Because:
- I am *extremely* creative.
- I have a rich inner mental landscape.
- I like writing.
- I care about people and am willing to do extra stuff I don't need to because I do understand what it might feel like to be in their shoes..
- I feel things intensely.
- I have a sense of humor, and some people even find my jokes funny (!!) . XD
I just am really bad at:
- Communicating in a socially acceptable way what I feel.
- Picking up social cues from others.
- Sending out the right social cues myself.
- Not think of actual shoes when I hear or say "in someone else's shoes" (and mentally seeing, feeling, smelling etc. said pair of shoes.. don't ask, but "visualize" does not do my mental VR justice..)
- Mentally verbalizing things (in actual words) without explicitly trying to do so. (While I make a mental VR pretty much automatically, and can mentally hear music etc. I don't automatically make words to go with any of it. Ironically, it makes me a very poetic person because it takes me a bit to find the right words for what I feel..
- Regulating sensory input..
- Not physically hurting when this sensory input gets too much..
- having moments when I *can't* tell you "what's wrong" even if I really, really want to...
- or really anything else until it passes.. (but I *do* tend to know what I am *not* feeling so that can actually be helpful if you put a sheet with emojis in front of me..)
And all of these are *especially* true when I'm tired or under stress..
It always passes, even though it might feel at that moment like it never, ever will...
In short, when my kids call me a Vulcan, they are probably right... if only I had more control over my emotions.. (and had green blood..)
So.. why does your checklist matter? It tells me I'm not alone.. and that what I *have* is only a small facet of who I *am*.
It doesn't get to rule my life, or define my future or that of my loved ones.
Understanding it lets me put it back into it's proper perspective.
So thank you.. ;)
P.S. for those of you with Asperger's.. how close is what I described to what you are dealing with?
@@a_diamond Wow, I did not expect such an amazing response, I love it. my friend brought to this video because she have Asperger's and that's why I wanted to know more and made the list.
My intention to make the list is because it is easier for me to grasp the main ideas shown in the video and thought that others would also benefit from it too. However, I did not expect so many people also found it useful.
I am glad to let people with Asperger's know that people *do* care and even more glad if this list clarifies any stereotypes on people with Asperger's. My friend is one of the most gentle, smart, and mature person I know in my life, despite not having good experience in the past. It would definitely be great to see the world be a nicer place for you guys.
I greatly appreciate your input on what people with Asperger's is good and bad at (it actually made me smile while reading them, in a good way of course :p ), since this is not covered in the video. I believe if more people know more about what Asperger's really is, they would stop having negative impression on it.
Able to pinpoint the specific characteristics of the syndrome helps a lot on defining what part is you and what is because of the disability, allowing people to--like you said-- "put it in its proper perspective".
Happy to help :)
I wish someone taught me how to socialize when I was young.
Alli YAFF Same, I am very shy😝
I wish I'd known the trick of staring at forehead between the eyes...making eye contact with people is like looking into the eyes of a guard dog.
I don't think it can be "taught". I mean, if you see a bunch of kids playing and interacting normally, how many of them do you think had parents that "taught" them to do what appears to be happening naturally? I just think some folks are wired differently.
@@opmike343 Oh yes, it can be taught. :) I learned eye contact (three different ways, depending on the cultural context! :) ) aged 10-16 and now, aged 23, I still steer it manually and every single person I've told is surprised and hadn't noticed - so a lot can be taught. Most kids just learn a different way - so depending on the kid the teaching has to vary. :)
Oh stfu
the more videos i watch on autism and the more i read, the more confused i get. i can definitely relate to a lot of traits and me having autism would explain so many things but i'm not sure if my struggles are "severe" enough. especially because i don't have a lot of trouble in social situations and that seems to be the main thing, but i see myself in a lot of other autism traits/behaviors. i wanna talk to a therapist but i'm scared i'll be dismissed immediately but my whole life i've felt like there was something different or wrong about how my brain works
Go for it, who cares if they dont take you serious. You need to find a matching one to some extent just like with any health professional.
The problem is all these diagnosis can seem like many people’s norms lives. Social norms constant fly change and many sub groups have different cultures so it’s easy to feel left out and confused . One person is more liters another is indirect and insecure so learning new people is always a thing.
These videos almost make it seem there is a such thing as a “Normal “ person . Iv never met one of those .
Most people have insecurities growing up and then when they get older they isolate and their friendships dwindle to single digits. They spend most of their time indoors, especially nowadays. So it’s very easy to miscategorize people . Sometimes people just need more life experience and tada they aren’t having these traits anymore .
you might have ADHD then. it's similar, but doesn't affect social connection as much (expect that people find you sloppy and disorganized)
i felt like this for a long time. you can not present struggles outwardly, but that doesn’t mean your struggles are any less
I accepted my son was autistic really early on in his life, it's taken me ALOT longer to see it in me. Videos like this gives me strength and hope. Thank you.
social skills are DEFINITELY a muscle, well said.
All skills are like a muscle.
@@alwynwatson6119 where are the muscles to my executive function, halp.
@@VenusVoice The metaphorical muscles behind executive function are in the way your brain is wired. The reason the skills are like mussels metaphor works is because skills like muscles improve with practice but it takes time and training is not necessarily simple. However exsecutive function is not one skill it is multipul of them it is more like a muscle group than a mussel. So it might seem impossible to train if you are getting no results. But you might just be training the wrong skills and the ones you will need will depend on your situation. czcams.com/video/qAC-5hTK-4c/video.html
If you have ADHD or a form of autism that makes executive function more difficult than any training will difficult in a similar way it takes dyslexic people way more time and practice to do a even half decent job at reading or writing. So it makes a lot of sense to make things easier where possible. czcams.com/video/H4YIHrEu-TU/video.html
czcams.com/video/kfihB-719Fs/video.html
i dont know if its a musle i yust know i have to do it consciously and i have to really watch people to notice their more subtle body language eye movement im also way more blunt and direct when i dont feel like doing all that i like when their suprised when i very easily talk about useally very private or sensitive matters as easy as others would talk about the weather i very much like when they get excited becouse i talk so openly and they feel like they can have actual real conversations for a change its fun to see that
no it is DEFINITELY not
i once watched a video about women with autism and the best way they explained it was that young girls often learn to imitate behavior when they are young, and that its harder to diagnose it because they can "act" the way its expected of them in certain situations even though they may not understand why
That's how I am. I haven't been diagnosed yet because I'm too nervous to go to the doctor, but I know for a 100% fact I have it and have known for years. But growing up when I was younger and not knowing I had it kinda helped me to look at others and "act" like them.
I think this is an unfortunate symptom of sexist gender norms and socializing girls to be more... socially aware? than boys. We get so many signals from very early on, both overt and subtle, about 'proper' behavior, playing and being nice etc. On the other hand, boys are allowed less emotional self expression and are expected to misbehave, almost. ('Boys will be boys,' men don't cry' etc etc). I have a very young son (less than 1 yr old) and the gender normative comments from family and friends are already astonishing. Finishes his whole meal? Boys are hungry! Watches a car going by? He's a boy, he's clearly interested in machinery/technology! etc.
@@moxiousch I've been medically diagnosed with autism, and it doesn't really have anything to do with gender for me, i just copy the behaviors that seem the most common between people; naturally I have male tendencies because of certain people I may sit around while also acting female around others. I think I might be reading your comment incorrectly, but I just wanted to say that I copy behaviors based on whoever is engaged with me.
Um, so gender constructs only afflict women? WhAt>!?
@@moxiousch Good hypothesis, Judith (Butler), but you need to reconcile biological essentialism with new theories in the social sciences (like the one's you're promoting). If not, you're being just as ignorant as someone who only considers biological essentialism to explain continuous behaviors across sex. It becomes undeniable in relevance when these behaviors carry into and across the animal kingdom, so I implore you to not just throw away years of scientific study to promote what might hypothetically be better (after all your proposal is based on philosophical prose) for your child. "boys are allowed less emotional self expression" you say that like it's a good thing--in reality this is why suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 40 (20-25%) Like seriously, what the fuck Judy? Repressing emotions is a gender expectation, not a gender privilege. Both genders have pros and cons to their social constructs. Get some nuance or I'll call cps on behalf of that baby.
For me socialising is so uncomfortable and distressing that I just avoid it all together. These women are amazing these is absolutely now way I would be able to be Infront of a camera without a panic attack
I literally described it this way to a friend yesterday, "Autism isn't a linear spectrum of high or low, its a whole different traits that are on their own spectrum" 💯💙
I guess the wost part is feeling so tired every time you deal with emotions...
Exactly, it's exhausting
exactly i hate having such strong feelings so i choose to be alone so nobody can hurt me
Emotions, people, and the emotions the people cause. I sometimes really hate my life.
Same! At this point I don't even understand or remember emotion because I buried it so deep, I'm starting to wonder if I'm a robot.
God I wish I could pour all of my inhibitions in a cup and set it on fire!
Netflix and Chill doesn't always mean Netflix and Chill. I felt that
😂
"I just want to watch this movie, Karen. Eat your popcorn."
Lol ya that's so hard to understand sometimes, I still don't get it
When I first started hearing it I just thought it was like a cheap date...Netflix and chill instead of dinner and a movie
That’s called low emotional intelligence and that can be strengthened.
I am in tears watching this. I grew up with autism and always thought I was alone. This video is so healing for me
I literally just learned a few days ago that Netflix and chill isn’t just Netflix and chill 😂glad to know I’m not the only one 👍
"you're blind socially" dang
It's a good description of how it feels
A Diamond yes, totally
Wow.😒
@@a_diamond yup. And i'm guilty of saying that kinda thing about myself when in reality, i have no clue how that truly feels
Same lol
When people said "people with autism don't feel emotion" they clearly don't have autistic friends
I have a bunch of autistic friends.. its not that they dont feel anything but it is that they dont feel for others
vladimir ikic, I hope you have a better way of putting it, because it sounds as though you are saying people with autism are psychopaths. That is not a general truth.
@@brianbommarito3376 they are not just not interested
I spend my whole life thinking I couldn’t feel my own emotions, until I was validated by videos like these and told I could.
More like i feeel way more than them and don't even understand what i'm feeling (i have autism)
one thing that helped me through it all is making friends that were diagnosed or suspected of having autism. everything feels like a breeze because they understand your struggles and they’re upfront and loyal and it made everything so much easier. i finally had people i could talk to.
I have experienced a lot of these especially being overally emotional and then shut down
The hardest thing for me was dealing with manipulation. I never understood other people's alternative motives so it caused me to get lied to a lot and I never understood why. I'm just getting to the point where I can notice voice changes when someone is lying but it takes a lot of focus to notice.
Seriously I've had ppl call me hannibal because of how i dissect things but I'm starting to realize it's more of a defense mechanism to protect myself from the real malevolent creatures. Makes more sense now that they did this video. They even talk like me...i meet very few women like that...when i do meet them they don't want to be my friend they want to date me so it's not the same.
@Heather A exactly...The only ppl that didn't do that to me were my best friends who just happened to be male and have asperger's.
That's so tough. Research shows that neurotypical people are bad at telling if people are lying. Can't imagine if it was even worse.
@Heather A seriously i had to ask my partner to stop doing that because it was triggering my fight or flight response...i don't flight lol...plus i said you aren't sounding smart. I'm not doing it to impress you this is just my common speech pattern or vernacular (idk if that's the proper term)
I also don't like my partner making me questioning my thoughts etc.
It's not a battle of wits but ppl who have been through trauma think of it that way. I just like ppl already pre-programmed like me similarly lmao...my ex was bipolar and borderline and did what you described which made me major in abnormal (clinical) psychology to better understand ppl and how to relate to them and help.
But if they want to get close to me they have to be persistent or hit me over the head with it cuz I'm clueless lol
@Heather A same, the only time I lie is when someone asks me if something is wrong when I'm overwhelmed, but I can't hide it with my expressions so they always know I'm lying anyways
Hi everyone! This is Amy, from the video. I just wanted to clear up a few things that people seem to keep mentioning in the comments. First let me say that I am proud and honored to know all of these women in the video, through various ways and means. They are all fierce advocates and people who have worked so hard and been through so much to become those advocates. What you see here in each of us is the result of a lifetime of work, of struggling and fighting and clearing enormous hurdles that came from our parents, our peers, autism professionals, and society at large. Keep in mind that not one of us here started out the way you see us now, and where someone you know (a child, a sibling, a friend) is in their life right now is not necessarily an indication of where they will end up in the future. All of us also still face many different kinds of challenges (big and small) on a daily basis, and it's because we've been around for a while that we've learned ways of coping with those challenges...but no matter how effortless it seems, it has and still does take a lot of work.
Second, several people seem befuddled by my statement about taking offense to someone saying I "didn't look autistic" or "wouldn't have known you were autistic." The context of this can be explained by two particular perceptions that people (especially people who are in the position to give or deny services and supports to autistic individuals) tend to have of autism. 1) You're too disabled/too "low-functioning" to be given help; or 2) You're not disabled enough/too "high-functioning" to need help. So if someone doesn't come across as being the "right" type of autistic, it can be very hard for them to get those supports and services, simply because to the person doling out said services, "You don't look autistic, therefore you don't really need these services." For me personally, it is not that I want to "look" autistic or that I want a label to feel "special." It's that no matter how "high functioning" I might come across, autism is still part of who I am and still affects me in all sorts of ways, every day. I was diagnosed at age 11, and I am as much on the spectrum now as I was back then, even if my challenges are different from what they were when I was a child.
Finally, to the one commenter who referred to me as "the bitch in purple": Nice to meet you, too!
Also, if anyone is interested in learning more about me or the work that I do as an autism consultant/professional speaker/writer, feel free to visit my website at www.amygravino.com and you can follow me on Insta (@amy.gravino) and Twitter (@amygravino). Thank you!
Awesome! Seeing someone from the video comment down here is amazing!
Thank you for being in the video. Your line about not being bad enough for help, but not well enough for no help hit me hard. Found out I'm dyslexic at 37 and probably high fashioning autistic as well but there's very little help out there for people in the middle so to speak. It's a lonely life.
Thank you. Sharing is caring!
Thank you for sharing your experience, Amy! My daughter is 15 and was diagnosed 2 years ago (although her father and I knew long before that). She is phenomenal, and I know she works really hard to be true to herself while also working to live within the conventions of society. I come alongside as much as I can to help her find that balance-the last thing I want is for her to give up her unique self and extraordinary view of the world so that she can "fit in." It's so helpful to me, as her main support person, to hear adult women talk about their experience. I'm looking forward to sharing this video with her.
What exactly is this support you refer to? It sounds like you are just talking about needing therapy and being different? I guess I just don't understand the point of identifying as autistic if you have low support needs autism. It's almost like you want to have a name for your specific issues. I'm very depressed but I don't go up to people and be like "Hi I'm Skeets and I have depression." If people don't notice your autism, why even discuss it outside of close friends and a therapist?
Granted, my depression has come up, but by that point people have already suspected it. If someone asks you "Why do you do X, Y, and Z?" it makes sense to be like, well I'm on the autism spectrum and sometimes I struggle with these things, etc. End of discussion...
My autistic friends just told me they believe I’m on the spectrum. After watching this video, it explains a lot about how I’ve hated myself about not fitting in, being too trusting, and or understanding nuances. I feel like I can accept myself now
"Social skills are like a muscle for us." THANK YOU!!!! Because IT can get exhausting...
My little brother has autism,
And I'm going to make sure he is treated like a human!!
He's the best bro ever!
Aw! Please do!
Amen. I just asked my daughter to protect her brother when I die. I'm so scared for him. I love you for loving your brother. God will bless you and give u all the strength u need. #brotherLOVE
Natalie Harris thats nice of you, but also a bit unjust to put a burden in your daughter in case something happens to you. Just make sure to tell her that she should take care as a sister not as a mom. i speak because of my experience. My mom died and my brother was “ my responsibility “ which i failed to carry for taking care of my own life. Wrong or right ? I don’t know.
You sound like a great brother
If it's mild trie to push him in an uncumfortable zone so he learns social skils. That worked for me.
2:39 "all the little things that everyone does unconsciously, autistic people do manually"
Damn i felt that. Im not diagnosed but everything makes so much sense now.
The most tricky thing is talking right. It takes soo much effort to talk without messing up and sounding like a toddler.
@redbull45323 Autism is like the opposite of Tourettes syndrome.
There is so many nuances, movement cant be to fast or to slow, gesture clusters must be complete and congruent, tonality of voice changes few times a second... People who dont have to think about this have no clue what they are doing unconsciously. You notice alot more when theyre lying to your face while the rest of their body locks up. That doesnt really help with being more social...
standing and walking without a hoodie is difficult because I don't know what to do with my hands, this shit sucks
redbull45323 yeah no autism is a spectrum so while some autistic people won’t understand there’s others who very much understand. I’m autistic and it presented as anxiety that therapy just couldn’t help for years
My girlfriend is autistic.
I can't lie, the relationship has been a challenge, but i love her very much and I'm willing to be patient and keep learning on how to be with her
good to hear
I admire these women not only for being aware of and embracing ASD. But more so for sharing their internal feelings and thoughts on what it's like to live with the symptoms and the difficulty not given by the disability but by society that misinterprets them and their responses. The more we learn about the spectrum that is Autism, the more we will understand human behaviour as a whole. Thank you to all the women that participated in this.
I'm not a woman, I'm not autistic, but thank you so much for making this video. It's beautifully shot, wonderfully informative, and full of love.
oh come on you simp. these people are making a joke of the real problems of what real autistic people face
@@logicsandtrolls3616 what
Me: "I have autism"
Person: "Really!?!?! I wouldn't have guessed"
Me: "Yea, it took years of speech therapy to mask it"
Thats the word precisely. You dont overcome your authism traits (at least most), i really feel like its more like you mask them, but theyre still there, on the inside. You just act differently out of reason, because you know people act in a certain way, not because you feel like it. You just learn to blend
I feel much better since I stopped masking. It's not healthy to supress who you are just to make neurotypicals comfortable. Neutotypicals are bizarre.
czcams.com/video/nW4Jw0x-3X4/video.html
"neurotypicals" don't want you to mask, they want you to be normal. The last thing they want to do is deal with a person who wants to be seen as "special" when they appear to function as a normal person. You just come off as an egocentric narcissist looking for pity using a disorder to make people feel sorry for you, regardless if you have autism or not.
Ether go the full nine yards and don't tell people your autistic or stop masking. Ether way you will be seen as pathetic, so you minus well not waste the effort.
Lmao “minus well”
you started out the conversation like that? you really are autistic...
when i was about 13, my family had moved state. and the school I had attended, had said that i was too high functioning and didnt know where to place me. And I ended up in a classroom filled w troublemakers. and the teacher, bless her, she tried her best with us all. I'm soo glad that we are finally understand what autism truely is.
"every part of my body and what it's doing I'm aware of, and I'm trying to do" 😮😱OMG!!! that's me!! 😅😅😂😂🤣
Hi everyone. This is Morénike from the video. Thanks to all of you for your support and feedback on the video. I’ve debated whether or not to post and still don’t know if doing so is appropriate, but I’m already doing it, so I suppose I should finish what I’ve started.
There have been a number of comments about the audio in my portions of the video. I recognize that auditory sensitivity is very real, and though it isn’t a perfect solution, muting parts of videos temporarily that contain sounds that are troublesome and utilizing captioning is a helpful option that I recommend; it is a technique that I use a lot myself when I encounter sensory overload caused by certain noises.
If permitted, I do want to provide some context to explain some of the noises you might have heard.
First, my portions of the video were filmed in a different studio than the others and with a different sound technician, so that might be part of why certain sounds are more noticeable in my parts.
Additionally, because sometimes I require tactile sensory input for self-regulation purposes, I had a stimming device in each of the palms of my hands as well as weighted bracelets on, and perhaps they made noises.
I also tend to rock sometimes, and might have repeatedly bumped the mic (which was fastened on my clothing) against the chair when I did so.
However, it is highly likely that many of the noises that you may have heard came from my mouth as a result of an “internal” stim that I have had since I was a child.
I have bony growths inside my mouth called tori (singular: torus) and as long as I can remember I have subconsciously ran my tongue back and forth along the tori as a subtle tactile stim. While flapping, rocking, toe walking, humming, etc. are fairly visible stims, this one is more “invisible” and can be done regularly yet discreetly without most people noticing (unless, of course, you are attached to a microphone that magnifies sound, like I was on the video!).
Being able to stim helps me to calm down and to concentrate. I don’t always need to stim in a noticeable way; sometimes I can self-soothe merely by repeating words, phrases, songs, poems, etc. silently in my head, or by mentally re-enacting portions of books I’ve read, or by hyperfocusing on something around me and getting lost in whatever that thing is. But I do have the need to stim at nearly all times - be it a noticeable or a hidden type of stimming.
When I suppress the urge to stim for the self-deprecating purposes of “fitting in” with the neurotypical population, I will suffer for it later on psychologically and physically...i.e. overwhelming bouts of depression and anxiety; shutdown or meltdown; disassociation; self-harm (pulling out hair, picking my skin until it bleeds, painful jaw clenching, etc).
On the morning the video was filmed, I caught an early morning flight from one state to the next, took an Uber to the studio, changed clothes in the restroom, sat down to interview, went to pick up my kids, and then headed back out of town for a meeting that I had later that day. I’d had very little sleep and did not know ahead of time what questions would be asked for the interview. As such, I hope that you can pardon the noises given the circumstances and hope that you will instead focus more on the content of the video.
Thank you for your support of all people on the autism spectrum and for taking the time to watch our video. You are appreciated.
(And this is slighty off topic, but I agree with all of the individuals who made mention of Kirsten's appearance...she's definitely beautiful [both inside and out]. All of the ladies are great people. )
Respectfully, Morénike
Website: MorenikeGO.com
Email: MGO@MorenikeGO.com
Social media: @MorenikeGO
You don't need to explain dear, I heard you perfectly! And when it was loudly the captions (I always have this on since I am too sensitive to sounds) were fine!
Thank you for this explanation! Although the noise did bother me at times, I for the most part assumed it was a stim or just a mic issue and didn't take issue with it. Hearing you talk about your life and the fact that you have a partner and kids gives me hope for the future, as an autistic 18 year old who is currently struggling a lot and has no friends. Thank you.
You were absolutely fine as you were! Thanks for being part of this very informing video and taking the time to explain what was going on. Although it isn't necessary for you to explain yourself, I appreciate the insight on what you were experiencing during the making of this video. There's no better education than learning direct from the source. Hope you are well.
I didn't even notice the sounds, Morenike. What I see and hear is a brave woman coping with and adapting to a challenge. As for you posting a comment, it was 100% a good thing. It sheds more light on your experience in a way that the short video clips can't. Thank you (and all of the others) for participating in this video.
Thank you for the detailed explanations. It really is eye opening both the video and your text above. Thank you for taking the time and the courage to open up so sincerely in order for at least a fraction of the people to better understand other people.
Lately I have been wondering if maybe I've lived my whole life undiagnosed.
Rosa Frederiksen for most cases that’s not true. It explains things and helps treatment
Rosa Frederiksen oh damn that’s terrible
I have been because something sex caused happend to me when ever somebody talks to me my pee pee area feels annoying and uncomfortable its feels like it interacting with the sound ever since than I hated s e x even though it feels so good I just hate it
@Rosa Frederiksen having an answer to the question "Why am I like this?" is incredibly comforting and reassuring, even without any hint of a fix.
Rosa Frederiksen it has made me feel better after being diagnosed at the age of 42, I could do my own research as to why I felt so lonely as a child ,and just feeling so different to everyone else,I think this is why boys especially with ASD get obsessed with superheroes such as superman,they can see the awkwardness of Clark Kent bumbling around trying to fit in,but then can relate to superman, as maybe that in our heads is the part we feel we are trying to hide,I remember vividly going to the cinema in 1980, when I was 6 years old and watching two superman films back to back,and even at that young age I think I could relate to the films more than most,and thought to myself that being different is not so bad.
I admit I cried a little at the end when I heard of what Amy went through, but also how things got so much better for her and that she’s following her dreams. Just the pick me up I need as a autistic who’s new to the adult world and struggles with doubts about myself sometimes. Thank you CZcams feed for blessing me with this.
As a child, I never understood why the girls wouldn’t let me hang with them. I would always get picked on or shunned.
But my impulsive ADHD side would always push me to stand up for myself. I never not get picked on, and I learned early on to defend myself.
Now that I have my son, who is on the spectrum, I can only hope that times have changed.
I didn't know that I was different, I just felt like everyone else knew secrets that I didn't know.
GuacamoleKun Yes. This. It seemed like everyone around me was in a club I could never job.... stuff I just didn't get. I felt like an alien.
I've always felt this way... like everyone was born with a manual on life and I just couldn't read mine, like it was written in a different language...
Bro
Right, and then my mother would tell me to just use common sense. It isn't common sense for me if I am not told exactly what I should do in certain situations.
I knew I was different but I always thought all the others are weird actually I still do I just don't understand them
*Social skills are like a muscle for us. YES! I work very hard to act social, use hand gestures, raise my voice to a pleasant level, make eye contact, carry a conversation.*
Is it a social skill to fart very loudly?
Im not sure what point you are trying to make.
Making eye contact is so hard for me, that there are days where I'm so tired I just don't until someone complains about it.
I think what you are describing is "taking personal responsibility and being mature".
Sociability is an aptitude that not everyone possesses. It is a fact that autistic people are deficient in this aptitude. Im not sure what you stand to gain or devalue by redefining terms but it wont work.
I had some of the same issues as you guys, I was bullied and made fun of constantly because I was hyper, impulsive, and a bit touchy. I never meant to make anyone feel uncomfortable, so now I’m very closed off and kind of antisocial. The kids at school thought I was weird and it caused me a lot of mental distress. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, Severe Anxiety, and PTSD. My psychiatrist helped me though a lot of it and I’m happy that my anxiety has reduced and my ptsd isn’t that much of a problem anymore. I would love to thank my best friend, Emma, for being by my side since kindergarten and never giving up on me even after I moved schools. Always remember no matter what happens someone will always help you through it and everything WILL be okay!
As an autistic woman myself I love this video 💜💜 we need so much more representation and media like this will hopefully help to spark that!
Is it true that you don't have emotions?
People i have met that have autism are some of the most kind hearted empathetic and genuine humans
awh thanks😊😆👍💕
no, empathy is actually a huge part of what aspies lack. the have a very hard time understanding other peoples feelings. stop trying to make youeself look good on youtube by writing some shit you just made up and is even wrong.
@@TheDragorin em...no i have hyper-empathy, we just have a hard time showing it through communication idiot, you dont look like you have empathy yourself so
@@TheDragorin This idea that we lack empathy is in fact wrong. We tend to be overly empathetic and very fairness oriented. What we don't do is respond in ways that you expect. I may miss cues and that may cause people to think that I don't care, but I do care. When we understand, we, most of us, care and often deeply. And even then, you may not read us and understand the depth that we care. You're repeating a basic misconception that even expects in the field held for far too long.
@@TheDragorin you are actually talking about COGNITIVE EMPATHY and not EMOTIONAL EMPATHY , but whatever ..
I started crying, couldn’t relate more. Friends and relationships is something I have always struggled with, I hope I’ll find people who can accept who I am truly.
don't worry, everything will be fine.
It made me cry too. I'm sure you'll find someone who accepts you!
Same here. You're not alone. 💖
Btw At the start there I meant that as a sad truth sorta thing not a "Get over it And stop being entitled" as it may come off.
Yes, you`ll do. It`s just a statistic: there are so much absolutely different people outside, that you just cannot not to find someone who will accept you fully. ;)
I'm a man in my late 30s with autism, and this is well said, I get a lot of what these women are saying, it a rough existence and everyday is a challenge
Might be a bit easier experience for chicks than it is for dudes.
@@davids5978 Why do you think that?
I’m 22 years old and starting to think I may be autistic. For my whole life I thought it was just social anxiety, but I’m beginning to think it may be more than that. I was watching videotapes of me as a little child the other day, and if I was ever around people I wasn’t comfortable with, I looked absolutely terrified in those videos. I was frozen, hardly even moved, and didn’t say a word. It baffles me how not one single family member thought to get me any kind of help. In fact, they would get upset with me and say I was embarrassing them. I remember being in elementary school, and not responding to other kids when they would talk to me. I would just look at them. For a while I unconsciously did that thing the lady in the video does where she’s rocking back and fourth. But one time, someone asked me why I was doing that, and I got embarrassed and never did it again. I don’t know why I’m commenting all of this on a random youtube video. It just seems to be getting so much worse for me lately, because I’ve isolated myself to a horrible degree. Every day I’m becoming more and more hyperaware of myself in social situations that it’s becoming scary to me. I can’t even have a decent conversation with people I love anymore, let alone strangers. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know how to get diagnosed or if that would even help me.
i think i have this issue too. ever since considering autism or something similar I've isolated myself and like you say, becoming even more hyper-aware of myself which lets the doubt creep in; before i just floated around, confident in my abilities and seeking to impress - still do i suppose but not to the same determination i had as a child. now I'm just like 'wow I'm struggling with this particular (social) thing and I'm going to shut down and doubt myself and accept defeat because I'm aware of it'. its quite frustrating. i feel like I'm letting myself down.
I just turned 23, and for the past months I've been in that exact situation so I'd say we're in the same boat. I'd love to get diagnosed because that would help explain my family that I'm just not paranoid, but I don't even know where or who to ask for help in my country
I relate to this so much!!!
I'm a women with autism
I have a partner
I have a daughter
Autistic women can do it as well
It is hard though.
And Men?
@@pazuzuprime1374 No
Almost as if... you can control your behavior and have taken personal responsibility for your actions, and realize you are responsible for your actions and how they impact other's, so you change your behavior accordingly... I think this used to be called "being mature"...
@jack bran you are incorrect. In fact autism began to be studied MORE when docs noticed it more in BOYS. What they didn't care about figuring out was that women's autism does not look the same. They simply didn't bother studying it. And if you think autistic women aren't HORRIBLY bullied and mocked, well, you're an idiot. This isn't a male vs, female thing no matter how hard you try to spin it.
@@g4tnewnewg4t48 Being mature enough to know your not perfect but still willing to not give up and quit is how autism is defined now.
For everyone else up is down, left is right, good is bad, and being so screwed up you can't function is your free pass to do anything you want without consequence and anyone who want you to grow up and act like a mature self respecting adult become something greater than a whiny dysfunctional screw up is a monster that needs to be removed from society.
Im a girl with autism and this video made me really happy thank you 😀
Andrea Dalsgaard yeah that’s amazing don’t let others get into you like that I would love to hear your story but if it personal I understand
i don’t believe you
@@hotboyblanco3.080 eh what did you say?
hotboyblanco 3.0 why not?
I'm a guy with PDD-NOS and I enjoyed this video as well
My mom was told I was autistic but she never told me. I always wondered why I was so out of step and after listening to all these people on the spectrum, I realize I am also on the spectrum. I visited my aunt and after decades, she slipped and told me. It brings some relief to finally understand what is going on with me. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Did you find it odd or were in some way felt lied to for being kept in the dark for smth like that?
After one year of my official diagnosis I just want to register here that this video was the starter of me seeking a diagnosis. I couldn’t thank you more. It changed my life, therapy has done a lot and now I can battle my shortcomings properly.
My beautiful girl was diagnosed at age 8-9. She smart, hilarious, artistic, and perfect to me. She’s not disabled, she’s different and perfect the way she is.
Awww, you are so sweet!
you seem like the best parent, you're supportive and loving, mine just messed my head up
it is do sweet how you talk about her, I hope you two become best friends. Really, is heart-warming to see how other kids with asd will have the parenting and support for their needs. We need more parents like you.
Ofc she is, just like my son! He is beautiful and smart, charming if he wants to be. People have a negative connotation by the word autism, while the majority of autism people are high sensitive and smart. I have Asperger(i know it's not called that anymore, but for me that is a typical kind of autist that fits the correct picture)
#Victimhood
"to finally have friends is such a big big deal" Well said sister, weeeell said
SO TRUE! Whenever I meet someone new and get along with them I go running to my mum after school like a kindergartner like “mum mum I made a new friend today!”
The only friend I trust is my best friend.. even then I always wonder if he hates me or thinks I'm annoying. Is that bad?
Wassa BB
ask him.
allow yourself to be vulnerable
Honestly it’s huge
Told my partner I have aspergers, and he was watching numerous videos to understand me. And he asked the simple question, have you watched any? And I thought, no I have it. Why would I need to watch it. But watching this video, has made me much more aware of my struggles but also its allowed me to kinda accept it more? Not sure what to say, but this video has helped me alot.
Finally words that make me breath a bit better. Someone who was just diagnosed this year at 52. Explains so so much about how I walk(ed) in this world.
"Minimal Support Need and High Support Need" I absolutely love that. I'm going to start using that instead of high function/low function.
"I think we're highly emotional, we just don't express it as people expect"
That's a damn good exprtion
Would you be able to give an explanation of how you express it? What is autistic body language? Maybe allistics are clueless about how autistics communicate innately and have to learn how to read autistic people.
By Azura, by Azura, by Azura!
I'm autistic and the way I reveal that I'm struggling emotionally, is I literally just go mute for a temporary period, as your brain just goes into shutdown mode when it gets too overwhelmed, as my brain literally cannot cope with what is happening, in regards to when it's something extremely frustrating, upsetting or just intense in general I hope that explains things :)❤💙💜💚 xo
@@staceyruwoldt9158 Thank you stacy. I'm aware of shutdown's, but I'll read about them in depth now as they seem particuarly important to understand.
qubitz your welcome =) Better yet may I suggest looking up Selective Mutism too, as selective mutism is separate to Shutdowns, a shutdown is a thing all on it's own💕💕
Some autistic's experience shutdowns which is a different definition to selective mutism.
Shutdowns is when not only their brain closes down, but their body does as well for a temporary period, they literally cannot move the person feels stuck as the body just shuts down too♡
However Selective Mutism is completely separate, and I only experience that. Selective mutism is where only your brain shuts down, your thoughts/ feelings get stuck, but you can still move your body around and walk into a another room, but with a Shutdown you can't and that's completely different to just going mute, have never experienced a Shutdown in my life :)💓
Only selective mutism where you can't talk. Crucial thing to remember is no two autistic people are alike, we're all different with individual characteristics, so my reason for going mute may not be someone else's reason♡♡
For example others might just go mute when it's an social gathering, as they get that nervous/ anxious, but for me my reason is always driven by my emotions :)❤💚💙 xo
every few weeks or so i return to this video when i feel down. it's so comforting and makes me feel less alone.
People with autism has a very difficult hard time to socialize and connect with others and make friendships. It’s extremely difficult because we just don’t know what to say when someone tries to engage a conversation with us. Introverts can still make friends. They may not talk much but they can.
This page is now my safe place. All the comments and the strong women in the video. I have a tribe. I’m not alone 😭
Yes! Im autistic, I was born with it. I'm still trying to accept me as myself I was bullied as a child and I did get sexually assaulted as a child. I've finally found my tribe 😭😭❤❤
🥰🥰
You’re definitely not alone!
The woman in the maroon shirt has such a soothing voice.
She is beautiful no matter what! You piece of shit
yes she's pretty. but i have same amount of respect for all of this girl
She's really pretty
@Seckswithatoaster Obviously a joke guys.
@@user-eb3xe8rp7n yeah he can lmao
I watched this video in 2018 when it came out. I was just diagnosed with autism two days ago and I'm back again! Younger me knew something I didn't
"teaching the social aspects of sexuality would help everyone" 100 percent. it would help everyone. high school was a long time ago for me. i think it is changing now, with all these gender topics. but they definitely never talked about the social aspect in my day.
"To finally have friends is such a big, big deal."
YEEEEEEEESS YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS MY GOD THERE IS NOTHING MORE COMPLICATED AND HARD THAN
FINDING AND ESPECIALLY *KEEPING* FRIENDS
Nugget has two best friends and at 3AM we like to dance to the squeaky dinosaur meme
That’s how mafia works
I'm sooooo bad at holding on to friendships, but there just are those few people that are always there which is so nice
You don't have to be autistic to excite yourself about a friend. I have made lots of friends and I have lost the same amount.
Actually, I enjoy more the periods when I don't have friends. It's easier to meet new people that way.
sorry but thats hard for even normal people lol.
YEEEES
Though I am a male, I see more of my own experiences in these people's talks than in any other video about autism. I was diagnosed 10 months ago by a psychologist as having High Functioning Autism at age 61. (You read right, sixty-one). I have great discomfort trying to navigate the scripted social cues (the "netflix and chill" stuff), and my own presentation can be somewhat Spock-like, yet I feel emotions strongly. And I have lots of memories of being taunted and excluded. I only in the last 10 years have developed healthy friendships, and I still have mountains to climb in the social realm. Thanks for this vid; it's a boost.
Anthony Hopkins was diagnosed in his 70s! You are not alone 💕
I’m glad to hear that you’ve been diagnosed and have gotten a healthy circle of friends 😊
I was diagnosed about two years ago at the age of 17 and have finally started to create my connection of friends as well. Stay safe out there and remember that you are never alone 😁
Hi, Brian. I somewhat understand and was on that path in a sometimes puzzling world, also.
I didn't know until my middle child was diagnosed at school in first grade.
In the parent=teacher conference, they explained the behaviors that lay behind their rotating her into a different class schedule, designed to help her .
Eventually I decided to see what I could do to bridge the gap I had between social input and the accurate interpretation of same.
I went to the local library, started getting classic movies, and director's descriptions of same, and studied them.
Also I got Body Language for Dummies, reviewed that, and continued to study my vast array of co-workers.
They rotated in and out of our industry pretty fast, and were varying ages and backgrounds.
We worked for a travelling inventory company, and I got my baseline for the range of 'normal' social behavior on many hours long van rides over the course of about 11 years.
it was helpful, and practice made it easier.
I started to make lists and the occasional note, when I was deep in a learning binge, so I could commit to full attention and awareness of my immediate surroundings. instead of refusing to derail my train of thought .
I was much less 'awkward' appearing after I got that habit down, and I didn't have to give up the things important to me to do it..
It was amazing what a dimension steeling myself to observe facial cues and a possible eye lock added to my understanding of nuance, and shifts off the literal meaning of the words said.
I stick to the headlines and the punchlines mostly still. and can gauge the dpuble-dutch jumprope fest that is social interaction well enough to jump in and out more or less appropriately at 52.
Still, I look to Leonard Nimoy's Spock as my avatar to explain my gestalt to others.
Best of success on your path. May it be clearly marked and comfortably wide.
oh god i relate so much to the discomfort at "scripted social cues"
Sometimes men relate more to "female" autism traits and vice versa. It doesn't always match.
I'm so happy that our society is starting to open up about disabilities and mental health issues and lessening the stigma. We still have a long way to go but thanks to strong people like these women sharing their stories with the world we're getting better and more understanding
i'm an 22 year old autistic woman who was fortunate enough to be diagnosed at 6 years old, i feel so sorry for all of the aspies who get diagnosed later in life, as they didn't grow up, adapt to the world and get additional help as an child to help shape their autism into "normal" life.
I just couldn't get why I was different. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 45. God bless you all.
I believe the girl in the maroon was named Kirsten? She hit the nail on the head when she said so much of dating and flirting is indirect and subtle- and because we are so literal in our thinking and miss so much nuance, we’re left out of the “understanding” and FEEL very left out in tons and tons of social relationships, exchanges and environments. It’s so HARD!
Yeah. But it gets easier over time. For me, the easiest way to get past that barrier is to flat out say I have zero social skills and that I just never get hints. Most girls laugh it off thinking I'm joking. Then I'd say something like "I'm serious! If a girl holds my hand during a romantic scene, I just assume she's in love. If I tell her I like her and she just say , I assume we're just friends". More often than not, I'll find out the girl I like holds my hand during a romantic scene, and that way I'll know for sure she's not just watching a movie with me.
yeah :/ that totally got me too. I always miss the cues. So people are interested for a short time and then something about me pushes them away and I can never find out why.
@@korosuke1788 Dude this has worked for me somewhat too! But it is still hard here and there because I am too slow to catch hints at advances and shit ahhaha
This may sound weird but I kinda wish dating and flirting was literal and straightforward, in fact it might be refreshing to meet someone like that but yeah it has got to be hard trying to live in a world that isn't literal and straightforward when your mind works like that.
I'm not autistic but I suffer from the same things with people, maybe I am and haven't been diagnosed, but I hardly think so
I definitely understand what one of the women were saying about how things people not on the spectrum would consider subconscious and simple can feel like a huge task or something you need to think about constantly for people with autism. For example, when I’m in public I am constantly thinking about how people are perceiving me. My mannerisms, how I talk, how I stand and just generally how I move are some major insecurities of mine.
I’m so glad someone did this. I was diagnosed at 7 and high functioning. I’m constantly being told that I’m using my autism as an excuse when having an episode I can’t turn off in moment. It’s so refreshing to hear that their are others.
I feel like I had decent social skills until middle/highschool where the bullying started, now I cant even make small talk at work without having a panic attack.
💜❤❤❤💜 A little love can go a long way, sorry the people at your school didn't realize this, :(
You should try and push yourself, and seek treatment. I had social anxiety for years after bullying and managed to get rid of it. Good luck!
You’re very lucky. I have gotten bullied around 3rd grade and it messed up my social skills drastically. I would be anxious over everything and things will be getting in my head and around that time i’ve gotten diagnosed with mild autism. Before that bullying phase, I was extroverted, outgoing, kind, etc.
social anxiety is often misused and alot of people seem to be not diagnosing people with social anxiety and replace it with autism.
@@melu0o bullying is hard! You can improve yourself by putting yourself in situation that scare you like walking up to strangers an talk to them, or having conversations with people in any kind of social setting. Traveling alone also helps... you can start with asking for directions ect. I pushed myself by starting to working as a server on the side and it was difficult! But now it's ok 🙂 don't give up 😉
Elisabeth Reichstamm I am doing that at the moment but at the same time, I don’t know how to be starting conversations with people so I would just ask them if they have gum, or maybe if I’m confident enough, compliment them on what they’re doing. Sometimes I don’t even overthink and I still get anxious.
The girl w the maroon shirt is so cute wow
YES 😄
She's so pretty and seems very sweet
@@alejandroalvmar I SAW THAT TOO
Alejandro Alvarez exactly also her voice is similar as well it’s crazy n they’re both so pretty
She reminds me of Maggie from the walking dead
Ya’ll are making me sob. I can relate in so many ways. It makes me feel the feelings I have been pushing aside, and I’m 36 and am finally trying to learn how to unmask.
I become so frustrated sometimes with the inane, ridiculous, overly complex world of social norms. I try to be polite and patient, but I’m so drained by people. Sometimes I just break and it’s not pretty. If anyone else feels this way who is on the spectrum, let me know if this sounds familiar.
yess!!! look up autistic burnout
Oh yeah, You are singing an old familiar song!