They're not always terrified. Sometimes they target us because of how trusting we are and BECAUSE we always say exactly what we think and feel. All they have to do is ask and they automatically know what makes us tick. They can make us seem crazy to others by intentionally triggering a meltdown which makes it easier to isolate us and play the patient supportive partner/parent to garner sympathy.
It's easy to do especially when they're inconsistent, change plans, invaliate, misunderstand us, etc. But it also goes the other way and we can be hard to manipulate lol.
Oh absolutely my mother targetted myself, and my autistic children, she criticized any help I got them even down to getting them assessed for autism. Then she turned my daughters against me, threatened me, abuse, coercion, enough to do some serious damage to my marriage and my family. She never supported me for the help I needed at school but happily took the credit for my reading which she had nothing to do with.
I'm a newly diagnosed lady with Autism (aged 34, took way too long but nevermind!) And this makes so much sense to me. My covert narcissist mother has accused me many times of being too blunt when she has pushed me to the point where honesty spills out if me. This causes me to mask or hide my authentic self and never truly be myself around her, and that's how she likes me, nice and agreeable. Deep down I've always known she doesn't like the real me 😂. But am working on rebuilding my self esteem as I'm putting distance between me and her, for my own sake. Well done on this observation 👏 👍
Your mom didn’t know you were autistic. Maybe she was worried about people hurting you as you were growing up because she could see you were gullible. This is the case for my autistic daughter and she thinks this of me too.😭
@@michellemyers4043 she took full advantage of me being "gullible" and me putting up with her outrageous behaviour. Me trotting in on a white horse everytime she caused chaos and damaged people around her, to rescue the situation. My needs and thoughts were not even on her radar.
I’m def on the spectrum…I believe it is the empath in us that attracts these people..then they stay because they are intrigued…eventually becoming jealous and envious of any happiness we might find and ultimately destroying it.
I'm autistic and have been duped by narcs many times. Narcs also know that autistics can be very gullible/innocent, easy to manipulate, and often the target of abusive people. I find more people w asd are targets of toxic people vs neurotypical folks.
Exactly, man. Don't know what this dude is on about. Autistic people have patterns and are predictable after you have observed, and of course, they are very trusting. Narcissistic people can take advantage easily.
True but tbh u shouldn't b here on this channel then cuz this guy is a narc and has manipulated and lied in much of his videos. I've been duped by most ppl or most ppl attempt unless they r fellow autistic friend.
I’m on the autism spectrum And yes, for my personal experience narcissist are very terrified of me, but what makes it even worse is that I don’t take their crap for nothing and that scares the living shit out of them real talk
@@trisha7029 Not always. That's the thing about deception. Sometimes there's just enough truth to make it believable enough to sell a story. That's how the smear campaigns work
He kept accusing my son of being autistic. He had never been diagnosed. I will say that he seemed fearful of him. He could not understand him. So scary, lol. He seemed to believe that anyone gifted or different was abnormal. Evil can't discern genuine people. It throws them off.
My boss is a female covert narc and I have Asperger’s syndrome-when her behavior toward me changed, I asked her some simple honest questions…she called a meeting w/HR the next week and she schedules me on opposite days than her. #Terrified 😂
Omg this makes sense. I was a nanny for an autistic boy and he was the one person that wasn’t charmed by my mom no matter how hard she tried. It made Her mad ( at an 8 yr old autistic boy). I remember how her charms never worked on him like other kids.
This is hilarious! My ex is a narcissist and we found out I'm autistic this year 😂😂 no wonder she was flipping out all the time. She always told me I was the crazy one, and that I was a psychopath or sociopath, when in reality, I just never reacted to her the way a normal human would and it always made her SUPER nervous! Hence, the very frequent explosions and accusations, she feared what she didn't understand. It's all making sense now. Thank you again!?
I have a lot of autistic traits and I tended to say that I bring out the worst in people. That's because I was really naive and instead of concluding that someone was full of bs I would just ask questions if I spotted inconsistencies, etc. And they'd get very defensive and/or angry because they're not used to people dealing with them like that. I wisened up over the years and now I just tend to stay away if something feels off and try to find a better use for my open-mindedness.
I do the same. I take things apart logically and the person gets stumped. I remember the doctor being so thrown off when she said well I don't know why you came here then when you are clearly into alternative healing. I looked inward and said oh yes, that makes sense I should probably go see someone thats more suited. I meant it purely logically, there was no emotion attached to it or manipulation.. then I noticed that she was getting really upset and flustered. I realised that she was probably saying that as a manipulation tactic to get me to agree. She said this is Science and you need to go with what is Scientific fact, but she did not show me the research. If she would have taken the time to explain the research and answered my questions I probably would have been fine.
When i was telling my mum about the mental abuse she's put me through, she claimed it's all my autism (I do have autism) in order to justify the abuse, I always thought i was the Narcissist (I still have some traits i don't know or didn't realise i have) until i realised it was my Mum all along, she puts my siblings and i against eachother. When i was telling my mum and her boyfriend the stigmas I've had since i was born oit of wedlock between my christian deadbeat dad and my atheist mum, wanted to punish my dad for the method of my conception, she tried making it about herself Twice.
interesting never thought of it this way. he for sure tried to use what he thought he knew about my autism, adhd and trauma - luckily he relied in stereotypes which made it so obvious how he doesnt get me that i could see through his manipulation tactics. but it took me too long and his confusing and contradictory behavior really declined my mental health. My autistic literalness helpt me to get out but my traumas also kept me in too long. "You say it was a misunderstanding? I am traumatized by misunderstandings, of course i give you the benefit of the doubt" He never answered my questions straight but i dont function without real talk. He had no chance of getting out of clearing up confusion without straightup lying to my face and i am a lie detector when my attention is on a person. Happy i am out and moving cities now.
yes I met someone that I could not decide if he is autistic or narcissist. There are commonalities with a severe narcissist. They both might not pick up social cues, have connection and relatability issues, cannot tune to the other person even when they want to connect. They don't even have clue about how to change it or what went wrong when a relationship goes wrong. I think many people called narcissists by others could be highly functioning autistic. Because if an autistic is good at something, they will say they are, let's say engineering and others will say oohh see he or she can't connect, blunt, insensitive and also, brags about themselves. In reality, autistic person may lack some or more social skills and also, might be just honest knowing that they are really good- not knowing how to hide that.
Yes! My beautiful daughter was the worst treated after myself. And because of his selfishness and lack of empathy he never attempted to know her nuances. She’s incredibly wonderful, his forever loss.
But isn't it true that for people with Autism structure is just so very very hard for them to even incorporate, that once they do incorporate it, it's set in stone; rather than with the Narc, who just wants to control EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY like a little fief ruling over its fiefdom? Seems to be completely different motivations.
I have an adult son who has Asperger's, and his father, my ex-husband can't gaslight or play mental games with him because they just go over his head. My other son, on the other hand, is victimized routinely. I think autism, or at least Asperger's is nature's defense against narcissism.
@@PaniWeganka Autistic folk are 'bottom-up' thinkers and typical people are 'top-down'-- basically, Autistic folks get their idea of people by piecing them together a piece at a time, which makes them great detectives, although slow-- so they make few assumptions, rarely giving the benefit of the doubt and see many details others overlook who perceive top-down (quick, mostly efficient, broad, and generalizing). The downside is that the bottom-up perception takes time and in that time they can be abused/'naively' taken advantage of in ways typical folks wouldn't. So autistic people have an advantage typical people don't and a vulnerability typical people don't.
@@PaniWeganka it's hard to play mental games on an autistic person due to the nature of autism. We are not able to interpret the same. Some say it's a good defense against narcissist people. But it can also be very frustrating when you can't clearly decipher an enemy.
thank you so much for stating this! i am an autistic woman and from narcissistic parents and i struggle so much in the world especially ehen facing narcissistic medical doctors and there are many.... i have had to see many cos of chronic health issues and autism and this is terrible the anxiety and cptsd these people have inflicred on me
@@daniellakarenina8634Autistic can't be narcissists, autism means you are just you are.. you don't relate well socially to others, not in the same way like neurotypicals do... The lack of ability to socially connect and lack of ability to tune in with the other person are similar traits. But narcissists are deceptive, full of BS and intentional in that, they are far from being honest while autistic people will speak their truth without any hiding, censoring, pink washing... Narcissists are mean, they can demean, bully and disturb their targets which look like being 'blunt' but in reality, it is different - being mean intentionally and being blunt are different things, not same. Narcissists are not blunt, they intentionally gaslight and manipualte, while autistic never manipulate. They both have problems with connecting others in a deeper level although some narcissists are very good at charming others - only superficially, generally, till they get to know them. They are bad at intimate relationships since they don't care about the other person so they don't try to connect after guaranteeing the relationship while autistic genuinely find it hard to connect since they don't pick on social cues same way or don't respond same way like others.
I'm realizing at the age of 37 that I'm likely autistic, definitely have ADHD, and my mom is a vulnerable covert narcissist. I've spent the last 10 years disentangling from her and realizing how much she hurt my development and the massive scale to which she manipulated me and controlled the narrative around myself. Getting distance from her during the pandemic was amazing. I could finally see that I'm not the crazy one; She is, and she was literally driving me crazy.
I lived through this. Not only did I have no idea what a narcisst was but the downfall after I got out was so hard because I couldn’t separate reality from their gaslighting. It felt like a mental prison compounded by my own neurons
Ha! This is so true! I work with a vulnerable covert narc manager. When he started my admin assistant at the time was on the spectrum. He baited her and harassed her to the point of both of them screaming and yelling at each other. He couldn’t stand her bluntness; which I personally loved about her. He got his way when she quit because of his manipulation and harassment.
“They are always thinking about different angles when there are none to be found” over my 20 yrs of life I’ve been slowly breaking my abusive mom down just by existing and acting normal. She is searching so hard for ulterior motives that don’t exist.
This was amazing to hear, Danesh, thank you so much. I was diagnosed with autism a few years ago. My family were sadistic narcissists/psychos, and I was the scapegoat whom everyone abused. I married another one, and had many 'friends' like that too. They'd latch onto me, and constantly tell me how jealous they were of everything about me, from my appearance to my intellect and creativity. They'd literally take my appearance and character apart looking to see what made the whole me. Now you've helped me understand why. You are brilliant at your work. I've never come across any therapist with as much insight into the beast as you. I send you my very best and warmest wishes for a long and happy life with peace and contentment. You deserve the very best.
Same for me. I was automatically a scapegoat in my family after I got diagnosed with autism at 3. My mom will tell me to stop telling everyone that she and my family abuse me every day and bring up past mistakes to retraumatize me. And it worked. I reached out to people about it, and they blamed me for the narcissistic abuse at home.😠
I'm autistic and the youngest and the family servant, people called me Cinderella. I grew up to be a narcissist magnet. Odd thing is, people do actually underestimate me. There's a repeated pattern of people playing their habd too soon, get really unreasonably controlling and demanding and I walk. I'm gone. I'm amazed at how they actually thought I would totally be their servant girl, people I'm not even related to. I am shocked how people treat me, especially stuff at one church - they wouldnt treat ANYBODY else like that. We can be treated like children. Autistic people are wired different, and tend to be naturally helpful and honest and no guile and don't care about social climbing. So we don't understand guile and get exploited. I really appreciate this video! There's a positive side, we're unpredictable. I didn't realize that until you pointed it out, but i can see it now. 😊
Yes, mistreatment even in churches is real. There is no safe place for us. I hate that others tend to treat us like servants & as children. This is why I cannot connect with most church women. It's okay to protect ourselves from those who start trying to exploit us. The churches are largely ignorant on the subject of abuse, as well as neurodivergence. They fail us. At least cats that choose us, also love us the most.
My mother always swore I had to have different thoughts inside than what I showed on the outside… nope. 😅 I don’t have the mental capacity for that junk. Curious thing, she blocked me from having an autistic diagnosis as a child, why would a narcissist block such a thing from their child? 🧐
Woah! This makes a lot of sense. I have Autism and I dealt with abuse by several types of narcissists. Only 2 out of 3 types of narcissists admitted honestly that I am hard to read, that I'm too much of a mystery and hard to figure out. Yet their manipulation and gaslighting did significant damage. (Knowing that I grew up with a low self image) Im doing better currenrly since I had been in psychotherapy and practicing Religion and Spirituality. Thank you for your insight on this Danish!
She got me under her hook knowing I was autistic and adhd, abused me emotionally and psychologically and I tried to end it many times, and then she managed to manipulate my mind to get me to stay, she tried again but couldn’t manipulate me because my instincts already told me what I was dealing with.
Wow! i truly believe im on the autistic spectrum,dealing with a narc. I've tried to get help to get a test to prove im autistic. I'm 53, why is it so difficult finding a place that will test me! one place i was told they'll put me on a "hope list'" why should i have to just hope i can get a test i need? it's unacceptable to me. I've been in hell dealing with narc.
I'm 'self-diagnosed' autistic and have heard people's struggle getting diagnosed. my guess is insurance companies and the 'system' might be getting scared of the increasing awareness and autism diagnoses and the 'strain' it will put on their profits-- thus, the hurdles for help are mounting. Pretty sad and utterly unacceptable, in my opinion. Don't give up.
@1stBorn538 if you are in the United States, look for a regional center in your area. They are funded by the federal government (Department of Development Disabilities). Regional centers are full of social workers. You can ask your doctor's office if they have a social worker, who can help you connect with the regional center. I was tested in middle school by the school. The idiot psychologist said I didn't meet the autism requirements. The APA changed the autism diagnosis standards in 2013. I got retested in 2018 through the regional center. Make sure that you got tested by an autism psychologist specialist. I believe the school psychologist who tested me wasn't an autism specialist, and she didn't care.
Depends on the context and circumstances of the relationship. They're frustrated, not terrified and often become exhausted with our cognitions.. Being honest and blunt is spun into being rude and inconsiderate, but since ASD makes it difficult to read between the lines, manipulation can go right over our heads at times preventing the recaction NPD intended for. I've had a family membsr just dip because she started to struggle manipulating me as i was hung up on her lack of logic to acknowledge the abuse. They don't t lile being questioned on thier stupidity lol
I’ve seen a Asperger triggered a narcissist without realizing he did that, tbh dude just ask straight up questions since narcissists doesn’t like being ask by logical questions
😂 That explains a lot, it has been suspected for a long time that I have a higher functioning form of Autism. In the process of being properly diagnosed.
And so the narc got an autistic daughter (scapegoat) and 2 autistic grandchildren (adults now)! No non autistic grands. LMAO 🤣 We ALL have gone "no contact" with the narcissistic family system.
I live with an autistic man who is a covert narcissist. I am autistic as well. I am trying to pull myself together and leave without becoming collateral damage.
That makes 2 of us. My husband also autistic and narcicistic. Me, autistic and victim of narc abuse by my whole family my whole life. Textbook scapegoat. Good luck to you, there is hope.
"Women" who birth their children, then abuse them have 1 fitting label: Egg Donor. No "mother" title for them. I'm sorry she attacked you. 😢Are you free from her?
That is so true I used to be terrified you know my brother he's autistic and you know a lot of people used to make fun of me because I had an artistic brother and I used to be so angry and mad all the time cuz I was so ashamed of him but now I love him so much thank you
I discovered I'm an aspien 3 years back I realized why my mom always kept her distance from me. She always was scared of me. Whereas my sister was the scapegoat. 😢
When my mom told me that my neice was Austin during one of our arguments, initially I felt horrible, but then I realized that was exactly how my mom wanted me to feel. But now I’m proud of my neice, because I know that my mom can’t manipulate her like she does to me. Sometimes, I wish I was autistic so that people could not manipulate me.
I suffer so much from abuse from my mother and I am autistic. I yelled at my mom today that she is a b and I hate her. It was my second meltdown. She said she was so embarrassed about the first one. What is she like that because I can't help me. Last week, she told me my friend said she didn't like me and only felt sorry. I don't know why she is so mean to me?
Autistic people act like narcissists without intending to. Before my boyfriend got screened, I thought he was a narcissist. Something didn't feel right after I did so much research as although he became more abusive and cold over time, it honestly didn't feel like he had that intention. So I got him to go get screened and it turns out I was right. The biggest improvement was that after one session with a therapist specialised in aspergers, he immediately stopped with the verbal abuse. She explained things in a way he understood I guess
Social ques. There's a fine line between exciting someone to intellectual debate/development and pissing them off to assault. When ( People are flawed ) meets (+) ( you think you're bad??? I'm badder!!! attitude )
That would be a great video! In the meantime just teach your son about narcissistic manipulation tactics so he can recognize them for what they are. That's made a world of difference for me.
As an autistic woman, I've only ever been in relationships with narcissists and even some autistic narcissists as well. They like to prey on us because they know that we're easy targets.
People were always telling me they don't understand me I was talking double Dutch I was talking and fantasy language but they don't understand I just started talking in words everybody would understand yes it was Blunt it was rude but now they can't misunderstand my point of view
I’m autistic female and I think I’m in another bad relationship. I don’t know if he is narcissistic or something else but it’s horrible. After years of abuse I thought I finally will find peace in this relationship. But it’s just constant uncertainty i don’t know waking up if he will be in good mood or he will quit relationship for another time (and currently I’m unable to count anymore how many times he broke up with me). All I hear is that I’m guilty of everything, that I destroyed his life and how ashamed he is of telling lies about me to people even he chose to tell them to create some image of himself to other people. Its shame that I’m depressed autistic with ptsd, it’s shame that I don’t have a job and I’m getting money from government because I’m unable to work, it’s shame that I became homeless during this relationship due to my mental health? It’s shame how weird I am, how stupid I am. And I understand that my life situation is nothing to be proud of but that constant putting me down not doing good to me. But I love him and I still wish that he will stop being like that because there are days where he can be nice and carrying. I’m just lost.
Huh...I guess that's why my narc ex wife didn't like my autistic ass lmfao! (Also cuz I'm trans but that's beside the point) Very interesting that it seems that narcs can't seem to read us. I remember a narc little brat I encountered on GaiaOnline years ago, too. He was ALWAYS annoyed with me. This guy's friend group despised me for always speaking out and tried getting me banned by the mods all the time lmfao! Narcs HATE it when you call them out on their shit. Warning tho if you do it online, make sure to use a burner account and a VPN cuz some sites and mods can and will track your IP to see if you own other accounts.
They're not always terrified. Sometimes they target us because of how trusting we are and BECAUSE we always say exactly what we think and feel. All they have to do is ask and they automatically know what makes us tick. They can make us seem crazy to others by intentionally triggering a meltdown which makes it easier to isolate us and play the patient supportive partner/parent to garner sympathy.
I'm not autistic but I've definitely experienced this, and it's sickening
My narc father has been doing these to me since I was a child
It's easy to do especially when they're inconsistent, change plans, invaliate, misunderstand us, etc.
But it also goes the other way and we can be hard to manipulate lol.
Oh absolutely my mother targetted myself, and my autistic children, she criticized any help I got them even down to getting them assessed for autism. Then she turned my daughters against me, threatened me, abuse, coercion, enough to do some serious damage to my marriage and my family. She never supported me for the help I needed at school but happily took the credit for my reading which she had nothing to do with.
They. Think yur sad the way might see their evil as sad.
This is exactly what happened to me. They think they're so entitled that they don't even care who I really am.
I'm a newly diagnosed lady with Autism (aged 34, took way too long but nevermind!) And this makes so much sense to me. My covert narcissist mother has accused me many times of being too blunt when she has pushed me to the point where honesty spills out if me. This causes me to mask or hide my authentic self and never truly be myself around her, and that's how she likes me, nice and agreeable. Deep down I've always known she doesn't like the real me 😂. But am working on rebuilding my self esteem as I'm putting distance between me and her, for my own sake.
Well done on this observation 👏 👍
Your mom didn’t know you were autistic. Maybe she was worried about people hurting you as you were growing up because she could see you were gullible. This is the case for my autistic daughter and she thinks this of me too.😭
@@michellemyers4043 she took full advantage of me being "gullible" and me putting up with her outrageous behaviour. Me trotting in on a white horse everytime she caused chaos and damaged people around her, to rescue the situation. My needs and thoughts were not even on her radar.
I’m def on the spectrum…I believe it is the empath in us that attracts these people..then they stay because they are intrigued…eventually becoming jealous and envious of any happiness we might find and ultimately destroying it.
so well said
I'm am 100 percent empath especially with animals or someone I connect right off the bat with ...I have often wonder this
I'm autistic and have been duped by narcs many times. Narcs also know that autistics can be very gullible/innocent, easy to manipulate, and often the target of abusive people. I find more people w asd are targets of toxic people vs neurotypical folks.
Exactly, man. Don't know what this dude is on about. Autistic people have patterns and are predictable after you have observed, and of course, they are very trusting. Narcissistic people can take advantage easily.
True but tbh u shouldn't b here on this channel then cuz this guy is a narc and has manipulated and lied in much of his videos. I've been duped by most ppl or most ppl attempt unless they r fellow autistic friend.
True but once we catch that pattern it’s a wrap❤
They are seen as easy targets as they won’t be able to advocate for themselves as effectively
@@Prodigalprincess agreed
My son is on the spectrum, very high functioning. My ex narc couldn’t stand that my son wasn’t admiring him. My son is dry as hell😂😂😂
👏👏👏👏👏😂
Sounds difficult good luck
as an autistic person this comment section is really heartwarming.
thank you for covering this
I’m on the autism spectrum And yes, for my personal experience narcissist are very terrified of me, but what makes it even worse is that I don’t take their crap for nothing and that scares the living shit out of them real talk
As well as being walking lie detectors, it's much harder to get by once their pattern of lies become known
Well it's pretty easy , every time they open their mouth and sound or words are coming out , they are lying
@@trisha7029 Not always. That's the thing about deception. Sometimes there's just enough truth to make it believable enough to sell a story. That's how the smear campaigns work
He kept accusing my son of being autistic. He had never been diagnosed. I will say that he seemed fearful of him. He could not understand him. So scary, lol. He seemed to believe that anyone gifted or different was abnormal. Evil can't discern genuine people. It throws them off.
As an autistic person we aren't abnormal. We're just different. Please don't call autistic people or neurodivergent people abnormal.
He said. It
And she just sharing what he said
My mother used to call me abnormal, not-a-human, psycho etc whenever she could not manipulate me. She is a covert narc and I am on the spectrum.
@@michellethiesen7972 I didn't. My ex did.
I disagree. The genuine people are the direct target of a narc. They hate us!
My boss is a female covert narc and I have Asperger’s syndrome-when her behavior toward me changed, I asked her some simple honest questions…she called a meeting w/HR the next week and she schedules me on opposite days than her. #Terrified 😂
Lol, I love it 😂 What did you ask? I once worked with a narc and I couldn't stand it, grr, no more haha
Omg this makes sense. I was a nanny for an autistic boy and he was the one person that wasn’t charmed by my mom no matter how hard she tried.
It made Her mad ( at an 8 yr old autistic boy). I remember how her charms never worked on him like other kids.
Sounds like my mother
that kid sounds cool
He has an amazing way to see through evil & corrupt people, and the ability to expose them. 😊
@@ericxb He was amazing and sweet and I love him. I hope he is doing well as an adult.
@@christyviolet926 He was a little angel and just a beautiful little boy.
This is hilarious! My ex is a narcissist and we found out I'm autistic this year 😂😂 no wonder she was flipping out all the time. She always told me I was the crazy one, and that I was a psychopath or sociopath, when in reality, I just never reacted to her the way a normal human would and it always made her SUPER nervous! Hence, the very frequent explosions and accusations, she feared what she didn't understand. It's all making sense now. Thank you again!?
Do you think it is fun to be around a person who does not react or has zero sicial skills?
@@agatamakulska4442 fallacy alert.
I have a lot of autistic traits and I tended to say that I bring out the worst in people. That's because I was really naive and instead of concluding that someone was full of bs I would just ask questions if I spotted inconsistencies, etc. And they'd get very defensive and/or angry because they're not used to people dealing with them like that. I wisened up over the years and now I just tend to stay away if something feels off and try to find a better use for my open-mindedness.
I do the same and tend to piss ppl off alot, ppl don't like straightforwardness or honesty or truth for that matter
I do the same. I take things apart logically and the person gets stumped. I remember the doctor being so thrown off when she said well I don't know why you came here then when you are clearly into alternative healing. I looked inward and said oh yes, that makes sense I should probably go see someone thats more suited. I meant it purely logically, there was no emotion attached to it or manipulation.. then I noticed that she was getting really upset and flustered. I realised that she was probably saying that as a manipulation tactic to get me to agree. She said this is Science and you need to go with what is Scientific fact, but she did not show me the research. If she would have taken the time to explain the research and answered my questions I probably would have been fine.
Me too! I asked questions because things didn't end up and it made the narc very very angry.
I've finally learned to use my autism to help me determine if someone is a narcissist - because they can't read me.
Autistics can't read people either.
I would also say that we see patterns very well too and they hate how fast we see their inconsistencies
When i was telling my mum about the mental abuse she's put me through, she claimed it's all my autism (I do have autism) in order to justify the abuse,
I always thought i was the Narcissist (I still have some traits i don't know or didn't realise i have) until i realised it was my Mum all along, she puts my siblings and i against eachother.
When i was telling my mum and her boyfriend the stigmas I've had since i was born oit of wedlock between my christian deadbeat dad and my atheist mum, wanted to punish my dad for the method of my conception, she tried making it about herself Twice.
interesting never thought of it this way.
he for sure tried to use what he thought he knew about my autism, adhd and trauma - luckily he relied in stereotypes which made it so obvious how he doesnt get me that i could see through his manipulation tactics. but it took me too long and his confusing and contradictory behavior really declined my mental health.
My autistic literalness helpt me to get out but my traumas also kept me in too long. "You say it was a misunderstanding? I am traumatized by misunderstandings, of course i give you the benefit of the doubt" He never answered my questions straight but i dont function without real talk. He had no chance of getting out of clearing up confusion without straightup lying to my face and i am a lie detector when my attention is on a person.
Happy i am out and moving cities now.
I sometimes think narcissists are on the spectrum themselves and don’t want to acknowledge because image is everything
I've thought that too with certain ones. The malignants /sociopaths a are not!!!
Narcissists are often misdiagnosed with Autism
yes I met someone that I could not decide if he is autistic or narcissist. There are commonalities with a severe narcissist. They both might not pick up social cues, have connection and relatability issues, cannot tune to the other person even when they want to connect. They don't even have clue about how to change it or what went wrong when a relationship goes wrong. I think many people called narcissists by others could be highly functioning autistic. Because if an autistic is good at something, they will say they are, let's say engineering and others will say oohh see he or she can't connect, blunt, insensitive and also, brags about themselves. In reality, autistic person may lack some or more social skills and also, might be just honest knowing that they are really good- not knowing how to hide that.
Yes! My beautiful daughter was the worst treated after myself. And because of his selfishness and lack of empathy he never attempted to know her nuances. She’s incredibly wonderful, his forever loss.
They do NOT like unpredictable.
Autists don't like unpredictable either
Right. They must CONTROL CONTROLCONTROL!!
But isn't it true that for people with Autism structure is just so very very hard for them to even incorporate, that once they do incorporate it, it's set in stone;
rather than with the Narc, who just wants to control EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY like a little fief ruling over its fiefdom?
Seems to be completely different motivations.
I have an adult son who has Asperger's, and his father, my ex-husband can't gaslight or play mental games with him because they just go over his head. My other son, on the other hand, is victimized routinely. I think autism, or at least Asperger's is nature's defense against narcissism.
My autism made me the perfect scapegoat.
Why is it hard to gaslight or play mental games on them?
@@PaniWeganka
Autistic folk are 'bottom-up' thinkers and typical people are 'top-down'-- basically, Autistic folks get their idea of people by piecing them together a piece at a time, which makes them great detectives, although slow-- so they make few assumptions, rarely giving the benefit of the doubt and see many details others overlook who perceive top-down (quick, mostly efficient, broad, and generalizing). The downside is that the bottom-up perception takes time and in that time they can be abused/'naively' taken advantage of in ways typical folks wouldn't. So autistic people have an advantage typical people don't and a vulnerability typical people don't.
@@PaniWeganka it's hard to play mental games on an autistic person due to the nature of autism. We are not able to interpret the same. Some say it's a good defense against narcissist people. But it can also be very frustrating when you can't clearly decipher an enemy.
@@milkofthestars took a screenshot of this answer, it's so good
thank you so much for stating this! i am an autistic woman and from narcissistic parents and i struggle so much in the world especially ehen facing narcissistic medical doctors and there are many.... i have had to see many cos of chronic health issues and autism and this is terrible the anxiety and cptsd these people have inflicred on me
Story of my dating life and marriage. I’m autistic and have been thru so much with these narcs
Many people with autism are actually narcissists. The symptoms are VERY similar
@@daniellakarenina8634Autistic can't be narcissists, autism means you are just you are.. you don't relate well socially to others, not in the same way like neurotypicals do... The lack of ability to socially connect and lack of ability to tune in with the other person are similar traits. But narcissists are deceptive, full of BS and intentional in that, they are far from being honest while autistic people will speak their truth without any hiding, censoring, pink washing... Narcissists are mean, they can demean, bully and disturb their targets which look like being 'blunt' but in reality, it is different - being mean intentionally and being blunt are different things, not same. Narcissists are not blunt, they intentionally gaslight and manipualte, while autistic never manipulate. They both have problems with connecting others in a deeper level although some narcissists are very good at charming others - only superficially, generally, till they get to know them. They are bad at intimate relationships since they don't care about the other person so they don't try to connect after guaranteeing the relationship while autistic genuinely find it hard to connect since they don't pick on social cues same way or don't respond same way like others.
I'm realizing at the age of 37 that I'm likely autistic, definitely have ADHD, and my mom is a vulnerable covert narcissist. I've spent the last 10 years disentangling from her and realizing how much she hurt my development and the massive scale to which she manipulated me and controlled the narrative around myself. Getting distance from her during the pandemic was amazing. I could finally see that I'm not the crazy one; She is, and she was literally driving me crazy.
I think the pandemic woke alot of people up_ like_ hmm_ I prefer not to be around u now that I can not be around u.
Agreed my dad can’t stand the fact I am austim
I lived through this. Not only did I have no idea what a narcisst was but the downfall after I got out was so hard because I couldn’t separate reality from their gaslighting. It felt like a mental prison compounded by my own neurons
Ha! This is so true! I work with a vulnerable covert narc manager. When he started my admin assistant at the time was on the spectrum. He baited her and harassed her to the point of both of them screaming and yelling at each other. He couldn’t stand her bluntness; which I personally loved about her. He got his way when she quit because of his manipulation and harassment.
“They are always thinking about different angles when there are none to be found” over my 20 yrs of life I’ve been slowly breaking my abusive mom down just by existing and acting normal. She is searching so hard for ulterior motives that don’t exist.
This was amazing to hear, Danesh, thank you so much. I was diagnosed with autism a few years ago. My family were sadistic narcissists/psychos, and I was the scapegoat whom everyone abused. I married another one, and had many 'friends' like that too. They'd latch onto me, and constantly tell me how jealous they were of everything about me, from my appearance to my intellect and creativity. They'd literally take my appearance and character apart looking to see what made the whole me. Now you've helped me understand why. You are brilliant at your work. I've never come across any therapist with as much insight into the beast as you. I send you my very best and warmest wishes for a long and happy life with peace and contentment. You deserve the very best.
Same for me. I was automatically a scapegoat in my family after I got diagnosed with autism at 3. My mom will tell me to stop telling everyone that she and my family abuse me every day and bring up past mistakes to retraumatize me. And it worked. I reached out to people about it, and they blamed me for the narcissistic abuse at home.😠
Sameee! Excluding the jealous part. They j threatened me
Same🪷
Aw.. your words are sweet. God bless you both.🌱🐑🤍
Mental bealth, neurodivergancy, etc makes people perfect scapegoats as it's easy to play the loving victim/martyr/humanitarian
I'm autistic and the youngest and the family servant, people called me Cinderella. I grew up to be a narcissist magnet. Odd thing is, people do actually underestimate me. There's a repeated pattern of people playing their habd too soon, get really unreasonably controlling and demanding and I walk. I'm gone. I'm amazed at how they actually thought I would totally be their servant girl, people I'm not even related to. I am shocked how people treat me, especially stuff at one church - they wouldnt treat ANYBODY else like that. We can be treated like children.
Autistic people are wired different, and tend to be naturally helpful and honest and no guile and don't care about social climbing. So we don't understand guile and get exploited. I really appreciate this video! There's a positive side, we're unpredictable. I didn't realize that until you pointed it out, but i can see it now. 😊
Yes, mistreatment even in churches is real. There is no safe place for us. I hate that others tend to treat us like servants & as children. This is why I cannot connect with most church women. It's okay to protect ourselves from those who start trying to exploit us. The churches are largely ignorant on the subject of abuse, as well as neurodivergence. They fail us. At least cats that choose us, also love us the most.
My mother always swore I had to have different thoughts inside than what I showed on the outside… nope. 😅 I don’t have the mental capacity for that junk. Curious thing, she blocked me from having an autistic diagnosis as a child, why would a narcissist block such a thing from their child? 🧐
I think your "mother" blocked your diagnosis, to keep you uninformed, and continue the abuse.
Woah! This makes a lot of sense. I have Autism and I dealt with abuse by several types of narcissists. Only 2 out of 3 types of narcissists admitted honestly that I am hard to read, that I'm too much of a mystery and hard to figure out. Yet their manipulation and gaslighting did significant damage. (Knowing that I grew up with a low self image) Im doing better currenrly since I had been in psychotherapy and practicing Religion and Spirituality. Thank you for your insight on this Danish!
Hey danish I just got diagnosed with autism
She got me under her hook knowing I was autistic and adhd, abused me emotionally and psychologically and I tried to end it many times, and then she managed to manipulate my mind to get me to stay, she tried again but couldn’t manipulate me because my instincts already told me what I was dealing with.
Danish elaborate on how autistic people can protect themselves from narcissistic abusers
Like everyone else: no contact or grey rock
You have first hand knowledge...your channel is the best....thank you..i have learned so much❤
Wow! i truly believe im on the autistic spectrum,dealing with a narc. I've tried to get help to get a test to prove im autistic. I'm 53, why is it so difficult finding a place that will test me! one place i was told they'll put me on a "hope list'" why should i have to just hope i can get a test i need? it's unacceptable to me. I've been in hell dealing with narc.
I'm 'self-diagnosed' autistic and have heard people's struggle getting diagnosed. my guess is insurance companies and the 'system' might be getting scared of the increasing awareness and autism diagnoses and the 'strain' it will put on their profits-- thus, the hurdles for help are mounting. Pretty sad and utterly unacceptable, in my opinion. Don't give up.
My narcissistic dad is afraid of me? I'm autistic. It took me years to get a diagnosis.
I'm wondering if I am?? How would I find out, if you don't mind me asking???
@1stBorn538 if you are in the United States, look for a regional center in your area. They are funded by the federal government (Department of Development Disabilities). Regional centers are full of social workers. You can ask your doctor's office if they have a social worker, who can help you connect with the regional center.
I was tested in middle school by the school. The idiot psychologist said I didn't meet the autism requirements. The APA changed the autism diagnosis standards in 2013. I got retested in 2018 through the regional center. Make sure that you got tested by an autism psychologist specialist.
I believe the school psychologist who tested me wasn't an autism specialist, and she didn't care.
@@theblackteardrops
😊 thanks
@1stBorn538 Good Luck
I just noticed the same about my dad too.
This is so scary😢
My narc brother has kids on the spectrum.. I think my brother might have some signs of being on the spectrum himself actually. Food issues etc
Depends on the context and circumstances of the relationship. They're frustrated, not terrified and often become exhausted with our cognitions.. Being honest and blunt is spun into being rude and inconsiderate, but since ASD makes it difficult to read between the lines, manipulation can go right over our heads at times preventing the recaction NPD intended for. I've had a family membsr just dip because she started to struggle manipulating me as i was hung up on her lack of logic to acknowledge the abuse. They don't t lile being questioned on thier stupidity lol
I’ve seen a Asperger triggered a narcissist without realizing he did that, tbh dude just ask straight up questions since narcissists doesn’t like being ask by logical questions
Too hard to get supply out of them
Well that explains alot😂😅😮I'm brutally honest,..❤
DANISH, Many Empaths are similarly extremely threatening to Narcs.Will you please speak on that topic soon? Appreciate you!😊❤
They don't like their victims to use alcohol socially either bc the unexpected behavior scares them.
😂 That explains a lot, it has been suspected for a long time that I have a higher functioning form of Autism. In the process of being properly diagnosed.
My x2b husband is a narcissist and he’s autistic
I hope he’ll get help and make it❤🎉😢😊😊😊
And so the narc got an autistic daughter (scapegoat) and 2 autistic grandchildren (adults now)! No non autistic grands. LMAO 🤣 We ALL have gone "no contact" with the narcissistic family system.
I live with an autistic man who is a covert narcissist. I am autistic as well. I am trying to pull myself together and leave without becoming collateral damage.
That makes 2 of us. My husband also autistic and narcicistic. Me, autistic and victim of narc abuse by my whole family my whole life. Textbook scapegoat.
Good luck to you, there is hope.
Quietly Run! Please stay safe 🙏🏾
what different characteristics do autistic narcissists have that are different than 'normal' NARC's?
this is fascinating.
That’s what happened to me.
I was fair and honest, she attacked and choked me.
She birthed me.
"Women" who birth their children, then abuse them have 1 fitting label: Egg Donor. No "mother" title for them. I'm sorry she attacked you. 😢Are you free from her?
That is so true I used to be terrified you know my brother he's autistic and you know a lot of people used to make fun of me because I had an artistic brother and I used to be so angry and mad all the time cuz I was so ashamed of him but now I love him so much thank you
So true thank you ❤❤❤❤
These Narcs Will have the worst time of their lifetime from year 2024 onwards
I discovered I'm an aspien 3 years back
I realized why my mom always kept her distance from me. She always was scared of me. Whereas my sister was the scapegoat. 😢
Very insightful.
My mother actually accused me of being autistic (which I'm not) because I am basically grey-rocking all the time, when around her
My daughter is diagnosed with ASD and her mother has NPD. You can probably imagine I have many stories already.
The crazy thing is i have ASD and ASPD😂
When my mom told me that my neice was Austin during one of our arguments, initially I felt horrible, but then I realized that was exactly how my mom wanted me to feel. But now I’m proud of my neice, because I know that my mom can’t manipulate her like she does to me. Sometimes, I wish I was autistic so that people could not manipulate me.
So very true, my 3 autistic boys fell hard for their father's crap. Its so sad.
So that's why my narc-Aunt couldn't stand being around me. :D
Very very true
I suffer so much from abuse from my mother and I am autistic. I yelled at my mom today that she is a b and I hate her. It was my second meltdown. She said she was so embarrassed about the first one. What is she like that because I can't help me. Last week, she told me my friend said she didn't like me and only felt sorry. I don't know why she is so mean to me?
Jealously?
Autistic people act like narcissists without intending to. Before my boyfriend got screened, I thought he was a narcissist. Something didn't feel right after I did so much research as although he became more abusive and cold over time, it honestly didn't feel like he had that intention. So I got him to go get screened and it turns out I was right. The biggest improvement was that after one session with a therapist specialised in aspergers, he immediately stopped with the verbal abuse. She explained things in a way he understood I guess
Wow...this is new for me....never knew about this...interesting!
Well. THAT would explain a lot. ☹️
thinking of different angles to abuse... but "there are none to be found" lol
My son is a autistic child. My husband abused his the most. My son never speaks to him.
Good for your son! Bullies go for the easy target, I'm glad your son doesn't engage with him.
Social ques. There's a fine line between exciting someone to intellectual debate/development and pissing them off to assault. When ( People are flawed ) meets (+) ( you think you're bad??? I'm badder!!! attitude )
Please make a video on how to cure npd..
Can you do a video on how I can protect my autistic son from his narcissist father? Other than I divorced him and moved a 100 mi away?
That would be a great video! In the meantime just teach your son about narcissistic manipulation tactics so he can recognize them for what they are. That's made a world of difference for me.
As an autistic woman, I've only ever been in relationships with narcissists and even some autistic narcissists as well. They like to prey on us because they know that we're easy targets.
Amen to that!! that's all i gotta say.
Thank you
You’re so right
My daughter scap goat she goat indeed.
In book "Urban shaman " You can find metod how to get back to function.Peace
Check out the Shandra Vander Ark case. Narcissist mother tortures her autistic son. Horrible.
Narcissists are also terrified of ADHD people. LOL.
People were always telling me they don't understand me I was talking double Dutch I was talking and fantasy language but they don't understand I just started talking in words everybody would understand yes it was Blunt it was rude but now they can't misunderstand my point of view
That's being done on purpose.
It's called gas lighting.
Mine did that ALL the time. I had to stop over explaining to them. It was making me crazy.
This is so true
Poor artistic people.😢
I’m autistic female and I think I’m in another bad relationship. I don’t know if he is narcissistic or something else but it’s horrible. After years of abuse I thought I finally will find peace in this relationship. But it’s just constant uncertainty i don’t know waking up if he will be in good mood or he will quit relationship for another time (and currently I’m unable to count anymore how many times he broke up with me). All I hear is that I’m guilty of everything, that I destroyed his life and how ashamed he is of telling lies about me to people even he chose to tell them to create some image of himself to other people. Its shame that I’m depressed autistic with ptsd, it’s shame that I don’t have a job and I’m getting money from government because I’m unable to work, it’s shame that I became homeless during this relationship due to my mental health? It’s shame how weird I am, how stupid I am. And I understand that my life situation is nothing to be proud of but that constant putting me down not doing good to me. But I love him and I still wish that he will stop being like that because there are days where he can be nice and carrying. I’m just lost.
I decided not to give them the satisfaction of destroying me
My ex narc husband has an Austin son. He was so mean to him!
Yes my daughter is autistic and she’s brutally abused by her father and no one understands this type of abuse
My son is the scape goat. Constantly picked at.
Yes, will drive you ceazy..but dont allow them.,awareness is a must,live with your will not theirs...🎉🎉🎉
Curious. Anybody know of autistic children born from narcissistic parents?
I am autistic and this is absolutely spot on.
My ex does not like his autistic son. He doesnt talk about him. I think he is embarrassed of him the kid looks just like him. 😢
DANISH, They also target the elders and the sick/ infirm. We have laws against that, but they're not always enforced, ss we know.
Artistic, autistic, same difference lol
So right
Is the young people curse me I'd like them to remember I was changing nappies when they were at school nursery School
Hit me hard
Huh...I guess that's why my narc ex wife didn't like my autistic ass lmfao! (Also cuz I'm trans but that's beside the point)
Very interesting that it seems that narcs can't seem to read us. I remember a narc little brat I encountered on GaiaOnline years ago, too. He was ALWAYS annoyed with me. This guy's friend group despised me for always speaking out and tried getting me banned by the mods all the time lmfao!
Narcs HATE it when you call them out on their shit. Warning tho if you do it online, make sure to use a burner account and a VPN cuz some sites and mods can and will track your IP to see if you own other accounts.
I am not autistic but no psychopath would read me, Ever
You need to be wise, intelligent and smart and selective with what you say