Why Do Addicts and Alcoholics Do Bad Things?
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- čas přidán 25. 10. 2021
- How do addicts and alcoholics rationalize their behaviors? These are the psychological mechanisms at play when someone is struggling with addiction.
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This Completely Avoidable Mistake, Keeps Millions Stuck in Addiciton: 🚧 czcams.com/video/mPazcDOr044/video.html
It’s amazing how their craziness becomes our reality. After dealing with my son’s addiction for almost 20 years, I’ve learned it’s all about accountability and boundaries. Calling them out, learning to say No, and knowing when to step away is key to keeping our sanity. Is it easy? Absolutely not. You don’t stop loving them, but you do learn to love from a distance. Love your videos. They help tremendously. 💕
My person cheated on me on a vacation in Amsterdam with a prostitute. He said he was in a shame spiral and hated himself. Said I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he ruined it. Then he broke up with me and asked me to move out. He couldn’t look at me and avoided me. My heart shattered. He never did anything bad to me in 13 years. It’s like I don’t know who he is now.
Amber, my husband was on meth and alcohol on Thursday and found out I told his mother about his substance abuse. He did his level best to kill me when I got home from work. He's been charged with Aggravated Battery, criminal threat and Aggravated kidnapping. $250,000 bond added to the $4,500 Bond from the Aggravated Battery against my daughter and I a month ago. Plus he was on probation for giving me a concussion a year ago. Why did I stay? I suffer from narcissistic abuse. I'm done now. I've done my best to help him. I'm focused on my future now.
Get away. You can do it.
Bless you and I’m so sorry you have had to go through this living hell. I hope you’re safe now and away from him. This Amber lady isn’t here to help us victims of domestic violence and addiction, click all of her links and you’ll see she is just after money. Love and light is the only way darling. You must set yourself free from them. Much love ❤️
Godspeed and kudos to you my friend 🧡 😊
I couldn’t believe how many ways my ex was lying to me before the s*it hit the fan. But, on top of that he was involved with another woman long distance while I was here dealing with his rehabs, counselors and his kids. I’ll never know how he justified the affair because that was the last straw for me!
It's just straight up pain to deal with them.
Can't argue with that
My addict is a master of justification. It's irrational to the point of insanity
What do you do when someone uses humility, apology and making amends as manipulation to keep pulling you back in? My family member seems very insightful about their own short comings and behavior. They do all the things you want someone to do when they have wronged you and you set a boundary, BUT they never get to the change part. It’s like the conversation and apology is it’s own form of relief, therapy and validation for them to repeat the behavior. “I’m not bad because I know what I do is wrong.”
Yes! Yes!
My husband uses all of these rationalizing patterns regularly. He is definitely delusional in his thought process even sober probably because he's been so deep in using these rationalizations to avoid responsibility for any bad things he does. His parents use them constantly too. Every type you mention i can think of multiple times and ways he's used them. Thanks for this video!
Hi Jennifer, I'm so glad this was helpful 😊
I really enjoy your videos, I have struggled with addiction since the age of 12, I grew up in a house where addiction is justified. And now I am grown and have a family myself and want to break the cycle but I really struggle alot and your videos give me hope,and I have been to rehab quite a bit. Thank you for making these videos for a person that struggles with addiction.
You're so very welcome. It makes my heart happy knowing these videos are helping families. I grew up in an addicted family myself 💗
@@PutTheShovelDown 080ii>0p9ol8lp9pp°°))]]😀😀🤩😷😷😷
Did you ever cheat when you were drunk?
i feel the obstacle of a person refusing and resisting personal accountability and responsibility to be the defiant act i struggle to be humble with. i feel defeated, a failure, and hopeless. Until my faith in the truth activates within me again and im ignited with love. Thats been my personal hill to rise. I still have my grief from the disappointment of expectations and i am touching on the sadness that is under it all. When i include God with my processing and since ive been including God with my processing; a rise progress has began. Before then it was a self reliant struggle filled with angry disappointments. Thank you God :) and all those in service
This video just came up. So I did a sober year in AA. That year was transformational with lots of self-improvement and insights. Now it’s been almost 4 months that I have no restriction on alcohol consumption. I had only one bad night when I had lots of stress. I drink maybe once a week, only to get a little buzz. I was expecting an immediate relapse given to what AA teaches. It hasn’t arrived yet. At this point I don’t know what to think but I definitely do not obsess about alcohol. We’ll see. But I still aim for balance every single day. I think it’s key for staying active and healthy.
AA doesn't want you to think for yourself...period.
St Thomas Aquinas said that about choosing something bad. He said human beings aren't able to choose bad. Instead we have to find some aspect of the good in what we're choosing. Thanks for your CZcams channel. I'm learning a lot.
Excellent video Amber! Loved it and subscribed 😊
Wonderful! Welcome to our little community, Bob!
@@PutTheShovelDown ....thank you 😁
Excellent video Amber. You are Awesome!
You're the best!
@@PutTheShovelDown You are💞
Many thanks for the share good to be aware of
Any time
Very accurate 👌 I've been enjoying your videos!
Awesome, thank you! 😁
All so true! Been with an alcoholic for 30 years! 👏👏👍
Thanks Mitzi! 💓
Another great video 👍
Fun video idea... Inspirational songs for recovery. Been leaning on music very hard lately 😊
... I have a couple suggestions 😉
i like th line up of th written words and hear examples. ur words r so clear and concise. score kiddo :)
Thank you! 😃
What's with the behavior:
My spouse will come in after a binge and act like everything will pickup right where she left off at home. She'll berate me and call me names in front of the children and scream and yell then run away again if I question her on something NOT EVEN RELATED to using drugs.
In May I lost my father, passed away unexpectedly here at home. Then in August I lost my mother whom I had been caring for who had battled with dementia. Now On top of trying to deal with the grief of two losses I have been trying to deal with a partner who has had a drinking problem for a very long time. I am battling emotionally so what I want to know is where do I put ny focus at such a hard time in my life?
How do I stop being so angry and stop trying to save him when he is destroying himself? I can't stop thinking about it. He is in the other room drinking and no matter how much I try to divert my attention with something I can't focus on it all i focus is on him
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Here's a link to my mini-series on self-care. Hope it's helpful: www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/self-care-mini-series
How do we make them realize that they are justifying themselves ? Pls make a video on how to deal with this TIA
In 30 years with my alcoholic husband, I never could get him to realize anything, they have to do that themselves, unfortunately.
Often times they have to build up enough self-esteem to be able to admit their thinking mistakes.
👍👍
Still doing it!
I recognize everyone of those justifications in my former spouse and my daughter. They are both alcoholics and pot heads.
What's wrong with being a pot head lol
As a recovering addict I have done every single rationalization. I still catch myself 30 years later pulling those old tricks out of the hat because sometimes I still do ridiculous things and if I don't pay attention.... whoops there it is! I have to be vigilant. I have a 26 yr grandson living with me along with his meth addiction and I just can't help but see through every lie and behavior! He says he hates me but is sure willing to stay!!! Help!!!
Seeing it clearly makes it harder sometimes!
I feel for you. It’s tough making someone else’s burden your own.
Amber, I watched your videos last year when things had reached a level of crazy I had never experienced, I was alone - he was drinking - you were my only friend. I'm sure you know I had shared with you in comments here or on facebook my hubby killed himself May 8th 2021. I have continued watching your videos to learn all I can about how alcoholics think and the other dynamics of the disease. I know I am NOT at any fault , I have found myself feeling guilty over not realizing he didnt love his alcohol more he chose it because it didnt get upset with him. I have learned he had a skewed view and was delusional in the latter stages. I knew he was a drinker but I did not know what I had gotten into. Do you have any videos that would relate on alcoholics who commit suicide and the woman who love them? Its a very traumatic bond to break. Thanks, MJM
Omg, Michelle, I’m so sorry you had to go through this! I can relate. Things got so bad this last year with my 34 yo son before he took his own life in July ‘21. He went from being a responsible man with a good job, a house, a wife, and children, to losing EVERYTHING over the course of the last two years. He moved in with me, so I watched all this happen. The last year was the worse as the paranoia and delusions set in. Before he died, I watched these videos to get a better understanding what he was going through and how I could help. Now I watch these videos to see if there was anything more I could have done. Deep down I know there was nothing more I could do. I drained a lot of my resources trying to help. He had been in and out of rehab many times before ending it all.
@@resp6807 Lord Yes, the guilt even when we know deep down it wasnt us. Its been 6 months I still cry deal with people who think I should be over him, but my hope and comfort come from the bible. The wages of sin is death so our loved ones are White as snow. They get to partake in the resurrection and afterlife. We will see our loved ones again. In Ecclesiastes 9:5&6 tells us our loved ones are in the grave conscience of nothing. They are free of their demons and at rest. We have to create a new normal without these loves in our lives and my worse thing is not wanting to feel greif. Its a sting a real pain. Wishes of blessings your way. Michelle M
My husband also took his own life. A couple of years after, I dated someone that was open about his cocaine use and I realised that all the chaos in my marriage was exactly what I was seeing in this new guy. I got a lot of closure from that realisation and ended the new relationship. My marriage was 12 years of lies upon lies, topped with more lies. I was young and naive, and had no knowledge of drug use. Now I can look back over the 12 years and see it all for what it was.
what can you do when they turn their families against you and are very rude to you
Take a look at this video..I think it might help: It's about that topic. czcams.com/users/liven4S4C52CrBU
JUSTIFICATION OR OWNERSHIP... THE ONLY 2 SIDES TO THE COIN.
STAY IN PAIN OR HEAL.
Loved hearing your perspective but I wanted to share my own viewpoint on my addiction to society’s most dangerous drug **through my anecdotal experience**
In grades K-through-12 and early freshman college (pre-18 years old) I was a was a mostly socially isolated nerd girl so I didn’t drink for the first time until college.
If you’re a teenage adolescent who is approaching the start of the adulthood/adolescenthood overlap _(by CDC standards this >17.5 or 18+ & 5yrs ago my liver results were already showing bad things at 23)_ I didn’t lie about drinking in general, what I drank or when I drank. I’d admit it was too much but round down the amount per night.
I didn’t become a liar otherwise lie.
As for theft - I impulsive drank my mother’s about 3/5-2/3-ish full wine bottle once _(she drinks less than twice a month on average)_ when I ran out of my own, the stores were closed, and felt compulsion + desperate to keep my drinking going that night to numb the pain and suicidal impulses I was having.
Before she had any idea I walked to the store the next morning payed for a new bottle for her (and stuff for myself admittedly). Shortly later I came to her and owned up what I did the next morning, shamefully told her i drank hers the prior evening. I told it was an impulsive drunken decision. She said, since I told her before she noticed and I replaced it so quickly with a full bottle of the same thing *she didn’t consider it to be stealing at all* _(in her opinion that was borrowing since she was asleep and I couldn’t ask her)_ and to just not do it again without asking if I could have “one or two glasses” _(lol- 1 or 2 glasses)_.
Later when my addiction got worse I asked her if she wouldn’t mind keeping her bottles in a less visible place to everyone so I don’t do impulsive drunk stuff again she shrugged and said that was fine.
Never otherwise took something that wasn’t mine to drink. I just suffered when I didn’t have it
Never cheated. Never had a hookup. Never hit or assaulted anyone.
They do bad things because they had it in them.
I didn’t want to go through my intense periods of suffering either. I needed it. I thought I would die or kill myself without getting it. The alcohol doesn’t make the bad actions happen. The person made the bad actions happen the alcohol is the catalyst
Wow that is a very tough time for you and I wish you all the better days ahead. This Amber woman is only out to get our money, click all of her links and you’ll see. Love and light is the only way. Bless you ❤️
That's an too much detailed information and rationalization.
When i was drinking gin. I said and did stupid stuff. When i discovered Twisted Tea. I did and said stupid stuff. Alcohol Sucks Period !
100%
Why don't they ever stop once they've stopped using??
Most ot the time it gets much better when a person stops using, however unless they become aware of their rationalization tendencies they may continue.
It is an expensive habit.
It sure is !
👍
Me too, Stevi!
👍🏼
Me too 🙋♀️
🙋🏼♀️
Me too 🙋♀️
👍🏾😑
Me too! 🙋♀️
Thank you for sharing your knowledge and techniques on addiction from all perspectives. It makes me feel like I am not the only person going through this and gives me hope for my loved ones with addiction.
👍😕
You're not alone, Marie 🙋♀️
@@PutTheShovelDown Thank you ❤
When u give examples can u please give examples to do with addiction so we can relate. $3000 for CZcams doesn’t help when we have our own examples.
NO MORALS 🚫🚫
Spot on sista!
Your getting helpless people to pay for help if you actually want to help and can? You must understand that the bystander victims of addiction most of the time don’t have much money for the basics. As their addicted loved one normally takes it for their fix. So tell me how can we possibly have money to spend on a course that moght not even work ? A REAL healer doesn’t take money. A real healer shares their gift to those in need. Shame on you for taking advantage of people who like you say “don’t have control of their own lives” because they are stuck trying to help an endless war of the devils work. I hope you read this and understand what you truly are.
🚫NO MORALS 🚫 Good way to make money, giving faith and hope to those who have nothing left.
🚫NO MORALS🚫
Actually, I spend approx 30 hours a week creating and publishing this free content to help people. It costs me thousands of dollars each month (not to mention my time). I spent MANY years and a LOT of money to get my training. I have to pay my for my office and my staff, in addition to taking care of my family. How am I supposed to do all that without charging for my private coaching services?
People who vote for the Democratic Party should watch this video! 😂
Nancy Pelosi husband arrested for DUI. The Democrats definitely swept under the rug as an enabler.
As the child of an alcoholic father I can say that abusive drunks are immoral and vile and evil to begin with. I watched my father smirk while he abused us. Being a drunk is immoral. Period. Being a druggy is immoral. Period. Being a drunk or druggy used to be scorned and disdained and those doing it used to be scorned. We need to back to that. Shame and intolerance and punishment for evil people is the right way.