Enneagram: Type 1 & Perfection
Vložit
- čas přidán 14. 05. 2022
- Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
More info at www.tomlahue.com/
Social Media Links: linktr.ee/drtomlahue
Facebook: / twlahue
Twitter: / twlahue
Instagram: / twlahue
Podcast: podcasters.spotify.com/pod/sh...
Also available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify
Patreon Supporters: www.patreon.com/user?u=20899026
It's simple, Give if you want to and are able to...no pressure!
Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.
#enneagram, EnneagramTypes, CliftonStrengthsFinder, PersonalityAssessment, self-discovery, Strengths-Based Development, Understanding Personality, Personal Growth, Enneagram Test Results, Unlock Your Potential, Mindfulness, SelfAwareness, SelfImprovement, LifeCoach, UnlockPotential, Motivation, strength, Relationships, love, soulmate, self-love, love yourself, intimacy, emotional connections, dating, communication, healthy relationships, true love, power of love, relationships, marriage, love language, love quotes, love tips, love and happiness, trust, love and relationships, love advice, unconditional love, happy, love, Myers-Briggs,
Dr. Tom, as a 9 with a HEAVY wing 1, I love your imperfect videos and how clearly okay with them you are. It gives me courage to just chill out and quit worrying about making literally everything I create PERFECT. I’m slowly but surely getting there…
I can't watch this video without thinking about the story of my best friend (a 9) who moved in with a very unhealthy type 1
Because of the pandemic he became so overly concerned by hygiene that he developped several OCDs
He started to harass my friend morally, to go out less and less, he stopped reaching out to his friends and really isolated himself
I remember he once emptied the whole trash in the kitchen and forced my friend to reorganize it perfectly
It was so painful to witness his downfall, until the moment he decided to give himself a free ticket to the afterlife. The total tragedy.
I see in so many ways how he was totally unable to move away from his standards. And the thing is, though it was painful for my friend, she and I, who could analyse the situation, knew that he was the one who suffered the most
As a friend, I used this situation as a way to help my 9 friend to reclaim her authority, as a legitimate person, who isn't responsible for everyone's harm, and teach her how to put strong boundaries and communicate about it, and incentivize the man on getting cool with his own standards. But his unhealthiness lead him to a nasty 4 that started to attack my friend on her morals and viewpoints on life, and aesthetic choices (while he was the one making OCD into an art), but to me, a Four, it only read as a lack of self cognition
After he passed out, in this foreign country where we live (the 3 of us are French people living in Germany), I knew it'd be big trouble for the local authorities to contact with his close friends (that were not acknowledged by the embassy) so I contacted some of his old friends to they could share the bad news and allow them to grief. During those moments some of them told me how they couldn't understand it, provided they knew his warm and light side
He just kept tripping down the hill of unhealthy standards
And something I think could be helpful to a 1, to prevent them from harming themselves, is to allow themselves to have an external referee. Someone that could assess how their standards can be seen as from an outside perspective, in a non hostile environment
As a 1, I'm telling you your videos are perfection.
I would love to hear more about the insidious nature of perfectionism and not just the "heavy lies the head" rhetoric that is so moralizing of Type 1 perfectionism in the Ennegram discourse. It is unquestioning in its belief that there is only good intent behind the 1's perfctionism and never acknowledges the depth of the harm that their nature can cause others who are in their care, especially children or partners. Perfectionism and hypocrisy walk hand-in-hand, and often that inner critic is joined by an outer critic until there is a tearing-down of others.
Great video Tom thank you. This is actually exactly the advice I needed to hear.
Perfection for me as a 1w2 is I have to be perfect. I can't make mistakes. I can't do the wrong thing.
❤. Thank you Dr Tom. This helps me a lot. I am a SEVEN. I have top score in Riso-Hudson both on SEVEN and EIGHT. EIGHT is my favorite.
I'm a 9 married to a 1 and he can't understand why I always argue with him.😂 I try to tell him that the way that he says things is very critical and I feel like I have to defend myself. He says, "why can't you just, say OK?". I can't understand his reasoning for doing things a certain way and depending on his mood his level of "perfection" changes. But even with our issues, there is alot more good than bad. I come up with the idea's and he gets it done, we are a great team.
I had an Aunt Chlorine. She was in the pool a lot. 🏊🏻♀️
As a 1 when you said 'relaxing is part of a more perfect way of life' that gave me anxiety as one more thing I need to do that I don't feel good at lol just kidding, ( kinda 😂)
Great video. I've always loved enneagram. Your videos are great! My oldest brother is a 7 & as a 1 I feel like I'm more okay with taking criticism from a 7 because they are playful & kind & they encourage me to take myself & everything not quite so seriously.
When I get very worked up about things my brother is pretty good with lightening things up & having a live & let live attitude.
Great thoughts! Thank you for sharing!
Affirmations for Type 1 (these are mine that I actually use and add to occasionally, oooof):
1. I release my need to control others
2. I choose to be happy in this moment, regardless of my shortcomings
3. I realize that I am human, and humans are imperfect, and imperfection is acceptable
4. I am free to choose what values are most important to me and my identity
5. I embrace myself, even when I fall short of who I aim to be
6. I accept myself for who I am, not what I’ve done
7. I accept that no one is perfect
8. I realize perfection is unattainable
9. I forgive myself
10. I forgive others
11. I choose to temper my expectations and set reasonable goals
12. I choose to focus on what is working today
13. I am optimistic
14. I am grateful
15. I relinquish my desire to be in control
16. I admit that the universe moves without my approval or dictation
17. I am a marginal influence on the trajectory of time and space
18. I have whatever purpose I assign to myself
19. I am a clean slate for all that I envision
20. I envision good things, even when my surroundings are negative
21. I do the best I can, and doing my best is enough
22. I recognize the humanity in others
23. I validate the experiences of those less fortunate than myself
24. I allow myself to enjoy my life
25. My happiness is not impeded by the happiness of others
26. My feelings are not invalidated by the feelings of others
27. The success of my peers does not diminish my accomplishments
28. Life is not a competition
29. I embrace those I love
30. I tell the people I love that I love them
31. I choose to consider the viewpoints of others
32. I relinquish the need to analyze, criticize, and evaluate others
33. I accept others for who they are, where they are
34. I am kind and compassionate
35. I recognize mistakes are simply opportunities to learn and grow
36. I believe in myself
37. I manage my time wisely
38. I am unafraid of failure
39. Failure is simply a symptom of attempting great things
40. I would rather try and fail, than not try at all
41. I define my dreams
42. I choose who I am
43. I am becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be
44. I chase perfection, but expect to fall short; this is realistic and healthy
45. I focus my energy on things I enjoy
46. I realize that not all my activities need to be rewarding
47. I can relax even when I have a lot to do
48. I love myself
49. I allow myself to feel my emotions without letting them take over my life
50. I recognize that rest is necessary for growth and performance
51. I realize that some questions can never truly be answered
52. I am okay with ambiguity
53. I am able to live with non-conclusion surrounding existentialism
54. I prioritize my mindfulness
55. I believe in the goodwill of humanity
56. I accept worries and fears as part of life
57. I do not allow myself to be motivated by fear, and instead trust those I love
58. I communicate with honesty always
59. I am gentle when addressing others’ feelings
60. I recognize my viewpoint and values system isn’t universal
61. I operate in loving-kindness and affection
62. Disappointments happen, but they don’t last forever
63. I release my burdens by sharing them with loved ones
64. I am brave enough to tell others when they have hurt my feelings
65. Having hurt feelings is okay and normal
66. No longer will I bottle up how I feel, as I know doing so builds resentment
67. I am good at planning, but I recognize not everything has to go as planned
68. I recognize not everyone will appreciate a plan in the same way I do; that is not an issue
69. People are not problems to be solved
70. I cannot change others
71. I should not expect others to change for me
72. It is okay to express dissatisfaction
73. I know those who love me will love me even if I am picky
74. I moderate my tendency to nitpick and criticize
75. I am a good listener
76. I listen with the intention to express support, not to advise
77. Before advising others, I make sure they are willing to receive
78. I recognize sometimes loved ones do not wish for advice
79. I choose not to overwhelm others with my desire to add structure to their lives
80. Attempting to add structure to others’ lives without their consent is invasive behavior
81. I think before I do; in that I might realize my default preference is not everyone’s preference
82. When I cause emotional distress to others, I apologize
83. I am receptive to criticisms from those I love
84. I desire to be a better person, but I realize I will never be perfect
85. Those who love me do not love the perfect version of me, they love the current version of me
86. I am enough
87. I have always been enough
88. I will always be enough
89. I praise those I love for their achievements
90. I offer support to my family, friends, and community
91. I ask for support when I need it
92. It is okay to need help
93. I am human, and I was not designed to live in emotional isolation
94. I check in on how I am feeling periodically, and ask myself why
95. I allow myself to feel strongly
96. Being loved is the utmost goal in life
97. Because I am loved, I relinquish my need to achieve security through other means
98. I still desire success in other parts of my life, but I am already made whole regardless
99. Operating in this way does not inhibit my dreams from materializing
100. Knowing I am loved only creates room for gratitude and patience along the journey
Oh man, as a 3, my triggering word is SUCCESS 😱
“Accept life as it is.”
Joy not just being good!
More perfect living to relax too.
Pressure is self-imposed.
Frustration -> Procrastination
Negative orientation to life?
Getting it done a little bit sooner,
a little bit easier.
Great as usual..🤩😂😁😊👏👏👏🥰
Ha ha ha I'm a 1 that creates content here on CZcams and I have to try to force myself to barely touch or as I like to put it: "lightly polish" a video without getting too critical but I could never just hit record and then at the end upload it 🤣🤣🤣
I admire your candid more "imperfect" videos.
💥