r/Relationships My Wife Got Pregnant, but... I'm Infertile!
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 7. 03. 2020
- r/Relationships OP in today's video is in a truly awkward position. The doctors tell him that he's completely infertile, but then somehow his wife got pregnant. Was this some kind of medical miracle, or is OP's wife sneaking off to see another man? He turns to Reddit for advice, and this story has a surprising conclusion!
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"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
The boyfriend in the first story showed more red flags than the Soviet Union
Damn if the Saying was white flags it'd be the French
This is a great comment.
I wanna like youâre comment but itâs at 69 likes so I canât take that away for you
Blue Fire Now you can.
If it red and white circle flag
We know what is in middle but y'all are smart enough
When I was in the Army, they used to say "If you get the feeling like someone is watching you, it's probably a sniper." One time, I was leading a patrol and got an odd feeling in my gut. I stopped, signaled for the others to stop and just stood there looking around. I didn't see anything, didn't smell or hear anything, so I starting going very carefully. That's when I felt my clothes get tight and, when I looked down, there was a trip wire against my stomach. If you have a gut feeling, do not ignore it.
I guess you escaped death by a hair's breadth.
You quite literally felt it in your gut
not going to lie, thought the feeling in your chest might have been a round that pierced it. relieved it was not
man u have gone and came back through hell. Hope i also have those level of instincts when it really counts.
Its insane how the human mind and body functions, that gut feeling couldve come to you a mile back but it didnt. Only when you were inches away from being blown away did some otherwordly trigger go off in your head to quite literally save your skin.. glad you're still with us.
About the autistic guy story.. yeah.. used to have a friend like that.. she'd treat me horribly and say nasty things to and about me and when I called her out on it, she's just say "well that's just how I am, I have aspergers and you should know that by now", basically telling me to deal with it.. eventually, I did deal with it.. we aren't friends anymore..
to be fair he didn't do anything wrong, all he did is have a female friend, and she got jealous and tried to separate him from his female friends.
damn
@@thescruffinator8830 also yes he started to compare his friends to his wife and his friend a 'Work Wife"
@@_r.munro_8339 So the fact that she decided to call her a work wife means he has romantic feelings for her? plus so would I if my wife kept berating me every time she caught me within 10 feet of another female.
@@thescruffinator8830 ok
The pregnancy story was really having a field day with my anxiety.
I'm both surprised and not surprised at how understanding his wife is- yes, I could see how she could've gotten super defensive and offended, but at the same time, if there's nothing to hide there's really nothing to get mad about. Especially if she's aware of how deep the scar is in her husband from getting cheated on in the past.
Except you can't predict how every person is going to react. I'm quick to anger and/or tears.
I react this way even when I'm telling the truth about something because I was gaslit by different people throughout my life. It's my natural reaction because my brain is preparing for some form of mistreatment
That infertility story was so heartwarming. Such a healthy relationship. He didn't just flat out accuse her of cheating and she in turn was very understanding of where it came from. They apologized for misunderstandings and tried to approach in a way that was fair for the other person
Juliette this post made me cry! We had something similar happen to us and turns out the lab test was faulty. They said my husbands sperm was dead and non existent. Then we got pregnant. I lost it and we got pregnant again currently 25 weeks! What a wild ride.
@@bMegalyth congratulations!
@@nicolevolcy3511, I hope I get an update about the baby
@@bMegalyth, awww, that's so heartwarming
I agree women cheat so much that every man should have their children tested
Okay so the boyfriend in the first story was doing all that crap? Thatâs not your boyfriend anymore, thatâs a dead man.
chocolattemocha she said âwe bouta kill that bishâ đ€Łđ€Ł
or a condom failure
chocolattemocha lol
He was doing that just to be able to raise him on a higher pillar in her heart by being super supportive and understanding and never leaving her side.
Psychooooooo
Itâs pretty fucking sad, but I know why he did it. My ex used to do that shit to me too. He said he did it because he didnât want me posting pics of myself because It seemed that I was trying to find another boyfriend. He told me that he thought if there was enough negative comments, that I would stop and he got the bonus of seeming like a good bf because he would comfort me over the negative comments.
Itâs a real manipulative and cunning thing to do. Really fucked up.
The part that I think made his wife so understanding is because he was initially told that his fertility was a medical impossibility, so it isn't like the fear is unjustified.
My mom married a guy several years after my dad died. A few months later she announced she was pregnant. My step dad chose that moment to tell her he had a vasectomy with his first wife. Turns out it didnât work and they had 4 kids in four years. So. . .
And this ladies and gentlemen is why you always need to have an open line of communication with your partner. Most relationship issues come from a lack of communication.
Its difficult to be sure, you don't want to hurt your partner and you feel like your going insane when you don't talk about it. But in the end if you don't communicate you'll only end up hurting them anyway.
better solution
dont have a partner and save yourself the pain. it's not worth it. you'll just get cheated on and hurt
@@konata8657 um... Except for when you don't? You saying *every* relationship ever and always will end in cheating?
every relationship I've ever been in ended up with me getting cheated on, me getting mentally messed up and my self esteem being destroyed. I just flat out refuse to be in a relationship again because I don't want to get hurt like that again. its just not worth it
@@konata8657 well, it might have happened to you, but hey, it gets better. Was the same with me initially, but I am currently in an amazing relationship with a person I love dearly. Communication is key. Would suggest to not give up until the right person comes along
The boyfriend in the first story sounds psychotic, and almost like he gets off on her pain , and being the one she runs to upset and crying. Yeah breakup, block , restraining order.
it's just heavy manipulating so she's less likely to leave him.
Its not the pain this is a form of behaviour done by exstreme abandonment issues you create a scenario where u are needed
@@happyfrietiez Actually it just sounds like someone with sadistic tendencies. People exist that enjoy seeing others cry and upset, even to an extent where it gives them sexual pleasure.
WHY DOES HE HATE ME
Textbook gaslighting "by proxy".
For the story with the wife and the husbands âwork wifeâ, I can say as someone on the spectrum myself that sheâs right. Autism is not an excuse for his behavior!
That kid is going to be raised good parents, based on how well they communicate with each other. No arguing or blatant accusations, just understanding, support and reassurance. Feeling comfortable to talk about your worries and doubts and having your partner helping you through it all is an awesome thing to see on this subreddit
Boy that lady is one in a million. Good thing she could handle some ex's mistake pushed on her. Smooth sailing ahead I hope.
Its not the ex cheating on the dude that caused his concerns. Its literally the most basic thought if infertile how could she be pregnant, and then the several suspect things ahead. Thats literally basic shit.
mary Thomson or rough it they feel like it you know what I mean eh eh?
*Cough* 1 in a billion *cough*
@@joshmiller9783 it would be not so big of a problem if the dude didn't actually had a cheated experience. It's still a big deal, but his past experience definitely didn't help
Josh Miller you can say one in a billion
the first one is absolutely *terrifying*. the boyfriend was anonymously harassing and threatening OP online and then _comforting_ her when she comes crying to him about these awful messages that _HE_ was sending??? who let joe from you on reddit jfc
He definitely has some serious issues. I'd be willing to bet he was doing it specifically so she would come to him for comfort. Maybe some sort of complex or something?
He was trying to win her by doing so
By being the person who comfort u when people insult u
@@DarkwearGT They were already dating. Not sure how he could win over his girlfriend
@@filmandfirearms Probably some sort of "sealing the deal". Making her scared to go try find any other person thinking they might ridicule her while knowing that her "BF" had her back and "loved" her.
He's Using the DENNIS method, but not Seperate entirely
That man's wife is a saint. She really loves him.
If you have a wife or a husband like that you only need one thing. To keep this person because they're pure gold.
Perfectly balanced
@@Music-rq7kw Exactly and treating them like that then you are not setting up yourself or you partner up for success and the relationship will eventually crumble whether that is a week a month a year a decade or longer
@Drew Taylor I mean I agree to some extent but humans are flawed beings and most people wouldâve gotten defensive and not reacted like she did. Sheâs not the norm so she should be respected for that
If she knew he was infertile, then she would also know how it looks that she's pregnant. I think any man would have his doubts.
"I will not stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect me."
*Stays in the relationship that doesn't respect her.*
Yeesh.
i have autism. the guy who thinks he can have a work spouse because he's autistic is wrong.
and we don't lack empathy. we just struggle with seeing things from other ppl's POV sometimes.
Autism doesnt have to define anyone because youre yourself and thats all that matters lol, its hard for me to communicate but i dont let it bother me, i make stupid yt posts and show it off, i go around acting dumb and etc etc because im myself
Yeah no mental illness gives an excuse to cheat. Be loyal.
I have autism but I hate when people bring it up but this man thinks he can use it like a get out of jail free card just because of it.
there are diffrent forms, that's why its called 'the spectrum'
Struggling to see things from other people' spoint of view and therefore their thoughts and feeling is literally the definition of a lack of empathy.
I literally have HFA (the type of autism that the guy mentioned) and I can say that's most likely bullshit. I have a decent sized friend group and out of them all, I'm the one who's most emotional, and I'm the only one with any form of Autism in the group. The guy either is genuinely an asshole, or he has a different condition.
"Work wife." "Work ... Wife." Socializing and having drinks "after work" ... particularly when your REAL wife isn't invited? Yeah, classic cheater rules. And no, don't blame autism for it.
@@alexanderthompson7164 I think it's ok to have close relationships with coworkers, maybe not that close. But spending nearly no time with your actual spouse and spending all your time with your coworker, and then saying the coworker is better than the wife by comparing them? Yeah that's horrible
I don't know high functioning autism makes it hard to have fuctioning relationships so the fact found someone to talk to isn't so bad. I feel a little bit of jealously on the wifes part.
If you can't handle the term "work wife", or your bf/husband having a female friend, then you have insecurity issues. The guy wasn't using Autism as an excuse for having a female friend. Apparently you didn't listen to what the OP said.
@@jeangermain6957 Yep
@@zamiel3 Nobody is saying its bad to have a friend of the opposite gender. The way he was treating it was the problem though. Comparing his wife to her and preferring to spend time with her instead of his wife is the problem.
OP is in a tough situation. He was told by "expert doctors" that his sperm count is too low for conception. The 2 of them scheduled a surgery to fix this problem. Before the surgery she gets pregnant. Everything described, his wife is almost certainly carrying his baby. She has no guilt when conversation is brought up and they have a great relationship. Also she is smart enough to know that he can (and probably will) get a paternity test. If it turns out not to be his, then they have real problems. But if he is the dad, then thank GOD for a good woman who is a friend and lover. They are indeed treasures in this day
Yeah that's how I'd be. I tend to be the logical one in relationships so I'd be the "let's get a test then to prove it". And I'd also understand his stress but wouldn't let him project his past onto me. I'd stay calm and logical.
aye it may be a telling sign she had no guilt but in some cases (Not All) the chick was cheating and she had no guilt either way.
Asking questions and insisting on verification when your wife got pregnant while you've been diagnosed as infertile is perfectly legitimate. He was right in doing so. It's not a sign of improper distrust. Chances are too slim for him blindly accepting the situation.
She handled it great though.
It wasn't just his toxic past relationship. There was a growing mountain of evidence pointing towards a possible cheater situation. And our culture normalizes it. It's more than justifiable to be upset. He didn't accuse her either, he communicated directly. She didn't take it personally, she listened to his concerns with patience. THAT'S why this worked out in the end. You have two very good people, trying their best to talk to each other honestly.
What culture normalizes cheating?
@@joshmiller9783 post modernism culture, josh.
@@Niveous23 wronk
I agree that it's too common in our culture nowadays. What's even worse is if you have a doubt, even if it's perfectly legitimate to have that doubt , you're somehow seen as being insecure or accusing them .
growing mountain of evidence? honestly, a smiley face, and the fact that she spent some money somewhere? that's 0% evidence and 100% insecurity. it is normal to be suspicious if your partner has given you a reason to. those little things are not a reason. he is so lucky with his wife, she is gold. being suspected of cheating when you've done nothing wrong, especially when she got miraculously pregnant and all he thinks of is that she probably cheated, it can be very upsetting and he realizes he was an ass because he was.
Infertile OP is actually such a good guy. He seems like he's so legitimately worried about how his wife felt and still openly addressed his concerns with her. And then his Wife was more awesome for appreciating the honesty and doing everything she could to move forward. That level of openness and communication is so good for a relationship.
To few women grasp the difference in their reproductive experience a d a man's. Short of an alien abduction story, she knows she's the mother.
They really need to understand, especially when he's supposedly infertile, a guy has a much bigger question mark.
@@icecold9511 Likewise men don't have the extreme vulnerability or hormonal changes associated with pregnancy, so they should be careful not to throw accusations based on a text of a smilie :D Honestly, I think both of them dealt with it spot on and will make great parents :)
PS. I think dna testing should be a standard procedure when a baby is born so men KNOW immediately whether they are/aren't the biological father.
@@jessicataylor7174
He did understand that sending an emo isn't in itself evidence. Hell, women use emos all the time. Doesn't make it a romance.
But emo, money transfer, sterility, it starts looking bad. She offered a paternity test, without anger I might add.
But even that isn't proof. A woman can simply be hoping for a miracle rescue, even if the odds are long.
When you're falling off a cliff, you might as well try to fly. You've got nothing to lose.
Sounds like it ended well though. As I understand it, it is his and she isn't holding a grudge and does realize how it looked.
@@icecold9511 I was trying to be lighthearted while expressing both need to be aware of what each other are experiencing :) I even said it would be easier if paternity tests were standard practice when a baby is born - protecting men from paternity fraud and removing the negative connotations of asking for one. :)
@@jessicataylor7174 Guys do not do paternity fraud. Yes it exists and yes it is quite a big one nowadays.
I personally do not believe hormone imbalances to be a "get out of jail free" card (and also men could have hormonal issues, but apparently it is not important). Even then, you do not want to be trapped with a cheater be it "only" for nine months while they go thru all the hormonal changes and mood swings as the insecurities they had (that might have caused them to cheat to begin with) will multiply during that period. What you need to do is pick up the right moment (when you know both of you are stable and in a relatively good mood), have the open conversation then and ask her the question in a way you'd tell if she's avoiding the answer or can't lie to you. It is that simple.
That first story is chilling. Grade-A manipulation, scaring her, undermining and isolating her so she feels like she needs him for protection. What a gaslighting sad sack.
For the last op.
If you ever read this.
Dude, you got a one in a billion. Keep that woman satisfied.
Hi!
Wanna hear a bit more about a Good Cause
Project that also includes doing Karens a Non-Favor?
No, I'm not kidding.
Tell me if youre interested.
Being defensive only makes things worse, I'd assume his wife understood that. Getting defensive shows there may be more that's being hidden. Finding open women like that but also being patient and understanding is a diamond in the rough
Yes goku ssj4
Op was so fricking lucky, I was so worried she was cheating but she actually is understanding and knew how he was feeling immediately, partners like that are so rare these days.
It all depends on how you approach them. If you come at them the way op did and they still get defensive, then worry. But if its accusatory and filled with anger they will reciprocate that and get just as upset and angry. Having tact is key.
Also that doctor is an ass. Say yes it is unlikely, but in the realm of possibility.
@@allisonwinchester3108 very true, its all in how you handle it.
First post sounds like OP's boyfriend is a sociopathic control freak who uses the "bait & switch" method in a really subtle manner. A very typical way to lull her into being overly reliant on the comfort and security that he's tricking her into, and take advantage of it for all kinds of mental and physical abuse that he probably has in store for her.
We see this all the time in abusive relationships where the submissive person will defend the dominant one whenever they gets in legal trouble, because the sub has normalized the abuse to the point where they think they deserve it or sees the abuse as a sign of love.
So yeah, that red flag couldn't be any more obvious. The sooner she leaves that disgusting excuse of a human being, the better she'll feel.
Or it could be a self esteem/ego thing. Maybe he wanted to feel like he was the one helping her out by fucking her up, just to seem like the knight in shining armour. Either way, it's fucked.
I feel so awful for her. I hope she realises that the only way to deal with someone like this is to wait until theyâre gone for a day, pack up everything, block them everywhere, and disappear.
Yeah I understand the feeling. I'm really glad she caught it now while she's still clear enough to leave. I was in a relationship with someone who treated me like garbage but convinced me to stay because he twisted it to seem like i was just as bad as him and therefore we deserved each other
I think maybe more than to wanting her to feel insecure and stuff like that he just wanted to manipulate her into stopping to post her pics online, either way horrible behavior.
Not at all necessarily. People with Asperger's (high functioning autism) often have a lot of confusion when it comes to boundaries. Most people with Asperger's have a normal amount of empathy but express it differently leading to confusion among some NTs. There is so much misunderstanding when it comes to Asperger's and attachment disorders. Overall Aspies tend to have a strong sometimes rigid sense of moral obligation and tend to be more honest, to the point, and loyal.
That last story makes me really happy! I'm SO glad that she worked through this and was understanding of his unfortunate dating history. And I'm really glad he didn't ruin the marriage either! They're going to have MANY happy years and will make GREAT parents. Good luck!
*getting pregnant despite having an infertile husband*
The placebo effect is strong with this one...
That first story- definitely not a red flag, thatâs a very loud air raid siren đš
the guy is Syndrome from Incredibles.
not just a red flag a CRIMINAL ACT
Stuka Siren!
No its the nuke going off next door
That's not a red flag, it's the entire soviet union
The first dude is trying to hurt her by getting her to distrust everyone but him so she would rely on him and only him
Typical psychopathic behaviour, I believe.
Who hurt you?
@@hydralily1646 What? Sorry if I'm missing some sort of joke or whatever, but comment is completely ridiculous.
For one. What the bf in the first story was doing is called "emotional manipulation" which is a common trait seen in literal psychopaths.
Its pretty clear that either 1. You misunderstood the comment.
2. You're actually dumb.
Or 3. You don't know anything about emotional manipulation.
Shellshocked Bros, my comment is just a joke, I agree with everything he/she is saying, I just found it funny how specific it was, sorry if it came out the wrong way. And yes I know what he is doing is manipulative. I just wanted to write a silly comment.
Wha- Are you kidding? I think its more of he's trying to get her to be protective cuz its one of his kinks-jkjkjk bad joke dont kill me
Edit:Fuck I thought you meant the second story ignore my weird ass comment pls-
To the guy with the infertility story, you ARE blessed, your wife is amazing. I also have the same experience of being cheated, and i can confirm that it is hard to live with it, it makes me feel so insecure to start a new relationship.
On that second story, I was certain we were going to find out it wasn't his. Good for him. I know a couple where both the husband and wife were supposed to be infertile and managed to have a kid. It was actually her second pregnancy, first required medical intervention and she wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant again without intervention. I think his count was more or less wrecked from chemo. She was just going to a routine appointment and they did a test just b/c that was procedure and found out she was pregnant.
Not gonna lie, felt a lot of anxiety while hearing that last story.
Same. That was intense.
Once you've been cheated on those scars never go away. Sounds like he has a true winner and a lovely wife. His insecurities could have had the opposite effect and caused so many more issues.
me too, but because it was pretty evident she did nothing wrong and i was afraid he would fuck it up because of his insecurities
@@SingingCrowie if it was a movie, they'd do it so the wife cheated.
You don't know how much
As I was reading the last story I was fuming in a rage. I have never dated before as I have severe trust issues. However for some reason peaple always tell me about their relationships so it pisses me off to see infidelity. As the story continued I got madder and madder I felt like she was a lying bitch. Turns out I couldnt have been more wrong she is a pile of gold. I need to trust more.
The last story in one sentence: mudafuca pulled the lever on the slot machine of life and he won a jackpot
Geez so many likes no replies.
@@eddieplego now he got 2
Thesos 320
Now he got 3
He has 4
Yes sirrrr
The wife in that last story is a keeper she understands the anxiety and was willing to do everything she could to ease his concerns and im glad it worked out in the end I hope the have a good life together
That last story really made me see a whole new perspective on relationships. Thatâs how supportive your partner should always be. Iâm so glad it had a wholesome ending
I'm glad OP got the child he wanted, and still has his wife
flamingo fan?
@@yunomuu ikr
lmao that Albert pfp lmaooooooo
I just cant stop laughin
@@chrissymaxwell3300 i watch flamingo too lol
Doctor: "There's a 1 in a million chance that you can conceive with your condition"
Me: "I guess we'll just have to try a million times then"
Looks to wife.
Wife: Nope.
They aren't dependent events, if you fail 500 thousand times, that drastically decreases the odds on the next 500 thousand. And even if each one WAS a 1 in a million chance independently, if you did have sex a million times, you would actually only have a 1 in e chance of success, that's about 37%.
@@medexamtoolsdotcom I bet you're fun at parties
@@medexamtoolsdotcom I follow you until the last sentence, but how did you get the 37%? I'm curious... Math isn't my strongest point; you can ask me to analyse geothermal fluids chemistry though.
@@medexamtoolsdotcom Thanks. So is that the smart way of saying "chance isn't cumulative"?
OMG! The infertile husband was standing on my last nerve! The back and forth of it all was too damn much!
He protecc
He attacc
But most importantly
Iâm scared that I will die alone without being accomplished in life and not being able to pay back my parents for all their sacrifices they made to try to grow me into a good man. I just failed them and I donât know what to do
O.o
To be fair, most people die alone. Except American schoolkids.
Jokes aside. Maybe you should talk with someone about these insecurities?
It might help you feel better at least.
I feel the same way (except the dieing alone bit), but what helps me get through it is looking at the things I'm working on right now to secure the future. They don't have to be big on their own or bear fruit immediately, but knowing your not a waste of space and that your at least doing something can keep you from falling into despair. Your of no use to anyone if you're constantly worrying and not working towards anything. Maybe start by saving a little money whenever you get the chance as an emergency fund for them (though you may want to buy preserved food instead with the way the US is heading)
You also may want to focus more on the present, If you spend too much time worrying about a certain future, that future will usually come true. The more you work on making a better present and near future, the more secure your distant future will be.
Also see someone irl about these insecurities I donât think I am the right person to give you advice
that doesnt rhyme
That first story sounds like the boyfriend had some sort of "hero mentality" where he sets up situations where he can help his girlfriend feel better... Messed up bruh...
VoltZ VR exactly what I thought
My thoughts exactly.
Like I can get "I want to be helpful and a support to who I am with" but when you cross that line to actively doing hurtful things just so you can be the help after it...you're not the hero, you're the villain.
@@ClownCarCore I was thinking sociopath trying to emotionally control his girlfriend and isolate her...
@@TonySamedi He's not MetroMan or even MegaMind. He's straight up Hal/Tighten
@@fightingfaerie Oh god I love that movie, and you're right.
Someone needs to show it to the douche in the story and see if he can recognize himself there.
First story is simple - Leave him - he's an abuser, its cruel and wrong
Edit out the "IMHO", him being abusive and cruel is a fact.
Offended? I donât see how, youâre just telling it like it is.
@@Cassiopea525 you'd be surprised how easy it is to offend someone on a YT comment section
Absolutely abusive.
You are staying fact, there's nothing for any reasonable person to be offended over.
There is nothing wring with what you said these type of people creates the stereotypes and destorys the sexes
This was so wholesome, Im gladd OP was able to get clear communication with his wife and that she supported and saved him from his anxiety from prior trauma.
That last story makes me so happy. I'm glad he listened and people walked him through it with understanding in mind.
This is why you never cheat on someone. It will affect the betrayed one for the rest of his/her life and also their future partners...
yea agreed
Problem is people don't care...
The person who cheats is only thinking of themselves... So why would they start thinking about their partner?
@@nicolasvals1352 even my ex of 4 years, best friend of 10 years cheated knowing in more detail than anyone how it would affect me.
@@goku546686 It's shit you had to go through that
Wtf is a "work spouse" even supposed to be?? That's literally the first damn time I've even so much as heard the term.
It's Jerkish for "person I'm having an emotional affair with at work, but am trying to play it off as this modern cute quirky besties culture thing to downplay your insecurities."
or (if your single) that colleague that your hanging out with so much everyone thinks your a couple, even though you aren't for one reason or another.
i have heard "work wife" used for two single people.
It's when a couple of people at work chat, share relationship type conversations, etc., at work. They might have lunch together, discuss personal matters that others would find uncomfortable. However, to keep it in that category, they don't see each other outside of work, other than maybe big family events. Some people have such relationships perfectly innocently over decades, and others take it to other levels. Personally, I don't think a straight man and woman can have a close friendship long term without complications.
@@Mikedeela Its not just straight people, gay people also have the same issue just not with the opposite sex.
@Tala Habern nah i can guarantee 100% its anyone who has feelings, i have seen gays have their work husbands and wife (yes they do actually have work wives) and neglect their own partner.
wow, that turned out to be a good story. Actually had me at the edge of my seat
OP-"I'm not big on therapy. "
also OP- Posts on reddit for feedback.
As a married man and a high functioning autistic, I can say he is taking advantage of his diagnosis and using it as an excuse to be a terrible person. Its sadly common but wrong, I read and study sociology and psychology so I can better socialize and eventually work in the field to help low functioning autistic children and their parents. He needs to work on himself and not make excuses. I did it and I'm close to him on the spectrum most likely, it just takes study and work.
U are a great guy
I also have autism and that story got me so angry
i had asperger when i was kid i was taken care of early in my life from the time i was 11 to when i was 15 i spent 4 or so years with mental health professional visits couple times each month that i got rid of my problems although they still surface time to time, and even i agree that there is on defence for his actions
Autistic woman here. This dude made me so angry.
I'm reading up on High-Functioning autism and I assume it's a loose term for someone who is diagnosed with Autism but can still live independently. 'High-functioning autism/autistic' isn't a real clinical diagnosis right?
After the disasterous birth of my first son, who was born dead but brought back after some truly heroic measures, I was told I would never be able to get pregnant again. A year and a half later my youngest was born.
The first son, after a struggle with cancer when he was 14 years old, was told he was sterile and would never be able to have a child. His oldest daughter is now 8 and his youngest is 8 months. Moral of this story? Doctors are not always right.
This put a big smile on my face. Congrats to you and your family â„ïž
most of the time I've found "you'll never have a child" just means the odds are astronomical.
I've always known that doctors aren't always right, 8 different doctors all agreed I would be dead before I was 1 hour old, I'm now 35 years old (and will be 36 in less than 2 months) so when they told me I couldn't have kids because of my PCOS I just laughed at them, my son is now 12.
My mom lost an unborn baby and was told she couldn't have kids. She accidentally became pregnant within like a month. Then they said she's crazy and this pregnancy would never work out. It did work out and so did another one.
I was born dead and brought back to life I nearly killed my mom on the way out I was told I had to be an emergency c section because I got the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck so no blood could get to my brain I was born 5 weeks early and my mom cant have anymore kids because she had to get her ovaries completely removed afterwards because they got really messed up and she hasn't has kids since
Damn I can't believe how much of my own insecurities are flaring up as I'm reading this, I have felt that feeling of constant uncertainty and it drives you insane and everything feels off all the time. But that woman is an angel for accepting him as he is despite how difficult it would have been for her to keep her cool through that.
The boyfriend from the first story is so scary
Either he really gets off to making his girlfriend feel bad,
Or heâs trying to be manipulative by causing pain for her then swooping in and being the hero by comforting her.
Either way thatâs a huge red flag
Concerning the 'infertile pregnancy, It's not common for someone with that condition to sire a child before having it corrected, but it's not unheard of, either. Very rare but stranger things have happened. The wife though is a real jewel. He need go hang on to her.
Kelly Rayburn also if you want a child enough you can have a âfalse pregnancyâ which is when your body releases the hormones produced while pregnant
Col. George S. Patton, Sr. I am a child of two people who were both told that they are both infertile đ€·đ»ââïž just a year after I appeared and then a year later my brother soo, docs can make false calls and sometimes infertility just means a low chance
@Col. George S. Patton, Sr. It might not be a lie. Chances of pregnancy in this situation are low, very low but not zero.
The only explaination I can get from why she was so calm is due to the fact that she knew that she weren't cheating on him, and that due to him being so affected by the thoughts of the possibility that assured her that he wouldn't be doing so either, so she just tried to make sure that things went well.
Holy shit. This whole story had me tense as fuck until the end.
That past story could have had a really terrible plot twist and if it was the woman with the trust issue instead, this would have been a bigger drama. Well at least he found how much his trust issues are affecting him now
"I always get rude messages about how my makeup is looking disgusting"
Their life is disgusting.
I've never been so invested in a stranger's relationship story holy shit
Like a roller coaster of emotions on that third one.
That last story is proof of how communication is super important for any relationship. I'm glad to hear that there are wonderful people like this in the world. I like to think me and my wife have this kind of relationship as well. We tell each other everything and we've never had any problems for the 12 years we have been together.
That first story is such a red flag I thought the Soviet Union was back
For the first story, I would've ripped him a new asshole for doing such a horrible thing to me. I mean, how do you get out of bed in the morning and say: "I'm gonna send threats to my girlfriend on reddit, what could possibly go wrong???"
Lol, some people feel they need to be needed, I've heard of people who will make themselves (or sometimes family) sick for attention, this is different but sorta in the same vein. He's anonymously trashing her work and then letting her come cry to him. Acting like a stalker by telling her they know where she is and who she is so she's more likely to want him around for protection or something (this one is just a theory, but still very possible). And she tried to change accounts to stop this but he kept going, he's so fricking crazy, my god.
Dino Dracko i thought I killed you
@@Kendricklamard You again.....?
Dino Dracko we meet again
@@dracko158 I see you everywhere now, and what is the deal with the storm trooper?
Dude the last dude's anxiety was off the charts! Thank god his wife understood and boom! He gonna be a dad
one of my older sisters (whose a twin) is recently found out that shes having a baby, but was told she couldn't. she said it was a miricale for her or that it was a miracle baby (i can't remember since its been a few weeks since she announced)
1:31 It ainât a red flag... itâs the whole Soviet Union.
Bonk
Stolen probably
@@insaneyogurt4993 Stolen from where?
The second one, she did say that when they would argue, that he would compare her to the 'work wife' and how she doesn't get like this and that and so on, and then when he and the 'work wife' were gonna go out and hang, the wife asked him to at least wait, so she could join, and he pretty much told her "You won't get our conversation, I don't want to bore you", many people saying she has no reason to be the way she was, she kind of did have a reason, I mean the comparing part is bad enough, but pretty much telling her no to hang out with them for the first time, is just as bad.
She could've handled it better too, but she did have every right and reason and be upset.
ya but overall she did a pretty ok job at handling it and im glad that she is looking out for her mental health
However I think that âsetting boundariesâ might be controlling in way.
Let me explain myself:
I think that she might have mixed HFA with something else.
I think that HFA doesnât justify rude behaviour.
I think that the guy might be just really sociable.
She didnât have any reason to bring up her mental health.
You cannot just tell anyone to just break their friendships.
No one should control you.
@@bruhknight6197 did you even watch the video?
@@kimineko4566 ever heard of withholding information?
She was the one who called them the âwork wifeâ and said she was jealous. Since we donât have any information on what the arguments are about, you canât say that him talking about how his friend from work would react is wrong. Especially since the OP said she was jealous, it is entirely possible that the arguments involved their interactions and thus her reactions would be perfectly reasonable. As for her not being invited to join him and his friend, that could be fine. Especially if he had caught hints of her jealousy or distaste for his friend. All he said is that she wouldnât get their conversations and he didnât want her to have a bad time. He didnât actually say that she couldnât come, just that she probably wouldnât enjoy herself. As for him waiting for her so she could go, this is rude. He and his friend have a time and place to meet up. At the last minute she wants him to wait until she is ready so she can join him and his friend. No, he should go and she can join them when she is done.
I am not saying he is innocent but this seems to be mostly her issue. However, the comment about his having autism is irrelevant. People with autism view the world and how it works differently. They arenât blind, and actually often see how things relate to each other more clearly than ânormalâ people. They just have a hard time interacting with others.
for the second story, coming from an autistic person, WE DO NOT LACK EMPATHY!
We lack the ability to completely express emotions yes but we aren't heartless bastards. and yeah we may not be able to completely read the room and may interrupt someone accidentally or say the wrong thing at the wrong time but that aint no excuse for all that. It's understandable a work friend who happens to be the opposite sex, hanging out now and again and conversing, but not spouses at that degree, also personally I'd be the kind of person who would want to make the most of spending as much time as possible with my actual spouse especially if it's only 3 hours a day.
I was born emotionless, so when Iâm in school it just looks I donât give a shit about anything and thereâs the blank face which creeps people out and most people thought I was brainless or retarded because of how I looked, Iâm a brown hair with green eyes.
There is a difference between cognitive empathy and emotional empathy. Many people with autism lack the former (cognitive), which is best described as putting yourself in someone else's shoes. It's difficult for us (I say "us" as an autistic person who has better emotional empathy) to understand, especially if we haven't actually been in the situation before, whereas many people not on the spectrum can get a sort of idea for it. Not saying that you're wrong, as every person is different, just stating what I think might have been meant.
Finally someone stands up for us
@@Lucifer-qt1yp So do you not feel emotions or just look emotionless?
I'm on the spectrum and my empathy towards others is honestly my biggest character flaw. I care way too damn much.
That last story reminds me so much of my boyfriend I have severe anxiety and PTSD and I battle with it every single day I'm on two medications to help battle the panic attacks and anxiety attacks as well as the daily anxiety and he is so understanding and patient with me. That's one of the reasons I love him so much and if you find somebody like that hold on to them with both hands because they're one in a million.
The first story my mother went, HOLY SHIT DUMP THAT DOUCHE, im 14 xD
"Completely infertile" should always be taken with a single grain of salt, because even the 1% chance of impregnating a woman after a vasectomy can happen, a post-menopausal woman in her seventies getting knocked up, post-hysterectomy pregnancy, etc... can happen. There have been far stranger medical stories than an "infertile" man having kids.
But he should still get a paternity test when the baby is born so he won't have doubts and can love"his" child or gtfo
@@whocaresreallly5886 the very last part of the post says they got one
@@whocaresreallly5886 In the newest update he said the kid was his
"Infertile" men being able to impregnate women is actually really common. I wish more people knew about this, instead of immediately going "oh so she cheated on him!" Vasectomies can reverse themselves and there's still a small chance of being able to get a woman pregnant after a vasectomy, and most infertility diagnoses don't mean you're really incapable of impregnating someone, just that it's unlikely. But as we all know, unlikely things happen all the time. It has to work just once and if you have sex even just once a week, that's a 1 in 52 shot. Which is not that unlikely if you think about it. In that story, the OP said they both have high libidos and were very sexually active, so their odds were probably way higher.
@Mauricio Aguilera I seriously doubt that happened can you not jump to such wild conclusions
Wow, that wife... Can't believe someone as understanding as that even exist.
It just seems too good to be true
Its only reasonable if your husband tells you he believes himself infertile.
I mean. She had nothing to worry about because she had been faithful and they were a perfect couple.
@@sonuboss4302 not really. It just seems logical that her partner would feel weirded out by the situation. After all, she knew his previous husband cheated on him so her understanding his insecurities seems to be a normal and quite expected reaction. Anyone who isn't a psycho or unfaithful would act the same way as her imho.
@@j.j.juggernaut9709
You said his husband. đ typo, I know.
But yeah. Women need a bit of understanding. The woman always knows it is hers, unless she has a freaky alien abduction story. There is no magical sense for a guy that this is his child. We literally are taking at the women's word. And when there is a male fertility issue, it's time for her to be a little understanding that this stresses trust a lot, especially in this world of regular cheating.
My mom was told she couldn't have kids, she had 3
That last story is probably one of the first times I've seen a truly loved fill reddit post.
The thumbnail image should have gone like...
Babe, I'm pregnant
Hi pregnant, I'm infertile.
WHAT?!
Why is this so funny?
I have been laughinging for 2 minutes
@An Experiment but he actually is *dun dun dun* I also made this comment so long ago and I already hate it lol
YES DEFINITELY YES
Underrated comment
*âHave high functioning autism and therefore lack communication and empathy."*
Okay that is BS, I have high functioning autism (Asperger) and we arenât cold or lack empathy, yes we take social cues differently but itâs not like we donât care about other peopleâs feelings. It is not justifying his behavior, even if he has a diagnosis doesnât give him the right to do whatever he want.
Infact I have aspergers and Iâm extremely social and especially enjoy helping others through their problems and definitely donât lack empathy c:
I have Asperger to, but lacking empathy can be something that happens with Aspergers, not everyone who is autistic Is the same, I pretty social but I have an autistic friend who is really only social with people he knows well, Iâm not saying that the first guy is justified because autism and lack of empathy doesnât excuse doing what he did, Iâm just saying a lack of empathy is possible with high functioning autism.
I have Aspergers too and that INFURIATED me. I think Iâm empathetic and a good communicator (or at least I try my best) and even if the husband was right about that autism is not an excuse to do something like that
People think any mental illness is autism, itâs pretty stupid, lacking empathy and not caring about others is more of a sociopath/psychopathic behavior.
well autism works in different ways
In the last story I'm grateful for the wife to take everything in so calmly, and OP I am so relieved he didn't get hurt again
The "My wife got pregnant, but... I'm infertile!" thing reminds me of a Swedish movie where a couple has tried for a kid for years and at a Christmas dinner the wife announces that she's pregnant. The husband is clearly irked and gets angrier and angrier. He accuses his wife of cheating on him and she can't figure it out.
During a tense scene in a sauna with another guest of the dinner, he admits that he got a vasectomy years before she met his current wife so he cannot be the child's father.
Glad the real situation seems to have worked out fine though.
My ex husbands starter wife and he tried to have kids. They each got tested apparently and she told him that he was the reason they couldn't have kids. And he never asked her to see the test results for himself, he just took her word for it. So when I found out that I was pregnant he swore up, down, left, right and center that he couldn't have kids and that I had cheated on him.
I knew that was a damn lie so I confronted his ex. And she told me she was sorry that she gad told him that but he COULD have kids, she couldn't. I told her to sit him down and tell him the truth.
She didn't want to. So I went to her boss at work and her boss made her do it. Who was her boss? My grandmother.
Yeah your ex and his ex sound like asses. Theyâd deserve each other.
Best plot twist I've ever read.
What happened with the ex? Did you guys break up over this?
Based Mom right here
@@jenniferv4674 no.
Wow, Iâm so glad that guy turned out to be a dad! My dad actually did have a similar experience, he worked around radar equipment repairing it and everything in the military, and was told that may have made him sterile, turns out he wasnât, and had me!
This is actually a fairly common thing. Unfortunately, people don't talk about it enough so people panic unknowingly (understandably of course if you have no idea how common it is).
Yeah, I worked with RF when I was in. There was this "curse" they said that I either couldn't have any kids, or only have girls. I have 2 kids now and they're both boys, lmao
But.... we don't know that yet....
Heâs definitely my dad haha, weâre so alike itâs unreal đ
@@timehunter9467 Nice meme.
I think the first guy was trying to gain trust and love for comforting her from the âattackersâ.
The last story had me actually close to a panic attack, my heart was racing and there was a pit in my stomach
I have a feeling that the guy in that first story is doing that so he can be the âunderstanding and comfortingâ boy friend. Reassuring her and making it seem like heâs a good guy. So either he really is repulsed by her, or heâs a manipulative d-bag. Either way, run.
It almost sounds a nurse that makes people sick just to heal them so they come back to her
It sounds like he either wants to keep her "in check" by making her insecure (when really he's the insecure one) or he gets off from having her run to him for validation and love. He might even LIKE seeing her sad. He definitely likes being the one to comfort her though. All in all he wants her to depend on him. I doubt he's disgusted by her. He's just a manipulative asshole who needs therapy.
OP needs to get outta her quickly but most importantly QUIETLY. If he's willing to hurt her emotionally then who knows how he will react when she leaves him. She also might want to discretely get proof of what he did because he might want to guilt trip her or lie to people about what happened. Better be paranoid than getting screwed over. Especially since it could easily degenerate for her!
@@ondiiina imo she should go to the police. She should have way before she found out her boyfriend were sending the messages. The indentifying and (if not actually then brodering on) threatning messages from strangers. At least where I am from stalking and encourage suicide is illigal. I feel really bad for OP and hope he/she gets safely out of the situation
@@ondiiina it is called covert narcissism and it is best to get the hell out of a relationship with them as soon as you figure it out. That is if they have not destroyed your self esteem to the point you can't function without them (which is the true danger of being the victim of a narcissist).
"Keep you friends close, and your enemies closer"... I guess the first girl took it too seriously
Hi!
Wanna hear a bit more about a Good Cause
Project that also includes doing Karens a Non-Favor?
No, I'm not kidding.
Tell me if youre interested.
@@slevinchannel7589 Iâm interested
@@moony2543 Oh, interested in buying my newest Vacuum-Cleaner!
Thats great, good sir! I make you a Discount, even!!
@@slevinchannel7589 a discount?đ
@@moony2543 Ups,
i accidently; no kidding; deleted my own comment towards you, explaining the Main-Topic (not the joke with the Discount) - did you got it anyway?
Oh, please tell me i dont have to type it all again. Did you receive the big Comment about Flagging?
That last situation is how you deal with an anxiety-inducing and potentially relationship-altering bit of news. Great job OP for being non-accusatory, open, and seeking advice where needed. Great job wife of OP for being understanding, open, and conscientious.
first story. this guy is a psychopath and try to break her and make her emotionally dependend on him. he wants to make her feel uncomfortable in public so she thinks: this is the only guy i can get. poor dude
The sterile story. As I wrote somewhere else about this same post, as a woman, if I knew my partner was sterile and I got pregnant anyway, I'd freak out, even knowing I didn't cheat. I'd talk about it with him immediately to clear the air. I'd set an appointment with a doctor ASAP too. It's too much blind trust required in this situation, it's unreasonable. The fact that she didn't even thought herself this may cause him to worry it's weird.
Kids going to be born and it won't be his and that'll completely destroy the poor OP and throw him off the edge of reality.
@@SlothGMS It could be his tho. You don't know that.
My momâs best friend was told she was infertile so her and her husband adopted a little girl. Two months later she got pregnant and then had a little boy. She ended up having three boy. Doctors donât know how. Life is weird. But they now have four happy kids they love and adore.
@@SlothGMS no, it's his
they confirmed it was his in an update
"emotionally cheating" is called emotional abuse. That and the person doing it probably never liked OP.
It isnât a factory of red flags, itâs the red galleon
That is one hell of a story And that wife is amaizing! This sounds like the start of a happy family.
My doctor told me I couldnât get pregnant due to having endometriosis. I didnât really care because I never wanted kids. Iâm now going on 9 months of being pregnant and my ex accused me of trapping him but in all reality I feel like my doctor trapped the both of us.
At least you know it's yours
@@thecurrentmoment Boy that would be a really confusing episode of Maury Povich." I'm pregnant but the baby isn't mine "
@@MyUniqueBeauty Someone would have had to use the wrong egg via in vitro fertilization for that to happen. Or the lady is messing with them and is a surrogate.
Always get a second opinion. Docs can be dumb sometimes. Docs work on a trial and error method and it doesn't work sometimes
There is a reason a doctors office is called a "Practice"... a reason we say they 'practice medicine'. Think about that for a second....
A guy I work with had some sort of reversible vasectomy done years ago, back when he had first gotten married. They wanted kids eventually, just not right away basically. He goes off on deployment and a few months later his wife tells him she's pregnant. Of course he's furious, accuses her of being unfaithful, her father was even furious with her. She kept insisting up and down that she hadn't cheated, and he kept insisting that because he had the vasectomy he couldn't possibly have been the father.
Well TL;DR it turns out his vasectomy had somehow reversed itself, and he was no longer shooting blanks. He spent a looooong time in the doghouse after that one.
0:06 The way rSlash says âUh Ohâ is priceless!
I've gone through something similar with the last story. I knew I had an amazing boyfriend but wow, this seriously put it into perspective for me. He IS the love of my life.
That first one isnât just a red flag, itâs the entire Soviet Union.
Oh fuck cloaker
@@HanzTheODST Hi!
Wanna hear a bit more about a Good Cause
Project that also includes doing Karens a Non-Favor?
No, I'm not kidding.
Tell me if youre interested.
@@slevinchannel7589 youâve peaked My interest
@@ironhideproductions3616 Is that a good thing?
Cause, i mean, if youre a Dark Lord or something Shady, then you being 'interested' sure aint a good thing!
@@slevinchannel7589 *weâre
Wow! That was a great story. I was ready for it to turn bad at any moment.
So glad that last OP is the daddy! I can 10000% understand that fear and not knowing
I was so afraid for that infertility story, mostly because positive pregnancy tests when you couldn't be pregnant could be a serious health problem. Thank god it was so wholesome in the end
The 2nd guy didnât know the number one rule of relationships:
Donât go out with friends unless youâve spent enough time with your wife/live-in partner. Most people arenât jealous because they donât want you to have friends, they are jealous because youâre giving attention to someone when their âemotion batteryâ is low.
I've literally been pushed to the side multiple times, and had calls answered in the middle of a conversation! But apparently me calmly and maturely admitting I'm jealous sometimes negates the legitimacy of my feelings.
I basically have given up. I already have massive self esteem issues and feel like lower than scum. I often just end up blaming feeling bad on myself.
I've even tried to say that if they didn't drop everything that we did together it wouldn't be so bad, but they keep doing it. And their RP characters sound like they might be dating. I don't have the energy to even bother.
Well we donât life in a Disney movie. Friends are important. Being social is overall more important then a monogamous relationship.
Having no friends is unhealthy, will show in your relationship and make it harder to move on if the relationship breaks.
having no relationship doesnât hinder your ability to find a new one, have friends or be a healthy human being.
Friends (as whole, not individuals) > SO. Just because you donât have your own friends doesnât allow you to drag your partner down
Even if the person isn't able to join in conversation, sometimes they just only want to be there with you.
@@squattingheads but you don't compare your friend with a relationship status
americantoadsarecool Especially if itâs a case where literally everyday he pushes his wife aside for a friend instead. Thatâs not healthy for a relationship.
As someone with high functioning autism, it is not an excuse. In my case, when I read the story, I needed to resolve the complications of the story one by one in my head as I wasnât unable to recognize that the wifeâs mental health was being harmed and that it looked like she was being controlling. The husband was being inconsiderate AND the wife is being a control freak. Theyâre both in the wrong. The husband should spend more time with his wife and the wife shouldnât try to end his friendships just to raise her own self-esteem (cause thatâs what it looks like now considering the husband already admitted wrongdoing and would change. Jealousy is one hell of a drug.)
If your SO doesnât give you the time of day and refuses to spend time with you, talk to them. Try to show them youâre being hurt and if they donât listen, leave. Your mental stability is not worth risking in such a hollow relationship.
If your SO actively tries to cut you off from your friendships and appropriate your time. Again, talk, communication, open up. But if that doesnât work, run. Run the hell away as youâll never be able to live like that.
I would like to say that I have never heard of this "work spouse" thing.
I have. And it's the only time I saw it it was really weird and uncomfortable.
"Work-wife" was really possessive of the husband
She literally told the wife in a Karen voice "Well... I'M his best friend!"
I don't remember the conversation leading up to that. I just remember my absolute shock that she'd say that to his WIFE!
I wasn't married back then, but I am now. My husband is my best friend.
He's the most important part of my life.
I'd be a bit ruffled if he started referring to a female co-worker as his "work-wife" or best friend...
The only time I've heard of it was in a show (Grey's anatomy)
Everytime I've seen it, it's just kinda close friends. Like my Dad's "work wife" is still someone we keep in contact with. He's even the godfather of her daughter. And I have a "work husband", and there's absolutely nothing between us except that we're friends
@@tainoman1998 So from what I'm understanding is that this is pretty much a best friend who works with you. (You as in a general sense, not you necessarily in specific.)
@@ItBePatYo essentially (at least, normally, lol)
Iâm glad that the op from the baby story is agreeing to therapy because if he keeps relying on his wife to act as his therapist (manage his insecurities and help him work through his thought processes) heâs going to end up pushing her away, especially when she has the baby and work to focus on. Thatâs too much stress to put on a single person.
I pray that everything works in the wonderful manâs favor in the last story. I was with him all the way to the end. I still donât trust her. If my gut feeling is that incredibly strong, I never just try to stomp on my intuition and hope that it all goes away. I trust myself. That poor guy was in total agony trying to convince himself that his entire being was at fault. Even at the end when she was soooo understanding and comforting, I still had the feeling that something was up with her. When I feel that intense with all that I am- I take the good Lordâs advice and allow Him to show me the way.
If you ever find out the concrete results of his dilemma, please share.
The update said the paternity test said it was his. How can you not trust her?