5 Reasons the Unfaithful Spouse Remains Stuck
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- čas přidán 7. 07. 2024
- Today Samuel shares five significant reasons unfaithful spouses remain stuck in their situation.
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairrecovery.com/our-blog. He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.
My husband, the unfaithful, has held onto his resentment for the past two years, to silently "fall out of love" with me, to throw his line out for other women to bite, throughout his affair, and to justify all that he did to me. If I expressed any hurt or pain, he would immediately hold up the resentment shield. My husband was not the kind of cheater who got caught and right away tried to fix anything. He has spent over a year in limerence, so, he's not trying to end things with the AP. She did, once I reached out to her and told her the truth about our relationship. That he had no intentions of divorcing me, he wanted both of us, while he was draining her of attention, he was still intimate with me. I know the AP was not innocent, as she chased a man with a ring on his finger (and wrote a song about it) but, I do know he lied to her like crazy. During his limerent affair, he was selfish and cruel to the both of us. Even though she ended things, he is still in limerence, and still chooses himself in all of this. I have worked on myself over the last year, on childhood trauma, co-dependency issues, doing the grief work, etc. This year, I am working on my kids well0being and continuing with the affair recovery, for me. Reconciliation was once my ultimate goal. It isn't anymore. Healing and making a wonderful life for my kids and I, is the priority. I hope my husband can get healthy. I need him to be. While the door to reconciliation remains open, it shuts a little more with each passing day.
I hope you’re doing well. I can relate so much
This exists almost nowhere else. Thank you for your courage.
Thank you Samuel this clarifies his behavior. Sadly, he refuses to listen to your blogs.
i'm very sorry but so glad you're here and so glad you found the video blogs.
Thank you. He has started to watch your videos. I hope he keeps doing it and lives up to an almost promise of helping us and being there for me. Your videos are " the more the better" thanks again
Whenever I try to talk to him he doesn’t say anything. I am exhausted and I feel I want a separation. It’s hard to talk to him. Even tonight he was texting and when I called him on it he said he was looking at the tv. He was looking down at his phone texting. I can’t keep fighting for his attention. I asked if he wants a divorce and he said no. Today I feel like I do 😞😞😞
Girl same..
Thank you Samuel for this video...the descriptions you've given here are things I have heard. Thank you so much for helping me understand what's really going on. I appreciate your efforts.
how do you trust someone who doesn't want to be trusted and isn't trust worthy. im so screwed broken and just tired.
unfortunately, you just can't my friend. they are not to be trusted.....they are not safe. it would appear, that it's time to pull back, work on you and begin your own healing journey.
Love this- I really want you to help us through this.
He still has yet to disclose..I learned of the affair by snooping..gut feeling..he admitted when confronted but pulls the "I don't remember"..until the AF blames it on him and substance abuse..then says " that's not how I remember "..I just need full disclosure so I can heal because I know I can fix what's broken between us until I heal
My husband and I are currently in the 13 week online course. Things have seemed to be going pretty good. He finally for the first time yesterday cried because he expressed to me how bad he has hurt me and feels bad that I have to endure all this pain and emotional triggers because of what he has done. I have felt safe with him so far...up until tonight. He all of a sudden, out of the blue said that he felt like I was smothering him. I feel like I want to be with him and I miss him when we are apart. I thought he felt the same way, and now I am so triggered right now and feel so unwanted. I am so terrified that things are just going to go back like they were...because this is how it kind of started before. He doesn't really tell me how he's feeling until he gets to the point of being irritated...and then I want to pull away because I feel like he doesn't want me...and then he says I'm the one treating him bad. I feel so sad right now.
He's a Narcissist.
Most of the unfaithful spouses are narcissists. Welcome to world of the betrayed. I’m sorry you’re going through this with us. It really is very hard.
How did that online class go? Can I have a link please. I hope everything worked out between you and your spouse
When someone is hot and cold, controlling then couldn’t care less, loving you fully then accusing you of suffocating them- you have to remain emotionally and physically consistent or you will be on their rollercoaster for life. This will require a personally intimate relationship with Christ and only can be done by with Holy Spirit’s willpower. Not your own feelings or strength. Your body and mind will burnout after years or decades of being dragged around by someone else’s emotions (whether they are cheating or not). Get and stay stable, immovable, and warm; I promise it works. God makes it so.
Help needed
Thank you for these videos. I need them! The
Wow number two was amazing.
Process number 3 was great. Pulling back during the process to stop it just to revert back to old habits. Someone that has went through it that can guide you through the recovery process.
Number 4🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽. Just give it all up damn it. I want to hear it to get past it. Let it all out.
Number 5 get rid of the bitterness. And be truthful about getting rid of it.
Want to be understood but don’t want to understand. 🙌🏽🙌🏽 #listentounderstand justifies and minimize the affair. Those marital deficiencies. Thank you so much.
I feel like my spouse is paralyzed in his recovery. We both did the minimal work and it has created problems now because we were not all in to begin with.
maybe getting expert help now is the way out of it and the way to a breakthrough?
I appreciate this . Thank you very much
All your videos have been very helpful. I read a response you gave to someone about letting their spouse remain in contact with the AP is almost like encouraging it. In my situation we all work in the same building and the AP works in the same department as him. We aren’t in the position to change departments or jobs. She said she’d leave but didn’t. I’m definitely not encouraging things but I feel there’s nothing I can do. My husband tries to reaffirm he wants nothing to do with her but to me it’s like dangling meat in front of a hungry lion. I don’t know what to do.
hi there. i'm sorry as that's a tough spot to be in for sure. i would have boundaries as best you're able to like if he talks to the ap at all, he will text or call or email you. or things of that nature to make sure that he's accountable to you when the inevitable happens.
I’m dealing with the same issue. My husband has decided to leave his job at the end of the year 🤷🏽♀️. We have set measures in place for if she’s tries to speak with him on none work matters. He is to call me, or step into a public place.
Do you have any videos about emotional and online infidelities? I can't find much info about coping with a spouses emotional affairs. I'm a betrayed spouse of an online+emotionally unfaithful spouse who doesnt think he's done anything wrong. He doesn't care how much its hurt me and doesn't understand why I can't get unstuck after 3 years. I need a video like that to show him and maybe he'll wake up and realize what hes done
Mrs.JK i hope he makes a video because I’m in the same Situation 🤦🏽♂️
They are treated the same ways. Betrayal is betrayal. Infidelity is infidelity. In many videos he elaborates and says "emotional, physical, and addictions"
Same here
Thank you for continuing to make these videos. I recommend them to others often. Still waiting for more Samantha videos! :)
working on it. she's been a bit sick so i need her healthy and then we can get her in to the studio more.
Great video. My wife doesn’t think what she did is wrong and she doesn’t care to recovery and tells me to stop watching videos and to get it already and just accept the divorce. 🙁
very sorry brother. i know it hurts like hell.
We are in EMSOnline. Is there a video that explains the unfaithful should bring it up without me, the betrayed, doing it? Is there one that has them apologize without feeling pulled to? I need more of her stepping up.
I think the course will address those issues progressively. obviously you're welcome to scan the videos and see what works or you Floyd. I don't know of any specific ones off hand, but i'm sure you can find some that will address your concerns. i do think that concern is normal and littered throughout the videos.
Hello Samuel! Great video and THANK YOU!!! It might be hard to believe but your videos are life saving. They give hope and encouragement on my darkest days! Do you do coaching? Or how do we get in contact with you for help? Please let me know, thanks!
so glad you're here. you can email me at samuel@hope-now.com my friend. thank you for the encouragement.
Same here
What if the unfaithful spouse says he’s pulling back from both the betrayed spouse and the affair partner? How does the betrayed spouse respond to that, also when there are children involved. Is it even worth trying? How do you get them to try again?
We tried counseling one day and then he went back I am so done
the last one you mentioned seemed to have came up. I know at one point I will need to have a talk with my partner about him bringing up old things and find some resolution. These things are not happening anymore. The last time he brought up the past, it hurt more. Probably because my self esteem took a big hit after the his confession. It has not happened much since but holding grudges doesnt seem fair especially when I have dealt with stuff from him. it seems like an ambush. I dont hold grudges myself because I dont like to and because I know the damage it can cause. but, I dont think he sees it the same way.
What if I had little physical attraction to spouse before and now none after? We have valuable connection, but I am just not there physically after having had such an intense and satisfying experience with someone else.
I feel like there is more infidelities that I do not know about. My partner waits years to tell me anything and its not the whole truth and it comes out a little at a time. He has so much independent behavior lives like he is single mean while im left to raise his 2 boys and my son. What I know of he cheated on my like 20 times through 8 years of our relationship, and ended up paying for sex in 2016 and he only told me in 2017 because of a health scare. So then it became all about his health scare. He wouldn't do the homework our therapist gave, but he would get on bitcoin, start a business, still is lying about all kinds of things and doesn't put in the personal work nor the relationship work. He will give me just enough hope of glimmer of change to keep me in the relationship but then boom right back at the same things and back to porn he says it ones every couple of weeks. I think that is BS. I just don't know how much longer I can hold on. I can't seem to heal and feel safe enough to do so. Right when I think things are taking a turn for the better bam here we go again. He just doesn't want to do what it will take to heal the relationship he didn't then and doesn't now. Everything is so much important then us, healing and making it better. I just feel like I might disappear, he just wants me around to raise his kids " be a live in baby sitter" while I'm also raising my son. I think its time that I just focus on myself and to hell with our therapists and trying. When I try it blows up in my face and I'm tired of giving and not getting the love and peace I deserve. I have to love myself more than loving him. I am in therapy to do that but it is just killing my spirit and my heart. I mean we jumped right in to what im doing wrong and my codependency I feel like our therapist favors him and I seem to keep getting shorted. idk I can't sleep right anymore and my health isn't all that great neither is my anxiety meanwhile he can sleep like a baby every night.
Thank you for being the best help out there. I an so gracious... I do have a question. Would it be smart to forward your videos to the unfaithful, or would that just push them further away? She is still with me but still pretty deep the fog.
thank you for your kind words. i'm not the best, just another voice giving it all i have my friend. i would ask her to watch them with you maybe to start and see how she likes them. perhaps you can watch one together and see how it sits with her.
You all are a blessing and my therapy. I believe my husband isn't in full disclosure. What do you think about a lie detector test?
i would absolutely support it in the right situation which sounds like yours may meet the need for it. i'm sorry it's gone that way for you. thank you so much for your kind words. i'm honored to be a part of your recovery.
I took a polygraph. I really believe it is truly beneficial for both the offender and betrayed. The offender needs this test. You need answers!
What if he says he wants to heal himself, recover from his depression but continues maintaining contact with the girl he cheated on me? (Despite having said to me that he loves me, misses me, thinks of me everyday and regrets what he did? And also said he wanted to talk later after being apart.)
Is he just using her to feel good and have some connection since he doesn't have me anymore?
I broke up with him and I'm on my own trying to heal myself... sometimes I'm fine sometimes I get triggered and feel disgust in imagining that he was sexualy involved with another girl, hurted for being replaced and anger for everything he did and the nerve to lie on my face.
if he is maintaining contact with the affair partner, then something is wrong and he's not safe. if he gets to maintain contact with the affair partner and you go along with it, in my opinion you're encouraging him to do so. it's concerning, as, if he wanted to pursue you, he would. i wouldn't chase him or pursue him but let him pursue you and then ask him to get help with you and see if that is a medium that helps bring you all closer. without expert help, i'm not sure he will be able to break away from the affair partner as it seems they are still pretty connected no? thanks for watching and commenting.
My husband is doing the same thing. He follows her on Instagram and facebook and talks to her everyday at work. He will not cut contact with his affair partner. We are going to couples counseling and have been for almost 3 months. He will not wear his wedding ring on his finger he wears it around a necklace around his neck and says he feels undeserving and doesnt know how to forgive himself. He will not tell me any details about the affair says that it will not make me feel better and that he learned it from experience from his past relationships so he doesnt want to tell me anything.
@@crimsondove3712 how did it turn out a year later?
My wife has been in an emotional affair for probably longer than I know about. She is an author and only has friends within her writing online community. She had me arrested a few months ago for domestic battery and disorderly contact then the next day, file a “protection order from abuse for her and my two children. Because if Covid, I still have no court dates, my attorney has quit and my wife acts as if she is the “estranged wife of an abuser.” And social media shows this. Is there any resources that you can point me in the direction of? It’s very tough going so long without any sort of legal communications with her or my children. I have been working on me though.
i'm so sorry nathan. as far as resources, the only ones that I know that would be helpful that we can provide is our harboring hope course for betrayed spouses found here: www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope it's an exceptional course and safe for you to heal with same sex betrayed males who are trying to make sense out of all the pain and agony.
Thank you so much! I think your last point hit a chord with me. My wife has held onto some communications that I sent my AP and she uses them to pour over and "understand" my mindset during the affair. I have asked her to get rid of these, and I have resentment that she continues to what I perceive as throw them in my face, when I'd rather just talk openly and not look at the accident scene pictures all over again. I know I need to let her process things in her own way, but somehow feel holding on to these things, including screenshots of text messages, just keeps holding us back. Maybe I am wrong, but how can I get her to see this aspect, or does my opinion need to change?
she will need an expert third party to hear it from most likely james. she won't hear it from you objectively as she will most likely think you are trying to get off easy and not have to confront yourself or talk about things, when that may not be actually what you're doing. but, i would try and enter into the discussion and communicate with her that you never want to send things like that again. ever. it is probably holding her back and you both ought to consider doing a bonfire somewhere and burning it all when she is ready.
James Jones Much respect to you James, for asking that question and considering that sometimes you have to change your mindset as well.
Anytime we live in the past 5 minutes or five decades, we are stuck. The time is spent, the word or action occurred, simmering/ruminating/pondering/rehashing, does nothing but cause pain in self and others. Paul talks about it a lot in the Bible.
Look the worst part is that my emotionally cheated wife's partner is our front door neighbor and i have a doubt that they still meet secretly.
What is the comprehensive list of reasons? Also how do ask my spouse to go an ems weekend. This is my last bit of energy I have left.
I hope I can get help. I'm just getting connected to this channel and I'm the unfaithful spouse. I'm stuck in number 5. I constantly feel anger and in that feel justified and so I realise that this is the main reason I'm stuck and can't move fwd. What can I do to get out of this?
i would consider this course here: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing you can start with this free 7 day course for more understanding: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp i would do those asap and work on discovering where your anger is coming from and how to address it in a way that's redemptive to you and your own pain as well as moving forward after you get through all this. doing your own work will help diffuse the anger.
What if the affair leads to a child? Does the affair child have to meet the children of marriage?
hi Rhonda. it's a tough one. it's on a case by case scenario. each family has to decide how to facilitate that in life. usually down the road it's almost inevitable right? as if you're going to stay married and salvage your family, it will take a strategy for long term healing and unity. early on, well it depends on custody etc.
Do you have any videos on emotional cheating? Idk if that's the right wording but basically no contact with the person expect through messages?
not sure you'll find one that says just 'emotional affairs' but the principles are the same in recovery. i think you'll find the information to relate to both emotional affairs and physical affairs...
Meagan Miller Try AffairRecovery EMS weekend. Infidelity is defined as the keeping of secrets.
Is there a way to get in contact with you?
Thank u for these videos how do I contact you
you can email affair recovery at info@hope-now.com and ask them to push the email to me.
I need help
Samuel, is there anyway I could get this videos spanish translated???
sorry, was on vacation, no clue my friend. i don't think so unless you did it or something. but we don't have any translation abilities yet.
hi samuel. after watching that I really want a process to work on. how can a get a tangible process.
start with the free bootcamp here: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp then give some thought to any of these courses on our site: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses I would also see if you can find a therapist that has been through infidelity before and is an expert in your local area.
The programs Samuel is suggesting are the best I’ve ever seen. And unfortunately we’ve been dealing with various forms of infidelity for 15 years. My uh and myself have been astonished at how incredibly insightful and effective the Affair Recovery curricula are. We did the Free Bootcamp, the EMS weekend (where we saw incredible healing and openness happen for couples and ourselves). Worth every penny if you can find a way to do it. It’s an essential investment in one of the most important things in your life-your marriage. Beg, borrow, or steal if you have to. (No, I am not advocating theft; it is just an expression to say: do what you can to make it happen.) You will not regret it. The staff at AR are the experts. (I hold a degree in clinical psych, so I know their research and methods are sound and valid.). Also, we even got to meet Samuel at our first day at the EMS weekend in January. Hello again, Samuel! Thank you for continuing to give back after all this time. I was so hoping we would get to see Samantha and I could hug her, but I understand you guys have a life and kids.
We are stuck right now with number five, particularly getting defensive over how I feel and him listening to be understood instead of listening to understand. If I suggest that I need to see more consistency or anything that hints as criticism, he suggests that nothing he’s done means anything, even though I have told him many times that I recognize and appreciate very much the effort he has made. I said it in front of a room full of people at EMS weekend. It’s maddening and I see him as so self-absorbed even still. We were doing very well following EMS, basking in the EMS-afterglow, and he was really making an effort to be safe for me. I felt so close to him. But now it’s as though he’s angry at me for what he’s done and that He thought things were better even though it’s not quite been six months and we just had an “anniversary” of one of his latest and longest affairs over Easter. I feel unsafe and I want to run away. We finished the after EMS, and we’re doing the married for life program; we each have couples counseling and individual counselors who are highly competent. However, we are still having issues with his defensiveness and impatience and seeking to be right. I feel he still just is not really “getting it.” I also feel like he is devoting a lot of his time and energy to his hobby right now, which I do resent, because it takes it away from me and Us when I feel I/we deserve it the most. He gets so angry at me if I even mention it being an issue for me, and he insists it’s a “very healthy coping mechanism” for him. Meanwhile I’m feeling lonely and neglected and unsafe. Neither of us have done the hope for healing or harboring hope programs. I plan to begin the harboring hope and hopefully he will do the hope for healing but either way I’ve got to heal myself. Anyway, thanks again for all you do and tell Samantha I love her, even though she doesn’t know me lol.
Its been.over 20 years 16 when the truth came out but 2 years later he for some reason brings it back up. Demanding things.. threatening. Ineed help. I've been. Trying so long and not sure what I really feel for myself
sounds like unhealed trauma my friend.
Overcoming Infidelity what can be done. I literally can't handle it anymore we have 3 kids now still at home they are girls 16-5 and I feel like they aren't fine be able to handle like the 2 boys that has moved in with college and thier own life.
@@amyhollman986 perhaps it's time to ask him to leave and draw some boundaries for you? if you can't handle it, it's vital you enforce your boundaries and take care of yourself and your girls.
#5 ding.
How do I let go of bitterness and resentment towards my betrayed spouse?
it's a combination of healing, repair work and a process. i would consider this course: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing i would also find an expert that can help you work through the layers of bitterness/resentment you're facing my friend. it's vital to process through it so you can ultimately heal and reconnect with them. it's more than possible but takes work and expert care.
All these years later do you really keep your relationship stuck in this recovery program? I am enjoying and learning a lot along with my husband watching these videos, and we plan to join a program. But sometimes when you talk about your wife it’s like y’all are still stuck in some portion of your mistake. Am I wrong? Does recovery really last a lifetime?
sorry, but that's not true. perhaps i've given examples that may seem that way but i'm simply being relevent in our info. it's not a lifetime.
Thanks for all you do. I am beginning to understand so much already. It’s different stages of maintenance, growth and learning; of many different aspects. I know we won’t be stuck here forever because we are putting in the work and effort. I found my answer in another video of yours. czcams.com/video/j1BU6EsGemg/video.html
We were doing good only to find he is stalking her...what after 2 months from d day...he said it was only about sex...why
Samuel please help. I don’t know which way to go. I found out 2 months ago that my fiancé has had a woman behind my back our entire relationship. I didn’t know the extent of it immediately, so may lies and denial. At first I found a screenshot of texts between them discussing having a sexual relationship. I asked him about it, he denied everything, said I didn’t understand etc. after 2 more days of denial and lies, I texted the woman. She came clean about most of it. When I confronted him the next day, he still denied it, lied incessantly, even when I had proof. I asked him to tell me everything and he told me nothing. Over the past 7 weeks he has answered questions but never sat down and just told me it all. I asked him too. He came over yesterday (we live over 2hrs apart) and started from the beginning basically of our relationship. I realize he never ended it with her. He never closed the door with her and continued to talk, text & have sex w her. I am devastated all over again. He is in counseling and going to a full week intensive course next week. We have talked about going to an EMS weekend but his counselor recommends him taking some time to do some personal growth first. So we are thinking of your June weekend.
Anyway... i love this man. But I realize that he has cheated on me from day one. I feel it is reflective of his character and this is who we are together. We have both listened to dozens of your videos. Accountability is impossible. He lives 2 hrs away and very close to this woman, and many other past girlfriends. It’s agonizing thinking of him so close to her... there is no accountability. I’m scared to death, I’m hurt, angry, devastated, disgusted, disappointed and feel like such a fool. Since he has been w her from day one of us (it was the woman he was seeing before me that he never ended things with)... is there any point of us trying to work through this? We don’t have kids (I’m recently divorced with two from that marriage). We were planning a wedding and seriously talking about having a child when All this came to light. I don’t want to be naive about this... he has childhood trauma turned into sex addiction that he realizes he needs to address, lack of self love and respect. So here I am, divorced with a world of opportunity in front of me and the man I fell in love with presents with this. Do I walk away, learn my lessons, heal and move on? Or do I stay and spend the rest of my life dealing with reminders and triggers?
Thank you
hi there again H. the reality is, you just don't know till you obtain expert care. i would not make any decisions till AFTER the ems weekend. i would also quite frankly, demand he attend the ems weekend with you and if he is not willing to attend, at some level, that's a message right there. if he's willing to get expert help and if he's willing to go as deep as he can with you and with the experts at our weekend, then i'd see how it goes. i think what you'll probably need to consider doing is attending the ems weekend in june, then giving it some time for the protocol to work and seeing how it goes. the therapists at the weekend are true experts and can help you both gain incredible ground in recovery, but it won't come without a commitment to do what they say and implement the approach they recommend. IT'S MORE THAN POSSIBLE, but honestly, not without this level of help. you're not stupid, or naive for wanting to give it a shot and see if it can be saved. not at all. but, if you give him another chance, WITHOUT getting expert help, then i'm fearful you may be naive and missing some clear cut signs that something is wrong and that you'll need to go deeper in the situation. i hope that makes sense to you. ((i'm so glad you're on the vlog as well and watching the videos.)) you're incredibly brave or being willing to give him another shot and that's more admirable than you can imagine. not stupid, not deceived, admirable.
I just had a baby 5months ago and while my betrayed is breast feeding I'm working 70hours a week only 1 day off. The only way i can see fully committing is taking time off. I'm ready to commit though, how should i go about this?
there are a few options. here are our online options to help you both heal: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses if you feel coming to be with us in person is a better option...you should consider our ems weekend intensive: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend see what you think and we can talk more.
I want to be able to do full disclosure...but I am afraid. Can you suggest anything ~ I dont want to hurt him any more than I have already done.... please help ~ muchly appreciated
here's a series on it my friend: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/surviving-infidelity-discovery-part-1 (four part series))
@@samshealingpodcast thank you so much !!
Every single day you withold full disclosure from him hurts even more then getting the truth. It's traumatizing and torturing him with intrusive thoughts and image's that may not even be true but his mind is trying to understand. It's actually helping stop his pain if he can just think about what happened instead of all of the possible things that may have happened every hour, minute and second of every single day you wait is absolute torture for him. I speak from experience of 3yrs now and I still don't have the full truth of her betrayal and affairs spreading over 22yrs. She hasn't spared me of pain of knowing like she claims she is doing thinking it's best for me just like you. And it's torture
Everything you said was true, about me the unfaithful spouse. I can let go of the reasons why I cheated. I didn’t know that until I watched your video. My problem is the reason why I did it are still going on right now. How do I move forward and she is doing the things that cause me to go outside in the first place.
First of all, she didn't "cause" you to go outside of the marriage. All marriages have disfunction, but only cheaters justify the disfunction as a reason to go outside the marriage. You had several other options, you could have told her you were struggling to stay sexually faithful, you could have gone to therapy to seek other solutions instead of cheating. The fact that you think her behavior caused your infidelity shows you are not in a place where you will recover and also shows you are untrustworthy. If she is engaging in behaviors that are problematic, ask if she will go to couples therapy so you can both address issues in the marriage. Your cheating issue is the biggest issue that needs to be addressed FIRST!
That's that's kind of funny You don't want to make a commitment To nobody who's gonna say the same thing you're saying, and You stopped the divorce and I feel stock. Because he went back to her. So I'm sitting here wondering. What do I do now got any advice?
I’ll never tell my spouse. How do I heal and stop hating myself?
here's a course that will help you: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing i would also see a professional that specializes in this sort of care.