Of Course You've Messed Up
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- čas přidán 24. 09. 2019
- This is a film for those moments when we (again) hit rock bottom, when we're back in that old familiar place where nothing feels right, we hate ourselves and the future looks bleak. It's so easy to be sad - but maybe there could be another option? Maybe we could learn to make friends with despair and move beyond it...
FURTHER READING
You can read more on this and other subjects here: bit.ly/2mrQzhy
“Maybe you’ve crashed again - and you’re in the dark familiar place. As ever, one mess-up reminds you of all the fiascos you’ve generated in the past and, more broadly, of your fundamental idiocy and - beyond that - the doubtful nature of your entire existence.
The next steps from here are well known: retreat, despair, flagellation, feeling yet smaller, ever greater doubt and deeper self-loathing. You have mined this cavern expertly over the years. Maybe - before this latest mini catastrophe - you’d been feeling a bit stronger, you’d come to expect a little more of life. As if! This is a return to reality; you are back now where you assume you belong, the sad subterranean place from which you should have never have sought to escape…”
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Noelle Smith Design
www.noellesmithdesign.com/
Title animation produced in collaboration with
Vale Productions
www.valeproductions.co.uk/
"we aren't uniquely awful, we just know ourselves unusually well" .... Mind-blowing
yes! that stuck with me, too! So to the point!
Yea those r the words wich r truly mind blowing😅
@@lovepeaceisneverguaranteed7385 :)
@@sofiatsiakalou1405 ya, :)
If someone had told me that when I was younger, my shame and loneliness wouldn't be as deep
If we would treat ourselves as gently as we treat a friend or a child that has messed up, we would instantly feel better.
I mean, think about it. We talk to ourselves the way we would never speak to a friend or a kid...
It's though when you had a hard childhood though, because you're used to be treated as trash or humiliated by your parents - repeating the same actions towards yourself.
Rea Kariz they already talked about this. You should check that episode and every other they have.
@@G0thicwitch yep , and U think it's normal cuz the closest ppl in Ur life -parents - treated U that way.
Abuse is programmed into you like anything you learn... and so you learn to tear your own self apart long after your "teachers" are gone having done that to you.
yeah, right. Sometimes everything is so bad and all I can do it blame for myself,although that's not exactly my fault, and then after nothing changes, I still feel painfully :(
I forgot the way to talk to myself gently
Not taking the ego’s drama seriously is liberating.
Allin Watts absolute understatement, definitely worth it.
Love that
Alan watts is very good
true. so much drama our egos do
Makes me want to picture my ego as a drama queen with a whiny voice and legit make fun of her anytime I start to fall into drama. As in « oh God here comes Cindy again let’s chill a bit, stop overthinking this and have a mojito ».
“Life is amazing. And then it's awful. And then it's amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful it's ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That's just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it's breathtakingly beautiful.”
― L.R. Knost
Unless Edgar A. Poe buried you still thrashing about. C'mon get happy.
Thank you for sharing such a lovely quote.
Bruh
-L.R. Knost
Terror isn't something I normally associate with beauty.
💯
I needed this so badly. So badly. I was weeping while watching the entire video. I sure hope failure is just another reminder of having to tell my story a different way.
Hugs to all who are struggling like me. You're amazing, you can get past this and make even better memories. Learn, move past these obstacles and believe in yourself.
Thank you for sharing! Failure doesn't mean the end, it's actually the beginning to new and better opportunities :)
❤️
Virtual hug from me too!
Hang in there, friend 💛 We're all just winging it.
Virtual hug 🤗
God these videos always hit home
Agreed
Absolutely.
Absolutely true.
Sometimes a bit too close.
Where exactly do they hit you?
Me with anxiety: oh shit did I mess up that night
CZcams algorithm:
As a professional self saboteur, as someone who has destroyed a loving relationship, who gave up on my friends and family, who never invested firmly in nothing, this video hits me hard, but it was enjoyable to feel human again.
enjoy the journey bro, as if you have chosen to live in this character for this lifetime. it's tragically funny when you view it from this angle
Aye man, I'm currently in the same position. I've messed in my relationship and I also lost all my friends in the process. It is safe to say that I'm in my rock bottom. Did your life improved in those 2 years? Is there hope?
@@WhatTheKorayThere has to be, right? Right...?
@@Synthpopper Aye man, throughout these four months I had professional help (Not meds), reached out to some of the friends whom I haven't talked to in a while and improved myself by reading books, watching things and talking with people.
I remember how it was 4 months ago and I can say that, yes, it eventually gets better.
I made friends (kinda, not much but it's enough for me), I am in a relationship rn but still I'm in the healing process. These things take time. Trust the process boiz and trust yourselves.
This is happening to me right now, i swear my life is some sort of extended version of bipolar, a couple of weeks ago i was on top of the world now i feel hopelessly like shit, iv'e been here many time before it never get's easier, infact in many aspects it gets harder but somehow i manage to turn it around and everything will be amazing again for a while, i remind my self this every time, but everytime i also think yeah great i always find a way but this time there really is no way! hopefully i can pull this shit off again.
Mine is a bit of a valley flat out. Lol. But yes, the feeling that there must be a way is still there.
I've been through that, and sometimes I still do. What I did was embracing whatever I was feeling and finding some time to just sit there and let time pass when I was in a bad state, because if I did anything in that state of mind I would not have enjoyed it. Perseverence and therapy are what did it for me. I am in a very creative moment right now, I went to a festival and pushed my boundaries a bit further... All of this made me feel a bit less hopeless and consequently more serene, alongside the realization that success and joy are different for everyone, that there is no right way of achieving them and that what I do as an artist is legit because I like it and I follow my sentiment.
I feel exactly the same. there are days when I feel just awesome and I could get everything done. And then there are the days when everything is awful.. it's like there is no inbetween anymore..
If something bad happens I try to stay positive about it as good as I can.. because I know, that I can figure it out somehow.. but it feels like that everyday more and more bad things happen.. and I give more and more hope away.. and I don't know how many hope is still there and how much I can give.. maybe my mug of hope is someday empty..
@@chiaramarker I think that one way to cope with that would be to accept that you are currently doing what you can. Set loose goals that matter to you but try to detach yourself from them a bit, so that if things go wrong you don't feel hopeless again. Shit happens, so suffer through it and move on to things that give you joy or that make you grow. It takes time to achieve such a state of mind, and it doesn't always work all the time but I think it is a good starting point to get some serenity back. All of our struggles go away when we die, living people won't witness how we live after we have died (if we do), we don't know what comes after. So we better just try to feed our brain what we prefer, accept what we don't (which is hard but doable) try to live a decently happy life and be grateful for what we have. I have always had some privileges compared to other people who are born dirt poor and in conditions that I probably would struggle to get out of, but I think that this philosophy can be applied by anyone. Sorry for the long comment.
I am an expert at beating myself up, but I also understand that it is hypocritical on my part: if I were really interested in the desired result that I failed at achieving, I wouldn't waste my energy and would try to find out how to do better. There is an interesting blog post written by Seth Godin on the fact that we would never treat someone who works for us the way we treat ourselves.
"A politely giant f**k you to the universe"- best quote I have probably ever come across....😂😂😂
Amen to that 😇
Love it.
Maybe it's, no...
It's *that* is the way to live life.
This channel and the comment section are like a support system I never had
I know, man, I know. Here for you if you need to talk :)
Thanks. Oddly enough, my dad and I just had a rare honest talk at 3 in the morning hoping to work through our issues. It's just as difficult as they say it is.
@@hawwtpocket9366 wow! Nice. Those talks are usually rare and difficult! Who initiated it? Did you guys communicate in a good, healthy way? Did it help?
My dad came to me wanting to say something so we both sat on my bed and attempted a calm, genuine effort to communicate. He struggles to express his thoughts clearly and I tried my best at implementing what I've learned about listening and communicating from the School of Life and other channels. What I can say with confidence is that we know more about each other than we did yesterday and we're more conscious of how to help each other out. One step at a time.
@@hawwtpocket9366 that's beautiful news. Baby steps, but important steps! I hope everything works out for you, and that you can both find peace. Keep strong :)
“We aren’t uniquely awful, we just lnow ourselves unusually well”.
"Hello darkness, my old friend"
“Bits of semi incoherent, semi conscious, suffering bits of biological matter pinned to a spinning rock near a fading star; without a clue as to how to conduct ourselves meaningfully”
Before anything else we should first be better friends to ourselves
Exactly that's the truth of life.
How do they upload the greatest content when I actually need it??
I know right??!!!
Same here...
Because we always need all of it. It's the school of *_life_* after all.
Same here it’s like the universe is looking out for me
Same here too! And this is not the first time it happened for me with this channel
I think school of life is stalking us...
I think more or less he was You at some point in his past
So true!!! 😳
Same my g... but ig that's the very reason this channel has been so helpful to me
Same.
Same here mate!
I think you’ve saved more than a few lives with this video, including mine. All I can say is thank you.
Yo i needed this. I was going thru immense shame and guilt and this really helped ! Glad to see im not alone on this one
Same. Hang in there!
Yea... We all have that moment of messed up, yet we still survive it.. ofc we will again in the next wave, hopefully
please i dont speak english, its hard for me to undestand, can u explain in simpler way way he is trying to say
It's liberating to realize that shame and guilt is amplified by your brain's distorted narrative of self blame that does not look at other factors besides saying it's an inherent flaw on your end. In reality, we are so conditioned and in a way partially predisposed to making the mistakes that we do that we do not consider the other factors. I found out I was autistic a month or two ago and it was such a revelation to me and explained why I have struggled socially and mentally more than most. It has eased a lot of the burden of self blame and also looking and validating past trauma makes me realize it's not because I am inherently bad but rather genetics and conditioning played a heavy hand. It is like the other video on self forgiveness that The School of Life did where they said so much of mistakes we make is due to foul luck that others in our situations would have done the same errors in. It also shows how ego based a lot of guilt and shame is, because it takes the already assumed narrative of "I am bad, sick, unworthy, etc" (that we likely learned from previous abuse and misunderstanding) and then uses your mistakes as fuel for you to replay that ego story. Learning this has removed so much off my shoulders. I can't with certainty say things are just because of me being bad, that's a huge assumption and not true in the slightest. Hope this helps someone else.
The best advice I could give to the youth, as a middle aged man who's made far too many mistakes to justify.
Look for the lesson in Your mistakes, dont feel as if its all over because You messed up, learn from it & try harder afterwards.
Typically God will hit us where it hurts to get us back in line with our true authentic nature, only because we are loved.
Tough love from the source of all creation
love you guys. you can do this i believe in you. keep your chin up & lets create a better future for humanity
I don't know how to become stronger from breaking a Hella expensive new cattle, but I'll try, thank you!
I needed this. More than you could ever imagine
God hits us where it hurts? He also told Moses to hit babies heads against the rocks after pillaging a town and enslaving their women. I guess that's hitting them where it hurts. All of the surviving Abrahamic religions say something about killing the infidels. I guess that's hitting them where it hurts?
A must watch on How you are just a container in life czcams.com/video/vdwR6sVRulk/video.html
Failure is inevitable in anyone's life, but if you can grow and progress from it, it's no longer a failure, but just another step in your journey to success
This strategy helped me through a terrible breakup. I stopped beating myself up and starting comforting my inner child. In no time I had forgiven myself.
i tried but i still feel like shit
please help me
@@deathcab3935 hi are u ok
@@deathcab3935 HUGS YOU🥺
How?
I've had a shit day at my new job sofar. I really needed to hear that.
I feel the same tho :"( . We must keep supportive each other to survive!
yea feeling the same. i hope we can get better eventually!
@Climpy Haha, always that one guy.
Your day is never created all by yourself. Especially at work.
Hang in there...
Messed up exam today. How does The School Of Life magically know what's happening in my life.
well ive got exam tomorrow, im just in time so I wont mess my exam tomorrow.
Me too!!
Sorcery
How did you mess up? Tell us your woes.
Right! I just messed up a job interview and really needed this. This channel really is the best.
Nothing really matters. Everything will eventually fade away.
This video is aimed as aid in the first steps towards the winter blues
Haha it's hitting hard
It's a real thing :/
Me in the Southern Hemisphere😶
*descending :(
Oh no, it's already started
***descending lol
Just had a really rough past few days because I made some mistakes that cost me friends and this video has me sobbing in the first 33 seconds. Love that.
Bless you my ASC Camerados. Take it easy out there.
I’ve been consistently seeing a psychologist for talk therapy every week for almost a year now and she call this “reframing.” It works really well once the subconscious accepts it to be at least a tiny bit true. It just takes repetition. I hope you’re all doing well and please don’t ever give up!
I've never been to therapy but I think it's time to start. After I get a steady income, I'll pull the trigger.
Thanks for the advice, I hear there's a lot of methods to impress upon the subconscious. I'm going to try them out
"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default." - JK Rowling
@@modigbeowulf5482 WTF????🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@popsmokeandghost2416 I imagine they meant "It's how we learn". :)
@Flying Solo j.k. rowling may be a tad bitch recently but she deserves any agency to be quoted for
@Alvaro CAro It does seem to be the correct hypothesis
@Flying Solo Damn, are you one of the authors?
being 30 and have never done anything abhorrently wrong the universe or myself has found a way to hit me hard multiple times a day because of it. Making no mistakes has made me boring and im warming up to taking chances without much fear. going to go bungie jumping and ask out people!
Messing up is human! It's par of the course. The intelligent ones accept it and move one while most of us keep punishing ourselves for past mistakes.
Just add this - the intelligent accept mistakes, learn from them and then move on.
This why I stopped trying to act cool, cuz I always end up messing up anyway
That's what happened to me today.
"We aren't uniquely awful. We just know ourselves uniquely well." Ahh exactly what I wanted right now
Everyone makes mistakes. What's important is to learn from them and improve 😊👍
And not to be a complete piece of shit. That is actually most important thing of them all.
Received an email last night saying i was not accepted even though i passed the application test projects and the onboarding interview. Then i felt so down thinking which part i failed after giving all my best. Flashbacks all my failures from my shitty childhood to messed up adulthood. Been thinking that no matter how hard i try, it was NEVER ENOUGH. Suddenly i'm in that dark place again of giving up on life and start suicidal thoughts.
Then i saw this video. I've been struggling with postpartum anxiety. This felt like a virtual hug. Thank you TSOL! Life is already a b*tch, you don't have to be unto yourself. Virtual hugs for everyone! ❤️❤️❤️
don't go doing anything too crazy...
....we need you!❤
❤️
Now I know what I forget: "to embrace my idiocy". Thank you TSOL, I'm back on track.
you got this
This might be the best one yet. Pretty much covers it all!
Plus, hilarious animation and funny content sure make life's ridiculousness easier to swallow!
I loved the animation too.
I agree!!!
What triggers your moments of despair? If you like our films be sure to click the like button, subscribe, turn on notifications and share them with friends to help our community grow.
Forgot to pin this
“the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” - Henry David Thoreau
Life is found between the contrasts, because it doesn't care whether you feel high or low, good or bad.
*Life just is and that's the beauty of it.*
be kind to yourselves, life isn’t that serious.
U r here too..nice to see u though
@@afrozeafreen4804 Salutations
Life isn't serious, that's the point. I feel the worst when I take life too seriously
Life isn't that serious... Thanks man, I needed that reminder. Its powerful if you really let it sink in!
@@h3arty everything is temporary, in the future you are already dead 🤣
Here's to the glamour of giving myself a break, an art I am yet to master.
@@westsidesmitty1 That is very insightful. Thank you for sharing!
To everyone here in the comment section... Have a good day.
Giving myself a break is something Ive only recently learned to do after decades of torment....In many ways Ive also just given up but at least Im more relaxed now...
Well said! Life is like building a sandcastle, it will fall apart, and you better just enjoy creating it.
👌
i always thought it was a funny coincidence when people were like - hey this video came to me at the right time, just when i needed it !! but today that really happened to me so i'm pretty grateful rn. i dont have anyone really to turn to who i feel comfortable sharing my problems with, even to those i love a lot and claim to trust more than anyone in the world so it makes me feel really lonely from time to time but videos like this really do help in giving me the right kind of advice and reassurance that my friends could give. i cant tell if its because they just dont know how to give this sort of advice or if they just dont care about me enough but i try to assume its the former because thinking that it's the latter just makes me really sad.
i messed up today. i think i have some kind of social anxiety, i'm so self conscious i get nervous and cant even make eye contact to talk to strangers so im just a shy loser around people i dont know. and usually this isnt a huge problem because i'm fine with friends i have but i just started uni and making new friends is so difficult. i just sat there with 3 other people on this table and i could barely even speak to them. i just smiled and whenever i did say something it wasnt heard very well. the people i was with were really nice and all and i genuinely wanted to be friends and show them how funny n great i can be but :( when it comes to doing it i just mess up. i mess up so bad and it makes me hatemyself. i cried in the car back home and i cry as i type this because i just want to be able to do something like socialising normally but i cant. and it makes me feel so useless.
i know the mess ups this video was probably referring to are much worse because those people definitely aren't still thinking about how awkward i am but that's just how i saw it.
i really do wish i wasnt like this but at least hearing stuff like this doesn't make me wanna blame myself so much, so thank you. i dont know why i decided to rant in a youtube comment no one will read but it's nice to get my feelings out somehow i suppose.
Keep improving step by step i assure you will get over all your soul cringing personal issues.
Have you ever told your loved ones that "you are a loser.I hate you because you have social anxiety " ... No right? Then why do you use that for yourself? They are human beings , so are you. If you mess up in front of someone,what worse could happen? Will you go to jail for the crime of making someone feel awkward or you feeling awkward in front of someone? No right? Become solution oriented. What's the solution? Practice ,Practice and practice. Find another buddy who also has some social anxiety. Now you guys work together as a team. And day by day , you will definitely improve . All the best.
Just wanted to say , i can relate to this very much 😞
There's a lot of shit in this world that if you try to understand will make you go crazy.....
Good one, thank you
Sometimes when I hit rock bottom I realize 2 things:
1. I usually always tend to think the only tool I have is a shovel and I can indeed keep going lower
2. I tend to have a pretty great support group to pull me out!
How did they know I needed this? Just 2 weeks ago my first girlfriend of 2 years broke up due to my inability to treat her right. I'd always be passive aggressive and shutdown when I was frustrated. I treated her like a guy friend and joked around too much and put her down in the process. She tried to tell me that I needed to change in the past and I always agreed and said that I would get better just to get get that short term amount of happiness for both of us without taking the time to actually realize and fix my mistakes. I love her and I always will, and I still hope we'll have another chance. But lately I've been filled with guilt and regret. I threw something seemingly perfect away for absolutely no reason. This really helped me. I still feel guilty and extremely idiotic for my failure to see how badly I was acting. But this video lessened that load I've been dragging around with me.
You will move on all the better for it all.
Its okay man. Learn from it and move on, that relationships sacrifice was not in vain, because u wemt thru it, u stand in a better position for the relationship ur going to go into. All the best.
I really needed this....it made me laugh
Struck me when you said
"We are not awful, we just know ourselves unusually well...."
This one had me in tears. Good work, awesome humans who make the School of Life a thing. Thanks for everything you do.
Going through something similar like this at work, where I feel like a doll discarded and uncared for by my previous owner, and I’ve been learning to tune out and be better through these times. Thank you for the timely video!
Needed to hear this and it forced me to remember that after every catastrophe, there was an upswing. And in hindsight, the "catastrophe" was simply an overreaction to a surmountable situation. Thanks for a "sane" reminder not to go into my cavern...I was just about to pull my blanket over my head 😅
This is a good follow up to “How to be confident” or the article “Aphorisms of confidence”
I needed this, thanks 🙏🏻
I feel this channel was created to address my issues at the moment they emerge! Thanks School of Life ❤️🙏.
I have had a bad day, a lot of times when i have a bad day i come home and watch a video here (am rewatching some of my favourites, this is one of them) although i watched it before, it always surprises me everytime watching one here about how much Alain talks as if he knew what i was feeling. This channel literally is art. The writing and Alain's soothing voice, and the beautiful animation. Really i am grateful for the comfort it brings me.
I swear this channel reads my mind! I really needed this right now, and knowing I’m not alone makes me feel so much better :)
We should show more love to ourselves because we are worthy, and we’re special!
These videos always pop up whenever I’m feeling down about the very thing the video is about. Weird but helpful.
On time!
Needed this so much thanks ❤️
Thank you for once again for helping me escape a dark tunnel in my mind and showing me that I had the answers all along thru the power of compassionate objectivity. This channel has proven to me the power a CZcams channel can have in the most profound way! You can’t imagine. Thank you.
You are a source of so much relief, thank you exist. Please never stop, so many if not everybody out there needs to learn more about our emotions and feelings
This was a very nice video, way better than the usual. I really liked how it went into very dark places, it feels more real that way.
I keep making bad decisions for the past few days then suddenly this video popped up in my notifications.
so was watching it another bad decision???
Same 😊
I loved your point near the end, but, my single mother hasn't been very compassionate to me and I feel like I've abused the patience of my friends since I'm down so frequently. When it comes to seeking a friendship with men, it has all worked out. I trust my guy friends. But I have a lot of trouble with women. I feel like all of them want to distance themselves from me because I'm not good enough, but I know this comes from my rocky relationship from my mother. At this point, I just feel down and confused, and feel like I'm doomed to be girl friendless and single for the rest of my life, but your video was heartwarming to me. Thank you.
You have no idea how helpful your videos are to those who do not have other things to turn to when it gets tough. Thank you so much, School of Life.
Am I the only person here who thinks they understand what is being said here, but is having that hardest time trying to implement this kind of action in their lives? I love watching and hearing what this video has to say, but now I'm stuck at how to I beat my doubts, despair, and sadness. Its like regardless of what I learn or pick up from videos or writings like these, I still end up on the same path to the hole of despair.
Thank you SOL for brilliant writing and illustration work. “...suffering biological matter pinned to a spinning rock near a fading star...” is GOLD.
Finally we are not hopelessly in our lives!! I know my flaws pretty well and I blame myself a lot, now I know I can be tender to myself as other people are messed up as well... Thank you
I can't express how much I needed this today. Thank you.
I’ve been struggling with my low self-esteem and also constantly worrying about what would other people think of me if i do this or if i do that. I’m 21 now and don’t know when exactly it begins, but i think i was like this since i was much younger.. Nowadays I’m working on to put myself first, listen to my inner voice and always try to remind that no one really gives a shit about me and my problem if it wouldn’t affect them personally. In this way, my life has been so much easier and I just wanted to write a comment about this slight change in me. Anyway, thank you for uploading nice videos and if there’s someone seeing this comment who‘s going through a hard time with their own insecurities, I just want to say that there is always silver-lining, and remember to treat yourself as if you are the only person that you have to care about. Wish you all good luck!
Nice!
The timing and relevance of this video is scary!
The video is amazing and the comments reassure me that I am not the only person feeling that way. Thank you ❤️
this video couldn't have been timed better... thanks.
The title is like a personal attack on my life choices.
Seriously needed this right now
Best video I've seen this year. Thank you
I just can't believe the timing that this video was published i.e. today - when I need it the most. God knows I need to hear this.
There aren't words to properly express my gratitude for this video.
💜💜💜
how bout "i love you"
Just what I needed today: a slice of mordant humor. The perfect antidote to the perfect weather laughing in my tearstained face.
Oh My! How aptly put!!!! Thank you! And the illustrations are wonderful, as always!😊
Has always The School of Life shines a new light, a light of hope at the end of the tunnel, thank you for the content you create
Don't mind me yelling into the void; but if you're reading this, i sincerely hope you're okay, i wish you the best, and i wish that you can forgive yourself and learn to be better. Also have a good night's sleep
I pulled through, I don’t even know how, but I did. Managed to go to exams and complete assignments, and even went out with my class out for a hookah and we all spoke, and said everything that bothered us. We always underestimate just how much speaking can help you. And I remember I managed to smile on my way home because I managed to go out and I had a good time with them. I will always love that day, because it helped me start to get back on track.
There was one thing I knew when I came out of that funk - I didn’t want that to happen, ever again. I couldn’t keep taking pills and keep crashing as soon as the treatment was over. I started asking myself how I could manage to achieve that high and calm without resorting to them. There was a point where I understood one thing - medication was a huge catalyst in getting better, but it was never going to be the be-all, end-all. The reason so many of us are in this situation, and so deeply sick, is not just because of chemical imbalances, but mostly because of situations we are in and things that happened to us we were never prepared to face.
The real change started happening when I rolled my sleeves up and started digging through the shit in my head, and deconstructed all of my cognitions, one by one. Simple, bite-sized actions and principles I applied, one after another.
Anyone toxic - I cut them from my life. Just stopped speaking to them. I ended a friendship because of that and it was painful, but it was worth it. I have no more resentment now, I just think it was a good thing I ended it.
No matter how important you think something is, sleep is more important than that. Severe sleep deprivation triggered my epilepsy, along with intense internalization of negative feelings.
When I felt like I was going low again, it was time to get busy. Specifically, with things I knew were calming to me. I listened to music, I played guitar, I wrote a book, I wrote in a journal, I got on Duolingo and practiced a language, cleaned the house. Anything demanding of focus and work. Despite what tumblr relaxation and self care masterposts tell you, these are not times to relax, meditate or go for a walk. You give your shitty mind green light to go haywire and turn against you. Get to work, sister.
I got off social media, and you should try it too. Detox what you use regularly if you can’t afford to delete everything, and do delete what you use too rarely. Snapchat, Whatsapp, Viber, Twitter, Pinterest, Dubsmash, Instagram, all gone now. I have my Facebook for university information, but it’s my last year and I’m counting the days until I can get rid of the motherfucker. Even so, my posts and photos are deleted and I’m inactive. I don’t scroll, I don’t check other people’s profiles, nothing. I use my email accounts for everything, and use CZcams for music, and since it has educational value to me, it can stay.
I can go on and on. I prioritized some things over others, and then one wonderful thing happened - I started to see a potential future for me. When I started filtering everything, there were certain things that started standing out.
I always loved music. Any table corner was a piano for me as a kid, I played violin with a book and a pen, played guitar on brooms and banged on imaginary drums. I managed to convince my mother to buy me a cheap guitar when I was 12 after a looooot of begging. She thought I’d get sick of it. I played it on and off and forgot about it for almost a year. And then I came back to it. Big deal, right?
And after that, I didn’t forget about it. I kept coming back to it, and the love for music kept on growing. It feels rather stupid that I ignored it for so long. The love for it grew on me without stopping until a few months ago it flashed bright red before my eyes and practically smacked me in the head. “You idiot!” And i’m starting to accept that this is what I want to do. Fingers crossed for when I tell my folks about it. I’ve always been self taught, so I got a lot of work to catch up on, but Bob Ross said it well, huh? Anything I am willing to practice, I can do.
It’s really no joke when people say how much lifestyle changes can help you manage your disorders. What I wrote above aren’t rules set in stone. When I say studying philosophy helped me think more globally and ignore petty things, which ultimately ended up helping me with my debilitating anxiety a little bit, someone else might turn their nose at it. They are just things that worked for me.
It’s dizzying to actually witness so much changing so fast. Looking back at it, I think teenage angst and hormonal thunderstorms were quite possibly a huge factor in my depression. I keep making EEGs and my doctors keep encouraging me, and telling me that my results are getting better and better. I’m not actually epileptic, it was just a somatization of a lot of things that were building up.
The video “The Importance of a Breakdown” has helped give me a completely new perspective on the crisis that 2017 seizure was, it made the significance of it turn around, quite simply. It’s also helped me learn to be a little more patient with myself on the grey days, to pull through, and appreciate the highs so much that they simply start to feel ecstatic.
The other day, a professor asked what change means to us in a brainstorming session, and I said: “crisis”. And she said at the end of it, “Well, to some, change is good, to other it’s a crisis, like you said.” And I answered: “I never meant to say a crisis was negative.” And that surprised her, quite noticeably. And that video you posted was a direct influence on what I said that day, and I wholeheartedly meant it and believed in what I said. Inspirational change very rarely lasts, the critical and desperate change is what is truly valuable. It’s only a matter of cognition and trying to realize it and make a choice to move in a positive direction.
In that same class, we had a game, where each one of us, sitting in a circle, would take turns to describe one of us with a single word, while we were not allowed to disprove or comment anything until it was over.
Now, we’ve had similar games before. People mentioned I could be cool, and that I had valuable things to say that I should be saying more often, that I was creative, but that was I also could be harsh and closed off, aggressive and hard to deal with.
And when this game happened, at worst, people said neutral things. Not closed off, just private. Also nerdy, loving, erudite, energetic, realistic, and so on. I could barely wait until I got home and just started crying happy tears. Because it meant I really did it. I managed to get better, and multiple people said how I changed in my third year. How I was calm, more patient, more positive, joked more and had a completely different aura about me. People I never spoke with in the previous years wanted to be friends with me.
And I would like to thank School of Life for doing what they are doing, because with a little critical thinking and some additional help from a psychology degree, I managed to strategically apply things I read and watched published by you, and it always felt like a healing little puzzle piece adding up to my soul. I feel the care and the dedication you put into these things, because they really do feel powerful, they are not made simply for views and popularity and shock value. The things you do are so valuable, and were part of what made me be able to be sane, alive, and writing this. And this video… this video is simply so impactful to me that I felt the need to vent this out. I started writing this the day this video was published, but I only got around to posting it now, but it all adds up to one big THANK YOU.
@@jewelsofpeace friend! i'd hug you so tight if i could. thank you for taking the time to read such a long and impulsive/emotional mess above and also for taking the time to write this out and sharing it. this comment section seems to be the right place to do it.
If it feels hard to practice self love, you can start by practicing self acceptance. It feels like a more natural step to learning to love yourself. Being anxious and feeling suffocating guilt over small things is a reality for me, but a thing i realized is that at one point, it should be enough to simply acknowledge we have made mistakes, and feeling sorry for them for too long will keep us from moving on or actually making steps towards being better people, so long as you actually try to. "Let pain teach you, let pain leave you."
i want to wish you good luck on your path to self love, you magnificent human. simply trying to strive for better things accounts for so much of the progress you'll achieve. you're in for an adventure, and i believe in you!
[also, have you looked into journaling to help manage negative thoughts? writing whatever is bothering you down on paper helps ease things. and i say paper, since it's far too easy to press delete on a laptop, for example. it also feels performative, in my experience. you get too busy trying to write a pretty sentence, but it's not the point. it's supposed to be ugly and instant. you have to write it and let it stay there and forget it ever existed.]
The subterranean cavern really got me. That's the perfect description for what I withdraw into whenever life gets too hard for me - being always hypervigilant and full of stress hormones due to trauma, the outside world seems like it's out to get me. I've dissociated for lengthy periods in my life because life is so painful
Try to love yourself don't give into negative thoughts medidation can help u to stay focus on the positive in life even if don't see it now try to be grateful that u have a life.
Thank you school of life. It's like your messages come exactly when I need them!
Your work helps so many people.
Thank you.
This was pretty helpful thank you :)
Stahp reading my mind!
My God I love this.
It makes a tiny difference.
It frames everything so much better.
Genuinely
Thank You !!!
Hello School of Life, I just want to say that I appreciate the captions you've placed for every video, it conveys things a lot easier for those who was better than listen. Thanks for that, and grey content as usual.
This is great, how every corner of human behaviour were explained, after getting low marks in my boards exam I completed my graduation from not so good college and was depressed about it, later thought of clearing the toughest exam in India (ias) I failed in my 2 attempts, I felt shameful, annoying, and all sorts of emotions emerge like pendulum swings in my mind 😢😢😭😭but ya , now I am moving on life is more precious I have grown as an intellectual I discover my genuine interest in writing and reading helping etc.
Asmita Pandey Hey asmita,my journey is quite similar to you and at times I feel that I have completely messed up my life/career but I am so glad that you have decided to move on from this negativity and do what genuinely makes you happy.My best wishes are with you!
In my opinion you shouldn't have quit.I know someone who didn't give up. He gave 5 attempts for ias and cleared in the 6 th. He is now an ips officer. He was from a very simple college as well.
And just to tell my experience, I gave 4 jee main attempts and in the first two I got very low marks. But I didn't give up. Yes I also had really bad mental breakdowns but I still tried. In the 3rd and the 4 th attempts, I improved by 9 percentile. Which made my rank go really high up. Now preparing for jee advanced. It still beats the shit out of me , seating for 6 hours is tough but I still won't give up because you know why? Failure isn't fatal . I learned from the first 2 attempts and worked harder.And I know If I dont give up,I will crack advanced as well.
So incase a jee aspirant is reading this, kudos to you. Keep going ! You aren't alone.I have been in a similar situation. Seek help okay? You gonna rock the exam !
The timing of this video is insane. Very much needed. Thank You
I’ve returned here a few times … superb video. Thank you Alain!
Just had a quarrel with my parents .
School of Life : *Of Course You Have Messed Up .*
👀
lols lets not forget how hard parents are to deal with in the first place tho :}
Thats why you move out and depend on yourself and no one else.
That way, no one can tell you what to do.
A quarrel, lol :) how posh. I'd probably say, "my parents have pissed me off!"
We were joking around and I went too far with the jokes and insulted him. I hate myself for doing that I just wanted to get along with him and I hate that I can be so selfish and mean sometimes. He doesn’t want anything to do with me and i have to accept that but it’s hard when your whole life you have been conditioned to just please everyone else
Your voice literally heals me.
These always come up at the right time. Thank you school of life.
Nice to know that there's other people that have the same from that I can relate which was not very good parents. It's just most of the time when I meet people it's always the ones that have the best family relationships so I feel left out but the school of life helps a lot
I must be become aware of my thoughts and feelings. Learn to spot when the despair begins and trace its origins. Then tell myself that I am not going to keep feeling like that over that issue. It works.
Oh boy!! I needed that reminder. Thanks
Haven't even watched this yet and have gone all weepy! Am just about to lose someone very dear to me and am so very sad about it. Thank you, as always, for your wisdom and your kindness, TSOL.
And now I shall dare to watch it! x
The fact that this video and many similar therapeutic ones are made by a group of people who understand the problem that for many of us feels absolutely impossible to untangle is so beautiful, soothing and giving so much hope