Baby Steps to Self Empowerment | Trauma Recovery
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- čas přidán 10. 09. 2024
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Can't tell you how many times I've ended up solving my problems by just...fixing them. It's strange how our brains get so stuck in coping and enduring that we end up forgetting we don't have to just cope and endure, we can actually change the scenario.
My biggest killer is realizing I can just talk about my issues. I don't need to bottle it up and be the "easy to care for" child anymore. I have friends that actually care about me and they want to "repay" me for all the times I've helped them. It's not healthy to just give and give and give and give and give in a relationship and I need to realize that. I'll ruin more relationships than I'll save by doing that.
I do not have DID, however I am an abuse survivor. I too will often not change my environment for comfort. I will put up with BS when I really don't need to. I am in my 60's, my abusers are all dead but, at times they still have power over me and that really makes me angry. With them and myself. Thank you for this video.
There's good news - You have the ability to take your power back from them (even if they're already gone), but it will only come at your time. It's when you are ready; When you value and love yourself enough to say "I am no longer putting up with this from them or anyone else, because I said so." You can use that anger and turn it into compassion.
it's interesting this was posted today! we have an alter who is a fictive of The Little Match Girl. i won't say why here but in her source, the cold is a very big problem. today she was fronting, though she doesn't front often. and it just happened that we were unable to have communication with her.
it was very cold here. the sliding glass door was wide open (it was a bit warmer earlier), the heat off, etc. she was sitting on the couch under a blanket just enduring it and having flashbacks. finally she told our friend that she was cold and couldn't reach anyone inside. he video chatted with her and showed her how to use our thermostat and let her know to close the back door.
this experience made us realize that we need to make a "fronting guide" for alters who don't front often enough to know how things work out here...
anyway thank you for this! our system has a lot of learned helplessness in general. we are living on our own now with no housemates, so it can be an issue sometimes...but we are definitely working on it! :)
When I was in middle school, my classmates would gang up on me. There was one situation when I was goalie in gym class and all the boys thought it’d be hilarious to throw the ball at my person repeatedly instead of trying to get the goal. I worked really hard to repel these blows by knocking the balls back. After class, this mean girl asked me incredulously why I didn’t stand up for myself. Of course, she said this having done nothing herself. I was shocked because it did not occur to me to try to stop what was happening. My mind already resigned itself to focus on surviving it.
One of those "oh this is...sort of obvious, and i don't need to make my life so complicated" moments for me was when I realized that when a doctor/health professional asks you to describe how you're feeling...it's not a test? Like, you just say how you're feeling. You don't need to try and figure out what "they want to hear" or what to say to get the best outcome. They are there for YOUR health and well-being, and being honest about how you're feeling is not going to mean you "failed" some test.
You honestly described survival mode so well! Better than we could ever put into words honestly. To answer your question about similar stories (thank you for sharing yours btw), I thought I'd have a go at it in hopes of possibly making at least one person feel less alone.
A major "survival mode" trigger for a good majority of us is feeling like we have done something to make someone upset, angry, etc. It has taken *years* for us to be able to ask someone if they are upset with us or angry at us, instead of just waiting for what we thought was inevitable. It's still definitely a work in progress, but getting better. It is insane how differently we can look at those situations now, because a lot of the time it ends up working out. Overall it has made a huge difference not only in our recovery, but also in our relationships with people.
I have OCD, and one of my fixations is doing things in 3's, specifically eating (i.e cookies, chips needed to be picked up in 3's). I was trying one day to break this cycle, and had the thought of "if I just pick up a handful, I don't have to count them", and it sounds so simple, but it had never occurred to me that I could do that!! Great Aha! moment :)
When you said “it’s ok now” I started uncontrollably sobbing. Thank you I needed to hear that.
Why is this me? I always try to endure things even if I’m vastly uncomfortable or even mad at what’s happening. I thank you for this video, it’s greatly appreciated!
I’m still blocked in life by my brains way of doing things but this video made me cry happy tears because I needed to hear it
Love this. “We weren’t taught to change the situation, we were taught to endure it.” So true. Thanks for the reminder. Love you all.
My Aha! moment was something that many people still make me feel very guilty about. My abuser was my mother, who continued to attempt to exert control of my life as an adult living with my husband. I kept diving into situations where I'd have to endure the same sort of treatment that I dealt with growing up which resulted in a diagnosis of PTSD for me. For some people, what I did was wrong, but for me, the healthiest thing I ever did for my mental health was go No Contact with her. Associates, in-laws, family I still speak to, all seem to believe that the best thing for me to do is to continue to attempt a relationship because she's my parent, but, unfortunately, as there has been no progress toward change, or apology, or personal growth on her part, I had to remove myself entirely from the situation. I can't keep reopening old wounds voluntarily, the best thing I can do, is leave it alone to heal - even if I have to do that alone.
Great video, definitely have the same tendencies to grit my teeth and bare the uncomfortable things instead of taking the reins to control my situation because it's hard to recondition myself to believe I have power, even over my own life. But, for me, the more steps I make toward exerting that control, the easier it is to do so in the future.
L Mo we can love our family members but we don’t have to like them. Good for you for taking care of yourself by setting that boundary with your mom. ❤️
Why are you in our head? We had to do exactly the same thing. /mood /us too /distance hugs
Good for you! Going no contact is hard, and others won't always understand. But anyone who wants you to have contact with your abuser doesn't have your best interests in mind. Just because she's your parent doesn't mean she's entitled to you. Protect yourself. You are precious.
Ufff soooo saaaaaame althougth i still talk to my mother. I do it very few and with caution , even less see her. And my father( they are separate and i live with him) is always like talk to your morher...see her blabla its so hard
I’m proud of you. I know how hard it is to go No Contact with a parent (especially a mother if you’re her daughter). I also know that sometimes, if she’s unwilling to acknowledge that she’s hurt you, it’s absolutely vital for you to do it, for your own health, because you will just keep getting hurt. Hard stop.
Good job! Keep taking care of yourself! ❤️❤️❤️
Oh yeah, been there for sure. I rearranged our living room furniture last year after realizing I could actually DO that and it would make me feel better... and it did! How small but impactful to have had such control over my own environment.
Also, the lighting is fantastic! Congrats, and thank you Patrons!
Those words are valuable to anyone, regardless of whether or not they have DID. I endured an abusive environment, when I was a child, and it took me well into adulthood to realize I have more control over my life than I thought.
I have an alter named Lilly who's 5 and when you thanked Lilly she just went "Yes, thank me!"
Like no. Thank you but no.
Edward Linehan that’s pretty darn cute!
THANK U I AM CUTE-Lily
Edward Linehan yes Lily you are very cute and important!
Omg that’s adorable
😇
My aha-moment: I have a long history of substance abuse. At some point I didn't use frequently anymore, but I still used to have energy and just motivation to go to a party.
At some point a friend wanted to go to this psy trance rave. Not my genre, but I said yes. Then I started to worry that I didn't have anything to use to make the party fun for me.
And then I realized, at the age of 29: "Maybe, if I can't enjoy an event if I don't use, *I should just not go*".
Jaw drop, pure epiphany xD
Just in time! Tomorrow I meet a trauma-specific therapist for the first time. Now that I can handle my day-to-day anxiety relatively well, I figure it’s finally time to actually process all the trauma I wasn’t able to process at the time because I was in survival mode and had to focus on coping in the moment. I’m excited to finally tackle these unresolved issues that keep getting triggered over and over again.
Good luck! It’s a difficult journey but it’s so worth it in the end 💖
Buckle up and stay strong. Don't give up and just know that you are NOT ALONE.
I find myself doing that too!
Fight, fight, freeze or fawn.
I throw myself into freeze constantly.
We freeze, every time. If you're invisible... you can't get hurt.
Thank you. Just.... thank you. - Savannah
Yup. I make myself as small and quiet as possible to get through the situation.
I spoke up for myself a while back with my (now) husband. He gets excited and talks without realizing he interrupts others. I waited until I was no longer angry about this habit of his, and explained "when you get excreted, you have a habit of talking over and interrupting people. Can we work on this?" He legitimately had no idea that he did it, and that it's hurtful. Does he still do it sometimes? Yes. But we both grew through the conversation.
At the end of the day, people can't fix their behavior if they don't know it's wrong.
hey. Don't want to seem rude but you accidentally said 'excreted' instead of 'excited'. 'Excreted' means pooed... thought you might want to correct it.
Also, proud of you for standing up for yourself. :)
I didn't know I didn't want to go to university, it had been ingrained in me from the get-go that I would move out, get a degree, make new friends. Constantly had pressure on me to do a difficult course because I was "intelligent an hard working" and I just... struggled for 3 years, because I'd always lived my life like that. After a really dark period I managed to stop myself and admit that I am not cut out for that. I am in an unstable situation now, no job, transient homing, but am the happiest I have ever been in a long while. Healthier, both mentally and physically.
Rvlakia damn, i think i might be in this same situation right now. was just scrolling thru comments and spotted this- power to you for making your own choice, i REALLY understand how hard it is to untangle yourself and your SENSE of self from all those expectations. i hope your living/work situation stabilizes, and i'm so glad that you're feeling joy these days! 💖
Ok so I watch a lot of DID you tubers because it’s a really interesting disorder... this is the first video that’s resonated with me on a personal level. It was only in the last six months that I realised that what I have only recently even agreed to refer to as “bullying”, and only considered to be minor bullying at that, has had a severe effect on me. Whether I was just sensitive or it was worse than I thought, I definitely do what you described - going into survival mode and seeing negative situations (social situations specifically) as things to be endured, because speaking up/fighting back invariably made things worse. Laugh along and it won’t get better but it won’t get worse. Laugh along or at least don’t react, then try to distract yourself or forget about it by getting super into media and fandom and academic work. Now I’m 22. I’m trans and sing in a choir full of old religious people who make me uncomfortable and frankly I shouldn’t be having to deal with it, but I do because speaking up makes things worse, right? Because being reprimanded or disapproved of terrifies me. I shouldn’t have to deal with transphobic comments from members of my extended family, but I do. But you’re right: I’m an adult, things have changed, I can and should stand up for myself.
Something I’ve been telling myself this year is: evaluate your intent, trust your priorities, and exact your agency. This video really resonated with that, thank you!
Wow, this is so important for everyone!
Keeping quiet is so engrained in me that even when people ask me if I’m comfortable or to express my opinion or feelings, I often stare at them blankly and it takes a while to form the many thoughts in my head into words because I forget that it’s okay to do so now. I’m 39 years old and have just learned of my fragments within the last five months. It is astonishing to realize that part of me is still in survivor mode ALL THE TIME because they don’t know I’ve been safe for almost thirty years.
It’s amazing how much I’ve learned about myself in the last few months but it feels like real progress is still SO far away! Thank you for the courage to be vulnerable. Your channel has helped me so much!
"Survival mode for me doesnt involve changing my circumstances, it involves enduring my circumstances" I totally relate to that, thank you for putting it into words
I have definitely gone through similar. One thing I have had trouble not doing, is sitting through triggering scenes in movies/television. Recently I have started to leave the room during triggering scenes, and it surprises me how I didn't think that was possible for me before.
It’s so freeing to realize you have power in those moments ❤️
I've had many ah-ha moments. I can't mention most of them here, but looking back it's amazing what our minds deduce to survive. Im grateful my mind took care of me the way it did and even more grateful that I don't need those "skills" anymore. 💚💚
I'm used to have nightmares that repeat situations I lived that made me feel weak. Sometimes 10 times worse than what actually happened. It's super weird, I feel powerless. But then I take command of my own dream, I remember who I am now. I remember that I am an adult, I'm married, I have a kid. And, most important, I remember that I don't live near those people who hurt me anymore. I frankly don't know how I do this, but it feels good. I think "I don't have this life, I don't live here, because my husband isn't here. Wake up!", or something like that. And then I wake up for real.
This is so timely for us, thank you! Just this past Sunday, we had a similar epiphany. 2 months ago we fell down the stairs and (we think) broke the right ankle. Since we're uninsured, we have a tall orthopedic boot, and we think "It's just an ankle," we decided to self-treat and wait to see if it got better, which, of course, it hasn't.
On Sunday we were telling a friend we thought we might need to go to the doctor now, and he got really frustrated with our "it's just an ankle, we're fine" way of thinking. He said something like, "It's like you think everything that doesn't kill you is 'tolerable.' I guess being in a plane crash, if you survived it, would be tolerable to you, right?" I got really quiet, and then said softly, "That is the measuring stick I use. If it doesn't kill me, I can tolerate it." And since then, I've been trying to wrap my head around the idea that I don't have to tolerate all the bad, painful things. I'm not sure I believe it, but I'm considering
Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Thank you. There have been several times that this has happened to us, mostly in and because of therapy... so forgive us if we don't get into details... but YES. Especially today, because Saturday was a brutal therapy session and to be honest... when you said as you always do that we are loved and valid... we cried. Thanks for being that candlelight in the darkness exactly when we needed it. Never doubt that you are making a difference, because you are. Truly. Now excuse us but the screen is all blurry for some reason and it's self care time.
Another tip for dealing with a cold apartment: get an electrically heated blanket. My husband got one for me and it's so nice! it's a whole different thing to just be able to snuggle up in an almost instantly warm, soft, thick blanket than just turning up the heat. I find it really comforting and have it draped over my desk chair at all times even when it's not on. I never would have thought to buy one myself but I've used it for 2 winters now and it's changed my life.
Wow, Thank you for sharing this! Our system does the same thing. Our system just endures uncomfortable situations as well...Just because of habit.
Thanks, Wyn! We needed to hear this.
There was a Reddit thread awhile back where people who had grown up in poverty were talking about coming to the realization that, now that they were adults, they could just go out and buy the things they needed and not have to do without them. It’s so interesting: we’ll think things like, “Oh, no-all of our hair elastics are stretched out; I guess we’ll have to pick the least stretched-out one to use today,” and then it will hit us, “Wait-I can go to the store and buy some more, and no one can stop me, and it’s all my own money and my own time.” It’s hard to unlearn the rigid limits we were told to adhere to as kids, but it’s well worth the effort. 💙
One of the big things ingrained in me is I can not open doors for myself in public situations. Even if I’m by myself I will have to tell myself to open the door myself. When I’m with anyone else I will stand and wait for them to open the door for me and then walk through. So reminding myself that I can do things myself has what has helped me.
You always seem to post exactly what we need. Thank you so much for the hard work you all put into this channel.
I never cry in front of people because as a kid I would get yelled at for trying. This video made me realize that I don't have to hide anymore, and I can express my emotions without judgment. Thank you!
I couldn’t help but beam with pride. What an inspiring video! Thank you for covering this topic, Wyn. I am so in awe of you and so proud of how far you all have come in your trauma recovery journey. Thank you so much for making all of us feel so loved every week!
~Sakina
It took us a long time to realize that when I got out of my situation that I was allowed to do certain things now so I completely understand what your saying. Especially when my room mate told me, "you know you don't need to ask to eat, you can just eat you help buy food" And I was just flabbergasted by the statement because it just didn't dawn on me that I could just do that now.
I do not have DID but I'm an abuse surviver too. And my whole adult life is a path of finding out and applying to life that I do not have to enure anything that does not make me happy. I will be 50 in March and looking back I can't believed I've gone all this way!!!! My life now is so different! So full, so blessed! So my words to everybody - just move along with your life! Make it a little bit better when you can, don't stop! And one day you will be so much surprised with your progress! One day your life may become a blessing.
This is so important. For everybody. I think all of us have some kind of trauma to deal with. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that now I'm an adult and can change my own situation. Thanks for reminding me of that.
Thank you Wyn & System!! Yeesssss! We have grown up and CAN change OUR PRESENT! I fall into this a lot. I can turn the heat up. I can try to get a credit card to help myself. AND it will help me to do so! There's so many things, but yes, little things found in adulthood totally make me go "Huh. Really..? I'm how old and was THIS afraid of ________?? "
I feel this so much
I spent 13 years in a (very corrupt and abusive) segregated special ed + an awful living situation which lasted even longer. When I first got out I would sit for hours waiting for permission just to stand up and ever since my life has just been a never ending series of "wait...I'm allowed to do that?" discoveries. I still do things like this even though it's been years
Wow. You just hit my brain so hard. I’m not a professional but I bet that lots of people with all kinds of anxiety disorders could totally benefit from thinking this way. Next time this happens to me I’ll try and catch it. Thank you!
thank you for sharing. I can't afford a therapist right now so I'm self-treating my PTSD and I feel like I definitely do this, although I can't think of any specific times that I have. so now that I'm keeping this in mind I can look out for the times when I have resolved myself to circumstances which no longer exist.
Today this finally clicked for me! I live most of my life in general discomfort because I’m too afraid to change anything around me!! Thank you, Wyn!!
This is an incredibly powerful message! You eloquently shared truths that i knew but could verbalize well. I absolutely appreciate you offering this for others. I struggle with PTSD & I parent 2 children with complex PTSD (one with DID, one without). In addition, I co-run a group for women recovering from abuse of all sorts, whether the perpetrator was a parent, a romantic partner, a friend/coworker, etc). I took some quotes from this & I intend to share them & this video with all of them. This will also be shared with a parenting children with DID group I'm in.
I’m not a survivor of abuse and I still sometimes do things like this. I was always very self conscious of asking for things that I wanted (a certain food from the store, a shirt that was slightly more expensive than the others etc) even though I grew up in a very privileged position. I finally realized that I could afford to buy myself things that I wanted to fill a certain aesthetic. I didn’t have to look at Pinterest boards and wish I lived my life that way
Oh thanks Wyn for bringing up this topic... I still am not able to set boundaries or get angry "on time".. But I guess rationalizing that now it is safe to say things and set boundaries will help me eventually be capable of doing it.
This video and Dissociadid's coordinate really nicely. They both address building autonomy by being very self aware and asking ourselves to examine whether our current response is appropriate for us in relation to our present circumstances. It is so easy to just slide through life with old mental patterning that no longer serves us. Thank you.
This is probably one of the most important videos I’ve ever seen. Thank you
Thank you for addressing this. This is one of those things that I will keep in mind!
This was a big aha video for me. I endured a lot as a kid in silence. It’s only been in the last couple of years I’ve been finding that simple things like changing the thermostat and admitting I’m not feeling well have very small consequences now. Thanks for sharing!
Hey Wyn, I sincerely hope you see this...
I’ve watched this video about 10 times total now as a reminder that I can just... change my circumstances. A defense mechanism of mine is also enduring my circumstances, About a month ago I left a highly toxic home environment and got my own apartment. Excessive heat is a trigger of mine and with summer coming up now I can just change the thermostat to cool my apartment down instead of taking a cold shower or wearing as little clothes as possible.
If the roof is leaking I can call a maintenance person to take care of it instead of putting buckets under the drips.
At 21 for the first time ever,.. I have complete autonomy and, like you said, i don’t have to endure my circumstances anymore. I can change them. This video has helped me realize that so thank you so much for making this.
Thank you posting such videos. We learned last year that we had OSDD, from a very close friend with DID, who shared us these videos. They've really helped educate us about our situation and others with DID. So thank you. You're an amazing channel.
You have beautifully articulated "survival mode". Too right you are, with the enduring focus. The sense that if I do anything thing I'm just going to make it worse. I honestly never linked it to my trauma, how crazy is that ! wow
This is so thought provoking, thank you. If it’s bad for me, I don’t have to endure it. Thank you.
I had an A-ha moment earlier this year; I was volunteering, helping some friends, but I realised they weren’t treating me too well. I tried talking to them, I tried keeping my head down but ultimately I realised I don’t have to work with them if I don’t want to. I don’t have to endure something that makes me miserable. I still need to figure out how I’m going to leave and what to say, but I feel better knowing I don’t have to stay and I can just stop
Thank you. For sharing this. For being vulnerable. For putting your heart out here on the internet and loving us openly. I needed this today. A lot of days. It gave me insight, example, and hope. Thank you. 🙏🏼
I know this was posted a while ago and I am a little late to the game, but I NEEDED THIS VIDEO!! I am a survivor of childhood trauma and have the hardest time standing up for myself. Just yesterday, some guy made the creepiest comment on my stretching routine at the gym and then stared at me for the rest of my workout. When he made the comment, I laughed it off to get him away from me and felt terrible after the fact for not telling him how I really felt. You are so right in that this behavior is just a way to keep me safe from something I fear may put me in danger. The reality is that I do have the power to stand up for myself in a way I did not have as a child. I want to be better. Thank you for your videos
I’m still working on these types of things; such as remembering I’m allowed to play video games.
Thank you for sharing this. I thought I was the only one who did this. The logical answer is the hardest for me to think of. I endure hardships and uncomfortable conditions because my brain only knows how to survive and endure, not change the situation.
Thanks, I've recently been figuring this out myself with quite a bit, especially with the Corona virus causing us all to be in our apts packed close together.
Things like freezing up and waiting for the bad thing that isn't actually coming to happen because the neighbors happened to go up their stairs loudly isn't helpful anymore if it ever was.
So now I try to sleep with music on so I can't hear it or play a game loudly while I wait for them to settle so I can get back to sleep.
It doesn't really stop me from reacting if I do hear it or other sounds that freak me out, but theres a bit of comfort in knowing and proving that I don't have to let it control me forever.
I cant express how much me and my system needed this video. we have such a hard time remembering that we have the power to change things now and dont need to just endure it /'ride it out'. thank you for everything you and your system do
This hits home for a slightly different reason, and I was just talking about it with one of my friends how I was never allowed to decide for myself, or was never put in the position to solve my own issues on my own, usually my mom was always there to solve it for me but since I'm studying for my final exam, grade test, bar exam or what have you, I pushed a psychologist session to study further for a weekly revission I'm taking and it just felt right to just go ahead and do what my gut feeling told me was right.
I got a little bit of crap from my mom like saying I was evading treatment but she quickly understood.
I watched DissociaDID's video about self care vs self indulgence and that was my "aha" moment, specially the part about doing what you know you need to do but maybe don't fully want to do but know that if you do you'll be better off than sleeping an hour more or playing a videogame for-longer so I had a rather big mind shift around responsibilities and how they are not weighting you down but can actually work as self care.
I cannot thank you enough for this video. It was just what I needed to hear for what I currently am dealing with. Thank you all so much for everything you do💜
First of all thank you for enclosing Celsius centigrades! Secondly an anecdote or a story is a very good way to teach things. Thirdly you are a wonderful system! Thank you for all important work that you are doing.
I don't have DID but I definitely needed this video today. I have gone into survival mode so many times in my relationship with my father. He and I have always had a rocky relationship to say the least. However a few weeks ago I finally decided that being in survival mode was no enough anymore, especially since I'm an adult. So I set up a conversation between my father and I with my aunt as a mediator. It was eye-opening and helped us on the road to having a better relationship. It's so nice not to have to immediately go into fear and deflection anymore with my dad.
Hope y'all are having a great day/afternoon/evening/night
I needed that, thank you
I have only been a subscriber for a week and I have been binge watching. I don't have DID but I have educated and it is helping me with my mental health (depression, some linked to some childhood stuff). I just what to say Thank you and happy system pride day for tomorrow.
if it were not for a loving partner you would not be able to share these insights that help ALL people with DID to grow & cope with this crippling disorder. LOVE & TRUST is the foundation of all healing. THKU
(Not a system, but abuse survivor)
I am currently 1.5 years into my first relationship and it took me quite some time to realize that if my partner accidentally triggers me, I CAN TELL THEM THAT. It's made my life so much easier and has reduced my anxiety a lot :)))
This spoke to me right out the gate- i dont have trauma related to cold, but it does make me shut down (inside cold, not outside. i dont have an issue with winter). I dont know why, but it makes me depressed, sluggish, anxious, and unable to do anything. And I just....don’t do anything about it. I just curl up in bed and assume I won’t be able to be productive. And I don’t know why. I just assume that I have to suffer.
Thank you so much for this ❤ I've recently been Diagnosed with DID and your video's have helped me so much with learning and coming to terms with things and understand how to better hope to help myself. Thank you, you are truly inspiring and give me so much more hope. ❤
OMG thank you wyn, I do the survival thing so much and often without realising until I'm tipping over the edge. This especially resonated today, as I had to take the day off work, but it was so hard to make that call and a big reason is because I was brought up to endure and I still get stuck in that pattern. It's a hard one to change when asking for help or even talking things through feels dangerous even though it's not anymore.
Needed this video! The thermostat anecdote resonates with me sooooo much - I'm in the process of moving & starting over from scratch, cause it finally occurred to me that I can decide where my life goes.
Trauma is wild.
We love your system and your videos. Thank you so much for all you do for the community. 💖
Small steps make for a bigger change in the future. I appreciate your video because I felt like these baby steps to overcoming trauma are what led to a better life with stronger coping skills!
This video is so helpful. Im struggling so much with our survival mode and how to get out of it. Were living on our own for 14 years now and we still are mentally stuck and often unable to make the changes we want in our living situation. To make us feel at home. Safe. And comfortable.
It's like, we don't know where to start. And everything is just overwhelming. And I never new how to explain it.
But you said it so well in your video and I will think about it a lot on the next couple of days to help and find ways for us to do some more babysteps and rewire our mind to allow us to help ourselves.
OMG this is so true! I do the same thing, and a lot of the others do too. Our protector actually does the exact opposite, and now I suddenly get that and why xD it all makes sense! It was all right there. Thank you for sharing your revelation to help me have my own ❤️
In the past I was really passive aggressive, and these days I'm mostly just passive with some boundaries set, but we're still working to do this more.
Omg so relateable. It can be so difficult to override those ingrained responses of keeping your head down rather than dealing with it directly. Takes a lot of practice but definitely possible to become proficient at it. I have to share a similar message with my clients all the time. Thanks for sharing this! Stay warm! :)
I really appreciate this video. I've been abused since I was very little, I can't even remember a time where I wasn't being hurt so my way of thinking is odd compared to others now that I think about it. When I'm evaluating choices, they're usually very drastic and I struggle to see temporary fixes. I am also super crafty with things rather than just asking for something. Like today, I cut my foot on glass when I went outside and instead of disturbing anyone's sleep, I made a makeshift bandage out of paper towels. I will literally fail classes to avoid asking for help. One other thing I notice is I usually tell stories in a different pov if I know I could possibly be hurt for it. Even if it shouldn't be something that would upset anyone, I do it regardless. There are many other things I do that are more behavioral wise that I don't even know how to control, like whenever I'm around my abuser I automatically feel nothing. My entire family vacation I couldn't feel a thing even though the activities would normally be fun. Or how my brain pretty much automatically tosses out information, especially from my abuser. Not even an hour after an interaction, I've already forgotten what was said.
If you read this far, thank you and I also have a question. Can online therapy be helpful? I strongly feel that I am suffering from PTSD and I would like to be safely and properly diagnosed for whatever is causing my distress. I have no access to any help and I really need it so I'm trying my best to weigh options other than something completely life altering. I will be able to drive soon but seeing a therapist face to face is nearly impossible due to my phone being tracked. I also need a way to make payments without anyone finding out, because I fear it will make things even worse if my abuser knew I was trying to see a therapist for this. If anyone has any suggestions, I will gratefully take them ❤️
Thank you Andrew for giving Wyn this video.
I just had an idea has a singlet spouse or significant other of a D.I.D\OSDD system ever done a vlog, like living life with a system or a singlet's mental space when there's system update. (Only system updates that are out on video.) Maybe, I don't know, just a thought I had.
I have DID, and the same exact situation happened to me ... yesterday! My man put a blanket on my shoulders cause i was just here, frozen, not daring to move.. (Except that it was -3 🌡🇨🇭 😅) now I know that I can do something about it, indeed
Wow I really needed this. Yes this was my big ah ha! Moment. Thank you so much
This hit close to home for me...i really needed this...
Thank you, never thought of it like you didn't, but I CAN make things better for myself without getting in trouble. Thank you, Needed to hear this
Thank you for sharing. Don’t have DID myself but do struggle with mental health a great deal and this was surprisingly insightful.
Wow, I didn't even know I needed to hear this until right now. Thank you! ❤️
Wyn, this is a brilliant video. It had never even occurred to me. Thank you for talking about this!
thank you so much for trusting us enough to open up about this! I really needed to hear this! I might come back at a later time sharing an/some experience/s myself, as I do have some, but am not in a place mentally where I feel like I can go into them right in this moment. thank you again for this video!
Thank you so much for sharing; this is an important message, even for 'singletons'. I worry too much about what others think; being able to speak up for yourself, in an assertive but respectful way, is a valuable skill. By the way, you are brave and important.
I happen to just ‘endure circumstances’ a lot of the time as well. I’m glad that you have gotten to the point of realizing where you can change things, even if it’s just the small things and as always thank you for the lovely advice. :) 💕 Also, I really hate the cold too. It makes me so cranky sometimes. Lol 😂
I am so happy that y'all have insta again. It makes my day when I scroll upon y'all in my feed or in my stories
Thank you for this video, I really needed to hear that it was okay now. As well as to hear someone say the danger is passed now, hearing that really made me feel like you were there with me through all that. So, I teared up a little. Thank you for that. But, we tend to go into survival mode due to certain things, such as when we hear or see our triggers. We go into hiding or feel quiet and want to keep away from people, just because a noise or sight of something brings us back. But, thank you, I , the host, really needed to hear this.
I'm in Kansas and cold sensitive, I use electric blankets to keep warm. I'm also learning this lesson
Y'all have the cutest hair! Love itttttt!
❤ Really needed to hear this message. I'm a trans man, and I have some family members who are upset about this idea, so keep using my old name. I'm afraid of upsetting them, so I force myself to pretend I'm a girl to keep them happy. But it's just making me miserable. So I need to get off my ass and try to sort things out with them - change my situation for the better - but currently I'm too busy being stuck in survival mode. But thank you guys for this video. ❤ It's a nice wake up call that I'll hopefully heed.
I totally get this. It's often called "playing the tape."
Honestly, this video made me really sad, because it reminded me that I'm not in a situation to get out of survival mode just yet. We're still in danger, we're still keeping so many secrets, and we still have to just keep our head down and endure a lot of shit. Of course, that's not the case in all areas of our life, and I know it won't be like this forever, but...yeah. I'd like to make this comment uplifting and say "but we know there's light at the end of the tunnel!" but that wouldn't be honest to how we feel right now.
It so hard to believe that there’s an escape while you’re in the thick of it. I can only hope you’ll trust me when I say you WILL survive this. You WILL grow past this. You WILL find your own peace and your own strength. Keep holding on. It’s worth it. -Wyn
This is such a great video, very helpful. I think a lot of trauma survivors have this issue too, and many times it's just very hard to see it
It definitely happens to us, I don't want to give examples for safety reasons as well but it's been one of our hardest issues to deal with, so it's really nice to see someone put it into words and talking about it, really thank you for this
This isn’t really the same but similar- I was having a really difficult time dealing with lots of family issues, I was talking to this boy at a party and I was jokingly said I’ve so many problems and he asked me “like what?” And I started to explain what was going on and he replied “well those don’t seem like your problem though they’re everyone else’s problems” I had never looked at it that way and after that I stopped letting “other people’s problems” get me down as much. Some times it’s really important to look after yourself and we forget that when we’re trying to look after everyone else.
Great video, thank you for the share and the information!!! When someone who has actually experienced this really helps know it is possible so thank you