Talking insomnia #99: How you rise above this painful struggle
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- čas přidán 13. 04. 2022
- In this episode we talk about the sandstorm. A struggle that can happen despite (or in some way because of) starting to see clearly why insomnia happens and how one can let go. Although this struggle feels like being lost in a painful and blinding storm of sand, relief may be closer than it seems.
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Would you like a roadmap from Insomnia to immunity? Download using below link.
www.thesleepcoachschool.com/h...
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Have a question for open class?
Please submit here and I will try to respond soon in an Open class episode.
www.thesleepcoachschool.com/h...
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Would you like to work with a sleep coach? Awesome! Here are some great options:
- The Insomnia Immunity Group Coaching Program.
- BedTyme, a sleep coaching app for iOS and Android offering 1:1 text based coaching.
- Zoom based 1:1 coaching with Coach Michelle.
The Insomnia Immunity program is perfect if you like learning through video and want to join a group on your journey towards sleeping well.
BedTyme is ideal if you like to learn via text and have a sleep coach in your pocket.
The 1:1 Zoom based program is for you if you like to connect one on one with someone who has been where you are now.
For more about these programs here: www.thesleepcoachschool.com
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Do you like learning by reading? If so, here are two books that offer breakthroughs!
Set it & Forget it by Daniel Erichsen
www.amazon.com/Set-Forget-rea...
This is Natto by Daniel Erichsen
www.amazon.com/This-Natto-rea...
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Not sure where to start? Check out these playlists!
This is natto - the perfect place to start learning!
• This is Natto - Start ...
Success stories - if you need hope and inspiration, this is for you.
• Success stories
Insomnia insight - a list of every single episode.
• Playlist
Talking insomnia - guests with trouble sleeping or experts share their stories / tips.
• Talking insomnia
Hypnic jerks, hypnic awareness and other common issues.
• Hypnic jerks and more.
Fatal insomnia - for those concerned about ffi and sfi.
• Familial and sporadic ...
Speed bumps - when you think you had a setback or “relapse.”
• Talking insomnia #55: ...
Unrefreshing sleep - when you always feel tired or exhausted.
• Unrefreshing sleep
Momsomnia - if you’re a mom or becoming a mom.
• Momsomnia
Health and sleep- if you’ve worried about health consequences of not sleeping.
• Playlist
Best!
This content does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or other qualified healthcare providers. - Zábava
This is what I absolutely LOVE about this and Alina’s channels! We all share the high highs but we also share the lowest lows of the journey here too. It’s not always just finding the channel, learning and riding off into the sunset with no challenges ever again. It really is major ups with extreme downs and Coach Daniel really makes sure to highlight the very real struggles that one may endure during it. Introducing Alina and Michelle has been even more helpful (for me at least) when going through the trenches because they give reassurance that going through those tough, dark places are worth it because of the peace that’s waiting on the other side. You 3 are the epitome of what coaching is and should be. Thank you so much Coach D, Alina and Michelle!! ❤️❤️
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Thank you so much for your support!!💜
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 so how do you just observe the intrusive thoughts?
I believe this is the way 🙂
@@Freydis_MAximus hi Nina, I actually had to start from the beginning and make a plan for my night. What did it look like if I panic and have anxiety with my night and about my “stuck” situation? What does doing nothing when those feelings, thoughts and sensations come up while in the sandstorm look like? A sandstorm happens because once again, we’re caught up in this idea that we know everything but for some reason- it’s not sinking in and we continue to struggle.
The important thing to know is that as long as you’re allowing your body/brain/nervous system/etc. to experience whatever it wants to experience, consistently, it will slowly move itself out of the fight or flight state. But you have to be consistent and extend yourself lottttts of grace and compassion because it’s bumpy. Along with Daniel, Dr. Guy Meadows is a great resource to use with giving you tools and helping learn how to feel those feelings at night and accepting what comes up. Also, how to approach your day when you don’t feel so great using the Acceptance and commitment approach. All of this helps you to practice allowing the sandstorm to just happen which ultimately, allows it to pass. You really have to, in a sense, break down your actions in the sandstorm to learn how to approach it.
Oh I needed this today :), thank you so much! When Alina described the sandstorm I just nodded the whole time . Exactly this happens right now to me and it is a big relief to have a name for it and to normalize it as a part of the journey, but a really painful one , your channel is so helpful thank you a lot!
Lou, so so glad you found this, and thanks for the kind words 😊
Thank you so much for this discussion guys. I really resonate with the sandstorm metaphor. Sometimes there's just no stopping it. It can start early in the morning for me and it runs until the wind stops blowing. Fighting it prolongs it. Surrendering to it feels terrifying and impossible. My system instinctively braces for another ordeal. I know two things from this experience.
1. It ends (even when it says it won't)
2. The peace that follows it is almost always beautiful
Little by little, I am learning to fight the sandstorm less and expect the calm that follows.
So glad you found this Keith, and thanks so much for sharing. These points are just so true imho, so valuable 🙏
Excellent episode. Unfortunately after a sustained period of great sleep, I now find myself back in the sandstorm, been like this for a couple of months. This period has been particularly pernicious and tough, as you know Daniel that I gave an account for your channel explaining my recovery from insomnia, to be back there has been my darkest period. The sandstorm analogy is a perfect description; having the knowledge yet unable to process it. I have to remind myself and to all the community, that the brain will catch up eventually, and to step out of your own way. Learning all these skills is like having a Swiss army knife with all theses blades but you're not sure which blade to use. Terrible analogy, but feel free to use it. Best wishes to you and the community.
Leighton, thank you so much much for the encouragement, it means especially much given that this sandstorm has happened. Being supportive and helping the community from a place of struggle, this says so much about a person 🙂
And you know, this analogy makes so much sense. I’ll borrow it from you. And… just emphasizing here… the brain will catch up.
Be well and do be in touch 😊
That's such a great analogy with a Swiss army knife! Makes total sense and the beauty of it is that you get to know each tool so well that you can start self-coaching yourself anytime you need!
Hi Leighton, I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling. These times can be so difficult to accept and experience. The residual fear can definitely take some time to fully dissipate. Sending you some extra support until things subside 💜
I think the Swiss Army knife analogy is succinct. To expand upon the analogy, maybe the best thing to do is take a look at the knife, slowly put all the tools away, and put it back in your pocket. Know that it is there and go towards your life. Know that your sleep system is perfect and continue living your values. Sleep is not a problem to solve, so you don't need a tool to fix it. So just let it be there.
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 HI! Thank you for all this valuable information 🙏. I understand the letting go of control is the key here but how do you actually stop yourself from intrusive thoughts , example...I hope I sleep tonight, I'm not sleeping yet, ugh this is going to be a bad night.
This was a great video so insightful
Thanks Ellie!!
Thank you for this episode! Describes my situation right now perfectly haha😅
So glad it resonated 🙂 hang in there!
Fantastic episode! I learned a lot from it as I have just been in a 'sandstorm' for these past 2 months. Like always, being able to conceptualise my own experience in this way, makes it possible to relate to what is going on. Cheers for these 3 insomnia gurus!
Make that 4 🤗
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 😊
Hey, just wondering how you’re doing now? Im going through my first speed bump but feels like a sandstorm, this started on Monday. But overall I just feel so confused, and my head is just spiraling. So I’m really glad I came across this video.
Amazing episode!
Ive been sleeping not too bad lately with up and down! And realize that even with hyper aroussal im able to fall asleep!
My question is even after some good night sleeps i always seem to have popping thoughts about sleep or little voices, its quite hard to focus I do my best to not dwelve and elaborate on those thoughts and just let them be.
I assume that all this is due to hyper aroussal and my brain being scared and might take some time, with some up and downs of course.
Thanks much Emerik 🙏 so glad it made sense and you know, the little voice or skeptical voice, it’s basically just our brain sending us little warning messages. If we go “stop that” it will probably try more to get our attention. If we go “I hear, you’re just wanting to warn me so I’m safe, thank you” then the messages are received and there’s no need to repeat them 🙂
Many thanks for these videos and discussion. Can you talk more about how to take more of an observer role to the sandstorm? Was wondering what practical steps to shift to this perspective when thoughts and emotions become overwhelming…
Thanks so much Kat 🙂 I think just by understanding it, we are already distancing ourselves from it. Will make more content around this important topic
Hey team,
could I ask you a question?
Your videos helped me tremendously and I’ve been sleeping a lot better than before. Thanks so much for that!
Now it’s just that I feel like I’m sleeping really light, I don’t even know if I slept but I never remember the nights. But sometimes I feel super tired in the morning, other days it’s fine. I don’t even want to focus on it or analyse it, just wanted to know if I just FEEL like I’m sleeping very superficial because I’m so focused on it, or if that’s part of recovery?
Would be so grateful for an answer.☺️
And also, im a little triggered now and afraid I’ll be in that sandstorm 😭🤣
Hi Mary,
So glad to hear that the videos have been helpful 😊!! And anytime, thanks for being here!
And yes, this is a very normal and typical part of the process or leaving the struggle that we call hyper sleep.
Hyper sleep is when your sleep is infused with hyperarousal. It’s like driving a car with the brake pushed down. Sleep drive and hyperarousal are both present and you can have vivid, bizarre dreams, you can’t tell if you were awake or you slept, you spent the whole night in superficial sleep state or that you time travelled (time skips ahead but you’re not sure you slept).
The first thing to know is that hyper sleep is super common and a part of the journey. Nothing strange or unusual! It’s again simply some hyperarousal making sleep superficial.
Secondly, you sleep more than it seems when you have hyper sleep! Just knowing this can often be reassuring.
Most importantly, when you know the above and don’t respond, just let it be so to speak, these experiences fade along with the hyperarousal.
As for sometimes feeling fine and super tired, it can often be the narrative that impacts how we feel more than anything else. “Oh my Im a hopeless case, I’ll never sleep like a normal person” - these thoughts make us feel heavy, emotionally tired.
And this can help because we see that it’s not that we need to sleep more to feel refreshed as much as to see that we are okay.
Finally, yes, I know episodes like the sandstorm can be scary. And I do think we have no reason to scare people (like articles in heard online) with things that aren’t accurate. This said, we can also learn that fear is an emotion. That’s all. Then we won’t be scared of being scared!
Mary, hope this made sense and have a nice weekend!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Daniel,thank you so much for the quick reply, it all made so much sense and I’ll definitely try to not worry about whether my sleep is light or not or HOW it is at all. I think it just takes some time to reach that full acceptance.
The only reason why I was scared of the sandstorm idea is because I’ve been struggling for a longer time now and I felt like I was on the right path, super peaceful and calm. Just hearing it made me fear I would fall back into that hyperarousal/confused state of mind … sometimes it’s difficult to take distance from stories of other people, especially when you’re anxious.
But thank you so much Daniel!
Hey Mary! I think Daniel has put it so nicely and I just wanted to add that as scary as a sandstorm might seem, ANY sandstorm eventually ends, guaranteed ;) It is just another speedbump which is completely normal on the recovery path!
@@FearlessSleep You’re so right, Alina. Maybe we can even become comfortable with being uncomfortable in a sandstorm 🤷🏼♀️
Hi Coach
Your videos are amazing and educational!! Is it possible to have chronic insomnia that does not go away no matter which technique's you try?
If so is it best just to get on with the day, even though your exhausted? That's what I do, get up for work no matter how much sleep.
I feel one consolation is that my primary and cardiologist said besides being tired, no overall risk to health
Hi Michael! I’m so glad that both your primary doctor and cardiologist know this! Because being afraid of health issues is such a common reason we feel pressured to sleep and struggle with sleep.
Ok here’s the way I see it - sleep will happen all by itself when we aren’t trying.
So to rephrase what you said “insomnia does not go away if there are techniques you try”. Trying techniques to avoid being awake IS insomnia.
And yes, I think it pretty much always helps to not stop doing things we need to or want to do. Because when we avoid things go accommodate insomnia, it takes a larger part of our life, more attention goes there.
Of course, we don’t want to push ourselves too much either, but yes I think it helps so often to just do what we need or want to do.
And when we live lives without regard to sleep, and no longer try techniques.. sleep happens by itself.
@@teresahoang6593 Hi Teresa there was a recent article published by the British health organization, involving a sleep study with participants who have insomnia that they followed for several years. None of them developed any chronic health conditions due to insomnia.
There is also no documented proof insomnia causes health problems.
I myself sleep 6 hours a night, some times less. Having insomnia does cause fatigue, can make you cranky, and its not ideal, but i wouldn't worry about chronic health conditions from it
May God Bless you
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Coach thank you for your thoughtful and informative response!!
@@teresahoang6593 I can't figure it out.
I can fall asleep say 11pm, but till maybe 2am up till 3am then maybe fall back to sleep till 5am. Its definitely broken sleep, and I am tired all the time.
Has been going on for 2 years.
Tried all the sleep hygiene, even medication, nothing has worked, so i guess im just used to being tired. Its awful.
How much sleep are you getting a night?
@@teresahoang6593Back when I was in the struggle, I used to blame my sleeplessness for all my issues. That's just natural when we are viewing sleeplessness as a major threat. Now that I'm out of the struggle, it's so clear that sleeplessness is truly benign. A nothing. Completely harmless. This will become more evident with time as you keep learning.
Struggling hardcore for 6 months .... most weeks I'm getting 10 or 12 hours. Going 3 and 4 nights without sleep. IM a walking zombie. My body freaking hurts
Hang in there, sounds really tough… hope you’ll find something helpful here
How is your sleep now?
Hi, I’ve had insomnia for about 11years, from reading your set it and forget it book, I’ve had a lot of success falling asleep, but when I wake up in the middle of the night I just can’t fall back asleep no matter what(this has always been a big problem). It’s also hard to find something fun when in SO exhausted! I try Netflix. Help?
Hi! So glad it was helpful. And whatever we do that isn’t escaping, like resting, IS befriending wakefulness 🙂
I started experiencing insomnia as I weaned myself off Lexapro my antidepressant, I just wanted to be off all mind altering substances. I am already on a lot of medication for my heart I have a damaged heart or CHF... anyway I realized I might need to get back on it since I was not sleeping and having extreme anxiety and almost no sleep so I got back on it which I did. To my surprise I still couldn't sleep and the anxiety was not letting up! So I went to my Doctor and she has prescribed several sleep medications that worked some but not for long. I am now taking trazadone which is starting to not work like the others! Am I wrong for trying all these medications? I just want to sleep and get rid of this anxiety it is affecting my whole life. How do you do it without medication? I don't know if I could.
Thank you for all you do to help poor souls struggling with these matters.
Sincerely Terry Moody
Thanks for the support Terry, check the talking insomnia with Nick, he was weaning off Trazodone
What if someone has insomnia due to low progesterone ? I ordered some pills. I hope they help. I feel powerless in my battle with insomnia. It’s a constant battle.
GSM, you know, the fact that you see that you’re in a battle… that’s so so helpful. Because when we battle to sleep, that is insomnia. And as scary as it sounds, when we abandoned this battle… insomnia ends. Lots of people don’t see this, and they are further away from leaving the battle than someone with this clear insight.
As for progesterone, let’s go into some detail:
It’s true that things like noise, hormone levels, alcohol, withdrawals, medications, side effects and thousands of circumstances can cause sleep disruption. But this is totally different from insomnia. And here is how you can tell one from the other:
Sleep disruption is obvious. I was binge drinking and slept poorly. My husband snores like crazy and that’s annoying. The reason for not sleeping well is clear so there’s (1) no pondering/wondering/questioning/researching and (2) no fear or anxiety.
Insomnia on the other hand is when there’s an ongoing struggle and it’s not clear that it’s the fear of not sleeping that’s driving the trouble. Therefore there are many questions as for why there’s no or choppy sleep, there’s researching and many theories, there’s trying things to sleep more.
There are many teaching points here by the main ones are that the sleep disruption caused by an endless number of circumstances is real, but it’s not self-perpetuating. It stops when circumstances change. And if circumstances don’t change, then the sleep disruption will be at the level where it’s expected.
Insomnia on the other hand ends when there’s understanding and clarity and you know nothing is wrong with you and there’s no more fear.
Now here’s the thing: when it’s difficult to tell if we have sleep disruption or insomnia, it can seem important to figure out which it is. And this in itself can lead to lots of struggle.
In reality, it isn’t important because both call for the same: they are both an invitation to okness.
If we have a sleep disruption then this is an inevitable consequence of circumstances we cannot change. A call for no action.
If we have insomnia then this is a surface manifestation of fear and it’s driven by the things we do to escape this fear. A call for no action.
Hi Daniel,
I always wondered, do you have/had insomnia, sleep issues or problem with sleep ever? Or you never had one? would you tell a little bit about yourself and your sleep?
Hi Bosssulik,
You know, I get this question every now and then. I never had insomnia, no ongoing struggle. Sometimes I am stressed or excited or both and sleep little. When I feel it will be one of those nights, I go upstairs and read or snack. I turn the wall clock upside down. But if you want to hear more of my story I shared it pretty recently in a video I titled “you didn’t know this about me”. Best!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Thank you for responding. And I’ll check this episode - very interesting.
I would like to share my sleep problems and see if it is some help, some advice I can get to resolve and get over my severe sleep problem that makes my life terrible, if you don’t mind coach.
I suffer from hypnic jerks that stays all night along - none stop hypnic jerks, brain jolts, brain zaps that keep going on all night, it’s can jerk a arm, fingers, legs, head or inside my brains (difficult to explain) - just before I falling asleep my brain, my body jerks me out and doesn’t allow me fall asleep. When I get really tired and exhausted then I may just fall asleep and see short dreams (hallucinations), in few seconds I see some dream there I get something falling on my head or something else that threw me out from sleeping - it’s feels like my body, my brain don’t want me to fall asleep. I can also get multi-layered confusing thoughts, sudden jerks then forget everything I was just thinking of - very scared part.
It’s so exhausting to not get sleep at all - over and over again. It keeps you think that you’ll never feel better and never will sleep properly and good again. Starts thinking that something maybe wrong with my body, hormones or brain - I don’t know.
I tried CBD-oil and Magnesium and other minerals and vitamins without help. The only thing that seem to help it’s benzodiazepines but it’s not like long term solution, right. How can I get over this and how get I improve my sleep. Should you please respond in comment or in a video? I’m desperate.
I’ve watched your videos and advice like “not to do anything” but it’s difficult right now to come to this approach. How can I think to break this cycle?
Thank you for your content btw.
/S
Anytime, and yes do check!
You know, it’s so clear you’re in a real struggle, and I’m of course sorry to hear this. Have you seen these videos?
czcams.com/play/PL6RQ1GS7B1ci1B__oGwLvLaJ9Da1lmIKs.html
They cover soo much of what you shared. I would start there. Understand more about sleep wake transitions can really help!
Let us know how things go and if you saw these videos.
I'm really struggling I was diagnosed with sleep apnea a few years ago but I really struggle to exhale through my nose as well this is clobbering me I've become quite frail
Hi Andrew,
So sorry to hear this. And you know, if you’ve been afraid or not sleeping, there may be something that can help here. Hope you find the relief you need
i have a quostion about insomnia. Stays insomnia forever ?
Thanks for your comment!! Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.