How Not to be Boring
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- čas přidán 29. 01. 2017
- No one is ever boring: we just seem boring when we haven’t learnt the surprisingly easy art of being honest about our vulnerabilities.
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FURTHER READING
“One of our great fears - which haunts us when we go into the world and socialise with others - is that we may, in our hearts, be really rather boring. But the good news, and a fundamental truth too, is that no one is ever truly boring. They are only in danger of coming across as such when they either fail to understand their deeper selves or don’t dare (or know how) to communicate them to others…”
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I am boring but never bored myself, thats what really matters to me
sadiq Mungus Well said.
sadiq Mungus +
sadiq Mungus Well if you're never bored that could be a nice conversation topic
sure
True that. The things everyone else finds interesting bore me, and vice versa 9_9
My assigned FBI agent recommended this for me... he knows me too well
Hope ur doing good man👍
@@fazesalv8707 you have one of those guys watching your phone too?!
@@danielcalma2138 wait you guys have FBI agents? Lucky, I have a KGB guy...
@@arandomlanguagenerd1869 idk what's better
Me too
1. Here is a funny story: a friend of mine who teaches at a university used to complain saying that he was sick of seeing half of his students sleeping during his classes! Poor things were always bored to death. It may have something to do with the fact that he was teaching " Constitutional Law" , but still, indeed a good teacher should be someone who can make any subject interesting.
So he finally decided to do something about it and arranged a meeting with a famous Austrian Professor, specialised in Pedagogy, to ask her for an advice. The first thing the woman said was:
- Are you also bored when you teach?
He said:
- Oh yes, absolutely!!!
It is a simple point but we all can learn something from this:
A bored person is boring and an " interested" person is interesting!
2. Most of us have no connection to our inner selves. The best way to make that connection is to be CURIOUS about ourselves. Just to wonder why we do what we do and why we think what we think. It can be really fun to look at yourself this way: with compassion and curiosity.
3. The closer you get to yourself, the closer you get to others. And we only need two things for this:
To find the right TOOLS to look inside.
To find the right WORDS to describe what we see.
TOOLS:
- The best tool I know is Alain de Botton's philosophical meditation. They have a video about it on this channel. Don't miss it! You could then print the questions below the video and go through them at least once a week. They are extremely helpful.
One tragic thing about almost all of us, is that we really don't know how to think. It is so difficult to think " clearly" about yourself. What we call "thinking" is often just " brooding". And we have all sorts of mechanisms to delude ourselves too. So it is great to have a clear question in front of you, to which you must find an answer without changing the subject!
If we learn to " talk to ourselves" in these very interesting and productive ways, we can hopefully do the same with other people too!
- Another great tool is Mindfulness Meditation. You could search for this on Itunes and start today:
UCLA Hammer Meditation.
( I have watched a lesson on Mindfulness from Yale University on youtube. The teacher there recommended these guided meditation podcasts. They are extremely helpful! )
And the best books I have read on meditation are:
Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill, by Matthieu Ricard
Mindfulness: An Eight Week Plan For Finding Peace in a Frantic World , by Mark Williams.
WORDS:
- Wittgenstein says:
" All I know is what I have words for".
In order to have more words at hand to describe how we feel, we need to read a lot of good books, poems, watch good movies, listen to beautiful songs, and listen to the people around us very well. After all, our stories may be very different, but we all suffer more less because of the same things.
4. Three excellent podcasts on how to listen and communicate well are:
Listening generously, Rachel Naomi Yemen with Krista Tippett
On Being with Krista Tippet, Kwami Anthony Appiah
BBC A Point of View, Alain de Botton on The Art of Conversation
5. A writer from Turkey, Ahmet Altan, says that the most interesting things people could say, are the things they don't dare to say and rather keep for themselves. What a pity really!
But he also adds that children don't have that kind of fear. And that's why when you talk to a child you can always hear something interesting!
6. It is so true that those who travelled the most or met famous folks etc. , aren't necessarily the most interesting people. Once I had a coffee with a musician I knew, a few days after he came back from his South America tour. So I asked him how it all went. I thought it must have been a life changing experience!
But all he could say was:
- Oh, yeah, it was cool. Cool! It was so cool you know....
He had gone through an extraordinary experience but he didn't really " experience" anything!
He was the exact opposite of the painter in this beautiful lesson, who knew how to make something so valuable out of an ordinary ( at first sight ) experience!! That's why this quote by Rilke is so important:
" ...For believe me, the more one is, the richer is all that one experiences".
So our goal should be to become wiser, more sensitive and more profound , so that everything we experience can also become more meaningful. And if we feel the need to share all these, we won't be boring. At least to some people!
Well, I didnt expect such an amazing insight on this platform. Your comment is a goldmine and your enthusiasm is contagious. Thank you!
Hello Kevin! You are most welcome. Thank you so much for your lovely words and for reading all this! I send you many greetings and wish you a nice weekend :- )
Could you give an advice on sense of humour? It's kind of annoying when everyone laughs on jokes that i don't find funny especially when a teacher makes a joke. should i go with Crowd & laugh?
Hello Dark Debunker, I think you shouldn't worry about it. Humour is a complex issue. It is cultural, but also very personal. Once I went to a German carnival comedy show. For four hours, everyone around me was laughing non stop. I do speak German, but I didn't get any of the jokes...Imagine! They all had to do with local references from Northern Rhein area etc. I was with a friend who was having a great time, so I just smiled and looked around etc. As long as you aren't rude to anybody, there is no need to pretend a laughter.
Anyway, sorry for the long message. I hope it helps somehow. Have a nice Sunday :- )
Lua Veli thank you 😊 and about that long messege i feel happy that you shared.
How not to be boring
1) find someone who doesn’t think your boring.
2) enjoy life as the person you are
But the select few people who don't find you boring are usually the people with whom you get to know the most honestly. This video has nothing to do with changing who you are, it's just about learning how to better communicate your true self. The "accept yourself for who you are" mentality is often just a cowardly excuse used by people who, at that point in their life, don't have the courage to challenge their self conceptions or to bravely act in a way that facilitates growth.
impossible
the world if what you are saying is true:
czcams.com/video/ABrjdyavqkI/video.html
Imma just enjoy and live my life alone
@@Ryan-Petre you have no idea what you are talking about.
So just like art, our lives become less boring when we focus on our own inner details and know how to communicate it to the wider audience. Thanks.
problem is, when you communicate with people, you mostly use words, and not everyone is good at choosing the right words and phrases to describe his own inner details. Sometimes I wish we could draw what we imagine to others or make music what we think about or share emotion that hasn't got a strict name yet... but so far conversations with people consist mostly of words, you don't approach a new person/go on a date and draw him/her a painting of what you want to communicate. Or you don't dance around the restaurant where you met the boy/girl - as it is sometimes shown in some musicals :D
Insisting on our emotion rather than explaining it maybe this clips right we don't know ourselves well enough to not be boring
i wish my life was a musical. that'd be great and exciting
Violet Baggins make it a musical
Wow you summarized that ridiculously well. Gotta give credit where it's due.
"How Not to be Boring" Recommended for You ..... Thanks CZcams
Jack Lagan haha i thought the same
hahahaa same
Take the hint, man.
LMAO xD
DAMN!! 😭😭
I never realized how much I just push my emotions down around others just because i feel like no one would care, or I would be recieved badly.
No one carrs.
@@sneakerbabeful indeed no one has a car 👍
Same
I'm not necessarily boring, I'm just pretty scared to really talk about myself or what I like. Not only because it feels a little narcissistic, but I'm scared of that the outcome of revealing myself might not even help a smidge and just leave me vulnerable.
Understandble, I ran into that aswell. The way out is talking about things you like openly, regardless of what other people think. If they are curious, they will ask you to eleborate, if it's not their cup of tea, move on. It also helps to learn about philosophy. This is because philosophy talks about things that everyone recognizes in their daily lives. Thus everyone can talk along and feel intelligent. But studying and applying humor in combination with witty comments is also a great way to appear interesting, explore subjects and to create a light hearted atmosphere without tention.
why are you scared of being vulnerable?
@@sfglim5341 and not him but: child-trauma, evil people around who would use your vulnerabilities as flawless , non reciprocate feelings, dullness. I've many reasons to not be vulnerable and yet I'm a very vulnerable person, which in my opinion is really boring.
You walk on eggshells cos you know people are judgemental I think
You walk on eggshells cos you know people are judgemental I think
How Not To Be Boring
*Recommended For You*
Wow CZcams I'm offended
hahaha, I am pretty sure that you are not boring
Yeah, Boring person!
Becca Libby I feel the same
Lol
Maybe this recommendation pops up when CZcams calculates you watching videos at least 6 hours daily lol
I sometimes get jealous to people who aren't afraid of showing their playful side because they are the kind of people that are always loved by many. They always entertain people with their company and it's a guarantee that there'll be no dull moments whenever you're with them. But maybe it's not too late to show the playfulness we got in ourselves because I'm sure, all of us had it but are just shy in showing it off.
A New Love Official I get jealous too to those kind of people and I’m trying really hard to just enjoy myself and be playful and try to emulate their behavior but sometimes I get really tired and most of the time I don’t have the energy to be interesting all the time.
It is exhausting but totally worth it. That’s why I surround myself with friends who are not afraid to be playful and there’s usually not many dull moments. Dull moments still happens from time to time, sometimes you can’t control it but it’s usually for a short period.
Exactly. I'm not a jealous person at all. But if there's one thing in the world that I envy it's : people that have the ability to make anyone have a good time and be comfortable around them.
I feel the same way too :")
I get jealous too😣😣😣😣why cant i....
I am that kind of people, but I can tell you that I prefer to not be known by everyone, happiness is not in how many people you bring, but how strong your relation are with the few that are truly there for you. I never wanted to have that life "popular"/ " Sucessful" Those closeminded people that talk too much have
This is why I had trouble making friends. They all think I'm boring and I don't talk much.
iamjohnporter67 I feel you :(
Fuck this is so true i feel you so much
probably not, the problem is probably much deeper. Boring ness is sich a shallow "problem", this video trivializes character, self image and confidence.
I can relate so much.
My “friend” literally was talking to classmates we work with in a group (who I never really talk with) about how boring I am/was at her party just because I wasnt into alcohol and about how she was having a fun time with her other friends (I was 14) as if I wasnt there
I cried. I don't know how to get in touch with my feelings anymore.
Everything will be okay❤️ you won't know the meaning of happiness without knowing how sadness feels like :)
It's okay. Reading this 6 months later. Hope you are ok now.
if you can cry, you're more in touch with your feelings than you may realize :)
i never cry lol (though that's partly cause crying gives me headaches)
@@stuartpickles6907 that's gonna make me cry harder lmao
@@coziigurl Dude, im so boring that people said it to me outright
I don’t know how to talk to people. That makes me boring
Rebecca Hartung you just don't know how to express your self around people. Try to be active in a conversation by understanding the way those people think and then express yourself with an example that people might relate. by then you'll not be a boring person anymore. Hope this help
I share the same feeling... It's terrible!
Im a fuckin introvert cuz i find it hard to communicate with others especially with strangers which makes me so sad that i cant get others respect or ends up being so weird to others...whats ur advice? Cuz it really adversely affects my mood at the school or even my performance..
It's a Skill... If you don't know how to swin for example, you go ahead and train... If you don't know to talk to people,
you stop sharing your melancholy and train!
And doing so is not to become a social predator and being able to communicate with everybody, because if you can do that congrats, you are a freak. You need to communicate with the close ones, and that's enough.
I can express myself yet I'm still boring. The point is that I have nothing to talk about. When you meet new people it is fine. You don't know each other so you can just talk about your life and experiences. But after some time there is nothing you could say to each other. I realized this recently. I have nothing to talk about with my friends. I don't know how to start a conversation or rather to say what topic should I begin with. This is my issue. This is why I think I'm boring. I'm at a bar and ask a girl for a drink. We can talk for hours and she seems to be interested. Then when we get to know each other after a couple of dates I just don't know how to continue what shall I do next. This is the reason I'm boring.
I recommend you do something that interests you all the time. Don't be yourself, be who you want to become.
SomebodyLikeXeo getting a hobby, do shut you can talk about
SomebodyLikeXeo Read books, watch series and films, listen to a variety of music : unlimited topics of conversation
@SomebodyLikeXeo daaamn, I have the same problem... I have a lot of hobbies and im very open when i meet someone for the first time BUT when we start to know eachother better, thats when i start to struggle. At this point i stopped even trying :/
Easy solution: 1)Dont be the one who tries to amuse her/him, feel yourself worth enough to make her to try to amuse you and think about not to be boring. so u wont feel bad for u and u will be more confident. 2) And you should try to express your feelings, put more feelings in your words and stories - thats what they will remember. its like art, never gets boring
Conclusion: You become interesting by your ability to express and explain your feelings and emotions along with facts about any event.
I don't know why, but I fail to learn anything from these videos. I have been watching them, but I rarely get along.
It's because these videos don't apply to all people even though they pretend they do
SAMEEEEE
@@hubblebublumbubwub5215 No, it's because you can't expect to be a charismatic silver-tongued celebrity after watching a six minute video. If not everything applies to you, take what does and implement it into your life. Knowledge is useless without action. Seek to improve yourself gradually with what you learn and you will begin to see a change, rather than expecting the simple consumption of information to do that for you.
They use use tongue twisting vocabs to sound cool
I have difficulty understanding them too. Mostly because the narrator speaks in such boring way that I lose my attention in fifteen seconds or so, and rewind the video over and over again. I understand what they're trying to do, but it's not working.
This is my biggest social anxiety right here, I have work to do
I was even scared to click on this video
Dantick09 It used to be mine too, then I realised that no matter how well I express myself others will always see and say what they want for better or worse. Now I express myself for myself.
For the record you guys seem far more interesting than the dude who posted, "How to not be boring? Have a hobby and be up-to-date with current events." like Buzz Killington.
Yeah hobbies and current events become pointless and repetitive in the long run but passions and good company never grow old.
Watch 12 hours of Charles Dickens documentaies and tell me if your life is boring
Sweet! Now I know I'm not actually boring; I'm just too stupid to be interesting. Thanks!
Remember the proverb: it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. The most boring people are those who think they're interesting.
@@homosexualpanic A writer is inside you. Your statement is more fruitful than the whole video.
Self loathing is not a cool thing to do, just saying. You may want to work on that before anything else.
@@homosexualpanic ~Mark Twain
@@lcs8411 was it? Thanks, I just remember Lisa saying it in a classic episode of The Simpsons 😂
I got called boring so many times in high school I get trauma every time someone says it. It’s my most hated word. I am now afraid to talk about myself because people might say I’m boring. I had a phase of being a gossip because that seemed to really get people attention but the only reason I talked less in highschool was because I hated gossip. There’s really no telling with people
The people who call you boring are people who don’t have the interest in you in mind. I feel as if your experience in high school is relatable to mine and I’m curious to what else you’d have to say about this. When someone calls you boring, usually it’s someone you shouldn’t affiliate with at all and it’s good to surround yourself with people who do care. Wether it’s only one, a group, or a friend online you met through similar interests.
Omg, you are just like me. I hate gossip and bad words so much. But all my classmates are bad mouthing each other and they are so happy and outgoing.
All my friends find me quirky, happy, optimistic, stubborn and always say that I ask the funniest and weirdest questions, but honestly if they all found out I’m actually boring I think I would have even less friends then I have now
How can they find out that you're "actually boring" when they find you interesting? Your diary might be boring to read, but people are generally amused when the interact with you, doesn't that make you an interesting person?
R.I.P Introverts T___T
VoltZ I would have thought an introvert would thrive at not being boring because their introspectiveness should give them good insights into themselves that they could share with others.
The problem comes when we try to communicate those insights to others!
Yes, but introverts tend to stay away from social interactions making it more difficult for them to engage in conversations when they are given the opportunity to. Hence they might have a lot of thoughts that they would like to express, but they find it very difficult to formulate them and express them to other people.
Or they might know how to formulate them but not in a way that others may understand it. People usually dont take interest in stuff that they cant get their heads around.
I'm an introvert as well (I'm more comfortable alone than in social situations) but it is very much possible to get better at being charming, charismatic and likable! Just be enthusiastic, have an open ear, try to be interesting and you'll find your way around. I believe in you!
After scrolling through the comments I begin to wonder what the fuck is going through people's heads. Thanks for the amazingly well written script in every video. You beautifully portray the different aspects of life, and it's pure joy to watch.
We share your dismay - at points! Thanks for watching.
Thanks so much.
"these absolutely comments" lol
I agree, this video, is well thought through, well written and beautifully narrated and presented (comme d'hab pour le school of life). Merci!
You perfectly describe what I feel about The SoL videos.
I also wonder whether the guys behind it are IQ200 masterminds. They seem to know many things about many different topics and hit the nail on most of them.
I have trust issues and mistakingly force people away by being odd thinking in my head is this person really interested in me. End of story I over think and need love
same goes for me
I overthink too much
Yup, my brain never shuts up. It is always attacking me.
Me too man!
Same here
Same here
This just gives me a proof of why I am an outcast because I feel that I am incapable of sharing who i am I have grown helpless.
Never, ever think of a CZcams video as proof of anything...
2.5M boring person. Thanks god im not alone
Idfc ! 😂😂😂all people is boring
yasmin / same
With all due respect, your sentence is grammatically wrong.
4M, we can now start our own little boring country
😂😂😂😂
You talk about yourself too much, you're a narcissist. You talk about others too much, you're a gossip. You talk about problems, you're a pessimist. You talk about topics like religion, politics, philosophy or social issues, you're too intense. I just find it annoying that you have to use small talk about random shit like entertainment or daily life as conversational lube to get to the good stuff.
When every way of being gets dissected online, there's no way to be.
In relation to your comment, you should check out Big Talk.
Jason John this speaks to me so much
it make sense to lube up. you've gotta do it when you drive, have sex, so why not when you conversate?
Jason John Agreed. That's why I choose to be quiet, and talk sometimes. But, me making myself the persona of loudness in my group of friends, I always have to promote small talk, or it gets awkward. But when I do, especially on politics and science plus personal experience, they seem to stop caring and start talking to someone else anyways. I usually come on strong, not using "conversational lube". (that's hilarious btw) Now, I'm known for being a good story teller, but it seems that no one thinks I'm interesting because I don't usually infuse humour and useless talk all the time. I don't find the need to make someone laugh all the time. But, with me not wanting to be a total reject from society, I do make pointless jokes and try to be loud. It's obnoxious even to me.
i'm mostly entertaining but it's so frustrating because i'm scared of boring the other person i'm with so i keep on entertaining until i run out of energy. but no one entertains me. i end up feeling lonely and friendless. there needs to be a balance.
Yeah I have this problem too. It is exhausting
Me too. I even offer that they can use me anytime they have something to ask or say, but they never come back and have fun with new friends. I tried my best to entertain everyone. But they only come when they need my help.
If you are an introvert you don't have to fell bad about yourself, just do what you like. People will say that you are boring cuz you are not like what they want you to be, don't destroy your character for the sake of those people
Bro but communication is very important in our life 🙂
"How not to be boring"
It's actually very simple if you follow these steps:
1) Before going to a social event develop the habit of visualizing the entire social event/ meeting/ date in your head going well. Run a small movie about the event in your head, see yourself laughing, others laughing, hear what you hear, and notice how you feel. Imagine everything going extremely well and that people around you are having fun and taking special interest in you and in what you're saying.
2) Be a good listener. If you mastered this one skill people will see you as a very interesting person and someone fun to be with. All you need to do is pay attention to what people are saying and stop thinking about how you are being perceived. By making the story in your head about them, not you, you are going to notice how your level of anxiety has dropped down greatly or even disappeared. This is simple, you are no longer trying to impress them with stories about yourself or your personal interests. You are simply letting them tell you what's interesting for them and as long as people are talking about themselves they'll never get bored.
3) If you find it difficult to show genuine interest in other people's stories or personal interests you don't share with them then there's a tiny yet effective trick to use here which would shift your thinking about people's stories. BELIEVE that in every story you hear there is an important lesson to help you with your life or information about the other person's inner world. This will help you take special interests in other people's stories because there now something in it for you. I am not talking about faking it. Trust me, when you change your mindset you'll discover how every every story has valuable lessons for you to learn no matter how seemingly boring it sounded. Also, every story gives you a peak into someone else's inner world. Things they probably won't say directly to you or they yet haven't learned about themselves.
4) Wait for the question. Since you've given others the opportunity to talk about themselves and you were actively listening to them they now LIKE you. Without them telling you this but everyone loves a good listener. Now they'll start asking you questions about yourself. This is one of the signs you suddenly became an interesting person to them and so they wanna learn more about you. Use the questions they asked as a chance to present yourself to them in a way that's interesting to them. How? Do not just keep talking nonstop until their interest in you drops. In the beginning give simple answers and wait for the next question. If they are still asking you about the same subject then chances are they wanna learn more because they find it interesting. If they asked you a different question then again answer moderately. Give information but do not bombard them with it. They stayed on topic and kept digging deeper? Good, keep that subject and give more information now that you know they are interested.
5) Memorize some of the words they used in their stories and self-expression and occasionally repeat those words to them while commenting on their stories, sharing your own stories, or while asking them questions. For example, Ella said: "My last trip to africa was so much fun, we actually had a blast. The number of activities one can do there is insane. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life."
For example: You go: "Wow that does sound INSANE, I didn't know a trip to Africa could be so REWARDING and fun."
Trust me, Ella will think you are one of the most interesting people she has ever met. Just don't make it sound like you are doing it on purpose or with each sentence she makes because she might think you are just mocking her or lack individuality and creativity. You can also do it while sharing stuff about yourself later on after the conversation had drifted into another direction. Example:
"Right after my daily workout I feel so REWARDED. It's INSANE how simple adjustments can influence our moods"
6) The art of questioning: This is a general note and a very useful skill to be applied at any point whether in your social life, with your partner, with your customers/clients at work, or even with your kids. Always avoid asking close-ended questions such as 'Did you enjoy your trip?'
'Do you like your job?'
'Since you told me you are studying psychology. Do you like it so far?'
'Do you believe in love?'
'Is this game addictive to you?'
Close-ended questions are those that usually can be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no' or any variation of that to confirm or negate something (I am, very much, pretty sure, I don't think so, not sure, probably, I would say so,.... and so on)
It is understandable that close-ended questions are needed and important but not when you want to get people to talk. Those of you who work in sales, business development, or marketing know exactly what I'm talking about. You don't want your customers to give you a yes or no answers but rather you want valuable information, opinions, suggestions, feedback,... you want to learn more about their needs, expectations, and challenges. This is where open-ended questions come into play. Here are the same questions I posted above only asked differently this time:
Trip: 'Tell me about your last trip to the Middle East, I'm interested to hear your stories'
Job: 'How does a typical day at work look like for you?'
Study: 'What made you choose psychology?'
Love: 'How can you tell when you or someone else is in love?' OR 'If love had a recipe what do you think the main ingredients would be and why?'
Game: 'What would you change about this game or features you add to make it addictive?'
These are just examples but you can clearly see how one is compelled to talk when asked open-ended questions. If you are a parent, always ask your kids this type of questions. It will intrigue their thinking and help them become better communicators and ultimately affect their social life. 'Tell me about your day at school,' 'What do you like the most about your friend Eric?' 'Teach me something new you have learned today,' 'How did that make you feel?' Such questions will improve your child's social intelligence and their ability to form healthy relationships.
Thanks!
wow..awesome stuff !
Goddamn my nigga it's 7 am I can't read all this
Grejegando that is really helpful
Grejegando Leil Lowndes?
well.. im really boring to those who don't think the same as me
Luke. Whoever likes this comment is a serial rapist.
Luke. How do you think?
Artechiza idk man i think differently than most of people that i get to know so im always quiet so most people think im boring and yet when i open up to someone and talk about random thoughts they don't get me and i dont really blame them. i think some people are meant to be happy while others are condemned to suffer .
Well, Luke, if you were to learn how to convey your thoughts in a clear manner; your audience may have an easier time understanding you.
Robert maybe.. that's what i got from the video but people don't like what they can't understand you see most people are simple minded, you don't get to have meaningful conversations with
when you really talk to them even if they get you they still reject you
so most of the time i avoid talking freely to them, i just pretend to be a simple dude so i can have friends.
“I wasn’t born into this world to entertain you so why should I care what you think about me”
Do you want to remain lonely and ignorant?
@@GIDEONgame please elaborate
@@gutswithdrip879 You need to somehow keep track of what people think of you and why. If someone is talking smack, sure forget about it. But if someone is critical of you and you know they are right, let's be fair here, you are far from perfect, than why be ignorant about it? So always listen with ears atleast half open.
Also, not caring about what other people think can leave you horribly lonely, think about your family and friends for example. Honesty is good, but it needs to be delivered with tact so you don't hurt them unneccesarily.
Giving less of a sh*t about what others think is fine, it isn't bad life advice. But instead of giving no f*cks, have a bucket of f*cks and spend them well. Ignore those who live terrible lives, they are in no place to give advice. But if someone has a life you envy, you might want to listen.
Perhaps that is more clear, no?
@@GIDEONgame perhaps you misunderstand what I meant with my statement.
I mean that I should not change myself to suit the preferences of others. Of course, I care a lot and think about my friends and family, and if I ever get any constructive criticsm that I know will make me a better person, I will happily accept it, but I will never, ever make myself more entertaining just to please other people.
@@gutswithdrip879 Yeah that seems to be the correct way to go about it. That would be aggressive people pleasing, which is quite unhealthy and makes you forgettable.
This channel HIGHLY overestimates how deep the conversations we have are!
Conversations don't have to be deep, but they also shouldn't be rote and meaningless. When you ask someone how their day was and all they say is "Fine," then the conversation is over and the person you're talking to is an empty slate. Alternatively, you can ask that same question and a more open person can tell you a bit about how their day actually was, even if it's something as simple as missing their commute or waking up early to see the sunrise. That will always be more fundamentally interesting than the polite small talk you could have gotten before.
tldr; interesting conversation =/= deep conversation
Funny thing is that introverts are the most intresting people when you get to know them as opposed to outroverts who give every single detail about themselves to the world
Something's are better left unsaid leave a little mystery ladies and germs
Noot extraverts**
Yep, then they think you're boring because they've been talking AT you for half an hour without letting you get a word in.
extroverts ... no one here can spell
...I'm not a germ.
... At least, I'm a gentle germ.
this is really insightful and true. I feel the more I become honest with myself the more I am becoming a more fun person. It is weird, but the frankness expressed by our hearts are the most colorful aspects of our lives.
Some people are scarily good at faking that they're interested in what you're telling them. So I have trust issues. And I really only speak when I feel like it's really worth sharing. The problem is not knowing what someone else thinks is interesting to hear about. It might be interesting to you but not to someone else. And that makes it hard to find a topic to start a conversation with.I have so many interest on a deep level but I barely share my thoughts out of fear of judgement.
I usually start with sth stupid
I'd rather share a comfortable silence with someone than continue listening to them blabber on about themselves.
Oh, great! So there *are* people, who also think, that silence can be pleasant and smoothing.
Гарри Поттер и Куденхове-Калерги it's a lot better than trying to force a conversation
I actually pretty much enjoy it when surrounded by good friends, it can be very calming then.
But then again, theres that line between awkward and comforting silence. My problem is not knowing how to differentiate between the two and always wondering if the silence is awkward for the other person, which is why i try(and fail) to start another conversation.
funny too how i end up delighted by interesting conversations from people in class who i normally viewed as quiet and awkward.
I only have two modes
1. BORING
2. Annoying
Safiyyah Conway haha
exactly! when I share my thoughts, its usually on stuff ppl don't care about or think about so i'm annoying, and if i don't share my thoughts then i'm just boring. just wish i had more conventional interests
Safiyyah Conway yesss ikr..
S. Conway advice1: watch this video.
thats it.
tim cook I became more annoying
Truly eye opener. I was that kind of person who thought I was boring, after watching this video I remembered one friend who could relate to how I think and vice-versa, it was this time when both of us wanted to drop out of college, we could say our hearts were elsewhere, I love Martial arts and there's this promotion called ONE championship that prides itself in having fighters who light hope in a world where that flame has vanished, and it encourages people to chase what they really want. I always get emotional when I read the CEO's story on why he created ONE, he had a lot of money and you could consider him successful, but he wasn't really happy with his life and more specifically, he wasn't into what he was doing, so he went ahead and tried to create ONE and gather individuals who inspired strong values like love, respect, diligence, etc. So people can look up to them not only as fighters but role models in life. I feel like I belong there, I just feel like I'm meant to be amongst that kind of people. My friend wants to work on the artistic side of videogames, she loves Nintendo and more specifically, Zelda, she loves to draw characters, listen to ost and she even has an Ocarina and she is learning how to play, she showed me her sketchbook and she is no joke at drawing.
The thing is, her parents and mine held us back from dropping out of college, it was a bummer because you know, having to spend years on something you're not into doesn't sound fun at all.
Well, we got really close to each other, and I wondered why, now I know we knew how to open up about our feelings about what we wanted to do in the future, and how something held us back. We were in a similar situation so it was natural.
In different situations I hold myself back because I think to myself "this person might not be interested in what I have to say" and I just say a half-assed thing.
And so a journey begins in which I have to be into what I say and really show it, I might even attract genuine people too!
I'm not shy I just donno how to talk to others and what to talk about .. that's why people consider me boring
Ahhhh your voice could melt butter
What a nice paromoeosis. You melted my brain. ♥
it's irritating.
The voice of a butter melter.
Your comment had 666 likes, wtf?
I completely agree!
"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." Eleanor Roosevelt
Gabriel 1 Profound.
True.
Gabriel 1 but wasn’t she discussing people in that quote?
LoLa Dean yeah and nobody ever voted for her - she was just riding her husband's coat-tails.
The stupidest quote ever.
And im always nervous when Im with a person...
I think the key to not being boring is to talk about things you are truly interested in. Some time ago (say until a few months back) I thought there's something wrong with talking about computer science, programming, compilers, ... And I was trying to talk to some people about other things, which didn't particularly interest me, like e.g. trips or books. And I felt like people are a bit bored talking with me. But then I thought "fuck this, I'm gonna tell them about neural networks and stuff". And I did. And I feel like they have seen that it is interesting to me, which suggests them it is interesting in general, hence also to them. I am satisfied, because I talk about things I like and my friends are genuinely interested in what I'm talking about.
So yes, don't worry to talk with this girl you like about things you like, be it games, programming or cooking.
It is important to UNDERSTAND that you should talk about things interesting to you and talk about them with confidence. Of course, the beginning may be weird or uncomfortable or difficult. But when you finally come to the conclusion I have come to, it is going to be a natural way to talk for you :)
I can relate to you, i am kinda nerd so sometimes I want to talk about school, lessons, or some documentaries and I don’t do that because I think that would bore people, everyone wants to have fun, talk about daily life. So I try to talk about daily stuff and that bores me . Maybe that’s why people dont usually talk to me
Don't share too much to not be boring, you'll end up being annoying.
I swear this channel was made for me. Thanks for the much needed social skill tips.
Thanks so much.
The School of Life Thank you so much*
Mer Ault I looked up things to make your life less pointless because I felt dehydrated
o really but I also looked then its made me this channel
Thamer_ss It might seem "wrong" grammatically , but it actually is OK english.stackexchange.com/questions/185199/is-thanks-so-much-wrong
Good video actually
Okay
"actually"
Really?
This really is one of my worst fears as someone with social anxiety. Thankyou for framing it in a different way - I've never thought of myself as inherently interesting, because I struggle to express myself honestly around most people. Sometimes I meet people who I am naturally more comfortable opening up around, however I definitely need to do more work in finding out who I am and showing that to those around me.
For some reason, this video felt like a nice warm hug. Thank you!
You're not the only one hugged.
For me it was boring
Hey that voice is a hug
Why is this recommended for me? Does CZcams really knows me that well?
I have the same question
because you have made a research about this topic before
because you have made a research about this topic before
Youre fbi agent knows.
lolytta kyle drop that mouse, it's FBI!
I can't talk about my life to others because I don't do anything in that time that warrants excitement or emotion of any variety. The only exciting things that ever happened to me were throughout my childhood school years, and all of it was negative. I hated everyone, I was dangerously close to becoming a "school shooter" before it was something that even showed up on the news. I tried to be honest and it just blew up in my face because I didn't know how to talk to fellow kids and the adults (At the time). I was constantly thrown into those mental child classrooms which only made the bullying worse. I still don't really know how to open up to people at the age of 25.
I'm boring because I cannot open up about my experiences without scaring anybody off. Mentioning that my behavior mirrored a school shooter's in public would just get me a free trip to the psyche wards, or ostracize me further. Therefore I have the choice of being boring or outwardly crazy, both are counter-intuitive. I can't even fake it because I don't know what I'm supposed to mimic, I don't even know how someone could wear that mask for a long time.
I thought I would have learned something from this but this only made me feel worse about what I am. The only strong emotions I feel nowadays are anger, hate, sadness, all these negative emotions are not something I can share. People are only able to rebuke positive emotions in our society. That's why your examples don't work, because negative emotions make everything awkward (such as the ones the main character was sharing). It's just common sense at this point.
I don't think I'm the right authority to help you but here goes. Find a true passion you are dedicated about, just put yourself in opportunities to do new things that you would usually shy away from. Once finding that passion should help you become the person you've always wanted to be. You'll then find people who are passionate about the same things as you are. Those relationships are supposed to create meaning in your life. You also talk about anger and negativity being a huge pain in the ass, I can relate to that situation but I don't know how to help you. I find myself yelling at the people I love with no restraint pushing them further away from me. But nonetheless don't do something stupid this life is your one and only life.
Btw also don't let the past decide who you are. I and many other people believe that others can change
Marthedge have you ever asked yourself questions about your negative emotions? Like, why are you still angry for something happened a long time ago? Do you still see that person? Is that person worth your feelings? Sometime we get stuck and can't move forward. Wishing you a little step in the right direction. ☺
@marthedge It’s been a year now, how are you getting on?
@@whoopnoop4043 I can't wait to be sad and alone at the edge of the universe.
the back end understanding of the concept portrayed in the video outstanding - much thanks and grats to those involved in making this insightful video
If you do this you're no longer boring. You're now weird.
Sathjaya Perera basically we will never satisfy the society
Maybe that's the whole point: society can never be fully satisfied.
YOU WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED
GOD, I HOPE YOUR SATISFIED
*(sorry... not really)*
Only fools are satisfied
The Hyper Cube never gonna be president now
anybody else get this as a recommendation?... yeah, I'm feeling lame now
Firefenex1996 nope I searched for this 1
Lol
I'm often in situations where the interests of me and my conversation partner are mutually exclusive
This showed me a new way of looking at conversations. An honest exchange of what life feels like to each other.
Didn't understand any of that but the drawings were good.
Dont: describe with situation that made you happy without including enough information for the other person to visualise, empathise, hypothesise, and perhaps, summarise. BAD eg: "I went to the pool party and it was fun cos we wrestled each other." BETTER eg: "john's pool party was dominated my yours truly. Why? cos im the best and john is a white nerd". - mystery, empowering clue, selfish controversy.
Elliott Bohringer How you speak is soo smooth it become sexy. Where would you send me to learn if I were you're student?
@@darkrangerl your*
>:[
😂😂😂😂
Well you're not boring🤣
Feels like half of your videos begin with "one of our great fears.."
Currently watching this with guests in the house who are all talking about my sister
And only my wonderful sister
I thought I was boring at first...then after watching this video and being unable to make it 1/2 way through,I realized what *boring* really is
"No one is boring." I beg to differ.
Boring is subjective
i wish it was 'how not to be bored'
too bad
Mohamed Zahidin I think you can use this video nevertheless.
find beauty in everything and everyone and stop to marvel at it. stay curious and ask questions, then you will never be bored
Mike Jones not true at all. you can be also depressed or demotivated or hundreds of other reasons. it isn't that simple, don't just repeat known phrases
Mohamed Zahidin do things
ever wonder what the afterlife looks and feels like?
go ahead give it a shot!
Bin al-Flecki it feels like cherry by ratatat
Feelings beneath the facts + explain them
Direction + honesty + focus
Feel like CZcams knows me better than most of my friends
some extroverted people say they prefer small talk, no good talking about our true feelings or ambitions if many in society want to go along with the flow of the party.seems some are more occupied with the experience of being around other people then actually understanding them.
Tail finz The wouldnt the solution be you dont share those feelings with typical people and only the ones whove caught your interest as you know. I agree listening to CERTAIN people prattle on is obnoxious because they dont actually care about the conversation there in. But even with complete strangers you give a poke and you can get absolutely caught in that moment of picking their brains. Idk its my opinion that introverts arent as distant as they think. Just to more people.
you raise a good point maybe i shouldn't have brought the whole myer briggs thing into it. there are some quiet people who just like being around people rather then trying to engage in detailed conversation. i like to think with most people have an enchiched interest even it its sports or tv or pokemon, but they may expect you you to have a certain level of knowledge to enegage with you in that, but those people are hard to talk to when you mining for gold to have a conversation with somone whereby everything is answered in one line closed answers. but maybe those folk are in it more for them moment anyway.
Tail finz of course they prefer it, they misunderstand or look at it differently in their perception of reality
I was just thinking that everyone has their own idea of what's interesting. Whether it's what everyone else says is interesting or something they've discovered that they find interesting, it really isn't accurate to say that helping others understand what it's like to be you will be interesting to everyone. Some people can't be bothered with truly knowing others.
Yes, whether someone is introverted, or extroverted, it doesn't mean they are interested in heart felt self-expression, or even devoting much mental energy to talking. Extroversion doesn't correlate, necessarily, with being a conversationalist.
The video was about how to "be interesting", and that's a topic beyond entertaining people, or keeping up with extroverts who may be babbling about anything.
People get stuck in uninteresting small talk because most non-boring conversations are about things like politics, religion, sports, and similar topics where people can have differing opinions. Unfortunately in our society, maintaining polite conversation is emphasized and discussing controversial topics with anyone but your closest friends is discouraged.
I think people often voice their opinions quite often to strangers, usually at the comfort behind a keyboard. I think people would open up more in that regard if people weren't so quick to become enraged at differences. I think people should learn to become more open in new ideas so people feel safe opening up with bigger talk.
This explains a lot, talk about transitioning from a social light to a dissociate. For someone like myself who would rather stay at home and play video games than go to a house party and exchange points of view as well as interacting with people.
it is just us getting bored or tired,I was filled with excitement when someone was tired!
To my experience and from what I read, nobody cares about what the other guy feels. They only care about talking about what they feel. People take turns suffering for each other.
Unless they actually care for that person.
The thing is, what somebody else feels and what you feel are connected. If someone else is in a really great mood their emotions transfer to you. By the same token if someone is in a really shitty mood, it can start to bring you down.
@@TheDas1888 Only if you really care about that person. And even then you can distance yourself from their negative emotions to an extent.
@@Fearofthemonster true
Audience is also important. While many people would probably find "statistical analysis of bronze age potato farming on population growth" a quite boring topic, there will be plenty of anthropologists, historians who could talk about it endlessly with you. Thanks to the marvel of the internet, you can always find people who will see you as the most interesting person in the world. Sure, it might be a niche group. But as anyone lucky enough to find their niche can tell you, there's nothing quite like being in the presence of people who can't wait to hear what you have to say.
I would talk about it endlessly, and I'm not even historian. :D
Only a nerd
Brian Perera Great point. Talking about art to engineers and talking about engineering to artists Is a set up for a non-receptive audience.
Brian Perera yeah people laugh at us for talking on the internet instead of going into public but it’s way easier finding people with similar interests via video games, chat groups, etc
I highly agree. Online groups are the best thing ever.
the example of the child and the elders are truly grateful
Of all the school of life videos I've seen, this one is always the most reassuring for me.
In short: Be yourself and be proud of who you are, skip the small talk and talk from your heart and not your head (without being irrational).
Be yourself. You know what I am talking about. You're weird and you know it. Most of us just hide it. Don't. Hope this helps!
The Temp
The thing is I do that already but nobody's interested at all, its even become a joke, the things that i always talk about just because im so extremely fond of it
@@lauri6943 what do u like to talk about ???
@@enriquellerena4779 Eating shit sandwiches.
I am myself
Also myself: rebellious piece of shit thats always in a bad mood and does not believe in friends or love
Ok but if we are ourselves we will further judged and disliked. There's no win on this buddy
Pov: I just got called boring by my friend and now I'm overthinking the fact that I am probably boring so I decided to watch this video for advice
Player 1 same pinch...my friend also called me boring .....i now m here watching this video ....coz it hurt me alot
This must be the nicest youtube channel. No one's boring or evil. You're just confused or sad
is it bad if i thought this video was boring
Kyla Coutts me too
Ok
Super boring
Kyla Coutts being honest me too I don’t know I found this video outta no where
I thought it was more boring than you did. lol.
I am incredibly boring and I know it
Kyle This comment wasn't boring tho! So it can't be that bad
@@TGregers da fuck
The timelaps of the paintings and portraits are so wonderful
And its so malancholic, the definition of a boring person, someone who does not have the courage and confidence to tell others what its like to be them..
Reaching almost one half of a century at my age, seeming luckily I've never been feeling so boring in my life ....maybe with a little busy working life at the begining then devoting as one part of the family and now even I live with almost freely alone time to count down and value to realize what was the most importance of life......I'm still not feeling boring with the time ,...
"Reccomended videos for you"
"reccomended"?
Well, wot? ♥
well, fuck.
When you're an artist, nothing is boring, because you see the aesthetic potential in everything.
The fact that one of your videos titled "How not to be boring" has on an average way more likes than your other videos explains much about the brokenness of us as individuals in a society.
Thanks for this. People often complain about my conversations, but this has given me some tips to teach them to be more interesting.
Really hard not to say, but the 6 minutes long video about the subject how not to be boring... was kinda boring haha.
Still, very informative and the summarized lesson we learned: Becoming less boring when we focus on our inner details and learn to spread this to the audience, was very helpfull. Thanks!
Kevin Verstegen ikr barely a minute in and 😴
I was about to say that
I got diagnosed with ADHD about 2 years ago, and I've struggled greatly making friends ever since. I was a very weird and loud guy before, but now I'm very self-conscious about coming off as annoying, talking too much, or people not caring about what I'm saying, so most of the time, to avoid this, I'll keep my mouth shut and concentrate too much on not annoying new people. My girlfriend is the only real friend I have right now, and if she and I break up, I'll very likely be all alone.
In my experience with people with ADHD the only thing that makes social stuff difficult is if they interrupt a lot (by which I don't mean simple interjections but periodically interrupting in a way that messes up the flow) - but apart from that, generally what they have to say is as interesting as what anyone else has to say. And if you're hyperactive that can be more engaging tbh. If the other person doesn't care what you have to say, that's not ADHD-related or even you-related, it's compatibility-related
Well spoken, thought provoking, and dead on.
Never regurgitate or imitate another’s point of view, because you’re never going to be inferentially blind.
Example: I relate with a streamer I watch very frequently or as frequent as they stream, yet our conversation is never boring b/c we are not the exact same. Sometimes we argue or disagree. But with maturity, the differences only intrigue more discussion.
It's all about direction and how you make the story interesting
Boredom is in the mind of the beholder.
Who here has successfully wasted the entire month of January?
I would have if I didn't have exams I had to study for and excel at.
Samuel James and February.. and then probably March.
firethorn Almost there...
11thDoctor's Companion Don't worry it's gonna be an easy journey
January, February, March and now almost April. 🙃
This video gives me so much hope. You can't even imagine!
I felt so alone as I could not communicate. I couldn't describe what I was feeling in words.
The level of grammar in this youtube channel just makes me feel inferior
Syahrul Anwar nawww don't feel that way. if anything it should be like a book: inspiring you to look up words and learn new definitions that you would not otherwise know!!! true wisdom is knowing that you don't know.. please don't feel inferior.. feel as though you are always learning, changing, adapting, and becoming more whole. becoming more you.
Syahrul Anwar It's so difficult to follow it for a spanish like me xd
you really shouldn't, ive had to google words to make sure im using them right so as to hopefuly not sound as uneducated as i am. im sure most are putting some thought into it also. what i cant understand is the people that feel the need to make fun of a persons comment for silly reasons like if a words misspelled. must be a child. the english language has been butchered. in 40 years it probably wont even be taught in school anymore.
Well that was boring
Why did u think that?
@@bhavya5692 cuz shes not interested thats why
That was funny
Are you guys for real too blind to see irony when it is as obvious as this?
@@slaxxer113 imma have to tell you the same
This video made me cry.
I am so boring, this video tracked me down to remind me of that fact. If people have a fun conversation, it falls silent when i get near them.
My dad said boring is as boring does!
Or was that Forrest Gump?
The concept of moral equivalence may ( or not) suggest that all of us are interesting in some way. My narcissistic friend ( one sided) says he's more interesting than most people he meets.
Ivan Boyraz he appears more interesting... to himself! Because he's only interested on himself 😂
That's interesting.
we are all narcissistic aren't we, maybe we should not try too hard to normalize.
This makes my heart warm and I feel relieved. I'm going to try ask people about how they feel and I'm going to tell them about how I feel.
Beautifully said! I will show this to my Visual Arts students who are just about to begin their figure drawing which will display personal body language.
One of my friends said that i was so boring so here i am🥲i actually have lots of friends who are younger than me but i just can’t communicate with people at my age😭😭
I have a fear of boring people but I also get bored very quickly by other people. Everyone has their own interests and varying intelligence so it's just a matter of finding someone on your wavelength, I think. Also sometimes hearing an all new perspective can be life-altering if they're able to deliver in a way that doesn't offend previously held beliefs but that is so rare and that's unfortunate.