Living with Dissociative Identity Disorder & Coping With Grief
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 27. 03. 2019
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You may remember Encina from our interview on what it's like living with dissociative identity disorder (DID). Now she says it's time to focus on herself. Here's how she copes with grief from a break up.
Encina says it's time to focus on herself. In this MedCircle Series Inside Look, Encina discusses how she finds meaning with dissociative identity disorder (DID) and other mental health struggles. SHe details how her break-up has affected her mental health journey. But as Kyle says, "the worst things in life come to us because we have to learn a lesson."
Encina and Kyle also discuss how happiness comes from within us - we can't count on relationships with other people to solely make us happy. We all want connections and a relationship, but it still comes down to ourselves - we need to put in the work to work on ourselves. Here's how she plans to sustain self-love and be happy
ABOUT THE SERIES:
We first sat down with Encina Severa in 2018 to discuss what itâs like to live with dissociative identity disorder (DID). But we didnât get the full picture. In this series, we flesh out Encinaâs full mental illness journey. Welcome to the MedCircle original series, âEncina Severa: Living with DID and Co-Occurring Disorders.â
In this new series, Kyle & Encina talk about the reaction to the original dissociative identity disorder interview, more about what it's like to live with multiple personalities, and what it's like to live with other mental health disorders:
- Depression (or major depressive disorder) with mixed features
- Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD)
- Complex PTSD (c-PTSD)
Encina ends the series with insight into how she found the right treatment for each disorder. After watching this full series, you'll walk away with actionable advice on how to find the right mental health treatment.
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#grief #copingwithgrief #copingwithloss
How do you find meaning & purpose despite life's struggles?
Get EXCLUSIVE access to this full series with Encina: bit.ly/2WmMdVM
I don't know
I find meaning & purpose by helping or trying to help other people and make this world a better place. By helping them, I also help myself, because I feel like I'm contributing to this world with something special, and it makes me feel like all my sorrows and griefs have been lessons that I've learned and from what I learned I can help others who struggle with them.
Jw.org has really positive online advice & help for SO many different subjects.
đâ€ïž
By looking at the struggles from a different lens. Like he said , there are lessons to be learnt from struggles. Itâs not easy though.
just want to give Encina the biggest freaking hug in the world
I think Kyle did, too. You can tell he wants to help, by how much he talks in this one.
Thank u
Me too
Yes đą I feel the same. I would also like to pray for her with her. đđŒ
@@Nicoleska665 yes ! I can see how genuine his compassion is for her â€ïž
"It's getting worse as I get older". I think this everyday.
"I can't heal myself if I'm also trying to heal other people"
That is 100% me. And now I understand why I was given this beautiful woman by my side to love and care for.
I healed (enough anyway) so I can help her heal herself. And to also take Kyle's words, there would be nothing wrong in taking 'me time' if I so needed it, since it will end up helping the two of us but specially myself.
Going through a really tough time myself right now too and really feel for her :(
Debsy Moon keep your head up đđŸđ€
Me too. My man passed away last Feb. Only reason I'm still going is the fact that God keeps me alive??
You can do this Encina!
Awww this makes me wanna hug her. Hang in there girl! You got this!!
Am educated by this series. It is touching and I have watched her first video too
Encina - You are a beautiful young woman, inside and out! Thank you for sharing about your life to help others. I pray that you will give your heart to God through Christ, as He is the only one who can give you true healing and peace. As a young woman and former atheist, I endured terrible crises in my life, and it wasnât until I was truly at the end of my rope at age 27 that I cried out for help to God. I didnât really expect an answer (since I was an atheist) but he reached down and touched me with his love. Long story short, I got off that bathroom floor a changed person and Iâm still walking with Him at age 55. Life isnât always a bed of roses for me, but I know that he hears my prayers, comforts me, and never leaves my side. I pray that you will know the love and peace of God as well! God bless you, beautiful soul!
Floxendoodle đ„°đ„°đ„°â„ïž
Absolutely love encina. She is giving me shark boy and lava girl vibes with that bad ass hair but anywayyyyy Medcircle is truly a blessing. I think her life will change for the better thanks to these interviews. I feel like she was kind of lost and hiding in her own world, now she is comfortable and seems relaxed talking about this topic, and thanks to the internet (which most of the time is a fucking horrible thing to have happened to humans but in this case NO!) I think people will return that kind of openness and give her the empathy she needs. She is clearly beautiful inside and out. Just struggling. We all do and itâs alright.
The greatest thing I ever did for MYSELF, was when I stopped giving 100% of myself to everyone, and everything else. I always reserve enough for me now.
You can't pour from an empty cup â€đ§Ąđđđđ
dear Encina, if you want someone to talk to in the middle of the night, I live in Europe and am home a lot. Don't hesitate to reach out.
I suffer with Bipolar 1 Disorder, CPTSD, agoraphobia, depression and anxiety disorder. I also just lost my father (even called him on father's day bc I forgot he was gone). So the complexity of dealing with your mental health issues but also having to put your grief first which also plays into your mental health. It's a tough spot to be in. And this just hit right on the nose. I recognize and empathize with your pain and struggle Encina. Knowing we aren't alone helps, but also doing everything you can do for yourself to get through this period is the first priority. I feel very blessed to live in a time where we're increasing awareness and am able to go online and get educated and connect with others with similar struggles bc we cannot heal and deal alone we all need support.
The sentiment that he espouses âThat no one should be our everything and be our source of happiness, and that we should be so independent as to provide all of that ourselvesâ is a very value laden statement. I think that people who are privileged enough to be that independent and to be able to do that for themselves pass judgement on others who are more interdependent and relationship based. I donât think sheâs wrong for having felt that her partner was her everything. I think thatâs actually fairly normal. I think itâs a bit rude for a man who had probably never depended on his partner financially, or desperately needed the emotional support of his partner to function to tell her that she should not be as vulnerable and needy as she is. Of course to the interviewer it seems easy and obvious not to rely on others, but heâs likely coming from a position of strength. Not everyone has the same tools and inner resources as him and he shouldnât hold them to the standards he can set for himself.
As a therapist or a service provider we are taught not to bring our values into the discussion. I donât think it was ethical for him to tell her that she shouldnât have relied so much on her relationship for support and happiness. He could have used open ended questions instead. Ex âDo you feel that you could provide yourself with the stability he gave you in another way?â âThat relationship met a need that you have for emotional support and happiness, what other ways could those needs be met?â This allows Encina to come to her own conclusions and opens the door to finding solutions rather than just telling her that her approach to relationships is flawed, and insinuating that her grief is somehow due to her own mistakes.
He says âIf you anât love yourself no one else willâ Which is a fucked up thing to say to someone whoâs childhood was marked by horrific sexual abuse and betrayal or her primary attachments. Given what sheâs been through I think that it makes sense that sheâs exceptionally emotionally vulnerable to the power of her relationships. Many sexual abuse survivors do struggle to love themselves, because they were not imprinted with self worth in their formative years. They were imprinted with dismally low self worth, so much so that her personality fractured to save her the pain of that experience. And this interviewer is trying to tell her that she needs to magically be able to love herself when no one has ever properly loved her (other than this partner she is grieving the loss of). This guy seems really oblivious, and seems to think that what works for him should apply to someone with a radically different identity, upbringing, set of traumatic experiences, neurodiversity, mental health and social-economic status as himself.
Also Iâve seen him in the seat of the interviewee, where he explores his approach to relationships. He has this value of âevery man for himselfâ âinvulnerabilityâand imposes this value judgement on others, as though they are lacking if they arenât like him. It may be healthy for him, but I feel bad for his ex-partners - I imagine they were met with disdain when they wanted to build an interdependent relationship based on trust and vulnerability. It is not some higher truth that we should all be 100% happy without a loving relationship, and that we should all be totally fine without our partner. What a very western view of relationships. And how entrenched it is in the strength of privilege.
this. thank you for saying it.
Thank you for taking the time to write this. It has given me some insight into my own 10 year relationship, which I have long struggled to understand from the point of view of my partner. I have been quick to dismiss his behavior as âcodependent,â which might stem from the stigma that Iâve been exposed to- that thereâs something innately wrong with you if you depend on another person.
Awesome đđœ!!! I explained this to my friend thatâŠ.so ppl who donât/canât love themselves FIRST canât attract a partner who doesnât love them because they havenât discovered self-loveâ I have known of people who developed self-love because another individual loved them first.
Iâve been grieving a breakup for almost a year now and it never goes away. I thought Iâd be better by now. Everything she said about her ex is how I felt about mine. I canât help but cry.
It took us two years for the pain to lessen. But we had to end it - some things are sad but necessary - but heâs the only one that we could be ourselves with - he wasnât scared and we had affection and fun and lots of things that we never had before - I hope we can have one relationship before we die where we can love and be loved, and the person is actually available. But in the meantime, for the first time ever, we are creating our own lifeâs and living a creative life - we are learning so much about trauma and relationships. Next time it will be better But for now we are happiest alone.
It can often take two - it will be okay :) take the positive aspects from that relationship and find it in someone else who is more of a match :)
@@rosieleat6868 thank you! ⥠you are so nice itâs great and refreshing to see someone like you
@@chimeiamv - aw thank you also! And you are welcome! :)
Your dog seems super happy and relaxed with you :)
This type of love that has ended feels as if there has been a death!! The mourning process will take time.. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to go through this.. You are a strong cookie!!!Huge hug for Encina! đ€
This world needs more Kyle's
That little talk about selfishness near the end is so important on its own! I need to internalize the concept more.
I always used to tell yo my patients that they are sick now and they have to be selfish. They have to heal first and next they can worry about their family members and friends. And now they should accept every kind of help. If not, they may lose everything.
"It's getting harder every day". I know what you mean.... there's a lump in my throat as I'm typing this. Your breakup: Even "normal" people have a hard type getting past breakups, even when they break up with someone who didn't really treat them nice. I understand how hard it was for you, breaking up with a guy that was the way you described it. A friend of mine once told me that "people are like buses. they come and go, but there's always another one that's coming to the station to pick you up from there, you just have to wait a bit." Yeah, people come and go, even the good or great ones. For many reasons. And I agree with Kyle, nobody should have that kind of power over us. And they have that kind of power because we give it to them, because we trust them, because we think they will always be there. We must appreciate what they've done for us and the time we spent together with them, then move on because there are other great people out there, maybe not as great as him, maybe greater, maybe just different than him, but there are. There are special people out there. But they are not easy to find. That's why they are special. :) If they were easy to find, they wouldn't be so special. Like a diamond hidden in the mud. You need to dig and dig in dirt until you find that "precious". You said you "lost" your best friend. He also lost you. He lost an amazing woman.
My comment is one year late, I hope you're doing better. It really sucks that I can't give you a hug, and taking my computer monitor in my arms is a bit weird. :D I love the way you explain. For me, when I'm desperate and in a bad bad depression, I can describe it perfectly, but when I get to the appointment to the psychotherapist i sit there like a dumbass and don't really know how to explain it anymore.
This is such a raw, vulnerable conversation between two people that are so open minded and empathetic. This was so beautiful, thank you.
Hang in there, Encita. You are a beautiful soul. đđ
You are so loved by all of us
As a person with BPD I know what it is like to make a special person being with me the top priority in life. As I started to take medicine and research I realised that noone should become my whole world- I am myslef and there are always other areas of life to solve and be involded in, sometimes I focus 100% on the other person as means to escape solving my own issues.
omg so much pain in her , and I thought I was having a bad day đ
Encina we are here you're not alone.
Love you Encina... You speak so openly and beautifully. We can literally feel a part of what you are experiencing! Love and hugs from all of us to you!! Keep it up! Love Medcircle for bringing her. Kyle... great interviewer for a sensitive talk
We get to make ourselves happy. Wow.. I never thought about that earlier. Fantastic.
Also, we should not need anyone to love us to love ourselves. Because when the other person takes the "love" away, we feel unworthy of love. Been there, done that, learnt a big lesson. My self worth is not dependent on other people.
2:25 and breakups are like deaths .... stares at 'dead' dog on the floor
SHE is absolutely STUNNING! Even with the weird, wild colors! Wow! Her makeup is so well put together.
U could tell how much she loved him from the first videođ„ș I can only imagine HOW much harder it is with DID when shes made herself the most vulnerable to him and trusted him. Especially for Minnie when she comes out and hes not there anymore.
You can do this! You're a strong woman. You've overcome so much to get here and now you're sharing your story and helping hundreds of thousands of people in the process. You're an inspiration.
I feel your pain Encina! I too have had to learn to cope with many losses. I believe healing, or perhaps a better way to express this conceptually would be to say - pause!!! its a very individual journey. There is an answer. Have hope and reach out to me if you feel that you want me to walk beside you. Sending you a warm blanket of love! xo
I agree Kyle, donât let any person have that kind of control over how you feel or donât feel.
Love Encina. So brave and inspirational to put her honesty out there like this. Keep fighting girl. You're helping so many people and we are rooting for you â€ïž
Watched this after a year this video was posted. Still cheering for Encina and I hope that she had overcome all of this. Virtual hug to her and to everyone who is going through the same thing right now especially during this pandemic.
Brilliant interview. Well done to you both. Praying for peace and healing for Encina
balling my eyes out. thank you so much Encina, you are a gift with so much love x
She is such a brave and beautiful woman.... wish I could give her a massive hug
I love what Kyle said. Know one can have that much control over our lives.
I am so grateful there is some really, pure sweetheats in this world. Thank you so much for showing such a powerful image. Thank you for always wanting to help others and having such genuine nice intentions and thoughts. So many people forget that during hard times, there is still a full world happening around them and many other people are going through as hard things as you and that you are never alone. Thank you for being so positive, for being such an incredible woman. Thank you for Med team for inviting such nice people on your shows and to have really wholesome comments throughout videos and showing such strong comprehension
Encina, you are the strongest person in the world. You are truly amazing!!
I am sending all my best vibes to you Encina! You are an inspiration and you are so brave. I feel for you girl! Your strength is absolutely incredible. Keep fighting because I think you make the world a brighter place!
The universe wouldn't give you anything you can't handle and I see your strength so I have no doubt you'll get through this difficult time.
Also Kyle, you're an amazing interviewer. You're so attentive, and positive. I love watching your videos especially this series!
I wish I could watch all the videos but I can't afford $20 a month.
I love Encina so damn much. Ive been diagnosed with most of the same things she has been (at least what was mentioned in this series), minus the DID and PTSD. Hearing her speak of the trauma and having to put in so much work, to just have to put it all on the back burner every time a traumatic event comes in is EXACTLY what I've been dealing with.
Just keep going! Keep fighting!
I feel 50K isn't enough for this video... Thanks guys, I've been learning a lot with your videos, specially Encina for sharing your life with us, lots of love from Venezuela!!
She's such an inspiration
What a good conversation. Props!
You can do it Encina, be strong you still have a beautiful life ahead.
I appreciate this series so much...and the cute puppy is just the cherry on top
sooo strong, this will help so many people going through something similar
What a strong amazing lady! Keep going!! You are worth!
All my love from Italy Encina. I hope youâre doing great
She breaks my heart đą I want to hug her too â€
Encina i hope you feel better today
Much love to you đ
Just commenting that loving yourself and putting ourselves first is not selfish. Selfish is more like being manipulative and mean to get what we want at the expense of others.
Love watching these videos! Encina , you are Hope. Thanks for sharing your story!
You're very brave and courageous Encina
Encina what you are doing bringing awareness amazing and for so many it is reality. I get sad seeing people hurting because I know what it feels like đ
Encina I canât imagine. I am so sorry that you have to deal with so much. What I deal with in my own life is hard enough but not the extent of what you went through. God Bless you sweet lady and huge hugs and kisses to you! Stay stronger â€ïžđđč
Gosh Encina is so strong.
Great content. Thank you!
You got this encina.. You really got this.. You can overcome anything in thus world.. Just hang in there
Iâm sorry youâre having a difficult time right now. I know the pain of losing a loved one.
Encina is beautiful inside and out â€
Oh my đąmy heart goes out to you Encina my heart breaks if you were around me I would give you a big hugâ€đ€ and to tell you I love you your not alone there are people that love you and care about you I like I do I never met you yet and I just care so much and everything you been through so much your such a inspiring person I admire your strength donât give up! am sorry this happened to you.â€â€â€
This guy is superb! đđđ
It's true. You have to be happy without people. Don't rely on anyone.
Sorry foe your breakup I know the feeling of that.
She is so beautiful on the inside and the outside
Yes! We should never give our power over to another person to dictate our own happiness⊠good advice.
I feel you a lot in this.
Loves have played a significant role during my DID journey. In the distant past my system would highly activate to deal with the complexity of emotions of differing parts of me.
My two integrations have come around losses in love. The first came with betrayal, the second sudden abandonment.
I cannot say exactly why but it seems the strong emotions around these losses have pushed me through into integration. I had felt prior to this, that integration would have come from love and not profound loss and grief.
I wish I could do something to assist in support and well being for you Encina. Today I was allowing myself to feel self love as I am still grieving the loss of my best friend. Please be well.
Dissociative conditions are among the mental health topics I have always found most compelling; thoroughly enjoyed and learned so much from Encina's series! I had already gotten into MedCircle prior to beginning medical school this past August, but now that I'm in the midst of my school's psychiatry unit, I've especially been finding the content helpful as a study supplement to sort of bring the psych conditions covered in the syllabus to life. I know this is a long-shot, but I am currently most interested in pursuing psychiatry and on the lookout for mental health-related activities to fill my summer break with. I would love to know if there is any mental health research MedCircle is involved with or any intern types of positions with the company to which I could apply!
God she's so amazing!
I love you Encina
To put yourself first itâs not selfish by definition đ but mind, thoughts are so determined by what a world is put into as it actually is really meant!
Selfish is when you lack of empathy and donât even valid other ppl but to put yourself first and learn to live yourself first makes you way more being empathetic authenticity and purely being able to love others- so jo harm is caused vs. selfish you constantly harm others while lacking of real care and love.
This woman is absolutely beautiful
Honestly rn I am going through the same thing and I understand how you feel it sucks and hurts and tbh idk if Iâll ever love someone again
Its hard to go through this.
With mental illness I think it also created a dependency in the relationship.
Iâm opposite for me I dont throw myself in everything itâs like I become addicted for a minute in EVERYTHING I decide to do then I become bored or reality sets in because Iâm over optimistic of everything working.
Iâm learning to really be honest with myself and find ways to stay entertained in my choices.
Say it again!! Do not never give a person that much power over you!! Self love over self hurt
This is my life rn... With my new found DID everyday is going up and down, and with a break up, "homelessness", questions of what I have done and said - shame, embarrassment, not knowing, identity crisis and ... It's just a lot... I was isolated,(not corona, that enhanced my isolation) i moved 6 times in a year (know it's called a little trauma now) not having family supporting me cause they have their own problems, an now ex boyfriend tearing down my self-esteem and confidence, not talking to me about what he experienced, but reading stigma articals online and assuming i wanted to hurt him and disrespect him, cause he have his own problems...
Everything was/is? a mess, and now figuring out i have DID, the chok the chaos of navigating trough life...
I'm a new alter, have taken over the body [was 'born' in March] after Tina couldn't anymore...
My system is so strong and brave all of them, and are excited to see them grow, It's just Alot ....
[Sorry it wasn't to burden y'all with my story, I'm just done hiding and running away - and this short clip just triggered all of this, hope it'll help somebody out there]
Kyle's encouragement is very reminiscent of Buddhist principles.
The interviewer is a great guy!!!
LOVE YOURSELF BE HAPPY :D
I wish there was a way we could support Encina.
Completely agree with Kyle,I've always been independent and still in the process of working on myself there is no point going into a relationship if you felt you literally couldn't live without one.i never want that mentality and I don't plan to.only YOU within you can make yourself underlying happy.i think it can take work but I believe in it and that if you go about it the right way it is possible
Grieving quite badly at the moment
I'm feeling the exact same way as her right now. I love my partner so much that I'm terrified to lose him. I do not believe in the lessons. Too much damage was done to me by past relationships and childhood. All they all did was mess up my future ability to be happy because even after 8 therapists and immense self work, and "focus on myself" and 11 years alone, my current boyfriend is absolutely MY LIFE. Don't tell me i can't depend on someone else to make me happy. That's a bunch of bs. That's why separations and breakups are absolutely devastating. I'm so tired of catchphrases like "Just be happy on your own!" WHY???? If everyone did that, there would be no relationships. This whole cult of "self love" is nowhere in the Bible nor is it in any of the greatest love stories in history. Give me a break!
I cannot imagine dealing with multiple personalities. I'm losing control of one!
She got some cajones doing this interview.
Medcircle how are you all supporting and helping her?
This poor girlđđđ
Just stay strong ok ur going to be ok sorry I can't come I'm also have problem with my family right new
Yeah griefing with a lost or a break up would be hard I know coping with a death with a love one it's hard for me like when my dad died in 2007 and my dog Shortcake too so I can't handle grief and rejection well for me
as a person who has been with a partner for about a year i think.... who was taking neurontin medication & seeing the darkening side effects chemicals can have on someone's personality as they are dealing with their mental state, it unfortunately also quite the heck of a side effect to be in a very taxing relationship & we all have our breaking points is the long & short of it, so I feel bad for her but at the same time - been there done that & life moves onwards and forwards
Im going through this right now i cant get up out of bed i can never smile again
Yes, you do!!! There is a light of the end of the tunnel, just you can not see it yet. But I do. Go for it.
There are no earthly answers for hurt like this.. really the best answers for everything in life donât come from earth but for conversations sake, the only answer is Christ my beautiful friend, Heâs our rock, He never leaves usđ
Iâm a Christian who has suffered and still suffers from mental health disorders. I strongly disagree with you. And itâs wrong to make people feel guilty that they arenât just like âhere Jesus, take these issueâ and then skip off like everything is perfect.
Laurie Hand I never said that. My best friend has the worst struggles and I have my own.
We were born alone. There are so many things out there that can fill your needs .....something you love doing.
This is my twin đ„
It's my family at school I'm dealing with them new
I wonder how Encina is doing now (3.5 years after this interview). Has she healed from this breakup? Has she found stability again after her grief? Wishing her well.
My heart is breaking. I ttried to find updates for Encina because I'm terribly worried about her after this interview. Does anyone know how she is doing?
She has her own CZcams channel I like to see how she is doing as well