Signs You're a Perfectionist (And How to Get Help)
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 21. 07. 2024
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Do you know someone who is controlling, overly-focused on details, or closed off to new perspectives or ways of doing things? They may have the most commonly-diagnosed personality disorder, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder or OCPD - which is often confused with, but much different than, the better-known condition OCD. Welcome to the MedCircle original series, âOCPD: Co-Existing with the Perfectionist and Coping with Control.â
Youâve probably heard the phrase âyouâre so OCD.â According to Dr. Ramani, the personality disorder OCPD is the condition people are ACTUALLY but unknowingly referring to when they use it.
In the rest of this series, Dr. Ramani covers...
OCPD 101: Why itâs an issue & how Itâs different from OCD
The causes of OCPD: who is most at risk?
The unique signs of OCPD & how to spot them
The 8 characteristics of OCPD, according to the DSM
Testing for OCPD & how to convince someone to see a doctor
OCPD treatment: the ins & outs you should know
Improving with OCPD: what long-term management looks like
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#perfectionism #personalitydisorder #perfectionist
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Min 7:20 to 7:50... Yes!!! That uncomfortable moment when they just snap out on you like that... When they do that in front of other people & you feel so embarrassed. Or they even get their own children to criticize you. Oh please!!!đ€đ€đ€đ€đ€đ€đ€đ€ Then the flying monkeys tell you that you are just being "sensitive about the whole thing" when you do not want to ever again visit their places or participate in any of their gatherings.
What about the enneagram? I feel like you've described a type 3 and 8 and possibly a 1? Where it's not OCD (over think, anxiety out of fear/worry) when someone tries to be organized otherwise nothing would get done. Or trying to improve themselves because they see where they are "slacking" that that might be the only "peace" predictability in their lives when chaos has caused harm in the past example lost a loved one, osha sets rules because people get hurt on the job and sue, life changing injuries if it was a big enough accident. Building code for fires, etc.
The website seems to be not working while i was trying to register. I tried different browsers.
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Uuu8u
I love her. Such a wealth of knowledge but in an approachable and non judgemental way. And Kyle is a great host
Same
I love how respectful she is
my Life situation, and the one people more powerful than me put me in, requires me to talk bizzarrely, since I have nothing to base my persona on....... but that isn't me lying at all
I Failed due to having been destroyed by people a lot more powerful than me......
Except for the "emotional support đ" in the videos! đ€š
Non -judgemental you believe ? Wake up
She's just perfect. They way she talks, her voice and the way she delivers the information in a simple and easy way. I can listen to her for hours. I wish I was her student đ
Sahar 92 - I have a crush on her too
Perfect, huh? Interesting choice of words. Might want to get that looked at.
She's a queen.
Get her audio book, I'm listening to Don't You Know Who I Am?: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility written and narrated by Ramani S. Durvasula PhD on my Audible app.
she's ocpd but recognizes and deflates it.
Even the dog was like "let me lay down & listen to this, she really knows her stuff."
"They make lists but don't get things done" omg... I feel so seen! The amount of hours I have spent writing and tweaking lists and perfecting them over time but never actually getting the stuff done
yeah me too, the thing about lack of empathy, it hits hard as I reflect back on some of my actions in the recent past.
Sameđ€Š
Exactly! That stuck out too. Thought they are so controlling they would do it but nope!
Yup. An exhaustingly perfect and complete and logical to do list, followed by exhaustion because of the need to execute it perfectly. We make life very uncomfortable
I dated someone with OCPD. Everything in his house had an EXACT place, it was overly organized to the point it actually made me nervous. He would even take his car apart every Sunday and clean every single part of it and put it all back together and put in new oil, every single Sunday like a religion. Speaking of which we met because we went to the same church, and we broke up because one day I broke my heel coming into the church and because of that we were 2min "late" to his normal time he liked arriving at the church, and there was an elderly couple sitting in "his" pew. He wanted to demand they leave, but I stopped him and told him they were both very old and it wouldn't be fair nor nice to ask them to move, so let's just sit in another seat today, there was plenty of room. He did end up doing it, but was white knuckled the entire time and after mass was over he dumped me because I didn't respect him and couldn't understand how important his was of doing things was to him. I was shocked and hurt at the time, but really looking back it's very easy to see this was an individual who needed more help than I or any average person could give him. I hope he did finally start seeking therapy and is doing well in life, but who knows. I never heard nor saw him again after that day.
You dodged a bullet, sister. Count your blessings.
Your lucky he dumped you because living with a person who has OCPD is very, very hard. I know first hand because my mom has OCPD and has never looked for help because she thinks her way is the only way. I am 57 yrs and still find dealing with my mom difficult!
He was OCD, not OCPD. My niece is living with a guy who is OCPD. He doesn't want children and does not allow kids into his home except her niece and 2 nephews. His niece and nephews are not allowed in his home. He is a germophobe and nobody can clean anything to his liking. He finds any little thing to poke holes in and his staff is constantly praising him and jumping for him. When he goes home at the end of the day and told to put his shoes away he says to my niece really? He gives the orders and everybody jumps even my niece. He doesn't like the word no because he lives in a bubble because he is very wealthy.
Yeah that sounds like OCD not OCPD
@@man4437 It sounds like OCPD to me. People with OCD usually have rituals of repetitious behaviors, such as hand washing, tapping specific patterns, and things like that.
She also said that OCD is more likely to bother the person with OCD while the person with OCPD is more likely to be proud and feel virtuous about it.
SO appreciative she made the distinction between OCD and OCPD. I experienced severe OCD as a teenager and in my early 20s and it was ANYTHING but perfectionistic. Not only was I acutely aware that the compulsions were not in line with societal norms, I was extremely debilitated by them. It's so frustrating when people use language like 'I'm so OCD about that' just because they're orderly or rigid. OCD causes major anxiety and often greatly hinders the day-to-day functioning of the sufferer.
Itâs also important to realize that as a sufferer of OCPD, we donât have it easier. I suffer from depression, anxiety, low self esteem, and frequent panic attacks. When people say âI am such a perfectionistâ, because being a perfectionist is so involved in OCPD, it can get quite annoying when people say that as well. People donât realize how tough both OCPD, and although I have never had it, OCD is.
This is so true. I dont know anyone with ocd. What information i have gathered it seems like a debilitating disorder and i feel really sad for anyone who has to go through it. We need to make other people understand that ocd is not something that can be just colloquially used and attributed to just minor quirks in behavior. I wish more was actually being said about it and more people were being made aware of the complexities and the dysfunction it causes in people who suffer from the disease.
@@gracie3403 Absolutely. I am not OCD, but I am an extreme OCPD sufferer. It is so, so, so hard. I am extremely uncomfortable and anxious about how rigid I get with cleanliness inside my home, and I know it affects my relationship with my boyfriend. All this stems back to my being punished as a kid growing up if things weren't perfect around the house -- I would be screamed at, disciplined for.. being a damn kid!!! Now that I'm older and living on my own, I can't let go of those habits. It's too deeply engrained in me, this notion that everything has to be spic and span for me to feel comfortable, and it's pretty debilitating (as Dr. Ramani stated, it leads to lack of productivity).
..
It's almost like how some people would call anything that is a mental illness "schizophrenia."
I have OCPD. The way she describes it she makes me feel like I am a terrible person. đ it doesnât always feel good. I have anxiety and depression too. Also, chasing perfection really sucks, I work all time to organize but I also keep things I shouldnât keep. So itâs a struggle. Iâm also a very empathetic person. So who knows. I am not very flexible but Iâm not so bad like she explains here. I do notice that when I am going through more issues, my anxiety goes up and I need to control the organization around me more. But Iâm not controlling people, although it does come up in my mind, I donât.
I wish she didnât make us sound like villains.
I agree people like us are the work horses of any company. I see people around me as lazy or dumb
I felt the same way watching this. Although she explains the disorder very well, there is a negative quality to her description of people with OCPD and the way she believes people view them. Most of us are well-intentioned people who don't want to be this way and are struggling with this disorder. We want love and to be loved. This disorder didn't happen in a vacuum. It likely stems from a bad childhood where we were mistreated, controlled, or neglected, which wasn't discussed here. The patterns of OCPD are our (maladaptive) way of coping with our environments.
"I said 6. Dinner's done." lol
My mother! LOL! If we decided to sleep past 10:00 am on a Saturday (and that was the limit), "Breakfast is OVER, the kitchen is closed. You can start Lunch at noon." I raised my children the same way. :/
Spectacular Rich Beauty & Brilliance people will just look at you and think who the fck does this b&tch think she is?
@@Blue_Azure101 Yes, lol! But it makes sense to me... adhere to the expectations. When you get your OWN, run it the way that YOU want to run it. In the mean time and in-between time, these are my expectations... follow my lead. :/ . You don't have to like it but you should respect it.
This helped with dating too. As a teenager, If our dates were more than 15 minutes (too long) late. At just 7:30 p.m.: My mother turned off the porch light, didn't allow us to answer the phone, and when the guy arrived, SHE answered the door, "My daughter is in the bed, GOOD NIGHT." LOL! We were mad at herrrr, but I am glad she taught us to demand respect and to have high-expectations. We laugh about to this today! I LOVE MY Narc MOTHER
That part killed me LOL
malachi van haynes yes l get very anxious if people show up late eg 15 min, l wonder how they get to work on time đž
I love how she explains the topic. She is clear and wise. Very informative.
ë§ë룚ë§ëŠŹì And controlling. Might be a psychopath.
I love how the dog just sits there and chills
So apparently you didn't hear nor learn much from this video.
I see Dr.Ramani, I click â€â€ Thank you again, Medcircle.
I fill some of the criteria but I'm such a people pleaser and super empathetic I only direct these thought patterns at myself.
Jade Auburn Exactly the same here, you are probably Codependent.
are you never pleased with your husbandâs decently washed dishes?
Jade Auburn That's what she gets wrong. She oversimplifies it and creates some kind of a strawman. Each person is a different case and there may be individuals who are very lovely and empathic who suffer from this!
@@Analysis_Paralysis One's own issues are never so difficult as we make them. What complicates things is actually playing everyone else's problematic noise in our heads. When drowning out the noise of others, you can hear your inner and true self much better and looking at yourself from the outside, it really IS that simple. This woman is a master! Admit it...and stop being so hard on yourself...which what you just did was projecting your own crap on this woman.
Same. Iâm an introvert/empath. But for those truly close to me experiences my rigidness. If they donât adhere I become distant. Itâs kind of messed up but I take as intentional disrespect otherwise. Itâs funny how my astrological sign, Taurus, fits the bill. My sis with BPD is a Gemini and we all know the stories when it comes to Geminiâs.
I am always in awe of people who are very tidy and organized but notice that attachment can make them anxious just like us slobs suffer from our clutter.
Your analogy about the plastic-covered furniture but no grand children was SO easy to see. Yes, we make things important that shouldnât be. Thanks to you both.
I see Dr. Ramani, I click the video.
To much of anything is an issue. Life is about balance
Balance is another controlling issue. There is no balance in reality. A good life is about flexibility.
@@SecretaryBirdable bulshit mate
moderation
Life is about balancing. Not achieving perfect balance.
@@SecretaryBirdable agree 100%. Being flexible means, being able to understand the other person's situation and being empathetic. That would make life lot easier.
I've often read and experienced hoarding as a symptom of OCPD
kyleâs consistent appreciation of making this series and speaking with such an expert is also really heartwarming. she is a star in her field and iâm so glad to live in a time where i have access to these explanations and understandings of a condition i might have is explained in clear and concise detail with such care, and similarly kyleâs genuine enthusiasm and approach towards extrapolating that information is so soothing in a world that heavily stigmatizes these personality disorders. never change, kyle.
For years in my life and work (I'm a musician) I was critical, censorious, cynical and a mocker to my colleagues. I wanted to control every little detail and wouldn't trust any other team member about making a decision for the team. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought my behavior would help others become better at what they do. I felt like I had the duty to behave like this for other people's good! I even tried to tell people how they are supposed to feel in some cases and tried to make them feel so!
I gained a reputation of a musician that is difficult to work with. I lost job opportunities because of that. I even lost some friends and relationships.
It wasn't until I had a mental breakdown and had to take mental care when I realized I had OCPD. I firstly was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and then with OCPD. I am now trying to calm down, not to focus in details, trust other people's ability and give them space.
MDD is my biggest problem and I guess it won't go away if I don't deal with OCPD first.
Finally. I've been waiting for this. Thank you MedCircle for bringing OCPD to discussion
I could listen Dr. Durvasula taking about walk in the park, and it would still make my day. She is so educated, and her semantics and diction are smooth and on the spot at the same time.
I relate to the time management-rigidness very much. I remember a specific story when I was like 8, my mom raised me by herself but she was very very depressed, she basically never worked, cooked, cleaned, or left her bed, and after a while of none of my teachers meeting a parent or a guardian for me, my teacher sent me home with a note that either my parent/guardian would show up to a PTA appointment or she would have to get CPS involved. So I gave her the note, we had a 9am apt with a teacher of mine, and she said she would go, but at like 8:50am I still could not drag her out of bed and force her to wake up, I remember actually physically dragging her and crying and just being like mom, please, they're gonna take me away if you dont get up. Ever since I was a kid, I've been obssesivelly showing up to places hours and hours ahead of time, waking up for school at like 4am because I was horrified of being late, and even now, in my twenties, that is how I treat all my obligations. Someone being even five minutes late will literally bring me to tears. I cannot mentally handle it. Even if it's like my birthday and I'm supposed to go out and have a good time with friends, if they're late, I will end up sobbing and breaking down. It's kind of ruining my life to be honest, just doing everything so specifically and so much ahead of time than I need to, I literally have no time for myself anymore.
You are heard! I think we develop this because of how are childhood was. My mom was a stay at home mom with no high school diploma or jobs. Then both parents had bad drug addiction. I lived in a rural area and had no options. Iâm still dealing with healing and trying to be successful.
My eyes watered while reading your words I so feel you, may you find peace
I am so sorry you had to go through this. Please try seeking professional help. From what you wrote you had a hard childhood , and you deserve healing and enjoying life â„ïž
Omg. Iâm sorry you went through that. I felt agony reading it. I felt desperate to help. I hope your mom was able to get up and attend the meeting.
But anyway, just know that youâre not the only one. So many of us have traumas. So next time you cry because someone is late, remember me, and know Iâm rooting for you while Iâm also dealing with my issues. I have ocpd.
Yes it takes md over 2 hours to get ready for work in the morning and 2 hours to get ready for bed đ„č
Dr Ramedi is literally amazing. Great teacher too. Her students are very lucky.
She did a fantastic job describing the disorder. Dr. Ramani is awesome! :)
I have OCP and OCD. It's super weird and confusing. Really appreciate that they differentiated the both! Always love watching these two. Dr. Ramani â€ïž
I will listen to her always above everyone else when it comes to these topics. Perfection!!!!
Dr Ramani is such a GOOD teacher! Love videos with her. Kyle's great interview skills makes it even better!
Love love love Dr Ramani!!! Such a great teacher - thank you!!
I love these vids.When I watch anything to do with physcology and or mental health it's like a treat to me.obsessed with them đ€
she is perfect and amazing, so knowledgeable and articulated. love how she give examples and makes it a safe space for us
As a person with OCPD, just know some of us arenât that rude. As much as I hate people being late and such Iâm never going to be like that to someone. I take a deep breath and I walk away if Iâm really mad. Some people just need therapy to improve upon themselves so they are not assholes.
She is magnetic, Perfect explanations on every topic. God bless! :')
The host loves you, and so do I! You're really faboo, thank you for sharing so much âșïž
Dr. Ramani breaks it all down in easy to understand ways which makes her an excellent teacher. I wanna be like her when I grow up đđ€ And Kyle always asks some thought provoking questions. Not to mention such a cutie! Great team!
Klicked immediately the second I saw a new video with Dr Ramani
Love your show and your famous guest! Thank you so much for doing it!
I'm dealing with this and my parents in a big fashion.... appreciate these videos. It is hard to process at times, that it is not me, it is their perfectionism. I see where that trait has passed into my personal life. Working to identify and do things differently.
I'll never call myself a perfectionist again....I don't think I'm this bad at all
I'm open to to other people's ideas and theories even if I don't believe in it myself
Me too! đ€Ł đ€Ł đ€Ł
đ€Ł đ€Ł đ€Ł im worse
I am a perfectionist and I like things to be orderly and organized. I can't stand dirty, disorganized people and I make no apologies to anyone.
yeah, this gives an all together different view on perfectionism
"You never see a sloppy person and say YOU GO!" đđđđ
My aunt is one. When we got into an argument she told me once how my house was dirty. She had only been to my home on the day I moved. It will always be a mess on the day I'm moving. But it was nice to know how she really felt.
I like the way she talks, so calm and elegant. It takes me more time to get what she's saying since english is not my native language and sometimes she expresses herself with an strange word, so I have to go and look it up but I like it!!
As always, very informative. I love her videos, I can watch her all day long!
Iâm definitely married to someone with OCPD. But thankfully, I have some OCPD traits myself, not to his extent but I can have understanding and compassion for it. I think itâs because there is something painful inside due to the desperate level to control
How the need for control is expressed? Is he controlling towards you as well?
I love her sooo much..She is sooooo charming!!!!!! â€đ»đčđđ She is my role modelđč
She is awesome!
Same, she's the reason I subbed here â€â€
Brilliant psychologist and simply wonderful woman.
The irony in your comment given Dr. Ramani's views about the word 'charming'
@@jesuschristthesecond lolol so true, to her charming=narcissistic đ but she is charming just in a nonmanipulative way. Her charm is genuine and welcoming.
Right mam. Very noble service for the Painful people. May Almighty keep U EVERGREEN đ, HAPPY, HEALTHY, ENERGETIC Forever. please keep continue.
You both are so valuable to this world. Love you both.
This video makes me so sad. I have OCPD and videos like this paint us in a bad light. Most of this is ANECDOTAL. Meaning it's all in her personal experience with clients with parts of the OCPD disorder. I can personally say that the people I know with OCPD including me have VARYING levels of the symptoms of OCPD and none of us act the way she describes. That is an example of ONE KIND of OCPD. I wish I could have a phone or video interview with her to discuss this. I want everyone to know that people with OCPD are not monsters and are not unpleasant to be around. So far, the people I know, including myself, are happy, social beings. We are genuine and honest people. Some of us are antisocial, but some of us are incredibly extroverted! Like me! Videos like this make me never want to share that I have this disorder. This is why we don't see therapists!!!
Mariah_Papaya Right!? Your comment actually encouraged me to write my own. I was seriously contemplating if I even had OCPD because I couldnât relate to the part about treating others negatively / not being able to have good relationships and only caring about having things done my way. So disheartening.
@@swilde3422 Thank you for making your own comment! I'm glad I could encourage that! Just know that if you feel you have OCPD that doesn't mean you're a bad person. Talk to someone about it. Family or therapist. Mine was hereditary, so my father helped me a lot. OCPD at least in my experience makes me a better person because I'm always self aware and self improving. I hope this helps and that you find out if you have it!
She does mention that not everyone who's orderly is necessarily dismissive or disdainful with other people, or has OCPD. I recognize I don't know the first thing about OCPD, so if you guys have been diagnosed, then I humbly retract. I'm just trying to understand what she said, and I noted she did acknowledge that NOT everybody who needs a lot of order in their life has the disorder she describes.
Thank you I appreciate this. I strongly suspect i have it (working to get therapy) only for me I don't try to disregard others, i'm just socially oblivious.
Well, someoneâs offended.
Sheâs talking about the extreme cases, or the cases that needed professional help. You may have mild OCPD or some traits from it, but the people sheâs describing are very real cases, very real people. Sheâs not painting anyone in a negative light, sheâs just explaining it neutrally. Donât dismiss these people and this therapist just because you have not experienced what they did.
Sheâs not talking about everyone, sheâs not placing everyone in a box, sheâs not talking about you. Sheâs just talking about the general idea of it.
always great information.... as well as explaining it in a way everyone can understand... this is a very relatable subject in my life
Relatable.Another piece of the jigsaw.Definitely a streak of this in the family.The coldness and apparent lack of empathy.You can see how family members have gravitated towards partners that share the same characteristics as their parents.Not surprising.The difficult thing is that we're talking about traits that are pathologies When you have a cluster of different personality disorders in the family nothing around you is very person-friendly. Thankyou for a very enlightening video.
Trying to diagnose myself with a personality disorder by listening to Dr. Ramani
Finally, been waiting for this video from you guys.. thank you so much.
My gosh, Dr Ramani. You have described my present husband to a T. I have jumped from a narcisist to an OCPD-man. Thanks, I'll be on the lookout for help for myself.
I love her so much and Kyle is absolutely incredible.
I grew up with my father with OCPD. Never diagnosed but finally I have a word to call it. I thought he was OCD but now learning about it the problem was much deeper and worse to the extent of personality disorder. Man he DESTROYED me. Hyper critical, SUPER ANAL about the stupidest things, super controlling, no mistakes allowed, only his way is the right way, would always have something to intrusively teach about HOW to do things(THE RIGHT WAY), how to put cutleries in the dishwasher, how much water we would use, how long the hot shower should be used(to the point of interrupting my shower to enforce the rule on how much hot water to consume), basically anything which wasn't "productive" was a waste of time, restless, always doing something running up and down the house fixing stuff, obsessive about keeping the humidity level in the rooms monitored and between 50% and 60%, a drop of water spills on the floor in the kitchen is a fucking national emergency, he'd be standing behind me while brushing teeth to switch off the water the moment it wasn't precisely used to rinse the toothbrush. When i was a teen he wouldn't even allow me to make TEA the FUCKIN WAY I LIKED IT and would interrupt me to teach me the "ultimate way to make tea so that you can enjoy it" disregarding the fact that what mattered to me was DOING IT MYSELF in MY WAY. And the list goes on I could write a bible on the number of ABSURD obsession of my father which made my life a living hell because there was NEVER NEVER NEVER peace and relaxation. To this day his house doesn't have a single spot meant for "relaxing" only. What a fucking nightmear. and when I was a kid and would try to rebel I'd be constantly gaslighted that it was "NORMAL" and "how things are supposed to be" even tho as a child I could tell that shit was off for how it made me feel. My father would hide behind him being an "environmentalist" or a "frugal person". Now I know he was fucking mad(with all due love and respect) and he suffocated me. I'm still working on healing the damage cause by the deadly cocktail of him and my covert narcisist mother. Man it was so fucked up. Rest in peace mom.
I came to this video as a diagnosed self perfectionist. It's worth having some compassion for the perfectionist because it can be a terrible affliction. Perfectionism has ruined my life and lead me to a near complete break down. This is not me expecting other people to be perfect but self perfectionism. It can be a debilitating affliction. I've been in therapy for years and on medication sometimes just to get through the week.
I was a perfectionist about getting a grade
One clue that can help distinguish OCPD from OCD is identifying if it agrees with a person's sense of self, and who suffers most because of the disorder. OCPD is ego-syntonic and everyone else suffers the most; OCD is ego-dystonic and the person with the disorder typically suffers the most. It's a bit more complicated, but picking up on this distinction will probably point you in the direction of the right diagnosis. OCPD and OCD can also co-occur in the same individual, btw.
Its music for my ears listening to beautifuly verbalised thoughts with an excelent melody. Her voice tone is hypnotising. :)
âMost of us donât know what to do with itâ. Iâm not disordered to my understanding but had a father who joked âIâm oc, not ocdâ growing up that was also a narcisist.
I became an accurate scientific processs over beliefs - tech spot on Know it all who became like an âexpert bulldozerâ Iâve realized time and time again Iâve been right and if not right shooting in the right direction enough to iterate my self there.
Though I remember dating a girl and I did my best to try and be good to her given how I was at the time. I wanted to be good in her eyes etc. I was willing to listen to things, but not willing to budge when it came to makeing decisions in a certain way. I felt kinda embarrassed and conflicted when I asked her about something after we broke up, like she made it seem like I didnât care about her or what she felt. And honestly I did. In my eyes, I cared enough to make sure we were not doing emotional mistakes.
But I felt like a deer in the head lights not knowing what I should have done when she acted like I didnât care but at the same time I knew that I couldnât allow us to make the decision in a Non-accurate and logical way.
Itâs like I didnât know how to really let go, for fear that we would be headed down a path that unconsciously represented all the pain I grew up with.
Wow Dr. Ramani I like to be organized it helps me to function a little easier and better in my life but I don't PROJECT myself on other people because everyone is different and I grew up military so lots of discipline. And it totaly works for me but unlike the lady that had dinner she didn't have to be so rude and kinda acted superior but that's a new one for me you are a wealth of knowledge. . Seriously good to learn something new
All I can say is... phewf.
Reading the signs and symptoms is very different from hearing an expert talk about it. Thank you Doctor.
Love her so clear
I actually have this. It was a hard thing to find out that I really couldn't have help other than therapy because it is a personality disorder. I'm trying to learn how to deal with others as well as myself. I achieve my lists though. I mostly got them accomplished because I work on the list and refine it according to importance. I have learned to make manageable list. I'm watching this as I type and trying not to feel attacked and not even remotely perfect enough.
Hey @Kinky Kitty, good for you for working on yourself, not just for you but for others. Not trying to feel personally attacked as well - well done indeed. This internet stranger is proud of you :-D
â€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïžđđŒ
People who teach others perfectionism are the least perfect...Perfection is an illusion.
@@EWAMILENAP yeah but a perfectionist has their very own view of perfection. No two perfectionists have the same view of perfection.
@@kinkykitty77 Brought up by a narcissistic father I used to be a perfectionist too. It resulted in constant self criticism and selfloathing as an adult. My psychotherapist helped me immensely. I learnt to embrace imperfections and found self acceptance and selflove. All best and thank you for your kind reply!Sending you bunches of tulips and roses from Londonđżđ·đ·đ·đżđčđčđčđż Namaste! (It means: The divine in me sees the divine in you!)
This was really awesome đ info. I always fig I had a less severe form of OCD ( now I realize it OCPD ). I have lessened the severity of it though. đ
I think Dr. Ramani is super intelligent in her field of research. I am particularly astonished with her explanations. In this series, I was kind of happy to know the distinction between OCD and OCPD. As a perfectionist myself, I know I suffer a bit from OCPD rather than OCD which is a mental health disorder according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel for Mental Disorders (DSM-V).
Dr Ramani is so amazing! Thank you
Quite the contrast in constructs, I have run into this in family and work envionments.
Oh my lord... I think this may be my father... I am going to follow this series and see if I some patterns apply.... thank you Dr.Ramani
Dr Ramani is amazing! Great interview!
When she said life is messy and most of us are sloppy... my anxiety KIIIICKED in real quick
My mother has OCPD and she has no friends and could not keep a job for very long and none of her children or grandchildren, greatgrandchildren ever go see her. It is miserable to be around her for any length of time, but she also has sadistic narcissistic qualities as well and no one likes her abusive demands or demeanor.
I've experienced shit jobs where Sociopathy and High levels of Narcissism can create that along with a close and emotionally negligent parent/caregiver in one's childhood can cause that. Childhood neglect has fucked up a lot of people who fuck up a lot of people! In America, you have Edmund "Jerry" Brown and Ronald Reagan to thank for the pervasiveness of this because they shut down the state run mental institutions nation wide! Crazy keeps breeding crazy! Now society is in the biggest mess ever since the first insane asylum closed in the early 80's!
My dad has it too. Itâs rough.
just like my mother in law..
You should touch more on the "why people are the way they are" angle I think. I feel it would help our understanding a great deal to consider that, someone with this level of rigidity feeling such a deep need to control things and keep everything orderly, probably at one time in their life felt deeply OUT of control. Seems to me that behaviour of this nature is an adaptation of sorts to feeling overwhelmed and anxious and unable to manage easily things that are simple tasks for others. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think I suffer from this sort of perfectionism, certainly feel the need to have all mu ducks in a row, everything orderly. And for me personally, I do this because I don't feel I have a great deal of control in my life. It helps me feel like things are more manageable. In the house where I live with my family, our chaotic and unorganized kitchen is a constant source of stress for me. It makes something so simple as cooking a meal feel like an overwhelming and daunting task.
very good point
Super helpful for my practice. Great applicable info. thank you!!!
thank you dr. ramani, and great questions from Kyle :)
Love Dr R!!!!
Great video!! Feels so good when you get over it! đđđđ
Dr. Ramani sets the bar!
Thank you for making this ! Very informative.
WOW!! This describes my mom to a T is crazy!! Thank you for this video it has helped me understand my mom
You just described my brother. Inflexible.
Honestly, I would have to say I am a perfectionist. Whenever I do something I always do it perfect. I was just born this way.
I knew SO MANY teachers like this at school!
Listening to Doc immediately brought Bree Van de Kamp to mind!
Wow! I've always been told I had OCD and I knew I didn't!! I got chronically ill and now I'm on a healing journey I'm studying to be a coach and were looking at the DSM and this hits me hard!
This is the reason I got sick!! I knew it was perfectionism... but everything about OCPD and how I treat others... 100% me! I'm kind of flummoxed!
Both my parents have NPD, and I feel this was my coping technique. Control, I don't want to feel out of control.
My husband hates my controlling ways, and I've a very strong sense of morals. 0% flexible.
Wow!! I admit I've no idea what to do with this. But I have just hired a psychiatrist, so that's probably a good place to start...
Thank you for this I have ocpd and anxiety. Iâve gone to therapy and that helped alot
Me too.
How can you find a good therapist to help with this?
Me too.
Absolutely Awesome Episode
I love listening to Dr. Ramani about narcissism. This is the first time I've listened to her perspective or explanation about OCPD. I know its a quick summary, but in my experience, not all OCPD are so vocal about their rigidity. I wonder if there might be overt and covert OCPD people like with narcissists- like extravert and introvert versions of the disorder
My boss is super mega controlling to the point of doing micro management. He fits all the patterns she has highlighted, a very rigid and difficult person as she pointed out. Very smart woman.
I can relate so much to this however being an empath I wonât necessarily express my frustration or Iâll do it in a joking manner because I donât want to hurt anyoneâs feelings but Iâm actually very serious. Ugh itâs kind of exhausting. đ©
OMG. This explains so much.
Holy shit this describes my best friend perfectly. Heâs been diagnosed with ocd but all of his symptoms are really just rigidity and control. It gets really annoying to deal with sometimes but this helps me understand it better.
Oh wow... this spoke a bit too close to me. I used to be similar to this- always wanting things to be ordered in a certain way, controlling, strict morals etc... but this also did coexist alongside OCD and intrusive thoughts, so perhaps for me, the two were closely linked, despite not being the same thing. Thankfully since going to therapy I'm a lot healthier now. I'm still orderly and have strong morals, but WAY less controlling. I now only become controlling when I'm very stressed out. I've boosted my self-esteem and confidence so I really don't care if everything isn't 'perfect'. 80% and getting the job done is good enough for me haha! Besides, you also get wayyy more done. It's honestly incredibly liberating.
When I have everything in order it makes me feel like every day I wake up is a new day and itâs fresh like if everything in my life is in order then everything will go as planned and if someone is late for dinner itâs ok
I do feel that Iâm like this with having a clean schedule and look at my clean house and my fridge is labeled but I love it because it gives me a sense of calm. I really think this ties in with my adhd because I forget about responsibilities easily and it makes me stressed out when Iâm not like this because a lot of the time when I donât my adhd feels like it controls my life and I always have in the back of my head like I feel like Iâm forgetting a responsibility but idk what it is
I have this too !! But it could also be that the cleaning is an unhealthy coping mechanism which we think is making us feel calm, but itâs not healthy. Just because we think of clean as good and responsible doesnât mean itâs actually helping us. Not saying youâre doing this but I think sometimes I do that. I go into a hyper focus/ paralysis when I start cleaning or something and reckon itâs to avoid doing stressful tasks that should technically be priority over scrubbing the stove for hours.
Thanks this channel,I learn english and pychology at the same time .đđ„°
This to me describes a control freak. The perfectionist, I understand to be anyone who strives to achieve excellence in any task they take on. The problem they have, is in holding themselves and others to impossible standards. Being dissatisfied with anything less than perfection. I had this problem in my teens, and it didn't take me long to rid myself of this kind of nonsense once I was aware of it.
I thought I had OCD until I stumbled upon this video. I would usually be called a perfectionist by my friends and would also get comments like "Not everything in life has to be perfect." Hm.. I might have to do more research in this, because I am suspected to have OCD.. I was diagnosed by a professional psychologist..but.. this definitely brings a new light to me.
Whooo lived with an ocpd lad in uni... This is helping me come to terms with so much stuff. I felt so awful and helpless that what started out as a promising friendship, ended up as toxic falling out. Kid took an art course of all things, a subject that's very self directed and requires a high degree of flexibility and open mindedness. I understand now why he, despite being a sharp lad, just flunked like a fish out of water. Quit in his second year and went home, but not before we ended up not speaking over... I don't really know. He had a thing about light switches..? But I think it was more that he was extremely emotionally manipulative and controlling, and had very rigid pigeon holes for people which he made no secret of. I'm a very loose and messy person, and I think I just confused and stressed him. I've also dealt with emotional abuse before, and I think I just instinctively withdrew from him.
He also ended up taking a lot of drugs, and even went off his anti-depressants deliberately so that they wouldn't interfere with him taking ecstasy and ketamine. I think he knew he was losing the ability to cope. Ended up living back at home with family and I haven't seen a peep off him since. I sometimes think back and hope he's doing alright, because he wasn't a bad kid. Just lost. Real shame.
I became very sick and Iâve been taught through illness that my perfectionism ruined my life. I still miss it and obviously I was aware how much I suffered in life.
I can recognize my mum here- (though she has a Lot of friends and is an extrovert). I did the Myers 16 personalities test with her and I was not surprised at all when the results said 'Commander' I was telling her about that type and she agreed with almost everything and she was exceeding proud leader energy, replying with absolute confidence "Yes! Absolutely! I am a dictator and I want to control things and I want things going my way" (of course in a relaxed way, we both found this test pretty fun) (she felt like I was complimenting her :D which I was, I'm just the opposite character). I'm still surprised she's not a leader at her workplace because she has that energy, but she has explained it with "I don't mind because I like my job, and I like doing things my way rather than giving others commands and they can't do anything like the way I need things to be done- in precise order"