My Dad Told Me A Lie | Tom Segura Stand Up Comedy | "Mostly Stories" on Netflix
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- čas přidán 29. 07. 2021
- Tom Segura’s dad told him a lie, which Tom was confidently spreading as truth for 15 years. Watch the full stand up comedy special “Mostly Stories” on Netflix.
tomsegura.com/ - Komedie
Tom absolutely nails the kid story telling 💀😂😂😂
Sounds like Trump talking.
@@accuratealloys on god bro 💀
@@accuratealloys sounds like Biden talking
@@evanmcgillicutty3808 oh brother
@@evanmcgillicutty3808 accurate ✔
Can we take a moment to appreciate how accurate that kid story was. Holy fuck, it’s like pulling teeth to get them to form a coherent sentence!
Tell me about it. It goes on for like, five minutes and you still don’t get to the point by the end of it. It’s exhausting!
Have a toddler. I’m like “where’s the end of this fucking story?!”
And the sudden increase in volume when they detect they’re losing your attention…
My cousin's kids are turning 6 and 3 this year. The almost-3-year-old is almost as good at enunciating words properly as his older sister, and his older sister is notorious for admitting to breaking the rules or trying to break the rules and somehow getting upset when she's punished for misbehaving or trying to misbehave.
This brat will put on youtube videos on her tablet even though my cousin, my mother, and everyone else knows that she's to lose access to the tablet for the rest of the day if she gets caught, and this girl will still talk about a video she saw on youtube that day. Of course, admitting it after the fact always results in the tablet being put away so she won't have it at all the next day, but she still hasn't learned the value of dishonesty or shutting up if she wants to actually get away with breaking the rules.
Neither of these kids want to leave the house my mother and I live in (Mom's the kids' great grandmother), and usually throw a big fit when it's time for them to go back home (It's literally a walk down the street to their unit in the mobile home park).
I can't stand kids at the best of times, but through some miracle I have yet to actually start shouting at them. I get tempted, though, they definitely shouldn't be so disrespectful to my mom or their parents, and they've put me on edge about leaving anything I own anywhere that they can access them (The older one has already dumped out an entire bottle of hand soap just to put water in the bottle for some reason).
Well of course, they’re idiots who don’t know anything
The child impersonation was spot on! I wonder how many times he had to talk to himself just to get that right
I think he would just talk normally..😅
Tom Segura is like a Bob’s Burgers character come to life.
He sounds slightly higher pitched than Bob.
@@OMGtheykilledKenny42 he sounds JUST like Gene
what?
@@ogmickeydiamond nope
Geneeeee !!!
I've listened to this kid story telling story like 20 times already never gets old
it neverrrr got old
He’s probably older than you lol
have you ever had a dream...?
Have you seen this video of Criminals Fainting in Court?
😂 😆 czcams.com/video/i6-OTrzbO8I/video.html
His rendition of what it's like when a kid tells their first good story reminds me of when my oldest son told his first good joke. He'd been trying and failing miserably for a couple years at that point to tell a joke that not only made sense but was funny. Finally, when he was about 5, he asks me, "Mom, what do you call a cow with no legs?" And expecting one of his lame ass punchlines, I go, "I don't know son, what?" And he goes, "Grouuuuuuund beef!" And by itself it's kind of a lame joke, but it was the first one he told that made sense and was kinda funny so i died laughing. Today my son is 13 and fancies himself an amateur comedian and keeps me in stitches so it paid off lmfao
Lolzzz thats awesome 😂 my nephew is exactly the same and now thats hes started high school, holy crap he just gets funnier and omg so witty for a kid! 😂😂 being hillarious & making people laugh is truly the best thing, next to kindness, that a human can be in my opinion 😊😊 well done mama keep up the good work!
This is extremely relatable, especially the rambling story about the kid with the yellow cup.
Blue cup? Red cup? Idk 😭
"There's no greater feeling than killing the enemy" -Tom's dad
I don't care if that bit is true or not. To me, it's a FACT.
Precise
@@InsomnoManiacal
1King
@@InsomnoManiacal unstoppable BLACK DRAGON
@@King-vf5pg down with the sickness?
Gotta love Top Dog
So being a psychopath runs in the family.
We appreciate your honesty and coming to terms that you’re a psychopath and it runs in your family.
It’s the first step to recovery ❤️🩹
@@fourplayee Recovery from being a psychopath? Never heard of that happening.
you’re like the modern equivalent of people that make up stories of vampires and werewolves in the past to come to terms with the symptoms of psychopathy in other people
Tom’s wife loves the Ring.
@Jo P or are you just a Pychopath trying to trick me nice try wise guy
I love these crazy stories about Tom’s dad. That man is an international treasure, Jesus...
OMFG when he was telling the story as a child I was DYING. That was 100% accurate.
When Tom called his dad he said “Hey Buddy” lol
@Schobe-wan Kenobi who is his dad?
Toms dad answers his call by saying "hey buddy" and ends them with love you too buddy. Top Dog is a Legend
@@Daveed1984 shout-out to all my jeans! Top Dog is the man. Knowing his humor makes this so much funnier
@@barombolobombolo1501 Fucking top dog dude. Get your life together!
@Schobe-wan Kenobi how do I find the podcast bro
The voice he uses for his dad makes me die every time I hear it lmao
Kid stories are a ton of information trying to squeeze through a tiny hole all at once. Tom does a great job.
Ayo
My dad totally screwed me over as well with that shit...
Sea salt, is the salt they put in the ocean...at 4 yrs old, it's believable...
At 17, it's just sad...
Needless to say I had to learn how to fight early in life...
😂😂😂
Boy named Sue.
@@alcoholic9496 Ah yes, Sue Ross
My mom said my twin and I used to engage in a lot of backbiting. I said I didn't remember it at all. She kept a straight face and said there was blood. Only later did I learn it is a figure of speech. To this day, I'm still pretty gullible.
My oldest daughter was convinced until she was like 8 or 9 that A: you plant jelly beans to grow an easter egg tree, and B: the ends of hotdogs are seeds to plant and grow a hotdog tree.
She planted each. I got the tree ready overnight. 😂
The kid telling a story reminds me of the "Did you ever have a dream..." kid. Priceless.
This bit is constructed sooo well.. todd is a wizard
I was just thinking about how smooth the tranistions were
Who’s Todd? This is Tom
It’s Tim
@@Lodurrson it’s Tom
@@jvo8068 big whoooosh
Tom's life seems like a social experiment that is in too deep to end
Spot on lol
“GO FIND MORE STORIES LIKE THAT” Why’d he said it like Ragnar Lothbrok from the Vikings?😂🤣
I have had too many conversations like this with my Dad... he just convinces himself of made up crap and tries to pass it as fact. So relatable, well done!
as a preschool teacher that is 100% how kids tell stories
‘Hey, were you outside?’
‘YEAH!’
‘Why don’t you dial that back, that was crazy’ 😂
Only discovered Tom this week and he's one of the funniest comedians around today. Really cracks me up 😁
When I was like 4 or 5 My dad told me frisbee golf catchers were bear traps. Youd put meat inside and the bear would put his head through the chains and get stuck.
Saw mfs playing frisbee golf when I was like, 16, and went "Why are they throwing frisbees at the bear traps" and the look on all my friends faces will live with me for the rest of my life.
Good true stuff! I remember the term "soup or salad" as a kid, thinking they said "super salad" and I would always just respond with the answer of - Yes!
You win the Internet today.
That’s what dads are for.
@@brada1803 When they say "soup or salad' salad , I say no, just the regular one.
2:00 is deadly accurate 🤣🤣
I love it when he yells, DAAAAAAAD😂
1:50 If ever anyone needed a perfect case of how delivery makes the joke, this has to be one of the best. "Mother FUCKER!!" hahaha!
Omg spreading gossip is literally the best thing about any job, he's so on point😂😂
3:10 "How was that?"
"I have... when Je- when Jeanette came by, she- she didn't- she brought the yellow cup that she didn't wanna kick the ball back, but I said can- if- cuz Bryan's cup is red, that if you- if you- if you don't- if you don't have it now, then you don't- you don't have to bring the bl- the cuz the blue one that Jane has was with her. I said if you don't have it, you can- you can use mine now but then- then-then next it's my turn"
"That was a great fuckin story, thank you.......Jeeezuss"
Perfect transcription, lol! Thanks!!
Tom is my favorite comedian out there right now and has been for a couple of years. Love this guy.
I was literally crying and my sides were on the verge of cramping at the little kid part.
Tom, I appreciate your toddler impersonation. Sounded just like my 4 year old. 🤣🤣🤣
I wonder if the rumour ever went all the way to tommy lee🤣
I am telling sh@t about Steven Seagal to this day, not mentioning TLJ sexual orientation. Never gets old.
its probably tommy who told him its false inf
It wouldn’t surprise me. It’s like how the South Park sketch about Brian Boitano went from person to person until it reminded actually got to the skater!
It has now 😂
Respect for memorising the words of a kid's incoherent rambling. Then again ... if you slipped, nobody would notice, anyway. 😂
There’s a tweaker in my neighborhood who’s stories are EXACTLY like the kids stories.
Sorry about that. I get crazy when I’ve been up for a long time.
Yup try adult ADHD poster child. Measure remaining patience. Count how many times you need to repeat yourself. Deep breath.
Tom is more convincing as a child than an adult 😂
Rest in Peace, Top Dog. Always loved hearing his "Hey buddy" on YMH and the stories from these comedy specials were always so fun to hear.
Well played.
New item on his resume:
I also had the weirdest injuries trying to dunk a basketball.
His Monday morning was spot on too. "FUCK!!"
This dude looks like Will Forte after a year in Macdonalds.
Instant gratification. And his evil deep giggle gets me every time.
i like how Tom's stories flow. theres a comfort and ease to them thats nice to watch and enjoy
3:43 Lmfaooo he literally just described my nine year old.
Also, when the parents aren’t together anymore but the kids still spend time with both they go from one to the other not even knowing they’re ratting one out to the other every time lol
Man this guy reminds me of my really good friend since childhood that passed away last year in December from being homeless. I miss him so much. But this dude is a lot like him so I’m thoroughly enjoying it
My dad use to spread the rumor that Chuck Norris was dead and it was right before all the “Chuck Norris jokes” and to this day you can ask my dad if Chuck is dead,and we will say “Yep,been dead” 😂
When I was 4 I told my first good story. I told my mom that black ppl had to marry black people and white people had to marry white people. My mom flipped, got my dad, he flipped. Both of them wiling out and they asked me who told me that. Not where I got the idea from, but who. I panicked and said my daycare teacher. They got in the car and drove me to daycare at NIGHT and confronted this poor confused lady I still remember her face when she sputtered, "but my husband is BLACK!"
I don't even know what happened just that they moved me to a different daycare.
I got the idea because my mom was breeding rabbits at the time and it was important not to cross breed them so the black rabbits had to bet kept away from the white ones.
Holy shit Segura just released a core memory. Whelp. My racist ass momma had segregated bunnies so I've been cancelled since I was potty trained 🙃
Guffaw! Seriously. But we do not in good concience, throw our innocent daycare teachers under the bus. It makes total sense you blame it on Mom and her rabbits. Have you explained to parents since that long ago hilarious misunderstanding?
"Go get more stories like that" 😂😂😂
I love how his dad was so cocky with his ‘…yeah’
Tod has come a long way.
Love this…so many parts and let a little each time. Killing it!
The impression of a kid telling a story is spot on.
He needs to make his own steaven segall movies
I would pay full price for a Tom Segura is Steven Seagal movie. Holy shit it would be such a good burn on Steven.
I started wheezing when he talked like a kid.
I may or may not have gotten banned from Wikipedia for adding a little passage to Tommy Lee Jones' page that states he is gay.
I have to know how long it took him to rehearse that babbling child story. If he did that shit on the fly, I’m mad impressed
15 year firefighter/fire investigator right here. It's more intricate than that, but when giving out info to the news, it's not much that can be said without using terms that would have them, and the viewers, totally fxxkin' confused. So yeah, keep it as simple as possible. 🤣🤣
1:58 waking up for school
Yeah, specially on Monday😒
I am laughing so hard now, because I also heard from someone that he is gay, at least 10 years ago. Man, you really told everyone because that information spread all over the world.
I honestly can't wait for the next special
Cant wait to see you in Dallas in January!!! Favorite comedian!
"Today's gonna SUUUCCCKKK!", I felt that in my core being..
How have I not heard of this guy yet? That was great! :D
Hells yeah! I needed to hear some funniness lmao. Ty. I can definitely relate lol
OMG MARIA, gonna need to hear more of this story
Watching this on Monday morning, gives me some motivation.
I love hearing about his dad I can relate
You’re the best Tom
This guy is hilarious
Anytime I m down or feeling in need of a laugh i turn to Tom, love him so much ! and now that I know he is married to Christina I love him even more 😍😍
loved the new clip Todd: cool stuff neat stuff sleek stuff. I turned into a telescope
Got a ticket for your show at the Masonic temple in Detroit 2022 floor seats row 3 baby. Seen you in 2019 at the fox for the ball hog tour. Can’t wait!!!
If you get a chance to speak to him would you mind saying, “Brian, said what’s up.” It would make my year man
Get that $15 he owes me while you’re at it. Thanks 👍🏻
They do shows at Mason Temples now. That's wassup
He did the perfect impression of my nephews 😂
This dude is hands down funnier than any of the others in the Rogan group . They’re all funny but he’s the funniest for sure
I've been trying to figure out who Tom reminds me of and it finally hit me: A cross between Jon Lovitz and Michael Peña.
So spot on with that kid telling a story 😂😂😂
Such a great bit Tom thank you
Me right now “MTRFKR!!!” Monday morning. 🤣🤣🤣
Best comedian EVER.
Thank you for NEVER holding back and being so offensive 🤣🤣
Lol I have two sons and they absolutely talk like that 😂💀
Best ever 😂I’m crying laughing
Fantastic comedian ! Fantastic!
This did not make me feel badly. Thanks Tim!
I just had the exact same conversation with my bosses kid man that was fucking accurate 🤣🤣
the childrens story always takes me tf out bc its sooo accurate 😭😭
6:31. This part still gets me, LoL
When I was a kid my dad told me Jack, the mascot for Jack in the Box, was born that way.
Lmao I remember when someone spread some “TRUE” rumors about me and when I got asked I simply “oh nah, hell no” and everybody forgot about it. LOL
this is one of my fav
Most accurate impression of a kid I’ve ever heard.
Tim looks at least 40 in this, the guy ages like a chocolate lab
Honestly, my favorite part of this is the simple "Now we should." Such an equanimous response.
luv u Tom...
“daaaaaaaAAAAAAADD”!! 😂
"I miss zero part of having a day job" Proceeds to tell you what he misses! Classic Segura!
I need somebody to type out the garbage story the kid would say. Hilarious and scary accurate.
Love Tim’s Top Dog impression.
Omg the bill nye ad really got me so good! I love him!
My dad before he got all fucked up had my twin brother convinced Gwen Stefani and Fergi were the same person.
It wasn’t until he was 20 when a coworker of his was like “bro, what the fuck are you talking about”
Needless to say, it’s one of my favorite stories to rag on my brother for.
Duck yes might have fallen for that myself just for the antinarative. Your dad's a wicked smart ass.
"Oh, I thought he was."
It’s the nonchalant (the great body language of "meh")
Side note: I heard Tom’s wife loves the Ring.
So funny 🤣 😆 😄 😂 tom your great !!! Thank you 😊
The delivery is great