Living With C-PTSD and Dissociation…How Journaling Helps Me!
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- čas přidán 29. 09. 2023
- In this video I share what it is like for me to live with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with dissociative episodes plus depression. My aim is to raise awareness of symptoms of these mental health disorders. I also share the different kinds of journaling I do that helps me manage my symptoms.
Please note that I am not a health professional I am simply sharing my personal experience.
Thank
you for watching,
Ali x
You tube channels mentioned:
@coffeeteapaper
@SnippetsandScraps
@CecileYadro
Music was composed and performed by my son Theodore so copyright belongs to him and I have his permission to use it!
This video is in no way sponsored or endorsed by the makers or sellers of any products mentioned. All opinions expressed are my own!
“I don’t feel those things but I believe those things” Ali, that sentence is amazing. Basically sums up my whole mental health! Thank you for sharing this video. It must feel so scary and vulnerable.
Well done for starting therapy again. It can be so scary and tiring and hard but when you find the right person it really does help so much.
I dissociate a lot too. I especially did when I worked. My brain seemed to work out that I either had to dissociate so much I wasn’t really there, or have a constant panic attack. Was the only way I was able to get through! I relate a lot to your daily symptoms and I’m so sorry you go through them. You’re never alone though 💛💛.
I get that feeling too of other people sometimes not feeling real! I really love the mixed media journal you’ve done, that’s an amazing idea. Poor Sisyphus!! Can definitely relate to that too! I relate to everything you are saying in this video it’s quite incredible actually
Let us hope that supporting each other will help us both Emily! You are often in my thoughts and I hope so much that things get easier for you! Xxx
Oh Ali, you will touch so many of us and remind us that we are not alone. I pray that you can receive peace of mind and heart in the near future.
Thank you so much. It is so helpful to know we’re not alone. Everyone has their personal struggles. I just hope that sharing ways to cope with struggles proves helpful. Sending you hugs, Ali xxx
I think you are a very brave ,inspiring and such kind soul , thank you for sharing ❤. What a beautiful piece of music your son has composed. Best wishes for your appointment ❤
Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate you taking the trouble, my best wishes to you, Ali xxx
Hi Ali and thank you for talking about your disorder. It helps others even just to know that they are not alone.
Like another lady said “I feel it but know it isn’t true” it’s spot on and something I find hard to explain. So thank you for that. It’s seems that all the nice people have to suffer !. But thank you again.
You look beautiful by the way 🥰🌸🌺
Thank you so much for your kind words and support Lea. It’s much appreciated. Ali xxxx
I want to say how brave you are to share your story getting an insight into someone else’s life really puts everything you do into perspective, I have a Chronic pain condition and I too share some of my journey through You Tube and at first I thought who wants to hear about my pain story but I get messages from other people saying how much it helps them to hear what i am going through.
So from that point thank you so much for sharing and listening to your sons music made me feel like he also understands your journey I felt it in his music. Your talent for art is amazing and to be able to articulate what you are feeling through art is an incredible gift. I am terrible at art I cannot even draw a good stick figure but I channel my energy into writing and expression through journaling and decorating pages to help sooth my soul. I am in hospital at this very moment having a week long pain treatment and watching You Tube and setting up planners and journaling is my therapy for the long days of being hooked up to beeping machines.
Sending lots of Love from Australia and I hope to catch up with Louise at the end of the month at our next meet up.❤❤❤❤❤❤
I’m so sorry to hear about your chronic pain condition. I so hope your hospital treatment has helped. I totally understand how exhausting chronic pain can be. You have my heartfelt sympathy. However, on a positive note, I hope you are well enough to make it to the journal meet up! If you do I hope you have a wonderful time. Sending you my very best wishes! Ali xx
Thank you for sharing such pesonal and private parts of your life. My heart breaks for you and what you have had to deal with in your life. I really hope your new therapist can begin to start the healing process that you so deserve. I personally would love to hear about the process. I am very grateful to come across your YT channel, i love seeing your videos and listening to you talk and also your laugh and of course the wonderful spreads you create. Please always remember your YT community are here for you, much love Lin ××😊
Thank you for such a supportive comment. I will certainly be sharing any parts of the process that might be helpful or interesting. I just need to take care to do so in a safe way for both myself and my viewers. The aim being to increase awareness and inspire hope! Sending you my very best wishes, Ali xxx
Oh Ali, it was really brave of you to share this with us. Thank you ❤ Sending lots of love and hugs xx
Thank you for your continued support. I hope you are settling in to your new home. I’m looking forward to catching up with your videos, sending hugs, Ali xxx
You're amazing for being so brave to tell your story and talk about your mental health. I have worked in healthcare for 10 years as a personal support worker. I have seen a lot of mental health issues, I have also done many 1 on 1 behavioural support supervision shifts in hospitals, suicide watch, etc. Plus, having been a victim of domestic violence myself when I was married and how my daughters were hurt too. Hearing you talk about your C-TPSD & disassociation, helped me see somethings from my daughter's perspective. So thank you for helping me see that. As my youngest still struggles with anxiety. So to answer one of your questions. Yes, I would like to follow your journey through therapy for the parts you wish to share. I know it would help many people. You are very talented and your artwork was beautiful, as well as your journals.
I too watch Louise at Coffee Tea Paper as a fellow Aussie along with her, however I'm in Melbourne and she's in Brisbane. I have a travelers notebook too, however I'm still finding my way as to how to use it effectively. I also have a Hobonichi Cousin, but that seems to have ended up as a scrapbook journal. Seems to be a waste of the expense of that. I seem to be all over the place with my journalling at the moment and am still finding my feet with it all throughout 2023. So I watch journalling Channel's to get ideas and inspiration.
I was born in Australia but I'm 50% British with my mum coming from Windsor UK and 50% Aussie from Dad. My grandfather worked for the Royal Family before they immigrated to Australia. So they are my connections to the UK. I also want to say I love your voice & accent. I was amazed how many different accents there are in the UK, when I travelled there. Even though it's such a small country compared to Oz.
Anyway, I very much enjoyed this video and thanks again for sharing it with us. Sending you a virtual hug of love and support from downunder (aka Australia) as I'm so sorry you had to go through that pain in your youth. xo Anne
Hello Anne, lovely to ‘meet’ you and thank you for your kind message! I think it’s wonderful that you have such a worthwhile job. I’m sure you have made an invaluable difference to so many people. I’m sorry to hear though that you and your daughters have a trauma history. It’s so sad that so very many people do! I am intending to share some of my journey as I attempt to heal. However I do realise how important it is to do so safely, both for myself and my viewers. So I will give it a lot of thought! On the subject of journaling, of course I think travelers notebooks are an excellent tool, especially in the beginning as it is so easy to swap out inserts and try out different things. I do hope you enjoy your journaling journey! My best wishes to you and your daughters, Ali xxx
I think you're great. I'm sorry that you feel bad sometimes. Feel unknown pressured by me. Greetings from Berlin. Margie 💞
Thank you so much Margie, for your kind words, sending you my best wishes, Ali xxx
I hope and pray you find healing from working with your new therapist. Thank you for sharing the self-care journal you've put together. Developing gratitude is powerful. Engaging in art through drawing helps to appreciate the beauty in even small things like a feather or a leaf. Your son's latest composition is beautiful and I loved hearing the footsteps of your pups throughout the video.
Thank you so much Suzanne! You are always so kind! Sending hugs, Ali xxx
Dear dear Ali, thank you so so much for your explanation of how you sometimes feel. The words….when you feeling save, you can be helped, helped me so much in my struggle working my way out of my pain. Maybe you can connect to your own save space inside yourself and healing can begin. I think you are so pretty person. I cry a bit after the video especially when you said that i made you happy with my small mail. That is just what to sent to you, a little bit of happiness. ❤❤ Thanks for this video. Sent you a hugh. Lots of 💕
Thank you so much for your support Jackie. I hope you know how much I appreciate your kindness! Sending you huge hugs back, Ali xxx
@@dabblinginjournals 🥰🥰
It breaks my heart that you (or anyone else) suffered as a child at the hands of someone you trusted. And I’m so sad you suffer still. I truly hope your new therapist will enable you to break through and overcome your cptsd. xoxo I’m so glad your family takes care of you. Oh and Theo’s music is beautiful, I could feel myself relax and melt almost. As I’ve said before, your art is stunning. 🥰
Thank you so much Marie for your continued kindness. I hope you know how much I appreciate you! Sending hugs, Ali xxx
Thank you so much for your continued kindness Marie. I hope you know how much I appreciate you! Sending hugs, Ali xxx
Hi Ali. I want to commend you for sharing these very personal struggles that you have been going through. I feel badly that you have to go through them. Using different journals to convey your feelings is wonderful. You always give us ideas for ways to help our lives. We all struggle through different things. I am pleased that you will be seeing a new therapist. Thoroughly enjoyed hearing your son play his composition. What gifted children you have. Thank you so much for this video. I loved seeing your sweet face. You are a marvel. My hope is that your mind will have ease . Take good care, Ali.Pat.🌷
Thank you so much Pat. Your continued support means so much to me! I do indeed have very creative children and they bring me so much joy. I do know how fortunate I am to be surrounded by a loving family. I know how helpful they will be as I go through the therapy process! Who knows, maybe I will find the courage to finally heal. Having people like you supporting me really helps, so thank you again. Ali xxxx
Thank you sharing and educating. I wish you the best on your journey and hope this new therapist can help! ❤❤❤
Thank you so much for your kind words, my best wishes, Ali xxx
Thanks for sharing! You have a brave soul! I love your journals and find your methods therapeutic. ☺️
Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate you taking the time! My best wishes to you, Ali xxx
I love how honest and raw you are in this video Ali - your courage and bravery is greatly noticed and you have created such a safe place for those who go through similar struggles. Thank you for educating us as well - I for one greatly appreciate it and am grateful that you have a presence here on youtube. You are an absolutely wonderful being with such a kind & generous soul and I admire your strength!! Sending you love your way, always 💕💕
Thank you so much Alia for such a lovely message. I really appreciate your kindness and support, sending hugs, Ali xxx
For me it would be a big thing if you share this journey. Hear from others always helps me to feel more normal and less alone with the syptoms. All of love for you🖤💜💖
Thanks for sharing!! I will definitely be sharing some of my self-care journal. My best wishes to you, Ali xxxx
Ali, I’m so sorry you experienced such awful stuff in your earlier life, it’s brave of you to share it and I hope the therapy helps you to continue working through it. I really like the idea of a self-care notebook, I think that’s something I’m going to look into doing. Kathryn x
Thank you for your kind words. I think self care journaling can be so helpful for so many people. Irrespective of the state of our mental health, we all have stresses and issues to contend with in life and I, for one, find journaling so helpful! Sending you my best wishes, Ali xxx
Thank you so much for sharing, Ali. Sending love and appreciation from Texas, USA.
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment….you have my very best wishes, Ali xxx
Beautiful mixed media symptoms pages. I once asked a Zen teacher, “ what is the best way to cultivate courage?” He said without hesitation-“don’t hide your fears” sending you good energy…may you be well 🌻
Very wise words … thank you! I am terrified of unpacking my fears, but I’m determined to at least try! Sending you my best wishes, Ali xxx
This video has been so meaningful and courageous. I’m sending you a virtual hug 🤗. I pray for your healing journey. I absolutely love your mixed media journal and appreciate your reminder that a deep dive such as that is best done with the proper support. It’s given me the courage to look more into art therapy. I appreciate your thoughts and perspectives on the many topics you’ve shared this far. I am grateful for and appreciative of them. Thanks to your son for sharing his gift of music as well. ❤
Thank you so much for your comment and kind words! My daughter has just qualified as an art therapist…she starts her first job next week. I’m so proud of her for choosing such a valuable profession! I certainly find it helpful to explore my thoughts and feelings through art. I do hope you have the opportunity to try it! My best wishes to you, Ali xxx
Thank you so much for this video Ali. Thank you for your bravery in being vulnerable, for educating and informing, it’s certainly given me a much greater understanding of the complexities of your day to day reality. I value your presence here on CZcams very much and the friendship that it has allowed us to form. You are an amazing person, generous with your time and knowledge. Yes, you may not teach in a formal setting but you are still educating and enriching, all while creating beautiful things. 🤍 Also beautiful is Theo’s piano piece and the recording was excellent, I love hearing the sounds of the peddles and the hammers of the piano. Please pass on my compliments to the composer. Sending hugs by the terabyte 🤗😘💕 Louise
Oh Louise, thank you so much for your lovely comment. I will certainly send your compliments to Theodore. He does love praise as he’s not very confident. He is composing now as I type. He just sits at the piano and improvises. I’m in awe! I played the flute well when I was young and learned piano also, but was not as competent lol! My first degree was music and philosophy. So I have lots of music theory in my head and can’t compose at all lol! Whenever I compose it sounds contrived. Whereas Theo has far less theory but is so intuitive. I’m going to try and make a video today as my you tube content has really slowed down. But I think that is just the initial effect of therapy. I see I also have a couple of videos from you to look forward to! Yay! Sending you my best wishes dear Louise xxxxx
Good luck on your therapy journey. I have struggled with DID for many years. Thankfully most of my struggles were in my early 20's and I'm far more in control now.
That’s really comforting to hear, thank you so much for sharing. I have carried all this baggage for far too long! Sending you my best wishes, Ali xxxx
I think you should do what you feel comfortable with! I think using your journals to help you with everything is such a good idea! I’d love to see that-but only if you’re comfortable. You and your health come first. Don’t do it if you feel uncomfortable or anything.
Very good advice thank you! Sending you my best wishes, Ali xx
Thank you ❤️
You’re welcome 😊
Sorry to hear you have to struglle. Thanks for sharing you truth and I always find the way you use your journal so inspiring. Big hugh.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind comment, Ali xxxx
Hi Ali, thank you for sharing all that you do and I’m so sorry that you have many times when you feel such depression. I am glad that your journaling helps, it REALLY helps me watching your videos, you really have become a ‘friend’ that I look forward to hearing from. I often wish we could meet in person, perhaps one day, who knows 😊 You are often in my thoughts when I’m seeing new products at work or when I’m journaling or when I see something you might like 😂 Sending you so much love 🥰
What a lovely message Dawn! Thank you so much. Maybe, when I am feeling better, I can organise a uk journal meet up? I think it would be so much fun! I would love to meet you too! Sending you huge hugs, Ali xxxx
How very brave of you Ali you're truly are inspiring and an Amazing person.
What a lovely thing to say, thank you so very much! My best wishes to you, Ali xxx
I found this video so late! And I loved it. You're take on stream of consciousness journaling was spot on. Great idea to use a timer. I'll definitely be trying that. I also liked the idea of your mental health journaling system as a whole. I to have CPTSD and could relate to absolutely everything you said. Thank you for being so brave to do this video. I hope therapy goes well and look forward to more videos like this one.
I’m so sorry to hear that you also struggle with your mental health. Thank you so much for your kind comments in response to this video. My therapy is going well thank you. Sadly I feel that my therapy journal is too personal to share, plus potentially triggering for others. But I will make an update video at some point. Sending you my very best wishes, Ali xxx
Hello, I find getting Happy Mail made me feel the same as you. I started a Friendship journal to put all the happy mail in. Makes me feel happy and puts a smile on my face, feel wanted, etc. I have a chronic pain illness called complex Regular pain syndrome CRPS, Sending you lots of hugs 🤗💕
I’m so sorry to hear that you have a chronic pain illness. I understand how exhausting it is coping with chronic pain. However, I’m so glad that your friendship journal makes you happy! Sending you my very best wishes, Ali xx
Matthew 11:28-30 ESV - Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
I would love for you to document your progress with your health journey and share it here in whatever way you feel comfortable.
Thank you for your feedback. I think I’ve decided that I will try and make a note of useful tips and then share those on my channel. My best wishes to you, Ali xxx
Dear Ali, I want to do my masters thesis on using visual Journaling to aid communication within therapy. I'd love to hear how you use it. I find mine helps me keep my voice and say the important things when I am so prone to 'fading' during session. I hope you have a strong connection with your therapist. Much love. ❤
Sorry for such a slow reply! I’m not using much visual journaling in therapy at the moment. We’re just in the stabilisation stage. Good luck with your Masters…sounds fascinating! My best wishes, Ali x