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Overcoming Negative Self-Talk: How You Think Changes How You Feel With Nick Wignall
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- čas přidán 14. 08. 2024
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How we talk to ourselves changes how we feel. Self-talk, especially negative self-talk, can have a huge impact on our emotions and can impact your depression or anxiety. In this episode of Therapy in a Nutshell, I interview Nick Wignall to learn more about different styles of self-talk and how you can overcome rigid or negative self-talk through curiosity and compassion.
Check out the full-length interview on my podcast, Therapy in a Nutshell: tinpodcast.pod...
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Check out the full-length interview on my podcast, Therapy in a Nutshell: tinpodcast.pod...
Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
About Me:
I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love www.churchofje...
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Takeaways
1. Be aware of different style of self talk you experience
2. Use labels to think of them (fortune-telling, catastrophizing , mind-reading, personalizing, jumping to conclusions...)
3. Identify the trigger for particular type (you learn to anticipate it)
4. Don't stick with the first thought automatically and try to answer (Is it really true? Is it helpful to me?)
5. Try explain situation with different and more helpful story
6. Practice self-compassion, treat yourself as you would a friend
7. Be curious about your thoughts
Thanks! I have ADD . . . this kind of "bold face" summary is so helpful to me . . . I usually don't have the patience to stick through a whole 20 or 30 minutes, so the bottom line points in a quick summary I find so useful to help me make sure I don't miss something major when I inevitably skim through! :)
Yes, thank you 😊
@@jessie9653 Only if thought rumination is affecting your physical health you must meet your physician. Develop y0our mental muscles. Your breath is directly related to your mind [brain] causing negative thoughts-anxiety-stress. For a relaxed life without sit on a chair, back erect, hands on lap with palms upwards, eyes closed, be still and observe your natural incoming--outgoing breath for around 10-15 minutes. Be as still as possible. Many thoughts will come which is ok--slowly negative thoughts will reduce and your mind will relax. During your daily activity keep observing your breath consciously. Do the above meditation daily to feel relaxed. For more relaxation enter the following on google search and listen before sleep repeating the affirmations in your mind. -“52Hz affirmations for health and healing you tube”. You will get relief quickly. Best wishes. Shyaaam Sir. -Counsellor.
@@passionforhispeace1194 God bless you, Jesus loves you. repent of your sins and turn to him. Jesus really does loves you. He did come to condemn the world but through people might be saved.
Appreciate the summary ~ thank you! 💓
Nick gives us a big key at 17:35 - if we treated others like we treat ourselves, no one would want to be around us.
It is no wonder then, then this creates the sense that we don't want to be around ourselves either - that is untenable. Thank-you Emma and Nick for unpacking this for us.
I once asked someone if she would talk to her best friend the same nasty way she talked to herself and she said yes! 😂 It turns out she had never before reflected on how her negative self talk was spilling into the way she interacted with other people.
That IS a jewel
there is a lot of gold in this video
I don't treat myself kindly and it's really showing in my day to day interactions..
Wow, when Dr. Wignall said “ literally anything is better than the current story you have on repeat thats not helpful”, I was like, damn... thats some good advice for just life in general when it comes to your own thinking. 🤯🥰
I think it was a teachable moment missed. Some people can go to an even darker place with their negative thoughts. Some of us need examples of what some positive thoughts might be.
I have dealt with deep depression since I was very young. I am now 54 years old. I am happy to have finally found this information, but I am also saddened to have lived this long without anyone sharing this knowledge with me. This information should be on every counselor and therapists guide for helping people with any mental illness. It seems so simple yet overlooked or not known in the mental health world. I believe all children should also be taught this information along with the self motivation information from the other video I just watched. It could be life changing for millions of people.
I am not much younger than you and I feel the same way although I am aware of some of this information. I recently watched her video about creating a daily routine and it is so helpful. I do have ongoing counselling too but I feel like what I have learned has armed me to be more productive in the sessions too.
Same here. And I am 61.
Clearly you are not alone in this as many others have commented the same thing, my heart goes out to you and everyone else figuring ourselves out together ❤ I know it’s easy to think how you wish you found it earlier which makes sense, but just think how much better your life is going to be with this new found knowledge! What if you never found it? So glad that you are figuring this out with the rest of us. Be well. ❤️🙏🏻
Thank you all for reading my post and helping me to know that I am not alone❤️❤️❤️
Im 24, and ive had the same experience for most of my life.
Thease are such simple things as you said, and they just need to be thought.
I oftain imagine what human beeings would be like if we were thought how to think and how to self talk as children.
How much of an easier time we all would have in understanding eachother, in convarying what we think abd feel with eachother
How much more easly we would be able to realise what we ourselves are going through
My personal view is that much of our psychological issues stem from the way in which we think , and then our thinking starts informing our behaviour, emotions and phisical state
And then the rest of it is from our environment, our biology and how we treat ourselves phisically
Thease 4 aspects, are delt with differently, vut one essential thing for me has been to try to distinguish "whare is it that i have what kind of role" and how much power over an aspect i have
Thinking should be the place whare most of us have most control, but we have to dare to be creative and enevitably systematic, and to take what we already know in total, and to try to apply that to any issue we have with ourown thinking.( this beeing said..unfortunately, we usually arent thought to be creative, and in fact, oftain we get punished for it, which leads us to supress the part of us which can help us understand more by drawing paralels between different aspects of life)
Tho i dont judge people based on age, except in whether they are a minor or an adult, i must say that i love it when someone in their 50 still cares about improving themselves!
This is the spirit of humanity
This is how people of all ages should be like as much as they can be
I have friends in their 30s, 40s and 60s, and they always, always cant help bringing up their age in reguards to why they cant do something that they love, and i just dont know how to help them realise that age in of itself is nothing more than counting
We can look at what a body and mind is capable, sure, but for most people, and maybe im just a naive optimist, but i think that most people beat themselves up too much, and crush theur own dreams so that they dont have to try doing what they love and find our that they arent good at it, even tho they have no evidence for thinking that they wont be good at something
So i wish you all the best, fellow human beeing
If you want to discuss on what ive said here, or maybe critiseze something ive said, then i woule apreciare the feedback
Have a great dsy
I have struggled my entire life with negative self-talk. It’s something I really wanna work on. Thankful I came across this video 🙏🏽
Love this guy’s approach, attitude, demeanor. Could listen for hours. So relatable. I’m 61 and wish I had him as my therapist. Been needing one my whole life. I’ve known I have issues but never anyone to talk through them with me. I am also very critical so when I say this guy is amazing it’s saying something. Thank you so much!
I like how he said " meaningful trigger" . I have thought of triggers as a weakness.
Another layer of self respect I can add to healthy living. Honor my triggers.
So nice. . . Thank you!
👍Ways to stop being negative
Live more in the moment. Thinking about the past or the future is what we get anxious about
Practice positive affirmation. Tell yourself you are strong
Believe in the power of positive thinking
Don't dwell.
As you point out, for me, the biggest reason I get anxious or melancholy is because I think of the past, and all the things that are now lost to it, and it's like I can't let go of them even though they no longer exist.
I love the “bushwhacking new neuro pathways”!!!
Positive affirmations don't work in the long run, just saying positive things for the sake of it, even if you dond't believe them can actually be harmful. It's better to be kind to yourself and focus on the positive that you do see. There are always positives, but it's important to be realistic as well.
Such a good video, especially since I'm struggling with this right now. Im so loving to my friends but so hard on myself and i need to stop.
Thank you. I feel like you and the anxiety guy are my therapist 🙏🏼
😀
I ❤️ The Anxiety Guy, too!
The anxiety guy’s name is Nick Wignall haha
@@TherapyinaNutshell please help me...how do I know the difference between negative self talk and my intuition?
@@TherapyinaNutshell please help me...how do I know the difference between negative self talk and intuition?
Self talk is often negative. I restarted my positive events journal yesterday. Anything I can consider positive is written in the journal with the date of the event. The event may seem trivial to others, but important to you. ie. I watched a movie with my granddaughters via Zoom. (I haven't seen them in months because of Covid19)
I love the idea of a positive events journal! I try to end each work day with a quick "wins" list and some days, it may just be that I had a really good cup of coffee, but it's nice to remind myself that not everything is awful.
Yes PMS hits me so hard with my mood swings and negative thoughts!!
Yaaaay!! Emma McAdam!! I totally love & appreciate your content. I'm learning so much watching your channel. Thanks so much for all you do for the MH Community!! Harvest Blessings!!
Yes! I'm so grateful for this channel. It's helping me lots in between psych sessions. And even if I've learned a particular skill, I always forget to use it and having these videos to remind me is great. Just having something like that to watch when I'm in a depressed or anxious loop is very helpful.
Thank you. I Need to change my way of thinking. I'm extremely critical and judgemental toward myself. I have been stuck in the same loop, thinking there is no other way out (alternative) leading to depression and also catastrophizing most if not all situations. Watching and learning from this session opened very important doors for me. Thanks a million.
I just realised I do not really have a dialogue with myself or inner talk and thats probably because my presence was never positively acknowledged by my mother and when `i spoke I never got a response but given tasks to do.Its crazy to think my way of becoming "normal"was to watch tv and how to do things but never healing myself.thank you for the series you make and the help you give.
My anxiety and depression have been really bad lately, but these videos have gotten me down to a place where I can handle my difficult feelings and cope much better. Thank you so much for creating these videos, they help reinforce all that therapy has taught me and help me cope on my own 🙏🏾💝
Thank you Emma! Your videos have helped me so much through a very difficult time in my career and life. You enabled me to " pull myself together" and continue on. Happier, more confident, grounded. Especially your catastrophising video. I watch it at least ten times a day, lol. Thank you so much. God bless , and have a happy holidays. Thank you.❤
Thanks so much for your kind words
The moment you started speaking I broke down into what felt like some deep rooted tears, whole body experience type of pain. Thank you for putting a name on the things I've felt my ENTIRE life. Mistake after assumption after catastrophe after everything.
Thank you for providing these videos for those of us who can't afford mental health right now but are really trying to figure ourselves out to better our lives and our loved ones.
If we don't seek this out we are doomed to continue the cycle of silent suffering with mental health.
Thank you
I really love them both! Amazing tips and guides for people with anxiety and panic attack!
This discussion on self-talk is really helpful to me right now. It’s a game changer. Thank you Nick and Emma!
Thank you for this! We can always improve nothing is inevitable.
Oh man, this was awesome! I really am geeking out on all this wonderful and helpful information on getting unstuck from really unhealthy self-talk that craters your emotions and life. But even more so on watching how Emma get super excited about what she and Nick are talking about and then controlling it and bringing her energy back down to a normal and relaxed vibe. I learned just as much from that as I did from the essentials they were talking about. So glad I found this channel!
everything y'all said i just about had to write down! this was incredibly helpful wow!! i can't get over how good this channel is tbh. or why all my therapists sucked so bad compared to these videos. My anxiety and bad habits have already started to break milestones I've been wanting to over come for years because of this channel.
This and ur other videos are really helping me through a difficult time❤️ (finishing uni and feeling completely lost on what to do next). Thank u thank u thank u☺️
Hi Emma, thank you for the amazing content! I have a request, can you make a video about morning anxiety?
Interesting.
Thank you so much for this channel. My sweet mom has struggled for years with depression and anxiety. It breaks my heart because I SO want her to experience the simple joys in life, but she takes herself down constantly and finds it hard to believe that she is loved. Your channel helps me to help her. So grateful for you. I hope you can know and enjoy that you are making a huge difference in the world!
How do I stop the past replying over and over again?
Excellent video by the way.
Thank you both so much. Like so many other people, i have been working from home since covid began and being mostly alone, what i've noticed is my self talk has gone nuts. Will be watching this video as a reminder to question all that negative talk when it occurs.
Awesome!
I've changed my feelings of fear/anxiety by curiosity... And it is always very helpful, when I manage to do so. That isn't easy, but worth the effort.
Loved this! Been struggling with negative self-talk, but I’m doing my best to overcome it. This was quite helpful.
I agree with the speakers. However, when you’re deeply depressed, you don’t really care about questioning your thinking or emotions. You just don’t want to exist or live. What I find useful is not hurrying myself. And crying also allowed me to release the pain and suffering. Then the next few days I will have the energy and courage to reach out and question my negative thinking.
Emma has helped me so much. A very beautiful lady, worth her weight in gold. Stay safe, Emma x
I’m so glad I’ve found your channel. Thank you so much for your work
This guy is so insightful. I'm grateful for this channel. Such meaningful content in each episode.
Yes- being aware and noticing what is one's current style and how one can work on that, question it's validity and rewrite them to more productive sentences. I believe jotting down would help one to record and review the negative self talk to make it easier to rewrite.Tks🙏
Wow! Great conversation! Such a huge help to me!!!! Thank you both for much!!! ❤️❤️
It's fun to watch you two talk together! Both have awesome energetic presence that's engaging. Thank you for making this :)
Thank you Emma I have only discovered you recently, your advice and guidance have made such a difference to my well-being and coping mechanisms…❤️
Our emotions today sometimes have everything to do with what happened when we were very young. Taking time to remember when we first felt that "negative" emotion is key to not over reacting in the present to something that happened in the past.
Emma thank you and Nick so much. You are my Angels ❤
Half way through your video, I had a lot cognitive distortions. I caught it right away, I trend to have personalization and catastrophizing. It’s killing me, but I’m glad that I can identify it, and thinking of an alternative thoughts right away.
Thank you so much Emma and Nick, what great insights. Although I have been on this path for over 25 years, my habits take over and I lose the awareness, I get lost in life's distractions and I find that my blood pressure is high and I feel a kind of electricity all over that is probably stress due to my unconscious thoughts. I found your videos only a week ago Emma and they are being so helpful for my awareness in my daily life. Thank you so much, I really learned a lot🙏🏼
Great talk . You never see IT coming , but the few times that you do see IT and successfully prepare for the the occurrence . You feel good afterwards . Thanks
Asking why I don’t deserve to be healthy happy and successful helped me a lot .
I didn't know Luke Skywalker went into psychology! 😄😆
Thank you Emma -- I really appreciate your interview with Nick. 😊
That's how he became such a powerful Jedi. He was able to search his feelings.
This is a BEAUTIFUL video ❤ Thanks
miss emma, your videos are very lovely and just by the time I reached the 4th minute , I realized that I have been catrasthophizing for so many years and I got such a precious information and lesson just by watching for four minutes . I have been quite suicidal for 5 years as I have borderline disorder and I hope when I have income ( I am not working yet ) I can send you a gift whether it is a cloth from my country or just some money . Thank you so much , miss emma and mr nick . I also wish I can fund a counselling center if it is possible to do so
Treating yourself like you would treat a friend is very much like one of Jordan Peterson's chapters in his book 12 Rules For Life 'Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping'
Emma's content is always amazing x
I have also found it helpful to tell myself to give other people more credit than to assume that they are going to hate me because I phrased something badly in the moment , and it came out how I didn’t intend. Would I condemn someone else as heartless or an idiot for one slip-up? -no of course I wouldnt’t! Isn’t it actually unfair of me to assume that others are less fair-minded than me? Pause, say to yourself “give them a little credit!”
Thank you for these tools. I've been dealing with so much negativity and anger.
What a good looking therapist he is
Thanks for this video. Im looking for ways to stop negative thoughts in their tracks 😥
It gave me a lot of hope as usual. Thanks Emma and Nick☺️☺️
Great Conversation, very helpful.
As for me accepting a reality or truth in front of a man is the first step forward. But, for some people accepting a truth sometines is an end like accepting a defeat, & then eventually man will proclaims it can't be changed that's all about it. But human is always bound for change. Accepting what is truth is bound for looking an alternative or an option and that's the very essence of FIRST PRINCIPLE.
Emma thanks, I appreciate your videos, just discovered your channel about a month ago or so, and its great content for me to hear daily.
I had a *wonderful* local Unity minister who when I told her about myself would simply say, "Have you ever thought about it this way?, (putting a positive spin on it).
With her encouragment, it was a 2 yr process, but I haven't been depressed since!
You people are symbols of humanity and support.
Excellent just What I needed. I am Going to start Now To Do This for a Week. 🏴🙏💞
Thanks this is great … I keep doing positive things with negative thoughts on a daily basis and it’s been working for me for 32 yrs 🎉hip hip AA
Nick has to make A CZcams ..... i LOVE HISSS BLOOOG
Love the end and the idea of questions. And that creating space is where we can make better choices. Thank you!
I love this video and the FREE Grounding mini online course. So insightful and helpful. ❤
Thank you! I'm in a chronic stage being a senior female going into a move where I will be alone and never have been able to be without anybody I know. Full fear and a lifetime of castasrophashing. It has me very sick! I'm a realist and know what it will be.
Lynn, hope you are doing well. I can hear you and your concern. It is indeed very tough situation to be in. We hear that on the news and hear similar stories from my friends. I hope you find a way to stay connected with people you care about and who care about you. I will pray for you and hope you feel better.
Great stuff. My self condemnation over past failures is likely habitual, and haunting. Have not resolved that.
I needed to hear that right now. I get so use to the negative self talk I don't even realize we are doing it. Talking like I would to a fresh will help me get out of my head, and being curious about why I reacted that way will change the behavior next time. Great sessions! 💜
Thanks to both of you! This was an answer to my prayers this morning.
So amazing and helpful. I appreciate you both taking your time do this. I now have very actionable steps for myself. I loved having several options of ways to change. For me, creating space for curiosity send like a manageable step then I'll work towards self-compassion. I also love the idea of identifying triggers. I'd never thought of that.
I love your channel. I love your work. Keep it up. You're changing lives!
Part of thinking can be based on some real experience or real situation. Then better to focus on what we can do- steps we can take Thanks for your presentation
Learning about cognitive distortions helped me to handle anxiety and choose more helpful thoughts 🙌🏽
Yes! So true
It’s great you can catch it! I’m anyways catching it when my head tells me negative thing are going to happen I almost giggle at myself
THANKYOU guys we love what you're doing it's so helpful I'm grateful ❤️
I love you and your channel
21:37 Interesting idea. In fact, better for me than "treating myself like a friend in trouble" because I'm poor at comforting friends in trouble.
This is something I really struggle with and distinguishing between what voices and thoughts are coming from where. Very difficult for me. Frustrating actually. But, knowing that I'm not alone helps.
Hi - thanks for producing such valuable content. Understanding our own self-talk and mind chatter is the first step to uncovering if we want and need to make any changes...
Utterly brilliant video
Thanks for this. Stuck inside following an operation and isolating before some tests (nothing serious, all being well). Starting to spiral into some old anxiety habits (specifically catastrophising and fortune telling). Needed a reminder of what previous CBT teachers had helped me with. Your little chat was just the tonic I needed.
Oh my god , do you guys know how many lives your saving . Such an amazing insight - Thank you guys so much
Thanks for this! I learned some helpful tips!
1. Thank you for mentioning the possible effect of menstrual cycle on our self talk. My psychiatrist is great but he never once mentioned this and I've only recently noticed how it does affect me.
2. I'm one of those people who often finds herself answering YES when I ask "Is this thought true?". Something that I find helpful is to follow that up with a creative brainstorming session. So I ask myself, if this thought is true, I'm really an awful person, and this awful thing is going to happen to me, what can I do about that? Then I write down every solution I can think of, even the ones that seem impossible, undoable or unacceptable. Even the really sci fi ideas!
The trick is that by forcing myself to write down all these ideas, I force myself out of rigid thinking and into a more flexible thinking mode. Sometimes I do come up with useful solutions doing this exercise. Sometimes I discover that my anxiety stems from lacking some crucial information or skill that I now know I need to get. Sometimes it just makes me feel more in control because I see that I actually have many options in life and nothing is off the table. More often than not, at the end of this I scrunch up the list and chuck it. But just going through this exercise calms me down and makes me feel less helpless.
I also really love that Venn diagram exercise and will definitely be adding that to my toolbox.
Excellent content. Thank you! I will work on using these tools!!!😊
Awesome
Thank you so much for all of this! It was super helpful!
This bloke makes a lot of sense 👏 🌻. Even if I can't mentalise something positive in the moment my first go to thought can often be ' it's probably not what you're thinking' lol
I like how he said imagine it's a good friend you're talking to. I have never thought about it this way
This video really changed my life. Thank you for posting this type of content.
😊 so helpful thank you!! ❤🎉
I think this works good with people that have anxiety or depression that is not consuming. But those of us with chronic anxiety or PTSD wake up with dread, spend the day with dread, and then try to sleep at night with dread, It’s constantly there no matter what we think or no matter what we tell ourselves.
Super helpful! Thanks guys. I feel like I’m leaving the past and learning a healthy future! ❤️😊😎
This was amazingly helpful. Thank you! I'm so grateful for your content.
Thanks!
I do the mind-reading and jumping to conclusions all the damn time. I got two emails the other day and imagined them being said in a dismissive way. That information isn't contained in text so it was all in my head. Neither of them were negative messages.
It takes a lot of practice to notice
Oh wow, negative self talk and women's menstrual cycle is a thing! I recognised it, but didn't realise it was common , and no gp ever mentioned it..
Yes say the encouraging words to your self like you would to encourage a friend 🥰🫶🏽
Thank you, well explained and so helpful to have proper language for this process!
This is so good! Thank you, Emma and Nick!
I cant thank you enough.
I absolutely love this music you use in your intro and outro
This video was so helpful, i feel better already just trying the "treat yourself like you would a friend" approach. Thank you so much
This was very helpful. Even if I couldn't hear you guys talking, just seeing the big smiles on your faces is SO uplifting!! Great video. Thanks!!
Thanks. Trying to improve the audio
@@TherapyinaNutshell I heard you both fine.... I meant even if I couldn't hear what you were saying just seeing your beautiful smiles was uplifting but what you were saying was very helpful too. 🥰
Thank you, I feel a lot of joy after the video, it was really useful and friendly talk :) I hope I can apply some of the strategies!
Triggers of my negative self-talk.
You are helping me so much! You are doing great. Thank you