Dressing Up Daily: Dealing with Attention
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- čas přidán 22. 08. 2024
- Today I'm discussing how to deal with the attention that comes with dressing up.
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My very good friend always dresses up. I mentioned to her that I have a close full of cloths I love but never wear. My inner fear is that people will think I am showing off. Her response was perfect. “ You know there is no closet space in your coffin. You should enjoy it now.”
Good point
Oh wow, that was a profound response! 🤯
Loved this
My sister in high school only wore half her wardrobe because she was saving it, for what idk
I live in a small town and that was exactly how I felt because I mostly see people dressing down and I didn't want to stand out. Recently I made a decision that I'm going to dress up and express my style regardless. After all, they're expressing themselves the way they want to
I wore a skirt once to go grocery shopping, and a nice little old man came up to me and complimented me on how nice I looked and how nice it was to see a lady dress like a lady, that women just didn't take the time to dress like ladies or to look nice anymore and that it was a shame.
That's interesting. I was with my niece one time and we were grocery shopping and two older men complimented her and told her she dressed the way ladies should....
I had a similar experience once when I was wearing a skirt in the grocery store. Thank you for your sharing. It makes me smile to think about it. Needing strength now as I seek motivate myself again. I'm in a season of grief since the death of my husband. I realize how much of my motivation to look nice was to look nice for my husband. Needing a reboot.
When unwanted attention comes in this way, a polite way to put the ball in someone else's court is with a question. when a person asks why we are 'dressed up' we can respond with:
"Don't you just love the way beautiful clothes make you feel?!" Anytime we are uncomfortable with a question we can respond with another question. This causes the other person to pause and think.
I work at a high end jewelry store where we used to have a dress code that required the men to wear a suit and tie and the women had to wear a blazer with their choice of pants or skirt. The company wanted to experiment with our image and relax the dress code, so as not to intimidate younger customers shopping for an engagement ring. At first, myself and the other women I work with were excited to be able to expand our wardrobe to sweaters and blouses not covered up by a blazer. Slowly we all started to slip into questionable dress habits that were more casual than business. I caught myself slipping into this one day as I was picking out my outfit in the morning. I stopped and asked myself, "would I buy a $30,000 diamond from someone dressed like this?" The answer was no! Now I have started dressing up at work more, and not only do I feel better and sell more diamonds, but I've inspired my female coworkers to start doing the same!
Tanya Van Sloun What a great story!
Tanya Van Sloun It is a shame. When I go to the bank and I see all the tellers dressed down, I ask for the manager to serve me. They always ask why and I tell the manager that how can I trust someone dressed like they are going to a night club to care for my investments?
Some people spend $30,000 on a diamond???
Christina Harrison I know this is 4 years old but it is kinda rude to talk to the manager for that, you kinda get those women in trouble, you don’t know what happens in their life, how busy they are, if they struggle with money etc
You go. Good job!
This was the story of my working career. As a prof. I wanted to dress well for my students and to uplift and honour my profession. Not everyone around me agreed with this stance and were very casual in their dress. It was hard, but I persisted! I wore my beautiful Italian shoes and dressed the way my Nonna would have wanted me to and I did not give in. I honoured my ancestors and did it my way. The dynamic never changed, but I became better because of it!
'Wanting to honor your profession' I love that!
I've dealt with this for many years now, and only now realized that "they" won. I moved from California to Colorado when I was in my twenties, and while I liked getting dressed up...fixing my hair, and putting on makeup the majority of my co-workers, friends did not. They were always quick to point out my dress, hair, or makeup. Slowly I stopped doing my hair, putting on makeup, and started wearing more relaxed attire just to fit in. A few years ago I made the decision to start wearing makeup again, and immediately got the same attention..Oh, where are you going? You look nice! etc...It was a little rough at first, but I kept at it. Once it became the "norm" the attention, compliments, sarcasm slowly faded. I still get the occasional compliment, but it's more like..."How did you do that?" or "Can you teach me this?" I agree, keep it up and others may be inspired. Thanks for the inspiration Jennifer! xoxo Bonnie
I love this!! I dress in my best all the time! Every day of the week. I was at the grocery store and some girls were standing outside collecting money for a charity and asked, "Why are you dress so nice", and I said "Because I feel like it." Then she said, "Wow, I should do that." I use to let the comments of others bother me but I don't anymore. I have been dressing nice for the last 15 years. What I realized is that your nice appearance becomes "mirror tint" to someone else. It forces them to look at themselves. So I keep going!! I LOVE looking nice everyday and I don't care who I offend!! Now I have strange people coming up to me every day saying, "I wait for you in the garden". I like to see you everyday because you look so wonderful!
"Oooh, fancy! Where are you going?" and the like are passive aggressive attempts to make us feel uncomfortable, but really they are the ones who are feeling threatened. I used to feel uncomfortable or annoyed when people did that to me. Once I realized the insecurity behind it, it made me feel bad for someone who felt the need to be snarky.
Holly Jamison I always say "Every day is a special occasion so I am dressed appropriately!" :)
Garden Girl Great response, i'll use that in the future!
You go, girl! :)
Just laugh......
I get this every day! :(
I think more people are suffering with depression these days, causing them to let themselves go.
True
Yes, I’ve been there, but one great thing depressed people can always do is to shower, dress nicely and get out of the house, it helps!
@@kimberlyperrotis8962 so true I am a nurse and struggle with depression. I literally feel like I have a double life. I can work 3 12s take good care of my pts and get along with coworkers. On my days off I can stay in bed for days.
This is sooo true! This year at school (I'm a teacher), I decided to dress a little nicer. I'm 51, and decided I wanted to look nice each day, and feel good about myself. Well, initially, I got a lot of snarky comments. Then they slowly became genuine comments. Eventually, I noticed the other teachers (especially the teachers of a certain age) begin to dress nicely. One who had rarely ever done her hair actually curled her hair and looked just lovely. I think sometimes we become so busy, that we forget to respect and love ourselves. It amazed me how my personal effort effected others, but what you have said here is true!~Dana
Ugh! Yes the questioning is so annoying...."where are you going? do you have a hot date after work?!" No,I just enjoy looking my best. When I look good, I feel good.
I got exactly the same question at work one day 😏 you never know how to answer that 🤷♀️
I've noticed casual dress in church is increasing, I like to dress my best for worship.
Amen!
I so totally agree. Because of where I live, in FL, our dress tends to be casual. Attending church is the one time I always wear a skirt. After all, we are there to worship the Creator of the universe.
Haven't been to the White House but should I ever be invited, I would dress in my best clothing (& I am no fan of our elected officials.) It is simply showing respect.
Ikr! Because we are going to God’s house and we should dress in our best clothes 😍 that’s why in Islam we are recommended to wear our best clothes and perfumes to mosques and also to put people at ease by not giving off a bad smell in a gathering
I’m pretty shocked by what people wear to church, sweat-suits and even pajamas! It’s not respectful or appropriate.
I've noticed this too and I think it's disrespectful to God.
I love this "reject our sloppy culture" I so agree!!! I love it when someone asks me why I am all dressed up, I feel so Lady like. Keep the faith Ladies.
Jilly oxo
Watching this 6 years later and the fact that every clothing store is offing so many options of sweat pants and sweatshirts. Ridiculous.
I have dealt with this very issue for years. I have always "overdressed," according to the "underdressed" people I encounter. It makes me more comfortable and confident to look nice. Jeans, a t shirt and a blazer take no more effort than jeans, a t shirt and a ratty sweatshirt jacket, as you know! I think what we (including your letter-writer) often encounter is not so much "attention," as it is rude behavior from others. Most of us, I hope, can respond with a "thank you," when told we look nice. It is the passive-aggressive people who ask, "Why are you so dressed up? Do you have a job interview somewhere else? Who are you going to lunch with? Do you have to go to court?" and that kind of thing. I believe it's not even the questions that are so hard to encounter, but the people who are rude and crass enough to ask them! Most of us just don't want to deal with people like that, and lack the skills. But, we must persevere! By the way, I love old movies and tv shows, too... when everyone dressed beautifully, and a "bad hair day" was often the topic of the show (I am thinking along the lines of "I Love Lucy," here.) Katherine Hepburn keeps me mesmerized as she floats across the screen, even when chasing leopards through the woods! Thanks so much for your video... we truly must band together to survive against those who wear pajama pants to the grocery store, and buy "pre-ripped" and "pre-faded" jeans on purpose off the rack!
Have you noticed that ripped jeans aren't new? It's hilarious that people wear ripped clothing and they seem to be ignorant that some homeless individuals wear ripped clothing.
Ok I love your reference to “Bringing Up Baby”!!
Right?!? Ripped on purpose and pay more! What a sad commentary on us!
I remember my Grandmother always taking her time before leaving the house, getting ready with love and care. Often now, when I drive to our local stores I see young women wearing their pj's. Such a contrast. Thanks for making this video.
Yes,
Towards the end of last year I started doing this with my wardrobe aswell. It really is astounding what it does for your sense of self worth, Self Esteem, and the way that people treat you in Public.
It actually freaked me out. People started treating my like Royalty, like I was a really important person, because all of a sudden I decided to dress well, and with self respect every time I left the house.
And then eventually I realised I was Important, and they were accurate responses to who I really was.
Little things like these are game changers.
Wow, this is a beautiful comment. "eventually I realised I was Important, and they were accurate responses to who I really was." I will be keeping this in mind!
Yes, this is part of the reason I like to dress well, besides just being an artist and fashionista.
I think it's important to learn to take a compliment. I am shy and hated that attention as well -until... I learned to just say "thank you!" and kept doing what I was doing. Eventually they got used to me looking nice and that was it!
Because I think dressing well in some way honors the people that I meet every day, my response is simply,
Thank you. You are worth it.
I feel identify with this topic, just begin to dressing better and receive compliments from people, sometimes I feel shy, sometimes not. I am currently in the middle of treatment for breast cancer and have lost my long hair, half of my eyebrows and my very long and nice eyelashes. However, ever since the first day after I had to trim all of my natural hair, I decided not to wear scarfs and bought two nice wigs, I also put on make up and wear false eyelashes. People think that I am not sick and I receive compliments at the chemo room the ladies there even think that I am younger for my age. I don't do this because of vanity, but because It lift my spirit and I don't want to look sick, it somehow makes me feel more "normal" and it cheers me up to going on thru this with good attitude. Before the diagnosis I was a "frumpy" wife, and now my husband is very surprise (and pleased) with this change, so I plan to continue on even after treatment, as long as I still have some energy will make the effort to take care of myself and be presentable. Your channel offer great tips and is of great help on this change that I an adopting. Thank you!
God be with you during your treatment. I have a family member going through the same right now. Hugs.
Griselda Garcia You are a very strong person and you are healing properly. You take care of yourself, dress great and you move on with your life the best you can. Good for you!!!!
Griselda Garcia What an inspiration you are!!!! Good luck with your treatments, and keep wowing everyone!!
Hello Griselda, How are you doing now? Thank you for your great comment. We are praying for you!
I love this topic. In the last few years I usually never leave my house with out dressing in a skirt or dress. At first I got that same reactions from friends and family "where are you going all dressed up? ", but now it is such common place that everyone that knows me just don't pay much mind to it anymore. I really am a shy (introvert) person (people can't tell anymore because of my bright colored hair) so I do still get complements from stranger but I have just learned to say "thank you very much" with a smile and go on with my day.
When I traveled overseas it was so nice to see women around the world dress in such beautiful clothing. I'm glad to see more Americans embracing this, Thank you for sharing.
“Just say thank you and move on,” was some good advice from an elderly lady I knew. Graciously accept what they say and don’t make a big deal. People get accustomed that this is just how you are.
I sympathize with this so much! I dress nicely every day of the week, and I've received these kinds of comments. I always just smile big and say thank you. "This is just the way I like to dress, I enjoy it." Is the most you ever need to say. I know that when I dress nicely I feel my best, and when I dress sloppy I will feel sloppy all day. No need to change for anyone's snarky comments.
Some compliments are kind and heartfelt, such as a simple "you look nice today!" but, sadly, "compliments" can come from a place of jealousy in the form of veiled scarcasm. To quote Taylor Swift: "Don't you worry your pretty little mind...people throw rocks at things that shine." Dressing well is an art, and all true art is opposed. Dressing like a slob in public is simply BAD MANNERS! I think, on some level, people are aware of this fact, and when we dress well, it exposes the truth of the general sloppy rudeness of our society!
Garden Girl Love this!
Garden girl- I understand completely. Three is a gentleman that I work with that takes the sloppy dressing to the extreme. He shows up to work not only casual but not clean. I find his odor rude. It offends the girls in the breakroom so badly that we can't even eat when he is in there. What happened to the good old days?
We can't bring back the good old days, but we can hold ourselves to a higher standard and therefore elevate and inspire those around us. As for Mr. Stinky at work, one of you girls needs to take that dude aside and KINDLY set him straight. Some people just aren't aware that they are offensive., I had to tell one of my son's friends that he needs to shower and shave and keep himself nicely dressed. I wonder if these poor folks don't have loving parents to train them properly? Help that poor guy! Ok? :)
I absolutely will! Thank you!
Brandi Holcomb it sounds like you all need to have a discussion with a manager about this. It's the manager's job to address these situations.
Seeing people dressed nicely inspires me to reconsider how I present myself. So consider it a public service announcement to dress in a dignified and beautiful manner 🌞
This is a great video!
I am on disability retirement since last year at age 50. I'll be 51 in a few weeks. I used to work at a very busy and demanding job as the Executive Secretary to the Chief of a large organization and I had to dress very well everyday.
Now I am home and I find that if I don't dress well and be nicely (maybe not as turned up like I was at work) put together, I feel sluggish and not good about myself. It's nice to answer the door and greet the mail carrier looking and feeling good.
I will say though, there are few and very few where I may not be "dressed up" but dressed casually but hair and face and even nails maybe be done and I feel just as great.
I think out of financial necessity I developed the 10 item wardrobe many years ago. And I buy very well made clothes that are spendy but I shop when they are on sale about once every 2-3 years. And I launder them carefully so they last a long time.
I have a few thoughts. First of all, thank you! This was wonderful. I think the thing that I feel most self-conscious of when people point out how I look is that I don't want them to think that I think more highly of myself than I ought, or that I'm out to show off. So that has kept me from truly embracing dressing well...until now! :)
Also, we are missionaries in Uganda, and I have to say, Ugandans dress really well {or smart, as they say}. It doesn't matter your social standing. I have seen men emerge from mud huts wearing a full suit and impeccable shoes, even in muddy conditions. I have seen women maneuver bumpy dirt roads in beautiful heels. They take their appearance very seriously. Flip flops are relegated to the washroom {for use during showers} and holey jeans would never be seen. It's like a gift they give to the world, to dress beautifully. My Ugandan friends have inspired me to dress well every single day!
Joy Forney This is so beautifully written and expressed! Thank you for sharing!
Joy Forney What a great testimony. Thank you for sharing this!
Joy Forney They are classy people!
I'm so glad this subject was addressed. I'm a true jeans lover.....but that means a cute top, great accessories and fabulous shoes. I don't own a sweatshirt.....simply because that means I won't be able to wear one if its not in my closet! But in my job I need to dress professionally, and I hate "slacks" on me. They are hard to fit. So I wear dresses and skirts. I'm one of the few at my workplace that does not need to wear scrubs. I get a lot of sideways glances, and have to work extra hard to get the ladies to talk to me, but they eventually do. I've been asked if I work out and clean house in my dresses and heels. Now why would I do that, just because they see me from 8-5 dressed like that? I responded once to someone that posed that question whether they work out in their scrubs, since that's all I had seen them wear.
Hahaha! :) Good response!
When my daughter lived in Seattle she said Bill Gates started wearing jeans to the symphony and from then on (she was in theatre) people didn't dress up for the arts as much. I hope the viewer keeps on wearing thngs that make her look pretty and realizes that people will get used to the change in her appearance. It's just new to them but they will get over it and then view her as a person who likes to dress nicely. Thank you so much for such a thought provoking video. Much love, Melissa
***** Jeans to the symphony... oh no! Mr. Gates should watch this video :)
Well, Jennifer, I am listening to this years after you posted it because I have only recently discovered you! I was on a jury a few years back and after the first day, I decided to dress up a bit out of respect for the folks attending the trial and to represent the seriousness of my position as a juror. Nothing was said to me, but I found it very interesting that in time all of the women and some of the men on the jury dressed up more. Thank you for speaking up for tasteful dressing.
I like watching the “Golden Girls” . Aside from being a funny show, they dressed up really nice!
Thank you for sharing!
I'm a stay at home mom and I get dressed everyday! It makes me feel good about myself. I do get asked "Where are you going?" It doesn't bother me anymore. I used to get annoyed when people would say I was dressed up because I looked casual in my opinion. I was dressed, not dressed up, like you said. I enjoy the comments now. I have a friend that said to me "My goal is to be like you and put a little more effort in my appearance. I see you dressed nice at the grocery store!"
I love dressing well because of the positive response I receive. Who doesn't love it when your 9-year old says, "You look beautiful, Mommy". I made a decision quite a while ago that I didn't want my boys remembering that Mom was always in sweats or yoga pants. I find that people open doors, smile at me more, give me hotel room upgrades and overall better service because I try to dress well - especially when traveling. I'm not following every fashion trend, I'm not spending $1000's of dollars but my classic 10-item wardrobe is serving me well. I don't "save" my best things any longer - I have donated everything that I don't love that doesn't look great and wear "my best" everyday. Why not wear a DVF wrap dress to shop at Target? I might dress it down with leggings, and flats but why let it sit in the closet waiting for a special occasion? Thanks for a great set of books, Jennifer, with wonderful reminders of what I really already knew but just needed a friendly push of inspiration. (And having "10" as my target plus extras has really been a great guideline.)
I hear this a lot too. It kind of amazes me because I still get this sort of reaction even when I am wearing a fairly casual dress simply because it's a dress. I tell people that dressing the way I do makes me feel good. It's a simple act of self-love. There may be someone out there who thinks that is selfish, but I don't really care. It would be selfish to spend a child's college fund to finance a wardrobe or to dress my children in rags so that I can afford to buy nice things for myself, but I am not depriving anyone and it's my money, my body, and my time. It's not anybody else's business. As a side note: Two of my daughters are adults and no longer live at home. They have noticed how fabulous I look and how wonderful I feel now that I strive to be presentable. It has inspired them to step up their respective wardrobes and to be presentable as well.
I just recently moved and the people here are much more casual. I was wearing my heels during grocery shopping, and everyone kept staring at me. It made me feel very insecure. Thank you for this video. ❤️
Yes! I’m a hairstylist and own my own studio. I’ve always made an effort to look nice. However, I’ve found it curious when some of my clients would say that same phrase, exactly! Why wouldn’t I be dressed nicely for work!? I’ve also always made an effort to at least look “cute” when running my errands or even washing/waxing my own Jeep. I’m 55 and come from a generation that typically tried to be presentable.
If anything be lovely, excellent, or praiseworthy, let us think on such things...”
Because of you, I now make an effort to look nice when I’m around the house doing all of my cooking and cleaning. Thank you, for inspiring me!
Another EXCELLENT video!
Speaking of how low we as a culture have become, especially in the United States, I'm most bothered by people who come in jeans, sneakers, or tight revealing "club" dresses to funerals!
OMG! I totally don't understand the people who dress so poorly for funerals. I have been to so many funerals at churches and saw women wearing black mini skirts! I guess they thought it was OK because the skirt was black!
Or white fancy bridal-looking dresses to weddings, or black ones.
I love that you mentioned that it is important to address "the problem" meaning that if we always run away from what makes us fell uncomfortable, we will attract it in other situations of our life anyway because the "problem" is inside of us never the other way around. Rather than being anoyed by theses coments, consider that comment as an opportunity to "make you work" on your self esteem and self love. Great topic, I was also going to cover the subject in a future video (great mind think alike ; ) I absolutely love your channel but it is my first time commenting on it. Thanks so much for being so authentic! Natalie
BEAUTY INSIDE OUT This is so well said! I think many of our struggles come from failing to realize that we are always attracting to us exactly what we need. Instead of accepting this and learning the lesson from it and growing, we tend to fight it and try to change situations in order to force them to match our expectations, rather than relaxing into life and letting the situations change us. Looking forward to your video on this topic, Natalie. :) Katooshie
This is amazing! I had no idea that other people experienced this same situation. I am 20 years old and graduated high school only a few years ago and that is when it was very difficult to accept people's comments on how I dress. I used to dress down to avoid the comments but I realized how much happier I feel when I look my best. I start to feel my best and do my best when I look on the outside how I feel on the inside!
The comments eventually stop once people realize that is your normal style. Or at least they did for me. I decided long ago to dress for myself and not let anyone else’s opinion bother me. I dress up a bit more for church, but am still dressed up more than most on a day to day basis, and that is just my comfort level. Looking like a slob is far outside of my comfort zone, even at home, partly because I want to look nice for my husband as well as for myself. Thank you for setting a positive example.
I can rewatch all your videos year after year and learn something new every time. Thank you for enriching my life (our lives) for nearly a decade Jennifer. You are a beautiful human 💖🌸
Jennifer, this is an excellent subject. I so often tell my daughters that they are princesses; beautiful inside and out! When we dress well, our actions, manners, and character tend to be much more "princess-like." Thank you for this reminder to raise the bar, to keep our standards high, and to encourage other women to do the same. You are a blessing!
I used to work for a very large corporation but I had to wear the same thing every day (it was a theme park) so most of my coworkers never saw me in anything but the subscribed 'outfit'. Once a month we had office meetings with our manager and coworkers. I always wore a cocktail dress--nothing sleazy but very tasteful, and it sure had people wondering about my 'other' life. sometimes it's nice to smile, say
thank you and just mess with their heads.
Jennifer, I’m sure you consider this video old and unpolished, compared to your present series, but in fact, nothing could reflect more polish than the perspective you presented here! And you did so with quiet dignity and a gentle spirit. Well done, Jennifer.
I love how you mention," Murder She Wrote." We have also been watching Magnum P.I, Simon and Simon, etc...other 80's series to see the styles, accesories, etc. and just the ladies apparel in general. Not necessarily to copy exactly, but see the women even walking down the street. Count the dresses, skirts, well groomed ladies!!
Definitely a tool for learning!
Blessings
Mrs.O
Just discovered your books and videos. Love your message! We can help restore & renew our society one message at a time whether it's through how we dress, walk, talk or act. Here is to gentrification of our country! Keep up the important work, Jennifer ;-)
+Julie Martin Thank you Julie!
I have been rewatching your videos and this one especially speaks to me. Not because I don’t like the attention, but because I actually really do enjoy the positive attention that I get especially from older ladies and gentlemen. Just this week I got compliments on the joyful clackity sound of my vintage-inspired heels on the pavement. A senior man called me “such a lovely young lady” to his friend, as I greeted them with a good morning. Another senior man complimented me on my dress (“oh young lady you look so nice!”) and we sat down for a little chat whilst we waited for our take away order. It was so unexpectedly lovely. You can have such a beautifying effect on passersby and close ones by dressing nicely. I think we forget that it brings joy to others as well. I work in an office environment and always wear skirts and dresses, whilst my colleagues (junior staff) wear jeans and pullovers. I notice the senior staff striking up more spontaneous conversations with me, and they dress to the nines. At a conference, my boss wore the mens version of my very similar heeled brogues and we had a little laugh about that. It’s just little things like that, that aren’t so little after all.
It’s about how YOU feel in your clothes too. I move more graciously in nice clothes. I stand taller. My boyfriend loves me in jeans and no makeup. I do that sometimes, as a treat for him haha. But doing that too much can make me feel drab and unworthy, and other self-care things start to slip as well. I just don’t feel put together and that affects my confidence and feeling of self-worth.
I usually wear dresses everyday, and will receive compliments every now and then. I used to feel so uncomfortable when someone complimented anything of mine. I would get so awkward and not know what to say (do I say where I got my dress/earrings/purse? Do I compliment something of theirs?). Now I just smile, say thanks, and that's it (à la Jennifer).
I hope your writer doesn't lose courage and keeps on dressing well everyday! It gets so much easier, and eventually people become used to your nice outfits and will stop commenting all the time.
Thanks for your videos! They're a lovely way to brighten up my Mondays
Good evening Jennifer! My experience has actually been mostly negative. I moved to a small city from a more metropolitan area less than a year ago. When my husband and I walk into, well, basically anywhere, we get dirty looks and people being obvious that they are talking about us. We always dressed up every day in the city so this came as a shock. Here it's sweats, camo, and anything to do with hunting. One day I was horribly sick and went to the drug store and doctor in my sweats. Wouldn't you know it? I was treated very well and got all kinds of smiles. Its so frustrating but I won't back down and be super casual. It's just not who I am inside.
Thank you for your constant reassurance that I am not strange!
Brandi Holcomb Just to be clear, they are the shallow ones. They are the ones who care about how you dress and what everybody else is wearing.
Don't let other people bring you down! They're the ones that need to work on their poor attitudes
Even if they think you are overdressed they should keep that to themselves and treat you with respect, you are not hurting anyone!
Keep being you
Jennifer,
It is AMAZING! I was just thinking about this on the way to work today. I always try and dress well, but last Friday, I dressed especially extra nice because my husbands college graduation was after work. All day long, I get asked if I have a job interview, or I go to someone's office needing information to complete a project and they just want to talk about how I look. It took the cake when a woman came over to ask a question during my lunch - which I was working through - but then instead of asking the question so that I could get done with my work and lunch, she just kept asking "what did you do?" and to which I replied that I had dressed up a little extra for hubby's graduation, but she kept on, getting stern, with her hand on her hip and insisting "no you have done something, what have you done? Did you do your hair? What did you do?" Demanding an answer to her question (which I suppose she thought was complimentary) I don't know how to deal with this honestly. I don't like the attention, I don't enjoy playing these giggle and banter games talking about ME and how I look, etc. I usually try and give a simple thank you. I don't care for compliments. It makes me feel like these people think that I dress for them? I DO enjoy compliments from my hubby, or occasionally I catch him admiring me (
Robert N Melissa Fayyazi Really, that is something that makes me really mad. I don't loose it and tell them to shove it up their behinds, but it used to bother me.
A "friend" asked why am I dressed up so nicely, but did it with an intonation and attitude that wanted to say something else about me. I didn't know how to answer at that time, because it was new to me and I didn't know what to say, so I tried with an "uhm...ermmm". I don't remember if I tried to explain myself, and done very badly and that's why I was so mad at myself. But thinking about it later I thought to myself, "Why do I have to explain myself to rude people? Why do I have to -anything- to others when they are doing it out of bad feelings?".
The thing is that I am not classy, because next time she dressed up, I did the same to her, but mainly because I wanted her to know what it feels like, so she wouldn't do it anymore. She didn't answer, so a little later I did it again and she kept quiet. I don't know if she was angry or what, I didn't care. But the reason she didn't answer was because she was dressing up for a boy who wasn't her boyfriend, I knew it, but I just wanted to return the "favour". She didn't want to admit that she was that kind of person. At least she knew what it was like and I don't think she ever did it to me again after that, I know it's childish but I would return the same shit they give to me if I have the chance.
Jennifer, I’ve been going back through your old videos. And I’m really enjoying them! I just want you to know that they are still relevant. I l❤the casual style, just talking like you’re chatting with a friend.
I loved this video Jennifer! Your message is a reminder to me that dressing well has always lifted my spirit! When I feel like I look my best, not only do I feel more confident, I'm more productive, happy, and peaceful. I'm going to step up my game and make more of an effort to dress well and look my best every day. This is going to become my new job! Not only for the reason for uplifting my own spirit but to inspire those around me.
Thank you, thank you!
I work in an organization where everyone dresses casually. I, however, always make a point of dressing nice, being properly accessorized and well groomed. I've seen how my actions have impressed upon others to do the same. Just this week, a coworker told me how inspired she was by me to dress nice. I gave her my primary tip for this: as a working woman, we are so hurried in the morning to get everything done, get dressed, ready for the day and out the door. It's hard to give your appearance the thought and consideration it needs. So my strategy for dressing in the morning is to be prepared. As I do the weekly laundry, I assemble my work outfits for the entire week. I hang 5 assembled outfits in my closet along with accesories (necklace and bracelet). In the morning, no matter how hurried I am, I know I can reach into my closet and grab a complete outfit to wear. I am so glad that I am now inspiring other women to do the same!
I don’t even have to plan outfits, I just find it super simple & easy to put together cute outfits & I wear staple accessories that pretty much go with everything.
I have to change into scrubs when I get to work so I walk in dressed up and I get that ALL the time- "you're dressed up,you look nice, are you going somewhere after work?" So I kindly say "awe, thank you, no,I just like to wear my normal clothes." I began dressing up more regularly after watching your channel and it makes me feel so good! And I don't "waste" my nice clothes.
Jennifer, you are so lovely and encouraging. I love how you inspire all women to be more ladylike. I am very inspired and even bought your book "At Home with Madame Chic" - such a good read and well-written. Thanks for adding value to other's lives and speaking up. Listening to this particular video made me feel as if you're a friend having tea with me :). Beatrice.
+Mademoiselle Nomad Thank you!
I definitely needed this video! Thank You again Jennifer.
I absolutely loved my new habits I began to form after reading your first two books then I moved and now where I am living I have slipped back into my rut of sloppiness due to rushing and stress being a single mother and drifted from everything I was applying that I learned.
I am slowly trying to get back up again, I have plans on rereading the first two books again and get inspired again. I started by watching your videos again, they definitely know how to REinspire someone who learned so much!
Many Blessings Jennifer, I look forward to your next book also!!
Thank you for the wonderful advice!
I believe in dressing beautifully and modestly. I thank others for their compliments, and when someone says, ¨Wow, where are you going?¨ I just respond, ¨Oh, no, this is just the way I dress.¨ They generally just counter with how wonderful I look, and that ends the discussion of my appearance.
UrbanEmpress That is the best answer I've encountered yet! ¨This is just the way I dress.¨ Although it can sound pretentious, but it depends more on how the other person takes it, which could say a lot about them.
And I've got another perspective from your comment. The "Where are you going?" I didn't realize it before, but since it seems that is the main comment you receive, I started to realize that some people are genuinely curious about where are you going and if you are doing something interesting. They might be jealous or not. But giving it less thought and less care makes the matter fade away.
UrbanEmpress I don't feel that I owe them an explanation. I gracefully thank them and move on.
I completely agree! I have learned to accept the compliment and learned this attitude from my mother. She is always dressed up, in matching heels and matching coat. People used to ask where she was going but in time most of her friends started dressing up to meet up with her! I do the same, I make much more of an effort for my appearance when I am going to see her, although I will never wear matching heels, I try to find more chic clothing that suits my comfort level :)
Hey Jennifer. I agree with you 100 percent.people are supposed to dress up and take care of them selves every single day, and I am a man.
I'm so grateful for this post. That is something that has held me back more than anyone could ever know. I feel that if I downplay my looks people will leave me alone. I do know my reason for not wanting the attention (childhood sexual abuse and all that entails) but I deeply desire to WANT to look my best. I'm so grateful that I found you
Kim, I'm so happy you found this channel too. You will find a supportive community here. God bless you! Jennifer Scott
Hi, Sorry this is an intrusive/stupid question so feel free to ignore. But why did the abuse lead you to want to stay away from general attention?
i cant believe this video is 7 years old. The info is so helpful for today, and so transformative for me!! Thanks lady. I hope u still make content.
I used to dress in 1940s and 1950s vintage style and I loved looking elegant everyday. I dress more modern now and I miss being more elegant and dressed up on a daily basis. You've inspired me to include more nice pieces in my next capsule wardrobe.
I agree completely. I get better service at stores and restaurants when I am dressed decently, not sloppily and lazily. But we need better "come backs". Lets work together on this because I dont have the all around good answer yet.
Also, since we take Saturday off because it is the Sabbath, we rest completely. I stay in my pj's all day. I rest, nap, eat, read, nap again. We let our bodies get completely rested up. We have not been sick in years.
Thank you for your blogs. 😊 we need you!🤗
I love watching your videos, I'm catching up on some I missed. Thank you for this particular one because I can relate to this. I am a very busy retired grandmother since 2010. While I was working for 40 odd years, I always dressed well. So it wasn't a surprise to anyone. After retirement I began to "dress down" and my volunteer work and babysitting consisted of jeans and shirt or similar outfits. It felt good for a while. But this year after finding you, you reminded me of how well I felt getting ready for my day. So I started to put makeup on again, put on clothes that made me feel great and for the first few weeks I got comments like you mentioned and I just said "Thank you" (I too don't really like too much attention) But after a while people just accepted how I dressed and how I looked. And aside from the occasional "You look nice today". People just accepted my "new" look. So my advice to any of the young girls who are afraid to continue to dress well and look their best all the time is: After a while the unwelcomed comments will stop and you will feel good about your decision to look and feel your best! Thank you so much for your videos and books I so enjoy them. Cheers, Donna
I find people get used to whatever "normal" you present: make-up, no make-up, fancy, casual, etc. Eventually, they lose interest.
Hello jennifer,
I just read your first book on a trip to Las Vegas for my sons wedding. I really enjoyed it. I was correcting my posture on the plane, which let me tell you is not easy. I totally agree with you about the "too" casual daily wear, and is very apparent in a place like Vegas. I live in Canada, and we too suffer from this, I myself am not blameless.
I look forward to reading your 2nd book.
Au revoir mon ami virtuel.
Clinton Kelly called it the pajamification of America. It is so true. I happen to live in an area of Tennessee where it's not done en masse but I've noticed it's sneaking in. Frustrating! Doesn't take but two seconds to take off the pj's and put on pants!
Just yesterday I experienced this! I work in a medical office where the uniform for all staff is scrubs, so no one had seen me in my regular clothes before. It was only a simple green maxi skirt and loose black tank top that I changed into after work - not even any jewelry - but apparently that was “dressed up” enough to draw attention from the few co-workers who happened to still be around (normally, I’m the last to leave). I just reminded myself of exactly what you said, Jennifer - that their comments were meant kindly and received them as compliments, even though I disliked being noticed that way
Love this video!! I don't even dress "nice" really but recently I've been wearing casual dresses a lot because I'm pregnant and it's just more comfortable. I cannot tell you how many people have said "wow you're dressed up!" It makes me uncomfortable, so I really appreciate the encouragement.
Exactly! Be the change you'd like to see in the world.
Wow, I cannot believe I stumbled on this video again in a timely fashion. Now that the weather is getting warmer here in my part of the country, I started to wear my dresses again and people DO comment on it in a "curious" type of way. I replied by saying, "Thank you." Although I do wear my few dresses over and over again (I don't have very many to start with), people never failed to notice, "Wow, you are all dressed up, are you going somewhere?"
It is almost like fake it to make it, the more I accept compliments (or curiosity) graciously, the more I used to it. A simple, "Thanks" said with a playful, gracious tone will suffice.
I recently did the same thing and I live in a small town. I was putting gas in my car and the person at the desk said “why are you all dressed up?!”. I decided to take it as a compliment. He said it with a smile and I did not sense any Ill will from it. I think that once it becomes normal for you to dress well on a daily basis the comments eventually stop? It ends up just becoming what people expect.
Hello Jennifer. Listening to you, I realise that my coworkers and I always dress well. Not overdressed though, simple outfits, but nice basics, and we don't hesitate to compliment one another if somethig new or specially nice appears (it could be a new lipstick or a new pair of earrings or a scarff or whatever). For me, today, it was a pai of jeans, flat shoes, a navy blue blazer and a white silk blouse. As a matter of fact, I think we would notice more if one of us would be dressed too casually, we would think something was going wrong with the person. Thank you for your videos, so enjoyable each time. Réjane.
impressive! i personally got many weird remarks about my writting: in 19th century English calligraphy, which my mother taught me... people find it outrageous, they comment a lot, but i know they admire and love it. and i got always such good grades always everywhere i studied, and i think that part of it is due to my calligraphy and my good manners, as well as my having studied a lot. calligraphy, clothes, posture, tone of voice, vocabulary, energy: people get the picture of your self-worth and dignity from many channels, quite unconsciously, but all intentionally cultivated on your part (or implanted at home by your mom's example). thank you for allowing us to become aware and analize our behavior and attitude.
Hi Jennifer, When my son was in 5th grade he was assigned to read to kindergarteners. At the time my son wore his hair beautifully gelled back. The next day he said one of the kindergartners came to school with his hair similarly gelled back! I agree that our appearance can inspire others to improve theirs. Thanks for your videos!
Hi Jennifer.....I just watched your video for the first time, and I couldn't agree MORE with everything you said. I make it a point to always dress with cachet, something learned after 22 years of living in Europe. I find the current casual slob look appalling and I consider myself as a lone rebel in chic, minimalist style....your book "Lessons From Madame Chic" gave me such a lift and a great confirmation to continue what I'm doing, fashion wise.
The color palette on your blouse or dress is so flattering for you! As a brunette also, I always loved seeing that on another brunette. I think that dusty rose looks best on brunettes with warm skin tone, I hope to see you in it again.
One year I worked downtown and was required to dress up. It secretly felt so amazing to me, but mygawwwd the change in attention level even just going to get lunch down the street caught me off guard. I've also noticed I receive better service from shop clerks when I'm put together, just subtle things but definitely a difference. I think what you said about being friendly but straight up if someone comments is empowering. I'm REALLY happy with my wardrobe now, it's so me, it's fun to get dressed and also much simpler. Now I see it as an example and feel very comfortable with it! I hope Paris always stays chic! Thank you for all your helpful tips and encouragement! Jackie xo
The main thing that u have to keep in mind is When u look good You feel good so seek things that gives u joy and making u feel good abt yourself!
I like presenting my self in a good way when it comes to clothing but in my school if I wear something else than hoodie and baggy pants, idk why but they take it too much although is not.... But am trying to ignore the attention and rude compliment!
Thank you so much for this video! We're homeschoolers and I always feel out of place in our groups because my children and I never leave the house not put together. I feel like the others moms just roll out of bed and arrive at our groups so sloppy. I constantly feel judged and people think I'm snobby just because I am put together. My mother raised me to always look my best. She always said, "it is better to be overdressed than underdressed." I know I always feel better when I'm dressed well. My mother told me the same thing you mentioned in this video, that we can lead by example.
ladodge3258 You are not the snobby one. You are not the shallow one. They are the shallow ones for judging you based on your appearance, based on superficial factors.
I know this is older, but I am new to this channel! I feel the same way and get many comments from homeschooling moms. They will say," I slept in this last night. I just never felt comfortable in a dress when I was out in the barn taking care of animals, etc."
I have also gotten questions like," Oh. Are you going for family pictures today"?
I think we should all keep dressing well, within budget and not give in to society's peer pressure!
God bless
Thank you algorithm for offering up this particular video today! I dress in vintage-inspired dresses or skirts, and because we don't have a car, I walk everywhere. People have pulled their cars over to compliment me on my outfit sometimes. Or they stop me in the grocery store and say something like "I keep passing you by, and I just wanted to say...[insert compliment]." I've had to figure out how to deal w it, and I mostly say thank you in a slightly surprised tone and wish them a good day... I haven't gotten much hostility, which is nice, but I personally find that easy to ignore when it does come up. Anyway, I was interested to hear what you had to say on the subject and I think you're spot on. Thanks for this (old, I know) video!
I honestly cannot agree more! As a high school student (9th grade), it is often an odd site to see people wearing JEANS! Most wear yoga pants, leggings, or basketball shorts and recently, cheaply crafted shorts. I on a daily basis get so much attention from wearing tee shirts and jeans and shorts (high quality and classically elegant ones, of course) which is so odd! When girls at my school decide to wear jeans, it's a big deal! As a male in a school full of mesh shorts and dirty tee shirts, I can't see myself going a day without putting effort into my dress and appearance, even if that just means tapered jeans with a relaxed tee and oxfords! It is quite reassuring, and rewarding, the attention, once you get accustomed to it. Thank you Jennifer for all that you share!
DGHNY (Dylan) Oh my goodness! Thank you for sharing this and I am so glad that you are a great example to your fellow 9th graders. Keep up the good work!
If you don't like all of the sudden attention, I would start wearing different things at different times and a lot of people didn't really notice. I think when you make a drastic change (like a complete makeover or overhaul), people will notice.
I also feel like dressing well or dressing nice (this is different for everyone depending on their style) is a form of self-compassion and self-care. Everyone's style is different and nice is relative in this respect. I don't think it is exclusively dresses, heels, etc. I dress well (I don't wear a dress and heels everyday, but usually nice jeans and a nice top on the weekend and dress clothes to work) because I want to. I see a nice piece of clothing and I want to wear it.
I think that might be the best reply is: "Because I want to." I would just ignore the question because I would hate justifying something so insignificant. Just do what you want! Don't worry about other people! If they are concerned with what you are wearing at work, they don't have enough to do at work.
Even good friends do not speak with this kind of sincerity. The specific kind of sincerity that adds charm. It was like listening to a real friend.
I always do my best to dress! HOWEVER my sister in law once said (to me, in a dress...her in sweatshirt and jeans), "do people ever think maybe that you're showing off?" She said it oh-so-nicely. Talk about passive-aggressive! Well, I didn't let that change me. THANKS for the validation. :)
Return the question back to her, "ill ask to find out..., do YOU think I'm showing off?
It is one of my goals to dress better when I go out and am experiencing some of these types of comments but not mean spirited. At home still dressing in grubby clothes because I am always working on my house, yard, or doing art. These clothes are wrecked so I can work with abandon and not worry about ruining anything. It did crack me up when you mentioned Murder She Wrote. I do the same thing but I am much older than you. I love your videos.
Thanks so much for your advice! I'm trying to dress better, but it's very hard to me exactly because of all the attention I have to deal. I know I could look great, but it's just leaving home that I feel completely vulnerable to the other's judgments. I am also struggling against a very low self estime that I built my whole life, than I'm aware that dressing well is a very important step!
Hey Jennifer, This is something that I thought about over the weekend too... maybe you could do a video on how to accept compliments graciously? I always feel and act a little awkward when people compliment me, and sometimes people act like they get upset I suppose because they are waiting for a compliment back? That is just difficult for me because it makes me feel fake to just give a compliment because I have received one. I like to be genuine in my thoughts and actions.
I always say 'thanks very much' and sometimes I give information on my dress or skirt, for example: I got it at (wherever) in the sale. Usually though, I just thank them.
Claires Knee I do that sometimes too when someone is admiring something that I have on, especially if they are gawking, I tell them where I got it. Sometimes I tell them how much it was on sale for. I find very nice things for ridiculously cheap prices and people ALWAYS think that I spend tons of money, so I tell them so that if they want one, they can get it and so that they don't think I am blowing money left and right. But a lot of people look at me weird when I do that. And one lady told me that I shouldn't "give away all of my secrets". I am really not from that old school that I have to hoard my beauty and fashion "secrets". I suppose I am not insecure enough. Gah!! I don't get all of the games that people play!
Mary Z Yes!!!!
Even 20+ years ago, one could encounter pressure to 'dress down' at work. I have worked places where those who dressed up were ostracized and hassled for doing so. They were seen as trying to better themselves, or thinking too highly of themselves (ridiculous!). There is an old saying, 'Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.' I guess some people felt threatened by those who dressed up to go to work but that is their problem not ours who wish to look nice. Once, when I worked in a big insurance company which shared a building with other businesses, I went to an office and there was a sign on the receptionists desk which read; 'Our employees are enjoying casual Friday' to let customers know the office was not always so casual. Back then we would donate money to charity to be able to wear jeans on Fridays! Can you imagine walking into a business and seeing a sign, 'Our employees love to dress well for work!'? Oh dear, to feel the need to explain why people are dressed up the way we sued to explain why they were not!
I just came across this post ( I understand it’s an older post) ... I feel that after a time this will become this Woman’s “new normal” and people will stop commenting on her appearance. She will just become in their minds “ that woman who always dresses beautifully“
This was such a great topic. For years I had to dress in an office and really enjoyed it. Now I work from home and feel like a slob most of the time but whenever I go out someplace I always dress appropriately. I hate the way society is getting so casual and I never agreed with dress down Friday, I just think it isn't professional. Anyway I really do miss dressing up. Thanks for this video it was great.
My hubby and I are going minimalist and we are both going to your 10 item capsule wardrobe. He is very self conscious about what his family will say if he is dressed up all the time. We've decided to stick with the truth as explanation. "We're trying something new. Tiered of waiting for a reason to wear our nice clothes."
I struggle with this a lot, moving from a state where people are generally much better dressed, to one where anything more than jeans and a t-shirt tends to get you a LOT of attention, both from women who give you glares, and men who seem to think you're dressing nicely to invite all kinds of wrong attention, it's rough just going to the store. I find myself flip flopping back between dressing down and dressing how I want to dress. This really hit home when I went back to visit, thought I was dressing nicely, and found myself embarrassed for how sloppily I was dressed in comparison to everyone else!!
My saving grace are the older men who give me a look of respect for taking care of myself.
Dropping my children off at Vacation Bible school, I opted for a knit 'yoga' style skirt and a knit boat neck top. I was surprised to receive comments on how dressed up I was and how much attention I had given to getting dressed for the day. It was a rather casual outfit yet just having a skirt made it appear dresser and more put together.
This is so true. I can wear jeans with a nice blazer or blouse and jewelry, and people are often commenting or giving me a double look over. Really, I'm in jeans people. Have we come to the point that even jeans are dressy. Forget about a dress even with flats. Thank You so much for your efforts. My mother was a women of poise and class. She grew up horriblely poor and abused but she didn't care about any of that. She became her own person. When I get dressed in the morning I think about her and the women of her time. I didn't always do this. I spent many years wearing sweat pants. Now that my mother has passed I no longer do that. Love your blog and feel encouraged to keep up my efforts and keep saying "thank you" without feeling self conscious.
thanks for your tips - I have just discovered hats - I source thrifted hats and am amazed at how many very expensive hats I have found for around $8 Au. I wear them to church and get so many lovely comments. I am starting a new trend with all my friends - it's fun - its pretty and classic and I feel like I have a new (frugal) wardrobe update. cheers.
I loved your two books Jennifer. I did not know you made the third one, so I'll order it soon. Just found you on you-tube this month. I'm so happy you're there!
I have always gotten snide remarks from dressing up at work even though we had business casual dress code. I am now retired and still dress up to go to the grocery store. I always reply confidently, "Thank you. I feel better and accomplish more when I dress up a little."
I experience this constantly! I totally agree with you Jennifer that this world is just too casual! I love dressing nicely and even tho I'm shy about attention from it... I love how I feel!!!
You are so correct. My family always dresses conservatively, and looking presentable just seems to go along with it. Having been raised to look different, I am no stranger to all that attention from confused people, who don't even know how to ask you what's different about you yet they try anyway. I so much appreciate this video because it reminds me to look at such comments in a positive light and respond in kind. It also reminds me of a qoute from Marianne Williamson that says...
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson