My Sister Was Intentionally Left Out of Dad's Will, Give Her Money Anyway?
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The way I'm so invested in these callers' stories đđ
Hey, imagine seeing you here :-) I always get super wrapped up in them, too! I really wish they did updates on the stories a year later or so...
Damon you are everywhere!!! I love you!!
@Damon Dominique I canât believe youâre here
omg Damon!!! đđ
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Someone with the mindset that "it's a waste of money to pay off student loans" is someone who never intended to pay back the loan in the first place.
You donât know that. Situations change. If a person is desperate enough, like being homeless or hungry, it would be more important to use the money for that.
@@msshieka943 stop justifying an immoral person
And who never should've gone into debt to begin with.
That is absolutely not true. The interest doesnât make it possible to ever pay it off. Itâs like there is always a payment unless you pay it in lump sum.
The IDR plan is fine. And itâs going to become easier with the new requirement of only 5% discretionary income, and no taxes on debt forgiven. Also they are making it easier to apply for the forgiveness. The reason so little have gotten forgiveness on it is because it takes 25 years and nowhere near as many people were on that plan for a consecutive 25 years which is a requirement. People are failing to comply with the program.
Literally nobody on this call, nor you understand how IDRs work. It is a mathematical fact that the IDR for her level of income is the most optimal and least costly option. It is indeed a waste. There is no refuting it. Itâs best to stick to IDR and build other areas of your life. This is one of the reasons Ramseys methods work, but in no way shape or form are they mathematically the best.
My step mom stole my inheritance. I took care of my dad as he died, cleaning his backside after accidents, enemas, etc, there every day. And she had him change the will 90 days prior to his passing. We had a decent relationship and I was the only child. Lifetime wound. Thanks dad.
Forgive him. âand become one to another kind, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, according as also God in Christ did forgive you.â
Ephesians 4:32 -
I took care of my dad for many months before he died my sister came for the week from out of state to visit and he took a turn for the worse while she was with him and was on hospice and died within that week. My sister had a lawyer come to the hospital for a bedside will and he gave her everything he owns. She changed the locks on his house and immediately removed everything of value before he even got out of the hospital. I donât feel like I was owed anything but it left me with worry that my dad was upset with me before he passed or maybe he was told something false that he would do that, or maybe he was dying and didnât even know what was done. Itâs hard when people pass and you will never get answers. I just want closure not stuff or money, I want one last conversation so this can make sense. For my son I will have a living trust and everyone will know whatâs happening and intentions long before I go.
â@@trishaspencer9956That is legally called undue influence and is illegal and you should have fought in that particular case because your father was bedridden and what they did was more likely illegal. You should talk to a lawyer. Especially because she didn't even took care of him.
I'm not the religious type, but this was your step mom, not your dad. â@@honestfriend767
Iâm sure he changed your diaper once or twice as well
It wasnât an accident that the sister was left out. Peace out to her.
Absolutely, not a accident.
Yea but in this case the caller believes it was her fathers fault
@@sdoncam5491
Maybe but then maybe the father understood something about the sister that she did not.
@@bighands69 exactly. The sister is already showing signs that sheâs entitled to part of her sisterâs inheritance.
we dont pay evil for evil...
I've heard of this...but the reason the one kid was left out is because the parents paid for years of rehab and therapy due to drug use.
Actually, it's good to put statements like that RIGHT in the will....so the wayward child can hear it DIRECTLY from the lawyer as he reads the will......then they can't argue about it and they understand the parent's logic.....
@@dancalmpeaceful3903 anyone who doesnât have enough money thinks everyone has too much.
Sounds like she's sober now. Why did she use to begin with? What's was dad like?
@@robertaspringer466Why did she use to begin with? Is that the parentâs fault?
@@dancalmpeaceful3903
I mean lawyers dont usually read a will out, like in movies.
I received a six figure inheritance from my Mommy and gave 20% away. I decided whatever I gave someone, it was theirs to do what they wanted. If you are going to put control on the gift, it may not be worth giving. Could do more harm than good as far as the relationship is concerned.
Hope those who you gave it to......didn't come back for more.....as they usually do....
I'm happy you got that.
I agree
@@dancalmpeaceful3903 They didn't lol, but they also don't know what I received either. That's how you handle that đ
@@nuleafonlyfe04 Exactly.....or just outright tell them a figure that's extremely LOW....and that should keep them away.
I say either give her some money or donât give her some. How she spends is not the callers problem. Be her sister, donât try to be her savior.
Exactly! If the sister is some form of addict, that'd be one thing, but if she isn't...give her the money or don't!
Give her the money and live with the memory that you did the right thing. If you don't give her the money, that will haunt you later.
My gut tells me if she gives her any money, she will expect more and try to use guilt to get it. I wouldnât give her money if she feels entitled to it because she is not. Itâs not her money.
92k student loans, 60k salary @43? So happy I read The Total Money Makeover in college.
Yup
Let this be an example to all the people that are thinking of making minimum payments towards student loans long term and leave it in the back burner. You can't hide forever huehue.
60k isn't a bad salary, but I make that now in my late 20s. If I made that in 20 years, I'd hate myself.
@@dt93 $60k isn't a bad salary at 43. It's absolutely a bad salary at 43 with $90k still in student debt, though. A degree really has to make financial sense, else don't do it!
@@MrTmenzo so true, I admit I did that for 10 freaking years. When I saw how much interest had accrued I about fainted. Literally as much as the original loan amount. I've been steadily overcoming my life issues and now I'm on track to have it paid off by this new year's eve đ
The sister is planning on paying for an eventual wedding of a 43 year old???đ„Ž
Lol
Yeah, a 43 year old woman is likely not getting married
@@j.milleraabamsc9400 I mean even if she does, she's far past the age of family paying for it... that's to help out youngsters. đ€Ł
@@j.milleraabamsc9400 She is NOT getting married. Why would any guy want to marry someone that is $43K with $92K in student loans that she is paying nothing towards?
I think this is where the problem lies. Their dad didnât agree with the daughterâs choices. Like maybe the choice to not get married/have kids? Sounds like the daughter isnât the one with the problem here... itâs her controlling and judgemental family!
This is why parents need to be clear about their wishes before they die. There shouldn't be surprises in wills for anyone.
The dad was clear, though. The older sister just doesn't want to inherit his grudge.
The dad was clear
Yeah, my toxic parents I am almost certain will leave me some big surprises. I am almost certain I have been left out the will and I could care less. I have my own money.
I did nothing wrong when cut out of my fathers will except that he and I never liked each other so my siblings received his inheritance and I did not contest it. It is not about the money for me. I would have much rather had a workable relationship with him but it was clear after my mother died that was not to be. Just like in my divorce where I asked for nothing and received nothing, I believe earning my own money is best because Iâm not beholding to anyone.
@@kathleenphillips7145 Amen!!! Same here.
This podcast highlight has given me a new found respect for John Delony. I think he's one of the few Dave Ramsey personality who isn't afraid to come back with a different opinion from Dave and actually give his own perspective on issues. On this one Dave actually said he liked his advice more than his own. John's the goat and he's gonna go far
The best one who bucks against Dave is Rachel lol
She blindly agrees with Dave every time wdym lol
Deloney is the best, I disagree with him about certain relationship things, but I do enjoy his perspective
I say if it's on your heart to gift her, do that but with the stipulation that if she blows it she can't ask for any more. You can't rescue some people.
Wont work. She will take the money, blow it, then make more excuses next time. Thats how these people work. They say or do whatever they need to satisfy their immediate desire, and never think about the future or consequences. That explains 90% of all issues in the world. No sympathy from me.
I would never give money directly to the sister. I would pay the student loan directly. That way the debt is paid so the sister wonât have an opportunity to blow any money.
Just what I was thinking, no more
Lol. No. Donât give it.
She's not getting rescued, she has a decent income. She doesn't have any other debt that the sister knows about. It's not like she's been breaking the law or anything.
She probably spent her money while Dad was living.
I would not give her anything. The sister should have made up with her father before he died.
@@cutehumor Why give money to people who waste it?
@@cutehumor its not the job of the children to be the one to step up to fix relationships, its on the parent.
@@jonathansculley6932 Nope it should be both parties capable of making up with their conflict/s
@@cutehumor you donât know what happened between her and her father I would split everything evenly no matter what relationship I had with my child. Because it will cause a rift between siblings. And Iâm sure that was the fathers goal to start drama even in death. Do the right thing
This may be my favorite CZcams video ever. It's got nothing to do with the advice, but when so many people cling desperately to their own positions no matter what, Dave here says, "I like your advice more than mine." What humility in an age when it's so hard to find. Well done, Dave.
Welcome back buddy đ
John nailed it there at the end, and I like that Dave said, "I like your advice better than mine." Great show of humility there!
Someone's final wishes needs to be honored!!!!!! You going against that is problematic. It sounds like Dad tried to raise yall right, you listened which is why you gained inheritance whereas she's a big, grown CHILD. He has all right to not want HIS money be wasted on a wasteful child. May ya dad's spirit haunt tmtou from the grave.
I was in a similar situation. My parents left my siblings and I some money, but they left more to those who were financially responsible. My brother has always spent money as fast as he made it, and then would cry to them for a loan. My parents left him the least amount, and now he doesn't talk to his siblings. He's always had an explosive temper and earns a higher income than the rest of us but was always known as the son with the "money problems."
Made a smart choice.
@@wordsalad01 I wonder if my parents forgave a loan of his in the past. The saddest part is how my brother refuses to speak to anyone, but I was never very close with him due to his temper. He had a history of screaming at people who didn't share his opinion.
@@wordsalad01 You're correct. He was caught off guard.
@@wordsalad01 wifeâs grandfather did something similar. It was equitable. But I think all knew it and so no hard feelings. I do think giving less inheritance for other reasons is a dangerous idea.
Have you dug deeper into where his temper comes from or how he was treated? Were they spoiled or mistreated at any point in their life? Children donât usually just turn out that way without something happening in their environment. I know a sibling who is estranged from her family and everyone in the family just made them to be the scapegoat. From the surface it really did look like that sibling was the bad guy and the family normal. But when I dug deeper I found out that she was also mistreated grossly compared to the other siblings. She was molested as a child by one of the parents friends and her family didnât believe her, she was beaten and abused repeatedly often more just to protect her younger siblings, she went through a forced arranged marriage just so her parents wouldnât do the same to her younger siblings as well. At the end, the parents made her to be the bad guy so the siblings would hate her more and side with them. She also went through severe trauma and had outbursts during her PTSD due to what she tolerated but the siblings found it easier to hate the sister who protected them than stand up to the parents. Now she asks for her rights as a daughter but from the outside the family makes it seem she is irresponsible etc. Perhaps she is a little bit but how can someone fall so low after all that abuse? Usually this dynamic happens when one of the parents is the actual narcissist. I have read about it in psychology books. Deep down the other siblings know not to challenge the one in power (parent) because they see what can happen to them if they do. The elder sister got into trouble for fighting for her younger siblings. They took that for granted entirely. After seeing these things I am always wary of believing these stories I see where one entire family just bashes one of their own than helping them. They must have learnt their temper from somewhere. Maybe from a parent. But the siblings are willing to tolerate the temper from the parent but not the sibling. Again, itâs easier to challenge the sibling than the parent. A proper family cannot function like this. If I were you, I would reach out to try and help my sibling in case they are suffering from something. Do not enable them of course. But see if they need anything like even encourage them to go to anger management class etc. Your comment shows more of blame towards this sibling than concern. And itâs much easier to just put the blame on one person than actually be concerned and try to help.
My dad and uncle went through something similar with their sister. She "inherited" a lot of stuff over the years and towards the end, their mom snapped and said she had taken enough and changed the will. Needless to say, she went ballistic when she found out at the will reading the estate was to be split two ways. Her brothers eventually caved even though everyone had a really good idea of what their sister had accumulated without permission. Grandma's wishes should have been upheld.
â@user-vi8rp3io3kyou sound like a pervert
Yep! The sister would play the hero victim saying if she hadnât stood up for herself they would have robbed her when the truth is she had been a drain on everyone for years.
Iâve seen it. Iâm of the mind you cut out cancer instead of feeding it.
Personally I think you don't try to control an adult. If you want to give a gift, you just give it
Exactly my thoughts... just give her the money.
After listening to this; I agree.
I agree.
She should just give her the sister the money or don't. She doesn't get to dictate where it goes to.
How much cash did Dad secretly give to the irresponsible sister before his demise; then watched as she wasted it?
Perhaps nothing. Some people are just like that.
A very GOOD question......
@@deanalbertson7203 in this case probably nothing. people are making these pronouncements and missing the fact that she has no other debt. she's only got the student loan debt because she's being smart about it. Dave's advice in the end is the best way to go. It's what she's doing. Put the money in an ETF or mutual fund, wait 25 years, pay it off in a lump sum.
I know ppl that favored one kid over the others for no good reason, the favored one got spoiled while they were alive, and after death got everything, and their siblings had to work hard for what little they had.
I know deep down theyd have liked to have been treated the same, been equal, but watching from the outside, and knowing things about both side they dont know about each other - the hard workers have much happier lives, happy marriage, good kids. The favored hasnt faired so well in that dept.
Youâre absolutely right. I guarantee the sister asked for money multiple times and the dad relented.
Similar situation here. I don't think our folks did the rest of us any favors. Added even more drama after their deaths.
If the sister has no debt but student loan she is not really a money waster.
I so agree. By the end I feel that its rude or very judgemental that the older sisters opinion is she will waste it. Its so objective. Yet the sister in question has no debt other then the student loan.
That's not necessarily the case. Some people dont have debt but spend all their extra income foolishly
She could have no savings and be blowing all her extra money on random things every month and living paycheck to paycheck
@@katelynleigh5610 So what.... its no one else's business... thats the point.
Don't you think it might depend on how much you make?
If the sister is 43 with only the student loan, she is not irresponsible.
The older sister is a control freak.
It sounds like the sister with the loan probably felt she was being too controlled by her father and refused. She went to college, got herself in a position of financial independence and is buying into the typical BS promises that politicians make and THATS the problem. But if the politicians were really going to do loan forgiveness across the board, then the sister left out of the will is right. It would be irresponsible to pay off the loan. Jeeze, just because someone wonât pay pay off a loan in Dave Ramsey fashion, it doesnât make them irresponsible. Ahh, the so good era strike again... as my dad used to always say.
Older sister has every right to control the money that was given to her. Younger sister and father relationship is not her responsibility.
43 with an almost six figure loan? That's not irresponsible? What are you on about bro
@@xDDufiosy Agree- But, once a gift is considered, make it a gift.
She is planning on tax payers to pay off her loan. Donât give her any until she learns to act responsibly
On an IBR she will actually end up paying back far more than she borrowed originally. IBR leaves you with lower payments but it is over 25 years instead of 10. A big chunk of the payment over that 25 years goes to interest.
@@NY-rg3gy what is your point? Tax payers should be paid back with interest obviously.
Btw, from her personal perspective, ofc she should not pay it back if possible. I am against student loan forgiveness 100% but if government is forgiving it ofc i will take that offer lol. Otherwise i am paying taxes for this forgiveness AND paying loan lol, that is ridiculous.
Ive seen things like this destroy a family forever
Right, which is why I think the sister should just give it to her and not be controlling about it. Then there's no resentment.
I have an aunt who got the will rewritten so she'd get 100% of everything. Bullied my grandmother until she signed it.
The family is already destroyed if daddy wrote his own daughter out of the will.
Yep. Good job dad!
@@OfftoShambala Iâm sorry but that isnât on just the father. Dads donât go out of their way to remove a child out of the will unless there is a reason. Iâm not saying heâs right in doing it, but he had a reason to go that far.
When I leave this earth at the very top of my list of things that I want for my children is a good relationship with each other. When you are not fair between siblings you create strife between them. I think itâs very kind that the sister wants to give her sister some money. Give it to her tell her how much you love her and go on with life and know that you did everything to foster a good relationship with her and let that be your legacy.
Thatâs really sweet
Wow u seem like a breath of fresh air. What a great advice
Especially since nothing they said made it seem like this sister is completely crazy. Disinheriting one kid just seems like a way to make your children inherit sibling strife.
Maybe the best comment I ever read on the internet. Do good things in life, good things come back around to you.
Sara... I think you need your own phone in show! Refreshingly apt comment
So manipulative. If you want to give her money, give HER money, not the banks.
No matter what the relationship
money will interfere.
Not in my family. I guess you donât know what you donât know.
It wonât for some.
When my grandmother died, no one wanted any money or her house. We were all too upset she passed.
Honestly, I'd just give her 20k and say this is your gift from the inheritance and I hope you use it wisely but it's yours to use. At the beginning I thought this was a young college student aged sister that may need help learning but she's a fully grown adult.
Yes give it & release it. What she does with it is on her just make sure that she knows there is no more money coming.
Yes give it to her and let it go
That was the reason the father cut her out...Because he felt it was undeserving. Why would you do the exact opposite of what his wishes was?
@@chancecooper4006 - My sentiments exactly. If the Father wanted this woman's sister to get any payment at all, he would have made it happen himself. The sister is lucky there's any offer at all for any kind of payment.
No because she is irresponsible and it will never be enough for her. Best to honor her fathers wishes and nip it. Only way would be is that sheâs living to change but why fund someoneâs misbehavior as Dave always likes to say
One thing I love about this, Dave is real, "I like your advice better than mine" got a chuckle out of that
This really isn't that complicated. Either giver her and forget about it or don't give her anything. You can't give her money and simultaneously decide how she spends it. she's an adult.
Yeah she should just give it to her. She spills that poison she will need more money in the future.
Yes you can. Call it a directed donation. Colleges, charities get them all the time.
@@michaelplunkett8059 Not the same thing
Of course she can decide how she wants to give it - itâs her money. When you give a gift to someone, you pick the item you want to give them. Itâs no different here. Sheâs being a good big sister and giving in a way that will help the other sister.
Right!
To clarify, the "sister" is not talking about PSLF that is under IBR. She's talking about Federal Student loans which expire (not forgiven) after 25 years. The remainder of the student loan that expires is counted as taxable income. This is separate from the PSLF program.
Itâs still loan forgiveness. The remaining balance is forgiven. Thereâs no such thing as loan expiration.
I think itâs insane that sheâs willing to wait 25 years to pay off 90K on a 63K salary. Iâm the loan was much smaller then too. Why people want to stay in debt is crazy to me.
Thanks for the explanation!
Pay it off before you get social security...they will take money out of your check
$2,500 tax deduction allowed for interest paid on student loans. Pay $2,500, take the tax return, pay that back on the student loan principle. The balance will go down pretty fast.
Two things:
Dad didn't leave sister any money. So this would strictly be a gift from the caller's money.
And on that note, if she wants to leave sister a gift, just give it to her without stipulations. Stop being a busy-body in your grown sibling's finances.
Best answer
Best reply.
I think about the story of the prodigal son. The father gave, even when he knew it was going to be wasted
Exactly
@@msshieka943This is a sibling
@@chipdouglas9349the father passed away or âleftâ
Old comment here, but that's the wrong inference to take away from the parable/story of the two brothers. That story is about the father's love and ALSO about the older brother's attitude when the "prodigal" son returned. It's not parenting advice on how/when to give your children money.
@@Playingwithproxies irrelevant to my comment
"Right thing to do" is to follow your dad's dying wishes. He gave the money to YOU. He left her out on purpose. My mom had nothing and left me nothing. My dad has nothing and will leave me nothing. I've done everything on my own since I was 17 and I left home. She isn't entitled to one red cent.
@Connie R True, but he made his wishes known. Honor thy father...
Exactly. Let a few years go by, then give $5k to the sister as a gift. Then let it go. The sister and her father had a certain relationship. Respect the fathers wishes.
Your just upset that your parents to plan or save right to even have anything left to give you
You can't enable a dying wish that amounts to likely a final act of abuse towards a child.
Once he gives it to me its mine. I'll do what I want with it.
honestly i will just give her 5-10k and call it a day. her student loans are her problem not yours, and she is being difficult like its her money that was gifted.
Thatâs what I said. Just give her the money, just give her less than 20k
@@MelissaLona exactly people trying to control people with money thatâs not even theirs itâs their parents
Exactly. The caller is just setting herself up for drama and chaos in the future.
Dad did what he thought was right. It was his money. Once you get it, itâs now your decision. Dads out of the picture.
I agree.
Money does not solve money problems for some. Consider the fact that the sister is more interested in reducing this debt while her sister could care less about a $90K loan. My guess is that any of the sister's suggestions to help will be talked down because she wants cash in hand.
I find it interesting that people in general feel qualified to determine what others deserve. If I am left nothing when my parents pass, it wonât upset me one bit. What they gave me through raising and loving me is infinitely more valuable than any dollar amount ever could be. To never be able to talk to them again is going to be very difficult. That will be the thing that does upset me.
That's what it's all about. But so many people make it about money. I don't want anything from either of my parents when they pass. If I do then ok but I don't need nor want nor expect anything.
Easier said than done
My family is broke. I wouldn't expect anything even if they weren't broke. But these people that expect $$ I have to wonder what goes through their mind. Not passing judgment, just curious.
@@sissiemay9603 I'm not going to lie, if all of my siblings were given that much money from the Will and I was the only one left out, I would feel sad about that. It wouldn't be about feeling entitled to the money itself, but feeling entitled to be treated fairly by my parents. However I do understand that this case is a bit more complicated than that
Sadly I donât think I will be getting anything from my family, not even proper raising, loving or money lol. They favour my other sibling over me and I am already expecting the worst that they will write everything to her. Part of the reason I watch Dave Ramsey videos to prepare myself for the worst and be financially solid on my own. I do my best to be kind to my family from a distance but thatâs it. I know if my sister inherits everything she will keep it too. In fact, I think thatâs what sheâs trying to achieve before my parents death. I wonât be left out because Iâm not responsible, I would be left out because of spite and greed unfortunately.
She needs to give her a set amount!!! AND BE DONE WITH IT!!!!
She doesn't NEED to do anything.
@@robedmund9948 that is true!!! I just hate people trying to control the situationđ€·đœââïž if you are going to give me something I dont need you to decide what Im going to do with it. My mom cut my brother out, I will give him something but Im not about to decide what he is going to pay off.
Completely Agree!
yup. sheâs greedy
@@CymricusShe is giving away $20k of her own money. how is that greedy? She would just keep the money if she was greedy... Which wouldnt even be greedy by managing her own life as an adult hile her sister does the same
Parents who do not split their assets evenly are creating a major rift between the surviving family/siblings. It's so gross to me seeing family have problems because of someone else's money.
Who told her to not repair her relationship with her father before he died? She shouldn't expect any of the money.
@@Corey1873 what if she tried to and he was too stubborn? Also it doesn't sound like she is asking for the money. She's telling her sister if she's going to gift the money, she'd rather have it than pay down her loans. Idk why it's the big sisters job to decide where the money goes.
At any rate, he not only died with a bad relationship with his daughter, he created a rift between his two daughters. When money is involved, and not gifted equally, it creates strife almost every single time. It's nasty.
@@HB-ey2dk It is what it is. No point in speculating over it. The point is she knows her relationship with her father was terrible and so shouldn't expect anything. If she doesn't expect anything then she shouldn't feel entitled to it and it shouldn't create a rift. It's the sister's money. You might want to spend it on a car. Well, you don't care about their desire for a car. You care about their education. It's in the same vein. She wants to put the money somewhere she feels it's used well. That's her prerogative as it's her money. She's presumably putting it into an account that can only be drawn for those purposes. She also put marriage funds for potential money uses as well.
I'm not saying this is the case but if you're a terrible child then I don't think the parents should be guilted into giving you an inheritance because of it potentially affecting the siblings' relationship. Maybe I'm just petty though. I do understand where you're coming from though. Especially in a situation where the child isn't at odds with the parent. The only contention here is that the sister thinks the loan will be forgiven and so feels that putting the money there is wasting it. I don't think she's inherently against using it for something sensible. I think they can easily find a middle ground they can both agree on what to spend the money on.
If the money wasnât given to you it isnât yours. The sister sounds entitled. I am estranged from my father because of his toxic behaviour. If when he dies all my siblings get money and not me I am ok with that. It was the dads money to do with what he wants. He isnât obligated to give it to each child
Unless she has a drug problem or an alcohol problem and give her the dang money and let her live her life... goodness gracious don't try to control her.
Exactly
I think if she gives the money to her sister, she should let her spend it the way she wants to. Whether it is responsible or not.
Yes - enabling irresponsibility even when her father didn't want her to have the money is the right thing to do. K.
She doesnt want to just give her sister money...But put it direct on her sister loan...but her sister didn't want that.
When we were children, we sometimes felt like parents did things at random or out of ignorance or malice.
That said, unlike us children, they generally looked at the bigger picture and things were rarely decided at random.
Your sister being left out of the will likely is no accident neither.
This is the way I see it, I'd be willing to bet dad and funded all the irresponsible sisters whims, and then said no more...the younger sister probably received her inheritance through the years and squandered it...
If the father didnât leave her anything then that should be respected. Itâs a dishonour to him by going against his will.
I would say just give her some money and call it a day.
I said the same thing.she is too involved for no reason she is a grown woman and they live separate lifeâs.the money isnât even hers it was her fathers so idk why she is trying to be in control.
I couldnât agree more. Sheâs going to stress herself out. Iâd give her 15k and let her make her own decisions. If she uses it for good, GREAT! If she doesnât, it was her choice to make đ€·đŸââïž.
Right. Why is she trying to be so controlling? đŹ
The dad left her out of the will for a reason why give any money
Exactly. Seems the sister is trying a little too hard to control her sister because the sister's money management is not as perfect as she'd like. It's not as if she's gambling it away or buying drugs (in which case I'd say definitely don't give her anything). Just give her the money.
On other calls, where one of the kids wasn't in the will, Dave said that's what it is. Honor the deceased parents wishes and if you have a problem with the deceased parents wishes take it up with them
But once the money is hers, she can do what she wants with it.
@@deanalbertson7203 yeah. I think the money needs to go into a mutual fund or ETF so that she can make a lump sum payment in 25 years or a lump sum payment on the taxes. But she needs to think about it as her money. Otherwise she could never help her sister or anyone out ever again. At what point does she decide she's spent all of the inherited money and is now living and giving from her own money.
Her dad made his statement by not leaving her anything. That's all he probably cared about was making the statement.
It would be nice to hear the other personâs side of these stories... this woman is called âirresponsibleâ but she apparently has zero debt outside of this student loan.
Yeah the way the sister talked I expected something like the sister was a drug addict or criminal, but no! Her biggest sin is not paying her student loan. Good grief, just give her the money, and no more resentment.
@@suen5006 I wish Dave had asked the caller how much debt she had before she received the sizeable inheritance instead if just assuming sheâs better with money.
I have zero respect for the sister. Pay back what you owe period, stop being the problem.
She is in her 40s and makes 60k a year with 90k+ in student loan debt after what we can only imagine is at least 10-18 years of working and paying the minimum on that debt. Iâd say thatâs pretty irresponsible and just plain dumb to start off with what was probably 120K+ in student loan debt for a career that obviously isnât doing much for her finances.
Exactly
I would have taken the $20k towards student loans
Well, thatâs because youâre something the sister is not ⊠smart!
Invest the money in a separate account and earmark it for her. Let it grow and in 5-10 years decide what to do.
Or just give her the money and call it a day she is a grown woman she donât need no account for her like she is a child
@@queen.kristal8395 she has a grown woman body, but looks like her decision making lagged behind, that's why her sister is trying to protect her from herself. That's love. Enabling is not love.
@@queen.kristal8395 Now that mentality is terrible you don't want someone's hard work before you to go to waste their father worked and was able to leave them something and now they can build upon that and leave their children even more and just saying "give her the money she's a grown woman" is real dumb I can show you billions of "grown women" that you wouldn't loan $500 to so stop it.
I was left out of the family will. My mother is a narcissist and I have a feeling my family was manipulated into believing how awful I was at spending money as to the reasoning. I wouldn't accept any money my siblings try to give me because I am way too hurt. They may get the middle finger.
Same happened with my grandmother. Favored my brothers over me. At least one of my siblings was kind and generous enough to share what she'd left him.
Thatâs nice. My family also favour my sister over me. But I donât think she will split because she loves money way too much. They will probably also make up some excuse about how they left me out of the will because Iâm âirresponsibleâ blah blah lol. But I am actually not. I actually pay my own rent, food, bills etc while my sister still lives at home with my parents. I also paid off my debt, have an emergency fund etc and follow Dave Ramsey steps. I watch him just to be financially responsible and prepare for the worst direction I see things heading with my family.
If she put that $20k she wants to give her in an index fund with a 12% annual return and let it sit there from 43 to 67 she would have $351k to really help her out especially if sheâs not financially responsible and doesnât want it to go to debt. Just an idea.
Are these funds accessible to someone In the UK
@@happybwiza5310 yes, but that depends on your broker
Great idea!
@@pillarman Dreyfus index funds and fidelity are pretty good.
Wow! That's brilliant. Wish you were my brother advising me.
At first I was of the opinion that she was doing the right thing by wanting to designate the money going to her sister's student loans, but clearly there is something else going on there with the family situation. The father could have been an over-bearing person that tried to dictate what the sister did, and she rebelled. Who knows! If she is going to give the money, it's probably best to not put any conditions on it, and if the sister does something stupid, it is on her. As long as she isn't a drug addict or something extreme like that, it is probably the least messy way in this situation.
If sister pays nothing on her loan, the interest rate would take over so maternal sisterâs 20k would be a waste
Agreed. She's better off just giving her $20K and let her sister blow it. Or just help her use it to help her buy a new Home? Hopefully she owns. Then has equity in her current Home? to pay off that 90K.
She is paying the minimums. She isn't working as hard as she thinks she should to pay it off.
@@Mtripp27 I doubt she's paying the minimums if her whole idea is that in 25 years it will just go away.
@@Littleboy1976 you have to pay the minimums for that to happen. It's a program that lets you pay your student loans based on your income. Each year your payment changes if your income changes. After 25 years of paying the minimum payments, they right off balance. You pay taxes on that income. It's not a loan forgives program. It's a payment plan program. Dave obviously doesn't know about it
Yes but since she's financial irresponsible with her debts good call for her father to not leave her anything. The older sister has a good heart and trying to help her anyway but if she won't change she needs tough love and go pound sand for her financial illiterate decisions.
I am not even expecting a dime from my family lol. The way they favour my sister over me already shows a lot. Plus my sister is not the type who will consider splitting things. She is probably hoping she gets everything anyway. Itâs pretty evident to me which direction things are going and thatâs one of the reasons I watch Dave Ramsey. I donât want to depend on anyone or anything, especially from unreliable sources. I am trying to create my own financial wealth and stability to prepare myself for the worst. Yes it sucks to have to live below my means while my sister gets to enjoy the nice life and still save or expect an inheritance. But I try my best to keep going. Please keep me in your prayers that I can do it and God helps me. Ameen.
What in the h*ll type of picture is that on your profile? Creepy.
God will provide. Amen
@@swisschalet1658 the back of a long-hired woman's head, wearing a rose on it is creepy? Somehow I didn't get that memo.
Sorry, sounds like a very controlling Narc family & you are obviously the scapegoat đ Stay strong & just Do You! đđđ
You can do it!
You are working on the skills and already have the determination (a big deal) and you take it to God (an even bigger deal).
I'm raying for you but, you've already got this!đ
I have found, in my many years of life, that people develop financial personalities that generally don't change.
It seems like the sister is getting thrown under the bus; she has no debt other than the student loan AND she has a good paying job. I say give her the $20k. She's an adult! Everyone is treating her like an irresponsible child.
Howâs she being thrown under the bus?
100 đŻ percent agree
Agree
Donât give since thatâs what the father wanted
Leaving out another sibling from the will/inheritance is so mean! What did she do that is soo bad?
I would never do that to my kids. That leaves such animosity between them.. At the end of the day we are all humans and we need to learn to forgive. Some will make bigger mistakes than others.
I would think thereâs some reason for it. But partially you have to also accept you have no entitlement to an inheritance. I expect none from my family and have told them that. If they choose to leave me something thatâs their choice but I have no stake to where I deserve it.
It was their will, u gotta respect their wishes and not try and make that decision for the deceased
@@MRkriegs okay
@Matt-cr4vv,
Then the parents should tell the son or daughter upfront. Thatâs fine if they donât want to leave them any inheritance. Donât hide that information from, especially when they are taking care of the parent in their old age.
What if the one child may be a drug addict
The woman on the line is making a decision based on her sisterâs track record with finances. I get that, but, what the sister does with the money, if given to her, is not this womanâs business.
The dilemma: does the woman on the line want to give the money to her sister, or not, (based on the dadâs original decision)??? END OF STORY
I think the operative word in your comment is "business" - if there are such conditions on how the money is used, then it's not a gift, it's a business contract, and that's fine, but people need to be clear on the difference, as I think may be the point you were trying to make. :-)
Dave âwow, I donât know what to tell yaâ. Thatâs a first.
I really feel uncomfortable dealing with money with family.
Definitely, which is why the father shouldn't of put his daughters in this position and should have manned up before his passing.
@@yowhyteboy314 - he did. He was very explicit on who got what. Heâs now out of the picture.
Itâs the sister whoâs now raising the issue because she chose to.
@@davidturk6170 in a small way I agree with you. Only because the caller is treating her sister like a child instead of her sister. I still stand on what I say about the father. This situation wouldn't even be at hand if he didn't exclude the younger daughter for stupid reasons. Someone's debt does not determine if they are a good person or not. Thats why her student loans mean literally nothing to me in this situation. Her father did this and now the older sister is making it worse. How do you think that the younger daughter already feels about it all? Being left out of your own family always hurts. I'm the middle child I get that way too much. I judge people based off their character not based of some finances smh.
@@yowhyteboy314 the called didnât say the dad excluded her from the will for poor financial decisions. She just said they didnât get along.
@@amazinglats6020 I never said the dad excluded her for financial reasons. I'm speaking on her dirt bag sister and these ppl in the comments.
After hearing, I would just give the money. If they mess it up, I wash my hands clean of it.
Why break the 5th commandment?
@@callmeosho7792 Sometimes parents stick it to their kids for no good reason. This is abusive and I would not want to carry out the abuse.
I would put it in a trust until she is 62 because when people get old ( and have no money saved for whatever the reasons ) itâs a bad, bad life to be old without any investments or any money for medical emergencies, etc.
This is how my mother is now. Was divorced for over 20 years and never worked full time never managed money. And is now broke and in a nursing home At 72. It isn't pretty.
I like this suggestion đđŒ
Probably the best idea. Sis won't like it now but when she's old she will.
đ
Great idea!
I love Dave's "I like your advice better than mine" at the end, and I agree. If she was doing drugs, then no way, but if she's just going to blow it, who cares? Free yourself of the guilt of your father's actions.
I also think a hybrid could work. "Here's $10K as a gift, but if you ever decide to attack the student loan, I'll match up to $20K."
I sort of agree. We canât really control what she does with that money. But I do think she inherited it as his daughter. Unpopular opinion I know but it is what it is.
I have a hard time with the second part. Trying to control how someone spends and decide for them what best for them, can be toxic in any relationship unless itâs your child not adult but child. Ramsey to me offers great advice but personal finance is still personal. Never let money and how someone uses it get between family. Unless there is very clear harm.
@@christfollower122491 or the sister could realize she isnt an adult and a baby thinking 90k will just vanish and her sister is really trying to help her?
I think the hybrid would work really well if the sister was on the same page about dept and is actively paying it off. Otherwise, like the sister said, it's just a waste of money. It's almost like me saying, I will give money to 'so-and-so' organization in your name whom you really don't care about. Then again, if the sister was actively paying off her dept, then paying $20K on the loan would be a nice gift in itself already as well.
@@christfollower122491 h ?
Something doesn't add up. If that's her only debt, she's not being financially irresponsible.
She is, but to a smaller degree, if she is not making a genuine effort to pay it off and is comfortable keeping it in the hopes of it being forgiven.
How is being 90k in student loan debt at age 43 that you aren't even attempting to pay down not being financially irresponsible?
@@trg808 That's according to the sister who is taking the sisters words and using them against her.
If someone is orchestrating my life thru a gift
KEEP I SIS
đ
đŁđŁđŁđŁđŻđŻđŻđŻđŻđŻđŻđŻđŻ
Exactly, she's trying to buy $20k worth of control
@@brendamoon2660 You get what everyone else here, seems to not fully grasp!
AMEN!
It is what a person wants to give as a gift. Inheritance is a GIFT. The father did NOT want to gift one child. It is HIS right to do so. The sister wants to "gift" part of her inheritance to the sister that got nothing. That is HER right to do so.
listening to the caller, I have a feeling that Dad knew more about the behavior of the disinherited sister than the sibling does.
A gift has no strings attached.
If my dad would ever do something like that based on just bad relationship with one of my siblings. My other siblings and I would equally split the inheritance with the one purposely left out. The only exception would be if she/is mentally disabled, doing drugs or like to buy stupid stuff.
In her case here, the sister only feels like she doesn't have to pay her student loan which we can all understand. Many Americans feel like they were cheated out of the student loans deal in America. They were 18 and didn't know better and they feel the system took advantage of them.
She doesn't have any other debts which might suggest that she isn't irresponsible with money.
So they should give her some money without telling her what to do with it. She s a grown responsible adult.
My personal opinion.
I agree except for buying stupid stuff. Even if she wants to buy stupid stuff that's on her. Everybody don't live life the same and that's what makes us all different. My kids will never be in this kind of situation
@@wordsalad01 You're still a child at 18 even though many 18 year olds think they're grown.
@@wordsalad01 Wouldn't you imagine that now it's much more different? 18 year olds nowadays get more informations than ever and not from their friends or parents but over CZcams.
When I was 18 in 2004 in highschool, there was no CZcams. The only information I got were from teachers, high school students and parents which all suggested that if I didn't go to college, go in debts I would always be working at McDonald's. Going to college was so normal and out there in your face back then. Nowadays, most high schoolers know that they don't have to go to college to be successful.
We have more teens making millions over the internet more than ever before.
@Penumbra Your comment makes me want to cry. It takes a special caliber of person to want to lay their life down for their country. I am grateful for their service. Please extend my gratitude to your service members. Psalms Chapter 91 is for Protection. Ephesians 6:10 to end of chapter, Full Armor of God, and Psalms 34:7 Holy Angels encampment round about. Read aloud every night.
I think a gift is a gift. If she feels like her sister should have received an inheritance, she should share with her with no strings. My opinion.
The matching idea is genius! This is why I love Dave.
I have been witness to surviving siblingsâ relationships being damaged or severed by parents who give inequitably in their will. What a horrible thing to do to your children. I want my kids to love and care for each other deeply when I am alive or dead. My parents have always been open about where money has gone between my siblings and when they are dead we all understand some may get a bit more or less than the other but it is fair and was clear before their death. I have received more money for help than my siblings and that has been clear and on my parents death, my siblings will receive their fair share. If I have some complete breakdown with my children where a child simply breaks off any correspondence with me, my will will not change. I am not punishing or rewarding my kids with my will and I simply hate using dispersement of money to manipulate people.
You are wise.
I like the idea that she helps only if the sister is working towards the debts instead of just giving her the money hoping she would put it towards the debts. Only help someone who themselves want to be helpped.
investing requires good experience and knowledge to carry out a good and successful trade, I have lost a lot trying to trade all by myself May I ask which investments are good?
sounds great! please I will appreciate your assistance on how to go about it, who's your investor and how good is your investor..
Thanks for the efforts you put in these. I found her and i leave her a message i await a response
just s&p 500, do not trade.
Iâve been in situations like this twice. Itâs heartbreaking and horrible in every way for everyone involved.
I make 60k and didnt go into any debt after graduating college with a BA.
Wow, very controlling. Putting aside money for a wedding for when a 43 year old gets married?? What is the point of that? Itâs not for everyone. Give her the money or donât, but let the woman live.
I said the same thing she is trying to control and for that if I was her father I wouldnât give her a dime just for that.
Huh? What's so controlling about that? That money technically belongs to her not her sister's. Don't accuse her of being controlling when that is her own finances due to her Dad's irresponsible decision.
Yes, she's 43, not married (divorced, maybe?), and still has student loans. Not exactly a winner here.
Make an offer to MATCH her sister's payments. BRILLIANT suggestion turns this caller from a rescuer to supporter and motivates the sister left out of the will to participate in her own debt. Dave has such natural insight that John has never learned from his books in school.
They messed up this call - what do you mean by: "being irresponsible?" We will never know.
That's true, I wanted to hear what she had to say.
yes, i would have loved more detail. if she only was in debt w student loan that's not too irresponsible
waiting 25 years for debt to be forgiven as a moral standard and financial strategy
I wonder how the one sister came up with the % she is willing to share
She isnât obligated to give anything but it isnât overly generous either considering how much she is keeping for herself
I donât like her giving but demanding âconditions â
Itâs about being able to control her sister in a financial way but also remind her that sheâs still trash to her and their garbage dad honestly. This sister said nothing nice about her sister she supposedly loves and cares so much about. Besides the fact that she acknowledged their dad decided to hate the other daughter and used money to control herđ sheâs doing the same thing their dad did.
I don't think the moneyed sister told the truth about her total inheritance. It took her too long to answer honestly and she came up with an arbitrary figure she thought might not be too over the top. Having only one debt in life is not being bad with money. The little sister should be proud, and it's on her if she wants to drag it out forever or not. The big sister should just give her the $20K and let her do whatever she wants with it. After all, she's going to do whatever she wants with what's left. It is not a gift if you're not free to do what you want. I cannot believe how heartless these men were about the little sister (just as her own dad was).
I would not give the money with requirements. She's a grown adult. You either give the money or you don't. Adding these strings to the gift is a mistake. It's not your problem what she does about her student loan, you're not here mommy and she's in her bloody 40's!
Right?!
Nah wrong. This is different, because their father left her out of the will because of her spending habits. She's already breaking her dying father's will by thinking of gifting her $20K, it should absolutely come with requirements so the father's money is not wasted on nonsense.
Better to opt not to give it if that is the dichotomy
@@teemuvesala9575 This sister said the father left her out of the will because he was mean and bitter and unwilling to make amends over a falling out, without further specifying what caused the fallout. The sister said she blamed the dad for the ongoing estrangement. Some parents go ballistic over fairly minor disagreements with decisions their adult kids make. We really don't know the story here.
You canât save someone from debt especially when they think itâs just going to disappear. Any progress you make on it for them will be pointless
Give her the money and let her decide for herself . You don't control her life because you show her an act of kindness.
She doesnât have to give her a dime though. She should be thankful for whatever the lady decides to do
Better to give her nothing than let her waste the money which is clearly what she wants to do and what the dad wanted not to happen with his money.
I'm in a similar situation. I signed over to my sister who was left out 20 percent of my inheritance. There are five of us.. That is what I would not have received had she not been left out. It was a no brainer for me because it was the right thing to do, of course in my opinion.
You are a wonderful sister!
You are a kind hearted person and have treasure in heaven for your goodness to her. Blessings to you!
Bravo thanku for helping your sis parents who do this to children are sick
Itâs your parents decision not yours to decide who gets what. Totally disagree with you. But of course you can give your own personal money to anybodyâŠ
Here's a solution put it in an index fund which she cannot use till she reaches 60 or create a education fund for her children if she doesn't have kids let her keep it as her retirement.
Or use Dave's advice for every 5000 dollars she puts towards student debt you match it.
the index fund sounds good :) Lock it away fro 20 years
How about splitting it evenly. Helping her get out of debt. Sounds like the dad had a golden child & a scapegoat child, sadly.
We don't know the whole story or other financial obligations.
@@TH-eb5ro No, but we know what is fair and one Sister being given the whole lot and lording it over the other sister, is not fair.
@@ceesmith lording it over her is definitely not. However, we donât know what she did to get cut out of the will. She could have a drug habit, gamble, etc that the father was afraid the money would go to
I wouldn't make assumptions.
It sounds like a truly messed up relationship,starting with the father who cut her out of his Will. Who knows why the dad did this.
This happened to my husband. His siblings, brother and sister, got everything split between them. My husband is heartbroken, and mad, but the brother and sister have chosen to help his kids, which is wonderful of them.
They are too grown for this. Just just give her the 20k with love as a gift and let her do what she will. The rest is "not available/ not accessible" if you're ever asked again...
The father had a reason for this decision; letâs examine that first. If the sister feels entitled to money she likely wonât be happy until she is given half of what the caller was given. I can almost guarantee anything less will just result in her asking for a bigger chunk of the inheritance.
How do you know the sister feels entitled?
@@OfftoShambalaShe is trying to negotiate the terms of a gift whe was offered by her sister for a totally different purpose
If my mom only left me money. Iâd split it evenly with my siblings
I'm not saying you're right or wrong, but does your financial stability play a factor. If you can afford to give it away great, but what if your siblings are financially irresponsible or drug addicts. That changes the conversation too.
That might work well for you but like Jennifer said...depending on the family dynamic that could be disastrous. It happens all the time.
Me too.
@@crystalsnow1138 it wouldnât matter what my financial situation was. Iâd do it because thatâs the type of person I am. If they were irresponsible or drug addicts Iâd just set it aside for them.
Not all siblings are responsible with money.
I was not on my mother's Will yet my sister (only beneficiary) who mother stated would split what she got with me...my sister kept it all & only supposedly gave some to her sons. No reason, just pure mean.
Unless your child does something evil, not sharing your inheritance equally is going to cause a divide among siblings that will be difficult to fix. It's a dishonorable thing for a parent to do to their kids.
You are correct. This has happened to me. My mom and dad adopted my brother and me and they planned to split their estate between us. My dad passed first and my mom went back to lawyers and wrote me out all because the dirty family secret is she never wanted to adopt me and never really considered me her child. I knew as a kid that if my dad passed first that this would be likely.
It has done great damage to my relationship with my brother because he in truth needs anything in the estate, so he wonât even pick up a phone call from me in front of my mom. He thinks that once she passes all this will be behind us, I know it wonât.
@@tjones5719 I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you both can move past it. It's certainly not right to dispossess your child of their inheritance.
@@marquisstrongchild7535 thank you. It really isnât about the money (I always hoped my parents would spend it all and just enjoy life), itâs more about what it says about her view of me that just solidifies what has always been there.
My goal is just to still be there as much as I can for my nieces and nephews even if my brother and I no longer have a relationship.
I would give her fair share. Anyone who says otherwise is just a selfish POS.
I agree. This happened to me and my siblings did not even offer to make it fair.
Her fair share is nothing. Dad gave her nothing. That is the amount of his money that he wanted her to have. It was Dad's money, no one is owed an inheritance, it's a GIFT!
This happened to my brother. I did give him a share of money, because I knew dad did it when he was angry, sick, and his mind was not well. I guess everyone's circumstances are different though.
Jake, you are wonderful to recognize that. The same with my father's decision. GOD bless you. Can't take it with you.
If her sister wants to give her money out of the inheritance because she was unfairly left out of it then just give her the money. This sister sounds somewhat like her dad. Everyone looks and deals with money differently and it is their business what they do with it. Sounds like she needs a house and if she doesn't use it for that that is her problem not her sister's business.
Right
Excellent comment!
Not sure where the conflict is. Dad is entitled to do what he chooses with his money. Sister is feeling guilty and wants to give her sister money. Then do so, who cares what she chooses to do with it.
If student loans are her only debt she's not that incredibly bad with money.
Good point. I doubt it is the only debt but a very good point.
I was thinking the same thing! Lol So Dave shouldâve asked why do you think she is bad with money?
Unless she did a useless degree at a very expensive private university đ
Negative net worth at 40+ is either bad at money or bad luck
Money separates people and I believe that was the intention of the father. Money should not have that kind of importance in our lives. Money should not be a way to punish or reward family members.
The guy in the black shirt has a straight SALESMAN face appearance. Like he will sell you stuff you NEVER intended to buy.
Heâs not a salesman. Heâs a psychologist.
People, just leave kids equal money.