Trauma Expert Tim Fletcher | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von
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- čas přidán 15. 04. 2024
- Tim Fletcher is the founder and president of RE/ACT (Recovery Education for Addictions and Complex Trauma). He is a counselor himself, as well as a researcher and pastor.
Tim Fletcher joins Theo to delve into the world of complex trauma, recovery, and healing. They break down what the word “trauma” really means, how to see the side effects in yourself and others, how shame develops during childhood, the lasting effects these issues have on relationships, the powerful connection trauma has to addiction, and more. They also discuss different methods of healing, what Tim has learned as a counselor of 20+ years, how to re-parent yourself for the better, and more.
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Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn • Bishop Gunn - Shine
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It really pisses me off that I have to get information like this from a comedy podcast rather than the therapists and psychiatrists I see that are just quick to sell me the next pill that never works anyway.. god bless you and your guests Theo.. always a fan
What's incredibly sad & unfortunate is that alot of people searching for help or guidance are misguided & thrown down the 'psych med pipeline' that do not require medicine. It compounds the problem for those not requiring medicine. They require information, knowlege, care. More often than not, folks totally skip over the fact that the resources available to you are only as deep as your pockets. The fact we get this invaluable knowledge from a comedy podcast is mindblowing. And eye opening....
Best of wishes to you. Wishing you health & peace.
@@narcanbreakfast ty
I’m convinced Theo is not a celebrity this man is a prophet a modern day philosopher. PROTECT THEO AT ALL COSTS! God bless you sir 🫡
Find a therapist that CARES!!
@@TheRed-HeadedStepchildthat's easier said than done. I'll be on #6 here pretty soon. I'm beginning to become convinced that paying someone to "care" is a fantasy for some people.
I think this is going to be a very important episode for a lot of people.
✅️
Indeed.
📠
When he talked about how new fathers that are used to just grinding at work 60 hours a week suddenly experience burnout bc of their new emotional responsibilities at home it was like this podcast was made for me. I emailed a therapist within hours to set up some sessions.
@@Btn1136 good luck brother. 💪
After listening to this, I pulled each of my kids into my room, sat them down and just loved on them. Looked them in the eye and asked how they were doing, and my 9 year old son just broke down in tears. I didnt realize how much they needed that. I have some pretty severe complex trauma, I answered 9 of those 10 questions "yes". I didnt realize how badly my trauma was effecting my children. I have done a ton of work on myself, and have been sober 7 years but I think that this episode changed me, and it pieced some things together that i hadn't connected prior to this. Amazing. Thank you Theo, and Thank you Tim Fletcher!!!!
I feel you. It’s 5A.M. right now. I’m only 30 minutes into the episode although I feel like I started hours ago for how many times I’ve cried, processed feelings, got up and warmed the coffee, and rewatched what I cried through. My kids are 20 and 22 and I’m going to get at them again today. Fkkkkkk. I’ve been working on this for so long. Deep breaths. I’m an educator and I also see this in so many students, literally everyday. We have to break these cycles and protect our babies. Thank you for sharing. Good luck and blessings to you and your babies. ❤
Your great. Your kids will love you for being the best mom you can be
@OldJoeBlows do you know how you know if someone is a teacher? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
@@MoreBuffMoreMuffyou're a loser
I don't have children and I don't know how it is to be a parent but your comment made me tear up because I wish my Mom would do that at least once when I was 9 years old. All the best for you! Your children have an amazing Mom !!!
Came for the humor. Stayed for the healing. Leaving with hope.
Brilliant!😊
god dam dude don’t make me cry with your concise emotional summary
That was fire 🔥 man! 🥹💗🙏🏽
Hope is most important
13:00 to about 15:40 why is it that i feel most of these things? Is my trauma that bad and since something happened to me 2 years ago ever since i have fallen down a dark path and i feel the fear of changing and bettering my life and doing things and i do also feel like im a piece of shit and who would want to know or love me in terms of if i was wanting a relationship but im still watching and i also feel a huge amount of shame
Edit: 17:00 to 17:40 this is also how i feel
Heavy day for me. Heading to a funeral and leading my four little ones and my spouse through the loss of a mom and grandma. Keep us in your prayers and thoughts, gang gang 🕊️
Sending love and prayers
Praying for you brother
LOVE and LIGHT
🙏❤️
GANG GANG brother, prayers for you
The fact that Theo is always so vulnerable even completely publicly is very commendable, even though he may not realise that he is. It makes him so lovable and genuine!
Exactly bro. God bless him
This is what makes Theo a big brother for life. Proud to be a part of the gang gang fam
Which is a sexy trait in a person
Omg u serious? Every one in the country has gone so downhill because of comments like urs. Grow a pair.
@@marineproof8044Jesus christ. Stf**
"In complex trauma, if you're authentic you get rejected." 8 minutes in and I'm already getting emotional.
Yep, someone once told me not to be myself. That's hard for me to do.... I understand.
this.
I feel that to the core. ❤
I feel the tears already and its only the beginning of the podcast
Rejected by who/what?
Wow. I got chills when Theo described identifying neglect in your past as “feeling around for ghosts”
It's sad but true though.
@@wildomegamusic indeed
Yes!!! Perfectly put
Yea man.
What does that mean
This conversation feels like a hug
completely agree ❤
Absolutely
Theo Von feels like a hug
It does
I feel seen, heard, understood and less crazy ❤😂 gang gang baby!
I don't tend to comment, but this video made one heck of a difference for me. I personally believe you should consider having him back on and do more focused podcasts. Not everyone has access to therapy, or can take that step themselves. And this is something that would be highly beneficial to everyone.
Heya in case Theo doesnt have him back just google or search youtube for his stuff. He has a ton of content that you might find helpful
That's the nice thing about Tim's courses. They're not super cheap but they're cheaper than therapy sessions. Or his CZcams videos!
Yess! Check out his channel ,he has soo many detailed and topic specific lectures
Tim Fletcher has about 1000 videos on CZcams as well.
Even his CZcams videos are so life changing
Theo's vulnerability is so special. I'm not sure he even knows he's sharing himself so raw-ly. Going to his friends' house just so the kid's mom will look at him for 30 secs and tell him to go away. Wow! Such innocence .. and so sad. All the best Theo!!
Whenever he apologized for sharing I wanted him to know that it was helpful to have that realness. Validating to hear what he said. It helps with my imposter syndrome by normalizing how there can be these complex coping experiences hidden within other acceptably functional appearing people.
One of my sons friends does this he stares in my eyes a lot. I always wondered if he was nervous or something and couldn’t quickly put a thought together but maybe this is why.
@@katelyndefreitas2810my son had a friend like that at 12. One day I decided to speak to him and he revealed that he wanted to kill himself and die. His parents had divorced and he was depressed. I told him mother and she was able to get help for him. I made sure to let him feel heard and welcomed in my home by inviting him from meals etc.
“It physically exhausted me to listen to someone talk.” I don’t know if I’ve ever understood a feeling more than that. Theo earned himself a new subscriber today.
Totally me or I over share wanting validation
School custodian here. Thank you for helping me through my day cleaning up after these lil bugs. This podcast saves lives. It saved mine
I feel you
I’m a school custodian as well brother. Gang 🫡
We love you brother. You're kicking ass
Stick around brother your well worth it
Oh wah wah you cry more than those kids😭 be grateful for what you have there's people getting bombed out right now because they were born in the wrong place.
THESE ARE THE BEST GUESTS TO HAVE. THE REGULAR PEOPE DOING JOBS THAT PEOPLE OVERLOOK. GREAT EPISODE!!!! THANKS THEO
louder pls
@@BrianDeCosta lol. It was for excitement not yelling.
@@chris_roxberryhis words just showing enthusiasm standing at attention. NO FLACCID SPEAKING HERE!
Truly. I don't mind listening to the rich and famous, but I honestly only listen to certain ones. I listen to all these regular people.
This guy isn't just a regular guy doing a job, he's a youtuber with over 200k subscribers
“If I have unrealistic expectations for myself, then I’ll always be what I always thought I was. Not enough.” Wow
the fact the theo is a man from the south, especially a comedian, and is able to be so open and vulnerable about feelings is just such a great step for humanity.
Location has nothing to do with being vulnerable ?
@@elizabethwilk9615It does. The US has many different cultures.
“Staying with somebody….so they couldn’t have anybody else that could care about them better than me.”
The level of vulnerability self awareness is incredible.
I’ve absolutely done this on more than one occasion. I’ve never heard another human being say it, it was life changing for me.
I had never heard of Theo before this video, and I am absolutely awed by his courage in sharing things that are usually unspoken, things that are so shameful that most people can't even admit them to themselves, let alone speaking publicly about them.
" I just knew how you were feeling and how I needed to seem"
Holy damn man. That nailed it
Yes! I think this may be one reason I hate when people don't read the room. It makes me nervous, like "you're not following the system, something bad is gonna happen".
Yeah, I saw myself if this totally.
What's the timeframe? Unfortunately I can't watch the entire episode but those words resonates in me
@@Stefanunearound minute 30
Yeah hits home
Shoutout to the therapist. Almost felt like I was being healed. 🙏🔥
People here who feel like they got more from this than years of therapy, remember that its completely okay to "shop" around when it comes to therapist. If youre not feeling it after the third session, move on. No shame. Its honestly the most respectful thing you can do for yourself is say "this therapist is not for me"
Ive never commented on a video in my life but I’ve been going to EMDR therapy for years and this 2 hours has shed more light and helped as much if not more than the years of therapy I’ve gotten. A deeper understanding and acceptance that I’ve never had. This guy breaks it down into like Trauma for Dummies so I can actually understand it. Hell yea Theo. Thanks man
At one of my EMDR sessions I went from zero to sixty in one second and was locked behind a door, naked, after being beaten and my dog killed in the same room. Man, that was 55 years ago. OMG Theo rocks for showing us his heart and mind.
Do you recommend EMDR?
I highly recommend IFS therapy. Very effective in my experience.
I'm so sorry you went thru that @@crabanna
@@crabannaSorry you had to go through that, and then to re-live it again under the EMDR. Did the therapist know what to do, and do you feel like you were able to process it and move on?
Tim Fletcher is THE voice regarding CPTSD and addictions. Thank you, Theo Von, for recognizing the importance of addressing these issues. Life changing to be sure! This was real, raw, and informative. Thank you!
Truth!!
Him and Gabor Mate, love them both
I found Tim a couple years ago. He is the best!
Him and Gabor Mate are definitely the top for me.
He’s the goat 🐐
The most wholesome and caring comment section on any video I've watched in years
I wish the bulk of internet was like the people sharing in this comment section... society would be revolutionized.
Gang
IKR normally I'm scared to even scroll down from the video, but this is super validating in here.
The way Theo empathizes with his inner child is the sweetest thing. I liked him up until this point, but who knew there was so much soul in him. Love on that inner little boy Theo, he deserves it. He deserves all the love in the world.
And btw great guest. This Tim guy is so much more emotionally intelligent and informed than what you usually see on these platforms. Everything he said felt emotionally validating and honoring. I’d watch another talk with him someday if you had him on again. Badass episode🖤
czcams.com/channels/eaEF2gpMi_hkXvrhAVwltg.html
He has a ton of videos on this subject on his CZcams channel. They are helping me heal. Hope this can do the same for you. 😊
Don't sleep on Tim. He's legit.
Literally screaming while listening to this. Like- relief screaming. I feel so heard. I'm not crazy, I'm not broken, my brain has responded exactly the way it knew how to, in order to keep me safe. Going forward, realizing that I need to unlearn what once kept me safe. Those very survival techniques, are now hurting me. Very informative episode Theo & crew. Love it.
Hey, Read the book How to do the Work by Dr. Nicole Lepera. All of these teachings in detail, and how to heal. Good luck on your journey.
You're not alone Love 💕 that's what I needed to hear, and still do 😊 So i want you to know, You aren't alone 💖
A collective scream for many of us. We feel “seen” just by the info he gave a Theo driving it home emotionally. Man, to be seen…finally. ❤ to you and all!
Yess me too!!
Thanks guys, gang gang! 😭
"I didn't know how long to look into somebodys eyes I remember" 😭 thank you Theo for being so open and vulnerable ❤
It looks like his eyes are watering up at this point in the converation.
Incredibly cool moment to highlight. Literally touches on a great poetic mystery of life.
Theo’s eyes filled with tears talking about his mother not looking into his eyes made my heart sink. Theo you are a beautiful soul and know that Christ looks at you with compassion and love as his beloved son. ❤
❤
I need Tim saying “exactly” following me around all day when I speak
"When I was a kid if someone would've just stayed with me for one minute..." 1:37:36
Man that hit home.....🥺😞
Yeah
Teared up at that one man 😔
I listened to 20 minutes of this interview and thought Tim perfectly described a particular person in my life who had done me wrong. At the 20 minute mark i broke down as i realized he was describing me!
God bless you Theo. You're a gem
Oh damn! 🫂❤
Yeah, Same here…
Yea i cried 2 times during this episode, it helped out BIG TIME 👍
Understanding others while understanding ourselves is a win win in my book 😜😜😜
You a MAPs guy too?
30years of therapy didn’t answer as many questions as this single podcast. Insane work Theo! Forever grateful ♥️
The way this man said “exactly” healed something inside me
Shout out Theo man. Recreating the lane of what it is to be a comedian. Bridging healing ideas to a mass audience with the art of humor. Artistry at its finest
My thoughts exactly!! 💯
"its hard to drink the water at the aquarium"
onion soup for the soul
100%.
Perfect description 👌🏼
I love watching Theo trying to figure things out in real time. He's so relatable
Anyone else just wanna hug theo way longer than his mom would and tell him he's so worthy and deserves to be loved? He's such a great guy and this broke my heart.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.porass. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this
Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is dr.porass.
I'm 26, soon to be 27 and it feels like for the last several years I've been doing everything I can to rewire my brain. One of the hardest things to deal is knowing you've got patterns of behavior, aches in your heart and a longing for something you weren't given and not being able to do anything about it. The more I learn about things the more I understand why I do the things I do, and feel the way I feel, but knowing isn't enough. And when you don't really have anyone you can trust to help you through the process, it's just... difficult.
Thank you for this conversation, Theo, and thank you Tim for coming on. I believe a lot of people can benefit from hearing this kind of discussion and reflecting on their own childhood/lives.
Keep chipping away at it. Showing up is half the battle
microdose shrooms
I'm 28 and doing the exact same thing as you and feel like I'm at the same spot. I've known for years why I do certain things or feel certain ways or what's triggering me and I find out more every day but the hardest part for.me is figuring out what to do with that information after. At least you are self aware and (I hear lol) that's a great first step. We have go keep growing so from one person's journey to another's, keep on keeping on man. Im proud of you and you got this 👍
Haha what about the always thinking you’re in trouble part lol
Was about to try and comment the same exact shit you just said well said bro keep that healthy rewiring ❤
My wife is constantly trying to drill this through my head. Sending me videos from random people on IG. Hearing this, in a longer clip than 39 seconds, from a professional, in a podcast I love, is definitely what I needed to fully comprehend this. I'm constantly, silently, struggling with thinking I'm not good enough, and not having enough patience for my two under 8. It's not a kid problem, it's a me problem as my father never recognized how kids brains work either. It's been a rough road to break the generational shit. Everytime I rise above, I seem to slip below again. I just gotta listen to this daily.
Check out Tim fletcher YT channel. He goes more in depth. Blessings
IMHO ...You should subscribe to TIM FLETCHER here on youtube. You will be ASTOUNDED by how many incredible videos he's put out there for us....different series. AND....most of the videos are almost an hour long.....good deep dives. I have to take notes! He's just so thorough. HOW GREAT that Theo is having him on here. How lucky you are to have kids and a wife who cares.
I feel like more kids deal with complex trauma than kids that don’t. The important thing is that we don’t abandon these children that we are passing a horrible trait that we inherited from our upbringing. You are still there and you are still trying. Be strong and keep pushing brother. I’m in the boat with you.
You should see a psychologist. This is great for basic info, but you need professional help if you want to improve your specific situation
All you can do is try again, and again, cause lord knows with kids you'll get the practice! It's a struggle for me, but realizing it's a ME problem has helped me call on my patience in those moments, or apologize if I mess up. Model the behavior you want to see in your children- as adults- they're watching, listening, and learning. Love this for you!
After 20 years of pretty constant self-help, making very slow progress (since as Tim says most of it addresses the symptoms, not the root causes), the turning point was absolutely self-compassion/love. Shifting my entire focus from self-blame/criticism to awe and admiration around how much I have endured and the ways my brain and body have adapted. It’s truly mind-blowing and gave me a whole new respect for the strength and tenacity that I’ve developed. Clearly was not an over-night process, but certainly felt like it once I had that mindset shift. I still can’t believe how many lies I was telling myself and how I just couldn’t see my worth or value. Now it feels like such a foreign concept even thought I lived that way for nearly 40 years.
Sending love and hugs to everyone on this healing journey. It is not easy but it is absolutely worth it. The ah-ha moments and epiphanies are worth their weight in gold. Especially the ones around realizing that it’s someone else’s stuff that made you feel worthless. Not to blame them, but just to recognize what is your stuff and what is not. It’s so freeing. There is absolutely hope. And that’s coming from someone who never thought they’d live past 20. The journey has not been easy but at this point, I wouldn’t change it. Life is incredibly fascinating once it doesn’t feel so dang painful all the time.
Good job! Exactly what you said about "self".
Sounds very familiar, never thought i could come out the other side!
Can yall do this quarterly or something? Thank you Tim for your knowledge and thank you Theo for such vulnerability.
This is 2 hours of straight validation. We love you, Theo. ❤ Thank you, Tim, for teaching us and empowering us.
As a childhood trauma victim, sexually molested by my stepfather at the age of 6 and then manipulated and controlled with that for the next 9 years, I've always sought an explanation as to why I behave the way I do at times. Now being 52, and having only exposed my truth to the rest of the world 5 years ago, I've been really struggling for validation and purpose in life, often coming to the same conclusions that I'm not worth the trouble. Thank you for having Doctor Fletcher on as a guest. His definitions and explaination of complex trauma and childhood development with trauma not only shines a brighter defining light on my own issues I'm working on, but unfortunately also explains why my own children are struggling as adults.
I was around physically as a father, as was their mother, but we were not emotionally. I AM an improved version of my father for sure, but still not good enough to stop the cycle of depression and fear and distrust of the world. But I am grateful for the learn I got from this. Truly inspiring and meaningful.
i think it's great that you were able to talk about it after all these years, and i hope your children understand why you were the way you were. i hope you're well mate.
The simple fact you can recognize all of this and be as self aware as you are is beautiful. Coming from a similar house, it wasn’t the fault of my parents but theirs and so on. You can stop the cycle by taking this knowledge and helping your kids not make the same mistakes, and hopefully they can do well by your grand kids. All love and best wishes to you my friend. Find a new hobbies, grab a guitar, start to write (seems you have a knack), start exploring all the things you never got to growing up. You’ll find your way
Thanks for sharing with us ❤️❤️🩹
your 1st sentence came right out of my mouth. how blessed we are to have made it this far with so much & to be here now. love & light on your journey
I'm 47 and going through a similar situation. Hearing people like you open up helps me know I'm not alone. Thank you.
Tim Fletcher is a true Gem. I've learned so much from his videos. He was definitely made for this!!!
Theo really explains how it feels… I have had so many things happen, but there is hope!! I was baptized today, I’m sober, I’m healthy and own a business, life has changed completely. But it took me fighting for my life! God is so good! 😊Theo is the man!
no matter what you go through there’s a brighter day out there, bless up GANG GANG‼️‼️
Gang gang 🎉
😞😖
😐
@@rehemazabibu7493 why are you here with that BLM terrorism pic? Youre not wanted here. Leave
😢 gang gang
I’m a pool service tech and Theo Vons podcast keeps me pushing throughout the day, love you Theo
He’s so real he feels like a friend.
I’m also a pool tech and Theo Vons pod definitely makes the day quicker 😂
Pool cleaners?
@@McYerocdon’t be a jackass, go do something with your life
sweet we have a pool guy in the house ox
Ive been through too many bad things in my life. I was a cutter for about 4 years. I have over 200 scars on my arms. I never wanted to kill myself. I was addicted to the feeling.
Thank you to the both of you. And everyone in the comments.
We will all heal one day ❤
Big fan of Tim Fletcher here. With people like him sharing insight and wisdom, there is hope.
Hear hear, I only discovered Tim Fletcher a few weeks ago, and I'm blown away. I thought I already 'got' cPTSD, having read Gabor Mate, Bessel Van Der Kolk, and others, but the way Tim describes and relates things is really next level for me.
Theo - You mention having experiences in recovery where you said other people put things that you didn't know how to express into words. Your podcast has put so many emotions and feelings and experiences into manageable sentences for me, and not only am I grateful to have had a release of these thoughts but I am hopeful now that these ideas have become tangible and workable. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart man
💯what he said^❤❤❤❤❤
I agree with this, and sometimes when things happen to you as a kid you don’t have the language for it in the moment. It’s such a process to go back and articulate how you really felt
Pastor Jim Fletcher is an amazing human. His work is profound. Thank you for having him on your show and allowing people to have an opportunity see know him and his incredible work!
I swore I would never go back to church struggling with untreated childhood CPTSD and trusting others. Then, I discovered my untreated CPTSD 😂😂😂 I found Tim's Friday Night sermons on CPTSD😂😂😂 God, what a 💎!
@@MarkThrive Yeah and he doesn't make non believers feel bad if they don't want to watch and gives them the option. I love that about him, that's a real Christian right there.
My goodness- 47:40- gaslighting the child- someone should make this a short clip on how to explain gaslighting to children! My teen son deals with this with his narcissistic and absent father. I have tried to shield him from it but some of the BS still seeps thru. Theo- you are doing such a good job in repairing your childhood trauma. Thank you for being open to sharing with your audience.
This is hands down one of the best podcast episodes I've ever heard. Theo your authentic vulnerability, sharing and real-time processing is sooo helpful for us still sorting through complex trauma! It was so helpful how you added your personal stories and reflections.. I related to things I've never even heard another human put words to!! Thank you!! 🙏 So much respect for you brother. 🙌
It’s hard to describe at what a perfect time this video dropped. Thank you Theo
Agreed!
I n😮
🎉
😢😊😊NM n h4 😊😊😊😊nh n😊
.@@Superstar_tradesman1
Yup
As someone who has been to therapy, what Theo is doing is doing here by sharing how he feels is so hard and a I Admire him so much for this. He doesn't know how much it will help him and how many people he will help by expressing things we people with less language tools can say. Thank you Theo for this.
This is by far the best podcast I've ever listened to. Thank you Theo and Tim
This comes at a perfect time. I got arrested because I threw some Karen’s phone after some vile words. I lost my nursing job 2 days ago.
I lose my temper so fast. Attorney is 3k. Jobless. All I had to do was walk away. But I couldn’t. I went through extreme physical abuse as a kid.
Sorry to hear that I can sympathise with your situation 🙏
Same…
We’ve gotta listen to that kid in us when triggered. But damn it’s hard. I see RED so quickly. Hang in there n keep going sis.. it’s what we do.
Think of it as a gift that can help you move to wanting to heal. I quit nursing in July 2023 after 29 years. I never took care of myself and was burnt-out. I am a codependent and have childhood complex trauma. I do matter it is almost 3 years working on my recovery. I am aware of my triggers. I have tools to help me regulate my emotions. I am in EMDR/IFS, DBT group and Coda 12 step group. My husband is an addict and he is doing his recovery. I am thankful I could afford to work on myself. I practice mindfulness and living in the present moment. Patience and a lot of love to have peace and joy in my life. I want a life worth living.
I've been getting little signs from everywhere. My 20 yr old son was just diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and intermittent explosive anger. I know it all stems from myself and my ex husband and the way we parented. I will never forgive myself. I'm older and wiser and I love this kid more than anything. Please love and hug your children. We were all children once.
As someone who suffers from the same disorder as your son, all I want is for my mom to acknowledge and own up to her mistakes as a parent. Seeds were planted in his heart as a young child and now those seeds are bearing fruit.
Validate his emotions now since they weren't validated when he was younger. He needs to heal. If you haven't healed from your own trauma, that'd be another place to work on. Best of luck in your healing/recovery journey!
@@Yhoshua_B thank you. I'm trying. Because of his anger and personality disorder, it's hard for him to trust (understandably) and he pushes away after a certain amount of time. I hope you and your mother and others who abandoned you are able to come together and forgive but I am at a loss for words here. I was young (no excuse) and selfish. I hope your mother sees you (the real you) and realizes the error of her ways.
Go to God. He knows. He forgives. ❤
I can relate❤ both my adult children are addicts (there dad is a functioning alcoholic)it's heart breaking knowing how my behaviour that I wasn't aware of has caused even more chaos.Its the last thing I wanted for my children😢 all I can do is the work on myself and make amends.
@@Yhoshua_B Your mom may be too damaged to give you that. She had seeds planted in her heart too and had less tools to deal with them than we do.
My old therapist brought up the issue of shame, and I scoffed and pushed the idea away. I'm more comfortable with anger. With perfectionism. With being stoic and "independent" I can see it still, over my shoulder and in those dark places: SHAME. Feeling useless and small. Feeling angry about your own emotional needs. You can be self-aware, but the pain of that is still undeniable.
Helped me understand my brother who died from his addiction March 8 2023 RIP Phillip sucks he passed on feeling misunderstood. love you bro 🤍 Thank you Theo and Tim for providing the rest of us with so many much needed tools we can apply on the rest of our journeys here. Praise God!
❤
This was such an important conversation. As a former mental health professional & someone who has been to countless therapists, I learned and recognized more about myself from this conversation than I did in college and in therapy over the last 20 years. Theo has created a platform where digging deep and expressing raw emotion is just as safe as laughing and having fun. I hope that this was just as eye-opening and inspiring for anyone else who is working on healing trauma or who loves someone who is in that spot.
This conversation punched me in the throat,gut,heart, and soul♡
14:00 Tim is describing complex childhood traumas.. 29 year old male and I work as a heavy duty loader operator.. he's describing me.. in fact my life saying has always been "I'm just a piece of shit"... thank you Tim for helping us grow.
Theo, brother, thank you for what you do. I watch every video. I rarely comment, but this one touched my heart. Thanks for having this conversation and allowing me to listen to help thru life.
Life is crazy, let's go 🙌🏼
The analogies Theo makes actually speaks volumes. The Ferris wheel, the restaurant without knowing the menu damn:(
Theo thank you so much for the bravery to share your truth. I was raised in a very verbally abusive home, my dad, and my mom taught me to people please which aided greatly I my active addiction as a form of manipulation. The one night stands, the inability to figure out why am i so horrible because I didn't just not like myself I hated myself. I'm in recovery and working on self care and love. I don't hate myself anymore but I do like me...sometimes, lol!! I really appreciate you and thank you because I've learned a lot about me and also the cycle I'm perpetuating now that I'm a mom and I hadn't even realized I was doing it. What an incredible guest, incredible show, incredible Theo Von❤
Omg! That’s exactly what I’m dealing with right now! I’m referring to the part where he’s describing masking at an early age leads to not knowing who you really are. That hit me a couple of months ago and I am just now trying to figure that out at 50 years old, almost 50 years old. I feel like I’m grieving for the person I could have been. But also trying to love the person that I am now. Whoever she is. ❤
You'll get there. Bug hugs!
Damn "grieving for the person I could have been..." 😢 I feel that.
A fair bit of moving around throughout childhood burnt me out. I was ambitious once upon a time. Only at 29 and now 30 years old I'm seeing that can probably start settling into who I am, but I need to break down some walls and start creating roads to walk my own way.
🙃 Easier said than done.
10 mins in and im already crying. But the bit at the beginning was super important. We can’t live as victims as adults, we can’t blame our unhealthy behaviors on our childhood, we have to take accountability and start making those courageous changes to a healed self.
Very well said
It’s all a process. Get angry, get sad. Let it out. But then forgive and take responsibility. Be yourself and do the hard work. Let the past become the past and change those patterns where the uncomfortable situations have you repeating the same behaviors over and over again. Recognize them and break them.
If we all had a Tim fletcher to talk to the world would be a much happier place.
This is undoubtedly one of the most honest and informative conversation I have ever heard on the topic of Complex Trama. Fabulous work Theo! Tim is brilliant proud Canadian here!
I went through Tim’s React/Lift program and I am happy to say I’ll be 4 years sober this July. The program is amazing as is Tim and his family & friends. I wouldn’t be where I am without their help.
It doesn’t just help with addiction. It gets down to the core issues that we all bury so deep. I was almost in shock to see him on my favourite comedians podcast. Thank you Theo and thank you Tim! You guys rock! Keep doing what you do. 😊 Love, gang gang!
Awesome job!!! 😊
congratulation! fabulous!
I start June 6!
@@bernwilliamson1906 Excellent! Good job, put in the work and you won’t be disappointed. You’ll learn so much about yourself. If I could go back and give myself any advice as I was starting the program I would say be patient, I felt I learnt so much it consumed me at first but have patience and give yourself some time and I guarantee you it’ll help you. Also, let your guard down, and be as transparent as you can even though it can be hard it will only benefit you in the end. Good luck.
Hope you’re the best. 😊
For some reason it's easier for me to convince myself to be easier to myself if I imagine I'm not helping adult me, but helping child me. Looking at pictures of myself during the trauma days reminds me to focus on taking care of that child that didn't deserve what they got. Like trying to undo and give that child everything they ever wanted and everything they should've felt.
Excellent!
As a parent this information is invaluable. Realizing the things I need to fix.
when he started talking about our inner voice being different than others, it made me start bawling my eyes. thank you for making me aware of my shame and guilt I carry everywhere with me. i love you theo and Mr. Fletcher! 😭😭😭
Theo, brother, thank you for being genuine and vulnerable. I'm 464 days sober myself and struggle with both my childhood trauma and addiction problems. It's dudes like you who give dudes like me inspiration to continue to stay sober and work on childhood traumas. Keep up the great work man. Much appreciated ❤🙏
Keep going ⚡️ you got this brother 🎉
Kee working on your healing 😊.
I've followed Theo specifically for how his childhood trauma has resonated with mine. The amount of honesty that went into this podcast blew my mind. He's such a wonderful man. ❤
I discovered Tim Fletcher a while back, and his work is incredible. He makes this information so accessible and easy to understand. Thank you for having him!
Theo didn’t want him to leave and neither did I 🥺 not to be dramatic but this might have been a life changing episode
Theo is definitely showing his appreciation for his 2M+ subscribers by pushing out all these amazing episodes in such a quick manner, he’s been banging out winners! All with the public’s well-being considered with his content. 🤙
✊️👷♂️⚒️🪛🔨🔧🪚🔨🪓⚔️🛡
Theo great job, I am retired law enforcement. I would love to hear this man talk about trauma we see as first responders and how it affects our personal life. I was a rookie with the NYPD when 9/11 happened and spent a couple months down and around ground zero. From that starting my career to everything up until the day I retired, we learn to just pack it away. Like a mental file cabinet, would really like to hear what he says about experiences we dealt with daily and how you address them or just leave them packed away.
Have to be honest it took me a bit to really watch your content. I like others thought your podcast was all jokes and for younger generation.
I am so grateful for what Tim said about ODD it spoke to me a lot! When I was 11 I ran away from home and lived in a fort out in the middle of the Arizona desert for a few weeks before the cops found me and when they got me I asked them what I had to do to go to jail because I didn’t want to go home. After that my whole family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, parents, and even my cousins) all labeled me as a bad child. I was just looking for peace! There were so many really bad things going on in my upbringing but I always somehow knew it wasn’t right.
Dude it is so ironic that u dropped this video when u did. I'm 38 and I've been battling this shit hard the past few years. I finally had the balls today to ask my mom to talk to me and she let me know when she's available which I just didn't expect. Then I see this video and it's just crazy how shit falls into place.... thanks man!
Amen!
U need to let her go man
It's nothing short of surreal seeing my mentor on Theo's podcast. My mind was blown in the most incredible way . I love Theo, and I completed two courses under Tim which changed my life forever. I now help others as a Complex Trauma Recovery Coach. Seeing both Tim and Theo together discussing complex trauma so brilliantly was an incredible magical experience for me. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it! Love them both dearly
I 've listened to and read so many trauma experts and I value them all but this was the first time I heard Tim and wow I don't think I've ever heard anyone who just seems to understand the trauma experience on such deep soul level. I can totally feel how much you value him shining hrough your comment🙏
I discovered Tim Fletcher about 2 years ago. Listening to him literally saved my life.
This episode was 100% what the world needs right now!! Beautiful and vulnerable sharing of two men’s stories. The perfect match of the right teacher and the right at student 💖 This is humanity at our best. Thank you 🙏
The world needs to hear this so we all can learn how to heal. It takes a lot of time but we are worth it.
this might be the best episode of this past weekend.
thanks theo
This might be the best podcast episode on CZcams ever ❤️
I worked at a treatment center for a decade, and I think every treatment center needs a Tim Fletcher, a group of trauma trained behavioral therapists, and an extended stay period for the "re-parenting".
Im going to say now I personally need all that as well👀
Theo is one of the most valued and underrated comedians. His guest list amazes me. This is such a profound episode. Making me reflect on who i am as a mother and how my children are growing and may be feeling. I needed to check myself and this episode.. i just didnt realize how much i needed it.
Im in awe of what Theo is doing for men (and mental health as a whole). ❤
You are valuable. Keep pushing.
I’m a 43 year old indigenous woman from central BC. The scored 10/10 😢 in active addiction. Working on myself.
Wishing you well.
Wtf??? Theo is really on top of it, ive been watching tim for a while now, never would i have thought that this collab would happen. Bravo
I finished this podcast with post it notes all over my house - Look into your daughters eyes, hug her, are you on a shame spiral. Brilliant.
Theo, you are enough, you are loved and you are not alone ❤
I applaud Theo for having Tim on and being vulnerable with him. Tim is the best yet underrated psychologist I've ever come across and his lifesaving advice needs more exposure
Trauma expert, Jedi master, crochet oracle and now a guest on Theo Von? C’MON! You’re making us mere mortals feel bad. Go Tim!!! 🎉
I love the blanket he made for me!
wait WHAT?1 i knit, scouring the internet immediately
He's what the MAPs community needs
@@Txalcoirwhat’s MAP?
@@stevencastillo8178”Minor Attracted Person”. Pretty much is a fancy way to say pedophile. 🤢 People are just trying to make it sound less bad.
Theo being so vulnerable and open is so nice for other men to see
Theo this has to be one of your best podcasts yet. It was deep. I admire your vulnerability, but you made me cry. This will help more people than you'll ever know. God bless you ❤
This is dope to watch with your parents if they’re down for that type of thing. Very dope
Finally someone who has Tim Fletcher on his podcast. Thanks Theo❤
I know!!!!
No friggin WAY!!! I love Tim Fletcher. Hope his content gets a big boost from this. Thanks Theo and Tim! 💙💙🙏☺️
“Making love on the solstice.” Best Theo quote that nobody caught!!!!!!
Best line 😂 loved it
This really resonates with me. 42 yrs old and still haven't dealt with my childhood trauma. I thought it was normal to just have to be tough all the time. Thank you for this episode. Really raises awareness to us all that we aren't alone.
I almost NEVER comment on ANYTHING here... but MAN! This Episode is everything!!! Thank you Theo for being authentic and for giving people like me a voice! ❤