When did the issues with your narcissistic siblings start?
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Yes, from day 1, she hated having a sister and I can't even begin to tell you how vicious and vile she is. I was just a punching bag for the whole household. It was a great injustice. This year I have finally gone no contact. Thank you.
Me too!
@@Oceans780 my sister called me dumbo too! Along with many other names. Parents never stopped it as, to them, she was smarter and prettier than me. I went no contact 4 years ago and itâs been the best decision I ever made.
Adding a voice of solidarity. This is my story, too. I have let go of my parents and other siblings after years of pain and wishing they'd at least be nice to me. It took years of therapy, processing what they did to me for me to finally see them... and I've found a sense of peace that is hard to put into words.
You are worth more, you deserve more, you got this. â€ïž
My brother welcomed me into the world by *spitting in my belly button* when my newborn self was left on my Grandmaâs table. âźïž
Canât appreciate you guys -and more solid content about sibling narcissism!-enough.
Me too.
It was always a difficult relationship and in adulthood it just worsened.
Now that I'm adult, at least she doesn't harm me physically any more. No bruises any more.
I always thought it would get better when we all grew up. Ha! Now that I expect to be treated like an adult (how dare I?!) they hate me even more. Can't win.
It never gets easier
Had to go no contact they need help sad
@@jessithanks8082 I can relate
The expectations from other people that I SHOULD be tight with my siblings is the worse !
I feel this. The judgment certainly exists.
Even from the parents it exists and that hurtful as well
I have never felt more validated in my entire life. I thought I was alone in my struggle. I am sorry people feel like I do. Honestly, it is like grieving without loss. It sucks so bad.
I honestly would have gone crazy if I didnât have this and other similar channels. Hearing all the stories from these people who have suffered untold cruelty at the hands of these vile family members who are meant to keep you safe for Fâs sake. It is unbelievable. I recently went no contact but I am 59 and have wasted tooooo much time on them. I have chronic illnesses, had cancer, lung clots and still they made it all about them and keep protecting my brother. Both parents narcs, both siblings narcs. All variations. Covert, entitled, victims, demeaning, abusive, financial control, playing suicidal and then thumbing their nose at psychologists. You wouldnât believe it.
it is a loss lol wtf
Mallory, you are SO very not alone. So many of us out here, and we know youâre telling the truth
@@marian9410I hear you! I can absolutely relate. I am 57, will be 58 next month. I have 1 narcissistic older sister and had a narcissistic mother. I always knew I was different, that our family was different. Friends though loved coming to my house. All my life the outward appearance that other family and friends saw was a perfect, well rounded, got it together family. My 1st love was my only boyfriend, then husband, now ex-husband, was abusive as was my 2nd husband now ex-husband, who was a full blown abusive narcissist. I didnât know what a narcissist was until a few years ago. Iâm married now for the 3rd time to a great man for 25 years now. Heâs sees the abuse I get from my family. Other than him and our grown kids I have no one to talk to or confide in or ask advise. I feel like so much of my life was stolen from me. Im not angry but hurt from all the abuse I endured and still enduring from my older sister. My parents have both passed in now. Not only was I grieving but was abused by my sister and mother when my daddy passed and of course from my sister when mother passed. Iâm sorry you and others have experienced this and at the same time it feels good knowing there are others that completely understand what I went through and are still going through. God bless and take care!
Yes! So true. We've behind YOU, Mallory! @@sallyewing3185
My narcisistic sibling was difficult towards everyone, but when we fought, the other family members would go "oh, these two...". That felt so unjust.
This is my life with my younger sibling of 6 years.
đŻ
Yes this! So frustrating...
"I don't understand you can't get along with your sister" ummmm maybe pay attention to her behavior and you would have your answer?
Yeah, my parents like to call it our drama when she is actively abusing me and I leave crying every time I'm near her while she looks like a triumphant amber heard. It was not mutual
It starts from jealousy . Jealousy is not a good thing .
From my IDIOT high school classmates to my NARC oldest brother!
My sister told me as an adult she was extremely jealous of me, the youngest because I got my way and was passive and my parents liked that. Itâs not my fault though⊠I didnât ask to be born the youngest. Also Iâm a huge people pleaser now and she loves to criticize me and tell me how much my parents are disappointed in me. It makes me feel really bad
Exactly they are just secretly jealous of you!
My father's favorite saying was, "Just give her what she wants so she'll shut up." Me, crying: "But it's mine. Aunt Julie gave it to me for Christmas." It was taken from me and given to my sister. Always.
My mom used to make me do the same thing. She knew that I would listen to her and stop fighting. So I had to give up anything she wanted. I'm trying to learn how to speak up and stand up for myself and I'm 50. It hasn't been easy. It's a trigger and I don't know how to resolve it because I was never allowed too.
I'm coming to see the parents' treatment of the little narcissists as its own form of horrible abuse.@@llatorre2015
â@@llatorre2015I am dealing with this too but now my sister is trying to steal something bigger from me and it's my share in estate.
Now i have to go to court to fight her in the matter. I have tried to get away from her for so long but she has her claws into my share that could support my family. I am no longer a person she can use and walk on anymore and she is losing that control over me so she is trying to destroy me anyway she can. Now she is trying to control her children and use them for her gain, sympathy, money etc.
They are in their 30s and can't keep relationships because of her.
â@@loveoftruth9531 you have to do this for your family. Just remember, it's okay for you to be selfish in self love. Life for you, be the lioness/lion.
My brother stoled s much from me. All my records, most of my books and treasures, parents money and treasures and. It wears me out thinking of it all. He had torture boards for moths when he was 8.
Usually the narcissistic parent makes one hate the other for no reason... The scapegoated child is bullied by everyone & the gaslighting never stops... The narc sibling enjoys tattletelling on you, about stuff that never happened... you are punished daily & beaten.... its super fun!
I am, or used to be, the scapegoat. You described this hell perfectly. 60 years later and nothing NOTHING has changed, it's only gotten worse. While the very aged birth unit stirs her cauldron.
Yes!! Good times đ« â€ïžâđ©č
Scapegoat AND the golden child simultaneously; bullying, violence, gaslighting, lies and never-ending dissociations. C-ptsd and oh so tired. But solitude and selfcare and baby steps are key for me. Narc mother and sister, antisocial father. Lucky me!
Omg you know my brother and motherâŠ.đđđđđđđ
This is me, everyday was my judgement day
As children. I never saw my sister as narcissistic before 1 year ago. To be shouted at, given names, silence treatment and blamed - i thought was just normal... i shrug it of. But in therapy I realised it has had a huge effect on me.. and can explain why I am full of self hate, constantly questioning my decisions. Traumabond kept me loving her.
The fact that sheâs my only sister keeps me loving her even though weâre not talking now until she gives me a script to recite
I had a similar experience. I just thought my sister was difficult and sensitive. Discovering what I thought was quirkiness was in fact planned manipulation over years and years is world-rocking. I question everything about my perceptions. -thank you @superduper You helped me put words to what I have been feeling
@@joannadavignon1608 thatâs the dynamic between me and my only sibling my baby brother đ€źđ
@@lorigarnes3919 Iâm very sorry about your loss!
I saw other siblings getting along and often questioned my brothers ways but my malignant narcissistic mother brainwashed and brainwashed me. But now I know I was right all those years ago as a little girl đ„ș
I can't remember a time in my past when I wasn't walking on eggs around my older sibling. This sibling was and is incredibly charming to those whom they admire, and quite subtle & cutting in their put downs of folks/relatives they don't care for. It's like getting constant little cuts and jabs - and bleeding out from those cuts and jabs over time. Unfortunately, this sibling has been able to triangulate making me the scapegoat and causing strain between myself and my other sibling.
Change other sibling to Dad with Alzheimer's and that was my situation. He would be doing well, go out with her, and come back (I was the caretaker) and be mad at me and start calling me names--things he hadn't done before his cognitive decline. It was heartbreaking. I couldn't say anything.
@@user-we8gf8wc6r my narcissist Brother was our parents caretakers because he never moved away from home where he lived rent free. He is still there long after his retirement. He used their age and needs to his advantage. They stuck up for him and I learned to keep my mouth shut. I was told to try to get along with your Brother. He would lie and gaslight, still does. Now I use email as communication because there is a record of what he says or else he would deny it.
When in groups or at the funeral parlor he would refer to them as HIS parents. Just before our Father died it was unbearable. He would say horrible things to our Father and our Father would just take it. But to all those around, the doctor, neighbours etc.. he was a selfless loving son. He often tells me how people say he is the most caring, compassionate and generous person they have ever met.
I have found it is healthier for me, mentally and physically to have the least contact with him as possible. Otherwise it is a pussy footing game I have to play with my words and reactions or else he will bully and dominate me.
Walking on eggshells is always a telltale sign that something is wrong.
Iâm currently experiencing this with my younger sister, she is baiting me to get mad, Iâll call her out and then sheâll blame me and accuse me of doing the thing that I called her out on. Itâs honestly scary to witness this unfold and I plan on going no contact as soon as I get out of here. Im nothing more than the family punching bag and she has her hooks into the parents so nothing I say matters.
My sister is the same way.
My older sisters do that to me all the time. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Ignore her, it helped me a lot
@@tondaniraluswinga2590 trying my absolute best, feels like I need a Herculean level of stoicism just to deal with it because I keep caving in
Dont react !
Used to go trhu the same but I will endup getting beaten by my mother as soon as I reacted .
I am the only girl I have 6 bros 3 of them are narcissist and violent .
My narc mum used them to beat me and control me.
Could not have friends go out after school nothing I would get slapped by just for looking at the window
The hardest was all of them humiliating me and laughing at me then my mum would walk by and laugh at what they said
Really hard keep your distance
The doctor assumes the older child is the narcissist, but just the ipposite can happen too: a dominante domineering and manipulative younger sibling encouraged and enabled by parents as they are perceived to be weaker. I suffered a lot growing up under the "reign" of a 4-year younger brother. He was a Major reason for my leaving home at 18.
Big yes and nobody will address this.
Yes, my youngest brother is the worst.
My younger brother is off the scale, nasty. (No diagnosis) I wonder if he is a dark tetrad.
There are four of us. The oldest and the youngest are pure narcissists.
Thank you for pointing that out, as it's also what I was going to say. My bully sibling was two years younger, and my bully parent had also been the youngest child in her family home. Just one memory: my younger brother came home from karate lessons and eagerly showed our mother what he had learned by kicking me. My mother said, "You could do real damage if you kick Dawn in her sides, so aim for her butt." My brother obediently switched to kicking me in the behind. It's far from the only time he ever hit or kicked me, and far from the only time he did it with my mother's blessing.
A long long time ago & my parents just told me to ignore her "you know what she's like". This has meant over 40 years of being treated badly & controlled by my sister & parents because I didn't want to upset my parents. I got told by my sister I've ruĂŹned our parents lives by spending too much time with them. Covid lockdown hit & she jumped in to control their lives. This is such a difficult subject that no one talks about. Thank you Dr Ramani for your wisdom.
My mom says the same thing! "Take the high road, keep the peace, let it go". Because she doesn't want to actually admit that my sister's narcissism might have had something to do with her parenting.
@@mynz4464"take the high road."
that's exactly what my sister has always told me I should do! I've always respected her, valued her opinions.
Until she said a thing a few months ago, to another of our siblings who is terrorizing me regarding a lake property where we are equal co-owners.
She invalidated me so utterly and unabashedly, well I think she has by now concluded, she no longer has a sister.
She was my shoulder when I was divorcing my ex-narc-like-parasite. "Take the high road." Was her mantra.
She doesn't ever want to hear about other's personal hell. She "doesn't need that kind of negativity in her life."
But, damn, that high road has ruined me financially, and thoroughly.
But it's all good. She no longer suffers discomfort at the ugly things I have endured and am again enduring. If I only "take the high road" again. I wonder if she might be annoyed to find out what the meaning of the phrase actually implies.
Yup. My parents we're always asking me to smooth things over because they knew she wouldn't do it. So I would over and over again only to try to leave from the abuse and have them start all over so they can have a good looking family
I always hear, "She had a hard life" as the excuse for my sister's behavior. So did a lot of other people, and they don't treat people the way she does. Additionally, our father sexually molested me and raped me from five until 18. I had to have an abortion because of him. She says he didn't touch her. Using my other sibling's excuse, I should be the abusive one. But I'm not.
@@mynz4464 you got it. They canât face that they created monsters so they rationalize it and make it âfineâ.
My mom & younger sister are narcissists. This describes my childhood perfectly! My mom picked me for the majority of her bs games & my sister is the golden child. As soon as she was old enough to pick up what was going on, she followed suit. She would start things or set me up. Then cry, I would get hit, grounded or things taken away & when I said what she did, sheâd lie. I havenât spoken to her in 15 yrs. She picked a pedophile over me. I just ended the relationship with my mom 6 mos ago as she kept taking my sisterâs side & no matter what, Iâm to blame so Iâm just done being the family dump site.
Good for u! Sounds like my life too! I think when we get to that point, we know it and the NC isn't a question. We know it's a MUST! I've been NC with narc mom and GC sister for almost 4 years now!
Just a comment...in teen life my golden narc younger sister would say to me, watch this! We were doing dishes..she screamed "leave me alone", made slapping noises, threw some silverware on the floor, conjured up tears. My parents came running. I was standing there mouth open, Dad hit me, and I said I didn't do anything. Mom the narc screams "oh the child is screaming for no reason?" (Uh yes). I was made to do all the dishes alone for 2 weeks, while my sister was excused from all her chores, as she grinned smugly. As full adult she changed power of attorneys for both parents from being spread between all 4 kids to just her. So now she has full responsibility for narc mom at 91...her game, her burden.
Sounds like my life. My little sister, 5 yrs apart, would scream and my mom would come in and beat me and think that I did something to her. No questions asked she just always believed her. Much has not changed. Right now my mom and my sister are against me. I'm realizing that they are both narcissist. My sister stopped talking to me. My mom also chose a pedophile over me. They are divorced now but my mom still is ridiculous with her dating life. I try my best to engage as little as possible.
You just told my story
thats just what my sister is doing to me and my mum eats upp her manipulative shit and always blames me and disstances herself from me because of my demonic sister
Yes, the relationship with my sister was always difficult even as kids. I was younger, and just always knew if I went along with whatever she said and never asked my parents for anything different, it was smoother. When I expressed anything of my own, I got hatred from all of them and zero support. I went No Contact four years ago. Best thing I ever did.
I'm in my late seventies with a narcissistic sister five years younger than myself. After a lifetime of coping with her dishonest, manipulating, high-drama, I have recently gone no contact which has meant losing touch with her daughters (my nieces) as well. My sister is a classic case of NPD, becoming more toxic with age, She was, perhaps, a demanding child, and now looking back, I can see that the signs of her NPD were apparent in her early teenage years.
I cut my sister off when I was forty-eight. I told my younger sister that I have to do it because I will be in my seventies listening it the same drama built around the same lies. When I read your comment I was shaken. It's never too late.
NPD sister three years younger...hell the entire time, I keep moving to really far off places and she follows me, gets the same kind of work as I do, I highly competitive with me, rages, high drama, dangerous, and triangulating my adult kids and smear campaigns. I started not answering the phone , text briefly, she shows up and wanted to see me five times , no warning, I know it was because she needed her " supply" or fuel" but the bloodbanks closed, dracula, even if it means having to move away for self preservation I and the risk of losing out in my kids lives for awhile, I would do it to find peace, heal and live the life I was meant to
Abusive brother who is six years older...it took me effing 50 years to realise that i am not wrong or stupid or irrelevant...and i said no to the last manipulation. I'm so crushed,and i am now likely to be ostracised by my entire familybut i feel so much better at the same time...i got a huge burden off my chest.
Same here, signing off a 50 year old dude who finally went NO CONTACT after decades of sporadic mistreatment from my two older and younger EX-SIBLINGS too!
My older sister, the golden child, is the SATAN of my FORMER "family" of origin
Going low/no contact with my narc. siblings has been a sanity saver. I realized that I was dreading family functions, and started feeling anxious when the Family Group Texts would start. Then the "Oh you're just too sensitive!" accusations were thrown, again, at me. If you google that word salad, you get: Toxic Family! I took steps to distance myself, and have no regrets, except that I bought into their BS that being "too sensitive" just meant "normal and having empathy" and waited waaaay too long to set boundaries! Thank you Dr Ramani for all your wisdom and support.
I have been distancing myself for the last few years. Stopped going for Sunday lunch, then to family gatherings. My brother in law said to me the other week that even my other sister and niece have a problem with me and yet it seems they resent the fact that I don't go for Sunday lunch. I don't feel comfortable with them and they don't with me yet they still expect me to attend family gatherings. Surely they would be happy not to see me if they don't feel comfortable. Doesn't make sense.
I feel sick and anxious at the thought of them. Suggest going with one of the sisters for counseling and her husband then texts me to say she wants nothing to do with me. It seems they don't want to fix anything just want to carry on as normal. Well I am done with that. I want to be part of a loving supportive family, and they are anything but.
I heard that as a teen, from my abusive sister - that I was âoversensitiveâ. Kept believing that all my life. So if people were abusive, I thought it was not ok to complain.
Same here
@@terrancemcclendon456 Being called over-sensitive is now a huge red flag for me. It's the stock-in-trade of the narcissist. If you complain about being mistreated, that's their excuse. My brother, my father (both narcissists) called me overly sensitive or selfish if I didn't do what they wanted and/or submit to abuse.
@@Naomi-vs1tl yup , what you complain about is legit but they downplay it
Thank you for addressing this! My only sibling is a narcissist. Please post more about relationships with narcissistic siblings. Itâs hard to find information about this subject. Your videos are so helpful.
My older sister hated me from the moment I was born. Iâm almost 40 now and she still makes my life hell! Iâve always been told to ignore her. Itâs never been telling her to leave me alone or stop being a psycho. NOBODY has ever protected me from her abuse- every form of abuse you can imagine & for my entire life. (I have had 3 broken bones in my life- my sister did 2 of them beating me. She never was punished for either of those)
I went no contact for 4 years (the entire family was no contact- expect our codependent mother), my sister was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer (given 6-12 months & that was 3 years ago), my mom guilt tripped the entire family into letting her back around, but sheâs still the same psychopath sheâs always been. A month ago I finally told my sister to FOAD and that I wonât even waste my precious time to spit on her grave.
Iâm of course the bad guy and I truly donât care if I ever see or speak to any of my family ever again- if it means I get to keep my peace and wellbeing.
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience †đą you are not alone
Also thank you for sharing, I know it's hard to share and it helped me (and im sure many others) a lot. Didn't realize my sister is a narcissist until I was in a relationship with one during lockdown. Living hell . I hope you are doing okay and I wish nothing but happiness for you!
@@justanaveragejess86 Thank you so much! This means the worlds to me. I spent decades keeping their secrets & its just been in the last few years that I've learned they are not my secrets to hold, not my fake image to maintain, & I have nothing to be ashamed of with what I've been through. & Now I hope to be able to help others with my experience.... even if it's just letting them know they aren't alone. I am so sorry you have had to experience this. But know it truly means you are one the strongest people around. Narcissists don't attack people who aren't better than them & really just everything they wish they could be.
I always knew my sister was a narcissist, and because of that I thought I would never be "fooled" by a narcistic man & I was dead wrong. It took me over 3 years to get away from him & accept the truth of our relationship. It was brutal but honestly one of the best things to happen to me.... The growth & healing that came of that relationship totally changed my life for the better. I went through some deep self-love and quit allowing my codependency to stick me in situations that are less than I deserve. & it also opened the door of speaking my truth- ALL of it. Now I say, "If you wanted me to speak kindly of you, maybe you should've been kinder to me".
Sending so much love & many blessings your way! Big HUGS!
No one protected me from my narcissistic sister because she never abused me in front of people. It wasn't until I was in my 50's that I finally told my brother about it and he was quite surprised. But he bellieved me because he knew she wasn't quite right in the head.
@@lovemusic1963ify I'm sorry to hear that đ my coworkers didn't believe that my ex abused me until after I left him, and he broke a damn glass door at my job. My parents believed me after they saw I had lost 100 lbs and he began texting them really messed up stuff. It hurts to not be believed. I'm glad you had your brother on your side!
My brother has hated me and tried to make my life a living hell from literally the first day I was brought home from the hospital as an infant. He wanted to be an only child. Therefore it seemed to be his life's mission to hate me and try to get rid of me.
This guy has done so many horrible things to me over the years. Turned so many people against me with complete lies and even tried to convince me to kill myself at one point. He is truly sick. He is the person who makes me believe that narcissists are born and not made. I have never seen any positive change in him. He gets worse with age and has been the same mean spirited person since he was a very young child. I cant' think of a single kind thing he has ever done for me or anyone else for that matter.
Exactly like my siblings. They have isolated me, and my sister knew how to do it. My mom seems like her friend, they bully me.
They hate me because I exist.
Sending love your way. đ
Story of my life. My brother, the eldest child, the golden child. He bullied me whenever he was back home from boarding school. My two elder sisters - 1 covert, the other just plain mean. They abused me since I was around 3 (as far as I can remember). Still living with the covert sister. And I'm still saving so I can eventually move abroad and stay far away. Over 30 years of narcissistic abuse can take such a huge toll on one's life. The abuse messed up my entire life, which also impacted my choice of narcissistic partners and employers. I was depressed as a child and many times I wished I never existed. I envied my friends and classmates who had loving siblings who protected them. I never experienced that and I feel such a profound loss for something I never had. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for sharing your knowledge with the world.
Exactly what I am doing as well. I don't know how it works though to move from the UK to another country. I am going into my degree year next academic year. But I also have adult children who are wonderful and I don't want to leave them behind either. I am stuck in the place I live I think :/ Wish I had realised earlier. I would have got my backside into gear long ago.
Same for me. I think you honestly speak for a lot of people on here. Iâm the youngest of 3. My brother the oldest & sister the middle child. My sister & I are 11months apart in age. Youâd think weâd be very close, nope. Iâve always felt unwanted & an accidental pregnancy. My mom has always treated my like I was nothing but an inconvenience to her & my Dad would just play the ignorant parent. My siblings were very aware of how different my parents treated me & they seem to have the attitude that âif it works for them it works for meâ. If my parents didnât respect me then why should they. Iâve slowly limited my contact with them & it has strengthened me mentally since & Iâve noticed that it has also lessened my anxiety. Couldnât have done this if I hadnât stumbled upon these videos. Canât thank Dr. Ramani enough for creating these videos â€ïž
I relate to this. I've had narcissistic friends, men, jobs, etc. It really sucks. I asked God to let me go home. I changed my number, moved away, and went no contact.
I can totally relate to this. I have a sibling who is a covert narc and usually makes the rest of my siblings her flying monkeys. They usually triangulate me and now that my life has somehow found stability and i have a good relationship with my partner, they are so much more threatened. I live with my narc mom and have managed to observe dont absorb. And I have been taking measures to move out of my house as her narcissistic tendencies just get more and more apparent as she ages. Sad but true.
I totally đŻ get you! As itâs my story and I was the truth teller from the most messed up family who also covered up abuse â didnât see didnât hear! â The worst thing was that they lied to hide from family and friends spread slander about me, when in fact if this had happened today , I would have been taken away years ago! I left home at 16 and disowned the whole narcissistic toxic family! Now my mum has dementia and so will never apologise, I was mocked and my mum and stepdad turned me against my real sister and stopped me from seeing my father and real brother and sister putting my medical records in a different name on my medical records to cover things up? The family only played victim when they might have been found out or just that their mask slipped for a second! Both my mum and my sisters knew how to turn on the taps whenever they needed to! The slander that l â have â heard itâs shocking! And even though I actually moved away and for good reason! I donât like gossip and like a â peaceful â life is all! I know how callous , sly and calculating they all are! Even my Dad who l hardly know , had told me that he was told that l was â mad!â Because of that , when I turned to him at 16 he put me in a homeless hostel for teenagers! Just the place to put your daughter after having been through so much! My mother even told me at the age of 4 the only reason she had me was to save the marriage?â Like it was my fault? And she also said â your father never wanted you!â My step sister has got in a close relationship with my father and his partner! And to think đ€ how evil đż that is? All the slander and the lonely Christmasâs because I wonât be around these toxic people! Like yourself and many , it caused us to make unconscious and unhealthy narcissistic and abusive partners! I have my health condition now and even though I am a long way from home and single out of choice because of my health condition, as wouldnât want to have someone be my partner and carer ! So even with that, I still prefer to be away than go through this now! I donât have the energy anymore for these people! At least we are blessed to find people like Dr Ramani who can really explain this which saves people, especially when you have flying monkeys and gaslighting people who donât have your interests at heart â€ïž
For as long as I can remember! Sheâs awful. Throw in a narcissistic parent and the other parent tending to my sister, I was left having to figure life out on my own. 40+ years into life and Iâm just finally figuring out what ânormalâ families and relationships should look like.
Thanks for this one, Dr. Ramani.
Join the club. Itâs all horrific. I am 59 and only recently got away from them all. The passing of my narc authoritarian ex executive father threw it all open. The brother is a vile piece of s+++ masking as a successful good looking lawyer who is entitled, whilst having fleeced the parents to the tune of hundreds of thousands and the sister is a Machiavellian successful corporate former executive covert soulless shell. All have been protecting the âpoor meâ brother who has brought chaos into the family for all his life. Itâs just now more manipulative and hidden than it was. My husband and his family are normal otherwise I would have never made it out. But it still took me waaaaay tooooo long
It was all SO lonely, indeed
When I was 4 my arm got broken in some roughhousing with my older siblings in the backyard. For many years, the family stories were about how our dad beat our brother up when he got home, how the doctors at the hospital asked our mom uncomfortable questions to assess if it was an abusive situation, how it'd been a great game until I had to go and get hurt, how I woke everyone up the night crying while my arm was in a cast. It took me decades to realize how it all added up to me causing problems for everyone else. Not one anecdote included comfort for a hurt and scared little girl.
â€â€â€ Iâm so sorry
đouch that hurt to read and sadly relatable đą
How horrible especially when it comes from your own family
I'm so sad you have this history. I can only guess how much a gut punch it felt like. Thanks for sharing.
I ended up with a broken arm too.
I completely relate to EVERYTHING in the video! I have been in therapy for years trying to heal all the wounds from my narcissistic siblings and parents. I realized years ago that my being sensitive and empathic did indeed make me a perfect target for these types. Ive gone no contact for 2 years now and it feels wonderful.
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My grandmother saved us.
Long story- she became the focus of everyoneâs attention for 8 years when her health deteriorated. Grandma knew my sister. She warned me, more than once. Grandma made me promise to take the years back that Iâd given her. For myself. When she died, I did. Without me as her cheerleading-financial-rock-family/friend medium, my sisterâs life fell into chaos. I got sober and focused on me. My head cleared up. I thought clearly for the first time in decades. I challenged her. I stopped. My life changed in such a short time. My sister went into full on narcissistic public meltdown.
She nuked every bridge.
Second Hardest thing Iâve had to do is get her arrested. She swung for my mum (78 years old). I wasnât having it.
I tried leaving the door open.
She refused to make contact when my dad (83) had a seizure in hospital and was calling for her.
I was done. First hardest thing.
Next hardest thing will be when dad passes, which will be soon with his health. Sheâll be back for money. I know she will. Iâll be hard pushed not to beat the living sh*t out of her. Iâve already warned everyone. Iâm going to need all the patience I can muster.
And bless great therapists out there. â€â€
@@marilynlehmanIâm so sorry , Iâve been there. I know you canât leave but can you access support online? â€ïžâ€ïž
Me too
This video really made me pause for thought. There is a photo of me at home somewhere taken when I was 16. It shows my younger siblings and my cousin playing together and me walking behind with my head down. This to me perfectly encapsulated how I felt around my siblings-lonely, isolated and left out. My narc siblings are the reason today why I don't really trust other people and in a sense am glad to be alone.
When I was around 12 years old, I remember telling my mom in tears that I donât think my brother likes me⊠then proceeded to give her the proof (most of those times she was right there watching the bullying happen and didnât do anything). She looked me square in the face and said âYour brother loves you. Thatâs just how he shows his love. Listen to him and everything will be fine.â I was crushed because, even though I didnât have the vocabulary then, it was at that moment I knew I was fucked. I stopped fighting, retreated into a shell of a human being, and waited till the day I could move out. At 17 I ran out of there and never looked back.
Itâs interesting because my whole childhood we were told that family is everything, family bonds are sacred and all my friends who didnât have close families were messed up families. The fact that we were the perfect family was beaten into us. Our house was always spotless and my parents would get compliments for how they run their household. It was a way of forcing me to believe this was normal. But once we grew up, my siblings would talk about loving to spend time with family, that it reminds them of the good old times. But that has literally never been my experience. All I wanted to do was never come back.
Itâs been a struggle trying to keep close to the siblings I do get along with but my brother has only been getting worse as an adult. I finally went no contact almost 3 months ago after 37 years (I had been grey rocking for about 6 years before that) and this is the best I have ever felt. The last straw was when I noticed he was kept trying to get my daughter alone and claimed he wanted a close relationship with her (as an adult, he usually did his dirty work by getting me alone - he is very into image and portraying a close-knit family). This is when I realized all the work I had done to rid myself of his toxic influence would mean nothing since he would just redirected his focus towards my daughter. Thank god sheâs young enough and has never been close to him so it doesnât seem to have bothered her. This confirms my decision to NEVER let him back in my life again.
That you for your work Dr. Ramani. It saves lives, in perpetuity â€ïž
"it was at that moment I knew I was fucked." Sad but brilliant.
You know, it's incredible that you've managed to keep your head and stop it spiralling down through your daughter. So difficult.
So so glad you saved your daughter and yourself. Never look back. You are free! x
Weâre you a younger or older sibling to the narcissistic brother?
@@matthewmoriarty5835 He is my older brother
@@TheNicolemulamba okay thank you
Yes, it started the day I was born. I put up boundaries and was told by my mom, "Have you ever thought that you being born caused her to have issues". Yep that's what I get for opening up about being abused.
What an horrible thing to say to your child fancy saying that.
I always appreciate hearing about siblings who have NPD. It's a lonely place to be when the rest of the family still can't see it, or thinks you're being petty. Yet, my sibling will sit there and roll with laughter while telling us how at 3 they didn't want me brought home from the hospital. They demanded I was returned to the hospital or put in the trash. Yep, I'm the one who's suppose to care for the aging parent, but disappear and not be around for family gatherings, holidays, the likes.
Same here.
It was always difficult and as she got older she became worse She is quite wicked and has no hesitation in trying to destroy me in whatever way she can l think a lot of it boils down to insane jealousy I have never trusted her
Itâs always one child left with caring duties while other escapes parents just brush it off ignore situation say Iâm too old for this donât face it.
My sister was so abusive when I was a child, that I used to have nightmares about her. I had to endure abuse not only from my violent dad but my sister as well. I have lived my entire life in extreme fear and terror. Iâm 44 years old⊠I am finally sleeping anywhere from 8 to 12 hours a night and feeling peace and serenity for the first time in my life. Being at peace has been abnormal and unnatural for me, so I have had to be very mindful and careful not to self sabotage. Iâm also a recovering alcoholic. I havenât seen any of my family in 3 1/2 years. They turned their back on me. I was absolutely heartbroken in the beginning but now I choose to stay far away from my blood relatives, since learning my truth. I have been doing EMDR and itâs working miracles in my life. Itâs a miracle I even lived through my whole ordeal. I am proof there is a God because most donât live through what I have. Itâs been really horrible at times but I am finally feeling Iâm going to heal fully. God please bless and heal everyone here!â€ïžđđŒ
EMDR is amazing. Really helped me too for a different trauma...but actually now I wonder if it's all related in a way.
I'm so glad your situation is better. Take care!
@@papi9114 Thank you!!â€ïž I hope and pray youâre healing as well!!â€ïžđđŒ
Gosh, sounds like a sociopath.
What is EMDR
Wow thank you for this. I couldnât find a testimony akin to mine. Thank you for the hope youâve given me tonight
My older sister managed to convince most people that I was incompetent. This would include my mother who still wonders how I survive. (Iâm fine.) Long story short, she died a year ago and I have such mixed feelings about it. I didnât cry at her funeral - and I cry at everything! Thank you for these messages. I know I have dealt with a lot of this, but it still gets to me at times.
This is also my story. Always being labeled the poor incompetent one, while she was the fierce and difficult success story.
Me to. I have two older siblings that exclude me and label me as incompetent yet they are the ones with multiple failed marriages.
Thank you so much for addressing sibling narcissism. I've researched high and low for information, help for coping, validation, anything that would be useful but 99% deals with spousal or other types of narcissism except siblings. Please don't stop. We need you!
Me too!
Also...gosh, not sure how to express this... I'll try. It's going on 4 years since I've gone no contact. Four years!! And I do mean NONE! I only attend family functions when there will be many people around and outdoors. BUT, going "no contact" has NOT WORKED for me. I don't know if others also feel as I do? Yes, I do not suffer from new blows but I'm still tending my wounds. I am not present when she is lying, when she is pretending to be me, when she is, verbatim, repeating sweet, funny stories about my kids and she's making them about her just changes the names to her kids. I don't hear her bragging about my accomplishments and again, just puts in her name over mine. I'm not around when she physically steals something from MY HOME then claims she has one just like it and I am a sick lier...repeatedly. I can go on for hours as this started the day I was born! No. I am as far away from my evil sister as I possibly can get but I can still hear her screaming at me so violently that she literally spews and I must wipe off her spit off my face! I can still hear her warning me that that my husband was about to leave me because he was sick of me pretending to be sick!! But, oh, she was not fooled. She knew my disgusting tactics to get attention. She again SCREAMED that EVERY ONE was fed up with me and I had to STOP my illness bullshit or she would expose me to the world!!! A week later, my husband found me unconscious laying on a pool of my own blood. I nearly hemorrhaged to death...for the 3rd time. This time, I was admitted and rushed to the operating room. I went code blue, (actually had a NDE). They removed a huge cancerous tumor from my uterus. I was 33yo. No. Going no contact does NOT WORK. I can still hear her accusing ME of deserving to be RAPED! She knows me. She is positive I had it coming. She can't be fooled by me. I simply got what I had coming. -- No. Going no contact has not worked for me. She resides in my head. In my broken heart. In my very sick body and in my very lost soul. I keep coming back to listen and learn. I am an expert at what a narcissist is. I know what a wimp I have been. I've met all the flying monkeys. I know. I know. I know. But I still have not heard HOW, to make the abuse, now on loop, in my head stop. How do we heal. How do we become whole again. Yes, I have diagnosed PTSD. Yes, I've seen therapists. They all clearly define my issues but so far no one has given me a clue on how to help myself. đ
noel_magana
How to help yourself? Jesus heals, truly. He is the reason I was able to go no-contact and forgive certain evil people. And He is truly healing me.
Repent, call on Him to save you, and He will. Today is a good day; He's coming back to judge the world.
My mother was a narcissist. Many of her children are too. I am the oldest of 8,now 6. All her children believed her lies and I was the scapegoat for most of them. I will have nothing to do with them as they seem to want to ruin me. I was there for them all the time. Not now.
You hit the nail on the head with this one for sure. Thanks.
Weâre in the same boat except it started bc of my narcissistic father then my mother became one and the rest of my siblings. They will forever be in love with the idea that Iâm the bad one even when they see the truth theyâll twist it just to keep the lie alive. Iâm going no contact soon! So excited. Iâm looking at their life and itâs not going well bc you need certain human traits to have genuine experiences in this world. And thatâs not my problem bc salvation and mental/emotional health is your own responsibility once you get older. Plus God exist so heâs paying them 7 fold.
Wow, very similar story đBlessings
Yes as we age it is sad to see how the siblings STILL want to blame us, so they can be relieved of their own accountability.
narcissistic sister should be in mental asylums for years my sister has destroyed the reationship between me and me and my mum and i will always hate her for it and never speak with her again
Wow I totally get this. We aren't alone but it feels like we can't be perfect with a family that is distant but perfection isn't the goal, just simple to be, and to be happy and to love is all you need it attracts loving people. I wish I could have reciprocated positivity with my siblings.
Love the kitty that showed up just as you started to describe the terror in my childhood from a narcissistic younger sibling.
It took me decades to recognize her evil. Our parents use to joke about her tyrannical behavior, â we gave life to Godzilla!â They enabled her. They told me she loved me
and looked up to me so I had to tolerate her stealing and chaos baiting to get me in trouble.
I loved her. Or thought I did. But after a year of immersion in narc abuse and ptsd recovery Iâve been no contact for a year when she essentially left me for dead during the height of Covid. She waited until she knew I was most vulnerable, attacked my character and loyalty, blamed me for ruining her life, and screamed at me for 2 straight minutes of expletives. I took a breath, prayed silently, went total grey rock and told her our journey together as sisters in this lifetime was now complete and she no longer needed to be burdened by me.
I hung up and blocked.
Itâs been a year.
Iâm still reeling but relieved.
Thank you Dr!!!!
Could not have survived this grief without you and supporters of your indelible healing work.
My brother will be single again we should introduce themđđ. No contact has been a blessing for me, and I am not religious. It gets better.
Yes, my brother is a narcissist and my codependent mother backs him and tries to gaslight me. Get as much distance as possible from these toxic people and you will be happier. Health is the priority above all.
My younger brother and I were inseparable buddies when we were little. When he hit the preteen years, that all changed. He began to hate me and everything about me. He sharpened his claws on me. When I would tell our Mom, she would either say don't cause trouble for your brother in a scolding tone, or she would give me the cryish voice saying oh, but he really loves you. This taught me to confuse hate and love. It set me up for picking a horrible husband, and I gave 2 wonderful children a wretch of a father. I was too naive to know better.
After the death of my mother, I found myself so relieved that I would never again have to cross paths in any way with my narcissistic wonder sister. I cringe when I recall her drama to suck all the energy in times of family crisis. So much of a relief that it seems like a past life ago. đ
I am able to relate. My sister and I were talking, and I offhand said "I have a feeling that after (our parents) are gone, we'll never see our brother again." She agreed. I mentioned that in all seriousness, and not making a facetious remark.
@@user-iz9yc3rg5e â€ïž
"Of course they have your back..." Good one. Yes, my narcissistic sibling has my back. WITH A KNIFE. And yes, it was from my earliest memories. I basically never had what would be considered a normal relationship with my narcissist sibling, my head-in-the-sand, conflict-avoidant other sibling, my narcissist parent or my head-in-the-sand, conflict-avoidant other parent. I don't know what normal family relationships are. Sadly, I often feel resentful when people post things about the wonderful relationships they have with their siblings or parents. I had NONE of that.
Did you grow up in my house???? we should have bonded and stood together against them, LOL.
My narc sister constantly wanted to measure my legs, arms, waist , wrist and even my nose against hers....I was bigger than her but I was not fat my bone structure was bigger than hers she loved that I was bigger, she once put my jeans on and laughed and said I can take them off without even undoing them.
â@gloriabult2967 that's nasty...dodge the bullet and try not to let it get to you. theyre so insecure they need to make others feel small just to feel something about themselves, its sad and pathetic really. Much loveâ€
3:20 "None of this is normal... people try to play it off as sibling rivalry but it's not." Finally. Thank you. My mom still placates her despite her being abusive to everyone, but especially to me and my dog.
Always difficult. I so wanted a relationship with her. đ
The worst. She has threatened if i don't act right i won't get an inheritance. Evil, most definitely. Just plain evil.
Narcissistic mother, Narcissistic siblings, Narcissistic partner...finally healing. I cut off contact 7 years ago with all except my mother. She has dementia now and forgot she hated me. I finally got a loving mother, i guess.
You have helped me so much. I can never thank you enough â€
Youngest of four here, and the only girl. In a family with parents who struggle with personality disorders, it's just a given that the children will echo these disorders and repeat the difficult interpersonal styles on each other. Being the youngest makes you the emotional punching bag for the whole family. There were times when we played when I would feel an absolute chill in my spine because my golden child brother was so relentlessly cold and cruel, yet dispassionate. My parents embraced somewhat extreme religious views, so gender roles meant that my older brothers had an extra weapon against me. In adulthood one of these brothers healed and improved greatly, the other two became unhinged, righteous, covert narcissists. I am the only member of the family who reads about narcissism and is in therapy.
You're very clever!
In my experience I'd say that there is no narc children without narc caregiver(parent mostly) as a roll model.
More often than not, they are actually obedient to parents and to the autorities, yet stubborn and hostile to the weaker and powerless.
They don't like to share with siblings yet they make sure parents never get the real picture of them. All they do and concentrate on is to please narc parent in order to be accepted by that parent. You called that child GOLDEN.
In retrospective, I view my narc sibling as a bigger victim of our family dysfunction and consider her as more broken then I am. At least, broken beyond repair.
Although she is much more successful professionally and academically as she has reached the very high proffesional level, the burden of unhappiness, bitterness, negativity, sense of entitlement mixed with the lowest self-esteem possible is hard to witness.
Yet, she has never thought about assessing the root of her feelings. Because she feels that the problem in our relation is ME, I and her sister !
I still wonder if she is unable to see the obvious or she has chosen denial as an more suitable coping mechanisms for her.
So, that naughty, rude, loud, disobedient child is usually the scapegoat who has lost all credibility in life to prove the point because of public tantrums and shame she caused to the narc parent.
Scapegoat, that voiceless child observant enough and stupid and not knowlegable enough at the time to use the right way to express her frustration.
No winners in the narc family dynamic- everybody is robbed of lifetime happiness and normalcy.
Yes, my only sibling-my brother-was difficult when we were young children. He used me as his punching bag (literally) and liked to destroy my things. As we got to the teen years, as long as I didnât disagree with anything he did or said or express myself or my opinions, things were fine. The few times I did argue back (stand up for myself), express my opinion, or disagreed with him, his response was minimizing, gaslighting, flipping the script, and cruelty. I still remember those traumatic experiences very distinctly, and itâs been 30 years.
My older sister did the exact same things. I was a literal punching bag too and she wrecked any toy/item that I had that made me happy. Awhile back she admitted to taking and wrecking some specific toys, and then It dawned on me that all the little things I thought I lost somehow, she had taken. I was convinced that I was just not careful with my things, but that's not my character at all. I came from a background where we didn't have alot and I treasured my things and took care of them. I'm in my 40's now and all the pieces are coming together bit by bit. God bless you.
@@Rosearion We certainly have some things in common. God bless you, too!
This was my older sister exactly. Actually, both my older sisters. I never knew until recently that there was such a thing as a nice older sibling. They've both had their kinder moments, but like you say, only if I didn't disagree or challenge them.
@@jessithanks8082 Do you still have contact with them? I have had to cut contact with my brother.
@@kristischark5590 yes! Your paragraph described my spoiled/entitled younger sibling in a nutshell! This is what I get for NOT moving out after turning 18! All living with him did was elongate my childhood! But boy am I trying to move out now. It SUCKED that he got away with the most bad behavior compared to the rest of us. I blame my parents because he took advantage of these privileges he didnât deserve in the first place. When I called him out on something he did wrong he would ALSO gaslight me OR use the âyour word against mineâ tactic
Watching this, it was like watching you narrate my life. My sister is an undiagnosed narcissist, she checks all the boxes of one in my relationship with her. No one else sees it except my husband and a few life long best friends. My family is in denial and think I'm just sensitive. Meanwhile, my sister makes my life incredibly difficult. During childhood she would redicule and embarrass me in front of everyone. Either in the form of telling my insecurities or growing pains to the world or physically abusing me for the attention of her peers. People would often laugh it off as sibling rivalry, but I was always her punching bag. My parents were not narcissists, but my mother died young and my father often grieved behind closed doors. Leaving my sister and I alone most of our childhood. In adulthood, every conversation I'm being set up for conflict and when I put up boundaries I'm met with anger. My family then pressures me to drop the boundaries as if the boundaries are a form of me continuing the fight. They often snap at me to just "drop it".
So glad you are covering sibling narcissistic abuse. As far back as I can remember in childhood, my sister smashed me into a glass table, broke my toys, my oldest sister used to pour chocolate milk on the floor and force the younger siblings to drink from the floor. In the older teen years, my younger sister would steal my money, and ID, steal my car and trash it, it was also constant judgement and put downs, another sister would bring her one friend over and take a baseball bat to break down the bedroom door; I would have to escape out the second floor window to avoid whatever would happen next. If I brought a friend to the house, my other sister would insult that friend until she cried and would need to leave. She also stole my money. If I made a game winning catch, my oldest sister would berate and insult me until I was on the ground in tears. Same thing with picture time, sheâd make sure I was crying before the picture was taken with the five of us sisters. Then her pose would look comparably better, apparently. I did eventually move across the country, and I still used to sent Christmas cards gift cards to each of the sisters and my parents for many years, but now donât. Itâs affected my life and my trust in people completely. Iâm very empathic. Many years later and still I have to run away from most social gatherings, because it brings up so much anxiety and pain.
I am incredibly happy you did this episode on Narc siblings! My sister is an covert narcissist and I have been no contact for 3 months. In the meanwhile, my parents and other siblings are making me feel horrible and saying that I am dividing the family! Itâs completely crazy. So much toxicity in my family and it continues for years.
It is so difficult when you understand that your twin brother is a narcissist!
That sounds extremely heartbreaking
Same! My twin sister is! And we're 53 and I just realized it about a year ago
My sister is the worst thing that ever happened to me, and my mom was such a doormat enabler. It was horrible and still is
Same here. Look I feel that I am in the same position...
My sister I want nothing at all to do with her,. She says the most awful things. My head is now clearing, because I am stronger...
Me being abt 9 yrs older than my sister I didn't know she was narcissistic until we were adults. It began the first time I disagreed with her.She turned on me like a snake. I always chalked it up to her being spoiled rotten b/c she was the youngest. As an adult, I look back at how she was behind my back the entire time with smear campaigns and manipulative behavior. Telling ALL of my personal business to anyone who would listen and in my mothers ear painting a very untrue picture of me. Exploiting my childhood traumas while pretending to care and love me. It was this year that I finally realized what she is and have distanced myself from her. A wolf in sheep's clothing. She has destroyed family relationships and I can even tell the cold treatment that I receive from some of the members that I know I haven't done anything to. Thank Dr. Ramani for helping me to identify and process so I can heal.
sounds exactly like my brother, Iâm sorry you are going through this itâs horrible I know. Heâs alienating me from my family, I can feel the difference when I do see them, they are cold & even some are passive aggressive, heâs doing these things while Iâm fighting bad depression & anxiety, turning people against me, because he knows I see through him and he canât control me he wants to destroy me. He is very good at appearing nice, good talker, convincing liar, malignant, conspiring, scheming, spoilt brat. I wish I were rich to move far away from all this toxic shit and be free
Wow, I've always assumed my 2 older sisters treated me like that only because I'm the youngest & they could do anything they wanted to me since I was basically helpless. (My parents would sometimes defend me, but my mom would also sometimes just make fun of me for crying. In adulthood she usually defends them, & even joins in on the bullying) I've only recently realized that it's possible for the younger one to act that way. I would've gotten my ass beat of I even tried it. I guess it's just a personality trait that can affect any sibling.
He bullied me greatly. Was 7years older than me. A male and I was a teenage girl. Physically abused me infront of my mom and she encouraged him. Abused all the ones he could abuse actually. When I moved out of my mom's house I cut off both He and my mom. The fits He had. It was like he was burning in hell. He stalked me everywhere he saw my name. Social networks and I didn't understand coz I told him I had forgiven him but I did not want a relationship with him.
But he just could not leave me alone and I didn't understand why because he knew I didn't like him and didn't want to see him or interact with him and expressed it that I was not interested in him and my mom. He died last year. In a very cruel way. I felt floods of relief. To my surprise I still got dreams about him and would wake up with panic attacks. Until this one night, I noticed that the dreams were in reference of something happening in my real life. I just had a very honest mental conversation with myself. The dreams haven't come back in about 6months. I am forgetting his existence or if not, I nolonger feel connection when I think about him.
Omg I sorry this happened to you. My mom and brother did the same...I never understood the evil they brewed together. It was painful. I had to leave. I'm paranoid and watchful still because they would follow me out of state...sadly I had to change my name and soon my SSN.
My only sibling is a brother less than 2 years older than me. Our parents were narcissists and we were both abused. My brother was always super competitive and we were both high achievers. We never had conflict between us, but when my sociopathic husband started planning his discard my entire family jumped on board. What my brother does is enable other people to abuse me. I started to realize he never defended me when we were kids and he has now had two wives (one he married after we were estranged) who have both been really abusive to me, and he has stayed friendly with my ex who was outrageously abusive. Knowing my parents I can only imagine that he felt rejected when I was born, but this was short lived. It seems like there had to be some kind of underground resentment that he wants other people to act out. Estranged from entire family for 20 years.
Good for you for cutting that s*** (excuse my language) off!
Wow me too, weirdess thing, no really I had a guy living with me for 7 yrs and when I broke it off they were thick as thieves, many of them, I was too busy having fun to care or notice, freedom doesn't warrant one's need to look back! I'm so glad I wasn't contaminated, they don't need me to go on hating, I don't mean that I stimulated some kind of hate demon in them, I mean they hate alot of people just fine without needing any input from me!
@EveningTV
You did the right thing.
My sister was awful and very emotionally abusive to me since we were little. My parents were her enablers. They thought the solution was for me just to keep taking it and even wanted me to minimize myself so I didn't trigger her as much. It really messed up my self esteem. So thankful for these videos.
My narc brother died in â22 at the age of only 65 years old. Nobody attended his funeral, not even me. My childhood was horrific and he exploited the love of my parents in a very bad way. I realized he was a narc after his dead. It was a nasty life lesson that brought me to a life in which I would have never been without this horrid sibling. That is the good thing.
I am not able to forgive him and I donât think I ever will. That is the bad thing.
I have twin brothers. Oneâs a narc and he has always been a problem since we were kids (bullying, competitive, manipulative). Heâs only gotten worse with age. The other twin is a sweet, empathic soul but so trauma bonded by the narc twin and my aging narc mother. I had to disengage from them all as the family scapegoat. I was disinherited from my narc motherâs will. I question why I was born into this family. I believe itâs because they needed my love and light. But I need to step away to focus on my family in order to end the generational abuse. Itâs sad but Iâm at peace now. My peace and happiness is worth more than any inheritance or societal pressure to keep in touch with the family of origin. đ âïž
It does get worse with age , they get way more manipulative
Spot on! Two narcissistic sisters and I was always the Scape goat. As adults still no recognition of the abuse so no contact for me!
Sad as relationships could be so different. I mourn that loss too!
Same here. The lies and deceit continues. The only reason they see me is to get my assets if I should die before they do.
Listening to this made me cry, realizing I never really was the problem, she was.
For the first time I feel validated. Thankyou
My siblings were both 'superstars'. My older brother was a handsome jock, my sister a Fullbright scholar ( which my parents bragged about ad nauseum ). I consider myself an empath, but the cutting remarks and insults from the older two kids were so hurtful and impact me still. Isn't it weird how these things follow us seemingly forever? Thank you for the work you do. It helps to hear about other people struggling with this issue.
Thank you for this video Dr. Ramani! The dynamic can also be the reverse - I was the older sibling and my younger sibling since our younger years has always been a tyrant and mean/abusive to me which carried into adulthood. Iâve been emotionally torn all these years and for the past two years decided to go âno contactâ from my narcissistic sibling and now understanding that my mother is also narcissistic. They have both teamed together and started a horrific smear campaign to all family members. Iâm getting stronger everyday but this has been one of the hardest situations I have ever dealt with.
Same for me, thank you so much for sharing, wow, I am not alone. You can heal, you are not alone:)
This is exactly the same for me! Except my narcissistic brother and mother donât speak and I went no contact for 2 years. I went there for Thanksgiving, I left the next day and was triggered for weeks. I wish I wouldnât have broken the no contact. I tried to softly bring this up to my dad because he has no clue the pain Iâve endured because of this and he said I think Iâm going to take the stance of ignorance is bliss when I asked him if he was open to watching a video on narcissism. Just more invalidation. My dad is a good guy, but emotionally unavailable as a father and believes all of my brothers lies, and everything else that comes along with it. Iâm almost 47!! Im sorry youâre going through this. @drramani Iâve been looking for content on this for so long!
Sending hugs. As the oldest child, I felt/feel less now, the responsibility to be in contact with my narcissistic sisters. I have learned from Dr. Rahman to Grey Rock, and do keep minimal contact, now.
Yup...same. Doesn't help the people they target actually attack uou personally and can't comprehend they've been manipulated. None of my family members pulling stunts on me have ever set foot in my siblings house. They don't even know her legal name or her sons.
But... they know all about me and attack me personally.
My narcissistic sibling is so out to lunch and emboldened by this support team and conspiracy she's created for herself, it's become her identity.
The only reason she isn't literally walking in and out of my house is because I now know I'll have to use a baseball bat to motivate her.
Unfortunately, as my.mother is very sick and I work in the hospital, even accessing support through accredited people isn't an option. Her mommy is hospitalized and for me it's just a patient right to privacy or I'll lose my job. There are zero checks and balances in place to deal with them in any capacity . Cause mom says so. Mind numbing to deal with. Stay strong.
I feel this. Take care and good luck! It's the most heartbreaking experience and all you can do is stay true to who you know you are, not their fabricated version. I've found this to be an incredibly helpful 'calm down' audio piece. Might not be your thing but it literally saves me so here's the link. It starts with a little intro, then it's like a meditation but it feels new every time....czcams.com/video/A66N4VJ_mZc/video.html
From the minute I was brought home from the hospital. My mother was a narcissist and my older half sister, my other two siblings have traits, the youngest was the golden child and believes she is a victim of everything. Now thinking about it, she might very well be a covert narcissist. My mom triangulated between all of us, used us to hurt the other. I was the family scapegoat.
My sister told me I was evil and what I did and how I behaved was crazy, but when I had children I seen that these things were normal but had no regulation from my mother, she would actually encourage these behaviors to hurt the other child.
I am blessed for my children helped me see what is normal types of behaviors. Also stood by me durning my healing/behavior changing stage and allowed me the opportunity to show them that I changed. Not perfect but truly trying to be a better human then the day before.
I had an older brother who died in a car accident at 6 years of age - I was 2 at the time. My parents went on to have another 3 children. I found out my dad is a narcissist only about 6 years ago when he did something very inappropriate. Within the last 3 years I have finally come to realize that my siblings are all just like him as well - and I was the scapegoat all alongâŠ
Yes, yes, yes!!! I grew up with a mentally ill older brother who hated me. He displayed narcissistic symptoms early on. What he did was groom me for every other narcissistic man in my life. Please do more on this as I have a lot of bad early childhood trauma from this -and- my parents allowed it. I am 62 years old and thanks to you, Dr., I have been able to unwind my past and identify why I thought LOVE had to be a certain way and why I chose men that could not love you only hurt me. I now understand where it came from but I need more help jettisoning this cargo!!
It's so sad, because my brother and I were actually really close growing up, but my mother would force my brother to be in all of the after school activities I was in, and he didn't want to. She out him in choir, ballet, and things he spoke up about, that he did not want. She forced us into togetherness. My brother was bullied, and I also had a pretty rough beginning, began an eating disorder ( bullimia ) , and my mother told us both to just be strong, and stick together. She did not address our individual needs, but just made us self-sooth. It was hard. Slowly though, my brother became super difficult in high school, defiant, mocking of teachers, almost got kicked out. My mother defended his behavior, and said he was a genius and misunderstood. she created his narcissism, because she is one. So, I tried to be a mom-sister to him, but then, he started being super harsh with me, making fun of me ( I am the empath, an actor and artist), and my mom would let him, telling me " that is just how he is, you are too sensitive, stop being so emotional"' She would repeat this to me my entire life. Now, I am NC with my mother, and my enabler father, and as I watched this video, I realize, I am also grieving my brother and I. He has been abrasive, and has himself distanced himself from our parents, and has vocalized to my mother I was the favorite, he never got the attention he needed, and I realize, she played me into the game as a channel, and would use me as a go-fer. It is hard, but, the one thing I know is: I am done. The toxic system I have left, and disenfranchised, will never live on. I am certain, my role is this: heal, live, love myself, love my life, dream, and leave them all to live as well. It is not my job as a daughter in a Latina family to heal, or be the helper or emotional servant anymore.
I've been victimized since I was born, when my sister asked if I was staying. My parents thought it was funny, and she'd even climb in my crib and put things on me. Her sibling jealousy continued through the years. Everything was always a competition and if I got something she didn't, she raged and threw fits. She also could never genuinely celebrate me, though she's written phony things on social media so that she appears as a supportive sister. She was mentallynand verbally abusive to me amd our mother. Her child was always put onto me. She always manipulated my kindness in someway. She was a liar and always expected from others what she never gave out being extremely selfish. I find that I have anger/resentment issues that I'm still healing from even though I've been no contact for almost two years or so. I never liked her and she will never be welcomed back into my life as she made most of my life around her a hellish experience.
I hear ya sister đ
It was always difficult and I have no good memories of my brother. The only times he said anything nice to me were when my parents forced him to and told him what to say. My parents always discussed our relationship as if it were normal but it was always terrible and made me sad.
I just came back to this video and am mind blown at all the pain and heartache we have all endured. Severe trauma! Iâm so thankful thereâs finally a video on this and hopefully dive into more of it, nice to know we are all not alone, but I just canât believe how many of us endured this craziness and abuse!! Much love to you all! đđđâ„ïžâ„ïžâ„ïž
Thank you for saying that.
Yes, much love to everyone! I need a group hug/cry. đą
Thank you Tawnya!đą
Its sad, i wish I had a sibling who i got along with. I hope everything gets better with time.. all I want is to be happyđ the only person who truly made me feel happy was my GrandMother, now she's gone and i feel so alone
a year has passed from your post and it still is lasting! Thank you for your kind words. i need it. Am 59 and 5 months ago went no contact with the vile family: mother (covert, siding with the others) brother ( arrogant, financial abuser, chief manipulator, just a smiling sadist) and sister (covert for decades!, Machiavellian) after the father (authoritarian narc) passed.
Yes, it did start in childhood. I'm the youngest of 3 girls, my sisters, covert and overt, as I call them now. wounded me for decades. I'm 60 and they're still trying...the difference is at 58 I found your channel, Dr. Ramani. Education is freedom and power. I'm the observer of their patterns now and I refuse to feed them. I don't react and I get away from them. Thank you, Dr. Ramani đ
Thank you so much for your video. The sad thing being that we didn't realise what a narcissist was. The pain and grief our sister has caused over the years has been truly terrible. Your video has been incredibly helpful in confirming exactly what we're dealing with now. Thank you so much again.
Narcissistic siblings are insecure and controlling. They need to feel superior to their other siblings in order to take revenge on the other sibling's very existence. Narcissistic siblings feel extremely threatened and intimidated by the presence of other siblings, "Why wasn't I good enough for Mom and Dad? Why did they need to have another kid to be happy? Why wasn't just having me enough? What does this other kid have that I don't in order to motivate mom and dad to bring another life besides me into this world? I'll make sure I beat this siblings at everything and make them wish they'd never been born!"
Decades later, I can see that as a preteen, my sister was physically abusive, well on her way to being a narcissist. It was not sibling rivalry. She once beat me in the back of my head and I had a bad concussion. I was literally her punching bag. She and her friends stripped me of my bathing suit when we were swimming in a public lake. I couldnât get out until I got my bathing suit back. I was traumatized.She would set me up for failure or to look like a fool, all to her advantage. I somehow believed her intentions were good, but the abuse occurred and she would ended up laughing. And she is so much like our narc dad. Too many stories of abuse. I am thankful for your videos that helped me understand what actually was happening. I havenât talked to her in almost 3 yearsâŠno contact. Same with my dad.
OMG ! You poor darling. What vile disgusting people to do that to you. You have done right to break the trauma bond , they weren't worthy of your love. I hope you have lots of friends around you now that are there for you and better than the family you had. x
@@poohbear6759 thank you!! Itâs better for sure. The trauma bond was deep, and itâs hard to not wonder what I couldâve done for things to have been better. But Iâve got a great husband and daughters. We are changing this generational curse, thank God!
Wooow so sorry to hear this!! I had a similar situation, my sister would constantly try to drown me (among many other things and different types of abuse) but Iâm literally TRAUMATIZED from water and wonât go in anything deeper than 5 ft! I donât like to be picked up because I donât have control over my body and ofc I would be picked up and thrown in the water as a kid and sat on to drown me or pushing my head under water also while sitting on me sometimes .. constantly always trying to kill me for some reason and she would say it sometimes âidc if you die or if I break your ribsâ while jumping on my back and what not (she would say that not while in the water this is just at home) but ya she was always trying to kill me for many many years and Iâm a hugeeee empath and tried to forgive her on numerous occasions all while she has also molested me as a child to. Sheâs a horrible person and has always treated me like crap from since we were young!! Iâve always been good to her and her punching bag and a people pleaser ! But no more! Starting today!! Thank you for ur comment and thank you Dr for your video â€
@@tahjanalindsay6404 oh my!! We certainly âgetâ each other. Iâm so sorry you went through this. Praying you stay strong, and continue to process this all in a healthy manner. For me, I believed the lie that this was sibling rivalry and ok, but when the âsibling rivalryâ (NOT) continues in an unhealthy manner well into adulthood, it is easier to look back with the help of Dr. Ramani and some others and see what our ruthless narc siblings really were and maybe still are. Big hug for you and prayers for continued healing from the trauma. Stay strong, eyes wide open, and be courageous! đđ»
â@tahjanalindsay6404 may we all find love and healing for ourselves â€â€â€
It was a relief to finally understand why every conversation with my sister spiraled into the dark.
My twin brother was my covert narcissistic motherâs âgolden childâ and I was her scapegoat. My brother became her protĂ©gĂ© and I live in another state and have strong mental health.
That's so sad, are you a man or a woman?
Oh wow. Spot on. I was the scapegoat child with a narcissistic mother and raging, abusive father. My âgolden childâ sister was a master of the setup - loved getting me in trouble, even though it meant my dad getting out the wooden spoon or belt. Then she would mock me afterward.
My other sister was (still is) super dysregulated and would rage about everything that didnât go her way. I had to babysit her while my parents were at work and had no idea how to handle her meltdowns. She was (still is!!) also a professional victim - everyone is mean to her and out to get her, and the world is SO unfair! Woe to anyone who calls her out on it lol.
My âfavoriteâ memory was getting smacked across the face (left ridges on my cheek) by my dad, then him taking off in his car. All I wanted was for my mom to make it better, but I remember her cuddling my sisters in her lap and yelling at me, telling me *I* was tearing the family apart. I was 7-8 years old. So yup, this video hit home. Ugh.
Yes, that hits home. Thatâs my life story too. Itâs strange how I feel comfort hearing an expert validate what Iâve always known, yet remorse that thereâs no retribution or sense of fairness for me. Itâs like she has always and still continues to âwinâ. Although Iâd never want to be her, and genuinely feel sorry about who and what she is.
Yes I think this is the hardest thing to have to accept, that the chance of anything changing at all for the better is basically non-existent, aside from having no contact.
It brings so much loneliness because these are the people that are expected to support you but the poison they spew is highly toxic!!!!
My first time listening to my so called "sister' at a very young age, stated: " you make your own friends and stay away from mine".
Later in life, I have recognized her demeanor as a narcissist. knowing this gave me a sense of clarity. I don't think, I could contact her again which makes me sad since she is my only relative alive. I am an independent empath. Wish me luck. Thanks and many blessingsđ
When my abusive, alcoholic dad left the house at age 13, I was thrilled. Felt like an enormous weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could just be a kid without living in constant fear.
However my brother, who was older than me by 13 years, just took his place when he left. He became a raging alcoholic and repeated all the abuse my father did to me.
I felt confused when I saw siblings treating each other kindly and having fun together. I could never imagine sharing a genuine connection with my brother. Everyday he would criticize me, gaslight, scream, hit, accuse, mock, everything.
Despite this, he would still frequently tell me I was the person he loved most in the world and he was so grateful to have me as a sister.
I wish sibling abuse was discussed more.
@@NTHodges Iâm sorry youâve also had to suffer this. It drags you down in life, but youâre not alone đđ» peace to you âš
When the shtf in my family, and I needed to step in to care for my mother, abused for decades by her husband, my father, there was no support from my narcissistic brother, who follows the money. It was shocking to realize how little compassion my brother had for our mother, and how easily he would exploit the situation for his own gain, by solidifying his place as The Favorite. During this ordeal, a friend of a friend, a very kind man who worked in a profession related to my mom's care, spent a couple of hours on the phone with me one night. At one point, aware of the caregiving, work, and legal issues I was juggling, he said, "If I were your brother, I'd be pretty worried about how little sleep you're getting while you take care of your Mom." It was an incredibly powerful moment for me, the one in which I identified what I hadn't even known I'd been missing: the solidarity, support, and collaboration that a functional sibship might have offered.
Wow, I know your comment is a year old but I just found it and this video today. I am going through the same thing (same scenario between my parents as well). The only difference is my mother who always saw my oldest brother as the 'Golden Child' has come to terms with how selfish both her sons actually are. The sad part is seeing the heartbreak of realizing you dedicated the majority of your life and youth to trying to raise two people in a particular way to see that perhaps you failed. I love my parents but especially my Mother, she is not perfect but does not deserve this. I have gone low contact with both siblings who are living their lives as if nothing is going on and offer no empathy/support or sympathy of any kind. Important life lessons for myself. I wish you the best!
My very earliest childish memory ( >1 year old) was being outside in the front yard. I was with my older sister looking at the bees buzzing around a cluster of flowers. She was instructed by our mother NOT to touch the bees. She told me to touch a bee.... (duh) I touched the bee. Ouch.... I got stung! She never apologized for that... to this day.
It's like you are describing my personal family dynamic and we've never even met. I am definitely the black sheep in the family. I learned the hard way that I couldn't make my sister see her narcissistic ways, no matter how loving the approach was. Narcissists are never in the wrong, which I'm sure most people who have delt with a narcissist know. Furthermore, the only thing I could control was myself, my behavior and making boundaries. Also a lesson learned, Narcissist hate boundaries and react extremely hostle to them. I have been blamed for tearing my family apart when I feel like in reality all I did was say "enough" and stood up for myself. I get accused of not being as easy going as I used to be. Well yeah, everyone loves a door mat who doesn't complain!
Thnx for giving importance to sibling narcissism; I was the blacksheep of my family; it took me 7 decades to realise that my sibling orchestrated everything; triangulations; constant gaslighting; redflags; constant bullshitting; baiting, etc etc decided to be off from her; my life has started at 70; feel lousy but atlast OK.
My journey into learning about narcissism started with a narcissistic friend, but as I continued my learning about it, I, came to realise that I grew up with an older sister, who turned out be narcissistic. At the beginning I thought it was textbook sibling rivalry, that she will ultimately grow out of, but the older she got, the nastier she became. She would lie to me, abuse me, exploit me, betray me, steal from me, manipulate me, you know, all that lovely stuff that families do for one another. The last time I saw her was May last year, and she told me that she moved out of town. Good riddance I say....
You r lucky she moved out of town. Mine bought a house where I live and it's been five years of her trying to wedge her way into my life .....again.
She stalks, smears and discards depending on her daily crazymaker meter. just yesterday I found a word for how I feel about that...terrorised
@@2blackcatz426 My advice for you come from the old theory question "If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?"....
@@2blackcatz426 how did you deal with her? Would you move away privately?
I have a family reunions coming up this summer. I was finding myself overwhelmingly concerned about having to deal with my siblings at the camp out for the family reunions. Your words this morning helped me alot. Sometimes it's hard to remember to be indifferent to the narcissist. Thank you so much for your Insight. This is something I'm still working on. I appreciate everyone in this community and the support that we give one another. Much love to you all in this struggle of ours.
I know how you feel.
Just remember youâre not obligated to go to any family events.
@Mary Carroll
Yup! And youâll get attacked/criticized whether youâre there or not. Showing up doesnât exempt u from attack.
It took me decades to figure it out and finally put my sanity before their shallow, predatory needs.
I ghost all get togethers now. No regrets. And much less anxiety.
Attended my final reunion a year ago. When my dear dad passes I'm history.
My younger brother and I always had a difficult relationship. Years of drama, patronising, gaslighting, verbal rages and ridiculing along with triangulation between my parents and I. During teenage and later years, he would bed every female friend I had, dumping them once he had succeeded, leaving me friendless. Years of trying to negotiate a relationship with him that didn't end up with me being the fall guy. After 60 years, with both parents passed, I decided to break free and cease contact. No more fearing a phone call or knock at the door. No more dreading being put down in front of others. No more mental acrobatics trying to make it ok again after some ludicrous situation was blamed on me. I finally have peace of mind and I can happily say it is the best thing I ever did. The most tricky thing is telling others who know us but I just tell them the truth and leave it there. Some understand, many won't but my sanity and self worth are more important.
Well, as children of a NMother, my brother is now a Narcissist. When we were kids our relationship was good, he was my best friend, I have a lot of happy memories. I slowly watched how that lovely boy transformed to a monster, it breaks my heart.
I think Narcissistic siblings know that we were the empathetic ones, so they always use their charm to get our buy in.. and then flip the switch when they want control or upper hand⊠Too many stories to tell.. But I have experienced and still experiencing Narcissistic sibling behaviors⊠boundaries definitely helps!!
I warned my parents for as long as I can remember and it played out exactly as I predicted. Theyâre older now and guess who controls the finances? My sister was always difficult and Iâve never had a break from narcissism but these videos are a guiding light. Iâve lost every family member due to triangulation but Iâm moving on and healing the best I can. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
Warm them for what? They made their bed .
My sister loved and felt as though she protected me although I didnât need protection. I didnât see her narcissism until I was an adult. She âownedâ me and took kuddos for my accomplishments but after I found a boyfriend she changed. Itâs been 30 years now and Iâm miserableâŠâŠ
This is such an eye-opener, thank you! I always thought it was just "normal" jealousy (I'm the youngest one) but after all this time, there definitely has to be more to it. Recently I've been told twice how lovely it must be to have a sister but I can only fake a smile to hearing this ...
Fascinating segment. My mom was the narc, my dad an empath enabler. My bro and sis are both awful adults, but were okay as kids. My brother always acted as an outsider to the family, thought he was better than our parents, and joined the military for a free ticket out of town at 18. He had almost zero contact with us after that. As an adult he walked out on his wife & kids and never spoke to me again after he fell down a political rabbit hole. My sister was tolerable until she had her own kids, then she changed. She physically attacked me once and sheâs just impossible to get along with now. I think my mom was a narc and terrible mother, but my bro and sis think she was a good enough mom. Of course they are both just like her, and Iâm like my dad. So that makes childhood hard to reconcile, when thereâs opposing opinions.
My now narcissistic sister and I were best friends as children all the way into adulthood. She changed seven years ago when my mother had cancer for eight months before she passed away. My sister is extremely gullible and my mother brainwashed her about me, lying and bullying me in front of my sister. My mother knew my sister was executor to my dad's will and she took advantage of that. My mother was an extremely difficult woman. She created a wedge between my sister and I.
Younger sibling here, I've suffered from my older sister for years on end, my parents have always told me to "tolerate her", "that's how she is" "she is your sister, you should love her", she is very abusive towards my mom and dad as well but somehow they put up with her behavior and shrug it off, one day i had enough of her and stopped talking to her, i still live at the same house with her but dont talk anymore, the only thing she does is hurt me and I've had more than enough
Yes, always a bully. One clue is if a narcissist sibling has no friends. My sister still has no friends.
My sister pulled me off a table as a newborn when she was a toddler. I was bleeding out of my ears and lost some hearing. Now that I know she is a covert Narc at 56 yrs old, it makes me wonder about when I was very young. I know it sounds crazy, but itâs interesting. I see so many babies and toddlers being gentle with baby animals, etc.
The moment my parents gave her jurisdiction over me. My father would say, âWhen your sister speaks, itâs like Iâm speaking.â Sheâs 8 years older than me, but you canât give that much power to a 15 year old over a 7 year old child. Her side was the only side heard and then punishment on me would ensue. At 36 years old I realized I was not only her lifeâs âwhipping boyâ but also forced into the role of filling in the void of her lacking a significant other. I was blamed for all of her lifeâs failures but also the first person sheâd run to when she needed help. Because Iâve distanced myself for the sake of my sanity and my own immediate family, sheâs told the family I do drugs and have rage issues. The reality: she has drug and rage issues. Ah, good olâ deflection. I wonât tolerate her syphoning my happiness anymore. My grad school graduation was marred by her temper tantrum and so our (also narcissistic) parents left and I got zero pictures celebrating my day. Exactly the same thing occurred at my undergraduate and high school graduations, now that I think about itâŠ
The scapegoats success/victory is a shame trigger for the rest of the family. I have similar experiences, but my familyâs fury simmers close to the surface and is less âpublicâ in display. They throw their barbs covertly and make sure that they care for their own pain as I sit alone in the crowd. Itâs a sad state of affairs that has drawn me to fear success. Talk about messed up! Success means rejection. Isolation. Iâve unmasked the dysfunction, and look forward to success that can be shared with my husband and children. Itâs the best I can hope for - it will be amazing! đ
Sending hugs.
@@diannalamantia1702 I love that through all youâve been through your outlook is positively full of love. Same! Yay to us being healthy and happy đ
@@sarahkoren7294 Thank you so much đ
@@diannalamantia1702 I can fully identify! I have had the same challenges!
When I was a child my sister would harrass me belittle rage at me. We never got along. We never socialized except at our parents house. Now that her husbans died she always wants to come over. Ick!
I have a younger sister like this and I do recall from an early age the challenges. Our mother is an enabler and to this day the toxic relationship between them and triangulation is frustrating to put it politely. My sister is a master manipulator and for multiple reasons been under our moms roof sponging off of her and claiming that Iâm the selfish person because I moved away and have a much more important life. Itâs been a huge relief seeing these videos as I continue to figure out how to deal with her especially while trying to do what is in our moms best interest as she declines from mild cognitive impairment etc. itâs a struggle ahead, but Iâm grateful to know Iâm not alone and have videos like these to help. đ
This is so true!! My parents said my sister hit me as soon as she met me, and she was only 2 years old. Then the bullying continued untilâŠ. Further notice lol gotta have a sense of humor right?
Thank you Doctor Ramani
We need a good sense of humour it is a coping mechanism otherwise we may be overwhelmed with the grief and pain.
My parents told us that my sister, then 3, kept suggesting they put me in the bin. They found the story endearing... đ
A narcissistic cousin.... when his mother brought home the baby, he told her to take "it" back to the hospital and leave "it" there.
A very long time ago. My family always made excuses for both of my older brother's horrible choices and bad behavior. I spent all my life helping clean up their mess and getting guilt tripped for calling them out. I finally cut both of them off in 2020 and I'm never looking back.
I did the same and 2020 was a watershed year, I bet many of us walked out the door never to return. At least it was good for something besides lockdowns and lies.
As far as I can remember. Bullying, physical abuse, manipulation all of it. It took decades (I'm 50) to finally see this and go no contact. But I've have not felt so much joy, peace and hope.
Iâm 70 years old and Iâm just coming to some degree of relief from the abuse of my narc sibling. Heâs 4 years older and he basically ignored me as his younger sister. We lived in the same house but I didnât exist. When we became adults over time with any interactions at all heâd screw me over with joy - and I continue yâallâs made excuses for him - not believing he was really intentionally hurting me. Then he stole my 1 million $ inheritance because he has tons of lawyers and I finally got the picture. Heâs nuts. Thank you Dr Ramani for your CZcamsâs. Theyâve been helping a lot!!!!
I was brought up by grand parent with older siblings. My younger were raised by our parents. When we joined our younger siblings we felt like strangers and outsiders. My younger sister who was 10 and I was 12 when we joined them was noticeably in competition with us and jealous of any attention we received from our parents. She has grown to become entitled, manipulative adult who believes she deserves the best. She doesnât get along with all her siblings.
In my family it ws clear-our dad was very mentally ill to the point of making us feel very unsafe.I became an empath and my sister a narcissist.She was my best friend and ally when we were little but once she became a teenager onwards she was a nightmare and it had been extremely hard to have a relationship with her.
What did you do? Im in this now. I Just dont like this. I even feel people around me in my hometown is not good for me at all.
Iâm still working through healing from the 28 years of abuse of my only older sibling and helping my mom take care of and shield their kids now from that abuse. As others have said, it is comforting to know that Iâm not the only one that has to endure this. It took so long to realize what was going on and to be able to minimize my contact, the gaslighting permeated not just myself but the rest of my family until just recently. After all of that, hearing this reaffirms my feelings. Im thankful for this space Iâve made and acknowledging my trauma and letting it go