Narcissistic siblings
Vložit
- čas přidán 20. 01. 2021
- ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
smarturl.it/not-you
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
doctor-ramani.teachable.com/p...
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
www.drramaninetwork.com
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
forms.gle/1RRUz41eWswjw63o6
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
forms.gle/Bv9GNuMSR55PKTjQ6
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/2fUMDuT...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.com/podcast/how-...
iHeart Radio: www.iheart.com/podcast/1119-n...
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
“The parent that doesn’t get it will defend the narcissistic sibling”. I can confirm.
STORY OF MY LIFE
Oh my gosh!!! Yes!
I am just figuring this out after 50 years.
@@andersen6422 me too. You are not alone. 🤍
Yes
"If you have a sibling AND a parent who are narcissists, my heart goes out to you." Why thank-you
🤷💗🌺
both
Thank you x
Thank you, it was tough, very...xxx🌷💕🌷
Word.
Truly the only time you feel peace is when you are NO contact.
True!
Starting to realize this unfortunately
@@gmacc201 just be prepared when you do go no contact, you will receive a verbal smear campaign like never before. It’s insane what my own mother and family has said about me .
That is exactly what I did. Absolutely NO contact with my brother. Unfortunately other members of the family will inevitably "have their opinions" enmeshed with my decision. And it will ruin whatever good connections one has with any other member of the family.
I said GOOD BYE, I don't need this in my life. And the result is that I have no support system. I have some friends, but they have their healthy family, which is a top priority in most people's lives. And they do not understand why I do not want mine.
@@user-mh7vn8cm6n I completely agree. Happy for your decision and strength to follow through. I went NC with my mom and brother . Therefore most of the family has very little to do with me.
One thing I’ve learned from NC is , what did I see in them before? They are all so enmeshed and do nothing but gossip about everyone in and out of the family . They disgust me now, honestly. Blessings to you.
Let's hear it for the Family Truthtellers and Scapegoats!!! 👏💕🎉
We are the brave ones, who stick to our convictions.
Are all bullies narcissist?
@@cynthiaestrada8318 No.
Yes!! But what a painful spot to be in at times!
Whoot whoot ! Over here girl!! 🥂
My worst enemy: my sister.
Why? Just because I exist.
🤷🏻♀️
Yep.
I get it.
I say the same - the fact that I need to breathe in and out - just brings out the worst hate.
Stay strong people I also have a narcissistic sister who has cause me so much pain I cut ties with her
Me too! Much love to you
❤️❤️ I no longer play.
Walking away and going silent 12 years ago from my 4 siblings actually saved my life ❤
It most likely saved mine as well.
And I clap for you. Because it takes a warrior to walk away. I'm so glad that you did and I hope you are doing better. ❤
I did it too. However my narc 24:23 brother has been stalking on me and bad mouth about me still. I just ignore him. Luckily we are far away from each other physically. I don’t allow him to harm me. Thank you Dr for posting these wonderful videos - that is my healing!
It's so hard
Year #4 for me. I am happier by myself than I was with my narc sister's judgemental attitude. She is a sick person.
You know you have Narcissistic sibling when it's hard to watch this video without feeling palpitations in your heart
Yes I hear you I've got two of them that tried tag team on me , no contact for me.
@@Deej-er9ts
That no contact feels amazing! I have a sister who is Narcissistic…she has everyone fooled and made people think I was the problem.😳
100%!
@@AN-fg4cd - same - only for me, it’s parents other offspring, a boy 4 yrs older than me.
Her lack of empathy and playing the victim endlessly while constantly criticizing me finally drove me to end all contact with my narcissistic sister. It has been 2 years of peace and personal well being for me!
It's been 11 years now for me. They really leave you no other choice. I've had to learn to think of my sister as dead, even though she lives a few counties away. I just can't have her insanity in my life.
@@Miniver765 My sister lives an hour away. Her health isn't good due to her lifestyle. They will probably call me when she passes. I'm planning to stay away.
@@treeartist9705 That's probably best. You can still mourn her, but mourn for the person she could have been if she hadn't chosen such a destructive path in life. That's what I've had to do with my sister.
Hi! Can I ask how it was dealing with shared friends and community?😢
@@RuciMatalau she has few if any friends and I didn't share them. She lives an hour away, so no shared community. She has bounced around all her life without serious ties.
My parents and siblings formed a narcissistic gang and I was the scapegoat. They almost killed me .
Same here - made mistake of 2nd chances repeatedly. Planning to go No Contact with all - have to for own Health and Safety. Both Narc Parents have kept their jealousy and envy, and use the siblings to do the dirty work. The Golden Child initially did the Flying Monkey role and now become a Narcissist himself - out fox both his Parents. The Narcs did not like I stopped doing the Handmaid role but being Scapegoat on its own is brutal.
Same! Wow! Mine didn’t almost kill me physically, they just keep reframing every story in ways that make me seem like a horrible person. They retell stories from our past and make me out to be a monster. No one else in my life sees me in such a negative light, it’s heartbreaking.
I view it as more of a cult, than a gang- but yeah. Very relatable.
@@lovelylauriestorlie Hello - I still get that so much. The Narcs and the Siblings will twist the truth on so much to mess the mind up. Collectively do the gaslighting, invalidation etc. Outside the house I too get so many nice compliments for my heart. I keep a speech of I have my enemies behind my back and not in front of me.
you're telling my story sister! :)
"Nobody ever rewards a truth teller in a family."
unless it's the "truth" they want to hear.
Only other truth tellers will understand.
I'm not scared to confront them narcs they get mad when I challenge their behavior oh well!
Agree. I play this role, and you only get contempt or fear.
Amen to that.
My narc sister probably tells everyone that everyone else is a narcissist. She cannot be confronted, explodes, flips it to be the victim, and completely lacks empathy. But that's "just who she is"
I'm sorry you have to deal with that. We all deserve families who treat us with empathy and respect.
Sounds exactly like some of my siblings.
OMG! Yes 1000 times!! My sister is so narcissistic, she claims her husband, and sons are narcissist BUT not her. Now that's some deep rooted BS that will never change. Best option: keep away!
Do yalls sister also declare herself an empath? Especially to win an argument? And can’t forget my fav enabler quote “just let it roll off your shoulder” oof sage wisdom. Sorry you had to experience that, narc sisters are something else. Hopefully sis can let the gray rock roll off her shoulders
My sister is the very same she is abusive but tells her family I am the bad one. She idolises her husband and daughters, but uses me as an emotional punch bag. I was so co dependent it’s been a living hell. I’m now going to a counsellor who’s helping me heal the trauma and grief. Blessing to you and everyone going through this it’s terrible.
It’s taken me 61 years to finally say “enough” to the narcissists and the enablers in my family. It’s had a devastating impact on my life and my ability to trust people, but I am choosing to be the liberation branch on my dysfunctional family tree.
I feel this so deeply ❤ it took me 42 years to say enough to my narcissistic alcoholic sister 💔 and sadly along with her my 10yr old Neice 😭
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do..my heart is broken 💔 I'm completely alone now..my father died at 56 of a heart attack caused by his alcoholism and my mother is in a cult and abused us viciously as children so we haven't seen her for almost 20 years! She was all I had..and because of that she knew she could abuse me and thought I'd never leave her.
She also thought I'd never leave because of my neice..and used her to keep me in her abusive toxic nightmare. And she was right! I did stay for my neice..even when my sister told me she kissed my ex fiancé when I was with him! Yes I was upset! But my sister didn't care and wouldn't take any accountability so I had to just accept it and try to push forward and I did it for my neice!
But just recently her husband devorced her because of her alcoholism. she then was homeless!..I took her and my neice in off the street and to repay me for that? my sister drank until blackout everyday..hit me, verbally abused me, then would love bomb me and then go back to being disrespectful, nasty and out of control drunk.
Then when I finally said enough!! And told her to get out? She refused to leave! Squatting in half of my home for months and during that time clogged her toilet with urine soaked toilet paper and feices! She trashed the room she was in! She urinated on the floor and in the shower! And then told me that my husband tried to have sex with her IN FRONT OF MY NEICE!!
My husband would N E V E R! I don't even need to ask him that's how much I trust my man! He's an amazing person! This poor man put up with so much of her nasty disrespectful behaviour and countless attempts to seduce him!!it's crazy!
I of course screamed at her to get out of my home and life! And she then said to my neice "didn't uncle mal kiss mummy!?" And my poor 10yo neice looked at me with such sadness in her eyes and nodded yes..
THAT WAS IT! I was done with her...40 years I was a loyal sister and Aunty! I've put up with so much but I draw the line at using a 10yo in adult situations. Pure EVIL! to involve a child in trying to break up her auntys relationship!? Its sick!
We have a son...she didn't care! She was so pissed off that I had the audacity to kick her out that she wanted to destroy my life my relationship and my home..and in turn my sons life. I love my neice ❤ and I always will but I had to do what was right for me and my family..
Sadly my sister began to poison my neice against me anyway so there's nothing I can do now..I was the best Aunty to her..I loved her and we had some beautiful memories together ❤ I just hope she remembers them when her mum says awful things about me :(
It's been 4 months with no contact and it's so hard! I'm morning them..its like they died in a car crash or something..they're gone so fast and I'm struggling. but I know this is what I need to do..as you said I want to be the change in my family! Also I was actually getting physically sick being near her! I'd get stomach cramps and pains that have completely disappeared since I went no contact.
Stay strong my friend ❤️ its not easy..God bless you x
I'm 65. It's never too late. I wrote a comment above so I won't repeat it here. You are a brave soul. I hope you find peace in your decision. I also hope you have one or more loving souls around you who see, hear and validate you for the human being you are! It's quite the journey.
Thanks for the encouraging words. I’m wishing you all the best too!
Excellent work!
Amen to major implications with trusts. After trying to settle affairs after my mother's death...I finally figured out what I was dealing with(a narcissistic brother) it took me 61 years. Thank you so much for validating this. Almost everything you said applied to me. He always had to win at monopoly.
Keeping my distance from my narcissistic sibling has been the greatest decision in my life to date
Me too. So glad I was born perceptive and a realist.
My brother is interfering with my work and skills I can't even have financial independence.. It sucks..
I agree, yet I include my whole family other than my children. I could not heal until I was able to do this. They are the definition of evil.
It was so hard for me too. Took me 8 years to finally do this. I feel so free as way better. Kuddos to u all who did this to help yourself.
Was away for 23 years. Recently saw my parents thru hospice. Sibling is much older so memories are few. The relief of leaving again is so profound! I felt in physical danger and utterly cowed.
“Narcissists are like the opposite of the lottery. The only way to win is to not play.” Dr Ramani
Agree. I have three sisters and two npd parents. I sometimes stay away from gatherings just so they can't push me onto the bottom of the pile. I'm the dreaded truth teller. But I'm proud of it!
Truth!
Their one of those "charity" lotteries where your expected to be charitable to the cause and thinking you can win something is socially unacceptable because we were in it for the charity to begin with.
The charity cause being the narcissist themselves of course.
There's this saying in casino's, "the bank always wins".
Dr R has the best metaphors, 😂
And it's still not a win. It's just not a constant war.
“Your healthiest play is self preservation”
I really needed that ❤
So honoring thy father and mother doesn't count when they are Narcissists?
Me too.
“The sibling will not change” that was so heartbreaking and devastating to hear. I miss my little sister. I feel like narcissism took her away from me, forever. It’s not fair
Hugs.
This is my story. No contact when you are completely independent is liberating. Free yourself from abuse by all means. Don't feel guilty.
Thank you.
I agree no contact. Later one can forgive but not have any relationship. It is liberating but first cognitive dissonance dominates. Withdrawls. But laughter takes time again. Trust or even self love is difficult. Keep going through the growing.
Thank you
Absolutely
And the wonderful things is that us scapegoats are very independent, we had to be. it's something which the rest of them can never be. I can live anywhere in the world and thrive- none of them can do that :)
I think it's worse than romantic narcissistic relationships. The cruelty is immeasurable.
Yes it sure is! Its traumatizing to experience the insane abuse
It's so horrible. The people who literally share your blood, who are supposed to be there for you, will be your biggest source of agony. You will love them forever while walking away and they will treat you like the villain, saying you don't love them when that's the furthest thing from the truth. It's the most heartbreaking shit.
My sister is a Narc and horrible! I'm so glad I finally withdrew from her toxicity. She now plays the victim role to my own daughter. She also tried to triangulate my daughter against me!
I wouldn't go so far as to say it's worse, because I've experienced both. With a narcissistic relationship if you're able to get out, it's easier to stay disconnected, you can't really do that successfully in a narcissistic family
It is. You can't leave, you can't forget, you can't win.
I’m literally crying 😢, I never heard someone actually understood that my family was toxic. The only thing that is incorrect is that I don’t want a relationship with them. I don’t care if they are trying. To me if you can’t take accountability then you are not really sorry. Acting like the narcissism never happened is why I think that I no longer want a relationship with them. For years making me think that I was the problem, and yet like an idiot I did apologize and things still didn’t change. I’m so done with them 😒
Haven’t talked to her for 15 years. I finally learned I’m better off without her.
I'm correctly breaking free did you find it hard. Ì find it difficult.
@@1111sage well my ex was a covert narcissist and did a lot of entitled and petty subversive damage . So I’m just lucky to be alive. I’m pretty much a hermit. Yes it was difficult. The shock of who they are had to become a reality. Then I accepted loads of people are just not nice. And this is my life now. It’s hard to change but I think I chose the safest life I could think of.
Same. it's been 7 years into counting. I seldom every now and again come back to these videos to get a little encouragement because my mind Wonders a lot about the " what could have beens.". (That fantasy of a relationship that I once-over longed for ). But knowing still that it is what it is . But yet now I'm finding myself thinking much more about them through life right now. Which is unusual for me because I know who they are and usually I'm not like this at all. But yet and still I know I'm on the Right path and The Most High God is 😊 1 awesome God 😎💯!
@@1111sage
1 year no contact for me. Feels amazing! She (my sister) still calls, leave messages, and sends flying monkeys. I just find more ways to protect myself and my peace.
You will get used to it once you are finally tired. I left quietly and suggest you do the same. Never go back…it could be your life.
the narcissist fills the hole in their soul with other people's stolen self esteem
Well said.
Absolutely, and shame on them. Could you imagine actually telling them that in a healing way? It'll never fly!!
Wow,that's spot on!
Sad, but true.
Au, that one hit me... so true!!
Honestly, I just left them ALL...early In life, very early, I knew i didn't belong... it's sad as you miss a lot, but alone is better than mistreatment
I tried to get away and failed. Consequently, I paid with my life. They stole everything from me. I didn't realize what the problem was till soon late
I have had to do much the same. Good to know I’m not alone.
You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family but that's not to say you have to put up with them.
I wish I had done the same but I didn't know. I tried 2 times to walk away and for different reasons I had to go back. I only succeeded in my 3rd attempt. And even then I kept contact because I thought distance was enough. It wasn't, never was but I didn't know. Had I known what I know now I would have never contacted them again. For me, knowledge came too late in life. They were already dead when I found out. I wish I would have known earlier in life just to try to salvage something. It came too late.
I wish I'd left when I was made aware of how different I was... it been 60 years! Never too late i plan to enjoy the rest of my life without the blood sucking, needy, lecherous, self-absorbed cruel hearted things I called family!
I grew up with a narcissistic parent and a narcissistic sibling and a dad that was a little narcistic but mainly just wasn’t there. It was and still is maddening. It was and still is endless. Endless. Endless gaslighting, boundary violations, criticism, forced silence, scape goating, bizzarly coerced love bombing, enabling and completely lacking in accountability from anyone.
Now I don't need to describe my family, you did it for me. Just one addition, I vomited my rage once, and they called the police and put me in a psychiatric hospital without my consent. 10 years later they still play the victim whenever I discuss this story (I ve gone low contact), because it s very traumatic for them and I am very mean and inconsiderate of their feelings for bringing that up. To this day I am still struggling with psychiatric drug induced parkinsonism and other neurological and psychological issues, the trauma of being forced to psychiatric "treatment" and of being labelled as mad being very deep, but now I know who s crazy and who s not.
You described my hellhole of a home that I grew up in to the letter with the exception of my dad being an alcoholic. I remember wanting to run away when I was around 5,6 years old because it was that bad.
This is my exact life. I just told my therapist today ….WHEN WILL IT END. Cut offs, boundaries, slow fades, grey rocking …..they are RELENTLESS all in the pursuit of being perceived as the opposite of the demons they are. if I’m this terrible crazy person you all make me out to be WHY WONT YOU GO AWAY !!!!!!
@@mac0219 we need lots and lots and lots of rest, permission to our body to rest and get masterful in tai chi, to do all that you re describing with grace and minimum effort, as if war was a beautiful dance. Sending you love and courage💪❤️
Sounds like mine
I have a sister who is a narcissist and my adopted son is also one. My mother was a narcissist. All this is something I deal with still at age 72. It is so hard, so painful. I feel alone in the world.
You're not alone :)
God and I love you!
I've been waiting my entire life to hear someone articulate this for me.
YES. Me, too... read if you can find it?.. my post online here. I think no one talks about it because there is a basic "taboo" against talking about a brother and sister relationship... It is never shown in movies... (and i was a professional reader of movie scripts, read 1,000 of them. Never saw this, as a theme in any script i ever read ). I hope there is more said about this.... love, karin
@@kmoon50 i was unable to find it. Of course as I was scrolling in search of it i kept getting engrossed in reading all the comments and personal stories. It is so validating to watch this explained. And hear others similar insane experiences. The gaslighting on top of the other abuse leaves me sometimes questioning myself. But it really is "real". Sadly. But truth helps.
Me too
Yes,thats how i feel! A year ago i was still clueless about thismstuff. Im starting to heal at last, nearly 60...so much life i missed ...
@@kmoon50 Finally found it! Boy is this a long thread. I think you should write a script. Certainly a lot of interest. One of my worst was a brother, too.
There is only ONE solution when having a narcissist family member (in my case, a sibling): Get. As. Far. As. Possible. Block he or she from your life and give them no information whatsoever. It sounds extreme to people that never dealt with narcissists, but I'm sure many here will understand.
I understand!!!
I understand quite well!
Nailed it!
Understand 100%
Thank you for saying this
I'm so thankful that my mom supports me. She still loves me and my brother but accepts that I don't feel safe around him and doesn't try to force me to be around.
I went to contact with my narcissistic sister.....haven't seen her since 2016 and haven't spoken since 2018. Im at peace and living my best life by the grace of God!!!!
Narcissistic parents are willing to divide their own children. It makes me so angry and so sad b/c even when sometimes a sibling can understand and see what's going on, the other sibling may not. It divides the entire family and nothing good comes from it.
Experienced this to the T
Eeyup.
so true, i remember as kids there was always 1 or 2 of the 3 of us boys who was the black sheep of the day. now its me for life because i had to cut my mom off, feels good because ive tried waking them up to simple character defects and it never works (nevermind the greater impiications of how society creates these mindsets)
Every time I talk to my mom, she backghands my sis with whatever she has to say- I learned that if I bite, she turns it around on me and gets her mad at me.
Willing? Oh you're 1) in a good mood 2) super optimistic 3) haven't dealt with my family!
"Nobody rewards the truthteller in the family." 💔💔💔
Yup, i sure found that out.
I was the truthteller .. once the golden child - I became the scapegoat.. DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR.. memoir/self-help
Understand what you are saying
Not even with proof, I get yelled at until I reveal proof and then they say o well you know how she is... ugh.
God does🙏🏿💯
Took me 50+ years to figure it out, but T least now I understand what has been going on my whole life.
I cut off my Narcisist brother. Enough. Unless he recognizes the condition he has and TRIES to change. Otherwise I'll die without a brother because it is toxic and draining to have a person like this in your life. With Narcisists the only way to win is NOT PLAY. That was powerful
I completely agree
“Your sibling may continue to view you as an incompetent child into adulthood!” Even if your 50!
Yes!,,
Definitely
That speaks to me so much!!
Right, I'm rounding 40. We have to learn it's to the grave! 😖
I'm 61 and just decided enough is enough. No more of being told what to do and when to do it. Freedom....
A narcissistic sibling is so clever and so well hidden, while you wait for them to change, you witness how much worse they get and how damaging the behavior is until you end up walking away entirely. Extremely difficult and very dizzying.
I've decided to walk away. After their behavior at my son's graduation ceremony from the university, it was the last straw my mom included.
My narc sibling studied psychology and told me herself (almost proudly) that she knows she is a narcissist.
I think they go into league with the devil..am sure they don’t realize it tho..but everybody else does
Yes, sir. In the end, it's all that I could do.
@@i.m.hidden2788 now thats heavy. She's fully committed to being perverse. Sorry
I find the most pernicious thing about growing up with a narc sibling, that they also "grow into" their narcissistic personality. It's like the frog in boiling water idea, their disorder grows worse over time until you're completely stuck in that dynamic. But you could never see it coming, hell, they themselves don't even know what they turned into.
I was just thinking about this. looking back I can see my brother maybe displaying some traits that were shown by my parents who have narcissistic tendencies, but I never thought it’d get this far. 🥲 it’s almost like I don’t know him anymore & it’s hurts.
At 79 years old, I have come to realize the narcissistic tendencies of my siblings about 10 years ago . Our mother’s passing brought out the worst in both. Both were too busy with themselves as she declined, upon her death, OMG, the fangs really came out as the claimed what they believed were their entitlements. It was shocking and quite hurtful. Now, I set boundaries on visiting and interacting with them both. We stopped the “family gatherings “. My sister is estranged from children and cannot figure out why. It feels really good to have control of my relationship with them.
My first memory of my sister is thinking "I need to stay away from this person"
Me too!
Oh yes - My sister made my life miserable from about age seven😥
Oh Wow !! Serious.
Kids know !!!
Me too! Fearing my brother is an early memory ...used to hide in my closet!
same ! She actually kept tapping my forehead until I cried.
One narc snob parent ✔️
One narc golden sibling ✔️
One narc tendencies sibling ✔️
Scapegoat and thriving after cutting off entire family 🙋🏼♀️
It’s easy to constantly question if you’re the problem when you’re surrounded by dysfunction. If anyone needs to hear it, you aren’t the problem, you’re doing the right thing and protect the happiness you carve out for yourself with concrete boundaries. You aren’t alone 💜
I was feeling that I am a problem. It helped me 😭
💟💜💟
We are ONE...I SEND YOU LOVE...cuz the pain is Real😔
Ummm.. Are we related? Lol
It feels great that I found a supportive community, finally. ❤️
so so true, thank you. I ended up in a mental institution as a teenager due to the behavior of my sibling. I did not return home as it was safer to stay and grow up there in that hospital than go home. My narcissistic mother drilled into me I must love my brother, it took years to come to terms with that. No contact has been the best advise I was given, I can get on with my life and be finally who I am.
I am 70 and just stopped contact with my sister as I cannot take the hurt anymore. I am tired of it all.
One of my favourite sayings is: "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best is today!" Big hugs from a middle-aged mum who just made the decision to withdraw completely from a narcissistic sibling...and there will be drama no matter how much I try to avoid it! It's hard and we probably both wish we'd seen it 20 years ago, but we made it! xx
I am 64. It is never too late. I am sure it took so much strength.
I am 62 and hv finally gone no contact w 2 narc sisters. Sadly, it means no contact w the rest of the family too. I was the truth teller and family trash can and scapegoat. It's no surprise that my 2 exes were narcs. The most painful though, is my adult daughter and adult granddaughter. 😥. Devastating dark night of the soul stuff.
@@thedonnashow1 That's really hard sweetie and I feel sad for you and your situation. I dropped contact with my sister years ago and was devastated to lose my nephews by proxy. Years later they started questioning what they had been told about me and independently sought contact. We have a nice relationship now, and while we may never be as close as if we hadn't lost those years we DO have a good relationship now.
I know it hurts and your loss is real, but please don't lose hope that maybe they will choose to walk back into your life. xx
@@sharonweizenbaum1003 me too...I'm 65 years old...please read my comment
When your parents don’t believe you, rather, they believe the narcissistic sibling.
Omgggggg that’s the worst thing ever… it stings so bad
Oh my word yess I'm the eldest but not treated as so younger siblings have gaslit me for a long time yet I was always to blame. I saw them recently after a big blowup nearly 2 years ago and they were not apologetic just denying everything and making me out to be someone who is losing her mind. No thanks distance is best.
They do that because it is the easy option
Yep, triangulation. I had a close friend I lived with who liked my brother, took him two years but he eventually saw my brother for what he’s like. My friend pointed out to me ‘when your brother is with your mum they gang up on you, your mums nice, your brother manipulates everyone, he could also be saying bad stuff about you to her,’ do I asked Mum and she denied it. I said ‘keep an ear out fir what he’s saying to you about me, as I’m a good person, he could be manipulating you,’ and after that her attitude changed a bit. But god.
Ugh...always
I am 59 and my narcissistic sister is 60. Our mom just passed away this year after being a widow for a decade. My sister in that decade - and prior, never did anything for either parent really. But always expected money - loans (that she never repaid)and gifts. My mom, always called her the “Taker” in the family. When my mom passed, the only thing she helped with was the life insurance policies that she got quick money from. I literally did just about everything else to deal with. Her selfishness and greed are mind blowing, and not how we were raised. She is super charming and no one else would ever see her dark side but family. Such a bummer. I finally realized that having a meaningful relationship with her is just not possible.
Wow! This is so true!! As a victim of narcissistic sibling abuse, that stress and trauma is long-lasting...thanks for putting this out. We are not crazy. We are abused!!
I have no contact with my sister, the golden child. I don’t miss her one bit.
Same
Same here
Same here. She’s poison
My sister was the one who thought she was the "Golden child". She thought she was the head of our family even at a young age. She tormented my parents. My Mom was so intimidated by her she would go along with her so as not to have my sib go into a tirade. My younger sister God Bless her she died at age 20, was scared to death of her. She and I were very close. I was the "sandwich baby" and a few months ago one of her nasty letters said "remember you're the baloney between the French bread". actually my Dad loved baloney sandwiches on white bread 😁and we were very close until he passed. 🙏
She's not the Golden Child you are for putting up with her.
I also wanna add, none of my therapists helped me realize my family were narcissists. It was my own education and self realization about my family relationships where the light bulb turned on
Same here, most therapists are just incompetent.
@@keligbo6849 Not incompetent, just don't specialize in it... those who do, get it
Both my therapists told me my family was toxic
Yes, “toxic” and “dysfunctional” have been more popular terms.
My truth in this moment ugghhh
YES! thankyou for addressing this because most narcissistic videos are on romantic relationships. In my opinion it can be way harder to go no contact with close siblings! They're family not just a man you can leave and not have to Interact with.
Exactly!
And, there is extended family to consider, too.
I have an older sister (3.5 yrs) who was the golden child in our family. I was the scapegoat. my dad was a raging BP narcissist who seemed to hate all of us and my mom was an alcohol-fueled codependent who accepted blame for everyone's emotional dysregulation. Both parents are dead now. When my mom died in 2021, my sister and I came together to settle her estate. We had some difficult moments but for the most part we survived. Since then, my sister has been pushing me to talk to her more, visit more, and basically have a close relationship, as if the last 50 years, especially our childhood, didn't happen. She is your classic judgmental over-achiever with a childish need for attention - aka, 'strong personality'. I'm in therapy now and my therapist is helping me set boundaries, but I have to say this is harder than any other NPD relationship I've had in my life. Thank you for this video Dr. R!
Raised by narcissists. Mother, Father, Older Sister. "The only way to win is to not play"
They're an insane circus 🎪 act we want no part of!
You are dead right there
@Krishna Patel I had a drunk dad. He died when I was 4. My mom was a narcissist and my brother was too. I had married the same type of behavior patterns as my family. I'm older. These two people are dead. The ex I don't know anything about him anymore.
@Krishna Patel We learn by doing. It's a cruel world. Everywhere. Be good to yourself.
Same (older brother, who used to take all his anger out on me physically/psychologically-6 years older, much physically bigger and stronger). It has gotten to the point I am sure they (mom and brother) are capable of murdering me and they pretty much would rather do that than not have full control of me.
“the only way to win, is not to play”. Thank you so much for this.
that was a good 1
Thank you for the reminder.
THANK YOU! This was freeing!
My husband refers to my practice of this as "throwing the Monopoly board"
Now 57. Realised my Mother was a narc later on in my late 20s. Now I realise my only Sister has never liked me and has really been nasty. It’s grieve all over again. I’ve just broken ties, but I don’t deserve to be spoken down to or made to feel my feelings are not validated. No other Family growing up, so no one actually knows what it was like. I’m thinking this is why I’ve never felt connected to society. I don’t know. One day at a time.
My eldest sister I now see has the characteristics of narcissism. It has always deeply grieved me that I could not solve the problem of lack of trust that plagued our relationship. I kept trying to make it right. My husband supported me and tried to get me to see that eventually I would have to give up the quest for a healthy adult relationship with her. Only in my early seventies was I able to accomplish this. I still feel like I will always grieve for what could have been. But I am at peace now that I have accepted it, and the fantasy of having a positive relationship between adult equals has well and truly died.
“The truth will set you free
But first, it'll piss you off.” - 😎✌️
That’s Gold ! 👍😂
Nailed it!
Whoo boy, yeah.
Yes that’s true I am in the pissed off stage right now because the more I think about this person in all the damage she does I get frustrated and pissed. Not good for my health so I try my hardest not to be that way.
@@monicahughes2757 I'm going through this too, pretty much exactly as you described.
I heard, "you guys are sisters, you should love each other. All I want is for you guys to love each other."🙄
That's what my dad would say. He was under her spell. I was glad for him when he died so she couldn't use him any more.
My MIL played that card on my wife and SIL all the time. My wife finally told her that since SIL has never, in her life, told her she loves her, that's a lost cause.
I got that too, but my sister also badmouthed me so that our cousins believed I was the problem. I'm letting it all go now. It's really great to have answers, to understand after all these years, but now I have to let it go.
I hear this all time from my mother. I have no problem loving my sister & compromising to her along, but she can never admit when she makes a mistake and refuses to even apologize. Now that I no longer will allow her to walk all over me, the relationship has broken down. And my mom still just wants me to be a doormat. Dr. Ramani is so right when she said that the truth teller is not rewarded but rather made to be the scapegoat. That’s what is happening to me & it is so painful.
That's what my dad says.
I'm experiencing the worst abuse from my narcissistic and manipulative younger sister. The WORST!
My sister's mask fell when she went into a narcissistic rage and almost caused me to crash the car I was driving. It's awful but I saw her for who she truly was, before that I was making excuses for her, validating her tirades against other people and walking on eggshells whenever she was around.
narc parent ✅
narc sibling ✅
covert incest ✅
healing & breaking trauma bonds - in progress ⚠️
I feel your suffering i wish you speed in recovery💜💜💜🌸
Me too.
yup, me too! except it's both parents!
@@riotgrrrl oh I'm with you there. Both parents and 2 siblings. The other 2 siblings are too spineless to see it.
@@jenster29 this almost makes me more depressed. That the behavior/ disease is SO OBVIOUS and the coda sibs don’t see it !!
“The only way to win is to not play.” - Thank you for this video. I feel heard and seen.
It's like Thermonuclear Warfare.
It's only taken A lifetime to learn this. However, its never too late to 'get a life.'
The only way is No contact!
@@salliegallegos918 yup.
@@salliegallegos918 yup.
This is so very validating, I could cry ... over all of it, but especially hearing for the first time about a sibling obsessed with the parent's estate before the parent has even passed.
I'm living this now my mum's lawyer has said "your mum isn't even dead yet" , I've been kicked to the curb multiple times the world owes these people everything 2 x narsisters.
No contact for me.
I'm going through this exact thing with my oldest sister who is 11 years older than me, after us 3 other beneficiaries have her removed as trustee, so we can sell the house, then we can finally move on and heal. Dr. Romani I have watched many of your videos and have so much greatfulness for you for educating me. You are so spot on it's eerie! Keep educating people you truly have a gift!
when i tell people i cut my sister off they say, "oh, you should be back in touch, shes ur sister, afterall." and my deciding not to tolerate her seems to upset other ppl more than me
Ugh that pisses me off sooo much! I have had the 'blood is thicker than water' lecture from so many people who don't know ANYTHING about me or my family. It's messed up. Stick to your guns and ignore their hurtful comments, most say it out of ignorance rather than malice...and if it's malice, drop them too! Big hugs!
That when we should just say nothing, not everyone knows what it's like. Play your card close to your chest. I am doing the same.
Becuz I won't talk 2 my narc sis, everyone in my family calls me a "vindictive bitch"
Dr. Ramani, thanks so much for this video.....it hit me like a brick! Couldn't figure out why I was and am still mad at my narc siblings. It's nice to know that I'm not crazy.
Yeah, I’ve gotten that too. Unless you’ve had to deal with narcissists yourself, you just don’t get it. Lucky them.
You've never been used until you've been used by a narcissistic sibling. And if you want to see hatred, be able to do something well that they feel should be their talent or skill.
I am a muti tradesmen, every time my younger brother came me when doing assorts of physical projects or building/ repairing/ creating, he never lent a hand even when it was for our parents. Over the years I lent him money, worked on his house and been there when he needed big time help. He is never there of me when I need him the most or pay me back. It took a relationshit with a BPD late in life that I figured out why I always "feel" bad inside after just casually conversation; he projects dissatisfy anger within himself of my skills and out going personality. What upsets me the most is my younger sisters say when I complain " oh you boys just don't get along", like its half my fault! Several years ago I installed boundaries and life is so much better, however it still hurts inside to loose a brother. I love my brother but would not have him as a friend.
This is so accurate. I am a dancer. Have been since I was a child. Sister has no rhythm. Has laughed in my face when I've been practicing or dancing for fun and told me what an embarrassment I was. That's always fun.
Absolutely agree!
She said I’m dead to her. I’ve always been aware of her need to “get back” at me for this or that. I kind of wish I was-!
@@alwaysyouramanda I'm glad you're not. I bet you are a bright light in this world and the world is better because you are shining.
I can’t thank you enough for making this video. For the first time, I feel like at least one person in the world understands just how devastating existing in this tragic cycle is. Bang on with the parent standing with the narcissist, the narcissist demanding everything but never showing up to do the work (although they take the credit for all my work), the greed and family estate…
I just can’t thank you enough for making this content and validating the devastation it causes. EVEN though the narcissistic sibling is able to turn the tables, portray and convince everyone around you that YOU are the problem…all because you don’t operate maliciously and you don’t speak ill of others…BUT because of this, your sibling essentially “defines” you and your character to everyone else through their lies.
Anyone who believes their lies is not worth the time of day in your life.
YES so true! I like people but she doesnt and the snide comments always come after I have had a good time with a friends
Well said!
This explains the last 10 years of my life with my spouse. Wow. I have a narcissistic sister-in-law (husband’s sister) and mother-in-law. My sister-in-law actually belittled us when we announced our pregnancy because she was worried her child would lose attention. And my MIL decided to placate her by telling my SIL that her child would “always be number 1”. Incredible narcissism perpetuating from mother to daughter.
I am so sorry to read this. I know a loy about narcissism, I’ve had my share of experiences but I’m lucky that my mother-in-law although she is very toxic my husband sticks up for me, we talked about it, he doesn’t force me to go see her and even puts her in her place… I almost left him over his mother and I think that’s what made him realize that this was a dealbreaker for me. We did have to talk about it about two or three times in the beginning of our marriage it wasn’t easy but he got the point that it was either me leaving or him setting boundaries with her
“Your siblings, all the way into adulthood, may still view u as an incompetent child and reiterate that in how they talk to you or about you ...”
Yep. That’s EXACTLY the treatment I’ve gotten for decades.
So true
They're telling everybody I ma habitual pathological liar, I now own five recording devices.
You become the lamp holder .. then they will try to break your lamp too.. .don't be angry.feel sorry for them but don't sleep next to them..they wud throw u under the bus even when u be asleep. You win..if you never be or become like them..
Me too! Wish they would shut it.
@@marthabenner6528 good on you!
I didn't realise my sister was so cruel until our parents died. Looking back the signs were all there. It shook me to the core.
I've noticed this when my dad passed away. it's like they think they can do anything now there's no danger of you going to the parent in question to tell what is/has been going on. it just shows the amount of respect they show for their dead parentand in fact they lied to them their entire life most likely.
if only they would have known when they were alive.
maybe they did and chose to ignore it like they done all their life.
maybe it add's up to that we're not responsible for our parents bad choices
Its traumatic
yes, greif under a circumstances like this can be devastating...
the sibling shows no empathy and it increases their sence of entitlement and it becoumes deficult to even greif your loved one you feal sad all the time and they like it because they want you to be miserable and of you ever start to feel a slight joy they accuse you by being not greifing enough or sad enough and increase the suffering even more...
once i learn that it by experience amazed me how someone can be this cruel and psychopathic beyond our kind imagination
i hope you get through this somehow soon you got this
Haha siblings at war over inheritance is not an old story. Strange beings
Same thing for me. I always knew my older sister was going to be difficult after our parents passed. I just could not imagine how insanely difficult, contentious, petty, greedy and ultimately costly for all of us, she would be. And it's a tragedy that such destructive emotional, legal and financial abuse can go on, unabated by the court system and society, because it's not tangible or provable. And like you said, it shook me to my core.
Nailed it again. to the dot. Wow, even the estate and care giving, taunting, greed, and downgrading.
Ah, and don't forget the silent agenda. "don't try to succeed" If you do, they will tear down even the thought of doing something for your self advancement, and if you do succeed, (as I did) they will sabotage your reputation, your efforts and your achievements.
What was so confusing to me, is that my sibling was very helpful when I was a child and took on the role of my ghost parent. So in adulthood, I did not realize that he was toxic as well. I thought I was fine, doing a 180 on what my father modeled. Instead I married to a copy of my brother, not realizing he was toxic and now I know narcissistic.
Both my siblings are narcissistic, I was the scapegoat and was able to self reflect and work on myself. It still sucks that I can’t have a normal relationship with my siblings and family but the cycle ends with me and will go no further
I have a narcissistic mother and sister. I am the family scapegoat and it feels so much better to sit out the family holidays. Thank you for showing me how to establish boundaries, become the grey rock and start breathing again!
Congratulations 🎊, love yourself. I had to learn to love myself. You are the best, I hear it in your truth.
Same here and just finally realizing i always thought was me
@@SubconsciousCreations267 Do they tell you you are the problematic one? They say that to me. Sucks >_
Me too it's soul crushing. I don't speak to her anymore, mine and my childrens life is so much better since no contact 🎉
Yes same here.
Sometimes we just need to hear someone say it and this resonates with me.
Couldn't agree any morr
Resonates with Mē too bro , . Dr Ramani here has pretty much described my situation to ã tee ( uncannily so 😲2 sisters narcs. ).
Oh and greetings from the UK 🇬🇧 Here mān 👍🏻👍🏿
@@UncleBaldy same thing with me, no contact don’t seem to work either they just get triggered.
@Karen Alden well done with accepting the ultimate truth and moving on with your life and I have great respect for you with that you’ve outlined all the feelings that abound with dealing with narcissistic people. Me myself it’s been a massive difference finally accepting that No Contact is the only way that I can heal from the abuses this is what triggered those people I created a life without them and it’s becoming successful and I think maybe it’s a last attempt at making me feel bad being attacked on Facebook of all things for all my friends, my children and anyone else that read the posts I was limited contact at that point it convinced me that I was deluding myself that I would be okay with it putting up with a little bit in order to not upset the apple cart. So now I’m No Contact and that apparently makes me a bad person also it’s been great to have people say how I’m all kinds of bad for it. Thankfully my notes from my therapist stated in one part about how if someone can’t accept that you need to heal to be healthy then it’s dissonance. I needed to see that as the attack made me question myself all over again. I wish everyone was as understanding as your father but no matter I will push on after all at least it’s my own choice and that’s what I will keep reminding myself. For a strange reason I thought that I am not ever going to be accepted with flying monkeys everywhere but I know I can’t change that but I can change myself. I don’t think of myself a victim or a survivor as it’s still ongoing but I do know this I would like to be able to look back in say twenty years without regret and I accept myself with any flaws for any mistakes for whatever reason and I love with all I am and will be sad for not knowing if it could have gotten better but this is what kept me tied. I no longer want to be around this toxicity so we have to see what’s next and where life leads it’s all going to be new ground and I will keep my eyes open with no fear for the need of a better outcome.
Absolutely. Me too.
I have more than one narcissistic siblings who have made my life a nightmare!
I am just going no contact after discovering my husband is a narcissist as well. Researching him helped me to realize that I was not crazy or weird but that my siblings were actually toxic and narcissistic. I know it will be a long road to recovery but I have started on that road!
I just want to confirm, you are not crazy or weird. That sounds more like the narcissists in your life trying to make you believe that, because as long as you believe it, they can continue to manipulate you and keep you "in your place." I wish you much strength and good things in your life. As someone who went 100% no contact with my family a few years ago, I can tell you in no uncertain terms that your life will get infinitely better after you let them go. In the beginning, you may wish to reconnect, give it (the relationship) another chance, but don't do it. I have never been happier in my entire life than I am right now, and I've been happy since I finally let them all go. I'm also better off financially (nobody hanging around mooching off my goodwill, while simultaneously telling me and anyone who'll listen what a stupid, horrible, unethical whack job I am). Now that nobody constantly reminds me of how worthless I am, and also, not begging, borrowing, or stealing my hard-earned money, I have found such joy and freedom in being totally alone. I personally chose to stay alone for the rest of my life (no boyfriend or husband), mainly because I don't trust men, but also, because I don't trust myself to pick someone who'll treat me right. I'm not saying you have to be alone, but I am saying that getting the narcissists out of your life is going to be the BEST gift you can ever give yourself. Best wishes to you! And for the record, you are not the problem. They are!
I've experienced this first hand. All I did was stand up for myself and I was made out to be the problem.
Never had a single video describe my entire life so accurately to a point where I cried. Narcissistic parents and siblings have ruined my upbringing
I hear you & feel the same. It sucks& esp getting old & not having any family since theyre so divisive, entitled, self serving, manipulative, arrogant, cruel....and my parents were so bad i vowed never to marry & be like them, or have kids. And didny.
I had that type of upbringing as well, Nicolette, but I made a decision that I am not going to allow them to ruin my life. I tried very hard to find a good person to marry and after a few bad attempts at a relationship I found a loving man and married him. The sooner we realize we're in the hole, the better, and it is very important to then stop digging and figure out what we're going to do with our lives. We've been brought up without an identity, since we were only seen as reflections of a very messed up Narc. It is therefore important to remain sober and train our minds, train our habits and ourselves to be to "our selves" what we always needed from our family of origin. Hang in there, kiddo.
You are not alone. I lived my life surrounded by narcissists. It was hell on earth!
Yes Nicolette, this is also an accurate description of all that I have been through.
I was thinking the same thing!!!!
I've seen this play out in families to the point of the suicide of a sibling. There is nothing more evil than this.
I get that. It might be the only way to save my other 2 daughters & granddaughter from feeling the pressure and misery from the ND to turn against me.
I wanna post this now that I’m ostracized
My brother sent me to the er plastic surgery at age 8 almost lost eyesight drown me etc etc He’s a prosecutor wonder why he doesn’t wanna see me
As someone with a narcissistic sibling I can confirm this. Nearly killed myself a number of times this year because of what she’s done to me it’s horrible
@@danielea4343 Hang in there, Daniele. You matter. You are loved, and lovable, deserving of care, not of your sister's mistreatment.
@@teizenn1 I can save you some time and pain; give it up, put them all in the hands of God because the narcissist has already won them over too.
Did not know my sister was a narcissist until I was in my late 50s. I knew something was wrong but only recognized what it was after viewing one of Dr Ramini's videos. Learning to fight back!
She was always difficult and over powering but I loved her to bits because she was my baby sister. At age 59, I have decided to keep my distance. Thanks for explaining this so well..
My narcissistic mother constantly states that my narcissistic sister is misunderstood. I’ve been told all my life just to get along with her “she’s your sister after all” like I don’t have a choice. Every interaction is so difficult with her she lashes out, rages, belittles, devalues every aspect of who I am and what I do. My family constantly denies my reality and perception of the reality of our relationship. I’m finally done because I don’t need anyone’s permission to protect my own energy and finally heal.
Yup!!
I feel that. My narc MIL decided the easiest way to make her life easy was to force my wife to get along with my borderline SIL rather than actually parenting.
I hear and see you
Same!!! The mental anguish was next level!
My life exactly
The real mindf*ck is that when you do tell the truth and start building boundaries, they start calling you the toxic and abusive one. It’s their answer for why their healthier siblings have nothing to do with them or the narcissistic parents anymore. The stories get rewritten and the truth becomes a lie and a lie becomes the truth.
That is exactly my husbands family dynamic. So sad.
It depends how you do it. If you door slam during the death of the family patriarch stabbing the innocent parties in the heart at the same time during catastrophic pain, then you are a real butthole. If you’re an empath, be kind, period.
@@meeperbird how does this apply to my comment? Also, empaths are typically mistaken for those who are codependent and feel responsible for other peoples feelings to their own detriment - boundaries still apply, and apply more so in a situation like what you describe (that, btw, appears to have nothing to do with what the original comment is about). Also, a death of a patriarch should not sway someone having healthy boundaries in the least. No one said anything about not being kind. Kindness or lack thereof have nothing to do with having boundaries or even going no contact. Going no contact isn’t stabbing anyone in the heart - that is a victim-blaming and shaming take. Those who say having boundaries is unkind may be the ones with the problem.
Ever since i was a little girl i felt my parents were off kilter and the constant spankings with the belt and the shame..it explains so very much as my schzoid..ie malious narc brother sit here caring for my 91 mother who is still pitting her senior aged children against each other..the lack of gratitude and the controlling behavior is almost a dark comedy..how could i have been so blind..all i ever wanted was to escape my home..kinda screwed up my own life trying to escape my home life...now back in it..caring for someone who really couldnt care for her own children..cycles...
Or you get labeled as being selfish or a (b)itch for setting boundaries. My narc brother and father both did that to me.
Yes! This is the problem- a narcissistic sibling. It has taken decades for me to unpack this and start to heal from it. My sibling has often been generous with their skills. But they have been a struggle since we were small children. Hostility, gaslighting, manipulation. And trauma-bonding. Thank you for this video!
I’ve known my whole life that my mother is a narcissist but I never thought about my sister being one until recently😂😮😮When you finally think it’s over and you have a whole Nother mountain to climb😂
I had a narcissistic sibling. She shamed me for everything i did, was always laughing at me. and then pretended to be my friend when she needed something from me. she is fake af. and when i did not give her appraise or smth she blamed me for disappointing her and letting her down. like wtf?
Definitely when they need you or when they are in depression they are the nicest. They play victim and you just believe
Story of my life at the moment. Lol! I'm just waiting for that day that God will open that door for their bs to show so that I can finally block them out of my life completely. I'm tired of their foolishness.
That's envy
@@Sunshine-vu6ie that's interesting, can you elaborate?
@@liinav.3808 the golden child is envious of the scapegoat and feels they got the short end of the stick.
An entire family of narcs is just plain madness. You’re basically the Moses of the family. It can only be understood on a spiritual level.
How epically true, is this statement 👍
The promised land is anywhere they are not!
@@ms.newcomerteacher6554 truly..Moses has to go into hiding to hear gods voice
Omg yes 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
So true!!
My brother is definitely. I've had to go no contact with him now that we are adults because even talking to him is toxic. He works with my dad and I always hear some disturbing stories from my dad when I visit him about what he has to deal with working with my brother. It's really sad to see because I watch as he manipulates our dad who has literally done everything for us. Unfortunately my brother has grown to become more entitled than I could ever imagine. He's always been this way, he refuses therapy and insists that everyone else is the problem. Typical narcissist talk, and he is deeply covertly narcissistic. Being able to identify the behavior helps but it doesn't fix anything. It's like losing a brother to me.
Narcissists age like milk. The older they get, the more spoiled they get.
My life story EXACTLY😢😢😢😢
It has taken a significant part of my life to recognize that I have both a narcissistic parent and sibling. I have been for years now trying to heal myself and separate my role from their codependent dynamic. Thank you for constantly highlighting the mental health baggage that we all carry because we are managing these relationships.
My sister is a malignant narcissist and constantly throws insults at everyone in the family. Growing up she was basically a bully to me and things often got physical. I was taught to never hit girls so I never fought back. I literally became a punching bag. Then all of a sudden in highschool she starts acting "nice" but never once apologized for the horrible stuff she did. When she had her first narcissistic rage at me when I was in college, that was when I cut her out for good since she never apologized. She keeps telling my parents how bad my parents were and my mother keeps expecting us to all get along one day. I haven't spoken to my sister in 10 years and I have no intention of speaking to her. I know it's sad for my mother to hear, but letting go of my sister was one of the healthiest decisions for my mental health. I don't care if someone is family, if they're toxic and a threat to my mental health then I don't need them in my life.
My sister says such terrible things about my parents to their small local community. I’ve had the brunt of her narcissistic rage a number of times. My parents say it’s nothing and make light of my pain. Only, I don’t understand why we don’t just get along. There’s 8 years difference between us. I remember my sister always being a difficult person to deal with. She would often say terrible things to me as a teenager and young adult even in front of my parents and my parents would never stop it or say it wasn’t right.
Absolutely!!💯 I salute you, you put your mental health first and foremost and I too have gone no contact!!! Yeah!!!!💜
@@mmedunlop I'm sorry you experienced that; how sh***y! 😢
Don't feel bad.. I just cut my brother off and it only took 66 years.. 😆
Sounds like you just told my own story to a t!!
You just described my whole family, narc parents and various siblings. I am the truth teller and eventually had to walk away to live in peace.
I'm the truth teller also. When my dad was molesting sisters, I declined and told on him. It's not so much that I love truth as that I dont have a filter!!
Im 67 now and doing ok. ♡
I Am Living out of the Family Home i Rent Out The Back of it. And the Narcissistic in My Family is my Brother and he is also a slumlord Doesn't Put on the air Much Except When I Leave or Heat Much Except When I Leave and I Have a Child trying to get out of the situation and Move. My Mother is in Denial and I'm Good with That and my Father Has Dementia, & Money is involved. &, Honestly I don't care about The Money &, Yes i Am the Truth-Teller in The Family, even Though.Nobody Believes Me... He's Older by 9 years and I am the only one that Gets to see The MASK COME OFF!!! But i Am The Only 1, That Will Stand Up, To My Brother I Am NOT AFRAID OF MY BROTHER and I Will Threaten My Brother. He has Mentally, Emotionally, Verbally and Now i've Been Told i Am Sick by my Dr, The Reason That is, is because he won't put on the Air... and he has done this to me for many years and granite yes I have a mental illness but he's a narcissist amongst other things, it doesn't skip siblings, we all have it, We all Have Some Sort oF ssues... ✌️🙏❤️ & THANK YOU
Me too......
Me too. 😭
Absolutely saved my life being able to walk away. My parents didn’t really care anyway, so walking away, as time went on, became easier. I’ve been lucky enough to met and marry someone who always finds value in me ..respects my opinions and validating my feelings. Thanks again for helping me see what was going on .. and break free
Narcissistic parents are long gone. 3 narcissistic siblings. All out of my life, thank God. It's the only way. We're all older now. If I hear about any of their funerals, I will not be there, invited or not. That would be hypocritical. They didn't give a shit about me when they were alive.
The funny thing is that my narcissist sister would be watching this video and nodding in complete and emphatic agreement, thinking that everyone else in the family is the narcissist, when it is she who has caused so much destruction in the lives of others.
My narc mother would do that when toxic parents were on like the Sally Jesse Raphael Show..."That's ashamed how they treat those kids." That is a form of gaslighting.
Who can’t take criticism in your life also rules your life. It took me 45 years to realize what I grew up with.
Took me 44 years ..... I win :P
@@Flitalidapouet Lol my siblings took all the competition in me, if any. You win :-)
Took me 40 years
Don't beat yourself up over not knowing what you were dealing with. It took me 45 years too. My sister is a covert but, I believed that her behavior was due to abuse as a child. ( We both? were. Not 100% sure about her, really. ) I'm over it. I went no contact years ago and it was one of the best things that I've ever done for myself. ❤️
@@Flitalidapouet 😂😂😂
I’m 62 and my sister has been a narc all my life. 😢 they never change for the better!
NEVER! Not REAL A NARC EXACTLY 💯
They sure don’t. For damned sure.
It's definitely the opposite of the lottery, THE ONLY WAY TO WIN IS TO NOT PLAY. But it is so hard and painful. A huge hug to all the survivors
Одлично?🙋🙂
This.
And you!
very painful indeed, too bad they don't care about the pain they're causing
My younger sister is a full blown narcissist undoubtedly. Constantly belittling my achievements, always trying to prove she's smarter than everyone else, extremely jealous of my relationships, jealous that my children have a close bond with me, jealous of so many things. The worst part of her is the fact that she's been stealing from me and many others throughout her entire adult life. My life has been a nightmare living with her abuse. A true horrifying nightmare. As of 8 months ago, after she set fire to my home and then threw me to the street when I had nowhere else to go, I've finally decided to go NO CONTACT with her permanently. Honestly she is the epitome of true evil.
I have a sister that is such a narcissist. It has helped to understand this issue. She and I are not that close anymore. Understanding the issue has empowered me. She now lives out of the country.
My heart is breaking. You are telling my story. I'm 69. I don't think I will ever get over the loss. But, I must remain no contact and protect myself because it is true; they don't change.
I let some people back in and I regret it 😖
I completely commiserate with your response. I too feel broken-hearted to finally realise my so-called close bond and relationship with my sister for 60 years is and was always an illusion. I find it so very difficult to accept this awful fact. Now our parents have died I shall be moving towards minimal contact with her as she is toxic.
@@lulahummingbird664 Thank you Lula, I guess we can feel a bit of comfort in our loss knowing that we are not the only ones to experience the unthinkable.
@@chamomiletea9562 Absolutely! After reading so many responses of folk telling their respective stories, it helped me feel less ‘alone’ with my experience. Your message prompted me to message. Family and friends advise me to just walk away now but I am carrying deep disbelief that I did not see the manipulation for what it was. Nor the fact that my sister does not like me let alone love or care about me. It’s very destabilising. Deeply sad also. I’ll come through it but in the meantime I wanted to thank you for helping me realise that I am not alone. 🙏
My story too.
The narcissist is not only abusive to us, they are abusive with everyone that gets close to them....
They burn every single bridge eventually.
Not true. They have their golden child or golden friends and they have their scapegoat.
They also, come for the ones getting close to us.
It's kinda silly the watch them chase around after the people they think are trying to be our friends or trying to be an asset in our life, because then we don't have to depend on them.
Boy they get really mad when they put you out in the cold and then your Vibe tribe shows up , you know the family that's not by Blood. That really upsets them. Your Vibe tribe is not going to go away.
@@faypeatross VIBE TRIBE FANTASTIC ANALOGY.. I have been disturbed for yrs concerning the friends I have had along the way ...particularly a friend who's entire family were narcissistic and abusive to their one daughter...the parents and siblings to the outside world were perfect people. The daughter was a friend for 45yrs. The poor woman had a very serious back operation ..her mother put her children in foster care. The siblings found fault with every thing the poor girl did...no one ever stepped up to the plate to help her. Oh, when the children were brought back home to the biological mother the family gushed over them. With visits spoiled them with gifts and treats.. BUT always found fault with their natural mother ( WHO THEY DENIED WAS EVER ILL ..DENIAL AND LIES) and the family scapegoat. The poor woman became so ill an invalid at a young age mid 40s..the fam the children brain washed them against her and the father of the girls & his new born again wife proceeded with more indoctrination and brain washing. The children were promised the moon, candy and lollipops..they walked into another viper den of NARCISSISTS. Their natural mother did everything she could under the circumstances..but beat down every step of the way by the her ex..the siblings..and her own mother. All the family denying the serious illness and disability of their sister/ daughter. MY FRIEND SPENT A LIFE TIME attempting..seeking the love of her own mother, her children and sibiings. One daughter married a cadet...traveled etc..he became V HIGH UP IN THE MILITARY..IMAGE WAS THEIR MIDDLE NAME. YRS LATER THEN, MORE ILLNESS AGAIN V. ILL, INSTEAD OF PROPER MEDICAL THE DAUGHTER A NURSE HAD HER PLACED IN A HOSPITAL FOR THE MENTALLY ILL. IT TOOK ALMOST A YR FOR THE DOCS TO GET TO THE TRUTH - YRS OF MEDICAL ATTENTION & 10 INCHES OF MEDICAL PAPER WORK. - THEY RELEASED HER AND HER DAUGHTER WAS INFORMED THE MEDICAL PROBLEMS WERE THE ISSUE NOT MENTAL HEALTH. WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER IN 30s early 40s I was invited to join a family labor day cook out..I thought the family to be v pleasant. 2 had homes next to the other. They all made it a point to show off the homes, property, number of vehicles, valuable china etc., they gushed all over me with kindness. My friend was so happy that her sisters and brothers were so pleased to have us both there. It had been yrs since, she felt so accepted. Then BINGO a couple weeks later one sister and another informed her she was not welcome to bring anyone ever to their homes and that she really was not welcome either. They did not like her friend..me. WOW! QUITE A JOLT...I WAS EDUCATED OWNED MY OWN HOME AND FROM A VERY FINE and,Well educated FAMILY BACK GROUND. I was gracious, courteous complimentary and had mentioned how I enjoyed being with everyone. I was informed by my friend she was told not to ever bring me along. 35 yrs later
I realized they circled the wagons because of a very guarded family secret of abuse ..my friend had confronted this years prior. (From her teens to death they never gave this woman a break.) My husb was an attorney, so this made me a threat. They did not like or trust their own sister who yrs earlier confronted them...THESE PEOPLE SPENT A LIFE TIME BEATING THEIR SISTER DOWN , GASLIGHTING; KNOWING HOW PHYSICALLY ILL THIS WAS WOMAN WAS THEY OUSTRACISED AND DEEMED HER MENTALLY DERRANGED TO EACH OTHER AND OUTSIDERS, INCLUDING DESTROYING THE RELATIONSHIP OF HER OWN CHILDREN.....YET, WHO CAME RUNNING WHEN THEIR LIFE TURNED SIDE WAYS...HER YOUNGEST CHILD. AND AT THE END THE OLDEST DAUGHTER BROUGHT HER TO HER HOME FOR CARE. IT TOOK MY FFIEND 55 YEARS TO GAIN HER OWN MOTHERS APPROVAL AND FOR HER MOTHER TO RECOGNIZE HER DAUGHTER HAD BEEN SERIOUSLY ILL FOR 35 YRS. IT ALSO, TOOK ALL THIS FOR HER MOTHER TO MAKE PEACE... IF ALL THE INFO AVAILABLE TODAY HAD BEEN THERE 40..50..60..YRS AGO. MANY DECENT, HONEST LOVING SOULS WOULD NOT END UP TORMENTED ALWAYS TORN BY WHAT THEY ...THEY ACTUALLY, DID NOT DO... WHAT DID THEY EVER DO NOT TO BE LOVED BY THEIR FAMILIES? WHY DID THE FAMILIES TAKE IMMEDIATE DISLIKE TO THEIR SISTERS FRIEND OR FRIENDS THE VIBE TRIBE? THE VIBE TRIBE IS AND WAS THE BIGGEST THREAT. WHY? BECAUSE THE TRUTH SURFACES ( THEIR REALATIVE AND TARGET IS A GREAT PERSON, KIND,LOVING, THOUGHTFUL AND VERY RESPECTED) THE VIBE TRIBE ENDS THE MANIPULATIVE LIES, THE SLANDERING, HARMFUL, CRUEL BEHAVIORS OF THE VICIOUS EGO DRIVEN, NARCISSISTIC FAMILY OF GASLIGHTERS. --' (no matter their nutsville intent,)--THESE PROPLE ARE DEVOID OF CONSCIENCE . THEY DO EVERYTHING IN THEIR POWER TO DESTROY THEIR TARGET. THEY 'EVIL DOER'S' Have a mission no one is better then they...and anyone who is kind, sweet, has integrity, is lovely, etc...no one can be their competition in any respect, school, work, friends, family. Marriage, children etc..they are jealous, insecure humanbeings with a false facade of being on top of everything ..they live in denial, delusion...fantasy. They will be your best friend gush all over you in their company and behind your back they will literally slander leaving an image that you are the enemy number one. If it is a daughter they may actually be competing with her because of her attributes...sons and fathers as well. The do as I say do...the put downs..control etc...many lives are destroyed...this cycle is now broke...thanks to communication etc.. Many abused persons become narcissistic because of environmental abuse and patterns set within fam structure. Therapy should be key to good mental health...not the pop a pill and glide along..there are no magic bullets. These videos are doing a lot of good. But before everyone goes running from family not every parent with traditional values..and well this is the way my parents raised us...is a bad mother or father. Communication must be open ended...if it can not solve or bring understanding forth...then run for the hills..work on you and don't look back.
@Krishna Patel ONLY The MENTALLY STRONG 💪 Survive Successful!!!! I'm Encouraged Even More 🥰 Listening...🙋
I love this channel - it has helped to ground me as I work to un-realize these ugly family dynamics and truths that have plagued me for years.
So many things here ring true: the family divorce, the sense of entitlement, the putting down and bad-mouthing me along with the triangulation of family dynamics that includes cousins and aunts, etc.
Probably the ugliest part of it all that my former sister did was to deny me visitation while my mom was living in a senior facility, controlling her POA, not being there to actually provide or approve the care my mom needed. She died looking homeless with claw-like toenails, greasy hair, and dirty finger nails, yet I was the “bad” one. The home wouldn’t listen to me - so even if there are attorneys involved, the other sides involved in the triangulation won.
Being told most of my life that I needed to be the “bigger person” or that “…well, YOU have flaws,too…” rang so true.
I am choosing to rewrite my narrative and focus on my inner strengths and those of my friends who have stood by me during all of this.
Needless to say, it has been liberating to “Chinese Wall” these people from my life.
I wish them the lives that they deserve.
You validated me more in this video than I have gotten from either parent over the last 40 years. Thank you!
Looking back at my sister there was one aspect of our relationship that was a major red flag. She never ever once APOLOGIZED for her horrible rude behavior. 11/2 years no contact from me. I'm done. If someone doesn't bring joy to your life, get them out. They are not going to change.
I feel you. Everyday I think about how my narc sister disrespected me and harassed for minutes while I was on my hospital bed. Plus all the other shit she did and all the lies she told. The memories are haunting. Been no contact for a year and a half.
When she said 'they never compromise' that sealed it for me. My family's version of an apology is 'I'm sorry you feel we let you down.'
How do you do that when they live in same town and I’m just discovering that that’s been what’s wrong with them?
@@joannegriggs8865 Don't call, pick up the phone or answer the door. Plan holiday's without her/him. Be strong and consistant. You will be so happy.
Absolutely agree. Nothing is ever their fault - they take no responsibility at all for any behaviour. No contact is definitely wise, and the only way to save your own sanity.
I have three siblings and two are narcissists. I have often felt like I was in the wrong family. The youngest was the golden child and the oldest was the mean, controlling bully. I am the middle child. For the sake of my own mental health and self-care, I have had to set boundaries with both of them. This has released my stress level tremendously. While I might miss them sometimes, I value my new found peace more.
I also just started no contact with my older sister. Never felt more peaceful and safe.
@Krishna Patel definitely NOT the US. We are full of Narcs......and very racist!! You need the THICK skin to live here. :(
I thank God for you middle children! You are the best peacemakers! I have three daughters the middle one is Joy and she has been every bit a true Joy in our Family! You keep those boundaries in place, keep your sweet self safe!
Same in my.family.
@Renee Renee - Exact same dear! And the most healthy and mature sibling is the typical scapegoat. This was very freeing once I figured it out, but it’s still tough at times, because we still have needs 💕
With a sadistic overt narc for a father, a sociopathic covert as a mother, my GC brother was the "least dangerous " yet I realise is also a narcissist. We were very very close as kids and teenagers and clung to each other like prisoners of war for safety. He also used to beat me up in front of his friends and say cruel things.. and also was the one who patiently taught me to drive and picked me up when I was stranded. It felt very confused and I still yearn for the closeness but he doesn't reciprocate although was incredibly sweet when we saw each other after several years. These days I don't take it personally and accept the limited relationship we do have.
It's just so healing. I'm feeling so validated and understood while listening to your videos. I was the eldest and unfortunately the golden one as a young child. In my teens I tried to separate myself from that role while my little sister tried so hard to get the attention of our N parents. We never had big issues but she was never really close to me, always sold family out to her friends and often talked badly to them about us. We chalked it up to immaturity however 40 years later she's exactly the same trying incessantly to get attention from others and had my parents fooled. I care a lot but I'm a quiet introvert and I don't make a fuss about it or overstep my boundaries with anyone. However our parents have often thought I'm uncaring because I don't ask them personal questions and don't give unsolicited advice. She and my N dad were seeing funeral homes and preparing guest lists for my mom's funeral event while she was still alive even though I asked them to either drop it or ask her opinion about what she wanted in case she passed (her health was deteriorating). My father actually said to me after your mom is gone it's important to "honour" her memory even though she'd never want an elaborate event. It's However all about his image. He's not fooled by my sister, he just feels close to her because they are both N. My poor mother trusted my sister more with everything. Finances, POA everything. It just hurts a lot to think about it but thank you for validating people like me. I wish we could have a group to just talk and sob about these pains. 😢😢😢😢😢 Sorry about the rant. I wish all survivors of N relationships heal and thrive.🥰